PART OF IT

A quick rough and ready explanation of why our husbands don't 'care' about the news, why our boomer parents doom want to look at the Epstein Files, why women are now being labeled 'conspiracy theorists' and why women will end up winning this war. 

You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be mad. Ladies, you're allowed to want to talk about politics and whoever wants to tell us to stop getting worked up...well, they can shup up. It's women's turn to talk, to be loud, to be angry. And everyone else can stop talking and be quiet. 

"A lot of women, when they're young, feel they have very good friends, and find later on that friendship is complicated. It's easy to be friends when everyone's 18. It gets harder the older you get, as you make different life choices. A lot of women's friendships begin to flounder."  — Zadie SmithIn the wake of my return from the psych ward I found myself wrestling with the loss of many friendships, but one in particular hit hard. It reminded me of another breakup I had eight years ago, which I wrote about in The Book of Moods. This is me, candidly, unfiltered, exploring the pain of what it means to lose a friend. 

Marriage is hard. Marriage after kids is especially hard. Why aren't we talking about this? Once we accept this, which is the first step, what can we do about it? How do women survive and thrive with partners they love but who they now know, will never understand them? Insights from four married women, my own marital turmoil, Dr. Esther Perel and Dr. John Gottman. 

My first episode three weeks out of the psych ward. I made this episode because....I needed to. It's conversations I had with women before I was committed and after. The theme: All women are hurting. All mothers need help. All women are insane and we shouldn't fear being put away for it. Featuring the story of Elizabeth Packard, women's sleep cycles (why we stay up later than men and shouldn't have to apologize for it) and the increasing rise of mental health issues with women and mothers. 

“Then I understood I would never marry him. It's funny how one thing can make you realize something like that. One can be ready to give up the children one always wanted, one can be ready to withstand remarks about one's past, or one's clothes, but then—a tiny remark and the soul deflates and says: Oh.”  ― Elizabeth Strout, My Name is Lucy BartonWe all have that moment. Whether we're dating, married or just meeting someone where we see right through the words, to the person behind them. Unfortunately, it's usually not the ideal time. In examining my own marriage, I speak with other women on the moments they knew - this person isn't right for me. Three women on marriage, divorce, cults, trusting your gut and psychological insights on intuition, the female brain and why females make the best spies...yet the worst decisions in relationships. 

I am an oldest daughter. I have a younger brother. I feel like there's a special love for him that is not given to me.  I thought becoming a parent would help me understand it. But I can't know because I only have two daughters. So I go to Words of Women and ask other mothers... and daughters to tell me if they feel this, if it's real. If so, is it biological, is it inherent? Is it internalized misogyny? Or am I just too sensitive? Five women. Two therapists. One struggling daughter who is now a mother. This is what I've learned and probably all we'll ever know about the complex relationship between mothers, sons and daughters. 

You either love her or you hate her...Twenty-four hours ago I posted a clip from a podcast featuring Meghan Markle. I didn't realize it would lead to chaos. The Duchess of Susscex, it turns out, is about as divisive as Israel, Palestine, JK Rowling and all the other things we dare not talk about. But why? What makes her so divisive? I opened up an open forum Zoom and got four women and a therapist joined. I wanted to hear their views. See if they could change mine. What it turned into was a conversation about where our judgements come from, what it really means to have a platform, why we hate or love the people we do and everything that's so much more than Meghan and her chickens and blooming flowers. 

“I feel I'm very sane about how crazy I am.” ― Carrie FisherAm I manic? Am I crazy? Because I feel fine. I feel better. Now that I feel good. Now that I'm chatty and awake and feeling back to being me, the new narrative is I'm manic. And the past few nights, when I couldn’t sleep, I wondered if everyone was right. If I'd lost the plot. If my life was headed towards that image of Frances Farmer being carried away to the asylum. So I start talking to women. I read more about Frances Farmer and her arrest and forced institutionalization. I talk to my therapist, then another therapist for this episode. My conclusion: If you ask for too many people’s opinions, if you start opening yourself up to judgment and advice, you will start to lose sight. You will get confused and insecure and wonder if everyone's right and you're wrong. Episode discusses: Mania, Jk Rowling, Frances Farmer, SSRIs, Crazy Labels and the other impossible stigmas of being a woman. Thank you Dr. Sara Marchon, LCSW, DSW for your professional advice and wisdom. If you are looking for a therapist and enjoyed Dr. Marchon, check out her services at https://drmarchon.com/

"It's supposed to be hard." It's gonna be hard." It's not about talent, it's about endurability." Are we talking about writing or life? BOTH.  "Everything you need to know about life can be learned from a genuine and ongoing attempt to write." Almost two years ago, I threw a shot in the dark. I emailed my favorite writer, my idol, the woman whose book, 'Still Writing', was my Bible as I navigated the seemingly impossible and dream of becoming a 'writer.'..And she responded. What started as a conversation about the writing life, what it takes to become a writer, evolved into what it takes to become a parent, a mother, a wife, a person with a dream. Dani Shapiro is the author of eleven books, and the host and creator of the hit podcast Family Secrets. Her most recent novel, Signal Fires, was named a best book of 2022 by NPR, Time Magazine, Washington Post, Amazon, and others, and is a national bestseller. Her most recent memoir, Inheritance, was an instant New York Times Bestseller, and named a best book of 2019 by Elle, Vanity Fair, Wired, and Real Simple. Both Signal Fires and Inheritance were winners of the National Jewish Book Award. 

Am I a bad parent if I don't agree with gentle parenting? I've tried it, trust me. If you're anxious, your child will be anxious. If you're too firm, they'll have attachment issues. If you're not firm enough, they'll be spoiled. I'm tired of all the advice. Also, where did all this advice come from?  I talk to a few moms and Rachel Tombari, LCP, one of my favorite therapists, to discuss Dr. Becky, gentle parenting, anxiety, motherhood, and how to stop caring so much about caring about everything.

Only children are weird. It's selfish to have an only child. Only children are lonely. There's so much pressure...To be a woman. To be a mom. To have a kid. Then to have another kid. Because you can't just have ONE KID. It's selfish to have an only child. But is it? I speak to two mothers who have (by choice and not) to have only children. Are they happy? Are theirs kids happy? Do they feel guilty? Are only children lonely? Is it so bad to have an only child or is this another myth we're just following at the expense of our mental and physical health? Topics include: IVF, mental health, motherhood and siblings. Thank you to the amazing mothers and women I spoke to for this episode. You know who you are. 

I feel guilty. I feel bad. But I also feel angry. Yet I can't express this anger...because then I'm a nag...But I'm tired of feeling like a nag, a bitch, an over-worried, exhausted, woman. It took the birth of my children to stop, think and pick apart what was happening. What's real guilt? What's perceived guilt? What's guilt that created by society and put women in this constant state of tension and rage. I speak with Saumya Dave, psychologist and author of the upcoming novel 'The Guilt Pill', along with a few other women (moms and single women) to understand guilt, liberation and the freeing feeling from feeling bad. Because, well, we shouldn't. 

Dating is hard. Marriage is hard. Should women freeze their eggs? Or should they settle for less? Or should they forget men all together? The question is now: Is something wrong with men? We can theorize all we want, or we can talk to the source. Cue: your typical New York single guy in his thirties. I interview a man. A single man in his thirties and ask him why he's single. What he wants. What men want. Then I talk to more women. And this is what I realized....This episode started as a request from my best friend, the godmother of my children, to talk about dating. I talked to single women. I talked to a therapist. But we still needed to talk to a man... What I thought was a straightforward interview turned into an exploration into women, men and the dynamics that exist...globally. Thank you to Jenna Sackman,LPC and founder of Peace of Mind Therapy NYC. If you're single or just struggling to find a good therapist, Jenna is the real deal. 

You're single and you're in your thirties. All your friends are married and having kids and you can't find a good match on Hinge. Is something wrong with you?...Or is something wrong with men? Or is something wrong with dating? I ask my best friend, the godmother of my children, who asked me to do an episode on dating, the apps, the lack of available good men out there and what resulted was an honest, raw, candid conversation on men, women, tall girls, dating, marriage and what it all means. Topics include: Dating apps, single and thirty, egg freezing, single women, single women, single over thirty. 

It's the hardest job in the world...and the most judged. Is there a stigma to the stay-at-home-mom? Do they feel it? What do they say when people ask what they do? I will admit, I used to judge them. Then... I admired them. Now, I just want to understand them. What's it really like for stay-at-home moms? I talk to three of them in the middle of their days. Not just about what they're doing...how they're feeling. Are they happy? Are they fulfilled? The answers are not as cut and dry as anyone thinks. In fact, the answer leads to the question all women face. What is fulfillment? In this episode, I explore the daily routines, the emotional landscape and the inevitable sacrifices every mother makes. Including discussions around postpartum, anxiety and emotionally unavailable parenting. 

I could never be a stay-at-home mom. But I also can't go back to the corporate life I had. I want to be home for the kids, but I don't want to actually be home with them all day. Once again, a woman must make a life-changing decision. Stay at home or work full-time. There is a middle ground. But how middle is it really? That's where I am. This middle place. Working/writing "Part Time" and feeling the unfair burden of the children and the resentment that comes with it. Which led me to this episode. If this is hard for me...how do real FULL-TIME stay-at-home moms do it? I don't judge stay-at-home moms, but since having children, I've quickly learned I just can't do it. I'm not mentally, physically, emotionally equipped. Or maybe I am not seeing things clearly...I just don't know how you do it. I'm not judging you, I actually want to know....how do you do it? I'm not asking what you do all day, I KNOW what you do all day and I'm saying I don't think I could do it. I think you're special, I think you're built differently, I think you think about your kids and life and the world differently. Then again, I didn't know anything until I tried talking to them. 

“Nobody warned me that motherhood is a long farewell to yourself.”— Clarice Lispector After having my first baby, I was pissed. I mean, I was exhausted, overjoyed, overwhelmed but mostly, pissed. I felt like I'd been conned into motherhood.  Like no one actually told me what it was really like. Whether they forgot the pain or didn't want to scare me out of it, I felt like no warned me about what it's actually like...what really happens when you make that irreversible choice to have children. What does it actually mean to become a mother? What happens to women when they make that choice? Why is no one talking about the reality, the hard truths, that come with motherhood? Lauren (founder of Words of Women) talks with six women and a therapist to discuss the hardships, pains and reality of motherhood with women in different stages of their motherhood journey: new moms, moms of grown children, and women who have chosen not to have kids.An honest, open conversation with six women about what it’s really like to become a mother...or conversely, not to become one. For anyone who is on the fence, for anyone who is wondering, or for anyone with kids who just needs a little  compassion, basically, for any woman out there wondering: Am I a bad mom for not loving this or is this just part of it? 

"When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was. Not better, necessarily; not worse, necessarily; but different." — Nora EphronIs my marriage in trouble or is this normal? Is this part of the experience of having kids? Or am I headed towards the D-word? From Words of Women, Lauren Martin engages her community of women to find out. Six interviews of six women along with a couple's counselor to hear their unique stories of divorce: how they knew they needed one, what the signs were, what it was like. Everything you've always wondered about divorce, marriage and all the mess in between.