Ask Dr. Marty - Relationship Expert

Show highlights: 3:20 This show is part 2 of our two-part discussion of borderline personalities. We will discuss what you can do if you are in a relationship with a borderline personality. 5:19 We first get into a quick overview of the things you can do that will make a difference in dealing with a borderline personality. 6:05 Dr. Marty digs deeper into this list, starting with a “self-image checkup”. What can you do to make yourself feel more positive, and better about yourself? Dr. Marty covers 5 things you can do to help improve your self-image. 10:30 What is the movie about yourself playing out in your head? Is it negative or positive? 12:40 What can therapy do to help improve your self-image? 13:30 Next, Dr. Marty talks about how anger reduction can help when dealing with a borderline personality. 15:55 Continuing with the discussion on how to deal with borderline personalities, we talk about the importance of setting boundaries. 18:37 How does fear of abandonment work with relationships involving a borderline personality? 20:36 How does a partner of a borderline personality dealing with conflict? 21:38 How is it possible to empathize without giving in? 22:07 The biggest mistake partners of borderline personalities make is waiting for the borderline person to get therapy. Don’t wait for the other person to change! 24:06 Dr. Marty covers 7 steps to deal with tension, and how to prevent fights. 31:40 Dr. Marty makes an announcement that because of time constraints, the “Ask Dr. Marty” Show will no longer be broadcast every Tuesday. He will be doing other things, in a different framework, on WOLD in the future.

Show highlights: 4:02 This show is the first of a two part series on borderline personalities, or “difficult people to deal with”. 6:16 What is the biggest mistake people make when dealing with a borderline personality? 7:45 Dr. Marty talks about “What is the description of a borderline personality?” First we cover the technical description, then the “Dr. Marty description”. 10:43 Dr. Marty shares his detailed personal list of what he observes about borderline personalities. 13:40 What other disorders commonly go along with borderline personalities? 14:25 What kinds of triggers will cause a person with borderline personality to act out? 17:18 What are the characteristics of a person who will become involved with a borderline personality? 18:10 Four questions to ask yourself to decide if you are an enabler. 22:00 Dr. Marty covers “the short version” of what you can do to deal with a borderline personality. 23:53 We talk about 7 things to do for successful therapy with the partner of a borderline personality.

Show highlights: 1:12 This show will be a special edition for Valentine’s Day. We will be talking about important questions like, “Is there such a thing as a soulmate?” And: the definition of love, how to know your partner really loves you, and more. 3:50 What is the “History of Love & Marriage”? How has this changed over the years? 4:46 Dr. Marty gets into our first question for the special edition: What’s your definition of love? What are our expectations about love? Is love really about meeting our expectations? We cover a range of “expert” ideas about love. 8:37 Can you love somebody and let them go? When does the negative outweigh the positive in a relationship? 9:04 “Love has no room for jealousy.” Is this true? 9:48 “Love is the absence of fear.” How does this really work out? Is it natural to never be afraid in a love relationship? 10:20 “Love is an action, not just a feeling.” What does this mean in practice? 10:50 “Love is unconditional.” Really? No matter what? We talk about giving someone another chance, and setting boundaries. 11:51 “Love means putting other people’s needs before your own.” Whose needs really do come first? Which needs *have* to come first? 12:43 “Love is the highest vibration emotion.” What are the differences between love vibrations and fear-based vibes? Is there such a difference? What is “love” versus “excitement”? 17:22 Dr. Marty talks about how love requires attention, and how it needs to be cared for over time and all the stages of a relationship. 18:35 “Love understands and accepts the fact that we are different.” How has love evolved to today, and where is it going now? 20:08 How has “You need to find yourself” become the modern idea that “We are not made for just one partner for our entire lives”? Is the idea of a monogamous lifetime relationship now becoming a thing of the past? 21:36 “Love makes you feel good, it doesn’t make you feel bad.” Is it really the absence of love that makes us feel bad? 23:03 Dr. Marty talks about the question, “Is there such a thing as a soulmate?”

Show highlights: 2:40 We take a call from Dianne. She mentions that her husband’s depression medication no longer seems to be working. He says things like “I’m just waiting to die.” She is wondering how she can respond to something like that, and how to deal with it. 4:20 Dr. Marty talks in detail about this with Dianne, where medication fits in, and how medication needs to be periodically reevaluated. We then get into many questions on how to understand the emotional aspects of what is going on, how to realistically assess matters, and how to deal with the overall situation. 7:14 Dr. Marty makes *many* concrete suggestions for actions Dianne and her husband can take to better deal with the situation, and to help improve things. 19:02 Dr. Marty asks Dianne how her husband gets along with their pet dog. Finding out that they get along well, Dr. Marty makes a suggestion that more mindful time with the dog could be helpful. 22:55 We hear a suggestion on how Dianne’s husband can practice mixing in more positive self talk, directly into his life. 25:28 Dr. Marty talks with Dianne about the importance of taking her own “emotional pulse” before she engages with her husband. 28:26 Dr. Marty introduces the topic of the next show: borderline personalities, and how to live with a borderline personality.

Show highlights: 5:20 This show features two emails Dr. Marty got during the last week. 7:38 We start with the first letter, from a woman who is very upset about her husband leaving her. After that, we have another letter from a woman who thinks her husband might be cheating on her. 8:50 We hear from the first woman’s letter. She has signed her letter “Worried”. Her husband is walking out of their marriage after 20 years. She asks about the “crossroads stage” - something she read about on YourMarriageCounselor.com, and how it relates to her situation. 10:20 We talk briefly about a “date formula” for successful conversation. 10:53 We return to the letter, and learn that the woman believes she and her husband are bored in their marriage. She believes her husband has emotionally withdrawn, may feel lost, or is in a mid-life crisis. 11:47 We hear Dr. Marty’s response to “Worried”. We hear three clear suggestions on what to do in this situation. 21.50 Dr. Marty talks about the second letter. “Marie” is worried her husband may be having an affair. Dr. Marty talks at length of the dynamic of how an affair starts, and what kinds of danger signs a partner can look out for, and when a person may need a wake up call about the status of their relationship.