Bible Dumb

This week, we're Chroniclin' Reuban through Benjamin!

This week we start the most hyped book of the bible!  Chronicles!  Listen at your own risk!

Josiah burns up the priests! Three year old kings are kidnapped!  Names are changed!  ...and next, on to the most hyped book of the Bible yet: Chronicles!

Gods kill a bunch of people! Hezakiah shows off his treasures! Jesus does the dishes!

In this episode, God spoils your favorite movies and we crawl toward the book of Chronicles.

Oracles, Resurrections, lady-killings and somehow still a slog.  So, your typical chapter of the bible.

In this episode, there are many slayings.  

In this episode, we get some gratuitous violence, Jezebel gives up the ghost, and we get a new king!

This week, it's the kind of good ol' classic bible story you're used to—suspicious magic powers and eating babies!

In this episode, Elijah shows off all his magic powers and Elisha kills 42 children by bear attack.

In this episode, Jezebel commits landscaping crimes, Ahab goes to war and false prophets abound.

In this episode, the hand of god shows up (reminds me of The Stand) and Ahab and Jezebel go after the prophets.

In this episode, we meet Ahab and Jezebel!

In this episode, King Solomon sleeps with his fathers.

In this episode, Solomon sets himself up for the easy life.

In this episode, two atheist masochists torture themselves with tabernacle-talk.

In this episode, King Solomon commands a baby to be cut in half!

The end of 2 Samuel!  David gets himself into a monkey-paw situation and makes, characteristically, the worst choice!

In this episode, Absolom rides into a tree and David catches up with Mephibosheth.

In this episode, we meet the Pigpen of the bible, Slippin' Shim'ei throws rocks and David and Absalom has a glow up.

TRIGGER WARNING: In this episode, the bible gets very Game-of-Thronesy

In this episode David hates on the blind and lame, he does a fancy dance that causes trouble at home and brings the ark home.

We start another new book of the bible...kind of. In this episode, David and Abner settle once and for all who will be king!

in this episode David spares Saul a second time, Saul speaks with Zombie Samel, and David fights some skirmishes.  Plus, a cliffhanger ending to 1 Samuel!

In this episode, David pretends to be a dummy, cuts off Saul's skirts and we learn some new vocabulary.

Finally we get a love story!  Who knew the bible would have romance?

In this episode, God is fed up with Saul, plus the story of David and Goliath!  Finally!

In this episode, we learn about King Saul and his son Jonathan, who eats some honey. 🤷🏻‍♂️  

In this episode, we meet Saul, the goodliest man of all, as he goes on an ass hunt.

In this episode, the temple's first alterboy, the sons of the preacher-man raise hell and the ark of the covenant is stolen!

In this one-and-done episode, we meet Ruth and get the official dibs rules of the bible.  

The final episode of Judges!  This time our judges specialize in graven images, surprise gifts in the mail and human trafficking!

In this episode, we finally get anther famous bible story: Samson and Delilah!

In this episode, a man makes a questionable deal with God.

A new judge rises, but is he hero or villain?

Judges continues with more grizzly violence—and, finally, some strong female characters!

We begin a brand new book of the bible, and it starts off with a bang!

In this episode, Joshua gives up the ghost and some priests get busted for worshipping their own way.  Meanwhile in present day priests are getting busted for something else entirely...

In this episode, I read the name of what feels like every city in the land of Canaan. 😮‍💨

Are you a Tom Bombadil or a Gandalf?

...and the walls of Jericho come tumbling down.  Plus, a second circumcision?  

We are joined by  @VeganofCourse  to discuss the first four chapters of the Book of Joshua! In this episode, Joshua spends the night with a harlot!

God sings a song, Moses gives up the ghost and Deuteronomy limps to an end.

In this episode God lays out all the bad things that will happen to you if you don't do what he says.  

Rules for crossdressing and grabbing people by the secrets.

In this episode, we learn about warlocks and necromancers and how to dodge the draft.

In this episode, Moses reviews the rules, and we make up some rules of our own.

In this episode, God gives the people Manifest Destiny and grants them free reign to eat whomever they want.

In this episode, Moses reminds the people to be good boys and girls, under the threat of Heavenly destruction.

Here we go again!