307 How to Find Hope and Healing When Alcohol Addiction Affects Your Family

Episode Summary: When alcohol addiction enters a family, it can bring heartache, uncertainty, and difficult choices. Sonja Meyrer shares her deeply personal journey of navigating her husband’s battle with alcohol addiction and his tragic loss. Through grief and unanswered questions, she discovered God’s presence in the midst of pain. Now, she helps others find healing, set healthy boundaries, and move forward with faith. If you're struggling with the effects of addiction in your family, this conversation offers encouragement and practical wisdom.   Quotables from the episode: The word redemption really resonates because I believe that as Christ followers, nothing is wasted. Jesus had to have his scars in his resurrected body to prove that he was who he said he was and that he had done what he said he would do. So his scars are beautiful, and so are ours. Frequently our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest pain and woundedness. About twenty years into our marriage, the disease of alcohol addiction showed up. It wasn’t something I was familiar with—it was not present in my family growing up.  Anyone who has suffered the effects of addiction can tell you that there is a day when “something is different.” On that day when something changed, I realized I was really in over my head. Especially as a spouse, who was raising children, I had to ask how do I fit into this. We say “in sickness and in health,” and that is true, but how do I protect myself and my kids? I didn’t start my career thinking, “I’d love to be an addiction specialist!” I don’t think anyone starts off that way. But it is my greatest honor and joy to sit with other people as a coach to find their own God-given hope and peace regardless of the choices of other people. Now I get to share out of my own experience how I navigated that time. When we will change the verbiage from “I have to” to “I get to,” first, that puts more control back into our hands in otherwise powerless situations, and, it gives us a more hope-filled perspective. So often, the ministries that many of us have are not ministries we would have asked for or signed up for but that is the goodness of God to bring you to the place where you can say “it’s my honor and privilege to walk with others.” The difference between those who stay angry and disgruntled versus those who say, “okay God, what do you have for me?” is operating from a place of surrender. Along the way, I had to learn to let go. I learned to say, “Even if, God, this all falls apart, you are still good, and I will still find my way forward.” I no longer hold onto what I think the future should look like. Instead, I say, “wherever you lead me is a good place to go.” In the letting go, it gives God the freedom to work his will, his way, and his timing. Unfortunately, my spouse fell into a deep depression and after a few years made the regretful decision to end his life. As a Christian spouse, I had to navigate the questions, “God why didn’t you heal him?” and at the same time, wondering, did I do everything well? Did I do it all right? The process of trying to learn how to honor the dignity of his suffering and yet still finding joy and happiness in my own life, was a process that takes some time. But I do believe that God can give us true joy from knowing He’s on our side if we’re willing to let go of our expectations of what we think life is supposed to be like. Some of us fall under faulty theology and think that if we’re doing the right things, we won’t experience suffering but that isn’t at all what Jesus told us. He said “in this world, you will experience trouble/suffering/pain, BUT take heart, I have overcome the world.” He also said, “If you’re going to follow me, you are going to suffer.” When I can get to the place that I can say, “This is for you to handle, God” it goes so much better. We say in the recovery community that “expectation is the root of all suffering.” Where we can live a life where are hands are truly open and we can say to God, “This is what I want…however, make me an instrument” and not be disgruntled and not get discouraged, it goes so much better. I’m grateful for Jesus’s example. In the garden before His death, Jesus cried out to God, “I don’t want to do this…if there is any other way please show me” but then he came back to the point of submission and surrender where he said “but I want your will more than I want mine.” The struggle of watching someone not be able to conquer the disease that they have is very sad. Jesus did a really good job of setting boundaries both when he said “yes,” and when he said “no.” This tragedy created an enormous bond between me and my children. They want to stay connected. They care for each other in a way that they hadn’t before. Another blessing that came out of this was my willingness to ask for help, my willingness to show my vulnerability, and it has allowed those around us the opportunity to love on us and love our family. So, it has helped me to not be so proud. You are not alone. There is hope. We don’t have to do this alone. Being around like-minded people who are also on the same path can lend so much relief.   Scripture References: John 16:33 NIV “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!”   Recommended Resources: And Then You Went Missing: A Hope-Filled Guide for Anyone Lost in a Difficult Relationship by Sonja Meyrer  Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year and the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Christian Living and Non-Fiction categories YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Devotional category, the 2023 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1 YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2 Revive & Thrive Women’s Online Conference Revive & Thrive Summit 2 Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1 Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2 Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian  Writer’s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award’s Reader’s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.) YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue   Social Media Links for Host and Guest: Connect with Sonja Meyrer: Website / Facebook / Instagram / Podcast For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at: Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book  Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /   Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple    Guest: Sonja Meyrer is a certified professional coach who helps people navigate difficult relationships and situations where they feel “stuck.” She offers individual coaching and intensive workshops through her private practice. A former educator and curriculum designer, she is also deeply embedded in the recovery community and works closely with people whose lives have been affected by addiction Her book, “And Then You Went Missing – A Hope-Filled Guide for Anyone Stuck in a Difficult Relationship” launched as an Amazon best-seller in several categories. Sonja resides in St. Louis, loves Jesus, running, her family and anything that involves coffee or chocolate. For more information or to book a workshop or speaking engagement, please visitwww.sonjamcoaching.com.   Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.