All Episodes - How to Die Alone
A podcast for the broken person inside all of us. If you've ever wondered how to find delight in oblivion, wonder no more.
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How to Die Alone - Episode 191 - Tax The Rich Aerosmith Plays For Free
- The gang talks about Zuck's choice of BBQ - We debate Halloween costumes - Davey discusses a first for him at the comedy club - Matty breaks down his frustration with people not worrying about losing their smell - Davey has an adventure on the backroads of Florida - Will we get shadowbanned? I don't know, do you see this? Let us know in comments - Speaking of comments, Matty learns the comment section exists on YouTube - The gang discusses old musicians and how they should play for free at this poin
How to Die Alone - Episode 190
Episode 190, Davey forgot to do show notes so here it is...
How to Die Alone - Episode 189 - Pride and Sides
WE'RE BACK! The gangs been on a...sabbatical if you will, but we're back to discuss the finer things in life like... - Matty's shirt is "Vintage?" - Pride and Sides - Santa Claus and Elves Mining Coal - Davey's relationship advice / tactics - Emanual Gauge / Women stuck in appliances - Matty's Monster Madness - Amanda's Promotion - Amanda's Promotion again - Look for us on Amazon Music and Alexa soon!
How to Die Alone - Episode 187 - Grandma's Dinner Cannon
In this week's episode the gang discusses Davey's Grandma's unique dinner bell, and... - Davey gets asked a question about manners - Matty brings up a wild fact about cats that confuses Davey - The gang discusses Amanda's TikTok success...again - The team learns about Davey's Grandma and her cannon - Matty gets into a sweet school program for his sounding ultra
How to Die Alone - Episode 186 - Cheeks in the Breeze
In this fun filled episode we discuss airplane flights and... - Matty remembers how aggressive Davey was in his first Roast - Amanda has an awkward encounter on a flight - Davey describes how he used to show off his new fit in elementary school - Matty shares his story of people getting carried off the plane - Davey witnessed some justified racism? - It's a lot about airplanes!
How to Die Alone - Episode 185 - Spiky Potatoes
This week the gang tackles serious issues like Bingo and... - Davey confuses John Candy and John Goodman - Matty almost got his fist badge in the Scouts as a kid - Davey learns the gang on the pecking order of nerd bullying - Matty has a Special Ops friend just disapp - Matty and Amanda let Davey in on their inside jokes - Matty goes to Drag Queen Bingo
How to Die Alone - Episode 184 - Davey Does The Blues
In this episode we cover a slew of things... - Amanda is on the road in her new "dungeon" - Matty goes to an arcade bar - Davey becomes an old blues musician - Amanda still doesn't like dating apps - We come up with a cool prank for your next flight
How to Die Alone - Episode 183 - Tapioca On The Pull Out
This episode is a wild one! Be sure to be careful on the pull out!
How to Die Alone - Episode 182 - Queef's Are Just Pant Sneezes
In this episode we discuss... - Matty's neighbors being aggressive - How the Skating Rink has shaped Davey's coming of age - Matty's Tinder date and we come up with a new a new dating app - Amanda's weird Collect Call from someone she doesn't know - Matty's a big T.E.A.S. - Davey learns the gang about the Queef
How to Die Alone - Episode 181 - All Golf Chicks Have Deep Voices
The gang is down a man, but we will prevail! This week we discuss... - Matty looking like a hip D.A.R.E. representative - We discuss the TikTok - Matty is a bully to his nephew - Amanda Catfishes "The Comedian" on Tinder - Davey is disc deep into the Disc Gol
How to Die Alone - Episode 180 - When Davey's Attack!
In this episode, that was supposed to come out last week, but Davey's a lazy POS... Davey basically yells at Bobby, because he's fat and feels inferior about not being as good looking. Also Davey is insecure about his tiny penis and feels the need to flex on people online because he's a keyboard warrior, well Zoom warrior in this case.
How to Die Alone - Episode 179 - Stevie's Big Brained Ant Bodies
In this episode the gang discusses... - Stevie schools us on how every 90's sitcom has an awkward dancing episode. - Davey has technical issues, and gets all grumbly as usual. - The gang discusses ideas to make our podcast better by being silly - Amanda explains our patented Bear Bags to Stevie - Amanda tells us that How to Die Alone has affected her every day life even at work - Davey continues with the struggles of technology, IT'S NOT MEANT FOR BEARS! - Amanda learns us of the TikTok Al Gore Rhythm on 4/20 - The crew discusses Stand-up comedy, real shocker, but some comics are silly - Stevie gets so new super fans that he doesn't know how to talk to. - Matty mansplains us about a femenist that opened for Mike Birbiglia - Davey shares a story of the great Mike Birbiglia not wanting to be brought up - The team discusses the worst accents ever, and of course is the Balmor accent - Davey proposes that Caitlyn Jenner will win Governor and succeed from US and in 4 years Kim Kardashian will be President of California. - Stevie has a lot of antibodies from the great 2020 allergy
How to Die Alone - Episode 178 - Lincoln The Stove Piping Klinefelter
It's a celebrity packed episode! We just discuss multiple celebrities for some reason and speculate on how horrible they are in real life - We discuss the Luis J Gomez and Kurt Metzger as they were at our home club - Matty knows way too much about cargo shorts - Matty remembers the time Todd Barry beat up a comic for sitting up front, and we do our best Todd Barry impersonations - Davey shares a fun fact about Steve Buscemi in Pulp Fiction - We speculate about how mean Rob Schneider is and his ridiculous demands - Davey starts Disc Golf to distract him from the fact he's walking - Matty informs us of Disney's Architectural problem - Stevie introduces us to the future of internet! Featuring the CEO of MyPillow - Real Mario Kart spotted in the Europe, because of course it was. - We estimate what the great emancipator did to his staff with his famous hat
How to Die Alone - Episode 177 - Humans Don't Glow In The Dark
The gangs all here! All 4 of us in 3 windows! This week we discuss a slew of topics including... - We corrupt Amanda with our middle school dark jokes we used to tell about babies - Amanda buys a questionable food item from the Blueberry Festival - We discuss Amanda's aggressive collection of "toys" - Matty shares a horrible NSFW dad joke - Davey discusses some shows from this past weekend - Davey learns us why Virginia doesn't have any professional sports teams - Matty gets his Vaccine and breaks down his experience for us - Matty learns us why humans don't glow in the dark - Venmo has a weird rule about buying a Cuban Sandwich - Davey learns about his Canadian Roots - Davey speculates on the original Viagra
How to Die Alone - Episode 176 - Peanut Texas Yoga
On this week's episode, the original 3 discuss a new form of Yoga that's going to eventually originate out of Texas, we also talk about... - We roast Matty about being a soldiers little drummer boy - We rewrite a classic piece of cinema "Gay Terminator" - Matty scheldules to get vacinated, he's a good boy! - Matty gets a new PS5 by hacking the planet - Florida Man drowns after searching for his own golf ball in a pond - Teen Spiderman lures and beats up pedophiles in Brazil - Men break into wrong house while trying to play out a sexual fantasy - Stevie learns us about the Delta 8 - We imagine Middle America finding out about Delta 8 and speculate their reactions - Peanut Yoga is a new style sweeping through Texas
How to Die Alone - Episode 175 - Genetically Engineered Attack Toasters
This week we discuss how they're genetically engineering attack toasters that can fly! Also on this week's episode... - Stevie does his best Bill Gates Homicidal Kermit impression - We idiotically talk about Religions and their eating rules (we don't know anything) - We watch Ms Bart Simpson fool a kid hawking candy - Welsh Teacher gets in trouble about his blog calling kids Kardashian clones - Matty collected Pogs but Davey collected Pawgs - Davey's a giant Cuck Bear, a Pandave if you will - Anonymous Songwriters upset people stealing royalties, ugh maybe don't be anonymous idiots - Man gets his meat stolen at Costco from Ravens
How to Die Alone - Episode 174 - Grabbing My Face and Screaming
On this episode the OG 3 are joined by the Amasianest Intern Amanda: - Davey discusses an odd dream he had - Amanda takes awful work photos, but her butcher ones came out great and that's more important - Stevie has an amazing weekend in standup, getting to bring up a special guest - Matty flirts with waitress and in turn flirts with a law - The gang invents a new 'tism that's going to be mainstream to the Publix soon
How to Die Alone - Episode 173 - The Observer : Concealed Trumped
- We get radical about stunt doubles that look nothing like the actor - Stevie serenades us with some New Orleans Jazz Originals - Matty wants to remake Joker with Louis Armstrong armed with a Trumpet - Stevie has 3 barrels of hot brass for you! - Davey gets out of breath from walking to the stage this past weekend - Stevie gets asked an awkward question in an interview - The gang discusses some ridiculous news articles
How to Die Alone - Episode 172 - Who Honestly Cares
I mean, who honestly cares? This has been going way longer than it needed to, but we keep at it anyway. On this completely unnecessary episode of "How to Die Alone", 6 people will hear us: -Recap our exciting shows during COVID -Interrupt each other constantly -React to dumb news stories Stephen found -And plug shows you won't go to
How to Die Alone - Episode 171 - The 171st Episode
It's the 171st episode. That means there were 170 more episodes before this. Exciting. On this week's completely passable episode "How to Die Alone" podcast: -Seinfeld as a bee picks up his high school girl -Matt somehow gets respect for being on a podcast -People in Ocala give Stephen grief for wearing a mask -We try to make David to dance in the closet -David learns about the gender neutral honorific Mx (mix) -The war between good people and bad people rages on -An entire spin class gets COVID-19 because they exercised without masks -David is too unhealthy to attract COVID-19 -We imagine a nightmare scenario involving paper straws -Ohio State students learn how to start their own OnlyFans, how to decolonize pornography, and David imagines his own panel at the seminar -And a Sacramento doctor works through a Zoom court hearing
How to Die Alone - Episode 170 - Millennial Bears Eating Ass
In Alaska, millennial bears eating ass are becoming a real problem. Beware the outhouse! Also, on this thrilling episode of "How to Die Alone" podcast: -Matty has been watching reruns of "The Amazing Race" -Stephen takes investment advice from his junk -David's dad roasts him over his lack of oral hygiene -Matt expects certain accents to have certain opinions and his former classmate becomes a psychologist -Arizona makes it a crime to lick ice cream and put it back on the shelf -We devise some amazing new Oreo flavors - Nabisco GET AT US! -Texas mayor declares "only the strong will survive" like an absolute psychopath -We detail how easy it isn't to leave Florida in the event of hurricanes -Stephen drops the historical knowledge about Florida's awesome highways -And old, rich people create jobs we didn't even know we needed
How to Die Alone - Episode 169 - Cleavage Ohio Has Amazing Hills
Apparently Cleavage Ohio Has Amazing Hills and How to Die Alone is here to free climb them by hand! Also in this adventurous episode of "How to Die Alone": - Amanda has a hard time eating bagels - We discuss the appealing sides of different breads - David wonders if ladies can order “Everything Semen” for In Vitro Fertilization - Stephen explains how he engulfed David at the roast - Apparently people are falling in love with their Pelaton instructors - The gang debates about a White Male Professor that pretended to be a Female Immigrant of Color on Twitter - Amanda gets free wings at Hooters for ripping up photo of ex-boyfriend - David mansplains to Amanda (again as usual) about how Women don’t know what they want sexually. He needs to stop listening to Patrice O’Neal - The crew discusses how Cleavage Ohio has the best hills!
How to Die Alone - Episode 168 - From Quran to Karen
One passionate group begets another as we go from Quran to Karen. And we're joined by MMA fighter turned stand-up comedian, Dylan Walker! Also in this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone": -We talk about the TikTok hustle with Dylan -Geranium Smythe joins the podcast again -David and Matt don't respect sports teams with silly names -Matt doesn't know what a standard is -Dylan makes a fast friend with a leader of a motorcycle club -David and Stephen explain about how zany the Westboro Baptist Church is... was...? Are they still a thing? -Dylan's record in street fights is less than ideal and Dylan is a resident expert in Power Ranger history -Dylan and David bond over skirting controversy with BLM bits and jokes about the capitol rioters -Stephen watches "My Octopus Teacher" and learns so much about life and cephalopods -and Dylan explains the plot of the Tiger Woods documentary, "Tiger" on HBO
How to Die Alone - Episode 167 - The Hand of the Upper Body
The mark of the beast is injected into the hand of the upper body. Also on this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone" -David doesn't wanna get killed by Steve Buscemi -Stephen confuses Steve Buscemi with Rob Schneider -Matt is a poor man's Fabio, despite not taking a goose to the face -Stephen gets the good word about the COVID vaccine on a card left on his car -David learns about DNA manipulation and the human genome -We reminisce about board games like "Monopoly" and the game of "Life" -We imagine a fight in a Kinkos between employees who are passionate about their work -Matt watches "Hamilton" and confuses Aaron Burr with Bill Burr -David explains the GameStop GameStonks situation, and then Stephen cleans it up. -Teacher appreciation day for Matt entails a twice baked potato -Stephen details the game tournament "Rock the Rock" as seen on "High Score" on Netflix -And Zoomers rebel against their millennial parents
How to Die Alone - Episode 166 - All Cars Go to Heaven
When cars die, All Cars Go to Heaven! Also on this week's thrilling installment of "How to Die Alone": -We imagine Matt running up Machu Picchu -David wishes he brought his ping pong paddle to a brewery -Stephen and David do a show in the old "Back to the Future" courthouse -Stephen hits an unknown object and seriously messes up his car (now accepting CashApp $StephenHangry) -David was made in a Build-A-Bear Workshop -Matt completes his 100th Peloton ride and all he got was a boring ass t-shirt -Matt can't ride the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith at Disney anymore -Amanda breaks down the bizarre history of pumpernickel bread and her love of eavesdropping on strangers -A man in Ukraine runs around naked, covered in guts, and holding his father's severed head -and Amanda wants a Brownstone Brunch Box for an exciting mukbang adventure.
How to Die Alone - Episode 165 - Hanu-Cuck
Celebrate 8 nights of Hanu-Cuck with Amanda and the boys! Also on this week's How to Die Alone: -Stephen reviews the best part of "The King of Staten Island" -Matt drops medical knowledge about recovering from traumatic injury -Amanda learns everything about Scientology from a documentary -Matt drinks a rose flavored Monster energy -Amanda and Matt watch "90 Day Fiance" -Amanda and her boyfriend attempt to negotiate birthday threesomes (good and bad kinds) -A cat's birthday party in Chile is a COVID super spreader event -Women on Bumble turn over the insurrectionists who invaded the US Capitol on January 6th -Amanda stumbles across a possessed doll on Facebook marketplace -and Matt discovers a new toy that any dog would be happy to play with.
How to Die Alone - Episode 164 - Tos-feet-os Toe-tilla Chips
Get you a bowl of Tos-Feet-Os Toe-Tilla Chips for this week's episode of How to Die Alone. On this week's episode: -David goes to get his feet done up at a salon -David would not use his car to stop crime -Stephen introduces us to nightmare bagels you can order online -Denmark launches a new kids show about a man with a magical.... well... just watch/listen -A human rights lawyer gets caught going full Rachel Dolezal -The world's oldest sperm is discovered, and its source was not the creep who won't stop staring at you at a Denny's -Biden's rescue dog gets ready for a puppy inauguration (d'awww) -David runs for office in 2024 (despite his desire not to) -and Amanda stumbles upon a sizeable Cheez-It cache.
How to Die Alone - Episode 163 - 2 Fingers of Cold Brew
We're serving up 2 Fingers of Cold Brew in this week's episode! Also on "How to Die Alone" this week: -We shudder to think about what British people eat -We're joined by a mystery guest -The Guardian is yet another rag that attempts to take us down -David explains the plot of "Snowden" -Florida law enforcement agents raid a data scientist's house to suppress COVID statistics -The Nashville bombing on Christmas gets little to no coverage and one womyn knows why -Squirrels in New York City are violently attacking people -Matt plays "Cyberpunk 2077" and brags about it because he thinks he's something -A woman plans to name her baby something controversial in order to keep it from having an easy life -David hates Sherlock Holmes's stupid little hat -and we watch a man fire the world's largest handgun.
How to Die Alone - Episode 160 - Lyndon B Johnson: The B is for BIG
They say it stood for Baines, but they SAW it stood for BIG! Lyndon B Johnson was the 36th President on paper, but number 1 on a ruler. Lyndon B Johnson named his big member "Jumbo" and wasn't shy about showing it off. - Amanda unboxes her KeyPort - We invent a new product called The Bear Bag - Pelican's have a different meaning in Pensacola - Amanda learns Davey and Matty about how to tell Asians apart - We learn of a father getting tatted for his son - The gang is taught about the ancient Chinese tradition of "Iron Crotch" - Lyndon B Johnson would show his 10+ inch pet to White House Staff, whether they wanted to see it or not
How to Die Alone - Episode 159 - Bacon Grease Air Wicks
We''re cooking up a bacon grease Air Wick with Johnny B, from "FTS with Johnny B" and "The Johnny B Show" from 102.5 the Bone in Tampa Bay. -Amanda is getting a free KeyPort Pivot as her Christmas bonus -Johnny B refuses to use a Fleshlight he got as a gift -Johnny B reinvents the Karen meme -We recount our failed merch idea for hats and shirts -Matt and Johnny B bond over their COVID exposure experiences and how to identify fellow Covies -Johnny B, a member of the media, explains why you shouldn't trust the media -Johnny B and David bond over the artistry of barbecue and how Johnny upset a barbecue chef with his critique -We talk about how everyone is vacating New York to come do standup in Florida, the obvious heart of comedy -Matt wears a shirt that offends everyone except the people it should -We dig into the nitty gritty of bills and how those bums in Washington just can't do it -Johnny B is a fan of Tampa sports and even introduces us to the USFL Bandits, named after Burt Reynolds -David gets confused with Mike Calta on a regular basis -Johnny B talks about being recognized by strangers in public (we can barely relate) -and we talk about the COVID mask hall pass of drinks and snacks in public.
How to Die Alone - Episode 158 - Sad Penis Bone Face Full of Powder
Otter's up north got sad penis bones and faces FULL of powder! What's Emmet Otter's wife going to do? If you know, you know! Also on this week's tantalizing traumatizing episode of "How to Die Alone": -Matt beats a woman... at every game they play together -We learn Amanda a thing or two about the female experience -Matt notices shocking similarities between military personnel and frat bros (style choices) -Amanda yearns for a man with a boat to take her across the seas -A Canadian couple is upset that their poinsettia isn't dying like it's supposed to -Otter penis bones (baculums) are getting frail due to contaminants -Matt discovers river bricks, which are totally naturally occurring -San Francisco 49ers and Denver Broncos effectively can't play football because COVID said "no" -Ammo shortages ruin Christmas and people aren't able to put any shells in their family's stockings -A woman defends child labor in Africa as being pretty awesome and Amanda's grandmother used to tend the pineapple fields -and we review TikToks about a Jesus arts and crafts project, John Wick's home life, and a small Thanksgiving family gathering.
How to Die Alone - Episode 157 - Air Ranch
Davey plays "Air Ranch" in the new animated basketball comedy "Space Ham"! Also on this week's "How to Die Alone": -Matt Williams watches dogs in an aviation themed neighborhood -We review the amazing new (to us) invention, the KeyPort Pivot! -A plane lands on a brown bear mother in Alaska -Andrew Cuomo gets an Emmy nomination for his spectacular work in Aaron Sorkin's "COVID Press Briefings" -We learn about physics and/or geometry through the art of watching someone be way too good at playing pool -Foul mouthed swearing parrots have to be separated at a zoo to keep it PG -Canadians are encouraged not to let mooses... meeses... moosen lick salt off their cars -A cat in Sri Lanka smuggles drugs and SIM cards into a prison -We learn about, CIVVL, an Uber-like service for evicting people from their homes during a pandemic for fun and profit -and, of course, we watch some of the dumbest TikToks you've ever seen!
How to Die Alone - Episode 156 - LatinX-Games
This week, we're talking about the LatinX-Games! Get your longboard and your cranberry juice and go full TikTok superstar with us. Also on this episode: -David learns about plaque psoriasis in Matt learns what Jeep stands for -Stephen devises a new concept for an Italian coffeehouse -Matt beats David in a rousing game of darts -David hates the smell of the ham plants in Virginia -An Oregon man sets some U-Hauls on fire when he throws a firework at his ex -Ducks decide where to get the best bread and lay the duck D down -Strippers start to deliver food to make extra money in the era of COVID-19 -We discuss how Godfather's PIzza should be considered a crime against humanity, why the Wawa Gobbler is one of the greatest inventions, and bizarre mandatory restaurant greetings -Matt visits his burrito in the intensive care unit and finds out a Taco Bell cashier is feeling more than terrific. -David knows a little too much about "Stand and Deliver" and "Kingpin" -And some women really get into it at a show Stephen is on, but a marriage falls apart at a show David is on.
How to Die Alone - Episode 155 - Mukbang Bus
Get on the Mukbang Bus with us! On this episode: -Stephen isn't a Florida cracker, but a Maryland claw cracker -David and Matt bond over the award winning masterpiece cinema of "Varsity Blues" -We watch a TikTok furniture repair video that gets a little spicy -David introduces a US citizen/third world country exchange program -A Texas boy wins a mullet championship where he competes against freedom flappers, modern mullets, and Tennessee top hats -Stephen is a proud Italian, or at least he used to be -Arnold Schwarzenegger lectures beta soy boys on how they don't properly enjoy their stogies like he does -Nikocado Avocado horrifies us with his McDonald's Mukbang video where he eats over $100 of McTrash -and Rudy Giuliani organizes a grassroots campaign initiative at a landscaping business in Pennsylvania that he mistook for a Four Seasons Hotel.
How to Die Alone - Episode 154 - The Gentlemen's C-Word
We're talking about the Gentlemen's C-Word. Which C-word? The answer may shock you! On this episode: Matt Williams drops some Johnny Cash history on us Matt looks like Heat Miser from "A Year without Santa Claus" Amanda the intern learns about biker culture Amanda gets a COVID scare and has to keep her throat coated to avoid catching the corona David Wayne is hopelessly addicted to lozenges and a recreational drop user Amanda pitches her interview show where she talks tennis on the streets Stephen educates us on the only way to play the Soviet anthem David and Matt reminisce fondly over President Obama sinking a 3 in a viral video Amanda teaches us about the "Glizzy Gripper" and David is tired of young folx slang A man in Davie, Florida goes full contact with an adult leopard and gets an earful We remember Sean Connery getting slappy and David doesn't know the difference between Foreigner and the Police.
How to Die Alone - Episode 153 - Fresh Queen of Bad Air
Are dinosaurs even real? The Fresh Queen of Bad Air doesn't think so! They're just a conspiracy from Big Science. On this week's episode of "How to Die Alone": -Stephen shows off some door handles designed to prevent suicide -We learn about a snack foood where you're supposed to just eat the whole dang bag -Shark Tank goes will for dog toilet paper, Pooch Paper! -We watch a YouTube video about how dinosaurs never existed, but dragons did -Dr. Phil ain't your daddy, and he says so on TikTok -David pitches his new product - Slap in a Box! -We reimagine the Big Mouth Billy Bass with a nu metal soundtrack -David was haunted by his Teddy Ruxpin -Matty wants us to guess how many ceiling fans are in his parents house -and David answers every question anyone's ever had about "Over the Top" with Sylvester Stallone
How to Die Alone - Episode 152 - Log and Order Special Lumber Unit
On this week's episode: -David just wants to tell his story and winds up exhausted -Amanda introduces us to the Florida boot -We celebrate the marriage of airboats and snow -David educates us on Florida's historic logging industry -Stephen watches a true crime series where cameramen follow people committing crimes in real-time -Matt Williams helps someone move, someone who isn't Amanda or Stephen -Matt Carter calls in from the mean streets of Uber Eats -Matt Carter and Stephen Henry do a show where they compete with some playoff sports -The GPS doesn't know where Matt Williams lives -Stephen finds a used car dealership where the vehicles have great gas mileage -Matt Carter gets into a disagreement over graphic design -Matt Carter and David reminisce about being into tuning their Civics -We invent the first masculine hygiene product and discuss amazing inventions by women -We review the hot new board game Ms. Monopoly -Amanda goes all the way off on retractable leashes -Amanda learns Matt Williams about "cuffing season"
How to Die Alone - Episode 151 - Bundt Cake Baguettes
On this week's episode of How to Die Alone - Episode 151 - Bundt Cake Baguettes: -We thank our YouTube audience for helping us get our own URL at 100 subscriptions -David tries to wrap his head around sub sandwich rings -Amanda gets out of the basement only to be sent to a resort -Matt Carter prefers drinking while on shrooms -Stephen presents everything you never thought you'd need to know about tanukis -Amanda discovers a new way to store racoons -We get horrified by the Mario for Atari commercial -We clap back at the defenders of the Proud Boys in our comments -We discuss why Milo Yiannopolous didn't get to go to CPAC -Matt Williams pirates a cherished Lee Greenwood anthem -The Matts meet a real life millionaire -We analyze the Kickstarter for the "Really Karen?" board game -David goes off on vegetarians -We review the anti-racist reporting system Yelp implemented -David eats dinner at a segregated restaurant in Indiana -and Amanda and Matt Carter come out against designer dogs
How to Die Alone - Episode 150 - Sandal Lickers
On this week's episode, we're talking about sandal lickers! Also: Matt Williams fights his way through medical school with his emotional support keg Fraternities don't make pizza at all Stephen learns why Jimmy Johns is charging him an extra quarter We have maximum rage over the minimum wage We discuss the Trump poster that supports ALL troops Matt Williams learns a thing or three about personal fitness from old gym rats Stephen explains how old men are able to speak We imagine megachurch pastors like Joel Osteen and the dingus from "The 700 Club" getting even more holy An Irish court determines Subway bread isn't bread Spain declares a food fight with Jamie Oliver Stephen pitches "Encino Man 2" and David pitches his supper into boiling water Bad Bunny and KFC both have some sold out Crocs Matt Carter learns how to spell flibbertigibbets Matt Williams's old neighbors get some brand new yard barges And we lament the loss of the video tape rewinder profession.
How to Die Alone - Episode 149 - Bowling Alley Shrimp
On this week's episode of the "How to Die Alone Podcast": -Matt Williams gets day drunk on Vizzy Hard Seltzers for his birthday. -Matt Carter works a show at an event center in Port Richey. -Stephen does a comedy show and notices a mysterious substance on his car. -Matt Williams and Amanda the intern go to a bowling alley, Matt dines on the shrimp, and the bartender refuses to mix them drinks. -David does a commercial for Everest University because he ain't doing nothing! -We fondly remember the "love tester" machine at bowling alleys and bars. -Matty tortures us all with 90s techno. -David reads us an entry from his LiveJournal from 2004. -A local restaurant patron weighs in on getting shorted on meat at a Pollo Tropical. -Amanda shows off a TikTok about a microwave and fruit snacks. -and Machine Gun Kelly says Pete Davidson hooking up with Ariana Grande should give all us other completely average guys hope!
How to Die Alone - Episode 148 - COVID Bird Box
This week, we're talking with one of the funniest comedians in the midwest, Mike Baldwin! On this episode: -Matt Carter rocks a captain's hat -Emmys presenters in Hazmat suits -Amanda's germophobe friend is ready for the virus -Mike Baldwin was tricked by "Tiger King" -Carter explains how COVID can't get us if we can't see it -We reminisce about how effective non-smoking sections were -Matt Williams breaks down the science of the cilantro gene -Matt Williams and Mike Baldwin talk about getting to work with AGT darling, Ryan Niemiller -Mike Baldwin explains how it feels to do Zoom comedy -Mike Baldwin is too lazy for a dog, and Amanda the intern's dog makes a mess of a wall -And, most importantly, Mike Baldwin's apparently immune to illness
How to Die Alone - Episode 147 - Jedis WIll Not Replace Us!
On this week's episode: -The Matts go to Disney World (not together) -Matty meets some characters while socially distanced -Matt Carter meets space Nazis while freaking out -Matty, Carter, and Stephen watched "Class Action Park" -Carter gets pulled over while go karting -Stephen finds a house with a tasteful mural on it. -We discover the majesty of the "Flippity Fish" -A group of QAnon people have killer merch at a show Stephen did -Stephen's mail-in ballot gives him an identity crisis -And a British teacher's husband gets shamed in court proceedings.
How to Die Alone - Episode 146 - Brosie and the Bussycats
On this week's episode: -Matt Williams receives a phantom paycheck -Stephen gets an adorable little bonus -We explore the history of the coindozer -Amanda finds a baby bird Uber story in the news and shares animal facts -Matt Williams learns how to break a dogtag and interrogate with Simpsons quotes -David shows off how deep the Nic Cage catalog goes -We got Nintendo's hot new game - Super Bario Brothers -David has a beef with people stealing animal rescue valor -Matt Williams's cat uses his toilet as an above ground pool -We discuss the Amber Heard BM attack on Johnny Depp -and we ask our audience to submit drawings of David wiping his big ol' bear bottom for a contest.
How to Die Alone - Episode 145 - A Happy Birthday Slice
On this previously unreleased episode, David disappears and we mourn the loss of the bear, Amanda's favorite punk band is the Killers, a comic gets drafted at an open mic and another one sneaks in some 'gac, we discuss the terrifying tales of Chris D'Elia's DMs, David can't stand the first timers "it's my first time" standard joke, Stephen and Carter hate on some garbage specials, David explains what it is to simp, Matt Carter tries to fight a roommate over a leaf dispute and adamantly refutes the dissertation of Dr. Disrespect.
How to Die Alone - Episode 144 - Slappy Puck
On this week's episode, we're talking about our love of spicy water, '90s bands headlining a bike festival, Stephen sees a casual pipe smoker in the wild, Matt William's mom keeps her mouth fresh with Dentyne Ice, Stephen's old roommate loves commercials, Matt Carter analyzes John Krasinski's oeuvre, Davey doesn't even feel like the smartest dart player, and Matt Carter's childhood bully meets a tragic end.
How to Die Alone - Episode 143 - The Handsyman
On this week's episode, Matt Carter has the worst handyman come to fix his water closet, Post Malone has his own rosé, Stephen moonlights an HVAC repairman, Matt Williams's kitty cat makes a cameo, Stephen and Matty both used to foam up the lattes, Stephen loved the disaster of "Deadliest Catch", Stephen's handyman never needs to go to Bed Bath and Beyond, David drops knowledge about 80s buddy cop movies, Matt Carter does a pitch perfect impression of John Mayer, and we're all tired of wedding rituals.
How to Die Alone - Episode 142 - High Functioning Wahlburgers
This week, we're talking about elective thumb surgery, discussing our new weekly web video series Topical Depression, Matt Carter cooks his pants and opens a comedy barge, Matt Carter and David Wayne destroy the stigma of trailer living, Mike Tyson fights sharks to prove a point to himself, the Wahlbergs get diagnosed with a novel developmental disability, David Wayne stands up for Andrew Barrymore's honor, and Amanda the intern gets easily the worst compliment ever.
How to Die Alone - Episode 141 - The Tuxedo Hound
On this week's episode, we're joined by the late Danny Smyth from the Abortion Twins! We're talking about all things punk rock, our pets, the dangers of performing live in the time of COVID, updated cookie names, how to smoke a brownie, and how the rumors of Danny's death are greatly exaggerated.
How to Die Alone - Episode 140 - Matt About You
We're pitching a hot new sitcom starring Matt Williams and Matt Carter, Stephen's car suffers a horrible fate, Matt Carter works on gains from energy drinks, Matt Williams gets inboxed about conspiracy theories, and we all turn old school hiphop into a memorial to a fallen hero.
How to Die Alone - Episode 139 - Frijoles N...ot Saying It
This week, from the Johnny B Show, we're talking with Johnny B! We're discussing barbecue, where to get the best Coke, the dangers of calling legumes by their name, Johnny pitches a mobile comedy show, and Johnny explains how Roger Stone should be in jail for fashion crimes alone.
How to Die Alone - Episode 138 - Gargling Goji Berries
For our first video episode, we're trying to win a Peabody, Matt Williams chugs berries down his over muscled throat, Matt Carter becomes Jackson Galaxy and also has to save his pupper's life, Amanda gets mauled by her animals, Mr. Pickles has a vendetta against BICs pens, Stephen hates being on camera, and David won't let go of his newsboy hat.
How to Die Alone - Episode 137 - Daveys Smelling Sauce
This week, Amanda the intern becomes a findom, David is hungover from hanging out with a big boy comic, we teach David about poppers and he comes up with his own smelling sauce, Matt Williams thinks mammals lay eggs, we're all up on some bad mic technique, we talk about going to amusement arcades for birthday parties, Stephen's cat tries to attack squirrels through glass, Shoe Carnival doesn't employee carnies, David thanks the chefs at Golden Corral, and we're promoting finger gun safety.
How to Die Alone - Episode 136 - Chinese Drywall
David's got a pretzel plate and he's reverse engineering Dr. Pepper, David and Amanda go on "Open Mike Live" (R.I.P.), Aerosmith reshoots the "Crazy" video, Amanda teaches us about Chinese drywall, David gets a spicy dose of reality in riot control, David and Carter plan to a trip to the disc golf links, Matt Williams is probably doing porn, and comedy is COVID-tastic because laughter is CONTAGIOUS!! OK, not that.
How to Die Alone - Episode 135 - The Great Boiled Peanut Debate
There's an asteroid whizzing past earth and celebrities have to step up, Davey isn't impressed by the liberty bell, Philly is a grease trap, a general store owner stereotypes fishermen, the intern's cat has a powerful meow, we get heated debating boiled peanuts, Stephen disgusts an office by bringing in a vegan dish, Davey and Matt Carter have some bones to pick about eating chicken, we're talking about how hard the D.A.R.E. program failed us, and Davey wants y'all to start emailing us.
How to Die Alone - Episode 134 - Attorney at Paw
Matt Williams gets lost on his stationary bike, we're talking dab bods, Stephen's ex's dog has a drinking problem and his new dog needs anxiety drugs, the intern practices dog law, Freddie Mercury is always a hop, skip, and a jump away, David and Matt Carter get back on the comedy horse, we're talking gats, and David loved Axl Rose in "Beverly Hills Cop".
How to Die Alone - Episode 133 - Davey with the Soup-Plex
This week, we're talking about how snakes are inexpensive gerbil busy tubes, guinea pigs get politically correct, Matt Carter used to have mutton chops, Matt Williams and the intern go kayaking upstream, David blows out his knees trying to skank and starts his amateur wrasslin' career, Matty and the intern get tricked by a cooler, Davey learns why silicon makes for terrible implants, and the intern helps us get oriented.
How to Die Alone - Episode 132 - Hidden Valley Ranch Davidians
Matt Williams and the intern attempt to kayak and get prank'd, we discuss how Yoo Hoo isn't chocolate milk, Davey becomes a bonafide voice actor, Matt Carter goes ham on some corndogs, we talk about the rise and fall of Souplantation, Davey takes on the Olive Garden challenge, Matt Williams swallows a Peloton seat the hard way, Davey addresses his cough drop addiction, Stephen is annoyed at Mac Pro wheels and people turning Starbucks into their office, and David starts his own cult.
How to Die Alone - Episode 131 - The Sound of Freedom
David joins a bluegrass band, Matt Williams quits his job within one barking mad shift, 4chan is a dating site for people no one should date, Stephen pitches a new patriotic toy, people get real comfortable saying Karen, a Daytona high school graduation demonstrates their drive, and David apparently doesn't care how Matt Carter's doing.
How to Die Alone - Episode 130 - Lumpy Hunny on OnlyFans
Davey starts the episode by almost falling out of his chair, Matt Carter and Matt Williams debate Dunkaroo strategies, Stephen refuses an offer of an Italian scholarship, Davey realizes he looks like Dom DeLuise and also loves hitting frogs with mallets, we're talking about candy that got kids ready for drugs, Amanda hates apple sauce because that's where they hid the pills, Matt Carter is a patron of the cinema, Davey starts an OnlyFans to raise some hunny and learns about Biden's run in with Corn Pop, and the Dunk Nazis take on their rivals in a game of hoops.
How to Die Alone - Episode 129 - The Chosen Nose
Stephen and David remote into the mainframe for work, nobody writes anything no more, Matt Carter can't get hard for 5G and he gets nose stigmata, Stephen's got a bad head, St. Pete is the danger zone, and now we're a video game podcast, apparently.
How to Die Alone - Episode 128 - Pot Luck Roulette
On this week's episode, David is apparently immune to CBD and working from his cloffice, Matt Williams is on the unemployment frontlines, flappers face a struggle, we work our way to the center of Pringles can, Stephen talks about the work wank, the intern wrote down "spaghetti incident" (that's probably something) and Matt Carter lost his dang ol' patience!
How to Die Alone - Episode 127 - Because Steve Miller
On this week's episode, we've got Tampa Bay's own Steve Miller! We're talking about that quarantine life, our future dates, and emotionally debating "The Irishman".
How to Die Alone - Episode 126 - BDSMe Street
On this episode, we've got Amanda the Intern, live in the virtual studio. Amanda teaches us a thing or three about how to be a TikTok legend, Matty follows a Kardashian on Twitter, David imagines himself as a skinny man, Amanda diagnoses some very regular animals for very confused people, Stephen struggles to crack crab legs, and we take a trip down the road of BDSMe Street.
How to Die Alone - Episode 125 - Vampire Diarrheas
From "Neil Reviews It" on YouTube and "The Diarrhea Guy" on CNN, we've got Neil Rubenstein! We talk about the future of Amanda the intern, Neil's recurring interviews on CNN about his symptoms in the outbreak, Neil learns David some freedom, Matt explains how Neil has amazing parking luck, and apparently there's McDonald's in NY that's a cut above the rest.
How to Die Alone - Episode 124 - Hungry Meow Dinner
It's a How to Die Alone classic! We got Matt Williams back for a vintage style remote episode. Matt and Stephen get their guns, Stephen misses human contact while working from home, Matt tries to interpret felines, and David learns the finer points of pate.
How to Die Alone - Episode 123 - Mom and Pop Adderall Shop
We've got local comic Sean Harper in on this remote podcast (they're all remote, due to plague). Matt Carter debunks James Cameron's Titanic theories, David attempts to escape Tarkov, we're talking about how Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Bill Cosby are on equal footing, Stephen rambles on and on about the economy, rich kids skip school differently, David and Sean debate the finer points of the Tesla truck, and we all learn a little better how to do taxes.
How to Die Alone - Episode 122 - Bunker Boys
Stephen, Matt Carter, and David are podcasting remotely from secured locations during the end of the world. We're washing our hands and keeping our distance. And then washing our hands some more. Stay safe during COVID-19, gang.
How to Die Alone - Episode 121 - Lavendar Scented Everything
Davey goes belly button jousting, Matt Carter makes homemade sanitizer to survive the COVID-19 plague, Stephen and Matt hate wedding songs, David's car gets towed (again), we imagine Tom Hanks in Mel Gibson movies, and we discuss what life is like now that sports are dead.
How to Die Alone - Episode 120 - Coronavirus Breathalyzer
Matt Carter performs comedy wildly drunk, David and Stephen talk about Aaron Berg's classic documentary "25 Sets", Matt's time working at a bowling alley was kind of shitty, Stephen pitches a new Jason Statham movie, we're lost in the Oz, and we've got some hot takes on craft beer, fellas and ladyfellas.
How to Die Alone - Episode 119 - Boofing Beef Barley
We're joined by Mike Morris for this week's episode! We try to decide what's a soup and what's a stew, Stephen gets into a fracas in Ybor, some guy gets a grip on Matt Carter, Stephen's dog gets in deep shit, David feeds a kid a healthy fruit based diet, Matt's dog pisses herself over fish, Matt Williams and David start a restaurant, and Mike learns us a thing or three about DUIs.
How to Die Alone - Episode 118 - Japanese for Massachusetts with Patrick Garrity
From the "Neverending Tour", we got Patrick Garrity! He talks to us about what it's like to live on the road and what it's like dealing with the business, Patrick and David fight over hockey fandom, and David is a man of the world.
How to Die Alone - Episode 117 - Marsh Hare Races
In this week's episode, we're down a Matt Carter, but we picked up an Austin Young and a Mike Stevens! We're talking about the trash beaches of Fort Myers and how it's an irredeemable garbage hole of a town, Mike reminisces about meeting an old magician as a kid, Austin explains how Adidas sponsored athletes train and about rural culture, we remember the magic of "Of Mice and Men, and old people eat at Wendy's to keep from getting too excited.
How to Die Alone - Episode 116 - Masks are Just Face Hats
Matt Williams is back! FOR ONE EPISODE ONLY! The Matts went to a dog event in a park like a couple of good boys, Australia's wildfires are catching heat on Aussie World Star, Stephen does a show with Vomit Sawdust and Banjoe Steve, David makes a startling discovery about headwear, Matty follows up about his car accident, and we finally civilize political discourse.
How to Die Alone - Episode 115 - Louis MyFreeCams
Stephen is amazed how quickly you can print up memorial shirts, Stephen and Matt Carter do comedy at a TGIFridays knockoff, Louis CK follows his second passion, Matt explains what it means to be a good host, and we're all tired of memes on stage. I mean, Karen wants to speak to the manager and that white guy named Kyle loves Monster energy and punching walls! IT'S SOOOOOO ZANY!
How to Die Alone - Episode 114 - Tri-Tip Hats at Gasparilla
Davey reminisces about pranking punks at the mechanic shop, Matt Carter busts chops in the kitchen, Stephen sees an old white guy with cornrows, the guys learn what it means to get pigeon holed, Matt hates magicians as much as David loves "Dear God", Gasparilla packs out the hospital, and Hannibal Lecter buys the farm.
How to Die Alone - Episode 113 - Good Ol Christian Slavery
David hates cooters, Matt Williams calls in to defend Apu being forcibly retired, David gets stereotyped like usual, Stephen feels bad for people who are devoted to radio, Matt Carter performs clean for the Lord, and Stephen teaches us all about how the good book has some wild stuff in it and how Calvinists don't just love plush tigers.
How to Die Alone - Episode 112 - Ass Looking Mirror
Davey compares the finer points of Coheed and Cambria and Rush, Matt Carter blisses out on vomiting, Matt and Stephen are miserable, old men, Matt can't stand the weed culture, Ruby Tuesday has had it too good for too long, and Ricky Gervais upsets people by upsetting other people but those other people aren't really upset because, really, he's just parroting what everyone else says anyway, right? How many levels of post-modern ironic BS can we go down? Find out on this tantalizing episode of How to Die Alone!
How to Die Alone - Episode 111 - Fartzin Morfarti
We have a very special guest this week, rising force in Tampa comedy, Farzin Moradi. We're talking about the imminent war in Iran, Matt explains how a joke is shockingly just a joke, David thinks middle eastern and Indian people love brass instruments, Matt isn't allowed to pay for anything in the Philippines, and Farzin's dad is the victim of a hate crime.
How to Die Alone - Episode 110 - Spice Bois
On this week's installment of the How to Die Alone saga, we talk about how no one likes warm beer, Matt takes a stand against Guinness rubbed ribs, we explain how TripAdvisor misses the important details, Stephen drafts his fantasy economist team, and Matt talks about his days as a Dune character.
How to Die Alone - Episode 109 - Getting Ziggy Stardusted
In this week's episode, we answer the age old questions "Do the people who like Star Wars really like Star Wars?", "Why was Cosby so concerned with saggy pants?", "Is Anthony Bourdain basically Jesus for his charitable work in educating Americans?", "How many kids did Indiana Jones trick into getting into fridges?", and, of course, "Why don't dating apps have rating systems?"
How to Die Alone - Episode 108 - The Sci-Fi Slide Whistle
We've got our new third wheel - dang ol' Matt Carter! We talk about how Matt threw his back out, how Davey wants to be a theremin virtuoso, Leonard Nimoy's amazing thick picture book, audiences feudin' and fightin', and David has a serious beef with the lizard people. But only David. Matt and Stephen are staunchly pro lizard people.
How to Die Alone - Episode 107 - Of Pancakes and Podcasts
It's Matt Williams's going away party, our 2 year anniversary, and a damn good reason to OD on syrup slathered carb patties! We're joined by Tampa News Force's John Jacobs and Clark Brooks, Tonight on Full House writer Luke McDermott, personal trainer Crunch Cardwell, and Something Planet's Jerod Walker.
How to Die Alone - Episode 106 - Mystery Episode
It's a mystery episode! It could be about anything! And we mean ANYTHING!!! Seriously, it's about something. But who knows what?
How to Die Alone - Episode 105 - Medulla Omelette-gata
Stephen discovers a hot new phone gadget if you're a d-bag, there's a Ybor rooster sting operation, David is an expert in cars, rap, and having sharp nipples, we're talking about the changing of the seasons, and a patriotic guy proves the best way to eat at a Golden Corral.
How to Die Alone - Episode 104 - Custardy Battle
We're talking about World Star Hip Hop for the melanin challenged, Matt befriends a cat at church, Stephen goes to goth brunch, Stephen and David argue about tuna on the go, and Matt gets a new nickname.
How to Die Alone - Episode 103 - Slaw Dog Millionaire
David is a road dog and worked his way around the panhandle, being fresh to death in the urban rooms, and he also eats some legendary Pensacola grub. Davey also hates lifted trucks as much as Stephen hates box Mustangs and going to upscale restaurants. And we talk about the trend online where older guys freak out in blind rage over GIFs.
How to Die Alone - Episode 102 - The Dreaded Nut Beagle
100 year old people ride Peloton bikes, Davey finds out he's a bear and a bottom, Matty gets his car diagnosed, Stephen points out the prostate and explains how his brother was terrified of Mexican cartel dogs.
How to Die Alone - Episode 101 - The Vac-U-Lock-In
Matt visits a fancy pants bike shop, we analyze the Pulitzer Prize winning journalism of BuzzFeed, a hero dog's identity is protected, Stephen educates everyone about tools of the trade, Michael Che says no-no things like a bad man, and we imagine celebrities as stock emojis.
How to Die Alone - Episode 100 - Xanax Sheen
It's our 100th episode! We're talking about Jonathan Taylor Thomas as a political superstar, Matt's college degree, the wisdom of Tinder profiles, Gitmo playlists, Matt and David going to a Coheed and Cambria concert (no relation), a dog named Noodle (not a poodle), and how a yoga teacher stretched for time at an open mic. Thanks for listening!!!
How to Die Alone - Episode 99 - Fistful of Spit
Matt babysits a disabled cat and is haunted by jazz, David hocks merch for a pro, Stephen gets bullied by band nerds and passes up samples at a hippie fair.
How to Die Alone - Episode 98 - Amy Shoemer Presents How to Die Alone
David survives seeing "Joker", Matt starts a wacky new bloodmobile and explains how the Pensacola economy can slip through your fingers, Stephen gets lippy, and the podcast gets a name change. Oh and David is smashing again. And you all needed to know that.
How to Die Alone - Episode 97 - Live from the Comedy Cave
We recorded an episode live from the Comedy Cave at Beef O'Bradys. Joe Tricarico joined us for this special on location recording and Joe spills all the beans, and everything else.
How to Die Alone - Episode 96 - I Love Salad
Matt does shock comedy, David is all about that lettuce, Stephen is basking in glow of his 2 week notice, and cars apparently don't explode when they're upside down. LEARNING!
How to Die Alone - Episode 95 - Excuse Me While I Burp My Piss
We're back to Davey, Matty, and Stevie! We're talking about having Kurt Metzger on the podcast, we're talking about how happy we are that an absolute monster doesn't get to be on the weekend "Trump sucks" variety hour show, how important it is to get diversity in the prestigious art of comedy, and, as we all know, Matt stinks.
How to Die Alone - Episode 94 - Cant Get Right with Kurt Metzger
We did a swapcast with Kurt Metzger's "Can't Get Right" podcast. Another Tampa Bay comic, JJ Curry, joins us. We're talking about Kurt's dead dad, JJ gets hassled for dressing well, and Kurt apologizes, especially for the dick bread.
How to Die Alone - Episode 93 - Finger It Out
Matt is in Orlando and therefore dead to us, so we replaced him with martial arts/graphic arts master, Sofia Sanchez, and the Firesquatch, Mike Stevens. No one's a-scared of the spinning water off the Florida coast (Hurricane Dorian), we pitch a horror musical, Mike explains what it's like to lead a double life as a server and comic, and Sofia wants ladies to get in touch with their bodies.
How to Die Alone - Episode 92 - Sushi Boat Viking Funeral
Davey continues to struggle with cooking eggs (we know), Matt has a fun sex toy, Stephen's ex has a less fun sex toy, and we already started selling tickets to Tarantino's memorial. But we have to wait for him to die to build it.
How to Die Alone - Episode 91 - Davey and the Wet Sh-ts
Matt goes on a wild job hunt, Stephen gets thrown under a bus, and David cooks eggs like Emeril Lagasse on disability.
How to Die Alone - Episode 90 - Ladies and Gentlemaam
All 3 of the boys are on a weight loss journey. Stephen is suffering through keto, Matty is grinding out the gym, and David is showing single dads how to cook chicken. MTV's John Jacobs and renowned local filmmaker, Josh Santos, drop in despite being buried in chasing stories for Tampa News Force.
How to Die Alone - Episode 89 - Axe-Throw-Physicist
In this week's episode, we pitch a new movie with Jackie Chan stopping street thugs and a movie where a serial killer really likes 80s music, Stephen and Matt recount a true tale of courage at an open mic, Matt spins a yarn or six about throwing axes for fun, and Stephen is somehow shocked that people are mad at the murmurings of a space man.