The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise

Finally, the boys bring you a new Episode! This time it's the 1974 drive-in hit, "Macon County Line," which once you see it, you'll say, "Well...it was 1974." This hicksploitation classic has everything you want in a drive-in movie, and quite a few minutes of stuff you don't. Jethro Bodine himself, Max Baer, Jr., is the Sheriff in Macon County, and he's also the co-writer of the movie. I won't tell you much before you listen to the episode or see the film, but know it's not going to be an animated Disney classic anytime soon. Several recognizable character actors are in the movie, including the great Geoffrey Lewis. The boys talk about all this, and how it wasn't quite what they thought it would be.

The Turkish Diplomats are back, but this time it's a double feature! It's two movies in one show, so you know the time mismanagement is strong with this one. First up, Tom, Calvin, and Paul tackle the 1976 Ron Howard vehicle (literally) called "Eat My Dust," followed by the 1971 Florida monster flick no one can spell called "ZAAT." Our first movie is about a kid who steals a race car, angers his dad who is also the county sheriff, nearly murders a couple of dozen spectators, and somehow evades dozens of police and prison. The second movie is about how a really bitter scientist with an apparent fish fetish transforms himself into a monster, murders rivals and anyone else in his way, kidnaps beautiful sunbathers to make his own seafood spouse, and creates a Superfund site in the middle of the Florida wetlands. Both are bad, but in their own way, and the boys try to make sense of all this for you, dear listeners. As always, this show is available on most of the finest podcast platforms, and also available on the Turkish Diplomats channel on YouTube.

The Turkish Diplomats are back, and we have reviewed a movie to create what can be described as audio! Only Tom, Calvin, and Paul love you enough to review movies out of any semblance of order, so this episode is on the movie "The Big Doll House," another women's prison escape movie set in the Phillipines. This came out a couple of years before "Black Mama, White Mama" which was also directed by Jack Hill, and also starred Pam Grier and Sid Haig. The difference between the two is, unfortunately, that they made a far better movie with their next outing. Still, there's shootouts, violence, torture, inappropriate sexual overtones, drugs, and humidity, and it just gets better from there! Remember, we are on all the big services, like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and even YouTube (and a couple of others that slip my mind). Don't forget to check out our Facebook page and our website for all things Turkish Diplomattilicious.

Greetings! The boys from Charming Noise are back with a movie that is both terrifying and cringe-inducing. We could only be describing "I Dismember Mama" from 1972, also known as "Poor Albert & Little Annie." Albert has, let's call them issues, and ends up institutionalized just because he tried matricide once. Unfortunately, therapy has not helped much, and he escapes and heads home to finish off mama. She's not there, but...well, it gets bad. It's got murders, sure, and then a long section where he grooms one of his victim's daughters. That's right, you do not want to see this movie. But we have, and are willing to convey our displeasure with hilarity and a bit of therapy.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – AND POSSIBLY PAROLE The Turkish Diplomats Present: Charming Noise Next Episode – “Black Mama, White Mama”: Pam Grier, Chains, and Mid-Jungle Mayhem Hold onto your polyester, kids—because the Turkish Diplomats are back, and this time we’re handcuffed to 1973’s Black Mama White Mama, a film that asks the timeless question: “What if The Defiant Ones had more cleavage, a flamethrower, and a funk soundtrack?” Starring the indestructible Pam Grier and her very sweaty co-star Margaret Markov, this explosive romp through revolution, bathhouse brawls, and jungle justice gets the full diplomatic treatment in our next Charming Noise episode. It’s social commentary with a side of gunfire, smuggled cash, and an evil nun who probably missed her calling in Bond villainy. Coming soon to Podbean, Spotify, Apple, iHeartRadio, and anywhere fine podcasts flee the authorities. Subscribe now, or risk solitary confinement with nothing but a VHS copy and no tracking button.

The boys are back with a new episode of The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise! This time, we subjected ourselves to the 1972 drive-in classic Frogs. This one has some genuine stars of the screen, including Joan Van Ark, Ray Milland, and Sam Elliott. We have confirmed it is him although the mustache is not present in this film. Basically it's a warning not to throw Sevin dust or giant canisters of "No More Amphibians" around your island. Sam meets a wealthy family fighting with each other for the wealthy Grandpa's attention, yet all the animals yearn for their demise. Will any survive? Will Joan and Sam become an item? Will Sam take off his shirt? Yeah, you know that last one is true.

Incoming madness! The Turkish Diplomats are diving headfirst into Empire of the Ants (1977), a film that dares to mix real estate fraud, toxic waste, and *giant mind-controlling ants**—all with the sheer audacity of 70s B-movie insanity. Joan Collins tries to survive, but will we? Tune in soon for our latest episode of *Charming Noise, where we unravel this glorious disaster—coming soon on Podbean, Spotify, Apple, and now *iHeart Radio*! #CharmingNoise #EmpireOfTheAnts #BadMovieGold

By God, the boys have finally posted the first episode of a new season! Yes Season 3, Episode 1 of the Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise is finally live. In this extra-long very special episode, Tom, Calvin, and Paul review what some have referred to as "a movie." From 1958, "She Demons" by B-movie director Richard Cunha provides the fodder for the boys to nearly talk longer than the actual movie. There's a lot to check out...hurricanes, shipwrecks, mild but pervasive racism, barely-clothed dance troupes, and that's before the Nazis show up! Then there's a laboratory, an unlikely love story, underground laboratories, monster ladies, German geothermal energy exploitation, and maybe a nuclear bomb! Speaking of a bomb, that may be what this movie is, but you'll have to listen to find out. We're on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, TuneIn, and YouTube, or you can check out our website at www.turkishdiplomats.com.  

Greetings! Tom, Calvin and Paul take on another Italian sci-fi masterpiece...well, it is a piece, for sure. The film is 1979's "Star Odyssey," originally released as "Sette uomini d'oro nello spazio," or "Seven Golden Men in Space," which really has nothing to do with the plot, if that's what we can call it. This is a cheap Star Wars ripoff, and the exploitation for profit is so heavy that one video release is called "Metallica." Basically, Earth is under attack by a bad guy with a bunch of evil robots who want to enslave mankind, but this ragtag group from Earth, especially our hero, Hollywood, are going to do what they can to stop him. Of course, the subplot that will cut through everything is the love story of two robots on the side defending our planet. Worry not, they will not consummate their love on-screen, and they even explain why. Obviously, the boys have commentary you don't want to miss, so enjoy the show, if you dare.

This is a dilly of an episode. The Turkish Diplomats (Tom, Calvin, and Paul) are joined by our first guest ever on the pod, our friend Ronnie Kroepfl on a very special Charming Noise. She's Tom's wife and a longtime Bad Movie Night aficionado, so it's a treat to have her on. This is a double episode because we have plenty to talk about. We review and fan out over one of our favorite movies of all time, the 1970 Al Adamson classic "Horror of the Blood Monsters." The boys have always referred to it by the name "Vampire Cavemen of the Lost Planet" because we first saw it on USA Network under that name. Don't worry if you don't know it, because there are about a dozen more names used in various releases. This has everything a bad movie needs, including John Carradine and footage borrowed from a Filipino caveman monster movie. Need I say more?  Remember, you can subscribe to our show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and YouTube. Also, check out our website at https://turkishdiplomats.com/. 

Never fear, as Tom, Calvin, and Paul, a.k.a. The Turkish Diplomats, have returned to mess up your world with a new episode. Today, we talk about "Star Pilot," an Italian production from 1966. This has everything the boys love, which means it's an enjoyably bad movie. We are noting some patterns with Italian sci-fi this season, including the fact that once one of our representative astronauts lays a little earth sugar on an alien, hostilities are going to come to an end. Also, Italian film production made generous use of borrowing whole scenes from other movies. The digital transfer we saw on Tube even grabs footage from a movie made with Casey Kasem ten years after it was shot! By the way, if aliens come to earth for repairs, where do they go? London? New York? Paris? Nope, they go to Sardinia.    As always, we encourage you to subscribe to our podcast. We're on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and you can even listen to us on YouTube!

The Turkish Diplomats (Tom, Calvin, and Paul) are back with an episode featuring the 1985 space monster thriller "Biohazard." This season, the boys have been pursuing films with the theme "Science in space gone bad." Well, you can't get a lot worse than this, especially when the actual tagline for the movie art in one of the video releases was "Science gone very, very bad." There's a lady who has mind powers of some sort or another, and during poorly conducted experiments by a science guy accidentally imports killer aliens to earth, including one played by the director's five-year-old kid. Arguably, he's the best actor. Don't miss this episode. And don't forget you can catch our podcast on Spotify, TuneIn, Apple Podcasts, and even YouTube. 

Crikey! This week, the boys have gone down under, and I don't mean in the way that got them crossways with the local constable. No, I mean they are reviewing the 2021 Australian production of "Astro Loco." Basically, there's this ship, right, and it's flying to one of Jupiter's moons, and...well, you can hear Tom, Calvin, and Paul discuss hot Russians, traditional effects, and just which movie is being ripped off depending where you are in the movie. The future is so bright, it has to avoid wallaby droppings!

Well, after far too long, Tom, Calvin, and Paul present their latest review, this time for a 1967 German-Italo production, Mission Stardust. This movie is based on the Perry Rhodan series of science fiction novels, so if you are a fan of those, this movie is for you. Actually, if you're an enemy of those, this movie may be for you, because we can't imagine this being a good adaptation of anything. It's got everything you want in a movie...unjustifiable death, evil, levitating jeeps, inter-species sex, space leukemia, secret labs in Mombassa, weird normalization of 20th century colonialism...it's in there! 

Okay, Episode 4 is up, and it's "The Astro Zombies." But didn't you guys (Tom, Calvin, and Paul) do that episode the other day? No, we did one of its apparently many follow-ups. This is the original Ted V. Mikel's classic (?!) from 1968. It's actually not a horrible movie. In fact, I think the boys rather enjoyed it. Does that mean it's good? No, no of course not, but it does have John Carradine, Wendell Corey at his funniest, and the alluring Tura Satana. Nobody has to hold her up this time! Don't miss this fascinating episode, and don't forget to subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, TuneIn, and/or our YouTube Channel. We've got a lot of good stuff coming out soon, so stay tuned. Oh, like our new logo? Tom did it! Well, Tom and AI. I think it's dandy.

That's right, kiddos. If you listened to the last episode, by federal law you have to listen to this one as well, because the boys weren't finished talking about this movie. That's how much was wrong with it. So, enjoy the second volume of our two-parter "Mark of the Astro Zombies." Once again, no one named Mark is in this movie. Weird.  Also, you can still subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and TuneIn. You can also listen to our episodes now on good ole' YouTube. Just search for "The Turkish Diplomats," or go to https://youtube.com/@theturkishdiplomats-km2nz?si=ZRxfAN0qL2O4KrYm.

Yes, it's the return of the Turkish Diplomats as they take a turn at the 2002 direct-to-dustbin "Mark of the Astro-Zombies." This is a "reimagining" of the director's original film "The Astro Zombies" made in 1968 with some members of the original cast, including himself and Tura Satana. We plan to watch the original next, if for nothing else that it may help burn out the memory of seeing this movie. There's so much wrongness to talk about that we ended up making a Part 2 which we'll post in a few days. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, TuneIn, or Spotify. Also, our podcasts are now available on YouTube as well on the Turkish Diplomats channel. 

Well, well, well...The Turkish Diplomats, a.k.a. Tom, Calvin, and Paul, have begun a second season of Charming Noise! This season, the theme is Space Science Gone Wrong! I know, I too am intrigued, and you'll be intrigued with our first episode based on the 1981 movie, "Inseminoid." This dangerously British movie is sort of like Alien on a BBC budget before they realized Dr. Who might be a hit. Scientists are working in a lab on a distant planet (not that there are any close ones). One of them is attacked by some creature outside the station and impregnated. She then goes coo-coo, and starts killing off her comrades. Things happen quickly, and if you can keep up with all the characters, you should consider getting your own podcast, because it was a challenge for our hosts.  We are available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, TuneIn, and Spotify, and this season our podcast will also be on YouTube! That's right, the boys have their own channel now. 

In the last episode of this season, our intrepid heroes review the 2006 direct to something film "Bigfoot." This movie is a bit of a conundrum, in that we can't find out much about it. It was made by a guy named Bob Gray, and the film is officially a Troma release, though they really had little to do with it, which is probably fine by them. Actually, there's not a lot that makes sense in this movie, but there are some enjoyable scenes. In fact, Old Man Hobson is the real hero of this movie, and has the best scene by far. Jack, the intended hero, is not terribly bright, and the more you hear about him the more you wonder why anyone would listen to him. You can find out about both of them by watching the movie, or you can save your time and listen to the Turkish Diplomats and their fine insight.

Okay, this may be a little confusing. The Turkish Diplomats have reviewed a sequel and not the original simply because it's just not easily found. But don't worry, it would have even wasted more of our lives had we seen Part 1. Let's just call it "What Happens" so I don't have to write out this freakin' title again. It is a Bigfoot horror movie in that there is a Bigfoot, and the movie is horrible. Folks, listen to this podcast, which at 35 minutes is a far better waste of your time than this movie. We have plenty to talk about, regardless. I would summarize the plot, but there isn't one. There isn't even a real story arc to mention, but this thing still has multiple shooting locations across three states! Thank god early 2000's Handicams were so portable. At least there's some killin'. 

Here it is, Part 2 of the Turkish Diplomats trying to work out their childhood traumas via explanation of the film "Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper." Seriously, Tom, Calvin, and Paul could have talked another episode or two about this movie, but at some point one has to move on and embrace the future with hope and dignity. Or, in this case, we probably all needed to go to the bathroom. We tell you what happened to Morgan, we describe the big hunt, we talk about killin', and finally we get to what may be the greatest fight scene in the history of cinema, or at least that we've seen in a Bigfoot movie. What happens with D.B. Cooper? Trust me, it's a plot development we didn't see coming, but we'll tell you in this episode.

Wow. This movie was so good at being godawful, we couldn't stop talking about it. Join Tom, Calvin, and Paul discuss one for the record books, a film called "Bigfoot vs DB Cooper." We had so much to talk about we had to make two episodes. We could have made more. Many more. This movie's got everything...hijackings, cryptids, hunky boys and their not so hunky friend, narrators, turkey hunting, running, pose-offs, gun safety training, more running, and abs, abs, abs! Hell, we even end this episode with a cliff-hanger. I mean, cliff is hung! Never fear, Part 2 will be posted in just a few days. In the meantime, you can subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, TuneIn, and Spotify.

Thomas, Calvin, and Paul review, as best they are able to with their limitations, the 2006 movie "Bigfoot at Holler Creek Canyon." This film does what it can to prove that sex scenes and porn stars don't necessarily make a film sexy. In fact, this film may contribute to Erectile Dysfunction, so listen to this episode and find out if you and your friends can take that chance. The movie stars a cast of actors, and also Ron Jeremy. He plays Ranger Rick, maybe. It's a cryptic horror film as well as a sexy film noir for about, oh, eight or nine minutes, then it goes back to that horror film stuff. Anyway, the boys have fun trying to remember what actually happened, and neither will you.

Tom, Calvin, and Paul review a second movie in a row they have to consider a basically good film. What the hell is the world coming to!? This episode, they are checking out 2006's "The Wild Man of the Navidad." It's got mean-ass Texans, an awful character who dies without anyone finding out how horrible he is, a guy who sends people to their deaths but isn't blamed, moonshine, and of course a...well, let's call him "Bigfootish." Annnndd...this movie has direct ties to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre!" Please enjoy a review of this movie which may be the most Kafkaesque of all Bigfoot flicks.

Yes, that is the name of a movie, and not only that, but a movie the Turkish Diplomats almost feel bad about talking about because it's technically a good movie! Don't worry, the boys have plenty to criticize, starting with the title, but find out what this Sam Elliott (yes, that Sam Elliott) vehicle has to offer. There are plenty of tangents, as always, so no worries they'll actually stay on topic. Did we mention the title? I mean, for the love of all that is holy, that title...

The boys are back with a review of what may be a historical find for their long-term Bad Movie Night operations...a movie that may have reached the bottom of the barrel for bad movies. Check out the discussion, and the apparent revulsion, to a movie that's not only godawful, but may have clones and sequels living in equal craptivity. Meet the movie that may have come closer to breaking The Turkish Diplomats more than any other film they have viewed.

Welcome to the long-anticipated third episode of The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise. It's just Tom and Paul for this outing as they continue their saunter through the world of horrible Bigfoot movies. Listen as they review and discuss the 2016 Hairy Palm d'or winner "Bigfoot vs Zombies."

Welcome to the second episode of "The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise." The boys review one of the first Bigfoot-centered motion pictures, creatively named "Bigfoot." It's a 1970 release starring John Carradine, a couple of Mitchums and Crosbys, and every out-of-work cowboy star still alive at the time. Also, Yamaha motorcycles.

Welcome to the first ever episode of "The Turkish Diplomats Present Charming Noise." This week, Tom, Cal, and Paul review "Bigfoot's Wild Weekend," which is something like a movie, in that it is on some streaming services and runs about as long as a movie. Actually, they will be reviewing Bigfoot-connected movies all season, unless they don't. NOTE: There is some naughty, naughty language, mostly from Paul.