Boundaries, Trauma and “Long-Distance-Sex”–Where do We Go From Here?

In Episode 189, Mark and Steve answer three critical questions sent in by a PBSE listener who is trying to balance her own healing from sexual trauma and her relationship with a 15-year-porn-addict who refuses to get into recovery.  And he insists on a long-distance, "digital/cyber" sexual relationship. Here's her situation—"My partner and I are long distance. He has been a porn addict for the last 15 years and due to unrelated circumstances, refuses to get into formal recovery right now, although he has been clean for a little over 2 months. I have a long history of sexual abuse and and often suffer a form of sexual anorexia. The last time we had a conversation about him getting into recovery, I set a boundary around being sexual and said if he wasn’t willing to do even the smallest things for recovery then I wasn’t comfortable with being sexual. Right away he refused to abide by the boundary and continued to shove inappropriate conversations and jokes in my face, fully knowing it triggers me. Because of my past with sexual abuse, this feels worse than the addiction itself and we are having trouble navigating. He is annoyed that we have no sexual relationship (even through words) and it seems like he’s not able to understand my side of the story and doesn’t care to. Do I need to address my sexual trauma first? Is my boundary unfair? And how are we able to have a healthy sexual relationship from a distance without him being in formal recovery?"In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real in answering there 3 questions—-  Do I need to address my sexual trauma first?- Is my boundary unfair?- Are we able to have a healthy sexual relationship from a distance without him being in formal recovery?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services