Cinema Supercollider

In the 1980s every "B" movie was post-apocalyptic, took place at a mall, featured horny teens, or had zombies. Some of those pictures had all of the above!

A tale of the love of a gerontologist for a marine biologist in a time of global warming which is acidifying the oceans and giving cancer to marine mammals...such as seals.

We conclude March-O-Gortner with Burt I. Gordon's second adaptation of H.G. Welles' Food Of The Gods. Hope you like ferry trips and giant rats!

Tom Selleck is a future cop with acrophobia who gets drawn into a cyber-mystery in this sci-fi, action film from the '80s. Written and directed by Michael Chriton and featuring Gene Simmons from Kiss as the bad guy.

A movie about a film about a TV show about a zombie attack about covers it.

Tobe Hooper, Patrick Stewart, Steve Railsback, Henry Mancini, and an extremely nude Mathilda May can't save this turgid epic story of space vampires.

Tori Spelling falls for a serial killer college student in this TV movie.TW: Tori Spelling, action mom, MURDER, gratuitous college establishing shots, gratuitous cooking scenes, gratuitous Friday The 13th references, gratuitous Psycho references, cabins, hatchets, dudebros in shower, love bombing, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, lizard tongue.

What can you say when a made-for-Netflix Christmas rom com about a sexy snowman turns out to be pretty OK?Lacey Chabert stars in this silly picture based on the saga of Frosty the Snowman. Well, he comes to life one day, and he's HOT?! Hot body that is. Holiday shenanigans ensue Frosty melts but comes back again, and goes to Hawai'i.Better than it needs to be, and we end up both recommending this movie in spite of our expectations of schlock. It's a Christmas miracle!

Soldiers vs. werewolves in the Scottish Highlands. Director Neil Marshall would go on from this picture to direct The Descent (2005).

From the fertile imagination of John Migliore (a.k.a. Johnny Ghoulash) comes the saga of a supernatural battle between a demon shark spirit, a suburban dad, and a tarot alligator (4 of swords). Who will live? Who will die? Will there be any more sequels?

In this classic episode, we delve once more into the Bag of Destiny and take a look at the 2008 football comedy, Leatherheads! It's a heartwarming tale of how old timey football became a big thing and where everyone talks like they're 1920s radio announcers.

A classic "video nasty" from the "80s about a psycho serial killer on a college campus. The movie wants so hard to be a "giallo," but never achieves the level of Argento or Bava. The stars of the notorious Pod People a.k.a. The Extraterrestrial Visitors (1983) show up here and clown around for about 90 minutes, making no sense until Cousin Larry/Kirk Cameron gets his penis (which makes a guest appearance earlier in the picture) grabbed by a corpse. Fun for the whole family.

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 2009 horror movie, Jennifer's Body! It's a good movie that suffered from bad marketing and poor pre-release expectations, but definitely worth a watch.

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1984 sci/comedy Ice Pirates, starring Robert Urich! It's like Star Wars, but with more scoundrels and space pirates and waaaaaay waaaaaay less money.

Despite being on many lists of worst all-time movies, Bratz (2007) is just a pedestrian tween girl movie inspired by a fashion doll popular at the time. We thought it was fun enough, but it was laser-focused on the target audience. Where Mean Girls (2004), Spice World (1998) had at least some intent to please a wider audience, this picture was made almost exclusively for the Nickelodeon girls demo. In other words, this movie wasn't BAD, it's just that nobody really liked it.

Well there's no way upLord, I just can't get out that plane,There's no way up, babyLord I just can't get out that plane,'Cuz there's a shark down thereHe might bite you and that's a shame.

Suburban sasquatchHe's after youuuuu,Suburban sasquatch,He's coming through,Suburban sasquatch,Suburban sasquatch,He'llEatYOU!SASQUATCH!

The film that answers the question: "What do you get when you mix The Breakfast Club, Red Dawn, and Chuck Connors, shake them briskly over ice, and strain into a car chase?" The only problem is, nobody ever asked that question.

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1959 William Castle horror flick, House on Haunted Hill, starring Vincent Price! Five people are tasked with staying in a spooky house in order to earn $10k. Is it actually haunted or is it all just people taking too many "scotch ands" and "siditives"? (also, Megan is dumb and doesn't credit William Castle as the director. We listen and we judge.)

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 2010 Adam Sandler comedy, Grown Ups! It's a beautiful story of friendship between some guys that used to play basketball as kids, but also maybe just an excuse for Adam Sandler and his comedian friends to have a vacation and fart around by a lake? You make the call.

DJ and TV personality Shadoe Stevens stars in this action cop comedy that's an absolute trainwreck. Questionable morals and gratuitous violence is the order of the day when retired mercenary Traxx gets hired by a small Texas town as a "town tamer."Don't shoot me, I'm only the ecdysiast!

In this classic episode, we take a look at one of Eric's favorite childhood movies, the 1966 action adventure making big things small for reasons tale, Fantastic Voyage! It's got science, dubious medical procedures and Raquel Welch. Donald "Paycheck" Pleasence takes a turn at being evil because that's how he makes enough money to pay off the summer home.

Rod and Natalie return in this crazy sequel to Birdemic. Because it was made as a love letter to the fans of the original, there's more inside jokes and better production values... but it's still a ridiculous mess (in a good way).

In this classic episode, we take a look at both of John Carpenter's post-apocalyptic "escape" movies - Escape from New York (1981) and Escape from L.A. (1996)! The original is a beloved for a reason, but the return to the property fifteen years later reads more like loving cosplay than an awesome sequel.

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1977 giallo film The Devil Has Seven Faces! It's tough when you're an identical twin and you're mistaken for a jewel thief because your sister's up to no good.

The film that answers the burning question, "what would happen if you implanted a mutant rabid cat inside another cat, and trapped that cat on a yacht with 9 humans?"

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1988 Tom Cruise vehicle, Cocktail! Boy needs money, boy learns flair bartending, boy has fight with mentor, boy goes to Jamaica, boy meets girl, boy falls in love. Everyone drinks. Oh, and the Beach Boys show up on the soundtrack with a late 80s banger.

Just your typical '80s post-apocalyptic science fantasy about a brave, noble group of bikers who carry medieval lances and have to storm the castle of a Mad Max style warlord.OR IS IT?We weren't expecting an Altman-esque character study about a tortured Ed Harris running a ren-faire in late '70s California.

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1955 Ed Wood sci fi horror film, Bride of the Monster, starring Wood's usual cast of characters, including Bela Lugosi and Tor Johnson. Lugosi plays Dr. Eric Vornoff, a scientist who tampers in God's domain, with the usual results that come from hair brained schemes and a lack of hubris.

In this classic episode, Cinema Supercollider favorite Laurene Landon teams up (literally) with Vicki Frederick to form the California Dolls, a female pro wrestling duo looking to make it big with their crooked, yet lovable manager (played by Peter Falk). While Hundra doesn't gnaw on a turkey leg while she clotheslines her opponents, she does all her own wrestling and stunts, which we love.

You wanna "zigazig ahh?" We know you do!Eric and Megan discuss the hit 1997 film Spice World, starring The Spice Girls / https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spice_GirlsTaking a bit of Hard Day's Night, the BIGGEST FEMALE POP GROUP IN HISTORY romp around London with a bunch of colorful musical numbers, silly skits, and cameos (so many cameos) on their way to the Royal Albert Hall to play a sold out concert.Why is there a bomb on the bus? Why is the bus bigger inside? Why are they riding in a bus? What role does Roger Moore play in all this? Will they make it in time?

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1980 sci fi time travel movie, The Final Countdown, starring Kirk Douglas and Martin Sheen! It's a completely believeable tale of a nuclear powered aircraft carrier traveling back in time to 1941, just before the attack on Pearl Harbor. Do our intrepid heroes sit by and do nothing, refusing to change the events of the past, or do they go full Butterfly Effect and FAFO?

There's a mutiny! IN SPACE!Reb Brown and Cameron Mitchell have to save the Battlestar Galactica *ahem* I mean "The Southern Sun" from a mutiny led by Elijah Cal-Gon (John Phillip Law). Hijinx ensue. There are bumper cars! Hula hoops! Railing kills! Vintage dental equipment! Ladies with no pants! Plasma balls! Ladies dressed in gauze! Yelling! SO MUCH YELLING!

Coleman Francis was an independent filmmaker / actor from the 1960s who wrote and directed three special films. He had a vision, a dark, murky vision full of ugly faces, coffee, cigarettes, and small aircraft. Are these movies some of the worst ever made? YES. Do we recommend you see them? Also, YES.

We look at the 2024 videogame movie nobody asked for. With blandness dials turned up to 10, even an an all-star cast including Jamie Lee Curtis, Gina Gershon, Jack Black, Kevin Hart and Cate Blanchett cant create any emotion or excitement. Competently shot series of images, which when run by your eyes at 24 frames per second, gives the illusion of movement. It's something to look at with your eyeballs.

Rats and cats and vampire shenanigans, that's what Megan and Eric have in store for you in this episode! We compare and contrast two versions of the classic retelling of Dracula, Nosferatu. The 1922 silent film version starring Max Shreck is a legitimate classic art film. It follows the story of a young German bridegroom who travels to Transylvania to do a real estate deal with the creepy count Orlok. He's quickly drained of his precious blood, and the vampire makes his way back to Germany bringing with him thousands of plague rats. Everyone starts dying and the count closes in on the young bride. The recent remake by celebrated director Robert Eggers takes the same story and expands on it, adding more detail as well as some blood, and jump scares, and a little bit of vampire peen.

Despite sharing the title and two actors, this 2016 made for tv lesbian vampire picture shares nothing similar with the 1996 film. James Franco produced and stars in this horror romance centered around the Hot Topic store, and a college production of a gender-bent Macbeth. Lots of hot chicks in slo-mo, an unhinged homophobic Tori Spelling, and a pretty decent sword fight are the highlights in this forgettable stinker from the Lifetime network.

Maybe the greatest barbarian picture from the late 20th century, Laurene Landon stars as Hundra, a tribeswoman who goes on a quest for sperm and revenge. She does all her own awesome stunt work, and she brings a proto-feminism to fantasy northern Europe.

Stalking death, non-consensual s3x, imps, crop-tops, and b00bies! It sound's like a recipe for some good 1980's fantasy barbarian film fun. OR IS IT?!

M. Night Shayamalan's Commercial for his daughter's singing career is stretched out into a long, ridiculous thriller. Josh Hartnett tries his best to ham it up to the appropriate level, but gosh, if he ain't the luckiest man in the world.

Megan and Eric discuss this ABC TV Halloween special from (1976) starring Paul Lynde, Billy Barty, Billie Hayes, Margaret Hamilton, KISS, Betty White, Tim Conway, Roz "Pinky Tuscadero" Kelly, Donny and Marie, and a host of devils. That's right, you heard right! They're all in there! Possibly the worst television episode ever. This makes the Star Wars Holiday Special look like Shakespeare. Even the tender ballad "Beth" by Kiss, and the radiant Betty White can't save this dog of a TV show written by the infamous Bruce Vilanch. Watch it free on YouTube...IF YOU DARE! AH HAHAH HAHA AH HA AH AHHH ahh OH NO!

Steven King disowned this, the only film he ever directed, calling it a "moron movie." Eric kind of likes its goofy, campy sci-fi horror atmosphere and its moron story. Megan is less sympathetic. Emilio Estevez stars in this picture about killer trucks taking over the world. Blink and you'll miss baby Giancarlo Esposito getting killed by a Starcastle game in the diner's arcade!

Steven King's classic vampire story from the 1970s and from 2024.

In this classic episode, we take two looks at the sci fi classic Journey to the Center of the Earth (both the original 1959 and the remake in 2008). One has Brendan Fraser, the other has a duck named Gertrude. You make the call.

Super special super spy secret agent Matt Helm (Dean Martin) saves the world with sexy babes, greasy hair, scotch, cigarettes, and a gun that shoots backwards!

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1973 sci fi classic, Soylent Green! It's made of... you know. If you don't know the spoiler to this movie by now, it's been 50 years, it's not exactly a secret anymore.

In this episode, we take a look at the 1989 direct to video children's musical, Creating Rem Lezar! Two children dream up the same imaginary friend - a blue haired superhero? named Rem Lezar. There's no doubt that this one was made with genuine care and a hope to entertain the childrens, but choices were made that make this one an easy target to riff.

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 2010 sci fi Predator sequel, Predators! What do you do if you're a Predator that's bored of hunting regular people? Kidnap all the most deadly people you can find and hunt them. Somehow Topher Grace is one of them, for reasons.

Eric and Megan's favorite Ninja movie is this Cannon Group film from 1983. This picture has every ninja trope there is along with a hokey plot about drug smuggling, feuding ninja clans, and ladies without pants. Sho Kasugi stars in and does all the fight choreography, and really throws in everything but the kitchen sink.

In this classic episode, we take a look at the 1968 action spy crime thriller, Danger: Diabolik! Co-written and directed by Mario Bava, based on the Diabolik comics, it's a pretty great Italian action movie and filled with so much excellent set dressing and costuming.