Episodes
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We Read Goosebumps: The Haunted Mask
Eleanor and Alasdair enjoy a proper Scottish Halloween. That means turnip carving, guising and a copy of 1993's The Haunted Mask. It's number eleven in the best-selling Goosebumps series, but is it really scary? What's its connection to Che Guevara? And does R. L. Stine actually know how masks...
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We Read The Water-Babies
Charles Kingsley's The Water-Babies, made a big splash in 1863. It may have helped end child labour in Britain, but is it actually readable? In this episode, Eleanor and Alasdair encounter a children's classic that's allegorical, didactic, flippant, Christian, scientific and obsessively…
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We Read The Boxcar Children
No aspiring orphan should be without a copy of Gertrude Chandler Warner's 1924 classic, The Boxcar Children. Her bafflingly successful mystery adventures were a huge part of ABK's childhood. But what will Eleanor make of these candy-sweet tramps and their highly-idealised life on the run? Content...
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We Read Comet in Moominland
They're soft, they're white, they're somewhere between cute and creepy — it's Eleanor and Alasdair. And for this episode, we read Tove Jansson's 1946 adventure Comet In Moominland (Kometjakten) translated by Elizabeth Portch. We ask, what does it feel like to touch a Moomintroll? How do you...
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We Read Winnie the Pooh
Here are Eleanor and Alasdair, coming down the stairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head. That's right, Eleanor has murdered Alasdair. But not before recording this month's episode all about A. A. Milne's 1926 classic Winnie the Pooh. Will Eleanor be able to contain her disdain for…
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We Read Charlotte's Web
Just like women be shopping, E. B. White. And White's 1952 novel Charlotte's Web is a blackly comical tear-jerker about a spider coming to the aid of a pig who doesn't want to be eaten. Are Eleanor and Alasdair fans of spiders? Or are we absolutely terrified of them? Well, what do you think?…
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We Read Johnny and the Bomb
Eleanor and Alasdair step into the trousers of time, with Terry Pratchett's 1996 novel Johnny and the Bomb. Five inept British teens find themselves in World War Two with bags of time on their hands. Was Johnny and the Bomb "The Bomb"? Or will it bomb in our estimation? And who were the real...
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We Read The Cat in the Hat & The Tiger Who Came to Tea
1957–1968 was a golden age of big cats breaking into kids' houses and smashing up the joint. For this episode, Eleanor & Alasdair read Dr Seuss's The Cat in the Hat and Judith Kerr's The Tiger Who Came to Tea. We aim to decide, scientifically, which of the two books is best (with absolutely no...
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We Read The Wind in the Willows
Eleanor and Alasdair are fighting! Eleanor is in love with Kenneth Grahame's The Wind in the Willows, but for Alasdair... it's complicated. The 1908 classic is a tale of motorcars, misadventure and yearning glances on the riverbank. But is it really a kid's book? Or is it a boring work of art?...
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We Read The Borrowers
She's small. She's ginger. She's very hard to get out of your house. No, not Eleanor Morton. We're talking about Arietty Clock, the tiny teenage protagonist of Mary Norton's 1952 novel The Borrowers. The Borrowers are a diminutive people who love stealing almost as much as they love the British...
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We Read The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (Part 2)
The stone table cracks and Eleanor & Alasdair return to Narnia. It's time to pass judgement on The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe. Eleanor sings the praises of the dodgy beaver costumes in the 1988 BBC adaptation and Alasdair gets annoyed about a stupid kids' film for babies. But is C. S. Lewis's...
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We Read The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (Part 1)
Always-winter-but-never-Christmas starts earlier every year, doesn't it? Eleanor and Alasdair read C. S. Lewis's furniture-based children's classic The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (1950). And we've split this bumper Yuletide edition of the pod in two. In Part 1, we recount the story of Lucy's...
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We Read Watership Down
Eleanor & Alasdair take you down to Watership City, where the grass is green and the girls are... hang on, where are all the girls? We read Watership Down, Richard Adams's 1972 epic. It's Brer Rabbit meets Mad Max, but does the novel live up to the movie's grisly reputation? Is it really a kids'...
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We Read The Worst Witch
A boarding school for witches? Imagine that! No, not Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Bigotry. We're talking about Miss Cackle's Academy, from Jill Murphy's 1974 bestseller The Worst Witch. In this episode, Alasdair discovers the ropey TV Movie from 1986 and Eleanor learns that it's possible to...
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We Read The Railway Children (Live)
The Railway Children is an Edwardian children's classic and health & safety nightmare. Edith "E" Nesbit's novel is packed with unforgettable characters, railway mishaps and an exiled Russian dissident who no one remembers. In this episode, recorded live at the Edinburgh Fringe, we learn that...
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We Read The Story of Tracy Beaker
Eleanor and Alasdair read The Story of Tracy Beaker. Jacqueline Wilson's 1991 hit has spawned numerous sequels and TV spin-offs, but Alasdair has missed out on all of them due to being a boy and man, in that order. The protagonist and narrator, Tracy Beaker, is an irrepressible kid in a care home...
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We Read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
We're all mad here. Specifically, Eleanor is mad about people saying Lewis Carroll wrote Alice's Adventures in Wonderland on drugs and Alasdair is mad about the Tim Burton film being rubbish. For this episode, we read Carroll's enormously influential 1865 novel, and we asked: do books actually…
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We Read The Secret Garden
Sickly, spoiled and terrified of the outside world, Eleanor and Alasdair read The Secret Garden. Frances Hodgson Burnett's kidlit classic is the story of an obnoxious little girl who goes to Yorkshire on her gap year and really finds herself. Is the book an ode to the healing powers of nature? Or...
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We Read The Weirdstone of Brisingamen
Like a pair of creepy twins, Eleanor and Alasdair venture up Alderley Edge to meet the Wizard. We read The Weirdstone of Brisingamen, Alan Garner's 1960 folk horror classic. Is it too scary for kids, or just too scary for Alasdair? Did Eleanor really fall asleep at the end of the audiobook? And...
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We Read The Witches
Eleanor and Alasdair read a Roald Dahl book about some absolutely horrid women. "Which one?" you quite reasonably ask. It's The Witches: a grotesquely funny revenge caper fuelled by 'stranger danger' anxiety. What do you do when a beloved children's author is a bit of a bigot? Which of Dahl's…
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We Read Peter Rabbit
Eleanor and Alasdair read The Tale of Peter Rabbit, the story of a semi-nude rabbit tormenting the Scotsman who killed his father. Beatrix Potter's first book was a world-wide smash hit, but is it actually good? And would it be improved by the addition of James Corden? Alasdair watched the movie,...
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We Read Treasure Island
Ha harr! Eleanor and Alasdair read Treasure Island by the Scottish writer Robert Louis Stevenson, who is Scottish. Treasure Island is a tale of deadly danger and dubious male role models — basically like social media today. It's a very famous story, but is it actually good? Will Jim Hawkins's...
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We Read The Famous Five
Putting the ginger in ginger beer, Eleanor and Alasdair read Five Go To Demon's Rocks by Enid Blyton. The Internet Famous Two join some posh children and a dog on an incredibly dangerous and wholly unsupervised adventure. Does Enid Blyton deserve her controversial reputation? Will the kids…
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We Read The Hobbit - Pilot Episode
Eleanor and Alasdair read The Hobbit. J. R. R. Tolkien's 1937 novel is a millennial horror story about a guy who has to attend an unexpected party. It's also a children's fantasy classic, and the inspiration for three obscure art-house films. But is it good? Would Eleanor read it to her...