Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale

In the final episode of Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairytale, Susan Gibson brings her journey full circle by writing a heartfelt letter to her mother, just as she did when the podcast began. This closing letter reflects on her and her mother's transformation as they worked to mend their relationship. Although their bond was never perfect—like many mother-daughter relationships—Susan chooses to focus on the precious moments they shared in the last years of her mother's life. She acknowledges the unanswered questions but decides to let them rest, cherishing the peace they found together. As Susan signs off on this last episode, she shares a dream and talks about visiting her mother's grave, leaving listeners with a powerful message about the importance of forgiveness. Susan doesn't want the relationships and connections formed during this podcast to fade away, so she encourages her listeners to stay in touch, inviting them to share their stories of forgiveness.   IN THIS EPISODE: [0:00] Susan writes a closing letter to her mother: Hi, mom [1:46] Susan talks about transformation and unanswered questions [4:41] Susan discusses her mother and the time they forgive each other [7:27] Susan reveals she has been back to her mother's grave, and she talks about a dream she had about the experience [10:48] Susan signs off on her last episode of Family Fairy Tale - Finding Forgiveness   KEY TAKEAWAYS: It took work for Susan and her mother to mend their relationship. It was never perfect, but no mother-daughter relationship is without disagreements Susan still has unanswered questions, but she has decided to put them aside and remember the last years she and her mother spent together and the memories they made Susan does not want the relationships she has formed during this podcast to disappear, so she encourages listeners to email her. She would love to hear from you   QUOTES:  "Just as I opened my podcast a year ago with a letter to my mother, I'm closing in the same way. Perhaps you, too, would like to write a letter to someone you've forgiven or would like to forgive. It's always been my go-to when saying the words out loud feels frightening and final."   Susan Gibson "Though this is the last episode of my podcast, Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale, it's not the end of our time together. I'd love to hear from you. You can email me at [email protected]. Thank you for being with me and listening to my family fairy tale." Susan Gibson "What a year it's been. I've been through a lot of deep exploration, exposing tender spots, and sharing closely held secrets, family secrets, your secrets, and my secrets. I've celebrated our family, our life together, and my life. I've explored my heroine's journey, with the backdrop of you and our ancestors, my friends and foes, my allies and ogres. I've learned so much more about myself. You know how I love transformation.  Transformation of organizations, transformation of others, transformation of myself." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech. She started as a developer in the mid-80s and continues today as CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin. Together, they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a labor of love.

Welcome to Finding Forgiveness: A Family Fairytale, hosted by Susan Gibson. In this heartfelt episode, Susan invites listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and the transformative power of forgiveness. She begins by discussing the importance of setting a themed goal for each year. This year's focus is "Integrating My Whole Self." As the episode unfolds, Susan reflects on how sharing her personal story has been a healing experience, emphasizing the balance between our feminine and masculine energies. She also explores how embracing the present moment can bring clarity and peace. Throughout the episode, she reminds us that while we cannot change the past, we can learn from it, and through forgiveness, we can create new, healthier relationships—even with those who have caused us pain. If you're struggling with forgiveness, Susan is here to guide you and would love to hear your story. IN THIS EPISODE: [0:35] Setting a theme goal for each year: Integrating My Whole Self [2:52] Finding freedom in forgiveness and the power of storytelling [6:24] Reflecting on how sharing this story with the listener has been healing and the partnership of feminine and masculine energies [12:25] Thinking back on heritage and current partnerships and acknowledging her feminine and masculine sides [17:28] Susan is excited about what is coming next in her life and taking a look at our life experiences and what has brought us to this moment in time [22:19] Learning how to live in the moment KEY TAKEAWAYS: We cannot change the past. We can only learn from it and examine how we experience it. It is possible to start a brand new relationship with a person who has caused hurt. You can find freedom in forgiveness. If you are hurting and struggling to get started on the path to forgiveness, Susan is here to help and would love to hear your story.  QUOTES:  "Every new situation brings a new experience. Even the same old situation brings a new experience because we are different from one moment to the next. From one day to the next. Day one, week one, one year to the next because our experience has extended by one moment, one week, one year."   Susan Gibson "Each of us influences and affects someone else, who influences and affects someone else, who influences and affects someone else and so on. Being a human being carries an enormous responsibility because we are not alone. It also carries great comfort, because we are not alone." Susan Gibson RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Susan Gibson's LinkedIn Finding Forgiveness YouTube ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech. She started as a developer in the mid-80s and continues today as CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin. Together, they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a labor of love.  

Welcome to "Finding Forgiveness: A Family Fairytale," hosted by Susan Gibson. In this episode, Susan invites listeners to explore the depths of their masculine hearts, beginning with a poignant reflection on a dream she had following her mother's death. She candidly discusses her evolving feelings towards the patriarchy, acknowledging past resentment that has since softened. Susan recounts a moment at a conference where she was subjected to inappropriate behavior.  As she navigates her journey to find her masculine heart, Susan delves into the healing power of integrating feminine and masculine energies.  Susan would love to hear what's in your masculine heart or help you find it first, and she would be honored to be your guide or assist you in finding one. IN THIS EPISODE: [1:10] Susan challenges the listener to wonder what is in your masculine heart, and she describes a dream she had following her mother's death [5:28] Susan admits she has held resentment towards the patriarchy; however, now it has softened [7:03] Susan shares an instance at a conference where a man was inappropriate and how she and others responded [15:25] Susan finds her masculine heart [18:42] A discussion of the combination of the feminine and masculine and how the combination will help you find healing and forgiveness KEY TAKEAWAYS: The feminine can heal the masculine nature inside of us and help us find our masculine heart The pandemic brought out kindness in some people but anger in others Change begins with ourselves and flows from the healing and forgiveness you can share with others QUOTES:  "The man knew he was inappropriate without anyone saying or pointing it out. The bros are evolving and policing each other's behavior. Remarkable. Amazing. I think I found my masculine heart that day, and it was filled with love and forgiveness. Oh, forgiveness takes so many forms. Forgiveness of another. Forgiveness of self. Forgiveness of a societal structure. I'm still working on forgiving the patriarchy. But I am grateful that I found my masculine heart filled with love and forgiveness. That's important as I continue to heal myself." Susan Gibson "When we can heal our masculine heart, it allows that heart to shine. The masculine heart can confront the patriarchy and the masculine structures in a way that the feminine energy cannot, right? The masculine energy knows the masculine structures, just like our feminine energy inherently knows the feminine structures. So, finding a way to see our masculine heart and let it shine is vital to our existence and changing the structures around us. It takes a combination of feminine and masculine energy for that to happen." Susan Gibson RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech. She started as a developer in the mid-80s and continues today as CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin. Together, they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a labor of love.  

Welcome to "Finding Forgiveness - a Family Fairy Tale" where host Susan Gibson dives into the profound journey of healing and reconciliation. Today Susan invites us to explore a deeply rooted question: how do we mend wounds inflicted by others? As we navigate her insights Susan challenges us to embrace vulnerability and the importance of not facing our struggles alone. She unveils the transformative power of reconnecting with nature as a pathway to healing and advocates for seeking guidance along this intricate path. Drawing from her own experiences Susan shares the symbolic roles of loved ones who become our spiritual guides in times of need — from her Grammy appearing as an owl to her mother embodying the strength of an eagle. Join us as we embark on this heartfelt exploration of forgiveness and redemption guided by Susan's compassionate storytelling.   IN THIS EPISODE: [0:01] Susan challenges the listener to wonder how we can heal wounds inflicted by others  [1:46] Reflecting on how the split occurred between Susan and her mother and acknowledging it [5:28] Reclaiming the feminine energy by not walking this path alone [13:08] Susan discusses an event that reminded her of her split with her mother [17:17] Immersing yourself in the natural cycles of the world [21:33] You need a guide when you acknowledge the split and the wounds it has caused. Susan's Grammy serves as her guide  [24:59] How forgiveness helped Susan reclaim your full feminine power   KEY TAKEAWAYS: When someone hurts you you must acknowledge the hurt caused Surround yourself with people who share and celebrate feminine energy Find a way to connect with nature because nature has healing rhythm and energy   QUOTES:  "The acknowledgement of the split between my mother and me has taken me a long time to come to terms with. I went through many different experiences and feelings throughout all those years from my early twenties until I turned 50. But to make sense of the world because of the wound that had been inflicted on my emotional being by my mother, that acknowledgment is key to finding a path to wholeness." Susan Gibson "I started this transformation when I turned 50, 12 years ago. I began to hone in on the natural world and I did a ritual around the natural cycle of the solstice and equinox and did a cleanse. It's about a 10-day cleanse and it helped me clear my internal self. It made me feel refreshed and ready for the next few months. It's a ritual I hold very dear to my existence and it helped me be very much in tune with my inner self and nature by doing this cleanse."  Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Susan Gibson's LinkedIn Finding Forgiveness YouTube   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech. She started as a developer in the mid-80s and continues today as CEO of Temenos+Agility a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner Siraj Sirajuddin. Together they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating fitness yoga and meditation music theater opera reading movies travel family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine a labor of love.  

Welcome to the Finding Forgiveness podcast, hosted by Susan Gibson. In today's episode, Susan delves into her family tree, uncovering the stories of her female ancestors. She shares how the feminine strength and courage woven through her lineage empowers her. Additionally, Susan discusses the importance of slowing down, embracing moments of relaxation, and simply being human amidst our busy lives. This episode is an excellent reminder for all of us to stop being busy and enjoy life.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:35] Looking back into her family tree, Susan discovers her connection to the feminine [3:44] Discussion of the process of reclamation [7:42] An homage to the women in Susan's life who worked hard to provide for their families [15:19] Susan reminisces about her mother and how the apartment complex she lived in was her community [21:47] Susan has high regard for her mother and all of the women who have come before her   KEY TAKEAWAYS: In our society, rewards come from doing something, not being who we are Everyone has the feminine in them, we all come from generations of strong women and men Looking back on your family tree will enlighten you about your roots. You may find you have the strengths of a loved one long gone   QUOTES:  "Learning how to be instead of always doing, giving time and space for this reclamation to happen, is essential and hard. especially if you've been rewarded for doing, and we are. We live in a culture of doing, and we are rewarded for doing. You know, hard work is an ethic in our modern culture, and being isn't so much a reward." Susan Gibson   "I didn't realize how much I wanted and needed the practice of being until I had the chance to stop doing so much all the time. I didn't know I wanted and needed this until I could be discerning in my relationships and make intentional decisions about who I wanted and needed to spend time with. I didn't realize this was something I wanted and needed until I could reduce my distractions, dampening the noise around me, allowing me to hear what the universe was saying to me." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Susan Gibson - LinkedIn   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech. She started as a developer in the mid-80s and continues today as CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin. Together, they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

In this episode of Finding Forgiveness with Susan Gibson, Susan explores the profound journey of descent and reemergence, examining how far one must fall before beginning to rise again. She outlines three pivotal moments where she recognized her descent and saw the potential for transformation during this process. Reflecting on how the COVID pandemic opened her eyes to an ongoing descent and the start of her reemergence, she acknowledges that two truths can coexist: a continuing descent and a subsequent reemergence. Susan invites listeners to share their stories. If this scenario strikes a chord with you, tune into this episode of Finding Forgiveness: A Family Fairy Tale.   IN THIS EPISODE: [0:35] Susan reveals her exploration into how far down you descend before you hit bottom, and she has experienced 13 different life-changing losses [2:20] Susan outlines three of her life-changing losses [6:06] Controlling destiny and allowing transformation and descent at the same time [13:40] The opening of the universe with Susan's new life partner and forgiving her mother, but refusing to go deeper [22:04] COVID opened Susan's eyes to the continuing descent and the start of reemergence [26:21] Therapy with a Jungian psychoanalyst into the heroine's journey [28:39] Susan recommends two fictional books she highly recommends and would love to hear from her listeners who have experienced a descent and reemergence   KEY TAKEAWAYS: Maureen Murdoch says that a life-changing loss usually precipitates our descent into the belly of the whale Descent and transformation can happen at the same time Often, you need to decide who you want in your life and those you don't   QUOTES:  "I had to transform to survive in my professional world because I no longer had any community around me. After that descent, I ventured out independently and built a successful career; I had not hit bottom yet. The betrayal from that break with my professional-self was very real. I felt it acutely, but I did transform in that moment. I learned that I needed to be in control of my destiny. I thought I'd been in control until then, but I was not." Susan Gibson "It feels like you're suffering terribly when you're in it, but that emergence of self is not negative at all, but it's scary. It's terrifying because transformation means you're changing into something different than what you were before. And that's frightening. It will kick in all of your instincts around surviving that you've known so far, and you've just got to let all of that go. To allow my true self to emerge, and at this point, after these three life-changing losses, I was still descending and transforming along the way. They were happening in parallel." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale | Podcast on Spotify Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale | Podcast on YouTube   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech. She started as a developer in the mid-80s and continues today as CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin. Together, they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Today, we delve into the painful yet transformative topic of betrayal. Betrayal wounds deeply, but it can also be the spark that ignites healing and forgiveness. I will share my most profound betrayal: being ousted from the inner circle at work, which ultimately led to the loss of my long-term job. We've all experienced betrayal at some point, and many of us have been the betrayers, too. If this strikes a chord with you, tune into this episode of Finding Forgiveness: A Family Fairy Tale.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:35] Susan reveals her biggest betrayal from the founder of the company she worked for: Betrayal One [4:59] Susan discusses how she betrayed the founder: Betrayal Two [9:31] How Susan betrayed herself: Betrayal Three. [10:00] Susan reflects on what she learned from these three betrayals [16:46] Susan describes the fallout [22:53] Susan dives into the betrayal of herself and her inner struggle [26:34] Susan takes action and would love to hear from her listeners'   KEY TAKEAWAYS: When a betrayal at work occurs, it is a daily remembrance of what happened, causing tension and a lack of trust. Often, co-workers deny support to someone when they know the truth but do not want to jeopardize their own position or standing. The takeaway is to be transparent. Be above board. Stand firm in your truth.    QUOTES:  "Those in the room were all speechless. This person from the primary consultancy looked at me and asked if this was true. I said no, none of it was true. The crack became a chasm. It was only a matter of time before I was terminated. Before I could resign, I was fired. All of my work friends scattered. No one returned my calls or emails. I was utterly alone." Susan Gibson "Betrayal number three: Me to myself. I learned throughout this experience that I'd been betraying myself all along. I was not staying true to who I was deep down inside. I had buried that person so deep inside of me that I didn't even know who she was. Once everything stopped around me and I could listen to my inner voice, I started rediscovering who I was and who I really am. Even though these betrayals deeply hurt me, I also felt a sense of liberation as I started this self-discovery journey. It was no time to retreat." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits: healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

Today, we dive into the complexities of long-term professional success and the internal conflicts it can create. Join me as I share my journey of navigating 47 years of apparent triumphs while battling self-doubt and emotional turmoil. We'll explore themes of patriarchy, female masculinity, and the struggle to maintain authenticity in a demanding world. Discover how self-sabotage and moral dilemmas played a role in my path, leading to a profound journey of forgiveness for both my mother and myself. Tune in for a raw and honest discussion on finding peace and embracing your true self amidst societal expectations.   IN THIS EPISODE: [0:35] Susan is conflicted about feeling success in the patriarchy, and she feels she inherited the female machismo from her mother [7:40] Change came in 2009 when Susan began to question self-awareness and a recurring haunting dream [11:58] The snake of self-sabotage [15:14] Susan's values, moral and emotional conflicts [18:33] Susan's path to forgiveness with her mother and toward herself [24:20] Susan encourages you to forgive someone and face your ogres and would love to hear from you   KEY TAKEAWAYS: It's wise to follow your heart in your life's pathway. Society has ideas for you, but stay true to yourself to experience true happiness. It's never too late to forgive others or yourself. Tomorrow can be the first day of your best self. If you struggle with moral or emotional conflicts, contact a coach or counselor for help.   QUOTES: "I am my father's daughter. I identified with the masculine from an early age. This relationship with the masculine carried me through and taught me how to excel in my academics. In my early career days and throughout my marriage, all of my choices were masculine and associated with masculine mathematics, computer science, and applied physics in my young years through my primary school education." Susan Gibson "It takes a lifetime to find out who you are. I'm still learning about myself. It takes a lifetime, and I've learned that we've got to be open to all of the input channels coming our way. We have to be discerning, but first, the openness, because if we're not open to what the universe is trying to tell us, we'll miss the opportunity to step into who we really are. I would say that's been the fundamental and groundbreaking lesson that I've learned over these years." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits: healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

Have you ever felt like you took the blame for someone else's actions? Maybe you've been in a situation with a difficult person, an "ogre," as we'll call them here, who caused turmoil in your life. It's natural to wonder if you could have done something differently, but the truth is, you can't change other people. The good news? You can change how you view yourself in the situation. This episode is about the power of self-forgiveness. We'll explore why letting go of blame and embracing self-compassion is essential. We'll also learn practical techniques to help you forgive yourself and move forward. So ditch the self-criticism and get ready for a healthy dose of self-love. We'll even discover the magic of a good self-hug! IN THIS EPISODE: [0:34] Susan invites you to give yourself a hug and thanks those who have supported her through life. [4:16] Susan says that part of her healing process was to forgive herself, and she discusses her mother's ogres. [7:17] Susan believes that you must face your ogres to heal. She reflects on the ogres in her life and wants listeners to try a self-hug again while thinking of an ogre in their life. [13:38] It's easier to say I'm not to blame than it is to forgive yourself, and we can't control anxiety. You learn techniques to alleviate the uncomfortable feelings. [19:39] The bottom line is finding forgiveness, but what if you are the ogre? [23:27] Susan encourages you to forgive someone and face your ogres and would love to hear from you. KEY TAKEAWAYS: We need to appreciate the people in our lives who help us understand our gifts and cultivate them. It feels like a safe hug. Part of coming to terms with ogres in your life is to face them. You don't fight them or disparage them, you face them.  The ogres in our lives are generally not strangers; they are people we know and who are a part of our lives.  QUOTES: "I started doing yoga online. The first time the instructor had me hug myself, I cried. It was such an amazing experience to feel that deep, deep hug of myself when I remember my allies and everybody who has helped, loved and supported me to bring me to this moment in my life, to allow me to be present and show up with who I am." Susan Gibson "I see myself as brave and courageous and an active participant in my life, the life around me, and in my community. I've spoken before about my wariness with strangers but realized that my ogres were not strangers. Statistically speaking, our ogres are not generally strangers. They're somebody that we know who are trying to destroy us. Trying to think about what I could have done differently in a particular situation is destructive thinking. That's an internal ogre." Susan Gibson RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s and continuing today. She is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin. Together, they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan frequently contributes to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks worldwide at public and private events. She uses her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits: healthy eating, fitness, yoga and meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

This episode contains reflection of child abuse and domestic violence. Listen with care.  Join me as I open up about three pivotal moments throughout my life where I faced daunting challenges in the form of ogres. These encounters left me fearful and scarred, but through therapy and self-discovery, I found the strength to confront and overcome them. From betrayal to manipulation, each ogre represents a unique struggle that shaped my journey toward healing and understanding. Tune in to discover how therapy became my beacon of hope, guiding me toward resilience and empowerment. IN THIS EPISODE: [0:34] Susan asks if you have ever met your ogres, and she introduces her ogres J, D and W [1:38] Susan begins by discussing her trauma inflicted by Ogre J as a young girl [8:22] Susan's second Ogre is D, who appeared while she was in college, whom she had agreed to marry but then ended their relationship [18:21] Susan's stepmother and father learn of Susan's traumatic experience with Ogre D, and he stalks Susan for years, resulting in an episode of domestic violence [22:29] Ogre W was a manipulator and sadist, which affected deeply Susan [25:33] Has Susan found forgiveness toward any of her Ogre's? [27:36] Susan encourages the listener to reach out to her if you want to discuss the ogres in your life KEY TAKEAWAYS: When a five or 6-year-old child is requested to engage in activities with another child, whether of the opposite or same sex, that makes them uneasy, they might not grasp the long-term implications of such experiences. When confronted with a volatile individual in a dire situation, avoid assuming you can reason with them calmly. The problem wouldn't have escalated to such extremes if they were inclined to reason. Therapy provides individuals with a supportive environment and professional guidance to explore and address emotional, psychological, and interpersonal challenges, ultimately fostering personal growth and well-being. QUOTES: "I've discussed this with my therapist, it was all part of keeping a secret that I'm still living with. All these years later, I do wonder about the safety and security of my friend growing up in that house with her brother, who was a troubled child and grew up to be a troubled adult. And I just hope that she was safe with him as her brother." Susan Gibson "I'm not ready to forgive them. I am living with these behaviors, and I live with them every day in some way, shape or another. I can say good riddance to these ogres. I can face them that way, but forgiveness, I'm not there yet. Maybe one day I will be, but I still feel the danger that they both represent in me." Susan Gibson RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events worldwide, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Do you ever feel alone? Conventional wisdom says you should be able to make it independently. What it doesn't tell you is that you need allies along the path of life. Reflecting on my journey since grade school, I vividly recall the invaluable allies who have shaped my path. An ally listens, supports, and uplifts you, unwaveringly standing by your side through challenges and triumphs. Join me as I share my invaluable allies and their impact on my life.  IN THIS EPISODE: [0:34] Susan poses a question about your allies  [2:40] Susan begins by discussing family allies and the memory of her mother being a valued ally [7:27] Friends who are allies [10:40] Educators who were allies [17:37] Mentors who were allies who formed Susan into the person she is today [23:42] Susan dives into who her mother's allies were [29:07] Susan encourages the listener to create their list of allies KEY TAKEAWAYS: Life is difficult. Identify your allies and keep them close. You can still be an influencer even if you aren't the loudest person in the room. A mentor can be an influential ally. They can shape your career and your life's journey.  QUOTES: "Have you ever wondered who your allies are? Who are those individuals who love and support you, encourage you, listen to you, and are there for you no matter what? We can feel so alone in our life at times. There are societal norms that tell us we should be able to manage our life on our own. By identifying our allies, we realize that we are not alone and need others to help us in our life." Susan Gibson "We are not alone in this world, though sometimes we feel like we are. And so, I encourage you to create a list of your allies. It might surprise you who's on it. I had surprises on my list, people I hadn't thought about in a long time, and people who profoundly impacted my life." Susan Gibson RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events worldwide, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

For 25 years, my marriage demanded a strong, capable presence. I was the provider, the organizer, the one who shouldered responsibility. This strength, this "masculine energy," permeated everything – my choices, style, and even my haircut. I wasn't aware of it, but masculinity became my identity. Then came the divorce. My new partner surprised me with a gentle smile by saying "let me be the man." It was a wake-up call. Join me as I explore how I rediscovered my feminine side – a quality that can be surprisingly easy to lose sight of. My story is of strength, self-discovery, and reclaiming the grace that makes me, well, me.   IN THIS EPISODE: [0:34] Susan suggests that we don't truly see ourselves as we are, and she shares details of her life before marriage [4:25] Susan says her marriage is what precipitated her break with the feminine, but she ignored the warnings she heard from others [8:06] Susan's partner brought her to realize that she had given up her femininity [13:00] Susan's mother had masculine traits, and Susan was able to identify those [15:55] Susan invites listeners to share their stories of an embodiment of masculine energy.  Susan tells why she changed the way she dresses and her style as she continues her journey of finding the feminine   KEY TAKEAWAYS: When a woman takes on all the responsibilities of a marriage and a household, and the husband sits back and does nothing, you lose your femininity. It is easier to see other people's masculine and feminine sides than it is to see our own.  If you point out any traits to a friend or loved one, ensure it is done with kindness, love and support.    QUOTES: "This masculine energy was so deep inside of me that when I left my husband after 25 years and started a new relationship, my life partner told me, 'Let me be the man.' Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks." Susan Gibson "There is a masculine and feminine inside of me. Everybody has both, and having an observer who can hold that mirror up to you and say in a non-judgmental way, in a very loving, caring, nurturing way, has allowed me to see myself and build that self-awareness." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events worldwide, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Susan embarks on a powerful exploration of forgiveness, revealing the four key characteristics that bridged the gap between her and her mother: fear, courage, strength and love. Today's focus delves into emotional inheritance, where Susan discovers these shared traits woven into the fabric of their relationship. Through compelling personal anecdotes, Susan draws parallels between her experiences and her mother's, offering insights into how you can identify these same characteristics within yourself. Prepare to be surprised as she unveils a hidden truth about her mother's long-standing relationship with her second husband. Join Susan as she continues to shed light on her family's intimate story, offering valuable lessons on forgiveness and the impact of emotional inheritance.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:29] Susan explains how to parallel your life with another person [2:01] What is emotional inheritance? Susan believes that she and her mother share characteristics, the first being fear [7:11] Courage is another common denominator between Susan and her mother, and she learns of a shocking move her mother had made requiring immense courage [15:00] Susan reveals the steps in her life that were courageous. She also sees strength in herself and her mother [21:58] Susan explains that the love that she and her mother had for each other kept them continuing to seek acceptance from one another throughout their relationship   KEY TAKEAWAYS: Mapping out your life with another person's life in parallel allows you to see all the times you are not together, doing the same things, attending the same events. It will enable you to separate your life from theirs and to see them as a person separate from yourself Divorce is a step of courage because you are stepping into the unknown.  Stepping away from a family's expectations can be incredibly challenging, requiring courage and self-awareness Strength of mind and character enables a person to withstand the hurtful and negative things life throws at you, pain from an illness being one    QUOTES: "When we are ready to unpack our inheritance, we can confront the ghosts we carry within. What is the life in parallel? What is that emotional inheritance that I got from my mother as she's living inside of me? The first is fear. We both started our lives with the fear of survival. This fear that came with our birth honed a deep alignment with our intuition. It informed and formed us before we had consciousness of thought or action or words to describe what we know and feel." Susan Gibson "I always say it takes a lot of courage to do something different, something outside the norms that have defined our way of being and doing outside of the conditioning that we've experienced, whether it's the conditioning of working within an organization or the conditioning of society and community or the conditioning of our family's influence." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events worldwide, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Today, Susan explores the challenge of maintaining family secrets. This episode may be unsettling to some listeners accustomed to abiding by their family's unwritten rule of silence. What happens when you feel obligated to keep a secret or choose to do so independently due to various factors like fear, embarrassment, or a desire for privacy? The weight of that pressure, that unwritten code of silence, can significantly impact your life in ways you might not fully grasp. It can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression and, in extreme cases, even lead to suicide. If you or someone you know requires assistance, dial 988, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Support is available around the clock, regardless of the nature of the crisis. Tune in as Susan openly shares her experiences with the code of silence prevalent in her family.   IN THIS EPISODE: [0:35] Susan asks a compelling question about secrets and then explains that this episode contains family secrets of depression, anxiety and suicide. [2:05] The culture of silence. Susan shares how that silence impacted her life because her mother kept her trauma a secret. [6:41] Asking for help when in her 30's, Susan began experiencing the beginnings of a breakthrough.  [10:44] Covid hit Susan's body and mind hard, and she describes what she did to overcome her anxiety. [16:09] Susan went to therapy. She discussed why we need outside intervention and how we can be present for someone else.  [21:27] Susan invites listeners to contact her to contact her for support.    KEY TAKEAWAYS: When a family operates in a culture of silence, it harms those aware of the secret or event and filters it down throughout future generations. It leads one to believe they must handle their experiences and traumas independently without intervention. Anxiety and depression manifest in unique ways. It's essential to reach out for support. Build a trusting relationship with a therapist, persist until you feel that trust, and open up completely. Be truthful and share all your thoughts, emotions and secrets. Life is complicated. When you add to that difficulty, you are not allowed to discuss family secrets; it adds a significant burden. There is help available If you grew up under the code of silence. Break the code of silence in your family.    QUOTES: "What's the purpose of keeping a secret? Perhaps it's an embarrassment. It may be privacy. Perhaps it's something other than yours to share. What happens when your family has a culture of keeping secrets? You learn not to ask questions. You learn not to speak up or speak out. Resources are not readily known or even considered. Everything is kept secret within the family unit. However, family units may not be your best option for help and support." Susan Gibson "So, where are we in all of this? I broke the silence. I'm breaking it now. I now talk about my anxiety. I check in with myself and others on a deeper plane. How are you doing today? And if they always say, I'm okay. I want to know more. What can I do to support you today? I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'm here for you." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events worldwide, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Today, Susan recounts her mother's journey from birth to high school. Raised in a rural part of Maine, her mother was familiar with the challenges of hard work during her upbringing, yet she cherished moments of taking the train to the next town to watch movies with her sister. However, an undisclosed event occurred during high school, remaining a family secret. Susan believes this experience significantly influenced the dynamic between her and her mother, leaving lasting wounds. While sharing and recalling such traumas is challenging, it is essential for the healing process. If you've experienced childhood trauma, this story may resonate with you.   IN THIS EPISODE: [0:00] Susan reveals her mother's early years and the family she was born into on a rural farm [7:45] Susan tells listeners about the activities her mother enjoyed growing up and how education was important to her [11:12] Susan examines what formed her mother into the person she knew and how the nervous breakdown she had during high school presented itself while she was in hospice  [18:48] Susan explains what she learned from trauma that is unaddressed [21:05] Susan talks about her mother's unattended wounds and how necessary therapy is to reveal and then heal from wounds   KEY TAKEAWAYS: Experiences that mold who we are as a child have a distinctive effect on who we become as adults.  Often, when a person is on hospice and under heavy medication, they can hallucinate. Actual events in their life can cause hallucinations.  Talking to friends and loved ones about trauma in our lives is good, but getting outside help in the form of therapy is essential. QUOTES: "What I've learned from my own life experience is that trauma creates a wound, and when that wound goes untended, it doesn't heal. As painful as it is to expose the damage, we need to do so to heal. I've learned from my life experience that we must seek help outside the family. Our families can provide great comfort and support to us, and they live the story with us; however, it's not always enough." Susan Gibson "When you're moving towards that act of forgiveness with another person, a person who's done us harm, who has created at least one act of trauma that has caused a wound deep inside of us, we need to try to understand where that person is coming from. Empathize with that person. Learn their story. Learn about their traumas and wounds." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Finding Forgiveness Website   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Today, Susan reveals the three personal things she shared with her mother in 2012, and delves deeply into the profound act of forgiveness. She recounts her mother's response upon learning she was forgiven and shares the emotions she underwent, illustrating how those three simple words transformed the dynamics of their relationship. Forgiveness can take various forms; Susan, opting for a face-to-face approach, discusses that it can also occur privately within oneself. Regardless of the method chosen, the outcome remains the same—feelings of lightness emerge, and any lingering fear or resentment dissipates. Don't miss this uplifting episode of Finding Forgiveness - a Family Fairy Tale.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:00] Susan shares that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.  [2:14] Susan separates from her husband of 25 years, then meets her life partner and begins a massive remodeling project in Maine [4:31] Susan visits her mother to discuss three big things happening in her life.  [6:53] Susan shares the moment she told her mother that she had forgiven her, followed by her mother's reaction.  [9:32] Susan reveals that you could tell someone you forgive them in person or do it privately within yourself and how fear can prevent you from saying it in person [14:26] Susan and her mother's relationship is redefined and her mother becomes her accountant [18:34] Forgiveness is a tremendous act of courage and healing, and it isn't about others or what they think about you [25:19] Susan encourages the listener to be gentle with yourself and with the other person   KEY TAKEAWAYS:  There are people in life that suck up our energy and don't contribute to our lives at all. Those are the people you should distance yourself from. The people who pour into your energy are the people you should surround yourself with.  When you forgive another person, they may or may not feel anything. You cannot control their reaction. It may or may not change their life, but it will change yours. You will feel different, lighter, better. When you genuinely accept someone's forgiveness, it allows you to be your true self.   QUOTES: "I started looking at my relationships with friends, colleagues, clients, and family and began being intentional about those who took my energy and gave me energy. Many were removed from my universe. I evaluated those daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly tasks and started outsourcing the ones I wasn't good at or balked at. I freed up my mental and emotional space to focus on those things that gave me energy." - Susan Gibson   "We could look each other in the eye and say, this is happening right now. This is what I'm going to do. And the reply was, this is what I'm going to do, and we could move on from that. Incredibly liberating. Others didn't understand it, and they saw a mother and daughter through the societal norm, but when you start to push that norm, you expose more of the reality of your relationship, the truth of your relationship. It makes others uncomfortable." - Susan Gibson   "There is a big decision to make when it comes to Finding Forgiveness. Do you want to share that forgiveness with the other person who's done you harm? Or do you want to keep it to yourself and say within yourself 'I forgive you'? Either scenario works, either scenario is for the betterment of you and a step towards redefining your relationship with the other person. I felt it was critical that I say this out loud to my mother." - Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Today, Susan reflects on the twenty-six years she spent with her mother after they reconnected. After six years of estrangement, Susan decided to reconnect with her mother. Susan shares that at first, she hoped to restore their relationship from before their estrangement, but over time, she realized that she needed to redefine their relationship. Making commitments to one another, Susan and her mother spent the next twenty-six years spending time together, traveling together, having difficult conversations, and having fun together. Tune in to hear Susan reflect on these difficult, yet beautiful years as she and her mother embarked on this new adventure.    IN THIS EPISODE: [00:45] Susan shares one of the hardest things she did between the years 1986 and 2012: Redefining a relationship with her estranged mother.  [01:32] Once Susan and her mother reconnected, she decided she needed to spend as much time as possible with her mother. Susan shares how that made this happen.  [04:15] Susan shares how her struggles with drinking during these years affected her life and their relationship. [07:44] Susan's mother committed to making sure that Susan had legal rights in place to make medical and financial decisions on her behalf. Susan made sure to ask her mother what she wanted, to make the best decisions possible.  [12:39] Susan's mother divorced her second husband, Ed in 1986. Susan reflects on the courage it must have taken to start over again and the lessons she learned from her mother's choice. [15:05] When Susan married, she made a big life decision that she now regrets.  [18:23] Susan shares that when they first reconnected, she was still looking back and trying to regain their relationship before their estrangement. However, she realized she needed to look forward and define a new relationship with her mother.  [22:00] Susan shares how therapy helped her move forward. She wishes she and her mother could have done this together. [24:11] Susan encourages you to be open to the challenges and serendipity that you are faced with in life.  [26:00] Reconnecting with her mother was a grand adventure.  KEY TAKEAWAYS:  [02:30] Despite reconnecting, taking fun trips together, and spending quality time together, Susan and her mother's relationship wasn't perfect. They still had arguments and secrets, and Susan suffered from anxiety and bouts of anger at her mother.  [06:27] Susan made a commitment to her mother, who was chronically ill, to help her have a high quality of life at home for as long as possible.  [09:00] When her grandmother passed, Susan had the opportunity to purchase the homestead where her mother was raised in northern Maine. She made the commitment to honor her ancestors and their legacy.  [24:11] Be open to the challenge of redefining a relationship. You'll have many failures; you'll have many triumphs. You'll feel sad and angry. You'll also feel happy and oh-so satisfied. Your curiosity will be piqued. You'll find yourself in a completely different place and space from where you were before.   QUOTES: "When we reconnected in 1986, after six years of estrangement, I accepted my mother's unspoken condition that there would be no looking back, no talking about what happened or why we spent six years without being in touch with one another. I accepted that condition in my outward interactions with her, but my brain and emotions did not accept those conditions." Susan Gibson "I made a commitment to my mother because of her illnesses that I would do everything within my power to help her have a high quality of life and to help her be at peace at home for as long as we both were able to make that happen. She saw that commitment in action over those years, in my response to the medical crises and emergencies that she would go through." Susan Gibson "It takes a lot of energy to define a new relationship from an existing one. You'll have many failures, you'll have many triumphs. You'll feel sad and angry. You'll also feel happy and oh, so satisfied. Your curiosity will be piqued. You'll find yourself in a completely different place and space from where you were before. That's the beauty of defining something new, opening yourself up to new possibilities, opening yourself up to serendipity. And when this something new is a relationship that means this much to you, it's mind blowing where you end up." Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

Today, I will share how my mother and I reconnected after our six year long estrangement. I don't call it reconciliation because, as you will hear, we didn't reconcile anything. My story still leaves questions in my mind as to what happened between us. Through therapy and diving deep into my thoughts and feelings, perhaps the answer is accepting there is no answer. Join me in hearing about how I crossed the bridge to forgiveness.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:00] Susan recaps what transpired, causing the estrangement between her and her mother.  [3:00] Susan called her mother when she was in college. She also talks about going to therapy.  [6:23] Susan reflects that the one person who can explain what happened died in 2021.  [10:52] Susan reveals that she and her mother reconciled, and she visits her in West Virginia.  [14:11] Susan commits to keeping the relationship going and finds a letter that is very revealing after her mother's death, and she experiences forgiveness.  [22:19] Susan encourages listeners to contact Susan if they want to share your story.  KEY TAKEAWAYS:  [1:35] When your pain is too exhausting, sometimes a person can conjure up a different reality. [5:31] Getting help from a therapist is very helpful.  [11:02] What happens to a relationship when there is no reconciliation?    QUOTES: "Six years estranged from my mother, I went through my high school and college graduation and I started my first professional job, working full-time. After six years of not speaking to me, when I was at family functions, she would call, and she would talk to everybody there, except for me." Susan Gibson "It's all part of my family fairy tale. That's what forgiveness does for us. It permits us to let go of those things that no longer serve us. It's an important step in relationships you care about, deep relationships, deep in your heart, where you know that love and care are still there; it just may take a lot of time and energy to pull it out again, pull it out into the light, let those defenses down. And start defining a new relationship with this person."  Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

Today, I will share how I bounced from home to home in high school and one of my biggest disappointments when my mother didn't come to my graduation. I understand it is not uncommon for a high-school student to live with a friend while completing their senior year. I know it happens for a good reason. What is not common is for your mother to disown you during this time, and as an adult, some 32 years later, you still don't have the answer to why that happened. Listen in as I share the events that continued to pull my mother and me apart.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:00] Susan shares her most profound disappointments surrounding high school.  [2:53] Susan moves in with her mother, and the family moves into town to be close to school.  [6:29] Susan's mother moves away to live with her new partner and leaves her with a high school friend.  [12:45] Susan makes plans for high school graduation, and her mother turns her back on her.  [16:29] Moving on to university and accepting her relationship with her mother and forgiveness comes.  [21:03] Acceptance is possible, and understanding may not be necessary. If a listener is struggling with something similar, please contact Susan.  KEY TAKEAWAYS:  [0:00] A moment in time can impact your life from that day forward.  [15:25] A parent's intentional, thoughtless decisions can leave scars on a teenager and be carried on through one's life. [21:03] You need to be open to positive influences.    QUOTES: "One typical day in my teenage life, my dad called, as he did frequently. He said I received a letter from your mother today. It says that she thinks you're screwing up your life, and she doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Enclosed were all your unpaid bills that she'd agreed to pay." - Susan Gibson "At the age of 50, I realized that I no longer needed to know what happened. I could finally let that question go. This has allowed me to move towards forgiveness toward my mother. It was liberating and my heart opened wide." - Susan Gibson RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

Today, I will recount the events that unfolded when my parents decided to separate. At the age of 13, I had to choose which parent I wished to reside with when I learned my parents were separating. Opting for my father led to a growing divide between my mother and me. Reflecting on my mother's choice, I consider it a courageous move. Going against her mother's expectations and the moral values of our close-knit community to divorce my father required a remarkable display of bravery. Listen in as I share the events that continued to pull my mother and me apart.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:00]  Susan recounts her parent's divorce as a teenager.  [4:40] Susan had to choose which parent she was to live with.  [6:54] Down deep, Susan's parent's divorce was not a surprise to her.  [10:37] Susan discusses the act of bravery of her mother to divorce her dad in a small town.  [14:00] Susan reflects on the aftermath of the divorce, when her mother gets an apartment.  [20:57] Susan explains why she focuses on the bravery it took to divorce in a small town where divorce was not the norm.  [24:00] Susan encourages listeners to share with her if they are thinking about taking their next brave step.    KEY TAKEAWAYS:  Children who choose to live with one parent or another choose for a lifetime, not just for the time they spend in their parent's home. As Susan was growing up, divorce was not expected or considered by most families, and, therefore, Susan's family stood out in a small town.  The relationship between a mother and a daughter is complex, even without throwing divorce into the situation.    QUOTES: "I distinctly remember the conversation around the divorce. I was getting ready for school. My parents were talking, and my dad called me into the kitchen. My mother was standing very stoically. My dad was visibly upset. He'd been crying and said to my mother, "I want you to tell Susan what's happening". He said, "Susan, your mother's leaving us, and I want her to tell you why". My mother said "I'm not going to tell you why", and I said "does it have something to do with Mr. Crawford?" -  Susan Gibson "I said I wanted to stay with Daddy, and I knew at that moment another significant shift had happened in my life with my mother. I knew that the gap increased, and while she showed no emotion, I knew by saying that out loud, the hurt was there, and I had hurt her deeply."- Susan Gibson "For my mother to divorce, and face that blight from her mother, was an act of bravery. And I'm sure she felt it very deeply, that there was a shift in the relationship between herself and her mother as well through this divorce." - Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80's to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

In this episode of Finding Forgiveness, I will recount my early years, focusing on the passing of my infant brother and its impact on my connection with my mother. The intricate dynamics of a family often reveal themselves gradually, and I've discovered this to be accurate in comprehending my bond with my mother. Today, I will share what I learned while meditating and revisiting my infancy.  If you are struggling with a family relationship, I hope my story leads you on a journey of fulfillment within your family.    IN THIS EPISODE: [0:00]  Susan shares her childhood journey, beginning with the marriage of her parents and the death of her baby brother.  [5:10] Susan learns her mother had difficult pregnancies, which affected their relationship.  [9:52] Putting together over the years all the pieces blocking the mother-daughter relationship.  [12:57] Making a new relationship with my mother and further recognizing the emotional distance caused by our past.  [17:07] Starting a meditation session six weeks ago and going back to infancy in my mind.  [21:02] Susan invites listeners to explore their first feelings and to share with her.  KEY TAKEAWAYS:  It may take years to sort through the dynamics of a relationship as complicated as a mother and daughter. Events that happen before our birth can change the complexion of a family dynamic. It's never too late to mend a relationship. You can't go back, but you can only go forward.   QUOTES: "I realized, having pieced together all of these stories I've heard over these years, that it's not about going back. There's nothing to go back to. It's about trying to figure things out from this moment forward. When I started to realize this, I experienced another shift: I needed to create new experiences with my mother, not try to get back to previous experiences. I needed to form a new relationship with my mother."  Susan Gibson "I asked my mother, "How could you not love me? I'm just a baby." and I sobbed silently. Spasms of sobs just wracked my body, tears flooding my cheeks, soaking onto my chest. Then I realized Mom did love me. I was in a deep realization of more than just saying I love you and having that feeling. It was deep, deep inside of me. She loved me to my core, but she was afraid and passed that fear on to me. "- Susan Gibson   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email   BIOGRAPHY:  Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80's to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.

In this episode of Finding Forgiveness, I will share things I gained from my mother, whose wisdom was even greater than I imagined as a child. Even now, I incorporate the lessons I acquired from her into my daily routine. Whenever I engage in a seemingly ordinary act like returning an item to its rightful place, it evokes memories of my mother and brings a smile to my face. I hope you also can draw valuable life lessons from my mother's wisdom.    IN THIS EPISODE: [00:00] Susan explains how she came to terms with her appreciation for her mother [02:11] Telling the stories of the family through poetry and starting meditation to cope with anxiety and seeing visions of mom [09:18] Susan shares seven lessons and ideas she learned from her mother to love classical music [24:39] There is no going back to your past, so use stories to go forward in life [26:35] Susan invites you to celebrate the life of a loved one before they die KEY TAKEAWAYS:  Susan learned many things from her mother. One thing is to be present. It's not healthy to live in the past or have regrets about situations you can't change. Converse with loved ones and friends before they die about those personal, private topics you haven't discussed. Departed Soulmate   Learn to hold the hand of the man who takes his child to the grave.   Bless the fawn that remembers  her mother's milk.   Pray for cure or at least mercy  for the one  who is on the edge of disease.   Begin your day  with a million names  one for every soul who has lived and died   You will never die and I will never die.   Life  and its gifts will continue  for you and me.   Our shapes  and our colors  will change.   Near and dear ones  will become colorful and less visible.   When you smile and cry for the dear departed  remember I smile and cry with you.   and   When they all  will smile and cry for you and me, remember  we will be playing sweet games  with our dear departed. By Siraj Sirajuddin     RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Website: www.findingforgivenesspodcast.com Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/meetsusangibson Company website: https://www.visiontemenos.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551461189197     ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80's to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

On this episode of Finding Forgiveness, I'll recount the last month and shared moments with my mother. Even when you are aware of a loved one's critical illness, you are never truly prepared for their passing. Nevertheless, I am thankful that my last exchange with my mother was the one I had yearned for throughout five decades. Following her passing, I am left with that invaluable conversation, the apology I had long awaited, and the forgiveness I extended, enabling me to embark on my journey forward.     IN THIS EPISODE: [01:47] How it all started in 2021 [05:11] Is it time for Hospice Care [08:54] Mom is seeing visions [12:30] The caregiver abandons us, and we are off to the emergency room [17:20] Hospice comes in, and there is meditation for me, and friends come to visit, and mother has the desire to go home [25:59] The end is near, and forgiveness is given   KEY TAKEAWAYS:  Hospice nurses can let families know when their loved one doesn't have long to live. Morphine is an excellent pain killer for end-of-life. Forgiveness is more important for the one who extends it than the one who receives it.   RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Website: www.findingforgivenesspodcast.com Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/meetsusangibson Company website: https://www.visiontemenos.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551461189197     ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80's to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

Welcome to the premiere episode of "Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale." I'm your host, Susan Gibson, and I'm thrilled to have you as my guest today. We've all experienced those moments of longing to express our unspoken thoughts to loved ones who are no longer with us. The chance to do so isn't out of reach. You can put your thoughts into words by penning a heartfelt letter. I did that and am eager to share my letter with my dear mother. Blessings Bless the Seconds That slip away from us  Bless the Words That die unsaid between us   Bless the Friends That keep you away from me Bless the Distance  that keeps you away from me    Bless the Light that travels from you to me Bless the Angels That carry kisses from you to me    Bless the Children That live from us Bless the dreams That live within us   Bless the Emptiness That fills when you leave me Bless the Fullness  That empties when you become me. By Siraj Sirajuddin IN THIS EPISODE: [00:00] Introduction to the podcast from host Susan Gibson - A Letter to My Mother [04:11] Donation of her mother's body and Neptune Society [06:16] Making decisions at Susan's mother's home regarding medications and the cats [12:59] Clearing the apartment of mementos and files  [14:58] Finding that they were a family of secrets  [18:02] Having her mother's remains and her Celebration of Life Ceremony and burial [23:22] Susan invites listeners to write a letter if they have a problematic relationship   KEY TAKEAWAYS:  It will comfort you to put words to paper when you can no longer talk with your loved one.  Taking a month to complete tasks after a loved one passes benefited Susan. It was helpful to Susan that she and her mother had taken time to organize her apartment before her death.    RESOURCES: Susan Gibson - Email Website: www.findingforgivenesspodcast.com Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/meetsusangibson Company website: https://www.visiontemenos.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61551461189197 ABOUT THE HOST: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice. Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80's to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers. Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech.  Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.  

Have ever wanted to say things to your mother, or a loved one, but didn't have the courage to do so? Well, you're not alone. Hey there, I'm Susan Gibson, and I'm thrilled to welcome you to my podcast, "Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale." In this deeply personal podcast, I invite you to join me on an extraordinary journey of self-discovery and healing. Over the span of more than five decades, I walked the path of finding forgiveness with my mother, a journey that led me to profound insights about the complexities of family relationships. Together, we'll unravel the intricate threads that compose the tapestry of our lives. "Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale" is not just a podcast; it's a safe space for exploration. Picture this: family stories are a blend of reality and imagination, much like the enchanting tales from Disney with singing animals, and dancing broomsticks. Other versions are more Brothers Grimm, where crones cast wicked spells with dire consequences. Every family narrative is a unique blend of heroes and villains, moments of triumph and challenges. Join me as we navigate the depths of our own stories, summoning the bravery to ask the tough questions and confront the shadows that lie beneath the surface. Together, we'll journey through hidden family secrets, bridging the gaps in our understanding, all while exploring the intricate dance between my mother and me. As we peel back the layers, you might just find revelations about yourself and your loved ones that you never knew existed. Above all, this podcast is a beacon of hope for finding forgiveness. Together, we'll explore the inner recesses of our hearts and minds, paving the way for understanding, empathy, and ultimately, forgiveness. So, let's embark on this transformative adventure—toward healing, reconciliation, and the power to heal our own hearts. Tune in to "Finding Forgiveness - A Family Fairy Tale" and discover the magic of self-discovery, relationship exploration, and the profound journey to forgiveness.   About the Host: Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice.   Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, from developer to project manager, pioneering agile transformation coach, consultant, and trainer, to Temenos facilitator. She is currently CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers, and ultimately, to themselves.   Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech. Her gentle insights are always perceptive and she has a knack for bringing together seemingly incongruent groups of people, aligned through their experiences and visions for themselves.   Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, art, poetry, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family's 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.   Susan's Profile linkedin.com/in/meetsusangibson Website visiontemenos.com (Company) Email [email protected] Twitter meetsusangibson