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Miles tries to eat more than his meal, while Bob has some issues with the restaurant’s cleaning equipment. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/BABrCYf5Kz0 Miles tries to eat more than his meal, while Bob has some issues with the restaurant’s cleaning equipment. Cursed Napkins Bad AI Transcript is on it’s on it’s on like you’ll never believe it’s ever been on before Thank you. Hey everyone. This is my title with static radio podcast here in the United States. Want to add anything to that? I mean, it seems like a lot of information there. Bob has FIFA overload and he’s wearing a kilt right now with nothing with nothing under it. That’s right. I’m flapping in the breeze. Hello. Stop flashing young children right now. The, I don’t, you know, the FIFA thing I don’t get. I mean, I just don’t, you know, do Americans really love soccer or football that much? Football? I imagine. Actually, I was just talking to you before we started recording that I went to lunch with some friends and one of them left to go watch a FIFA game at the end. Like we were done eating. Oh, I’m sure I know which one. Yeah.I was like, huh? Yeah. Which team does he like? He mentioned what game he was watching, but it’s beyond me now. I can’t remember. I’m going to go watch Paraguay. Yeah, Uruguay and Paraguay. I don’t know what it was, honestly, but I was just like, really? Yeah. It’s a big deal. I know it’s a big deal. Obviously, it’s a big deal right now because it’s all across North America. We’ve been a pain in the ass and all the airlines are fucked up and everything. But anyway, I had an old neighbor and he used to love to watch soccer. He talked about it all the time. Is that the guy that tried to burn down his house? He’s the other neighbor. Yeah, the other neighbor. Yeah. Yeah.guy who didn’t burn down his house on the other side of me. Oh, okay. Yeah. When you lived out in the county. Uh, no, I live in the city. In the city I didn’t want to talk about FIFA, but you brought it up, and so I thought, well, I have to say something about it, I guess. You deal with all these really cool people, and I figure there’s got to be a few of them, I’m sure, that are into it. All these really cool people. You know all these really cool. How in the world do you know all these really cool people? Yeah. I make sure that they’re never around when you’re around. You ever see that? You ever notice that? Mm-hmm. Separate worlds.he ever hurt you. So anyway. What are you doing? Go ahead, Steve Perry. Let’s hear it. No, I’m really phlegmy tonight, so I really don’t want to do that. What does that happen? Do you have some kind of condition or something? Do you have gills? You possibly have gills that get all gummy because you’re not supposed to be breathing air. You’re supposed to be breathing water. My doctor finally confessed. He goes, you know what? You’re all fucked up. I go, why? He goes, all this meds I’ve got you on. I’m like, oh, you son of a bitch. The truth comes out. You know, I have all these problems. You know, my legs swell. I get phlegmy at night. You know, whatever else, you know. Whatever else. You didn’t mention your ED.You always mention your ED. Yeah, that’s one of them. It comes like a thief in the night, let me tell you. I got you on all these meds. Well, that’s great. Yeah. Somehow, I always think of you as one of the people in the movie Seven. Yeah, out of the box? No, you’re the guy. Remember the guy with all the air fresheners in his room? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s the way Miles is at home. He’s got all the air fresheners because he’s basically decaying in place. You know what? This really is not related to anything, but my doctor, about half the time I see my doctor, he always starts laughing. He goes, God, you told me that funny story about that old guy that wanted to beat your family up.at that motel, I go, yeah, yes. I don’t know why he loves that story of me almost being beat up by an old man at a hotel at the motel. It’s a motel. Yeah. Yeah. That’s a very, very old story, which I won’t go into, but yeah, he loves it. I remember you hit or something. Didn’t you, you know, we can debate that as to what I was doing, but ultimately I would have survived. Oh, okay. Had I gotten physical, I would have survived. At that point in time, you were a little more mobile. See, I could have flanked him. I could have come at him behind. My family could have taken the brunt of his beatings. I’d wait until his arms were tired. I’d wait until he gets worn down. That’s right. I’d wait for him to wear out a little bit. Then I’d put a full Nelson on this little guy and be like, all right, son of a bitch. Hey, you fucker.I put my chin right in the middle of his back. I’m like, oh yeah, you like this? Do you have a chin? Jesus, I didn’t even know you had a chin. Well, chins, chins. Oh my goodness. Well, do you have any more on that you want to talk about? No, that was just an old thing here. Okay. How your doctor says, I’ve screwed up your life because I’ve given you so many meds. Yeah, I’m drowning in my own fluids, basically. And I’m like, oh, okay. That’s good. I always go into like a list of things wrong with me. He’s like, yep, I caused that. Yep, I did that. Yep. And I just got a new Corvette. Basically, yeah. He cut me off when I said I had blood in my stool. He’s like, all right, you know what? We’re going to stop right there, Miles. Time’s up.another appointment to talk about that. Yeah. Um, so i’m trying to think how to approach this. So as you know, Miles, I have a lot of, uh, you have a lot of like medical situations. I do. And I seem to have a lot of, uh, perhaps psychological situations. I would agree with that too. Yes. So there’s this place, uh, that my wife likes to go out to dinner too. It’s, it’s not a, uh, chain or anything. It’s a local place, you know, and it’s not super fancy, but it’s not unfancy. You know what i mean pizza the cup no no it’s walking tacos. Okay. Um, Now, so we went to – what’s that? I didn’t say anything. Oh, I thought you said something. No, I was very quiet. I was like, oh. Oh, geez, you got a little feedback there. It’s Michael. Move your chin. Move your chin over. Yeah. Hey, Jabba. Jesus. So we like to go there every once in a while, and we went there recently.And I do like it. It’s very tasty, and it’s a good place to go. It’s not overly expensive. But they are trying to be a little more upscale than they need to be, at least for me, because they have cloth napkins. Oh, fancy. I know, fancy. We’re getting cloth napkin service at a paper napkin price. Yeah. And so, you know, it’s like, that’s all fine and good, but I can’t… I’ve broken… I tried to use them. The first few times I went, I struggled through it. I used the cloth napkins. Did… They have the words Holiday Inn stitched into them. I’m just wondering. Cut up old towels is what you’re saying? Yeah. Well… They’re all stolen hand towels from the Holiday Inn. No, but the, so I use them and then I just, I got, I just like, I can’t, you know, I apologize to my wife this one time, not before, not this last time. Apologize to my wife before and I’m like, I just can’t use these. I can’t use these napkins on my face. It just, it drives me nuts.Now, you would think, and part of it is this, but it’s not the main part, that I think about all the other people who have used this napkin. Yep. But that’s not the main reason. People like me. That’s right. I’ll have the rib special. Holy moly. I’m going to clean off my chins. Yeah. Jesus Christ, there’s a bone under my chin. Oh, my God. A spare rib. It’s like seeing Paul Prudhomme eat ribs, for Christ’s sake, back in his heyday. If anybody remembers who the hell that guy was, he was a big, fat New Orleans guy. So it’s because they use so much fabric softener that I can’t stand the feel of the napkin on my skin. Is that weird? Well, not for you, probably. Other people. I mean, you have sensory problems. I do. You are undiagnosed something. I don’t know what, but you are undiagnosed something. That could be a show, Undiagnosed. Yeah, that’s you. That’s the name of the show, yeah. Undiagnosed, yeah.Yeah, so I forced myself to do it, you know, for a little while so I wouldn’t be weird. But here lately, I’ve been asking for paper napkins, which the waitress is not really happy with me asking. Yeah, hold on. Let me go across the street, McDonald’s. Hold on. Wait. I think they just go to the bathroom, to be honest with you. Oh, it’s just TP. They’re putting, like, toilet paper. Oh, no, it’s not. Napkins to wipe your hands on. These are sanitary napkins. Oh, these are different. Oh, these are textured. I got wings. I can get both corners of my mouth with one wipe. They’re extra absorbent. No, so yeah. So then every time they’re just disgruntled, I’m like, can I get some paper napkins?And they’re like, huh? Yeah. So this last time we go, right out of the gate, you know, I’m like, I’m always very polite and nice. Okay. I don’t believe that. I’m like, whenever you get a chance, you know, could you bring by some paper napkins? Oh, sure. I would do this after you got the food delivered, though. I would not do this prior. Well, I’m a preparer. I prepare. Yeah, okay. Why don’t you bring your own? I mean, if it’s a problem, why don’t you just bring your own? Well, that’s even weirder, isn’t it? Is that even weirder? You’re the king of all, so what do you care? Just whip them out of your pants. Well, you do know that for years, I always take big handfuls of napkins withWhenever I would go to fast food places. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold the boat. Okay. Wait, aren’t you the guy I met that used to eat with like a fricking beach towel around his neck? Yeah. And now he can’t handle a cloth. My own talent. It wasn’t drowned in fucking snuggle or whatever the hell the name of that. It was also my own beach towel. Thank you. Yeah. That never got washed. Makes it. It did get washed. It makes a difference. I want some wheat, bro. Wow. So you’re making this poor lady go back, buy these napkins, come back to your table. Well, the thing is, she didn’t. Oh. And then now we’re like, we should bring some refills. She finally brings the food. No napkins. Uh-oh. Some kind of boycott onI’m asking for paper napkins. And so now I’m like, well, what do I do? I can’t ask again. Right. Maybe your wife in charge of it, but your wife in charge of it. She’s not shy. She’s certainly thinks that I’m a weirdo. Cause I won’t use the cloth napkin. She’s like, it’s a perfectly good cloth napkin. Obviously they have all this fricking fabric softener in them that it’s, you know, it’s like, Oh, So just in case someone was doing something weird under the table or something, they’ve been washed and cleaned pretty well. Yeah. I don’t know what they’re doing, but I’m just saying that the fabric softener is so overwhelming that I just cannot do it anymore. So I had to suffer through that. You’re right. Maybe I need to take. You know what?napkins i need to turn into, like, Howie Mandel or something. I don’t know. You might want to do this, because now i remember as a little kid, we were at a restaurant on vacation, and i had stomach flu, and i started puking into those things. Because there was, like, nowhere to puke, and, like, my mom was catching my like those like those you know napkins we’re at the Hojo, and little miles is puking all over the place. We’re at the playboy club actually that’s what Yeah, we’re at the Playboy Club. Sounds like your dad. Come on. Don’t worry about it. It’s kid-friendly. Come on. Don’t worry. No, his company sent him there. I got to go. It’s work. Yeah. Just like you would say. Got to go. It’s work. They send me there. I’m going. Screw you. You always use me like your wife. You’re like, Bob says I got to go. I got to look at all these dirty pictures because I got to talk about them. I’m writing a book.Okay. Bob’s making me do it for the show every week. He’s like, be a super pervert all week so then you can talk about it. Correct. Now you have figured it out. Yeah. No, I can’t. These napkins, I just can’t. I just can’t. So… I’m thinking I don’t want to go back. How often do you guys go? Like once a week? Well, it depends. Maybe once every couple weeks. It depends. You know… We don’t have a once a week out to eat thing. Oh. We don’t do that, yeah. You have a lot more choice than I do, though. Well, it’s because you live in bumfuck. Yeah, don’t remind me, please. You can move, I don’t know, maybe. Although I’d be perfectly happy there, to be honest with you. Your punishment would be me move in. No, no, no.i’m at your house every day. You’re like, Oh, that wouldn’t go over very well. No, come on. No. Yeah. I know it wouldn’t go over well pass would not happen. So anyway, I just can’t, I’m yeah. And maybe you’re right. Maybe I need this, you know, they make those little, uh, packages of, uh, Kleenex. Yeah. The little tiny ones, you know, and you pull it out and it unfolds into like this giant Kleenex you blow your nose with. Maybe we need, you know, then you have moist towelettes, which I don’t like those either. But anyway, the moist towelette and then they don’t have the in-between. They don’t have the paper napkin in a little convenient package. They don’t. Sounds like a business opportunity right here. Swipe it on your jeans.Or sweatpants, as the case may be. I know. I was starting with my wife with throwing those away. I’m like, throw them away. Go ahead. Go ahead. I’m not going to do it. No, cut them up and let’s use them as napkins. El Taco de Mayo. Anyway, I cannot. Yeah, I cannot. Taco de Mayor. I can’t. Too much fabric softener. Lay off on the fabric softener. Maybe I could do it, but yeah. Maybe. Just maybe. Maybe not. I would bring this up with my shrink if I were you when you go in next week. I don’t have a shrink. I don’t go to shrink. Come on. Well, I’m just saying you might want to start. You might want to start. You might want to start.You think that it’s weird. Okay, I got you. No, I don’t know. I’m just saying be careful because little kids puke in those. So what’s going on with you? I didn’t puke in a napkin, thank God. Yeah, well, I have a weird feeling that you steal napkins or something. You know, I should take a picture of this because I was at my mom’s house about a month ago, and she actually still had like a stolen… hotel towel from somewhere. Cause my family accidentally would always leave with like some, you know, Oh, we must’ve got to have these hangers all day and see. Yeah. And, uh, hangers don’t have a hook anymore. They got these weird, like and whatnot. Right. Yeah. My family ruined it. I usually take,A lot of times they have in there, they have the dirty clothes bag. Right. I take that. I put my dirty clothes in it and put it in my suitcase. Yeah, put your dirty socks in the coffee maker. Never, ever. That’s disgusting. Use a coffee maker in your hotel room. No, not going to happen. Or any glass that’s not wrapped in plastic and disposable. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, a bunch of weirdos so hey speaking of weirdos, so we went out to eat with one of my wife’s friends uh friday night that’s right no this is a gentleman uh who uh has done very well for himself. He travels the world like you. I don’t travel the world. Even more so, probably, than you yeah hopefully yeah we just got back from Hawaii. Oh, good for him. Wow.No, I’m good for him. He goes to cool places. I’m like, man, oh, man. Yeah, lucky guy. He’s like you, though. He works on vacation. He brings his computer on vacation, and he works. He just does things. I’m like, wow. He’s like, hey, I want to invite you guys out. I’m like, okay, all right. We go out on a Friday night, and it wasn’t the most expensive place, but it was a little bit more upscale than it was not a chain. It was not, you know, tacos are us or something, or, you know, you guys eat at and, uh, tacos are diamond Dave’s. You go to diamond Dave’s. No, there is no such thing anymore, but, um, crap. Uh, so we missed it, like completely missed the supper rush. Cause there wasn’t like a lot of people in there. Right. And, uh,So we had seated, which is very nice. Maybe the guy bought the restaurant out for you. He could have. I would not be surprised if he whipped out a piece of paper like, I own this stuff. I would not be surprised. That’d be great. Yeah. So we get a waitress, and the facts of life scale, I think we’ve got like a kind of a very bouncy Mindy Kahn. Really? Okay. Yeah. It’s very pleasant, very pleasant. She said the word shit right in front of us. Are you related somehow? No, she was just a lot of fun. I ran a waitress that’s just very fun. Most of them are just annoyed with me, honestly. Yeah, I didn’t ask for special napkins and stuff like that. Just a delight. A delight lady. A delight.light corker and uh so she’s, uh, you know, bringing stuff in, taking it away and uh you know, I always try to speak french or something at the table, which one likes. There was like, no, I don’t know. You’re on the french now. I used to just do Spanish. Well, I do kind of a faux spanish French, you know, I like to order uh water con limon i gotta do a Spench. Yeah. People say Spanglish. I do Spench. Anyway, she starts clearing the table after a while. You’re done eating, I suppose. We were getting there. I’m a slow eater. Were you drinking? No, no one was drinking. We were just having a good time laughing. It was very relaxed, very nice, enjoyable. and she kind of makes this awkward motion, like she’s trying to reach around me to grab something. Trying to avoid my double chins or something. Yeah, I’m like, oh, what’s this? Can you move your hub around for me, please, sir? Yeah, that’s my face, basically. She goes, well, I didn’t want you to bite me. So then I lunged at her. I’m like, ah! Jesus!He’s like, you weirdo! He screams, you weirdo, at me. I’m like, thank God we already ate, because I’d hate to think what was in our food. Yeah, Polanski, the poor lady at the table, and then now you’re wondering what’s going on. Yeah, she probably quit the next day. Like, that’s it. I’m tired of these fat fucks biting me. Yeah, I know. Hey, Lecter, get away. That was enjoyable. She was a little surprised when I did that. She was not expecting this. Probably because you move like a sloth most of the time. I know. I’m like, I’m a little baby kitten. No, I’m a tiger. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. She’ll think twice about it. Don’t be taking my plate. I still got some fry with it.The little crunchy ones that nobody ever eats with me. I got the fried corn niblets. What did you have, by the way, since he was paying, I’m sure? I had French dip, which I love French dip. I know. What are you trying to speak French because of the French dip? I had au jus. French fries. Yeah, French fries. Soda. Sugar? Sugar? I don’t have to answer that. No, it was very nice. What did he have? What did the guy have? I think he had a steak or something, I think. Oh, yeah. Because he was like, I want… Oh, I don’t know. I’m not a beer person. What’s the name for a dark beer? A lager or whatever. You drink… What was it called? Lager. Yeah, he goes, hey, I’d like a lager. And the girl’s like, she’s like me. She’s like, what? Lager? Yeah, he’s like, it’s beer. It’s like a dark beer. Do you have that? What? So then she rattles off the whole menu right there. Like, we all agree. Miller, Miller, I got Billy beer. I got diet Billy beer. I got…Philly beer. Strohs, I got, you know. I got PBR. PBR, PBR Light. I got, oh my gosh, he’s like reading the whole fucking thing. I got Schaefer’s. And then like, there was like some off-brand. It’s like, you know, Yoo-Hoo Light. He’s like, I’ll take it. I’ll take the, I’ll take the homemade. I’ll take the spreading lotus. I’ll take the spreading lotus, please. All right, one spreading lotus coming up. There you go. Whatever he drank, I don’t know. Because I don’t want him to be there. Now, anyway, I don’t. What did your wife have? She had some pasta. She had some pasta. Really? Okay. Well, that’s nice. It was good. It was weird because the place just cleared out so fast. It was like, man. This guy’s not like a wanted criminal or anything, is he?I don’t know. It was a very debonair young man. Like, oh my gosh. It’s that guy. It’s like a more refined you. You know what I’m saying? He’s like, oh, can there be one? Yeah. No, he’s like, I got my electric car. Can I have a dark beer? It’s lager, please. Guy. Guy. Guy. Guy. I’ll have the French dip and his wife will have the pasta salad. Wouldn’t that be funny? I’ll have the duck a la range. I’m going to have this, ma’am. The duck a la range. That’s funny. Oh my gosh. He’d pick up the tab, right? Yes. You have no shame. No shame. No, like the guy retired at 40. He was doing so good, and he took like 10 years off, then he went back to work. He’s like, okay, fuck it. I’ll go back to work for a while. Yeah. He’s like you, you know? He’s tired of playing golf. Yeah. Everything’s paid off. I’m like, man, this guy’s… He’s rolling in it. Yeah. Lucky him. Yeah. Miles, I got this good doctor you might want to go see. You know what I’m saying?Show me his name quick. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/23/cursed-napkins/” title=”Cursed Napkins” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/23/cursed-napkins/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

The St. Clair Incident Bob welcomes his “new best friend” and fellow podcaster, Jeff Ponder, host of The Pondcast: Conversations That Go Nowhere. After a quick chat about Jeff’s background in St. Louis sports broadcasting and his show’s unique premise—which uses a random topic generator to force guests to think quickly on their feet—the duo dives into Bob’s preferred domain: the unexplained. Jeff opts to take a blind trivia challenge regarding the episode’s central topic, performing respectably by leaning on his St. Louis roots and intuition. The core of the discussion focuses on the infamous January 5, 2000, St. Clair Triangle UFO incident, where a massive, silent, triangular craft was sighted by multiple on-duty police officers across several Illinois suburbs just east of St. Louis. Bob and Jeff debate whether the football-field-sized object was a highly classified military prototype from the nearby Scott Air Force Base or genuine extraterrestrial technology. Given that 26 years have passed without any similar technology being publicly declassified by the military, both men ultimately land on “Team Alien,” concluding that the event remains one of the most compelling and unresolved multi-jurisdictional sightings in American history. The Pondcast https://youtube.com/live/gIw0O4qRhGY UFO Witness Game (Click Graphic to Start) Transcript (AI transcription) Hey, Pounder, how much does it cost to be Bob’s new best friend? Well, I charge by the hour, so it’s costing Bob a lot. Oh, no. Mondo Rico. Hey, everybody. Welcome to this edition of Mondo Rico. I’ve got Jeff Ponder with me. And Jeff’s my new best friend. If you haven’t noticed on the screen. Yep. We are definitely best friends. We’ve done one show together already, so that makes us best friends. Exactly. Yeah. What do they call that? Fast friends? Best friends? What do they call that? Fast friends, I think, is correct. Let’s go with that. So tell them about the Ponder cast. We’ll just get the plug in right away. How about that? Yeah, that works for me. So, yeah, I’m running something called, first of all, I’ve got a large background in podcasting. I don’t know if your audience is global or if they’re kind of central to St. Louis, but I’ve been podcasting about the St. Louis Blues for years.Oh, my goodness. Since 2011. Bob, I think you were let’s see, you were 65 in 2011. That’s right. I was somewhere in that range. Exactly. Yeah. So but yeah, I started I decided after a while because we kind of ran the show like a radio show. I’m like, man, the best conversations are just when it’s kind of spur of the moment. So I decided to come up with my own kind of interview slash show. conversational podcast, and it’s called The Pondcast, Conversations That Go Nowhere. Did I say Pondcast? I’m sorry. You did. That’s okay. I’m docking your pay for that. Well, I just looked at your last name. I know it’s part of his last name. I know it’s something like that. I toyed around with Pondercast just because it does fit the last name perfect, but I’m like podcast, Pondcast, and my logo, my idea, it actually was most people, I’ve had a couple people guess it, but the logo for the show is literally a car in the middle of a lake, and I got the idea from the office.For anyone who watches that, Michael Scott drives his car. He laked it, as they say. Right. He was listening to the GPS voice. Right. And so my thought was, you know, the, the second part of the show is called conversations that go nowhere. So it’s a car that went nowhere. So that’s kind of the whole idea. So I thought stick with podcast that works. That’s better than who was that lady that drove her kids into the water. Anyway, it’s better than that. Don’t go on. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry. But yeah, we use a topic, a random topic generator is the whole idea on the show. And we literally in the middle of the moment, just hit enter. Boom, it gives us a topic. Bob, you came on, and ours was, was it impulse buying? I think it was, where do your socks go in the dryer? Right next to the Braunschweiger. Yeah, no, it was impulse buying. You’re correct. Okay, yeah, yeah. So we had a fun time with that, and we’re only about 13 episodes in now, and it’s been a blast. So I’m enjoying it. It’s going to be around for a while. I don’t care if I get five downloads an episode. It’s been fun. There you go.That’s the way to be. Are you looking for guests in case anybody’s listening to say, hey, I could be a guest on the podcast. So my one stipulation with having a guest and yes, anyone is welcome to contact me is that you just have to be quick on your feet. And so obviously, Bob, you know, like that, that impulse buying came across and it’s like, okay, this is what we’re talking about. You can’t have the, all right, can you give me about 10 minutes to prep with that? No, we’re going right into it. You have to have your own AI mind to get these answers very quickly. You can’t type it in. There’s no time for typing. When I did a couple kind of promo shows, what was it called? Pilots. I did a couple of pilot episodes, and I had a friend come on, someone I knew since high school. And so I picked her because I was like, you’re a witty person. You’re going to be good at this. And so she’d never done a podcast before. And so when it came up with her topic, she literally goes,okay, let me type this into AI on what to say. And then she kind of like started acting like she was typing. She’s going, and I go, Jen, that’s not the point of the show. She’s like, I’m just messing with you. And I was like, oh, you got me. Well, we have a somewhat random topic today. You did influence the topic because normally here on Mundo Frico, we do things that are cryptids, paranormal, supernatural, or UFOs. And then I asked you, I was like, well, what area would you like? And I think hopefully you said UFO because that’s what I’ve got for you today. I told you that I would be glad with any of those. If it’s just random, that’s fine. But I said the area that I’m most interested in is probably UFO. All right. So we got to go. And now I give the guest a choice. So we always do a quiz on the show.And I give the guests the choice to do the quiz before they find out more about what it is or after they know what it is. So I’ll let you know what’s going to happen if you do the quiz early. You may already know something about this. And we’ll find out. It’s kind of like find out what you know. If you do it after what I’ll tell you about the topic, then, you know, it’s a little bit easier of a quiz then. But I’ll let you make the choice. Okay, I am all for the randomness of whatever this conversation is. Let’s do the quiz first. All right. Quiz. Quiz. I’m not sure if you can read that. Quiz. Yeah, I see it. So this is our quiz, and that reveals the topic. The St. Clair Triangle UFO incident in the St. Louis area in 2000. We have seven questions. I do have a hint if you really want it.And let’s find out how well ponder of the pond cast, not the ponder cast, does with these questions. So first question, in what year? Oh, no, the answer is right there. In what year did the St. Clair Triangle UFO incident occur in the St. Louis, Illinois area? 1997, 2000, 2003, 2005. Do you want the hint? I don’t. No, I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and say 2000. Yeah, I forgot to take that off. You’re right. The St. Clair Triangle incident occurred in January of 2000, making it one of the most well-documented UFO cases of that era. Only 20-some years ago, 26 years ago. All right, that was a give me, right? Okay, that was. Oh, this is a little too big here. Let’s see if I can make that smaller. There we go.So which Illinois town gave the St. Clair Triangle incident its name and served as a central location for the sightings? It’s not St. Clair, by the way, Jeff. I knew that. Was it Belleville, O’Fallon, Shiloh, or Lebanon? I believe it’s one of the… I’ve got a hint if you want it. I’m going to just… No, let’s stay away from the hint. I believe, if I remember correctly, it’s one of the most haunted areas in the Midwest. I believe it’s Belleville. So I’m going to go with that. Let’s see. That’s correct. All right. Belleville is right. The incident is often called the Belleville Triangle or the St. Clair County Triangle because many of the key sightings occurred in and around Belleville, Illinois, which is in St. Clair County. If people didn’t know that. So you got two. Two out of seven. You’re doing fantastic. All right. Number three.What was a defining physical characteristic of the craft reported by multiple witnesses during the St. Clair Triangle incident? Was it A, a cigar-shaped silver fuselage, B, a large triangular or boomerang shape with lights, C, a spinning disc with colored rings, or D, a glowing orb that changed colors? This feels like a trick question because obviously it’s the St. Clair triangle UFO, and you have one in there about a triangular shape with lights. God, that’s such a – give me the hint. Let’s see the hint. You want the hint. Okay. The incident’s nickname gives away the shape. There it is. Okay, I’m going to go with B. All right. Triangular ring shape. I think it’s too easy. There we go. Multiple witnesses, including police officers, described a massive silent aircraft with a distinct triangular or boomerang shape adorned with bright lights on the underside. So you’re three out of seven. You’re almost 50% at this point. That is 50% by my math. Oh, okay. Well, obviously a product of the St. Louis Public School District. Uh-huh. That’s correct.What made the St. Clair Triangle incident particularly credible compared to many other UFO reports? Was it A, captured on live television broadcast? B, multiple on-duty police officers from different jurisdictions reported seeing the craft? C, the U.S. Air Force officially confirmed the sighting? Or D, physical landing marks were found at a local farm? Ooh, okay. Um… I think I remember this. So I believe it’s the on-duty police officers from different jurisdictions reported seeing the craft. Let’s go with that. Okay, so you’re going to go with B. Wow, you’re on a roll. Four out of seven. You’ve broken the 50%. You are going to pass this test most likely. Just good enough to pass. That was kind of my mantra in high school. So perfect. See students still get hired.That’s right. All right. So number five, approximately what size did witnesses estimate the triangular craft to be during the St. Clair triangle incident? A, about the size of a passenger car. B, about the size of a small house. C, as large as a football field or even larger. Or D, about the size of a commercial airliner. I believe I’m, I think I’m going to use the hint, but I think it’s the last one. I think it’s the size of a commercial airliner. You want to take the hint first? Yeah, let’s do the hint. Witnesses were stunned by its enormous scale. That probably leaves it as C or D. Let’s go with my instinct. Let’s go with D, the commercial airliner. Oh, first bad one. Dang. I get the wah-wah.It was as large as a football field or even larger. Witnesses described the object as being enormous. Estimates suggested it was roughly the size of a football field or even larger, which we already said, which contributed to the shock and awe reported by those who observed it. Wow, that’s your first bad one. I mean, you got four right so far. You’re not doing terrible. I was a C student in high school. Let’s keep that rolling, right? Yeah, and you’re showing it right now. Exactly. You are performing at the level you were meant to. No, I’m just kidding. So number six, which of the following best describes how the craft behaved during the St. Clair Triangle sightings? A, it moved at supersonic speed and vanished instantly. B, it hovered slowly and silently at low altitude before drifting away. C, it performed erratic zigzag maneuvers at high altitude. Or D, it landed briefly before taking off vertically. I have a hint if you want it. Yes, I’m very…I’d say I’m about 80% confident it is not the last one. Let’s go with the hint. Yeah, let’s do it. Go with the hint. Its quiet, unhurried movement was part of what unsettled the witnesses. Yeah, that’s what I thought. It didn’t just disappear. It just kind of sat there for a minute. So I’m going to go with the second one. It hovered slowly and silently at low altitude before drifting away. Going with B. Here we go. Yes, that’s right. Yeah. Fantastic. One of the most striking and consistently reported features was the craft moved slowly and silently at a very low altitude, defying conventional explanations for known aircraft behavior. Five out of seven. You’re not doing that bad at all. We got one last question just to finish it out. I mean, you’ve done great. The St. Clair Triangle incident has been frequently cited in UFO research as significant, partly because of how investigators documented it.Which organization or researcher is the most associated with formally investigating this case? Was it A, SETI Institute, B, MUFON, the Mutual UFO Network, C, the Pentagon’s AATIP program, A-A-T-I-P, or D, NASA’s UAP Task Force? I think the obvious answer would be the last one, but I believe it’s the SETI Institute. Tell you what, just for… fun. I don’t know if a lot of curse, I almost said something, but let’s go with, let’s do the hint. You’re going to go with the hint. All right. The hit says the civilian organization investigates UFO sightings across North America. So yeah, civilization. So yeah, it’s not NASA. So let’s go with SETI. It was SETI. Oh my gosh. Well, you got five out of seven. It was the MUFON, which is the mutual UFO network conducted one of the most thorough investigations inof the St. Clair Triangle incident, collecting witness testimony from multiple officers and helping bring the case to a wider public attention. A very good effort, I must say. Five out of seven. That’s pretty darn good. Considering you went cold. I mean, you totally went in cold. You didn’t get prepped. Would you like to hear the quick story that I have of the St. Clair Triangle? Yeah, let’s do it. Before we get into our discussion. I’m excited. Let’s hear it. Okay. I think I have some music. I love story time with a cartoon cat. Oh, do you? Oh, yeah. There you go. In the pre-dawn hours of January 5, 2000, a massive silent triangular craft slowly drifted across the night sky just east of St. Louis, Missouri, triggering one of the most credible multi-jurisdictional UFO sightings in American history. The incident began around 4 a.m. in Highland, Illinois, when a local businessman spotted an enormous, brightly litobject resembling a flying house moving at low altitude. He immediately contacted local authorities. Over the next 45 minutes, the mysterious craft traveled southwest where it was independently observed, tracked, and pursued by uniformed police officers across the communities of Lebanon, Shiloh, and Milstead. What elevates the St. Clair Triangle incident above typical UFO folklore is the sheer reliability of its witnesses and the official paper trail they left behind. The primary observers were on-duty law enforcement officers who used their police radios to coordinate their sightings in real time. They consistently described a colossal arrowhead-shaped structure roughly the size of a football field that flew as low as 500 feet. The craft featured brilliant white lights at its corners and a blinking red light in the center, and it possessed the uncannily ability to change speeds instantly from near stationary hover to an incredible burst of acceleration, all while remaining completely silent.The proximity of the flight path to Scott Air Force Base added a layer of intense intrigue to the event. Despite the object passing near the military installation, MACE officials later stated that they had no aircraft in the air and that their radar had picked up absolutely nothing. While independent investigators from the National Institute for Discovery Science, NIDS, later theorized that the object could have been a highly classified lighter-than-air military prototype utilizing advanced propulsion, no official explanation has ever been provided leaving the St. Clair Triangle a profound, undocumented mystery. you think about that, Jeff? That is, uh, yeah, I, I’ll admit I, um, I do not remember this in real time. I don’t remember this happening in 2000, but i do remember that it happened, uh, or i do remember hearing about it about five or six years later when i was in college and one of my teachers i i think we’re reading some weird book about ufos or something in an english class and and he said yeah this reminds me of the saint claire incident a couple years ago. And,I remember we were all like, what? Because I grew up in St. Charles, and we had no interest. Nobody knew about it. And so I looked it up when I got home and was like, this is fascinating. I mean, the thing that gets me is the amount of police officers that saw it from different jurisdictions. This wasn’t a, hey, let’s play a prank on the public. Right. couple of cops got together and you know, and this was literally in the moment. Like what, do you see this up here? What is this? Yeah. And so the first sighting was by a guy named Melvin Knoll who owned a miniature golf course in Highland, Illinois. He’s the one who called it in. And then I’ve got a timeline here. It’s got the first sighting a sword apart from Melvin was from a Lebanon police officer, Ed Barton at 4 15 AM. And then he kept,track of it. And then at 4.20 or 4.15 a.m., I’m sorry. And then at 4.20 a.m., David Martin from Shiloh, who’s another police officer, spotted it. And then the final report came at 4.30 a.m. from Milstadt police officer Craig Stevens, who actually took a Polaroid photo of it because he had at the time a Polaroid camera in his car for police work. And he got a picture, but it was very, very blurry picture. Just like every UFO sighting we’ve ever seen. Exactly. But he’s the last one to see it at 4.30 in the morning in January. So let me see if I can find a picture. His picture, it’s a pretty famous picture. So let’s see if I can search that out real quick and I can show you. It might not.it may not be able to find it here. Cause whenever you search for UFO stuff, you just get so much crap on the, Oh yeah. On the, uh, you know, I’m seeing a couple here. I’m not sure if this is it or not, but, uh, if that is, wow, it’s a Polaroid picture that looks like it’s got three lights on it or four lights on it. Then that’s it. Yeah. Well, go ahead and you can share it. I think, I think you can share. Let’s see here. Uh, share screen. Yeah. I’m not finding it in my quick search here. Is it… Hang on. Is it that? That’s it. Well, that’s a rendering of it. His picture is actually much more blurry than that. Actually, it’s that second one there on your left. Yeah. That’s his picture. Yep. That is…That is your typical UFO photo that you will see. Yeah. So you see the red light there and you see the white lights and it’s all squiggly because obviously it was dark and you can kind of make out the shape of the vehicle there. Yeah. I mean, whatever it is, that is simply not a, you know, commercial aircraft or a jet from Sky Air Force Base or anything like that. It’s clearly something we’ve never seen before. So now what we have to discuss here is. What was it? So before we get to that, actually, I want to tell you that I lived in the area. I’m not from St. Louis. I came to St. Louis back in 1992. I don’t remember this incident because I lived where I live at that point. Anyway, I think I live in University City at that point and I don’t remember. But then I moved and I actually livedclose to the path of where this went probably about two years after it happened. And so it’s not a super well-developed area. And there was a documentary made called UFO Over Illinois hosted by Peter Jennings, who was the anchor for ABC News for many, many, many years. He made a UFO documentary in 2001 called UFO Over Illinois. If you haven’t seen it, you should check it out. It’s really quite a good documentary. That’s pretty cool that Peter Jennings did it. I mean, that’s a big deal. Because they had all the police officers, and he talked to the police officers. Yeah, that’s… so bizarre made it also even better was the, here i’m going to bring it up on imdb and see if i can’t share it. um but it’s a really it’s it’s actually quite a good, um quite a good documentary it’s on IMDB, but it doesn’t have many details. I don’t know why. Maybe he didn’t, after he did it, he was like why the hell did i do that? You know, I don’t know but uh there it is a ufo over in Illinois.It only got 6.8. I thought it was a pretty good documentary. And Peter Jennings was the host of it, even though it doesn’t even mention that on here, which is interesting. I don’t know if you can find it because I don’t see that it’s playing anywhere. I happened to catch it oddly one time, which I don’t even remember where I watched it. It was obviously on streaming at some point. But it was closer to like the 2010s, I think, when I finally saw it. But anyhow, the – But with that, so we have to ask the question because it went right. So if you go from Highland to Shiloh to Milstadt, right, to Lebanon to Shiloh to Milstadt, between Lebanon and Shiloh, you are right there by Scott Air Force Base. Yep. And in fact, chances are it went right over parts of Scott Air Force Base. Mm-hmm.So you have to ask yourself, was this a military thing? Very easily could have been. It could have been a test of some spy cam or maybe even like some new type of jet. I don’t know. But I mean, the fact that Sky Air Force Base didn’t come out right away and quash the rumor of, oh, hey, we were just doing some, what do they always say? It was flight tests or something. Uh, there’s a certain word they use but um no i forget what it’s called. Something about training something um so i can’t remember what they call it, but yeah, they, um, the fact that they didn’t come out right away and just say, yeah, that was us. Don’t worry about it. No big deal. Right. Yeah. It does make you wonder like, so then what was it? Then what was it? So, you know, I’m, uh,that’s the word. That’s the phrase i was looking for training exercise training next oh right yeah it was a training exercise. Yep. Um, it’s very interesting because it was so close. And if you look, I, I did a little thing here, uh, and you see kind of the way it went and, and, uh, so forth. Uh, but, but right in here, so here’s highland right around here is, is, uh, I don’t know if you can see my mouse. That’s the only problem right in here is the air force base. Can you see my mouse moving there? Yes, I can. Okay. So right in there is the Air Force Base. So no matter which way the path here, that is about as close as you get to the Air Force Base. So when I first heard about this, I thought, well, that’s strange. Why wouldn’t the Air Force know? Why wouldn’t they be looking at the sky, number one? You know what I mean? You think they would be kind of watching for things? Right.considering the whole defending the country. And I don’t know if people realize, but Scott Air Force Base has been extremely instrumental in the last 20 years in dealing with some problems in the world. So I used to live not too far from Scott Air Force Base, and I knew when something was happening because there was a lot more planes taking off. And you would hear that because they would – to be, you know, taken off and landed. And then you’d find out. So they, they actually did missions where they would fly out of Scott all the way to the middle East and fly back. Right. So they’re not flying from some base overseas or anything. They’re literally flying from the United States all the way over doing something that’s probably classified and coming back and landing. And so whenever you had caught more air traffic, you knew that,You know, if you watch the papers within a couple of days, something would be talked about. And the interesting thing about Scott was two things. So I don’t know that they were doing they weren’t doing bombings or anything, because that actually happens at a Whiteman Air Force base in Missouri. But they were I know they were doing medical work. runs because i happen to know a doctor that was working there at the time and he would fly all the way over and come all the way back within, you know, like a day or something and so i don’t know exactly what was happening, but over time. So it makes sense. And it’s also there’s um they do a lot of missions that go all over the world just from from that air force base, which is just crazy to think about. I don’t know that people really.think about that with any kind of regularity. Same thing with whiteman in Missouri. They fly from there all over the world and do things and then come back, uh, to Missouri. Um, which i don’t think that people realize that, that we have that kind of range uh yeah on a regular basis. You know what i mean they’ll go well let me think about that. What do you think? Yeah, I think it’s interesting because, you know, you look at the historical ufo sightings, um, you know, pretty much everywhere in the u.s and there’s a lot of you know there probably is a map out there of like all ufo sightings that have been cited by multiple people a lot of them are right around air force bases um i know right patterson over in um uh ohio uh they were the ones that i think conducted the actual like ufo uh investigation uh into roswell i could be wrong on that but umAnd then, like, Malmstrom in Montana. There’s been a few other ones that they get a lot of, like, there’s a surge, basically, in those areas. And, you know, a lot of it could be, again, maybe, like, they’re testing out some new stealth plane. And so maybe that’s why, if this was what this was, maybe that’s something why Sky Air Force Base didn’t say anything. Because they were like, you know, hey, we don’t want to… let it out that we’re developing this new stealth plane, uh, you know, for bombing or for spying or whatever. But like, it is interesting that, um, there’s so much surrounding air force bases. Um, and it does make you wonder like, is it an enemy that traveled here that is, you know, kind of surveying the area and then disappears. Like there’s, there’s a lot of different things. It could be that’s, you know, it’s, you know, obviously with Occam’s razor, uh,uh that that’s a big play to this and folks don’t know what that is that’s um basically the the easiest solution is probably the solution you know so whatever makes the most sense that’s probably what it is and so you got to think it’s something with the Air Force Base they’re working on something but um the skeptic in me does say I wonder if that is a UFO flying overhead like hey, in case we attack, we got to watch these hotspots. Right, exactly. Well, to me, the reason I brought this one up is massive scale. So it’s 300 feet wide. This is 26 years ago that this happened, right? There is still nothing that is publicly available in the United States arsenal that is a 300-foot wide triangle that they’re utilizing in any kind of –you know, defense initiative scenario. And that’s a long time. 26 years is a long time to keep a secret. Yeah. You would think like, maybe there’s something that comes out. It’s like, Oh, that kind of resembles the shape that everyone reported back in St. Clair in 2000. But yeah, we haven’t had anything. There’s no, nothing. They don’t have any kind of triangular shaped aircraft in any of the military. And then as we heard from the story that I read, it hovered, and then it moved very quickly, right? So it was like hover, and then it would just like shoot off into its next point, and then it would hover again. And we still don’t have anything that does that. I mean, a helicopter, but nothing that’s 300 foot wide. Yeah. And I actually had the pleasure, I suppose, of one day –walking outside my house and seeing the Goodyear blimp go over to head down to Bush Stadium for a Cardinals game. Nice. And it’s massive. And it was low and it was slow. And I actually got a picture of my daughter was a little off of our porch with her in the foreground and the blimp in the background because it literally went right over my house. And, I mean, it is… awe-inspiring when it’s that close. And the blimp is not that big, I don’t think. Let me see how big the Goodyear blimp is. It’s pretty big, but I don’t think it’s even 300 feet. Let’s see what Google has to say about the size of the Goodyear blimp. It’s 246 feet, so it is almost 300 feet. 75 meters long. 64 feet wide. So…How wide is a football field? I didn’t even think about what that is. That’s a good question. I don’t even think about how wide a football field is. You always think about how long it is. Long, yep. Yeah, it’s an interesting thought. 160 feet. So this would have been longer than the Goodyear blimp and three times as wide. Wow. That’s crazy. Well, and you got to think too, from what I understand, and maybe you know more about this incident is that there was, there was not a lot of sound. Like it wasn’t like, Oh, we heard this, you know, clicking sound and then it just rushed off. Like, so for me, it’s like good. You’re blunt. Let’s say it was something like that. There’s kind of a sound of it’s hovering that low that you would hear. And same thing with, you know, like a jet, you know, we hear a jet fly over and it is loud. You can hear,If it’s low enough, it’ll rattle the pictures on your walls. And from what I understand, there wasn’t a whole lot of sound reported in this. And if it was hanging that low and it was a human-made object, you got to think there’d be some sound with it. Now, I can tell you just from trying to remember from memory here that the Goodyear Blimp was very silent and it was moving at a pretty good clip to get downtown at the time. You know, they have… I call them fans, but they’re not really fans or motors that propel it forward. Right. And they’re directional and whatnot. You can kind of hear that, but it wasn’t like overwhelming. It was, it was very subdued. It wasn’t like a jet going over or anything like that. So it wasn’t, you know, like you, you could still have a conversation. It wasn’t like, you know, making you driving you crazy or making you deaf or anything when it happened. So it could, if it was something, but that wouldn’t account for the speed of,between its stops, between its hover stops. Because it sounds like, at least from the witness’s testimony, that it hovered for a while and then it kind of shot off, which the blimp can’t shoot off at all. Those things do not move. I mean, they move pretty quick, but in terms of aircraft, it does not move quick. No. So that’s also interesting as far as that goes with this thing. So I’m on the fence. I mean, every time I talk about this, I oscillate between it being the reason that the Scott Air Force Base didn’t acknowledge it was because it’s theirs to being the reason they didn’t acknowledge it because they had no idea what it was. And so it still sits in that kind of gray area where you don’t know because of the reaction of the Air Force Base is on both sides of the extreme. It’s not anywhere in the middle. It’s not…You know, they give you no indication. They had to have seen it. I just cannot believe, even in 2000, that they didn’t know that this thing went by. Well, and you say even in 2000. It’s not like this was, you know, we communicated through smoke signals, you know. You know, you got to figure, I would think, that if all these police officers saw it, whether it’s a formal or an informal relationship, you have to think that one of those police officers was like, get Scott Air Force Base on the line. Like somebody asked them if they know what this is. I believe they did. Yeah, they believe they did. Yeah, so even if the Air Force knew about it, the Air Force Base knew about it, the fact that we’ve heard nothing from them tells me they’re just as bewildered as we are. Exactly. Look, there’s nothing to see here. That’s Scott Air Force Base. I have a little slide for that. Yep.Um, the, uh, yeah. So that’s what makes me wonder so much about it. And, and Scott Air Force Base is not, um, a well-known Air Force Base. You know what I mean? And there’s, but there’s lots of interesting things going on there. And, um, and it’s very low key. And so I wouldn’t be surprised if it was part of that, but, you know, the fact that, um, that we haven’t seen any of this technology, uh, out in the open here lately. I mean, think about it. The Trump administration had sent people down to Venezuela and they captured the president of Venezuela. And if you read any of the reports or anything about that, the people who were guarding the president and his family or whatever say that they basically were defenseless. The Americans kind of just dropped inThere was like a flash of light. They felt really sick. There was a feeling of euphoria, and they could not do anything. And they went in, they grabbed the president, and they left, right? This is the U.S. military. This is Marines, right? And so that’s a piece of technology that got used that you’ve never heard about until this situation. Even though it’s probably been used before, this is the first time that it’s become public, right? And in 26 years, we haven’t heard about this giant technology I mean, this is on par with the Avengers of flying aircraft carrier. That’s how big this thing is, right? Yep, yep. And we’ve never heard about this or anything? I don’t know, man. We’ve got to make a decision here before we wrap up. Was it a UFO or was it military? I mean, that’s where it’s heading, right? I’ve got to be honest with you. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but…this is something I have literally laid in bed. Like one of those, you know, late night thoughts where getting ready to close my eyes, fall asleep. And I’m just like, whatever happened with that St. Clair aircraft, you know? And like, it, it does make me think. And it’s, you know, again, like the fact that it’s been 26 years now and we haven’t heard, I mean, we’ve, I can’t even examples, but there’s been situations where we’re like something unknown has happened. And, you know, 2020, 25 years later, government or whatever entity it was is like, yeah, that was us. We just didn’t want to save the time. That has not been the case here. Still, so many questions around this, and I know that I think there’s even a channel for this on Reddit to where there’s people still asking, what happened? Yeah, so for me, I mean, I got to think, man, I’m 100% on board with this beingan actual UFO signing. I think this was something that, uh, they were, we were not meant to see. It was, uh, you know, a situation where maybe the, one of the alien, the co-pilot was, uh, was, uh, you know, eating some Cheetos that he picked up at the local, uh, uh, circle K. And, um, he was, uh, you know, just messed, had his feet up on the dashboard and clicked the uncloak button. And, uh, there you go. Other pilot walks in. What are you doing? You just uncloaked us. Oh, shoot. Sorry. He’s got the cheese fingers, and he’s trying to hit the right button, and that’s why they zoomed away. And a million explanations it could be. Not saying that’s the one, but definitely think it’s – I think this is something that could have very well – will have been a very real UFO sighting. How about you?All nations and all aliens rise to their highest level of incompetence. That’s right. Hey, I know that all too well. Bob, what do you think? Is this the real thing? Well, every time I talk about this, because I’ve talked about it, not recorded, but talked about it, you know, several times over the years with various people and getting into conversations about this. And I flip-flop and flip-flop. Right now, from our conversation, I’m on Team Alien because I just have to think that, you know, we would have seen a glimpse of something. Because, I mean, literally, this could be an aircraft carrier in the sky, and so you could have all of your operations be based off of this thing. And to me, that says…that is too much of an advantage for the military not to have used somewhere, somehow where people have seen it other than in 2000 in Illinois, in the rural areas of Illinois, by the way. Yeah. Across from St. Louis. It just, and it went, it went into, it went over St. Louis as well. If you, if you read about all the whole thing, whenever it left Milstadt, which is South of St. Louis, it headed across the river into Missouri before everybody lost everything. And so it, it’s just outlandish to think that we haven’t seen a glimpse of this in some way, even a smaller version of it in our military. You know what I mean? Well, and you also, like you said, it flew back towards St. Louis. There was not any, you know, indication from, let’s just say the Maryland Heights airport, the Chesterfield airport that was like,oh, we saw this weird triangular object try to land. You know, like it literally just disappeared. And there’s also Park Airport downtown. It’s actually on the east side. It’s in the Illinois side. There’s a little airport called Park Airport where a lot of private planes take off and everything. And they definitely would have been watching the area because that’s, you know, they have a lot of traffic that – for, you know, kind of recreational flying that come in and out of there. So it’s just amazing that, and not to mention Muscoota, it basically flew over Muscoota airport, which is right by the air force base. Yep. So anyway, I just can’t believe that all these, all these entities are totally in cahoots to cover up for something. So maybe, yeah, maybe it wasn’t, it was a,uh, you know, Murray, the alien, uh, hit the wrong button while he was, uh, licking his fingers, put his elbow down. Boop. We’re visible. And they’re like, Oh wait, we’re supposed to be scanning fields for cow counts. And here we are. We’re exposed. We’re exposed. We got cops calling us in. What are we going to do? Bad Polaroid camera. So, but, uh, I think you’re right, uh, Jeff. Um, I’m going to be on Alien, and the next time we talk, I’ll probably switch back. I’ll flip-flop again. But Alien it is for now, and I think that obviously something happened, and we may never find out. But let’s keep it in the back of our back pocket for later, and hopefully something will come out of this. Let’s hope. St. Louis is actually quite a hub for military defense things.that happened all around the St. Louis area. So maybe they were just checking us out. Maybe like, like we said, you know, there’s, there’s a lot of UFO sightings around air force bases. Maybe there’s something about Scott that we just don’t know. Hmm. Well, Jeff, you want to say, tell people again where they can find you and then we’ll wrap this up. Sure. Yeah. So you can find me on all the socials. Mike, kind of go-to name is j ponder p-o-n-d-e-r-9-4 and uh you can also find uh the the show the podcast over at, uh well, we’re on all socials as podcast convos, C-O-N-V-O-S. And obviously we’re on Spotify. We’re on Apple, YouTube, Friendster. I don’t know, wherever you get, uh, there it is. I like that. Um,But yeah, wherever you get your shows, I said Friendster. I don’t even think that’s been around for about 30 years. What was that older one? I can’t remember the name of it now. Napster. Napster, but then there was the pre-Facebook thing. Oh, gosh. Oh, MySpace? MySpace. He’s on MySpace. Yeah, we’re on MySpace. Yeah. Find us over there at my space. It’s us and Justin Timberlake. We’re the only people still there. But yeah, so no, we’re, we’re there. And then I’ll also say for any St. Louis people who are fans of our wonderful sport of hockey out here, new podcast coming out in September called hockey night in St. Louis. And we’re going to focus not only on blues, but all St. Louis. So follow me on J best way to get, see all this stuff. Jay Ponder 94 on all of your socials.Wow. Jay Ponder 94. That has some significance, I’m assuming. So there you go. Hockey number 94. Your hockey number. Yep. There you go. Is that right? At Jay Ponder 94. That’s correct. There you go. Find him there. Follow him. And, you know, everybody loves the Blues. Come on. Get out of town. Yep. So, Jeff, thank you very much. And everybody, we will talk to you next time. Keep your eye to the sky. Keep your toes on the ground. And watch out for this crazy stuff. We’d love to hear about it. If you do find out, send me a note. Mondo Frico.

This Week Comedian Grace Yao appeared as a guest on LeMent Tonight, sharing her experiences growing up as a first-generation Canadian-American and attending a strict all-girls Catholic high school. She hilariously compared her time at St. Agnes Academy to a prison sentence, joking about the intense guilt instilled by the nuns and the “speakeasy” vibe of the confession booths. Yao also opened up about her relationship with her traditional Chinese mother, who initially tried to raise her as a boy because she wanted a son. She joked that she eventually managed to “buy off” her mother’s persistent guilt and stalking by moving far away and purchasing her a white Lexus. Yao explained that entering stand-up comedy served as a form of therapy, allowing her to process her childhood trauma and get paid for it. During the interview, she participated in an improvisational game called “Ask Not,” intentionally giving terrible advice on topics like buying rusted-out junkyard cars and sending parents to the Titanic with nothing but a flashlight and a rope. Looking to the future, Yao discussed her upcoming aspirations, which include auditioning for acting and commercial gigs, utilizing her skills in Mandarin and martial arts, and producing a new stand-up show centered around female and mother-focused comedy. https://www.instagram.com/graceyao_00/ https://youtube.com/live/7LeogHUCymw Bad AI Transcript Hey, everybody. Welcome. It’s LeMent Tonight. special guest is Grace Yao. And of course we’ve got Gary Lymes, the Flea Tones. Thank you, Gary. No, Gary, no. So Grace Yao, let me say a little bit about Grace before we bring her out here. So Grace Yao talks about family relationships, observation of rules in life we all follow and are fed up with. She has bottled up beautifully her polite rage into comedy. Everybody, Grace Yao. Thank you, thank you. Oh, I can hit the applause button. Oh, I raised my hand here. Let’s get some applause for you, of course, right? Sure, that’d be great. You stayed up late tonight uh she’s supposed to be watching uh love island or something and she decided she’d talk to me yeah yeah tv broke tv broke um yeah so how are you doing tonight grace i’m i’m hot it’s hot here umhot flashes don’t help. Yeah. Just feel like I’m incredible. I got stuck in an oven. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Yeah. But uh, yeah. So um, yeah, Bob and I were talking about shame for some reason right before. My that’s always my second subject when I talk to people. Yeah. Very, very nice opener there. Um, But it was great. It’s great because I’m also a Catholic school girl. Yeah. Yeah. I still have the outfit. Shut up anyways. Yeah, it was a school for, it was a high school for girls only. It wasn’t bad. It really wasn’t that bad, really. I mean, it’s like where girls go. You know, they hang out, they gossip, they braid each other’s hair. You know, it’s kind of like that place called prison.Yeah. Yep. I served four years at St. Agnes Academy of You Will Graduate If You Feel Guilty. Yeah, I graduated the class of I’m sorry, I’m a sinner. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Oh my god, I think a really good. Sorry, sorry. You know, have you ever seen nuns? Like close up? Yeah, I have actually. Are you a Catholic schoolboy? No, I’m not. Okay. I just wonder what how would you get to see a nun? But you know, they have you noticed that nuns they don’t walk? You know, they glide in their habit and everything. And I just I used to think it was the Holy Spirit. Yeah, but looking back, it was just pure concentrated, like, I haven’t had sex since prom, you know,they’re going on yeah and and somehow i don’t know what, what did nuns do? I mean, they’re probably on like catholic dating apps, just like swiping right on Jesus. Like, Oh, you know, yes, for Jesus. And somehow they all got, yeah, they all got matched with the same guy actually. So they’re all married to Jesus. Seriously. Uh, they’re literally called the bride of Christ. Yeah. Yeah. So isn’t it weird? Like we, we call them sisters. We calling them Mrs. Jesus. Cause they’re all married to Christ. Yeah. So anyway, you know, when nuns die, they should be like, they’re probably waiting for their honeymoon finally, you know, to go on a honeymoon. But, uh, I don’t know how many people know this, but there’s no marriage in heaven, according to the Bible. But it just means that when they die, they’ll probably end up at the pearly gates with St. Peter going, I’m sorry, but there’s no sex in heaven. Please put your vaginas in the basket.Have you got one? Come on, don’t be shy. Now you know the secret. Now pretty much in heaven we’re all just Ken and Barbie dolls. Just nuns out there going, I stayed celibate to end up in eternity smooth. But anyway. Yeah, so that’s me. Catholic school girl. Lots of therapy. Anyway. Now, you really think that there’s no sex in heaven? Well, true. Just because there’s no marriage doesn’t mean… I mean, maybe it’s just all, you know, like some kind of crazy orgy up in heaven. Yes, actually. Yeah. Or maybe it’s just people… It’s like, you know… plastic sandpaper. Everybody’s just rubbing up against each other with their smoothness. What do you think? Yeah, rug burn. That’s right. I got some cloud burn going on because I’m up in heaven. Right. That’s interesting. So you spent four years at Catholic school. Now, I mean, the interesting thing as you talk about it is if it’skind of bad and good. It’s not like you’re angry about it. It’s kind of like you’re, you survived and you’re kind of, you know, it’s kind of quizzical to you, it seems like. Yeah, I’m not angry about it. I’m just like, I can’t believe, I can’t believe what they, they, what I went through. I can’t believe so So you’re saying basically you didn’t buy into all the rhetoric is what you’re telling me. Yes, pretty much. Yes. So what rhetoric would you, were the pieces that you, all the Catholics that I know, they always just take the pieces they like and then they leave the pieces they don’t like. So which pieces did you like? I liked the confessional booth. You know, you go in, there’s like a little peephole, you know, you can fly the door open. I mean, it just reminded me of like a 1920s speakeasy. Okay. Yeah. So I always… Just the physical nature of it? Or was it, do you like pouring your soul out to another person that you may or may not know? Oh, no, no, I didn’t. I would go in there when no one’s in the other little room. Yeah.Isn’t that kind of like, you know, it’s kind of weird because you could draw a comparison between the glory hole and confession. Yeah. And they’re also called a Judas hole. Oh, really? I’ve never heard that one. Explain. I must have had something to do with Judas. Okay. So basically you shouldn’t necessarily always trust who’s behind the door there, behind the other side? Yeah. They could turn on you and say, Grace, give me 10 Hail Marys and… Bloody Mary. Community service. Oh, yeah. Well, it’s up so high, I don’t know how people would actually use it for anything else. Oh, okay. I’ve never given confession, so I’ve seen the box, but I’ve never been in it. I’m always afraid to, when I’ve been in a Catholic church, I’m always afraid to go in there because I certainly don’t want to give my confession. Oh, I think it’s going to be on your bucket list now. Uh-oh. You got to try it just once.I’ve only seen the ones in movies and on Seinfeld and whatnot where it’s like right there where they’re leaning against each other, basically. You said it’s high up, so it’s above where your head would be while you’re sitting down, I’m assuming. Oh, you’re sitting down and it’s like where your head is. Yeah. Oh, okay. Interesting. So open the door before they open the door. Who’s behind there? So did you have to give confession while you were in high school? It was an option. Oh, they didn’t make you do it like, well, Grace, we haven’t seen you by the confessional recently. You might want to go in there. I’m sure you’re not been really that great. I mean, it’s obvious. Thank goodness. It wasn’t a grade. So it was just. Your clothing alone tells me you need to be in there. The what alone? Your clothing. My clothing alone.You’re you’re obviously breaking some of the dress codes here at the academy. Oh, the little plaid uniforms that look like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Probably for those girls who would, you know, roll up their their little skirt belts. Mm hmm. One too many times, and it made it like really, really a miniskirt. Uh-huh. Probably they were in confession. Probably in trouble, huh? Yeah. Hmm. So I don’t want to necessarily talk about Catholic stuff all night. No offense. If you want to talk more about it, if you have like a proclivity to only talk about Catholic things, we can. But if not, I have some other questions. Let’s go to the other question. I’ll take other questions for 400. OK, so. So we were talking earlier, I said, if you had anything to plug, you can go ahead and say it. So is there anything you want to mention here at the now or. I like to get it out of the way and then we’re going to come back to it at the end, but like to get it out of the way. Yeah, let’s get it out of the way. Thank you, mom.for giving me lots of material to talk about. Oh yeah. And you can find me on Instagram. My handle is grace. Yeah. Underscore. Double O. Really? There’s zero, zero. I just wanted the James Bond thing, but it’s four, zero, zero. Is that because of your mother? Does she have some kind of crush on James Bond or something? Absolutely not. I don’t think she even knows who he is. Really? So what, So why – so what is your mom – what’s the worst thing your mom’s done? Has she embarrassed you or what is she – has she punished you? Has she, you know, guilted you into, you know, taking care of her and paying for her car or something? Yes. Yep. All of that. All of that. What kind of car does she have? I’m just curious. Asian. What kind of car does she have? Yeah. If you’re paying for it, I’m just curious what –Is it a Kia Soul or is it like a BMW? What are you buying for mom? She has a Lexus. Hey. Well, that’s a lot of guilt. But now I feel light. I’m all good. Well, you figured I’ve evened up with a Lexus? Absolutely. Let me see. Birth equals a Lexus. I think that’s going to be their new marketing. Yes. I mean… Everyone could do this. Easy. You can pay your way out of guilt. Yeah. Well, I mean, that’s kind of what a lot of people do. It works. That’s why. What kind of Lexus is it? Can I even get that specific? The model? It’s white. Okay. I don’t even know all the Lexus names. Me neither. Me neither. I think they’re all, they’re not numbers, are they? I’m trying to think here. No. No, of course not. Now you have me like, I better look it up. Like a Lexus 350. I don’t know what they are. I’ll have to look it up myself. Are you looking it up? I’m looking it up. I have a friend who just got another question. Why don’t I have to look up stuff?Well, what else did she do? I mean, is your mom still hassling you, even though you got our Alexis? No, it works. Oh, really? I’m telling you. Get to your mom, Alexis. Okay. I’m going to put these keys in your hand, and you’re going to shut the hell up. Yes, yes. Is that what you said? No, of course not. Oh, okay, good. Does she live near you or did you move far away? I moved far away, thankfully. After the Lexus, she just dropped it off and you’re like, see ya. Yeah, I moved far away. She was still stalking me. So I was like, okay, here’s some Lexus. Calling your mother a stalker is really apropos. I mean, she did give birth to you. I think she has some connection. She has a right to…I didn’t say a right. I just said a connection. Yeah, it’s called the umbilical cord. Invisible umbilical cord, yes. Oh, my goodness. When did your life turn around? So you had, obviously, through high school, you had some trauma with your mother, even into your adult life, to the point where you’re buying her off and moving far away. When did your life change? become good? When I got into stand-up comedy, of course. Oh, okay. Well, I guess we can talk about that. Yeah. So tell me about that. So you bought your mom off, you know, you packed up the station wagon, you moved far away, and then you’re like, next stop, the Yuck Yuck Hut. Yuck Yuck Hut. Okay. Yeah. i don’t know i don’t know what it’s called near you. Ah, okay. Honey bone. I don’t know. Yeah. Um, and then, and then someone was getting, giving a class for all female identifying people who want to take a stand-up class. And I was like, that sounds safe. Uh, and it’s a lot cheaper than therapy soI thought you meant it was cheaper because it was all female for some reason. I’m like, that doesn’t sound good. No, you just take the class and then find free open mics. Oh, wow. You can have as much therapy as you want. I mean, every day of the night if you want. Yeah. Do you think it’s helped you? Oh, absolutely. Oh, good. In what ways would you say – what’s the most – the best way it’s helped you if you say – do this, you know, cause I got a bad back. And if you hang upside down for three minutes every day, you’re going to feel great. What is, what is that equivalent? It’s equivalent to all that stuff that you wrote in your diary or your journal. Now you can take it up on stage and get paid for it. Give me an example.Oh, let’s see. Um, like when I was well, okay. So my parents, um, yeah, I wasn’t their favorite child. So how many brothers and sisters do you have? Well, I was the only child. Oh, was there, was there a dog or something? Not even a dog. It was just me. It was just gerbil. They loved the gerbil. They hated me. Um, Yeah. So, and they’re, they’re very, my mom’s very traditional. So, you know, having a boy is like really good. So having a grace, not so much. Yeah. She could have dressed you up and, you know, kind of steward you in that direction. How did you know? Yeah. Yeah. And then, um, uh, she, she was like, I cut your hair. And so she, she did, she cut my hair and gave me, I don’t know if you can even call them bangs, but, but, um, she loved it. She loved it. Cause all, all her friends were like, and this was when I was young. So all her friends were like, Oh, what’s your son’s name? How old is your son? And my mom was so happy because now she had a boy, you know? Yeah. What did she call you? Gray or something? Those is gray.No, it was my Chinese name, so… Oh, okay. Okay, well, I guess there’s gender identifiers in Chinese names, I would imagine. Mine wasn’t very gender identifying, so… You’re like Boy George or something? I was, yeah, beyond my time. I’m just joking. Well, that’s interesting. So, yeah, yeah, I was… Your mom tried to pass you off as a boy, as a child. Yeah, yeah. When did you finally get to be a girl, I guess? I will never have short hair ever. Okay, interesting. Yeah, yeah. That’s funny. My mom always, I have an older brother. My mom wanted me to be a girl. Okay. But she never like forced me into the, you know what I mean? She just would say it. Well, we have Bob, but we really wanted a girl. So did you try to please her? I don’t know. I certainly doesn’t sound like that. I had anything near your experience just to be, you know, no, I don’t know. I don’t think so.We got along really well, but I just, you know, in hindsight, I do remember these things. But I’m, what do you want to say? It may have contributed to my aloofness. Because a lot of people would describe me as very aloof. And so I think that’s probably part of that. Because I really don’t pay a lot of attention to a lot of things. Just whatever you don’t want to hear, you just don’t pay attention to. Apparently. Yeah. My wife will tell you that too. Maybe different. I don’t know. I’d love to talk to your wife. We probably have a lot in common. She just thinks I don’t listen at all. So yeah, but no, that’s, that’s horrible. I mean, I’m sorry that you’re. Oh, it was, it was, you know, the seventies and eighties. So yeah. Yeah.It just went over my head. Everybody looked like a boy. I know. Like you can dress in boy clothes. You can dress a girl in boy’s clothes, but you don’t really put a dress on a boy back then. So it’s like no one really, yeah, I didn’t really know any different except for like. You just kind of rolled with it. I rolled with it. I was like, well, I’m not a boy, but that’s weird. Yeah. Did you ever say I’m not a boy in your mind? Like, shh. I probably did. Yeah. He’s like, you’re killing the illusion, kid. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So when when was it that you kind of rebelled against that? Hmm. Oh, I think it was middle school. I I just went punk. You know? Oh, gosh, I know.I know. Now, were you, because you said your mother’s Chinese. So this all happened while you were in the States or whenever? Were you in China for a while and then came over the States? No, I was born. Yeah, I’m here in the U.S. So I never, I mean, I visited China, but nope, it was here. So you were born in the United States and everything. And then your mom’s just from China. So you’re a first generation Chinese. For your family. Yeah, kind of. I’m Canadian, but came to the States. Oh, gotcha. You came through. Oh, well, you’re one of those Canadians. Yeah. That explains a lot. Oh, does it? Yeah. What does it explain to me? What does it explain? Suri. Suri. Are you Suris? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you have a very, you know…you know, Canadian attitude towards things, it sounds like. Very polite. Very polite. Overly polite, yes. Very ragey inside, yeah. Yeah, but angry, yes. But you don’t want anybody to really know it unless it slips out. So when was the last time you beat up a mom? Never. Never slips out? Okay. You’re just going to take that with you to your grave. Well, to heaven. And then you’ll join the party with Jesus. Hey, I did not swipe right. I am. Yeah. Gary’s going to play a quick song here and then we’re going to play a game. How’s that sound? Oh, fun. Okay. Let’s hear this song. Are you ready? I am ready. Wow. Let’s hear it. Hey, Gary, take it away. I’m tired of it. Okay. You want to guess what that song was? I have no clue. Oh, good. Well, then we’ll leave it like that. Okay. So let’s go. I have no clue. Just kidding. So I’ve got, let’s play a game here. These are all improvisational games. I’ve got one called world gone mad, where we talk about crazy things in the world today, which has become, I thought it was a throwaway category, but,this last year or two has not been that way. What a story where I will ask you to tell a story on a random topic that I pick and I will critique you along the way. Mind Guck, I’ll come up with a crazy piece of trivia and then we’ll talk about that. For instance, did you know that on average 18,000 new species are discovered each year? Oh yeah. Great. Another one called you’re the expert. You need to pretend that you’re an expert. I will tell you what field you’re an expert in and then you have to, uh, convince me. Okay. Words for you. I’m going to give you an identity and then you respond to random words that I will tell you. For example, I’ll say you’re a Benedictine monk and I say the word calligraphy and then you come back to something where the last one is ask not.I’ll pose questions to you and you need to give the worst advice possible on the topic. Which one would you like? Or I’ll just randomly pick one. That’s a lot. Um, what were the first two? Okay. I can shorten the list. Yeah. I can see it. Yeah. Whatever the phone, a friend, no phone, a friend. I don’t have any friends. So none of those jumped out at you that you’re like, Oh, I want to do that one. It did. Um, but I forgot what it was already. What were the first two? What was the premise? Huh? What was the premise? It’s before the monk thing. What was before the monk thing? Benedictine monk. You are the expert. I will, I’ll tell you that you’re an expert in a field. And then you’re going to just make up all these facts. Cause you’re the expert. No, the one before that, then it was, well,One before that, Guck Yeah? Mind Guck? So I’ll come up with a crazy piece of trivia, and then we’ll talk about it, whether it’s true or not. And maybe you’ll come up with a crazy piece of trivia. No, I don’t like any of those. Okay. No? The one before that? Wait a minute. Yeah, the one before that. Let’s go. We’re going back through the list. Yeah. Trivia? No trivia. Oh, no trivia. Yeah. Which one then? You want me to just pick one? Okay. You pick one. All right. Ask not. I like this one. Okay. I’m going to give you questions, and you are going to give me the worst advice possible. Oh, okay. This is your challenge, right? You don’t want to give good advice. You want to give really bad advice. Okay. I’m thinking about buying my mother a new car. Oh. What car should I get her?Okay. It sounds like we went over this before. Well, you definitely want to get advice. Yeah, go to the junkyard. You know, it’s like thrifting. And it’s what people it’s in now, you know, thrifting for clothes, furniture, you need a thrift. That’s cool. So get her the the like, like a rat rod or something. A rusted out rust bucket. Yeah, it’ll make her feel just right at home. Possibly she’ll get tetanus by opening the door. Well, get her some gloves. You know? Get her some fancy gloves. Silk, possibly silk. She’ll love that. Silk gloves and a rusted out lemon is what you’re saying. Yep. I believe you. That was very convincing. Yeah, recycle. I was thinking about giving my mother a trip to see the Titanic. Do you think that’s a good idea?Well, I’m guessing she’s really good at scuba diving. It’s far down there. I mean, just get her a flashlight, a good flashlight. She can find her way all the way down. And probably like a long rope. Oh, okay. You don’t want her to stay down there is what you’re saying. Right, right. So she can tug on it or you can pull her back out. Oh, okay. I think the Titanic’s like, you know, it’s a good, you know, thousand feet or something. I know. Maybe more. Yeah, it might take her a few days. Xander, look that up for me real quick. How far down the Titanic goes. So a good flashlight, not a cheap one, not like one where you have to have that square battery or anything stupid like that. You’re talking about good lithium ion flashlight and a rope.Whatever they use under the water. Yeah. And whatever the whatever those ropes are that go under. Exactly. Exactly. But she’ll have a great time. Maybe just some surgical tubing. She could tie around her waist or something. Yes. Very important. Long, long. So now you haven’t talked about your dad. So Father’s Day is coming up. What would be the good Father’s Day gift to get somebody? What do fathers need? Another remote? What would that control? Nothing. That’s the best thing. But they feel like they’re in charge. Ah. The commander remote that makes them feel like that they’re actually doing something even though it doesn’t do anything. They just want to push buttons and be in control. Maybe it says you’re the best every time you push a button. Always. Always.You know, kind of like those, yeah, those buttons that say things. You’re the best. You’re the best. You’re the best. There you go. You’re in control. You definitely thought of that idea. Well, that sounds like a pretty good gift. I mean, is that on Timu or where we find that at? Everything’s on Timu. Unless you want to pay more. Oh my goodness. So are you a Timu shopper? You’re an expert Timu shopper? Is that what you’re telling me? I’m a download Timu shopper. Yes. I know it’s very bad for the environment and everything else. My kids tell me they would never shop on Timu. Really? They’re just not going to ever watch this interview. Yeah. Well, what do you expect, right? Are you a Timu shopper?No, I’ve never purchased anything off T-Mobile, to be honest with you, but I’m not a purchaser. Okay. I have people for that. Oh, that’s right. Of course. I don’t do that. I don’t. Yeah. I’m like a mob boss. I just sit in the back and tell people and then that comes to me. Anyone that hosts a show definitely needs people to work for them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got people. You do all that stuff like Gary and the band, all those kind of people. Yep. So Timu gets an A-plus then from you, I guess. If you had a preference between Alibaba, Timu, and Amazon, what’s the ranking? You know, I don’t know who’s listening. I better not say anymore. No one likes any of those. What are you talking about? No one likes Jeff Bezos. No one likes Alibaba or Timu or Shein. They’re all evil. What about this new thing called Whatnot? Have you seen this where you sell things? They sell things. It’s basically the home shopping network, but online. Have you seen this? That’s new to me. Maybe I shouldn’t introduce you to it. But it’s selling stuff, not buying stuff, right?Well, yeah, but have you ever, you haven’t tried, you haven’t seen it or tried it. So I don’t know. I have not seen it. What advice could you give me on using whatnot? What not, um, what not to sell next time? Um, you can sell your wife on it. What? I think that’s a whole different website. Goodness gracious. Well, I don’t know about whatnot. I don’t know what you can and can’t sell. Okay. Well, uh, on that note, I think that, I think that, uh, Mr. Beast, I think brought whatnot into the world. And so I don’t know if that’s what he did, but we’ll have to look into his background. Oh, it’s a Mr. Beast thing. Dang. Okay. But, uh, Gary’s going to play us a little tune and we’ll come back and wrap things up. Sounds great.Drink. Yeah. Thank you, Gary. The help you talk about people buying your stuff and then they all turn against you. So Grace. Yes. You, you mentioned your Instagram. Was there anything else that you wanted to, uh, tell people about? I mean, you do open mics. You said, are you gonna be anywhere or should they look for you? Or do you have like uh like like Prince, they have your own symbol or something. I wish I did. No, I don’t have anything coming up. I kind of like… What’s your mom got you doing? Are you doing laundry or anything for her? What was that? Are you doing laundry or anything for her? No. She’s very far away. I don’t have to do laundry. Are you doing tech support for her when she calls up and she can’t get things working? No? No.That doesn’t work too well. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don’t know. I’m just asking. I always end up being tech support for my folks. And so I’m just, I don’t live that close. True. Yeah. I just have her call my kids because I call my kids for tech support. Oh my goodness. I, I’m kind of, what she asked me, I’m like, let me ask my, you know what? I’ll just have, Your grandkids call you. Oh, okay. Yeah. Now, have you ever thought about doing your act as a man? Just to kind of throw back to the, maybe you start out looking like a man, and then as you go through the act, you take off your hat or whatever. Oh, wow. Yeah, if I could get my voice that down deep. Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. No, I don’t.Yeah, no, I have not. That would be new for sure. I’m just thinking out loud here. I don’t know. Just from talking to you tonight, I’m like, hey, that sounds like a gimmick that would work. You come out like with a baseball hat on and like a hockey jersey or something. And, you know, you talk about, you know, I’m the apple of my parents eye because I was a boy, you know, we’re Chinese and I get showed around. And then, of course, you slowly reveal that that was traumatic and terrible. And you’re not a boy. So when I take off my hat, my hair falls down. Yeah, exactly. Start looking like a striptease about that. Well, I wasn’t going to get that far into things. I was just thinking a hockey jersey and then, you know, maybe you have something nicer, more feminine on underneath the hockey jersey. I don’t want to get, yeah, I wasn’t going in that direction, Grace. Come on now, you’re making me feel bad. No, my brain went in that direction. Yeah, I guess so. Pops come in, they go, excuse me. Well, there you go. Have you tried stripping instead of comedy? I don’t know, maybe.Nothing to see here. Nothing to see here. Maybe, you know, because they have those pole dance classes where people learn how to pole dance. I don’t know. They do. Have you ever wanted to? Oh, my God, no. Are you kidding me? I’m rickety. I hear it’s great exercise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t think it would work out for me. I already have joints dislocating just by walking down the street, so I don’t need to wrap myself around a pole and do it, so… All right. I got loose joints. That’s what they are. Loose joints. Loose joints. Yeah. I think I have tight joints. They just crack. Oh, my gosh. No, mine just pop out of place. And then everything swells up. And then you got to go to the doctor and everything. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Terrible. Men’s.Menopause? Men? men Menopause? No, unfortunately, it’s been happening to me since I was in high school so yeah so it’s a lifelong problem. Gotcha, gotcha. Not that we need to go there. So, Grace, you’re not liking the striptease and or the transformation. We’ll call it the the Grace Yao transformation Act. What do you got coming up? I mean, what are you thinking about doing? Where’s the future for Grace Yao? I wish I could tell you. You tried to tell me. I wasn’t listening. I said, I wish I could tell you. Oh, okay. Good. I don’t know. Just looking to possibly put on a show myself. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like a one-woman type show? No, I’ve done one of those. Okay. What was it called?It was called a one-woman show. It was called When I Was a Boy. Yeah. Oh, dang. It was so long ago. What was it called? Word Search. Word Search, yeah. Oh, okay. Searching for words. Searching for words. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So what’s the new thing then? I just want to host a few comics, hopefully in the mom genre or female genre, mom genre. Yeah. with a few like guest male comics. Just throwing around those ideas. What’s the name of that one? Mom’s Night Out. Okay. Mama Palooza. I don’t know. Two moms, one dork. How about that? Two moms, one dork. The guy would be the dork. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That’s just an idea. I’m just throwing out ideas for you here, Grace. Oh, we’re all just, I’m just throwing out ideas too. Oh, okay. So you’re going to host a show with mostly moms and then maybe some doofus. Yeah, those are the best. We’re all having fun by then, you know? Okay. Well, that’s good. Two drink minimum. Two drink minimum. BYOB. Interesting.Yeah, if I do it, yeah. At an HOA? I know, right? Oh, I did cul-de-sac comedy. Grace Yao’s cul-de-sac comedy. I know. Welcome, everybody, to the cul-de-sac. Gather around. There’s hot dogs and beer. Men over there. That’s right. That’s right. Yeah, this is another improv game. um yeah if it’s a bar, yeah, to drink minimum um i’m also auditioning for acting gigs, so. Oh my gosh, we didn’t even get into that you know are you gonna act like a little boy? You got practice in that i’d love to act like a big boy. I can’t do a little boy um Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I’m terrible. Or a man. Then I’d be trans, right? Yeah, whatever. Yeah. So have you had many acting gigs? I’ve had more commercial gigs. Really? Film-wise, like little… Teemu? What was that?Timu? You’ve been on some kind of Timu commercials or something? Do they make commercials? I don’t know. Do they? I have no idea. No. Ooh, they would probably not pay a lot, actually. Yeah. Well, they give you credit. That’s right. Oh, we’ll pay you in tchotchkes. Oh, fantastic. I love tchotchkes. More credit just to get more junk. You want to act in films, not necessarily just commercials. I enjoy all of it. Oh, okay. Yeah. I’ve been on really fun commercials. What special talents do you have? Because you know there’s a category on your resume. It’s special talents. And people like, say, horseback riding and stunt driving, and they don’t know how to do any of it. Yeah, that’s me. What have you put on yours? Drag riding? Driving? Dancing? No. Aikido? I put that on mine. Pole dancing? I put that on mine. Aikido, is that martial arts? Martial arts, yeah. Yeah, I would put I don’t sing and I could speak Mandarin. Mandarin?Really? What else can I do? Snowboard, if they need that. Wow. Just things like yoga. Beginner jujitsu. Leave the beginner part off if you’re putting on your resume. Just say jujitsu. Yeah. They don’t ask for level. Levels, yeah. Don’t ever give them the level unless they really want you to press for it. Yeah. So how would you say… Good night, everybody, in Mandarin. Which way do I want to say? That’s like good night. Yeah. Goodbye would be. There you go.

Bob has a terrible time travelling during the World Cup, while Miles takes us back to a simpler time where a 10-year-old could see celebrities in Dallas on their own. GAMES, like old school games, play a few with the Static Radio twist here – https://www.staticradio.com/category/games/ Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/g7455VoOB28 Bob has a terrible time travelling during the World Cup, while Miles takes us back to a simpler time where a 10-year-old could see celebrities in Dallas on their own. Real Travel Bad AI Transcript How are you, young man? Which item do you identify with? The scotch tape? Ha ha! Bye. Hey, everyone. Miles with this podcast thing called Static Radio here. I love how you’re so enthusiastic. You really get people into the mood of the show. I’m just an average guy. I’m just an average man living an average life. I work from 9 to 5. Hey, hell, I’ve paid the price. I’ve never done good things. I’ve never done bad things. You know, sometimes in your life, it’s like feast or famine for stories. The night, it’s feast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rather than just run right into it, how are you doing tonight? I’m, I’m doing well. I’m all right are you Do you want to tell the story first? No, I just have a really short thing I want to talk about because I know you’re going to have a pretty long thing going on here. I’m a rambling man. Just because I had a request from one of our biggest fans. Oh, really? I wanted to honor that young man’s request. Who was requesting this? Are we privy? It is a loyal listener by the name of CB. Oh, CB. A good old CB. CB.He’s battling psoriasis right now, so he’s like, Miles. Is he really? I’m just making that up. I don’t know. Psoriasis kind of has negative connotations. You might want to say he’s just got like pink eye or infantile. Yeah. Gingivitis. Gingivitis, yeah. I can see him having like fist disease or something weird, you know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m not sure what he does, but anyway. We are brothers in arms. The disease of. but um no uh and unfortunately i’ve really through captions on tiktok and Facebook, I’ve actually told most of the story, but he wanted to hear a little bit more about, I’d posted some pictures, like they weren’t really postcards, but kind of headshots of a couple of people from an old, old, old show that was on nbc called real people, people, uh, which was kind of a feel good stories, I guess, alifting feel good stories that, uh, there was like, what about six people on the cast? Uh, various times. Yeah. There was Skip Stevenson. I’m going on a memory here. Yeah. Barbara. Yep. Uh, uh, who’s the Byron Allen. He was on later though. Oh, okay. Peter Billingsley was on Bill Rafferty as well. Bill Rafferty. That’s what I was trying to remember. Bill Rafferty. And, um, Everybody’s favorite porn house viewer. captain Willard, Fred Willard. Yeah. Yeah. And I think there was, I don’t think there was anybody else that i can recall. Oh, Mark Russell appeared early on in the earlier seasons. And I think they got rid of that guy. Remember he played the piano and like did political songs. Oh, that guy. Was he on there? Yeah. He was on real people for a while. He played i’m gonna tell you, I’ll tell you skip i’m gonna play a songYou know, Jimmy Carter, he likes peanuts. Wait, did you say peanuts? Yeah, it’s peanuts. Peanuts. And then I think they got rid of him, and that’s when Byron Allen came on. Oh. You know, I didn’t. Wow, man, this guy knows his real people. Let’s get rid of that stupid-ass white guy playing the piano, singing songs about, you know, Millard Fillmore. Yeah. Somebody hip in here, like Byron Allen. If you knew Susie like I knew Susie. What was the question? What was his question about it? You seem to be intrigued by it. Have you pleasured yourself to Sarah Pichelle? Not at that point. I was too young. Or was I? I was going to say, I didn’t think you were too young. I don’t know. I’ve probably been about 10 when that show came out. I know.Uh, but anyway, they had done, I kind of looked this up a little bit, but they had kind of done like this promotional thing where they rode like a train around United States. They had different promotional stops in different cities and they had, this was, I think early on. Cause, uh, as fate would have it, I was actually at one of these stops, um, down in Dallas, Texas. Yeah. I was like, hey, hey, where’s the free stuff? My kid needs it. Interesting enough, I think I was there by myself. That’s the weird part. Yeah, I was like a young kid. This is before you knew kids could be kidnapped and murdered. Hey, kid, go run around Daly Plaza or whatever it was. Kennedy got shot in the head. See what it’s all about. There’s this weird phallic-likebuilding, uh, in dallas called like the reunion center or something called the book depository. No, it’s come on. It’s a, come on. You know, I’m talking about, it’s kind of a funky looking i’ve been to dallas actually. So, and i’m sure you have, I’m sure i’ve seen the area. Yeah. And, um, nap on the grassy knoll. No, I had, no, this has nothing to do with the grass. Get it Yeah. Get past that. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the book depository. The grass, you know, it has nothing, nothing. and uh so oddly and i don’t know, I don’t, I somehow happened upon this or i don’t know how i heard about it. I went out. I remember being by myself though, like in this crowd of people, which i can’t see sarah purcell i’ll show her, you know, that’s not the first time I, because my dad would win like this yearly trips for his company he worked for. And,I remember like walking around like downtown Toronto by myself when I was a kid. I’m like, wow. I mean, I’m like, I’m even here to tell you the truth. I’m lucky. I’m just that, you know, it’s not like you’re like prime. pickens as a child you know what i’m saying i don’t know people are looking for you you’re like one of those kids in the uh far side comics that you know sticks his head in the trap and whatnot i look like uh when i was kind of look like peter billingsley like if he went on a bender as a kid five o’clock shadow peter billingsley at eight and Yeah, my hair’s all fucked up walking around. Kind of like Peter Billingsley mixed with W.C. Fields. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that’s me. Yeah. Okay. And so the train was there. And as I recall, this is a long time ago, I’m sure it was Skip Stevenson and Sarah Purcell. Wow. And they were waving to people. They weren’t really.Fred Willard would have been the third A-lister. Bill Rafferty and John Barber, B-list at best. I don’t like to say this is like a million years ago, so I really don’t. This is like early, early 80s. You could just be making all this up is what you’re saying. Yeah, so this is called the false memory. I don’t know. It was implanted. But the odd part, if that wasn’t odd enough, is like some dude had like a stack of like these headshots and literally just put it in my hands and walked away. I’m like, Here you go, here. You look like Peter Billingsley’s drunk cousin. I’ll give this to you. Are you on a bender, Peter, or what’s going on? I don’t know. I must have cherry-picked the ones I want. I just threw the rest in the dumpster. You didn’t keep them all? No. You have no sense of history? No. At the time, you don’t really think about stuff. You’re like, oh, okay. I understand.this just happens all the time. You know, I could just randomly walk around downtown Dallas by myself as a child and 10 years old. I don’t know how old I was. Yeah. Be honest. You’re like 25. Come on. Yeah, I wish. No, that is true though. Yes. I went to the red light district. Uh, you know, one night, we didn’t get to stay at the nice hotel. And I think we actually stayed very close to the red light district. That’s what your dad was. I, I only got two nights at the good hotel. Yeah. And I don’t know why, but cause I, the only thing I remember like out in front, there was like this huge rat and had been run over. Oh, great. And it had like dried out, like all of its juices were gone. So all it was like, just kind of a gross, you know, whatever it was, you know, like, Oh, a rapper, you know, like, Oh,The things you remember on trips. So, yeah. So, but I know that I, I didn’t get to shake anyone’s hand or, you know, I was quite a, you know, a lot of people got to steal a stack of headshots. I didn’t steal. No, some dude, just some random dude. I have random people come into my life. You know, when I was younger, green gave the Jersey to the kid, this guy, big kid. Yeah. I mean, I wish it would have been like $100 bills or something. No, it’s like headshots of real people. Well, little did you know, those are worth $100 a piece now. I know. I know. I sent this to you privately. You’re like, where’s Sheriff Rousseau? I want to knock it off, man. Like, I don’t have it. I threw it away. I threw it away. No, they were…How, in the end of the story, I guess, to conclude it is that, uh, my niece, my niece’s nephew, their dad passed earlier this year and they’re kind of cleaning out his house. And there was like this big thing of like postcards that, uh, my sister had. Right. And, uh, like it’s postcards upon postcards upon postcards of zoo animals and hotels, like. I said to my mom, I go, back in the day, didn’t hotels have like free postcards like they kept in the room of just like the picture of the hotel? Yeah, you could send the Holiday Inn to your friends. Oh, no. Have a great time with the Holiday Inn. No, no, no, no. Oh, no. Yes. No, I’m like, are you sure? Like they’d put like two or three. No, no, no, no. You get a pen, usually a little pad of paper and a couple of postcards. Yeah, right. I mean, it’s like a long time ago, but you know.I don’t know. That concludes the story. Well, funnily enough, my adventure starts out in Dallas. Oh, really? Coink-a-dink. What a coink-a-dink. I went to California, Los Angeles, on a little trip recently, but we had a short layover in, well, it was supposed to be short, layover in dallas uh love field oh that’s where kennedy uh landed yeah which i have dubbed the gayest airport in the nation. Well, you felt right at home then. I did, exactly. So, we got there. So, apparently, if you’re trying to fly right now in the united States, Canada, or Mexico, you’re fucked. Okay. Because the World Cup is happening in North America, and all these people are on all these planes. Oh, shit. I didn’t think about that. Yeah, and they’re happening all over the North America. So our flight was delayed. We get to Dallas Love Field, again, the gayest airport in the nation. You did not go to Hobby? No.This is where they took us, right? And so then we had to stay there longer than expected because our next flight was delayed. And so my wife was like, we’re sitting there, you know, we had like, we were supposed to have about 25 minutes. Yeah. And that turned into two hours. Sure. And so she’s like, I’m hungry. Go get me a pretzel over there at the pretzels. $16. Well, yeah. I don’t even want to talk about money. I’m so beat up. We’ll talk about it. Sorry. I go, okay. My wife’s got a bad foot right now. I’ll go get you. What do you want? Cinnamon sugar pretzel. Okay. Something to drink and what have you. I go, okay. She goes, you’re going to get something? I’m like, I’ll see what’s happening. I walk over into Aunt Annie’sAnd I mean, it’s hopping. There’s a lot of people around, you know, because they’re all stuck like we were. All these Irish hooligans. Yeah. And so I go in and this guy, this guy, I go to the counter. I go, okay. I had gotten some drinks out of the drinks fridge. Yeah. And I said, I’ll take these drinks. And I got myself a bag of burritos. Right. And I need a cinnamon and sugar pretzel. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I go, what’s going on? No cinnamon and sugars. No cinnamon and sugar. No cinnamon and sugar. And I’m like, okay. I go, are you ever going to have… Oh, yeah, 35 minutes. We’ll have some cinnamon and sugar in 35 minutes. Now, this guy…And he goes, he sounded like Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop whenever he does the gay character. Yeah. If you remember that far back. Yes. And then he goes, except if you’d like to send the sugar nugs, those will be up in 10 minutes. Then I go, okay. He goes, but I can’t check you out until they’re ready. I’m like, fine. Can I just pay for this and I’ll come back in 10 minutes? And then he starts, he goes, I guess so. So he starts to check me out. And then this other guy brings up cinnamon and sugar nuggets. Here you go. Yeah. And then he goes, oh, they’re ready. You’re going to have to get back in line, though. No, I didn’t get checked out totally. So he did a good job of shuffling them into the mix there. Yeah. Yeah. No, you can’t plop in anywhere without spending like $25, $30. I mean, it’s ridiculous. But anyway, he sounded to me just like Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop whenever he did kind of his gay voice. So then I go sit back. I tell my wife, I’m like, you almost didn’t get Son of Sugar.And she’s like, what? So I sit down, and then behind us, because you know all the seats are weird at airports, this very flamboyant gay man is sitting behind us with the speakerphone on, having a very loud conversation with, I’m assuming, a person of interest about what they’re going to do. person of interest? That seems more criminal than No, no, I mean, this kind of relationship thing. Significant other, maybe, or something? No, I think this is a little less than significant other, but yeah okay that’s going on behind us, and we’re trying she’s trying to eat cinnamon sugar i’m trying to eat these Doritos, and then in front of us is the world cup game, which is the reason why we’re in this ponderingAnd so finally he takes this conversation elsewhere, which I was kind of glad it was really loud. And then this woman walks by who is incredibly pregnant. And she’s wearing a shirt that would be in your wardrobe. Oh, really? Okay. She has a t-shirt on that is in no way, shape, or form covering her pregnant belly at all. Oh, you’re seeing flesh, aren’t you? Flesh, stretch marks, scar. She had the black line from her belly button down to her. Yes. The belly button was poking out. She was right in front of me while I’m trying to eat my Doritos. Was her belly button sticking out? Yes. Oh, wow. It looked like a goddamn panic button. Did you touch it? No, I didn’t touch it. First of all, it reminded me of you because of the belly and the scar. Yeah. Because you have a scar. I do. It wasn’t a scar yet. It was obviously because of her belly. She was so pregnant. She was incredibly pregnant. That was Dallas Love Field. We had two hours of this weirdness going on. Finally get on the plane to headCalifornia. And that flight was fairly innocuous other than the fact that it was too long and my back was killing me. But FIFA Mania was everywhere because there was a game that was played in Los Angeles. And we get to our hotel finally after we traveled basically from I think we left our house around three And then finally arrived at our hotel in Los Angeles at around 11. Which is great. It should have been basically about a four hour ish. We should have been there around seven 30 or something turned into this marathon travel thing. So we get there and the place is just going crazy. They got the world cup game going on in the bar. There’s women on roller skates. They’re just going everywhere. Oh wow. Yeah.think they were the waitresses, honestly, but I, I don’t know. And so i was just trying to get up and get to sleep because i was really tired. And, um, and so we get onto the elevator and this australian guys is like, Oh, he’s like, hi, you here for the paper no off yeah so yeah he was, uh, We let him down tremendously, just so you know. Got yourself a nice little shiver there, don’t you? Exactly, yeah. That was another kind of weird encounter, and he just was going on and on about the football game, the soccer game, whatever you want to call it. Most of these are travel stories. I’m not going to get too much into… What we actually did, I sent you some things. We went and saw, you know, some things and whatnot. Yes. You went to Robert Rodriguez’s old apartment, I heard. That’s right. We went to Robert Rodriguez’s old apartment. And oddly enough, still on his refrigerator was the recipe for pulled pork. There you go. Okay. Yeah. You know, he’s a cooking guy, you know. Well, he’s dead, but yeah.You mean Ramirez. Oh, Ramirez, yeah. Robert Rodriguez is the director who… Not the director. Weirdo. We did not stay at the Cecil Hotel, which is… My apologies. My apologies. Sorry. Ramirez. Ramirez. Excuse me, Ramirez. So we were in LA. We did some great things, had some fun. It is the… I’ll have to say, you know, no offense to anybody. There we go. It’s an interesting place, but it is so filthy. And there’s so many, you can hardly get anywhere. It’s like walking through molasses or something. It’s just so terrible. So the best thing for me was we rode in a way mode. You know what a way mode is? driverless car. Oh, I was wondering that. You made some comment. I’m like, he didn’t mean that, did he? Yeah. So, uh, we, we were there and, uh, there’s a bunch, there’s like, I looked it up. There’s 500 waymos in los Angeles, the city of los Angeles. Right. Not all running all the same time because they take, you know, charge and whatnot. But anyway, so you just with the it’s just like Uber, but with no driver. That’s weird.It was great. And they autonomously drive around the city in this horrendous traffic. It is horrendous. No one stops. Yellow light is just a mere suggestion. It has to be solid red for a good minute and a half before they actually stop going through the intersection. Right. So how these cars navigate this kind of traffic is beyond me. But we took several of the Waymos and it was fantastic. It was a great experience. So if you want to sponsor the podcast, I’d be happy to talk wax poetically about how great you are forever. That was a nice looking car. I’m like, wow, he’s rented a nice car. But then I was like, that was a nice car. Like this guy does not up around man is a Jaguar. And, uh, and so, yeah, we took several of them because number one, they’re,They’re actually a little cheaper, at least right now. I think they’re subsidizing them. But the other thing is you don’t have to tip anybody. Or listen to their stupid stories. Right. Well, yeah. Well, that’s a whole other thing. Hold on. Hold on. But the thing is they won’t let the Waymos go to the airport. Okay. So we went to the airport and we had to take an Uber, which is fine or whatever. We get this Uber driver. who looks, for lack of a better term, kind of thuggish. He’s got these big wraparound sunglasses. He was nice enough. He said, hey, and whatnot. I mean, you know, I’m not looking for… It’s not a date, for Christ’s sake. I just need a ride to the airport. So we’re driving to the… Trips to the airport in Los Angeles are like 50 bucks. Yeah. So…He’s driving us to the airport. The whole time, he is talking to someone on the phone, which is, you know, he’s got his headphones on or whatever. Yeah. And he’s muttering. He’s like… Was it Louis Armstrong? No, it was just this dude. He’s just talking real low and muttering. He had, like, all the windows down. I don’t really, I would rather have air conditioning myself. Yeah. I mean, it’s really, it’s really nice, but it’s like, I sat behind him and then my wife sat on the other side in the back and apparently he was spitting something into a napkin the whole time. And so she was all skeeved out the whole, the whole way. Yeah. Unfortunate for him because she’s the one that controls the tipping and the rating. So you can tell where that didn’t go well for him. But it was just like, you’re an Uber driver. Did he offer you drinks and cookies? No, no. I haven’t gotten drinks and candy from Uber drivers in years now. They’ve all just given up.Is that all just in movies now that you see that? Well, it used to be when it first started, you’d take an Uber. And yeah, they’d have drinks. They’d have like little candies. Yeah. I like the movie Stuber. I’ve watched that several times. Yeah, yeah. That was the early days. Now we’re in the days where they just mutter to their whoever. And my wife is like, when she gets out of the car, she’s like, I wouldn’t have got in that car if you weren’t with me. I’m like, why? I could see he’s trafficking women. I know it. Wow, really? How do you know that? That’s amazing. So, yeah, the Waymo experience was way better because there’s nobody in there. Yeah. There’s nobody driving. It’s just a seat. Yeah. In fact, they have a sticker. I took a picture of it because I thought it was so funny. It says, keep your hands off the steering wheel. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, I was told this in the future.And I want this for myself to drive me around so I don’t have to think about anything. Right. So, yeah. So that was our, you know, driving around town experience. We went out to breakfast one day. Very good breakfast. I don’t remember the name of the place. The Derby? No, it wasn’t the Derby. It was called Parties, I think, or Pardos or something like that. Anyway, this, so we went and had breakfast in the, Then we came back out, and we’re going to go to the next place. It’s near the Grove. It’s a popular place. Farmer’s Market and Grove. Anyway, this guy dressed fairly nicely with a nice hat. We’re getting into the car, and he’s walking by, and it looks like he’s going to get into the car next to us. He pulls on the door handle, and he just keeps walking. I’m like, that guy was just checking to see if it was unlocked.I couldn’t believe that right in front of us. Son of a bitch. Well, he didn’t think you were a cop at least. Yeah, that’s true so we went and saw the sights and whatnot and so forth. But then of course we had to make the slog back home again, still during FIFA and so we get ready the next, we actually only got home today later this morning. We were supposed to go home yesterday. And so yesterday we, my wife notices because we had a connecting flight in Denver and she noticed that our flight was gotten delayed. And so we were going to miss the connecting flight. And so she calls up the airline and is like, you know, well, what do we do? And they’re like, oh, you have to go to the airport to get this taken care of.I’m like, what? So we pay our 50 bucks, get to the airport and go to the desk. Yeah. And we’re standing in line, in a huge line. A lot of people have problems over this last weekend. Yeah. Keep this in mind for your future travel plans. Right. And we got behind this Chinese lady and looked like her father who had to be in his 90s. Yeah. I mean, he was he was really quite elderly. Yeah. But still getting around. And, uh, and so he was not happy about this whole situation. And he was getting mad at his daughter and they were fighting in front of us, you know, not fighting in the physical sense, but you could, they were bickering right in chineseI mean, he shuffled when he walked. That’s how old he was, right? He couldn’t pick his feet up real good. But he’s getting around. So we wait in line and they’re arguing off and on. And we get up to the front and they only got two people working the whole help desk with all this chaos. Oh, sure. Yeah. And so he’s standing there and he’s like stomping his feet and talking to his daughter, I guess. And, you know, like, you know, pointing and he’s like, you know, like he’s got to get up there or whatever. There’s this lady at the counter who’s just lackadaisically on her phone trying to find out what she should do by basically pulling her whole neighborhood, I guess. She’s like, I got to call Sybil. Sybil, what should I do? Should I take the next flight? And then finally, this guy just shuffles up to the counter and pushes her out of the way. Oh my God.did anything and then this daughter kind of comes up all embarrassed and then they got waited on. It was hilarious it’s like super grandpa. Anyway, everybody in line was like cheering him because this lady was really annoying. So anyway, that was kind of funny. Oh my god well just I’m glad I don’t travel. I’m going to be honest. I hear these stories. Luckily, I don’t have the capital to do these trips, but if I did. Just to sum it up, we were supposed to leave yesterday, Monday. We could not get out of town. We had to spend the night. Thankfully, we were there visiting my daughter. She lives there, so we had a place to stay. We didn’t stay there for most our stay, we stayed at a hotel, but for this like last minute emergency thing, we stayed. And, um, and so we flew back to St. Louis and we get off and and i mean i gotta take a big piss. Right. And so we go to find the bathroom here at lambert international airport in St. Louis. And there’s this custodian guy.And he was the most aggressive mopper I’ve ever encountered. He would not let me get into the bathroom. I really had to go. No, he’s, like, slinging this mop back and forth, like, really hard. And, like, people are trying to get in to go take a piss. They just got off the plane, right? Yeah, yeah. You got to go piss. I had to look beside him with my suitcase and everything, right? Right. And get into a urinal. And then he’s, like, slapping my feet with the. trying to be. Oh, so then when i finally get, I mean, I had, it was like the longest piss i’ve taken. I can’t even remember the longest piss i’ve ever taken, but this is probably on par. Wow. So I piss and then he’s still working his way back to the door and then he won’t let me out. Oh, wow. What the fuck? He was. And the thing was, he was,he was not paying any attention to anybody. He just was doing his job as if no one existed. Meanwhile, the bathroom is just teeming with people trying to get in and out and they all have to go really bad. So, right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I mean, it’s like, he is like a water park. There was so much water on the floor for Christ’s sake. Oh my God. I’m trying not to pop my knee out of place. I’m trying to walk through this, trudge through this mop water. You got sling blade mopping around. Yeah. So the funniest thing was, so the first night we get there, my daughter picks us up at the airport in California and I’m, I’m chucking bags into the backseat of her car. Yeah. I,Go ahead and get in the front. I’ll sit in the back. I get one leg in and she takes off. Oh, Jesus Christ. I’m yelling. I’m not in the car. Oh, God. The door’s open. My leg’s hanging out, dragging on the tarmac. Oh, my God. She’s ready to go. She’s acclimated. You know what I mean? I finally get into the car. She stops, lets me get in the car and shut the door. Then we take off. So the rest of the time I’m there, even in the Waymo, I go, I’m not in the car yet. I’m not in the car. So then we get back to St. Louis. My son picks us up at the airport. Again, I tell my wife, get in the front seat. I’ll sit in the back. I’m chucking things into the back of his car. Guess what? Shoots off. My legs hang out. Oh, my God.Oh, my God. Then, of course, my wife has to tell my daughter that your brother did the same thing to your father. Your dad can’t walk now. Dragging a leg. Yeah. Luckily, you know, the weight ratio was that I was mostly in the car. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I just got left to get run over by the bus or something. Yeah. Both of my children are in such a hurry. I need that Uber, that driverless car thing. Waymo, yeah. God damn. But all in all, the horrible trip as far as flying is concerned. I would not fly until World Cup is done. And there were a lot of people who were literally flying around the country just to go see World Cup games. No kidding. Yeah. You talk about having disposable income, my friend. Yeah.That’s something. I can tell you that right now. But I would wait till it’s all over with, honestly. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/17/real-travel/” title=”Real Travel” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/17/real-travel/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

The Minotaur In this episode of the Mondo Freako podcast, host Bob LeMent interviews movie reviewer and podcaster Houston Pierce, whose own show, A Thousand Crazy Questions, is currently on hiatus until the fall. The episode kicks off with a seven-question trivia quiz on the Minotaur from Greek mythology. To both of their surprises, Houston achieves a perfect score, correctly identifying details such as the Minotaur’s parents, its given name Asterion, Daedalus as the designer of the labyrinth, and the tragic mistake Theseus made with his ship’s sails upon returning to Athens. Following the quiz, the conversation shifts into a deeper discussion about the nature of Greek mythology, exploring whether ancient citizens viewed these tales as literal history and religion rather than fiction. Bob and Houston analyze the deeply flawed, human-like pettiness of the Greek gods, comparing their dramatic behavior to modern reality television. They also touch upon pop culture adaptations, contrasting the 1997 television movie The Odyssey and Ray Harryhausen’s classic 1981 Clash of the Titans with modern cinematic remakes. The episode wraps up with a humorous theory about the gods potentially being ancient aliens, alongside a playful critique of the structural plot holes in the classic Minotaur myth. 1000 Crazy Questions ItsHoustonPierce https://youtube.com/live/q17ysmrp7bo Labyrinth of the Minotaur Game (Click Graphic to Start) Transcript (AI transcription) Hey Houston, how clean is your desk? as a 13-year-old boy’s internet history. Uh-oh. Watch out. Everybody welcome to Mondo Free. Hondo Rico. That’s right. Thank you. Tonight I’ve got with me Mr. Houston Pierce with a thousand crazy questions. Hello? How are you doing tonight? I’m sorry. I didn’t hear me over the music, probably. Oh, I can hear you a little bit. I’m doing good. It’s just a little faint, but I’m doing good. Oh, okay. I can bump it up a little bit there. What do you think? It’s a little faint. I can hear you just a little bit. Oh, that’s weird. I wonder what the deal is there. I’m like my regular levels here. I’ll turn up my stuff. All right. It’s probably my stuff. I don’t know. Oh, okay. I’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out. So welcome to Mondo Frico. I got Houston with me here. I can throw the name up there just for the heck of it. There you go. And Houston’s got a show called A Thousand Crazy Questions. What number are you up to now, Houston? I think…How many do I have? I think I was about to pass up 100 episodes, but I don’t. I forgot. Right now, my podcast is hibernating and sleeping. I’m probably going to wake it up this fall. So probably when Halloween season. You have to get up to that thousand. Turn it back on and have new guests. More questions. Oh, a thousand. I don’t know. The questions. I don’t know. I don’t know. I haven’t even tried to calculate that. I was thinking of episodes. That’s fine. Either way, you got to get to a thousand on something. Don’t you think? Yeah. Yeah. It’s just, you know, a thousand is just there to be like, you know, like a lot. I think I’ve said this before on, I think I was a guest on someone’s podcast, but I mentioned how the number of thousand actually came from. Remember that show, A Thousand Ways to Die? Uh-huh. Is it?Matt? No, not Matt TV. What was that one? Spike? I think it was Spike. Oh, on Spike. Yeah, I think you’re right. On the old Spike TV. And I saw that as like a kid. I was like, a thousand seems like such a big word. And I decided the word big number. And I just kind of like the way it sounded. A thousand ways to die. So I took it by the way. Oh, a thousand questions. There you go. And part of those could be ways to die as well. a lot of them actually are ways to die so yeah exactly well uh we’ll be watching for when you come back uh from hiatus yeah you’re working on some other stuff in the meantime, but definitely. Okay. You don’t want to talk about that, the other stuff no i i should thank you for watching that uh i have a different channel uh it’s houston pierce that’s literally the name. It’s like i t sHouston Pierce on IG, on Instagram. I post my humble two cents on movies and movie reviews, some movie essays. I also, if you look up Houston Pierce on YouTube, it’s the same handle. Houston, I think, underscore Pierce is the only difference for YouTube and Instagram. But Houston Pierce, that’s the name I’m going, that’s my name, so that’s where it is. On TikTok, on YouTube, and on IG. It’s Houston Pierce. What’s the last movie you saw? What did you talk about? The last movie I talked about was Passengers, but the last movie I saw just last night was He-Man, and I haven’t got a chance to review it yet. He-Man and Skeletor. Ah, Houston, we’re here. He-Man is in the way. That’s a pretty good Skeletor. Thank you very much, Houston. If you want me to do that for you, I’m just joking.If you want me to put that into your review somewhere, I’ll be happy to do that. I’m just joking with you. You did. This is a better skeletal voice than what I have. It sounds a little different. Everybody should check it out. Check it out. Well, do you want to – I’ll give you the choice here, Houston. Now, we talked briefly via some notes earlier. And I’ll give you the choice. Do you want to do the quiz first, or do you want to hear what tonight’s thing is? I think every time I’ve been on, I’ve asked for the quiz first. So I’m not going to stop doing that. Okay, here we go. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. Tell me if you can see that. You might not be able to read it, but can you see it? I can see it. I can see it. I don’t know how to make that bigger, honestly. But yeah, it’s kind of small there, isn’t it? But that’s okay. Let’s see. Can we do that? No, it doesn’t help at all, does it? Actually, the second part was a bit better. A little bit better. I’m going to read them out to you, so don’t worry about it too much.Okay. All right, here we go. The quiz is on the Minotaur. Okay. Have you ever heard of the Minotaur? Yeah, I’ve heard it. Minotaur, Minotaur. I don’t know which one’s right. Well, here in the Midwest, we say Minotaur. Minotaur. It could be Minotaur. But yeah, and the Minotaur is… Greek mythology. The Minotaur is the horse man, I think. No, is that a centaur? No, the Minotaur is that bull. The Minotaur is the bull man. There you go. Who were the parents of the Minotaur? Was it A, King Minos and Queen Pasipha? B, Poseidon and Amphitrite? C, Zeus and Hera, or D, King Aegis and Medea? And I have a hint if you want it. This is the hardest quiz I’ve had yet so far, Bob. But I like it. I’m here for it. There’s a hint. If you want a hint, I’ll click on the hint. I don’t know. Keep your… No. Keep your hints to yourself. Your pitiful hints. Um…I think, I know, okay, I’m pretty sure the mentor is cursed. So he probably has regular, probably had regular parents. So it’s either King Marcos and Queen something or King Ergos and Medea. I would go with A, King Marcos and Queen Palpatine. I’ll go with that one. King Minos and Queen Pasipha. He’s royalty, right? Here we go. You’re right! That’s right. The Minotaur was born to Queen Pasipha of Crete in a magnificent white bowl. Minos was Pasipha’s husband, making him the Minotaur’s stepfather, kind of. She was kind of cheating on him with a bowl, apparently. I don’t think that was how that conversation went. What do you mean you’re pregnant? Well, I mean, did you see the competition? I mean, I don’t know. No, that’s gross. Forget I said that. Let’s move on to number two. You got one right. That’s fantastic here. Cool. What was the Minotaur’s real name? He’s not just the Minotaur, folks. He’s got his own name, his given name. Was it A, Asterion, B, Theron, C, Labyrinthus, or D, Kronos? I have a hint if you’d like it.I think this is either A or B because elaborate this means that that couldn’t be it. That’s just not right. Kronos, I know. It’s not Kronos. A or B. Is he a cool guy? Is it Theon? Theron? Or is it Asteron? I’ll go with B because… No. I won’t subject to the hit. So you want to go with B? Uh… I’m going to pick A. A. All right. Here we go. Yes. Yes. Asterion. The Minotaur’s given name was Asterion or Asterius, meaning starry one. The term Minotaur itself is a combination of Minos and Tauros, the bull, essentially meaning bull of Minos. There you go. Learn something new every day, right? Or also, you know, my wife slept with a white bull. That’s also what it means. Yeah. Yeah. That’s Minos Toros Blanco anyway. Next question. Question three. You got two. You’re doing fantastic here. Who designed the labyrinth to contain the Minotaur? Was it a…Hesiphotus, which I’ve said that I like sneezed. Hesiphotus? Daedalus? Icarus? Or Prometheus? All the theses in here. All these theses. The thing is, too, these are all good actual things. They are. I don’t know who A is. I know who Daedalus and Icarus are. And I know who Prometheus is. I think this may be… Again, this is either A or B. Oh, no. Okay. I have a hint. No hints. I refuse. This has to be. This has to be. Oh, man. Did Daedalus make the thing? He was an inventor. Did he make the labyrinth? Or is it A? You could have picked A every single time, right? That goes against the rules. Yeah, it goes against multiple choice. Yeah. There’s rules for that, isn’t there? There’s like a worldwide Congress for multiple choice questions. Yeah. You can’t pick A every time. That’d be insane. I want to pick A, but just because of the rules of multiple choice, I want to say it’s B. Let me go with B. I’ll go with Daedalus. I know he’s an actual inventor. Daedalus. Yes. Let’s see. It’s right. Oh.There’s my sound. Daedalus, the legendary Athenian craftsman living in Crete, created and built the labyrinth at the request of King Minos because he was kind of pissed off. It was an elaborate maze from which escape was considered impossible. Wow. Yeah, why did he put the minotaur there? Why didn’t he just put his wife in there? Christ, why would you do this? I mean, the minotaur is innocent. He’s an innocent baby bull. Come on. Yeah, I agree yeah uh that wife of his, boy. I mean, who knows? They probably had she had giraffe children. For all we know. Number four. Why did Athens send tributes of young men and women to Crete? A, as a sign of political alliance. B, as punishment for killing Minos’ son, Andragius. C, to worship Poseidon together. Or D, to trade for Cretan silver and gold. Oof. I have a hint. Okay. Okay. I guess…I’m feeling smart right now because I got three in a row. You got three in a row is number four. I don’t want to mess this high up, so I’m going to say hint to keep myself afloat here. I’ll take the hint. Oh, he’s taking the hint. Oh, he shunned the hint for three questions now. Not too good for the hint. Now I’ll take the hint. All right. The tribute was a form of punishment imposed after a military defeat. Hmm. That means it’s either A or B. Again, A or B. This is breaking the rules of multiple choice. There’s going to be a tribunal because of this. Man, I guess it’s B because it fits the story. Want to go with B? Or maybe it’s A because A, A, B, A makes more sense than A, A, B, B. He’s looking for patterns. What are you, Claude? Come on. What are your patterns in this thing here? I’ll go first choice, best choice. Let’s go with B.All right, B. Oh, he’s correct. Oh, my God. This is scaring me. Athens was forced to send periodic tributes of seven young men and seven young women to Crete as punishment for the death of Androgius, son of King Minos, who wasn’t, you know, a bastard son from a white bull, who was killed in Athens. These youths were fed to the Minotaur. Yikes. Wow. This Greek stuff is harsh. Yeah. All right, let’s go to number five before I make more jokes about Minos’ wife. Number five. What crucial item did Andrade… Oh, gosh. Andrade give Theseus to help him navigate the labyrinth? Was it A, a magical sword, B, a ball of thread… C, a lantern filled with starlight, or D, an enchanted map? Well, D makes too much sense. That’s too much logic. You have a hint, too, by the way. You took the hint last time. Yeah. I think I can get this one without, I think. All right. The map is too straightforward. They’re never that straightforward. The lantern, maybe. A sword, maybe. Thread, maybe.Star light. I feel like this is thread. You think it’s a thread? Yeah, no hint. I’m just going to say thread. I can be wrong, but here we go. Look at this. He’s going on a limb here. That’s right. Look at that. Five for five. This guy’s on fire tonight. This is scaring me, Bob. A ride in the knee gave Theseus a ball of thread, often called the clue of a ride in the knee. He tied one end at the entrance of the labyrinth and unspooled it as he went in, allowing him to retrace his path after killing the Minotaur. This is the origin of the word clue. Huh? Ah, because it’s the clue of Aridani. There you go. Wow. Learned all kinds of stuff tonight. This is the most educational show I’ve ever done in my life. Number six. What was…You got education. You got drama. It’s like Love Island. This wife, Minos’ wife, is screwing random animals. What was the tragic mistake Theseus made on his return voyage to Athens? Was it A, he forgot to bring a Rodney aboard? B, he sailed the wrong route home? Or B, he sailed the wrong route home? C, he forgot to change his ship’s black sails to white? Or D, he boasted to Poseidon and caused a storm? What was that tragic mistake that Theseus made on his return voyage to Athens? You’re doing great. I’m going to go with the hint again. His father was watching from a cliff for a specific signal. Does that help at all? I don’t know. I guess it has to be the ship sails. Oh, the sails. Yeah, I was not going to pick that one, too. Because of the hint, I’m picking this one. Wow, because you’re doing the ABAB, you’re doing the ABBA thing. Yeah, this breaks those rules, the patterns, but it makes sense for this. Let’s see if it’s C. He forgot to change his ship’s sails to white.It’s right. This is amazing. You’re doing great. I can’t believe this either. I can’t. It’s unbelievable. All right. Theseus had promised his father, Aegeus, that if he survived, he would sail home with white sails instead of black. He forgot to make the change. Duh. Aegeus, seeing the black sails, believed his son was dead and threw himself into the sea, which thereafter was called the Aegean Sea. Man, his dad was really, you know, my son’s dead. I’m going to throw myself in the sea. Just think of his wife had, you know, shagged a white bull. God. Yeah. Number seven. In some versions of the myth, how many times did Athens send tributes to Crete before Theseus intervened? So was it A, once? B, twice?C, three times a lady, or D, seven times? How many times did Athens send tributes to Crete before Theseus intervened? I got a hint as well. This is a tough one. These number ones are tough, right? Yeah, this could be any number. This is the toughest one, even though it’s the simplest question. The reason Athens was sending tributes to Crete was because it was a punishment. Right. And so-and-so will kill so-and-so’s son. Seven men and, yeah, seven brides and seven brothers. Yeah. Is it seven? You want to go with seven? How many times? Or take the hint. I already took two hints. Is it shameful? No, that’s why I have it. This is the hardest question yet. You’re right. Okay. Okay. Hold on. I’m going to pick.Three. Because it just, this is Greek mythology. I feel like three just seems like the good number. It’s a magic number. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Three magic number, no hint. All right, here we go. Oh, we got it. Seven for seven. I see the results. Are you messing with me? No, I’m not 100%. A perfect score. He got them all right. King Minos and Queen Pasipha are the Minotaur’s parents. Asterion was the Minotaur’s real name. Daedalus made the labyrinth as punishment for killing Minos. They had to send seven young men and women to Crete. Bala Thread was what Theseus took to navigate the labyrinth and kill the Minotaur. And Theseus made a tragic mistake by not changing his ship’s sails to white, which his dad overreacted and threw himself in the sea. And then finally, three times is how many times. So that would be 21 people that Athens had to pay tribute to Crete. Amazing. I learned something. I learned something. Yeah, you should. Maybe you should be on a real game show. For Christ’s sake, that was fantastic.I don’t know what to say. I don’t know too much about the Minotaur. I think I knew maybe two out of seven. And when I say knew, I mean I had an inkling of an idea. Everything else was, yeah. Everything else was total guess. Well, maybe you should look into your lineage. Maybe you’re Greek by default somewhere. Quiz. Quiz. Quiz. All right. So now you want to hear about the Minotaur? I’ve got a little thing here. Let me see if I can… I thought I had some music here for this, but maybe I don’t. I thought I had music for this. Well, I don’t think I have it. So anyway, let me read this out loud to you. In Greek mythology, the Minotaur is one of the most enduring and terrifying monsters, a creature born of divine punishment and taboo.The beast possessed the body of a man and the head of a bull, a monstrous hybrid resulting from a curse placed upon Queen Pasipha of Crete by the sea god Poseidon. Devastated and ashamed by the creature’s existence, King Minos sought a way to hide the monster while keeping the kingdom safe. He commissioned the legendary inventor Daedalus to construct the labyrinth, a massive, impossibly complex maze beneath the palace of Knossos, designed so that anyone who entered would become hopelessly lost, trapped forever with the beast. The Minotaur’s reign of terror was sustained by a cruel tribute demanded by King Minos. Following a military victory over Athens, Minos forced the city to send seven Athean youths and seven maiden virgins into the labyrinth every nine years to be devoured by the creature. The horrific cycle continued until the Athean hero, Theseus,volunteered to be part of the tribute, intending to slay the beast. With the help of King Minos’ daughter, Ariadne, that’s a tough name, who had fallen in love with him, Theseus was given a sword and a ball of red thread to track his path through the maze. Theseus successfully navigated the dark quarters, slaughtered the Minotaur in a brutal battle, and used the thread to guide the surviving Atheans back to freedom, finally ending the The Mythic Monsters Terror. Now, in the story, I just realized every nine years were the tributes. So it would be, if it did it three times, then that’s three times nine. That’s how many years that this took place. Huh? Sorry, what is it? Three times every nine years. Right. So they did it three times for the tribute, but they only did the tribute every nine years.Yeah. And so that means it went on for what? Twenty six years. Twenty seven years. You’re right. Yeah. I mean, well, yeah, but you probably feel like it’d be like the Olympics or something, but like way more spread out with like, oh, that’s happening this year. Like, you know, it’s it’s almost a decade of waiting for that. Yeah. Yeah. That’s wild. It reminds me of the Hunger Games a lot, honestly. Oh, you think they stole from the Minotaur? I think they stole from the story. Hey, we beat you in war, and now your kids have to come here and fight to the death in this maze? Yeah, well, they’ve been killed by the Minotaur, which I actually have a surprise for you tonight. Let’s listen to this, and then I’ll show you the surprise. This is Jonathan. And this is Heaven from the OpaGhost podcast.And you’re listening to Mondo Freako. Mondo Freako! So I have a surprise tonight. Let me see if I can show you what it is. We are going to… You might not be able to see this too well, again. But we have a little game here called Enter the Labyrinth. And… We have to avoid the Minotaur. Cool. Oh, my gosh. That was one of the guards. He got me. There’s the Minotaur. I went past him. Okay, so he doesn’t chase you. Well, he’s not going to chase me yet, no. I’m trying to get up here and get the sword. There we go. Now I can go back and kill the Minotaur. Oh, okay. A game made just for this particular Oh, podcasts in particular show. There we go. Oh, how are the guards not hurting you? Well, they are hurting me, but apparently I’m invincible. I didn’t say it was a good game, Houston. I just said it was a game. That is true. Okay, so that’s how you get out. Is it? Oh, I can’t get out. I’m lost in the maze. If only I had some damn thread. Yeah.I would be winning. Did no one think to put thread on the ground or like some breadcrumbs? Yeah. He just hit me. Do you have to go back? Oh, I have to go back. Oh. He just keeps coming. He just keeps coming. Oh, I got to get. Oh, he killed me. Oh. Oh, man. Anyway, I’ll put this in the show notes. So if you want to play, you can play it online. It’s a game. I made it just for this show. It’s not a good game, but it’s a game nonetheless. High production value, I think. Considering that I did that just a few hours ago, it shows. That Minotaur looked intimidating. I was good. It was good graphics. So what attracted you? So we had corresponded and you said you wanted to do something on Greek mythology. What was your thought on that?You didn’t tell me what to do. You told me like in the vein, I guess in the area of. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t, I don’t know. It was just kind of a, you know, a hankering. I don’t know. Some Greek mythology is very interesting to me. You know, there’s like, just like a bunch of other mythologies, but the Greek one is, I think the first one, one of the first ones I heard about growing up and it’s gets, it’s, it’s, it’s unique in how much, The gods suck. I don’t think… I mean, every mythology has its quirks, but the Greek one is so… The gods are practically people with how vain and selfish they are. It’s very interesting to me. It’s just how… Do you think that the gods were real people? I never thought… In the same sense…That they actually existed. Maybe I should say that right. Do you think there really were Greek gods? I mean, I don’t, but I also don’t know. I think there are people out there who truly do believe in Greek mythology, I think. But the funny thing about Greek mythology is that we’re calling it mythology because if someone did write these things, it’s like stories. So I don’t know. If there’s a big sect out there that’s like, yeah, no, Poseidon is real. No, really. Really. the sign is actually real. I haven’t met that person, really. We call it Greek mythology. I don’t know that the Greeks called it Greek mythology. Let’s ask the Googs what they think. I’m going to say, did the Greeks call the gods Greek mythology?Or something else. My guess is they probably just called it religion. Here you go. Here’s what Monsieur Google has to say. The ancient Greeks definitely didn’t call it Greek mythology. To them, it wasn’t a collection of fictional stories or folklore. It was their actual religion, history, and literal truth of how the world worked. While they didn’t have a single all-encompassing word that perfectly matches our modern concepts of religion, they used a few different terms to describe their relationship with the divine. Taithia, which translates literally to divine things or matters concerning the gods, this is the closest phrase that they had to describing the realm of religious belief and ritual practice. Esbia, That means piety or proper reverence. It wasn’t about holding a specific creed, but rather about doing your duty to the gods, the state, and your family through correct actions, sacrifices, and rituals. Muthos, the word we get myth from, originally just meant a spoken word, a story, or an account. Over time, philosophers like Plato started using itto distinguish traditional unproven stories from logos, logical truth, or reasoned argument. But a regular Greek citizen wouldn’t look at a statue of Zeus and think of it as a character from a mythos. They saw him as a living power. To the Greeks, the stories of Zeus, Apollo, and the Minotaur were woven into their everyday reality, civic laws, and historical ancestry. They simply viewed it as the history of the world and the way of the gods. What do you think about them apples? Those are interesting apples. Those are interesting apples, yeah. Because I can’t imagine a religious person myself. I don’t like saying religious person because religion is a very sticky word. But I’ll say it because it’s simple. It simplifies life. You can say spiritual person. That’s not quite as sticky. That comes with its own connotations. Okay, sorry. Trying to help.No, I appreciate it, but this crystal will take away all the bad energy. That’s a whole different can of worms. Can you share that crystal? Spiritual is the umbrella term. But sure, because I’m a religious person, I could understand that looking at that worldview, but also it’s fascinating because The Greek gods suck so much. Like, there’s just so… You know, like… There’s just so… Like… How do you… Okay, it’s a… I’m trying to put my thoughts into words. So, hang with me. I’m hanging. It’s like, your god, like Zeus, right? He is a dick to all of his… siblings right and in like uh like his brother Hades, they were okay with, because Hades like helped him kill their dad and put him in a Tartarus. But then he’s like, Hey Hades, you take care of the this you get the janitor job of shuffling souls around. Right. Like, and you’re stuck down there and we like, you can come out to Olympus, but mostly go down to Hades. Like, because we don’t want you up here. Like you, we just, we just don’t like you, even though he didn’t do anything.like maybe i’m wrong but to my knowledge, Hades didn’t really do anything to deserve such a bad position you know and and like how they all bump heads with each other they’re so i don’t i don’t get how you can look at those guys and go, yeah, that’s cool. Or like, yeah, I respect them because they they really don’t respect people at all and like and yeah in like i This is coming from someone who’s like, well, God, Old Testament God, from the Christian point of view, is also pretty hardcore. But you can argue that you can talk to that God. There are people he talks to. There’s the spiritual side of it, prayer and all that. And there’s Jesus. There’s the whole redemption angle and everything like that. But for Greek gods, it’s just…Oh, yeah, we don’t care about you. We’ll sleep with your wives and curse the children. You know, there’s not a… There’s no… It’s like a soap opera, these people. Yeah. It’s like Love Island or something, where they’re all double-crossing each other, Survivor, what have you. It’s interesting. It’s the first Love Island. Yeah, exactly. The interesting thing is that we… we go to this well, because you mentioned the Hunger Games so often to get the stories again, right? So we remake these stories again and again in the modern era based off of what the Greeks had written. And so, I mean, whoever came up with this stuff, I mean, they thought it was real. You know, if it really happened… You know, whoever came up with this stuff was, you know, genius because it stuck around for all this time. So, you know, and it is almost base human interaction. Yeah. And we haven’t really got any better. There’s nothing new under the sun. I don’t know who said that, but I know it’s a thing. Actually, you know, I forgot about this, but the reason I did want to talk about it, too, is because the movie Odysseus is coming out pretty soon. Oh, yeah.And I have to see that. I’m trying to read the book because I actually have a copy of the Iliad and then another copy of the Odyssey. I’m trying to get through the Odyssey. I made some headway, but it’s very, very, it’s a little tough. It’s a dense book, isn’t it? It’s not too dense, but it’s kind of just, it’s a little tough to get. It’s very wordy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, hopefully, hopefully the movie won’t be so wordy. Yeah. Oh, and before i forget, I was watching, I was trying to read the book and then i found they actually made an odysseus movie, um, like a tube, like made for television movie that i saw maybe two months ago at this point. And I saw it on like your smart tv recommends stuff to you. And I said, Oh, they made an odysseus movie. This will help me not read the book.Cause I could just watch the movie, this old, this old movie, know the story and then watch the new one. So it came out in like the 1990s, but it looks like it was made back in the sixties. Cause like the production design is really poor. And there’s some people you would know in it too. Like there’s like Christopher Lee is in there. Vanessa Williams. This one woman, she’s, she’s, Was this the one with Armand DeSante? I think so. Greta Saatchi, Isabella Rossellini? Maybe. I’m looking it up here. Eric Roberts, Bernadette Peters, Christopher Lee, Vanessa Williams. Yep, yep, yep. It’s this one. It’s that one. Yeah. I saw it. I watched this back in the day. This is from 1997. Yeah, yeah. I wonder where it first aired at. Let me see. It looks like it might have been a sci-fi channel thing. Let me look and see if I can find anything on it here. Yeah. I found it on the smart TV, so I don’t know what app it was on, but yeah. Oh, it was… So the production companies were American Zoetrope, which is Francis Ford Coppola’s company, and Hallmark Entertainment, which is the Hallmark channel. That’s right.And a beta film, which I don’t know who owns that, but it was filmed on the Isle of Malta back in 1997. And it looks like it was an international production. So UK, United States, Italy, Germany, and Turkey were all involved in it. So it probably was one of these things that showed over in Europe as well a lot. Yeah. There you go. It’s got a 7.0 out of 10 on the IMDb rating, believe it or not. Sure. It’s pretty generous. The people in this were, at the time, were big-name people. True, true. You didn’t like it. You’re saying you didn’t like it. No, it’s not that simple. I have a whole channel where I pick apart movies. I love movies. i don’t, I love them and i hate them, but this one, it’s not, this was just, uh, I think a certain type of person would have really loved this movie. Like if you have, if you really love overacting and oh yeah and like practical effects and dramatic, very dramatic storytelling, then you’d think it was fine. But the modern audience would definitely not like, like this i can kind of appreciate it because i like old epics.But this movie, it doesn’t hold up too well. Now, have you seen Clash of the Titans? Yes, I have. Which one? The old one or the new one? The older one or the newer one? The 1980 version or the 2010 version, I think it was. Unfortunately, I’ve seen both. The older one is better. For sure. Oh, thanks. Hey, that’s great. I love the old Clash of the Titans. I remember it fondly. I went to the movies when I was a kid to see that. Yeah. Yeah. Harry Hamlin. Yeah. And Burgess Meredith. I can’t remember who was in the new one. I think it was… Oh, it was Worthington. It was the guy in Avatar. Yes. Yes. Although they did make… It was 2010, Clash of the Titans.They did make a couple of those movies. You know, they made the Ralph Fiennes, Liam Neeson were all in it as well. Mads Mikkelsen, who I really love, Mads Mikkelsen. But anyway, they made a couple of these movies in the 2010s. I think there was Clash of the Titans and then there was another one. I can’t remember the name of it now. I don’t remember. I know they made a second, but I didn’t see it. It was Perseus. Sam Worthington as Perseus. What was the name of that? It was like something with the, not the Clash of the Titans, but something else. Let me see if I can find it real quick. Wrath of the Titans. That was it. Wrath of the Titans. 2012 Wrath of the Titans. So I think they were supposed to make another one, but I don’t think that one ever came about. But I was, I mean, those, those,The 2010 ones I don’t think were as good as the old 1980 one, but still, you know, better than nothing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, well, no. I think the old ones are way better. I think the new ones… I don’t think the new ones brought anything to the table. I mean, yes, you can remake them, and there’s something cool to remaking them with updated special effects, but if you’re just going to just… do such a bad job. I don’t know. It’s like, why? Yeah. Why? Like do it and at least put some effort into it. Well, you know, the clash of the times was kind of the last hurrah for a guy named Ray Harryhausen. If you’re familiar with him at all, he did all the stop motion effects. Oh, yeah. That was his last big movie, but he had done, you know, since like the forties, I think he had done all kinds of movies that had monsters and, and,And he did Jason and the Argonauts and the Sinbad movies were all Harryhausen movies back in the 60s. And it was kind of his heyday. And then Clash of the Titans was kind of his last big movie. His name is featured in Monsters, Inc. because they go to a restaurant called Harryhausen’s. When you said Harryhausen’s, that’s where my mind immediately went. And I said, he can’t be talking about Harryhausen, so it’s a reservation there. But because. Yeah, that’s exactly it. He’s he’s a extremely well-regarded special effects guy from back in the day. And I mean, he did he did some great, great things, you know, in the older movies. Right. So, yeah. But let’s get back to our Greek, our Greek topic here. So the Greeks thought this was real.We consider it mythology, which mythology would just be storytelling. Because we just heard from the ancient scrolls there that the word myth gets pulled from Greek, meaning telling a story. And so, yeah. I mean, do you really think that… I’m looping it right back to my original question, which do you think the gods… were really there for the Greeks. Or at least they’ve seen them as gods, perhaps. Maybe they’re just like kings, but they called them gods. I don’t know. That’s the rough part, Bob, because if someone did see them as gods, I don’t… I mean, well, they must have. Like, I could only see there being animosity. I don’t know how you can love a god that would be like… could turn into a bird, have sex with your wife, and thenif they looked upon the gods of reverence, it was more likely fear. Those gods are very much fear-based. If you’re worshipping those gods, it’s based out of straight-up fear. The story of Odysseus is actually about… I guess this is on topic because it’s still Greek stuff, but In Odysseus, a lot of his trials and his hardships were based off of Poseidon just hating his guts. The rest of the gods liked him. He was the nicest guy. He was clever. He was smart and whatever. He was the goat for all intents and purposes. Everyone liked him. But because he didn’t give Poseidon enough credit for Poseidon helping him out one time, Poseidon decided to make his return home a living hell. And And by all means, Odysseus, if any other man on Earth, whatever, deserved some slack, some credit, it was him. And Poseidon was just so… I think he was beating him with waves. And Odysseus was yelling to the skies, to the sea and the winds, like, what is your problem? Why don’t you just kill me? And Poseidon answered back to the waves and was like, I don’t mean to kill you.And besides, I know this is like, what? And then science, like, you have to learn that. What do you say? Something was so harsh. He’s like, he said, man is nothing without gods. And like, just kept beating it with waves. I’m like, whoa, that’s very good. Well, here’s another weird aside for you, because this is Mondo Frico. What if they were aliens with special powers? The gods? Zeus has thunderbolt, which could be some type of weapon. Poseidon could manipulate the water. Maybe that’s another weapon of some kind. What if they were just invading aliens that took over Greece? It was pretty nice there. The weather’s nice. You’re by the beach? I mean… I guess so. What if that happened? That’s a lot of effort on Alien. I mean, I can… Sure. Maybe they crashed and they just… I still got my lightning bolt gun. I still got my wave gun. Okay, well, we’ll just do this. Who’s the…Who’s the alien who picked to be the god of wine? Who is that alien? Who’s Dilophus or whatever his name is? He was the chef on the boat. I’ll just stick with what I know. I can make this. They like it. I’m the god of this. No problem, right? Now that you mention it, I guess we have to assign them So like Zeus, sure. Like lightning bolt, probably the leader alien. And then, yeah, the Hades is like, like definitely Hades, Poseidon, Zeus are leader aliens. They’re like the, the, the leadership team. Right. Yeah. And like, I get Ares is like a war general alien. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t know where Aphrodite comes in. She just wanted to sleep with all the people, I guess. Well, she was, you know,she was the diversion, right? So if you’re gonna have people in war, they have to have a diversion. So there you go. Love Aphrodite. Yeah, I mean, you know, they had in in World War Two, they had the Japanese women who were comfort women. And that was their job during the war. Okay, this is World War Two. I’m, I’m just this a fact. And that is not unheard of in a lot of different parts of the world during that time period. Same thing. The Germans had, I think, I don’t know what they called them, but the Germans had the same thing. French had the same thing. It was all happening. Just war concubines? Yeah, basically. Basically were, you know, hookers of the war. I did not know this, butyou know, this isn’t actually, yeah, that makes sense. So there’s where Aphrodite comes in, right? I mean, that’s, it’s, you know, it still happens to this day, I mean, you know was Cupid was Cupid Greek mythology, or is he something he might be Roman, I think. I think he’s Greek. I’m willing to bet he’s Greek. You want me to look it up? Yeah, I would, but I think I’m making too much noise. Click clacking. Also, my thing isn’t up to look stuff up. Cupid. Is Cupid Roman or Greek? Cupid is Roman. Dang it. But he is the Roman adaptation of the Greek god named Eros. Hmm. That’s where you get erotic, right? Eros. So there you go. Really? Oh, with the E? Eros? Eros, yeah.Never heard of Eros. Cupid really did his job. He took Cupid and stole all of his thunder. Cupid’s been pushed out into the front, you know, so. Yeah. Yeah. Eros has got, you know, they’re like, what can we put on the candy? Well, let’s not put Eros. That sounds disgusting. Cupid’s much better. So, you know, he’s got the bow and the whole cute little kind of cherub kind of look to him. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? It’d be the difference between putting like a porn star on your candy or putting a cartoon character. Depending on the candy, it might smell well to different audiences. I’m sure that, yeah. But let’s go back to this Greek gods as aliens thing. I keep pushing it. I keep moving it out. Yeah.I know it’s not going to be in the new Christopher Nolan movie, but we have to have our own take on these things. No, I mean, I think it’s possible. I mean, if there are aliens, which a lot of people are saying there are these days and they’re not quacks, maybe this was just the alien du jour of the day. And of course, every show you’ve ever seen, the aliens take over and they basically play God, right? So if aliens came down in ancient Greece, that would be the storyline. They would take over and they would be treated as kings or gods, I would say. I see what you’re saying. I’ll raise you one or I’ll take you a step back one. So I think if aliens are real, which they very well could be, and they were here back then,I think it was more of the thing where, like, alien parts the sky. And, like, they go, oh, Zeus, part of the clouds. That sort of deal. There’s this one story that I got to get off track. But, like, I think, like, the European settlers in America would, like… They were trying to get something from this Native American tribe. And they’re like, hey, give us this thing or we’re going to block out the sky for like an hour. And like, well, we’ll make the land go dark. And the Americans are like, yeah, you can’t do that. You know, and like, OK, well, you watch. We’re going to do it. Then they went back to their camp and they knew the eclipse was coming because they had studied astrology or whatever. And then, you know, the eclipse came like the following day. You know, the Native Americans went, oh, my God, you know, and then they came back.And then the settlers were like, give us our thing. And like, yeah, okay. Yeah, don’t black the sky out again, please. It’s kind of like knowledge is power thing. Right. But isn’t it like kind of a cosmic anomaly would happen and then they may just assign it to, you know, the gods. I mean, you could say that about pretty much every religion. But, yeah, if you would put aliens behind the backing of the cosmic knowledge. the cosmic, what’s the word, anomaly, then yeah it would fit, yeah. Now, for all we know, Zeus was a guy who had the first pair of socks and shag carpet, and he would rub his feet, and he’d just shock you with his static electricity i really do you think the greek gods are based off of people like like like when they were telling the stories, who didn’t think were stories, but do you think the first guy to talk about zeus was just looking at his grandpa being like,No doubt. Well, it may not have been his grandpa, but I mean, I think there’s no doubt in my mind that these were real people who did terrible things. And they got pulled into stories because every writer draws from their background, draws from their experiences, and it makes it up a little bit. But there’s… there’s always a root of truth in almost, in almost everything that’s written because we’re just not that bright. And so we just take what we have around us and we, we do that. So Zeus would, you know, maybe it was an uncle who was just a real bastard. And then they wrote these stories about, you know, Zeus being a jerk and, and, you know, but I think, yeah, I think it was all drawn. I am actually not, and I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m not,that far off from saying there, I joke about the alien part, but who knows? I mean, I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was all true. I’m not saying that they were gods per se in the same way that we think of things as being God, but they may have had something that set them apart and they were treated, uh, you know, with reverence that, that, made them like gods in that time period. Cause I always, when we talk about, um, ancient civilizations and so forth, I’m like, those people were no more idiots than the people today. The difference is we have so much more base knowledge that we all get to learn. Um, as we’re, you know, going to school and reading and, and, you know, opening up, you know, uh,yourself to experiences and knowing people and whatnot. than those people did because their world was a smaller world and they didn’t have all the, the knowledge they didn’t have books. They didn’t have media. They didn’t have all of the same things that we have. And so their brains were the same. It’s just, they didn’t fill them the same way. And so therefore, you know, it’s like you can’t, um, you know, if i have an inloader and you’ve got a shovel i’m gonna win on moving, you know, material. It’s the John Henry story, right? If you know John Henry, love that story. Steel driving man. So, you know what I’m saying? So we have, we have the end loaders and they had the shovel. And so it’s not that they were so such idiots that they’ve just made things up because they’re all kooky. I think it’s just, that was something real and they experienced it. It’s just,they didn’t know that there was going to be an eclipse. They didn’t know all these things. And they couldn’t know them because there was no one, there was no way to know. Yeah. I agree. That was a really deep thought. But I want to say though two years to go back making bull jokes? We can go back to talking about the bull and the wife and how I was going to say to the John Henry story, though, John Devery did beat that machine. He did, but he died. Yeah, but he beat the machine. And in a way, Greek mythology and a bunch of other stories, mythic stories do get to a. A really fundamental truth of about humans that, you know, the more the more a sloppy put out there, maybe we lose. The more something is recycled, the less you, you know, the core thing that you had.The Greeks had something special because we’re still using that sauce today. We’re going to remake the Odyssey. I’m going to watch the Odyssey in like a month. So in the John Henry metaphor you used, they did do something. Myth holds a lot of weight. And truth. I love the John Henry story. But let’s link back here to wrap up on the Minotaur and the crazy wackiness that happened there that you got 100% on your quiz tonight. The Minotaur reel? Minotaur reel? No, that one’s just completely silly. I don’t think… Everyone knows that you can just bust through the walls of a maze if you really want to get out. And if the Minotaur was as strong as he’s supposed to be, why didn’t he just break the walls? Oh, true. That’s the only thing that doesn’t make sense about the Minotaur story, by the way. Not a woman and a bull breeding. I’ll buy it. And not the fact that they were somehow able to contain this guy while Daedalus was building the labyrinth. I buy it. Not the fact that I took one guy out of a group of what?seven 14 7 18 24 14-ish people to finally kill him. Or the fact that no one cut the thread that was going around a big, no, all that stuff, all that makes sense. It’s the fact that the mentor didn’t escape earlier that i throw a flag on the play and I, yeah, a little, a few greek myths, plot holes there. Well, Houston, everybody go check out a thousand crazy questions. There is his Instagram, and this is his other project where he’s going to review the Odyssey here soon. Right now it’s June 4th. It comes out, I think, in a week or two weeks. I think it is. Is it a week? I think it may be two weeks. It’s coming out on the 12th, I think, which is a little more than a week, I guess. Yeah. We’re going to be reviewing movies whenever they come out, passengers.Hey, man. I reviewed The Back Rooms not too recently. I do recommend it, by the way, The Back Rooms, if you know about that game slash project. Houston Pierce accounts are for movies. A Thousand Greatest Questions is my podcast. Completely different. We talk to different guests. We’re asked a bunch of different would-you-rather-based or hypothetical-based scenario questions to different guests of a week. That series will be coming back, like I said, this fall, just on a hibernation period for now. But Yeah, go check out either accounts. And it’s a little bit the big backlog of crazy questions. All right, Houston, thank you very much. And everybody watch out for Zeus. He’s got a really big, you know, lightning bolt he’s going to get you with.Bungo Rico!

Bob gets irritated about a high school scam site, while Miles drags his elderly mother to all the sites in Christmas. Special Bonus Game this week – https://www.staticradio.com/baked-game/index.html Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/2zZ5uASCyzQ Bob gets irritated about a high school scam site, while Miles drags his elderly mother to all the sites in Christmas. Tidal Baked Bad AI Transcript Yes, Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow duet. You would be great in the sequel. Yeah. We’ll be doing it together. Oh, yeah. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Miles, you’re singing co-host. That’s right. Miles, you’re working over there at the casino there on the river, are you now? I’m dirty dealing. I was thinking more you were the lounge singer. Oh, I see. Star Wars. Nothing but Star Wars. I enjoy singing, I just can’t sing. That is my problem. I think you do a, I mean, you know. Eh, I don’t know. A fine job. Eh. I don’t know if you knew this, but, you know, we’re here on Plausible, and Leanne sometimes sends out a thing that reminds people to come here, and usually it’s like a little clip, and it has music behind it. Mm-hmm.Well, this week’s was some special music. Okay. It was the Baby Elephant song. Oh, I didn’t pay attention to that. Well, you love that song. I love that song. You love that song. I wrote, I said, I can’t believe that you chose that music. I mean, that’s hilarious. Because Miles used to go to all of the minor league baseball games where he lives and dance to that song. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You don’t want to say anything about it? No, I don’t want to say anything about that, no. You could get up and play that song and you would dance your heart out. Because I was a dancing queen. Dancing queen. Sing along with it. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that was funny because it goes way back, way back. No one knew that, I’m sure. She put down a listing for a show. I go, yeah, it’ll leave you speechless. Yeah. And she just now saw it after I posted this like two weeks ago. Yeah.Cause she’s lost her voice. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Like polyps or something. Yeah. She’s still lost. She’s still a never voice. I don’t think. Really? Yeah. I don’t think so. I think she’s still dealing. Oh, yeah. Now the other thing is you used to play that song with a stapler. Uh, yes, I did the library. Yeah. Yes, I did. I, I would do that. It was a squeaky stapler and I would, I would sing along to that song and use a stapler to annoy people. Right. Yeah. Or abuse them. It’s got a lot of connotation, the baby elephant song for you. It’s like, you know, and Snuffleupagus is your favorite Sesame Street character. Yeah. And you dress up as a furry as him and go to conventions. You know me too well. You know me too well, yeah. You like to walk around and go, hey, brr.I do the front part and some other guy does the ass part because it’s like a two-man furry costume. Yeah, you got to get some accomplice. It’s kind of like a human centipede kind of thing. Yeah. Oh, no. I got gas. Oh, my God. We all ate burritos. Oh, shit. The only thing they had was Taco Bar. Hope you liked Jimmy Chang goes. Yeah. Gross. Yeah. That’s gross. That’s gross. That’s so gross. Yeah. So I know you went on an adventure this week. And so I’m just going to pass it to you. I don’t really have much going on. I was Mr. Homebody. And here you are gallivanting all around the place. So I got extremely phlegmy. Like, exact moment, I, like, try to jump into this thing. I’m like, Jesus. So, I’m sorry. Psychosomatic, do you think? I don’t know. I swear to God, it was not like this up until the second i started talking to you and it’s like there’s goo in my mouth. Every time we think of it. Every time it’s like a bomb, I get goo in my mouth. Every time always make me sad so uh weWe went on a short, I guess, family vacation, if you will, I suppose. And, uh, uh, went over to the Chicago suburbs, not Chicago suburbs. No, no, we didn’t have a Mason. Uh, what’s his name? Mason Adams. He was not part of our group. No. I thought you were doing his voice there. Oh. this whole goddamn family it was it was title’s way yeah and uh we took two cars and, because there was a bunch of us. and we like to spend a lot of money on gas, so. Well, had I known, yeah, it was going to be like $5 a gallon. I probably would have canceled the whole goddamn thing to be honest with you. There’s nothing better than you like standing at that pump and just watching those numbers go higher and higher. Yeah. I can see why you stayed home. Yeah. Miles thinks it’s like a slot machine, but he doesn’t realize this is why your cheap ass stayed home. Cause you’re just so fucking cheap. You’re like, there’s no way.I was spending $5 a gallon. Exactly. I’m in bankruptcy court with all this fucking mulch I bought. That’s right. Still paying off my mulch bill. I did lay away. My wife tells the occupants of the car, they got a little bit later starting. We did. We’re like, She’s like, well, we’ll all meet up at this one town that we all know pretty well, and we’ll stop at the gas station that’s like a quickie mart with a little brand fast food place attached to it. Okay, that sounds good. Which I thought I didn’t say anything at first. I’m like, I don’t think there’s one of those in this town we’re going to. Right, okay. But I didn’t say anything. I’m like, well, I’m sure she…you know, she must know this. I don’t know. She was very confident. We got there. I wasn’t going to question her is what you’re saying, right? Yeah. So I’m like, okay, well, you know, I’m like you, like, I can’t question it. I can’t question the authority figure. So no, I’m like, okay, well, and we get there and she’s like, oh, darn it. I was thinking of a different town. Oh, now everyone’s confused. And I’m just like, not saying anything like, Oh, And so we park outside. We get a hold of my son. We say, hey, listen, change of plans. We’re going to meet at the box store parking lot here. And so we did meet up. And so we’re trying to figure out what we want to do. You know, one of those crazy things. Because nothing really had been set in stone. Okay. We’ve got three choices. Subway, McDonald’s, or a random Mexican restaurant. Well, you’re kind of getting to the point there, actually. That’s every little town. That’s every little town. Or a Chinese restaurant. No, this is a decent town. I mean, this is not. Yeah. This is my kind of town. Yeah. Hey.So my oldest son’s like, I gotta eat. You got the key to it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My oldest son is like, I have to eat, man. It’s like going at two o’clock already. He goes, I gotta eat. Yeah. You gotta eat. You gotta eat. Oh yeah. We’re all hungry. All right. He goes, well, we’re going to go to X, Y, Z, and we’ll just meet you over there. I said, okay. Okay. And so they take off first and we futz around for a minute. We take off. Yeah. And. Like, my car decides, well, why do we have to go eat where they want to eat? Why don’t we pick where we want to eat? You know? Your car decided this? Oh, your car, as in everybody in the car. Gotcha. Yeah. So, I had, like, half the group in my car. The other half group was the other. And so, they go. And so, we’re going down the road. And there’s, you know, all names you would recognize. Wendy’s. Yes. Yes. That was one of them. Yeah.And suddenly there’s like this, I don’t think it’s a chain, but it’s like some chicken joint or something. Oh, yeah. It was a hot chicken? I love the hot chicken. It’s like chicken conundrum or something. I don’t know. It’s like, okay. Chicken conundrum. Oh, I love chicken conundrum. Yeah, it’s got some cartoonish, you know, big rooster. What am I doing here? I’m dead. Yeah. And I’m like, huh? Well, okay. I guess, you know, no one will fess up to actually pick this. I’m like, okay. And, um, I go, well, who the hell knows? Obviously there’s chicken on the menu, but you know, who the fuck knows what’s, you know, I go, why don’t we, why don’t we go in, take our time, look at the menu, you know, see the prices maybe first, um,you know right no no stupid idea no stupid idea yeah stupid idea dad just keep going. Pull around the building and we’ll just go through the drive-thru. Oh, you’re eating in the car? I’m like, or, or we could go in. Oh, no. Free will. Free will. You should go around the, like, okay. All right. Yeah. All right. I’ve been outvoted we’re gonna go to the drive-thru. All right. We’re going to the drive-thru. I wouldn’t eat in the car myself, but you know, I know it’s not allowed in your family. I know you guys are weirdos. I know you don’t probably do that. And I apologize because I know your family would be very uptight about doing this. So, so, uh, excuse me. So we get there. I know I was not like this, like I’m telling you. And anyway, uh, so I can see the menu board to some degree and like the other people cannot, I can’t see what they got.And so my wife’s like, well, chicken strips. I’m like, yeah, no, I don’t even know if gizzards were allowed. I don’t know. So, so, uh, my wife’s trying to order through like the little back window that rolls down halfway, you know? Hello. Yes. Can we help you? Hello. Uh, yeah, we want to get a lot of chicken strips. Welcome to chicken conundrum. Yeah. So my wife’s trying to work a deal, you know, like, well, your, your regular size comes in five, right? Yes. Affirmative. Yes. She goes, well, can you get something bigger than that? Hold on. Yes. You can get the family meal. Oh, okay. Well, you got a family. I’m like, okay, well, you know, all right. Yeah. Is that cheaper? Uh, no, that I wish, I wish, I wish that sentence come out of my mouth like a fool. I did not like, well, certainly, you know, it can’t be that, you know, certainly. And, uh, uh,And you gotta love this, because everywhere you go now, they want to put a name with your order, even if no one else is there. Oh, yes, I know. Your name, please. Yeah. 100 miles. Okay, miles, pull forward. No one’s there. I’m like, okay, pull forward. And the girl’s like, okay, I have your total here. I go, okay. And what would that be, young lady? She goes, oh, it’s about $55. I’m like, what are you talking about? What do you think I am, Bob Lament? Do you think I’m Bob Lament, lady? Do you think I’m just made of money? Yeah. There’s three of us. Oh, my God. Only three of you and $55? Wow. Yeah. That is a conundrum. I know. We’ve got like 20 pieces of chicken. A lot of chicken. Or whatever it was. I don’t even know how much chicken it was. And there was like two macaronis, cheese, two…Uh, coleslaws, and French fries galore up your wazoo. I mean, it’s like, yeah, throw in those collectors cups while you’re at it. Yeah. My son’s like, geez, dad, I was almost gonna get something to drink. I’m like, no, shut your mouth everybody you’re gonna wait for it to rain. Yeah. I’m like, no everyone’s having a water cup. I got news for you. So I get back my card and the lady starts handing the food, but it’s like literally, I don’t thought you’d enjoy this, but it’s in like a paper grocery bags. Oh, like brown paper sack. Yeah. Like there’s no advertising or nothing. It’s just like generic surprise. That’s cool. Yeah. I know. Like, Oh, Bob would love this one. Jesus. Yeah. I do love a brown paper sack full of food.I go, it wouldn’t be funny if it said, like, Aldi’s on the side or something. It was all stained up and shit. We recycle. We recycle at Chicken Conundrum. That’s part of the conundrum. Oh, wait, sir. You forgot your KY. You get a free tube with it when you eat here. I swear to God I’d tell those kids to dump the bags. Dump them. Oh, my God. And, uh, I’m just in this shock, so I just text the other car, like, we’ll just meet you at the fun thing we’re going to go to. How’s that? Right, yeah. How much was your meal? Yeah, they had gone to a regular place. They didn’t go to Chicken Conundrum like we did. They’re like, we spent $5. Yeah, we all got the $5 fill-up meal. We got a DQ deal. That’s right.I’m like, we’re going to eat on this goddamn thing all week. Jesus Christ. I got a sundae for free. The person that put us up to this, they had to get some kind of bonus from their boss or something like that. And we want to give young Ronald here. We got a lot of old chicken. Can you give it to the next sucker that comes through drive-thru? Yeah, sure. I can only think like They probably thought it was like a church van with all this food at first. And they’re like, wow, there was only three people in that car. Wow. That’s a lot of food for three people. Jesus. Yeah. Okay. And we did eat off it. We did have several meals off it. And it was good chicken. It was good chicken. It was chicken strips. They were very juicy, meaty, tender. Did you go to Cane’s? No. Oh, okay.I mean, I’ve eaten there a couple of years ago, but I mean, no, this was not Kings. All right. No, this was not anything you’ve ever heard of. It was chicken conundrum. Chicken conundrum. I’m like, and then my son felt so bad because he, I think he’s the guy who actually picked this place. I’m sure of it. He starts handing me money. I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’ll talk to that later when your mom’s not around. Lesson learned. Lesson learned. listen yeah never go straight to the drive-thru i can’t read the prices anymore. Yeah. Well, you know, it was kind of a whole thing seemed sketch, you know, I’m like, okay. Yeah. Like all the staff, people were like high-fiving each other. because they all were going to get like the day off, you know we’re closing early. We sold one conundrum special today. whooLittle do they know, it all came from Walmart across the street. Yeah, I’m like, hmm, these sauces look very familiar. This is great value. What the? And I guess, no, the food was good. I’m not putting down the food because, like, the next day we had, like, the shittiest pizza you could find in the suburbs. So I guess the chicken kind of made up for that, I guess. Pizza conundrum. Pizza conundrum. Hey, come here. Hey, you like chicken conundrum? Come down to Pizza Conundrum. Chicago’s finest deep dish pizza. Pizza Conundrum. Pizza armpit. Mardi Gras pizza. You find the baby, you win a prize. Yeah, right. No, it’s Pizza Place. They give you two giant pieces. Yeah. Which I’m like, My wife’s like, what are you saying? It’s like a big foldable New York slice kind of thing. Yeah, I mean, it’s like gigantic pieces. And my wife’s like, well, let’s me and you share. Wow. And I realized, because this pizza sucks, I’m like, it’s just all crust, basically, with a hint of cheese and… Well, he’s not going to know that. Anyway. Yeah, chicken can be much better, much more expensive, but yes. Right.Well, you subsisted. You lived. You survived. Yeah, they do have good chicken, but I didn’t know I was going to have to sell my soul to eat the chicken. Next time, we’re making chicken and taking it with us. Yeah. I mean, I thought Monocles was expensive. Like, Jesus Christ, this chicken place is like freaking… Oh, I love Monocles. I mean, I had taken a second mortgage for Monocles, and this was like a third mortgage for Chicken Conundrum. I’m like, gee, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Well, you know, your kids are still growing. Yeah, I wish I was in the B car, to tell you the truth. I’m sure they saved a lot of money. So what were you going to do exactly anyway? What was this whole trip about? You know, it started off, I think my two sons had started planning something because one of my sons has a birthday coming up. Yeah.And, uh, then it kind of evolved in like, well, we’re all going, everyone’s going. Okay. And we’re all taking two cars. Oh, all right. And we’re just going to play it by ear. And we kind of roughly have a, you know, thing to do, you know, some people wanted to see the zoo and I’m like, well, me and your mom were basically hobbled at this point. So, uh, yeah, we cannot. Because of the chicken conundrum? Yeah, so we ate so much chicken. We’re like, I don’t eat too much. No, I don’t know. We’re just unfortunately getting too… Unfeathered or unfeathered? I’m not allowed to say crippled anymore because I know that’s going to offend somebody. So we ended up… My wife and I went to some graveyards, actually, because it’s free. Were you scouting the spot or what?Yeah, I figured, you know, I thought, you know, we caught those people making out down in Alton. I thought, well, heck, you know, if we’re both in the mood, maybe we can find, like, some monument and make out or something. When I was at the Père Lachaise in Paris, there were people, like, getting it on in the cemetery. I believe it. Yeah. Cemeteries are very sexy. Apparently, that’s what I, you know, I’m like, I walk around and people get all horny or something. I guess, right? I guess so. But, yeah, so part of the group went to the zoo. My wife and I went to some cemeteries. We saw Al Capone. Oh, wow. A lot of the gangsters we saw. Have you been there before, though? Haven’t you been to Al Capone? I have. My wife has not, though. So I wanted her to see it. We saw the grave of Dennis Farina. Oh, yeah. That guy. Well, he wouldn’t know what a cardinal is. He’s not very smart, butyou mean like a catholic cardinal or? Yeah. Okay. No, but anyway, uh, no, that got done. And then the, uh, second half of the day was we’re gonna go to the world’s largest, uh, arcade. Okay. Largest arcade. Right. Yeah. Is this the one i mentioned to you yes okay and i thought okay well it’s all together. Nay, nay. Oh, they’re trying to get you on both sides. Gotcha. So the arcade building is just all arcade games. The pinball is about two blocks away. Oh, really? And you have to like pay for each one individually. Yeah. Yeah. After chicken to conundrum, you guys are pretty well. Yeah. I’m like, let me see. I’m too close. hobbled to walk down the street so I’m not going to do the pinball so I actually forked over more money for my sons and I to go to the arcade and which was okay you know I told you a little bit about it off air but I mean, it’s a lot of games. It’s a lot of, I don’t say shitty games, but you know, just like,variations of variations of variations. Very, you know, it’s like, okay. All right. well Yeah. There was a few not working. I mean, not many, but there was a few not working and there was a couple my son really wanted to play they didn’t have it. Although they said they did. And that was an issue. And then someone clogged the shitter at some point. Oh, there you go. That’s there you go. Excuse me. So, But I don’t know. Yeah, you know, I mean, if you like arcade games in general, you know, but I actually enjoyed like a couple places that me and you have gone to, to be honest with you. Right, yeah. A lot better than this place. I mean, nothing against this place, but yeah. Yeah. I mean, I did not see the pinball part, so I could not really give it a full. You couldn’t make it down the street.at that point, two blocks could have been two miles. You know what i’m saying? it’s like yeah I cannot, you know, I’ve been dealing with some health things, unfortunately, this year. So my arteries are full of chicken pizza conundrum. I know. Like, uh, I have like the shittiest pizza. Um, you guys, you need to get one of those scooters, I think. I know. I’m going to have to ask your wife if she’s got the one-legged scooter guy. Yeah, we have it in the garage now. Yeah. If you want to use the knee scooter. No, I think you need a sit-down scooter, actually. I know. I need my own. In an oxygen tank, yes. Yeah, I know. Yeah, hover around, yeah. Hover around, exactly. I need a jitterbug phone. That’s right. You need the jitterbug, the hover around, and the O2 accessory. Yeah.So, yeah, crazy times, crazy times. So you guys didn’t enjoy the arcade? No, it wasn’t horrible. It wasn’t horrible, but at that point, I was having some issues personally, and I’m like, I really need to sit down. Oh, yeah, well, because last time we went to the, I thought it was a pretty good one there for your birthday. Yeah. I did really enjoy that place. And then the next day, you were in the hospital. Yeah. I ended up in the ER. Thank you. And I think at that one, I didn’t sit down. And so then you never sat down. Briefly. Briefly. Oh, you sat down briefly. Okay. But I don’t know. The other two places that me and you have been, I think money-wise, it was money better spent.Well, cause I paid for one of those and then you paid. Well, right. That’s what I’m saying. It’s money better spent. Right. Yeah. Cause you paid for it like a fool, like a fool. You did. I didn’t mind. I mean, I don’t mind. It was, I know you’re rich. I don’t know about rich. You could eat it. Chicken conundrum every day for the next three years. Yeah. It would not be permitted for me to eat it. Chicken conundrum every day. I think your family would be like, are you, what? What? What? Yeah. No, no, no. I don’t yeah that would be, uh Yeah. That would not pass the mustard here yeah we you won’t be surprised. We eat at home a lot now. More now than before so really yes yeahWell, that’s true. You’ve quit showing me food pictures there for a while. You were like every day, like steak, steak. Like how many nights in a row can this guy eat steak? Gee, many Christmas. Well, that was, I did have steak this week. I didn’t take a picture of it though. Yeah. Um, no, no, but like on a regular, this is the holiday weekend. There was a little bit of going out, but yeah, on a regular week anymore. No, no going out. You’re eating your salad. I had salad tonight. Yes, sir. Yeah. Did you like, I sent a picture of a horse eating grass. He ate the grass on the other side of the fence, which was good grass, not been shit on by himself and his cow. Right. Cause we’re in this Airbnb out in the middle of nowhere. And it’s like, well, there’s horses. I’m like, okay, here’s some surroundings. Horses. Yeah. And I didn’t want to get too close. Yeah. Yeah.Yeah. Yeah. So everybody, uh, enjoy their, uh, the little, the family time away there. I mean, did everybody enjoy going to the cemeteries? I mean, uh, you know, I think overall, I think people enjoyed it. Uh, you know, there was, uh, you know, some interesting moments trying to drive on I-55, which is a bunch of idiots, but, uh, uh, yeah, my son actually witnessed a wreck, uh, While exiting the highway, some lady smashed into a park semi. Oh, great. Yeah. I laugh about the cemeteries, but we always go to cemeteries too, which is kind of… I don’t know. Other people, I think, do this. This is not too far out of the norm, but if we’re near some famous… doesn’t have to be famous in the sense of celebrity necessarily but uh historical or celebrity famous uh person at the at the cemetery will go. Or is there something unusual there you know like yeah it has to be something weird. It could be like haunted gravestones. could be yeah uh you know big uh uh you know yeah something something that’s not the normal cemetery stuff.Um, and yeah, we’ll go. I mean, we’ve gone specifically gone to cemeteries as the destination. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that’s good. Uh, I don’t know. I mean, uh, as a kid, I probably wouldn’t have done it, but as an adult i mean why would you do as a kid, what’s the deal? Uh, you know, I saw our last name on a tombstone once when i was a little child Because my grandparents were taking care of some family stones. Father! What? Father! Oh, I see. Jim Morrison reference because he saw some guy die. No, they didn’t tell me why I was there. I was like a little kid. I didn’t realize what we were doing. Why is my name on that? That’s where you’re going to end up eventually there, young Miles. Is that my grave? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We pre-bought it. It’s got a deal. Yep. You keep beating chicken conundrum. This is where you’re going to be. You can’t. But there’s a size limit, so we may have to cut you down a little bit. I don’t know. I don’t know. We started watching a program about a guy who does.cemetery stuff so i don’t know so oh okay got us interested in doing it. Oh, that’s the youtube guy right so yeah yeah yeah well there you go. Oh. A good time was had by all it’s fun it’s free right well hopefully you don’t take something home with you. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/02/tidal-baked/” title=”Tidal Baked” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/06/02/tidal-baked/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

Miles takes the family out to eat at Chicken Conundrum and is shocked by the prices, while Bob stays home and vegetates for the Memorial Holiday. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/4LM33VOJ1m8 Miles takes the family out to eat at Chicken Conundrum and is shocked by the prices, while Bob stays home and vegetates for the Memorial Holiday. Vacation Conundrum Bad AI Transcript Yes, Huey Lewis and Gwyneth Paltrow duet. You would be great in the sequel. Yeah. We’ll be doing it together. Oh, yeah. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Miles, you’re singing co-host. That’s right. Miles, you’re working over there at the casino there on the river, are you now? I’m dirty dealing. I was thinking more you were the lounge singer. Oh, I see. Star Wars. Nothing but Star Wars. I enjoy singing, I just can’t sing. That is my problem. I think you do a, I mean, you know. Eh, I don’t know. A fine job. Eh. I don’t know if you knew this, but, you know, we’re here on Plausible, and Leanne sometimes sends out a thing that reminds people to come here, and usually it’s like a little clip, and it has music behind it. Mm-hmm.Well, this week’s was some special music. Okay. It was the Baby Elephant song. Oh, I didn’t pay attention to that. Well, you love that song. I love that song. You love that song. I wrote, I said, I can’t believe that you chose that music. I mean, that’s hilarious. Because Miles used to go to all of the minor league baseball games where he lives and dance to that song. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You don’t want to say anything about it? No, I don’t want to say anything about that, no. You could get up and play that song and you would dance your heart out. Because I was a dancing queen. Dancing queen. Sing along with it. Yeah. Yeah. I thought that was funny because it goes way back, way back. No one knew that, I’m sure. She put down a listing for a show. I go, yeah, it’ll leave you speechless. Yeah. And she just now saw it after I posted this like two weeks ago. Yeah.Cause she’s lost her voice. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Like polyps or something. Yeah. She’s still lost. She’s still a never voice. I don’t think. Really? Yeah. I don’t think so. I think she’s still dealing. Oh, yeah. Now the other thing is you used to play that song with a stapler. Uh, yes, I did the library. Yeah. Yes, I did. I, I would do that. It was a squeaky stapler and I would, I would sing along to that song and use a stapler to annoy people. Right. Yeah. Or abuse them. It’s got a lot of connotation, the baby elephant song for you. It’s like, you know, and Snuffleupagus is your favorite Sesame Street character. Yeah. And you dress up as a furry as him and go to conventions. You know me too well. You know me too well, yeah. You like to walk around and go, hey, brr.I do the front part and some other guy does the ass part because it’s like a two-man furry costume. Yeah, you got to get some accomplice. It’s kind of like a human centipede kind of thing. Yeah. Oh, no. I got gas. Oh, my God. We all ate burritos. Oh, shit. The only thing they had was Taco Bar. Hope you liked Jimmy Chang goes. Yeah. Gross. Yeah. That’s gross. That’s gross. That’s so gross. Yeah. So I know you went on an adventure this week. And so I’m just going to pass it to you. I don’t really have much going on. I was Mr. Homebody. And here you are gallivanting all around the place. So I got extremely phlegmy. Like, exact moment, I, like, try to jump into this thing. I’m like, Jesus. So, I’m sorry. Psychosomatic, do you think? I don’t know. I swear to God, it was not like this up until the second i started talking to you and it’s like there’s goo in my mouth. Every time we think of it. Every time it’s like a bomb, I get goo in my mouth. Every time always make me sad so uh weWe went on a short, I guess, family vacation, if you will, I suppose. And, uh, uh, went over to the Chicago suburbs, not Chicago suburbs. No, no, we didn’t have a Mason. Uh, what’s his name? Mason Adams. He was not part of our group. No. I thought you were doing his voice there. Oh. this whole goddamn family it was it was title’s way yeah and uh we took two cars and, because there was a bunch of us. and we like to spend a lot of money on gas, so. Well, had I known, yeah, it was going to be like $5 a gallon. I probably would have canceled the whole goddamn thing to be honest with you. There’s nothing better than you like standing at that pump and just watching those numbers go higher and higher. Yeah. I can see why you stayed home. Yeah. Miles thinks it’s like a slot machine, but he doesn’t realize this is why your cheap ass stayed home. Cause you’re just so fucking cheap. You’re like, there’s no way.I was spending $5 a gallon. Exactly. I’m in bankruptcy court with all this fucking mulch I bought. That’s right. Still paying off my mulch bill. I did lay away. My wife tells the occupants of the car, they got a little bit later starting. We did. We’re like, She’s like, well, we’ll all meet up at this one town that we all know pretty well, and we’ll stop at the gas station that’s like a quickie mart with a little brand fast food place attached to it. Okay, that sounds good. Which I thought I didn’t say anything at first. I’m like, I don’t think there’s one of those in this town we’re going to. Right, okay. But I didn’t say anything. I’m like, well, I’m sure she…you know, she must know this. I don’t know. She was very confident. We got there. I wasn’t going to question her is what you’re saying, right? Yeah. So I’m like, okay, well, you know, I’m like you, like, I can’t question it. I can’t question the authority figure. So no, I’m like, okay, well, and we get there and she’s like, oh, darn it. I was thinking of a different town. Oh, now everyone’s confused. And I’m just like, not saying anything like, Oh, And so we park outside. We get a hold of my son. We say, hey, listen, change of plans. We’re going to meet at the box store parking lot here. And so we did meet up. And so we’re trying to figure out what we want to do. You know, one of those crazy things. Because nothing really had been set in stone. Okay. We’ve got three choices. Subway, McDonald’s, or a random Mexican restaurant. Well, you’re kind of getting to the point there, actually. That’s every little town. That’s every little town. Or a Chinese restaurant. No, this is a decent town. I mean, this is not. Yeah. This is my kind of town. Yeah. Hey.So my oldest son’s like, I gotta eat. You got the key to it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My oldest son is like, I have to eat, man. It’s like going at two o’clock already. He goes, I gotta eat. Yeah. You gotta eat. You gotta eat. Oh yeah. We’re all hungry. All right. He goes, well, we’re going to go to X, Y, Z, and we’ll just meet you over there. I said, okay. Okay. And so they take off first and we futz around for a minute. We take off. Yeah. And. Like, my car decides, well, why do we have to go eat where they want to eat? Why don’t we pick where we want to eat? You know? Your car decided this? Oh, your car, as in everybody in the car. Gotcha. Yeah. So, I had, like, half the group in my car. The other half group was the other. And so, they go. And so, we’re going down the road. And there’s, you know, all names you would recognize. Wendy’s. Yes. Yes. That was one of them. Yeah.And suddenly there’s like this, I don’t think it’s a chain, but it’s like some chicken joint or something. Oh, yeah. It was a hot chicken? I love the hot chicken. It’s like chicken conundrum or something. I don’t know. It’s like, okay. Chicken conundrum. Oh, I love chicken conundrum. Yeah, it’s got some cartoonish, you know, big rooster. What am I doing here? I’m dead. Yeah. And I’m like, huh? Well, okay. I guess, you know, no one will fess up to actually pick this. I’m like, okay. And, um, I go, well, who the hell knows? Obviously there’s chicken on the menu, but you know, who the fuck knows what’s, you know, I go, why don’t we, why don’t we go in, take our time, look at the menu, you know, see the prices maybe first, um,you know right no no stupid idea no stupid idea yeah stupid idea dad just keep going. Pull around the building and we’ll just go through the drive-thru. Oh, you’re eating in the car? I’m like, or, or we could go in. Oh, no. Free will. Free will. You should go around the, like, okay. All right. Yeah. All right. I’ve been outvoted we’re gonna go to the drive-thru. All right. We’re going to the drive-thru. I wouldn’t eat in the car myself, but you know, I know it’s not allowed in your family. I know you guys are weirdos. I know you don’t probably do that. And I apologize because I know your family would be very uptight about doing this. So, so, uh, excuse me. So we get there. I know I was not like this, like I’m telling you. And anyway, uh, so I can see the menu board to some degree and like the other people cannot, I can’t see what they got.And so my wife’s like, well, chicken strips. I’m like, yeah, no, I don’t even know if gizzards were allowed. I don’t know. So, so, uh, my wife’s trying to order through like the little back window that rolls down halfway, you know? Hello. Yes. Can we help you? Hello. Uh, yeah, we want to get a lot of chicken strips. Welcome to chicken conundrum. Yeah. So my wife’s trying to work a deal, you know, like, well, your, your regular size comes in five, right? Yes. Affirmative. Yes. She goes, well, can you get something bigger than that? Hold on. Yes. You can get the family meal. Oh, okay. Well, you got a family. I’m like, okay, well, you know, all right. Yeah. Is that cheaper? Uh, no, that I wish, I wish, I wish that sentence come out of my mouth like a fool. I did not like, well, certainly, you know, it can’t be that, you know, certainly. And, uh, uh,And you gotta love this, because everywhere you go now, they want to put a name with your order, even if no one else is there. Oh, yes, I know. Your name, please. Yeah. 100 miles. Okay, miles, pull forward. No one’s there. I’m like, okay, pull forward. And the girl’s like, okay, I have your total here. I go, okay. And what would that be, young lady? She goes, oh, it’s about $55. I’m like, what are you talking about? What do you think I am, Bob Lament? Do you think I’m Bob Lament, lady? Do you think I’m just made of money? Yeah. There’s three of us. Oh, my God. Only three of you and $55? Wow. Yeah. That is a conundrum. I know. We’ve got like 20 pieces of chicken. A lot of chicken. Or whatever it was. I don’t even know how much chicken it was. And there was like two macaronis, cheese, two…Uh, coleslaws, and French fries galore up your wazoo. I mean, it’s like, yeah, throw in those collectors cups while you’re at it. Yeah. My son’s like, geez, dad, I was almost gonna get something to drink. I’m like, no, shut your mouth everybody you’re gonna wait for it to rain. Yeah. I’m like, no everyone’s having a water cup. I got news for you. So I get back my card and the lady starts handing the food, but it’s like literally, I don’t thought you’d enjoy this, but it’s in like a paper grocery bags. Oh, like brown paper sack. Yeah. Like there’s no advertising or nothing. It’s just like generic surprise. That’s cool. Yeah. I know. Like, Oh, Bob would love this one. Jesus. Yeah. I do love a brown paper sack full of food.I go, it wouldn’t be funny if it said, like, Aldi’s on the side or something. It was all stained up and shit. We recycle. We recycle at Chicken Conundrum. That’s part of the conundrum. Oh, wait, sir. You forgot your KY. You get a free tube with it when you eat here. I swear to God I’d tell those kids to dump the bags. Dump them. Oh, my God. And, uh, I’m just in this shock, so I just text the other car, like, we’ll just meet you at the fun thing we’re going to go to. How’s that? Right, yeah. How much was your meal? Yeah, they had gone to a regular place. They didn’t go to Chicken Conundrum like we did. They’re like, we spent $5. Yeah, we all got the $5 fill-up meal. We got a DQ deal. That’s right.I’m like, we’re going to eat on this goddamn thing all week. Jesus Christ. I got a sundae for free. The person that put us up to this, they had to get some kind of bonus from their boss or something like that. And we want to give young Ronald here. We got a lot of old chicken. Can you give it to the next sucker that comes through drive-thru? Yeah, sure. I can only think like They probably thought it was like a church van with all this food at first. And they’re like, wow, there was only three people in that car. Wow. That’s a lot of food for three people. Jesus. Yeah. Okay. And we did eat off it. We did have several meals off it. And it was good chicken. It was good chicken. It was chicken strips. They were very juicy, meaty, tender. Did you go to Cane’s? No. Oh, okay.I mean, I’ve eaten there a couple of years ago, but I mean, no, this was not Kings. All right. No, this was not anything you’ve ever heard of. It was chicken conundrum. Chicken conundrum. I’m like, and then my son felt so bad because he, I think he’s the guy who actually picked this place. I’m sure of it. He starts handing me money. I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’ll talk to that later when your mom’s not around. Lesson learned. Lesson learned. listen yeah never go straight to the drive-thru i can’t read the prices anymore. Yeah. Well, you know, it was kind of a whole thing seemed sketch, you know, I’m like, okay. Yeah. Like all the staff, people were like high-fiving each other. because they all were going to get like the day off, you know we’re closing early. We sold one conundrum special today. whooLittle do they know, it all came from Walmart across the street. Yeah, I’m like, hmm, these sauces look very familiar. This is great value. What the? And I guess, no, the food was good. I’m not putting down the food because, like, the next day we had, like, the shittiest pizza you could find in the suburbs. So I guess the chicken kind of made up for that, I guess. Pizza conundrum. Pizza conundrum. Hey, come here. Hey, you like chicken conundrum? Come down to Pizza Conundrum. Chicago’s finest deep dish pizza. Pizza Conundrum. Pizza armpit. Mardi Gras pizza. You find the baby, you win a prize. Yeah, right. No, it’s Pizza Place. They give you two giant pieces. Yeah. Which I’m like, My wife’s like, what are you saying? It’s like a big foldable New York slice kind of thing. Yeah, I mean, it’s like gigantic pieces. And my wife’s like, well, let’s me and you share. Wow. And I realized, because this pizza sucks, I’m like, it’s just all crust, basically, with a hint of cheese and… Well, he’s not going to know that. Anyway. Yeah, chicken can be much better, much more expensive, but yes. Right.Well, you subsisted. You lived. You survived. Yeah, they do have good chicken, but I didn’t know I was going to have to sell my soul to eat the chicken. Next time, we’re making chicken and taking it with us. Yeah. I mean, I thought Monocles was expensive. Like, Jesus Christ, this chicken place is like freaking… Oh, I love Monocles. I mean, I had taken a second mortgage for Monocles, and this was like a third mortgage for Chicken Conundrum. I’m like, gee, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Well, you know, your kids are still growing. Yeah, I wish I was in the B car, to tell you the truth. I’m sure they saved a lot of money. So what were you going to do exactly anyway? What was this whole trip about? You know, it started off, I think my two sons had started planning something because one of my sons has a birthday coming up. Yeah.And, uh, then it kind of evolved in like, well, we’re all going, everyone’s going. Okay. And we’re all taking two cars. Oh, all right. And we’re just going to play it by ear. And we kind of roughly have a, you know, thing to do, you know, some people wanted to see the zoo and I’m like, well, me and your mom were basically hobbled at this point. So, uh, yeah, we cannot. Because of the chicken conundrum? Yeah, so we ate so much chicken. We’re like, I don’t eat too much. No, I don’t know. We’re just unfortunately getting too… Unfeathered or unfeathered? I’m not allowed to say crippled anymore because I know that’s going to offend somebody. So we ended up… My wife and I went to some graveyards, actually, because it’s free. Were you scouting the spot or what?Yeah, I figured, you know, I thought, you know, we caught those people making out down in Alton. I thought, well, heck, you know, if we’re both in the mood, maybe we can find, like, some monument and make out or something. When I was at the Père Lachaise in Paris, there were people, like, getting it on in the cemetery. I believe it. Yeah. Cemeteries are very sexy. Apparently, that’s what I, you know, I’m like, I walk around and people get all horny or something. I guess, right? I guess so. But, yeah, so part of the group went to the zoo. My wife and I went to some cemeteries. We saw Al Capone. Oh, wow. A lot of the gangsters we saw. Have you been there before, though? Haven’t you been to Al Capone? I have. My wife has not, though. So I wanted her to see it. We saw the grave of Dennis Farina. Oh, yeah. That guy. Well, he wouldn’t know what a cardinal is. He’s not very smart, butyou mean like a catholic cardinal or? Yeah. Okay. No, but anyway, uh, no, that got done. And then the, uh, second half of the day was we’re gonna go to the world’s largest, uh, arcade. Okay. Largest arcade. Right. Yeah. Is this the one i mentioned to you yes okay and i thought okay well it’s all together. Nay, nay. Oh, they’re trying to get you on both sides. Gotcha. So the arcade building is just all arcade games. The pinball is about two blocks away. Oh, really? And you have to like pay for each one individually. Yeah. Yeah. After chicken to conundrum, you guys are pretty well. Yeah. I’m like, let me see. I’m too close. hobbled to walk down the street so I’m not going to do the pinball so I actually forked over more money for my sons and I to go to the arcade and which was okay you know I told you a little bit about it off air but I mean, it’s a lot of games. It’s a lot of, I don’t say shitty games, but you know, just like,variations of variations of variations. Very, you know, it’s like, okay. All right. well Yeah. There was a few not working. I mean, not many, but there was a few not working and there was a couple my son really wanted to play they didn’t have it. Although they said they did. And that was an issue. And then someone clogged the shitter at some point. Oh, there you go. That’s there you go. Excuse me. So, But I don’t know. Yeah, you know, I mean, if you like arcade games in general, you know, but I actually enjoyed like a couple places that me and you have gone to, to be honest with you. Right, yeah. A lot better than this place. I mean, nothing against this place, but yeah. Yeah. I mean, I did not see the pinball part, so I could not really give it a full. You couldn’t make it down the street.at that point, two blocks could have been two miles. You know what i’m saying? it’s like yeah I cannot, you know, I’ve been dealing with some health things, unfortunately, this year. So my arteries are full of chicken pizza conundrum. I know. Like, uh, I have like the shittiest pizza. Um, you guys, you need to get one of those scooters, I think. I know. I’m going to have to ask your wife if she’s got the one-legged scooter guy. Yeah, we have it in the garage now. Yeah. If you want to use the knee scooter. No, I think you need a sit-down scooter, actually. I know. I need my own. In an oxygen tank, yes. Yeah, I know. Yeah, hover around, yeah. Hover around, exactly. I need a jitterbug phone. That’s right. You need the jitterbug, the hover around, and the O2 accessory. Yeah.So, yeah, crazy times, crazy times. So you guys didn’t enjoy the arcade? No, it wasn’t horrible. It wasn’t horrible, but at that point, I was having some issues personally, and I’m like, I really need to sit down. Oh, yeah, well, because last time we went to the, I thought it was a pretty good one there for your birthday. Yeah. I did really enjoy that place. And then the next day, you were in the hospital. Yeah. I ended up in the ER. Thank you. And I think at that one, I didn’t sit down. And so then you never sat down. Briefly. Briefly. Oh, you sat down briefly. Okay. But I don’t know. The other two places that me and you have been, I think money-wise, it was money better spent.Well, cause I paid for one of those and then you paid. Well, right. That’s what I’m saying. It’s money better spent. Right. Yeah. Cause you paid for it like a fool, like a fool. You did. I didn’t mind. I mean, I don’t mind. It was, I know you’re rich. I don’t know about rich. You could eat it. Chicken conundrum every day for the next three years. Yeah. It would not be permitted for me to eat it. Chicken conundrum every day. I think your family would be like, are you, what? What? What? Yeah. No, no, no. I don’t yeah that would be, uh Yeah. That would not pass the mustard here yeah we you won’t be surprised. We eat at home a lot now. More now than before so really yes yeahWell, that’s true. You’ve quit showing me food pictures there for a while. You were like every day, like steak, steak. Like how many nights in a row can this guy eat steak? Gee, many Christmas. Well, that was, I did have steak this week. I didn’t take a picture of it though. Yeah. Um, no, no, but like on a regular, this is the holiday weekend. There was a little bit of going out, but yeah, on a regular week anymore. No, no going out. You’re eating your salad. I had salad tonight. Yes, sir. Yeah. Did you like, I sent a picture of a horse eating grass. He ate the grass on the other side of the fence, which was good grass, not been shit on by himself and his cow. Right. Cause we’re in this Airbnb out in the middle of nowhere. And it’s like, well, there’s horses. I’m like, okay, here’s some surroundings. Horses. Yeah. And I didn’t want to get too close. Yeah. Yeah.Yeah. Yeah. So everybody, uh, enjoy their, uh, the little, the family time away there. I mean, did everybody enjoy going to the cemeteries? I mean, uh, you know, I think overall, I think people enjoyed it. Uh, you know, there was, uh, you know, some interesting moments trying to drive on I-55, which is a bunch of idiots, but, uh, uh, yeah, my son actually witnessed a wreck, uh, While exiting the highway, some lady smashed into a park semi. Oh, great. Yeah. I laugh about the cemeteries, but we always go to cemeteries too, which is kind of… I don’t know. Other people, I think, do this. This is not too far out of the norm, but if we’re near some famous… doesn’t have to be famous in the sense of celebrity necessarily but uh historical or celebrity famous uh person at the at the cemetery will go. Or is there something unusual there you know like yeah it has to be something weird. It could be like haunted gravestones. could be yeah uh you know big uh uh you know yeah something something that’s not the normal cemetery stuff.Um, and yeah, we’ll go. I mean, we’ve gone specifically gone to cemeteries as the destination. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that’s good. Uh, I don’t know. I mean, uh, as a kid, I probably wouldn’t have done it, but as an adult i mean why would you do as a kid, what’s the deal? Uh, you know, I saw our last name on a tombstone once when i was a little child Because my grandparents were taking care of some family stones. Father! What? Father! Oh, I see. Jim Morrison reference because he saw some guy die. No, they didn’t tell me why I was there. I was like a little kid. I didn’t realize what we were doing. Why is my name on that? That’s where you’re going to end up eventually there, young Miles. Is that my grave? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We pre-bought it. It’s got a deal. Yep. You keep beating chicken conundrum. This is where you’re going to be. You can’t. But there’s a size limit, so we may have to cut you down a little bit. I don’t know. I don’t know. We started watching a program about a guy who does.cemetery stuff so i don’t know so oh okay got us interested in doing it. Oh, that’s the youtube guy right so yeah yeah yeah well there you go. Oh. A good time was had by all it’s fun it’s free right well hopefully you don’t take something home with you. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/26/vacation-conundrum//” title=”Vacation Conundrum” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/26/vacation-conundrum/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

This Week On the latest episode of LeMent Tonight, host Bob LeMent sits down with Ted the Impressionist, an alt-comedy performer specializing in rapid-fire, absurdist impressions of animals, ghosts, and vegetables, such as a cat pretending to be a microwave and a squash with bad taste. Eschewing standard 2020s observational humor, Ted describes his act as clean, accessible, and designed to generate comic tension through sheer presentation rather than classic punchlines. Ted discusses the grind of breaking through the industry’s “chicken-and-egg” experience barrier, sharing how he continuously experiments with his act much like Thomas Edison or Shakespeare borrowing from his sources. The conversation takes several bizarre, comedic turns as Ted introduces his puppet sidekicks, Wally—a neutrino turned nutritionist—and Barney Bacteria, who chimes in with gut-health advice and poop jokes. Bob and Ted also chat about Ted’s side project, Bushmiller Remixed, a Facebook page dedicated to modifying old, “lame” Nancy and Sluggo comic strips with lyrics from the Ramones or Barnes & Barnes’ cult-classic song “Fish Heads.” The interview wraps up with a surreal advice segment where Ted hilariously suggests Bob resolve a neighborhood cat love triangle by equipping everyone in matching, color-coded Crocs and beekeeper suits. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR3yuJJjtu0 Bad AI Transcript Okay. Ted’s ready. Here we go. Welcome to Wednesday. And with me tonight is Ted the Impressionist. And his little cats on the whiteboard. And it can do. As always with me is Gary Limes and the Flea Tones. And welcome to Metal Limits tonight, everybody. I’m Bob LeMets. Now, my guest here tonight is Ted the Impressionist. Now, Ted, believe it or not, an impressionist, always delivers what his mama told him. Whenever you meet new people, Always make good impressions. I think she said it just like that. And so his mission on stage compels Ted to perform fabulous impressions of dogs, cats, got to see that one, birds, chimps, ghosts, vegetables, chickens, and more. So many. It’s like getting hit on the head with a shovel. They all leave a deep impression on your mind. Ted has performed throughout the Northeast and in New York City nightclubs. He produces his own shows, Coop Comedy.bronco uh brad dang tootin good time show whoo that’s a mouthful. And Gonzo Gala. Hey, everybody. It’s Ted, the Impressionist. Welcome, Ted. Hello, Bob. How you doing? Nice to see you there shouldn’t I? Yeah, it’s great. I don’t smoke. It probably fits in your impressions right there. There you go. Yes, thank you but well it’s good to be here, Bob. So take it away. I’m sorry. Say that again. Take it away. Let’s get some impressioning going here. Oh, okay. Right. I’m sorry. That’s right. It’s my cue. Sorry about that, Bob. Okay. Well, thank you, Bob. And hello everyone for you. A lovely audience out there. Okay. So many people enjoy cat impressions. And so why not have some cat impressions? Okay, great. Here’s a cat.pretending to be a backhoe. Always good for cleaning the litter box. Thank you, Bob. I wrote that. Okay. Now here’s a cat as a microwave. Meow. Dinner’s ready. Okay. Now, here are cats racing at the Indianapolis 500. Well, except for the Kyle Busch cat. Okay. Now, here is some dog impressions for you. A hillbilly dog convinced his dead father talks to him through his foot. you say paw now here’s a dog as quality control inspector at the sandpaper factory rough i wrote that okay well and uh let’s see here’s uh hmm oh here’s a dog actor in a tarantino western slowly dying in a hail of bullets Tino wrote that. Well, that’s been a wonderful two minutes. I’m certainly glad to be here, Bob. Well, thank you very much. Thank you very much for inviting me here. Appreciate it. Oh, I don’t smoke. OK, so how about you? Thank you very much. And, you know, a little triggering. But other than that, it’s now where have I where have I seen you or met you before, Bob?Well, you probably see me here on lament tonight at the desk. Oh, well, i mean like at a comedy show, though, haven’t i seen? No, probably not i’m not i don’t live in new york apologies okay i live i live in the Midwest, and uh so yeah oh okay i haven’t performed with you or alongside you in a plausible show or a zoom mic anywhere? Oh, you might have seen me on the uh monthly comedy contest. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. I usually show up for those. Oh, okay. Gotcha. Yeah. I haven’t done one in a while. Maybe that’s when it was. Yeah. You know what? It’s not about me. It’s about you. Huh? It’s not about me. It’s about you. We need to talk about you, Ted. Oh, well, no, I don’t want to be selfish. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s all about me. Blah, blah, blah, blah. What does Ted like? What does he like to eat? Where does he like to go swimming? All good questions. Tai Chi? No, you know, Bob, it’s a give and take conversation. You know, people want to know about, you know, what kind of guy you are. So, you know, we’re going to give and take. But I’m just curious because I wanted to know.Okay. So that’s, uh, you want to go back to me? Yeah, let’s go back to you now. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. Your, your bio says, you know, you, uh, started doing these impressions uh i’m guessing we talked about your mother. So I’m guessing it was when you were younger. Now, do you, you said cats, birds, chimps, ghosts, vegetables? Do you only do, uh, do you ever do inanimate objects or does it always have to be animal based? No, there are vegetable impressions that I’ve written as well. Oh, okay. Give me a demonstration, like cauliflower? Oh, would you like to see that? Oh, okay. Oh, okay, a demonstration. Okay, here’s, let’s see, a squash with bad taste. Hey, everyone, how do you like my checkered pants?Now, here’s a zucchini. Well, let’s see, a zucchini that has no moral values. Oh, I’m full of moral conundrums. I think all zucchini have no moral values, but that just may be. Well, that’s a good philosophical point. Right. Oh, here’s a green tomato. Hey, can someone tell me what I’m supposed to do? I haven’t been trained. Now here’s a fried green tomato. So, okay. So we’ve got vegetable, we’ve got animal vegetables. Do you do minerals? No, but that’s a very good one. Yeah, I should try that. You know, the whole animal, vegetable, mineral thing, because there’s a song on a Broadway show about that. Well, you know, granite and marble, you know, they don’t do anything. They just sit on the ground. You know, that’s kind of wacky to do a granite impression. It’s crazy. You know, it might be a good, you know,balance for things, you know, from the cats. I’ll certainly give that a try, Bob. Yeah. Oh, I don’t smoke. So have you done these things your whole life, these impressions this way? Or, I mean, when did this, you know, you’re like, you wake up one morning and you’re like, I want to do impressions that most people don’t do. Well, you know, I, Been working steadily on my comedy career, and this is the kind of thing that’s really taken off. I’ve tried doing edgelord material. I wrote this bit about smoking weed, playing with your pee-pee, and the Russo-Japanese War of 1905. Would you like to hear it? Sure. Okay. Hey, everyone. Have you ever fought in a war against the Russian fleet and they completely annihilate you? And you say to yourself, what the heck? Am I just smoking weed and playing with my pee-pee? I wrote that. There you go. But the impressions really took off. Yeah, that’s good. Oh, I don’t smoke. Okay.to you, Bob. go back to me so so i’m like what where what was the antithesis of this was your list like i mean with the other stuff just wasn’t working? And you’re like, you know what? I think i would rather do, you know, kitten impersonations than doing historical uh masturbation material. Help. The historic stuff wasn’t really going over at kids parties. So I figured, you know, why not try some impressions, see how it works out. You know, it’s kind of clean comedy. Most people can relate to because most people have either a cat or a dog, sometimes both. Many people do eat vegetables. So it was easy enough to just move over to that genre of doing impressions that appeals to a wider audience.Okay. Do you ever think about doing, you know, like fast food or anything like that? I’m a Big Mac and I’m, you know. Not yet, but I’ll consider that. Possibly, I’ll consider that. You know, I’m still working on this, you know, this whole thing, Bob. You know, it’s just at the very crest of my career. Here’s the crest. career and now it’s cresting. Oh, you’re cresting. So yeah, I’m still working on it yeah i haven’t reached the apex yet. You know, this is good for all you geometry majors out there. Crest, apex, you know, optimal curve trajectory all that yeah later on i’ll be discussing quantum equations. Oh, very good. You think this would play in the quantum realm? Well, that’s where wally the happy talking neutrino comes in ohBut I find that I have to explain what a neutrino is because it’s just not in the common parlance. Is it like a neutrino is like smaller than a red box? Yeah, exactly. The tiniest particle in the universe. At the moment. Okay, Mr. Buckyball, you got me there. Good point. At the moment, I think, because everything changes. And so they thought the smallest thing was dust. And then now we’re all the way down. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think Ben Franklin was like, dust is the smallest thing. Right. So Wally, the neutrino, has recently double crossed me. He has explained now to the audience on the stage that he’s now Wally, the happy talking nutritionist. And so I have to go along with it because otherwise he won’t perform live. So what are you going to do? You got your partner, you know, grows, evolves, and, you know, you have to grow and evolve with them. When you’re at the bottom of the food chain, what are you going to do? Well, I wouldn’t know about the bottom of the food chain, but, you know, that’s how it is. That’s right, Bob. Excuse me. You know, being a neutrino wasn’t very fun because…Would you choke on a frog? No, I’m good. Anyway, nobody knew what a neutrino was, but as a nutritionist, I can advise people on how to eat microplastics and what kind of pus balls are the easiest to… Sorry, he’s still a little, you know, on the edge. Well, that’s good. So… So how long have you been doing this then? How long have you been doing all these impressions and not smoking? Oh, I don’t smoke. It’s been about eight years now. Oh, really? Okay. Really? Yeah. I’ve collected some interesting rejection notes along the way as I try to get myself into bookers. Would you want to read a couple of them? Yeah, tell us about them. Oh, yeah. One was, I need jokes. That was the response to my sample.video clip yeah and and uh my favorite so far has been uh the booker responded back and said, you want me to book you so you can do cat impressions? And I said, yeah, yes. It seems fairly obvious. Was this guy not getting it or uh i don’t know. I don’t want to say anything bad about anybody, but uh certainly there’s the it’s that cresting part that, you know, haven’t reached the apex yet. So what do you think? So what’s your plan? So we got like a five year plan, 10 year plan. What’s the what are you thinking? Where’s this all going? Well, are we talking serious now? We’re talking as serious as you want to be. OK, well. It isn’t so much a plan as trying to just break through that that chicken and egg thing, you know, just like someone who’s trying to break into a new business, you know, you have to.You have to have experience to be in the business, but you can’t get experience until you’re in the business. That’s the same way with working upstream in the comedy world. I’ve seen others explain it the same way. The comedy world is a giant flat pyramid. There’s, well, maybe like a little curved pyramid like this at the end. There’s plenty of people all at the bottom of the pyramid. Right. But to get to the cut to the top, you’re cutting through a lot of different layers to actually get to that level where then you become, you make it a professional career and you’re becoming recognized yeah so that’s i’ve heard i’ve heard comedy called the amway of entertainment. Yes. Yeah, it’s probably the same kind of grind, yeah. So I’ve been thinking through about how to manage the kind of act where it’s broad enough that it makes sense to people, but not so obtuse that it’s difficult for folks to understand. So it’s critical that for Ted… Neutrino? Huh? The neutrino? What’s that?Maybe a little obtuse since I’m thinking. Oh, well, yeah. So that’s part of it is that is that then if you’re making the audience think they’re not laughing. So, you know, I think of all the little things that I’ve watched videos of different advices or observations on comedy. And you see them on TikTok, for example, or Instagram. And I think of them as not so not really as illuminations, but affirmations. So you think about the fact that you have to be bigger in life to your audience and engage them. The audience is something that George Carlin said is like the passenger getting into a taxi. They’re willing to go for the ride if they’re confident you know where you’re going. And so then a little bit like that. If you know where you’re going, man.Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I saw either a quote or, yeah, I think it was on Reddit, of all things, there’s a stand-up group. And there was a mention about the fact that if you’re confident in what you’re doing on stage, people will follow along with you even if the material isn’t necessarily the greatest. And you can see that, you know, even the great comedians, that if you read their acts on paper, it wouldn’t be as funny. Rodney Dangerfield is a perfect example of that. You know, they’re pretty kind of at times a kind of lame or hokey puns or word twists. But the fact that he’s doing a rapid fire and I’ve watched it and counted it, that every laugh hits between three to five seconds.Doom to doom to doom to doom. And so the audience, that comic tension keeps building and building and building and then just, it’s like a wave. You’re just riding that back and forth comic tension where it’s zipping everything out, boom, boom, boom. So I try to think along those lines on how to do the impressions in a fairly rapid way where then people are recognizing that it’s just the whole presentation that’s the humor, not necessarily the… each individual impression itself. So I can imagine with the cat impressions that you’re doing time compression because between each impression from the cat, there’s like, I don’t know, four or five hours of napping. And so you’re not showing all that. Well, the idea is that the idea is not that you’re laughing at the impression is why is this grown man doing catand dog and vegetable impressions. And so when I see, when I see someone going with you, I was with it. I didn’t think, right. Well, if, if you find it funny alone, that’s even better. So when I watch people, when they’re going like this, there’s that level of suspense where they’re wondering what’s going on. And then they go like this is that they’re letting it go. They’re realizing is they’re laughing at the whole act, the whole presentation. Um, And then that’s the idea that you’re building that tension and they’re deciding when they want to release it rather than the classic set up, punch line, set up, punch line, set up, punch line. I do enjoy absurdist comedy. This is very absurdist in my, you know, very absurd. Yeah, well, and, you know, and that’s the challenge because especially now in the 2020s, what would you say, Bob?90 to 95% of all stand-up is observational style. You know, people always say they’re observational. What’s the deal with airline food? What’s the deal with airline food? I’m doing my Seinfeld. I’m sure you’ve seen him in New York. What’s that? Seinfeld. He’s in New York somewhere, I’m sure. Jerry Seinfeld. He’s observational. What’s the deal with airline peanuts? Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. Sure. And that’s a well-recognized form. So the idea then in observational comedy is that if the material is good and the performer is confident, you can do any kind of observational material. And then, you know, a lot of comics do stuff that’s very relatable. They do jokes about family and dogs and cats and kids and dating. And so all those things, the audience immediately recognizes the framework of what they’re joking about. So any kind of stand-up comedy that’snot observational. You’re challenging the audience to engage something they’re not familiar with. You know, you think back to the uh the 70s and 80s, there were a number of different, you might say, alt comics, although they were just different in their own particular style, like judy tenuta and emo phillips right and sam kinnison and uh dennis leary the kind of thing where You know, at first the audience is Gilbert Gottfried. The audience is kind of hedging because they’re not there. There’s clearly they’re seeing that there’s somebody doing something funny, but it’s not fitting that usual framework of observational comedy. And so you have to be really good and confident at it in order to then, in effect, sell it to win them over. And you have to show some vulnerability, I think. Oh, yeah, I think you’re right. Oh, in fact, you know, the classic one, Bob, is Andrew Dice Clay. Oh, yeah.Yeah, I remember seeing a very early video. It could have been the New York Comedy Club back when cable was in its infancy. And so comedy shows were simply someone pointed a camera at a stage and the comics went up and did their thing. So back then he was doing a mock-up, a parody of a New Jersey biker who’s just telling jokes because he doesn’t know how to be a real stand-up. So the Andrew Dice character in the real early 80s, like in 81, I think, he’s got the leather jacket on with the chains and he’s got the cigarette and he’s telling stupid jokes like, hey, why did the moron throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly. And so after a while, he started doing these misogynist jokes that actually people were laughing at.more with him instead of at him. And so he built that up into the larger character that we all know, the one that’s telling all the nursery rhyme things. Yeah, exactly. Right, right. And so it transformed from a parody act of a character into this larger than life thing that, you know, for better or for worse, people went to shows to engage and identify characters with this foul-mouthed guy telling dirty nursery rhymes. So, you know, after the go-go 80s, things filtered. Those kind of acts then aged and filtered out because people get older. And so then the large majority of comedy nowadays, stand-up comedy, that is, is observational. I’ve noticed that even when I’ve gone online and looked up a list of what’s called an alt-comics that…a majority of them are just doing observational humor in an alt way. It may be kind of a wacky way, but it’s still observational humor. Yeah. Can you think of anyone that does stand up that is well-recognized, reasonably recognized, that doesn’t do observational? That doesn’t do observational. Yeah, exactly. Currently, as in now. Yeah. That’s a good question here. Let me think about this. Yeah. Right. I wish I had a timer. There’s one guy that I can’t think of his name. Is his name Dimitri? Where he does this act where he’s got like a felt board or a marker board and he’s demonstrating something and so you’re laughing at this demonstration he’s doing? I don’t think I’ve seen him. Yeah, that’s the only kind of alt comedy that I’ve seen more recently. That’s interesting.So winding this all back to your original question, Bob, when you said about a plan, I think of myself sometimes like Thomas Edison inventing the light bulb. I keep experimenting 1,000 times, 2,000 times to figure out how to get this light bulb to last forever. So it’s one thing to go up on stage, like the old cliche of a blind squirrel can find a nut every once in a while. You can do anything on stage and get a laugh once in a while. It’s how do you build that consistently where every time you go on stage, you know it’s going to work. That’s the tough part. It’s really interesting that you use Thomas Edison as your example because he just stole a lot of things. And that’s what all comics do.That’s a real interesting statement, Bob. Stole things? Yes, he stole a light bulb even. I would say that like anybody, like any creative person, you’re cribbing out certain things that other people have done and figuring out a way to incorporate it or improve it. Oh, okay. You don’t like the word. I got you. Yeah. Yeah. So like, for example, like, you know, he was in, he was in a neck and neck race with Tesla who was aligned with Westinghouse. He stole from Tesla because Tesla worked for him. And the reason for a while was because he kept stealing everything. Okay. All right. Let’s, let’s use another example here. Cause, cause people, I don’t know if people would, I think people don’t give a rat’s ass what happened to Tesla and Edison on this show. But a more relevant example would be is Shakespeare is famously known for borrowing and using different sources to create unique material.Now, you could look at a line of text and say, oh, that’s a text from blah, blah, blah. Or, you know, a lot of times he took from Plutarch’s histories. But it’s not as if you say he stole from Plutarch. He just borrowed the core idea or core character, and he used it to flesh out a story of Antony and Cleopatra. Yeah. Gotcha. All right. We won’t say he stole, but hey. This is fascinating. Well, this is kind of a pithy conversation, isn’t it, Bob? No, this is fascinating. But I need to turn it over to Gary for just a moment so we can transition to our game, okay? Oh, okay. Who’s Gary? So Gary Lime in the Flea Tones is going to play us a little bit of a song here, hopefully. We will see if that comes to pass. Oh, there we go. Hey, Gary, how’s it going?Thank you. And good night. Not yet. Not yet, Gary. Not yet. Bob, you are a great asshole. We’ve got to talk more about Shakespeare and Rodney Dangerfield. Well, the thing is, there’s no such thing as a pure creative thought that came from nowhere. Things people borrow and pick up from various sources, it’s your own unique take on those. This whole show is a stolen show. Exactly. Yeah. So, that’s how we got into this conversation. But anyway, that, you know, I know, because you were saying about Thomas Edison, that’s how we got there. So, experimenting to me is this. I keep experimenting and improving on it. As it took Thomas Edison nearly 10,000 times to figure out how to make a light bulb that lasted is, for me, is then keep experimenting over this time that I’ve been doing this to figure out what,is going to work consistently to get the audience to go over that what is it going on hump into acceptance and then laughter. Right. No, that’s Ted. I’m giving you a hard time, Ted, but no. No, no, no. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s a real in-depth conversation. And what I’m hoping is that people will tune in and go, wow, this was great. Did you listen to this podcast? You should tune in because these guys are really good. That’s what I’m trying to do. Or they might say, wow, there was a cat. I was talking to cat impressions. That’s amazing. Now, we’re going to do a little something to do. We’re going to do a little game called Ask Not. Okay. I’m going to pose questions to you, and so then you’re going to give me the worst possible advice that you can think of for my questions. All right. Got it. Here we go. Ask Not. All right. Here we go.So, Ted, I know you’re an impressionist by trade. But. Yes. I have a bit of a love triangle with a couple of next door cats. And I don’t know exactly what to do. I’m the male. I’ve got two females, one on either side of me. Okay. I’m in love with both of them. I don’t know what to do. I can’t choose one. But obviously, in this world that we live in, Yeah. Hard to be. I’m not a Mormon cat. Okay. I don’t believe in polygamy. Okay. What’s your advice? I would say you should first head over to Walmart and get yourself a variety of colored Crocs. Purple, green, yellow. And actually three pair. One for yourself. And the, well, then the cats have four paws, so that’s two, four, six, eight, ten pair of Crocs for you and the cats. Because that way you can bond with each other and neither cat will be jealous of the other. So, for example, you could have the green Crocs and kitty number one can wear the yellow and blue and the other can wear the purple and pink. And therefore, and when you go out in public, people won’t,give you the evil eye is why is Bob, the human, messing around with two cats? Because you’re clearly wearing Crocs. So you have some kind of thing going on together that most people in our diverse society would respect. Unless, of course, you’re anti-DEI. In that case, you’ll be immediately shipped off to the Congo for deportation to a third world country that you neither speak the language nor know anything about. What about the Crocs that mix the colors? You know what I mean? Like the swirly Crocs or the psychedelic style Crocs? Oh, well, in that case, if that’s your style, then you should also get your hair colored to match the Crocs. And for you, it’ll be easy. You can dye your hair pink with your pink Crocs, for example, andyou’ll look fashionable. The cats, of course, hate being immersed in any kind of liquid. So you’ll have to wear a beekeeper suit to dunk the cat into the psychedelic colors to color their fur. Not only is that convenient for you for coloring the cat, but then you can open up your own honey stand at home. Oh, wow. Because you want the beekeeper suit, you may as well buy the bees to go with it. Otherwise, it’s kind of stupid, isn’t it? People go, look at this jerk. He’s got a beekeeper suit with no bees. What’s that all about? That’s true. Although, you know, there was a movie with Jason Statham called The Beekeeper. And he made out quite well in that movie, I think.Well, that’s Hollywood. You know, it’s a lot of it’s made up. It’s kind of, you know, in real life, you know, beekeepers live a very austere life. In fact, beekeepers make wonderful lighthouse keepers because they’re poor. They don’t have regular personal hygiene and they’re just focused on one thing, you know, the bees or keeping the light on. Now, I think I got lost in the whole Crocs situation, but am I choosing one of the two cats or am I just still going with both and everybody’s wearing Crocs? Oh, I see. Well, once you and the cats have the Crocs on and you’re walking the public streets and you’ve dyed their hair, then… it’s kind of a zen thing. You can sense what vibe is working with either cat. Because everyone has their own colors. You know that, right? You might be a pink or you might be a summer pink or more of a winter blue. What color do you think I am? I think you’re kind of an El Nino hurricane. Gotcha. It’s difficult to know the season becauseYou know, you are like a hurricane. I appreciate how you did put any inflection to make it sound Spanish when you said El Nino. Oh, yes. Yeah, well, you know. I appreciate that. Yeah, because, you know, otherwise, you know, if you try to pretend that you know how to speak Spanish and you roll your R’s, well, your R’s might roll too far off your tongue and people know that you’re faking it. So… by being totally ignorant of how to speak a language, then people will just say he’s ignorant, but he doesn’t know any better. I just was curious. He’s an ignorant. He’s an ignorant ignoramus. El Nino. El Nino. Yeah, exactly. They try to make it sound like they’re, you know, Jimmy Smith or something. I don’t know. But anyway. Yeah. So, okay. So I’m still…I don’t think we’ve clarified. This isn’t working for you, Bob? I haven’t explained that. Am I going with one of the cats? Am I going with both the cats? Are we setting up a commune? What’s happening here? Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. Well, then, in that case, it may be useful for you to consider, then, a polycat relationship. It’s very similar to a polyurethane situation, except instead of popping plastic packing bubbles, you’re popping little bubbles off each cat because cats, can have little pus bubbles. So it’s kind of the same. Or you could be a polywog relationship with the cats, whereas as a cat catches a tadpole, you have a relationship with both the cat and the developing frog. That’s what’s called the polywog relationship. I got it. So I replace one of the cats with a frog, and I’m all good.Well, then, because people, you know, in our diverse society, people recognize many poly relationships. Polyurethane, polyfrog. Polyester? Even here in Troy, New York, we have the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. So people have relationship with various engineering expertises. And, you know, no one bats an eye, you know. Am I kind of making Am I helping you out? Is this useful to you? I think so. I think so. Other than the dying of the hair, I think I’m on board with all the rest of it. And, you know, I already have some Crocs, and so, you know. Okay. Unfortunately, I’ve got to buy two pair for each, and it’s a whole. Yeah. It’s going to be expensive. It will be. What about gibbets? Any gibbets with this? Gibbets?Those are the little things you put in the crocks, you know, the holes. Oh, I thought you meant giblets. And I was going to say, yes, you know, it’s nice if you go out, you buy a fresh chicken. You really don’t want to eat the innards. So that’s where the giblets on your crocks not only makes it very an outstanding and unique fashion feature, but it attracts other cats. So if you get tired of your relationship with the two original cats, you’ll have more cats following you. Yeah, chasing after you and the giblets in your crotch. Bad smells seem to attract cats. You’re right. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. That’s interesting. And you could also carry a Gibson guitar for no other reason than you have some alliteration going. Your giblets as giblets with your Gibson. With your Gibson. Oh, speaking of Gibsons, Gary wants to play a little song, I think. Oh, go ahead, Gary.Thanks so much for listening guys today, we had a great time playing for you. Wow. Far out, Kerry. Yeah, he’s really looking at it. He’s looking at Gibson. Hey, there’s Nutrino, or Nutritionist. It looks a little bit like a pool ball. All right. Thanks, Jerry. All right. So, Ted, let’s wrap this up tonight. All right. So you’ve given us a lot to think about. Way more than I expected. I just expected impressions. Well, you know, Bob, you ask for one thing and I provide many things to you so that it helps you succeed as a podcast producer. Oh, OK. I was thinking that possibly. somewhere in your life, you do more things than just impressions. Is that true? Who wants to know? Well, the audience wants to know. Okay. Well, another fun thing I do is I do Nancy and Sluggo comic strip remixes. Okay. On Facebook, it’s called, if you go on Facebook, it’s called Bushmiller Remixed.And so you’re making that up because you look straight up in the air, you know, which I believe. Well, I have to think I have to pause to make sure I’m I’m articulating what people understand, because people may not be familiar with the Nancy and Sluggo cartoon per se. But anyway, on the on the Bushmiller, the first transgender comic book characters, I think. Yeah. So anyway, Nancy, the Nancy cartoon is really boring. It’s tedious. The jokes are lame as hell. So what’s fun is to remix them to make them. Yeah. So that’s, that’s my side gig. I enjoy doing that. I always put post mine every Wednesday and Saturday morning. Wednesday and Saturday. So comics online. So we think that the comics, you know, went away with the Sunday paper, but not in this case.got a pretty sizable drawing. You know what’s fun about those is when you’re doing uh ones with song lyrics. So I like to do um nancy remixes while utilizing some nugget from the Ramones. Or my favorites is when i do some that um are using the lyrics from barnes and Barnes, Fish Heads. You know that one, Bob? Oh, yeah, sure. You know fish Heads? Yeah. Uh, roly roly poly fish heads. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Those are fun. The late great bill paxton was in that video as a matter of fact. Oh yeah. Yeah. Do you know that? How about that? I did not know that. You know, bill paxton at all. No, he’s an actor. Well, I know about him. I know who he is. Yeah. He was in that. Yeah. I was one of his friends. He was friends with what the people, the artist who created the song.Now, I did not know until people are commenting on the strip is that, is it Bill Mummy? Billy Mummy, yes. Billy Mummy is one of the Barnes of Barnes and Barnes from Lost in Space. I did not know that. It may be the only thing that he’s known outside of Lost in Space. Well, he does other music as well. Oh, yeah? He’s really quite a musician. Oh, you know more about him than I do then. Yeah. I mean, besides going to all these, uh, fair, you know, the, the nostalgia things where people, he gives people autographs and everything. No, he’s quite the musician and fish heads was probably, I mean, that’s probably one of the more, uh, well-known things because the phenomenon back in the day, cause it was, uh, uh, you know, right at the cusp of, uh, music videos and so forth. And they had a video out there and whatnot and everybody loved it. And, uh,He aligns with Dr. Demento and then Weird Al and all that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, back in the very early days, the infancy of MTV, that was on a regular rotation. But then that was the day when MTV just had a number of crudely made music videos from obscure bands. And it’s literally, Bob, that someone was shooting them – What do you call it? Air guitaring their music video on like a little eight millimeter camera. Right. Yeah, exactly. They’ll give a certain, you know, cachet then. So tell me the name of the comic strip again with Nancy. Oh, on Facebook, it’s called. Well, on Facebook, it’s called the Bush Miller Remixed. And it’s anyone that does remix cartoons of the Nancy and Slogo cartoon. Wow.yeah i didn’t even know that existed so this is uh well you know, you know a lot about, you know, Barnes and Barnes. I have to match you you know you know nugget for nugget for facts or you think about have you ever thought about branching out into andy capp or uh you know no no just that you know as a kid again especially by the seventies and early eighties, the Nancy cartoon was pretty lame. You’d feel dumber after you read it. So this is a way. The cats and jammer kids. You ever want to do one of those remixes? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no other. No, no. Nancy cartoon in particular was so lame that it’s actually fun to change it around and improve upon it in myriad ways.Yeah, I think I should check that out. I do. Sure. OK, yes. Check it out, viewers. Yeah. Let me know what you think. This is a conversation that I never imagined would ever happen. Well, you know, again, Bob, my idea, you know, my my my my burden is to make your show really interesting. We’ll bring the neutrino back up. OK, sure. Plus, he has his other friend. too you know what’s his other friend quark oh uh well okay so uh here we go uh here you go hi thank you, Bob. I appreciate it because this surprise guest neutrino everybody he’s kind of boring. I’m not a neutrino. I’m a nutritionist oh right i’m sorry yeah nutritionist yeah bob are you are you eating are you eating regular fiber every day? Hey, don’t forget about me. I’mBarney bacteria. Hey, Bob, I want to say hello to all the good bacteria in your gut. This is really stupid, you know? Hey, who invited you? I did. It’s my show. Now, Barney, do you travel from person to person? Because I would think if you’re a gut bacteria that you would leave the system and then have to get into another system. Yeah, well, you know, it was easier when Spirit Airlines was around because it was cheaper. They had a lot of poop flights, you know, so it was easy to travel back in that day. Well, that’s really good. Now we’re going really gross here. I’m keeping the show real classy, and you’re talking about poop jokes. Oh, sorry about that. Sorry, Bob. I want to make sure we do this on a classy level. Yes, thank you very much.Sorry about that. So, uh, which one of you is Nancy and which one’s sluggo in this scenario? Uh, Yeah. No, no, no. I’m the Mary. No, I’m the Mary. Sorry, Bob. We still have to work it out. I think you’re both Phyllis. Ted, thank you so much for being here tonight. Okay. Best of thanks to your special guest, Trino, and to Gut Bacteria. And everybody, eat your fiber. Catch Ted on Plazable. And other places.

Miles hangs out with the famous and unhinged, while Bob has an interesting dinner on the Riverwalk. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/2aj6xyZjGOI Bob endures a teeth cleaning that becomes rather suspect, while Miles gets bad news about his sister, but not that bad. Whose Bunny Bad AI Transcript Magma in my eyes. In my eyes. Okay. Addict. Transportation kills. Hey, everyone smiles. Girls aren’t them. See you later. Girls aren’t them. Have a tater. I can’t imagine Simon Le Bon saying have a tater. He was from Idaho. People think that he’s British, but he’s really from Idaho. There’s all these subliminal potato lyrics that he put in. Who was the other guy? Nick Rhodes. Nick Rhodes was like, Simon, we can’t have all these potato references. Or Ida. cheese and potatoes simon laban single-handedly got uh mcdonald’s to only have idaho potatoes. Yeah. In the 80s, so. Before that, there was just any old farmer can sell mcdonald’s french fry potatoes, but nope. His boat capsized in the 80s because it was full of potatoes. Full of potatoes. He was smuggling potatoes into the Isle of Man. That really happened in his boat sink or something. You’re thinking of the Rio video where they’re in suits on a boat. No, no, for real. No, he was like in a boating thing. He didn’t get hurt. That’s no boating accident. In a boating accident, yes.I’ve heard you on the radio and I’ve seen you on the radio. I wouldn’t look it up, but I don’t. Smuggler’s eyes. Smuggler potatoes. I can’t something to do with gravy. I don’t know either. It’s kind of goofy tonight here, Miles. I just don’t know the words to these songs anymore. I can’t remember the words. I had a photographic memory from the 80s, but I lost it. Only on Sunday. Everybody just makes them up. It’s okay. You can just look every one of these up if you wanted to. I’m going to get some letter from our fan CB now. Hey, man. That wasn’t really cool. Blue Monday, blue day. Can you see things my way? So anyway, I went on a little trip. Take a little trip. Take a little trip. I had to go to San Antonio, Texas, everyone. Welcome to San Antonio.antonio texas hey he followed charlie prize advice and went down to san antonio exactly charlie good old charlie pride you think that was his real name? I don’t think he, he didn’t look like a charlie or a pride to be honest with me. You know, I didn’t know what his real name was, but we could look it up, but i’m not going to. Did you kiss an angel good morning? um So I’m in San Antonio, and my son tells me, if you’re going to be in San Antonio, you have to get some fajitas. I guess they’re famous for fajitas. I don’t know. Okay. And I’m like, well, I love fajitas. That sounds good to me. Right? And so I was with another person down there, and so she had to put up with me for a day or so. Yeah.she’s like, what do you want for dinner? And I’m like, well, I’ve been told that we’re in San Antonio, so we should go get some fajitas. And she’s like, all right, whatever. Whatever, I care, right? So we go down the river walk, which is very nice. If you’ve ever been to the river walk, it’s kind of like a weird oasis in the baked Texas landscape. And we just start walking along, and I mean, there’s all these places, right? And I’m like, she’s like, where are we gonna go i have no idea. I guess let’s just walk for a while and we see one. We’ll just go. So we found this place and i thought, well, this is, this looks like a good place to have some fajitas right looks nice. Nice place. Well, all these places uh in the river walk, because it’s, it’s a river, right? It’s a concrete river. Let’s be honest butBut it’s got the weirdest vibe because, you know, as a child of the, you know, 70s and 80s, the only time I really saw this kind of behavior was in sleazy movies from that time period. Oh, okay. Guys would stand on the street and try to get you to go into Times Square strip clubs. Well, they have all these people at all these restaurants. They’re not strip clubs. And they’re like, hey, come eat here, right? Telling you that you should eat at their establishment. Now, they’re not pushing or anything, but they’re saying, hey, come eat. I mean, every one of them has got a person standing outside inviting you in. It’s called a hype guy. Well, you probably were one at some point. Yeah, I was. I’m assuming. Under over bar. Yeah, I did that. Yeah, okay.So I’m like, well, hey, this guy, he seemed real nice. He’s like, yeah, come on up. We got, I got, you want patio? You want inside, outside, you know? And I know some Puerto Rican girls just down to me too. And so we sat on the patio. Was it Mick Jagger? No, it wasn’t Mick. I’m getting to that. I’m getting to that. All right. So we get seated on the patio in the shade, which was very nice. And it was very, very nice outside there. And we’re sitting there, and then I have this kind of slow realization as I’m looking around at all of the people working at this establishment. Yeah. And I’m like, holy shit, we’re being waited on by the cast of Con Air. Oh, yeah.Wow, harsh. Harsh. If you remember Nicolas Cage. Yes. Hey, get your hands off the falsena. party gets their own. And so we have these Joppa chips and salsas like Nick Cage. And then the waitress comes to take our order. Danny Trejo. But it’s a woman. So it’s this woman that looks like Danny Trejo. With a mustache. Yeah, with a faint mustache. Not quite as thick, right? Yeah. What do you want? Want specials? Anyway, I’m like, okay. She was very pleasant and a very good waitress, but I couldn’t get over the fact that she looked like she could have been a cast member. And then, of course, the bus boy. It was all tasty. It wasn’t like the I mean, to be honest, it was not the best fajitas I’ve ever had. And they were fine. And the lady I was with, she got some tacos or something. Anyway, it was all very, you know, good. It wasn’t fantastic and everything. And then Bashimi comes to bust the table. You guys done? Money penny or you’re done eating your tacos? Done. Yeah. Yeah.Moneypenny isn’t done yet. Go away. Yeah, no, it was just like weird because all these characters, you know what I mean? Yeah, right. The characters from the movie, I swear to God, it was just like, I was like, this is weird. Really weird. Was Cheech Marin there at all? No, the only con air. I did not see John Malkovich or Bing Rames, but. Yeah. I was trying to think who was in that movie. Williams was at the other table. So yeah, I spent a long time since I saw that movie. So, well, I can, you know, it was a great movie. Uh, I could quote it chapter reverse. If you want, he was one of the FBI agents, you know, and he was in the, he was, well, you know, he’d come walking through John Cusack. Yeah. Right. So, yeah, no, but it was, it was like, Oh my gosh. I’m like, and a lot, I mean, I, it,this could have been people coming off that plane. I swear they all had, uh, you know, various, uh, signage on their neck and the arms and faces and everything. It was just, uh, right. Yeah. I was just like the best service. Everything was fantastic, but it was just kind of a trip, you know, a little bit of a show there. Mrs. Trejo, I’m going to give you a 10 on the, uh, That’s right. On the Google review. I’m like, yeah, let me mash that five-star button for you. Yeah, no, she was very nice, but bad. She was, whew, yeah. It was a little rough on the looks there, you know what I mean? Moneypenny, how are your tacos, Moneypenny? They’re great, James. Yeah, so it was all happening down there in San Antonio.So did you slap yourself when you got back? You’re like, you lying bastard. No, no, no. I told him, I’m like, hey, they were, you know, all right. Oh, you should have went to the street taco. You know, he’s told me everything. And I’m like, you know, what are you going to do? You can’t, you know, I’m with somebody else. You kind of have to go with the flow a little bit. I can’t, I can’t say, hey, we’re going to go like four blocks over here where like there’s buildings on fire and get some tacos. You know, you just can’t do that for people. So. Uh, we were at the, we were in the river walk cause that was really nice area to go. So, yeah, I think, uh, I was, I think Reagan was still in office when I was there. Oh, well, but, uh, you know, everything was certainly, you know, good. It’s just, I was hoping for something great. Yeah. And that wasn’t, it wasn’t, it was good.It could have been worse, I guess, right? Oh, no, it could have been way worse. I’ve had way worse. But this, you know, it was good. I will say, and I’ll give you the compliment here. I had chicken fajitas, which, you know, I kind of oscillate between the chicken and the steak. And your chicken fajita is better. Really? Yeah. I really enjoyed whenever. And it’s probably been, what, 20 years ago. It’s longer now. It may be. But anyway. Your chicken fajitas were better, I think, because you put a lot of butter on something. I’m guessing. I don’t know. It’s the sauce. Yeah, unfortunately. Thank goodness. Well, actually, you did cook them. I did watch you cook them, but I was watching with eagle eyes. And they were good. And they were fantastic. Those are my own fries in a bag. Well, better than fries in a bag. That’s for certain. Mm-hmm.So, yeah. But, no, a good time was had by all. And, you know, we put the bunny down and we left. There you go. Currently, but yes, we left. No, it was fine. It’s interesting. I mean, it’s just a, you know, like it’s a Disney-esque corridor in the middle of San Antonio. And all the basements of these buildings opened up onto it with all these restaurants and and everything. It’s a trip to walk around down there. It’s like Willy Wonka land or something. It’s like Pirates of the Caribbean. You’re walking around. Big pirates where you can walk and have food and everything. Pretty much. And beer. Yeah. It was a good deal. We had a good dinner. Nice. Then I went and roasted in my room because the air conditioner seemed to be on a switch where it was on and cool and then it was off and it wasfreaking hotter than hell. So, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that’s a whole other story. What’s going on with you? I didn’t go to Texas. I did not. You did not. You did not go to Texas. I went to p-town man i was in p-town p-town what peoria right yes i uh i kind of have told you about this a little bit off the air, which we don’t usually do, but it just kind of worked out that way. The reason you told me was because you were rubbing something in my face. That’s the only reason you told me. And you loved it. Don’t you think? Yeah. We went to see a show and we had a lot of time to kill and my wife and son kind of planned out the day and i said okay i’m just i’m just driving you know that’s me i’m i’m a driver. I’m just going to sleep. Yeah. Okay. And I didn’t really pay too much attention. But we were in this little uh you know, sus, as the young people say, sus uh shopping center location. I have no idea what that means. What is this suspect you know ohSuspicious. you know vicious and i like and i really hadn’t paid attention like usual, but we pull up like oh no, no, the pizza place is down here. I’m like, okay. I’m like, oh my God. I go, this, this cannot be, this is like a franchise of like ultimate pizza joint monocles. Right. Exactly. I love Monocles. It’s one of the best pizzas. If you’re in an area with monocles you are, it’s god’s country. And, uh, there was hardly anyone in there. That was weird. It’s kind of expensive. Let’s be honest. Yeah. I think i blew with tip about 60 bucks. Yeah. A little expensive yeah but uh it was good no i enjoyed we had uh monkey bread we had uh oh my god you had the monkey bread evenYeah, well, my son, I’m not really supposed to eat it, but my son Yeah, I know, you’re not supposed to, but But since, you know, when in Rome, you know, I said, okay, man. Why not? I’ve got my epipen in this bag. Pretty much, yeah, and i was taking pictures, you know, showing him pictures. You’re like, I wish i had some monocles, too, and i don’t have no monocles and uh no i was uh it was a good time, you know, nice, nice place. I’d give it a ton. Good place. Yeah. It’s great. Great food. It’s some kind of weird, uh, pepperoni, uh, like mini, mini, mini, mini pizza, uh, pepperoni. I don’t know. Something bullshit. I don’t know. Some, some, something pepperoni bullshit. Yeah. I don’t know. And, uh, so then, uh, we did a couple other things and, uh,We are like, okay, well we should get over to this place with the place. I go, I’ll be like Bob lament. Let’s get there like four hours early, you know, make sure so we can mock people that come in late, you know? And, uh, we’re getting close to the venue and I realized that there’s like another venue very close that has just let out like every kid who has graduated. But in the Frye County area, they’ve had some mega graduation. And they’re leaving with their parents. So there’s like hundreds, thousands of people. Thousands of children lining the streets. And I’m driving around and my wife’s like, no, I’m not. You know how I drive. One of the greatest people. Yeah, you just missed the parking. I’m like, fuck, I don’t even know where I’m at. I don’t even know where I’m at. There’s green people. There’s red people. There’s yellow people. I didn’t, you know, I was like, I’m getting weirded out, man. I’m like, God damn it. You know? Yeah, it’s great. I was getting nervous. I don’t really know Peoria that well. And I’m like, okay, well. And we ended up parking kind of behind the venue, which was fine. And we kind of, you know,hung out for a half an hour and we finally decided, well, let’s go in an hour early. Okay. So the show starts at seven 30 and then we go at six 30 and you know, that’s of course, you know, electronic tickets and all that. And you got to go through, you know, security and all that. Uh, it’s a weird venue. It’s a weird, uh, venue in that like, the concessions are, like, in the lobby, but, like, if you want to go to the bathroom, you actually have to, like, climb up stairs. Yeah, that’s weird. To get to the, I’m like, oh, this is kind of weird, you know. Nowhere in that arcade in Quincy where you had to go all the way down the bowels of the earth to get on the second floor. Well, that is true, yeah. That is true, actually. But, so, anyway, there’s, you know, people guarding the hallways there, and they’re like,Well, if you want to take a piss, go ahead, but you have to come back because the doors aren’t open yet. You can’t go in. Uh-oh. There you go. They’re doing a sound check. I’m like, really? A sound check for a comedy thing? Yeah. I’m like, well, how come they didn’t do this like two or three hours ago? Why are they just doing it now? Greg Proops was late. I guess. I don’t know. So then you have to hang out. There’s like nowhere to sit hardly. You’re like, okay, well, what the fuck, you know? And we get in there, you know, and I, you know, Mr. P bladder. I’m like, Jesus, I hope I make it because I have to go like every 20 minutes. What is wrong with you? I’m on like three different people. All right. Jesus. Why do they want you to pee so much? What is so good? I don’t know. I have a sadistic doctors. Dr. Mike, why are you making me piss so much? Let me show you. There’s a reason for this. Yeah.ah, and, uh, yes. Uh, no, it wasn’t that bad, but, but no, we got in. And, uh, so it’s, uh, the whose line is it anyway, tour that is going on. And, uh, I didn’t realize that my son had gotten us just like, we’re only like eight rows back from the front. I’m like, Oh, wow. Did you get called up? No, no, no, but, uh, like all these old fuckers were in the old fucker row, you know? And like, you know, like 20 people had to stand up so we could get seated. And it’s like a quarter after seven now. And I’m like, you know what guys, I better do a, a prevent preemptive piss, you know? Yeah. So I’ve got to make all these people stand up again. I go out, I go to the bathroom. I’m like, you know, my son’s desperately waving me in, you know, cause I guess,He’s like, people are looking at me like I’m doing this. It’s you. All right. All right. All right. And I get it. I wouldn’t say actually like some people brought like their children there too, which I, um, kind of weird. Yeah. And I’m like, okay, well, whatever. Okay. And, uh, so the show starts, great proofs comes out there and he introduces it. Joel Murray’s there, Jeff. davis was there and the other guy was jeff davis i like yes oh they’re all funny. They’re all funny. Yeah. And, uh, Ryan was there too. Right. Styles. Really? I see the picture you sent me. He was cut off. So I was like, I was assuming that was ryan’s yeah wasn’t sure so i mean that’s not i mean that’s not low-end talent there. That’s pretty high and no they’re all no it was very funny. It was funny. Uh,I mean, no Colin Mockery, but… Yeah, no Wayne Brady either, you know. No Wayne… That’s what I’m saying. They can’t… Everybody can’t be in there. I mean, the lineup is… I mean, you get a Murray in there and the… Yeah, no, it’s funny. It’s not like they pulled the dregs of whose line is it and threw him on tour or anything, so… Right, right. And so they just, you know, basically took the best bits, you know, their best, you know… Mm-hmm. Sorry, I’m having trouble breathing tonight, but, uh. Well, I don’t know. Maybe it’s three piss pills you’re taking i don’t want to kill him you know. But, you know, so it’s like, let’s take suggestions from the audience and everyone’s, you know, yelling stupid shit all the time. I found it. Yeah, no, I didn’t yell cutting the no i didn’t okay i felt like one of them was directed towards me, though, because they’re like.Name something that you will see in Peoria, in downtown Peoria. And someone behind me is like, a fat guy. I’m like, whoa, wait a minute. That guy’s ass going to the bathroom constantly. Some fat guy who’s got to piss every 10 minutes. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, they call up people to do sound effects and things like that. Kind of serenade, you know. This lady and this and that. I won’t go into it. Overall, I think besides the venue, I think the entertainment was good. What was wrong with the venue again? It’s just like you couldn’t get in right away. I think that’s what all venues do. I don’t know. I didn’t like that. I want to be right in there. I want early access. I wanted to get in my seat.Oh, yeah, and then a couple shows up, and this lady looked completely fucked up. Okay, shit. Okay. And next thing you know, my wife and her are chatting it up. They’re comparing, like, prescriptions or whipping out prescription models. I’m going to watch out. I’m like, what the fuck is this? And they’re like, you know, hey, there’s no going to happen. Is that some kind of thing the kids do now is trade medication while they’re out in public, you know that? I’ll give you half of mine for one of yours. This is really strong. I’ll only give you half. I don’t know. Between the two, I’m sure they could have had a good time, though. Of course, they started like, no recording device, no flash photography. 20 minutes in, this lady literally raises up her phone. I don’t know if she’s taking pictures or recording it or whatever. I’m like,the goddamn phone down. You’re going to get us in trouble. Was she with you? No, this was the fucked up lady. They’ll sit next to my wife. What do you care? I thought they hit it off. Then my wife later was like, he was in this horrible car accident, so she’s not quite right. I’m like, oh, okay. Okay. You’re like, she’s just like you, you were in a horrible car accident. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. And, uh, so I don’t know, it was an hour, hour and a half, whatever it ended. And, uh, it was very nice. Then when it starts piling out and of course everyone’s swarming the bathrooms and luckily I did not have to go. My wife did, but I don’t know. How could you not have to go? I don’t know. I just, I was, how’d you sneak out of that one? I was depleted at that time. You know, there’s nothing left.I hadn’t drank for two hours. And my wife, you know, I was like a camel. She never goes. She’s like, oh, I got to go bad, but I’m not waiting in line. Let’s just go to a gas station. Oh, no. I’m like, all right. Well, you know, it’s a little bit later on, you know, it was probably, you know, what, 930, 10 o’clock or whatever. And she’s like, well, I’ll Google a gas station. I’m like, all right, don’t piss your pants. And so we go to the first one. It’s like all like marked off with like police tape and all that. Peoria is not, a it’s kind of reputation. Let’s put it that way. Yeah. I’m getting to that. Yeah. And, uh, uh, she goes, go down, you know, Richard Pryor way here i’m like okay it’s right richard pryor native son of Peoria. Yeah. And then, uh,She goes, oh, okay, let’s go in this one. I’m like, okay, I don’t know. I’m not sure about this. Yeah, I was like, this is not Bob Lament’s neighborhood. I’m like, okay. Why don’t you just drive for about half an hour? You’ll be in the cornfields and just piss down there. Oh, no. No, no. I need proper facilities. And so all three of us have to go. My son went in first. Oh, now you have to go. Okay. Well, I was scared now. I’m like, okay, I don’t know. And my son went in first before we did. And he’s like staying in the hallway by the the rest in first yeah well yeah he’s the muscle. Yeah. That’s true. I’m like, oh, someone in the bathroom. He goes, oh, I don’t know. The door’s closed and i didn’t knock. Okay. Well, I go for fuck’s sakes. Knock, not for fuck’s sake. Come on, man.I don’t really want to spend my whole night here. You know, we get done, you know, it’s all good. Uh, yes, it’s all good. I, I bought a soda. I thought, okay, I can’t just, I can’t just go in and take a whiz. I know. What would Bob lament say? You gotta get something. You can’t be a big mooch. And, uh, so I’m trying to get out of there. And like, there’s a gentleman listening to music and all the words were, were, what was it? It was, uh, all i want to do is like sex and violence. I think that was the only words of the song is sex violence sex and violence. Sex and i’m like okay we’re getting the hell out of here. And, uh, yeah, we left. All is well. Everything was good. Uh, yeah. That rerouted us likehere, there, and everywhere. I’m like, I think we’re going to be in Decatur here in about five more minutes. Your other favorite location. I know. Peoria and Decatur are not really too much different for me. Come on now. Come on now. Come on now. Come on now. I haven’t been to Peoria in a long time. So now we got home. I did the driving. It was very dark out. I hit something on the highway. I don’t know what it was. Oh, no. Completely freaked out. I don’t know what the fuck it was. I don’t know. It was like, what? My wife starts screaming bloody murder in the backseat. Did it dent your car? Huh? Did it dent your car? It was little, whatever I hit. I don’t know. I have no idea. I never saw it. That’s weird. But she’s screaming bloody murder for like half a minute. Did I ever tell you the time I hit a duck and his asshole was left on the front of my car?No. Yeah, it really happened. I don’t know if it was really his asshole, but he left something on the front of the car that looked like a tube. Oh, so I dropped my pants. It was tiny. It was a little tube. Anyway, I was with my girlfriend, and we were driving down the country. Well, you know, in the country, you drive 100 miles an hour. But anyway… And then boom, hit this duck or something. And it goes bouncing across the car. We get to our destination. There’s this stuck on the front of the car is this kind of to be fleshy looking bloody thing. That is weird. It was weird. She’s like, what are you going to do? I’m like, I’m going to get the hose.I sprayed off with the hose and that was it. Can I get the hose later, Bob? No. Yeah. I guess you got some. Well, yeah. My answer would have been whatever. I don’t care. I’m DTF, man. I’m not. I don’t understand all these references. I would just be like, okay. All right. Priscilla. I don’t care. Priscilla just dropped in drawers. So then you don’t know what you hit. It could have been anything, really. I was so distracted with the psychotic yelling that was going on. Oh, my God. So, I mean, was it a bird? I mean, it was night. I have no idea. Did you hit a bat? I have no idea. It was not in my vision when I saw it. Was it in the front of the car or did it hit you in the back or what?I can hear something going into the front wheels. Yeah. So it was in front of you and it was not in your vision. What were you doing? I mean, it was a turtle, a cat. You don’t know what it was. And so I have no idea what we hit. I don’t, I wasn’t going to stop. Give me that Kansas eight track back there, honey. Happiness is Peoria in your rear view mirror. You know what I’m saying? Yeah. Uh, I, I, An owl hit my car one time. Did I ever tell you about that? No. I was driving in the woods around here at night, probably about this time, right? About 9.30, 10 o’clock at night. And out of the woods, an owl run right into the side of the car. His face smashed against my window on the side window. Your wife starts yelling, oh, my God. No, she wasn’t in the car. It was just me and my daughter, and she was asleep in the car seat.She doesn’t even remember. And this owl hit hard. It was like, I thought this bird was going to break the window, but it didn’t. The only weird thing was, I think we were going down to your house, I think, but we hit a bird and he got stuck in the windshield wipers. Oh, my gosh. That’s horrible. We had to pull over and let him out because he was stuck in the windshield wiper. Was he still alive? Yeah, he was looking at us. Motherfucker. He’s like, God, Damn it. You stupid Polack. This week, these stupid fucks drive it so fast. What a week I’m having. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that was a weird one. How did you get him out of there? It wasn’t too hard. He was crazy, wasn’t he? I think it was that little shitty white tempo we had or something. A little dust devil. Yeah, it was a piece of shit. Yeah.Oh my God. I remember riding in your wife with that. It was just like, we were in midget racing at the track. Yeah. Yeah. Which, you know, it’s a thing. Midget racing is a thing. People, these cars called midget cars. Yeah. There’s midget cars. Yeah. Yeah. I’m just saying before everybody gets all upset with me. I’m okay with it. Well, I’m just listeners, you know, so anyway, So you hit something, you don’t know what it was, but it was low. It was on the ground. Could have been a turtle. Yes. Could have been possum. Yeah. You know, I never actually looked at it in daylight, so I didn’t know what the fuck it is. Is it like part of it stay on the car? I never looked at the car in the daylight. I don’t know. No. Still to this day?Yeah, this happened, what, Saturday night? It’s now, what, Monday? So, yeah. I just get out and walk in. I don’t even look back. I don’t even look at the guy. I was tired. I was tired. I’m ready to go. I’m very tired. The whole 7-Eleven bathroom experience. I just wanted to get to bed. Yeah. How long does it take you to get home from Peoria? Holy moly, that’s got to be a couple hours. Took forever. Yeah, it took forever. Okay. So would you say whose line is it anyway was worth the visit, the see it? I mean, I enjoyed the show, you know. So, I mean, I enjoyed it. But if you’re not a big, big fan, you may not enjoy it as much, you know. But I think with taxes, I think it was around, I don’t know, 65, 70 bucks a piece or something.Holy, moly Joel Murray is making bank on you guys. Well, try going to anything anymore, you know. Yeah, I never go to anything that’s yeah i know i don’t either. Yeah, usually. I’m like, I’m not paying for that jesus oh oh man i’m gonna tell you i’m not i’m out of time tonight, but i’ll tell you how i got screwed over in a meet and greet here recently. Well, save that for next time i’m gonna say it next time that remind me yeah i will Meet and greet. Screw over. Yeah. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/19/whose-bunny/” title=”Whose Bunny” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/19/whose-bunny/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

The Midnight Citizen Mike is a multifaceted individual with diverse skills, including writer, filmmaker, actor, podcaster, and teacher. Join us as we catch up with what the heck Mike is doing now that he ended his long running show, the Midnight Citizen. The Midnight Citizen Mikes Bonfire https://youtube.com/live/7rqqxArqXig

Bob endures a teeth cleaning that becomes rather suspect, while Miles gets bad news about his sister, but not that bad. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/2q5jIg_041Y Bob endures a teeth cleaning that becomes rather suspect, while Miles gets bad news about his sister, but not that bad. Cookie Hygiene Bad AI Transcript Live streaming, Miles. Are you ready to be live streaming, my friend? Somebody stop! What kind of stupid-ass voice is that? I don’t know. I just came up with it. You sound like one of the Transformers or something. This is an old lawnmower Transformer. I got to mow that lawn. That’s right. You got to mow the lawn. Watch out. Hey, push mower. Hurry up. We need help. I’m right on the way. boy oh my God. This is as funny as the show’s gonna get so it’s gonna get exactly it will not top this so if you that was our out of the gate that was if you didn’t like that then please do not listen anymore. Oh, my goodness gracious. I went to the dentist today. Oh, I thought you might open up with something else, but okay, yeah. Oh, was there something else? Is there something that you know that I don’t know? You sent me something a few days ago. I sent you something a few days ago. How we have been shadow banned on YouTube. Oh, yeah, we can talk about that if you want to. No, we don’t have to. I just thought you might leave with that. No, I was like, I don’t even want to talk about it.Okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go to Dentist. So you went to Dentist and… Well, now you brought it up, I got to talk about it. So I got a note from YouTube that said that we had a show that was construed as some kind of hate speech. Right. Now, mind you, this show is from 2014. So it’s a little late to the party on that one. Yeah. And the other part was I listened to it. I have the original, right? So they took it off YouTube. It’s off of YouTube. It’s called Crying Shame, the episode. We start the episode. It’s at Christmastime and 10 years ago, 11 years ago, Miles is playing like, I don’t know, 1941 or one of these, you know, killing World War II games.games on the xbox or something i think it’s called first Shooter. Oh, is it called First, oh, I didn’t, okay, First Shooter. Or whatever it’s called, I don’t know. He’s saying, telling his son, you know, as he’s playing this video game, yeah, kill those Germans, and then we’re supposed to be um i know i didn’t i did not say Germans. Well, no, you said Nazis, but then spell it so we don’t get banned again, okay, so N-A-Z-I-S. Okay. And, uh, and so that I, we were supposed to be doing the show and I caught him in the middle of playing the game. And so I started joining in. I’m like, yeah, you know, and that’s what they, that’s what they use as the example. It, and I was making fun of the fact that here it is Christmas time and miles and his family are sitting down to a raucous world war two game where they’re killing the enemy. We were on a living.um Unaliving, yeah, we can use those words. Anyway. I thought there was it was ironic i they say you can, you know, send them a note and tell them what you, and i’m like, no, if the ai can’t figure out the humor in it, then never mind. I’m not even gonna bother with it. It’s 10 years ago, 11 years ago, 12 years ago. Yeah, I know. I had to go back and listen to that show. It was about that young girl that was crying in my living room. Oh, I didn’t even listen past the point. There was two girls having a fight. Now, don’t ask me why I always had two teenage girls in my house. That’s a different story. That, no one cares about. No one cares about that. Everyone’s okay with a middle-aged man having two teenage daughters. This is like a dump story or something. Let me tell you something now. It was two girls and my son playing a video game along with the Epstein guy hanging out.But it was Juan Epstein. Hey, Mr. Cod, I got a note here. It was Juan. It wasn’t whoever that guy’s name is. So go ahead. I’m sorry. No, go ahead. We’re going to explain why you had two teenage girls at Christmas time. No, go back and listen to the show. I’m not going to go through it. You can listen to it on our website, but not on YouTube. The girls were fighting over a boy. And one of them, like, was interrupting, like, Monday Night Football, and I didn’t know what to do because she was, like, literally crying, like, three feet away from me. While you’re trying to kill the enemy. No, I was done playing video games at that point. Oh, you were done playing video games at that point. Yeah, no, and then all of a sudden, like, this girl… You were supposed to be recording the show, I thought, but whatever. No, I was watching football or something, and she, like, would not stop crying, and her mom had to come get her. I’m like, God, this is, like…I’m like, man. This is like every other date. Sounds like a Saturday night. This is like every other date I was on when I was growing up. I’m like, God, the girl left crying. I’m like, Jesus. She’s calling her mom. She’s crying. Her mom had to come get her. Her mom had to come get her. This guy, I hate him. He’s so stupid. This scenario keeps playing over and over. I don’t know. I can’t escape it. No, it was just so awkward. It was like, oh, my God. Just go home already with the crying. Jeez. Oh. Get over it. Okay. Yeah, that’s real good advice there from you. Get over it. Christ’s sake. Do like my wife did. Marry the first one she finds and stick with it. Yeah. Pretty much. So anyway, I went to the dentist. Oh, thank God. Okay. Now, I haven’t had to go lately. I don’t have any likeprocedures or work being done this is all just the usual cleaning whenever that happens whatever my insurance is paying for um i’m there right so cleaning i’ll yeah i’ll take it sure so i’ve noticed and this is over the course of a year yeah because these things don’t happen that often although i do have a question do you think that hollywood stars get their teeth cleaned more often than regular folks Yes. How often do you think it is? I meant to ask the hygienist today, but I didn’t. It was all going so poorly, I thought maybe I shouldn’t ask that question. I’m fresh out of Hollywood, friends, so I really don’t know. You were tangentially connected to Andy Dick. Well, I know someone who hung out with Andy Dick. And another Andy that will remain nameless. Andy Richter, you mean?Yeah. Andy Richter. No, they always have like their teeth are nice. Like teeth. I like nice teeth. I like nice teeth. now And I cannot lie. The, um, so anyway, I, I wondered that, but i couldn’t ask her because things weren’t going swimmingly at the, uh, at the hygienist. So I’ve noticed this trend. So first she chastises me for not flossing enough. Oh, they always do that yeah And I don’t. I mean, she asked me. I’m always honest. You probably go, yeah, I floss every once in a while. Not really. I’m like, no, I don’t. I brush my teeth very religiously. And the flossing part is only, you know, it’s not very often. I’m going to be honest with you. It’s just not. I like to use like a stiff piece of paper to floss with, I guess, because I get like meat caught in my teeth all the time. I thought you were a vegetarian.No, I eat meat. Yeah, I know. I’m just joking. A stiff piece of paper. That’s probably not condoned by the DDS. I get meat stuck in certain parts of my teeth. The American Dental Association. I get a lot of meat stuck in my teeth. I do. I picked out one this morning. I was at steak last night. That was… Oh, the juicy steak I had. I did have a steak last night, yes. Oh, my. Is that why you had salad as well? Yeah. Okay. Well, we’ll get to that. Let me finish my damn story. We’ll get to your fatness in just a minute, but let’s continue. So she chastises me. She gets the work hammered on my face, and then inevitably… I think I saw a movie like this once. Go ahead, yeah. Well, I mean, they got those tools that look very menacing when they’re that close to you. You know what I mean? Those hooks and all that stuff. And then about partially through that, not quite halfway all the time, she goes, oh, I’ll be right back. Okay. And she leaves.we’re not, we’re not at a transition point. You know what i mean yeah you know okay we’re transitioning from the scraping to the, you know, to the polishing or something. And then she’s gone for like a really long time. Maybe she had to break wind. Well, I think it was a little more than breaking wind. I think morning coffee kicks in and she’s going to take a dump. I always go first thing. I go first thing in the morning. All my appointments, if I can make them like right when they open, that’s when I do it. Then she comes back and proceeds to continue. Yeah. And then I have to be there thinking she just went and took a big crap. Yeah. Her hands are all wet. You’re like… The only… Well, it’s not even that much of a saving grace. She wears gloves. Okay. That’s all right. But I’m still… I still have… I have a lot of problems, you know, with all these kind of things. Yeah. And so then I just sit there thinking, oh my God, she just took a crap and now she’s, you know, reaching down my throat. She’s got sharp implements and… Mm-hmm. But this time…She comes back and she goes, did you miss me? Nope. And I said, yeah. I said, yeah, I did. Were you a little nosy here, but were you just. Could you tell me, you know, what were you doing for the last, you know, eight and a half minutes? No, I didn’t. I couldn’t broach it, but I thought about it because, yeah, I threw her because she didn’t expect me to say anything. And I go, yeah, I did miss you. Did you smell like air freshener when she came back? Like, oh, you’re pining. You smell like pine. That’s a good question. No, I don’t remember her smelling like pine, but thankfully she put on a fresh set of gloves. Yeah. Do not go in there. And then she started grinding on me again. And, you know, with the dental tools. But, yeah, I’m like, but I think she was trying to be. I thought she was trying to be kind of funny because she did go take a crap. And then she tried to throw me off. She wanted you to ask, like, guess what? Yeah. Well.I’m too much of a gentleman. I can’t ask that question. No, I can’t. There’s no way. Come on. I mean, she’s got her hands in my mouth. I’m not asking her anything that’s going to trigger anything. You know what I’m saying? Yeah. Oh, Barbara left. Oh, well. Nice going. Yeah, you just lost our guest, jerk. Yeah, well, she’ll come back. Inappropriate. Oh, there she is. Hi, Barbara. Thank you, Barbara. Thank you. Miles said that I made you leave because I was talking about people putting their hands in my mouth. But anyway, I think this is a trend, and I’m trying to decide what to do. I’m like, should I maybe come in a little bit later so that I don’t hit her poop time? Or should I, you know, what should I, how should I handle this? I mean, I can’t do nothing at that point, but just think about that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.You’ve got a lot on your mind. Oh, my gosh. And then I got a new dentist. You know, I go to the Polish dentist, right? Didn’t you have some weird dentist? Oh, my, yes. My Polish dentist. He can’t even pronounce his last name, and he doesn’t ask anybody to him. And so he’s just a letter, right? He’s just Dr. Wojciechowicz. So, yeah, not even as easy as Wojciechowicz. But he’s like the owner. And so now he’s got this young guy who comes bopping in. He looks like a surfer or whatever. He’s like, hey, Bob, how are you doing? He does. And then, of course, the hygienist rats me out immediately. She’s like, doctor, he’s not flossing properly. You need to do that there, Bob. You got to floss, my friend. And I’m like, yeah, okay. I’ve heard this. I’m like,20 minutes ago before the poop. Snitches get stitches, man. Okay, easy. So then he sticks his hands in my mouth and looks around and everything. But I’ve never met him. I never even met the man. It was the first time I met him. He’s just like right in. Was his name Lance? He’s right. Darling! It wasn’t Robert Duvall, no. He was a fighter, sir! Yeah. But no, he was a nice enough guy and everything, but I’ve never even seen him there before. I’ve always seen the main guy. He always comes in and he always asks me where I’m going and whatnot. He’s always pumping me for stock tips and he wants to know how much money I got so he can ream me on the bill. No, come on. I’m not joking. He does every time I see him.So he’s always asked me, are you going on vacation? Where did you go? I probably saw the veneers you have and be like, God, this guy’s loaded. Loaded. This guy’s loaded. So, yeah. So anyway, I miss Dr. A. He was always a good guy, other than the fact that he’s trying to get my money. This new guy, I’m not so sure about. And then he bopped out of there and then we finished up and whatnot. She polished my teeth, but. It’s tough. It’s tough. Can you sit there? Yes. After knowing that somebody just took a giant crap and then starts putting their paws all over you? I like my hygienist so much, I’d be okay with it. I wouldn’t care if she washed her hands. I don’t care. She’s a pretty nice lady. Okay. Well, I know that’s more you than me, though. I don’t care. Yeah. I shouldn’t be asking you. My God.i got a nice one. I got a keeper, man. I don’t care what she does. I don’t care what she does. She could go rub her hands all over raw chicken and come back in here for all i care. Okay, there is a line, I guess. There is a line. We call her salmonella sally here at the dental place. Yeah. Well, we have our girl. I always come here and I ask you for advice, and then, of course, you, you know. Because, you know what? Because we can’t, if we just start agreeing with each other, like, there’s no show. That’s true. If I said, you know what? You’re right. I would be so disgusted. I’d walk out. I wouldn’t even talk to the surfer guy. I would walk out. I’d never go back. That’s true. There’s no show. Yeah. You’re right. You point out the obvious. Thank you.you know the you know that’s the nicey nice show if you want that, go listen to something else. I don’t want to. Oh, my gosh. So, anyway, I just, I have this hygienist that takes a poop every day about 8 15 and uh so you know, time yourself. If you’re gonna go in there, you may want to go after then, or Maybe, I don’t think he could be in the earlier, to be honest with you. I’m usually first in the door. She had to take a phone call. I mean, one of her kids was sick at school, and she had to go talk to her kid, or No. You know, they I’m positive there’s no phone call. Maybe she had to get some gummies or something. She’s like, hold on make it through this cleaning without getting some gummies this thisF-ing weirdo in the chair. This guy who’s transitioning is in my chair right now. He keeps muttering poop, and I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. I hope she doesn’t have to poop again this time. Yeah. You got a lot of stuff on your plate there. Yeah. What was terrible is my wife was getting her teeth cleaned in the next room. Oh, yeah. And then she snubbed me because she had to go someplace. I got a gal. That’s what she said. Yeah. I’m like, we’re going to set the next appointment. I’m like, oh, Jesus Christ. I got to go judge other people. I go make it whatever day that this lady has had a colonoscopy so I can have two days of potential.Of potential no pooping at the office. Yeah. No. I don’t have that. I wish that my wife was already in because then I could have polled her later and said, did this lady come out and go in the bathroom while you were in the waiting room? Let me tell you a story, Pop. She’d probably be like, what’s wrong with you? That’s what she’d say. Women don’t do that at work. Yeah, she’d be telling me I was such a jerk. Let me go once a week. That’s right. Only once a week. And once a week it is. And we go to a special place. With our friends. That’s right. It’s usually a boutique. A poo boutique. It’s a poo boutique where you can shop from your throne. I guess…Oh. That’s very negative. I shouldn’t say that. I don’t know. That is negative. So what’s going on with you? You know, I was going to tell, well, I don’t know. I was going to talk about my sister, I guess. My sister who loves The Rock. You like my sister. Oh, that sister is the best sister. You have never met this sister. I know. That’s also one of the better reasons that I like her. You’ve met a little bit of my, I have a big family. You’ve met just a small portion of my family. Well, I’ve met a sister and a brother. Yeah. And you and some ancillary cousins, I suppose, and in-laws. Yeah. Who wanted me to sleep with you. It was a different time. Okay. We were more progressive than a lot of society was back then. Yeah. Yeah.back in the, back in the early 90s when there was all free swinging. They wanted me and you to elope. They were so ahead of their time. Miles. We don’t care at this point. Just please be happy. And, uh, so, uh, no. Okay. So last week, uh, I got. My two adult sons went out and were doing some crazy thing. I come along kind of like I’m Frank from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I don’t really belong there, but I just kind of glom on to whatever the hell they’re doing. Danny DeVito, right? Danny DeVito, yeah. I kind of look like him a little bit. You could be a robot that Danny DeVito could ride in. Yeah. What was that thing in Mad Max for the… The master blaster, yeah. Big tall guy, yeah. You’d be blaster to his master, yes. And so they’re like, hey, we got to get something to eat. My oldest son is married. He goes, my wife’s going to want something. My wife’s going to want something too. You know how it goes. Everybody’s got to eat. Everybody’s got to poop.I’ll tell you, let’s go to In-N-Out Burger or something. Wow, you guys got In-N-Out Burger? No, I’m just kidding. I don’t want to say what it was. I’ll be up this weekend. No, don’t get excited. It wasn’t In-N-Out Burger. So right exactly as they pull up, as they’re ordering, my phone rings because no one ever calls me. I’m like, okay, what’s the reason? And this is where I get, yeah, thank you. This is where it gets really Freudian now because I can see it says mom. And for some reason I thought it was my wife calling me. Cause I thought that tells more about your relationship than anything else you’ll ever say. Yeah. Yeah. I know it’s a little creepy, but anyway, no, cause I thought, well, maybe my youngest son had texted my wife or something. I don’t know.Because my wife is very particular about her order. Very particular. Like me? Very particular about my order. Super particular, right? Yeah. Good for her. Get what you want. God damn it. And I’m trying to be quiet because these guys are trying to figure out what they want and all that. And so I’m like, you know. What number do I want? Yeah. You do want. The dollar menu, son. Well, yeah. I’d like, just give me the $5, you know, thing. And I didn’t even look to see what was in it. You know, I’m like, I could have been monkey nuts and lizards and whatever. I don’t even know what it was. Like, okay, just give me that. Give me that. But my mom usually doesn’t call me like at that time of day. I’m like, oh, okay. She goes, well, like, well, your sister’s in the ER.Oh my Lord. Oh, this is it. This is it. I go, she’s had a heart attack. She’s had a stroke, you know? Yeah. Her last words are going to be, even though my sister does not sound like this, but I love the voice anyway. It’s still funny. Dwayne Johnson’s my hero. i’m waiting to hear this, you know, I’m just bracing myself, you know, because at this point my, you know, everyone’s just, you know, starting to kick off, you know, slowly Yeah. Yeah. Well, I’m like, when you’re the youngest, everybody, I’m the youngest. I know. I’m like, Oh God, this would be like i’m gonna be like, uh, Tom Hanks and green mile, you know? Oh, you have trouble peeing well that too yeah i know my trouble shut upNo, at the end. He’s like, well, I’m the last one left. When will it be my time to go? When will it be my time to take a good leak? Oh, she’s like, your sister’s in the yard. I’m like, what? What happened, Mom? Well, we were at the senior center playing cards. Oh, got in a fist fight. I’m like, what the fuck could happen at the senior center? There’s nothing worse than than playing cards at a senior center except for church league baseball. Right. Yeah. Right. The snot beat out of you at a church league baseball game. Holy moly. Yeah. So I’m thinking, well, maybe it was like a fist fight or, you know, maybe she fell. I don’t know. I’m like, okay, mom, what happened? She got drunk and disorderly. It turns out that a guest had come over with a snack, apparently a mislabeled snack.for the card players. Are those things even labeled? And this was homemade cookies this person had brought and mislabeled it, apparently. And it was pot-laced cookies. Really? Yes. It was the best card game ever. So, my sister apparently, according to my mom, my sister was shoveling these cookies in. Yeah. Like she does for cookies. I only love cookies more than Iraq. Cookie. Yeah. My mom’s like, I don’t eat cookies. They’re yucky. Funky. My sister, like literally like almost like passes out at the table. Like, he’s like, are you okay? No. I can only imagine that she had too small of a shirt on. Half the time and her belly’s hanging out full of pot cookies. Oh, man. She had to be taken to the ER. You used butter, didn’t you? Christ. Oh, my God. Did they get their stomach pumped or something? What were they doing for her?I guess she slept for literally 24 hours. Yeah. And, um, right in Barbara. That is, uh, well, so my sister is some old guy are taking the ER and some poor lady went home. Uh, Yeah. As well from eating. Yes. Big batch of pot cookies. That’s funny. In total, three people got sick from this. Really? Well, I wouldn’t call it sick. Two of them were taken to the ER. These are some pretty potent pot cookies. Well, you know, it’s up north there. Yeah. Hey, you know. Oh, yeah. There. Hey, there. Yeah. They don’t F around, you know. Well, yeah. You know who gets involved? I put a whole kilo in here, for Christ’s sake. You know who gets involved when shit like this goes down? Oh, no. The law? Yeah, you get the po-po, and so the po-po’s checking out. I hate to tell you folks, but you can’t just whisk pot brownies in the old folks’ home, you know what I’m saying? I’m getting colors. This is worse. This is worse.This is worse than the last time when they had pizza night and somebody put shrooms all over the pizza. It’s funny because this kind of came full circle. I’m almost done here. Many years ago, well, not many, a few years ago, my mom had gone to a family get-together and knowingly had eaten pot cookies. Oh, she did it on purpose, though. Yeah, well, yeah. And possibly in some moderation, unlike your sister who makes after you and like there’s free cookies. It’s like, you know, it was like a can of Pringles. Is there a limit on these? So a few years ago, my mom actually passed out in front of everybody. Right. Yeah. But no one knew anything was going on. And my sister, the rock, you know, my mom or my sister’s like,just let her go. Mom, it’s okay if you die. Just, it’s your time to die. Go ahead and die, Mom. It’s okay. I’m like, man. And I told my mom this, like, after the fact. I go, hey, just so you know, your daughter was just cheering on your death, you know, so. Oh, yeah. well And so my mom was laughing, like, so she’s like, well, Rob. Nice costume jewelry i want to have. Yeah. Right. No, it came, it came full circle. Cause then my mom’s like, well, it’s your time to go. There you go. Sissy. Sorry. God. And like my sister, like is like that. I don’t know. She’s really done drugs. Well, she does now. She just turned 70, like literally just turned 70, like a few weeks ago.oh my gosh. I mean, like the rest of us, I’m pretty sure have all been high at some point. Yeah, she’s only been high on the rock. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Oh, is she gonna be okay? I guess. I don’t know. I was gonna call her i was making i was calling up uh or i was texting my nephew, her oldest, like, I sent him a picture of an Afro man, you know, and then we were all. I was going to go to the senior center. I got high. I went to the senior center and I got high. Yeah. I was playing some canasta and I got high. Now I’m in the ER and I know why. I know why. Because I got high. Because I got high. Because I got high. Yeah, very, very good. Thank you.Well, that’s a great story. I told your sister that she… I hope she’s okay. I have not talked to her, so I hope she’s okay. At this point, you’re going to get a call tomorrow. Your sister passed away from all the pot cookies. We’re going to have to pull the plug. Yeah, that’s some potent cookies, man. I guess. I’m like, wait, what’s this old lady’s name again? She’s like famous name is the pot cookies. Make me a batch, Esmeralda. I’ll take some. Eat the cookies, young man. Everybody’s my friend now, except for Sergeant Whitaker. So this is the young lady who brought the brown pot cookies. I mean, that would be terrible if anybody got in trouble. I think this lady’s a little bit concerned, yeah, because three people…OD’d on her cookies, yes. Well, you can’t really OD on pot cookies, can you? I don’t know. I haven’t had one since I was 10, so I really don’t know. Back in my heavy drug days when I was 10, I was trying to get off the horse, and so I started eating pot cookies. Yeah. Yeah. I was hanging out with Keith Richards. Yes, I was allowed to hang out with some weird individuals I should not have hung out with. I was fed pot cookies. Oh, were you? There you go. Maybe this will shut him up. He keeps talking. Barbara, did you want to chime in with… Any story that you might have about dental visits or pot cookies? You’re more than welcome to unmute. Neither one connected. That’s fine. You can have a random story as well. Any story you’d like to tell? Well, I love my hygienist. There you go. Yeah, yeah. Does she walk out and poop in the middle of your procedure?No. Maybe before and after, but not during. How about the pot cookies? Maybe my hygienist brought pot cookies. I would be a little bit better. Or you could just put a micro dot on my eye while I’m sitting there. It was pot cookies. I remember my husband had that. We split one. I didn’t realize how potent they were. This is like 10 years ago, 12 years ago. And we were watching an SNL skit and it was like Dora the Explorer. Only it wasn’t. I don’t know if you remember that. They did that little off cartoon. And it became so difficult to understand what was going on. It hurt to follow along. And I actually went to bed because I just didn’t understand what was happening. SNL is way over my head. I’ve got to go to bed. I did not understand what’s going on in this skit. It hurts. Pete Davidson’s a genius. I can’t keep up with him. That’s too much. Is this really Leanne? No. Barbara. Friend of Leanne’s, though. No, I thought it would be funny if it was Leanne, though.Oh, yeah. No, she’s probably got the same stories. She does. She probably does. What do you mean? She serves them. She’s like, you know, Mrs. Fields around here. I believe it. Well, thanks for coming tonight, Barbara. I’m going to wrap up the show unless you got some more story for us. No, yeah, no, yeah, no, no. Nothing I want to publicize. Save it for the next time, right? Either or. Either or. No, it’s okay. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. This was fun. Once I finally figured out how to get the microphone so I could hear you 10 minutes after it started. Oh, that’s okay. The first part was boring. You just cut that right out. We’re going to edit that right out. Yeah, then I chimed right in at the perfect time.Thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate the entertainment tonight, you guys. Thanks for joining us tonight. We’re going to close out the show. If you want to hang out, Miles will tell you where his sister’s friend’s name is. He’ll get you hooked up with some brownies. Oh, yeah. He’s got a mail order. I hope your sister’s is going to be all right. That’s intense. Poor thing. I know, I’m down to three, so man, I hope she makes it. I’m down to three. I don’t know, we’ve got like 27 kids in this family. Yeah, I don’t know. Alright, well, everybody join us next time. Alright, I will. I will, you guys. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Have a good evening. Bye. She’s got to go to bed.Bye. Bye. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/12/cookie-hygiene/” title=”Cookie Hygiene” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/12/cookie-hygiene/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

Miles gets stunk out at the office, while Bob speaks ill of yogurt. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/T6BL9iu83Dg Miles gets stunk out at the office, while Bob speaks ill of yogurt. Expired Coupons Bad AI Transcript Won’t you take me too? Welcome to Texas. This is Bob. freestyling and profiling Miles Title, Static Radio. styling and profiling. Is that what you said? Yeah. Okay. Because I’m dope. You’re dope. That’s for sure. Dope. Dopey. Dopey. No, come on, man. Oh, man. You all be tripping, man. My name’s Humpty. Like a dumpty. Yeah. It doesn’t even faze me. It doesn’t even faze me. Please don’t tase me. I’m stepping tall, y’all. I love the digital underground. I know. You introduced me to the digital underground. I know. I’m sorry that guy’s dead, man. I know. It’s horrible. And NWA. And NWA. I don’t know them as well, but yes. No, I mean, you introduced me to them as well. I didn’t know them before. Public Enemy. Public Enemy. Public Enemy.I called 911 a long time ago. 911 a long time ago. All of that stuff. All that good stuff. Yep. Oh, my goodness. That’s fantastic. Yeah, isn’t it? God, we’re so old. Goodness, you know how old Cool Breeze is now? He’s like older than us. Cool Breeze. Cool Breeze. Yep. Or Fred? Yeah. Fred, yeah. Who says… Who says Weekend at Bernie’s is a good movie? Do you remember that? He was so angry. There was a gentleman… There was a gentleman at the college radio station who was in the next office over, and I said I enjoyed Weekend at Bernie’s, and he apparently did not. He went off? Who? Wow. I’ve never saw anyone get that angry over Weekend at Bernie’s before. Yeah. I was like, wow, you set Fred off. Holy shit. I didn’t know that would trigger him, man. I didn’t.Of all the movies I could have said, I would never have guessed that one would have possibly led to violence. I really like that weekend. Who? Who the fuck? Who the fuck? I thought that was hilarious. So, Fred, I’m sorry. Yeah, Fred, I never got a chance to say I’m sorry because I’m glad you really didn’t hurt me. Yeah, Fred was nice. He was a tall guy. He was a big guy. Yeah, he just wasn’t having it, man. Like, weak in it. i just talking about that just reminded me of that situation, so. There was no agree to disagree, man. It was just like oh no it was just disagreeing with you. Yeah, like there’s gonna be some problems. You say that again hey hey hey it’s just a movie, man.you take your damn damn hands i know that’s how i felt like oh fuck this this guy oh my goodness gracious me oh what a fun time yeah one time to be alive you know essentially the i’ve only been punched in the face once, actually. Really? I was surprised about that. I think it should have been at least a half a dozen or You would think that, listening to me? Yeah. I am a jerk. The kind of things you say to people? Yeah. Do you mean like this to anyone? That did not lead to… He’s gone. He dumped on me now. You’re going to have to do something there, Miles. You are not on. We can’t hear you now. Oh, what a night. Late December. There he is. Now he’s back. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened there. I never got hit in the face for saying Cunning Lingus to a nice young lady. No, I didn’t say that. Yeah. I didn’t say it at all.I have people who have witnessed that told me that you said that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, I am surprised you’ve never been hit in the face more often. Just once. I did get sucker punched once, yes. Yeah. I mean, as a young man. As an old man, you know, people just don’t hit old people, so. Like a violent attack. I’ve only been violently attacked once my whole life, so. Mm-hmm. Let me think here. I mean, this was not accidental. This was someone actually that enraged. Yeah, no, they like attacked you, right? Yeah. But I was sucker punched, you know. Whatever. Call it what you will. You got punched in the face. I got punched in the face. So what? I see. I’ve been punched in the face several times. Yeah. I’m sure you’re not surprised by that. I, you know, you look like a guy that could handle himself, though, you know.Although I think at least a couple of them were women. No, not for that reason. I’m not sure where this is going. I had an ex-girlfriend who punched me in the face. Laura? No, Laura didn’t punch me in the face. Why would she punch you in the face? Every once in a while, I see you smile. No, another girlfriend punched me in the face. Why? I wasn’t the most likable person at that moment. Was that the girl that was like holding your stuff when you’re having to pee or something? Yeah. Correct. Although it was a very, we had a very stormy stormy relationship. Yes. Really? You seem like such a nice guy. I can’t believe that that would happen. Yeah. And I’m pretty sure… I mean, it wasn’t a girlfriend. I think another woman punched me in the face. Wow. Okay. I don’t remember exactly. Was it Meg? No, I think I was drinking. Oh. That’s why I try not to drink too much. Yeah, although… That’s not really why, but anyway. Yeah. But yeah, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten hit more in the face.Uh, I got punched to the nuts once. Cause I got a friend told a girl to do it. And so she did it. And she’s like, I can’t hit that small target. No, she was right on. He goes, he goes, why don’t you punch miles in the penis? And literally, literally within a nanosecond, she had done it. Oh, wow. She’s very, uh, compliant there. He was like very susceptible to, Yeah, very, yeah. Like MKUltra or something. MKUltra girl. Punch him in the nuts. Okay, boom. Yeah, it was kind of like that Star Trek movie where that little thing’s in your check-off seat and he has to obey. It was like that. I was like, why don’t you just hit him in the nuts? You ever watch that show Dollhouse that was all about sleepers? She’s like a sleeper agent.They say a word, and they just start tearing shit up. Wasn’t that a Charles Bronson movie, Telephone? That was. I’m talking about Dollhouse. I don’t know where you got Telephone in it. Well, no. Isn’t that like a thing? Like some secret word triggered these people to kill people? Oh, yeah. It’s a similar story. Yeah. Gotcha. It’s the same idea, isn’t it? Yeah. The same thing. Yeah. Yeah. There’s a… There’s a word that triggers you. It’s called work, and then you don’t do any. So, so far, that’s been working out for you. Oh, I have done work in the past. You’re like Maynard G. Krebs from Dobegill. It’s work, work. That’s even before my time, for Christ’s sake. I got praised once on the job at a factory job.Only to find out my brother told me later, he’s like, well, they usually have like the, uh, challenged people do that, what you were doing. And I’m like, oh, thank, well, thank you. I’m, I’m glad to hear that, that I great. Thank you. Yes. So they beat a bunch of challenged people, you know? Well, better that, you know, better beaten them than nobody. I was like the king, you know, like, wow. Huh? I’m the king of wishful thinking. Yeah, pretty much. That was me. I’m like, oh, to heck. I’m trying. Do you have a story? I’m trying to think if I’ve got a story. I do. I had to decide. Let me have it. I don’t know. I said I was going to go with one, but then something happened this morning. I had to change it. Something good happened. All right. Yeah. So I had to. Long story short. Yeah.Get punched in the face by a woman? No, that has never happened as far as I know. Okay. But I had to share a car with my wife this morning. Is this some kind of euphemism or something? No, that was pretty much straight on. We’re going to share a car this morning, honey. Okay. Yeah, it’s a long story. I had to Anyway, I wish we had a bench seat. He’s like, we got to get going. We, I can really not be late. I’ve got some meetings today. Oh God. That’s all she needs to say to you. She does not obviously have the same job as you, but she kind of has to travel from time to time. Like you, not excessively like you, but you know, right. And she had to be at the certain workplace and,you know, before eight o’clock I said, okay, well I go, do you want to drive? Cause you actually drive faster than me. She goes, no, no, no, no, don’t. I thought, okay. And, uh, yeah, don’t let, if you let her drive, it’s like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You ever see the movie to live and die in LA? Yeah. It’s like that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Chance. Chance, we’re going the wrong way the freeway. Yeah, that’s like, yeah, this is my wife driving. I feel very nervous like okay yeah i rode with her. Holy shmoly Yeah, I mean, I don’t think my driving, but i know hers is worse than mine so and um right we got it going, and, uh,There’s a, I can see that this semi is going to turn in front of us and then like be in front of us down this road that we are traveling on, which I know is going to delay our trip because, you know, we’re a little bit of a time thing. You know, she’s, she wasn’t, you know, being too crazy, but she’s like, I really have to be there. I cannot really be late. And, uh, so, uh, i hear her phone ring. She’s, you know, attached to her phone like 24 7 right? Right. Oh yeah. I, I, uh, did not know she had her earpiece in. So I hear the phone ringing, excuse me. And then, um, she hadn’t picked up yet. So anyway, at this point i’ve caught, I’ve caught up to the semi. I go, man, you goddamn cocksucker right in the way. Oh my gosh. It’s all in the cocksucker.Next thing you know, Oh, hi, uh, Jennifer. She’s shooting me a look because. You said cocksucker when Jennifer was on the phone? Yeah. I have my. Oh, nice. She’s shooting me a look like, I’m on the phone. I’m on the phone, you stupid ass. I thought it was her coworker. And I’m like, oh, it’s her coworker. Oh, yeah. No, it’s like lower management calling my wife to see if she’s going to be late. Uh-oh. Yeah, I’m like… Well, considering there’s cocksuckers on the road, I probably will be. There’s literally cocksucking going on in the elevator. I think the guy had like a lot lizard with him. I don’t know what. He was going very slow. I know it sounds terrible, but there’s a lot of cock sucking going on around here.Oh, my God. Well… Did you apologize or did you just go… Well, after she hung up, I said, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you answered that call. Yeah. I had no idea she had answered that call because she didn’t say anything. Had I knew it was a lesbian co-worker, I would have said cunning lingish. Yeah, I definitely would have. Yeah. Because I… I’m just like, well, you’re lucky you weren’t with my late brother-in-law because he would say some things in traffic that I can’t repeat. Cocksucker is not that high on his list? It got more into a PC kind of thing that he would say, which I won’t go into. All right. Which I will not repeat, nor have I ever said. Let’s not go into any of that, please. Thank you. But it was his favorite phrase that he would like to say when he got caught up in traffic. Cunning lingus. I only wish it was cunning. Why don’t people say cunning lingus instead of cocksucker? Cocksucker just rolls off the tongue, I guess. I know. I mean, wouldn’t you be more original if you yelled out cunning lingus? Yeah, I think you should start doing this. You just made this up, and now you need to do it. What am I, Larry David now? I mean, what the hell?I’m making a new curse word. You know, one curse word you don’t hear often enough. Cunning Lingus. Yes, thank you. What? What? Larry, you’re right. Cunning Lingus. Why do I say it? Good job. I don’t know. Do you want to hear my bathroom story? Oh, sure. After that, why not? I just have a quick bathroom story here. I just thought you would enjoy this. This is my original story. This is the one that got usurped by the cocksuckers. Yes. This happened before the cocksucking. I was at work about a week ago. There’s this kind of big Polish kid, you know, it started working there. That’s you. Uh, no, no, no. It’s like a younger me, the younger me about, you know, 10, 15 years younger than me and not to make a big deal of it. Huh? So he’s 45. So I’m like that. Yeah. I mean, that’d make a big deal of it, but he kept saying, oh, you know, my stomach, my Tom Tom hurts. Yeah.I was driving here and someone yelled Cunningly at me. Yeah. Right. And, um, so, you know, this goes on for like all week. I have to hear this. I’m like, tell me like, okay, whatever. I’m just, you know, blowing it off. Like, I’m not care. I don’t care. And I see him head back towards the back room, like towards the bathroom. Right. Oh, is he going to pee in the sink? Uh, no worse. So, uh, There’s some offices back there. There’s a break room and stuff. Oh, you got a break room? Well, it’s nothing to get excited about. There’s no table or chairs. Oh, okay. So literally, it’s… Yeah. I’m like, well, I was in this office. I was doing some paperwork. I go, I’ll go in the break room. And all of a sudden, I’m like, oh, God. It stinks. That could smell likeOkay, I don’t know how to explain this, but like diarrhea has its own smell to it, I guess. You would know. I know this. I can’t even tell you. What diarrhea smells like. I can’t even tell you how I know this, but I just know it. Because you have a lot of diarrhea, I think, yes. Well, I live with someone with a lot of diarrhea. Yeah, you smell. Yeah, me, yeah. I’m almost like knocked out with this. Oh, yeah. It’s in your mouth. i mean, it’s just stunk up like half of the shop. You know, I’m like, oh my God, this is horrible you know you’re like hair of the dog in your mouth, uh, because of diarrhea. Oh my God. And like, I’m like, oh, it’s got to be the new guy. Jesus. What died? You know, here’s a new kid. So about a minute away he comes out he comes out you know, I felt much better.I’m like, hey, wow, hey, Sam, man, you really blew it up in there, huh? He’s like, yeah, I guess I did, yeah. You actually said that to him? You didn’t just ignore it? No, I said it to him. I go, hey, did you, you know, because there’s spray back there, you know. And with you working there, I’m sure they have like airway. Oh, no, this is nothing I could beat. This is beyond me. So I’m like, okay. So I go, hey, you didn’t happen to spray, did you? He goes, oh, no amount of spray would cover this up, so I didn’t even bother. Unless you want to smell shitty spray. Yeah, well, I don’t know. Pine droppings. Someone shit a Christmas tree. Holy cow. Yeah. No, this guy’s made no attempt whatsoever to. And you’re mad because this sounds exactly like you.Oh, my. No, this, like, permeated half the building. And he had made no attempt whatsoever to, like, turn on a fan or close the door or… Is there a fan in there? Well, it’s an old fan, like, from 1950, you know. Oh, okay. And I’m like, kid, you’re killing me. You’re killing me with this diarrhea. Jesus. And this dude just was not even caring. I’d be on your door. Yeah, this kid was not even phased. Like, yeah, whatever. Hey, man. Everybody poops. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. That was that like yeah whatever dude yeah i’m like oh smelling your shits for three weeks here. Oh, man, your feces does not smell good dude oh does his tummy his stomach better then he felt better yeah well i guess he was doing better after that. Did you guys have a conversation about what he ate and everything?Not really. I don’t like talking to him. Oh, sure. You’ll call him out because his shit really smells, but then you won’t go, hey, what caused this? Did you have curry? At that point, I didn’t want to even talk to anybody anymore. I wanted to enumerate my eyes at that point. I just didn’t really want to. My son was telling me about he likes Indian food. Apparently, I think it was Indian food. Anyway, they drink this yogurt drink. Okay. It’s like some kind of yogurt. They drink it like, I don’t know if it’s a treat or something. Anyway, if you’re not attuned to drinking this, it’ll make you shit your pants. Okay. Oh my God. That’s terrible. Cultured yogurt kind of thing, you know, like activity or something that makes your poop. Right. Yeah. And so then he tells me the other day he comes home. He went to, uh, well, I guess maybe it wasn’t Indian. Maybe it’s Chinese. Anyway, he went to the Chinese festival down in St. Louis at the botanical gardens and they had a bunch of food trucks. One of them had this yogurt drink and he goes, he goes,I tempted fate. I go, what do you mean? He goes, I went and got the yogurt drink. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. But he said, oh, they watered it down so much it didn’t do anything. I didn’t shit my pants or nothing. It’s like you really got to find a bathroom immediately. How can you drink this stuff? That’s nasty, man. I’m like, why would you do that? He goes, I don’t know. I was feeling risky. I felt a little randy. Yeah. And he’s like, and I want to try it. He’s like, of course. I’ve been scared to try it. And I thought, well, I know where I’m at, and I’ll try it. He’s a man. He watered it down, and it wasn’t that bad at all. He’s a man. I wish I knew the name of that. Jeez. I’m never going to drink it. I can tell you that right now. I don’t even eat yogurt, for Christ’s sake. I’m not going to drink no goddamn yogurt. Yeah, I rarely drink.rarely yogurt. Rarely. Yeah. When would be a time that you would eat yogurt? Uh, maybe if i had fruit in it and, uh, no, I don’t know. My wife will cook with, uh, like greek yogurt or something like that. i’m sure you know, He throws it in stuff, I guess. I mean, I would not go out of my way to eat it. I got a gyro here with some Greek yogurt in it. Gyros. I have eaten a gyro a couple times, yes. That was good. Well, I will never eat yogurt willfully. No. I’m sure I’ve eaten some unwillfully, but not willfully, yeah. What’s your feeling on cottage cheese? I used to eat cottage cheese all the time, but I don’t eat it anymore. Yeah, I can’t tell you the last time I had that. A long time ago, I said, no, I don’t want it anymore. I used to eat it as a kid. Wasn’t there a dessert or something that mixed pineapple with cottage cheese or some shit? That sounds like something your mom just made up. A happy accident. Your dad somehow landed like a whole…five cases of pineapples, and your mom was just trying to figure out what the hell to do to get rid of them. It was at Reese’s commercial. Hey, your pineapples are mine. You won’t believe it. You will not believe it. I got such a deal on these pineapples. What are we going to do with five fucking cases of pineapples? I don’t know. Feed it to the kids. Yeah. That was your household right there. That was the whole scenario. My mom and dad definitely were not poor, but my mom would like to go to this bar day-old bread bakery and Yeah. But she would get, like, the weirdest, like, you know, double jewish rye or something. I’m like, what the What? It was such a bargain. It’s only a dime. I’m like, I’m eating all this kosher bread all the time. I go, wow, you know maybe i don’t know. I go, I might convert after this. I don’t know about it. The, uh Now, see, the funny thing, I’m on the other end. We went to the day-old bread store because we werewe didn’t, that was what we had to get. Yeah. And I don’t think they had anything like that. They had just, you know, it was uh wonder bread. Uh, yeah, no, this is like all weird. What I would call weird, I guess. I think, I don’t know if it’s really weird, but just stuff a lot of odds and ends kind of thing yeah just like oh like like a bread with like a bunch of like nuts on it and stuff like Why is there nuts on top of my bread? It’s called cocksucker bread. Cocksucking bread? My parents were very frugal. I heard Anthony Newley stuck his wiener in it. Who even knows who Anthony Newley is? I don’t know. Your dad ever take you to the barber college when you were a little kid? No, but that’s because my hair looked the same whether it got cut or didn’t get cut. So. Yeah. I, yeah. My hair was untameable. Yeah. So there was no point in taking me to the barber college. You were like Eddie Grant or something. I might, yeah. Yeah.So, yeah, there was no, yeah. We never went to barber college. I’m trying to think. It was like five dollar haircuts i just never got a cut, so there you go. Yeah, no, my dad would take us there, you know five dollar haircut come on kids hop up here he was very frugal yes get on the horse yeah yeah yeah he was very frugal that’s true yeah Well, all I got is a Krugerrand. I can’t pay you the five. Can I owe you? I’m not scared, Mr. Title. Mr. Title, you never have anything but Krugerrands. I know. He’s no fool. Eventually, you’ll get to the Krugerrand level, and I’ll give you one. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no. A lot of fresco, huh? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, uh, no, we went to the it was the dolly madison need to eat treats. That was with the the doll the bread store. Zingers. Zingers. That’s right. We had zingers. I had zingers in my lunch all through school was i had zingers. Oh, really? And there are old ones too. They were out of date. Well, yeah. All of them were out of date. Oh, well, you know, it is what it is.Because my mom got them so cheap. She’d be like, oh, a box of Zingers is only 50 cents? She knew a bargain. She knew a bargain. Yeah, so I’ve subsisted on Zingers, old, old Zingers that were kind of crunchy. Yeah. Yeah. My dad had cracked up my wife’s friends that were visiting because he’d buy some weird soda. All it said was Red Pop. I didn’t say it was strawberry or cherry soda. It just said it was Red Pop, and they were laughing like, what the hell is Red Pop? I’m like, I don’t know. It’s good for you. It’s like 89 cents a liter or two liters or something. Red Pop. No, that’s what it was called, Red Pop. Was that from Osco or, I mean, from Jewel? The Jewels. The Jewel? No, I don’t know. I don’t remember where he bought that at. It sounds like a Jewel thing. I don’t know.He would look for coupons and stuff, though. Oh, my God. Yes, the coupons. He liked coupons. He loved coupons and expired coupons, especially. It’s still worth .00003 cents. Because he would love to go and argue. I swear, I gave that to you before it expired. Yeah, it’s the fast food restaurant. That was his goal in life, is to successfully use these coupons, you know. The Burger Chef has got a big chef for 53 cents. Yep. You always had expired coupons. Oh, my God. He would argue, too. That’s the name of this episode, expired coupons. Thank you. You’re welcome. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/05/expired-coupons/” title=”Expired Coupons” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/05/05/expired-coupons/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-

Bob channels James Mason and asks Miles for an apology, while Miles entertains Mr. Miagi, trying to put together a lawnmower. Subscribe Random Show Click Below https://youtube.com/live/ExBzspEVrg8 Bob channels James Mason and asks Miles for an apology, while Miles entertains Mr. Miagi, trying to put together a lawnmower. Mowing Last Bad AI Transcript Oh, no, no. here tonight, building in for Bob. How is everyone? Gee, fantastic. Are you there? You disconnected me a twat. He apparently is having some trouble with his technology. Oh, I’m appearing twice again. That is an affront to civilization as we know it. you tonight, Miles? I’ve already introduced you. Oh, I see. Uh, yeah, no good. I don’t really like to come in like this, but that’s all right. Well, I’m not sure what you mean. Late, perhaps? Late? My God, you show up like six minutes late this motherfucker is all like you don’t know your fucking web dude! My God, damn, man, fuck. you Here in the Queens country, we are never late. Christ almighty. Somebody’s got a big chip on their shoulder tonight, don’t they? I hope you’re not like this on that poor guy that talks about corner gas. Jesus Christ. Fuck. He’s never late. He’s never late. It’s amazing. Oh, come on. Bullshit. Never. He’s never late. I was a little late. I had some choring to do. Choring? Is that slang for something? I’m not so…convinced you know, there’s uh do you know who dana gould is? No, I think so. Yes. He’s a comedian. I think so. Yes. And he does. I don’t know how he does this. This is a good question. Maybe you have an idea because you are a shyster and you know how to rip people off. Yep. He does a show called, uh, the famous Dr. Z where he plays Dr. Zaius. He’s actually in Planet of the Apes makeup and the suit of Dr. Zaius. And he pretends… Okay. Hello? Yeah, he pretends that he is Dr. Zaius. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Can you hear me? No, it said I’ve been disconnected. I’m sorry. Continue. Yeah, okay. You’re back again? I guess. Okay, continue. So he plays Dr. Zaius and does a talk show as if he’s been around since Planet of the Apes movies have been out, and he does impersonation and everything, right? That was my idea. I wonder how he gets away with that. That was my idea. Was it?Yeah. We recorded on the show here? Well, I didn’t say that, but i mean, yeah, it was my idea yeah i just i thought it one day. Okay. Yeah. Well, he does it. And so i’m thinking now i should do i should be i should do james mason and i’ll dress up like james mason and do a whole show like i’m james Mason. Uh, well, you’ve got less hair than you did. Well, he wore a wig, so will I. It’s all good. Wait, what? No. Yes, he wore a wig. Of course he wore a wig. All those people wore wigs. They did? They still do. No, come on. You name a person, and I’ll tell you if they wear a wig or not. Bert Convy. Of course you wore a fucking wig. Bert Convy? That’s the most stupidest thing.John Wayne, for Christ’s sake. Rip Taylor. A wig. Yes, a wig. Okay. All right. I don’t know. John Connery. Wig. Wig. Rug. Yeah. Yeah. He wore a wig. He wore a wig. Whatever. Oh, jeez. I think that would be… So, I mean, if Dana Gould can get away with Dr. Z, I’m sure I could get away with… Who’s paying attention to David… Or not David Niven. Who’s paying attention to James Mason at this point? David Niven. Same difference. I was going to do David Niven, but I thought it was too highbrow. Yeah, David Niven’s not… I don’t know that I could do his voice, but James Mason, of course I can. Yeah, his is more stylized. That’s right. He talks like this, and he’s… It’s so good to be alive. Yes. So tell me, Miles, who do you blame for your lateness?Is it an Apple thing? You blame your mother. Is it your mother’s fault? Or possibly a young lady? Lolita! I can have a co-host. Lolita could be my co-host. Lolita! There you go. I can tell you’re not even enjoying this idea in the least. No, it’s really gone on like 10 minutes longer, and I really wanted it to, to be honest. That’s because I started it before we started recording. I know, and it’s kind of a swing and a miss at this point. I’m like, okay. Hey, by the way, I’ve been instructed. I have notes here. I’ve been instructed to tell you, and my wife was not very enamored with your choice to let her die. in your because she’s she’s injured currently and she couldn’t get away from the zombies and or sharks. I just had a movie idea we built upon it and uh she’s not happy that that was, you know. You kind of took it to a dark place and uh i just said, okay, well, okay. What? How did i take it to a dark mine was uplifting where everyone lives when you change it around likeMaybe you could kill off my wife. I’m like, well, I guess. Yeah, I think that you can play the game. That wasn’t me. Thanks a lot. I watched that shitty shark movie that you were bitching about. Thanks a lot, jackass. I told you not to watch it. Because then my wife’s like, oh, let’s watch it. Bob watched it, so it must be highbrow class. Yeah. Oh, my God. What a horrible fucking movie. I told you. It’s horrible. I told you. Why would that Academy Award winning guy be in a thrash or whatever it’s called? Cash. Yeah. You know you’d fucking do it in a heartbeat. You’d be like, yeah. A million? Two million? Sure. I’ll do it. Yeah. Sure. I’ll show you my ass. Yeah. Why not? A million. I can live with myself. Yeah. What do you mean? You live with yourself now. Yeah, right. I’d do a Dirk Diggler if his money paid right. Yeah. I was going to say.It’d be kind of… A little dangle. A little… Yeah, thanks a lot. Watch it. Maybe a little… Yeah. More like Billy Birdie, you know? Yeah. So, yeah. So, anyway, she told me to make mention of that. Sorry, Mrs. Lumet. Sorry. They all can’t be winners. Mason in person. I was going to try to do that the whole time, but I don’t think I can, so… Please, yeah, at this point, stop. Oh, Miles. I really, everyone is tuned out at this point, believe me. They tuned out before they started. Even CB is like putting a rope around his neck right now. He’s like, I can’t, I can’t. Listen to this for five more minutes. I’m a diehard, I can’t do this. Yeah, I mean, the guy’s listened since like 1972 when we started this. I can’t, I can’t. My life is over.He’d be doing like auto erotic, erotic. Yeah. Goodness gracious. Yeah. So yeah. Anyway, I was just, Oh, got me. Oh, Crazy world, man. Crazy world. So the other morning I was driving early in the morning. And I think, what are the odds of this? I drive in early in the morning and there’s this truck in the ditch. But it’s not in the ditch like, you know, just nose first in the ditch. It’s like driven apparently at a high rate of speed to where the wheels are hanging in the ditch, all four wheels. Because it’s like somehow they’ve driven… in this ditch that was like different widths, I guess you’d say, or like narrower and it got wider where it was being held up on the sides of the fenders and stuff. And the wheels were just hanging down the ditch. Oh, it wasn’t me either. It wasn’t me. The hitcher. I don’t know. I was just like, I, it was at a corner. So I assume they were drunk and lost control and then just drove right into this ditch and kind of got,Did you go to Decatur High School like I did, buddy? He goes, pardon, pardon. Oh, there we go. Oh, Christ. Why? Why, God? My pickup truck is stuck in the ditch. Oh, my God. Why, God? Why? Anyway, I just thought that was probably the most interesting thing I saw all week was like, wow, that’s weird. And then that night, I’m grilling my dinner. And this guy walks up and says he needs a tow. No, and there’s that truck. truck is on the back of a flatbed, and they pull into my, you know uh gated community turn around, apparently. And it’s the same truck. They come pick it up, and it’s like on a on a they pulled it up onto a flatbed. Holy shit, I’m in the movie Duel. Holy shit. I was like, what the heck i’m like, what the hell? What are they doing down here? I don’t know. That’s the most, that’s,I’m sorry. That’s the most interesting thing that happened to me this week. You don’t want to hear about this. That or the fact that I’ve talked about going swimming. I go swimming. Now, every time I go swimming, all the old ladies ask how my wife is doing. Well, she’s in a coma and she may not pull out. No, they know she hurt her foot. Did you murder her? No. And so this week I had to go and I go, yeah, her foot’s still hurt. And my friend made up a movie where zombies come and kill her because she can’t get away. I just thought it’d be funny. She’s got one of those little knee scooter things. I just thought it’d be funny. The scooter is not good for rough terrain and she just gets bogged down. You’ve got to go downstairs with it. Yeah.Much like RFK, I left her in the dust. See ya! See ya! Cheryl! Cheryl! Can you believe it? No, I do. Every second time or something, they’re all like, how’s your wife doing? I’m like, she’s fine. She’s fine. She’s fine. yeah oh yeah it’s all yeah i’m just like i don’t think that the i don’t think that, you know, that situation were reversed. Yeah. That this would be happening oh uh were you married? Yeah. No, there would be nothing to be like, thank god you got rid of that lump. Where’s that ugly woman with the glasses that comes with you all the time? That swims topless all the time. That swims topless, that’s right. No, it’s my husband, Sparky. With the areola sticking out. Yeah, I don’t think that… Is that a friend of Peter Ustinov that comes here every once in a while? Yeah.I don’t think that these two things would be the same. I think there’d be a lot of, you know, oh, really? Oh, I never knew. Really? Here? They came here? To this place? I don’t think so. There’s a card. I remember. Honestly. They bring cards in with money, like, give this to your wife. Flowers, yeah. Flowers. I hope she’s okay. Here’s a cupcake. Don’t eat it, you fat fuck. Here’s a Bible. I hope she’s okay. No, that happens to me constantly. I’m like, yeah, she’s fine. When’s she going to come back? I don’t know. The doctor hasn’t said yet. Your wife hasn’t told them all to fuck off? That’s unusual. That may be a little worse than getting eaten by zombies. You old witch! Fuck off!Hey, truth hurts alright truth hurts alright so what so what oh my goodness. So, yeah, so I’ve been enduring that, so that’s, you know your wife’s an angel, I’m sure. Yeah, she’s an angel the only thing harder than being a saint is living with a saint, you know, so. Who said that? I read that on a bathroom floor I’ve read that in a Playboy comic. I was, yeah. I was in Cracker Barrel. It was written on the shitter. I believe that. So, Miles, what’s going on with you tonight? Well, I was swimming with all these old women. Yeah. I, you know. I haven’t even hit 60 yet. I’m already like a complete cripple. I’ve become this crippled up. I hate to tell you, this has been like over a decade or more, to be honest with you. Yeah, I’m turning into fucking Gollum or something. I’m just hideous looking. Oh, no, it’s come full force. Yeah, I mean, does that really? Well, I mean, you were doing pretty good when I saw you on your birthday. Of course, that was the day before. Yeah, I was almost died. Yeah.um it was a day before the mess. And, uh, I go, I’m getting, well, I know i’m getting old for a lot of reasons, but i’ve been obsessing over, like, mowing my yard. Like, I really need to mow this. I have to mow it what what is have you had have you hit your head lately? No, well, yeah, I have, actually, but, um. You have, I mean, you’re, like, two steps below me on the yard situation. That’s for certain. Well, no, okay, I never really raked my yard, so I thought, well, I’m just going to grind up these leaves, you know. Yeah, there you go. I don’t blow into the neighbor’s yard. Fuck them, you know. Exactly. So I go, okay, and I have, like, these two really old mowers, and I cannot get them going, and I’m just at the point of, like, fuck it. I’m just going to buy a cheap mower. I’m going out and buying a cheap mower. Fuck it. Why don’t you get one of those electric mowers with a cord? Oh, yeah.I didn’t do it. I’m a man. I want to gas. I got to have gas. Those are cheap. I don’t have a cord, but you could… I see some lady every weekend doing hers, the cord, and it just looks so weird. I don’t know. It just seems weird. I associate big cords with women. Yeah, I see it. Yeah, Alexa, I’d record, all right? She’s been doing it for several years. Yeah. Nothing more feminine than dragging a big old cord around. Nothing more sexual, I think, than a woman with a big… Anyway. So I go around to the big box stores, and all these things are like, you know, you’re almost like $400. You should take this back, because you should get the cord. I’m telling you right now, you’ll be much better with the cord. It’s too late. Take it back.No, listen, no, there’s more to it. I went to like three box stores and you know, you’re almost like into like a 400 commitment, you know well mowers aren’t what they used to be. And so i see a mower and at this point i’m so desperate. It seems to be the cheapest one. And it’s comes from a country that some people probably wouldn’t like. I won’t mention what it was but um okay so You have to kind of like… I didn’t know they made MOAs in the UK. Yeah, Morocco. I know people hate Morocco. Okay. And… I’ll scan this code and it’ll show you how to put it together. Because you’ve got to put it together. I’m like, okay. You have to put the handle on. That’s about it, isn’t it? No, wheels and handle, fuckers. Oh, well…Yeah. And, uh, next thing I, must have had some weird dejected look the next thing i know, like some short little lady that works like, Hey, Hey, you want one of those? I got one on the skid right now. I’ll go get it for you. Really? I’m like, maybe this is a sign. I go, okay. Yeah. Okay. I go, this is pretty easy. I’ll have this together in like maybe five minutes tops. Yeah. Not you. Basically, you’re gonna have to screw in, like, four wheels, adjust it, put the handle, the two pieces of handle together, and, you know. Put your safety uh you know, stop the mower safety device on there, yeah. Oh, that was already on there. Oh, okay. So I go, okay, well, all right. I guess, you know i’m like i’m gonna need some help now loading this up. You know, I’m not the young boy i used to be. Okay.talking to this old little tiny lady. Yeah. Don’t you worry about it honey we’re gonna get y’all fed up. Don’t you worry. Don’t you worry 200 pounds right over my head. Can you believe it? You pulled up into the, go in the pull-up yard there and we’ll get it all set where y’all said, you know, Jeff row out there he’s gonna do it. All right. All right. all right I’m not even pulled up. The guy literally stops me right in the middle of the parking lot. Stop, stop, stop. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s going on? He goes, just do right here. Just do right here. Okay. Pop, pop the latch. Let’s go. Let’s go. All right, all right. Jesus Christ. Yeah, all right. What happened to the nice redneck woman? I want her. Right here in the middle of the thoroughfare. I mean, literally two seconds he’s got this thing in my car. I’m like,Jesus, Hulk. You must be an old pussy or something. I know. I’m an old puss, though. I couldn’t lift up. Oh, my God. She wasn’t electric. She had the cord. I know. All right. You know what? Stick the electric up your ass, okay? With your head washed. Yeah. I got the gas. I’m a man. Okay, man. That’s why you have two mowers that don’t work because you’re such a man. I didn’t learn anything about maintenance. I don’t know how to fix it. I’m like, fuck it. Just watch a YouTube video. You can do it. They wouldn’t start. I’m like, fuck them. I’m not keeping them. Did you see what my garage looks like? I sent you a picture of it, right? Yes, it’s full of shit. It’s full of dreams and lost hopes.add two broken lawnmowers. Like, fuck it. I put it out for the junkers. They can enjoy themselves and play with these lawnmowers. Stick them up their ass. I don’t care perfectly good lawnmower this man’s throwing away. Hey, are you sure you won’t give this away? He must not. This guy doesn’t got a penis if he’s throwing out this lawnmower. I’m telling you. You know, my neighborhood. Do you want some meth with this like no no no you too as though i trade you a small rock. Yeah, thank you. So I opened the hatch. I get it out to the driveway. You can’t get it out of the car, can you? I dropped it out of the hatch. I just let it fall. Oh, God. It’s packed in. It won’t get hurt. Fuck it. It made it all the way here from Morocco, for Christ’s sake. It’s going to be fine. It’ll be all right. So I have to go in, get a knife. I’ve got to cut this thing apart. I’ve got to get the box open. And about this time, the sun has come out full force.full force. Yeah, too much sun i’m like already like, you know, like a foreign church wedding i’m like jesus is like i’m getting it out. I’m in directions, you know. You put a hat on or anything yeah no i wish i would have i would i would have done it naked. I was getting so hot i’m like freaking hot. I’m so hot. You don’t believe it. That lady over there is putting a lawnmower together naked. Look at that sydney Sweeney. Look at them tits and uh you know i’m doing it and like oh this isn’t so bad you know then halfway through, I realized I put on a couple things backwards, and i go, uh, damn it. And right about this time, I feel, like, eyes upon me, and i look, and it’s mr mr miyagi my neighbor yeahAnd this is not racist. This is not racist, okay? This is just the way it is. This is just the way he talks. He talks like that. Oh, my gosh. And he’s watching me, not saying a word, just watching me with, like, this crazy smile. He’s like, this is the shit show. This is better than the… He stopped pruning his garden and reading his Bible. He took a break from it just to watch me. His wife said something. I don’t know what they said because I don’t know their language. I’m like, shit, I don’t know what they’re… I go, man, I hope there wasn’t anything funny. How about that Polish boy? Please help me. Fat, sweaty Polish boy over there. That mower from Morocco, help him out, please. I go, man, it’s hot. Hot, huh?he’s just, like, smiling. I don’t know. Like, man, all right, all right, man. You know, Jack Torrance, quit smiling at me and uh i get the thing going, finally. And then he, like, turns away. Then he’s lost interest. Like, okay. Right, yeah. You actually, did you actually get it to start? Yeah, I started right away once i got everything undone. Yeah, I’m like. Oh, fuck. I remember to put the oil in and all that. I did buy oil. Yes. The redneck lady. You don’t need some SW 40 or 30 or 30 weight. 30. I don’t know. Okay. Just checking. No, she had redneck lady would not let me leave without oil. You don’t need some oil. Yeah. Let’s just pay her to mow your lawn. I mean, I wish, you know, one of those fast, you know, moving the hardware store people like, yeah.I’m like the opposite of those people. I’m the exact opposite. I’m like Snuffleupagus, you know. That’s why I would never work there because I’m like Snuffleupagus walking around the aisles. Oddly enough, you’re that way at all your jobs. Pretty much, yeah. Like imaginary, the imaginary worker. Yes, I’ve been let go of a factory once because I’m sure I was way too slow. I’m sure. So, yeah, I got it to go. I mulched up the leaves because I’m not picking them up. I’m like, fuck it. I’m just not picking up leaves. You know? Yeah. What’s the name of this mower? What’s the brand name of this mower? Do you have an idea? Crescent Moon? It’s called Crescent Moon, I think, or something. It’s called Turkish Delight. Turkish Delight.No, actually, this was not made in Morocco. It was made in the Nam, actually. Oh, the Nam, really? Okay. I didn’t know they made it. I didn’t either. I’m like, well, I go, you know what? Let’s let bygones be bygones, okay? I know some people ain’t going to be down with this, but I’m just going to let bygones be bygones. I can mail in for a free Agent Orange canister. Right, yeah. Please donate to children with one limb. Okay. But, uh, yeah, so i got the job done. I was very happy about it how long how long did that all take you there? How long? You know, someone in a factory, for what i did, probably less than five minutes would have had that complete job done me i don’t even know. It probably was close to an hour. I don’t even know. Wow. I don’t even know. I don’t even know how long the mower together was an hour? I don’t know. I was so hot sweaty i mean idrank like two giant things of iced tea when I came in. I’m like, honey, I need a drink. You know, you shouldn’t be doing that. I mean, you got health problems. I know I have health problems. I know. You should have took a break in between. I know. You’re going to be like a… freaking earthworm out in the sun after the rain. I got Miyagi watching me. Yeah, he’s not watching while you’re not doing something entertaining like trying to put something together. I mean, this guy’s probably about 20 years older than me and has had a stroke and is probably in better health than I am. Yeah, he’s much better physically than I am. Getting ready to do a marathon or something. I mean, if we were to wrestle right now, I would have no doubt that he would whip my ass. Yeah. Yeah. I would have no doubt about that. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. I don’t just him watching me. It was like judging me. I knew he was judging me. You know, he’s like, I know you’re getting rid of these other two mowers or no, I would have put them up by the road. I’m like, fuck. Oh, okay. Goodbye. Motherfuckers. Boom. Yeah. Right. Once in a while.So, yeah. So, thank you, Redneck Lady. I’m sorry. Well, come on. Your neighbor speaks limited English. He’s looking at your project that you’re working on. He has no comment whatsoever. He’s just looking at you, this crazed look. Well, he probably didn’t think you could do it, or he was waiting for you to chop off some limbs. Well, yeah. Did you have to put the flap on the back where you can’t stick your foot in the back of the mower or anything? No, I was already on there. Oh, okay. It was all assembled. Like literally you had to screw on four wheels, uh, put in like these little fake, like, uh, hubcaps on the thing. I don’t know why you have, uh, literally, uh, you know, put together the handle, put the handle on the machine and then put the two pieces of the handle together.Put a little thing, a little eye thing for the cord, you know. Right, yeah. I mean, really. I mean, it’s got maybe six steps tops to it. And it took you an hour? I don’t even know. I lost track of time. I didn’t even know. That was delirious. Like the Bataan Death March or something. I looked up and the sun was beating down. I’m like, you’re not going to get me, son. And I said, I’ll build you a bridge, Mr. Miyagi. I’ll build you a bridge. all right come on now oh my goodness but you got it done okay i got it done i manned up but i did it nobody’s gonna get any of these references at all. I know, Miles wax off a lot so what what are you gonna do different with this mower uh well it’s in the garage right now and uh you know you made room for it. Yes, well, I got one of those crappy ones out in my yard i’m like fuck it i’ll sleep okay okay you justYou made room by taking the old one out and it slotted right in. I’m afraid of the city at this point because, like, they’ve come down on me twice now about my yard. Oh, there is the underlying rub. You’ve been fined. No, I was not fined. I was, okay, once. I don’t want to go. It’s a weird thing. Twice. I’ve got, no, three times. I’ve got maybe three separate letters from the city. That they’re not digging my whole MO, you know. Right, yeah. You’re going to have to cut that sooner or later, son, or we’re going to cut it for you. I know. I thought with all them leaves, someone’s going to have a shit fit. You need to be like me and move outside of the city so you don’t have any of that. Yeah, yeah. Although I do mow my grass with some regularity, so…uh i bet you do well i don’t think we’d ever have any you know i don’t think i’d ever get a letter Sorry. Oh, my goodness. Well, you know what? I’m going to say I’m proud of you. Really? Yeah, because normally you would just blame it on the other mowers and not do anything. And so at least this time you went and done something. Thank you. Yes, I did it. This is definitely not the norm for you. I bought the best Vietnamese mower that you can. And I, you know what? It’s called the Tiger King. I’m going to let bygones be bygones, you know, and whatever, man. Are you going to go mow Mr. Miyagi’s yard for him now you got a new mower? That guy mows like every three days, man. What the fuck? Well, you got to get him on the off day. Yeah, he kicks my ass. Well, I’m proud of you, son.Good job. You got the wheels on. It only took you six, 10 times longer than the average person, but I’m sure a guy like you would have had that together in 10 minutes or less, but you know, given your, you know, cognitive skills and lack of coordination, this is a win. Yeah. [su_qrcode data=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/04/28/mowing-last/” title=”Bad Movies” link=”https://www.staticradio.com/2026/04/28/mowing-last/” ——————————–Bad AI Transcript of the show this week——————————-