All Episodes - The Trashochists' Guide
Four adults. Three pieces of shiterature. Three days? Not really, because we'd probably die. The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature is a shiny new podcast about the global phenomena of Twilight, Fifty Shades of Grey, and After. Armed with nothing but their brains and copious amounts of intoxicating substances, can Dee, Peter, Juno and Vik actually manage to dissect these bloated, horrible corpses of "romance" without losing their minds in the process?
View Podcast Details124 Episodes
(PEDOPHILIA TW) VAMPFEST 2K19, What We Do On The Podcast
Would you like to play a game? The Trashos attempt, led by Dee, to identify quotes from 3 seminal pieces of vampire literature: Bram Stoker's Dracula, Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire, and Anonymous's My Immortal...................you horny simpletons.
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE SIXTEEN FULL
-coach z voice- sprank me with ur papple daddy.....
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE FOURTEEN FULL
The Virgin BTK Versus The Chad Bundy
Canada Day Special: Bearectile Dysfunction
In Marian Engel's 1976 disasterpiece 'Bear', in which a lady fucks a bear, bear-fucking takes place. She fucks a bear. SHE FUCKS A BEAR, GUYS.
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE THIRTEEN FULL
The most cursed of chapters.
RAPE TW: TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE TWELVE FULL
The Worst Chapter is an anagram of "Worth? Crap teeths."
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE ELEVEN FULL
Peter agreed to read one of the worst bits of the book: The Rape Contract!
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE TEN FULL
We broke the Bad Touch Larry alarm.
TG2MS E-9.10: Girl, it's like three orgasms, buy a fucking vibrator
SERIOUSLY
TG2MS E-9.9: Clitorally-Induced Ego Death
The French call it 'le petit mort', but I think in this case it tends to causes us to 'le petit snort'.
TG2MS E-9.4: HOT ORANGE JUICE IS A CURSED CONCEPT, PETER
The Most Boringest Morning After Scene Ever
TG2MS E-9.3: Death of Twinnings
Dee you promised you wouldn't fuck around with that anymore
TG2MS E-9.2: 'Sprank me with your papple, Daddy'
Sprank me so harmd, Dangdy!
TG2MS E-9.1: Crash Bandicoot's Guide To Modern Shiterature
-crash voice- whoa
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE EIGHT FULL
Virginity is a fake concept, you don't have to bleed when you have sex the first time, hang E.L. James by her thumbs from the Seattle Space Needle
TG2MS -8.10: No Laments For Christian Grey
Plink plink plink. Plink plink plink.
TG2MS E-8.9: Will To Live: Fading; Urge To Kill: Rising
R.I.P. Dee 19?? - 2019
TG2MS E -8.8: 1.5 Seconds Of Fuck
Ana Steele: 'lost' her 'virginity'; the Trashochists: lose their gourds
TG2MS E -8.6: Ana Steele, Leader of the Unfuckables
Not to be mistaken for the feral clans of cishet asexuals that roam the Internet. The Venn diagram, however, is a circle.
TG2MS E -8.5: Just Say Ass! Just Say Ass! Just! Say! Ass!
SAY IT!
TG2MS -8.4: Gettin' Down to the Gulchy Turnaround
THE DEED IS DONE!
TG2MS -8.3: Moe Moe Moe, How Do You Like It, How Do You Like It
Not at all. Next question.
SUICIDE TW: TG2MS E-8.1: Third Time's The Charm!
God, do we try.
TG2MS OTC1: Oh, John Ringo, No.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE SEVEN FULL
Sweet dreams are made of cheese/Who am I to dis a brie
TG2MS E-7.9 & AFTERSHOW: I Guess You Could Call It An Aphro-cheese-iac?
Eh? Eh????
TG2MS E-7.8: Eat An Entire Bowl Of Fuck, Christian
FUCK! OFF! FUCK OFF!
TG2MS E-7.7: Dominants Should Say 'No' Too
When you need to, when you want to, when you should. Use that wonderful little word when you're uncomfortable, darlings.
TG2MS E-7.6: Hi! I like cheese! It's delicious and easy to cut!
Why do some people love changing the subject? Speaking of,
TG2MS E-7.5: ABUSE TW: Coerced Consent Is Not Consent
End this nightmare.
TG2MS E-7.4: ALCOHOLISM TW: Drunken Consent Is Not Consent
Don't libate and dominate.
TG2MS E-7.3: Like for Meta-Ana, Ignore for Anti-Ana
Whoever wins, we still lose.
TG2MS E-7.2: Fart SFX HQ Free Download CC0
You're gonna stick to that bed like a wet dog, dawg.
TG2MS E-7.1: It's the Tone that Determines if 'Hardwood vs. Softwood' is a Pornographic Phrase
AT LEAST TRY A LITTLE FUCKING BIT.
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE SIX FULL
Beautiful. Delicious. Strike them from the lexicon!
TG2MS E-6.13: A Long, Long Time 'till Touchdown
We were so close, but like Icarus we flew t - GOD DAMMIT ITS INFECTING MY BRAINS
TG2MS E-6.12: Deals Weed, Shits Pants [AB/DLs DO NOT INTERACT]
"No...no, it's cool...I'm sure the crib is very sturdy, but I would like to have my weed now, please."
TG2MS E-6.11: Grab a 20$ Bottle of Wine, Put Out Your Pinkie And Git Fayuncy!
DO NOT DRINK THE WINE, ANA!
TG2MS E-6.10: "Percival, leave me."
The fifth cohost almost makes disaster strike.
TG2MS E-6.9: No Opinion Zone
What the fuck is the significance of the name 'Escala'?
TG2MS E-6.7: Elevators and Helicopters and Harnesses, Oh My!
The first bondage scene in the book is about as sexy as a wet sack of gravel.
TG2MS E-6.6: What the fuck is wrong with you Christian! What the fuck is wrong. With. You.
Christian Grey is a consummate fucking weirdo, and not in a cool way.
TG2MS E-6.5: Nobody Is A Character, Except The Author Self-Insert
TG2MS E -6.4: Use Their Chosen Name Goddammit
We don't make the rules! Even if the name is fucking stupid, use it!
TG2MS E6.2: I'm So Sorry, Delibes
Ana is a lesbian! She's a fucking lesbian! She's nuttin' to Lakme's Flower Duet SHE'S A LESBIAN GODDAMMIT!
TG2MS E 6.1: Dee's Chaotic Zune Energies
Oh, and some other surprises! Vimes is an idiot.
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE FIVE FULL
Many lives were lost in the making of this episode. RIP Peter 1990 - 2019.
TG2MS E - 5.14 AFTERSHOW: Moist Moments
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide
TG2MS E -5.12: Kidnapper Christian Kisses, Causes Claustrophobia
I hope Neo and Trinity choose this moment to blow up the fucking elevator.
TG2MS E -5.11: Toothbrush Discourse. Everyone Dies!
We Regret To Inform You That You Are, Unfortunately, Recently Deceased.
TG2MS E -5.10: Just Tell Your Stalker Your Exact Weekly Schedule, It's Fine!
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TG2MS E -5.9: The Highs and the Lows of Christian Grey's Machinations
Literally shut the fuck up Grey. Literally, actually, snip your lips off with a pair of kitchen scissors you bilious billionaire baby.
TG2MS E -5.8: Ana's Superpowers Of Useless Perception (Wondrous Item, Requires Atunement)
Peter: "Actually, Dee, it's 'Twinings'." Dee: "No."
TG2MS E -5.6: NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN A 36C, EVER, IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND GODDAMMIT
Taylor knows her bra size because he actually used to fit lingerie. Also, Roman-Catholic imagery is discussed in terms of how horny it makes us.
TG2MS E -5.5: Further Self-Incrimination (But No One Is As Self-Incriminating As E.L. James)
TW RAPE: TG2MS E -5.4: The Trashochists Self-Incriminate
Professor Ratigan was voiced by Vincent Price. I rest my case.
TW RAPE: TG2MS E -5.3: Casing The Joint For Future Victims
ANA GET OUT OF THERE PLEASE...
TW ASSAULT TG2MS E -5.2: Keep Sweet Make Nice Just Survive
There is no shame in doing what you have to to survive. Ever. Also Peter loves that dank body stank.
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE FOUR FULL
I hope every single person who allowed this book to be published is forced to wear Lego shoes forever.
TG2MS AFTERSHOW: Please Donate Tampons To Your Local Food Bank!
Meanwhile, donate a bullet to Jeff Bezos's stupid face.
TW SEXUAL ASSAULT: TG2MS E-4.13: Rich People Are Terrible People, Trufax
String'em all up by their nose-hairs.
TG2MS E -4.11: ILLEGAL! STALKER! BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH
ANA STAY IN THE BAR! ANA TALK TO THE BARTENDER! ANA FOR GOD'S SAKE PLEASE
TG2MS E -4.10: Teleporting Serial Killers
Christian Grey channels Freddie Krueger.
TG2MS E-4.9: Ana Gets White Girl Wasted. It Goes Well!
DON'T! MESS! WITH! MISTER! BOOZE!
TG2MS E -4.8: Totally Tubular Tess of the D'Urbervilles
CATCH THIS SICK WAVE OF SHITERARY DIARRHEA, MY DUDE! Vimes loses his cigarettes, causing an on-air crisis.
TG2MS E -4.7: First Time Drunk Stories & Formatting Fuckery
Peter and Dee's respective PDFs are a lil fucky, but Vimes has the correct layout. It still fucking sucks either way.
TG2MS E -4.6: KATE PLEASE! KATE YOU HAVE THE TAPE! KATE?!? HELLO???
GOD DAMMIT E.L. JAMES!
TG2MS E -4.5: WORDS MEAN THINGS DON'T USE A THESAURUS
Dee gives great hugs! You're never going to get one.
TG2MS E -4.4: Shut The Fuck Up E.L. James
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature
TG2MS E -4.3: Feelings Are Amoral, Feel Them!
FEEL YOUR FEELINGS! FEEL THEM GODDAMMIT!
TG2MS E -4.2: Fight The Good Fight
Dee explains how to kill a man.
TG2MS E -4.1: Phantom of the Flopera
Suddenly, Christian Grey transforms into a Dracula.
TG2MS EPISODE NEGATIVE THREE FULL
Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature. Classic British literature.
AFTERSHOW: TG2MS E -3.9: Eat Trash Be Free 2019
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature
TG2MS E-3.7: The "Is HE Your Boyfriend?" Creepy Guy Quiz
It's everyone's favourite game show! If you lose, he puts your head in a freezer! If you win, you're incredibly uncomfortable for the entire interaction!
TG2MS E -3.6: What's Weaker, the Tea or the Protag?
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature
TG2MS E -3.5: Coffee Dates for Coffee Haters
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature
TG2MS E -3.4: The British Invasion
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature
TG2MS E-3.4: Dindins vs. Supsups
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature
TG2MS E -3.3: Technological Luddite Ana
Latest episode of The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature
TG2MS E -3.2: YOU'RE RACIST in Glittering Pink Text
101pt font.
Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature EPISODE NEGATIVE TWO FULL
The true treasure was the friendship we found along the way.
AFTERSHOW: TG2MS E - 2.10: Jane Eyre Owns Bones
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TG2MS E-2.9: You've Been Hunted, Ana
"If you're going to be a dick, don't be." - Dee
TG2MS E-2.7: Christian Grey's Murder Kit
A.K.A. Exhibit A, Steele Vs. Grey
TG2MS E -2.6: The Horror, The Horror
Vimes died with his eyes open. Dee takes over as host.
TG2MS E -2.5: With Apologies to Fred Clark
Alternate title: The Rayford Steele Conspiracy.
TG2MS E -2.4: Kate, Kate Please. Please, Kate.
Kate, for god's sake! Kate you have the tape! KATE! KATE?!?
TG2MS E -2.3: Let's Do The Time Warp Again
How did we get here? How did this happen? Hello?!?!?
TG2MS E -2.2: Red Wuns Go Faster
-sonic the hedgehog voice- GOTTA JUICE 'N' JAM!
TG2MS E -2.1: Year of the Lad Bible
Kickin' off the new year with some bullshit!
Trashochists' Guide To Modern Shiterature EPISODE NEGATIVE ONE FULL
The Three Trashketeers crack open some cold ones and Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James. We might die, but we will die laughing. TW SOUNDTRACK: "Kierkegaard's Neon Lights" by Chris Schlarb, from 'Dropsy the Clown' (2014) www.schlarb.bandcamp.com INTRO & OUTRO SOUNDTRACK: "Life at Last" by Beef, from 'Phantom of the Paradise' (1976) Available where good music is sold OTHER SOUNDTRACK SONGS: "Set it Off" by Diplo (FatRat Remix) "Girl Like You" by TORO Y MOI "Main Theme" by Lalo Schifrin, from 'Dirty Harry' "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen "Main Theme" from Pirates of the Caribbean "Concerning Hobbits" from Fellowship of the Ring "LOSS" from FORBIDDEN SIREN 2 "Trollabundin" by Eivor "The Guillotine" by The Coup http://www.anti.com/artists/the-coup/ "Jack the Ripper" by Morrissey
TG2MS E1.13: The End of Chapter One, Oh Mercy
AULD LANG SYNE!!!!
TG2MS E1.12: It's Out! His Dick Is Out!
"I lean down to retrieve Exhibit A" -Peter
TG2MS E1.11: A Serious Sidebar
It's time for a moment of gravity.
TW SEXUAL HARASSMENT: TG2MS E1.10: We Got The Guillotine. You Better Run.
Billionaires? More like 'should be killed-ionaires'.
TG2MS E1.9: Vimes Has An Ana-eurysm
This is my life now. This, is my life.
TG2MS E1.8: Tumbling Down The Rabbit Hole -fart sfx-
Ana remains incapable of being agentive in this segment. End this nightmare.
TG2MS E1.7: How Are You Doing Fellow Regular Kids
Generational gaps are discussed and Spongebob references are made.
TG2MS E1.6: Said is not Dead (said he, fuckily)
Avoiding the text itself, the Trashketeers discuss adverbs and dialogue tags to some extent.
TG2MS E.15: Ana is short for 'Lesbiana'.
INTENT OF THE AUTHOR IS DEAD! DEAD!
TG2MS E1.4: Giving a Fuck About Your Audience, Also Business
Basic storytelling competencies are questioned.
TG2MS E1.3: The First Line Of 50Soggy, abandon all hope ye who enter here
We actually cracked the book this time. You can hear the exact second our will to live is sucked from our lungs.
TG2MS E1.2: Predictions & Opening Lines Discussion
Stalling for time, the Three Trashketeers discuss the importance of opening lines.
Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature E1.1: INTROS
The Three Trashketeers introduce themselves, and gird their loins to deal with the horrorshow that is E.L. James's Fifty Shades of Grey.
Trashochists Present: Robert Lowell Analysis
A brief analysis of the poem To Speak of the Woe that is in Marriage, by Robert Lowell.
Trashochists Present: Robert Lowell, read by Vik Vimes
Trashochists Present is an ongoing supplement to The Trashochists' Guide to Modern Shiterature. Each episode will be a simple read-through of a given Trashketeer's choice of poem or other piece of text. In this very first episode, Vik Vimes reads his favourite poem of all time, "To Speak of the Woe that is in Marriage", by Robert Lowell. Additional notes and trivia: -The structure of the poem is that of a sonnet; it rhymes in a smooth, casual AABBCC... format, and includes a feature called a 'turn', wherein the last two lines of the sonnet flip and reframe the rest of the poem thematically. -Vimes likes to picture the narrator of this poem as a burnt-out housewife, sick of her selfish husband and yet not quite able to leave him. Their relationship seems to be toxic, and she is desperate for physical contact and affection even from him. He can picture her wearing curlers and a ratty bathrobe, smoking a cheap cigarette on her front porch while she speaks with a friend. -"To speak of the woe that is in marriage" is a line lifted directly from The Wife of Bath's Tale, by Geoffrey Chaucer. This, too, is a text narrated by a sharp yet weary woman, and a very fitting title for this sonnet.