Big brother's Chenbot on the side

Launch night! Woah. Stowaways, nepotism, spunk, rockets, coconut, roadkill, dodgems, tools, spy girls and comps, comps, comps.

Yeast, candy apples, scales, tiger pelt, omg, what the hell, crosswords, LGB-slee, audio fail and Steve scampers off with the win.

Mel's life in pieces, Judas is (over t)here, John gets extracted, kung fu Beast Mode and Brenchel are reproducing. Let's celebrate with a thimbleful of champagne. And then go puke in the sink.

Oh my god, the three headed beast loses a member. Who's a better snog, Steve's mum or Cody's dad? Not Austin, that's for sure. Rainbows, Irish cliches, reverse reverse reverse psychology and who runs the world? Vanessa. HEY LADY!

It's Big Brother Bile, baby! A whistlestop tour through the past 16 days. John goes in/ out but fails to shake it all about. Zingbot, sink-vomit, Meg pegs it and James goes back to Gizmo. Aw. Austwin-ge.

Butter! Austin's arseholes, Vanessa's vultures, the Titanic, scamps, bullies, face masks, the strange tie dye town of Governeur, OTEV, surgical stockings and live feed from the vault. Don't expect the unexpected!

Hairy backs, hairspray, tie dye and the real fan favourite returns; Cody's dad. Sick of the sixth sense, Clay and Shelli get the heave ho, with no one's favourite Amazing Racer following soon after. The most boring double eviction in history? Thanks Steve. Mum, I need you right now indeed. Amateurs.

Another minority gets shown the door, month old live feed insights, bird shit, hooker squirrels, gallantry, dark moon, golden arses and broken pumices.

The Audrey special, grunge, whack, the outback(door) steakhouse, paint, wafting, and the takeover gets shoved under the rug, where it belongs.

Trombonists unite! Jase, Devonne and Jeff get shown the door, the dice from last year are dusted off, bedhopping twins, Y2K and it's all gronk wrong.

BB17 launches with twists, twins, plugs, fake jobs and basic bitches galore. We meet the first transgender person to ever be on Big Brother except Nadia, Luke A, Kellie Maloney and Rodrigo. And do you watch the Amazing Race? Us neither. But first!

Cody messes his game up, Caleb beast modes his cue card, Zingbot's sex shame, the Bible Buddies strategy goes awry and Derrick cops 575 Grande.

Double eviction, a rat in the kitchen, an erased proposal, an annoying button, a greasy Gheesling and a week of our life wasted.

Beast mode wheelchair, tooth hurty, scorpions, pinwheels, Christine's husband, Cody's dad, hurt feelings, Julie Chen gets real and an irate America.

Zach gets sacked, back(doored) and packed, Zingbot, a peek inside the jury house, Nicole returns, Cody's dad (again) and that being said, man to man, it was a pretty slow week.

Schools in Africa, neighbourhood watch, Codeine, Thursday night football, sisters before misters, and the worst throws in the Big Brother history. Waste the rainbow.

Rolling pins, the Holy spirit, double eviction, comics, dominoes and Zach is wack.

Knight moves, bisexuals, Germany, two dead grandpas and a blow to Team America.

Frogwarts, knights in argyle socks, Donny's parents, praise God and America's favourite homophobe.

Donny saves himself, Devin goes rogue, Caleb's vests get narrower and what's your favourite dessert? PS: Geek squad FTW.

Two night launch and the first battle of the block. And some eggs. And a big nest. And some of the worst strategy ever.

A look back at BB15, a look forward to BB16, and a sprinkling of BBAU, BBCAN, CBB and Opposite Worlds.

A recap of Wednesday night's finale. Extermin-hate. Has Nick escaped GinaMarie's clutches yet? Congrats to the first gay winner. Well, at least a racist didn't win it.

A racist cock-a-roach, a weasel in boat shoes and a Nazi- sympathising Dave Grohl fan. Pick your winner.

Zingbot, double eviction and the death of McCranda. RIP. Floaters, grab a spot in the finals.

A catch up on the last week or so of BBUS shenanigans.

An extended edition of our US show, just because we can! And remember: you ARE Janelle.

What would Rachel do? Cry in a bush, that's what.

Two weeks of BBUS in one night. Howard!

Episodes 2-4 dragged through the mud.

2 sillies get the boot

We love BBUS and we're going to talk about it (a bit late).