I Want to Know More - Tools for Your Child's Success

Building Secure Attachment: Simple Ways to Help Your Child Feel Safe and LovedAttachment is the deep emotional bond between you and your child. When babies feel safe, loved, and cared for, they develop secure attachment, which helps them grow into confident, independent, and emotionally healthy children.^1,2What Is Attachment?Attachment happens when your child learns they can rely on you to meet their needs—whether it’s for food, comfort, or love. From the moment they’re born, babies are looking for signs that they are safe and cared for. Every time you soothe their cries, smile at them, or respond to their needs, you’re helping build that sense of security.^3What Does Secure Attachment Look Like?A baby with secure attachment feels safe exploring the world because they know their parent or someone in a parenting role will be there when needed. Signs of secure attachment include^1,2:●      Seeking comfort from a parent when upset●      Being happy to see their parent after separation●      Exploring their environment, but checking back in with their parent●      Trusting their parent to meet their needsAs your child grows, secure attachment might look like a toddler returning to you for reassurance during play, or a preschooler seeking comfort after a hard day.What About Insecure Attachment?When babies don’t consistently get the comfort or attention they need, they may develop insecure attachment. This doesn’t mean parents don’t love their child; it just means the baby may feel unsure about whether their needs will be met. Signs of insecure attachment might include^1,2:●      Avoiding comfort or closeness with a parent or someone in a parenting role●      Clinging excessively and having trouble exploring●      Seeming indifferent to a parent’s presenceThe good news? Attachment is not about being perfect; it’s about being responsive most of the time.How to Build Secure AttachmentYou don’t need fancy toys or a complicated plan to create secure attachment. Small, everyday moments matter most.^3Here’s how:Respond to your child’s cues – When your child cries, coos, or reaches for you, try to respond. You won’t always know exactly what they need, but responding helps them feel understood.Be present and engaged – You don’t need to entertain your child all day, but giving them your full attention, even for short moments, strengthens your connection.Comfort them when they’re upset – When children feel scared or overwhelmed, they learn that emotions are safe when a parent or someone in a parenting role soothes them.Enjoy play and eye contact – Singing, talking, and making eye contact during daily routines help your child feel connected to you.Follow their lead – If your child reaches for a toy, talk about it. If they show excitement, share in it. These little interactions build trust.Taking Care of Yourself as a ParentCaring for a baby is exhausting, and no one can respond perfectly all the time. The good news is, you don’t have to! Research shows that babies need “good enough” parenting, meaning that if you respond to their needs most of the time, they will still develop secure attachment.^2,3●      Give yourself grace – You won’t always know what your baby wants, and that’s okay.●      Take breaks – A happy, rested parent is better for the baby. Ask for help when you need

Serve and Return: Simple Activities to Build Your Baby’s BrainBabies are born ready to connect with the world, and one of the best ways to support their development is through serve and return interactions. These back-and-forth moments between you and your baby help build their brain, strengthen your bond, and support their emotional and social growth.^1,2 They help your child grow into a confident communicator, thoughtful problem-solver, and emotionally aware adult.What Is Serve and Return?Think of a game of tennis or catch; one person serves the ball, and the other returns it. In the same way, when your baby "serves" by making a sound, smiling, or reaching for something, you "return" by responding with eye contact, words, or touch.^2,3For example:●      Your baby babbles → You smile and talk back●      Your baby points at a toy → You name the toy and hand it to them●      Your baby makes a face → You mirror the expression and respondThese simple exchanges help your baby feel seen and understood, which is key for healthy emotional development. You don’t need to engage every time; just responding often is enough to build strong connections.^1,2,3Why Is Serve and Return Important?Builds Brain Connections – Every time you respond to your baby’s signals, you help form and strengthen the connections in their brain that shape learning, communication, and relationships.Teaches Social Skills – Your baby learns about taking turns, listening, and expressing themselves, all of which are important for building relationships later in life.Creates a Secure Attachment – When you consistently respond to your baby, they feel safe and loved, which builds confidence and emotional security.Reduces Stress – Babies who experience consistent, loving interactions are better able to handle stress and develop resilience.How to Practice Serve and ReturnYou don’t need special toys or extra time, serve and return happens naturally throughout the day. Here’s how you can do it:●      Notice the serve – Watch for your baby’s cues, like sounds, movements, or facial expressions.●      Return the serve – Respond in a warm, engaging way by talking, smiling, or copying their actions.●      Keep the rally going – Encourage back-and-forth interactions by asking questions, waiting for their response, or adding something new.●      Follow their lead – If they show interest in something, engage with them about it.Every Interaction MattersEven short moments of serve and return add up. Whether you’re changing a diaper, feeding, or just making eye contact, these everyday interactions lay the foundation for your baby’s future learning, relationships, and well-being. If you miss a serve, that’s okay. Just noticing and returning later (‘Did you want to play with this?’) shows your baby that you’re paying attention and care.^1,2,3By practicing serve and return, you’re not just playing, you’re helping your baby grow in the best possible way!Everyday Serve and Return Activities Serve and return interactions are simple back-and-forth exchanges between a caregiver and an infant that build attachment, communication, and brain development. Here are some easy, natural ways parents and those in a parenting role can engage in serve and return activities:Respond to Coos and...

Supporting Your Child During Stress and Adversity: Building a Strong BrainEvery parent or someone in a parenting role wants to give their child the best possible start in life. However, the reality is that adversity is a part of life. Whether it’s a stressful move, financial struggles, illness, or other challenges, difficult moments happen. The good news? Parents and those in a parenting role play a crucial role in shielding their child from stress and helping their brain develop strength and resilience.^1,2What Are Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs)?Adverse Childhood Events, or ACEs, are stressful or difficult experiences that can affect brain development. These might include^2:●      Family stress (divorce, financial struggles, a parent’s mental health challenges)●      Exposure to violence or instability●      Loss of a caregiver●      Serious illness or accidentsACEs are common and often out of our control, but that doesn’t mean they define a child’s future. Research shows that a safe, loving relationship with a caregiver can protect a child’s brain from stress.How Parents Buffer Stress and Build ResilienceA baby’s brain is growing faster in the first few years than at any other time in life. During this time, nurturing relationships, establishing predictable routines, and providing responsive care help build a strong and adaptable brain. When your child is overwhelmed, your calm presence helps regulate their stress response. Over time, your child learns to calm themselves; this is called co-regulation.^3When babies feel safe and connected, they develop:●          Better stress management – Their nervous system learns how to calm down after stress.●          Stronger emotional regulation – They develop skills to handle frustration and big feelings.●          Less impulsivity later in life – They are more likely to pause, think, and make good decisions.●          Stronger relationships as adults – They feel secure in themselves and with others.The Simple Foundations of a Healthy Baby BrainProtecting your child’s brain from stress isn’t about perfection or doing everything “right.” It’s about providing a safe, secure, and nurturing environment where your child knows they are loved and cared for.Here are the key ingredients that help buffer a child’s brain from stress^3:Safe and Predictable Structure●      Babies and young children thrive on routine. Simple, predictable rhythms (morning cuddles, bedtime routines, regular meals) help them feel secure.●      They don’t need rigid schedules, just a sense of what comes next in their day.Strong, Secure Relationships●      The most powerful buffer against stress is a loving, responsive caregiver.●      Even when hard things happen, knowing they have a safe person to turn to helps children process emotions and feel protected.●      Your support system, grandparents, siblings, extended family, or community, also helps buffer your child from stress. Connection comes in many forms.Responsive Care●      When babies cry or reach out, responding with comfort teaches them that the world is a safe...

Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent: Why Your Well-Being MattersParenting a baby or toddler is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, but it’s also exhausting, overwhelming, and full of big emotions (both yours and your child’s). It’s easy to put all your energy into your little one and forget about yourself. But here’s the truth: your well-being directly affects your child’s well-being. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.Why Your Health Matters for Your ChildBabies are wired to pick up on your emotions, body language, and stress levels. This happens because of something called mirror neurons, brain cells that help us “mirror” or reflect the feelings and behaviors of those around us. If you are feeling calm and regulated, your child is more likely to feel that way too.^1 If you’re overwhelmed or stressed, they can sense it. It’s normal to lose patience or feel overwhelmed, especially when you're tired. What matters most is reconnecting. Saying something like, “That was a hard moment, I’m here, and I love you,” teaches your child that even tough times can be repaired.By caring for yourself, you’re not just helping yourself; you’re helping your baby feel safe, secure, and regulated. Co-Regulation: The Power of ConnectionBabies and young children don’t yet know how to calm themselves down when they’re upset. They rely on us to help them. This is called co-regulation, and it’s one of the most important ways parents support their child’s emotional development.^1,2●      When your baby cries and you pick them up, they feel comforted.●      When your toddler has a meltdown, and you stay calm, they learn how to handle big feelings.●      When you take deep breaths or use a soothing voice, your child’s nervous system responds to that.But here’s the key: it’s hard to co-regulate your child when you’re running on empty. That’s why your own health, physical, emotional, and mental, is so important.The Impact of Parental StressThe U.S. Surgeon General has called mental health a national crisis, especially for parents and children. Chronic stress, lack of support, and exhaustion can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression, which don’t just affect you but also your child’s development.^3,4Signs of parental burnout might include:●      Feeling emotionally drained or detached●      Losing patience quickly●      Feeling like you're just "going through the motions"●      Trouble sleeping, even when you're tired●      Feeling like you don’t have time for yourselfIf any of these sound familiar, you are not alone, and there are things you can do to feel better. If you’re feeling persistently down, anxious, or overwhelmed, reaching out to your doctor or a mental health professional is a powerful act of care for you and your child.Practical Ways to Take Care of YourselfAsk for help – You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s a partner, friend, family member, or childcare provider, accepting help gives you space to recharge.Find your people – Social connection is one of the best ways to reduce stress. Spend time with other parents who understand what you’re going through. Even a short chat or a shared laugh can help.Take breaks – You are more than just a parent. Make time for things that bring you joy, whether that’s a walk, reading a book, or simply sitting in silence with a cup...

Finding the Right Mental Health Support for Your ChildIntroductionFinding support for your child’s mental health can feel overwhelming, but it’s a crucial step toward ensuring their well-being now and in the future. Providing timely support is key when a child is struggling with emotions, behaviors, or relationships. These challenges can impact your child’s learning, relationships, and even physical health. This resource is designed to help you understand the types of mental health support available and how to choose the right kind of care for your child.Identifying the Right Type of Support at the Right TimeMental health support is not “one-size-fits-all.” Every child’s needs are different, and the level of care required can vary widely. Some children might benefit from weekly therapy sessions, while others may find that joining a sports team or social group gives them the support they need. Being surrounded by people who love them is sometimes the best kind of support. This could be family or a friend group. Here’s a breakdown of some key forms of professional support:Psychotherapy: This is often the first step in mental health support. A trained therapist can help your child talk through their feelings, explore their thoughts, and find ways to cope with their struggles. Therapists might have different ways of working with your child, for example, using play therapy or art therapy.Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on helping your child recognize and change unhelpful thought patterns that might be causing stress or anxiety. This practical approach can teach them specific skills for managing tough situations. Another related therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), also focuses on teaching coping skills and helps manage intense emotions.Family Therapy: This type of therapy involves the whole family and can improve how everyone communicates and supports one another. It’s beneficial if the issues your child faces affect the entire family.Group Therapy: Group therapy involves sessions with peers experiencing similar issues. This can help your child realize they are not alone and can build social skills in a supportive setting.Medication: Sometimes, a psychiatrist or healthcare professional may recommend medication to help manage conditions like anxiety, ADHD, or depression. Medication is often used alongside other forms of therapy.Social Support & Community Engagement: Structured activities like sports, art classes, or clubs can help reduce feelings of isolation and boost your child’s confidence. Being part of a group activity offers a sense of belonging and can be an excellent support for your child.When choosing the right support, remember that it’s essential to find what best fits your child’s unique needs.How to Find the Right Therapist or CounselorFinding the right therapist can be as important as choosing the type of therapy. Here are some tips to help you decide:Values Alignment: Look for a counselor whose approach aligns with your family’s values. Do they understand your child’s needs and respect your family’s culture and goals?Involvement of the Family: Consider whether the therapist will include you in the process, either through family therapy sessions or regular check-ins. Your involvement can make a big difference in helping your child feel supported.Concrete Skills and Progress: Ask the therapist about the specific skills they will teach your child. Look for progress and ask the therapist to share how they plan to help your child develop coping...

Is My Child Okay? Mental Health and Suicide PreventionAs a parent or someone in a parenting role, it's natural to worry about your child’s well-being. With all the challenges children face today—like school stress, peer pressure, and social media—knowing when something is not okay with their mental health can be tough. This resource will help you recognize signs of trouble, understand when to worry, and learn how to prevent suicide by having open conversations and knowing what to do in difficult situations.How to Tell If Your Child Is OkayIt’s normal for children to have mood swings or be upset at times, especially as they grow and change. However, there are some signs that may indicate a bigger issue, like anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. Children and teens go through different stages of emotional and behavioral development, so mental health issues can show up differently depending on their age. Here's what to watch for in each stage:Ages 5–10In this age group, children are just beginning to develop social skills, build friendships, and manage their emotions. It’s normal for younger children to have occasional outbursts, but watch for:Excessive clinginess or fear: It’s normal for children to want comfort from their parents, but extreme or prolonged separation anxiety can signal deeper distress. This might show up as constantly needing to be close, prolonged difficulty at drop-off, distress even with a brief separation, or difficulty sleeping alone. Frequent temper tantrums: While tantrums are common in younger children, having them regularly at this age—especially if they’re intense or long-lasting—could indicate emotional struggles.Withdrawing from play: If your child loses interest in playing with friends, engaging in hobbies, or participating in fun activities they used to enjoy, it might be a sign of anxiety or depression.Physical complaints without a clear cause: Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or other physical issues that don’t seem to have a medical explanation could be a child’s way of expressing emotional pain.Trouble concentrating or completing tasks: Difficulty focusing on schoolwork, constant daydreaming, or falling behind in academic performance could point to attention issues or emotional distress.If you notice any of these behaviors lasting for more than a few weeks, having a conversation with your child or a healthcare provider may be helpful.Ages 11–14Children/teens ages 11-14 experience many emotional ups and downs as they navigate puberty, peer pressure, and school changes. But some signs can suggest more serious mental health concerns, such as:Significant mood swings: Hormones can cause irritability, but extreme or constant mood swings that disrupt daily life might signal anxiety or depression.Social isolation: If your child/teen starts withdrawing from friends or avoids social activities, this could be a red flag, especially if they previously enjoyed these interactions.Changes in school performance: A sudden drop in grades, difficulty focusing, or a lack of interest in school could mean your child/teen is struggling emotionally.Risky or defiant behavior: This could include sneaking out, breaking rules, or engaging in unsafe activities. While pushing boundaries is normal at this age, extreme defiance may be a sign of distress.Body image issues or eating changes: Early teens may develop unhealthy views of their bodies, leading to disordered eating or fixation on weight or appearance. Sudden changes in appetite or weight are important

Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health and Building ResilienceParenting can feel overwhelming at times, especially when it comes to supporting your child’s mental health. But here’s the good news: as their parent or someone in a parenting role, you are uniquely qualified to help them navigate these challenges and build resilience. You may not always have all the answers, and that’s okay. Understanding some key concepts and practicing a few strategies can make a big difference in your child’s mental and emotional well-being.Struggles Are Normal, but Support Is KeyStruggling with mental health symptoms is a normal part of being human. It’s common to feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed at times. These feelings only become a concern when they’re too intense or difficult to manage without help. Your child might not always know how to handle these big feelings on their own, and that’s where you come in. As their parent, you can help them figure out what’s going on and how to deal with it in healthy ways.The Power of CoregulationA concept called coregulation can be extremely helpful in understanding how to help your child. Everyone has what’s called a window of tolerance. This is the zone where we feel calm and able to think clearly. When we’re outside this window—feeling overwhelmed or shutting down—it can lead to behaviors like tantrums, yelling, or withdrawal.For children and teens, it’s especially hard to return to their window of tolerance on their own. They need a trusted adult to help them regulate their emotions, and that’s where coregulation comes in. As a parent, your calm presence can help soothe your child’s nervous system. Here are some ways you can practice coregulation:Stay calm even when your child is not.Use a gentle voice and a steady tone.Get down to their eye level or lower to help them feel safe.Offer soothing strategies, like deep breathing or hugging.When you practice coregulation, you teach your child how to manage their emotions over time.Modeling Healthy HabitsYour child learns by watching you. If you want your child to handle stress well and care for their mental health, it’s important to model those behaviors yourself. That means taking care of your own well-being and showing your child what healthy coping looks like. The U.S. Surgeon General recently shared that parental stress is at an all-time high, which is why self-care is essential, not selfish.Here are some self-care strategies you can use and model:Build a strong support system by staying connected with friends, family, or a community.Get enough sleep - it’s crucial for your mood and energy levels.Exercise regularly to reduce stress and boost your mental health.Eat nutritious foods to fuel your body and mind.Take breaks when you need them. Step away, breathe, and recharge.Practice gratitude by looking for the positive moments in your day.When your child sees you prioritizing your mental health, they learn that it’s important to care for themselves, too.Repairing After ConflictThere will be times when you and your child have conflict – it’s just part of parenting. What matters most is how you handle it afterward. As the parent, it’s your responsibility to initiate the repair, even if your child was the one who started the argument.After you both have had time to cool off, you might say something like:“I know you were really angry just now and said some things you probably didn’t mean. Are you ready to talk about it, or...

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Child TraumaIntroductionNegative experiences can disrupt a child’s sense of safety and security. These negative experiences in childhood are sometimes referred to as child trauma. Research suggests more than two-thirds of children report experiencing at least one traumatic event by age 16.^1 Examples of these experiences can include events that happen once, like the death of a loved one, parental separation or divorce, or a serious car accident.^1 They can also include traumatic experiences that occur repeatedly, like physical or emotional abuse, neglect, being bullied, witnessing violence at home or school, or living with someone who has a mental health or substance use disorder.^1 Traumatic experiences can overwhelm a child’s ability to cope with what they have experienced, which can lead to child traumatic stress^2 and long-lasting effects that negatively impact health, well-being, and opportunities in life.^3Fortunately, children who have experienced traumatic events can recover and flourish. Creating safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments for children can buffer against the effects of negative experiences and help children thrive.^4 As a parent or someone in a parenting role, your support and guidance matters greatly. Learning about child trauma and how it can affect your child will help you support them. It will help your child feel safe and manage their strong and sometimes overwhelming feelings and behaviors while building a healthy parent-child relationship. This document provides an overview of how a child’s brain responds to stress, the impact of child trauma on health and well-being, and reactions to trauma at various stages of child development. This document also provides guidance for what actions you can take to support your child after they have experienced a traumatic event and what you can do to help your child manage challenging behaviors. Finally, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, your child’s trauma affects you as well. While caring for and supporting your child through their difficult moments, it is vital to take care of yourself. Guidance on specific actions to care for yourself with compassion is provided. The Brain’s Response to StressLearning how to respond to and manage stress is a normal part of a healthy child development. When a child is exposed to an everyday stressor, their body’s stress response system is activated. For example, meeting a new friend, giving a speech in science class, or learning a new skill like how to ride a bike causes the body’s natural stress response to activate. A stress response generally includes an increased heart rate and a slight elevation in the hormone cortisol.^5 In these situations, the stress response is brief, and the body quickly returns to normal.^5 While the experience might be stressful, a child doesn’t experience any adverse lasting effects.^5These everyday experiences are a typical part of healthy development and necessary for a child to develop a positive stress response system,^5 which they will need throughout their life. In contrast to everyday experiences that cause a positive or tolerable stress response, some experiences can be traumatic, “meaning they threaten the life or physical integrity of the child or someone significant to the child (such as a parent or those in a parenting role or sibling.).”^6 Traumatic experiences include singular events like a vehicle accident or the death of a loved one.^1 They can also include recurring events like physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or witnessing violence at home or school.^1 Traumatic experiences like these can result in the child experiencing a toxic stress response where the body is on high alert, and the child experiences strong feelings and intense physical reactions.^5 They can experience a fight, flight, or freeze response, which is...

Is My Child Vaping? What Do I Do?IntroductionE-cigarettes are electronic devices that heat a liquid and produce an aerosol that can be inhaled.^1 E-cigarettes are also called “e-cigs,” “e-hookahs,” “mods,” “vape pens,” “tank systems,” and “electronic nicotine delivery systems (ENDS)”.^1  Smoking e-cigarettes is called vaping. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine.^1 Nicotine is addictive and can be harmful to your child’s/teen’s developing brain.^1 There is a common misconception that the vapor inhaled from an e-cigarette is water vapor and is not harmful. However, in addition to nicotine, the aerosol produced from e-cigarettes may also contain other harmful chemicals that can result in inflammation and irritation of the lungs and cardiovascular problems.^2 ^3E-cigarettes are the most commonly used tobacco product among teens.^1 It has been suggested that e-cigarettes may be more appealing to children/teens because they may think vaping e-cigarettes is safer than smoking traditional cigarettes, e-cigarettes cost less than traditional cigarettes, and e-cigarettes don’t smell.^3Further, e-cigarettes come in different designs, colors, and sizes, and they can come in sweet, fruity, minty, and candy-like flavors, making them more desirable to children/teens.^1If you are worried that your child/teen may be vaping, don’t panic. There are many resources available to help. Let’s explore some of the side effects of vaping, the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal, ways to talk with your child/teen about concerns, and options available for getting your child/teen help to stop vaping. Side Effects of Vaping^4 ^5●      coughing●      shortness of breath●      eye irritation●      headaches●      mouth and throat irritation●      heart palpitations●      dizziness or nausea ●      weakened tasteSymptoms of Nicotine Withdrawal^6Because e-cigarettes contain nicotine, an addictive substance, if a child/teen stops vaping, they may experience symptoms of nicotine withdrawal. At the same time, their brain and body are getting used to not having nicotine.^6 Nicotine withdrawal may be uncomfortable but isn’t harmful, and the symptoms of withdrawal will lessen over time.^6Symptoms of nicotine withdrawal may include:^6●      having urges or cravings to smoke●      feeling irritated, restless, or jumpy●      having a difficult time concentrating●      having trouble sleeping●      feeling hungry or gaining weight●      feeling anxious or sadWhat Do I Do First?Start by having a conversation with your child/teen. If you are worried that your child/teen is vaping, prepare for this conversation so that you do not enter the conversation panicked, anxious, or angry. Your child/teen will react similarly and get defensive if you are angry and upset. Remember that the goal of your conversation is to foster an open and honest dialogue, listen actively to your child’s/teen’s thoughts and feelings, and share your concerns. Be prepared to ask follow-up questions and avoid judgment or lecturing. The strategies for intentional communication will come in handy during this conversation. ●      Ensure you have enough time for this conversation so it is not rushed or interrupted. ●      Make use of an everyday...

Navigating High Conflict With Important People in Your Child’s LifeIntroduction Conflict can happen within families, between spouses, extended family, and with other important people in your child’s life. Conflict is normal and expected. However, when conflict escalates, is persistent, and remains unresolved, it can harm not only the adults in conflict but your child. Learning to address high-conflict situations is essential. The stress you experience from conflict will be felt by your child even if you believe you are hiding it well from them. When conflict is persistent and unresolved, it can ●      confuse your child, ●      foster feelings of uncertainty and stress,^1●      increase emotional distress,^1●      reduce your child’s ability to manage and regulate their emotions,^1●      negatively impact your child’s development,^1, and ●      foster unwelcome behaviors in your child. In high-conflict situations, your child must take advantage of the security of a stable, consistent, and nurturing environment. Children depend on their adults for survival, which makes them attuned to disruptions in their caregiving adult relationships.This document guides you on what to do when there is high conflict between you and other important people in your child’s life. Learning to navigate high-conflict situations can help you to ●      model the behaviors you are teaching your children, ●      grow your social and emotional skills, ●      grow your child’s social and emotional skills, and ●      ultimately do what is in your child’s best interest. Navigating High ConflictManaging your thoughts and behaviors is essential in high-conflict situations so that your child’s best interest is at the forefront of your decision-making and actions.Here are some relationship scenarios in which high conflict is more likely to occur:^2, ^3There is no give and take. A rigid stance that leaves no room for discussion can lead to conflict. This might sound like: “You never agree with my rules for the children. My rules, my house, I won’t budge.”Behaviors are extreme. Displaying behaviors that are at one extreme can increase the likelihood of conflict. For example, either the person is not responsive in a situation (“I won’t do anything”), or they are overly controlling (“I won’t let you see the kids ever again!”).The “blame game” is in full effect. Not taking responsibility for one’s behavior or continually attempting to place blame on someone else can increase conflict. For example, it can sound like this: “You are the reason our child is so permissive. She doesn’t ever stick up for herself, just like you!”    While it isn’t likely you will be able to change the other person, you can influence the situation by how you respond. Your goals for managing high conflict with an important person in your child’s life will vary. Your goals depend on your unique situation. Your goals might be ●      to preserve the relationship you have with the important person, ●      to preserve the relationship your child has with the important person, and ●      to resolve the conflict as best you can. You may be in a situation where your relationship with the person is...

Teaching Your Child to Identify and Name Their FeelingsIntroductionEmotions are vital to your child’s life, influencing their behaviors and overall well-being. However, many children struggle to accurately identify and name their feelings, leading to emotional confusion and difficulties communicating their needs and managing their emotions. Identifying and naming feelings is a skill that parents or those in a parenting role can teach. Both parents and those in the parenting role and children can benefit from learning and practicing this skill. Identifying and naming feelings is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, coping with stress, overcoming challenges, and promoting mental health.This I Want to Know More aims to explore why you should teach your child to identify and name feelings and provide examples of how you can teach this skill while growing your own skills, too.Why Should I Teach My Child to Identify and Name Feelings?●      Improved Mental Health○      Developing emotional self-awareness can positively impact your child’s mental health. When identifying and naming their feelings accurately, they can address underlying issues and seek appropriate support or interventions. Emotional identification allows children to develop healthy ways of expressing their emotions, caring for themselves when experiencing big emotions, and learning calm-down strategies to manage their emotions. This self-awareness can help reduce anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.●      Enhanced Relationship Building○      Emotional self-awareness fosters stronger and healthier relationships. By understanding their emotions, children can effectively communicate their needs and boundaries, which promotes more fulfilling connections. Parents who understand their emotions can model sitting with difficult emotions and utilize healthy calm-down strategies and emotional regulation to communicate with their children intentionally and respectfully.  Additionally, recognizing and empathizing with the emotions of others becomes easier when children have a deeper understanding of their own emotions.●      Better Decision Making ○      Identifying and naming emotions improves decision-making skills. By acknowledging and naming their feelings and thinking about the self-talk that led to them, children can assess how their feelings may influence their choices and behaviors. This awareness allows them to make more rational and well-informed decisions rather than being driven solely by their emotions.Why is it Important For a Child to Identify and Name Feelings?●      Clarity and Understanding ○      Identifying and naming their feelings allows children to gain clarity and understanding about how they feel. Often, emotions can be complex and intertwined, making it challenging to figure out what they are truly experiencing. Children bring their emotions into conscious awareness by giving them a name, making them more manageable and understandable.●      Enhanced Communication ○      Naming their emotions enables effective communication with others. When children can accurately express their feelings, they increase the likelihood of being understood and heard. It also helps prevent misunderstandings and conflicts that may arise from miscommunication. For example, instead of saying, "I'm upset," teach them to specify the emotion as "I'm feeling disappointed" to provide more clarity.●      Self-Reflection and...

Cannabis: What Does the Law Say in Washington?IntroductionLaws about the use of cannabis are changing rapidly and can be confusing. Laws differ by type of use, such as medical or adult use (sometimes called recreational use), and they also vary by state. While many states allow for the medical use of cannabis, and an increasing number of states have legalized cannabis for adult use, cannabis use remains illegal at the federal level, and adult-use cannabis is illegal for individuals who are under the age of 21. Parents, or those in a parenting role, and teens are often unclear about the laws and have misconceptions about the consequences of breaking the laws.Let’s explore the laws regarding cannabis use in Washington State and discuss scenarios that you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, might encounter. Note that certain localities may have stricter laws (ordinances), that laws change, and that this information is not a substitute for legal advice.In Washington State, cannabis use is legal for adults who are at least 21 years old.^1 Using or possessing cannabis is illegal for people under the age of 21 unless medically authorized.^2So, What Exactly Is Illegal?^1,^3For Minors Under the Age of 21●      It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to possess, manufacture, sell, or consume cannabis or cannabis-infused products unless they are authorized as a qualifying patient by a healthcare professional, a resident of the state of Washington, entered into the medical marijuana authorization database, and have a recognition card.^4●      It is illegal to drive under the influence of cannabis.For Adults Ages 21 and Older●      Adults 21 years and older can possess and use cannabis for medical and adult-use purposes. ●      Adults 21 years and older can purchase up to one ounce of usable cannabis (the harvested flowers, or “bud”), 16 ounces of cannabis-infused edibles in solid form, 72 ounces in liquid form, and 7 grams of cannabis concentrates.●      Adults 21 years and older can possess cannabis-related drug paraphernalia.●      Cannabis can only be sold and purchased at state-licensed retail stores. No one under the age of 21 is allowed on the retail premises. ●      It is illegal to consume cannabis in view of the public.●      It is illegal to provide someone under the age of 21 with cannabis unless you are the parent/guardian and are a designated provider for a minor who is a qualifying patient and holds a recognition card.●      It is illegal to drive under the influence of cannabis.●      It is illegal to take cannabis outside of Washington.Legal ConsequencesDepending on current laws and other factors, breaking laws regarding cannabis possession and use may result in criminal or civil charges, and penalties range from deferred sentences to fines to imprisonment. Driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol is illegal, and the legal system treats driving under the influence charges similarly, regardless of the substance. That is, driving under the influence of any drug or substance, whether the substance is alcohol or cannabis, has similar legal consequences. Penalties can include jail and fines.“What If” ScenariosWhat if my child/teen encounters a cannabis plant at a friend/neighbor’s home? Can they try it? It is illegal for a person under the age of 21 to use or possess cannabis unless they have a recognition card. And, it is not a good idea for young people to even “just try” cannabis, as such use is a...

Underage Drinking: What Does the Law Say in Washington?IntroductionUnderage drinking laws can be confusing. They can change over time and vary by state. Parents or those in a parenting role and teens are often unclear about the laws and have misconceptions about the consequences of breaking those laws. Let’s explore the underage drinking laws in Washington State and discuss scenarios that you might encounter as a parent or someone in a parenting role. Please note that certain localities may have stricter laws (ordinances), that laws change, and that this information is not a substitute for legal advice. So, What Exactly Is Illegal?For Anyone Under the Age of 21●      It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to possess, consume, or otherwise acquire any alcohol without parental consent when not for medical reasons or in connection with a religious service.^1●      It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to be in a public place or to be in a motor vehicle in a public place while exhibiting the effects of having consumed alcohol.^1●      It is illegal to use a false ID to buy alcohol.^1●      It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to operate a motor vehicle while affected by alcohol, drugs, or both. This includes both legal and illegal drugs, including prescription medication and over-the-counter drugs.^2●      Someone under the age of 21 is not allowed in taverns, lounges, or other age-restricted areas.^1For Adults●      It is illegal to sell, give, or otherwise supply alcohol to any person under the age of 21 unless you are the parent/guardian of the child and the alcohol is consumed in your presence.^1●      It is illegal to permit any person under the age of 21 to consume alcohol on your premises or any premises under your control unless you are the parent/guardian of the child and the alcohol is consumed in your presence.^1o    "Premises" includes real property, houses, buildings, other structures, motor vehicles, and watercraft.^1What Is Legal?Washington State law allows someone under the age of 21 to possess, consume, or otherwise acquire alcohol when it is:^1●      Provided by the minor's parent or guardian and consumed in the presence of the parent or guardian and not in a public place where alcohol is sold.●      Given for medicinal purposes by a parent, guardian, physician, or dentist.●      Given in connection with religious services, the amount consumed is the minimal amount necessary for the religious service. Legal ConsequencesFor Anyone Under the Age of 21Possessing, consuming, or otherwise acquiring any alcohol when under the age of 21 can result in a gross misdemeanor charge. For details on penalties associated with misdemeanor and gross misdemeanor charges, see Washington State Code 9A.20 RCW on leg.wa.gov. Children/Teens who are charged with a Minor in Possession (MIP) or a Consumption of Alcohol (MIC) charge, and it is their first offense, may be eligible for a court diversion program as an alternative to prosecution.  For AdultsIt is a gross misdemeanor offense to sell, give, or otherwise supply alcohol to someone under the age of 21.^1“What If” ScenariosSupplying AlcoholWhat if I take my child/teen into a bar? Can I provide them with alcohol there?No. You cannot provide someone under the age of 21 with alcohol in a public place known to sell alcoholic beverages.What about at a restaurant?No. You cannot provide someone

IntroductionYou might have heard of the nation’s opioid crisis or wondered about whether a medication prescribed to your child/teen is safe. You may be concerned about the potential of your child/teen drinking or using marijuana and feel overwhelmed with worrying about prescription medication. The recent increase in accidental fentanyl poisonings from using illicit drugs that have fentanyl added to them is alarming. This document defines what misusing prescription pain medication is, explores the potential risks associated with misuse, and reviews how to reduce the likelihood that your child/teen will misuse prescription pain medication. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, your awareness is vital, and there are practical things you can do to make a difference. Call Out Box:Early and frequent conversations[1]  with your child/teen about the risks of substance use are an essential part of preventing substance use. In those conversations, talk about prescription pain medication as well as alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs such as heroin and methamphetamine. What Is Prescription Pain Medication?Prescription pain medications are also called opioids and include oxycodone, morphine, fentanyl, and others. Brand names include Vicodin, OxyContin, and Percocet; common names include Oxy and Percs. People who have misused prescription pain medication report doing so to relieve pain, to feel good or “get high,” or to relieve tension. Prescription pain medicine is highly addictive, which can make it extremely difficult for people to stop using.^1,2“Misuse” of Prescription Pain MedicationMost people have taken medication prescribed by a doctor or other healthcare provider, and we often perceive those medications as safe and helpful. Because prescription pain medication is addictive, concern arises with “misuse” of these medications. Misuse of prescription pain medication occurs when someone:●      Uses a prescription pain medication not prescribed for themself, such as using medication prescribed for a family member or friend ●      Uses a prescription pain medication in a way other than directed by the doctor or prescriber, such as taking a larger dose or using it for longer than directed●      Uses a prescription pain medication for the feeling the drug causes or to “get high”^1Risks Associated With MisuseThe use of prescription pain medication is common, including by children/teens, and is often thought of as safe and helpful. Some children/teens underestimate the dangers associated with misusing prescription pain medication and may also believe that misusing prescription medication is safer than using other drugs.^3 But, misuse of prescription pain medication is associated with serious adverse health outcomes^1,4 including: ●      Use of alcohol and other drugs●      Increased risk of developing a substance use disorder●      Overdose●      Poisoning and death resulting from fentanyl-laced illicit drugsMisuse of prescription pain medication can lead to tolerance, where greater amounts of the medication are needed to obtain the same effect. For example, with prescription opioids, tolerance can mean that stronger medications and larger doses are needed to achieve pain relief. Misuse can also lead to dependence, where a person experiences withdrawal symptoms if they stop taking the medication, and medical support can be needed to discontinue the use of the medication safely.^1,5Misusing prescription pain medication can also lead to the use of other drugs, especially

Children, adolescents, and young adults are particularly susceptible to the negative effects of cannabis due to their developing brains.^1 Cannabis can impact a teen’s present life by increasing their risk for dropping out of high school, and it can affect their future because of the impact cannabis has on a developing brain[1]  that can be significant and long lasting.^2,3Preventing your child/teen from using cannabis, whether that means preventing them from ever using or delaying their start until at least the age of 21, greatly minimizes the negative and long-term impact of cannabis on the brain. To equip you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, to have conversations with your child/teen about cannabis and the importance of not using during the teenage years, let’s explore the risks of cannabis use, consequences of cannabis use, and specific strategies you can implement to encourage your child/teen not to use cannabis.

Individuals under the age of 21 are particularly susceptible to the negative effects of alcohol and experience disproportionate harm from alcohol use. Although alcohol impacts adults as well, the negative impacts of alcohol on a developing brain[1]  are significant and long lasting. Delaying the initiation of drinking alcohol until the age of 21 greatly minimizes the negative and long-term impact of alcohol on the brain. To equip you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, to have conversations about alcohol and the importance of delaying alcohol until 21, let’s explore risks of alcohol use, consequences of alcohol use, and specific strategies you can implement to encourage your child/teen to delay alcohol use.link to "alcohol and the teenage brain"

Your child/teen will naturally test limits, break rules and hurt others. This is a normal part of their development at each age and stage and is necessary for their learning. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can choose to be purposeful and deliberate in the ways you apply logical consequences, communicate your expectations, and guide your child/teen to repair harm when needed. On a typical day, a child’s/teen’s behavior or action may result in a natural consequence. Natural consequences are those that happen naturally as a result of a child's/teen’s choice or action without any intervention from a parent or those in a parenting role. As an example, a child isn’t paying attention at the dinner table and tips over a glass of milk. The natural consequence is that their clothes are wet from the spilled milk. In addition to a natural consequence, there may be times that adults need to set a logical consequence in response to a child’s/teen’s behavior or action. Logical consequences are those that are set by an adult and are related to the child's/teen’s behavior. Logical consequences are not a parent-invented punishment for a poor choice. Instead, they are a consequence that is tied to a behavior and allows for a teachable moment. Logical consequences provide parents or those in a parenting role the opportunity to teach a child that choices have an impact not only on themselves but also on others and the environment around them. Sometimes the impact of a choice is immediate (like spilling juice in another person’s lap) and sometimes, it’s either subtle (cannot always be physically observed like hurt feelings) or the impact is felt over time (such as, stealing a toy when a sibling is not around). When you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, allow for natural consequences to take place without rescuing your child or imposing or inventing new consequences that may not naturally occur and then follow up with logical consequences and guidance to repair harm, you are offering opportunities for learning and building your child’s skills. While for some adults, it can be a simple process to connect decisions to outcomes, in fact, consequential thinking is a higher order thinking skill that is learned through experience and practice. As a child/teen grows, their brain is reorganizing from their childhood magical thinking processes to a more rational and logical thinking process. Their higher order thinking skills are not fully formed until the early to mid-twenties.How parents or those in a parenting role model, teach, practice and support children/teens as they think through the impact of choices before they make them and then respond in ways that repair the harm they’ve caused can make a big difference in cultivating your child’s ethics and sense of responsibility. This is the essential skill of responsible decision-making.This document on how you facilitate logical consequences and help your child/teen learn to repair harm is divided into two parts....

All parents or those in a parenting role want their children to be confident, to be resilient, and to make healthy choices. Parents or those in a parenting role can grow these important skills in their children and address common parenting issues like establishing routines, listening, and doing chores by using a parenting process.The parenting process is a way of interacting with your child that creates an environment for learning. The parenting process equips you with a step-by-step process for dealing with simple and challenging parenting issues, and it allows you to purposefully develop social and emotional skills in your child so that your child is able to manage their emotions and make better decisions. Using the parenting process is a way to intentionally grow these important life skills in your child.The parenting process includes five steps that parents or those in a parenting role can use with their child/teen at every age. The five steps are: Input, Teach, Practice, Support, and Recognize. Through the five-step process, you are interacting with your child/teen, teaching them skills, allowing them to practice, supporting their learning, and recognizing their effort. And most importantly, you are intentionally building a positive relationship with your child/teen.  The parenting process is fluid, and revisiting steps multiple times is normal and expected. Keep in mind, you are successful when you engage in the parenting process with your child/teen regardless of the outcome. Engaging in the parenting process with your child/teen might not lead to immediate results or the exact outcome you desire, but every time you engage in the process, you are building your child’s/teen’s skills to be successful. You are creating an environment for learning where your child/teen is able to practice and grow their social and emotional skills.  Begin slowly by choosing one issue or task to practice using this process. Print out the tool and use it as a guide to work through each step with the chosen issue. Print the tool summary and put it on your refrigerator as a reminder. As you become more familiar with the process, your confidence will build. For many, using the parenting process is a new way of interacting. Be patient with yourself and keep practicing. This way of interacting with your child/teen takes practice. It is through practice that skills are learned and strengthened. This document describes each of the five steps (Input, Teach, Practice, Support, and Recognize) in the parenting process and provides details about ●      what each step is, ●      why each step is important, and ●      how to actively engage in each step with your child at every age. 

Healthy mental, emotional, and behavioral development is important for young people to lead meaningful, productive, and engaged lives.^1 Research suggests healthy social and emotional development is shaped by genetic, biological, social, and environmental factors that influence all stages of a child’s/teen’s growth (even before conception). “Children’s/teens’ social and physical environments literally shape their brains and consequently the behaviors and emotions they learn and experience.”

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you are the biggest influence and the strongest intervention against your child/teen engaging in substance use at an early age. Your relationship with them guards against risk factors that your child/teen will encounter as they develop. It is through conversations with you that your child/teen will develop beliefs and understand your expectations about drugs and alcohol that will buffer them against information they receive in the media, from peers, and from other social interactions. It is important to talk with your child/teen early and often. How these conversations sound will change as your child matures. 

If you are worried that your child/teen may be using cannabis or other drugs, don’t panic. Whether you are concerned about the misuse of prescription pain medication, cannabis use, or other drug use, there are many resources available to help. Let’s explore the signs and symptoms of substance use, ways to talk with your child/teen about concerns, and options you have for getting your child/teen help. 

If you are worried that your child/teen may be drinking alcohol, don’t panic.There are many resources available to help. Let’s explore the signs and symptoms of alcohol use, ways to talk with your child/teen about concerns, and options you have for getting your child/teen help.

The key to many parenting challenges is finding ways to communicate with your child/teen where both your needs and your child’s/teen’s needs are met. Although this sounds simple, in the heat of the moment it is difficult to identify and differentiate ●      your needs, ●      your wants, and ●      the positions you take. It is also difficult to identify and differentiate●      your child’s/teen’s needs,●      your child’s/teen’s wants, and ●      the variables that are contributing to their response.

From the time your child is born, you create enriching opportunities where your child can explore, learn, develop new skills, create, and thrive. You see your child develop and change in extraordinary ways. You know their developing brain continues to mature as a teen. In fact, during the teen years, their brain goes through dramatic changes, second only to the first three years of life!^1 This makes the teenage years particularly vulnerable to negative impacts on the brain. Between the ages of 12 and 21, alcohol use can significantly harm the brain.^1 Drinking alcohol in the teen years can result in negative changes to brain development and function. Let’s explore ●      the consequences of underage drinking, ●      the impact of alcohol on the developing teenage brain, and ●      your role in delaying the use of alcohol.

Throughout the various stages of development children/teens are working on understanding rules and applying them in various situations. They are seeking independence and will naturally break rules. This is a normal part of their development and is necessary for their learning. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can choose to be purposeful and deliberate in the ways you provide guidance and discipline. 

Developing healthy ways to calm down gives parents and those in a parenting role and children/teens tools to manage their feelings. When parents or those in a parenting role take their own break to calm down, they model emotional regulation. When children/teens identify and practice calm down strategies, they are more likely to use them when big feelings arise. Once calm, parents or those in a parenting role and children/teens are able to communicate in healthy ways, strengthen relationships, and solve problems together. 

From the time your child is born, you create enriching opportunities where your child can explore, learn, develop new skills, create, and thrive. You see your child develop and change in extraordinary ways. You know their developing brain continues to mature as a teen. In fact, during the teen years, your child’s brain goes through dramatic changes, second only to the first three years of life!^1 During this stage, from approximately 12 years old until the brain is fully developed in the mid-20s, substance use can significantly harm the brain.^1 Using cannabis in the teen years may result in negative changes to brain development and function. Let’s explore: ●      the consequences of cannabis use during the teen years,●      the impact of cannabis on the developing teen brain, and ●      your role in preventing or delaying the use of cannabis.

As a parent, or those in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s/teen’s success.  You are the most important influence in your child’s/teen’s life. Intentional parenting is an approach where you use strategies to build a healthy parent-child relationship. A healthy parent-child relationship provides opportunities for you and your child/teen to learn and practice social and emotional skills. Social and emotional skills are important because they are linked to significant positive outcomes throughout life, such as ●      academic achievement, ●      improved relationships, ●      higher pay at work, and ●      greater emotional wellbeing.Social and emotional skills also serve to protect against negative outcomes such as ●      conduct problems, and●      emotional distress.

As a parent or those in a parenting role, you might find yourself worrying about all the risky behaviors in which your child/teen might engage and whether you have any influence on the choices that your child/teen makes. Rest assured, healthy risk taking is normal, and there are many ways you can increase the likelihood that your child/teen will engage in healthy risk taking and avoid unhealthy risk taking. Let’s explore what we mean by healthy and unhealthy risk taking, why children/teens take risks, and what you as a parent or those in a parenting role can do to support your child/teen.