Mapping New Common Ground

In this episode, Jed gives examples with particular wording for Feed a Need, the first step in a Compelling Seeds conversation - the technique for changing someone’s mind in a single, short conversation. Each example addresses a particular need, either the need for belonging, being heard, being respected, or being needed. He does this for three different situations where you might want to change someone’s mind: a friend on the other side of some issue, a protester on the other side of the issue, and a family member estranged over an issue.Then Jed introduces the House Tour Visualization - an apt analogy for the process of Beholding Their Gold, the second step of Compelling Seeds.Finally, two techniques are given for “buckling up” for the ride of hearing someone out that you disagree strongly with: Buckling-up-by-counting and buckling-up-with-suspense. These help you stay on task of hearing them out rather than abiding the urge to push back and interrupting the other person. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed fleshes out Compelling Seeds, a technique for changing someone’s mind in a single, short conversation.For the first step, Feed a Need, he suggests how to start the conversation with an estranged family member, a friend, and a stranger at a protest by the opposition. Then he gives examples of the types of basic human needs you can address as you open the conversation.For the second step, Behold Their Gold, where the other person talks through the way they see the issue you asked about, he walks through a reframing - how to give yourself a sense that the anger in the other person isn’t aimed at you, but is instead a distress call, a distress call that you can answer.For the final step, Glue in You, he explains how to right-size the story you share in response - the origin story of the feelings you have about the issue at hand. He talks about the importance of reflecting back some of what the other person shared. Then he shares how to most effectively plant the seed - how best to pull the other person in, make your story the most compelling, and the most memorable. He shows how the connection mindsets covered in prior chapters suggest a particular flow to accomplish those three goals. Then he brings in bits of advice from experts in storytelling and persuasion on how to flesh out the story.Next, Jed talks about thinking through your story ahead of time. Having an easy-to-remember outline will help you tell a better story in the moment. Doing this for each of the issues you feel strongly about will give you a library that you can pull from for any potential encounter where you want to change the other person’s mind.Finally, he touches on the situation where you and the other person are living in different realities, and the implications of this for Compelling Seeds. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed shifts to the problem of changing someone’s mind who doesn’t want it to be changed - instead, they want to change your mind. This is the more typical situation we are in when across a political divide from someone. Jed introduces a technique called Compelling Seeds, which, unlike a debate, takes into consideration the emotional anchors that hold our opinion stories in place. It’s the design of a short conversation, where one can plant a seed in the other’s mind - a seed that can take root and affect future intuitions and reasoning. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed lays more groundwork for how to change the mind of someone who is across a political chasm from you. He adds a few more concepts, sticking to the simpler case from last time - changing the mind of someone who wants their mind to be changed. They are stuck on a story that isn’t serving them well, and they want to shift to a different story that does serve them well.He drills down into the concept of story stepping across a story bridge, to focus on how best to take a single step. He gives vivid visualizations for how a single step can go well or go badly. It makes clear how moving into a compatible story allows you to keep your balance and not be burdened with extra work. It also makes clear what extra work befalls you when the second story isn’t compatible with the first.Also in this episode, Jed distinguishes between world-out-there stories - facts about the world and our interpretations of those facts - and how-I’m-doing stories - the emotions we express and the feelings we have about those world-out-there stories. The story we choose for stepping into can achieve compatibility using either of these types of stories. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed uses some guided imagery to solidify the concept that strong feelings anchor stories, putting us under a sort of spell. Next, he tries to convince the listener that for real world scenarios of any complexity, the chances of any one person having all the facts straight are very small.Next, Jed pulls a concept from a future episode - that it doesn’t make sense to blame someone for holding a particular opinion. He then makes the case that the more divided we become, the more crucial it is that we talk with each other.Finally, Jed walks through a technique for changing someone’s mind called story stepping. For this first pass, he uses an example where the person wants their mind to be changed, because they are stuck holding a strongly felt story that is sabotaging them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed introduces the Separation Pressure Mindset, the fourth connection mindset that illuminates how a particular force that pushes on us from within can push us physically away from those we disagree with, despite our intentions. Then, Jed shows how the four forces described so far can together provide simple answers to many confounding questions:* Why is it so hard to live harmoniously?* Why is it so hard for people to have reasoned debates?* How can intelligent people come to believe ludicrous things?* Why people can be impervious to evidence that disproves their position?* How can good people come to commit atrocities? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this end of summer check in, Jed speaks to where he’s been all these weeks, and a modified approach for the podcast going forward. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed revisits the urge we have to correct others: Correction Pressure.  He touches on how deeply engrained it can be and how it plays out in groups.  Then he introduces a technique called Connection by Curiosity that can be used to work around correction pressure to connect with those we disagree with.  With this technique, rather than having the difference of opinion serve as a cue for battle, we use that difference of opinion as a clue for finding shared core values. These core value stories become a point of connection - common ground that is normally hidden by the conflicting opinions. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

* In this episode, Jed introduces a force called correction pressure - a force that powers the urge we have to correct those we disagree with. This force is central to why our world is so polarized, and tirelessly works against connection. He digs deep into what it means to hold a story, and the multiple reasons we so desperately defend the stories we hold. Finally, to these stories we hold and defend, he brings a profound and humbling twist that may change the way you think about everything that anyone does and says. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed reflects on a question that is relevant to every conversation ever had, a question that led him to envision three different connection mindsets. Then he touches on how the title of this episode points to a lifelong project we don’t realize we are all on. Next, there are some questions posed to help listeners better connect the concept of alignment bonding to their personal experience. Then it’s on to how the Alignment Bonding Mindset can have us thinking differently about what an argument is. Finally, and for the bulk of the episode, Jed looks at some fascinating examples of how alignment bonding plays out in various types of groups. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this short episode, Jed introduces a new resource and revisits the questions: What problem does the Story Forces Project address? How do these connection mindsets address it? What gives hope that it might work? What are the obstacles to it working? He answers each, but this time using concepts from the first two connection mindsets. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed introduces the Alignment Bonding Mindset, a way of thinking about what goes on under the hood to pull people together when stories they hold align. He explores how the common ground provided by these stories we hold in common is central to belonging, helps us know we are not lost in the world, and gives reassurance that we know how to make the world a better place. These positive feelings around aligned stories power a bonding force that draws us closer and makes us feel more connected. Jed then raises a fascinating possibility - that how our body manages energy might play a role in how our relationships play out. Finally, he looks at how relationships can have problems when two few stories align and how co-creating more stories together can improve them. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed revisits the frame-surface-plan technique for preventing an increase in the emotional distance we feel with others. In Chapter 5, he introduced the technique using the example of sharing an apartment with someone. This time, he explores how the frame-surface-plan conversation needs to change if it happens after the lease is signed, after moving in, after problems come up, or after problems re-occur. He shows how curiosity can be used to get to the bottom of why someone is being obstinate or blows up during the conversation, and how to turn that around to improve connection. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed shares a simple visualization of how conflicts kick-in during collaborations. He delves deeper into the idea of changing the framing around a collaboration from "me vs them" to "both of us vs things that work to divide us”. Next, Jed describes a technique to reduce distancing pressure, using a sharing an apartment as to help illustrate. Finally, he revisits the challenging question posed at the end of Chapter 4. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed gives a name to this first connection mindset - The Distancing Pressure Mindset. He introduces the idea of thinking of an emotion as powering a force. He coins the term distancing pressure for when anger pushes context out of stories, and this leads us to feel less connected to the people the stories are about. Then Jed looks into the question of who is responsible for this pressure playing out. After adding a few caveats, he lists out the benefits of stepping into the Distancing Pressure Mindset, and then finishes by leaving us with a very challenging question to ponder. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In the previous episode, Jed introduced the concept of backstory blindness, a temporary condition where strong emotions can push context out of stories. We become blind to “the story behind the story” when that context is lost. This is a feature of the human design that often serves us well, and sometimes doesn’t. In this episode, he explores five downstream effects of backstory blindness that can cause or reinforce divisions between people or groups, and how awareness of those can be leveraged in becoming less divided. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

This episode is the first of perhaps three that will cover the first connection mindset. It won’t get a name until some groundwork has been laid. Here, Jed explains the central concept - what happens when our inner storyteller crafts a thought and emotions come along for the ride. Or, perhaps its emotions that come up, and bring our inner storyteller along for the ride. Judge for yourself whether Jed is fast enough on the “censored” button - it’s needed a few times, as you will see. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed explains the particular perspective that brought into focus a number of connection mindsets, each of which speaks to its own chunk of new common ground. He shares pivotal experiences that led him to that perspective - experiences that revealed how minds can be changed. He explains that once he started looking at human interactions from that perspective, everything he saw just made more and more sense. Stepping into one or more of these mindsets would even bring clarity to things that had been confounding, things like how people can be immune to overwhelming evidence that goes against their position, and how intelligent people can come to believe ludicrous things. Lucille Ball and cinnamon also play into this, but you’ll need to listen for that to make sense. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this introduction episode, Jed from the Story Forces Project gives an overview of what the Mapping New Common Ground podcast is all about:* looking at what divides us and what connects us, from a very different angle* exploring what goes on outside of our awareness that pushes us apart and holds us there and what pulls us together* taking first steps toward a future where thoughtful curiosity, connection and compassion can finally get the upper hand over reflexive fear, division, and contemptJed talks about new mindsets that consider the notion of connection from a new angle, and how each one exposes an otherwise out-of-view patch of common ground. He explains his background and how these mindsets came together.One crucial and beautiful aspect of these mindsets is explained - they speak to how processes operating outside of our awareness bring us to hold beliefs and opinions, and these processes operate regardless of the specifics of those. This means that these mindsets won't clash with particular beliefs and opinions anyone holds about things like politics, religion, culture, etc, opening up these insights to everyone.Jed introduces the notion that there are other processes playing out within us that hold immense sway over our interactions with others. These processes, which we don't have conscious awareness of, or conscious control over, can pull us together, push us apart, divide us into factions, even lead us into wars, regardless of what our intentions and desires might be.Finally, Jed speaks to his hopes for how these ideas can bring new possibilities for the world. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com