The Moon And Sixpence 29.4

"If I'donly waited, perhaps it would have gone all right. I shouldn't have been soimpatient. Oh, poor child, what have I driven her to?"

I shrugged myshoulders, but did not speak. I had no sympathy for Blanche Stroeve, but knewthat it would only pain poor Dirk if I told him exactly what I thought of her.

He had reachedthat stage of exhaustion when he could not stop talking. He went over againevery word of the scene. Now something occurred to him that he had not told mebefore; now he discussed what he ought to have said instead of what he did say;then he lamented his blindness. He regretted that he had done this, and blamedhimself that he had omitted the other. It grew later and later, and at last Iwas as tired as he.

"What areyou going to do now?" I said finally.

"What canI do? I shall wait till she sends for me. "

"Why don'tyou go away for a bit?"

"No, no; Imust be at hand when she wants me. "

For the presenthe seemed quite lost. He had made no plans. When I suggested that he should goto bed he said he could not sleep; he wanted to go out and walk about thestreets till day. He was evidently in no state to be left alone. I persuadedhim to stay the night with me, and I put him into my own bed. I had a divan inmy sitting-room, and could very well sleep on that. He was by now so worn outthat he could not resist my firmness. I gave him a sufficient dose of veronalto insure his unconsciousness for several hours. I thought that was the bestservice I could render him.

“要是我多等些日子，也许就不会发生什么事了。我真不应该这么耐不住性子。啊，可怜的孩子，是我把她逼到这一地步啊！”

我耸了耸肩膀，但是没有说什么。我对勃朗什·施特略夫一点也不同情，但是我知道，如果我把实话告诉可怜的戴尔克，只会增加他的痛苦。

这时候他已经疲惫不堪，无力控制自己，所以只顾滔滔不绝地说下去。他把那场风波中每人讲的话又重复了一遍。他一会儿想起一件忘记了告诉我的事，一会儿又同我讨论起他当时该说这句话，而不该说那句话。他为自己看不清问题感到万分痛心，懊悔自己做了某件事，责怪自己没有做哪一件。夜渐渐深了，最后我也同他一样疲劳不堪了。

“你现在准备做什么？”我最后问他说。

“我能够做什么？我只能等着她招呼我回去。”

“为什么你不到外地去走走呢？”

“不，不成。如果她需要，我一定要叫她能够找到我。”

他对于眼前该怎么办似乎一点主意也没有。他没有什么计划。最后我建议他该去睡会儿觉，他说他睡不着，他要到外面去走个通宵。当然，在这种情况下我决不能丢下他不管。我劝他在我这里过夜，我把他安置在我的床上。在起居间里我还有一只长沙发，我可以睡在那上面。他这时已经精疲力竭，所以还是依着我的主意上了床。我给他服了一些佛罗那，叫他可以人事不省地好好睡几个钟头觉。我想这是我能够给他的最大的帮助了。