The Family Podcast

Your children need God's Word to shape their life. In this episode, Tracy highlights three powerful Bible passages that can help shape your child's identity, confidence, and faith. Learn how Psalm 139, 2 Corinthians 5:17, and 2 Timothy 1:7 remind kids that they are uniquely created by God, made new in Christ, and empowered by the Holy Spirit to live with courage and purpose.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Visit: Life Verses for Parents (Series)

John Gottman is a renowned relationship expert who has studied many couples in his love lab. He boasts of his ability to predict with 91% accuracy those who stay married and those that end in divorce by observing how couples communicate and interact with one another.A couple’s ability to communicate is obviously foundational to a healthy marriage. Gottman would say there are 4 communication styles that often lead to the end of marriage because of the damage it inflicts on couples.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--

Parenting teenagers can feel overwhelming, especially when you're dealing with disrespect, irresponsibility, and dating questions. In this episode, Tracy unpacks practical, biblical wisdom for navigating these challenging years with confidence and grace. Learn how to build trust instead of escalating conflict, help your teen develop responsibility, and guide them toward wise, God-honoring choices in relationships.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Links to articles on these topics on PursueGOD.org:A Parent’s Guide for the Teen Years (Series)

Pornography ruins intimacy in marriage by creating a “digital third party” that distorts a spouse’s view of sex, erodes foundational trust, and replaces real-world connection with a fantasy. Instead of building a deep, emotional bond with their partner, a person using pornography trains their brain to seek satisfaction from a screen. This habit builds a wall of secrecy and shame that prevents the vulnerability and oneness God intended for husband and wife.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--The Distortion of Sexual RealityPornography acts like a funhouse mirror for human sexuality. It presents an unrealistic, hyper-sexualized version of intimacy that real life can never match. When a person regularly views pornography, they aren’t just looking at pictures; they are training their brain to expect a specific, curated experience. This process, often called “brain plasticity,” means the more someone watches porn, the more their brain craves that high-intensity visual hit rather than the steady, emotional warmth of a real spouse.This creates a massive barrier in the bedroom. Real sex involves two imperfect people, communication, and emotional connection. Pornography is one-sided, silent, and physically “perfect” in a fake way. Over time, a spouse may start to feel like they are competing with a screen they can never beat. This isn’t just about physical attraction; it’s about where the heart goes for satisfaction. As Jesus pointed out, the eyes are a window to the soul, and what we fill them with changes who we are inside.The Erosion of Trust and SafetyEvery healthy marriage is built on a foundation of trust. Intimacy requires a “safe space” where both people feel fully known and fully loved. Pornography shatters that safety because it almost always involves secrecy. When one spouse is hiding a habit, they have to maintain a double life. This dishonesty creates an invisible wall. Even if the other spouse doesn’t know about the porn use yet, they often feel a sense of distance or “checked-out” energy that they can’t quite explain.When the secret eventually comes to light, the damage is profound. The betrayed spouse often feels like their entire relationship has been a lie. They wonder, “Who else have you been looking at while you were with me?” This sense of betrayal is a form of infidelity that wounds the spirit. Without total honesty and transparency, true intimacy is impossible. You cannot be “one flesh” with someone while you are keeping a significant part of your life hidden in the shadows.Trading Oneness for IsolationGod’s design for marriage is “oneness”—a beautiful blending of two lives into one. Pornography is the exact opposite of oneness; it is the ultimate act of isolation. It is a solo activity that focuses entirely on “me” and “my needs.” It turns other human beings into objects to be used for a momentary thrill rather than people to be loved and respected. This “objectification” eventually spills over into the marriage, where a spouse becomes a means to an end rather than a partner to cherish.Genesis 2:24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.When we choose the screen over our spouse, we are actively undoing the “united into one” part of God’s plan. We are choosing a counterfeit version of intimacy that leaves us feeling emptier than before. True intimacy is about being seen and known—flaws and all—and still being accepted. Pornography offers the illusion of intimacy without any of the commitment or work. Over time, this makes a person less capable of handling the beautiful, messy reality of a real-life relationship.The Path to Restored IntimacyHere is the good news: pornography does not have to be the end of your marriage. While the damage is real, God is in the business of restoration. The first step toward healing is bringing the struggle into the light. James 5:16 tells us that confessing our sins to one another brings healing. This means moving past the shame and being radically honest with your spouse and a trusted mentor or counselor. It involves setting up boundaries, like web filters or accountability software, to protect the home.Restoring intimacy also requires a shift in focus back to Jesus. He is the one who truly satisfies our deepest longings for connection and worth. When we look to Him to fill our hearts, we stop demanding that our spouse (or a screen) do a job only God can do. Healing takes time, and it requires rebuilding trust through consistent, honest actions over a long period. But with God’s help, a marriage can move from the isolation of pornography to a deeper, more authentic intimacy than ever before.Romans 8:11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.The TakeawayPornography ruins intimacy in marriage by replacing a real, sacrificial relationship with a selfish fantasy. It distorts how we see our spouse, breaks the vital bond of trust, and leads to deep emotional isolation. However, through confession, accountability, and the grace of Jesus Christ, couples can break free from this cycle and rediscover the joy of true, God-honoring oneness.

The Bible teaches that you can guard against temptation in your marriage by intentionally building spiritual and emotional hedges around your relationship. While temptation is a common human experience, God provides a way of escape through prayer, transparency with your spouse, and a commitment to honoring your marriage vows. By prioritizing your connection with Jesus and each other, you can protect your covenant from the subtle drift that leads to infidelity.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Understand the Reality of TemptationTemptation is not a sign that your marriage is failing, but it is a signal that you are human. We live in a world that often celebrates the "new and exciting" over the "faithful and steady." Even the strongest couples face moments where their eyes or hearts might wander toward someone else. Recognizing that you are susceptible to temptation is actually your first line of defense. When we think we are above falling, we stop being careful.The Bible warns us to stay alert because our spiritual enemy looks for cracks in our foundation. In marriage, those cracks often look like unresolved conflict, loneliness, or a lack of physical intimacy. If you feel a "spark" with someone at work or find yourself hiding text messages, don't ignore the warning lights. Acknowledge the temptation immediately so you can deal with it before it grows into something destructive.1 Peter 5:8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.Build a Hedge of ProtectionOne of the most practical ways to guard against temptation is to create healthy boundaries. These aren't meant to be "rules" that feel like a cage, but rather "hedges" that keep your garden beautiful and safe. A hedge means deciding not to have private lunches with someone of the opposite sex or sharing your phone passwords with your spouse. These choices build trust and eliminate the secrecy that temptation needs to survive.Building a hedge also means being proactive about your emotional health. Often, people fall into affairs because they are looking for emotional validation they feel is missing at home. Instead of looking outward, look inward and toward your spouse. Make it a priority to date your spouse, talk about your dreams, and stay curious about their life. When your "emotional tank" is full at home, you are far less likely to go looking for a "refill" elsewhere.Lean on the Power of JesusWe cannot win the battle against temptation through willpower alone. Real, lasting protection for your marriage comes from a shared spiritual life centered on Jesus Christ. When you and your spouse are both pursuing a relationship with God, you naturally grow closer to each other. This is often compared to a triangle: as both people move toward God at the top, they inevitably get closer to one another at the base.Jesus understands the struggle of temptation because he faced it himself, yet he remained without sin. When you feel weak, you can go to him in prayer. Ask God to give you a "distaste" for things that would harm your marriage and a renewed passion for your spouse. Spiritual disciplines like praying together or reading the Bible as a couple create a spiritual bond that is difficult for temptation to break.Hebrews 4:15-16 This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.Practice Radical TransparencySecrecy is the oxygen that keeps the fire of temptation alive. If you are struggling with an attraction or a "crush," the best thing you can do is bring it into the light. This sounds terrifying, but telling your spouse or a trusted mentor takes the power away from the temptation. When a secret is shared, the enemy loses his leverage over you.Transparency also involves being honest about the state of your marriage. If you are unhappy or feeling neglected, talk about it. Don't let bitterness simmer under the surface. Healthy marriages are built on the "messy" work of honest communication. By choosing to be an open book, you create an environment where temptation finds no place to hide.The TakeawayGuarding against temptation in your marriage requires a combination of spiritual dependence on Jesus and practical boundaries in your daily life. It starts with acknowledging your vulnerability and ends with a commitment to total transparency. By keeping Christ at the center and intentionally investing in your spouse, you can build a resilient, joyful marriage that honors God and stands the test of time.

Using technology as a babysitter can be harmful to a child’s development when it replaces consistent human interaction and active play. While digital devices offer temporary relief for busy parents, over-reliance on screens often leads to behavioral issues, delayed social skills, and a lack of emotional regulation. The Bible encourages parents to intentionally shepherd their children’s hearts, suggesting that passive screen time should never substitute for active, Christ-centered parenting and engagement.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--The Science Of Developing BrainsThe general consensus among developmental pediatricians, including experts at Cedars-Sinai, is that children under age 3 should have little to no screen exposure. This is because their brains are in a critical stage of development involving myelination—a biological process that coats nerve fibers to speed up brain signals. Research shows that excessive screen time is associated with lower integrity in the brain's white matter, which is essential for language, literacy, and cognitive processing. When a young brain is overexposed to screens, it can overstimulate the visual cortex at the expense of the auditory cortex. This is a major concern because the auditory cortex is vital for developing the social skills and language children need to navigate the world.Ideally, early learning should be grounded in real-world, interactive, face-to-face experiences rather than passive viewing. Studies have shown that the more children engage with electronic screens, the more likely they were to develop socioemotional problems. A meta-analysis published by the APA, reviewing data from over 292,000 children, revealed that high screen use is linked to internalizing problems like anxiety and depression, as well as externalizing problems like aggression and hyperactivity. Interestingly, girls are often more susceptible to internalizing issues, while boys are more likely to increase screen use as a coping mechanism when they are already struggling.The Trap Of The YouTube AlgorithmWe live in a fast-paced world, and the temptation to hand a crying child a tablet is incredibly strong. It works instantly, providing a "digital pacifier." However, the platform matters significantly. Streaming services like YouTube are designed with algorithms specifically engineered to maximize "watch time." Unlike traditional television, which has a set duration and natural stopping points (like the end of an episode or a commercial break), YouTube utilizes auto-play and a "infinite scroll" of suggested videos to keep kids hooked.These algorithms analyze every click and "re-watch," serving up "bite-sized hooks" and constant novelty that can overwhelm a child's underdeveloped self-regulation skills. This creates an addictive "just one more" loop. From a biblical perspective, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. We want our children to grow in their ability to regulate their impulses through the help of God and the guidance of their parents. If technology becomes the primary tool for emotional regulation, children miss out on developing the "inner muscle" of character required to navigate boredom and big emotions without a digital escape.Practical Steps For Intentional ParentsInstead of turning to technology to give yourself a break, try creating a structured family schedule that fosters imagination and creativity. Parenting requires us to be the architects of our children’s environment. By setting clear boundaries, we provide a safe framework where they can flourish without the overstimulation of the digital world.Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.Here are a few practical strategies to avoid using tech as a babysitter:Create a Family Schedule: Designate specific times for chores, reading, and play to reduce "pester power."Prioritize Outside Play: Aim for two hours of outdoor time to help kids burn energy and improve focus.Implement Imagination Time: Encourage "quiet time" in their bedroom with blocks or books to build self-reliance.Strict Tech Boundaries: Maintain a "no tech" rule at the dinner table and for at least an hour before bed.Set Fixed Limits: If you use tech, allow for a specific 30-minute window or one single 30-minute show, then turn it off.Reclaiming The Parent-Child BondThe heart of this issue isn't that technology is "evil," but that it is an inadequate substitute for a parent. God gave your children to you, not to an algorithm. Every time we choose to engage with our kids instead of outsourcing that time to a screen, we are making an eternal investment. We are showing them that they are seen, known, and loved—which is exactly how God feels about us.Jesus placed a high value on children and wanted them in His presence. When we prioritize being present with our kids, even when it’s exhausting, we follow Christ's example. We are building a foundation of trust that will eventually serve as a bridge to talking about deeper spiritual truths. Reclaiming this bond starts with putting the phone down and picking up the calling God has placed on your life as a parent.Mark 10:14 When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, "Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children."The TakeawayUsing technology as a babysitter can be harmful because it replaces vital human interaction with passive consumption that can delay brain development and increase socioemotional problems. Biblical parenting requires intentionality and presence. By replacing excessive screen time with physical play, family schedules, and focused attention, we shepherd our children’s hearts and help them grow into the people God created them to be.

To honor your father and mother means to treat them with respect, value, and care, recognizing the God-given position they hold in your life. In today’s hectic world, this goes beyond simple childhood obedience; it involves a lifelong posture of gratitude and responsibility. Honoring your parents is a choice to prize their well-being and dignity, ensuring they are not forgotten or discarded even when life becomes overwhelmingly busy. --The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--The Cultural Weight of the Family UnitIn the Old Testament, the family was not just a social group; it was the essential building block of the entire nation. The Hebrew culture was deeply “collectivist,” meaning the identity of the individual was inextricably linked to the family line. To honor your parents was to protect the integrity of the family legacy. This was a society where the elderly were viewed as the keepers of wisdom and the link to God’s promises given to ancestors like Abraham and Isaac.Unlike our modern, individualistic culture that often prizes youth and independence above all else, the biblical culture saw the family as a permanent safety net. Families lived in close proximity, often in the same “bet ab” (father’s house). In this setting, honoring parents was a daily, practical reality. It meant contributing to the family’s survival and ensuring that as parents aged, they were cared for within the home they had built.A Commandment with a PromiseThe instruction to honor parents is the fifth of the Ten Commandments, and it holds a unique place in the Law. It serves as the bridge between our duties to God and our duties to our fellow human beings. While the first four commandments focus on our vertical relationship with God, the fifth commandment kicks off the horizontal requirements for how we treat others. This suggests that how we relate to our parents is a primary reflection of how we relate to God’s authority.Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.This is often called the “first commandment with a promise.” The Bible links the health of a society directly to the honor given within the family. When we respect the generational link, we preserve the values and faith that sustain a community. In a hectic world that constantly pushes us to “move on” and “look forward,” this commandment calls us to look back with reverence and stay connected to our roots.Honoring in a Modern, Hectic ContextToday, honoring your parents looks different than it did in ancient Israel, but the heart behind it remains the same. It requires intentionality to cut through the noise of our busy schedules. Honoring might mean picking up the phone when you’d rather be scrolling social media, or navigating the complexities of elder care with patience rather than resentment. It is about “weighting” their needs—giving them a place of significance in your life’s priorities.Proverbs 23:22 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old.In a world that often views the elderly as a “burden” or an “inconvenience,” the Christian is called to a different standard. We honor our parents by listening to their stories, valuing their perspective, and providing for their needs. This doesn’t mean we agree with every choice they made or ignore toxic patterns, but it does mean we choose to treat them with the dignity that every human made in the image of God deserves.Connecting Honor to the Heart of JesusJesus took the command to honor parents very seriously. During his ministry, he rebuked the religious leaders who tried to use religious excuses to avoid financially supporting their aging parents. He pointed out that true devotion to God cannot exist alongside the neglect of one’s family. Even while hanging on the cross in agony, Jesus looked down at his mother, Mary, and ensured she would be cared for by his disciple John.When we honor our parents, we are participating in the self-giving love of Jesus. We recognize that we did not bring ourselves into this world and we did not raise ourselves. By showing grace and care to our parents—even when they are difficult or failing in health—we mirror the way God shows grace to us. Honoring our parents is a tangible way to practice the “Jesus-centered” life in the most private and foundational area of our existence.The TakeawayTo honor your father and mother is to give them the respect and care they deserve as your biological and spiritual precursors. In a fast-paced society, this means intentionally slowing down to value their presence and provide for their needs. By embracing the biblical view of the family unit, we honor God’s design and ensure that the wisdom of the past continues to bless the generations of the future.

In this episode, Tracy explains why condescension is such a "subtle poison" in marriage, acting as a defensive power play that inevitably makes your spouse feel belittled and insecure. We'll look to scripture to remind us of how God calls us to treat our spouse and hear practical takeaways to grow in this area. --The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Condescension is a subtle poison that erodes the foundation of a marriage by replacing equality with a hierarchy. It is a form of communication that signals, "I am above you, and your perspective is less valid than mine." While it often masquerades as "helpfulness" or "correcting the facts," it actually functions as a slow-release toxin that destroys intimacy, fuels resentment, and eventually silences the partner on the receiving end.The Anatomy of a Put-DownAt its core, condescension is rarely about the topic being discussed—whether it’s the "right" way to load a dishwasher or a complex theological debate. Instead, it stems from the ego's need for security and control. When we "talk down" to a spouse, we are usually operating out of a superiority complex or, ironically, a deep-seated insecurity. By making a partner feel small, the perpetrator temporarily feels more powerful or "safe" in their own intellect.This behavior creates a "Power Play" dynamic. By dismissing a spouse’s ideas or jumping straight to "fixing" their problems without listening, the condescending partner asserts themselves as the leader and relegates their spouse to the role of a follower. This shift fundamentally breaks the "one flesh" union described in the Bible, turning a partnership into a teacher-student relationship that neither person signed up for.What Condescension Looks Like (The "Cringe" List)Many people don't realize they are being patronizing because they wrap their words in "Christianese" or a tone of feigned concern. However, certain habits are clear red flags of a condescending heart:The "Actually" Habit: Constant interruption to pivot a conversation into a lecture or a "correction."The Slow-Mo Explain: Explaining basic concepts in excessive detail, also known as "mansplaining" or "wit-splaining."Non-Verbal Cues: Smirking, heavy sighing, or looking over glasses to signal, "I can't believe I have to deal with this."Patronizing Pet Names: Using "Honey" or "Sweetie" as a weapon to belittle during a disagreement rather than as a term of endearment.Unsolicited Fixing: Offering advice before the other person has even finished speaking, sending the message that they aren't capable of handling their own life.The High Cost of the "Superior" SpiritWhen you act condescendingly, you aren't just trying to win an argument; you are actively losing a teammate. The hidden cost of this behavior is the emotional withdrawal of your spouse. Over time, the partner on the receiving end begins to feel belittled and insecure. They stop sharing their dreams and thoughts because they fear being "corrected" or mocked.Ephesians 4:29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.When equality leaves the building, respect follows. A marriage without mutual respect is a house built on sand. If one partner constantly feels like they are being "patted on the head," they will eventually look for validation elsewhere or shut down entirely, leading to a lonely, fragmented home.The Example of Humility in ChristIf anyone had the right to be a "know-it-all," it was Jesus. He literally created the universe, yet He never used His brilliance to make others feel small. In fact, the only people He truly rebuked were the Pharisees—the religious elites who used their perceived superiority to look down on everyone else. Jesus modeled a different way: a posture of radical humility.Philippians 2:3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.To "value others above yourself" in a marriage means assuming your spouse has something valuable to say, even if you disagree with their take. It means prioritizing the relationship over the need to be the "smartest person in the room." Real intelligence in a marriage isn't about having all the answers; it’s about having the wisdom to treat your partner with the dignity they deserve as a fellow image-bearer of God.The TakeawayCondescension is a toxic habit that trades marital intimacy for an ego boost. By treating your spouse as an inferior rather than an equal partner, you erode the respect necessary for a healthy union. Breaking this cycle requires a commitment to humility, active listening, and the realization that being "right" is never worth the cost of making your partner feel small.

In this episode, we conclude our series on Paul Tripp’s The 14 Gospel Principles of Parenting by exploring the importance of shepherding a worshiper's heart and finding rest in God's grace. We discuss how to identify the "little g" gods that compete for our children's hearts and how to lead our children toward a full life in Jesus.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Parenting is arguably the hardest job in the world, especially when you want to do it intentionally and well. Over this series, we have explored the core themes of Paul Tripp’s The 14 Gospel Principles of Parenting. The ultimate goal of parenting isn’t just behavior modification or being a "law-giver"; it is shepherding the heart and pointing our children to the Gospel.As parents, we are ambassadors of Christ. We represent His grace and mercy while setting boundaries that are for our children's good. We must remember that our identity is not found in our kids; when we force them to perform to make us look good, we lose the focus of shepherding their hearts.Parenting a WorshiperTripp emphasizes a crucial principle: you are parenting a worshiper. What rules your child's heart will control their behavior. Every human has an innate desire for meaning, purpose, and identity. If we don’t point our kids toward the Creator, they will chase "little g" gods. We must be vigilant about what we emphasize in our homes.Common "false gods" that compete for our children’s hearts include:Performance & Success: Measuring worth through grades, awards, or being the "best."Sports: Elevating athletic prowess above all else.Popularity & Acceptance: The desperate need to be liked by peers or social media circles.Comfort & Entertainment: Using video games, streaming, or scrolling to avoid stress or discomfort.When we see these behaviors, we shouldn't just punish the action. We need to have constant, intentional conversations that point back to Jesus. We must show our kids that their value isn't found in their stats or their friend groups, but in the fact that they were fearfully and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139).Finding Rest in GodFinally, we must embrace the principle of rest. It is only by resting in God's presence and grace that you will become a joyful and patient parent. When we forget who God is and what He has given us, we start shouldering burdens we were never meant to carry.Matthew 11:28 reminds us: "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Parenting is a process—not a single conversation. Release the pressure to have all the answers. God has given you these children; trust Him to provide the wisdom, patience, and insight you need. Lead your children by fostering a personal relationship with Jesus in your own heart first.

In this episode, we explore how parents can model the protective beauty of authority and focus on character development rather than just behavior modification. We’ll discuss how shepherding a child’s heart through discipline serves as a bridge, ultimately leading them to hopefully recognize and submit to God’s authority in their own lives.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Authority and Character in ParentingParenting is a high calling that goes beyond mere behavior modification; it is about shepherding a child’s heart toward the gospel. In this lesson, we explore two essential principles from Paul Tripp’s parenting philosophy: authority and character. Every child is born into a world of authority, yet their natural sin nature convinces them that they should be the center of their own universe. This internal struggle makes submission feel unnatural, leading to a desire to set their own rules and go their own way.As parents, our job is to model the “protective beauty” of authority. We aren’t just looking for “checked boxes” of obedience; we are training our children to understand that God’s rules—and by extension, our household rules—are for their good, their development, and their safety. When a child understands that authority is meant to protect them, like a parent keeping a toddler out of a busy street, it changes their perspective from seeing rules as restrictive to seeing them as loving.This process requires us to look at the scriptures as our guide. We see in Psalm 86:15 that God is compassionate and slow to anger, which is the heart we must mirror. Ephesians 6:1-4 lays out the structure for the home: children are called to obey and honor their parents, while fathers are warned not to provoke their children to anger but to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. Furthermore, Hebrews 12:5-11 reminds us that while discipline is painful in the moment, it is a sign of God’s love and produces a peaceful harvest of right living.Ultimately, parental authority serves as a bridge to God. We represent His character to our children now so that, as they grow, they will learn to submit to Him personally once they leave our home. By parenting with compassion and mercy, we reflect the heart of a God who is patient for our sake, as seen in 2 Peter 3:9. When we address our children’s lack of character with the gospel, we move from being mere “rule-enforcers” to being “heart-shepherds” who point them to their need for a Savior.

In this episode, Tracy unpacks how parents often tie their identity to their kids’ performance and why true confidence must be rooted in Christ instead. She also reminds us that real change in our kids doesn’t happen in a single moment, but through a long, faithful process of everyday conversations and discipleship.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Parenting with Purpose: Identity and Process Matter More Than You ThinkParenting has a way of exposing our deepest fears and insecurities. Whether it’s a meltdown in public or a disappointing report card, many parents feel like they’re constantly being evaluated. In those moments, it’s easy to tie our worth to our kids’ behavior. But according to Paul David Tripp’s 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Parenting, this mindset reveals a deeper issue: we’ve forgotten where our identity truly comes from.At the heart of this lesson are two powerful principles: identity and process. When we understand these correctly, it changes everything about how we parent.Identity: Where Are You Finding Your Worth?The Bible makes it clear that our identity is not found in our performance—or our kids’ performance—but in Christ.2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”When parents lose sight of this “vertical identity,” they start looking horizontally—to their children, careers, or reputation—for validation. This creates a dangerous dynamic where kids feel pressure to perform, not for their own growth, but to prop up their parents’ sense of worth.This can show up in subtle ways:Feeling embarrassed when your child misbehavesOverreacting to grades, sports performance, or social successComparing your family to othersAvoiding vulnerability because you want to appear like a “perfect” parentBut here’s the truth: your kids were never designed to carry the weight of your identity. Only God can do that.Romans 12:1-2 (NLT) reminds us to let God transform the way we think, not to conform to the world’s standards of success or worth. When we rest in our identity in Christ, we’re freed to parent from a place of grace instead of pressure.This also creates a healthier environment for our kids. Instead of feeling like they must perform to earn love, they begin to understand the gospel: we are all broken, and we all need Jesus.Process: Change Doesn’t Happen OvernightThe second principle is just as important—and often just as misunderstood. Parenting is not about quick fixes or one-time conversations. It’s about a long, faithful process.Tripp puts it this way: change is a process, not an event.Many parents fall into the trap of thinking, “If I just explain this clearly once, my child will get it.” But real transformation doesn’t work like that. Kids need repeated conversations, consistent guidance, and ongoing discipleship.Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”Notice the word direct. That implies intentional, ongoing effort—not a one-time lecture.Think of parenting like training for a marathon. You don’t wake up one day and run 26.2 miles. You build endurance over time. In the same way, spiritual growth in your kids happens through thousands of small, everyday moments:Conversations at the dinner tablePrayers before bedTeaching moments after mistakesEncouraging truth when they struggleEach of these moments is shaping their heart, building their awareness of God, and helping them understand the gospel.Practical Takeaway: Focus on the Long GameInstead of trying to fix everything at once, adopt what Tripp calls a “project mentality.” Focus on one or two key areas at a time—like honesty, kindness, or self-control—and consistently point your child to biblical truth in those areas.Over time, these small, intentional steps add up.Final EncouragementParenting is hard. There will be moments of failure, frustration, and doubt. But the gospel reminds us that we don’t have to be perfect parents—we just need to be faithful ones.When you rest in your identity in Christ and commit to the long process of discipleship, you’re not just raising well-behaved kids—you’re pointing them to Jesus.And that’s the real goal.

In this episode, we tackle one of the most sensitive and misunderstood topics in the church today—divorce and remarriage. Ross and Sally Anderson join the conversation to explore what the Bible actually says, why marriage matters so much to God, and how to navigate real-life situations with both truth and grace. Whether you’re in a struggling marriage, considering divorce, or dealing with the aftermath, this episode points you back to God’s design and His redeeming grace.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Links to Related Articles: Can Believers Remarry After a Divorce?Where Should Christians Draw the Line on Divorce and Remarriage?

In this episode, we talk about the limits of rules in parenting and how God calls us to shepherd our kids’ hearts, not just control their behavior—we need clear guidelines and even more we need a dependence on the Holy Spirit to bring real heart change.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Get the Book: Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul David TrippParenting Beyond Rules: Why Grace Changes What Rules Can’tParenting can often feel overwhelming. Every parent wants to “do it right,” but many end up stuck somewhere between control and confusion. In this episode, we continue exploring principles from Paul David Tripp’s 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family, focusing on two powerful ideas: the principle of law and the principle of inability.At the heart of these principles is a shift in perspective. Parenting is not primarily about behavior management—it’s about heart transformation. And that’s something only God can accomplish.The Role of God’s Law in ParentingGod’s law is good. It provides boundaries, clarity, and protection. Children are not born knowing right from wrong—they need guidance. Rules help establish those guardrails.Romans 3:20 reminds us: “Through the law we become conscious of sin.” The law shows us what’s right and wrong, but it doesn’t have the power to change us.That’s where many parents go wrong. We assume that if we just add more rules, enforce stricter consequences, or demand better behavior, our kids will change. But rules alone can’t produce obedience from the heart—they can only manage behavior on the surface.If parenting becomes all about rules, kids may comply externally while rebelling internally. They may obey out of fear, but not out of love or conviction.Why Grace Must Go Beyond the RulesGod never intended the law to be the final solution. That’s why Jesus came—to do what the law could never do.Romans 7:7 shows us that the law reveals sin, but it doesn’t remove it. Only grace can do that.As parents, this means we must go beyond simply saying, “Follow the rules.” We need to explain the why behind the rules. Why does honesty matter? Why is kindness important? Why does obedience honor God?More importantly, we need to point our kids to the gospel. They need to understand that their struggle to obey isn’t just a behavior issue—it’s a heart issue. And that’s exactly what Jesus came to redeem.The Principle of Inability: You Can’t Change Your Child’s HeartThis principle can be both humbling and freeing.As parents, we have authority—but we do not have the power to transform our child’s heart. That belongs to God alone.Too often, we fall into the trap of trying to force change:We raise our voices louderWe tighten consequencesWe increase controlBut none of these “power tools” actually work long-term.Tripp points out that tactics like rewards, fear, or shame may produce temporary compliance, but they don’t create lasting transformation. Instead, they teach kids to:Perform for approvalAvoid punishmentOr manipulate outcomesThat’s not obedience—it’s strategy.Shepherding Hearts, Not Just Managing BehaviorThe goal of parenting is not to raise rule-followers—it’s to raise God-followers.That means shifting from control to connection. From enforcing rules to shepherding hearts.Deuteronomy teaches us to talk about God’s truth in everyday life—when we sit, walk, lie down, and rise. Parenting is relational, not mechanical.It also means modeling humility. Some of the most powerful parenting moments come when we admit our own failures. When we confess our lack of patience or self-control, we show our kids that we, too, need grace.And that builds trust.Raising Kids Who Love God, Not Just Follow RulesUltimately, the goal is this: when your kids leave your home, they won’t just follow rules because they have to—they’ll pursue God because they want to.They’ll understand that God’s ways are good.They’ll desire obedience from the inside out.They’ll live with conviction, not just compliance.So yes—set rules. Provide structure. Establish boundaries.But don’t stop there.Point your kids to Jesus.Teach them about grace.Help them understand their need for a Savior.Because in the end, rules can guide behavior…But only God can transform a heart.

In this episode, Tracy kicks off a series based on the book 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul Tripp, shifting the focus from the pressure of "owning" your children to the freedom of being an "ambassador" for God. She explores the principles of calling and grace, reminding parents that they are simply tools in God’s hands and that He provides exactly what they need for the sacred task of forming a human soul.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Get the Book: Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul David TrippFrom Owner to Ambassador: Radical Grace in ParentingParenting often feels like carrying the weight of your family’s future on your shoulders. Every decision feels loaded, every mistake feels permanent, and every struggle feels personal. In this episode, we begin a series exploring Paul Tripp’s book, 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family. We shift the focus from "ownership" parenting to "ambassador" parenting—a perspective that replaces the pressure of control with the freedom of God’s grace.The Big IdeaGod never designed parents to be the heroes of the family story. Parenting is less about managing outcomes and more about accurately reflecting the heart of God, trusting Him to do the work only He can do in the hearts of our kids.Key TakeawaysOwner vs. Ambassador: Most parenting dysfunction begins with an unconscious "ownership" view—the idea that our children belong to us to shape as we see fit. In reality, children belong to God. We are His ambassadors, called to faithfully represent His message, methods, and character.The Principle of Calling: Nothing is more important in your life than being one of God’s tools to form a human soul. Parenting isn't a season to "survive"; it is a calling to steward. God chose your specific personality and story to be the primary discipler of your children.The Principle of Grace: God never calls you to a task without giving you what you need to do it. This grace meets you in your darkest moments, your feelings of inability, and your deepest parental regrets.Modeling Over Mandating: As seen in Deuteronomy 6, a gospel-centered home starts with the parent’s own relationship with God. When we acknowledge our own brokenness, we become "safe" people for our kids to approach when they fail.Relevant ScripturePsalm 127:3 – "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him."Deuteronomy 6:5–7 – "Love the Lord your God with all your heart... Impress [these commandments] on your children."Colossians 3:12-13 – "Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience... Forgive as the Lord forgave you."Hebrews 4:16 – "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Effective parenting during the teenage years requires a framework that fosters both obedience and relational health. To discipline your teen in a way that truly disciples them, you should implement three traits of discipline: clear, consistent, and corrective. By focusing on these three pillars, you move away from emotional, reactive parenting and toward an intentional approach that points your teen toward a lasting, meaningful relationship with Jesus--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--

In this episode, Tracy walks couples through a practical, grace-filled way to handle conflict by using a weekly “State of the Union” conversation to replace reactive arguments with intentional connection, empathy, and growth.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now--Conflict Is Inevitable — How You Handle It MattersEvery couple has disagreements. The goal isn’t to avoid them but to handle them wisely. A great way to do that is to schedule time each week to talk about just one area of conflict. Don’t wait for an argument to erupt — plan ahead and talk calmly.Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.Proverbs 18:2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.The “State of the Union” MeetingRelationship expert Dr. John Gottman calls this a “State of the Union” meeting. It’s a weekly check-in where couples intentionally connect, celebrate what’s going well, and address one ongoing issue before it grows. Gottman’s research shows that couples who make this a regular habit have much stronger emotional bonds and far fewer destructive arguments.Start with PositivityStart by locking off one hour in your week. Before you talk about the tough stuff, begin by sharing five compliments about your spouse. This step softens the atmosphere and reminds you both that you’re allies, not enemies.Focus on One IssueThen, pick one issue to discuss. Decide who will start as the speaker and who will be the listener. After the first person shares, switch roles. The goal isn’t to “win” — it’s to understand and connect.How to Stay Emotionally Connected: ATTUNETo keep the conversation healthy, remember the word ATTUNE:A – Be Aware: Notice your emotions, tone, and body language — and your spouse’s.T – Be Tolerant: Respect your spouse’s viewpoint, even if you disagree.T – Turn Toward Each Other: Stay engaged instead of withdrawing or attacking.U – Understand: Seek to truly understand before offering solutions.N – Non-defensive Listening: Listen without correcting, interrupting, or defending yourself.E – Empathy: Try to feel what your spouse feels and validate their experience.When Conflict Becomes an OpportunityWhen couples consistently ATTUNE during their weekly “State of the Union” time, they build trust, emotional safety, and intimacy. Conflict stops being a threat and becomes an opportunity to grow closer together.

Welcome back to the pursueGOD family podcast!--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now --Is My Child Ready to Get Baptized?Key Verse: “For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus.” — Galatians 3:26 NLTChristian parents love the idea of seeing their kids publicly declare faith in Jesus. It’s a meaningful moment—one filled with hope, joy, and deep spiritual significance. But baptism isn’t simply a milestone or a ritual. It’s a public declaration of an internal reality, and that means readiness matters. Today’s article will help you discern whether your child truly understands the gospel and is prepared to take this important step.Understanding Baptism: What It Is—and What It Isn’tThe Bible makes it clear: baptism is a symbol, not salvation. Paul says, “For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized…” Colossians 2:12 NLT. This outward act points to an inward faith that only God can produce. Kids don’t need to grasp deep theology, but they do need a basic understanding of the gospel—who Jesus is, what He did, and why they personally need Him.Parents often feel pressure to “get the moment right,” but baptism shouldn’t be rushed. God does heart-work in His timing. Your role is to guide, teach, and shepherd—not push a child into a spiritual step they’re not ready to take.1. Does My Child Understand the Gospel?A child ready for baptism can explain—in their own words—three simple truths:Who Jesus isWhat He did on the crossWhy they personally need HimRomans 10:9 (NLT) says, “If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart… you will be saved.” You’re not looking for seminary-level answers but for personal, heartfelt faith. A red flag is motivation rooted in peer pressure: “My friends are doing it” or “It seems cool.” Baptism is a response to Jesus—not to social influence.2. Is My Child Following Jesus in Simple, Real Ways?Before baptism, you’ll often see the early signs of discipleship:They pray on their own.They ask spiritual questions.They show simple conviction when they sin.These glimpses of spiritual life point to what Paul describes: “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT. Perfection isn’t the goal—spiritual growth is. If your child shows a tender heart toward God, that’s a meaningful sign.3. Is This Their Decision?A child must want baptism for themselves—not to please a parent or leader. Ask:“Why do YOU want to get baptized?”Scripture encourages personal reflection: “Let each one examine themselves…” 1 Corinthians 11:28 NLT. Listen carefully. Genuine readiness sounds like ownership, not obligation. Celebrate interest, but avoid manufacturing enthusiasm.4. Do They Understand What Baptism Represents?Baptism is a picture of the gospel:Going under water = dying to the old lifeComing out of water = rising with JesusRomans 6:4 (NLT) puts it this way: “We died and were buried with Christ by baptism…” Using simple metaphors helps: a wedding ring, a team jersey, even a before-and-after picture. Kids don’t need complexity—just clarity.What About Age?Scripture never sets an age requirement. What matters is understanding and personal faith. Many churches set practical guidelines (often around age 7–8), not as biblical rules but as markers of typical comprehension. Preschoolers may express sincere love for Jesus yet lack the ability to articulate sin, repentance, or the meaning of baptism. Remember: delay is often discipleship, not denial.What If My Child Isn’t Ready?You are not failing—and your child isn’t behind. Spiritual readiness grows naturally through:Conversations at homeReading Scripture togetherModeling faithShowing grace when they mess upBaptism is a celebration, not a deadline. Trust that God is already working in your child’s heart.When Your Child Is ReadyIf the signs of readiness are clear, take these next steps:Schedule a conversation with a pastor or ministry leader.Let your child share their faith story in their own words.Prepare for the day—invite family, practice their testimony, and celebrate well.A meaningful baptism comes from genuine faith—not pressure, comparison, or hurry.Closing ThoughtBaptism is a beautiful moment, but it’s not the moment that saves. Jesus does that. Your job as a parent is to guide your child patiently, prayerfully, and biblically—and to celebrate joyfully when they’re truly ready to make their faith public.

Parents are called to create an environment of love for their kids – even when they’re teens! But how the heck do you pull it off? In this episode we share 8 helpful tips.--The PursueGOD Family podcast helps you think biblically about marriage and parenting. Join Bryan and Tracy Dwyer on Wednesday mornings for new topics every week or two. Find resources to talk about these episodes at pursueGOD.org/family.Help others go "full circle" as a follower of Jesus through our 12-week Pursuit series.Click here to learn more about how to use these resources at home, with a small group, or in a one-on-one discipleship relationship.Got questions or want to leave a note? Email us at [email protected] Now --Parents are called to create an environment of love for their kids – even when they’re teens! But how the heck do you pull it off? Here are 8 tips:1. Communicate openly: Encourage your teenagers to express their thoughts and feelings. Listen actively, without judgment, and create a safe and non-critical space for them to share. 2. Be empathetic: Try to understand their perspective, even if you don't agree with it. Empathizing with their emotions and experiences helps build trust and a strong emotional connection.3. Respect their autonomy: Adolescents are seeking independence and control over their lives. Give them opportunities to make decisions, and let them learn from their choices, even if it means making mistakes. Related: The Fundamental Law of Parenting4. Set clear boundaries: While respecting their autonomy, establish clear rules and expectations. Boundaries provide a sense of security and structure, helping teenagers understand limits and consequences. Related: Boundaries (Series)5. Be a role model: Adolescents often learn by observing their parents or caregivers. Be the kind of person you want your teenagers to become, demonstrating values like kindness, responsibility, and respect.6. Encourage their interests: Support your teens in pursuing their hobbies and passions. Show interest in their activities and provide resources or opportunities to help them develop their skills and talents.7. Offer guidance, not lectures: Instead of lecturing or giving constant advice, ask open-ended questions to help them think critically about their choices. Encourage them to problem-solve and make informed decisions.8. Show unconditional love: Let your teenagers know that you love them even when you disagree with their choices. When discipline is required, do it in love. Related: Discipline with LoveRemember that each teenager is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Flexibility and adaptability in your approach are key. Keep Proverbs 22:6 in mind when it comes to Christian parenting: Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Most importantly, point them to Jesus. Discussion:1. What's the most challenging thing about raising teenagers? Give an example.2. Do you have any "house rules" that you think work well in keeping the peace and ensuring your teenagers stay on track?3. Teenagers often make choices that make us scratch our heads. How do you deal with situations where you disagree with your teen's choices?4. How do you navigate the whole tech and social media scene with your teenagers? What grade would you give yourself on it?5. What's your go-to activity for bonding with your teenagers? What do you like to do to hang out and connect with them?6. Read Proverbs 22:6. How does this make Christian parenting different from secular parenting?Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

Your teenager doesn't have a normal brain... not yet, at least! And that will affect how you parent them. In today's episode we give four more tips to help parents survive the teenage years. Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

Being a parent of teens is so challenging. It can feel like a constant game of chess. Teenagers have stronger opinions and peers who influence them so it can get complicated quickly. But parents, we have to be brave. Our teens may think they’re smarter and wiser than we are, but they are still kids. We still have to parent our teens and teach them what’s right and wrong. They may not like us for it all the time but that can’t dissuade us from finishing the job.One of the most common mistakes parents of teens make is trying to be more of  a friend than a disciplinarian. There is a place for a friendship to grow but that’s not our primary role quite yet. This idea is really rooted more in fear than anything else. Many parents are “afraid” to lose their teens so they give in to make them happy. Others compensate for their own childhood woes with controlling parents and think the opposite is the answer. Either way, we still have to lead our kids whether they like it or not. Parents that end up surviving the teen years do it from a place of confidence. You know where you’re leading your teen toward so take charge and blaze the path.There are a few principles that can help you to do just that. It’s what we’ll focus on today and it’s what the PG resources help you to do.Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

Today's topic is for parents of kids of teens out there who are frustrated. They feel like they're not sure if they're doing a great job. There's a lot of conflict with their teens or even with their kids. We're going to talk today about the failing power tools of parenting. This comes from Paul David Tripp's book called Parenting, 14 Gospel Principles that can radically change your family. Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

Last week we talked about how reconciliation is possible if both spouses are willing to work hard and fight for a healthy marriage. We also said that both spouses have different roles to play. Today we’re addressing the spouse who has discovered their spouse has cheated. Even though you may feel hopeless right now, there is a way forward. You can have a future where you trust your spouse again. Today we will talk about some key steps you need to take to be open to that hopeful future.Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

If you've had an affair, it's not too late to change course and save your marriage. Incorporate these five steps to help you think clearly about the direction you should go.Marriage Basics (series)10 Sinful Responses to SinMentioned in this episode:Donate Now

If you found out that your spouse is having an affair, it may feel like all hope is lost but that doesn’t have to be true. Your marriage can be saved, and even strengthened, if you’re both willing to work hard and forgive.Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

We all have that friend who wants to dominate our time or the friend who never initiates plans. It’s frustrating if you don’t have the right expectations and boundaries in place. Today we’re going to describe 4 common dynamics that happen in friendships and how a lack of proper boundaries can lead to hurt and frustration.Compliant - compliant “Whatever you want”We’ve discussed the compliant personality in other episodes. Two compliant friends likely leads to inauthentic friendship. Here’s why. Neither person is honest about their true feelings for fear of hurting the other person. So both say “yes” to plans they don’t want to do. Both end up feeling resentful of the other because they’re doing things they don’t want to do.How do you draw a boundary in this dynamic? Speak up. Be honest when you said yes but meant no. Invite your friend to be honest, too. Make a commitment to not commit to a request for 24 hrs and make sure you really want to do something. If you decide you don’t, say no.Compliant - Controlling (Aggressive) “My way or the highway”This dynamic is the most obvious. You have the compliant just trying to keep the peace and the aggressive dominating and controlling. Even though the compliant is allowing the dynamic, they internally resent it. How do you draw a boundary? Compliant likely needs to be the one to say “enough”. The aggressive is probably clueless because they’ve grown accustomed to getting their way in every relationship. Be clear about how you feel and why it frustrates and say you won’t give into aggressives every wish moving forward. It’s a new negotiation for a different kind of friendship. The compliant needs to take responsibility for their resentment and draw the boundary. The aggressive needs to respect the boundary. Compliant - Controlling (Manipulative) “Help! I need you”The manipulative controller is less obvious than the aggressive but the result is the same-it’s always their way. In this dynamic, the compliant is always rescuing or on call for the manipulative friend. The manipulator doesn’t plan ahead so they often find themselves in a bind due to their lack of planning. The compliant grows tired of being used so they create distance. How do you draw the boundary? Compliant needs to address it. Clearly stating how they feel used by the manipulator and that they aren’t going to be the rescuer every time. Express a desire for a give and take relationship where both serve and help the other. Compliant - non-responsive “I always initiate”Compliant feels like they do all the work in the friendship. They reach out to make plans or to check in. The non-responsive never does that. Compliant feels unimportant. Non-responsive may feel overwhelmed by the compliants need for attention.How do you draw a boundary? Both speak up. Compliant can be honest that they feel undervalued when the other never reaches out or initiates. Non-responsive may need to be honest about their ability to be the kind of friend the other needs. If expectations can’t match, stop forcing the friendship and maybe move on.Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

Every parent wants their kids to grow up to be healthy, independent adults. That doesn’t just magically happen! The work you put in during the parenting years will directly impact the health of your kids. Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

Boundary markers show us where one property ends and another begins. Here’s the paradox: recognizing those markers in marriage will make for a better union, not a more disjointed one. In this lesson we talk about four major areas where healthy couples set up boundary markers.Marriage doesn’t mean you lose your identity or that being one means you have no sense of self. You do! You should! Conflict in marriage often comes when one infringes on the other’s boundaries and tries to control the spouse. Or when we make our spouse responsible for our feelings or meeting our unspoken desires.How You FeelYour spouse can’t control how you feel. That’s on you. You are responsible for your emotions and you have to be brave enough to articulate them to your spouse. (Law of Responsibility)You can express how your spouse’s actions affect you but your angry outburst or silent punishment is your choice.Steady Eddie vs Roller CoasterYou don’t need to run cover for your spouse’s moodiness or angry outbursts. They are responsible for their own actions. And, we need to loving confront our spouse when they are manipulative or toxic.The doormat (compliant) vs. The bulldozer (controller)What You ExpectThe Law of exposure says you need to voice your desires and needs so your spouse can get on the same page. Your spouse can’t read your mind so you have to share your expectations and be ready to compromise. The vault vs. the over-sharerYou can’t punish your spouse for unwritten rules. The Work You DoYou can’t do everything for everyone, so be honest with your spouse about your limitations.Go-getter vs. Video-gamerThe people pleaserYour Time TogetherYou don’t have to spend all your time together. It’s okay to ask for some free time.It’s good to have personal hobbies apart from your spouse.. It’s okay to enjoy time apart. Being one doesn’t mean you lose all sense of self.Introvert vs. ExtrovertThe TakeawayBoundary markers show us where one property ends and another begins. Here’s the paradox: recognizing those markers in marriage will make for a better union, not a more disjointed one. It takes two people with tender, responsive hearts to make a marriage great. https://www.pursuegod.org/boundaries-in-marriage/

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are well-known authors and psychologists who have written extensively about boundaries and personal growth. They have outlined ten laws of boundaries to help individuals establish and maintain healthy relationships. Here is a summary of those laws (Chapter 5 in their book):Law #1: The Law of Sowing and ReapingThe Law of Sowing and Reaping states that you reap what you sow. In other words, the choices you make today will have consequences in the future. If you sow healthy boundaries today, you'll reap the benefits of those boundaries in the future. Don’t be codependent and protect people from the consequences of their choices.Galatians 6:7 Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. 8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.Law #2: The Law of ResponsibilityThe Law of Responsibility states that you're responsible for your own life and well-being. This means that you're responsible for setting and maintaining your own boundaries. “Love one another, don’t be on another.” We can’t make someone else change.Law #3: The Law of PowerThe Law of Power states that you have the power to control your own life and set your own boundaries. You don't have to let others control you or dictate your choices.Law #4: The Law of RespectThe Law of Respect states that you should respect the boundaries of others, just as you want them to respect your boundaries. This means that you should be mindful of other people's needs and feelings when setting your own boundaries.Matt 7:12 Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.Law #5: The Law of MotivationThe Law of Motivation states that your boundaries should be motivated by love, not fear or anger. When you set boundaries out of fear or anger, they're less likely to be effective in the long run. Can’t be motivated by fear of rejection or hurting someone’s feelings with your boundaries. “Freedom first. Service second”. Some people give and give trying to stay in the good graces of others. It just doesn’t work over time. You grow resentful.Law #6: The Law of EvaluationThe Law of Evaluation states that you should regularly evaluate your boundaries to make sure they're still serving you. Boundaries should be flexible and adaptable, not rigid and unchanging.Eph 4:15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.Law #7: The Law of ProactivityThe Law of Proactivity states that you should be proactive in setting your own boundaries, rather than waiting for others to set them for you. This means taking ownership of your life and being assertive when necessary.Law #8: The Law of EnvyThe Law of Envy states that you shouldn't compare yourself to others or envy their boundaries. Everyone's situation is unique, and what works for someone else may not work for you. Rather than wasting energy on wishing you had what someone else has, be proactive and make the changes necessary to have those things. Law #9: The Law of ActivityThe Law of Activity states that you should be actively working to establish and maintain your boundaries. Boundaries require effort and attention to be effective.2 Tim 1:17 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.Law #10: The Law of ExposureThe Law of Exposure states that you should be open and honest about your boundaries with others. This means communicating your needs and expectations clearly and respectfully.Mentioned in this episode:Donate Now

Boundaries play a vital role in our lives, defining the limits of our identity and creating a sense of ownership. In this episode we explore the significance of boundaries as discussed in the book "Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. From the different types of boundary conflicts to the stages of boundary development, we will delve into the intricacies of this crucial aspect of our relationships and personal growth.

In today's episode Bryan and Tracy discuss "vulnerable narcissism" - a sense of superiority and inflated self importance in order to hide deep wounds of inferiority and fear of rejection. Like an addict, narcissists feed on the supply of affirmation and attention to feed their ego. When that ego is threatened, narcissists go on the attack in order to protect themselves from being “found out” or faced with the reality they fear most-they aren’t good enough.Click here for the Boundaries series.Five Things about Vulnerable Narcissism: Core Features: Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by a combination of narcissistic traits and a tendency towards vulnerability and insecurity. Individuals with vulnerable narcissism may display self-centeredness, entitlement, and a constant need for validation and admiration, while also experiencing significant self-doubt, hypersensitivity to criticism, and feelings of shame or inadequacy.Mask of Fragility: Vulnerable narcissists often present themselves as fragile and sensitive individuals who require special attention and care. They may appear modest or self-effacing on the surface, but underneath, they harbor a deep-seated need for constant affirmation and reassurance. This mask of fragility can be manipulative, as it elicits sympathy and support from others while maintaining a sense of superiority.Avoidant Coping: Vulnerable narcissists employ various coping mechanisms to protect their fragile self-esteem. They may engage in avoidance strategies such as social withdrawal, passive-aggressive behavior, or excessive fantasizing to shield themselves from potential threats to their self-image. These individuals may struggle with criticism or failure, often perceiving them as personal attacks rather than opportunities for growth.Covert Grandiosity: Unlike the overt grandiosity commonly associated with classic or grandiose narcissism, vulnerable narcissists manifest their grandiose fantasies and desires in a more covert manner. They may engage in daydreaming, idealizing others, or seeking special treatment while downplaying their own accomplishments or achievements. This covert grandiosity serves to preserve their fragile self-esteem and maintain a sense of superiority without drawing attention to themselves.Relationship Dynamics: In interpersonal relationships, vulnerable narcissists often seek out individuals who can provide them with the constant validation they crave. They may become dependent on others for emotional support and have difficulty empathizing with their partner's needs. This can lead to a cycle of idealization and devaluation, as vulnerable narcissists oscillate between adoration and resentment when their expectations are not met. Ultimately, these relationship dynamics can be challenging and emotionally draining for both parties involved.

Join Bryan and Tracy in this frank conversation about dealing with weird sexual thoughts, a topic covered in the student section of pursueGOD.org (click here for student topic). While it may be uncomfortable, it's crucial for parents to have this conversation with their children. They discuss personal experiences and the importance of creating a safe space for kids to discuss their thoughts without judgment or panic. The podcast also highlights three key talking points for parents: letting God's truth define their children, taking wrong thoughts captive and aligning them with Jesus, and encouraging regular Bible reading to counter societal influences. The episode emphasizes the need for parents to equip themselves with a biblical worldview on gender and sexuality before addressing these topics with their kids. Tune in to gain insights on how to navigate these conversations with love and clarity.

Every kid – even the most challenging ones – need and deserve affirmation.The Power of Words Think about things people have said to you-both positive and negative things. How did those words impact you?Our words have power. We need to use them wisely in every relationship, but especially with our kids. Q1. Describe the “love” climate in your home growing up (affectionate/affirming or cold/distant?) How have those family dynamics affected the way you express love to your kids?Talking Points:God the Father spoke publicly about the Son twice in the gospel of Matthew. Both times it was to affirm him. Matthew 3:17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”Matthew 17:5 But even as he spoke, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy. Listen to him.”If the perfect Son of God received words of affirmation from his Father, how much more do our imperfect kids need affirmation from their parents? Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 16:24, Ephesians 4:324 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.24 Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.Every kid – even the most challenging ones – need and deserve affirmation.In our last principle, we learned about the importance of loving discipline. But we need to be careful that we don’t stay constantly in the state of correction with our kids. They need positive interactions as well. They need to hear affirming things about who they are. As parents, we need to pull ourselves out of “critical” mode focusing only on the things we want to change in our kids and spend time celebrating how God created them as special, unique  humans who sometimes drive us crazy!Remember the 3 B's:Be intentional.Be authentic.Be unique.Q5. What does it look like for you to be intentional with affirmation moving forward? Identify three unique traits for each of your kids that you will work to affirm more.Use the 3 T's of Praise:Talk: use your words to speak love and praise over your kids.Time: spend time with your kids and show them that they are a priority to you.Touch: show affection to your kids.Q8. Are you familiar with the 5 love languages? What would you guess is your kid’s language? How can knowing their language help you to love them more?

There’s an ancient parenting paradox: those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Proverbs 13:24Proverbs 13:24 says “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.Share about how discipline worked in our homes growing upShare how we’ve disciplined our kiddosSpanking? “Mommy spank vs. daddy spank” , spank SaturdayWriting letters explaining where they were wrong (teenagers)Contrary to popular opinion, there is such a thing as right and wrong. It’s the parent’s job to teach this in the home. Proverbs 22:6, 2 Timothy 3:16-17Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.Parents have a responsibility to train and to teach. Contrary to our culture, there is such a thing as right and wrong and parents need to teach their kids what those things are. But the manner in which we teach and train matters.Parenting PrincipleThat’s why our second Parenting Principle is: discipline with love. Loving discipline turns your child’s heart toward God. First they learn to honor you; later they’ll learn to honor God. Hebrews 12:11The 3 C’s of loving discipline:Clear: establish clear rules and expectations and the consequences for each.Consistent: follow through every time a rule is broken.Corrective: consequences should deter them from making the same mistake again.

If you want to lead your kids to the promised land, follow the timeless advice of Moses to parents and grandparents. The first principle is simple: put God first.Standing at the edge of the promised land, Moses gave a speech specifically for parents and grandparents (pretty incredible)We’ll get to his words soon enough, but first let’s define the “parenting promised land” (goal of every Christian parent) - to raise healthy kids who leave the home and love Jesus on their own.We meet too many parents who grieve over the decisions of their kids - and it’s getting harder than ever to parent. So this goes out to parents with young children at home - you can do this, but start early!!!Parenting PrincipleParenting is like everything else in life: if you put God first, the rest of it falls into place. That’s why our first Parenting Principle is: put God first. Before you can teach your kids about God, you need to know Him yourself. Where does God fall in your list of priorities?Deuteronomy 5:7-21,33 7 “You must not have any other god but me. 8 “You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind, or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. 9 You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. 10 But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those[b] who love me and obey my commands. What “idols” do you have?Money/StuffSports What drives us to spend so much time and money on sports? Is it for our own egos? What about that recreational vehicle or costly trips? Do we justify that over God because “we deserve it”Matthew 6:33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.The fifth commandmentThe command to obey applies to both parents and kids: parents obey God and kids obey parents. The fifth commandment (honor your parents) serves as a bridge between the “love God” and “love people” commandments. No god but meNo idolsDon’t misuse God’s nameObserve the Sabbath16 “Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you.    Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Don’t murderDon’t commit adulteryDon’t stealDon’t testify falselyDon’t covetAre you modeling obedience to God in your own life? Do your kids see you living according to a biblical worldview? If you model a heart of obedience to God, your kids will learn to have a heart of obedience, too. First to your rules but as they grow older, to God’s rules.Deuteronomy 6:1-3, “These are the commands, decrees, and regulations that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you. You must obey them in the land you are about to enter and occupy, 2 and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life. 3 Listen closely, Israel, and be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you, and you will have many children in the land flowing with milk and honey, just as the Lord, the God of your ancestors, promised you.Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord,[a] for this is the right thing to do. 2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”Every part of our livesWholehearted obedience should impact every part of our lives – both personally and as a family unit. Learn to practice spiritual disciplines like prayer, Bible reading, and family time. Deuteronomy 6:4-7What do you as parents model for your kids about your time?Do they see you read the Bible or pray? Do they hear you talk about decisions running it through a biblical grid? Do they see you sacrifice time, money and talents for God?The foundation of your family matters. If God is first, every decision flows from that mindset. If God is second or fourth, your decisions will lead you closer to the things with the higher priority and away from God.As you show obedience to God, your kids will learn to obey you and ultimately God.

Show NotesLove and trust are great, but without the practical skill of good communication, your marriage might not go the distance.Healthy Couples Fight RightHealthy couples keep talking, even when it leads to conflict. Fighting is good and helpful if you do it the right way. Ephesians 4:29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.The goal isn’t to never fight. In fact when couples say that, alarm bells go off for me. Passion brings emotions. Investing in your marriage means  engaging with each other in real ways. Fighting for something means you care about it.Fight LanguagesAvoid the three unhealthy “Fight Languages”: escalation, withdrawal, and invalidation. These habits become the issues that derail you from talking about the issue you’re trying to solve.Healthy Skills for communicationHealthy communicators use “I feel…because” statements instead of pointing fingers at their spouse. Learn to be an active listener and work together to find solutions.

If you want a life-long marriage, trust is essential. It's not something that can be freely given, but must be earned every day. Learn how forgiveness and hard work can help build and restore trust in your marriage.Shownotes:Three pillars of a great marriage. Choosing love (pillar 1) will lead to a life-long marriage, but it'll feel like bondage without a daily commitment to the second pillar: earning trust.We all have examples of people who we can’t trust.Shares info you asked them to keep confidentialPerson doesn’t show up on time for meetingsOver-emotional at times so hard to know what version you getOutright liesUnmet needs even when we’ve expressed themIt’s even more devastating when it happens in marriage. The person who is supposed to love you the most has betrayed you in some way. In order to really understand the importance of trust, let’s begin with a definition.Defining TrustTrust is relying on the integrity or ability of another person. Your ability to truly trust someone is based on their character, not yours. Deuteronomy 7:9 Understand, therefore, that the Lord your God is indeed God. He is the faithful God who keeps his covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands. My example with the hot dog situation.Trust is often misunderstood. Trust can be a “you” issue (if you have a history of abuse/abandonment you may be untrusting even if someone has proven to be trustworthy). Usually, though, trust is about the other person, their character.The mistake people make is giving away trust without making sure the other person is trustworthy. That’s why the emphasis is on the character of the other person.Trust is paramount to a healthy marriage. Healthy couples understand that trust is an ongoing endeavor. That’s why our second principle is thisTrust Is EarnedTrust is earned, not freely given. That’s why every spouse needs to work hard to earn trust from their spouse everyday. Think about trust like a bank account. How does it work with money? Deposits build up our account. Withdrawals deplete it. Same with trust. Every word, action either builds trust (deposits) or depletes it.Characteristics of TrustMeasurableGood news. You can measure if trust is working in your relationship and there are concrete things you can do to earn it back when it’s lost.Measurable part is important to unpack. Here are some examples of measurable things that can be done to earn more trust.Money issues: ask spouse to keep receipts and track with a budget.Porn: get software that tracks searches, get in a group for accountability, give passwords to spouseInfidelity: be on phone when it’s broken off. Give spouse access to your phone, tracking etc.Follow through: create a “to do list”, plan out a time budget etc.When you fail, confess promptlyAll of those things are measurable actions that your spouse can say “You’re doing those things! I can trust you more” or “You aren’t doing those things so I still don’t trust you.”Building trust happens slowly over time, like building up a savings account.Trust is reactive… We’ve already talked about the reactive part. Give trust as someone earns it. Trust vs ForgivenessTrust is reactive, but forgiveness is proactive. Extending forgiveness opens the door to restoring broken trust. Colossians 3:12-13 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

The first pillar for a healthy, lifelong marriage is to choose love. If you're working from a faulty definition of love, your marriage won’t go the distance.Stats on Marriage and Divorce:In 2022, expect the divorce rate to be at least 44.2%. This is based on a marriage rate of 6.1 people per 1,000 total population and a divorce rate of 2.7 people per 1,000 total population.Usually, second or third marriages in the United States have a higher divorcerate: 60% of second marriages and about 73% of third marriages end in divorce.Couples going through their first divorce are around the age of 30. Married couples between the ages of 20 to 25 are 60% likely to get a divorce.Ethnicity is one of the notable predictors of divorce. For instance, Asian Americans have traditionally shown the lowest divorce rates of all other races. Currently, it's 12.4 divorces per 1,000 people, with at least one divorce for 18% of Asian American women and 16% of men.India has one of the lowest divorce rates globally, estimated to be around 1.1%Love in Pop CultureModern culture depicts love as a feeling that comes and goes. Many couples use this unrealistic standard to measure the quality of love in their marriage. According to the 2019 Survey of U.S. adults, the most common reasons to get married are:Love – 90%Companionship – 66%Commitment – 63%The desire to have children – 31%Finances – 13%Legal rights and benefits –10%Pregnancy – 6%Examples in popular culture: The Notebook - forbidden love, root for the affair The Titanic - Spanglish - surprising that the guy made the right choice!The Office- Jim and PamThe Principle: Love is a ChoiceThe Bible paints a different picture for marital love: Love is a choice, not just a feeling. Make two lists: (1) good feelings you’ve felt in your marriage (2) bad feelings you’ve felt in your marriage. How have feelings affected your marriage, positively and negatively?Love is based on a promise and is represented by our marriage vows. Mark 10:2-9, Proverbs 20:25Proverbs 20:25 (NLT) Don’t trap yourself by making a rash promise to God and only later counting the cost.Looking back, do you think you understood the commitment you were making on your wedding day? What promises have proven hardest to keep?Mark 10:2-9 (NLT) Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”“Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”The 5 Love Languages: The point is to choose to speak your spouse’s language!Words of affirmation: Physical touch: Acts of service:Gift giving: Quality time:The Ultimate AnalogyThe ultimate analogy for love is how Christ loves his church. He gave up his life for his “bride” even though he didn’t feel like it. Ephesians 5:25-27Ephesians 5:25-27 (NLT) For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. Holy = “set apart” from all other relationships: yourself, friends, your parents, your kids, and anyone from the opposite sex. Also your job, your hobbies, etc.What would your spouse say you need to do to set the marriage apart more?