Whole New Life

After losing my husband to cancer in 2020, I embarked on what felt like an impossible journey—finding purpose in my shattered world. In this final episode, I reflect on the path I've traveled from wife to caregiver to widow to now embracing my whole new life.The grief journey has been anything but linear. I've fallen countless times but somehow found the strength to rise again. Through raw journal entries, therapy sessions, and painful "firsts," I've documented the rollercoaster of widowhood across 30 episodes—one for each year I spent with John. From the depths of despair in those early days to my November 2022 epiphany when I realized I was no longer searching for my new life but actually living it, this podcast has chronicled every step.What I never expected was finding love again with someone who truly understands. In late 2023, believing I needed to connect with someone who "got it," I met another widower—also named John—who lost his wife to cancer after 30 years together. The parallels in our stories created an immediate bond of understanding that has blossomed into a relationship where we honor our past loves while building a future together. I'm sharing his story too, as he bravely opens up about caregiving, loneliness, and finding connection after loss.As I close this chapter of sharing my widow journey, I do so with peace in my heart and gratitude for both the life I had and the one unfolding before me. My hope has always been to help others feel less alone—whether you're walking the widow path or supporting someone who is. Thank you for walking alongside me.StacyRyanAuthor.com

Can your heart truly find love again after experiencing the shattering pain of losing a spouse? Dale and Annie's story proves it's not only possible—it can happen when you least expect it.When Annie posted on Facebook asking for help spreading mulch before her daughter's wedding, she never imagined it would lead to finding love again. Dale, also a widow who had lost his wife to cancer, showed up with his wheelbarrow and shovel. Day after day, he returned to help with projects around her property, developing a friendship that slowly blossomed into something deeper.Their journey wasn't without challenges. Annie struggled with the fear of loving again, knowing the pain of loss all too well. When she confronted her fears about their 15-year age difference and the possibility of future heartbreak, Dale's response changed everything: "How much life are you going to miss in those 20 years when you're avoiding a relationship because you don't want to be hurt?" This perspective transformed Annie's outlook and allowed their relationship to flourish.Now married for over a year, Dale and Annie share a unique appreciation for every moment together. As Annie beautifully explains, "We understand that every day is truly a gift."StacyRyanAuthor.com

Memory works in mysterious ways after profound loss. Four years after my husband John died from cancer, I've made a startling discovery about grief that nobody warned me about – sometimes I can't remember whether events in my life happened before or after he passed away.This realization initially crushed me with guilt. How could something so fundamental become blurry? What does it mean when I have to consciously focus – to be "in the zone" – to place memories correctly on my life's timeline? The evolution of grief has been a journey through distinct phases, each bringing unexpected challenges.This memory blurring represents both healing and a new kind of loss to process. It's another reminder that grief isn't linear – it transforms in ways we can't anticipate.StacyRyanAuthor.com

Grief arrives in many forms, and its timing is never what we expect. After losing my husband to cancer in 2020, I discovered that my grieving process had actually begun a year earlier with his diagnosis—a slow unraveling as I watched him slip away while trying to savor every remaining moment. The contrast with my sister-in-law Annie's experience couldn't be more stark: she lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack, performing CPR in their bedroom at 2:30 AM after they had casually said goodnight just hours before.These parallel journeys through loss reveal profound truths about grief's unpredictable nature. While I had time for difficult conversations and goodbyes, Annie had none—yet both of us faced the same mountain of pain, just from different starting points. I share the raw reality of becoming a caregiver, watching my husband decline day by day, and the crushing weight of finally telling him it was okay to let go. Annie generously reveals her story through a letter describing the night that changed everything, from the ordinary moments of a playoff game and dinner to the surreal experience of hospital hallways and returning home alone.What emerges from these shared experiences is a roadmap for both those grieving and those supporting someone through loss. I've learned not to judge another's grief journey, to listen more than speak, and to simply do what needs doing without asking. Most importantly, both Annie and I discovered that even with "half a heart missing," it's possible to build a meaningful life again—different, forever marked by loss, but also enriched by deeper appreciation for each day.StacyRyanAuthor.com

Grief rewrites our entire life story, dividing it into clear chapters—before loss, during caregiving, after death, and the future we must now reimagine. In this deeply moving conversation, I sit with my friend Teri as we explore these four distinct parts of our widowhood journey after losing our husbands to colon cancer.We begin by reflecting on our previous lives—relationships marked by profound ease and partnership. Teri shares her 30-year love story with Rob, while I recall how my husband John seemed to know me better than I knew myself.When cancer arrived uninvited, we both made similar choices without realizing it. We refused to let the disease become the center of our households. We didn't Google statistics or dwell on prognoses. Instead, we focused on living each day fully, appreciating mundane moments with newfound intensity. We trusted our medical teams and protected our mental health by staying present rather than spiraling into anxiety about the inevitable.The most powerful moments emerge as we discuss our current lives as young widows. Teri reveals how her children became her purpose: "I never stopped, and I think I never stopped because of my kids." I share how my healing began with the smallest victories—just brushing my teeth felt like an accomplishment some days. We both acknowledge that grief visits periodically, but we've learned not to let it take permanent residence.We've discovered the gift of presence—living fully in each moment rather than fixating on five-year plans. When I ask Teri if she ever feels guilty for finding happiness again, her answer resonates deeply: "I do not. Rob would never plant that seed in my head."StacyRyanAuthor.com

Can you feel genuinely happy after devastating loss? When my husband died in 2020, I couldn't imagine ever experiencing true happiness again. Now, five years later, I've found myself in a surprising place – genuinely happy and yet wrestling with unexpected guilt about that happiness."I thought genuine happiness was just a dream," reflecting on my darkest days. "Can I feel happy again? Can I feel joy? Can I be content in my life?" The answer, as I've discovered, is yes – though not without complications. Now sharing my life with another widowed person who truly understands my journey, I've found a new kind of happiness that honors rather than replaces my past.Fellow widows Maribeth and Michelle join the conversation, sharing their own experiences finding love and joy after loss. Their stories create a tapestry of hope, validating the confusing mix of emotions that accompany happiness after grief. As Maribeth beautifully puts it, "It sometimes seems so confusing to experience both joy and pain and grief all at the same time."StacyRyanAuthor.com

Four of us share the raw truth about what helped—and hurt—our first year of grief. My sister-in-law Annie, Annie's husband Dale, and my boyfriend John join me for an intimate conversation about navigating widowhood together.We reveal the profound impact of simple statements like "you do you" and "it's okay not to be okay" that gave us permission to grieve authentically. We recount how friends who simply showed up—bringing food, scheduling visits, sharing memories, or just walking together—created lifelines during our darkest days. Annie's candid admission that she remembers little from her first year of widowhood highlights how differently grief can manifest.We also discuss the well-intended but painful comments received. From premature suggestions about finding new love to the dreaded "I understand". We acknowledge that these challenges came from good people with kind intentions—the guidance simply arrived at the wrong moment.What emerges is a powerful lesson about the value of presence over perfect words, listening over advising, and respecting each person's unique grieving journey. As Dale powerfully states, "It doesn't matter what you say, it's that you're there."StacyRyanAuthor.com

When the future you planned suddenly vanishes, how do you move forward? After losing my husband to cancer in 2020, I faced the incredibly difficult journey of transforming our "we were going to" dreams into a new life of "I get to" opportunities.This deeply personal episode takes you through the evolution of our marriage conversations—from the light, daily check-ins of our 20s to the profound end-of-life discussions where my husband encouraged me to find purpose without him. I share how our discussions changed through different life stages, and the gutting reality of sitting beside someone you love while they prepare you for a future they won't share.My grief journey unfolded in distinct phases over four years. 2021 brought the robotic "I have to" survival mode, where simply getting through each day required tremendous effort. In 2022, I cautiously entered an "I guess I could" mindset, tentatively exploring new possibilities. By 2023, I developed the courage to try new things without expectations, which eventually blossomed into my current perspective: "I get to." This transformative mindset has opened doors to talents I never knew I possessed and opportunities I couldn't have imagined during those darkest days.StacyRyanAuthor.com

Grief transforms over time, especially in how we relate to photographs and memories of those we've lost. Four years after losing my husband John to cancer, I've discovered that reminiscing about our life together has evolved from unbearably painful to genuinely joyful.During that first year, I couldn't look beyond the heartbreaking final months of John's illness. Every photograph felt like a knife to the heart, yet I compulsively revisited those painful memories. When well-meaning friends assured me "it gets better with time," I couldn't even comprehend what that might mean. Time stood still in my grief.The second and third years marked a deliberate shift as I worked with my counselor to focus on the 29 wonderful years we shared rather than the painful ending. Though tears still came when sharing stories or viewing photographs, I began experiencing moments of genuine warmth and even laughter alongside the sadness. I was still firmly anchored in my past, holding tightly to those memories as precious treasures.Now in year four, a remarkable transformation has occurred. I share stories about John with pride and gratitude, introducing new friends to the wonderful man I had the privilege of loving. Photographs that once devastated me now fill my heart with joy. This episode also features conversations with six fellow widows who share their unique approaches to handling memories – from those who find comfort in constant reminiscing to others who still need to look away from certain images even years later.Whether you're navigating grief yourself or supporting someone who is, this raw exploration offers hope and validation that there's no single "right way" to process memories of those we've lost.StacyRyanAuthor.com

Four years after grief changed everything, I'm returning for my final season to share the culmination of my healing journey. What does it truly mean to accept a new chapter after devastating loss? This episode takes you through my transformation from a grieving widow to someone who's genuinely, authentically happy again. By sharing raw journal entries spanning from June 2020 to April 2024, I reveal the gradual but profound shift from despair to hope, from merely surviving to genuinely thriving —from writing about "balancing being in the moment and being angry at our situation" to eventually declaring "Happy, truly happy."During my hiatus from podcasting, I channeled my energy into writing and self-publishing a three-book series about my experiences. "46 Days" chronicles the beginning of my healing journey, "140.6 sMILES" explores how my Ironman training prepared me for life's greatest challenges, and "3 Words" details both my cancer journey and my husband John's battle that eventually took his life. These books, like this podcast, aim to help others feel less alone in their struggles.What I've discovered is that accepting a new chapter isn't just about recognizing growth—it's about embracing responsibility with a "get to" rather than "have to" mindset. It's about finding purpose through vulnerability and connection.  I hope my journey offers both comfort and inspiration. There is life—beautiful, meaningful life—after devastating loss.StacyRyanAuthor.com

As the sun sets on a transformative season of Whole New Life, I find comfort and courage in the company of Wendy, a friend who's been the mirror reflecting my journey from heartache to hope. Our conversation is an open book, where the pages turn to reveal the strength and vision that have blossomed within me since the universe called my beloved husband away. We reminisce about the day in November when the winds of change whispered promises of a brighter tomorrow, and I share with you the pearls of wisdom that helped me to hold on to the belief that joy can be reclaimed in the aftermath of loss.StacyRyanAuthor.com

Navigating through the stormy seas of loss, I found solace and purpose in the written word, crafting a narrative that would both honor my husband John's memory and offer solace to those on similar journeys. Alongside me, my vibrant 14-year-old niece Evelyn brings an effervescent touch to our storytelling, her love for fairy tales and acting weaving a thread of joy through the fabric of our creative endeavors. Together, we unfold a tapestry of resilience, demonstrating the transformative power of embracing new chapters in life, both literal and metaphorical.StacyRyanAuthor.com

With each significant life event, from crossing an Ironman finish line to overcoming cancer and embracing widowhood, my tapestry of tattoos narrates a tale of resilience and memory. Join me as I recount the poignant stories behind each piece of ink—a silent symphony of joy, strength, and survival that adorns my body.StacyRyanAuthor.com

When your world crumbles, how do you find the strength to rebuild it? This episode of Whole New Life is about: YES, I have changed; how can you not after witnessing the person you love the most slowly die in front of your eyes. I will share the struggle as well as the light that can be found in the aftermath of loss. I illuminate the paths that have led me to rediscover my purpose. I share the heartfelt journey of transformation, acknowledging the pain but also the profound growth.Determined & Resilient!StacyRyanAuthor.com

When the house you lived in for over 20 years becomes a tapestry of memories, how do you find the strength to let go and begin anew? Join me as I recount the emotional odyssey of downsizing and moving forward following the loss of my husband. We'll explore the tough decisions and deep reflections that come with sorting through a lifetime of shared belongings and the bittersweet task of choosing what to keep and what to release. This episode isn't just about the physical act of moving; it's a tribute to the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity for growth amid life's most challenging transitions.Embracing solitude in a new environment can be as daunting as it is liberating. I'll share the intimate details of combating loneliness, the unexpected comfort in signs from John, and the personal strides taken toward setting and achieving new goals. Through my journey, I aim to inspire those who are navigating their own path of loss and renewal. So, tune in for an episode that's not just a chronicle of change, but a beacon of hope for anyone seeking to honor their past while courageously stepping into a future filled with gratitude and open heartedness.StacyRyanAuthor.com

Embarking on a 'Year of Dabbling' after the loss of my husband, I am here to share the beauty and challenges of forging a new path, one dabble at a time. Imagine the courage it takes to embrace uncertainty and the thrill of ticking off experiences from a list you never knew you’d create. This season on Whole New Life, I’m taking you along on a poignant and liberating journey that highlights the strength I found in the wake of heartache. I’ll take you behind the scenes of crafting my book series that encapsulates my life's most pivotal roles - an Ironman, a young cancer survivor, and now, a widow. Through open conversations and heartfelt storytelling, I aim to foster a community where peace, love, and happiness aren't just fleeting moments but the very foundations of our new beginnings.StacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share my relationship with John’s sister, the journey of both losing our husbands in 2020 and how we've grown the past 2.5 years.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share some personal journal entries from Aug 2021, when I started to intentionally write down & act on some changes that I felt in my heart, what I learned & how I've grown from each decision.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share how hard it is to understand how I feel myself much less explain it to others and the benefits of finding people who truly do understand. Today’s guest is my friend Maribeth; we will share our stories & a few of our challenges.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share a little about my Jeep girl history and my new off-roading hobby.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share why I chose 1-1 vs. group counseling and a summary of what I learned in my five sessions.DISCLAIMER: This is MY journey of counseling. These are MY reasons for seeking a counselor when I did. This is MY real & honest thoughts going into this. These are MY learnings. This is NOT to be interpreted as professional advice or guidance. It's just me sharing MY story. Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share what the difference is between these two phrases for me after losing John & how I manage these feelings.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share the evolution of what my distractions have been since losing my husband and why I live with the motto: no regrets & no expectations.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share what a first means to me, the real & raw feelings I had & a few ways I managed those firsts. I have 3 guests today who are amazing friends of mine & unfortunately young widows as well - Pam, Kristine & Michelle. We will have a conversation about a few of our firsts and how we managed them.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share how challenging it is for me to relive this part of my life, what an inspirational refresh episode is and why I am doing it. Today's inspirational refresh is about why I make exercise a priority in my life.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share the value of quality friends, story sharing, laughing guilt-free & accepting positive feedback, how being proud of myself is 100% okay & my friend Michelle will share what she's observed with my progress over time.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share why I believe in these signs, the signs that work for me, a few decisions I made by myself & how I knew I made the right one & why my signs are less frequent now.Season 1: Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

I will share how I felt in early 2021, how I managed those feelings, what I've learned & how I've grown. My friend Sue will share two actual stories from then; I didn't know which ones she was going to talk about & you will hear my true emotions come out as I recall those moments.Season 1: 2021 ~ Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com

Get to know a little about my late husband, John, a summary of our life together and the tenacity & courage it took when we realized his prognosis.Season 1: 2021 ~ Year of SurvivingAbout the pic: Let's just say my husband never liked his picture taken and the ones we have together we are typically making some kind of facial gesture and/or sticking our tongue out (never taking anything too serious). We did family pics in 2016 for my parent's 50th wedding anniversary & in between family pics I grabbed him and said, 'let's get one of you & me'. He's sporting that infamous grin of his & in the meantime I'm holding back laughter. This pic brings a smile to my face. This is us at our finest! ;)StacyRyanAuthor.com

You will learn a little about my personality, a summary of my hobbies & interests as well as what's important to me. I will also explain how Whole New Life was created and what to expect from me in future episodes.Season 1: 2021 ~ Year of SurvivingStacyRyanAuthor.com