This Is Livin'

"I can do anything!""I am stuck...""I can change.""This is just how it's going to be.""I can do this.""I am the way I am."Which of these statements are correct?Of course, all of them! and depending on what YOU believe, the statements in your head are correct too.

ConditionThoughtFeelingActionResultI learned the CTFAR model when I was going through my overcome pornography training. This model has benefited my life in so many ways, many of which were very unexpected.We cannot change our circumstances, but we can change how we think about them and how we think about them will give us a feeling about that circumstance. We act based off of how we feel and our action produces a result. The results of our life can directly be influenced by our thoughts!Change is hard but is possible and YOU are the only one who can do it for you. Practice this model and watch your life change before your eyes.

How would you show up for yourself in your life if Jesus Christ had just told you He was so proud of you???Bill Annes graciously shares one of the most sacred experiences of his life: His Near Death Experience.In 2011, Bill's health was declining and he ultimately flatlined and died for a short period of time. During this time, Bill went to Heaven and was embraced by the warmth, love and encouragement of Jesus Christ. He was given the option to stay in Heaven or return home to be with and continue to care for his family. Bill is here today to talk about his decision to return to his family and continue living mortal life.In this episode, we are also joined by Bill's wife, Beverly, and his daughter, Megan Carey to help tell this remarkable story.This story is not only intriguing and very interesting but incredibly encouraging. Despite continued challenges (like we all have), Bill is not afraid of death and has an optimistic look on life.Please listen along and share this episode with anyone who is discouraged about their circumstance, decisions and overall outlook on life moving forward.YOU are loved! YOU can change! YOU are favored by The Lord!Thank you Bill, Beverly and Megan for sharing this experience for the benefit of others.

Each one of us gets to determine if our problems define us. Interestingly, problems can create the need for adherence to systems that bring us closer to achieving our purposes and goals. Without “problems”, our brains often create drama, anxiety, or seek out offense.If we notice ourselves drifting through life and creating problems because we are not engaged in a good cause, this is a great sign we should change! Change ourselves. Change our perspective. Change our purpose. Change our goals.Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Is the way we see life a misinterpretation of the truth? Is our view of the world obstructed by sticky notes on the walls of your glass box?I can’t wait to teach the principles of The Glass Box: how your beliefs and stories shape everything you see, and how to peel them off so you can finally see clearly again. How you can deeply understand others by watching them view the world through THEIR OWN GLASS BOX!Today you’ll get reflection questions, practical steps, and a simple daily habit to clear your glass and live with more freedom and clarity.

The moments we take for granted are numbered and there will be an end to each of them someday.If you knew how many times were left to go out on the town with your spouse, call your parents or kiss your kid good night, would you treat those experiences different?Are we building our testimonies on BIG spiritual moments that happen every so often? Of course, these aren’t bad experiences but can we more frequently experience God’s love, guidance and answers to prayers in the LITTLE moments that may seem insignificant? Moments like following a prompting to text a friend, reading a scripture or quote that is encouraging on a tough day or experiencing a kind gesture from a stranger. These moments are everywhere and available to us if we look for them.There is time-maybe not the kind you want but ask yourself “HOW CAN I have these wonderful little moments moving forward?” There’s nothing you can do about the past. How will you treat these small moments as your life goes on?

It is our pleasure to share our conversation with Delight Clark who is also Hayden's MOM! There are many topics, ideas and experiences that we could have discussed but we chose to have Delight share one of her passions in how she helps people today. The DREAM MANAGER is just that. A person who helps manage other people's dreams for them to identify them and break them down into attainable goals and steps.Dylan is currently a member and client of the Dream Manager program and gives some of her perspective and takeaways from how it has blessed her life so far.Our dreams might not be as far away as we think!If we keep an open mind and accept that there are an infinite number of options to our "problems' and "challenges", we can take those necessary first steps towards those dreams that seemed way too big to ever go after.Thank you so much Delight and MOM.Reach out to Delight for The Dream Manager [email protected]

Today we dropped off our little girl atpreschool for the first time—and it hit me. The pride in being her daddy, theoverwhelming love, the ache of letting her go… it all taught me something remarkableabout how our Heavenly Father feels about us. This is a solo reflection on whatfatherhood is teaching me about THE Father.https://open.spotify.com/episode/6HTSY3Fuu2sgXIaKrudNsZ?si=thxfBmSoR6eHVsUP-fyd7whttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/111-john-burke-what-happens-when-we-die/id1492492083?i=1000656128129https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH3eVf0C1QY

We live in a world that labels us by what we’ve done—good or bad. But the truth is, your identity isn’t found in your failures or your highlight reel. In this episode, we open up about the dangers of shame, the trap of performance-based worth, and how to break free from both. Whether you’ve been carrying the weight of your past or chasing your next win to feel “enough,” this conversation is a reminder that your value is unshakable—and it’s not up fordebate. You are not what you’ve done. You are who God says you are.You are a Son or Daughter to loving Heavenly Parents!You are a Brother or Sister to the best big brother, Jesus Christ!

Do you need a vacation from your vacation?Listen along as we jump into the challenge of taking an amazing trip or vacation but then finding yourself in a little bit of a slump in the days or weeks following.How do hormones and "feel good" chemicals play into this and what to do about it!What routines and habits can you build to look forward to when you get back? Not the ones that everyone says you should do but the ones you really REALLY like.Placing things out in the future to look forward to.Addressing relationships that may be a struggle and energy drain.Facing a job that is dreadful and what to about that!Identifying those things that are fulfilling to you in your life.Finally, a mini-challenge for each listener in order to make a softer landing at home when you are coming home from a trip or vacation.Happy summer travels, everyone!

I am thrilled to share my conversation with Travis Webb. Travis has been our marriage therapist for almost 9 years. He has also counseled Dylan and I individually. Through years of learning from counseling others as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Travis answers some of these tough questions about addiction, pornography, environment, phones, victimhood and victim mentality. What is the reason people use pornography? Getting to the root!Is pornography about a past trauma?What do all addictions have in common?How can we change our environment to influence our habits and addictions?How does the brain play into all of this?How social media and phones feed the ADD, ADHD, Anxiety and Depression epidemic.Identifying the intention behind using stimulants. Why are we using them?Why we find reasons to be offended TODAY because of some past trauma or offense.Travis, thank you for sharing what you have learned in your years of helping others through their toughest challenges.

It's easy to find what is GOOD about something when everything seems to be going as planned. But what about when our plans aren't going as we intended or as fast as we would like them to? Can we still ask ourselves "What Is Good About This" in those moments too? And actually find something good??When things seem to be going WRONG, it just means you haven't found what is good about it yet.If we allow ourselves to understand the answers the God can give to us then we can improve in seeing the good in tough situations. These answers can be YES, NO or NOT YET...

Take time this week to really think about and place intention on appreciating the freedom we enjoy and probably take for granted sometimes.

“When we’re attached to outcomes, we can rob ourselves of peace, growth, and joy. True freedom comes when we show up fully—but let go of the need for things to turn out a certain way. Can I get an Amen!”Attachment: “If this doesn’t happen, I’ll feel like a failure.”Detachment: “I did everything I could. The rest isn’t mine to carry.”Am I ATTACHED Assessment:Do I feel anxious or unworthy if this doesn’t go a certain way?Am I obsessively thinking about this outcome?Would I be okay if this didn’t happen?

Here are some of the lessons learned from trying to GET RICH QUICK1. “The world has a beautiful way of showing you where you are wrong” Dan Martell2. Reframing painful financial decisions3. The Law of the Harvest4. “Money makes you more of what you already are” Dave Ramsey5. If money wasn’t an issue, who would you be?6. Calculated Risk vs Blind Shot

Within the span of a few years, our friend Robin has endured some truly challenging trials. His example of how to respond to adversity is inspiring to us—and will inspire many who listen to this interview. • Prostate cancer • An eating disorder • Strokes • A misdiagnosis of Alzheimer’s“God means what He says…”“…so let us mean what we do!”Robin generously shares some of the triumphs he’s experienced with his health, as well as powerful lessons he’s learned and truths that have been reinforced in his life.We can all learn from the way Robin has faced adversity—and we look up to him as an example of one of the many ways to endure life’s challenges with grace and faith.Thank you, Robin!

Are you having a hard time getting what you want? Is there anything you have been skipping over?Today I get to share where in my life I learned this principle of doing what I was capable of in the moment to be able to build up to doing something that I thought was never possible.The BASCIS in any area of life are foundational to the rest of success that can be wanted or expected in that area. Kobe Bryant was a fanatic about doing the basics and had a foundation capable of building a dynasty of Mamba accolades like MVP's and NBA championships.YOU can do this too!Start with what you CAN do.

We can approach our shortcomings and mistakes so much better when we understand whether or not we are experiencing NATURAL CONSEQUENCES or unnecessary PUNISHMENT.Natural consequences can often times be accompanied by the guilt of making wrong choices. That guilt can encourage you to CHANGE and LEARN from your mistakes.But the punishment... self-inflicted or from someone else... can carry a hefty amount of shame. This is shame is unnecessary and unrelated to our shortcomings. This is unhelpful and discouraging.So... DON'T BEAT YOURSLEF UP!You are human!You are going to make lots of mistakes!You are doing your best to be your best and that's enough!

In the middle of feeling alone and betrayed, it was nearly impossible to imagine celebrating a wedding anniversary that wasn’t consumed by the challenges of pornography.For our NINE year wedding anniversary we want to share a message of encouragement!Dylan shares her through these topics…What was your reaction?Did you ever think about leaving?Why did you stay?What does choosing to stay look like TODAY?What would you tell others going through something similar?

CONTENT WARNING:(Though we don't go into explicit detail of sexual abuse, some topics can be difficult to hear.)I (Hayden) am so happy to share a deep and meaningful conversation I had with my aunt, Cindy Stain.After losing her parents in a plane crash, Cindy, along with her five siblings, was orphaned at the age of four. Off to a rocky (understatement) start in life, Cindy had tougher challenges ahead where she would endure ongoing sexual abuse at the age of eight and then completely block it out of her memory as a defense mechanism until it resurfaced in her early 20's.If there was someone who would be allowed to choose victimhood, it would be Cindy. But, she chooses to live her life as a VICTOR and learns from the seemingly insurmountable hand of cards she was dealt. Cindy has turned the events of her early life into fuel to learn about energy work, healing, service to others, massive acceptance and love for others, forgiveness and perhaps the highest vibrating energy frequency I have ever been in proximity to.This episode is filled with incredible perspectives on life and trials as well as encouraging words to those who may have experienced big trauma at some point in their life.Thank you, Cindy, for your time and willingness to share!If you would like to learn more about working with Cindy and/or attending her free seven week course on Universal Principles, reach out to her by emailing her at:[email protected]

Here are the phone notes I took in preparation for recording this episode…-I don’t have it figured out but…-I believe these principles, tools and truths can be applied broadly to habits and addictions generally-This is not a blueprint for everyone but perhaps there is some insight for everyone-Enlightenment vs EmpowermentSome of these insights came from-Sara Brewers program-Talk therapy-Scripture study-Church Talks/BYU Speeches-Podcasts (Sara Brewer, Listen/Learn/Love)-Books (Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, Atomic Habits, The Infinite Atonement)-Had to try hacks to know they can help but aren’t the ultimate solution (phone filters, phone monitoring, accountability partners, sobriety tracking)-Learn about the brain (dopamine, trauma, cravings)-Set Boundaries (I do not scroll, I do not use any social media, clean up music)-Disrupt patterns (stop/drop/breathe, Journal, looking left and right to get brain back online)-Allow room to grow (expect to mess up, process urges)-Complete honesty (Self, Spouse, Family, Church, World)-Help othersTruths I had to accept…-I am loved and valued by God no matter how much I struggle-There is no end to trying, no finish line, I never arrive-I am not a bad person for struggling with pornography-My weaknesses (pornography) are the reasons I turn to and need Jesus Christ-When I allow Jesus Christ into my life, I am strong beyond my own capacity-Even though I haven’t proven it yet, I am capable of change-I am worthy of my life and the life ahead of me

When you are in a difficult moment or period of your life, who is the right person to think of to help get you through that time?The right answer is whoever gets you through it!This is different for everyone and is also going to be different for each difficult circumstance. For example, I (Hayden) ultimately had to choose to remove pornography from my life for MYSELF. Whereas thinking about Tootsie in the middle of a grueling workout, instead of myself, is what gets me through them.We each get to choose the person who we think of that will be the greatest source of inspiration to us through tough times!

CONTENT WARNING:(Though we don't go into explicit details of cases and events, some topics in this episode can be difficult to hear)Megan Carey is one of our dear friends and a helpful, loving member of our neighborhood, church and community.Megan has worked a dedicated career to serving kids and their families during the worst moments of their lives.We are privileged to hear Megan's story of working in Child Welfare and some of her amazing work serving children, teens and their families after cases of abuse of all kinds.Megan shares how doing this important work has challenged her faith and shares the beautiful lessons learned BECAUSE of enduring these challenges.We learn that Megan has a unique lens in which she views the world because of the experiences she has had in her difficult career. Attempting to look through this lens gives us insight into-why others makes the choices they make-how to treat those going through a challenge of their faith-what to do if you are experiencing your own faith challenge-some key takeaways for protecting childrenThis lens isn't always the rosy, comfortable perspective that we grow accustomed to looking through. As difficult as her work has been, Megan has endured through difficult cases because of her commitment to help others.Megan, THANK YOU for a wonderful conversation and for giving a piece of yourself to help others.

CONTENT WARNING:(Though we don't go into explicit details of cases and events, some topics in this episode can be difficult to hear)Megan Carey is one of our dear friends and a helpful, loving member of our neighborhood, church and community.Megan has worked a dedicated career to serving kids and their families during the worst moments of their lives.We are privileged to hear Megan's story of working in Child Welfare and some of her amazing work serving children, teens and their families after cases of abuse of all kinds.Megan shares how doing this important work has challenged her faith and shares the beautiful lessons learned BECAUSE of enduring these challenges.We learn that Megan has a unique lens in which she views the world because of the experiences she has had in her difficult career. Attempting to look through this lens gives us insight into-why others makes the choices they make-how to treat those going through a challenge of their faith-what to do if you are experiencing your own faith challenge-some key takeaways for protecting childrenThis lens isn't always the rosy, comfortable perspective that we grow accustomed to looking through. As difficult as her work has been, Megan has endured through difficult cases because of her commitment to help others.Megan, THANK YOU for a wonderful conversation and for giving a piece of yourself to help others.

Well...it's up to YOU!Join us today in our discussion about happiness.We are excited to reference credible people (in our opinion) who have a track record of being happy themselves and have done masterful work in helping others experience more happiness as well.This was a great opportunity to reflect on the happiest times of our lives and what made them so.Can you be happy despite challenging circumstances?Can THINGS bring us happiness??Thank you for listening to another episode of THIS IS LIVIN'!

In this episode we are excited to talk about principles of time management and the "Time Management Matrix" from the book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.When thinking about your different roles throughout the week, what are some small changes you can make to show up better as that person?Parent, spouse, employee, business owner, sibling, member of a community... these are a few of the roles many of us embrace week to week. Small changes like simply scheduling the time to fulfill some part of one of these roles can be the difference maker and help you be the best you can be in these roles that bless your life and the lives of others.

What does the Devil sound like? Could you identify his voice right now?How much do you let him chirp in year and how often do his comments explode into full blown frantic freight about life and your current situation?Maybe you are having a wonderful day and out of nowhere you began to have ill feelings about someone or something. There is only ONE place that these thoughts come from. Let's learn together how to shut this guy up!In this episode we are sharing more amazing insight from the book "Looking Unto Christ In Every Thought" by Dennis R Deaton.Dennis gives amazing insight into recognizing the voice of the devil as well as tactics to defeating him.

Do you think you are the exception to giving your best effort and controlling your own outcomes?We love you but you are not the exception and neither are we (despite having spent time thinking we were haha).When it comes to our thoughts, we were taught early in our marriage to "pull the weeds and plant the seeds".We have further learned from different sources a model that has helped be the owner of our thoughts and consequential actions.All of the outside factors that we often blame for our circumstances (DNA, upbringing, sex, race, religion, money, etc...) are only factors and not determinants.Listen along as we finally reach what the ONE DETERMINANT is to taking control of your life and shaping outcomes.

We are thrilled to introduce our great friend Kolby Collard!Kolby has been a great friend and resource to us through good times and tough times.One of the great strengths Kolby has is compassion for others through their challenges.Kolby shares about his challenges with alcohol and drug addiction in his early life and provides a lot of encouragement to those who are in similar situations.Listen along as we laugh and cry about this wild experience we call life.Thank you Kolby!

Where do you look for validation?Validation comes in two forms: ACCEPTANCE and APPROVAL.The formula for Connection (which we all seek and need) is VULNERABILITY + VALIDATION = CONNECTIONDoes "venting" to others help you feel better about the issue you are dealing with? Does is it help solve the issue you are venting about? What is the next step we can take, beyond venting, to actually solve our issues AND have the personal connections with others that we crave?What environments should we use extreme caution in while venting and seeking validation?Is all validation good?What is the ultimate form of validation?Listen along for an episode of experiences that explore these questions!

In this episode we talk about some breakthroughs we have had in taking accountability and personal responsibility of our lives and how it has positively impacted those around us.Just like the title says, not everything that has happened to you is your fault, BUT the context we give those events and how we reframe them to serve us is what we want to focus on,Ask yourself, "Who am I being" in every situation. Ask "How can I positively influence the world around me by first influencing the world within me".We can't wait to share this powerful episode with you!

In this episode we go into the separate life coaching that we are both a part of at the moment.Both coaches teach very similar principles and the root is having a happy, fulfilled and balanced life.We break down the different areas of our life and how to approach improving them.Everyone is different and will need more attention in different areas but the approach we are sharing with you can be applied to all of the areas.For example, are you knocking it out of the park with money and your career but want to improve your health, spirituality and relationships?Or are you completely happy and content with home life and leisure but would like to earn extra income to be able to serve and contribute more?We have not mastered the balanced life but are happy to share what we have learned so far!

In this episode we are pleased to introduce Jon Harris! Jon and his family have been amazing friends to our family. We are excited to share our discussion with Jon about personal experiences and discoveries of how to avoid challenging habits in the first place. Some of these discoveries have come from scripture, modern revelation and learning from personal experiences. This is another great episode that will make you feel like you are in good company with your challenges and encourage you through those struggles that WE ALL HAVE! Thank you Jon for the great insight and tools to implement as we look for ways to live better lives and support those around us who are trying to do the same thing.

Are we even supposed to judge others?... What does it mean to CONDEMN someone versus JUDGE someone? “All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” -Brené Brown Hear our insight on what we think are good guidelines on judging others "righteously".

In our opinion..."Weaknesses are strengths that are out of balance" "If we really care about growth, development and improvement, we will seek correction and work on weaknesses." "If someone has an extreme strength, others can seem to be weak in that area, through that person's lens." Hear us discuss our weaknesses and how we reframe them into a new way of thinking about them. Have the scary conversation of asking those close to you what they think your strengths and weaknesses are as a way of growing and improving! You can do it!

In this episode, we reflect on some of the great wins we have had by being open and willing to share some of our struggles. There is strength in turning to face our challenges and sharing them is one of the quickest ways to put them to rest. Remember, as you are looking forward, setting goals and raising your own standard that attaching a "WHY" to what you are doing will anchor you when the process of achieving difficult things gets tough. We wish all of you big success this year in obtaining what you want but more importantly becoming who you want to be!

In this episode we are so happy and excited to introduce to you our great friend, Ashlee Turley. Ashlee bravely shares some of her journey with pornography use and accompanying depression. We learn amazing insight from the road that Ashlee has already traveled and are so happy to have her share that with the listeners. This is our first guest episode and the beginning of our "Our Sister/Our Brother" series. Our goal for "Our Sister/Our Brother" is to highlight

Lets level up from last weeks episode! When you are faced with the difficult decision of breaking a personal promise, are you "SUBORDINATING" it to a higher cause? What are these higher causes? What is the right balance of taking care of the goose in order to produce golden eggs? Join us as we discuss our individual journeys of building relationships with ourselves and how making and keeping commitments is the core of how we change. Exercise the mental and emotional muscles of making and keeping bigger commitments to yourself with some of the suggestions in this podcast. Happy New Year!!

In this episode we give our take on goal setting and resolutions during this New Year's season. What is the purpose of goals? How do you scale up and improve habits? Dylan has a systematic approach to forming new habits that is ahead of its time. HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! This short and sweet episode takes a shallow dive into some of the reasons we, as Christians, may struggle with pornography more than other vices, addictions and habits. Struggling is a necessary part of the journey and you shouldn't feel alone or isolated because of the way that you struggle.

If you could choose between a problem-free life or a life that involved overcoming adversity, which would you choose? Maybe you have already picked the second plan! In this episode we discuss both of the plans through parable and the beautiful blessings that can be found in the "PERFECTLY IMPERFECT PLAN"

What we have learned from serving and being served by others is that you can feel God's love in these moments of opportunity. These moments don't have to be massive or life changing but we do have to look for them. We do need to engage in asking, seeking and acting on these opportunities to love and help others when God gives them to us. On the flip side, we need to be gracious recipients of service and love from others. If you want to have an immediate response from God... 1. Ask "God, who can I serve today?" 2. Ask "God, how can I improve today?" 3. Ask "God, can you show me you are aware of me?"

Everyone knows the great feeling of serving someone else but it can be hard to allow others to serve us. We are doing a giveaway. We will be selecting one person to split the cost of Sara Brewer‘s “Overcome Pornography for Good” training. This is the same program we used and want to share it during this season of giving. DM us on instagram: @dylanandhayden Sara’s podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/overcome-pornography-for-good/id1549605485

"I am worth changing" "I'm worth putting time into to change, to improve, to grow, to expand, to live a higher law, to enjoy a better life" "I am worthy of a beautiful life" "I am worthy of exercising repentance and I'm qualified to use The Atonement of Jesus Christ"

In this episode we discuss how "Rock Bottom" is different for everyone and what some of the characteristics are. You can go to "Rock Bottom" several times in your life. What did Dylan's "Rock Bottom" look like as it relates to pornography? If you are at "Rock Bottom" right now, just hang on! Reach out to someone you love and trust! If you don't feel like you have someone who fits that criteria in your life, reach out to us!

We have felt inspired to go back to discussing our battle with pornography. We are happy to share parts of our journey if there is just one person who can benefit from it. In this episode we will give you some new perspective on struggling with addiction as well as some actual tools to utilize while in the middle of a tough mental and emotional battle with whatever struggle you are enduring, Here is the link to Sara Brewer's pornography training that has blessed our life more than we can describe: https://centerforovercoming.com/

This episode may be difficult for some people to hear. Especially those who are right in the thick of their own miscarriage. In this episode we discuss our miscarriages, the hurt that followed and the good that has eventually come from those experiences. We do know there is good that can come from some of the most difficult challenges in life. We share these experiences in hopes of helping someone else who may feel alone, misunderstood, forgotten, hopeless or otherwise enduring emotional pain. If you are enduring deep loss like a miscarriage or something similar, just hang on. Let it hurt. Look for the good. Let others help and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Can you build a new version of yourself? Can you change who you are NOW by addressing a younger version of yourself? We think it's possible! Listen along this week as Hayden shares some examples of changing himself through TIME TRAVEL! You will learn a few exercises and techniques to use on your personal journey of self-improvement.

In this episode we discuss waiting for the perfect moment that may never come, how waiting has paid off, being burned by jumping on the first opportunity and how jumping quickly has also been a benefit. What is the right ANSWER? Listen and laugh along as we use our experiences to dissect the question of whether patience or impatience is a virtue! Thank you to Wade and Bailee Andes for sponsoring us with sweet new custom "This Is Livin'" tumbler mugs. Here is Wade's IG: @desertnativedesigns

When it cones to your family, will you do anything to ensure their success? By the way, this mindset extends to the work place, community, church and other teams that we find ourselves with. Do we need to listen better? Take more time for ourselves? Admit we are wrong? Let's talk about it!