Love Factually

How do fights get out of hand? What does intractable conflict look like? Why are truth and harmony sometimes at odds? Alarmed and distressed, Paul and Eli spend one last day with Jesse and Céline in Before Midnight, the third and final installment of Richard Linklater's unflinching and unparalleled "Before Trilogy." For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Paul and Eli dip into the mailbag once more to answer your questions! Is it possible to build an effective matchmaking algorithm? Why might 12th grade girls have soured on marriage since the 90s? Did Richard Reeves channel Paul correctly on Modern Wisdom, or not? 

How do relationships adapt when one partner changes? Are women penalized for being demanding leaders? When are we at risk for losing our moral compass? Paige Harden joins Paul and Eli as they upgrade their wardrobes in honor of The Devil Wears Prada, the 2006 showcase for a magnificently icy Meryl Streep. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

What is the most common type of nonmonogamous relationship? Do women face a choice between passionate men and dull men? Does "The Coolidge Effect" apply to humans? In this special crossover episode of the Multiamory podcast, Paul and Eli team up with Emily Matlack, Dedeker Winston, and Jase Lindgren to chat about Vicky Cristina Barcelona, the 2008 polyamory-adjacent (?) film starring the Oscar-winning Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson, and the mighty oak himself, Javier Bardem. 

What do people do when they get cold feet? How do people handle the emotional carnage of breakup? Who's more eager to get married: men or women? Paul and Eli invite social psychologist Vanessa Bohns to bask in the 1985 aesthetic of The Wedding Singer and achieve new insights into the psychology of breaking off a wedding. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Is trusting others dangerous? How do we decide who warrants our moral concern? When do we feel drawn to others who need our help? Paul and Eli sign nondisclosure agreements before immersing themselves in Ex Machina, Alex Garland's cerebral and electrifying AI dystopia from 2015. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Why do people with opposite personalities often get along? How do vacations affect us? Is it problematic to sacrifice for our partner? Paul and Eli debate the ethics of road-trip burritos and fictitious honeymoons while reviewing People We Meet on Vacation, the Netflix adaptation of Emily Henry's bestselling novel. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

When do we want to see people punished? How do people feel about their own wrongdoing? What does stalking actually look like? In pursuit of answers, Paul and Eli invite clinical psychologist and behavioral geneticist Paige Harden to revisit Fatal Attraction with them, garnering disturbing insights at the intersection of love and violence. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Should we wear rose-colored glasses? What happens when we feel like we're being pressured to marry someone? Why are words sometimes not enough? Paul and Eli—joined by Shakespearian scholar Donovan Sherman—take a psychedelic and operatic mystery tour through Romeo + Juliet, Baz Luhrmann's utterly gonzo adaptation of the timeless classic. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Why is it important to understand a loved-one's identity? Which sorts of people are likely to hold grudges? Is having a "jacked-up" attitude worse if you're a woman? Paul and Eli contemplate Love & Basketball, Gina Prince-Bythewood's exploration of ambition, attachment, and gender at a time when the world sadly lacked the WNBA. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Eli and Paul dial up the controversy as they discuss Paul's upcoming book, Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection.  They pick apart two central concepts in evolutionary psychology: gender differences and mate value. Paul and Eli discuss how men and women don't actually differ in what they want in a partner, where gender differences in the sex drive appear larger vs. smaller, and why mate value matters a lot less than you think. Plus: Can evolutionary psychologists - and their critics - find better ways of talking the practical implications of a biological discovery? Pre-order your copy today, submit your receipt here, and receive a "book plate" that turns your book into a signed copy! Book plate gift with preorder: US Residents, 18+. Ends February 10, 2025. See terms at prh.com/lovefactually Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Why is it so important to feel needed? Do men struggle when their partner outshines them? How can personal growth destabilize a relationship? Paul and Eli dive off the deep end into the rich and melodramatic spectacle of the 2018 iteration of "A Star Is Born," featuring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

What happens when a narcissist decides she wants something? Why is it complicated when your best friend is also your ex? Why is it so important to keep alternatives at bay? Paul and Eli revisit Julia Roberts' unforgettable and unrivaled transformation into rom-com anti-hero in "My Best Friend's Wedding." For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Can a change of scenery help people find a partner? What is the nature of unrequited love? How do people react to sexual overtures from strangers? Paul and Eli savor impeccable kitchens and exquisite real estate in The Holiday, Nancy Meyers's 2006 starring vehicle for Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, and Jack Black. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

In this special episode, Eli interviews Paul about his upcoming book, Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection. Part 1 of this series is devoted to complexities of romantic compatibility. They discuss how they began studying attraction in the first place, why online dating failed to live up to its potential, and why a relationship is what you make it. Plus: Why is it wise to have a few intimacy-inspiring questions in your back pocket? Pre-order your copy today, submit your receipt here, and receive a "book plate" that turns your book into a signed copy! Book plate gift with preorder: US Residents, 18+. Ends February 10, 2025. See terms at prh.com/lovefactually Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Does giving to others makes us happy? Why is expressing vulnerability so powerful? How can we feel grateful for what we already have? In collaboration with the Pods Fight Poverty campaign, Paul and Eli fire up Frank Capra's immortal and inspiring It's a Wonderful Life (1946), the generosity-filled holiday classic. With Giving Tuesday right around the corner, we hope you'll consider donating to #PodsFightPoverty, in which your favorite social science podcasts ("The Happiness Lab," "You Are Not So Smart," "Hidden Brain," and many others) join forces to lift three entire villages in Rwanda out of extreme poverty. Most of these ~700 families live on less than $2 a day and struggle to afford the basics: food, education, medical care, and the like. It's astonishing how much difference a donation of $100, or even $25, can make for one of these families. If you appreciate our show, please express that gratitude by supporting Pods Fight Poverty (donate here). For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

How do friend networks facilitate relationship formation? What happens to those networks when people fall in love? Are wedding guests just looking to hook up? Paul and Eli find answers lurking at both wedding altar and graveyard in the very British rom-com, Four Weddings and Funeral. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Do opposites attract? When is intimacy scary? Can offering forgiveness inadvertently escalate conflict? In this special crossover episode of the Dear Nina: Conversations about Friends podcast, Paul and Eli chat with Nina Badzin and Rebekah Jacobs about Beaches, the Bette Midler musical showcase about lifelong friendships. 

What happens when our self-esteem is tied to our looks? How can significant others make us feel confident? What is the nature of found families? Paul and Eli travel to the gorgeously trippy world of Howl's Moving Castle (2004), Hayao Miyazaki's anti-war fable about the power of love and hair dye. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Are some people just late bloomers? Is asking questions a good dating strategy? What does it mean to be a good lover, anyway? Paul and Eli unpack The 40 Year-Old Virgin—the 2005 transgressive comedy from Judd Apatow—and reflect on how times (and they themselves) have changed in the intervening 20 years. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

In this special crossover episode of the APA Speaking of Psychology podcast, Paul and Eli chat with Kim Mills about the helpful and harmful lessons we absorb from romantic films.

How does it feel to lose a loved-one? Do we benefit from having a partner who speaks our love language? What's so sexy about creativity? Paul and Eli take a nostalgia trip back to Ghost (1990), the romance/murder mystery/revenge epic/moral fable/all-around sensation starring Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopi Goldberg. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

How is romantic attachment similar to parent-child attachment? Can the fear of intimacy make someone controlling? What's the connection between relationships and food? Paul and Eli revisit Paul Thomas Anderson's majestic Phantom Thread (2017), the Best Picture nominee that served up one of cinema's most deliciously warped loved stories. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Year one of Love Factually is in the books! Paul and Eli first review their favorite moments from the first year of the show, and then (at 42:20) they count down the Top Five most accurate movies they've covered to date.

What assumptions lurk behind the man-approaches-woman default? Why is double-dating a good idea? Does the military take grief seriously? Paul and Eli invite the former naval aviator Matt Rhodes to discuss Top Gun, the 1986 blockbuster featuring Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, and a sex scene unlike anything you've ever witnessed in a PG movie. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Is society prejudiced against single people? How does culture control our sexual behavior? Do we need to find a partner who shares a hyper-specific similarity? Paul and Eli invite Yuthika Girme—one of the world's foremost experts in the science of both romantic relationships and singlehood—to discuss The Lobster (2015), Yorgos Lanthimos's deadpan, absurdist, and deeply unsettling romantic satire. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Are secret relationships especially alluring? How can we cultivate intimacy in a new relationship? What is the nature of heroism for men and women? Paul and Eli dive into Titanic – the 1997 epic that launched Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio to stardom – to learn whether hearts go on and on. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Do men chase women because they fear death? Do partners in love drive each other crazy? How do people navigate breakups? Paul and Eli gradually unravel as they discuss the mayhem in Moonstruck, featuring an Oscar-winning performance by Cher and an unhinged performance by Nicolas Cage. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

How does marriage vary across economic systems? Do partners exchange beauty for status? Why do perceptions of a potential partner change over time? Paul and Eli pay homage to the one-and-only Jane Austen by revisiting the 2005 film adaptation of Pride & Prejudice, starring Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Are mismatched couples doomed? Why is it essential to calibrate our expectations? What happens when we seek closure on past relationships? Paul and Eli revisit High Fidelity—the seminal text that proclaimed "What really matters is what you like" —and find themselves on a semi-traumatic trip down memory lane. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

What happens when we treat dating like a business proposition? How important is height in determining a man's desirability? If love isn't "the math," then what is it? Paul and Eli race from Celine Song's Materialists to the recording booth, hoping to make sense of the modern dating landscape. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Is romantic love like an addiction? What is the nature of anti-gay prejudice? How do people come to understand their own sexual identity? Paul and Eli revisit "Brokeback Mountain" in preparation for its 20-year theatrical re-release, while marveling at some truly legendary performances. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

The first Love Factually Deep Dive! Grand romantic gestures pervade romance films. Are they effective? Are they sometimes unethical? Cornell professor Vanessa Bohns (You Have More Influence Than You Think) and bestselling author Dan Pink (The Power of Regret) join Paul and Eli for a freewheeling discussion that reaches some unexpected conclusions.

What are the risks of being a people pleaser? Why do weddings fall apart? Why is it so important to be authentic in relationships? Paul and Eli try on "27 Dresses" (and decode some Elton John lyrics) in pursuit of some insights. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

What's special about sibling relationships? How do people with different attachment styles cope with stress? Why is it risky to get engaged to somebody you met that day? The megahit Frozen—starring the inimitable Kristen Bell and Idina Menzel—flips the traditional Disney script and offers some answers. This is a clean episode - suitable for all ages! For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

The first Love Factually mailbag episode! Eli and Paul answer your questions about friends-first relationships, wedding stress, and memory erasure. Plus, we reopen the debate: When do relationships benefit from therapy, and why? See the graph of friends-first relationships

What happens when we view marriage in terms of winning and losing? How does divorce affect children? What are the consequences of taking a relationship for granted? Paul and Eli sift through the wreckage in Marriage Story, Noah Baumbach's lacerating, multiple-Oscar-nominated masterpiece starring Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Can interactions with strangers fulfill our need to belong? Does ironic detachment mask attachment insecurity? Should we try to change ourselves into somebody else's ideal partner? Paul and Eli immerse themselves, again and again, in Groundhog Day, the timeless philosophical redemption tale starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

In this special crossover episode of the Dateable podcast, Paul and Eli chat with hosts Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu about how people should - and shouldn't - apply lessons from the movies to their dating lives.  

Is striving to avoid mistakes a good romantic strategy? Can couples who are mismatched on hotness get together? Does relationship success require that you be a desirable person? Paul and Eli dust off Hitch, the 2005 rom-com vehicle for Will Smith and Eva Mendes, in search of answers. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

How does it feel to confront hard relationship choices? How can we truly listen to one another? What counts as infidelity? Paul and Eli unpack Before Sunset—the sequel to Before Sunrise—which features Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Céline (Julie Delpy) unexpectedly reunited in Paris, confronting the past and changing the future. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

How can people navigate the "friendzone"? Do men need romantic relationships more than women do? Does confusion about one's identity undermine relationships? Paul and Eli search for answers in the 2023 film Barbie, Greta Gerwig's feminist fantasia featuring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

Why is it so important to be able to celebrate with someone? Is parenting sexy? What are the challenges of being in a relationship when you don't know who you are? Paul and Eli search for answers in the 1996 film Jerry Maguire, Cameron Crowe's endlessly quotable rom-com, featuring acclaimed performances from Renée Zellweger, Tom Cruise, and Cuba Gooding Jr. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

In this special crossover episode of The Happiness Lab podcast, Paul and Eli chat with Laurie Santos about lessons learned from fact-checking rom-coms. 

What are the benefits of optimism? How do people transfer attachments from parents to romantic partners? What exactly counts as stalking? Paul and Eli team up with Laurie Santos (Yale professor and host of The Happiness Lab podcast) to dive into the nice-guy manifesto Say Anything, starring (sigh) John Cusack and Ione Skye. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

How does a transactional mindset undermine relationship well-being? What's the nature of stereotypes? How can we tie our hands to achieve our goals? Paul and Eli invite Katy Milkman (Wharton professor and host of the Choiceology podcast) to discuss Pretty Woman, a Cinderella tale featuring Julia Roberts in a star-making performance. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

In this special crossover episode of the Sex and Psychology podcast, Paul and Eli chat with Justin Lehmiller about how sex and relationships are depicted in movies. 

Does the double standard linger for men and women? What exactly is sex positivity? Do people make unfounded assumptions about self-esteem and casual sex? Paul and Eli join forces with Justin Lehmiller (host of the Sex and Psychology Podcast) to discuss Easy A, the teen comedy adaptation of Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

What does jealousy do to a person? How are relationships interwoven with identity? What are the many forms of sex and sexual desire? Paul and Eli welcome in special guest Peter Sagal (host of NPR's Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me!) to chat about Eyes Wide Shut, Stanley Kubrick's eternally fascinating swan song. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil

What are the joys and miseries of singlehood? Is "playing hard to get" an effective dating strategy? Why does it feel so good to be adored "just as we are"? Paul and Eli revisit "Bridget Jones's Diary," the 2001 rom-com starring Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant, and Colin Firth—which Vanity Fair recently ranked as the fourth best romantic comedy of all time. For show notes, click here. Hosted, produced, and edited by Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel. Music by Andrew Fraker and Sons Artwork by Katie Keil