The Caring Instinct

Our children and teenagers are more anxious and depressed than ever. Whilst the temptation is to blame the pandemic or the use of mobile phones, gaming and social media, what do the children themselves have to say about what is stressing them out? In this interview Dr. Peter Gray shares what his research into the root causes of the unfolding mental health crisis has shown. The best bit? There is a clear way out, and it is up to us, parents, to turn the tide. Listen and join us in taking action for our kids!

Our children and teenagers are often at least as busy, stressed and sleep-deprived as adults. Amidst an unprecedented youth mental health crisis, our education systems remain divorced from everything science knows about learning and wellbeing. If a book ever was a way out, “The Self-Driven Child” is certainly this, and the conversation with one of its authors Dr. William Stixrud is here to fill us with hope.What makes children invulnerable to anxiety and depression? How to build a brain that is capable of deep focus and motivation as well as being happy? What are the roots of autonomy and true resilience? How can we, worried parents, stay centred and give our kids the gift of our non-anxious presence? We couldn't be happier to be able to share this interview with you.

What do you do if your toddler’s special talent is jumping on and off furniture? Our guest Rudi Gesch put his own spin on the old nursery rhyme in “No More Monkeys,” a book that feels like a reassuring hug for parents who are horrified by their kids’ propensity for risky play. His science is solid too, as he partnered with an eminent evolutionary psychologist Peter Gray, who makes a cameo appearance in the book. Tune in as we talk about risky play and caution,  a surprising way to help young children unwind before bed and the kind of football training that promotes the development of leadership, initiative and confidence (OK, Rudi, "soccer practice"!). 

All eating is emotional eating according to Dr. Deborah MacNamara, the author of Nourished, a book that is a gift to any parent who has felt baffled and frustrated when feeding their child (which is most of us!). Why teaching our kids about nutrition can backfire? Why do we eat when we are not hungry and often don’t eat when we are? What did Maslow get wrong in his hierarchy of needs? Most importantly, how do we raise happy healthy eaters? This conversation is a rare insight that is going to change the way you think about food forever.

Katharine Graves has helped thousands of parents unlock the wonder of natural birth through unlearning harmful myths about labour, reclaiming agency in their antenatal journey and learning to understand and trust their bodies and instincts. What makes KG Hypnobirthing different from other courses? Why the idea of a “due date” is misguided? What are the best ways to support a pregnant woman? Finally, how did Katharine find hypnobirthing and what does she do for play?Trigger warning: Baby loss is mentioned gently and compassionately. If it’s touched your life as well, we hope you feel seen and find some comfort. 

If a school your kids and their friends need doesn’t exist, you can always create one! This is exactly what Anna Hobbs did. Listen to her incredible story of founding a democratic school that became a breath of fresh air for her students and their families, as well as her journey from being a homeschooled child to homeschooling her three kids. (Did Olga ask Anna about the housework when all three kids are at home? I bet you, and the answer is just wow!) Note: We are fully aware that “Asia” is vague as a location. We unfortunately can’t be more precise at this point, for a good reason. 

As the norms that used to structure relationships between ageing parents and grown-up children loosen, we may find ourselves with more agency to define ours. For some, it means a fresh start, a potential for a more meaningful relationship. How can we move through triggers and old wounds, to meet again? What roles do anger and shame play? What does it mean to honour your father and mother? Can we futureproof our relationship with our own children while they are still young? We talk to Daniel Maté, who runs a unique workshop series called Hello Again with his father Gabor.Find out more about Daniel and Gabor’s work at helloagainproject.com. For Daniel’s mental chiropractic service, visit walkwithdaniel.com. 

If I was pressed to choose the most helpful episode of The Caring Instinct podcast, I would pick this conversation with Benjamin Perry, a queer minister and author of Cry, Baby: Why Our Tears Matter. Benjamin is a passionate advocate for crying, possibly the most misunderstood physiological process in our bodies (and the one we sometimes think we are better off without!). Why can we lose our tears for years and what happens to us then? Why is crying essential for our wellbeing and meaningful relationships? Most importantly, how can we soften back into tears after having lost them and how having access to them can protect our kids’ hearts? Benjamin speaks (and writes!) beautifully. This episode is already changing our lives, and we are delighted to share it with you.

Are we right in thinking the parents of the past used to be much stricter? What awaits new parents and children after a decade of gentler approaches? Can millennials claim hands-on fatherhood as their achievement? This conversation with Christina Hardyment, the author of “Dream Babies. Childcare Advice from John Locke to Gina Ford,” offers her unique bird’s eye view of parenting advice through the centuries. Listen out for the story of how the father of behaviourism became an evil marketing genius and follow our podcast for part 2. 

We are talking to our friend Nancy Evans, a Relational Trauma and Addictive Behaviours coach, a mum of three sons and true cycle-breaker. Where do you find answers as a struggling mother who still knows for sure that she does not want to raise her kids the way she was raised? How do you become a leader brave enough to take your family on a different path, the one that for Nancy included sobriety and homeschooling? Nancy shares her story with incredible courage and vulnerability. It is one of those that really stay with you. Enjoy!Find out more about Nancy's work at https://www.nancyevanscoaching.co.uk/#thecaringinstinct #parenting #cyclebreaker #sobriety #homeschooling #adhd

If you are parenting a teenager (or are getting ready to!), this conversation with Robin, a sexual health nurse from Calgary and a facilitator of Making Sense of Adolescence at the Neufeld Institure, is gold. How do we support our children through the awkward, grinding and lengthy transition that is adolescence? From friends, screens, food, housework, favourite TV shows to how to talk about sex and sexuality -this episode is as practical as it gets.#parenting #teenagers #teenagelife #teensmentalhealth #parentingteenagers #parentingteenas #parentingteenssolutions #sexeducation #adolescentmentalhealth

What is more natural to humans, competition or cooperation? How does a child grow into a good person and how can we help? How do we cultivate joy, curiosity and flexibility, as opposed to fear and rigidity, the patterns our society finds itself in a lot of the time? Finally, how do we raise children that feel one with Nature, are nurtured by her wisdom and kind to other living things? This conversation is only an entryway to Darcia Narvaez’s rich work in psychology, neurobiology and anthropology. Hope you enjoy it as much as we did. You can find out more about Darcia's groundbreaking work at https://evolvednest.org/#evolvednest #darcianarvaez #childdevelopment #attachment #psychology #neurobiology #parenting

We're saying good bye until the next season! Thank you for your listenership, please follow @thecaringinstinct for more.

We give you a sneak peek of what’s brewing at The Caring Instinct and talk about the potential of housework to bring parents and children closer together. Did you know that only 24% of British children chip in with the housework now compared to about 85% when we were kids? Could housework be the missing piece of the puzzle? We’d love to hear your thoughts!#thecaringinstinct #childdevelopment #parenting #housework 

How do we parent through the climate crisis in a way that helps our children connect with nature, trust its wisdom and feel like they are part of the solution? We are talking to an ecologist, organic gardener and writer Becky Searle @sow_much_more about finding resilience through growing food and enjoying being outdoors. The ups and downs of gardening with kids, foraging and unusual edibles, and a little geek out at the end about how gardening with nature is similar to parenting with nature.#thecaringinstinct #childdevelopment #gardeningwithkids #gardeningwithchildren #parenting #climatechange

When the pandemic hit, Julieta bought $10,000 worth of curriculum to home school her sons, only to get rid of it and start unschooling! What unschooling means, how learning happens, family relationships and the support people might need if this is the lifestyle they are curious to try. Julieta talks beautifully about experiences that are invitations to grow, her ways of connecting with her children and things that get in the way.Find Julieta's work here https://linktr.ee/theunschoolinglifestyle#thecaringinstinct #unschooling #homeschooling #worldschooling #alternativeeducation #relationships #parenting #childdevelopment

Are you a parent of a young gamer? Ash @thegamereducator empowers parents to navigate the world of video games with insight, compassion and practical strategies.What is it about video games that many kids love so much? Can video games make children more violent? Why do they get so grumpy after gaming and how to protect their friendships in the world of online gaming? Are video games the true play that can take care of children’s emotional health? How can we still connect with our young gamers if we don’t play ourselves? These are some of the questions @thegamereducator answers brilliantly! I guarantee you will have a deeper understanding of gaming in your family at the end of this one - I know I did.  Follow @thegamereducator for great information on sustainable gaming and @TheCaringInstinct for more support on your parenting journey.#thecaringinstinct #gamingkids #kidsgaming #videogamesforkids #playbasedlearningAsh Brandin has been teaching middle school for 12 years and they’ve taught everything from electives to music to math to social studies. They have an education specialist degree (EdS).Through their amazing Instagram account, @thegamereducator, Ash shares advice on how to manage screens sustainably so that they can benefit whole families. Their advice comes from their background and experience in pedagogy and education as well as growing up with video games.

Rhea and her husband have taken their two teenagers out of school for a year to travel the world. They've travelled through South-East Asia and Africa and are heading to Europe. We caught Rhea in Egypt to talk about her incredible year of worldschooling, her family's journey of self-discovery, strengthening relationships and character building and the practicalities of having the world as your classroom.#thecaringinstinct #parenting #childdevelopment #teenagers #worldschooling #alternativeeducation

Part 2 of our conversation with the award-winning Scottish writer and illustrator Debi Gliori. Finding our No Matter What with teenagers and seeing our little ones through the start of school. What it means to follow your heart as a parent. What comes first in a book, the message or the magic. Being in touch with your inner child as an author and illustrator whether you are a parent or not. While we mostly listen in this one, as a parent I’ve rarely felt as heard and seen. #debigliori #childrensbooks #picturebooks #author #illustrator #parenting #littleowlsfirstday #acatcalledwaverly #dragonlovespenguin

Debi Gliori is the award-winning writer and illustrator of over eighty picture books and novels for children. In Part 1 we talk about little Debi, going through depression and Night Shift, and how the one and only No Matter What was written in 20 minutes. Art, family and being the parent our child needs – this is one of the richest and most authentic conversations I’ve ever had. Don’t miss this one – as well as Part 2!#debigliori #nightshift #nomatterwhat #childrensbooks #picturebooks #author #illustrator #depression #divorce #parenting #thecaringinstinct

We’re kicking off a series on the psychology behind our favourite Disney stories with an episode on the incomparable Encanto! Mirabel, an ordinary child, desperately works for love and belonging in her extraordinary family, but are her gifted siblings working just as hard? How can parents support a child who is always in the shade of another? What happens when we parent in the context of a large community – and outside of it? Will we ever hear Joe sing? All of this and more in Episode 15!#thecaringinstinct #encanto #disney #disneycharacter #mirabel #abuela #louisa #bruno #wedonttalkaboutbruno #familymadrigal #jaredbush #byronhoward #linmanuelmiranda  #carlosvives #vulnerability #grief #giftedchild #siblings #Wednesday #therapist #parenting #therapist #community #attachment #gordonneufeld #colombia #cañocristales

This conversation with Andy Stockton, a community development worker from Sheffield UK, has put a big smile on my face and hope in my heart. How about a community that is a source of belonging and support for families, that looks after the most vulnerable and empowers mothers? A community where the world comes to you in all its diversity. Andy talks about the building blocks and the key to transformation as well as self-care and peer support for helpers. This is the stuff of New Year resolutions: everyone can be part of the change!#thecaringinstinct #communitydevelopment #community #communitybuilding #sheffield #burngreave #parenting #communitywork #familysupport #somalimothers #selfcare #compassionfatigue #burnout

If human emotions are like weather, therapists are here to brave the storms with us. In part 2 of our mini-series on Compassionate Inquiry, Olga interviews Joe about how he structures his work, sets an intention and how healing and growth happen. We talk about authenticity, agency, anger and acceptance as guideposts of Compassionate Inquiry and find out what journey awaits Bob, an imaginary client, in Joe’s office. Bob is always angry.#thecaringinstinct #therapy #compassionateinquiry #emotion #authenticity #agency #anger #acceptance #angermanagement #therapist #developmentalapproach #gabormate #gordonneufeld 

Attachment, vulnerability, trauma and growing into our full human potential. The work of Dr Gabor Maté and Dr Gordon Neufeld has been pivotal for both Joe and Olga in how we parent, work, teach, understand our relationships and ourselves. So when The Myth of Normal by Dr Gabor Maté and Daniel Maté came out, we knew we would want to talk about it! Joe is a qualified Compassionate Inquiry practitioner, and Olga was curious to interview him about how Dr Maté’s approach works in real life. We talk about the “normal” of childcare, understanding trauma, befriending addiction, and what we are trying to do for our children as a generation of parents. Do you agree? We’d love to hear what you think in the comments!#thecaringinstinct #thecaringinstinctbookclub #themythofnormal #compassionateinquiry #gabormate #gabormate #gordonneufeld #attachment #trauma #traumainformed #traumahealing #healing #relationaltrauma #developmentalapproach #irreducibleneeds #addiction #addictionrecovery #addictionsupport #addictionawareness #millenialparenting #parenting

A strictly 10+ conversation about navigating Santa’s imminent arrival with young children. Where does the idea of Santa rewarding good boys and girls and punishing bad ones come from? Do we want to jump on the elf-on-the-shelf bandwagon? What if someone tells my child that Santa is not real? And what if Santa’s secret is the same as Nature’s: that there are no naughty kids?#thecaringinstinct #childdevelopment #developmentalapproach #behaviouralapproach #santa #behaviourmanagement #elfontheshelf #elfontheshelf2022 #christmas #themagicofchristmas #unconditionalparenting #5to7shift #fatherchristmas #understandingchildren #attachment

Welcome to our book club - and check out the video for this episode on https://www.facebook.com/thecaringinstinct where you can see the beautiful picture books. We share our favourite children's books and talk about how they can help to explore feelings with your little ones and develop their emotional intelligence and resilience.These books are best for younger children: books to grow into and books to grow with! The books are Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak, Today I Feel: An Alphabet of Feelings by Madalena Moniz and Now Matter What by Debi Gliori.#thecaringinstinct #thecaringinstinctbookclub #childrensbooks #emotion #feelings #booksaboutfeelings #emotionalintelligence #emotionalgranularity #emotionalagility #wherethewildthingsare #mauricesendak #todayifeel #madalenamoniz #thelonelytree #nicholashalliday #nomatterwhat #debigliori

We are used to thinking about emotions as reactions to what happens to us. But what if emotions precede experience? In the final part of The Play Instinct series we talk about the emotions of care and grief, how they show up in play and bring our children a message of resilience #thecaringinstinct #childdevelopment #developmentalapproach #play #playtherapy #attachment #care #grief #emotion #jaakpanksepp #neuroscience #attachment #parenting #resilience #emotionalresilience #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth

What happens to our joy, sadness or anger when we can’t express them without pushing away our loved ones? Who would win in a match between authenticity and attachment? And what has play got to do with it?   We deep dive into the inner conflict faced by children and adults alike and bring you some surprising solutions and concrete examples – great for your parenting toolkit!#thecaringinstinct #emotion #mentalhealth #attachment #authenticity #play #playtherapy #childdevelopment #developmentalapproach #developmentalpsychology #gabormate #gordonneufeld #parenting

"The opposite of play is not work - the opposite of play is depression," says Dr. Stuart Brown. When we start to understand play, we find that we hold the key to mental health and resilience, stronger relationships, easier discipline, joy and growth. Play as a resource, what forms it can take, what stands in its way and our own journeys with it are some of the things we talk about in this episode.#thecaringinstinct #play #playtherapy #childdevelopment #emotion #attachment #parenting #developmentalpsychology 

Halloween! When is it too much and when is it just the medicine the child and their grown-up need? Dr Gordon Neufeld’s theory of alarm defences and what your child’s take on Halloween can tell you about their alarm system. Can being ghouls, vampires and witches for a day be good for your relationship? And most importantly, will Joe ever love Halloween as much as Olga does?#thecaringinstinct #developmentalapproach #attachment #anxiety #alarmbasedplay #play #playtherapy #neufeld #halloween #halloweenforchildren #childdevelopment #developmentalpsychology