Untamed Ember

Most of us never actually chose monogamy. We inherited it. And the guilt, shame, and hypervigilance that show up when we question it aren't signs that something is wrong with us. They're signs that the conditioning worked. In this episode, Dr. Misty breaks down compulsory monogamy as a nervous system pattern, not just a cultural belief. Drawing on Adrienne Rich's framework of compulsory heterosexuality and philosopher Elizabeth Brake's concept of amatonormativity, this episode explores how the monogamy script gets installed before we're old enough to examine it, why it lives in the body and not just the mind, and what it actually takes to start questioning it without burning your life down. This is Arc 1 of Season 2: Unlearning Monogamy. If you've ever felt guilt just for having a feeling, this episode is for you. Topics covered: what compulsory monogamy actually is and how it differs from monogamy as a genuine choice, the somatic signature of conditioned shame, the difference between guilt and guilt and shame, why leaving a high control or religious culture doesn't automatically remove the conditioning, and what unlearning looks like in real life. Subscribe to the Untamed Ember newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for deep dives, bonus content, and resources that don't make it into the episode. And check out the website for mini-courses and more great info! Chapters (00:00:00) - Misty on Compulsory Love(00:01:59) - The Normality of Compulsory Monogamy(00:09:37) - The Problem of Attraction and Shame(00:14:24) - Not All Monogamy Is Mandatory(00:17:46) - Why Questioning Compulsory monogamy Is(00:21:45) - Jealousy Is Not a Judgment on Your Relationship

In non-monogamous relationships, many conflicts are not about jealousy or trust, they are about information. What needs to be shared, what should remain private, and how people get stuck oscillating between oversharing and withholding. Dr. Misty breaks this episode down into the critical difference between privacy and withholding, and why confusing the two creates unnecessary harm. Privacy protects autonomy. Withholding removes information required for consent, safety, or shared decision-making. You will hear a clear framework for sorting information into three distinct channels: logistical safety and accountability, relational impact, and erotic or experiential detail. The episode explores how collapsing these categories leads to boundary violations, shutdown, and loss of trust, even when no one intends harm. This conversation is for people practicing polyamory, open relationships, or other forms of consensual non-monogamy who want clarity without surveillance, honesty without oversharing, and consent that functions in real life rather than theory. Chapters (00:00:00) - The 3 Types of Consent in Polyamory(00:01:22) - The Difference Between Privacy and Withholding in Non-Monogamous(00:06:11) - The 3-Channels Framework(00:12:14) - Why I Overshare and Say Nothing in Polyamory(00:16:39) - When Sexual Privacy Is Involved(00:18:13) - What is a No-Feeling Relationship?(00:19:47) - A Guide to Privacy in Sex(00:20:26) - Which Channel Do You Need From Your Partners?(00:21:05) - The 3 Channels of Information in Your Relationships

Here's a radical idea: being polyamorous doesn't make you a better person. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty calls out the weaponized poly discourse that's been laundering bad behavior under enlightenment language. "That's just jealousy." "I don't believe in obligation." "You're asking for hierarchy." These phrases shut down accountability instead of opening conversations. Through the story of Jenna and Ari, you'll hear exactly how autonomy gets confused with avoidance, privacy becomes a cover for withholding critical information, and growth rhetoric turns into a weapon that dismisses harm instead of repairing it. This episode draws clear lines between discomfort and harm, autonomy and impact, consent and endurance. Because ethical non-monogamy requires more communication, more accountability, and more repair than monogamy, not less. This one's for you if: Someone has told you to be "better at polyamory" while ignoring your needs, boundaries, or safety You're practicing non-monogamy and want relationships grounded in honesty and real consent, not just sophisticated vocabulary You're tired of enlightenment language being used to dodge responsibility Bottom line: Polyamory is not a moral upgrade. Labels don't replace ethics. And your nervous system's response to harm isn't pathology—it's intelligence. Time to stop making the person experiencing harm responsible for fixing it. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: Challenging Polyamory Myths(00:00:38) - Weaponized Language in Polyamory(00:00:49) - The Ethics of Non-Monogamy(00:01:25) - Avoiding Accountability in Polyamory(00:04:57) - Patterns of Harm in Polyamory(00:05:04) - Neglect Framed as Autonomy(00:07:22) - Dishonesty Reframed as Privacy(00:09:03) - Coercion Disguised as Growth(00:14:36) - Building Ethical Polyamory(00:22:45) - Conclusion: Embracing Ethical Non-Monogamy

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for more deep dives. Power exchange is sexy when it’s chosen. Power over is toxic when it’s stolen. In this episode, we talk about the difference between ethical dominance and coercion, why consent makes power dynamics hotter, and how trauma and ND nervous systems experience surrender. You’ll learn how to spot red flags, practice ethical dominance, and build dynamics that are both safe and deeply erotic. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction to Power Dynamics(00:01:01) - Understanding Power Exchange(00:02:15) - Defining Ethical Power Exchange(00:05:44) - Recognizing Unhealthy Dynamics(00:10:14) - Practicing Ethical Dominance(00:15:14) - The Importance of Trust and Consent(00:20:16) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

If you like this episode, check out my mini-course on Drop at https://untamedember.com Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. You’ve heard of sub drop — the crash after intense play. But tops crash too. In this episode, we explore the neurochemistry of “after”: why dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin swings can leave both tops and subs feeling weepy, anxious, drained, or guilty. We’ll talk about how drop shows up in the body, why it’s normal, and what practices help regulate and repair. Because drop isn’t proof you did it wrong — it’s proof your body went deep. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts.   Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction to Drop(00:02:03) - Understanding Sub Drop(00:03:02) - Understanding Top Drop(00:04:39) - The Science Behind Drop(00:08:55) - Recognizing Drop Symptoms(00:11:54) - Distinguishing Drop from Red Flags(00:13:24) - Planning and Managing Drop(00:19:25) - Personal Reflections and Rituals(00:21:11) - Conclusion and Resources

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for deep dives. Switches get a bad rap as “indecisive” — but the truth is, switching between roles is a skill, and it comes with unique consent challenges. In this episode, we explore what it means to be a switch, how to navigate role changes without confusion or coercion, and why nervous system regulation matters when moving from dominance to submission (or vice versa). With humor, real talk, and trauma-informed insight, I’ll show you how switching can be one of the most creative and liberating dynamics when consent is clear. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction to Switching Roles(00:00:22) - Challenges of Switching Roles(00:00:46) - Navigating Role Shifts Safely(00:01:25) - Understanding the Switch Identity(00:02:09) - Defining a Switch in Kink Culture(00:03:37) - Appeal and Benefits of Switching(00:05:47) - Consent and Boundaries for Switches(00:07:52) - Nervous System and Role Transitions(00:10:56) - Practical Tips for Smooth Switching(00:16:17) - The Joy and Complexity of Switching(00:19:47) - Reflecting on Your Role Preferences(00:21:44) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for deep dives. Consensual non-consent (CNC) is one of the edgiest and most misunderstood areas of kink. Done well, it’s cathartic and erotic. Done poorly, it becomes coercion. In this episode, I break down the ethics of CNC: how to negotiate clearly, check capacity, and always have clear off-ramps in place. We’ll talk nervous system safety, why freeze and fawn matter, and how to play with intensity without crossing lines. CNC doesn’t erase consent — it makes it even more central. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction and Trigger Warning(00:01:24) - Understanding Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)(00:02:14) - Ethics and Safety in CNC(00:03:03) - Basics of CNC: Definitions and Scenarios(00:04:28) - Risks and Misconceptions of CNC(00:06:49) - Practical Framework for CNC(00:11:22) - Importance of Off-Ramps in CNC(00:16:04) - Neuroscience and CNC(00:20:34) - Personal Reflection and Conclusion

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. “Enthusiastic consent” sounds great — but what if your body doesn’t do loud, verbal yeses? For neurodivergent folks, trauma survivors, and anyone who struggles with words in the moment, enthusiasm might look like presence, softness, or subtle signals. In this episode, we unpack what enthusiastic consent really means, why verbal expression isn’t the only valid language of desire, and how to honor body-based yeses and noes. Because consent isn’t about volume — it’s about clarity, congruence, and safety. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction to Enthusiastic Consent(00:00:41) - The Problem with Mainstream Consent Education(00:02:25) - Redefining Enthusiastic Consent(00:08:12) - Challenges with Verbal Consent(00:14:01) - Nonverbal Enthusiastic Consent(00:20:05) - Practical Consent Practices(00:27:51) - Reflecting on Personal Consent Signals(00:30:13) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink. If you’ve been in kink spaces, you’ve heard the acronyms — but what do they mean for nervous-system safety? In this episode, I break down SSC, RACK, and PRICK/SSICK, explore where they succeed and where they fall short, and offer a nervous system lens that makes consent more than words on paper. If you’re neurodivergent, trauma-impacted, or just craving clarity, you’ll learn how to translate these frameworks into embodied practice so consent is real, not theoretical. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts.   Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction to Embodied Consent(00:01:59) - Understanding SSC: Safe, Sane, and Consensual(00:04:30) - The Evolution to RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink(00:05:56) - Introducing PRICK and SSICK Frameworks(00:07:25) - The Role of the Nervous System in Consent(00:20:25) - Practical Applications of Nervous System Aware Consent(00:28:24) - Creating Community Support for Embodied Consent(00:30:30) - Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. ADHD meds can be a lifesaver for focus, productivity, and stability — but no one tells you what they might do to your sex life. Lowered desire, delayed arousal, harder-to-reach orgasms… it’s a thing, and it’s not your fault. In this episode, I talk about how stimulant medications interact with sexual response, why neurodivergent brains often experience sex differently, and what strategies can help you adapt without shame. From timing your intimacy to sensory amplifiers to honest scripts with partners, this is about reclaiming agency and keeping pleasure alive — meds or no meds. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: ADHD Meds and Sexuality(00:02:04) - Understanding ADHD and Sexuality(00:05:31) - The Impact of ADHD Medications(00:09:26) - The Silence Around Sexual Side Effects(00:14:35) - Navigating Sexuality on ADHD Meds(00:19:44) - Partner Support and Communication(00:21:32) - Advocating for Your Sexual Health(00:23:34) - Reflection and Closing Thoughts

Join my newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for weekly deep dives. You want to feel connected, but suddenly you’re gone — body present, mind floating near the ceiling tiles. Dissociation during sex can feel confusing, shameful, or even like proof something’s wrong with you. But here’s the truth: dissociation isn’t failure, it’s protection. In this episode, I break down why nervous systems sometimes check out during intimacy, how trauma and shame hijack presence, and what you can do to begin reclaiming safety and real connection. This isn’t about forcing pleasure or performing for your partner — it’s about understanding your body’s brilliance and learning to stay with yourself one breath at a time. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: The Unspoken Reality of Dissociation During Sex(00:01:25) - Understanding Dissociation: Your Body's Safety Mechanism(00:02:41) - The Spectrum of Dissociation: Different Experiences(00:03:23) - Why Dissociation Happens: Vulnerability and Trauma(00:06:22) - Neurodivergence and Sensory Overload(00:07:38) - The Aftereffects: Shame and the Cycle of Dissociation(00:09:26) - Strategies for Presence: Micro Check-Ins and Sensory Anchors(00:11:11) - Communication and Nonsexual Touch(00:12:59) - Healing and Therapy: Rewriting Your Script(00:14:35) - Conclusion: Embracing Compassion and Healing

Ever wondered why detailed negotiation, safe words, and scene structure don’t kill the vibe in kink—they actually make it hotter? For neurodivergent and trauma-impacted folks, clear boundaries and predictable roles can feel like a nervous system exhale. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty unpacks how structured intimacy (like kink and BDSM) creates real safety, reduces dissociation, and turns clarity into turn-on. We’ll dive into why your brain craves rules in the bedroom, how consent conversations are actually erotic, and why aftercare is non-negotiable for healing. Craving intimacy that feels genuinely safe? Hit play—and subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts. Join the free weekly newsletter for bonus podcast episodes and free content at untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Why Structured Play Is Sexy for Neurodivergence and Safety(00:01:59) - What Kink Is Doing for Sexual Safety(00:04:42) - The Radical Difference Between Sexual Consent in Vanilla and Kink Culture(00:10:43) - What Nervous System informed Kink(00:11:46) - Kink Community: Aftercare for Trauma Impact Players(00:13:39) - Kink and the Stigma(00:16:10) - My message for kink lovers(00:17:46) - The Secret to Authentic Sex

Ever sat in your car outside an event, heart racing, stomach in knots, every cell in your body screaming don’t go in, but guilt dragged you anyway? In this episode, Dr. Misty dismantles the toxic myth that keeping every commitment equals moral worth. You’ll learn the neuroscience behind why saying no is an act of nervous system protection, how to spot your body’s “quit signals” before burnout hits, and practical strategies for bailing, gracefully, unapologetically, and without drowning in guilt. Perfect for neurodivergent, queer, trauma-impacted, and chronically overcommitted rebels ready to reclaim their energy, boundaries, and agency. For more gems, freebies, and podcast bonus episodes, join the free weekly newsletter at untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Why You Should Be Able to Bail(00:02:20) - What Is The Commitment Culture?(00:05:21) - When Your Nervous System Reacts to Commitments(00:10:12) - How to Exit From Dysregulated Sit(00:15:00) - The Art of Strategic Abandonment(00:15:55) - Why You Should Abandon Your Boundaries(00:20:42) - This Week's Act of Strategic Abandonment(00:21:11) - When Your Body Refuses to Serve You(00:22:11) - Rebelling Against Your Nervous System

What happens when your body aches for more touch than your partner, friend, or family can give—or when you crave space while someone else longs to connect? In this radically honest episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty dives deep into the science, shame, grief, and negotiation of “touch hunger” and mismatched touch needs. Discover why touch is a real biological need, how neurodivergence, trauma, fat liberation, and disability justice shape who gets touched (and who doesn’t), and get practical tools, scripts, and rituals for navigating the awkward, brave, and beautiful work of honoring your body’s truth. Whether you’re touch-starved, touched-out, or somewhere in between, this episode is your permission slip to need what you need—without apology.   Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - How To Get Physical Touch(00:00:47) - What Is Touch Hunger?(00:06:05) - What You Need to Know About Mismatched Touch Needs(00:12:06) - What Kind of Touch Need Do You Have?(00:18:54) - How to Deal with Unmet Touch Need(00:26:45) - You're allowed to ask for more touch this week

Is waiting agony for you? Do you feel anxious when a conversation goes quiet, or does time vanish when you’re hyperfocused? In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty unpacks how ADHD and neurodivergent brains experience time differently—why pauses can feel like punishment, and why mismatched tempos create conflict, shame, and communication breakdowns. You’ll get a science-backed, radically honest look at time perception, plus practical tools and conversation scripts to make your own “time warp” visible and workable in relationships, work, and daily life. Perfect for neurodivergent folks, partners, friends, and anyone ready to ditch urgency culture and honor their real rhythm. Listen, share, and join the Untamed Ember rebellion—because your tempo isn’t a flaw, it’s your superpower. Subscribe to Untamed Ember wherever you get your podcasts, and join The Untamed Ember Newsletter at untamedember.kit.com for more deep dives, resources, and freebies. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: The Agony of Waiting(00:00:34) - Understanding Neurodivergent Time Perception(00:01:36) - The Neuroscience Behind Time Blindness(00:04:35) - Impact on Conversations and Relationships(00:12:37) - Practical Tips for Fast Processors(00:14:25) - Practical Tips for Slow Processors(00:15:59) - Navigating Time Warps in Relationships(00:19:33) - Time Perception in Work and School(00:21:51) - Time Perception in Intimacy and Friendships(00:24:41) - Daily Life and Survival Strategies(00:26:20) - Conclusion: Embracing Your Unique Tempo

Subscribe to the Untamed Ember newsletter for free resources, weekly insights, and more SOFT practices: untamedember.kit.com. Are you haunted by old stories in your sex life—shutdowns, freeze responses, numbness, or shame that shows up right when you most want to be present? In this episode, Dr. Misty takes you deeper than talk therapy, into the places your body holds ancestral scripts about pleasure, safety, and desire—sometimes generations deep. Discover how your fascia acts as the body’s living archive, and learn the basics of SOFT (Somatic-Oriented Fascia Therapy), Misty’s original approach for working with tissue-level memory and nervous system liberation. You’ll hear stories, get practical ways to notice your “ghosts,” and find out why your pleasure isn’t something you have to earn—it’s your birthright.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Misty on Ghosts in the Bedroom(00:03:04) - What Fascia Really Does to Your Body(00:10:32) - Soft Therapy for Awakening the Ghost of Sexual Performance(00:16:41) - When Your Body's Haunted by Old Stories

Grab your FREE content and weekly shame-smashing resources at untamedember.kit.com — where every part of you belongs. — Ever notice that right when things get steamy, your brain turns into a Twitter feed of insecurity? Welcome to the world of parts work, sex edition. In this episode, Dr. Misty dives headfirst into Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and how your inner critic, perfectionist, rebel, caretaker, and shame-burdened exiles all love to crash your sex life. We’re talking about: Why sexual difficulties are rarely about “technique”—and almost always about internal parts fighting for airtime How the Performance Manager, Hypervigilant Protector, People-Pleasing Caretaker, and your spicy inner exiles hijack your pleasure Specific, actionable strategies to check in with your parts, speak for them, and actually integrate their wisdom instead of letting them run wild Neurodivergent masking, sexual spontaneity, and why you might feel disconnected or stuck in performance mode (again) Real talk: The parts of you that want connection, the ones that want control, and how to get them working together instead of fighting for the mic  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com — Subscribe for weekly resources: untamedember.kit.com Podcast + show notes at untamedember.com — #SexTherapy #InternalFamilySystems #PartsWork #SexualHealing #NeurodivergentSex #ShameFreeSex #QueerSexuality #TraumaInformedSex #UntamedEmber #SexualLiberation Chapters (00:00:00) - The Critic in Your Sex Life(00:02:05) - How to Love Your Sexual Life(00:02:59) - What Are the Parts of Your Sex Life?(00:09:27) - How to Work With Exile Parts in Sex(00:14:25) - How to Work With Protective Parts in Sexual Life(00:20:51) - Working With Your Parts in Sexual Relationships(00:22:08) - Partners Awareness

Get weekly, radical resources and bonus episodes free at untamedember.kit.com — Your pleasure deserves better. — Ever wondered why your brain is a full “hell yes” but your body suddenly ghosts the moment things heat up? Or why your nervous system sabotages even the sexiest situations? In this no-holds-barred episode, Dr. Misty goes full trauma nerd on the vagus nerve—that misunderstood highway running between your brain, your body, and your ability to actually stay present for pleasure. We’re not talking about generic “just relax” advice or another meditation app download. We’re hacking your actual sexual nervous system with trauma-informed, neurodivergent-friendly, science-backed strategies. Discover: Why your vagus nerve can’t mind its business during sex (and how it becomes an accidental cockblocker) How chronic stress, trauma, and neurodivergence set the stage for “nervous system sabotage” The real reason arousal sometimes flips to anxiety, shutdown, or sensory overwhelm—and what to do about it Practical, immediately usable hacks for vagus nerve stimulation, breathwork, movement, and sensory support before and during sex Why the neurodivergent brain needs rituals and “transition time” for pleasure—and how to build them This episode is for every beautifully complex, neurodivergent, queer, or trauma-impacted human who’s tired of being shamed for their body’s boundaries. Your sexual nervous system isn’t broken—it’s just never been given the tools (or the respect) it deserves. Let’s fix that.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: The Mysterious Vagus Nerve(00:01:50) - Understanding Vagal Tone and Sexuality(00:02:47) - The Role of the Vagus Nerve in Sexual Response(00:05:23) - Challenges Faced by Neurodivergent Individuals(00:07:02) - Common Patterns of Vagal Dysfunction During Sex(00:09:40) - Daily Life and Its Impact on Vagal Tone(00:12:20) - Practical Interventions to Improve Vagal Tone(00:18:33) - Morgan's Transformation: A Case Study(00:21:28) - Specific Techniques for Common Sexual Difficulties(00:23:56) - Conclusion: Embracing Your Nervous System

Ever had sex with a partner who was physically present but clearly somewhere else? Welcome to the “What the Fuck Just Happened?” club. This episode is for every partner who’s ever wondered why their neurodivergent, trauma-impacted, or just beautifully complex lover seemed to disappear mid-connection—while their body kept going through the motions. Dr. Misty (Untamed Ember) breaks down what dissociation really looks like during sex, why it’s not a Yelp review of your skills, and how to create the kind of safety that brings your person back—without pressure, shame, or performance. Learn how to spot the subtle signs, what to do (and NOT do) when it happens, and why real intimacy means honoring nervous system reality, not just consent on paper. We’re throwing out the toxic scripts about sexual perfection, reclaiming what it means to love someone with trauma, and getting nerdy about co-regulation, nervous system signals, and non-performative presence.   Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - The Secret to Intimate Sex With a Ghost(00:02:10) - This Is What Really Happens During Sex When Your Partner Dissoci(00:07:37) - How To Help Your Partner When They're Dissociated(00:10:34) - What to Do When Your Partner's Sexual Body Is Distracted(00:16:58) - How to Support a Partner Who Dissociates During Sex(00:20:21) - How to Support a Trauma Survivor During Sex(00:22:21) - How to Love Your Partner's Sexual Dissociation

Get weekly free resources and bonus podcast episodes—sign up for the Untamed Ember newsletter at untamedember.kit.com. Ever felt like your body was sabotaging you during sex, even when your mind and heart were all-in? In this episode, Dr. Misty unpacks the wild world of somatic therapy and why your body’s “weird” responses are actually wisdom in action—not dysfunction. We’ll break down how shame, trauma, and neurodivergence shape our sexual scripts, and why honoring your authentic needs is the most revolutionary act of all. This episode covers: The science of why bodies freeze, tense, or check out during intimacy (even with safe partners) SE, Hakomi, and TRE—somatic tools that let you finally listen to your nervous system (instead of fighting it) How to create a personalized “sexual map” so you know exactly what your body needs to feel safe and turned on Radical embodiment, embodied consent, and how to build authentic sexual healing without performance, perfection, or shame Includes real stories, hands-on practices, and that signature Untamed Ember mix of humor, rebellion, and real talk. Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com   Chapters (00:00:02) - What If Your Body Is the Problem With Sex(00:03:09) - Your Body Is Trying to Protect You From Sex(00:06:10) - Somatic Experiencing, or SE for short(00:09:24) - What Is Haikomi?(00:12:12) - TRE: Consent to Move Your Body(00:17:29) - The Sexual Practices You Need to Start Using(00:24:30) - This Week's Sexual Somatic Intelligence Map(00:26:51) - Untamed Women: Misty with

Ever burst into tears during a massage or felt grief bubble up when you’re just trying to sleep? You’re not broken—and you’re definitely not alone. In this episode, Dr. Misty pulls back the curtain on fascia: your body’s secret emotional archivist. We’ll break down what fascia actually is (think: way sexier than raw chicken), why it hoards every microtrauma and shutdown, and how those mysterious aches, pains, and restless nights are actually your body keeping score. From chronic jaw tension to pelvic floor pain to the sleep-shame spiral, you’ll learn why your “tight hips” are holding old grief, why your jaw’s clenching on unsaid truths, and why stretching just isn’t enough. Most importantly, we’ll explore erotic rest—not just as self-care, but as an act of radical rebellion and embodied pleasure for trauma-impacted, neurodivergent, and queer bodies. Get practical tools for fascial release (no, not torture with foam rollers), and learn why tenderness—not performance—is your body’s true path to safety, pleasure, and finally, real rest. Listen in for: The real deal on fascia as emotional memory How trauma and shame live in connective tissue The “fascia-sleep-shame loop” (and how to break it) Science-backed, anti-perfectionist tools for reclaiming rest and pleasure Why erotic rest is a liberation movement, not a wellness trend  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:03) - Why Your Fascia Holds You Back(00:04:27) - How Fascia Is the Keeper of Your Emotional History(00:09:53) - Fascial Holding Patterns and the Sleep Struggle(00:16:12) - How to Rest Your Fascial Tension(00:18:58) - Fascial Release for Emotional Unwind(00:22:16) - Body's Fascia Memory and Rest

Why does your brain turn into a haunted house the minute you finally feel safe enough to rest? Why do so many trauma-impacted, neurodivergent adults struggle with sleep—even when nothing is “wrong” on the outside? Welcome to Untamed Ember, where Dr. Misty dives headfirst into the Polyvagal Paradox—that infuriating reality where your body refuses to relax, no matter how perfect your sleep hygiene or how many weighted blankets you own. In this episode, we break down: Why sleep is the ultimate act of vulnerability—and why your nervous system might see it as a threat, not a reward How trauma, neurodivergence, and chronic stress rewire your body’s ability to rest (and why “just relax” is a setup for shame) The difference between “tired but wired” insomnia and emotional collapse sleep—and why you might bounce between both The real role of fascia, hypervigilance, and your window of tolerance in sleep struggles (not just “bad habits”) How polyvagal theory reveals the secret language of your sleep cycles—plus what “false ventral” looks like at 2AM A client story that proves: Your sleep isn’t broken, your nervous system is just a damn good protector Radically practical, non-performative tools for reclaiming rest: deep pressure, rocking, Yoga Nidra, body scan journaling, and the lost art of letting your sleep be weird This isn’t another lecture on blue light and bedtime routines. It’s a rebellious, trauma-informed, neurodivergent-friendly call to stop blaming yourself for sleepless nights and start building genuine nervous system safety—at your own pace, with your own rules.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:07) - It's Always 3am Again(00:00:49) - How to Sleep When You're Unable to Sleep(00:02:15) - Why Sleep Isn't Safe For Some People(00:05:36) - Why Your Sleep Isn't Restful(00:09:14) - How Neurodivergence Affects Your Sleep(00:13:52) - How to Sleep Better With Chronic Insomnia(00:17:25) - The Most Ridiculous Part of Sleep Struggles(00:18:19) - Why You're Not Safe to Sleep(00:21:36) - 5 Ways to Rest Your Body (That Actually Work)(00:26:56) - Reclaiming Sleep in Your Nerves(00:29:05) - How to Get More Sleep

When someone in authority told you "your body isn't really yours," that messaging didn't just live in your mind—it rewired your nervous system. In this revolutionary episode, Dr. Misty exposes how high-control systems, particularly religious environments, strategically target sexuality as their primary mechanism of control. We dive deep into the neurobiology of religious sexual conditioning, exploring how it creates internal "parts" that continue enforcing these rules long after you've intellectually rejected them. But this isn't just about understanding the damage—it's about liberation. Discover practical, somatic approaches to reclaim your erotic sovereignty, decolonize your nervous system, and develop an embodied sexuality that genuinely belongs to YOU, not to systems that sought to control you. Because your pleasure isn't just personal—it's political resistance against institutions that weaponized shame to maintain power.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:02) - Sexual Liberation: The Shadow of High Control Systems(00:09:17) - How to Stop Shame Over Your Sexuality(00:10:01) - Internal Family Systems: The Protective Parts(00:19:22) - Reclaiming Your Sexual Sovereignty(00:24:31) - Reclaim Your Body From High Demand Control

Ever wanted sex but found yourself mentally checking out, counting ceiling tiles, or suddenly reorganizing your mental sock drawer instead of feeling pleasure? In this raw, neuroscience-backed episode, Dr. Misty breaks down why your body sometimes hits the emergency eject button during intimacy—even when you enthusiastically consented. Through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, we explore how trauma, religious shame, and societal conditioning create nervous system patterns that can override conscious desire. This isn't just theory—you'll get actual, practical, neurodivergent-friendly tools to expand your capacity for staying present during pleasure. Because your disconnect isn't a defect; it's your brilliant body trying to protect you. Time to reclaim your birthright to embodied joy as an act of radical resistance.  Join the Untamed Ember Newsletter for free weekly bonus podcasts! untamedember.kit.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction: The Unspoken Disconnect(00:01:02) - Understanding the Disconnect: You're Not Broken(00:01:37) - Polyvagal Theory: Decoding Your Nervous System(00:02:45) - Three Key Insights: Practical Neuroscience(00:05:13) - Recognizing Dysregulation: Signs and Symptoms(00:11:57) - The Window of Tolerance: Staying Present(00:15:51) - Practical Tools: Expanding Your Capacity for Pleasure(00:20:54) - Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Birthright to Pleasure(00:22:44) - Final Thoughts and Resources

Healing isn’t about linen pants, pastel lighting, and performing peace. In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty takes a flamethrower to the healing industrial complex—the whitewashed, commodified wellness machine that polices our grief, hijacks our rage, and sells calmness like a lifestyle brand. You’ll hear: Why “high vibe only” is toxic nonsense How performative healing silences marginalized bodies What consent-based healing actually looks like How to build rituals that are messy, honest, body-inclusive—and actually yours Plus: a listener question that hits deep—what do you do when healing spaces don’t feel safe, inclusive, or built for you? ✨ Spoiler: You stop shrinking to fit them. You start building something real. Get the companion worksheet: Healing Isn’t Aesthetic – A Shame Detox for the Spiritually Over-It Download it now inside The Ember Vault → untamedember.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction to the week's episode on Untamed Ember(00:00:34) - The Healing Industrial Complex Exposed(00:01:55) - The Aesthetic of Modern Wellness(00:04:08) - Exclusion in Healing Spaces(00:05:22) - Weaponization of High Vibes Only(00:07:45) - Consent in Healing Spaces(00:12:53) - Building Personal Rituals(00:18:56) - Listener Question: Finding Inclusive Healing Spaces(00:22:47) - Conclusion and Soft Rage Blessing

What if your healing doesn’t look calm, graceful, or Instagram-worthy—and that’s exactly what makes it real? In this episode, Dr. Misty rips into the toxic trap of performative healing—where spiritual practices become branding, regulation gets weaponized, and “high-vibe only” becomes emotional gaslighting. We’re talking: Why breathwork, yoga, and meditation sometimes don’t work (and why that’s not your fault) Polyvagal theory (but make it sexy, sassy, and trauma-aware) Rage, shutdown, and why calm is not the goal ️ Rebel healing rituals that work with your neurodivergent, overstimulated, gloriously messy body Plus: a listener question that cracked our hearts open—"Why do I feel worse after breathwork?" This episode is your permission slip to rage, shut down, scream into a towel, and call that shit sacred. ✨ Grab the companion worksheet: “Messy, Angry, Whole: A Nervous System Reclamation Map” inside The Ember Vault → untamedember.com Chapters (00:00:00) - Welcome to Untamed Ember: Rage-Cries, Cheetos & Real Healing(00:00:29) - Performative Healing: When Looking Healed Matters More Than Being Whole(00:01:09) - Polyvagal Theory 101: Why Your Nervous System Isn’t Broken(00:02:02) - The Reality of Performance Healing: Calm Mask, Screaming Body(00:09:08) - Weaponized Regulation: When “Stay Calm” Becomes Oppression(00:12:37) - Sacred Rage: The Intelligence of Emotional Fire(00:15:53) - Calm Isn’t the Goal: Dissociation in a Pretty Outfit(00:16:49) - Truth Over Performance: Reclaiming Your Nervous System(00:17:47) - Reclaiming Healing: Burn the Aesthetic, Keep the Aliveness(00:19:13) - Rebel Rituals: Healing Tools That Don’t Perform for Instagram(00:20:38) - Freeze-State Rituals: How to Come Back From Numbness(00:21:37) - Rest As Rebellion: Opting Out of the Healing Hustle(00:23:59) - Breathwork Backlash: Why It Sometimes Makes You Feel Worse(00:27:09) - Nervous System Alternatives: What to Try Instead of Breathwork(00:30:02) - Final Thoughts: You’re Not Too Much—You’re Finally Honest

What if your nervous system isn’t the problem—just the scripts it’s been forced to follow? In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty takes us deep into the erotic brain to unpack how binary gender roles confuse our arousal systems and disconnect us from pleasure. From polyvagal theory to sensory nuance, this one’s for the rebels, the neurospicy babes, and the caretakers who are tired of performing “sexy” instead of feeling it. ✨ Inside this episode: – The four things your brain actually needs for arousal – How masking and performance override your nervous system – Why desire looks different when you're neurodivergent – What to ask yourself when you’re stuck in a role that doesn’t fit Plus: Listener letters from “M” and “Jordan” that hit right in the chest. And a companion worksheet that helps you unmask your real erotic self—available now in The Ember Vault. Show Notes: In this episode, we explore: Why binary sexual roles disrupt the nervous system The science behind safety, novelty, stimulation, and attunement How the Dual Control Model explains desire for neurodivergent folks What happens when sex becomes emotional labor instead of embodied connection Queer relationship dynamics and the haunting echo of gendered scripts A letter from “Jordan” about losing touch with real desire after years of performance Grab the worksheet: Binary Thinking & the Erotic Identity Crisis → Available inside The Ember Vault Submit your own question: [email protected] (anonymity welcome!) Chapters (00:00:00) - Intro: Your brain doesn’t care about gender roles(00:01:22) - Why binary roles confuse the erotic brain(00:03:08) - The 4 keys of arousal: Safety, Novelty, Stimulation, Attunement(00:09:00) - Story of “M”: Performance vs Presence(00:12:45) - Queer folks + the haunting of roles we didn’t choose(00:15:10) - Listener letter from “Jordan” and the blank space of truth(00:17:25) - This week’s worksheet + closing reminders

What if your low libido isn’t about dysfunction—it’s about burnout from playing someone else’s fantasy? In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty burns the binary gender rulebook to the ground and shares a personal story of erotic self-abandonment, performance pressure, and what happens when we confuse dominance with power. We’ll unpack how gender roles are quietly killing desire—for everyone—and explore what it means to step outside the script and tune into your actual wants. ✨ Plus: – Juicy reflection prompts – A listener letter that hits hard – A companion worksheet inside The Ember Vault: Unscripted and Unbothered: Dismantling the Gender Role Turn-Off This isn’t about being more confident. It’s about being more you. In this episode: Why “doing everything right” still left Dr. Misty feeling numb in bed The subtle ways gender scripts hijack our desire A breakdown of Victorian purity culture + modern expectations What to do when your body checks out before you do A listener story (hi Sam!) that captures exactly what erotic exhaustion looks like Journal questions to unlearn performative sex roles This week’s exclusive worksheet inside The Ember Vault Got a question for the podcast? Email [email protected] (anonymous welcome!) Chapters (00:00:00) - Intro: Your sex drive isn’t broken—it’s exhausted(00:01:42) - Storytime: When dominance became dissociation(00:05:09) - The trap of gender roles in bed(00:07:45) - Cultural roots of sexual performance scripts(00:09:10) - What happens in your body when desire becomes obligation(00:10:20) - Listener letter: “What if I don’t know what I want anymore?”(00:12:30) - This week’s reflection questions(00:13:40) - Your reminder: You’re not too much—you’re done performing

If you’ve ever dissociated mid-orgasm, gone numb during touch, or hyper-focused on your partner’s reaction instead of your own desire—this one’s for you. In this unapologetically nerdy and delightfully rebellious episode, Dr. Misty unpacks how shame hijacks your senses and rewires your brain to flinch away from pleasure. We’re diving deep into the sexy side of neuroscience: trauma brains, vagus nerves, polyvagal theory, and why your erotic disconnection is not dysfunction—it’s adaptation. And most importantly, how to gently, playfully, rebelliously rewire your erotic brain using the magic of neuroplasticity and some juicy sensory rituals. Expect brain science, somatic tips, shade at purity culture, and a permission slip to moan at your snacks. ✨ Companion worksheet inside The Ember Vault: “F*ck Around and Find Out (What Feels Good)” Chapters (00:00:00) - Opening: Glitter, Science & Shamelessness(00:01:08) - Shame Isn’t a Feeling—It’s a Nervous System Hijack(00:04:38) - Polyvagal Theory & Why You Might Freeze During Sex(00:07:56) - Sensory Disconnection Isn’t Dysfunction—It’s a Coping Strategy(00:11:02) - Rewiring the Erotic Brain: Neuroplasticity Is Hot(00:14:45) - Your Pleasure Was Never the Problem(00:15:50) - Ember Vault Plug + Sensory Worksheet(00:16:30) - Reflection Prompt + Sign-Off

You weren’t born hating your thighs. That sht was planted—fertilized with shame, wrapped in diet tips, and handed to you like a cursed heirloom. In this fire-starting episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty pulls back the curtain on the cultural, colonial, ableist, and neurotypical scripts that taught us our bodies were problems to fix—not magic to celebrate. From makeover montages to religious guilt trips, we explore the real origins of body shame and the billion-dollar industries that keep it alive. If you’ve ever shrunk yourself to fit the frame, this one’s your permission slip to burn the fcking script. Topics include: The colonial roots of fatphobia and thinness as "virtue" How ableism and neurotypical norms silence desire The makeover trope and other pop culture betrayals Why shame is industrialized, not personal How to remember who you were before the edits ✨ Includes a bold worksheet inside The Ember Vault: “Who Wrote This Bullsht?”* Chapters (00:00:00) - Opening + Glitter-Fueled Mission Statement(00:01:10) - Where the Shrink Script Came From(00:04:25) - The Media’s Role in Writing Our Shame(00:07:08) - Shame in Disguise(00:09:20) - You Are Not the *EFFING* Problem(00:11:35) - Ember Vault Plug + Reflection Prompt(00:12:30) - Sign-Off: Stay Wild. Stay Loud. Stay Ember.

Purity culture isn’t just morally outdated—it’s neurologically confusing. In this raw and science-backed episode, Dr. Misty breaks down how sexual shame hijacks your nervous system, floods your brain with cortisol, and turns pleasure into a threat. From brain chemistry to personal stories of dissociation and healing, you’ll learn why your body might resist the very thing you crave—and how to gently reclaim safety, desire, and presence in pleasure. Includes a reflection prompt and a companion worksheet inside The Ember Society for deeper healing and erotic rewiring. Show Notes Episode 8: Your Brain on Purity Culture (It’s Not a Vibe) Theme: The neurobiology of shame and why pleasure feels dangerous when it shouldn’t In This Episode: What shame does to your brain (hello, amygdala and cortisol) How purity culture wires your nervous system for fear Why shame is self-policing—and who benefits from that Dr. Misty's personal story of dissociating during sex (and healing from it) How erotic safety is built through presence, not performance This Week’s Journal Prompt: What moments in your life have taught your body that pleasure isn’t safe? And how might you start building micro-moments of safety—not perfection, not performance—just one extra second of aliveness? Companion Worksheet: “Shame in the Body, Safety in the Senses” Available inside The Ember Society You’ll get: ✅ A body mapping exercise for shame and safety ✅ Sensory pleasure prompts to rewire the nervous system ✅ Journal questions to explore performance vs presence ️ Join here → members.untamedember.com Untamed Ember is the podcast for erotic liberation nerds ready to burn shame and reclaim pleasure. Subscribe, leave a review, and send this to the friend who still thinks orgasms are “for marriage only.” (We’ll fix that.) Chapters (00:00:10) - Intro: Purity Culture and a Caffeinated Sex Therapist(00:00:59) - Your Brain on Shame: Cortisol, Chaos, and Church Guilt(00:02:02) - Control, Guilt, and the Beige Cardigan Agenda(00:02:46) - Pleasure Rewiring: Why Dr. Misty Dissociated During Sex(00:04:07) - Key Takeaways: Reclaiming Pleasure Is a Body-Based Rebellion(00:04:32) - Reflection Prompt: When Did Pleasure Stop Feeling Safe?(00:04:58) - Worksheet Plug: “Shame in the Body, Safety in the Senses”(00:05:25) - Sign-Off: You’re Not Broken—You’re Brilliantly Adapted

Who the hell gave the patriarchy a mic—and why is he still talking? In this fiery and unfiltered episode, Dr. Misty traces how religion, colonization, and white supremacy shaped our most shame-filled beliefs about sex and pleasure. From demonizing desire to rewriting sexual freedom as deviance, this episode is a wild ride through history, rage, and radical reclamation. You’ll laugh, you’ll learn, and you’ll probably want to light something on fire (metaphorically… probably). Includes a reflection prompt + exclusive worksheet for deeper unlearning inside The Ember Society.   Episode 7: Who Mic’d Up the Church, the Colonizers, and the Creepy Uncle? Theme: How history, religion, and white supremacy created today’s sexual expectations In This Episode: How religion made orgasms feel like sin Why colonizers erased Indigenous sexual joy The phrase “Less is Morally Superior” and how it f*cks us up The real reason shame was invented (hint: it’s about power) Why pleasure is a form of rebellion This Week’s Journal Prompt: What’s one belief you were taught about sex, gender, or pleasure that didn’t come from you—but you still carry it? Who put that idea in your head? Do you even want it there anymore? Companion Worksheet: “Unlearning the Inherited Script” Available exclusively inside The Ember Society You'll get: ✅ A deep dive into where your sexual beliefs originated ✅ Tools to identify shame patterns in your body ✅ A guided process to rewrite your erotic narrative on your own terms Join here → members.untamedember.com Let’s Get Real About Sex, Shame, and Why Your Ex Was Probably the Problem. Subscribe, share, and leave a review if today’s episode lit something up for you. Chapters (00:00:10) - Intro: Who Gave the Patriarchy a Microphone?(00:00:58) - Sex Ed from the Church Basement (If You Orgasm, Satan Wins)(00:02:16) - Colonization and the Sexual Censorship Industrial Complex™(00:03:07) - Who Let the Patriarchy Into the Group Chat?(00:04:10) - Key Takeaways: Shame Was Never About Protecting You(00:04:55) - Reflection Prompt: Who Put That Idea in Your Head?(00:05:12) - Worksheet: Unlearning the Inherited Script(00:05:39) - Sign-Off: You Never Had to Earn Your Pleasure

Summary In this episode of the Untamed Ember podcast, Dr. Misty Gibson explores the concept of the 'pleasure ceiling'—a subconscious limit that prevents individuals from fully experiencing pleasure and intimacy. She discusses the reasons behind this disconnection, shares personal experiences, and offers practical strategies to help listeners stretch their capacity for pleasure. The episode emphasizes the importance of recognizing patterns of disconnection and encourages listeners to embrace vulnerability and self-acceptance in their journey towards enjoying life more fully.   Chapters 00:00 Understanding the Pleasure Ceiling04:18 Identifying Signs of the Pleasure Ceiling06:20 Personal Reflections on Pleasure08:52 Strategies for Stretching Your Pleasure Ceiling11:00 Building a Community of Support   Takeaways Learning to stay with pleasure is powerful.The pleasure ceiling is a subconscious threshold.Your nervous system protects you from unfamiliar pleasure.Functional discomfort keeps you in a familiar zone.Recognizing your pleasure ceiling is the first step to change.You are not alone in feeling disconnected from pleasure.Stretching your pleasure ceiling takes time and patience.Simple practices can help you stay present in pleasure.Building capacity for joy is a gradual process.Community support can enhance your journey towards pleasure.  

Summary In this episode of the Untamed Ember podcast, Dr. Misty Gibson explores the pervasive myth that pleasure must be earned. She discusses how societal and cultural narratives shape our understanding of pleasure and rest, emphasizing that pleasure is a birthright rather than a reward. Dr. Gibson shares personal experiences and practical strategies for integrating pleasure into daily life, encouraging listeners to reclaim their right to feel good without guilt. The episode concludes with an invitation to prioritize pleasure in everyday moments.   Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Untamed Ember Podcast01:02 The Myth of Earned Pleasure04:39 Consequences of Starving Ourselves of Pleasure06:31 Practicing Pleasure Without Earning It09:57 Reframing Guilt and Reclaiming Pleasure   Takeaways Pleasure is a birthright, not a reward.Cultural narratives often dictate our relationship with pleasure.Rest should not be seen as a reward for productivity.The nervous system needs pleasure for regulation.Pushing pleasure aside can lead to disconnection from desires.The pleasure ceiling limits how much joy we allow ourselves to feel.Practicing pleasure requires intentionality and skill.Micro pleasures can be integrated into daily routines.Guilt around pleasure is often inherited and not personal.You are worthy of pleasure in the chaos of life.  

Summary In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty Gibson delves into the multifaceted world of pleasure, emphasizing the importance of sensory experiences. She discusses how different senses contribute to pleasure, the science behind sensory play, and practical techniques for exploring sensations safely. The conversation highlights the significance of communication and consent, especially for neurodivergent individuals, ensuring that pleasure remains a safe and enjoyable experience.   Takeaways Pleasure is a full-body, multi-sensory experience.Different senses contribute uniquely to how we experience pleasure.Sensory contrast enhances the intensity of pleasure.Temperature and texture play are effective ways to explore sensations.Communication and consent are crucial in sensory play.Sensory deprivation can heighten awareness of remaining senses.Scent is closely linked to memory and arousal.Taking time to explore sensations is essential for enjoyment.Overstimulation can occur, so it's important to know your limits.Experimenting with different sensations can lead to greater self-discovery.  

Summary In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty Gibson explores the art of waiting and the science of anticipation. She discusses how the buildup of anticipation can enhance pleasure, driven by the brain's dopamine response. The conversation delves into sensory play as a method to amplify anticipation and pleasure, offering practical applications for listeners to incorporate into their lives. Dr. Gibson encourages community engagement and shares her plans for future content.   Takeaways Anticipation can feel better than the final moment.Dopamine spikes during anticipation, enhancing pleasure.The uncertainty of waiting makes us more alert.Sensory play can enhance pleasure by engaging different senses.Contrast in sensations makes anticipation irresistible.Delaying gratification intensifies the final reward.Teasing can build excitement and tension.Engaging one sense at a time can heighten experiences.Waiting for something can make it feel more special.Community engagement is important for shared experiences.  

Summary In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty explores the dynamic nature of sexual desire, discussing how it evolves over time due to various factors such as life stages, hormonal changes, and emotional well-being. She emphasizes the importance of embracing these changes with curiosity rather than fear, and offers practical strategies for navigating shifting desires.   Takeaways Desire is fluid and shaped by personal growth.Life stages significantly impact sexual preferences.New experiences can reignite interest in intimacy.Hormonal changes can alter sexual desire.Emotional safety enhances libido.Managing mental health is crucial for sexual well-being.Desire shifts are normal and should be embraced.Curiosity about changing desires can lead to self-discovery.Experimentation is key to exploring new turn-ons.Desire is a journey, not a fixed state.  

Summary In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty explores the complexities of desire and pleasure, emphasizing how societal influences shape our understanding of what turns us on. She discusses the impact of media, cultural norms, and past relationships on our sexual preferences, and encourages listeners to question their own desires. Dr. Misty provides practical steps for self-exploration and invites the audience to join a community focused on unlearning shame and expanding their understanding of intimacy.   Takeaways Many of our desires are shaped by external influences.It's important to question what we think we like.Media and culture play a significant role in shaping our turn-ons.Social conditioning can limit our understanding of pleasure.Desire is not fixed; it can change over time.The context and setting can greatly influence arousal.Exploring turn-ons can start with small changes.Curiosity is key to understanding our desires.Engaging in a pleasure audit can help map desires.Joining a community can provide support in exploring intimacy.  References and Links: Untamed Ember Community: members.untamedember.com Link to Medium article, “What If Your Turn-Ons Aren’t Really Yours?” Link in Bio: bio.site/untamedember Check out Patreon for exclusive worksheets matched to our episode exercises: patreon.com/untamedember Classical Conditioning of Sexual Arousal in Women and Men: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/B:ASEB.0000007461.59019.d3