How Do You Motivate Your Child?

from the Mudroom · host Allana Robinson

So we’ve talked about bribing before, right?    “If you do this thing, then I’ll buy you the toy or get you the ice cream.”    And most of us agree that bribing doesn’t work as a disciplinary measure.    So, we think of other ways to “motivate” our children.    Enter the contingent instructions.  It feels similar to bribing but instead of giving the child something tangible for complying, we offer them permission to do something else.    For example: “if you pick up your toys then you can play video games.”  Or “once you stop yelling then you can go play.”    I understand the thought process behind this method. You’re hoping to give them some motivation to do what you want.    Now, this is going to be a bit of a gut punch because I know the intention is often not to be manipulative but…  It’s manipulative.   (ouch)  And I can already hear the uproar!    This is a popular method of discipline, so if this is manipulation, then what the heck are you supposed to do to get your kid to listen to you?!   I’m going to give you a hint. The answer is time to regulate themselves.    But (this is important) we often inadvertently take away that time to regulate themselves and hold it, hostage, by using these contingent instructions.    How you ask?    In this episode we´ll discuss:  - How can we motivate our children?  - Effective discipline methods  - How can we get them to actually listen to us? Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices

What this episode covers

So we’ve talked about bribing before, right? “If you do this thing, then I’ll buy you the toy or get you the ice cream.” And most of us agree that bribing doesn’t work as a disciplinary measure. So, we think of other ways to “motivate” our children. Enter the contingent instructions. It feels similar to bribing but instead of giving the child something tangible for complying, we offer them permission to do something else. For example: “if you pick up your toys then you can play video games.” Or “once you stop yelling then you can go play.” I understand the thought process behind this method. You’re hoping to give them some motivation to do what you want. Now, this is going to be a bit of a gut punch because I know the intention is often not to be manipulative but… It’s manipulative. (ouch) And I can already hear the uproar! This is a popular method of discipline, so if this is manipulation, then what the heck are you supposed to do to get your kid to listen to you?! I’m going to give you a hint. The answer is time to regulate themselves. But (this is important) we often inadvertently take away that time to regulate themselves and hold it, hostage, by using these contingent instructions. How you ask? In this episode we´ll discuss: - How can we motivate our children? - Effective discipline methods - How can we get them to actually listen to us? Grab the Scripts to Manage the Top 10 Crazy-Making Behaviours: prnt.link/scripts Watch the video recording here: Join the Parenting Posse: prnt.link/group the Mudroom is recorded live every Wednesday at 1:30pm ET/ 12:30pm CT/ 10:30am PT on Facebook: facebook.com/arfamilyservices