Finding Hope in a Blue Christmas: How to Care for Hurting Hearts During the Holidays

Episode Summary:  Christmas is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many, it doesn’t feel that way. Whether because of grief, loneliness, financial strain, or painful memories, the holidays can intensify sadness instead of joy. Today on Your Hope-Filled Perspective, Jessica Van Roekel and I want to talk about what we call a ‘Blue Christmas.’ Together, we’ll explore why it’s important to give ourselves and others permission to grieve during the holiday season, how God meets us in our pain, and ways to navigate December with compassion and hope.   Quotables from the episode: For some, Christmas brings laughter, lights, and loved ones. But for others, it’s a season that magnifies loss, heartache, or isolation. If you or someone you know is struggling this Christmas, you’re not alone. On today’s episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, Jessica Van Roekel and I will share how to give space for what we call a ‘Blue Christmas’—a time when we acknowledge that the holidays can be hard, while also discovering God’s gentle presence and the hope He offers, even in the midst of sorrow. I wanted to acknowledge that while Christmas is often referred to the most joyous time of year, it isn’t for everyone, and it’s important for us to acknowledge our thoughts and feelings, but simultaneously continue to put our hope in God. Often, Christmas is portrayed as magical, joyous, and full of peace. But for many, that’s simply not the reality. Grief, depression, loneliness, or broken family relationships can make Christmas feel heavy. And pretending everything is fine when it’s not only deepens the ache. God invites us to bring Him our honest emotions. Think about the Psalms—David poured out his sorrows, and yet found hope in God’s presence. Let’s name some reasons people might struggle at Christmas: Grief from losing a loved one. Family estrangement or broken relationships. Loneliness, especially for singles, widows, or those far from family. Financial hardship that makes gift-giving stressful. Mental health battles like depression or anxiety. Unmet expectations. Christmas can amplify those pains. Lights and carols may remind us of what we don’t have. But Jesus came into a world of darkness. Isaiah 9:2 says, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light.” His presence is especially near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Sometimes we pressure ourselves to “put on a happy face.” But it’s okay to grieve at Christmas. Lament is part of worship. Jesus Himself wept (John 11:35). If the Son of God cried at loss, then tears are holy too. Giving yourself permission to be real is not a lack of faith. We can also set boundaries. Maybe we can’t attend every party. Maybe we create new traditions that feel gentler for our souls this year. Sometimes the best gift is presence, not presents. Just sitting with someone, listening, or sending a simple “thinking of you” note can mean the world. And don’t say, “You should be happy, it’s Christmas.” Instead, validate their feelings. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Another practical tip—invite them into your traditions in small ways, without pressure. Even a quiet cup of cocoa together can bring comfort. At the heart of Christmas is Emmanuel—God with us. That truth doesn’t change, whether our Christmas is merry or blue. We can both acknowledge sorrow and cling to hope. One way is through Scripture meditation. Even reading Luke 2 slowly and remembering that Christ entered a broken, chaotic world can remind us we’re not alone. Some practical things that help: Create a memory box or light a candle in honor of a loved one. Simplify expectations. You don’t have to do all the traditions. Prioritize rest and self-care. Spend time with safe people who encourage your heart. And when emotions overwhelm, breathe a prayer like: “Lord, hold me in this moment.” God doesn’t require eloquence—He wants our honesty. Friend, if you’re facing a Blue Christmas, know this: You are not broken because you feel sorrow. God sees you, loves you, and promises to draw near. He is “Immanuel—God with us.” That’s the real miracle of Christmas. Whether your Christmas is filled with joy or tears, His presence is your anchor.   Scripture References: Psalm 42:11 “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Put your hope in God…” Matthew 1:23 “They will call Him Immanuel, which means ‘God with us.’” Ecclesiastes 3:4 “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” Isaiah 9:2 “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light.” Psalm 34:18 His presence is especially near to the brokenhearted. Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”   Recommended Resources: Reframing Rejection: How Looking Through a Different Lens Changes Everything By Jessica Van Roekel Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner AWSA 2024 Golden Scroll Christian Living Book of the Year and the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Christian Living and Non-Fiction categories YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises from God to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, AWSA Member of the Year, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the 2024 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in the Devotional category, the 2023 Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 1 YouVersion Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day version 2 Revive & Thrive Women’s Online Conference Revive & Thrive Summit 2 Trusting God through Cancer Summit 1 Trusting God through Cancer Summit 2 Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2020 Best Christian Living Book First Place, the first place winner for the Best Christian Living Book, the 2020 Carolina Christian  Writer’s Conference Contest winner for nonfiction, and winner of the 2021 Christian Literary Award’s Reader’s Choice Award in all four categories for which it was nominated (Non-Fiction Victorious Living, Christian Living Day By Day, Inspirational Breaking Free and Testimonial Justified by Grace categories.) YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free PDF Resource: How to Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and Win Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Henri and Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Free Webinar: Help for When You’re Feeling Blue   Social Media Links for Host and Guest: Connect with Jessica Van Roekel: Website / Instagram / Facebook For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at: Order Book Sacred Scars / Order Book The Hem of His Garment / Order Book Today is Going to be a Good Day / Order Book  Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails  /  Website  /   Blog  /  Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson)  /  LinkedIn  /  Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube / Podcast on Apple   Co-Host: Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.   Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.