The Moon And Sixpence 35.3

Dirk gave a lowcry of distress. I asked him to go on and wait for me at the entrance, for Iwanted to say something to the nurse. He did not ask what it was, but wentsilently. He seemed to have lost all power of will; he was like an obedientchild.

"Has shetold you why she did it?" I asked.

"No. Shewon't speak. She lies on her back quite quietly. She doesn't move for hours ata time. But she cries always. Her pillow is all wet. She's too weak to use ahandkerchief, and the tears just run down her face. "

It gave me asudden wrench of the heart-strings. I could have killed Strickland then, and Iknew that my voice was trembling when I bade the nurse goodbye.

I found Dirkwaiting for me on the steps. He seemed to see nothing, and did not notice thatI had joined him till I touched him on the arm. We walked along in silence. Itried to imagine what had happened to drive the poor creature to that dreadfulstep. I presumed that Strickland knew what had happened, for someone must havebeen to see him from the police, and he must have made his statement. I did notknow where he was. I supposed he had gone back to the shabby attic which servedhim as a studio. It was curious that she should not wish to see him. Perhapsshe refused to have him sent for because she knew he would refuse to come. Iwondered what an abyss of cruelty she must have looked into that in horror sherefused to live.

戴尔克发出一声痛苦的低声叫喊。我叫他先到外面去，在进门的地方等着我，因为我要同护士说几句话。他并没有问我要说什么，便闷声不响地走开了。他好象失去了全部意志力，象个听话的小孩似地任凭别人支使。

“她对你说过没有，为什么她做出这件事来？”我问护士说。

“没有。她什么话也不说。她安安静静地仰面躺着，有时候一连几个钟头一动也不动。但是她却不停地流眼泪，连枕头都流湿了。她身体非常虚弱，连手帕也不会使用，就让眼泪从脸上往下淌。”

我突然感到心弦一阵绞痛。要是思特里克兰德在我跟前，我真能当时就把他杀死。当我同护士告别的时候，我知道连自己的声音都颤抖起来了。

我发现戴尔克正在门口台阶上等着我。他好象什么都没看见，直到我触到他的胳臂时，他才发觉我已经站到他身边。我们两个默默无言地向回走。我拼命地想象，究竟发生了什么事逼得这个可怜的人儿走上这条绝路。我猜想思特里克兰德已经知道发生的这个不幸事件了，因为警察局一定已经派人找过他，听取了他的证词。我不知道思特里克兰德现在在哪里。说不定他已经回到那间他当作画室的简陋的阁楼去了。她不想同他见面倒是有些奇怪。也许她不肯叫人去找他是因为她知道他绝不会来。我很想知道，她看到了一个什么样的悲惨的无底深渊才恐惧绝望、不想再活下去。