Close the Door: Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire Podcast

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Dany’s stuck in Meereen and so are we, and no one is happy about it. Guile calls these chapters Dany’s office hours, and it’s hard to disagree. Does anyone blame a fifteen year old for picking the least bad of fifty bad options? And look, GRRM, we agree that the Meereenese knot is indeed a quagmire, but if it was caused by a pacing problem couldn’t we have sidestepped it altogether? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys V. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 634

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. In this Patreon exclusive, we deep dive on a listener prompt about the use of the phrase "I dreamed of you" in GRRM's expanded universe. Two of the characters who use this dream are Targaryens (or Targ adjacent) and two are Lannisters. Does it mean anything? Is the phrase for the dreamer or the dreamed of? Are two out of three instances romantic? Where does Tyrion fit in this mess? And does anything really beat Jaime saying it to Brienne? A Song of Ice and Fire. Special Episode - I dreamed of you? Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 633

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Davos gets the best food and the best gossip while waiting for Wyman Manderly to cut off his head and hands. The Wolf Den might have the world’s worst Christmas tree trimmings, but it’s a heck of an homage to the Stark-Manderly mutual appreciation society. Finally, we all fist pump because the North Remembers...even if some of us forgot to read the right chapter in our shortest episode to date. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Davos IV. Originally recorded in 2018. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 632

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon’s living out everyone’s 3 on 1 fantasy, and two of them are twins! This chapter definitely reveals the fic that could have been when Jon and “Rattleshirt” throwdown, and Comma has sage advice for AO3 writers looking for a new niche. We all feel like Jon’s getting the full seduction treatment from Mel, tailored to his northern tastes. And who is R'hllor allied with anyway? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon VI. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 631

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We're not happy to be back in Tyrion's head, but does Jorah Mormont make us more sympathetic to him? Group Rate to Meereen: the book that could have been. Penny just makes everyone sad. Bonus—we figure out why we don't have Winds! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion VII. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 630

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We read GRRM's "best" love scene and we're unimpressed (except with Qarl). Are zee Glovers zee secret Frenchmen of Westeros? Are the Ironborn (Asha excluded) the Honey Boo Boos of Westeros? Is any character man enough for Hagen's Daughter? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - The Wayward Bride (Asha I). Originally recorded in 2018. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 629

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Are we bigger drunken dreamers than Daeron, because we sit down to discuss future Dunk & Egg novellas. As if! If Dunk's gonna hit it in all of Westeros, we hope there are at least some stops in Winterfell, Tarth and Casterly Rock. We hope to see some more potentially fun Targaryen ladies, but cannot believe in a version of these stories where our favorite duo lives? AKotSK. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - Dunk & Egg - predictions for future novellas. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 628

Spoilers, profanity. Welcome to the sloppiest conspiracy in history. Glendon's got game, while Dunk is just really huge. Never go to the second location, Dunk, even if it is with the world's laziest murderer. Bloodraven continues to bring the humor, but maybe give poor concussed Dunk a break? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Mystery Knight - Part III (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 627

Spoilers, profanity. Never turn down an open bar. But maybe don't put Two Hearts Beat as One on your wedding playlist. We find out why Dunk needed four pages in the White Book. While Daemon is trying for a Whitewalls version of Heated Rivalry, Bloodraven should be headed to the local comedy club. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Mystery Knight - Part II (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 626

Spoilers, profanity. As we join Dunk & Egg on another adventure, it's clear that Guile picked a bad night to make stew and that Dunk is Daemon's Fabio. How does anyone forget that Egg is a Targaryen and seriously, these inflation complaints are always relatable. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Mystery Knight - Part I (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 625

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Join us as we review Season 1 and discuss our hopes and dreams for Season 2. It's grading time. It's also gold medal time, with some three way ties, although it's almost impossible to choose a favorite between Dunk & Egg. We’re happy we got some Brienne this season, but is it possible to have too much? We talk about what’s in store for Dunk and Egg in Season 2. Will we get Egg flashbacks? How much Blackfyre Rebellion can we cram in here? Will Dunk become an Amazon delivery driver? Whatever happens, we're in this capitalist franchise for the long haul. AKotSK. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - Season 1 Review. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 624

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Surprise, we’re all charmed by Lyonel's “come home with me” pillow talk, but we’re split on his anti-Targ agenda. Do Maekar and Dunk have a trauma bond? Bring on the additions if they’re like this Egg contemplating murdering Aerion scene—we’re leaning into it like Egg leaning into Maekar. Like Dunk, we’re all a little melancholy as we say goodbye to Ser Arlan, but at least Sweetfoot gets a happy ending in her apple orchard. AKotSK. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 1x06 - The Morrow. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 623

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Egg has to watch this age-inappropriate trial, but Guile would never have watched The Hunger Games. Humfrey Beesbury got a honey mustache instead of an introduction, but what a mustache it is. We all love Ser Duncan the Tall’s pre-teen backstory, but we don’t love the extra unexpected pain. Maekar continues to be a fav, but we all have to admit this battle wouldn’t have worked without Finn Bennett’s efforts as Aerion. Raymun stans unite as the green apple comes through battle unfazed, or should we say unbruised. Farewell Baelor Breakhearts, maybe we should spin you off into a Blackfyre Rebellion prequel? We’re happy with this episode as it is, but we also want the extended cut. AKotSK. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 1x05 - In the Name of the Mother. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 622

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Maekar is giving off major Gen X wine dad energy, and we’re here for it, but Baelor is the brother who has our hearts. If we ever stop complaining about the lighting, please call 911. We are split on the Game of Thrones theme’s heroic appearance, but we all agree that we wanted more Humfreys. At least we can assume that things will get happier and more upbeat next week, right? RIGHT? AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 1x04 - Seven. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 621

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Guile’s feeling the Black Stallion vibes as Egg takes Thunder through a pre-breakfast training montage. We’re just going to call this guy Ser Ryan Gosling if that’s ok with everyone else. Dunk teaches us how to make breakfast sandwiches Westerosi style and also how to do a whip stitch. House Fossoway really loves them apples, and as long as they’re green, so do we. Dunk’s stepping up with his first no chance and no choice moment, but we have to admit that Egg and Dexter Sol Ansell stole this episode. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 1x03 - The Squire. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 620

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Is Ser Arlan packing a canon cannon? Maybe! Everyone hitting on Ser Duncan the Tall sure is. Maekar is the Jan to Baelor’s Marcia on this episode of the Targaryen Bunch. Dunk’s getting the feels with Tanselle and panic from the tourney, Egg’s somehow remaining anonymous despite being the only bald kid in town, and we’re just loving every last second of this ride so far. Except that we’ve apparently been pronouncing everybody’s name wrong. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 1x02 - Hard Salt Beef. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 619

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Ser Duncan the Tall and his mysterious hairless squire "Egg" start their adventures in episode 1 of the first season of HBO's latest foray into Westeros. We love the casting, we love the tone, and we love the little digs at Game of Thrones. Is there more book dialogue than original dialogue? Is Tanselle a puppeteer or is she more of special effects artist? Is Ser Lyonel Baratheon the Laughing Storm worth the UTI? More importantly, is half this episode just us talking about George's latest interview with the Hollywood Reporter? AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 1x01 - The Hedge Knight. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 618

Spoilers, profanity. Welcome to the house of Hopium, our words are: it's only six episodes! Are they trying to get into the Emmys comedy category with the half-hour episodes? If so, we approve. Clotho makes the mistake of reading Reddit complaints. Does George always fall out of love with his showrunners? AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - Season 1 Preview. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 617

Spoilers, profanity. Dunk tackles the moral complexity of people who fought for the Blackfyres as we tackle the modern political parallels. Is Egg secretly a Giants fan yelling at the quarterback? Brienne was genetically predisposed to fight someone in a stream. Never leave Ser Bennis at your house if you’re not there. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Sworn Sword - Part III (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 616

Spoilers, profanity. Our hedge knight doesn’t know how old he is, but he knows he’s still growing. Surprise, surprise we see Jaime x Brienne parallels everywhere. Please enjoy our ten minute tangent as we try to figure out what on earth happened during the Blackfyre Rebellions and probably fail. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Sworn Sword - Part II (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 615

Spoilers, profanity. Agricultural water rights remain Chicky’s line in the sand. Dunk is actually pretty bright, despite what he thinks. We will fully admit that keeping Targs straight is not our strong suit. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Sworn Sword - Part I (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 614

Spoilers, profanity. More like Baelor Breakhearts, amiright? The tourney at Ashford Meadow will live in infamy, while Dunk just hopes to live in obscurity. Not likely, our wonderful and gallant dude. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Hedge Knight - Part III (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 613

Spoilers, profanity. Egg really does know every knight. Dunk isn't as dumb as he thinks he is. The Fossoways are like half good, while Aerion Brightflame completely sucks, but his name is literal fire. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Hedge Knight - Part II (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 612

Spoilers, profanity. Dunk is both a lunk and a hunk, but also the 5-star recruit every Lord should be dreaming of, except Daeron. He's got his own stuff to deal with. The Ashford tourney is like the Olympics, and Dunk's got the sob story worthy of a gold medal. Join as as we dive back into Dunk and Egg and their excellent adventures across Westeros in anticipation of HBO's upcoming series A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms. AKotS. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - The Hedge Knight - Part I (re-reread). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 611

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We barely got to know all the guys in Quentyn Martell's merry band and now we have to relearn everybody's name? It's hard not to get angry on Quentyn's behalf as we wonder what all of this agony is for as Astapor haunts our boy. Doran's revenge fantasy can't be worth this. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - The Windblown. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 610

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We hop in Jon Connington's head after Tyrion's "escape." The Golden Company isn't what it used to be. Okay, but what would Joe Westerosi think? JonCon meets the theatre kid barge in the bad part of town. The weird things is we think these guys are gonna win for a while. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - The Lost Lord. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 609

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. None of us want the Green Grace as a dinner guest, even if she has some potentially good advice. Dany wants to marry Daario but she's talking prenups with Hizdahr instead. Maybe a long distance relationship would be best. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 608

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon's communication style has created a rancid corporate culture at the Night's Watch. Angry weirwood CCTV seems like a good idea. Bowen Marsh's performance review is just twenty minutes of us asking him why he's so bad at seeing the bigger picture. Apple or onion? You be the judge. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon V. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 606

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Theon is a broken man, but he’s trying to come out. Every time we think Ramsay can't get any worse, he says "hold my beer." Is Roose a vampire? Comma says no. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Reek II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 605

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. George is at his most heavy handed when he tells us this place is called the Sorrows, but he really does set a mood. Tyrion is homesick for Jaime and we’re as sad about it as he is. This is the worst Pirates of the Caribbean ride ever, and none of us buy that it ends with Tyrion dying. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion V. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 604

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We're all lined up for dinner at White Harbor's very own Red Lobster (we hear the biscuits are great). Does Davos wear a WWSD bracelet? Wylla Manderly is the best, but the entire Merman Court deserves an Oscar. Can anyone give us the Bullet Points of Fire & Blood? #NotAllJareds Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Davos III (repost). Originally recorded in 2018. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 603

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Hoarfrost doesn’t sound tasty, and neither does running out of rations. We’re hyper-focused on Rattleshirt’s new bling. Jon and Stannis: our favorite comedy duo. We want to send Jon to management school, and so does Bowen Marsh. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 602

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Xaro Xhoan Daxos and Dany sit down to enjoy a very adult form of entertainment. Does Dany know what she's doing? Would the people of Westeros weep with joy should she show up? Where is Pyat Pree anyhow? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys III. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 601

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Listener's choice for our 600th episode. Jaime’s sixth chapter in A Storm of Swords really is your favorite's favorite chapter, and we’re podcasting about it for our third or possibly fiftieth time. Consult us for all your original soundtrack needs. Everyone loves the Princess Bride, but can we really picture Cary Elwes as Jaime? Can we still be crazy shippers after a dozen years of Jaime/Brienne podcasting? Yes, apparently we can. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm of Swords - Special Jaime VI. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 600

Davos is in White Harbor at the diviest of dive bars, where the citizenry are talking about everything but Stannis. No one is getting any better with the endless speculation over Winds. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Davos II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 599

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Join us as we sail with Tyrion down the turtle-infested river. Is Septa Lemore the friend we leer at along the way? Is Comma right about cyvasse being a viral sensation? Plus, all the turtle facts you can handle! A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion IV. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 598

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Bran chapters are magic. Literally. We love the lore, but damn is it getting dark in that cave. Literally and figuratively. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Bran II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 597

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Reek may be hella smelly, but Theon is still shockingly strong. And, true to form, we feel bad for the mice? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Reek I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 596

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Dany just needs to go offline for awhile and stop reading the news. George may have written her chapters as an allegory of our endless mideast wars, but are they really more an allegory for why we don't have Winds yet? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 595

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon is the new Davos. Have we ever thought about not burning everyone alive? This human sacrifice is only slightly more fun when we think it's Rattleshirt. Jon is definitely noticing Val, and Satin too. Lightbringer—quote, unquote. Jon and Stannis's relationship status is set to "it's complicated." We’re all so excited for never reading all the people burnings George planned for Winds. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon III. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 594

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We’re learning all about wreckers over Davos’s bowl of tasty sisters soup. It’s fun to hear about Westerosi gossip with our favorite characters, we’re never tired of enjoying stories about Tywin’s death. So are squishers real? Dick Crabb would’ve loved this web fingered House Borrell situation. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Davos I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 593

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Sometimes you look up and you see a Duck. Is sad sack Illyrio someone's daddy? We all want to forget the mummified hands. Tyrion's teenage undercover sewer training for warfare might come in handy. We're all taking Jon Connington seriously. Jon Connington is spectacularly unacquainted with Daenerys Targaryen. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion III. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 592

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. In the first of "Our Favorite Chapters" series, we explore the vaguely heroic patina of the Night's Watch, the sweetness of rancid butter and the nod that launched a thousand ships. Join us for kill the boying, baby switching, and block fetching, with an added bonus of diet Jaime himself: Ser Hyle Hunt. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon II (repost). Originally recorded in 2018. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 591

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Quentyn’s having a rough journey through Dance, and so are we tbqh. Dany's living in the worst episode of The Bachelor and she doesn't even know it. Never trust anyone who sets up a recruiting table. We struggle with the decades old question of what actual purpose Quentyn's chapters serve in the overall story of ASoIaF and our answer is: shrug emoji. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - The Merchant's Man (Quentyn I). Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 590

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. It's yet another hellish road trip, this time with Tyrion and Illyrio. Illyrio proves he is the king of "yes, and?" when it comes to grossness. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion II. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 589

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Bran and co. are on their way to meet the three-eyed crow in what sounds like The Donner Party, Westerosi style. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Bran I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 588

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Jon's alarm clock works a little too well. How does the Stark sibling/direwolf sibling network work anyway? We don't endorse it but we kind of get why people ship Jon and Stannis. Does Mel want Jon to get shanked? A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Jon I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 587

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Proposing with shoes that don’t fit is certainly a choice. Sixth time is not the charm for Hizdahr. We’re just surprised Dany isn’t dropkicking some of these people. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Daenerys I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 586

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We swore we’d never do this but we did. When your boat trip turns into a self-medicating nightmare. Is this Viserys’s room? Let’s set off everybody’s claustrophobia. Don’t eat the mushrooms, bro. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Dance with Dragons - Tyrion I. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 585