Nathanael Philip Mosher

I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope I’m true and if I leave it up to you I hope you let some people know that I’ve been worked hard I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope you knew that I’ve been training for a marathon that few would ever get to put their life towards Don’t wanna die young, out of place Ego so big, need an outer space Need a place to vent, need a vase Need some hungry mouths to make an empty plate Need a bitch, sorry a woman I’ve been listening to too many discussions Too many rap songs Too many blues Too many miles walked I’m sleeping in my shoes Fuck, I wish I could just slow down Fuck, I wish I could just slow down But every time I hear it, I just grit my teeth and bear it I got anger in my heart and I just don’t know how to share it Too many rap songs Too many blues Too many miles walked I’m sleeping in my shoes I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope I’m true and if I leave it up to you I hope you let some people know that I’ve been worked hard I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope you knew that I’ve been training for a marathon That few would ever get to put their life towards I wish I could just go to heaven I wish I could just be eleven Fuck that, maybe 7 I’m forgetting Most of all I know that time and suffering are only weapons My only weapons Pretty much Packing gats and guns seems kinda fun when on the run But I was raised in cul de sacs where people tend to hold their tongue So I don’t know I ain’t got nowhere to go Living with my folks gets kinda old but I’ve been told that saving money at ya home beats saving money on the road So I guess I’ll fold Cash my chips in Guess that’s a blackjack Maybe I don’t want it that bad I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope I’m true and if I leave it up to you I hope you let some people know that I’ve been worked hard I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope you knew that I’ve been training for a marathon that few would ever get to put their life towards (The Outro) This the outro This the God flow It’s been getting kinda heavy cause my mind’s been running steady But you’ve gotta know for who to drop your mouth for This the outro Snatch the crown tho’ Put it on my head and shoot ‘em dead they eatin’ led ‘Cause I ain’t even rapping I’m just writing on their tombstone

I wanna write a love song But I ain’t got no love to give She got me high and left me dry Oh, it’s just the life I live I’ve been needing help with the pain of living Oh, I just don’t know how Lord, oh Lord, I’m a man of giving Give me the strength to turn round I read my horoscope last night And no, I don’t believe in that shit But cross my heart and hope to die Boy, was it accurate I climbed that cliff that we jumped off Late on a Saturday night I hopped that tape and I walked on down Boy, it was a hell of a hike I need you right now ‘Cause my feet won’t touch the ground And I already know how it feels to be low So I held my heart with an open fist And I clenched real tight until my hands lost grip I took my pen and sat right down Ready to write a song But sitting right there was a group of boys Ready to hit the bong The song it got away from me Man, was that night a blur We talked and talked and it soothed my thoughts of Just how much I loved that girl I need you right now ‘Cause my feet won’t touch the ground And I already know how it feels to be low So I took my cross down I wanna write a love song But I ain’t got no love to give She got me high and left me dry Oh, it’s just the life I live I’ve been needing help with the pain of living Oh, I just don’t know how Lord, oh Lord, I’m a man of giving Give me the strength to turn round Give me the strength to turn round

Dear notebook, From the moment I started putting pen to paper and imagining words being drawn out of my mouth like magician pulling endless handkerchief out of intestine-tied, gut-wrenching heart I knew one thing was true: I could not live without you Our enamorment was all-consuming From mind to body to spirit & soul. You sat there awaiting my every glance and let me turn tears into ink-blot Rorshach mirrors that would allow others to see themselves in disparate blotches of nothingness meant to lay bare a mind falling apart at the seams. I gave you my heart because it came with so much more. I wrote through the pain of self, through clenched teeth and fist, soaked pages with tears. You made me feel alive. You gave me a place to put my pain and hurt And I’ll always love you for it. But I can’t hold onto you anymore. I can’t keep your pages secure, nor your mouth closed, nor your body unseen, for I must let my vulnerability lead to growth. I write cause I must. But now I must speak and sing as well, breathing life into your words, for my vocal chords are now fully developed to allow the fullness of your melody, and for your reach to go beyond the confines of a book spine. I cannot own you anymore. Because I cannot serve you anymore, nor can you serve me. I have given you everything I have and now I must give you up. I must let other people take your words and do with them what they may. You must no longer be book bound. You must live in the air that we all breathe. So thank you, notebook. Thank you for giving me solace. Thank you for keeping that kid company. Thank you for being a lamp huddled underneath crawl space galore, a space no one could touch me. Thank you for being an adequate sparring partner for the pen in my hands. But now, in this moment I must let you fly free, like a butterfly after chrysalis. I must push you out of your nest, so that you may see the world for what it is: pure beauty incarnate, a place where life can inhabit all that it touches. 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 Goodbye notebook, Love you always, Nathanael Philip Mosher

You make me feel unstoppable Now I know I’m okay Time bends my knees But come what may You make me feel so vulnerable You turn my weakness to strength Patiently waiting for surrender Every day I wake up Is another day with you Days that I make through Are forever I wish that I could make up The life that I once knew But every time I do It’s colder weather I never need to hesitate Nothing stands in my way At heaven’s gate I drop my burden Now every day illuminates With the light of the sun My work is done I know I’m worth it Every day I wake up Is another day with you Days that I make through Are forever I wish that I could make up The life that I once knew But every time I do It’s colder weather You make me feel unstoppable Now I know I’m okay Time bends my knees But come what may You make me feel so vulnerable You turn my weakness to strength Patiently waiting for surrender Every day I wake up Is another day with you Days that I make through Are forever I wish that I could make up The life that I once knew But every time I do It’s colder weather You make me feel unstoppable Now I know I’m okay Time bends my knees But come what may You make me feel so vulnerable You turn my weakness to strength Patiently waiting for surrender

Why do I gotta love myself when it’s so much easier to love somebody else? They say it’s for my health. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. But damn I wanna eat it up and beat it up, but unless I love myself I guess I can’t love you. I guess I gotta love myself for myself, but myself is an asshole. He slips me notes on the daily, his intention to make me a better person but lately feels like nothing but hating. “You’re not good enough.” “Man, shut the fuck up.” Lately it feels like myself is drowning me while I fight to stay afloat. And just when I dig myself out he builds me a moat. Everytime I get suicidal thoughts, I’m like, “I know you bro. Put the gun down, let’s take a vote. Everyone in favor of dying, say “I.” Well that’s one to one, a tie, So, guess for now it’s a no. Why do I gotta love myself when it feels like he’s not even trying? When he’d rather be dying? When to give up now would be lying about how far we done came or how badly we want it. Cause how badly do we want it, that when our head’s drowning in sorrow, we still borrow a breath for tomorrow cause we want it bad. At least I want to live. Why do I gotta love myself when he’s got a gun to my head? Why can’t he just ask my me kindly instead. “Just put the gun down, bro. Take your finger off the trigger, let it go. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it, just let me know. I don’t wanna die. Just take the money and go.” That’s when he says “Bro. You keep asking me why I got a gun to your head, How bout you ask me where I got the gun instead. Don’t you remember way back when? We made that gun outta dread and hid it under the bed for when the boogie man got too big or we felt neglect or turned to that notebook or left things unsaid, Don’t you remember clenching it tight with our little fingers ready to shoot lead? Don’t you remember way back when? Have you forgot about that little kid? You keep asking me why I got a gun your head, I don’t need your money, I just need you to pay attention.” That’s when I say, “Damn. I did. How could I forget? I was too busy thinking about myself I forgot who he is. That little kid is what made everything worthwhile when all we felt was death. He’s why I gotta love myself, because he believed in me when nobody else did.”

I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope I’m true and if I leave it up to you I hope you let some people know that I’ve been worked hard I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope you knew that I’ve been training for a marathon that few would ever get to put their life towards Don’t wanna die young, out of place Ego so big, need an outer space Need a place to vent, need a vase Need some hungry mouths to make an empty plate Need a bitch, sorry a woman I’ve been listening to too many discussions Too many rap songs Too many blues Too many miles walked I’m sleeping in my shoes Fuck, I wish I could just slow down Fuck, I wish I could just slow down But every time I hear it, I just grit my teeth and bear it I got anger in my heart and I just don’t know how to share it Too many rap songs Too many blues Too many miles walked I’m sleeping in my shoes I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope I’m true and if I leave it up to you I hope you let some people know that I’ve been worked hard I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope you knew that I’ve been training for a marathon That few would ever get to put their life towards I wish I could just go to heaven I wish I could just be eleven Fuck that, maybe 7 I’m forgetting Most of all I know that time and suffering are only weapons My only weapons Pretty much Packing gats and guns seems kinda fun when on the run But I was raised in cul de sacs where people tend to hold their tongue So I don’t know I ain’t got nowhere to go Living with my folks gets kinda old but I’ve been told that saving money at ya home beats saving money on the road So I guess I’ll fold Cash my chips in Guess that’s a blackjack Maybe I don’t want it that bad I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope I’m true and if I leave it up to you I hope you let some people know that I’ve been worked hard I don’t wanna die young I don’t wanna die young But if I do, I hope you knew that I’ve been training for a marathon that few would ever get to put their life towards (The Outro) This the outro This the God flow It’s been getting kinda heavy cause my mind’s been running steady But you’ve gotta know for who to drop your mouth for This the outro Snatch the crown tho’ Put it on my head and shoot ‘em dead they eatin’ led ‘Cause I ain’t even rapping I’m just writing on their tombstone

You are now listening to ‘NATHANAEL’ An original extended play by Nathanael Philip Mosher Written, Performed, and Produced by the man speaking to you right now. Mixed and Engineered by Tom Bajoras, with additional accompaniment by Dhruv Kothari, and Kyle Wassell. Original artwork as conceived by Tamara Mosher. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I did creating. Thank you for your time, patience, and loving care. Yours Truly, Nathanael Philip Mosher.

You make me understand drinking You make me understand wine Just a drop to numb my thinking Just a puff to ease my mind I wish I found my Nemo Or at least have one to find The last time I went fishing You hooked my cheek with sinking line My life is like a Pixar movie Without the Disney spin It’s gonna take a whole lifetime To find the one I’m in I wish I was Incredible Sometimes I feel so Up At times I feel like running Pack up the Greyhound Bus And I know that one day I’ll have myself my own one to sit and laugh with When the credits roll on down One day I’ll buy our tickets Our popcorn and our drinks Our overpriced chocolate What will your mother think Life, life ain’t in 3D It ain’t a Disney movie It ain’t a lucid dream My anger ain’t got no suit and tie He ain’t got nothing on My joy ain’t flying west She’s just looking for a song We’ll sit behind a couple Who don’t know what life’s about A short film cuts the intro Toy story 6 comes out We’ll shed a couple tears We’ll eat a couple snacks I’ll pick you up like lightning When he lost and turned his back Life, life ain’t in 3D It ain’t a Disney movie It ain’t a lucid dream My anger ain’t got no suit and tie He ain’t got nothing on My joy ain’t flying west She’s just looking for a song My life is like a Pixar movie Without the Disney spin It’s gonna take a whole lifetime To find the one I’m in I wish I was Incredible Sometimes I feel so Up At times I feel like running Pack up the Greyhound Bus Life, life ain’t in 3D It ain’t a Disney movie It ain’t a lucid dream My anger ain’t got no suit and tie He ain’t got nothing on My joy ain’t flying west She’s just looking for a song “Oh yea, also Walle I forgot to reference that movie, that movie was amazing, I almost cried”

I wanna write a love song But I ain’t got no love to give She got me high and left me dry Oh, it’s just the life I live I’ve been needing help with the pain of living Oh, I just don’t know how Lord, oh Lord, I’m a man of giving Give me the strength to turn round I read my horoscope last night And no, I don’t believe in that shit But cross my heart and hope to die Boy, was it accurate I climbed that cliff that we jumped off Late on a Saturday night I hopped that tape and I walked on down Boy, it was a hell of a hike I need you right now ‘Cause my feet won’t touch the ground And I already know how it feels to be low So I held my heart with an open fist And I clenched real tight until my hands lost grip I took my pen and sat right down Ready to write a song But sitting right there was a group of boys Ready to hit the bong The song it got away from me Man, was that night a blur We talked and talked and it soothed my thoughts of Just how much I loved that girl I need you right now ‘Cause my feet won’t touch the ground And I already know how it feels to be low So I took my cross down I wanna write a love song But I ain’t got no love to give She got me high and left me dry Oh, it’s just the life I live I’ve been needing help with the pain of living Oh, I just don’t know how Lord, oh Lord, I’m a man of giving Give me the strength to turn round Give me the strength to turn round

See I ain’t tryna die rich and alone Immortalize my soul inside a poem I speak what’s in my heart until it’s home If I ain’t finish at the top, call it half-dome See I’m a poet but I never bleed Cause all that does is make it hard to read The poems that I write are mustard seeds Growing way too tall, nobody sees I ain’t a rapper just a dude with feelings Soft to the touch but takes a lot to feel me I ain’t been through much but been through ceilings Glass half empty, half full, full of feeling See I ain’t tryna die rich and alone Immortalize my soul inside a poem I speak what’s in my heart until it’s home If I ain’t finish at the top call it half-dome Heavenly Father why’re you so far away x2 Heavenly Father am I gon’ die today Heavenly Father pray my blues away Friends call me Casablanca cause I’m bad with hoes This little piggy went berserk, too many toes The big bad wolf come with way too many woes Taking two puffs and he takes, he takes a blow See I ain’t tryna die rich and alone Immortalize my soul inside a poem Come inside my heart, make it a home Let me finish at the top, explore the globe Waiting til I reach the top and fall Got no bounce, but I’m just tryna ball Back when I played the court I wasn’t all that Success is coming quick I’m tryna fall back See I ain’t tryna die rich and alone Immortalize my soul inside a poem Come inside my heart, make it a home If I ain’t finish at the top call it half-dome Heavenly Father why’re you so far away x2 Heavenly Father am I gon’ die today Heavenly Father pray my soul to take See one day you’re gonna see me straight up in the news No faking, no photos, no unintentional nudes See I’m just tryna paint a picture for these troubled dudes Who think they need the world tied up just like their tennis shoes Cause if the eyes are just a window to the barren soul Then look behind mine and you’ll find you’ll see another door That leads to better days, better flows, another way of being and another way to grow See I’ve been put through the ringer, been put through the fire Through gnashing of teeth, frustration, and screaming ire I know what’s it like to be pushed down and tired I know what it’s like to call God a liar Give me your tired, your hungry, your poor, your weak I’ll feed ‘em for 40 days, 40 nights, 7 weeks I come straight from the suburbs, culdesac, not the streets But my mind a third world country, wartorn, and downbeat See You got ego in your ways You do what you think you should You need to slow your pace (x2) And I’m so misrepresented by voices that’s in my head That’s telling me I’ma get it (x2) ------ All rights to Isaiah Rashad, SZA, and D. Sanders. Lyrics by Nathan Mosher, mixed by Tom Bajoras.