Dad's Guide to Twins

One of the hardest transitions I faced with my twin girls was the day they decided naps were optional. Scratch that. The day they decided naps were for babies and they were clearly not babies anymore. If you’re in the trenches of this transition right now, I feel your pain. That sacred afternoon window when both twins sleep simultaneously? It’s basically the only thing keeping you sane. But here’s the good news: you can preserve some of that sanity with a strategic shift to “Quiet Time.” Quick Takeaways Most twins transition away from naps between ages 3-5, though one twin often drops naps before the other Quiet Time can replace naps while still giving you (and them) a much-needed break The key is consistency: same time, same place, same expectations every single day You’ll need to adjust your expectations during the transition period (it will be rough) Both twins benefit from Quiet Time even if only one still naps When Do Twins Typically Stop Napping? According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, most children transition away from regular naps between ages 3 and 5. But with twins, you’ve got double the fun because they rarely drop naps at the exact same time. With my girls, one started fighting naps around age 3, while her sister happily napped for months after that. Brutal. One twin bouncing off the walls while the other needed to sleep created a daily wrestling match I was not equipped to handle. The challenge with twins: When one drops their nap, they often wake or disturb the twin who still needs to sleep. This is where Quiet Time becomes essential for both of them. Signs Your Twins Are Ready to Drop Naps You’ll know it’s happening when: Taking 30-45 minutes (or longer) to fall asleep at nap time Skipping naps altogether without becoming completely miserable by dinner Staying up later at bedtime when they do nap One twin consistently waking the other during nap attempts Fighting you on nap time with increasing intensity I noticed with our girls that the non-napping twin would literally stand in her crib singing songs while her sister tried to sleep. Not exactly the peaceful rest period I was going for. The Transition Period (Spoiler: It’s Rough) Let me be honest: the transition from naps to no naps is legitimately hard. You’re losing your break, they’re losing rest they still partially need, and everyone’s cranky. What to expect during the transition: Emotional meltdowns in late afternoon (both theirs and possibly yours) Inconsistency (napping some days, not others) Earlier bedtimes becoming absolutely critical Testing of boundaries as they figure out this new routine Your patience wearing thin by 4 PM This phase typically lasts 2-4 weeks per child. Yes, that means with twins you might be dealing with transition chaos for several months if they drop naps at different times. The key is not fighting the inevitable. Once a twin consistently refuses to nap and isn’t melting down every evening, it’s time to pivot to Quiet Time rather than spending 90 minutes trying to force sleep that isn’t coming. What Is Quiet Time? Quiet Time is a designated period (usually 1-2 hours) when your twins stay in their room engaging in calm, independent activities. It’s not sleep, but it’s not free-range chaos either. The ground rules we established: Same time every day (1:00-2:30 PM for us) Stay in your room or designated quiet area Play independently with quiet toys (books, puzzles, coloring, building blocks) No screens (this is rest time, not entertainment time) You don’t have to sleep, but you do have to stay quiet The beauty of Quiet Time is that it works whether one twin naps, both nap, or neither naps. The twin who still needs sleep can actually get it without disruption. Setting Up Successful Quiet Time 1. Establish Clear Expectations We sat down with both girls before we started and explained the new routine. “You’re getting bigger now, and big kids don’t always need naps. But everyone in our house has Quiet Time after lunch. This is your time to rest your body and play quietly in your room.” Keep it simple and matter-of-fact. This isn’t a punishment, it’s just how our family works now. 2. Create the Right Environment Set up their room (or separate spaces if one still naps) with appropriate Quiet Time activities: Books within easy reach A few favorite quiet toys rotated weekly Puzzles or activity books Stuffed animals Art supplies if they’re responsible enough (we learned this one the hard way) Remove anything that will cause fights or loud play. The goal is genuinely quiet, independent activity. 3. Use a Visual Timer Get an OK to Wake clock that shows the twins when Quiet Time is over. No more “Is it done yet?” every five minutes. When the clock turns green, they can come out. Until then, they stay put. For younger twins (under 4), a simple kitchen timer works too. The key is giving them a concrete endpoint they can understand. 4. Stay Consistent This is the most important piece. Quiet Time happens every single day at the same time, no exceptions. Weekends, holidays, sick days (unless they’re really sick). The consistency is what makes it work. If you give in once because they’re being loud or you think they won’t actually do it, you’re teaching them that Quiet Time is negotiable. It’s not. Handling the Twin Who Still Naps If one twin still needs to nap while the other doesn’t, you’ve got options: Option 1: Same room, different expectations The non-napping twin does Quiet Time in their bed or a designated quiet spot in the room while the other sleeps. This requires the non-napper to be genuinely capable of quiet independent play. Option 2: Separate spaces The napper sleeps in the bedroom while the non-napper has Quiet Time in another room (playroom, your room, wherever works). This is what we eventually did because trying to keep one twin quiet while the other slept was like trying to keep a puppy from barking. Option 3: Staggered timing Start Quiet Time for the non-napper 30 minutes before the napper goes down. This gives you time to settle the sleeper without interference, then the non-napper joins Quiet Time in their separate space. According to our pediatrician, it’s completely normal for twins to have different sleep needs. Don’t force the one who still needs rest to give up naps just because their twin is ready. They’ll even out eventually. What Happens During Quiet Time (For You) Here’s the thing nobody tells you: Quiet Time isn’t just for your twins. It’s for you. This is your window to: Pay bills without little hands “helping” Do literally anything that requires focus Sit in silence if that’s what you need Prep dinner without constant interruptions I used this time to catch up on work emails, meal prep, or sometimes just sit on the couch and stare at the wall. After months of non-stop twin parenting, those 90 minutes felt like a vacation. Don’t feel guilty about this. Rested parents are better parents. Troubleshooting Common Quiet Time Problems “They keep coming out of their room” The first week, expect this. Walk them back calmly every single time without engaging. “It’s Quiet Time. Back to your room.” Don’t negotiate, don’t explain again, just redirect. They’ll test the boundary, but if you’re consistent, they’ll stop. “They’re fighting with each other instead of playing quietly” Separate them. If they can’t handle Quiet Time in the same space, they do it in different rooms. One gets the bedroom, one gets the playroom. Problem solved. “They’re destroying their room” Remove anything that can be destroyed. Keep only Quiet Time-appropriate items available during this window. If they’re dumping out toy bins, those toys disappear. They get books and a few select quiet toys. Period. “They’re being so loud I can’t actually get anything done” Use a sound machine or white noise in their room to muffle some noise, but also accept that the first few weeks won’t be as peaceful as you’d hoped. They’re learning. Stick with it. “One twin constantly wakes the other up” This is your sign they need separate spaces for Quiet Time. It’s not ideal, but it’s necessary for both of them to actually get the rest or quiet they need. Adjusting Your Expectations Here’s what I had to learn the hard way: Quiet Time will not be as restorative for you as nap time was. It won’t. They’re awake, they’re making some noise, and you might need to enforce boundaries a few times. But it’s still exponentially better than no break at all. What successful Quiet Time looks like: Twins staying in their designated spaces Relatively calm play (not screaming or fighting) You getting a mental break even if not total silence Everyone emerging in better moods than when you started That’s it. If you achieve those four things, you’re winning. The Bedtime Connection One unexpected benefit of the nap-to-Quiet Time transition: bedtime got way easier. When my girls stopped napping, they were actually tired at bedtime for the first time in months. No more 9 PM battles because they weren’t legitimately sleepy. We moved bedtime earlier (6:30-7:00 PM instead of 8:00 PM), and they crashed hard. Once children drop their nap, they typically need to go to bed 30-60 minutes earlier to compensate for lost daytime sleep. Don’t fight this. Embrace the early bedtime. Your evenings will be glorious. When Both Twins Drop Naps Completely Eventually, both your twins will stop napping altogether. For us, this happened when they were both around 4 years old. But we kept Quiet Time as long as possible. Even when they no longer needed the physical rest, they still benefited from the quiet downtime. And honestly, my wife or I still needed the break. Parenting twins is marathon-level exhausting, and that daily window of reduced intensity was essential for my sanity. Even children who don’t nap still benefit from daily quiet rest periods. It helps with emotional regulation, reduces overstimulation, and gives their brains a break from constant activity. Plus, as they got older, Quiet Time became reading time. Both girls would spend an hour reading independently in their room, which built their reading skills while giving me that precious break. Win-win. Making the Transition Easier Start before you’re desperate If you wait until naps are completely gone and you’re losing your mind, the transition will be harder. Start implementing Quiet Time while at least one twin is still napping. This establishes the routine before you’re relying on it for survival. Frame it positively “You’re growing up! Big kids get Quiet Time instead of naps.” Make it sound like a privilege, not a punishment. They’ll resist less if they think it’s a marker of maturity. Be patient with yourself The first month is an adjustment period for everyone. You’ll miss naps. You’ll feel touched out by 3 PM. That’s completely normal. Give yourself grace while everyone adapts to the new routine. Celebrate small wins The first time both twins stay in their rooms for the full Quiet Time without you having to redirect them? That’s worth celebrating. You did it. They did it. Progress. The Long Game Here’s the reality: losing naps feels like losing the last shred of personal time in your day. With twins, that feeling is even more intense because you’ve been running on survival mode for years at this point. But Quiet Time, done consistently, can give you back a version of that break. It won’t be the same as when they both slept for two hours every afternoon, but it’s something. And with twins, something is often all we’re aiming for. My girls are older now, and I look back on the nap-to-Quiet Time transition as one of the harder parenting adjustments I’ve made. But implementing and sticking with Quiet Time was absolutely worth it. It gave all of us the space we needed to recharge, even if nobody was actually sleeping. Your twins will adapt. You’ll adapt. And eventually, you’ll have a new routine that works for this phase of twin life. The post How to Survive When Your Twins Stop Napping: The Transition from Nap to “Quiet Time” appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

The urge to compare twins is one of the most natural yet challenging aspects of parenting multiples. Each of your twins is a unique individual so let’s discuss some practical ideas to avoid comparisons and celebrate each child’s unique journey. Understanding Our Comparison Instinct Parents of twins often feel guilty about comparing their children, but it’s important to recognize that this tendency is both natural and common. Our brains are wired to notice patterns and differences, and having two children of the same age makes comparisons almost inevitable. The key isn’t to eliminate comparative thoughts entirely (that’s unrealistic) but to manage them constructively. Why We Need to Minimize Comparisons Frequent comparisons can have lasting impacts on your twins’ development: They can create unnecessary anxiety about meeting milestones They might foster unhealthy competition between the twins Children may develop fixed mindsets about their abilities Twins might feel pressure to conform to or rebel against perceived roles Self-esteem can be affected when one twin consistently develops skills later than the other Practical Strategies for Avoiding Comparisons Instead of comparing developments, try these mental shifts to reframe your thinking: Replace “better/worse” thoughts with “different” observations Focus on each child’s progress relative to their own past not their twin’s progress Celebrate unique interests and abilities rather than shared twin milestones Remember that development isn’t a race, it’s a personal journey Words shape thoughts and behavior. Practice these communication habits to change your language patterns: Use individual names instead of “the twins” and encourage others to do likewise Describe specific actions one child does rather than making comparisons Share unique stories about each child Avoid phrases like “the athletic one” or “the creative one” Create separate records for each child to document your twins’ individual journeys: Keep individual baby books or journals for each twin Take solo photos, not just twin pictures Write personal letters or notes about each child’s unique moments Record specific memories and milestones about one twin without reference to their sibling Managing External Comparisons Others will inevitably compare your twins. Here’s how to handle it: Educate family members about the importance of treating each child individually Provide teachers with information about your approach to twin parenting Respond to comparative comments with positive statements about each child’s unique traits Model the behavior you want others to follow Practical Daily Techniques Create Individual Time Schedule one-on-one activities with each child Alternate who gets to do things first Create special traditions with each twin Find opportunities for separate experiences Celebrate Differences Support different interests and activities Allow different clothing choices Respect different friendship groups Encourage unique hobbies Acknowledge achievements independently Avoid rushing one child to “catch up” Celebrate progress rather than timing Take time each day to: Note one unique quality about each child Reflect on individual interactions you had with each child Plan individual activities with each twin When Additional Support Is Helpful Sometimes, parents need additional support to manage comparison concerns. Here’s where you can get some help: Consider consulting a child psychologist familiar with twin dynamics Join twin parent support groups to discuss strategies (here’s a big list of twin parenting clubs) Seek guidance from experienced twin educators Work with healthcare providers who understand twin development Breaking free from the habit of comparing twins is a journey that requires patience, mindfulness, and practice. Remember that occasional comparisons don’t make you a bad parent—they make you human. The goal is not perfection but progress in seeing and celebrating each child’s unique path. As your twins grow, you’ll find that their differences become as beautiful as their similarities. By consciously working to minimize comparisons, you help create an environment where each child can develop confidently and independently, secure in their own identity while maintaining their special twin bond. The post Avoiding Twin Comparisons (how twin parents can encourage individuality) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

What do you do when one of your twins wants all the attention and gets upset when anyone is showing affection to their twin? We found this particularly troublesome with toddler twins. For toddler twins, you’ll need to adapt your strategies to match their developmental stage. Toddlers are still learning to regulate their emotions, communicate effectively, and understand social dynamics like sharing attention. Here’s how you could help your young twins: Acknowledge and Name Emotions Simplify language to match their understanding. Observe their behavior (e.g., whining, hitting, clinging) as these are primary ways toddlers express emotions. At this age, toddlers might not have the words to express their feelings fully, so helping them label their emotions can be helpful. For example, you can say, “I see you’re feeling sad because [brother/sister] is getting a hug. You want a hug too, don’t you?” Name the emotion for them, such as “mad” or “sad,” so they start to learn how to recognize their feelings. Offer hugs, gentle pats, and soothing words like “I know you’re feeling frustrated” or “It’s okay to feel sad.” You can then model how to express these feelings with words instead of actions like crying or pushing. Model Sharing and Taking Turns At this stage, your toddler twins are just learning how to share and take turns. So, model the behavior you want to see by taking turns giving affection. For example, give one twin a hug, then give the other twin a hug right after. This helps them understand that attention can be shared. You can even count or narrate the process to make it clear, like, “First it’s your turn for a cuddle, and then it’s [brother’s/sister’s] turn!” Toddlers respond well to simple routines and clear cues (thus the success of a bedtime routine). Reassure and Redirect When a toddler gets upset because their sibling is receiving attention, you may need to reassure them and immediately redirect their attention to something else. For example, you could say, “I’ll give you a hug after we play with this toy together.” Distraction works well with toddlers, so redirecting them to an engaging activity can help break the cycle of jealousy or frustration. For example, “Let’s look at this picture!” Praise Positive Behavior Immediately Praise the toddlers immediately when they exhibit positive behavior, like waiting their turn for affection or showing interest in their twin’s happiness. Keep the praise simple: “Wow, you’re being so patient! Great job waiting your turn!” Toddlers thrive on immediate feedback, so acknowledging even small moments of patience can encourage them to repeat those behaviors. Separate Time with Each Twin With toddlers, you’ll want to create more opportunities for one-on-one time for each child. Toddlers are still very dependent on individual attention to feel secure. Even brief moments of individualized attention can make a big difference. Short, separate sessions with each child can help them feel loved without feeling like they’re in competition. For example, one could have a quiet story time while the other plays, then switch. Even short periods of dedicated attention, like reading a book or playing peek-a-boo with each child individually, can make a big difference. Encourage independent play by providing age-appropriate toys and activities that allow them to explore their own interests. Simplify Boundaries and Expectations Use clear, simple rules for behavior, such as, “We don’t grab. We ask for a turn” or “We share the love” when you see one twin getting upset. Toddlers understand short, simple rules more easily than complex explanations. Be consistent in how you respond—always gently remind the upset twin that they will get affection too, but that everyone needs to take turns. If they persist with unwanted behavior (like pushing), calmly but firmly guide them to use their words or gestures instead. Use Physical Affection for Both at the Same Time Since toddlers love physical affection, you can often combine affection for both twins at once. For instance, give both of them a hug or sit them on your lap together. This can reduce feelings of competition and help them understand that both can receive love simultaneously. Parallel play is also helpful at this age, where you engage in activities side by side (like coloring or playing with blocks) and show affection intermittently as they play. Focus on Positive Interaction Between Them Encourage your toddlers to interact positively with each other. When one twin shows affection toward the other, like giving a hug or sharing a toy, immediately reinforce that behavior with praise: “Wow, that was so nice of you to share!” Model positive interactions by engaging them in joint activities where they can both experience the joy of cooperation, like building a tower together or playing peekaboo. Praise them for working as a team. Set a Routine for Affection Toddlers feel more secure when they have routines, so try to incorporate regular moments of affection throughout the day. For example, make it a habit to have a morning cuddle or nighttime ritual with both twins. This gives them a sense of predictability, reducing anxiety about “competition” for attention. You might say, “We always have a cuddle before nap time, and we share lots of love!” Routine creates structure that helps toddlers feel confident. Stay Calm and Patient Stay calm and composed, even if one twin gets upset or acts out. Toddlers are learning how to regulate their emotions, and they take cues from you. If you remain patient, it models how to manage emotions in a calm way. If they’re still struggling with sharing attention, it may just take more time. Consistent gentle guidance is key at this stage. Avoid Overstimulation Sometimes toddlers can get upset when there’s too much going on at once. Ensure that both twins feel like they have space and time to process affection. Take breaks and give them moments of quiet time if they seem overwhelmed. By being consistent with your twins, you’re laying the groundwork for healthier sibling interactions and emotional regulation. The focus at this age is to provide lots of reassurance, gentle redirection, and consistent boundaries, while also giving them the individual attention they need to feel secure. The post How do you deal with one twin wanting all the attention? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 318 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Aaron Ameen, father of identical boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Moving across the country during the twin pregnancy Helping others tell the twins apart Juggling a full time job and running your own business while raising twins Toddler’s reactions to having twin babies in the house Finding daycare for twins and a toddler Handling careers after birth of twins The twin delivery experience Taking paternity leave Creating boundaries when working at home Daily routine for one-year-old twins and more… Connect with Aaron on his website aaronameen.com or email him [email protected]. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe: Tell us a little bit about your family right now. How old are your twins and what’s the family dynamic right now? Aaron: We have three young children – three-year-old daughters who just turned three about two weeks ago at the time of this recording, and then our twin boys. They’re identical boys who will turn one in about three weeks. So three right under the age three – pretty busy household here. Joe: That’s crazy. I mean, I always tell people if you can make it through that first year with twins, you can do anything – especially if you have a toddler in the mix. That’s extra crazy. So what is something kind of exciting about this age with your boys? Aaron: So far, we’ve really enjoyed and been very lucky that the kids all get along. At first, we were worried about our daughter maybe getting jealous or there being some competing dynamics, but there’s been a really warm environment among our kids. The boys love their sister. There’s nothing she can do wrong in their eyes. She loves to kind of rough house with them and we’re always worried that she’s going to hurt them, but everything that she does to them, they just end up laughing and smiling. They’re really interactive. They love to babble and talk to each other and now they’re starting to kind of babble towards us. Not sure if they’re quite saying anything or if they know what they’re saying yet, but the developmental pace at which they’re developing at this kind of 11 month to 12 month mark is pretty incredible. Not two months ago, they weren’t even crawling and now they’re pretty close to walking. Joe: Do they kind of hit their milestones about the same time, or is one kind of ahead of the other? Aaron: There’s been some variation. With crawling, one of them made it about probably three weeks ahead of the other one. But now for the most part throughout this first year, they’ve hit milestones around the same time – teeth coming in, and they really are identical. We can tell them apart, but there’s still times that we mix them up a bit. Certainly any family members that don’t see them often or friends, they can’t tell them apart at all. Even at the daycare, it’s a game we play every morning where the teacher guesses which one is which, and they’re still working on getting it right. Joe: Do you have some kind of system that you have in place to help other people tell them apart? Aaron: We try and point out some of the distinguishing features to us. One of them has more curly hair, the shape of their face is a little bit different, they have a different smile, but we don’t label them or anything. One thing we don’t do though – I know a lot of people dress their twins in identical clothes – we do at a minimum put them in different outfits so that you only have to figure out which one is who one time per day because then you’ll be able to tell by the outfit. Joe: I was so afraid of mixing up our girls because we have identical girls. Like you, they look really close, very similar. I was afraid to dress them the same. Eventually, like you’ve discovered, you notice the subtle physical differences or their mannerisms and such. But other people, they still mix them up. So I’m like, okay, we’ll make it easier for everybody else. We’ll dress them in different colors and stuff like that to help out. Aaron: If they have to come back and keep asking you all the time, then it’s harder for everyone. So might as well make it easy. Joe: So your daughter is interacting with them – has she always been positive towards them or did you see any jealousy early on with your daughter? Aaron: We’ve been really astonished. She has not really shown any aggression or anything like that towards them. There’ve been a couple moments where I think she, when she saw each of us holding one – like when mom had one and I had one, and then she was on the ground – we’ve seen a couple glances over of her feeling a little left out. She’ll go and play with their toys. When we used pacifiers, she would go put the pacifier in her mouth. A couple of those things indicated that she felt a little bit left out, but it was more of a statement than her crying or hitting them. For the most part, that dynamic – we’re really lucky that it’s turned into her wanting to help. From very early on, she wanted to help change their diapers and bring them bottles. We tried to just find ways to engage with her so that she felt like she was part of the team, which she is. That was one thing we had read and heard from a number of different sources – if you can make them feel like they’re being helpful and include them, then it really goes a long way to prevent that jealousy from creeping in. She loves playing with them. She always asks about them. At daycare, she’s always bragging about them, like “Have you seen my brothers?” It probably won’t always be smooth like that, but we’ll take what we got. Joe: You mentioned daycare for your kiddos. Are they all in the same place? Aaron: We ended up relocating when we found out we were going to have twins. We were in Washington state before that, which is where I grew up. When we found out we were pregnant, we thought it was going to be another singleton. We had in our plan that we were going to have two kids. In our financial roadmap, that was how things played out and we were just stretching on the edge of affordability in Washington. Then we found out it was going to be twins and not only twins, but it was this kind of high-risk pregnancy. We were in a smaller city in central Washington and we didn’t have access to the type of specialists that we needed to see. We actually ended up spending a bunch of time in Houston, which is where we live now and where my dad lives. When we got down here, we started comparing the cost of daycare and availability of childcare in that small city in Washington versus what it is here. Basically, it was going to cost upwards of about $7,000 a month if we wanted to have three kids in daycare in Washington, and it’s only about $3,000 a month here. Availability was another big factor – the waitlists were over a year long in Washington. Here in Houston, there’s availability. There’s daycares every – within five miles of where I’m sitting right now, there’s 10 daycare centers and most of them had availability. To answer your actual question though, when we moved here, my wife was still pregnant and our daughter was just under two years old. We started her in one daycare that only accepted 18 months and older. When the twins were born, we had them home for the first eight or nine months. Then we had to put them in a separate daycare right down the road from where our daughter is because hers didn’t accept until 18 months. Now our daily routine is we drop her off and then it’s probably half a mile away, we drop the boys off on the way home. Same thing on pickup – we go to those two and they’re basically right next to each other. Joe: Moving across the country while pregnant with twins – that’s not something I recommend everybody do, but you survived. You made it work. Obviously it was in the best interests of your family to make that move. I’m in Texas too, so I give you a thumbs up for that move. Were there any complications with the pregnancy that overshadowed this whole transition for your family? Aaron: We are very fortunate that there were no major complications throughout. Most of the major complications were logistical, to be honest. We had to drive two and a half hours every other week. Between 10 and 14 weeks is the highest risk of this twin-to-twin transfusion that can happen. We had MoDi twins – they shared one placenta but had two amniotic sacs. They monitored to make sure that one’s not stealing nutrients from the other, which can cause serious complications and require intervention. The frequency of appointments was high, our stress was high, it was a new situation for us. It was pretty disruptive. She was still working, we still had our daughter who was one, and I was still working full time. We also have a real estate portfolio across a few different states, so we at times were traveling and dealing with stuff with that. We just had a really busy schedule and a lot of commitments where it became difficult and stressful to manage, constantly driving into the city and all that. We never had any major medical complications, but we started weighing all these different factors of what we wanted our life to look like and how the pregnancy was progressing. It led us to make that really pretty gargantuan decision. We had it in our plan that we were gonna live in Washington for the next 20 years and enjoy raising our family there. I have family that lives in Washington, so it was a really difficult decision to leave one part of my family and go near another. Most of the complication was emotional and logistical, more than physical. I want to take a second to pay homage to the resources that you provided. I really did find the course that you put together and consumed a lot of the stuff that you put out. I think it’s important to have someone speaking to what the father’s experience and perspective is in this journey. There are certain things where my wife was going through a lot physically, emotionally, with hormones changing and juggling all those things I mentioned. I was trying to reconcile how I could be the most supportive partner and father. Part of that was weighing all these situations – if we’re gonna make all this big upheaval and change in our lives, really feeling the conviction that it was the right thing for our family and not just something we were doing hastily and completely out of emotion. I remember specifically, there was something about how one of the first reactions people have when they have twins is “We got to get rid of the car, we got to get a new car.” Whether it’s practical or not, your emotions just start to rush to everything that you need to change to meet your new circumstance. In some ways, we changed more than we kept the same. But those signals that you put out, listening to some about their stories on this podcast – they helped bring me back down to earth that other people have gone through similar things and ultimately people will decide what’s best for their family. That made me feel a bit better as I was making these big decisions. Joe: I’m grateful that the website and the podcast and everything has been helpful for you. I love having dads like you on the podcast to share exactly what you’re talking about, so other dads that are coming up behind us on this pathway know they’re not alone. The crazy stuff we experience – it’s normal. We have to overcome a bunch of these challenges, sometimes make big decisions for our families. We figure out a way to make it work. Where in the beginning, you’re feeling totally overwhelmed, like there’s just too much to process, but breaking it down, working with your partner on those decisions ultimately gets you someplace where you’re in a better spot for your family. Aaron: Absolutely. Joe: You mentioned the pregnancy was pretty healthy, but because it’s a twin pregnancy it requires those frequent visits to the doctor. That’s a good reminder for listeners that even if everything’s going smoothly, you still have to have those frequent checkups, and based on where you live, that could be an extra logistical burden to get there. I interviewed a dad a few podcasts ago where they just took an RV camper and set up shop near the hospital because they were making so many trips during the pregnancy. So it does require some creativity to make it work. Was there something that you found really helpful in supporting your wife through the pregnancy, something that resonated with her? Aaron: Stability is what I think she was seeking throughout – not only stability in the moment but just some sort of idea of what the future might look like. I know that sounds ironic because in the middle of the pregnancy, we basically uprooted our entire life and relocated, which is the opposite of stability. But I think it was really working together to craft a vision for what we wanted our life to look like in the coming decade, not just the coming 12 months. We wanted to figure out where we could really plant roots and feel like we have the resources we need, whether it’s family or daycare – daycare was a huge variable for us. That induced a lot of anxiety when we were in Washington because we couldn’t even get on a wait list that was going to be available soon enough. We were going to end up in a pretty bad financial situation if one of us had to take a whole full year off of work. She already made a major sacrifice when we had our first kid taking time off. So the career break was getting longer and longer and the ability to solve for the childcare was getting harder and harder. I think as big of a decision as it was to move, being able to co-create that vision and then actually put it into place – there were a ton of moving pieces getting from one place across the country while she was six months pregnant. Once we landed here, just starting to re-piece our life together so that the final two-three months of the pregnancy, we could see where we were headed. It was no longer this ambiguous question mark. We knew where the daycares were, we had a house, we had started to settle in and build a life. In a moment where certainty was our number one priority, that was probably the best way I was able to support her – just trying to take care of as much of the details as possible. The final two to three months of her pregnancy, we were able to just focus on enjoying some time with our daughter before the twins were born, focusing on health and settling into our new life. Joe: Did you both have to quit your jobs? What was that situation with moving across the country? Aaron: We were fortunate that I was already working remotely. The company I work for is based out of Washington, but they’re licensed to operate in Texas. The nature of my work – I’m a management consultant – so I work on contracts for different companies based on who needs the work, and pretty much every company that our consulting firm works with accepts remote work. I was able to work that out with my employer. They had no issues, understood and were supportive of the move, and especially given the circumstances, they wanted us to be happy and healthy. My wife was doing part-time contract work – she still is – for a nonprofit. Similarly, that was a good arrangement. It was like 10 to 15 hours a week. She could do it whenever she had time, even at midnight or Sunday afternoon if she needed to. So that was completely asynchronous remote work. Our employment situation did not have to change even though we moved across the country. I know that’s kind of rare, although in today’s world, remote work is more possible. We were lucky in that regard. I took a week off to facilitate the move, but other than that, the biggest adjustment was being on a different time zone, so my work hours shifted a little bit. There was a lot of continuity in our employment – I didn’t have to learn a new job or get a new job and all that stuff. So at least that part was stable. Joe: Let’s talk about how the delivery went for your boys. Was it planned – did you know when it was going to happen, or did it catch you off guard? Aaron: We scheduled it. The frequency of the visits starting at 32 weeks went to once a week, then to twice a week starting at 34, and then we scheduled at 36. We were able to stick to the schedule. They were trying to keep them in as long as possible, but not too long – really trying to find the perfect spot. They were growing well, and right around 36 weeks is when they said this would be the best time to schedule. We went in around 11 p.m., they induced her, and we delivered both babies around 10 a.m. Regardless of preference, they always do this type of twin delivery in a surgery room. The goal was to have a natural birth, but they have everyone on call and prepared to do a c-section if needed. My wife was dozing off a little bit after the contractions had started. She looked at me and said, “I’m going to call the nurse, I feel something.” The nurses came in, gave her one quick look, and said “You’re ready, let’s go.” She went from sleeping to being in the surgery room in about 10 minutes. From entering the surgery room to both babies being born was less than 30 minutes. She was able to do it naturally and with only a few pushes on each one. I went with the first one into the other room, and by the time I came back, the second one was already almost out. She was very grateful that it was able to be a natural birth and that part went very smooth. One of the babies required oxygen support for about 30 minutes afterwards, which feels scary in the moment. They were born around 36 weeks, so it wasn’t too early. They didn’t need to go to the NICU or anything, but they were heavily observed. We were in the hospital for about three days. Our daughter didn’t meet them until day two because we wanted to let my wife rest and have me get a little rest, and make sure the boys were okay. They stayed in our room right from the beginning, only leaving for a couple of tests. We spent those first three days together in the hospital. Things went pretty smooth – they passed all their various tests and we were able to go home on day three. Joe: That’s great. I love hearing stories where things go according to plan. You’re hoping for natural birth – that’s exactly what happened. It was pretty smooth. Often people get scared with twins that something like what you had is impossible, but it does happen. Aaron: Well, it makes me reflect that there were times where we got really anxious – we just assumed something bad was going to happen, and that doesn’t really do you any good. It’s pretty hard to control your emotions when you’re going through a pregnancy like that. When she was afraid or anxious, or when I was afraid or anxious, you don’t want to suppress those feelings. You want to let them breathe and have a safe space to talk about it between yourselves. But when stuff does go well, you start to kick yourself – we spent so much time worrying when whatever’s going to happen is going to happen, and the worrying only affects your mental health. It doesn’t do any good, but sometimes it’s easier said than done to just try not to worry. That was one reflection I had afterward – we did all this rearranging and moving around because this was a high-risk thing, and there was so much stress around the monitoring, but some of that stress was a little bit self-induced in hindsight. I would share for other people going through this: unless you’ve been given a direct reason to worry about something, don’t bring it upon yourself if you don’t have to. JOE: Having already had one child, you have a perspective of how twins may be different. What kind of surprised you the most when you brought the twins home? What was the different experience than what you had had the first time with just one baby? AARON: Let’s see a few things: 1. I assumed that each baby would wake the other up constantly and I thought they’d wake their sister up too. I thought sleep would be completely shattered for a year, but it was not quite as bad as we thought. The twins could sleep right next to each other with one screaming bloody murder and the other one could be completely passed out next to them. That still kind of happens. It’s pretty rare that they wake each other up. That was a good surprise. 2. We assumed there would be some spillover and the last thing you want is for both of them to be waking up and screaming at the same time when you only have one person up to deal with them. There is this fear of having to handle both kids at the same time and have them both freaking out. But while that does happen, it does not happen even close to as much as I thought it might. 3. The jealousy thing we already talked about – I was pleasantly surprised that our daughter adapted really well. She wants to help probably 50% of the time. She actually helps and 50% of the time she does something where she thinks she’s helping, but she’s not. Creating that dynamic early on solved a big problem. 4. Loading into and out of cars still to this day is not easy. We had to get used to lifting in and leaning in. I literally tore my rotator cuff from lifting one of the seats the wrong way and had about two months where I couldn’t use my right arm to lift their seats anymore. That was probably four or five months in. Usually when you get injured it’s from something like a sport or exercise, not lifting a baby. You find yourself reaching and reacting in certain ways, and sometimes you don’t realize how you’re straining. But other than that, at a high level, nothing was as bad as I thought it might be. JOE: How did you and your wife stretch out time off of work to take care of the babies? AARON: The state of Washington allows you to take 12 paid weeks. You pay into it a small amount from your paychecks. As long as you’ve lived in Washington for I believe 12 months, you can draw from that benefit. You can take that 12 weeks and spread it across the first year of their life. With my daughter, I took four weeks off up front – before I had kids, that felt like a long time. I don’t usually take breaks that long. But in hindsight, that flew by. I had two sets of parents come and visit. By the time they were done visiting and I had gone back to work, my wife went from having a ton of support to no support more or less overnight. That felt like a big mistake in hindsight. I used about three weeks towards her first birthday, but that means I left five weeks on the table that I didn’t use. Why not use a benefit that’s a once in a lifetime thing that’s already paid for? I was determined not to make that mistake again. Even though we relocated from Washington to Texas during the pregnancy, I was still eligible through the state for that benefit. This time around, I took a full 12 weeks off right up front, which was really nice. That 12 weeks gave us enough time to get a hint of what everyday life would look like without constant family visiting. We wanted to get a real sense of what our sleep schedule would be like, how we would try and fit in things like exercising and cooking – just all those little things that become that much harder when you have young kids. Then, like I mentioned before, I work from home. So the transition back into work was not that abrupt either, because I was still around. There was no commute eating up my time. I could still see the kids on my lunch breaks, which is something that I really appreciate. JOE: Working from home, how do you keep boundaries between work time and family time when you can hear them across the house? AARON: It’s a miracle that nobody’s run into this room while we’re recording this right now. It’s definitely an ongoing challenge to set those boundaries. My work hours are pretty flexible due to the nature of my role. I have meetings and deliverables. It’s not an activity-driven job, it’s an outcome-driven job. I actually rearrange my schedule a little bit at times where I would do my core work with my meetings – the stuff that required collaboration – during the middle chunk of the day. Then I would spend the evening with the family. Bedtime is one of my favorite parts of the night – it’s nice close time with the family, reading stories to my daughter, cuddling with the kids. Then I would boot up again in the evening and wrap up whatever else I might not have finished during the day. Because I have a nine-to-five job plus our real estate stuff, I’ve always had to be very intentional with my time. I budget about 30 to 60 minutes a day to work on the real estate stuff. I think I just work backwards from what I know needs to be done, and I put my non-negotiable family time at the top of that. If I know bedtime and dinnertime is most important to me, I make sure I never miss that. Even if I’ve got a busy work day, I’d rather come back and finish stuff in the evening after everyone’s in bed than miss dinner or bedtime. So I think it was kind of just solving backwards from those components and rearranging things to fit. Especially now almost a year in, we’ve worked things out pretty well and we have good boundaries. But it definitely took a while to get there. **Joe:** You have the flexibility to juggle all the hats you wear – as a husband, father, full-time employee, and entrepreneur. I’m glad you found a good rhythm to make that work and be successful. Did you ever discuss with your wife about one of you staying home with the kids instead of using daycare? **Aaron:** We definitely had that on the table as an option. We have real estate investments that produce decent income, though not a salary’s worth. We discussed ramping that up since it doesn’t require 40 hours a week – it’s about finding the right investments and managing them, which can be done in a few hours weekly. My wife stayed home with our daughter for almost a year without babysitters before gradually returning to part-time work to balance our finances. But with three kids, the mental tax of taking care of them for 18 hours a day, plus the financial pressure, made us realize something important: while we could save money on daycare, we show up better for our kids when we have breaks. When we’re with them, we have full energy versus burning ourselves out day after day. Some people have the composure for full-time childcare, and I have utmost respect for that. But I know I couldn’t do it seven days a week without eroding my sanity and probably becoming less patient with them. I’d rather have four really quality hours per day – a couple hours in the morning and evening – than 18 hours where one or both of us feels strung out. **Joe:** Those are great things to remember and consider. Sometimes new twin parents look at the price tag of daycare and that’s as deep as that conversation goes. They’re just thinking about the dollars and not the impact on the mom or dad staying home with twins or more. When our two boys and girls were born, my wife was already a stay-at-home mom. We just doubled her stress and workload. After my leave, I went back to work in cubicle land, going to meetings all day – it was pretty easy relative to what my wife was doing at home juggling four little kids. There’s a lot to consider in making that decision. It’s not something you can just decide on one factor – it’s a multifaceted problem. **Joe:** As your twins are approaching the one-year mark and moving out of the phase where they need everything done for them, have there been any milestones that made things easier in taking care of them? **Aaron:** While I wouldn’t say they’re self-sufficient, they’re becoming more independent. They can hold their own bottles now, which has been really helpful. Before, we had to either hold it for them or prop it on something while sitting next to them. They can eat crackers and teething foods, and we give them solid foods as well. We try to expose them to different types of foods we’re eating, as long as they’re not too spicy or complex. They sit at the table in their Skooki high chairs, eat with their hands, and even play with wipes. They’re able to keep themselves busy and do things themselves that we previously had to do for them. We still have to clean up after them, change them, and put them to sleep, but they entertain themselves – and each other – much more now. They have their own little language and play with toys together. Daycare tells us that even with six or seven kids and hundreds of toys available, our twins will end up in the center of the room fighting over one tiny block. They’ll sit there and have their little conversation and negotiate over this one toy. Two or three months ago, we couldn’t sit in a room with them without constantly picking something up or giving them something. Now we can have brief periods, maybe 10 minutes at a time, where we can actually let them do their thing. **Joe:** The unspoken rule of twins is they will always want what the other twin has. Parents wonder if they should buy two of everything, but it doesn’t matter because they’ll still want the same physical piece that the other twin wants. **Joe:** What does a day in the life look like for you right now with the twins? How are they sleeping, napping, and eating? **Aaron:** On a normal healthy day, they sleep through the night. We work in shifts – my wife takes the first four or five hours (11 PM to 4 AM) with the monitor on her side. She’ll only go in if they cry loud enough or long enough. Then she passes the monitor to me in the morning. Usually one twin wakes up first around 4:30 or 5 AM. I’ll bring them downstairs while it’s still dark and quiet, put them in the swing, maybe give them some milk. Often I’ll catch another hour of sleep on the couch while waiting for the other twin to wake up. It’s pretty predictable – one gets up first, the other follows about an hour later, and our daughter wakes up within that 90-minute window. I spend about two to two and a half hours with them in the morning, playing or having breakfast. Mom gets up, and we all drive to daycare together. They’re in daycare Monday through Friday while we both work. We pick them up in late afternoon, have dinner together, and do bedtime together. When weather permits, we go for walks. We treat that evening block as sacred family time. The boys predictably go to bed around 7 PM and sleep until 4:30 or 5 AM. Even when they wake up in the morning, they usually go back to sleep. However, the challenge comes with illness – because they’re all in daycare, we’ve had a revolving door of sickness. Recently, one twin was home three out of five days one week, then the other was out two days the next week. This requires one or both of us to take time off work, and when they’re sick, they don’t sleep as well. With three kids, the odds are against us for maintaining any momentum at work during these periods. While this has been an extraordinary stretch of illness, it shows the practical challenge of having multiple young children – if one gets sick every three weeks on an offset schedule, you’ll have stretches where you’re frequently taking care of them during the day. We’re still working on a system to handle these situations when both of us are working. **Aaron**: I think when everybody gets sick, it completely overthrows any patterns. Any system you have in place is just really tough. That’s one of the hardest things about being a parent – when your kids start to get sick, and then if you or your wife gets sick too, you’re completely drained and it’s just miserable. I hope they’re building strong immune systems through all these experiences. But there’s always something going around, that’s for sure. **Joe**: Aaron, you have an interesting business with real estate and you also have a business helping people understand real estate with a podcast. Tell us a little bit about how you teach people about real estate and what’s been successful for you there? **Aaron**: My wife and I started investing in rental properties back in 2019. We did it as a supplement to our jobs, before we had our daughter or the twins. It started as an experiment where my parents had been real estate investors, so I had some exposure growing up. They did the same model we’re doing – they worked full-time corporate jobs while raising kids and building their rental portfolio. There was some imitation on my side – I saw how this was something they did to accelerate their retirement timeline and build wealth for their family’s future. We started in 2019 as an experiment and really fell in love with the process. I’m very entrepreneurial by nature, even though I’ve had a W-2 nine-to-five job my whole adult life. I’ve always liked building something where you can own the upside. When you work a salary job, you get your paycheck and maybe stock options, but if your company invents something new and makes a billion dollars in extra profit, you usually don’t get a piece of that. **Aaron**: There’s creative stuff you can do when you know you’re going to have kids – you can buy properties and put them in trusts for funding your kids’ college. Real estate is a really family-friendly business, especially if you start young. It can build an amazing foundation where time does the majority of the work for you. You buy something once, learn how to operate it, hold it for a long period, and it has an outsized impact on your family. We bought property when living in Las Vegas, then moved to Washington and kept that property. We bought a couple more in Washington, then bought a few in Iowa. We learned how to buy and operate rental properties from across the country, so it didn’t matter where we lived. It depends on building the right team – finding the right managers, agents, and people who can help you on the ground in each market. This made it much easier when we found out we were having twins, since we weren’t tied down to the real estate in each area. The extra income helped give us flexibility when our daughter and twins were born, buying us time to figure out our next steps. **Aaron**: Because of the impact on our family and the skills we built, I decided to start a coaching program to help others do the same thing. If somebody invests in the stock market but wants to diversify and build investments they have more control over, I can help. I enjoy learning and writing about it – when you’re passionate about something, you enjoy sharing what you’ve learned with others. I put together a course and work with people one-on-one to help them learn how to set up systems in different markets and invest in real estate. **Joe**: That’s a great story. I’m a big fan of working the day job and then doing your side hustle and growing that side hustle until it’s the full-time thing. Let’s experiment on the side and see what catches on and then go from there. So congratulations on your success with that. **Joe**: Aaron, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you to learn more about what you were just talking about, what’s the best way to reach out? **Aaron**: You can find anything about me at my website, which is just my full name, AaronAmeen.com (A-A-R-O-N A-M-E-E-N.com). You can also find me on any social media there. I love connecting with people and having conversations. Joe had a major impact on me, listening to this podcast and creating a forum for other dads going through the twin experience, both during pregnancy and post-birth. I would be happy to be a resource or sounding board for anyone who wants to chat. You can reach out through my website or email me at [email protected]. I would love to hear from you whether you want to talk about parenting, real estate, or whatever else might be on your mind after listening to this episode. **Joe**: Fantastic. Aaron, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. **Aaron**: Thanks for having me. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: Apple Podcasts Spotify Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Moving Across the Country During Twin Pregnancy with Aaron Ameen – Podcast 318 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

I just saw a list of new innovative baby products. Let’s talk about whether those products would be a good match for your twins. The Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA), an organization representing companies that make products for babies, toddlers, and children, has released their 2024 Innovation Awards list. Let me highlight some notable winners. The Parents Pick award went to the HALO Easy Transition Sleep Sack. This product is perfect for swaddling babies while keeping their arms free and legs in a spacious pouch. It allows babies to roll over safely, move, and self-soothe without being completely restricted. For twin parents, you’ll need one for each baby. The Editor’s Pick was awarded to the Graco Read With Me 4-in-1 Convertible Bookshelf Crib with Drawer. This innovative crib features bookshelves on the short side and can transform into different configurations as your child grows: from crib to daybed to toddler bed. However, twin parents should note that each baby needs their own sleep surface, and the bookshelf feature might be impractical if cribs need to be placed side by side. The Tried and True award went to the Safety 1st Grow and Go All-in-One Convertible Car Seat. This car seat adapts from 5 to 100 pounds and can be used in both rear-facing and forward-facing positions. It features easy adjustment of the headrest and harness without rethreading or reinstallation. In the Play/Entertainment category, the Skip Hop Discoverosity 3-in-1 Sensory Table won top honors. This 24-piece set includes tools like wooden tongs, rollers, animal scoops, and rakes for digging, sorting, and sculpting. While it works well for floor play with twins, the table configuration only comes with one seat. The Safety category winner was the Munchkin Mini Thermometer, featuring no-touch infrared technology. It displays color-coded readings: green for normal temperature, red for elevated, and blue for too cold. Its compact size makes it perfect for diaper bags or nightstands. The On the Go category recognized the Tula Printed Mesh Explore Carrier. This adjustable carrier allows babies to face toward or away from the parent. While it’s designed for one child, parents of twins might consider buying two for tandem wearing, similar to Baby Bjorn carriers. The Boppy Travel Bassinet won in the Nursery category. It’s lightweight and compact, making it ideal for travel. Twin parents would need two units for safe sleep arrangements while visiting family or on vacation. The Diono Connect 3RXT 2-in-1 High-Back Booster won the Child Restraint Systems category. At less than 17 inches wide, these seats are notable for fitting three across in most car back seats – a crucial feature for growing families. In the Technology category, the Cybex e-Gazelle S Stroller stands out with its 20+ configurations and ability to carry two children up to 50 pounds each. It features stadium seating and an electric assist for uphill climbs. Finally, the Environmentally Friendly category winner was the Dekor Eko Diaper Pail. This hands-free system helps contain odors and uses post-consumer recycled materials for both the unit and refills, making it an eco-conscious choice for managing twin diaper disposal. The post 2024 JPMA Innovation Awards Winners (Are They Twin Friendly?) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

If your twins look alike, can they share a passport? The simple answer is no, twins can not share a passport. Each person needs their own passport document. We’ll dive into more details below but remember to follow the laws of your country in regards to passports. For our family here in the United States, we first got passport cards for our children (including our twins) because we knew we had a road trip to Canada on the calendar and didn’t have other international plans on the horizon. Plus passport cards were cheaper and since we had to renew more often with younger children we went with that option. Fast forward to getting passport books for our children, everyone in the household got a passport. Sure, our identical twin girls look the same to most people. However, you can’t walk up to border control, show one passport and then hand it off the other twins. The only possible way I see sharing a passport working would be if one of your twins was traveling without her twin. Then there would be no way to tell one twin from the other. Unless fingerprints are involved. Even identical twins don’t have identical fingerprints. Sharing passports seems more like something you’d see in a movie than is actually practical in real life. Bottom line: don’t share passports. It can only lead to trouble. Here’s why… Legal Necessity Passports are legal documents that verify an individual’s identity. Even though your twins may look identical, they are distinct individuals in the eyes of the law. Each twin has their own unique identity, complete with a separate birth certificate and social security number. Consequently, each twin requires their own passport. Security Concerns Using the same passport for twins could pose significant security risks. It could lead to confusion at border control, cause delays in travel, and potentially result in legal issues. Immigration officials are trained to match passport photos with the individuals presenting them, and having two people using one passport would raise immediate red flags. Application Process The process for obtaining passports for twins is essentially the same as for any individual child. You’ll need to submit separate applications for each twin, along with their individual birth certificates, proof of citizenship, and passport photos. Be prepared to pay separate fees for each application. In some countries, there may be slight variations in the process for twins. For instance, in the United States, if you’re applying for passports for twins under 16, both parents or guardians must be present at the passport acceptance facility, unless one parent has sole custody or provides a notarized consent form. Cost Considerations The cost of obtaining passports for twins is simply double the cost of a single passport. However, keep in mind that expedited processing, if needed, will also double in cost. It’s wise to budget accordingly and apply well in advance to avoid rush fees. Planning Ahead Apply for passports well before your planned travel date. Standard processing times can take several weeks, and unexpected delays can occur. It’s better to have the passports in hand months before your trip rather than anxiously waiting as your travel date approaches. Organizing Documents Keep essential documents like birth certificates and proof of citizenship readily available. Make copies of all important documents and store them separately from the originals. This can be a lifesaver if documents are lost or stolen during travel. Labeling and Identification Clearly label all of your twins’ belongings, including passports, to avoid mix-ups. Consider using different colored passport holders or luggage tags to easily distinguish between your twins’ items. Your Twins’ Passports While twins cannot share a passport, the process of obtaining individual passports for them is straightforward. The key is to plan ahead, stay organized, and be prepared for the unique challenges of traveling with twins. Remember, each twin’s passport is not just a travel document, but a symbol of their individual identity. By understanding and following passport regulations, you’re setting the stage for smooth, enjoyable international adventures with your twins. For more information on passport regulations and travel tips for twins, consult your country’s passport agency (here’s the U.S. passport information) or visit reputable travel websites specializing in family travel. Happy and safe travels with your twins! The post Can Twins Share a Passport? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Twins typically weigh less than singletons, averaging around 5.5 pounds each compared to 7 pounds for singletons. This is due to factors like shared resources and space in the womb. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), twins are more likely to experience growth restriction, which can lead to lower birth weights. Range of Birth Weights The birth weight of twins generally ranges between 4 to 6 pounds. However, variations can occur, with some twins being born with extremely low or higher birth weights. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicates that over 50% of twins are born with low birth weight, defined as less than 5.5 pounds. Growth Comparisons Twins often grow at a slower rate compared to singletons, particularly in the third trimester, as resources become limited. According to the CDC, this phenomenon is known as intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR), which is more common in multiple pregnancies. Factors Affecting Birth Weight Factors such as maternal health, gender of the babies, and maternal age play significant roles in determining birth weight. ACOG notes that adequate prenatal care, maternal nutrition, and avoiding stress can positively influence birth weight. The types of twins you’re expecting can also impact birth weight. Impact of Delivery Method Cesarean sections are common in twin deliveries, which can influence birth weight records due to the timing of delivery. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development states that planned cesarean sections are often recommended for twins to prevent complications that could arise from vaginal deliveries. Safe Delivery Timing Twins are often delivered earlier than singletons, with viability starting around 24 weeks. However, ACOG suggests that the ideal delivery time is between 36 and 37 weeks to balance maturity and the risks associated with prolonged pregnancy. Effects of Low Birth Weight Low birth weight in twins is associated with several health risks, including respiratory distress syndrome, feeding difficulties, and developmental delays. The World Health Organization (WHO) emphasizes the importance of managing these risks through specialized neonatal care. Post-Birth Considerations Twins, especially those with low birth weight, may require NICU care. The WHO recommends long-term monitoring to ensure they reach developmental milestones similar to their singleton counterparts. Reducing Low Birth Weight Risks Expectant mothers of twins should focus on prenatal care, a balanced diet, and stress management to reduce the risks of low birth weight. ACOG highlights that regular check-ups and proper nutrition are crucial in achieving healthy birth weights. The post Twin Birth Weight: An In-Depth Look appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

One common question that arises about twin pregnancies is that of the process of water breaking. Since there are two babies, can it happen twice? Let’s explore the intricacies of water breaking in twin pregnancies, addressing the possibility of it happening twice and the what that means for you. Before we start, let’s make sure you know about some key vocabulary associated with pregnancies: Amniotic sac: The fluid-filled membrane that surrounds and protects the fetus during pregnancy. Amniotic fluid: The protective liquid contained within the amniotic sac. Preterm labor: Labor that begins before 37 weeks of pregnancy. Preterm birth: Birth that occurs before 37 weeks of pregnancy. Can a Woman’s Water Break Twice with Twins? The short answer is: it depends. The possibility of water breaking twice in a twin pregnancy is directly related to the type of twin pregnancy and the number of amniotic sacs present. Diamniotic Twins (Most Common): In diamniotic twin pregnancies, each twin has its own separate amniotic sac. This means that water breaking can indeed occur twice, once for each sac as each twin prepares for birth. The time frame between each water break can vary significantly, from minutes to hours or even days in some cases. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), approximately 70-80% of twin pregnancies are diamniotic. In these cases, the rupture of membranes (water breaking) can occur independently for each fetus. Our identical twin girls were diamniotic twins which meant they each had their own amniotic sac. We never saw a double water break since they were born via c-section before that could happen. Monoamniotic Twins (Rare): In contrast, monoamniotic twins share a single amniotic sac. In these cases, water breaking will likely happen only once, as there is only one sac to rupture. Monoamniotic twin pregnancies are more rare, and come with increased risks such as umbilical cord entanglement, twin to twin transfusion syndrome, and preterm birth. Additional Considerations: It’s important to note that in diamniotic pregnancies, both sacs may rupture simultaneously, giving the impression of a single water breaking event. Additionally, twin pregnancies have a higher risk of early labor and preterm birth compared to singleton pregnancies. If water breaking occurs, especially before 37 weeks of pregnancy, it’s crucial to seek immediate medical attention. Preterm premature rupture of membranes (PPROM) can lead to complications for both the mother and babies. Risks and Complications: Water breaking, particularly if it occurs prematurely, can lead to several risks: Infection (chorioamnionitis) Preterm labor and birth Umbilical cord compression Fetal distress The Mayo Clinic emphasizes the importance of prompt medical care in cases of preterm labor to manage these risks effectively. Delivery Methods: The delivery method for twin pregnancies depends on various factors, including the type of twin pregnancy (diamniotic or monoamniotic), the position of the babies, and other health considerations. While vaginal delivery is possible for many twin pregnancies, cesarean section may be necessary in some cases. It’s essential to discuss delivery plans with your healthcare provider throughout your pregnancy. What to Expect in Your Twin Pregnancy Whether a woman’s water can break twice with twins primarily depends on the type of twin pregnancy. In diamniotic twin pregnancies, which are most common, it is indeed possible for water to break twice. However, in the more rare monoamniotic twin pregnancies, water breaking will likely occur only once. Understanding the nuances of water breaking in twin pregnancies can help expectant parents be better prepared for what to expect. However, every pregnancy is unique, and it’s crucial to maintain open communication with your healthcare provider throughout your twin pregnancy journey. They can provide personalized advice and care based on your specific situation. Remember, if you experience any signs of water breaking, especially before 37 weeks of pregnancy, seek medical attention immediately. With proper care and monitoring, many of the potential risks associated with preterm labor and birth can be effectively managed, leading to the best possible outcomes for both mother and your twins. The post Water Breaking in Twin Pregnancies: Can It Happen Twice? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of identical twins, one of the biggest hurdles you’ll face each school year is helping teachers distinguish between your twins. It’s crucial for both the twins’ individual development and the teacher’s ability to provide personalized attention. It isn’t uncommon for teachers to have trouble telling your twins apart – even we as parents sometimes do a double-take! But in a classroom setting, clear identification is vital. It helps prevent mix-ups in grading, ensures each child gets the right feedback, and allows the teacher to build individual relationships with each twin. Here are some things you can try to help teachers tell your twins apart: Color Coding Clothes Assign each twin a color. One may be your “blue boy” and the other your “green guy.” Every morning, one twin puts on a blue shirt while the other sports a green one. To keep things interesting, use different shades and patterns within each color family. Unique Accessories Look at watches, earrings, wristbands, and other accessories to differentiate your twins from each other. For example, if your twins love superheroes, one can wear a Batman watch, while the other has a Spider-Man one. These accessories are not only easy identifiers but also conversation starters that help teachers remember which twin is which. One of our girls has her ears pierced, the other doesn’t. This helps tell them apart unless they both have their hair down over their ears! Different Styles We’ve found that contrasting clothing styles work well too. Do one of your twins prefers button-up shirts, while the other loves graphic tees? This difference in style reflects their personalities and makes it easier for teachers to remember who’s who. Hairstyles We’ve had fun experimenting with different hairstyles. When our girls were young, one always had bangs and her sister didn’t. It was a small difference that made a big impact in telling them apart. Shoes Footwear can become another identifier for your twins. Try different styles, brands, colors, etc and this will give teachers an easy visual cue to who is who. Explaining Differences At the start of each school year, provide teachers with a written list of distinguishing features. For example, unique birthmarks, scars,  moles, hair parts, etc. Name Association Linking names to personality traits helps. For example, you may have a “Jolly Joe” and a “Silent Seth” which reflect their energy levels and demeanors. This technique can been a hit with teachers but be sure not to give them nicknames that could be demeaning. Check in with teachers regularly, especially in the first few weeks of school. This allows you to tweak strategies if needed and ensures the teacher feels supported. Additional Help for Teachers: Labeling Belongings: Everything from backpacks to lunch boxes should be clearly labeled. Use durable, waterproof labels to ensure they stay put. Visual Aid: Create a “twin cheat sheet” for teachers. It’s an infographic that highlights your twins’ differences in appearance and personality. Teachers will find this incredibly helpful. Encouraging Personal Interaction: We always encourage teachers to spend one-on-one time with each twin. This helps them get to know each twin as individuals, beyond their identical appearances. Patience and Understanding: It takes time for teachers to learn the subtle differences between twins. Offer encouragement and appreciate their efforts to get to know your twins as unique individuals. In conclusion, helping teachers distinguish between twins requires a bit of creativity and consistent effort. But with these strategies in place, we’ve found that teachers quickly learn to tell our girls apart, allowing them to provide the individualized attention that every child deserves. Remember, the goal is not just to tell them apart physically, but to celebrate and nurture their unique personalities and strengths. The post How to Help Teachers Tell Your Twins Apart appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Raising infant twins undoubtedly presents unique challenges, but it also offers countless rewarding experiences that are both heartwarming and enriching. As an expectant father of twins, it’s important to focus on the positive aspects and the unique joys that come with raising two babies at once. Here are some of the best things about raising infant twins, supported by my experiences and insights of other twin parents: Double the Milestones Shared Milestones: One of the most exciting aspects of raising twins is witnessing their milestones together. From their first smiles to their first steps, seeing both of your children reach these developmental stages simultaneously can be incredibly heartwarming. The joy of celebrating these moments is doubled, creating twice the memories to cherish. Mutual Learning: Twins often learn from each other. When one twin masters a new skill, the other is usually not far behind, inspired by their sibling’s achievements. This mutual learning can expedite their development and make milestone moments even more special. Unique Bond and Companionship Built-In Playmate: Twins have a built-in playmate from birth, fostering a unique and powerful bond. This companionship means they always have someone to play with, share secrets, and grow alongside. The sight of your twins interacting, laughing, and comforting each other is truly magical. Empathy and Social Skills: Growing up with a twin helps children develop empathy and social skills from an early age. They learn to share, cooperate, and navigate social interactions with their sibling, which can positively impact their relationships with others as they grow. Double the Love and Joy Two Unique Personalities: Each twin has their own personality, quirks, and ways of expressing love. Experiencing the unique traits and growth of two distinct individuals is a joy. Watching how their different personalities complement and contrast with each other adds a fascinating dynamic to parenting. Endless Cuddles and Affection: Having two babies means you receive double the cuddles, kisses, and affection. The bond you form with each twin is special and unique, and the love they give in return is boundless. Support System for Each Other Comfort in Each Other’s Presence: Twins often find comfort in each other’s presence, especially during challenging times such as doctor visits or new environments. This built-in support system helps them feel secure and confident, knowing their sibling is always by their side. Teamwork from Day One: Twins often learn the value of teamwork early on. Whether it’s working together to build a tower of blocks or collaborating on a creative project, the sense of teamwork developed between twins can be incredibly strong and enduring. Parent and Community Support Shared Experiences: As a parent of twins, you become part of a unique community. Connecting with other twin parents can provide invaluable support, advice, and camaraderie. Sharing stories and tips with those who understand the unique journey of raising twins can be both reassuring and enriching. Efficient Parenting Skills: Raising twins can sharpen your parenting skills quickly. The need to manage two infants simultaneously teaches you to be more organized, efficient, and resourceful. These skills not only benefit your parenting but can also translate into other areas of your life. Look on the Bright Side While raising infant twins can be demanding, the positives far outweigh the challenges. From double the milestones and unique bonds to shared experiences and personal growth, the journey of parenting twins is filled with countless rewards. Embrace the joy, love, and fulfillment that come with raising two wonderful individuals who will share a lifelong bond. Remember, each moment, no matter how small, is twice as precious when shared with your twins. Enjoy the adventure and cherish every step along the way. The post The Joys of Raising Infant Twins: A Positive Perspective appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Here is a question from Justin. He says he has 20-month-old boy/girl twins, and he says the biggest issue right now is biting. “Do you have any advice on how to keep them from biting each other? That would be great.” Biting is a challenge with any kid, of course. But particularly twins because they’re usually playing together, or spending time together and it’s much easier for them to want to reach out and bite each other. When our twins would bite each other, we would: stop the behavior verbally explain that biting was not acceptable redirect the offending twin into another activity This worked okay for us as long as we were consistent in our enforcement. Testing Limits Of course your twins are going to start to look for the limits of your discipline, and they’ll start to challenge that. But if you are consistent in the actions that you take as a parent to counteract their bad behavior they’ll start to seek attention in other ways. Find the Why Try to identify why your twins are biting in the first place. Are they teething? Do they want attention? Is it triggered by something that’s happening in your home or the actions of others? Then try to address the root cause instead of just the symptom of biting. When your child is biting the other child, you definitely have to stop their behavior, because it’s not acceptable and can clearly cause distress for the other child. Communication Encourage your twins to use their words to express what they want, if they want to share, need some help, or if someone is doing something that doesn’t make them happy. With very young twins, they may not have words because they can’t talk yet. We taught our kids basic baby signs so they could express themselves a little bit. And that helped us communicate with them much earlier than we would have otherwise. Teach them some basic baby signs so they can express when they want something, when they want more of something, or when they’re done with something. It’s going to help mitigate frustrations that they have in communicating and deter biting as well. Role-Playing Once the biting incident has stopped and during a calmer time, you can help prepare your twins to avoid trouble next time. Use role-playing to demonstrate how to handle conflicts without biting. This can help twins practice appropriate reactions in a controlled environment. Use puppets to act out scenarios where one puppet bites and the other responds appropriately. This can be a fun and engaging way to teach lessons to your young twins. Calm Down Spaces Create a calm-down area where each twin can go to relax when they feel overwhelmed. This space can include calming items like stuffed animals, books, or sensory toys. Instead of time-outs, some parents use time-ins where they stay with the child in the calm-down space to help them process their emotions. Empathy Building Regularly talk to your twins about their feelings and the impact of their actions on others. Helping them understand how biting hurts their sibling can build empathy. Use emotion charts to help your twins identify and communicate their feelings. This visual tool can be particularly helpful for young children. Physical Outlets Ensure your twins have plenty of physical activities to release their energy. Activities like outdoor play, dancing, or sports can reduce frustration and aggression. If biting is related to teething, provide appropriate teething toys to satisfy their need to bite. Routine and Structure Maintain a consistent daily routine to provide your twins with a sense of security and predictability. This can reduce stress and biting incidents. Incorporate regular breaks and quiet times throughout the day to prevent overstimulation, which can lead to biting. Parental Modeling Model calm and controlled behavior during conflicts. Show your twins how to handle disagreements peacefully. They are always watching how you interact with your partner, other children, and friends. Stopping the Biting for Good You can create a supportive and effective plan to address this challenging issue in your home. Remember, every child is different, and it may take time to find the right combination of techniques that work for your family. Keep observing, adjusting, and most importantly, stay positive and supportive towards your twins as they learn and grow. Picture by Donnie Ray Jones The post How to Stop Twins From Biting Each Other appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Your twins are invited to a friend’s birthday party. Of course they should bring a birthday gift. But the question is: should they bring two gifts (one from each twin) or one gift (a joint gift from both)? Whether to bring one gift or two to a birthday party when you have twins can be nuanced and subjective. Based on the advice from other twin parents, here are several perspectives and unique ideas to consider: Single Gift Giving one gift allows for several benefits: Cost and Practicality: Many parents suggest that one gift is practical, especially if it’s a more substantial or meaningful present. This approach can alleviate financial strain and ensure the gift is something the birthday child will genuinely enjoy. Since my twins have been old enough for an allowance or to make money on their own, they often prefer to pool their funds together to buy a larger gift than one could have purchased on her own. Collaboration: Some parents recommend involving both twins in selecting the gift. This joint effort can help foster teamwork and shared decision-making between the twins. As the parent, you might need to be the tie breaker if needed because, as you know, your twins won’t always agree. Presentation: A single gift, perhaps personalized from both twins, can be presented in a way that signifies it’s from both of them, such as including both names on the card or wrapping. Getting the credit for the gift has been important for our twin girls. So they both closely oversee gift wrapping and labeling operations. Two Gifts When each twin gives a gift to the birthday child, it gives: Personal Touch: Bringing two separate gifts allows each twin to give something unique, reflecting their individual relationship with the birthday child. This can make the gifts feel more personal and thoughtful. If your twins are like mine, they will often have the same friend groups so that might mean they both know exactly the same things about the birthday child. Equal Participation: It ensures both twins feel equally involved in the act of giving. Each twin gets the opportunity to independently choose a gift, which can be important for their sense of individuality. My twins will stake a claim on the gift they want to give a friend so the twin’s sister won’t “steal” the idea and use it. Variety: With two gifts, there’s a chance to offer a variety of presents, catering to different interests of the birthday child. One twin might choose a toy, while the other might opt for a book, providing a good balance of distinct gifts. My girls will often get very different gifts for friends so that does keep it interesting. Compromise Solutions It is possible to have a combined yet distinct gift option for your twins to give their friend. Dual Components: Consider a gift that comes in parts, such as a set of building blocks or a craft kit that can be divided between two packages. Each twin can present one part, highlighting their individual contribution while still maintaining a unified gift theme. Complementary Gifts: Another approach is for the twins to give complementary items, such as a backpack and matching lunchbox, or a book and a related toy. This maintains the idea of two gifts but ensures they complement each other. Shared Theme: Choose gifts within a shared theme but slightly different, such as two different characters from the same TV show or two different sets from the same toy line. This can be an exciting way for the birthday child to expand on their interests or grow their favorite collection. Social and Emotional Considerations When in doubt, reach out to the birthday child’s parents or other families that are attending to ask for guidance. Communication: Some parents recommend checking with the host family about their preference. They might have a particular stance on the matter, which can guide your decision. Cultural Norms: Understanding any cultural or family norms regarding gift-giving can also be helpful. Some cultures might have specific expectations about gift quantity or nature. The older your twins are, the more likely they will have strong opinions on what to do. Involvement and Ownership: It’s important to consider the twins’ feelings about the gift-giving process. Ensuring they both feel involved and valued in the act of giving can be crucial for their social development. Avoiding Competition: Bringing two gifts can sometimes inadvertently lead to comparisons or competition between the twins. Balancing this by ensuring both gifts are of equal significance can help maintain harmony. Practical Tips Let’s keep it real. In addition to your twins’ needs and those of the birthday child, you can only do what is practical for your family right now. Financial Balance: Set a budget for the total amount you’re willing to spend on the gift(s). Whether it’s one significant gift or two smaller ones, staying within this budget can help manage expectations and finances. Quality Over Quantity: Focus on the quality and thoughtfulness of the gift rather than the quantity. A well-chosen, meaningful gift can often be more appreciated than multiple less thoughtful items. Whether to bring one gift or two to a birthday party when you have twins depends on various factors including practicality, the twins’ feelings, and the preferences of the host family. Balancing these considerations with a thoughtful approach can ensure the gift-giving experience is positive for everyone involved. With each new birthday party, you can adjust your strategy after seeing what works and doesn’t with your twins. Enjoy the party! The post When the twins are invited to a birthday party, should they bring two gifts or one? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 309 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Kris Lloyd, father of non-identical girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Found out at 8-9 weeks about twins Trouble free pregnancy and delivery Getting support from family and friends Hospitals were busy for regular scans and had to push for a plan. 37 weeks of pregnancy water broke, emergency c-section after about a day Dad was not allowed in room due to operation. Formula feeding babies Transitioning back to work When twins started crawling Slept through night since about 12 weeks Daily schedule for 9 month olds Started in parent’s room for first 6 months Time off with work 3 weeks (partner 8-9 months) Working Monday-Friday 60 hours a week and still staying connected with twins Didn’t need two jumpers, walkers, etc. as only one wanted to use it at the time. Childproofing the house now that twins are mobile  and more… Connect with Kris on Instagram. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe: Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Kris Lloyd. Welcome to the show, Kris. Kris: Hi. Joe: Kris, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? Kris: They are turning nine months old tomorrow and I’m finding that this is the age now where they’re starting to, you know, not so much just stay still now. One of my twins, Carly, she’s started crawling yesterday properly. My other twin, Casey, is now starting to try and crawl as well. They’re sort of more involved with everything now. They’re not just, you know, food, sleep. They’re not just basically just drinking their milk, going to sleep, and playing. They’re so involved now, and they’re becoming a real personality now and finding, “Yeah, that’s the best bit that’s happening right now is that I’m starting to realize they’re becoming a person. They’re in a weird way that may sound, they’re starting to have their own little personalities. The way that you’re starting to realize what they like and what they don’t like, what gets them happy, what makes them excited. Joe: They’re very similar reactions. Like you mentioned likes and dislikes, are they similar or are they very different? Kris: Similar with the likes and dislikes as in they both love weetabix and snacks and crisps like baby flavored crisps. They have the same dislikes, but as people, they are very different ones, very, like, Casey’s very much wants to be involved with everything, wants to play with everything, wants to get involved. Whereas Carly, my other twins, she’s very much, will sit back and, you know, sort of watch what’s going on and learn and then progress. Joe: Are your twins identical or non identical? Kris: Non identical. They’re DC, DA, I think the term is DC, DA twins. They’re non identical. And as they are getting a bit older now, I’m starting to realize big differences with them. They are very similar if you were to look at them and don’t see them every day. I feel like you would say, “Oh, they’re pretty similar.” But as a dad, I can tell them. That’s right. We spend so much time with our kids. We start to notice a lot of the differences really early. Joe: What’s a typical daily schedule like for your nine-month-olds as far as sleeping, eating, stuff like that? Kris: They’ve always been good at sleeping. They’ve always pretty much from about, I’d say about 12 weeks, they’ve always slept right through the night. We’ll give or take, you know, at the odd feed here and there, but not often. But now they tend to sleep from about half, six, seven o’clock at night until about, again, they normally wake up about four, half, four, have a bone, so you give them a dummy. I think, what is it you call them? America pacifiers. Joe: Pacifier, yep. Kris: Yep, you give them that and they will go doze back off then go back to sleep for about half six, until about half six, seven in the morning. So they sleep really well. And I find that with twins, my partner finds this more, as she tells me, with twins, if you have a routine, it works a lot better for them and for you. They just seem to, they know if you go say five minutes past when they should be asleep, you know, because they kick off, they start crying get an upset so it’s they’re really really good really good like they they sleep until about half six seven o’clock most mornings they’ll go get up we’ll feed them a bottle we will then take them downstairs play they’ll have like you know a few slices of toast cut up and then they will go down for a sleep about half past half past nine ish roughly until about half past ten then quarter to 11. And then again, they wake up then play, have dinner, have another bottle near towards half one, half one issues when they’ll then go back down for another nap until about give or take three o’clock. And then again, wake up, play. And then they go, have a bath or a shower. And then they’re in bed then for six, half six and rinse and repeat the same routine. Joe: Are they in your room with you? Kris: No, they, from just before six months old, we’ve had them in a different room. First of all, they were together in our room for the first six months, but then, ’cause they outgrew the, the, the cot that they were in, we then had to separate them. And the only way we could separate them was putting them in their own cots. And the only place with enough room for that was in the, was in their room. So we obviously at that point separated them, pop them in their own cots. Joe: You mentioned the importance of schedule and routine. Did you do something intentionally to help get that started in the early weeks and months with the twins? Kris: It’s not so much me. I like to say as the father I’ve been, I only had three weeks off from work when they were born. Obviously my partner in the UK, the gentleman 10 forget three weeks off work paid and then the partner gets roughly eight, nine months off. So, but my partner is a, she works in childcare. She works in a nursery as a manager. So she knows the importance, you know, she works with children basically very all the time. So she knows routine is very important. So from the start, she was very, very, you know, she knew what she was doing. So she, we set the routine straight away and trying to keep them on routines. And as obviously they get older, have less sleep and have more feeds and then less feeds and then onto solid food so you know she’s honestly she’s brilliant with the routine but I feel like if you don’t have a routine it may be a bit sporadic with the two with two as well especially twins. Absolutely we learned early on as well just like you that if they were on a schedule things went a lot more easily for us than if we just let things happen randomly so it’s good that you had a good routine for them. Joe: So does that mean that your partner’s back to work already or is she still home with the twins? Kris: Yeah, she’s back to work now. She went back two weeks ago. She went back, so we’re paying, sorry, not paying. So the, we put them in nursery for on a Monday, oh sorry, yeah, a Monday and a Friday. We put them into nursery and then half day on the Wednesday ’cause my partner has a half day Wednesday, So she’s able to have them and then her mother looks after them on the Tuesday and the Thursday But over in the UK, I don’t know what it’s like in America I’ve never have never looked but it cost a lot of money to have people have people look after your children in childcare It’s costed it costs more Per month to have the my twins in childcare for two and a half days a week than it does for the house per month It’s it’s a lot of money Joe: Yeah, that’s very common here. The pricing is ridiculous, especially when not just you, but other twin parents compares it to the taking care of the whole house for the month, it can get out of control. Kris: That’s the thing. So the only way that I find, not the only way, but as a working-class family, we haven’t got millions in the bank, we haven’t had money passed down towards me and my partner. We work for what we have. So we found that we both have to work to be able to afford the childcare, to be able to afford the house. So I personally, I’m a truck driver, like a lorry driver. So I’m doing 60, 65, 70 hours a week away from home. I stay away from home Monday through to Friday. And I feel like, you know, that’s what I have to do to be able to earn the money to make sure my kids can have what they need when they grow up. when they grow up and you know, always have that support financially. And then my partner obviously is having to work as well to cover all the other costs. So it’s expensive, but it’s worth every second of it. I mean, yeah. Joe: Are you able to come home at night from work? Are you traveling all across the. All across the United Kingdom, all over the country of Great Britain. Kris: So no, I’m I tend to be away. I leave the house Monday morning and then I don’t come home till Friday afternoon. Joe: Are you able to stay connected with your twins in any way? Kris: FaceTime, it tends to be when my partner was off work, she’d FaceTime me throughout the day, but now she’s back in work. Obviously we FaceTime first thing in the morning when the kids wake up, so I can say good morning. And then we pretty much, I don’t see them then until when they come back from nursery or my partner comes home from work, and then I’ll speak to them then, and then they pretty much just go to bed. So at the moment I’m watching them grow up through a phone more than in person, but that’s just, as I feel like we have to do to make sure that they have a comfortable life and a comfortable upbringing. Joe: Yeah, it does require some sacrifice from both parents. And sometimes that’s what it takes to make everything work with the family. How was the conversation with your partner’s about watching the twins was that always kind of the plan? Kris: Yeah it was not always kind of the plan but her mother is absolutely fantastic she’s a very much a child-friendly person as in the whole the whole of my partner’s family is they are you know anything they can do they’ll do it to help and it was originally she was offering to have them all week so we never had to put them into nursery but we felt like if we put them into a nursery they will learn you They’ll be with other kids that are slightly older than them, slightly younger than them, and they will learn more skills and they will have social abilities. They will obviously, if there’s a kid that’s two months older than them, the kid might be crawling. And then in nursery, they will watch the other children, what they do, and then start either doing it themselves or looking into how to do it. And also with nursery, there is so much variety for what to do with the kids. There’s only so many times at home you can put them in walkers in bouncers or play with toys or read books. So I think with nursery it was sort of a we were pretty adamant they were going to go. Joe: It sounds like a good balance where you have some time out of the home, some time with family and still able to manage all that. Let’s go back to when you found out that you would be having the twins. What was the situation like at that point? What was your reaction? Kris: Well, we found out we were pregnant and then a few weeks later, I think that was around eight, nine weeks, it was very early on. A few weeks later, my partner had, we had some scares, some troubles. So we went to the hospital and I won’t lie, we expected the worst, expected to loss the baby and they did the scan for us to check to see if we had lost the baby and they turned around and said to us, “Right, don’t worry, your baby’s fine.” And the other one. And when we heard that, you felt panicking a bit. It’s a bit of a shock when you find out you’re having twins because it’s already daunting to know you’re having a child and then when you find out out you’re having too, you think, oh, it’s going to be double the cost, double the commitment. You know, you start to think the worst as in you won’t, are you going to be okay? But honestly, it’s once you get over that initial shock, honestly, it’s the best thing in the world. It is. It is. There’s a lot of shock and a lot of stress to try to figure everything out. But in the end, it’s a great joy to be a dad and to be a father of twins, for sure. Joe: Could, how did the pregnancy go? Were there any complications or challenges there? Kris: No, trouble three, the whole pregnancy. We seem to have been very lucky with the whole, the pregnancy and obviously up to nine months now we’ve had no issues. It’s been, we’re one of the very lucky ones. The only problems we had, which I don’t know if it’s more, I think it’s more of a British thing is we, the hospitals are that busy. They don’t, it’s hard for them to get you in, you know to be able to have the regular scans and to be able to set a plan because they over here were meant to have a plan. I say over here in America you have the same you have a plan where you say right at 34 weeks you’re gonna have this scan 35 weeks this we want you to deliver around 37 weeks if that you know we want you to deliver to deliver the baby this way or that way or cesarean or natural or yeah but we we sort of didn’t have that because we were just being thrown pillar to post because it was twins and doctors were saying you know go to this doctor come to this doctor and yeah that was the only problem we really had as in as the pregnancy we had like say other than the scare at the very start we had no problems at all it was very smooth sailing so do you feel like you didn’t get enough uh scans enough attention because because of the twins it wasn’t you know it wasn’t a lot it was so much the attention but it’s we had a few scans but in the end i had to ring up the hospital and say look my partner needs a plan we need to know what we’re going to do that’s 37 weeks because that’s when obviously you’re meant to give birth to twins we need because it got to 35 and a half 36 weeks we still didn’t know whether we were going to go for a natural birth whether we’re going to have of the Caesarean, we didn’t know. And we’d had no advice on it. And we just, in the end, you had to ring up the hospital and then we’re still going through the means now of writing a formal complaint over it due to, well, if we didn’t have the fantastic support of our family and friends, we would probably be, probably been a lot scarier than what it was. Joe: Yeah, I know. Having a plan, at least you kind of know to work towards and what to expect. So when it’s you’re trying to get everything lined up there for the birth of the twins, how far into the pregnancy did the twins make it? Did they make it to 37 weeks? Kris: Yeah, 37 weeks to the dot. They arrived. Well, sorry, 36 weeks and six days the waters broke. We went into a hospital to have the waters broke anyway because my partner hadn’t started showing any signs of giving birth yet. So we went into the hospital to have the waters broke via medicine. And as we got to hospital to do that, naturally her waters broke. So it was about– it took just shy of a day. And in the end, we had to go for an emergency cesarean because there was– we had a few– not complications, but the babies just weren’t coming when they should have. and you only have a set amount of time from when you’re 10 centimeters. I can’t remember what the saying is now. It was a blur. It was a bitty day when you’re pretty much ready to give birth and the babies aren’t coming, especially with twins. It can stress the second twin out. So in the end, for the safest option, they said, right, we’ll just have a, uh, we’ll just do an emergency cesarean, which is quite scary in itself. Obviously my partner gets put under. She’s asleep. And then I wasn’t allowed in the room because it’s an operation. I’m not allowed to be in the room. So I had to be kicked out of the room. And when the first thing you have kids see when they, you know, when they open their eyes to the real world is just doctors in blue suits. They don’t see their mum or their dad. And I found that personally quite scary. And, you know, I can’t put the words to it. I found that quite, uh, worrying in a way because I wanted, you know, you want your kids, the first thing they see when they open their eyes to the world is one of their parents at least. But we, like I said, the doctors were fantastic at the time, the surgeons that helped. And as soon as the kids were born, they were cleaned up and brought straight to me in the waiting room. So and then about an hour later, my partner come around after the operation and we went over to her with the twins. Joe: Wow, yeah, that is a crazy where you’re not allowed to see the birth. Is that because of the emergency nature of the operation or is every C-section like that? Kris: You’ve got your natural birth. You’ve then got your plantarian, which is, they plan it so they know 37 weeks at two o’clock they’re gonna cut you open, take the kids, take the kids out from the procedure. But an emergency one, it’s just a case of the panic operation. So it needs to be a sterile area. The surgeons need the room to operate because they need to be able to see if anything’s going on. And if something does go wrong, I think the last thing a surgeon probably wants is, you know, dad screaming down the road saying, you know, sort this out. They need to concentrate. So I think it’s more for safety than anything else, but, uh, which I understand, but as you can imagine, it’s, uh, it’s not, it’s not the best thing in the world when you get kicked out. Joe: Yeah, that’s hard because yeah, you want to be there to support your partner. You want to be there to welcome the babies and to be separated. And then you’re just kind of sitting, waiting and waiting and waiting. You don’t know if everything has gone well with the operation, if everything hasn’t gone well. And next minute the door swings open and in comes a cart with you. You’re two beautiful baby daughters. Well, in my case, anyway, obviously twins come in male, female, female. Kris: Yeah. But, you know, but yeah, my two, my two beautiful girls came through and yeah, it was a very emotional. Joe: Was everyone able to recover and come home quickly from the hospital or did the girls, obviously the whole, the whole pregnancy was brilliant. She recovered. I think they say minimum you need to be in hospital is three days to three days, just so they can check that either twins are feeding and be that there’s no problems with my partner where she’s at the operation and you know, she’s back to full strength and the kids are at full strength. And by the time they’ve registered the children as born and done all the tests their eyes that he hears you two days anyway to do them all and test. So we came home just halfway through the second day and haven’t looked back since. It’s been well obviously other than yesterday I had to go to hospital but yeah no no it was it was all fine. Joe: What did you have success with as far as feeding goes? Was was mom able to breastfeed or was Formula feeding, bottle feeding, what worked for you? Kris: We went with formula feeding because it’s twins. We thought with a single baby, breastfeeding is easy. My partner did want to breastfeed if it was a single, but because it was twins, we just thought it’d be too much of a demand, A, on her body, and B, it might just weaken her recovery because all the nutrients she’s producing for the breast milk of nutrients she could be using to heal herself and get herself better and after the operation. So we just thought it’s the fafest and probably the best option for us is to go on to on to a formula. Joe: Yeah, formula also gives us as dads a chance to participate in the feeding more than if mom was just exclusively breastfeeding. That’s one thing that I enjoyed when we were able to bottle feed our girls was I could actually participate more than if it was just my wife feeding them. Kris: Yeah, you can help out if it’s been a long day, like you say, you can as the dad can feed and then give your partner time to go and have a cup of a cup of tea or, you know, just relax for two minutes. But like you say, if it is breastfeeding, it is pretty much, you know, only the mother can do it unless you pump breast pump into bottles. But again, that’s more effort. Joe: So what do you remember about those early days with the infants at home? What were some of the challenges or things that were working at that time? Kris: I found I remember more than anything how well I expected, you know, 24 hours a day to hear screaming, crying. The first couple of days, all the kids pretty much do is sleep, wake up for when they’re hungry. So you give them a ball and sleep again. I found it amazing how many times they actually feed when they’re just been born, how many times they actually feed, they have little and often. So every two to three hours they were having, I’m sure it was only one and a half, two ounces. But it was very quiet, I was expecting screaming, crying, but it was, I think because they were with each other as well, in a way they were sort of soothing each other. So it was, yeah, no, It was all right. You obviously hear all the horror stories, don’t you? Of the first couple of days, babies don’t feed, they don’t scream. But like I say, we’ve been incredibly lucky and our girls fed when they showed, they slept when they showed. And yeah, I can’t I can’t give you any horror stories, I’m afraid for. Joe: No, it’s good. It’s good to hear that not every pair of twins is a crazy situation. It’s wonderful to hear stories like yourself where pregnancy goes pretty well, delivery goes relatively smoothly, even though you did have an emergency there, but then babies come home and things go pretty normal. That’s very, that’s kind of good to share because otherwise people may get overwhelmed with all the potential horrible things that can happen, but that’s not always the case. Kris: Yeah, I find that there’s a lot, you see a lot on social media of twin groups and it’s all scary this and my twins won’t do this and my twins won’t feed, my twins won’t sleep. And I sit there and I go, is it really, Is it really that bad and I’ve been incredibly lucky or is it just people are being having unlucky moments with their twins? But I know, honestly, I can’t complain. And the way that my my twins are, it’s a massive credit to their mother, like I say, because I was only home the first three weeks of the birth after the birth for it. So the way that they sleep, the routines they’re in, the progress they’ve made, I can only give credit to their mother. she’s been absolutely brilliant and an incredible partner as well to be around. Not only is it a difficult period for her and a difficult period for the kids, but it’s also a difficult period as the father. And honestly the support she’s given them children, the support she gives me, I can’t thank her enough. She’s brilliant. Joe: That’s wonderful. Sounds like you have a wonderful partner. You mentioned you had also some great support from friends and family. How were they able to help maybe during the pregnancy or with the infants? Kris: With the pregnancy, friends and family, again, the friends were more last minute support for myself and my partner, ’cause you do have, through any pregnancy, whether it’s single or twins, you have your days where you feel upset or you’re just not 100% there ’cause you’re worried about what if something happens in the future. So I found that friends were great for me anyway there. They would always calm me down and say, you know, it’s going to be fine. You’re going to be great. Don’t worry. And with family, it was always, especially my partner’s family, it was always anything she needed. She got it. If she, you know, all my feet are hurt, in next minute, her sister turns up with a foot bath or next minute, you know, her mother turns up with some cream to help her feet. And it’s just, it’s a big team effort. It’s a massive family. In a way, you know, they welcomed me in, to welcome the twins in straight away. And it’s just, yeah, they are brilliant. The whole family are absolutely fantastic. Joe: That’s wonderful. That’s wonderful to have such a great support network. How was the transition from, you said you had about three weeks off of work and then you had to go back on the road again, driving. How was that transition, leaving mom at home with the kids? And how did that work out? Kris: Well, luckily just before she fell pregnant, I took a different job where I was home at night. I was still trucking, but I was only locally. So I was home every night. But the transitional period in the day was difficult because you’re used to seeing your kids and being there. And it just stops. You have to go out and work. But I found that I have to put myself in the mindset of, I’m doing this for my kids. So, and then it does, you know, in a way it’s not as bad when you go to work, then you don’t overthink things because you’re doing this to be able to provide. Um, it’s only recently with the nursery costs that I’ve had to start working away, um, full time going away again because the nursery costs are that much. And, um, with my partner going back to work, we didn’t really have much of a choice. Joe: So when you were home at night, would you and your partner get up in the night to take care of them? Or did you take turns or work for you? Kris: Yeah, it was more at the start, it was me and my partner. We’d get up, I’d feed one, she’d feed the other at the very start and as we ‘ve got a bit, as I’ve gone back to work and we’ve got a bit older, sorry, the kids have got a bit older, she’s more done the night feeds. So I can get some sleep because the last thing anyone needs to be behind the wheel of a 44 ton truck and be tired, dozing it off asleep, it’s not safe, is it? So this is what I mean by, when I say she’s been absolutely fantastic, she understands that. So she’s been very supportive and she’ll look after the twins at night and just let me get some sleep. She can sleep in the day when they’re asleep. Joe: Has there been any kind of baby gear or supplies have made life a little bit easier at your home? Kris: What we found is, I don’t know if every family is like this, but we don’t put our children in front of the television if we can help it. We try and keep them away from TV, especially the first, obviously the first couple of months, they’re not interested anyway. But when they start to look around, I’ve seen a lot of people say, “Oh, my child wouldn’t sleep tonight. She wouldn’t go to bed early, but you know, we watch TV for four hours And you know, we don’t as a family. We don’t agree with that. We want to spend time with them So but now we’re at the age where they are nine months. I feel like at the end of the night, you know when mum’s tired I’m tired We can put the tv on for half an hour say watch one child’s episode of not learning numbers or something like my miss rachel and It just gives you that little break. So in my opinion, if I was to give any advice, I’d say keep the TV away from them until you absolutely need that little break for half an hour. Um, again, with twins, it’s just a case of you buy. I found that we bought two of everything to walkers, to jumpers, to, you know, to everything, but they won’t want to do it at the same time. So I found that the second one hardly got used much because they, you know, with the walker, they now obviously with the walkers, they’re both in them because they’re walking, but more with the jumpers, they don’t jump a roof. They’re called the only one of them wants to go in at a time. And then the other one that isn’t in it wants to be in the exact one that they’re twin sisters in. So you just found the other one just sit there. Yeah, you could have two of everything, but they always want the same exact. They always want the same thing. Exactly. Yeah. So, I mean, that was useful. We’ve got a Tommy sippy prep machine, which was it does the bottles for you You know, you put eight ounces eight scoops of powder in it for the formula and it it makes the bottle for you. We found that was Brilliant, especially for the night feeds because you don’t have to go downstairs boil the kettle let it cool down You know and then wait for them to wake up whereas as soon as we knew that they were hungry they cry, press the button, make the bottles straight away instantly and they’re the perfect temperature. So definitely 100% I’d recommend a Tommy Tippie or some sort of prep machine, just especially for the night feeds because it does help out a lot. Other than that, as we’re finding out now, lots of baby gates because now they’re on the move, they are everywhere. Joe: Yeah, as far as childproofing the house and making it safe, what does kind of surprise you that you needed to do? Kris: It’s pretty much everything. Every floor has to be covered with something soft. We’ve got a laminated floor downstairs. So it’s not solid, but it’s not soft. So obviously, we’ve got rugs and we’ve just bought a big massive play map for there because they’ve got their own room in the back of the house called a play room, full of their toys, their walkers, everything. You have to cover everything. any, not even just sharp, any sort of, anything that sticks out has to be covered. Everything that could be pulled off has to be pushed out the way so they can’t reach it. It is, you have to turn your house into a bouncy castle basically. Joe: That’s true. They seem to discover places and things that you did not know were in your house. Kris: Things I didn’t even know existed. Like I can’t, if I, when we feed them their tea, they have little cups of water afterwards to help, you know, put, um, to give them a drink. They’ll find them cups of water anywhere in the house, and they will grab hold of them and they will take the lids off and they’ll find a way to get the whole crew all over the floor. Joe: Yeah. The fun never stops with, uh, the kids, especially once they start crawling, which is the stage of life that you’re in right now. So good luck. Cause it’s super mobile. Kris: That’s it now. Now, well now they’re super mobile. Like you say, they’re, They’re everywhere now. They seem to have newfound confidence now. They’re trying to climb on everything, climb onto the sofa. They’re trying to climb up the TV stand. And it’s a full-time job watching them now. Joe: That it is. Well, Chris, as we wrap up the show today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Kris: My partner has an Instagram for the twins. It’s called the Lloyd twins. that’s T-H-E-L-L-O-Y-D twins. And you’ll see the profile picture on it. It’s me, my partner and the two Gorgeous Girls. That’s probably the best way. She posts on there daily, two, three, four times a day, pictures of them, pictures of us, what we’re getting up to. And I feel like, you know, it’d be nice for people to see day-to-day life as twins. It’s not all doom and gloom because we don’t have that. As I say, it’s all on there. It’s always good things. If you ever need, anyone ever needs to message us about any questions about anything that I’ve said, or you’re direct to my partner who, like I say, controls most of it. So it would be, yeah, more than welcome to help, more than happy to help. Joe: Excellent, thank you for sharing that. Chris, we really were grateful for your time today. Thank you for coming on the show. Kris: Not a problem at all. Thank you for having me. Joe: I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Chris about his adventures as a father of twins. If you wanna connect with Chris, I’ll link up to his Instagram in the show notes for this episode. You can go to the archive of all episodes, including this one, directly by going to twindadpodcast.com. Once again, that’s twindadpodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Chris did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me on Instagram or X. My handle is @twindadjo. Also, I’m on Facebook.com/dadsguidetowins or you can email me directly, [email protected], and I would love to hear from you. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It’s called “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins, “How to Thrive as a Father of Twins.” You can get this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. And if you found this episode enjoyable, would you do me a favor and share it with another dad that you know that may be expecting or raising twins? I would really appreciate it. Thanks so much, and I’ll see you next time.   Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: Apple Podcasts Spotify Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Working to Afford Twins, Emergency C-Section, and Getting Babies on a Schedule with Kris Lloyd – Podcast 309 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 308 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Kris Pruett, father of four boys including fraternal twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: When twin fraternal boys look very different Developing different interests in children One twin physically gifted vs other not Having two additional boys after twins Dealing with congenital heart disease for third son  Sharing a room as twins Setting behavior expectations with children Teaching money skills with allowance Moving twins to homeschool during pandemic Handling sibling rivalries and dynamics Keeping marriage strong while raising young children Why keeping twins on the same sleep schedule saved their sanity and more… Connect with Kris via the Team Graycen page on Facebook. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe:  Today I would like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Kris Pruett. Kris:  Thanks for having me. Joe:  Kris, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? Kris:  So my twins are actually, they just turned 10 the week before Christmas this past year. And two boys, paternal, they don’t look a thing alike. And the exciting thing right now, I think is just seeing their different personalities come out, seeing their different interests as they get older. Like I said, they look starkly different. My wife’s Hispanic, so and I’m Caucasian. So one of my boys is obviously darker, complected than the others. That’s a fun dynamic for whenever we have to tell people that they’re twins and they’re like, no way. But seeing their personalities grow, seeing their interests differ is pretty fun. Joe:  That is fun. We have identical twin girls, so I never quite experienced what you’re describing, but it seemed like once they got out of the infant baby stage, where you’re always in the double stroller carrying around, nobody ever seemed to know that they were twins. You mentioned some developing interests in your boys at this age. What are they, what are they into these days? Kris:  So it’s interesting. One of my son has always been more physically gifted. He walked first, he crawled first, he rolled over first. He’s been a lot more spatially aware of like his own physical body and, and all of that type of thing. And the other one has been more, I guess like software, he’s been drawn more to like whenever he plays on his iPad, he’s a little bit more gifted in that area. I’m like playing video games and different things like that. So, but he’s less physically gifted. Like he walked, or it took him longer to start walking. It took him longer to start crawling. So that’s been interesting. So my son, the more physical one is interested in flag football and, and soccer and those types of things. And he’s faster. He’s taller. He’s, you know, just more physical. And then the other one wants to play e-sports, you know, he wants to play video games and those kinds of things. He does want to play soccer. He’s interested in that, but not near as excited, you know, visibly on him. You can’t really see that visible excitement about physical activity. Joe:  Has that physical difference been consistent since birth? Kris:  Since birth, yes. Yeah. So we had them at 33 weeks and four days. And they were supposed to be due in like February. We had them the week before Christmas in 2013. So yeah, we had them late 2013 and whenever they were born, maybe A was Braden, he was 4’8″ and then Jackson, the more physical one was 5’5″ and that has been the way ever since they were born. At this point now, I think Jackson’s about four inches taller than Braden and weighs about a hundred and five pounds. And, uh, and then he also outweighs Braden as well. So they’re, they’re very big disparity between the two. That’s what also makes it kind of funny when we say they’re twins because of the, of that four inch height difference. So they always assume that Jackson’s the older one whenever Braden is, um, he’s actually three minutes older. So there’s one contraction in between the two of them. And as we tell people that they’re like, Oh, that’s wild, you know, like they would have no idea. Joe:  Yeah. We know we have some friends of eternal twins as well. And they have a big size difference between their boys. And yeah, you wouldn’t know at first glance if they ever twins or just brothers. You mentioned other children. Are they older or younger than your twins? Kris:  So the twins came first and then six years later, it was a couple of weeks after our twins turned six, we had baby number three. And he was born full term, 38 weeks. Um, he was like eight, 14 when he was born, um, size wise. And then, uh, we had another surprise. Um, our fourth one, and these are all boys. Uh, we had him June of 21 and, uh, he was 10 pounds, five ounces when he was born. So that’s when we kind of shut the factory down and said, okay, no more. Cause our babies just keep on getting bigger. So it’s like, if we have a child that’s going to be a 12 pounder, might as well just, you know, hang up this case for now and go from there. Joe:  Well, having the twins first, how do you think that prepared you for having, you know, just one at a time or some of the big differences you saw there? Kris:  Well, we were hoping that it would make it a lot easier for having just a single child, but the doctor did warn us. They, uh, they said, okay, since you had twins first, and since, you know, her HGG levels are so high that she stood to have twins or multiples, like a 60% chance of having those at her second pregnancy. So we were like, okay, we probably need to just hold off for a while. And we had some complications getting pregnant with the twins, but once we started paying attention to like ovulation cycles and diet and those types of things, it really only took us a few months of really paying attention. But once we got pregnant with our third, about 20 weeks in the big anatomical scan that they do, we found out that he has congenital heart defect, which turned into congenital heart disease, which is a chronic illness that affects one out of every hundred children. So we thought that having a single child third would be more simple, and then God had a different plan and kind of threw us that wrench in the mix. So that was very exciting after the 20th week of his gestation, trying to mitigate all those issues. Joe:  And how was that played out? Kris:  It’s played out really well. Um, he had surgery, he had two band-aid surgeries. I call them band-aid surgeries. It was really just to prepare him for a larger surgery. Um, he had a surgery at seven days old and then he had surgery at six months old. And, um, and then finally had his, uh, last surgery with last summer at three and a half years old, he recently turned four in January. Um, but he’s sitting all this marks developmentally. He’s doing really well. Um, if you wouldn’t, if you don’t see the scar on his chest, you wouldn’t really know he had any sort of issue. So we were very fortunate. Joe:  Yeah. That’s great that he’s hitting his milestones since that’s some good care to help along that path. Kris: : Absolutely. Yeah. We’ve had some great doctors. We used to live in Texas. We actually, I mean, my wife were born and raised there. And then COVID hit, we kind of, we’ve always wanted to live up north. So once we got to all clear from the cardiologist for my third son, we moved up here to Washington, Washington state. And we’ve been up here ever since late 2021, right about the time our fourth son was about six months old. So, so that’s been a kind of a change of pace, but we really enjoyed it and being in a different area and experiencing new things, giving our twins different sports and things to pursue has been an also an exciting thing to get to do. Joe:  So House Full of Boys, let’s talk about. I’ve got two boys and two girls, and I know boys and girls are very different in raising. With your four boys, how has it been being a father of boys and how’s identity, the kind of relationship building between you and them worked out? Kris:  It’s worked out really well. It’s interesting because I grew up with two older sisters. So I was the only boy in my family at all. And it’s fine, we found out we were pregnant. My dad was like, you know, it’d be cool if you had twin girls. And I was just like, well, dad, if I don’t have any boys, this is the end of the name. I mean, I’m the last boy, last in the weekend, so I gotta have some sons. And I pulled it off, I got four, so. But being a boy, dad, it’s nice for me just cause I understand, you know, physically what’s going on with them at each step of the way. Just cause I am a man myself. And I always told my wife, if we had daughters, I mean, I probably would have been not the disciplinarian. They probably would have gotten away with a ton. But I hear from other girl dads and they say that that’s not true. So, but I would not know at all. But being a boy dad, it’s, it’s fun. We, we have a lot of fun. There’s, um, having friends that are the same age, and same developmentally, and we’re reaching that age at 10 where they’re starting to argue more, and they’re starting to have a little bit more gifts and things like that. So mitigating that every day has been fun. Trying to decide, do we ground them? Do we take away privileges? Do we take away screen time? And those kinds of things. We’re trying to be the less, picking our disciplinary actions very carefully, I guess, that that’s the way that we try to do it. But it’s interesting having twins and then we have two other boys that are only 18 months apart. So we found that there’s two separate friend groups, but they’re all together can play as well. So that’s been fun. So we can have the twins downstairs playing and doing what they want to do. And then we can have the little ones upstairs playing and they can do whatever they want to do. And everyone’s happy because they have sort of a a built-in sibling slash friend that’s around the same age where they can play with the same poise. I think it has been, has been fun. Joe:  Yeah, that’s nice. How are the kind of the bedroom sleeping arrangements for, for your boys? Kris:  Yeah. So we, we moved up here in a fifth wheel camper, which was crazy. We had four children and a great day that we moved up here with. And we stayed in that camper for two years and it wasn’t a small camper, like 43 feet long. It wasn’t tiny, but still six people in such a small area is crazy. And then recently we moved into a townhome that has three levels. It’s four bedroom, three and a half bath. So our twins, we gave them the basement. So they have their bedroom, they have a big playroom, and then they have their own bathroom, full bathroom downstairs. And then the smaller ones have their own room together and they’re on the same floor as us upstairs. And then we have the main living area in the middle. And that’s worked out really well. Art twins have actually maintained a shared room all their life. So ever since they were born, we put them in the same crib. They got, they kind of outgrew that. We put them in separate cribs and then eventually moved them into toddler beds, twin beds, and those kinds of things. So that worked out really well. And they’ve enjoyed, you know, being together. I think once we probably get into the teen years, we’ll look at separating their rooms and them having their own spaces, um, just to kind of spread out and, and have that area, but for right now it’s working really well. I’m having them separate. Joe:  Our girls have shared a room their entire lives as us, as have our sons. I mean, our sons are Singletons, but they’ve always been roommates since that was their early days. So they don’t really know any different. I mean, they know different because they’re old enough to know different, but it’s not like there’s an additional space where we live right now for them to even have an option. Kris:  So, gotcha. Yeah. We, when we were in that camper, they actually shared their, all four of them were in the same room. We looked out and found my lifestyle and a model of the fifth wheel that had its own bunk room. So the two big, big boys were on bunk beds that were over the top of the smaller children that laid on. Well, one was in a play pit most of the time with the, with a mattress. And then the other one was on a mattress on the floor, kind of a small situation where they’re in the corner. So that worked out really well. I mean, like I said, it was cramped, but it got us up here and, and really it was a nice way to have an easy way to pivot if something happened with our third son, if something happened with his brother, some issue like that. So it kind of kept us mobile in that way. Joe:  Yeah. It gives you options for sure. Kris:  Yes. For sure. Joe:  You mentioned experimenting with different disciplinary things at home. What’s something that is working right now with your boys? Kris:  What’s working with the older twins, what’s working is taking away privileges like screen time. And having them know what’s expected before that happens, I think has been something we’ve learned recently, rather than just having a knee jerk reaction and just saying, okay, you can’t play video games for the next two or three days, we tell them what our expectation is. They’re going to act a certain way, don’t hate your brother, those kinds of simple things. But we’ve also seen recently too, since they’re so much bigger than the smaller children, that they have a hard time understanding house or horse play and like rough play and things like that. Like what’s too rough to a two year old and a four year old, versus what’s too rough for my 10 year old brother, ’cause they can take something that’s different. So we’re trying to help them learn, okay, don’t yank on his arm, don’t do this kind of thing that’s too rough because I’ve heard horror stories of little boys’ arms getting pulled out of socket and things like that, like don’t play too rough. But really what’s working disciplinary wise is that just taking away certain things and, but like I said, making sure they’re aware that that is what the consequence is so that they’re not blindsided when it happens. So they understand, Oh, I did this. So therefore this is my punishment. Joe:  When do you have that conversation with them? When do you set that expectation? Kris:  The expectation has said, it depends. I think if we notice the action happening a lot, then we, we mitigate it that way and we say, okay, I’ve been noticing this. It’s happening. So if this keeps on continuing to happen, this is going to be your punishment. Like you’re going to get this taken away for a day or two. If you can’t do this. And one of the big factors recently has been, just not cleaning their room and just not maintaining their own areas. And it’s not anything that we’re not like, you know, very military about it. You have to have your bed made and all this other stuff, although that would be nice, but just simple things like making sure you’re dirty clothes or pick them off the floor, making sure your clean clothes stay hung up until you wear them, those kinds of things. So giving them responsibilities, even now at an early age so that they’ll learn later on that those are what’s expected just for you to live your own life, you know, it’s been kind of a learning curve, even at 10, you know, giving them simple responsibilities that are tied to allowance and tied to, you know, rewards and the reward system that they can, you know, see is it’s benefiting them as well as having their own responsibility has been the biggest factor. I mean, that’s what, that’s the biggest disciplinary thing for us is making sure that they’re taking care of their own stuff and appreciating the things that they get for Kristmas and for birthdays and things like that. Joe:  You mentioned allowance. How was that structured in your house? Kris:  So we’ve been using a website called Green Light and Green Light works through an app and it’s like a paid service and you can set up chores and then your children go through the through the week and they check out those chores and then depending on what percentage of the chores they check off, it determines what percentage of the allowance they get. So we’ve always done the allowance is however much, however old they are in dollars per a week as what we, as what we’ve been doing since they were about eight. It’s worked out okay. But what you have to do is you have to remember to check off the actual chores while you’re doing them, because if you don’t remember to do it, then it won’t. It’s like an automated thing. So at the end of the week, it will automatically drop those funds into their own account. That is tied to a debit card that they can use for, you know, saving money or purchasing things or anything like that. But we’ve always taught them, you know, save money back, have money for spending, have money for giving to, you know, charity or giving it to the church. And that’s what we’ve been taught. So that’s what we’re teaching them. Now that they’re 10 and we’re noticing that, like, we probably shouldn’t reward them for just waking up and brushing their teeth. It’s one of those things that is expected. So we’ve restructured the chores to things that they normally wouldn’t be doing as a form of helping out the entire household. So that’s been a little bit of a change of pace that we’ve worked on. But like I said, green light worked out pretty well for a while. But with older kids, it’s one thing that you have to watch very closely in having four children versus having just the two twins makes it a little bit more difficult in that regard. Joe:  Have you started the allowance with your younger boys? Kris:  Not yet. So we’ve been talking about it, having a child that’s four and kind of understanding money and what to do with money and those kinds of things. I think we’re going to wait until he’s a little bit older, until maybe he’s in school and starting to learn about numbers. And we’re looking at preschool right now actually for him. And then that brings up another point too. Once COVID hit, we had to put our twins in homeschool. So they went to spring break in Texas in March of 2020. And given the health complications with our third child, it was impressed upon us to keep them at homeschool at home. So that’s been a whole another monkey ranch in the grand scheme of things. Joe:  Have you continued to homeschool them since then? Kris:  We have, yeah, we’ve kind of done a hybrid since we moved up to Washington and since some of the restrictions have been lifted, we put our kids in what they call a parent partnership with the local school. So they actually go to school on Tuesday and Wednesday all day. We dropped them off at the local school and then they actually will tend to subjects that we aren’t currently teaching them at home. So here at the house we’re teaching them geography, math, handwriting, and reading. And then they’ll do a little bit more of like some science and some of the other subjects like you know physical education. It’s obviously something they get there too, but they also get that interaction of other children their age. And then we’re extremely involved in our local church as well. Um, so they get to hang out with friends from church. They’re actually both part of a chess club now that the church is putting on on Wednesdays. So they’re learning that and, um, strategy and how to play those games and things like that as well. So they’ve, they’ve really enjoyed that. But for the first two years of homeschool, it was, uh, my wife will tell you, she is not built to be a teacher. Um, so having to be thrown into that that dynamic was a steep learning curve for you. Joe:  Yeah, we actually homeschooled our kids too when they were really young. We ended up putting them in the public school, probably when the twins were third grade and then our other boys were fourth grade and fifth grade. And so, yeah, finding the curriculums that would work with our kids and keeping them engaged in those activities sometimes was a challenge. Kris:  How old are your kids now? Joe:  Um, they are sophomores, juniors and a junior and senior. Kris:  Oh wow. Okay. Very cool. Joe:  Yeah. My girls turned 16 this year and I’ve got 17 year old and 18 year old. Kris:  Wow. But having three in high school, I mean, or four in high school, that’s, that’s interesting. I grew up when we grew up, my two older sisters are, my mom had three children within the span of 30 months. So they’re 17 months apart or they’re 13 months apart. And then me and my middle sister, the 17 months apart. So I’ve always grew up in a family where there’s a lot of kids, you know, like there’s a lot going on. Um, so it’s not very wild for me to have four children and not, you know, and it’s not chaotic. Whereas my wife, she grew up as a single child. So you know, the having sibling rivalries and sibling discourse and things like that is not something that she’s used to, but she’s not having to, you know, fight with siblings over different things, even if you’re boy and girl, you know? So it’s, that’s been a fun dynamic to chase as well. Joe:  What’s something maybe you learned growing up, that you’ve maybe done things a little different or done something that’s working as far as that sibling rivalry dynamic? Kris:  Giving each other space whenever there’s discourse going on, I think it’s been good. Um, and just learning about how different people handle different things has been interesting because one of our sons is he’ll just recluse once he gets in trouble. He’ll just completely clam up and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Doesn’t want him. Doesn’t want to see you for that minute. You know, he just doesn’t, you know, at all, he’s not very, he’s sensitive, but he’s not outwardly sensitive. And then our other son, uh, the other twin is extremely sensitive. Um, so, you know, if you get onto him too harshly or what he feels is too harshly, then he’s just going to cry. He’s just going to be upset. So knowing that growing up, like I grew up with sisters, like I was the more sensitive child and my, my siblings were not. So I knew sometimes you need to react with this one differently than you would in another one. Cause if you, you know, raise your voice with one them, they might get scared and cry. If you raise your voice with the other, they might get angry. So it’s kind of having that dynamic, but our twins are going through this one phase right now where you get onto them and say, Hey, don’t do that right now. We’re don’t, don’t do this. And then they’ll do it that one more time. And, uh, and I don’t know if it’s just that little act of defiance that kind of, you know, erks me, I don’t know what it is, but we’re, we’re trying to help that along as well, trying to figure out how to, how to go through that in this point correctly. So it ends at that age. I’ll say that. Joe:  How have you been able to keep your relationship strong with your wife over these years of the challenges of the health challenges of your one son and, you know, twins and a dynamic household full of boys? Kris:  We’ve done okay. There’s been definitely times of like, every, everything is focused on that one aspect, especially during surgery times for, you know, a heart surgery that’s, you know, our last heart surgery was 13 hours and we still go back and forth to Texas for his care. So we try to focus on that. We’ve, since we’ve moved up to Washington, we’ve surrounded ourselves with some friends that are willing to take all four boys for us. Um, they’re willing to take a weekend and say, Hey, if y’all want to go out and do something for, you know, Valentine’s or, or this or that, like, um, feel free to, and we’ll take the kids. Ironically, the, the, the people that we have found that have helped us out the most have six children of their own. So five of those which are adopted. So I guess to them, And they’re just like, and they range in age from two to 18. So we, uh, and they’re like, you know, what’s for other kids, you know, just bring them on over. We’ll feed them all and we’ll make it work. So we’ve been very blessed in that aspect. Um, early on, uh, I think for the first six months of the twins life, we were just in survival mode, just trying to figure out sleep schedules and turn, you know, make it work with me going back to work. My wife became a stay at home mom. So that was a whole different learning and experience. So it was definitely not a priority on our list of to dues for us to have time together. Um, now that they’re older, we try to find ways during a week, um, like on Saturdays and Fridays to where we’ll stay up later than the boys. They usually go to bed around eight 30 and nine. And, uh, or we tell them to go downstairs and play video games and then we’ll stay upstairs and watch a movie or play a game or do something like that. So we’re trying to be more conscious of that aspect of the relationships so that we’re making more time for each other. But early on, it’s very difficult, especially whenever you have limited help from family and or friends like we had. We didn’t have a great support system whenever they were super young, which made things really different. Joe:  Yeah, when they’re so young and so dependent on you, it’s survival mode, like you said. And so I’m glad you have some good friends now that can help you out and you can spend time together. That’s so critical. Kris:  Very critical. Yeah. And we trade off, like, you know, that we take, we go over there to their house and watch their kids as well. So it’s kind of that, that nice partnership of helping each other out when we can, as we can. So it’s been good. Joe:  So Kris, let’s imagine one of your friends comes up and says, Hey, Kris, we’re going to be having twins. What’s, what’s the one piece of advice that you would give them to help them through that? Kris:  Uh, don’t buy the giant double stroller. It’s a waste of time and money. Um, we, well, that’s one aspect. Um, but I think the biggest takeaway from us, cause we, we were actually, my mom was a youth pastor whenever my kids were having first time in twins. And one of the girls in our youth group found out she was having twins. And as we were getting our twins on the same sleep schedule and all of those things, she just let them do whatever they wanted to do and sleep whenever they wanted, eat whenever they wanted. And like, you could just see it all over her, all over, like all the time she was just exhausted. And I think that’s been the biggest, you know, positive for us was my wife got, she started reading articles, She started looking up stuff, Google this, Google that. We went to the Twin Diversity Facebook page and just said, hey, what do you do for kids that are young, the twins that are young? And the sleep schedule was, getting them on the same sleep and eating schedule was paramount. Because if that wouldn’t have been the case, I wouldn’t have been able to go back to work without being exhausted every day. And then her being a stay-at-home mom, it would have been very difficult for her to get anything else done other than making sure the kids were dead and got naps during the day. So that was, that’s the biggest takeaway. I mean, I can talk about the ins and outs of, you know, getting different hardware and stuff like that, double strollers and things like that all day. But the way bigger than that is the scheduling, getting them on the same, like, you know, one of our sons will wake up in the middle of the night and want to eat. So then we would wake up the other one and just feed them at the same time. And then we had put them back down and they’d go to sleep. And I’d say within about a month, maybe three weeks, they were starting to get on that same schedule of waking up at the same time, feeding at the same time. Um, one thing I will say too, we were going through about 20 bottles a day, 20 to 22 bottles a day feeding them initially and, uh, finding a way or getting something that can wash all of those bottles at once was really nice. Um, so that was very helpful as well. Uh, so that you’re not having to just constantly clean models. Joe:  Yeah, that’s great advice. Schedule, schedule, schedule. That saved ours. It’s interesting. I need to for sure. Kris:  Oh yes, for sure. Yeah. Like I said, first six months for just survival and chaos. And once we got them on that same schedule, it’s like everything just clicked and uh, made, you know, our family didn’t like it. You know, sometimes we would have to leave, you know, family get togethers and those kinds of things early to keep them on a sleep scheduled. But I mean, they, they weren’t going home with us to put them to bed. So we didn’t feel too bad about leaving early. Joe:  You have to prioritize the schedule. And sometimes that does mean some sacrifices, but the good news is that you’re not stuck in that schedule forever. Eventually they start to grow out of it. Kris:  Yeah. Two years down the road and no one’s the wiser and we’ve made it out. Joe:  So, well, Kris, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Kris:  I mean, they could just search for my name on Facebook. I forget what my actual handle is, but I’m on Facebook primarily. And then if they want to follow along, even with my other son’s journey, he has a Facebook page it’s T-E-A-M-G-R-A-Y-C-E-N. And then we also kind of throw a lot of the family dynamic in there as well with our twins. So that’s a great way to find and follow on that information as well. Joe:  Excellent. I’ll link up to that in the show notes for this episode Kris. I really appreciate you spending time with us today Thank you for sharing your story. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! 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Episode 307 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Casey McCurdy, father of 7 year old boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Managing twins in first grade Separating twins at school and twins’ reaction Different friend groups Different activities for all 3 kids Deciding which parent will stay at home with kids Overcoming infertility and having twins via IVF donor eggs Mom had daytime morning sickness first two trimesters Being there with wife during pregnancy Delivered at 33.5 weeks after 60 hours of labor Being a veteran with mental struggles with PTSD, anxiety, depression Getting twins to breastfeed successfully NICU for three weeks and going home without your children Juggling work while kids in NICU Using FMLA and coworkers donated some time off Kids on oxygen after coming from NICU for about a month Having a third child after twins Challenges of three very young children Help twins feel uniquely celebrated on birthdays and more… Connect with Casey on Instagram or email. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Today we are continuing our father of twins interview series with a twin dad who shares his story about overcoming their challenges with infertility overcoming challenges with anxiety depression and PTSD that was kind of triggered again by the birth of the twins and managing young school-aged children and the crazy logistics that that requires we talk about that and so much more today on the show Today’s show is brought to you by my two books for Dads of Twins. You can get a special deal, save 20% on the combo of these two books, Dads Guide to Twins and Dads Guide to Raising Twins. If you go straight to my website and order there, dadsguidetotwins.com/books. You can save 20% off of list price for those books and you’ll get free shipping if you’re here in the United States. Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father Twins, Casey McCurdy. Welcome to the show, Casey. Thank you, Joe. How are you doing today? I’m great. I’m glad that you’re on the show today. Casey, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? So my boy-girl twins are seven and I would say something exciting about this age is just how much is going on, changes with them. They’re in first grade now. And so there’s a lot of school activities, a lot of friends that we’re making play dates with. It’s a very busy time of year for us, a busy season of life, but it’s totally different than when they were infants or toddlers. Now, are they in the same class at school or are they separate? They are not. They are actually in separate classes. One of the things that their school has done is put them in separate classes to kind of let them develop their own kind of school personalities. And it’s been wonderful with my son. He’s really kind of come into his own and had his own, developed his own voice and his own personality is really starting to show through. And your daughter’s same kind of thing or is a different reaction? She’s always been more of a source of nature and has always had no problem with sharing her own thoughts and sometimes she could talk over her brother. So it’s been really beneficial for them to be in separate classes and she’s really blossomed. She’s very social, made lots of friends. So it’s been cool to see the development for both of them. Is this their first year apart or like kindergarten or preschool where they separate as well? Preschool, they were together. And then kindergarten, that was the first time they were apart. And the way their classrooms work, they can actually go between classrooms for different activities. And so they still get to see each other. They see each other put lunch for recess throughout the day. And what’s entertaining is that the teachers always tell me they’ll walk by each other, say hi, and then go play with their own friends. Was this like a school district school policy or did you and the parents want them separated? As far as I know, it’s not a school policy. It’s just something that they recommend with twins and we didn’t have any problems with it. We thought it would actually be pretty good for them. So and it’s worked out pretty well. Yeah, it sounds like it has. Our girls, we’ve had them at school together and separate and there’s advantages and disadvantages of both, but it sounds like your kiddos are having a good experience in their own little classes and friend groups. Definitely. You mentioned play dates and social life for seven-year-olds. Now, if they each have their own little circle of friends, I suppose you may be getting pulled in lots of different directions. How are you managing the kind of logistics of that? Some days better than others. We’re fortunate that we go to a neighborhood school, and so a lot of their friends are in our neighborhood or the one right next to us. So their play dates are easier to manage. My daughter’s in dance right now. My son is doing piano. And my youngest, because we have one more, she’s actually in Taekwondo right now. And so it’s just kind of planning our days out. And being a stay-at-home dad, it’s kind of my job to get them from place to place. And so my wife and I really coordinate our planning and logistics. And this is the first year they’ve really had separate activities. They’ve always wanted to do stuff together. So we’ve been pretty fortunate with that. Yeah, because you mentioned Taekwondo, piano, dance, very different activities. So it wasn’t always the case where they were doing very different things. Yes. Yeah, this year they really started to come into their own and wanted to do… My son has really started to show an interest in music and we’re fortunate to have a music teacher across the street from us. And so he’s been really blossoming in piano and voice and wants to start playing the guitar. And my daughters always loved dance. They’ve all tried dance at one point, but the girl twin, she’s always definitely stuck with it more than the other two. We had our kids in the same kind of activities too. All four of our kids were in dance classes, and we would just spend all afternoon at the rec center as they had their different schedules. But then ultimately, like your kids, they start to have different interests and we end up going different places. But we kind of limited it to say, okay, you get one extracurricular type of activity, otherwise it gets kind of out of control. That’s definitely what we’re doing. When we let them choose what they want to do, We’ve let them try a whole bunch of different sports. We’ve done gymnastics, we’ve done dance. We also did some like Ninja Warrior obstacle course stuff. They all tried Taekwondo at one point. So it kind of got to the point where they’re like, “I’m gonna do my own thing.” And it’s like, “Okay, let’s see what we can make to work.” And fortunately it’s all in different days. So we’re able to figure it out, but it’s always a busy week. You mentioned that you’re a stay-at-home dad. How long has that been the case? I have been a stay-at-home dad since 2021. I was working for the city. I was actually an auditor doing sales and use tax. And when everything shut down with the pandemic, it was my wife and I both at home trying to work 9, 10-hour days from the computer. And it just– it got to the point where it wasn’t feasible for either one of us. And so I was fortunate enough to be able to take a lot of leave, kind of get loose ends tied up and then leave to be a stay-at-home dad. And my wife works full-time and blessed that she makes enough that we can stay fairly comfortable. Definitely have to watch the budget at times. But yeah, I’ve been doing it for about three years now And I will say it’s the best job and the hardest job I’ve ever had. Absolutely. Absolutely. The, uh, when I was working full time at the office, my wife was, was a stay home mom. And I mean, she worked harder than I did in my, in my little cubicle for sure. How did you decide? I mean, it’s, I mean, it’s very common for, for between parents and parents with more than, more than two kids to have to make this decision of who’s going to stay home. So how was that discussion about if it was going to be you, if it was going to be your wife, how did you come to that conclusion? She had been working part-time while I was working full-time. So she had been home with twins and our youngest until late when everything started to shut down. And I had always talked about wanting to be a stay-at-home dad, to be the one to come up from school, have their sake, take them to appointments. It was just something I felt deep inside that I really wanted to do. And my wife, fortunately, she was in agreement with that. And she’s also very, she’s very good at her job. She’s very successful. She’s an amazing woman that works extremely hard. So it kind of just fell naturally that I would be the one to stay at home and she would continue working. That’s great. That’s fantastic. That you had that opportunity you’ve had for the last several years to be home with your kiddos. Are they all now going to some kind of school or do you still have your youngest at home? So they are going to school. The youngest is home one day a week on Fridays. She goes to preschool Monday through Thursday, and then next year she’ll move into kindergarten. So I’ll actually have all three kids in school five days a week at one school, which that will definitely help with logistics. Oh yes. Oh yes. We had a season where we had our four kids in like three different schools and it was kind of crazy. So I’m glad you have like your neighborhood school and you have them kind of all together in the same spot. That makes it easier. Let’s go back to when you found out that you were going to be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time and what was your reaction to that news? So we actually went through a journey of infertility before we got the twins and we went through about four years of infertility, tried lots of different treatments and lots of different doctors. We wound up having our twins through IVF with donor eggs. And so even though I knew it was a possibility, it still just caused me to take a step back and be like, “Oh man, there’s going to be two of them. What on earth am I gonna do? So it was scary. It was exciting and it was a very happy time for us because we had been trying so hard and wanting and wishing and praying and wanting to start a family and it was a very long journey for us. It sounds like you have lots of ups and downs in getting to the point where you’re able to welcome the twins to your family. You mentioned you had some donor eggs. How do you go about that process of selecting the donor? So for us, the donor eggs come from my wife’s sister. We had a lot of discussions about it. We talked to a lot of family about it and she was an amazing person and was willing to share that incredible gift with us so that we could have a family. It definitely took some thinking and talking about it just with the differences it would be because it wouldn’t have been my wife’s eggs. It was a donor’s eggs. But that’s never been something that we’ve hidden from the kids. We’ve talked about it. It’s not something we’ve ever hidden from family. We’ve always been pretty open about it because what we found in going through the IVF process was that it’s something that a lot of people go through, but nobody wants to talk about it, it seems like. And so us being open and sharing it with people, we’ve connected with a lot of different families and a lot of people where they’re like, “Oh, well, we went through that too. Maybe it’s not, maybe we can talk more about it. Maybe we can be more open about it.” That’s true. I mean, I talk a lot to a lot of parents that have twins from IVF because they struggled like you and your wife for years to have kids. And then finally through this amazing modern medicine that we have, they have that gift of having children. It’s too bad that there’s a stigma of not wanting to talk about that because it often ends up with a very good outcome like you have here with your children. How did the pregnancy go for your wife and delivery? Were there any challenges or complications there? So she dealt with morning sickness, kind of like all day sickness. The first trimester and second trimester were rough. We tried a lot of different of everything from old wives tales on how to feel better to…it got to the point where basically she just had to have a snack with her at all times. Otherwise, she’d get really nauseous. Overall, the pregnancy went pretty well. Being that there was twins, we had checkups every week and I made sure that I went to every single one of those, taking time off from work because we were both working full-time at that time, but I had made a commitment to myself that I wanted to be there every step of the way. I didn’t care if it was a five-minute appointment or if it was a ultrasound appointment or what type it was. I wanted to be there for every single step of the way. The pregnancy overall went well. They did decide to make an early appearance. They were delivered at about 33 and a half weeks, so they definitely came early and were premature. The delivery was a long process. My wife was technically in labor for over 60 hours. because we were trying for a while, we were trying to see if we could keep them inside until we got to 34 weeks. And then it just got to the point that my son had dropped lower and was under stress, and they just decided to do an emergency C-section. And we went through that process. And it was definitely a, I mean, I would say it was a traumatic experience for me. Yeah, that’s crazy. Like 60 hours of labor and then ending with emergency C-section is not usually how you plan things to go. And with our firstborn, who was a singleton, my wife was in labor for a long time and I ended up with an emergency C-section that was just, I mean, not just a struggle physically, but a very emotional challenge, mental challenge. How did that affect you, how did that affect your wife, and how were you able to work through those? So it definitely, it kind of added to the mental struggles that I already had. So just to kind of give a little backstory to that, I’m an Air Force veteran, served for four years, and I came out of it with some mental health struggles. I have PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Those are managed by medications now and actually the thing that caused me to get on medication and counseling, I have my twins to thank for it. The stress of everything really brought it to a forefront and it was like, “Man, I need help. There is more going on than just, ‘I’m having a hard time.'” And my wife suffered through some postpartum a little bit, but she was so focused on recovery and being an amazing mother for the twins, that she seemed to deal better with it than I think I did as far as from a mental standpoint. And she also had to heal up from the C-section, which I had no idea going into it that how much work it would be involved recovering from that and things she could do and couldn’t do. I’m sure you probably experienced that same thing. Yeah, it’s, you, you conceptually understand what it is going in, but yeah, my wife had C-section with all of our deliveries, so three deliveries and four kids, and I mean, that’s major abdominal surgery that she’s having to recover from. At the same time, you know, trying to breastfeed the babies and trying to move around and recover herself. It’s, it’s just insane amount of things that mom’s having to go through. And she wanted to make sure that she really wanted to breastfeed for the twins. And I mean, breastfeeding for twins is… There was definitely times that she said she felt kind of like a milk factory because if we weren’t feeding, she was pumping. If she wasn’t pumping, we were trying to rest or making bottles. And we had to supplement with some formula, which is normal. It’s common. I mean, it’s not anything to hide from. And we were very fortunate that my wife did very well with being able to produce milk. And it took a while for the twins to get to the point where they could take bottles. And nurse, being premature, they were on feeding tubes and it was a very slow process while they were in the NICU. How long were they in the NICU? A full month. It was like 24, 25 days. And were they both in there the whole time or did one come home earlier? They actually were both in there the whole time. But I will say that’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever had to do was the first part would be my wife got discharged and so So we had to go home without our kids because they were still in the NICU. It’s like we just had our kids and we can’t take them home. We can’t be with them as much as we want to. We were there every day, all day until they basically would come in and say, “Okay, you need to go home and get some rest so you can come back tomorrow.” spent every day in there with them and did all the bonding that we could. But seeing this little tiny human being in a bun warmer and just how small they were was definitely intimidating. I never felt scared holding them or anything. I’m very proud of the fact that I changed the the first diaper for all three of my kids. That’s great. That’s something I always try and tell new dads is like, “Change the first diaper. You will hold onto that for the rest of your life.” The memory, not the diaper, right? Yes. Yes. The diaper would be very gross by now. There would be plenty of diapers that come after that one, but that’s a fun first memory with the kids. There are tons and tons of them. How did you juggle work with visiting the kids in the NICU and stuff like that? I really lucked out. I had some amazing coworkers, so we knew that we were trying to have kids. So I started kind of saving my leave and not really taking any other appointments. I would try and take the appointments that my wife had. I would try and do those over lunch hours. I had an amazing supervisor at the time that really worked with me to do that. And then with the city, I actually got some paternity leave and was able to take time off for a couple weeks and then put in for the FMLA, the family leave too, just because they were in the NICU. And it was needing to provide care and extra care for that. Plus with my wife having a C-section, I was able to justify it too since there was so little that she could lift or carry and recovering from it. And it was follow-ups with her doctor and also with being in the NICU. And then my coworkers were awesome because they actually donated leave to me so that I could stay with the kids and not have to come back to work. Well, that’s fantastic. Wonderful people that you were working with. I know a lot of dads have maybe a few weeks off max for leave. You took some FMLA time. Can you maybe explain a little bit how that was different from the work you got? Like, is it paid or unpaid and stuff like that? So I was able to take, I took all the paid time off that I had allowed and then the FMLA, there was… So I guess we’ll back up a little bit. So I had paid time off and I took that full amount of time that I had accrued and then my co-workers actually donated their paid time off to me to use. And then once I got to the end of that, I was able to take the FMLA, which for me was some unpaid leave, but I was able to be there and I didn’t have to worry about my job position going away, about losing where I was at as far as career-wise. I didn’t have to worry about losing out on my benefits because in a sense it held the position for me. So I was able to just focus on the kids and know that nothing was going to change at work, that I could just come back and be right where I was before. I was very fortunate enough to work for the city and they had been pretty progressive with the changes that they had been making for paternity and maternity leave so that people could take time off and spend it with their family and dip into the bank of paid time off that you had. So they were very supportive from the top down very supportive of it. And I think what was fortunate was that a few of them, their kids had been in the NICU at one point or another. So they understood the stress of being a NICU parent that it goes with. So it definitely was a great place to work. Absolutely. That’s a great combination of nice people that you’re working with and people who understood your situation. It has some strong empathy and sympathy going on there. For listeners who are not familiar with FMLA, it’s the Family Medical Leave Act, which, as Casey was describing, does give you an option for some unpaid, job-protected leave for medical reasons. I know when I talked to lots of dads in the US, somewhere about as you and me where we had limited paid time off. And then I talked to dads who are across the pond or down in Australia, New Zealand, and they’re like, “We got months off. Paid time off.” So it’s a little bit different across borders, but it sounds like you’re in a good situation able to make the most of the options that you had for you at that time. Were there any lingering challenges because your kids were in the NICU? Were there anything lingering after they came home or were they good to go once you brought them home? They were both on oxygen for about a month, month and a half once they came home from the NICU. It’s not too uncommon for babies that are born in Colorado, which is where I’m at, to come home on oxygen just because of the altitude that’s here. But they definitely had breathing struggles and they were on oxygen the whole time. My daughter, she was actually on a CPAP device initially. They both stayed on nose canyons. I mean, it was the entire time they had to meet a car seat challenge, which was them sitting in the car seat and their oxygen levels couldn’t drop below a certain percentage in order for us to be able to take them home. So that was a long process. We learned to navigate life carrying around two small backpack oxygen tanks and we had a big one at home and how to clean and put the pads back on and change out nose cannulas and get deliveries of O2 tanks. And then we had to teach all of our family how to use it and it was definitely a challenge. I have a really great appreciation for people that have to be on oxygen all the time, just all the extra stuff that they have to worry about and carry with them. Did there logistics of needing oxygen interfere at home with maybe feeding or sleeping or other logistics like that? Not too much. We pretty much lived in our living room for the first couple months when they were home because it was so much easier for my wife and I to stay downstairs to come down on the couch and we would just alternate shifts. We would have them in a big bassinet together. With the oxygen tanks, it made it a lot easier until they were able to come off of those. Luckily, it was just nose cannulas that they had, and so it didn’t really interfere with bottles or nursing. So. After the twins were home, fast forward a couple of years, you find out that you’re expecting number three. What was the reaction from your twins? Were they old enough to understand what was happening when that happened? So, kind of. I think they had an idea of what was going on. So when my youngest was born, my twins had just turned two. So I had the whole three under three for three years, which is a whole other episode I’m sure. They kind of understood because they could see that mommy’s belly was getting bigger and we kept telling them that, you know, there’s another baby in there, mommy has a baby in her tummy. I don’t think it really made any sense to them until she was born and then we brought them over to the hospital so that they could meet her. It was definitely a massive shock for my wife and I because when we started our infertility process and when we made the decision to go to IVF, we were essentially told that we couldn’t have kids any other way than through IVF. And to conceive naturally, it was a huge system shock to us. So it definitely took some coming to grips with the idea of, “Okay, we’re gonna have another one.” Yeah, that’s crazy. So it was totally out of blue, totally surprised. Usually the twins are the surprise, but you knew that was a possibility with IVF. So now, your youngest was the surprise. So what was maybe the most challenging part of having three extremely young children at the same time? Probably the feeding of all of them because the youngest was we also nursed the youngest my wife did and then feeding the twins and then keeping everybody on somewhat of a schedule for naps and sleeping in bed. And it was just our daily schedule was a struggle, especially when they were a lot younger. As they got older, then the twins could have more time, and they have each other. And so they’ve always played pretty well independently. And so we could focus on the youngest if we needed to, or get her down for a nap and then come back and play with twins. So I would say just for us, it was just a daily schedule of trying to figure out who’s doing what and who needs to go down for a nap. Who’s going to bed, who’s getting fed. We had four kids ages 3 and younger, and so I feel your struggle for sure. How do you help your twins feel uniquely celebrated when it’s time for special events like birthdays? So we actually talked to quite a few twin parents to kind of figure out how they did birthdays. And a lot of the twin parents we know, they actually have either two boys or two girls. And even though they do that, they’ve always tried to make sure that they feel celebrated individually. And so our focus has always been, they each get their own cake, they each have their own presence. There’s not like a shared, “Okay, you only get one cake.” As they’ve gotten older, they’ve each been able to invite their different friends that they have. We’ve offered them opportunities to have their birthdays in different places, but they have, this last, like for instance, when they turned seven, they chose to go to Skate City, which is a place to go roller skating, and they wanted to have it together. So it’s really cool. They still love sharing the day and they love the fact that they’re twins, but we’ve really, really tried to make such an effort that, yes, you share a birthday, but this is your time and this is your time. They get to pick their own decorations and help decorate their own cake. I would say that’s been the real big focus and we try not to make it a shared experience for them. If we get a gift for the kids. It’s for all three of them and it’s like a family gift. But they get, they have their own presence, their own special time that they get to see themselves as an individual. That’s great. I always love trying to find ways to uniquely honor the individual child’s needs and sounds like you have a good setup there with your three children. It’s wonderful. So Casey, as we wrap up our discussion today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Probably the best way to reach out to me is I’m on Instagram. It’s @cohiker. If you do send me a request, I will have to approve it. I just keep it kind of private. But that’s usually the best way to reach out. Or if there’s any twin dads that want to reach out and connect with me. You can send me an email. It’s the letter K and then C, [email protected]. And I’m happy to meet over Zoom and talk about life as a twin dad or try and give any advice of things that I’ve learned over the years. I’m still learning, so I may not have all the answers, but I’m definitely willing to lend it near. That’s very generous of you. Thank you. I’ll link up to that. Those email and Instagram on the show notes for this episode. Casey, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. Yeah, thank you for having me on. This has been an awesome opportunity. I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Casey about his adventures as a father of twins. If you want to connect with Casey, I’ll link up to his contact information in the show notes for this podcast, you can go directly to the archive for all Dads Guide to Twins podcasts by visiting TwinDadPodcast.com. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my two books for Dads of Twins, Dads Guide to Twins and Dads Guide to Raising Twins. This will get you through the pregnancy, through birth, newborns, infants, toddlers, and beyond. This book combination is available to you for 20% off list price if you buy directly from my website, DadsGuideToTwins.com/books. If you would like to share your story, like Casey did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me directly via email, [email protected] or on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe. And I would love to hear from you. If you’ve enjoyed this podcast and found it helpful, would you do me a favor and recommend it to another twin dad that you know that may be expecting or raising twins? I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Overcoming Infertility and PTSD to Raising 3 Young Children with Casey McCurdy – Podcast 307 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 306 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Steve Idlett, father of twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: being a stay at home dad with their first child when the hospital is far from home the twins were 6 weeks early dealing with 3 weeks in the NICU using a camper to stay close to hospital daily routine for 8 month old twins putting kids in day care creating a family that loves music raising a toddler and infant twins what is working with feeding the twins when one twin wakes up before the other and more… Connect with Steve on Instagram, steveidlett.com, at the Teague Farmers Market, or Buffalo Trade Days. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Today we are continuing our Father of Twins interview series with a fellow dad from Texas as he shares his journey of raising three children ages three and younger, including eight-month-old twin boys. We talk about everything from the shock of discovery of learning they be having twins to how he keeps a positive perspective and attitude in parenting to help him through the ups and downs of every day. We talk about that much more today on the show. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re here today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com, where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes and tons of other resources to help you along your twin parenting journey. And to help you along that journey, I’ve put together a ginormous list of baby gear that you will need for your twins. So rather than search all over the place, trying to find what you need, you can find this big list to add to your twin baby registry or to ask for as gifts from your friends and family or maybe just double check your preparations as you prepare for and raise your twins. You can find this entire list by just going to my website, dadsguidetowins.com and from the main menu click gear and it’ll give you all those things that I recommend from strollers to cribs, to baby gear and feeding equipment, to you name it, to help you along your journey. So once again, just go straight to the website, dadsguidetowins.com and click on the gear item in the menu and it’ll take you right there. Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Steve Islet. Welcome to the show, Steve. [Steve Idlett] Hey man, how’s it going? [Host: Joe Rawlinson] It’s going great. Thanks for coming on the show today. Tell me a little bit about your family. [Steve Idlett] We have a little girl who’s two and a half and we just had twin boys. And so it’s me and my wife and three kids right now, three kids under the three, as they say. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] How old are your boys right now? [Steve Idlett] They are eight months. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] And are they identical? Are they fraternal? [Steve Idlett] No, they’re fraternal. They look identical. I always tell everybody that they’re fraternal. And, uh, and one of them, he looks, me and him are identical twins, but his brother, but him and his brother, they’re fraternal twins, but a lot of people act as they can’t tell him apart, but, but you know, as the parent, you can really tell them apart pretty quick. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Was that ever a challenge for you, even in the beginning? [Steve Idlett] Um, no, uh, not really. They were, they had a little bit of different weight, weights on them. So one of them kind of seemed chubbier cheeks and stuff in the other. So it’s it’s kind of easier to tell them apart, but, uh, you know, now sometimes now they’re both kind of filling out. If I’m looking at them kind of from the side or from a top down position every now and then I’ll be like, wait a minute. Oh, you kind of look like your brother today, you know, but, but some of our family can’t tell them apart, which is, again, it’s just kind of, I don’t know, maybe it’s a parent thing or something. You just know which one’s which, but they look pretty close. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] That is fun. Yeah. We have identical girls and they like, like your boys, there was like a weight difference at birth. So that made it a little easier, but even now, uh, I mean, they’re teenagers now. Sometimes I’ll look across the room and still mix them up. Um, like you say, like from the profile or from behind or something. Anyway, so. Did I ever try to, you know, do that on purpose? [Steve Idlett] Um, they, they, they have tried to do that on purpose, but usually they’re so, if they’re intentionally trying to trick us, they’re so full of like the giggles that it’s immediately apparent to. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Yeah. But they’ll try to, um, they were working together and they would switch name tags to see if anybody would notice they thought that was hilarious too. So. [Steve Idlett] That’s cool. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So at eight months old now, what’s, uh, what’s kind of the daily routine as far as like naps and sleep time and feeding time and stuff like that? [Steve Idlett] They’re still eating every few hours, like, you know, three hours or so, whenever they’re awake and they sleep most of the night and they nap pretty good too. So they just kind of have their little rotation of change them, feed them, nap them, play with them, keep it going. They’re in daycare right now, which is good because my wife is a teacher and whenever we had our little girl, I stayed at home and it was during the pandemic. I stayed at home and raised her for the last two years when I worked from home. And now they, they’ve got a little daycare set up up there and right at the same time that the boys came, they, they decided to open a daycare up there and it’s been a lifesaver and they all love it. The two year old really loves it. And the boys have like a good little structure with some good teachers in there and stuff. And it’s pretty cool. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So they’re there during the school day. Is this at the same place your wife is teaching? [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Oh, that’s convenient. [Steve Idlett] Yeah. Yeah. They’re like, you know, not even, you can throw a rock probably for her place or they’re so pretty cool. So tell us a little bit about your decision to, to stay home with your daughter when she was born. It’s not really a decision. It’s like how it happened. You know, it’s the fate, you know, or whatever I’ve been trying to like, I I was working in the oil field for a long time, maybe like 10 years, you know, and was getting ready to leave the oil field and work for myself. I was also, I’m also a musician and I played, you know, few nights a week, traditionally, somewhere at some bar, restaurant patio, somewhere here in Texas. And so I was trying to build that up to where, you know, I could support that. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] You’ve got three really young kids. And when you found out that you’d be having twins, I mean your daughter was probably so young, she didn’t even know what was about to happen. So tell us a little bit about that. Finding out you’re having twins. [Steve Idlett] Pure shock. You know, I, we had no, we’ve had no people in our family who are twins. Some people go, “Oh yeah, let’s run in your family.” I’m like, “Well, it does now.” Because nobody else before us had twins that I know of on my side of the family. When my wife’s side, she had some, but maybe like a distant cousin far off, but it’s not like, “Oh, you’re next in line for the twins,” kind of deal. But yeah, when they said that, she’s like, “Okay, and we had just did this. it just at our daughter and, you know, a year or so later, whatever the deal was. And, you know, we felt like, Oh, this is a familiar thing going back to the hospital and getting the checkup and doing the thing. And they, she’s in there. She’s like, okay. Um, so here’s baby A and I’m like, okay, baby, A, why did she say it like that? You know, sure enough, there’s a baby B on there. And yeah, that was pretty mind-blowing because I never would have thought I’d have twins. That’s not a, I don’t think, I don’t know if people everything, oh, I have twins. That’s just something like, no, whenever I was a kid, I knew one set of twins. Like we had a really small school. I went to a school with, I think I graduated with 80 people or something, you know, the grades below us, nobody had twins in my grade. And maybe I knew one set of twins, like two grades below us, you know, so the idea that we’re gonna have twins is just never went across my mind. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Yeah, the surprise is pretty common. I mean, I was, I was shocked too. And then you just kind of kind of figure it out from there, right? You’d already had experience being a dad with your daughter. How did the pregnancy go with the twins and maybe how did that differ from what you saw with your, it’s your first child? [Steve Idlett] A lot of checkups, a lot more checkups. And we live about an hour or so from any major hospital. So we’d had to go in about an hour, hour and 20 minutes or so to the hospital. And we were going pretty often, you know, once a week for a while, I’m just doing measurement checkups and doing all that stuff. But other than that, it was, it was pretty similar. We went to the same exact place we went to before the same doctors and all that kind of stuff. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So were there any complications during the pregnancy or it was smooth sailing? [Steve Idlett] No, I mean, we went into, she went into labor six weeks early. So that would be, that would probably be what I would consider the complication out there. So we didn’t, we thought we had six more weeks to go, you know, and then she just went into labor one day. And it was just, it was just like, uh, you know, every 1980s, like Steve Martin, Kind of moving you towards like Chevy chase energy, just like running through the house at nighttime, grabbing bags, you know, and loading the car in a panic. It was that our first kid, we had an appointment. We just, we knew, you know, it wasn’t a panic. This was more of a drop the kid off run, you know, to the hospital emergency C-section. Both babies were out in 20 minutes. Our kid, our first kid, I’m sorry, our daughter, she was, it It was like a 21 hour thing where she was in there pushing and giving her Pitocin or, you know, and then when the boys get here, it was, it was a 20 minute deal and they got them both out, you know. It took me longer to put that white zip up thing on. Then I did it for them to get the kids out. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So, but you were there for the birth, right? You didn’t miss anything. [Steve Idlett] No, I didn’t miss anything. It was, I was there. I stayed on my side of the curtain for this one. Um, cause it was, there was a lot going on. It was panicky in there. They were, there’s like an emergency situation obviously. So they were, they were going hard at it. So I just kind of stayed down there with her until they came out. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Was everybody healthy after and able to come home soon or were there some leftover? [Steve Idlett] Yeah, both boys spent about, um, almost three weeks, like 18 or 19 days or something like that in the NICU. And so that was pretty rough for a while. Cause our, our daughter, we didn’t, we didn’t have to do that. We stayed a couple of days and then left, but, uh, yeah, the NICU think we were there for a while. And that was interesting. You know, uh, it was a big perspective shift when you’re set in that room. Um, a lot of, a lot of little babies in there that are pretty sick, you know, is interesting. I’ve never experienced that either. And then, uh, but you know, three weeks later we got to take him home and. Yeah, all was good there. And we did a couple of checkups with them and everything’s been just kind of normal now. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So the boys just needed extra time. [Steve Idlett] Yeah, they needed, um, all the stuff, you know, the regulating their temperatures on their own and blood sugars and stuff that they would have like slightly developed a little bit more over the coming six weeks, you know, getting ready to breathe and all that kind of stuff and eat. And so they kind of just spent that other time in the NICU and the nurses are very incredible. I don’t know if you had to do the NICU stuff or not, but man, they are, they would take a certain type of person. And I’m not just saying like a good person, you know, like you have to be like a person who like loves babies and wants to be in this like extreme baby ward where there’s just like babies everywhere, you know, like to be that person. And those people find their way to that NICU room. I felt like cause they were meant for that job. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Our girls did not have to spend time in the NICU, but talking with tons of dads, just like yourself, the staff and Nick user almost always just amazing people, which is a blessing because you’re going through some major struggles when their kids are in the NICU [Steve Idlett] Oh yeah, it’s like the most stressful time when you’re locked in there and just everything’s like, doom and gloom in your eyes, and these ladies are in there just killing it, just two and everything, it’s pretty impressive. I’ll give them that for sure. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So how did you juggle your daughter and like the hour, hour and a half drive back and forth every day? Where you, sounds like a crazy couple of weeks there. [Steve Idlett] We had a camper and I took my camper over there and we parked it maybe three miles or so from the hospital. Me and my wife would take shifts going up to the NICU and doing the feedings and going back and hanging out with the two-year-old and walking around and doing normalized things a lot harder in the day and then tag out and go double feed. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] That’s great that you didn’t have to drive so far. [Steve Idlett] Feeding every two or three hours or whatever it is because they’re overlapping and then you have you know an hour, hour and a half drive it where it just would have been impossible. So we just kind of bit the bullet, drug our camper over here, found the Army Corps of Engineers part, but not an RV park that you would think of. You know RV parks get kind of expensive sometimes like you know $70, $80 a night or something. I think this place was like $20 a night or $15 a night or something to park your camper there. You know pretty cheap. A lot cheaper option. And again, it was three miles from the hospital on the same feeder road. And so you just popped out and, you know, was at the NICU in five or six minutes, which was awesome. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So how was the reception when you brought the boys home? What did your dollar think of that big change? [Steve Idlett] He loves them, you know, and she knew she was getting brothers and stuff beforehand. We had talked to her. She came to some of the ultrasounds and all that stuff, you know, she’s really, I’ve never spent a lot of time around other kids, but she’s really advanced. I’d say a lot of people say as far as talking and vocabulary, she can have full conversations. I think it’s because she was just with me for a couple of years and I’m just talking to her like normal or something like, “Hey, let’s go do this thing.” I don’t know. She just has a pretty good understanding of stuff. So she is second, we got home with them. It was my brothers. She loves them too much. We actually don’t, don’t smother them, you know, back up, give them a little space. But yes, he loves them. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] So how do you have a like sleeping arrangements and stuff in the house right now, are the boys together? Are they separate? [Steve Idlett] No, they weren’t together in like this, uh, double bassinet, uh, play pan looking thing, you know, and they had gone inside of our bed. But one of our kids, whenever he wakes up, he screams. And the other kid, when he wakes up, he kicks like really hard. Like he’ll pick his legs up in the air and slam them down on his bed. And so our, you know, one son, he’s like sleeping through the night, but rather was kicking and it’s making that thing like move, like, you know, like a swaying boat almost, you know, it’s like, every time he kicks, it moves the whole bed. So we ended up having to separate them. Cause they were just, if one of them was crying and he’d wake the other one up, if one of them was moving, he can make the other one up. So now we have two bassinets in our room and everybody’s and everybody sleeps in their own little bitty pod. They got their little bass in the head and he’s got his little bass in the head. And our two and a half year old, she just abandoned us for a while. She was sleeping in our bed the last like eight months or something and then she just now she’s a big girl and finds her own bed. So everybody’s got their own crib. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Were they breastfeeding? Do you have to formula feed or bottle feed? [Steve Idlett] We’re still on formula and we’re still doing formula right now, you know, it’s expensive and tedious. It depends. You know, they’re not so locked in. And they make you, they were locked in like, Hey, he eats first 30 minutes later. he eats, you know, now it’s just kind of about every three hours, whoever’s awake or crying, you know, if, if I’m working or something, she’ll grab them. Or if she’s busy, I’ll grab them. And it’s just kind of a, it’s a real mutual, just whoever’s hands are free. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] When you’ve got really young kids, it’s all hands on deck. Whoever’s available, go take care of the most pressing need at the time for sure. [Steve Idlett] Yeah. And then, okay, I’m sorry. The two year olds melting down here. You got to hear, can you hold him? Yeah, I can hold him too, or whatever for a second. You know? So we’ll just, just do what we gotta do. You know? I can’t imagine for, you know, and, and, uh, I always joke with her, you want to try for triplets next time or you want to, you know, like this, but then some of these people who have a lot of kids, like if you think about it, man, I couldn’t, can’t imagine adding another couple of kids. I’m sure you’d figure out how to do it, but it is tough enough with three. Cause you’re out, you’re outnumbered. So a four, you know, they got, they’re doubled up on y’all. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] It was nuts. They’re all teenagers now. They’re all in high school now. and they’re all great friends and they get along fairly well. So it’s been fun dynamic. [Steve Idlett] Do the twins have any interesting rivalries, but competitiveness or something like that? [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Actually, they’re not competitive as far as trying to one up each other. They’ll get in little spats, little fights once in a while, but most of the time they’re great together. [Steve Idlett] I’m still dealing with just toddler type things. Like we haven’t had, you know what I mean? It’s just mainly just maintenance on toddlers and babies right now. I haven’t had to deal with the idea of competition or fighting over who’s. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] When you look back at your journey so far, what’s maybe something that you wish you had known about twins that you just had to learn the hard way? [Steve Idlett] So a lot more work than having one kid, especially if you want to get out the door, I guess time management or something like that, because anything you need to do, you have to do it twice. And that might mean… And then again, you run into the little hiccups, you get one foot, it’s all of its clothes on, and you put it in the car seat and do all your things. And then he gets sick or something, you have to do it over. All these, having twins is, it’s double the heart as having a single baby. But it’s awesome. There’s no, there’s this part up. Obviously, it’s gonna be more worth, There’s two of them, you know one interesting thing was was Their fraternal so I can tell them part. I can’t tell their other stuff apart though like they’re Whose pacifiers that you know, and so we’ve color-coded those things, you know that way I can You know understand who to give this pacifier to or something like that, you know So one of our boys gets everything blue when I’m gets ready It’s pretty pretty pretty that’s a good little helpful thing for us doing things like that Yeah, we color-coded our girls just like you’re describing So there was no confusion about who’s getting their diaper change who’s getting fed It even helped like our friends and family be able to tell them apart like oh, okay. We know the daughter that’s wearing The warmer colors oranges yellows reds and who was wearing the cooler colors like the blues purple screen stuff like that It’s been awesome though. I I’m 35 and I never thought I’d have kids. I just didn’t think I wanted kids. I was always like, “Oh no, we’re going to just live this bachelor lifestyle or just me and my wife are going to be married, but we’re not going to have kids. We’re just going to go and travel and do us energy.” I guess. Then eventually that gets old or whatever it is. and we had a little pandemic baby or whatever they call them, because you just keep trapped in and you start thinking about things. So I never thought I’d be a parent. I was always anti-parent stuff, but it’s really been the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. It literally is, I love it. Yeah, it gets hard or whatever, but it’s awesome. but, you know, perspective, it’s pretty great, you know, and my, and in our situation is, you know, the way we have it set up right now, it’s been pretty awesome. And I have no complaints over here with our end. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] That’s great perspective to share, especially for listeners, ’cause when you find out you’re having twins, as you know, like you start thinking about all the crazy possibilities, what that means. And so now here you are months later and in a good spot, and you’re seeing the journey, which is fantastic. [Steve Idlett] Yeah, even when you do some things, like you’re going to NICU, or all that kind of stuff, it feels like, oh, this is horrible. This is just like the worst, you know? But that’s one of them things that, you know, now looking back on, feels like a blip. You know, like those three weeks, going to that felt like it lasted months when we were in there, you know? But now I’m like, yeah, that barely feels like I can barely almost remember that. Now we’re doing this, now we’re doing that, you know? They’re starting to kind of talk a little bit and roll around and they haven’t really started crawling or anything like that yet. But we go to check up or something and they’re like, does he do this? Does he stand up on his own yet or whatever? Does he have a job yet? They’re asking me all the things. Does he eat food? Then they write it down like yes or no is a bad answer or something, almost like they’re grading it. But I’m like, I don’t know anybody who hasn’t stood up. You know what I mean? Or whatever. So if there are six weeks early, to me, I always think of it like, well, these other kids got a six-month jump on, you know, doing these steps or whatever. So I don’t ever get bogged down on, uh, you know, where they’re supposed to be or, you have to focus on what you can control and look for the positive because there’s always going to be some challenges, but there’s also a lot of joy and happiness and being a father of. Yeah. It’s the same in everything in life. If that’s, you know, like that’s perspective on life. That’s not just a twin thing. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] Well, I appreciate your, your positive, your positive spin on life. That’s very uplifting for us and the listeners. Steve, as we wrap up our conversation today, if listener do want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? [Steve Idlett] Facebook. I’m on this Facebook. Whoops. You can message me there. No. Uh, you know, whatever social media, all that stuff is at Steve, I’d lit, IDLE TT. It’s all one word. And, um, for music stuff, which steveidlett.com or the briars like on Spotify. Um, like I said, me and my wife, we run farmer’s market now. Uh, we run two of them actually, they’re twice a month and in these little towns around here. So TIG farmer’s market and Buffalo trade days, if y’all ever want to come out and you know, buy some handmade soaps or something like that, they, we’d love to see out there, you know, or message me on Facebook or something. If you put that’s great. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] I’ll link up to all this in the show notes for listeners so they can check it out. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. We really appreciate it. [Steve Idlett] Okay, man. Thanks. [Host: Joe Rawlinson] If you want to connect to Steve, learn more about his music, his farmer’s market, what he’s got going on, I’ll link up to all the information he shared in the show notes for this episode. You can go straight to the archive of all Dads Guide to Twins podcasts by going to twindadpodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Steve did today, I would love to have you on the show. Just reach out to me. My email is [email protected] or you can reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe or also on Facebook.com/dadsguidetotwins. And if you’re still expecting twins, still looking for the right baby gear that you need to get ready for your twins, I invite you to check out my Twin Baby Registry Checklist. You can find that over at dadsguidetotwins.com. Just click on the main menu, look for gear and you’ll find everything you need to help with your twins. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post When the NICU is Far from Home with Steve Idlett- Podcast 306 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 305 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Dave Cox, father of non-identical boy twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: From joking about possibility of having twins to actually having them One twin was breech so had to go to hospital for cesarean One twin had breathing issues and almost had to fly to Sydney for intensive care 2 weeks in special care (one step down from NICU) Managing time off (12 months for Mum, 6-8 weeks leave for Dad) Size difference so big they wear different sized clothes Toilet training wrapping up with their boys Dad broke neck when twins were 7 months old causing immobility Ongoing surgeries and complications made it impossible to lift and move with twins Day care four days a week and nanny on 5th day of week Losing last daytime nap – getting shorter and shorter Adjusting your perspective makes all the difference and more… Connect with Dave on Instagram. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe: Today we are continuing our father twins interview series with a father from Australia who shares his journey as a twin dad. Including what happened when he had an accident at work and that dramatically changed the trajectory of his career and his family life, and the things that he was able to do with his twins. We talk about how he overcame those challenges and some of the other ups and downs of raising twin boys today on the show. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Joe: Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re here today with me. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com, where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes, as well as a ton of other resources to help you along your twin parenting journey. Today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. Once again, that’s raisingtwinsbook.com. Today I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Dave Cox. Welcome to the show, Dave. Dave, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? Dave: They are three years and eight months at the moment, just getting towards the end of toilet training, and one of them is pretty much fully toilet trained. And we’re just going through that stage with Wesley of he’s at the, he’s fully toilet trained for weeks, but he is frightened of doing poos on the toilet. So we’re just at that stage where he’s just about to overcome that fear. So it’s very exciting to almost be out of nappies. Joe: How long have you been trying with the toilet training? Dave: Probably 18 months. Joe: And have one of your twins been more eager and more successful than the other? Dave: Yeah, it’s funny. Wesley was actually the first one to show interest and was very successful. And then all of a sudden he sort of regressed because we’ve only found out in the last sort of two weeks, he’s told us that the noise sounds like a storm and he’s scared of storms, not the noise in the toilet sounds like a storm. And that’s why he’s scared of it. I’d never consider that as a possibility, but kids are paying attention to what’s going on around. Yeah. And when he said that I was like oh he’s not just being a pain in the butt. Joe: So do you have identical twins or are they non-identical? Dave: No, they’re not identical so they’re very very different they’re, it’s an enormous size difference they’re in completely different size clothes and everything so they’re very easy to tell apart. We actually get accused of lying about them being twins as opposed to people asking if they’re twins. So they’ve from birth they’ve been a big size difference? Dave: Yeah so there was about 800 grams difference at birth. Joe: That’s pretty good. Are they your only? Dave: Yeah, my wife is starting to talk about more and I still haven’t just kept saying I still haven’t recovered from these ones yet. Just give me time. Right. I don’t know. During toilet training is the best time to have a conversation either. Joe: Right. Yeah, no. So looking back to when you found out that you would be having twins, what was your reaction to that? Dave: We always sort of joked about it because Sarah, my wife, her older brothers are both fraternal twins. So genetically it was always a probability. And all of our friends always used to joke that we’d be the ones to get twins. We were in the ultrasound and the lady said, see that little flicker there? That’s the heartbeat. And you see that little flicker there? That’s the other heartbeat. And Sarah just looked at her and said, why has it got two hearts? And obviously I knew exactly what it meant. And it took Sarah a little bit and we went, oh. And yeah, it was very exciting. We were excited from obviously nervous, but excited from day one, but because we’d always joked about it, people thought we were joking until we actually showed them the scans. Joe: And now they still don’t believe you. They still think you just have two? Dave: Yes, it’s funny. Maybe that just says something about our characters that we’re constantly joking and that people just don’t actually take us very seriously. Joe: How did the pregnancy go? Were there any complications? Dave: Up until the last couple of weeks, it went pretty well. Ended up as Footling Breech, one of them was Footling Breech. So there was, we were basically told, if you’re going to labor, you need to get to the hospital because there’s no way you can birth naturally. So we, I was sleeping, getting ready for night shift and Sarah worked me up and said, I think we’re going. And so we live about just under an hour away from the hospital that we were going to birth at. So we got there very quickly and within about three hours we were in and out of an emergency cesarean and the cesarean went well there was a bit of a bleed and a bit of complication but after they were born white was all good and he was the one they thought was going to struggle because he was very small but Wesley had some breathing issues and so we live for context we We live in a regional area of Australia. So we live in Bathurst, which is about three hours, four hours, three to four hours west of Sydney. The hospital, it’s a big town, so there’s 50,000 people, but the hospital isn’t a well-resourced hospital in the grand scheme of things with regards to neonates stuff. So basically they draw the line at 34 weeks and we were, So they draw the line at 32 weeks and we were at 32 weeks in five days, I think it was. But they can’t do any sort of oxygenation or ventilation for a longer than a six-hour period. So if it had to be longer than six hours, then Wesley would have had to have been flown to Sydney and we would have all had to be separated. So just as they were talking about organizing a retrieval aircraft to fly him to Sydney, he came good. So that was a relief. Yeah, just in time, because I’m a paramedic and I’ve been on the end of having to transport people and splitting families apart during those sort of times. And it’s traumatic for everyone, and particularly right after birth and separating twins is never ideal, but separating twins and parents and the logistics of that when you’re four hours apart. It’s very challenging. Joe: Oh, so that was probably quite the roller coaster. I mean, you have the boys arriving and then you’re already talking about some major, maybe medical needs, but then it turns out that was not the case. Were your boys healthy enough to come home shortly thereafter, or did they have to stay in the hospital? Dave: No, so they spent just over two weeks in special care. So special care in Australia is sort of one step down from a NICU. So it’s not an intensive care unit, but it’s sort of, it is one on one, or it’s a one to two ratio of nurse to baby with very close observation. And so they spent nearly two weeks ’cause they were on supplemental oxygen and or high flow oxygen for the first couple of days and assisted feeding because they were too small to be able to feed. Joe: How was the adjustment to bringing them home? What do you remember about those early days? Dave: As with most people, I don’t remember a lot of it. Tiring is busy. BA was good. We had lots of support. We sort of tried to get in, stay in the same routine that they got in for the in the special care. So, that’s one thing that they do say about going from special care is that they get them into a good routine ’cause they’re very regimented. And obviously with shift nurses being on shift work, they’re not sleeping and waking, it’s leaving and waking. So the nurses can keep them in a good set three hours, three hourly feeds and that sort of stuff. So we, and yeah, we just took things as they came and took turns and shared the workload and yeah, it was pretty good. Joe: Was it just you and your wife, or did you have maybe grandparents or someone else to help with? Dave: It was me and my wife. Uh, we have Sarah’s mum lives nearby, which is good. So she helps out a bit. Um, we got lots of friends in town and my parents live, uh, four or five hours away, but they came down for the first sort of week and stayed around nearby and helped out where they could, which was nice. And got to give them a bit of time to bond with the boys. And this was all during sort of the height of COVID in 2020, when, so the two weeks of special care, nobody could visit but us. So it was only us allowed in there. So it was quite isolating at that time, having very little contact with anybody in the outside world, apart from just us in the hospital. So it was nice to have my parents and stuff down when they came home. Joe: Yeah, that is nice to be able to have some family be able to help. Yeah, ’cause that was a crazy time all around. How were you and your wife able to manage work as far as time off and taking care of the twins when they were really young? Dave: Australia or New South Wales. So we both worked for the government. My wife’s a police officer and I was a paramedic at that stage. And obviously working for the government has some perks. So Sarah had 12 months off, so 12 months leave, which started about a month before, so she started that about a month, about two weeks before they were born. It was nice that she knew that she was gonna have a long period of time off, and I had booked in some, I think I booked in six or eight weeks annual leave, and then when they came a little bit earlier, I just moved that leave block forward, so I had, I think it was just on two months off when they were first born, which was nice. Joe: Yeah, you were working as a paramedic at the time. You told me before the podcast that you had an accident that kind of put a wrench in the works as far as your ability to help with the twins and help with the family. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Dave: Yeah, so when the boys were seven months old, I attended a incident at work and ended up suffering a significant injury to my neck and shoulder and fractured part of my neck, which resulted in some significant amount of pain and immobility to the point I’ve had one, two, three, four, five surgeries on my neck now. And then I’ve ended up with some massive complications with wounds, infections and stuff like that. So it’s sort of been a three year ongoing ordeal, but for a good few months after I I did it, I could lift the boys, but I couldn’t really help with changing them and stuff like that because it was that moving around that was the painful part, which was hard. So it was sort of adjusting to the teamwork and obviously Sarah was, she’s a absolute legend. And she really picked up the extra workload and really helped get me through that. It was obviously a very challenging time for me as well. And medically and mental health wise, it was quite a challenging time over the last couple of years with that and the sort of the effects of what happened to me. Um, after that getting help and having multiple surgeries and feeling rather useless as a dad and a husband. And my career has changed completely from what I had planned. I had planned to be an on-road paramedic and go up through that system. And I literally overnight that was taken away. my last shift as an on-road paramedic was on the 15th of February 2021. Since then, I’ve had to completely pivot directions and change my goals in life. Granted, everything happens for a reason and I’m in a much better place, both physical. I’m in a much better place, mental health-wise. Now, I’m not working shift work anymore which is an absolute godsend in a different job and in the same field so I’m still working in emergency management and for a different government agency now recently changed but it’s one of those blessings in disguise and they say when life gives you lemons make lemonade and I made lemonade and took some opportunities and used the opportunities that I was presented to sort of, I could have sat around feeling sad for myself, but Sarah really pushed me in to make me realize that it’s not just me anymore. It’s her and the boys that I’ve got to think about and got me out of my little slump. And yeah, so I’m going from strength to strength and I’m, you know, really good career footing now and in a different agency and looking whilst looking up now, which is really good. That things are looking better right now. Joe: That’s quite the, what the surprise to have happened. And it sounds like you had a long road to recover from that. Every boys do they, they’re so young. Do they even notice anything over the last couple of years? Dave: They do. They know, they know daddy’s got a sore neck and that there are days that I still have, I still have significant pain. Um, and that’s just going to be with me for life, but it’s one of those, I’ve just got to get on with it sort of things. Um, and they know that some days are worse than others. And some days I’ll say, I can’t pick you up my next sort of day. And they’re pretty good with that. And often I’ll sit there with a heat pack. And the other day I was sitting there with a heat pack and white bought one of my spare heat packs and he said I have this too and I went and heated it up a little bit for him and he sat there like a little old man next to me with a heat pack and it was very cute but um yeah it’s like he quite often like white’s a very caring little soul and he’ll quite often come up and say how’s your neck today? So they know what’s going on like nobody can ever accuse a toddler of not knowing what’s going on because they pick up everything, so on and on around. Yeah, that’s great. Are the kids still at home? Are they any kind of preschool or daycare now? No, so they go to daycare four days a week. And they go to then their grandma’s house on the fifth day of the week. So just to our sis, Sarah, she changed roles within the police force. So she now works with the with youth in a youth club in sort of some, you know, prevention role. And so that’s a weekday also, no shift work, just works better for our family and family hours. So having them in daycare helps facilitate that. My new job is predominantly Monday to Friday. I do travel a bit on weekends, but yeah, so they do four days a week daycare and then they go to Nanny’s house on Friday and they absolutely love going to Nanny’s house. That’s brilliant. That’s great that they could spend weekly time with Nanny. How did that conversation go with Grandma to let the boys come over once a week? She offered. It was one of those sort of just happened naturally and she really likes spending time with them. It fulfills her as well as much as it fulfills them, which is nice. Oh yeah, absolutely. It’s great they have a good arrangement there. So now that they’re coming up on four years old, what’s kind of the typical daily schedule as far as you know when they’re waking up, when they’re sleeping, stuff like that? So where’s they’ll wake up at any time between 4.30 and 5.30am? He’ll come in and try and wake us up and we’ve got in a bit of a bad habit but I’m pretty sure or you can, everybody, as much as some people don’t admit it, will be guilty of the old go and watch Paw Patrol or go and watch Bluey or whatever they’re gonna watch, just to give us an extra hour or two sleep. Wyatt will come in at anything between five and 6.30 and he’ll just crawl in between us and go back to sleep. He loves his beauty sleep. And then we’ll get them up on a weekend, about 6.30. We’ll get up and have breakfast with them and hang out. And they’re still just hanging onto their day naps. And they’re just sort of in the process of dropping them. So they’ll have a nap at about 12 o’clock. And then by six o’clock, we have dinner, what they have dinner. And then they’re in bed by 7.30, 8 o’clock at night. They go to sleep at the same time, but one of them wakes up a couple of times before the other. Yeah, and we’ve tried to push him out. We’ve tried the grow clocks and we’ve tried changing times and a lot different color lights in his room and nothing fixes it. It’s just an early riser. And talking to my mama, I was always the early riser. I was always 5.30 every morning. Joe: Are your boys in the same room or they have their own space? Dave: No, they have their own rooms. So Wesley doesn’t just go barge in on Wyatt and say, “Let’s party. It’s time to go.” No, he knows that he gets in trouble if he goes and wakes his brother up. And it’s not from us that he gets in trouble. He gets in trouble off. He gets in trouble off. Why it doesn’t like being woken up. Joe: The nap starting to fade. What have been some of those signs that that’s on the way out? Dave: They’re just getting shorter. Wes used to sleep for two hours a day, two hours in the middle of the day. He’s sort of down to an hour. Why some days won’t sleep at all. Some days he’ll just come and chill out and watch TV quietly and just sit there and watch it and have a bit of a quiet time. Other days he just goes 100 miles an hour and just powers on through, he doesn’t care. But yeah, so it’s one of those, I think it’s nearly four and I think most kids drop them by four, don’t they? Joe: Have they kind of hit their milestones at the same time as each other? Have those varied? Dave: Wyatt up until, but has it has been about two months behind, but I think he’s caught up now. So that was with being Premier, they had to have pediatrician checkups or more pediatrician checkups than normal. And they had their last one at two and a half. So yeah, the beginning of this year. And they were both at the same spot, both pretty much at the same stage. And he was happy that they’ve met all their milestones. He doesn’t want to see them again until they’re just about ready to go to school. Joe: You think about how parenting is going right now. What’s something that is working really well with your boys? Dave: They just care for other people. So like, we’re trying to raise them to not be so self-centered. coming from the jobs that we come from. We see a lot of the worst in humanity and don’t want my kids to be contributing to that. So a good example of it is that one of my friends’ kids started at the same daycare as they go to this week and he messaged me and said, “Oh, it was really nice Wesley this morning, the 30, because Wesley doesn’t really know Riley, there’s Jerry’s son.” And he said, Wesley ran up to him and said, welcome and held his hand and took him off into the yard. Just knowing that he’s just being a good human generally, that works for me. If I can raise him to treat other people right then I’ve done, that’s all I can ask for. If you raise them the right way then they’ll spread that goodness out into the world and that will make a difference in other people’s lives. You’re seeing that already with their interactions even with their little friend right now. Joe: So let’s imagine one of your best mates comes up and says, hey, we just found out that we’re having twins. What would be like a one piece of advice that you would give them to get through that? Dave: Embrace it. You can’t change it, so enjoy it. A lot of people, and my standard answer for when people say, how do you do it is, well, if I don’t, nobody else will. I don’t know any different. I think if they dread it and they think it’s a horrible thing and it’s just gonna be a negative experience, they treat it as a positive thing from the start like we did. It’s gonna be a positive experience and there’s plenty of people out there that had cut off their left arm for one baby, maybe let alone two, then you’ve got a really, really, really good opportunity to just embrace it. Joe: That’s a wonderful perspective. Dave: There’s always something that you can find that’s good, that’s positive, even when you’re sleep deprived. And it’s hard in the beginning and it’s still hard now. And when people say it gets better, it doesn’t get better, it gets different. The challenges are still there, they’re just different challenges. But we’re all kids once and we all gave our parents the same challenges that our children are giving us. My parents had five kids and my parents had five kids within seven years. I don’t know, is five singles in seven years harder than twins? I reckon it might be. Joe: Well, that’s wonderful perspective to have, David. That’s great advice for other dads that are listening. As we wrap up our conversation today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Dave: Well I do have an Instagram page for the boys. See it’s just @boysdoingtwinthings on Instagram. So if anybody wants to like that one, send me any messages. I’m happy to answer any questions or anything. And I’ll even go on there today and put some updated photos on there. But yeah, thanks for the opportunity to have a chat. It’s really nice to be able to share my story. And if I can help make even one person’s journey just a little bit better when they find out that they’re having twins or during their, when they’re up sleep deprived and listening to a podcast because they’re up feeding their twins overnight. I know I spent a lot of hours listening to podcasts feeding babies. And yeah, I think it’s well worth giving out my time for you. Joe: Well, thank you so much for sharing your story and your perspective with us today. We really, really appreciate it. Dave: No worries. Thanks, heaps. Joe: I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Dave about his adventures as a father of twins, how he overcame some crazy challenges and how he’s now making the most of it and having a positive perspective on raising his twins. If you want to connect with Dave, I’ll link up to his Instagram over in the show notes for this episode. You can go directly to the archive of all podcast episodes at TwinDadPodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Dave did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter @TwinDadJoe or email me directly to [email protected] and I would love to hear from you. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. This covers the first several years with twins from newborns through toddlers and beyond. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. I really appreciate you listening to the podcast today. If you enjoyed it and if you found it helpful, would you please recommend it to another twin dad that you know that may be expecting or raising his twins? I’d really appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Overcoming a serious personal injury while raising twins with Dave Cox – Podcast 305 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 304 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Patrick Edgett, father of twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: raising a four children including having 3 under 3 managing terribles twos and opinionated toddlers challenges of getting twins to sleep climbing out of cribs and how to fix that moving two weeks after birth of twins switching jobs right after twins’ birth about a month in the NICU for both twins when one twin came home a week and a half before the other having another child after twins potty training twins one twin had an eye problem that took awhile to figure out phasing out nap time twins going to preschool taking time to spend with kids individually and more… Connect with Patrick on Instagram. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Host: Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a twin dad from Southern California. We talk about overcoming the terrible twos with twins, making big life changes after the twins are born as far as moving houses and switching jobs, and how to advocate for yourself with your twins doctor when you think something is wrong with one of your children. We talk about that and much more today on the show. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins now. Here’s your host, the author of the book, The Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Joe Rawlinson: Hey everybody, this is Joe Rawlinson. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. I’m glad that you’re here with me today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com. Today we’re chatting with a fellow twin dad about his adventures in twin parenting. Before we jump into that chat, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my two books that I’ve written for dads of twins. First is Dad’s Guide to Twins and the second is Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. These books will get you through the pregnancy, through the newborn phase, up in the toddlers and beyond. You can save 20% if you get both of these books on my website directly. You go to dadsguidetotwins.com/books. Once again, that’s dadsguidetotwins.com/books. Plus if you’re in the US, I’ll ship those books to you for free. So save 20% plus free shipping. Man, what a great deal. Today, I would like to welcome to the show, Father of Twins, Patrick Edgett. Welcome to the show, Patrick. Patrick: Thanks for having me. Excited to be here. Joe: Patrick, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? Patrick: They are four, sandwiched in between a two-year-old and a seven-year-old. The thing that’s most exciting for me is they’re really at a fun age of interacting right now. So for us, the two and a half to three and a half years are a version of the terrible twos. And so they’re kind of past that and it’s getting a little bit more fun and a little less headache at the moment. Joe: So let’s talk about those terrible twos. It’s true, it’s kind of a misnomer that they’re called terrible twos ’cause they usually stretch into the threes. So what were some of the challenges you had with that age range? Patrick: Yeah, they become very opinionated very quickly. And I definitely agree that it’s more of the terrible two and a halfs. I think a big part of it centers around sleep. Sleep has always been a thing that’s been really important to my wife and I about not only us getting our sleep, but having both the twins and the other ones on a pretty good schedule and that seems to just break overnight when they hit two and a half. All of a sudden they can climb out of their crib, which was a fun one. You’re sitting there watching TV at night and all of a sudden there’s a little human next to you that’s not supposed to be there. So that combined with other versions of them having their own opinions is really kind of how it showed itself. Joe: Did they both learn to climb out of the cribs at the same time? Patrick: Just one. There’s Twin A. That’s Stella for us. She would found a way, she would pull her mattress up and she would like Fred Flintstone moving her entire crib all the way to the door. We actually have video footage of it because it was too funny. And she would start blocking the door with her crib, which was pretty insane. They were on laminate flooring. And it got so bad to the point where I had to take a 45-pound plate weight and put it under her crib so she couldn’t move it anymore. But she was and still is the onry one when it comes to sleep. Joe: Do you have two girls or one of each? or what do you have? Patrick: Yeah, two girls. I call it the gaggle of children. All four of them are girls. I wear the hashtag GirlDad Proudly. Joe: What did you notice differently? You mentioned the terrible twos and the sleeping troubles. How was that different from your first daughter, your oldest singleton? Patrick: Our knowledge that it was coming. With our oldest daughter, I think the big thing that she would do, would start to cry when it was bedtime and being upset around bedtime. And then at one point, we realized we can just leave the room, tell her we’re not coming back, and then she would stop. It went from us trying to sleep with her or get her to sleep for 30 minutes to just walking out of the room and that seemed to solve it. So we just knew that going into it with the twins, which really helped. But we also knew that it was a bit of a roller coaster. you’ll fix it for a couple of weeks and then something will change and they’ll fall off the wagon. And so you got to just go through it again and do what you’re saying you’re going to do. So something like the threat of taking away a toy that they sleep with or whatever that is, if you’re going to threaten it, you have to follow through. Otherwise, they’re just too smart. They’re two rational beings to put up with anything else. Joe: That’s right. We all have lawyers as our toddlers, right? Because they keep track of everything you say and they hold it against you and they’ll catch you. That’s for sure. Patrick: They really do. Their memories are incredible in kind of an annoying way. It’s adorable half the time and annoying the other half. Joe: So when you found out that you would be having your twins, you had just the one daughter already. She was probably like three-ish? Patrick: Yeah, she was about two when we found out, yeah. Joe: What was your reaction for you and your wife when you got that news? Patrick: Yeah, we were in the ultrasound room, and so you know, take the morning off work, head down there, and it’s kind of taking longer than expected, since you know, not the first rodeo. And so then you go from like joy to like getting a little bit worried, ’cause in this half hour appointment, it’s now an hour appointment, doctor walks in and goes, “Hey, I’ve got some good news.” And we’re like, “We already know she’s pregnant.” Like that’s why we’re here, what good news. She’s like, you’re having twins. And I just audibly, just went, oh. It’s just quite loud. Sat down in my seat and I don’t think I talked for the next hour, ’cause it was just complete shock. Like it didn’t, it never crossed our minds that this was even a possibility. Joe: I was similarly a shell shocked. Are your girls identical twins? Patrick: They’re not. Well, although, well, we assume they’re not. We’ve not done like the testing or anything, but they look different, they act different and they were in separate sacks. Joe: How did the pregnancy go? Were there any complications for babies or for mom? Patrick: No complications necessarily, but my wife had a pretty rough first pregnancy. And so having twins, it was, everything was just kind of on edge, we’ll say. So by the end of it, I think she was doing like, going in for monitoring like twice a week. So it was just like endless days spent either at the doctor’s office or at the hospital for monitoring and quite a few days where she’d call and be like, “I don’t know what’s going on. Let’s go in and get stuff checked out.” So never fully a complication or anything, but not smooth sailing by any means. And they came about four weeks early, five weeks early. Joe: Was the time of their arrival kind of a surprise or was the writing on the wall there? Patrick: A little bit of both. Yeah. So we knew that they were going to be early, just didn’t know how early. And so I remember going to work that day. And it was one of her scheduled days to do a going for her monitor. And they’re like, “All right, we’re not letting you go home. You should call your husband in time to get down here. I think we’re going to deliver you today.” So I can remember packing up my stuff and not going back to that office. Because it was also at a crazy time where we bought a house, we had twins, we moved 100 miles away, and I quit my job all within a matter of six weeks. I don’t recommend that. We did off a bit more than we could chew. Joe: That’s a lot of upheaval right after the twins were born. Were they home already and healthy when you were making these big transitions? Or do they have any time in the hospital after birth? Patrick: No, they were in the NICU for about a month when A was there, I guess about three weeks, and then like four and a half to five weeks for twin B. And so that was both really stressful, because here you are having to go in and out of the hospital every single day. But there was some of it that was like we gave the my wife gave birth down at Scripps Hospital down in San Diego and they’ve just got like an amazing team. And so there was some of it where we were so exhausted the fact that you know this expert paid team is taking care of your kids while you can kind of catch up on a little bit of sleep. That part was like a hidden blessing. But you know, I think it took a probably bigger toll on and my wife going down because she was also pumping and breastfeeding that whole time. Instead of going to and from multiple times a day, spending eight hours a day or whatever it was down at the hospital, that was taxing for sure. Joe: Did your girls have specific complications or they just needed some time to grow and be self-sufficient? Patrick: Growing. I forget what the number is now because I’m so far removed from it. It’s like 34 weeks or 32 weeks, like if you’re before that, it’s like auto NICU admission. And so they were like three days before that cutoff. So they had to automatically go in there. And then once they were in there, there were certain tests that they had to pass and it just took them a while to do that, specifically twin B with some sleep stuff. Like she would kind of like stop breathing while she was sleeping. And so that was the other thing where we’re like, I would much rather have her monitored if she’s not breathing fully than for her to be at home. So again, it was this odd blessing to have them there. Joe: Was the breathing issue resolved totally before you brought her home or did you have to do something with her once she was home? Patrick: Resolved before she came home. Yeah. So part of her test was she had to go like 48 hours without one of those episodes. And so that was also a little bit of a stressful time because it was like, you know, she’d get 24 hours into that and then it happened again. So, you know, you go in thinking you’re going to take her home that day. It’s like, oh no, we got to reset that clock and like wait on a couple of days. And so having twins, but only bringing one of them home for a while, like that was odd. Joe: What was the time gap difference? Patrick: About a week and a half. I mean, that is strange. You have the babies, but then you don’t get to take them home for like a like a month and then all of a sudden you only get to bring one home. Joe: What was your older daughter’s reaction to all this? Patrick: She was still really young when mostly just like happy. Like we were, we were checking out some videos last night of like, what, yeah, what did she do? Um, and she’s just like happy. There’s a baby around and like trying to give him a binky and you know, air quote, be helpful, helpful. Um, but yeah, otherwise she wasn’t really like aware enough yet to have like a, any kind of an emotional reaction or anything like that to it. Joe: How has the relationship evolved as they’ve all gotten older together? Patrick: It’s pretty amazing. They do a really cool job of taking turns playing with each other. One of them will just want some alone time and be off by themselves and the other two will pair up or something like that. Or now that we have our fourth, she gets thrown into the mix. She’s only two. And so usually they’ll pair off. But it’s a really good little unit and the oldest one is definitely the ringleader and gets upset when the twins want to go do their own thing and don’t want to let her participate, which is kind of a funny thing to watch their own little group dynamics. Joe: So then on the other side, what was the transition like going from having three and then having your fourth daughter after the twins? Patrick: That was equally as wild because it was the least predicted, as equal as surprising as having a third was, as having the fourth. One of my favorite quotes, I don’t know if you’ve seen the Jim Gaffigan special where he does a joke on what it’s like to have four or five kids. He’s like, “It’s like you’re swimming in a pool drowning and someone hands you a kid.” That’s kind of what having the fourth was like. It was less altering in our day to day, but just like, here we are, the twins are about to be potty trained and kind of through that baby phase and we just got to start it all over. So that part was really hard. Joe: And I think I saw on your bio, you had at 1.4 kids, three and under. Patrick: That’s right. Yes. So you’re one of the few people that understand. I had three, three and under and that was wild. So I can’t even imagine doing the fourth. Joe: Yeah, like there’s just a different level of attentiveness that you have to have when they’re that young. And that is its own level of stress and anxiety to kind of deliver that. Patrick: It is, ’cause they’re all kind of going through a very similar phase, a very high needs phase at the same time and that evolves, you know, like they’re all learning how to use the potty at the same time, they’re all in diapers at the same time. It’s just, it’s a lot to manage. So I can understand that situation. Our math is that we’ll go through about 25,000 diapers by the time we’re done with the fourth one. Joe: What was it like potty training the twins? You said that you were going through that process when you found out about your fourth. Patrick: My wife did all the heavy lifting there. I will say just the logistics of, to your point, both of them doing it at the same time. There’s time when only one toilet’s available. So I’ve got a picture of one of my, well, I should say the aftermath of one of the twins using my office chair as her toilet. That was fun, walking into that. And like, what is the smell? The bathroom was occupied. So she went to the next closest chair. Some of the joys of parenting. Joe: Yeah, we found that we had to kind of train them on the logistics of using the toilet just one at a time. And then the reinforcing of that behavior ultimately led to success. I mean, that took a while after that, but we found one of our girls was more willing to do it than the other one. Did you see discrepancies like that between the two of yours? Patrick: They were pretty equal. And we used those like portable toilets a lot. So they got pretty used to it from that. But yeah, they’ve been pretty equal on most things developmentally. They definitely had, they lean towards some different things emotionally and skill-wise. But in terms of hitting the markers at the same time, they pretty much have been on track with each other. Joe: What have been some of those differences you’ve noticed? Patrick: One of them is much more athletic than the other one, which is pretty wild to see at as early as three years old. She can hop on a scooter or a bike or whatever and just handle it. Wear a poor Twin A, not so much. And there’s a bit of irony there because Twin B still has some eye problems. One of her eyes didn’t develop all the way in terms of its movement. And it took us almost two years to figure that out because she was always much more angry. And it took us, when we moved, we went from a one story to a two story and all of a sudden she fell down the stairs a couple of times. We were like, “Well, what is happening?” And it turns out when you can’t see, sometimes you miss the stairs. Um, and so that, that’s been something really interesting to see where she was much more emotionally up and down. Um, it’s like leveled out now that she can see it’s so simple, but, uh, what was the problem? Joe: Was it with, with, with, this wasn’t fully formed in Euro or do you know what happened? Patrick: Yeah, I, I believe so. Um, it’s the, Like the muscle doesn’t track properly. So like if she’s looking to the right and she needs to move her eyes to the left, like the one eye is just like a little slower coming over and that leads to some blurriness. And she’s also just has terrible vision from like a farsightedness. Like whatever the scale is, I think it’s like bad eyesight like a negative 4.5 or something like that. And she’s like a negative 6.5. So she’s got an hour where an eye patch every day for four hours a day. And that’s has slowly brought it some more strength into that eye. Um, but it’s just, yeah, one of those things where it’s like, Oh yeah, you got to pay attention to them each as individuals because even though they came out at the same time, like they very much different humans and have different things that they got to worry about. Joe: I mean, one advantage of having twins is that you can compare them like, well, this one is doing this thing and this other one is doing a little something different. But because we have, you know, these young children and our hands are full with even just taking care of everybody, sometimes it takes a while to notice when there’s something amiss. Patrick: Oh, for sure. And, you know, especially with healthcare, you very much have to be your own advocate on it too. So, you know, like the doctors never noticed anything or brought anything up in it. And we had to be like, Hey, you know, we’re noticing some different behaviors and stuff like that. Like, can we get, you know, can we go see a specialist to get this checked out. And it took a little bit of pushing to kind of get what we were looking for. And the doctor mentioned, oh yeah, if we would have waited somewhere between like six months to a year, the eye would have fully developed incorrectly to where it’s like nearly impossible to fix. So that’s also kind of a weird thing that, you know, no one warned us to check their eyes in a certain way to make sure that they develop properly. they make an excellent point there about advocating for your kids, ’cause I mean, you go to the doctor, it’s kind of like a assembly line. I mean, you just go in there, you wait forever, you finally get to see the doctor. A doctor’s in and out in a few minutes, and then you have to kind of force the issue if you have concerns, that’s for sure. Especially with like Vision or with our girls, they had some speech problems, and we didn’t really catch on to that until they were more school age. In hindsight, we’re like, oh, okay, that makes sense now, but you’re right, you have to pay attention for stuff that you didn’t even know you had to pay attention for. That’s for sure. Joe: Yeah, yeah. They are four now. Are they past the nap phase? Or are they still taking naps? Patrick: They are 90% past the nap phase. I’ll say one of them definitely needs more sleep than the other one. Could be definitely needs more sleep. We will probably, probably not every week, but maybe every other week, we try to grab like a weekend day and let them catch up on it, get like one nap in per week, something like that. And some of that’s just like, again, monitoring it. Like has, has our schedule been crazy this last week? Yes or no. And if we stayed out a couple of late nights, like we can kind of see it. And so we’ll, you know, have them take a nap on Saturday or Sunday, something like that. But for the most part, they’re, they’re done with it. Joe: So as your wife, does she stay home with the kids or do you have other arrangements for childcare? Patrick: She has up until this point. She’s been, yeah, since our oldest was about six months, she’s been staying home, but part of my job change when the twins were born was I became a licensed realtor because I was working on a CPA firm prior to that. And when we found out it was twins, Because there’s the, I don’t remember, two months where you know you’re pregnant and then two months later, I’ll have done it’s two kids instead of one. During that time, we realized, oh, going through attack season again is not going to be doable with infant twins. That’s when I went down this new path, but part of that path has led to some big peaks and valleys and in particular this last six months, last month in particular was the worst month for real estate across the nation in the last 30 years. So we’re actually in process of her lining up employment starting next month, help with these four times in cashflow. Yeah, sometimes you have to get creative to figure it out, to make the ends meet. That’s for sure. Joe: The twins are still too young to go to any kind of preschool or anything like that, right? Patrick: They actually go to a state-sponsored preschool, which has been, I’ll say, mostly good. They were born six months before COVID hit. And so during their most developmental time, in terms of getting to know other people and stuff, they were locked inside for a year and a half. And so we have definitely seen them struggle in some of those social situations, where there’s big groups and stuff like that. And it’s gotten better over this last year. So we really, going back to advocating, we pushed heavily to try to get into the school because we knew that they needed a little bit more attention in a group setting. And so that’s been really good. They go for like, I don’t know, three or four hours a day, like a half day. But yeah Joe: What differences have you seen now that they’ve been in the or social environment? Patrick: A big part of it is not relying on my wife and I, it’s like the only people that they’ll listen to. Twin B in particular, we’ll get a little stubborn at times when it comes to listening to other folks. She’s very opinionated. Some say that she gets that from me, which I have been told that that’s payback for my youth. Yeah, they’ve just gotten overall better at dealing with other people. Joe: Yeah, that’s tough when they’re there, you know, we’re all locked in for a while, but when they’re in that formative phase of developing and learning how to interact with other people, and all they see is mom and dad and big sister, and that’s it, right? It’s interesting to see the different toll that takes on, you know, very young kids versus us as adults, or even our older children. Patrick: Yeah, for sure. I mean, even something as simple as like going to that first Christmas party, whenever we stop being locked down, I guess that would have been like 21. If you’re two years old and you’ve just been locked inside for a year and a half, and all of a sudden there’s this group of like 20 to 30 adults that the adults know who they are because they’re the only twins in the family and they’re kids, but the twins have no idea who these other people are. And they’re like, “Hey, come hug me. Come kiss me. Come be with me.” And they’re like, “I don’t know you stranger.” That took a minute for them to get over for sure. Joe: When you look at parenting your kids right now, whether it’s your singletons or your twins, what’s something that’s working right now as far as a parenting success? Patrick: Yeah, the biggest thing for us that we really have to remind ourselves of weekly is taking time to spend with them individually. And I would say this is even more particular to the twins because it doesn’t happen naturally. They’ve been a pair, forever in noise. Sunday as an example, I took Twin B out to the driving range with me and at four years old, she’s not hitting a ball really, but it’s time that she gets to spend with dad, just the two of us for 30 minutes to an hour. We just try to make sure that that happens. with at least one of them every week. If we can rotate through, I mean that might be as simple as going to the store. It might be just taking one of them on a drive or letting them pick to go out to ice cream or whatever the thing is. But yeah, I think that intentionality has been really important to us. Joe: Yeah, that’s a very important thing is to build that individual relationship ’cause it’s kind of, it’s too easy to just group them as the kids, you know, let’s go, you know, like you’re herding cats around, but it’s, they’re each individual people and they have their own little fun personalities and it’s great to get to know and bond with them on a one-on-one basis, even if it’s doing something routine, like going to the grocery store. How have you been able to keep your relationship strong with your wife through the kind of ups and downs of twins and the challenges you had there and raising a really young family? Patrick: Well, the first six months the twins were born, I can’t speak to that at all because I don’t remember it. It’s a black hole in my memory. Since that point, it’s really come down to us. Well, I’ll call it simple, but it’s really difficult, which is communication. It’s so easy for us to get stuck in the routine or stuck worrying about the specifics of taking care of the kids, whether that’s their schedule, what they’re eating, or what’s coming up in future. For us to take time out to check in with each other has been really important. We do that a couple of ways. One of the ways is kind of quarterly, we try to make sure that we’re getting away from our house at least once a quarter. That might be just a day date. It might be hopefully an overnight. The kids are old enough and the grandparents are willing to take them overnight, which that took a while. Every year, we do a year in review where we try to get out in nature for the day, take a really long walk and talk about what worked this last year, what gave us positive energy, what took away from that. And then we try to shape the new year around that reflection. And so we did that to kick off this year and we’re kind of excited about kind of rejiggering some things as we go forward. Joe: I love that. Those are some great ideas for any couple that needs to work on their relationship and keep it strong. So I appreciate you sharing that. That’s working for you. Patrick, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Patrick: Yeah, best way to be on Instagram at Patrick Edgett, E-D-G-E-T-T. I’m a realtor in California, so happy to help out anyone with anything as it relates to buying or selling real estate throughout the state. And always happy to chat with fellow parents because this is a wild journey. And I don’t know about you, but for us, our parents did not warn us for how hard it is. And so you’re getting that reminder from other people like yeah, we’re all going through this together. It is very difficult and It gets better. I think that reminder is important. Joe: That is that is important reminder, but you’re right We do get through it. We figure it out and we keep on showing him. So Patrick Thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. Patrick: Awesome. Thanks a lot. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Moving, Changing Jobs, and NICU Twins with Patrick Edgett – Podcast 304 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 303 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Greg Parks, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: When one twin climbs out of the crib Handling twins with two older children One twin in NICU for 9 days while other twin is home Welcoming another baby into the family after twins Sleeping arrangements for all the kids Baby monitor technology to keep tabs on kids Exponential work when attention divided with twins Never use twins or younger kids as an excuse for not doing something with older kids Finding opportunities to get one on one time with the kids Financial tips for young children Balancing finances as a large family and more… Connect with Greg via email. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Today, we continue our Father of Twins interview series with another twin dad, a fellow Texan father of five, including boy-girl twins. Share some of the challenges of welcoming twins into the family when you already have a couple of children, plus what happens when a fifth child arrives after the twins. That plus some tips on teaching your children how to handle finances and money at an early age. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, The Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. I’m glad that you’re here today. As always, you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com, where you can listen to all previous podcast episodes and find other resources to help you along your twin parenting journey. If you are still expecting twins, I have a special gift for you today. You can get a free audio book version of my first book for dads called Dad’s Guide to Twins over at freetwinbook.com. Once again, that’s freetwinbook.com. Today, I would like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Greg Parks. Welcome to the show, Greg. Hey, thanks a lot, Joe. Glad to be here. Greg, how old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? We have boy, girl, twins, Evan and Ava, and they are going to be turning three March 12th. An exciting thing right now, I think watching the two of them interact, they keep each other so much company and they really keep each other in line. Just last night, our son, so Evan, the boy, twin, has figured out how to climb out of his crib, though it’s lowered all the way to the ground. We took all the bolts out and everything. And this just started last night. And so went back, put him in, he’s pretty upset, put him back in. Well, no joke, we’re listening on the monitor. And after about the fourth or fifth time that I put him back in his crib, I hear him call out to his sister. And his sister tells him, they call each other Wubba. I don’t know where that came from, but she tells him, “Wubba, stay in bed.” And he says, “I want to get out.” And she says, “Wubba, stay in bed. Go night night.” And she was, you know, keeping him in line and telling him what to do. And from that, he decided, “Well, I guess I better stand back because my sister told me to.” And so just watching them communicate and, you know, have almost, almost have like, their own language and their own jokes has been so fun to watch as they interact with each other. That is fun. That’s crazy. That just happened. If you have a unique situation, Greg, because as soon as one of my girls figured out how to climb on the crib, her other sister mimic that exact behavior and it was just chaos. Congrats to your daughter for being the mom in the room and telling everybody to stay put. That’s crazy. Yeah. I think it’s a combination of being a mom. She very much has a motherly instinct with her dolls and of course watching my wife, Andrea, take care of our little one. But it’s a fine line between a motherly instinct and I think just being bossy. And, she is definitely the enforcer of the two of them, to the point that she usually takes the lead and he follows on pretty much everything. So it definitely has the positives as in last night. But it can also be a case where she’s just, she’s just being bossy. She needs to cool off. So, that’d be fun to see how it plays out. They both start breaking out of jail and how that turns out. Oh yeah, yep. Now twins are not your only children, right? What’s your family makeup look like these days? So we have a great rambunctious family of seven total, two adults and five kids. Our oldest son, Nolan is 10. Our next daughter, Madison, is eight. And then we have Evan and Ava, of course we’re two year old twins. And our youngest Bailey just turned one this last Sunday, on January 14th. Now were your older kids old enough to know what was happening when the twins were born and you’re expecting the twins? Yeah, no, it was great. We have a great video, like a lot of people these days, of them doing the twin reveal for them. And my wife Andrea had gone and bought two onesies two onesies and gotten them and put lettering on them where one of them said guess what and the other one said guess what else and we gave them to Nolan and Madison to open and just watching them. I’m watching their brains put together There’s two two outfits here. Are we are we having two babies and this look from both of them of instant surprise and delight. And then I think it was our son who almost was like, “Oh, so our family is doubling.” And figuring out what that would mean was really fun to watch. But they were so excited to have twins and to know that twins are pretty unique. So of course, they’re telling all their friends and things like that. We had a similar reaction when we told them we were having Bailey, our fifth, and that was a bit more of a mixed reaction of excitement. Then one more and adding on top of that. But watching their reactions to the twins was really great. They were very excited overall. How did your twins react to the newborn, the youngest? So when Bailey was born six weeks early, so she spent about three and a half weeks in the NICU. The twins were at an age, they weren’t even two yet. They were going to turn two that March. They obviously had no idea what was going on. They just knew things were different at the house. My mother-in-law was staying over, of course, while we were in the hospital and things like that. We had great family support, so thankful for that. I do have a great photo when we finally brought Bailey home. We’ve got some great photos and videos of Evan coming over instantly, taking to Bailey, giving her a kiss, just super excited. And Ava was a bit more reserved. I’ve got a great photo of her very sweetly just watching Bailey rest on the couch in her docketat and just kind of keeping an eye on her. Not quite sure what to think of her yet, but just watching over her in her motherly way. And now it’s been great. They’re at a point now where Bailey being one and the twins being almost three, they interact so well and the twins love to to make her laugh. They love to tickle her and they can just interact in a way that is so fun to listen to. You can even hear it from the other room and they’re just making each other laugh and that’s been a lot of fun. What’s the sleeping arrangements for all your kiddos? How do you fit them all in your place? Yeah, so we’ve been in our house now almost four years. We built it big, not knowing twins are on the way, but definitely glad for the extra space. And so we even wondered when we moved in, have we built too big? Are we gonna be able to fill these rooms with kids? Hopefully. And sure enough, we were blessed abundantly. And so our older two each have their own room upstairs. And then the twins have a downstairs room that was built as a media room. We never planned to use it that way, but luckily it was big enough because of that And it is the way whole old double of everything to cribs to dressers and it’s just down the hall And so they’re down there kind of tucked away and then Bailey is up in our third bedroom upstairs She just moved up to her own room as well. So that’s kind of where everybody is So they’re there in their own spaces So they’re not necessarily interrupting each other during the night or even each other awake partying all night stuff like that The twins go down to court a bedtime for us first were in public school the older term public school my wife teaches there as well and so we’re we’re kind of early to bed people for the younger ones and what’s fun is Because Evan and Eva share a room and their cribs are sort of catty-corner to each other They they sit up and talk every night for easily over an hour And they talk and laugh and they just carry on all these conversations But you know, they’re not bothering anybody else. And so when the older two go to bed, you know, they’re not bothered by anybody And so now that our littlest one is up in her own room She also is, you know tucked away and and so when things are going on downstairs We don’t have to to keep the volume down quite as much as to when she was sleeping in our room You know right off the living room. So it’s it’s a pretty good setup. You mentioned listening to a baby monitor. How do you keep tabs on the twins in their room and your youngest in her room? What technology are you using for that? Yeah. I can’t remember the brand, but we’ve got two baby monitors that each will allow your monitor to attach to two cameras. We still have a camera in each of the older kids rooms, just in case they need us during the night. And which came in handy actually just recently we had about of stomach bug go through our house But so they eat have a camera and so that shared on one monitor and it will automatically, you know flip between them every you know 20 seconds or so and Originally, we then had two cameras in the twins room and we had one focus on each crib and that monitor would also switch But now right a point now We didn’t want to buy a third monitor And so we kept one camera in the twins room because it’s enough to watch both of them And then we put the other camera in Bailey’s room So overall we are monitoring four rooms on two monitors during the night and like during nap time. So That’s been a really great thing And one of the things we had to learn really fast which I’m sure a lot of people have learned also when you’ve got Especially a younger one in the house When others are taking naps when Bailey would nap in our room during the day Which is where we keep their monitors. We had to make sure that we turn on the volume down the twins would go play in their nursery and be hooting and hollering and all that sound is coming through the monitor in our room and Sometimes it would wake Bailey up or the older two are upstairs, you know playing upstairs in their room And so we had to get into the habit of taking the monitor out or turning them down all the way To make sure that Bailey could sleep in there and not be interrupted remotely. They mentioned Bailey had to spend some time in the NICU, but no that was not your first NICU experience was it? No, it was not. It was our longest one and Ironically with the twins Evan was our NICU twin Ava was able to come home on a normal schedule even though she was the smaller of the two She met her numbers faster And so Evan was in the NICU for about nine days and and that was our first NICU experience it was It was a very difficult few days. I know I mentioned this when you and I were talking before the show So we had when we came home from the hospital after the twins were born Obviously were exhausted. My wife was a rock star just like she has me with all of my kids She was amazing. The doctors were amazing. We had a great experience. We were at Medical City Dallas and just can’t say enough good things about them. That’s where all of our kids have been born. But we came home and so Evan was still in the NICU. And so we wanted to go see him, you know, pretty much every day. That was our goal to go every day. And we did. This was during COVID. They were born in 2021. And so obviously lots of restrictions on getting up to the NICU, which already has a lot of restrictions. The older two were still in school and again, you know, prompts to our family for helping out in so many ways. So basically what a day would look like when we first came home with Ava was, you know, she’s up all day and night doing feedings. And then we’re getting up and I’m taking the kids to school and dropping them off, coming back. And then we’re getting ready to go down to the hospital. to visit Evan, but Ava cannot go up to the NICU because of her age. And so some days my mother-in-law would come and she would either stay with Ava at the house or actually come to the hospital with us and watch her in the lobby. And Andrew and I would go up so we could spend, you know, extended time with Evan. But then it was back home, picking the kids up from school, sometimes going back out to the hospital later that night to see him. And so all this went on, looking back, it was only nine days, but it felt like six months between sleep deprivation and all that. But at the same time, we made it through, Evan got to come home. We have a great picture of Ava laying on the ground, not only looking at her brother on the NICU monitor, they have kind of their own zoo monitor in the NICU. So she’s looking at her brother, but reaching out to him on the monitor. And it’s a very special photo. She’s wanting him to come home. But it was a very, very hard driving away from the hospital that first day that we brought Ava home because we were leaving half of them in the hospital. And I mean, that was such a weird feeling to look back and see one car seat empty, and to know that he wasn’t coming with us yet. And obviously we were very blessed. Our other twin did come home. We know so many families that had twins and it wasn’t the same kind of turnout. But looking back in that time period, that was a very special time. It was a very busy time, but full of blessings and one that I wouldn’t change for anything. Were there some complications or did he just need a little extra time to get ready for the real world? Yeah, he just needed some extra time. It was one of those that anybody who’s had NICU experience can relate to where he would meet his feeding goal for one day, but what they do is then they up the goal. The goal was constantly moving up and until he can meet it and then really surpass it, they don’t sign off with him going home. And so he was just needing to be able to just feed better. And he was also dealing with some reflux and things like that. And once he was able to show that he could manage all that and he was up where he needed to be feeding compared to his weight. They signed him out and we broke him out of the NICU and brought him home. There’s been no lingering complications after that? No. No, he’s been great. Like all kids who are two and three, they’re very picky eaters. But Evan is our only kid who not only, he’s our healthiest eater. All kids have their own preferences for eating. Evan, he loves to eat salad and loves fruit. And so a lot of times we will buy a salad from the store and a fruit tray and that’s his snacks for the day. Never had another kid who likes salad and fruit that much, but a lot of times he will pass up chicken nuggets for salad and fruit. So I’m definitely not complaining about that. What were some of the unique challenges you’ve had, parenting, because you had singletons one at a time before the twins arrived, and how does that compare to kind of the time and attention you were able to give to the twins when they showed up? Yeah, and so that was obviously a very new territory for us. We know lots of people who, you know, twins were their first, they were one and two, and so they had kind of one experience, but when we had older singletons already, it was difficult a lot of the time to make sure that everybody was just getting the attention that they needed and that we wanted to give them. One of the things I know I mentioned to you was we had this idea, as we were getting ready for the twins to be born, that everything would be doubled. Double the work, but hey, double the fund, which in so many ways is true for sure. Thing I told a lot of people and they asked me what it was like having twins, I said, having twins is it’s not a linear kind of growth. It’s very exponential. And so when you have two at the same age, it’s not times two, it’s really, you know, it’s really squared to the second power. It’s what it’s what it’s like, both in the good and maybe the more difficult. But we found that because we were having to do everything twice. We would have to divide and conquer with who, I would get up with Evan during the night, Andrew would get up with Ava, and we’re going back and forth. And then when you’re changing diapers or feeding, you’re doing two of everything. And what we found out was, excuse me, that in a lot of ways we felt like our time with our twins would actually cut in half because we were always focused on one or the other and it was just never-ending, back and forth. And so in some ways, your time with the twins is shortened because you always have the responsibility of the other twin sort of edging into your time with their sibling. And then with our older two, and they’ve been phenomenal, they are great older siblings, They’re patient, they’re loving, they love to play with the twins, and that’s been so fun to wives. They’ve taken it very naturally. I think very much that they are, that no one in Madison are the favorites of the twins out of everybody else in the family. They love their older siblings. But we also could tell that, you know, we needed to devote some more time to them just because it’s easy for them to kind of get forgotten as we’re dealing with the twins so much. And one of the things that my wife has been so great about, she’s had to kind of pull me along sometimes when I forget, is that we make it a priority that we never use the twins or Bailey as an excuse for why we can’t go do something. We don’t ever want to foster any kind of even unconscious resentment toward their younger siblings. So if we’re not able to go to this activity or whatever, we are very cognizant to not say that it’s because, oh, we can’t take the twins or we can’t take Bailey. We want to make it where, and a lot of times they are part of the reason, that’s just reality, but we want to make sure that there’s not ever any feeling of, well, they’re keeping us from doing this as a family. And at the same time, we’ve tried very hard to still go and do a lot of things and to go and do them, all seven of us. Going to the store with twins, you get enough attention from your fellow shoppers, which I always enjoy that very much. and other people with twins will come and talk to us and they’ll ask if they’re twins, which is always really fun. But we can go and do a lot of things, all seven of us. And we get a lot of attention that way. And we always wanted our kids to know that, even though we’re gonna be limited on some things, we wanna go and do things as a family. My son was in basketball and, or no one was in basketball Madison was in cheer for his team on Saturday morning games. And we would load up the car and all seven of us would go and my in-laws would come and meet us there. And we were there in force. We were always there altogether managing the little ones and wanted them to come and be a part of that. And so I’ve always really appreciated our desire to do things as a large family, even when it’s hard. I think it’s very much worth the effort when you can to go do that. I think that’s a great perspective to have the, yeah, not using, you know, one of your situations here, the kids or the two young kids to limit the activities for the whole family. There’s always something that you can do. You can make it work with your big crew. That’s for sure. We’ve got four kids. So we do get some of those looks as well when we go out in public, especially when they were, when they were little, all hanging, all hanging on the side of the cart or whatever, running around, you know, you make it work, figure it out. And some, some things you realize, okay, maybe just mom or dad should go do this thing by themselves. And other times you’re like, okay, let’s do this. Take the whole family. Yeah, we, we are at a point right now at their ages where a lot of times, if one of us needs to go run an errand, um, it’s very rare for, for us not to bring even one or two kids along with us,  just, you know, not only to kind of have that one-on-one time with them, um, you know, whoever it is, you know, Bailey or the twins or whoever, But also just to, you know, for the parent who’s staying at home, to give them a little bit of a break and give them the chance to, you know, kind of hang out with, with the remaining kids. One of the things I always like to joke about is when you have five kids. Number one, it’s hard to get them all I like to use the phrase pond off so that Andrew and I can go on a day that that’s pretty tough and again we have great family support locally, but it’s hard. You can’t just drop five kids off at most places and say, “We’ll be back in a couple of hours.” But one of the things that I always laugh at is with our family, we can get three of our kids squared away somewhere else and still have two kids we got to do something with. And I always laugh. It’s like they’re always there. But when we do go out and run errands, it is fun to take some of them with us and just try to make that a special time. When you’ve got five kids and having four, you can relate to this perfectly. It’s more about quality time and not necessarily what it is you’re out doing. One of my favorite things to do is take the twins to the grocery store. We live right behind Target and to go to Target with them. And I have a routine. I drive around the parking lot looking for the double cedar cart. And it’s always going to be in one of the shopping cart bays. And that’s where we park and bring it over and put the twins in it and go in the store. And most of the time, it’s a lot of fun. Just taking them in and they love going. And you kind of get that special time with them. But you end up having a special time doing the most routine thing. Yeah, we do other things. We go to places like Great Wolf Lodge, and things like that, the zoo and stuff. But when you’ve got five, both logistically and financially, a lot of times, you know, what we end up doing is just making the most of just, you know, going to the grocery store and making that some special family time. So. Yeah, I love that. We would do that too. It’s like you stuff that you may consider just routine or mundane can still be a meaningful opportunity to connect with your children, you know. So that’s great that you’re doing that. Greg, you professionally work as a financial advisor. What are maybe some tips to teaching some financial skills to very young children? Have you found any success with that on the home front? I work as a financial advisor for Edward Jones. That’s my little plug there. My office is located in Plano, Texas and love working with families of all types and stripes and ages. But as far as working with kids financially, it is funny, my kids are still not exactly sure what I do. I’ve been in this field now for just since last July. I love what I’m doing. But they usually just tell their friends, “Oh, my dad helps people make money.” Which, you know, that’s my goal for sure. I’d love for your portfolio to grow. But some of the things that we worked on with them, and we were doing this even before I was, I was in financial advising, we, so we attend church regularly as a family. And so we try to emphasize, you know, setting aside some money for different things there, if there’s like a special contribution for the kids, you know, we try to make their money, you know, be a part of that. And also just looking, helping them go and see, you know, how to save up for things, whether it’s birthday money, or, you know, chores money, which we’re still figuring out chores in our house, but helping them save and then go and see what can I buy with this money and helping them especially at the ages of eight and 10, where they are not to be careful of impulse buys. And I’m the first person to be guilty of that. Still, I have to work on that. But helping them see not only the advantage of not buying something just for the sake of buying it, but the advantages of holding off, to wait gratification is a great thing to teach at that age and helping them see the benefit of money, saving up and then being able to buy something that you really want instead of just always spending it when you’ve got it, if it’s burning a hole in your pocket. One of the things that I think they’re getting to the age of now that I’d like to start working with them on is helping them see how money can grow when you invest it and things like that and the time value of money. What’s great is you can talk about that with your kids. one of the things that I talk with a lot of my clients about. That is a, you know, I think it was Ben Franklin that said, you know, one of the wonders of the world is compounding interest and the way that it can help your money grow. And so that’s a great concept to grasp as a kid, but it’s just as great a concept to grasp as an adult. And so those are some of the things that have been fun to talk with my kids about in the financial realm. Now, are you giving them an allowance or would you just make all money they get as gifts or from other sources? So they are big on earning money. And so we don’t have a formal system in place yet for allowance. What we do at the moment is outside of birthday money, Christmas money, things like that, we will sporadically assign chores that they can earn money on. One of the things that we’d like to implement that we’ve seen is a chore chart that has different categories. One category is things you must do every day. They’re kind of a given. And a lot of times, we are believers that some of the chores you do, you don’t need to get reimbursed for them. They’re simply a part of being a member of a family. It’s part of family responsibility. However, there are other chores that you can opt to do that we are glad to pay you for. And not only can you see what those chores are and how much they earn, but you can choose on your own when to do them and how often. And sort of give them some skin in the game for, “Hey, I’d like to earn some extra money. What can I go do? And here’s Here’s the pricing chart and things like that. So those are just some things I think we’re trying to implement soon for our family. That’s very clever. I like that approach. And you’re teaching the value of money, the value of work, and that’s great. So as families, with twins families, with lots of kids, there’s a lot of financial pressure to handle here and now with the family. So how do you juggle that while keeping an eye on the future as parents? You’re trying to save money for every day. You’re trying to save for retirement. And how are you able to balance those two things? No, that’s a great question. And you’re absolutely right. It is so easy, even when you have one kid, a much less multiples, it’s very easy to sort of have blinders on and be very narrowly focused. And again, there’s no fault there. That’s just the reality of day to day. Even right now with our kids in school and my wife teaching and in my job and in the littles. I mean, most of us who have kids, again, regardless of how many you have, we’re kind of just focused on making it through today or even making it through the next couple of hours because that’s just reality when you have a big family. So, I think we have, Andrea and I have been talking a lot over the last couple of years about being more intentional about planning for the future. My wife is great at budgeting and keeping an eye on those things. And she kind of keeps us in the black there, which I’m so appreciative of. So we’re looking down the road, where can we set aside money here and there for these different costs? How can we start saving for things like college retirement and things like that. How do we do those things? And so just, I think one of the biggest things is number one, be sure that you and your spouse are just, that you’re open and communicating about it. I was in ministry for 16 years and one of the big three trouble areas in a marriage is money. And so, oh, and no one is immune from that. And so we’re always trying to be sure that we’re talking to each other about those things. I will be the first to admit, even ironically, being a financial advisor, money is usually the last thing I want to talk about when it relates. I’ll talk about everybody else’s money, but I don’t want to talk about our own money. And I’ve had to really work on that. And my wife has done a great job of getting me into that mode to do that. But being able to talk openly about it and make plans and both of you look for solutions and things like that. And I would say, and again, this is a shameless plug, but it’s a great opportunity to let a financial advisor come along. And I would say two things that a financial advisor can offer is, one, they can see things that you cannot, that are just either because you don’t know about them, because maybe you don’t have the financial knowledge in that area. And so we can provide education and enlightenment. I had never thought of that. The other great thing that our financial advisor brings to the table for anybody, but especially for families with kids, is the ability to consolidate your financial world into one lens. Most people have money in 12 or 15 different places, 401Ks, IRAs, a savings account over here, something I inherited. And it’s in all these different places and a financial advisor. And one of the things I love to do is bring all that together and give people a sense of their current financial health. We do some planning and dreaming about where they would like to be, whether that’s college for their kids, retirement down the road. What does that look like? Then that gives us a roadmap between here and there and You know We’re gonna we’re gonna look for how you can get there the best way possible and you know how we can help you do that and so there are a lot of advantages when you have Responsibilities like kids and it’s hard to kind of focus on those things sometimes an outside Perspective like a financial advisor, you know can be a great help to Showing up any gaps and making sure that you can you can get where you want to go Fantastic. Greg, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Sure. My email address, I’ll just give my personal one, it’s [email protected]. That’s an old high school nickname. That’s another story. But yeah, anybody who would like to, I’m on Facebook too. Just Greg Parks in the Dallas area. And I would love to connect with anybody and Joe, I’m so thankful for your twins group. It’s been a great blessing to me and to our family, you know, to, to walk this awesome journey, with a lot of other dads and families and to just appreciate all you’ve done for the twin dad community. Well, thank you. You’re very welcome. I appreciate you coming on the show today to share your story with the other twin dads that are coming up on the journey behind us. So thanks for your time today, Craig. We really appreciate it. Joe, thanks so much. I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Greg about his adventures as a father of twins and raising a family with five children. If you want to connect with Greg, I’ll link up to his contact information in the show notes for this episode. You can go straight to podcast episodes via TwinDadPodcast.com. Once again, today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads. It’s called Dad’s Guide to Twins. You can get a free audiobook version for you. This is perfect if you’re still expecting your twins over at freetwinbook.com. Once again, that’s freetwinbook.com. If you’d like to share your story like Greg did today on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via Instagram or Twitter, also known as X. My username is @twindadjoe, or you can drop me an email, [email protected], and I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post When Twins are Kids #3 & #4 and Baby #5 Arrives with Greg Parks – Podcast 303 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 302 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Chris Decent, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Older sibling’s concerns transforming into wonderful big sister Going through multiple failed adoptions before getting the twins When one twin spent 4 months in the NICU Selling their home right away after birth to move closer to the hospital Deciding to have Mom stay home with the kids Discovered about autism after twins were missing milestones Having each child at different levels developmentally Getting special needs children into school that matches their needs A child’s tantrum vs autism meltdown Sleep challenges with twins When twins don’t look alike and more… Connect with Chris via email for any questions about ASD. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Today, I’d like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Chris Decent. Welcome to the show, Chris. Thanks for having me, Joe. Chris, how old are your twins right now? What’s something exciting about this age? They will be six in about a month at the end of February. And I think what’s most exciting right now is just seeing how they get interested in things, whether it’s trains or cuckoo clocks, which my son is currently in love with. Just kind of seeing how their brains work and what is most interesting to them. That’s fun to watch them. And you’re into like, they’re turning into little humans and they have different interests and stuff. That’s pretty exciting. Feel like we’ve been in the survival phase for a while now. My twins both have some special needs that we’ll talk about a little bit today. So that’s been another thing that’s been interesting is although they’re twins, my daughter is developmentally probably about a year behind my son. So in some ways, it feels like déjà vu. We keep going Groundhog Day, going through the same things, but it’s been quite a wild ride. Are they your only children? I also have an 18-year-old who’s a freshman at Mississippi State. Fantastic. So that’s Bulldogs, right? That’s right. And she’s the best big sister ever. Part of our story is that we actually adopted the twins at birth. And my 18-year-old set up an Instagram account for them that’s called Decent Double Trouble. And it really just kind of is a way to follow their story and all the things that they’ve been through in the last six years. So her name is Claire, and she’s the best big sister anyone could hope for. Great. It’s always good to have an extra pair of helping hands, especially when they’re like, she was obviously old enough to help when the twins came home. She was. She doesn’t live with us full time, but she’s here all the time. And, you know, it’s interesting too, as part of our journey that, when Claire was writing her essays to get into Mississippi state, she was awarded a very prestigious scholarship at Mississippi state. What she wrote about is the twins and how her life has changed. And I’ll never forget the opening line to her scholarship essay. It starts by saying, “Will I get enough presents? Will I have to share my room?” Those are the first thoughts that went through her head when I called to tell her that she now had a brother and sister. And she just talks about how she was a little bit selfish as a 12 or 13-year-old kid and how the last 5 and 1/2, 6 years have really changed her world and how Cooper and Scarlett have really changed her view of the world. And as a dad, there’s nothing that warms my heart more. That’s great. That’s great to see her evolve in that phase as a big sister. I know we have two boys, we had two boys before our twins were born, but they were too young to express what you just said Claire expressed to you, right? They were surely thinking something like, am I still going to get attention? Am I still going to get everything they need? But they couldn’t articulate that. So that was pretty cool that she was able to. Well, you know, it’s always been amazing to me is how she, when I, you know, I didn’t see those words or her put those words on paper until about a year ago. And for me to think about, wow, I had no clue you had those thoughts when you were 12 or 13 years old. It’s just, it’s such a reminder that our children see and hear so much more than we ever think they do. And they have their own thoughts, whether they articulate those to us in the moment or not. But what we do, what we show them, how we’re there for them, all those things matter. And she’s a great reminder of that. Absolutely. You mentioned that you brought the twins home. You adopted them at birth. So how much advanced notice did you get before you knew you would be having twins? Quite a bit. We had a long journey to grow our family. We had multiple rounds of IVF that did not work. And actually, we had multiple failed adoptions. And that’s something that people don’t talk about a lot. We had more than once we went to the hospital expecting to bring home a child, and the birth mother changed her mind. And every state’s a little bit different. In the state of Florida, once a child is born, then in order to sign adoption papers, I think it needs to be 48 hours post birth and a certain number of hours off of any medications. And so we had the life-changing experience of having some birth mothers change their mind. So when we were actually paired with the birth mother of our twins, we made the hard decision not to tell anybody in our life. We had been through some really hard times. And so we were paired with her for about four months prior to the twins being born. So my wife and I were preparing and nesting and doing all those things. But nobody in our life knew until we called them. And we didn’t call them until the adoption was finalized. So two days after they were born, we got to go through that experience of calling friends and family and saying, “By the way, we now have twins.” And a part of our story too is that my son Cooper came home immediately at that two-day mark, and his sister Scarlett stayed in the NICU for four months. She was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia, which is what we’ve learned a lot about in the last five or six years. But I would just say that she requires a surgery and an extensive stay in the NICU. So as we started to share with the world, we brought Cooper to my parents and my in-laws and said, “This is your grandson,” and we had to share pictures of Scarlett for those four months until we brought her home. That’s quite the prize. You have the twins, and you’re probably expecting to bring them home shortly after their birth, and then you have some complications or they’re separated. How did you manage that kind of logistics of when your son’s at home, your daughter’s in the hospital, probably have, you know, work responsibilities, all that stuff. How do you balance that? Yeah, when I, when I think back about it, my wife and I were just talking about this the other day, I think it’s a great parallel to just being the parent of twins. I think you just do it in the moment. Now when I think back about it five years later, I don’t know how we did it. I do know that we were told about a month before my daughter was born that she had this condition and required a surgery. But we were told by the surgeon that she’d be in the hospital for about two weeks and then she’d come home. Well, that two weeks became 123 days. And my wife and I slept at the hospital for almost all of those nights. And we somehow shuttled back and forth. One of the first things we did is we put our house immediately on the market. We sold it in about two weeks because we knew we needed to be really close to the hospital. We knew that in our hearts. And we rented a house right downtown, Jacksonville, near the hospital. And that helped to be just five minutes away. But when you ask how we did it, I really don’t know. I think it’s just a great example of you just do what you need to do for your kids. I often laugh about thinking about when we finally did bring Scarlett home, I can only imagine what Cooper was going through Cooper’s head at that time because he hadn’t seen his sister literally in four months and they had been together in the womb all that time. So someday I hope to, I know we’ll never know the answer, but I always joke that when she came home, he said, “Where have you been all this time?” I think you make a great point there how you just you kind of figure things out, you adapt, you roll with it. You make some changes, you may I mean even made big changes like that’s completely solar house and move. As a dad, as parents, I mean sometimes you just have to take whatever action is necessary for the best. You know the best outcome for your family. So at the time, I worked at a local university that was very understanding. Like I said, we tried to spend as much time as possible at the hospital with Scarlett. My wife at the time was a recruiter in healthcare, working remotely. And not long after we brought Scarlett home, she made the decision that she needed to stay home full-time with the kids. It’s something I’m grateful for her every day. I don’t know how she’s done the last five and a half years at home with them, but I know that there was a significant amount of intervention and therapies and just care and love that they needed that one of us needed to stay home. And she’s taken that on last five and a half years, and I’ll, I’ll forever be grateful for that. Yeah, that’s amazing. I know there are, there’ve been some other complications down the road developmentally with your twins that obviously require a lot of extra hands-on attention and involvement. So that’s great that she can be home with them. Let’s talk about some of those other challenges that you’ve had with your son and your daughter. You mentioned that they are on the autism spectrum. So how did you even discover that was the case with them? Yeah, so when I think back, two years old was really that trigger for us. I think up until two, a combination of the fact that they were younger and you typically don’t get the diagnosis until you’re a little bit older, a combination of that and all the time that we spent worrying about Scarlett and her medical condition. When we think back, we often say, we kind of let Cooper do his thing. And then one day we woke up, it felt, it feels like he was one and a half, two years old and we’re like, I’m not sure he’s meeting his milestones. And I think in our guts, we probably thought that before. And my wife and I are definitely type A’s that want to jump on and fix something if there’s a solution, right? Whatever that is. And so we were blessed at the time that I worked at a hospital in fundraising at a foundation at a hospital. And so we got access to some services immediately and had both children diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. I think it was probably more of a shock for us with Cooper, with my son, because he hadn’t had any challenges. My daughter’s medical condition doesn’t necessarily lead to autism or anything, but we knew that some of what she went through could delay her. So I think the fact that it was autism just happened to be the thing with her. Then as we found out that my son had the same diagnosis, that was definitely a jarring moment for us to hear that. I think you want your kids to have the best life they can have, whatever that means. And we still make the effort every day to make that happen. It’s just, it’s been a different journey for sure. In trying to figure out what therapies do you need? What schools, you know, you know, do you need different aids or different help for things? And our goal has always been, give them as much support as we can at an early age, ’cause we know that makes such a huge difference. So logistically, what does that look like? As far as, you’ve found some extra help that they need, and does that involve them going someplace on a regular basis and stuff happening in the home, what does that look like? Yeah, so there’s different schools of thought about this out there, but we definitely prescribe to ABA therapy for our children as it relates to their autism, especially my daughter. So ABA is Applied Behavioral Analysis. It’s a form of therapy for children with autism, and it really focuses on getting them to comply with understanding compliance first before you can move on to teaching them things. And that’s worked wonders for my daughter. She has an ABA therapist that comes into our home and also follows her to school. She goes to school about three hours a day to, you know, what I’m gonna call it a school, but really more of a developmental center that’s really just focused on kind of meeting her where she’s at. And, you know, since the twins are almost six, they’re not fully matriculated in the school system yet. We’re probably about a year away from that with kind of some of their delays, but that’s where I think Scarlett is. I could see her matriculating more fully into school next year. And really we take it on a year by year, month by month basis about where she’s at. Does she need extra support or has she overcome some of these things? ‘Cause some of the things that really hold the kids back are things like speech-related challenges. And our hope is that that continues to get better over time and then they’ll be able to better articulate what it is they’re trying to get at and they’ve made great strides. Cooper does go to a school. It’s kind of a quasi-clinic school for children with special needs. And he goes 8.30 to 2.30 Monday through Friday. And I’m a proud dad who’s sitting here today to say that he’s done three days this week in a row in the car rider line. And that was a huge accomplishment for our family. So I drop him off at 830, and his aide comes out and gets him and takes him out of the car, and he’s happy as can be. And I pick him up at 230. So that’s a win, and everything for us is pushing towards how can we get more matriculated into the school system or whatever they need. And again, I can see that happening over the next year. Sounds like they’re making great progress. How does their autism affect maybe their interactions with you at home or their interactions with each other on the home front? Say autism has made us rethink and relearn everything we thought we knew as parents. So when I think about my 18-year-old, when she was the same age as the twins, if she did something wrong, we punished her in some way. And I’m not sitting here to discuss what different versions of punishment people use, right? But we’ll just say, you know, whether it’s even just, you know, raising your voice to your child or looking at them in the eye or sending them to their room. I’ll use those as examples. Right. For a neurotypical child, that’s how you parent. That’s how I learned my entire life. That’s how I was parented. Or a children with ASD, a child on the spectrum. That does not work. That is not going to help them. And another example I would use is if you’re out in public at a store and your child wants a piece of candy in line and they start throwing a tantrum, right? So do you have children yourself? When I think about my 18-year-old, she threw tantrums at the kid, right? But what none of those children have had is an autistic meltdown. That is something completely different. And too often, people will see an autistic child, what you think of as acting out in public and think, “Well, why can’t their parents handle that?” What I want to get out there to people is that understanding the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. So a tantrum is responding to denied access. So your child wants Cheez-Its, you don’t want to give them Cheez-Its, they throw a tantrum. That happens to all children. and not. A meltdown is something completely different. A meltdown sometimes doesn’t have a reason, but the child cannot see clearly at that point. It has gone so far beyond that. So that’s been quite a learning experience for us, like I said, to have to literally relearn all the things I thought I knew about parenting and to understand. So to answer your question in short, I would say it affects every part of our life. It affects what places we choose to go, who we spend our time with, how long we can stay at things. And I would use the example of birthday parties, right? When Claire was little, we’d go to a birthday party for a friend or family member and you’d be there for a couple, two, three hours, right? Probably done that a hundred times. When we get invited to things now and I think about going, we might only be there 15 minutes. We might only be there an hour. We really try to meet our children and their needs where they are and, um, get them in the best place possible. So do you, uh, you just play, you play off the cues that your children are giving you as far as how long you stay somewhere, what the next steps are? We do. We also, we try to be really prepared in advance, right? So, um, again, to use this example of going over to somebody’s house for an event or a party or the, you know, before the twins were born, I would have taken Claire and if she said, “Well, I don’t want to go,” I would have said, “Well, we’re going,” right? Or, “This is your grandmother’s birthday party,” or “This is your…” And now, if we wake up in the morning and we can see that the twins are not regulated that day, and that could be for a number of reasons. It could be they haven’t been outside enough, which is an important regulation tool for them. It could be that they didn’t sleep well the night before. We really struggle with sleep in my house, which is a typical ASD thing. It could be for a lot of reasons that we wake up that next morning and we say, “It’s just not the right decision for our family to go.” And so I think that’s been the hardest part for me personally is relearning everything I thought I knew. And then the follow-up to that is helping educate friends and family members about those things too. I mean, you have your child over at your parents’ house or a family member’s house and your child starts screaming or acting out. Again, everybody wants you to parent the way we think we all know how to parent. And I’m so grateful to the family members who have learned about our kids fast and provide things like safe spaces for them to go in a quiet room or understand that when we come in your house and you open the door, if you do what you’ve probably done your whole life and say, “Wow, great to see you, Joe.” And it’s a big hug and you’re excited, that could trigger my family. So if you want to be an advocate for our family, if you want to understand our kids, then you need to understand you open the door quietly and we just see how things go. That’s great. You have a good network of family and friends that understand and are able to accommodate and help you feel comfortable then you know the best in the situation that they can. Oftentimes twins behavior plays off of each other because they’re always together, they grew up together. Do you see that in the case of your son and daughter as well or if one of them may be triggered in something the other will follow suit or are they kind of independent? Yeah so we used to think of them as independent but now what we see is and I don’t know if this is a sister following her brother. I don’t know if it’s that she’s just a little bit more delayed than he is, but now I feel like He does something and then a year later she starts doing it Um things like turning on and off all the light switches in the house, right? When we got through that phase with him I remember thinking hallelujah and And then we had to go through that phase with her. Um, I also see things like He likes watching trains on TV and airplanes and I see her gravitate towards those same things. But I think probably one of the most rewarding things for me and my wife has been in the last year or so is seeing them start to play more together. Starting to see them even in the last couple months now they want to play hide and seek. They’re really bad at it. Okay, they’re okay at the seeking part. They’re really bad at the hiding part. But just hearing them say, “Hide and seek.” You know, “Play, hide, and seek” is really, it means so much to my wife and I, and they get so much joy from it. So I love seeing that, and I do see them starting to play off each other more. I also see them doing typical things like irritating each other. One has an iPad, and the other one snatches it from them. As much as I want to be upset in the moment, more than anything, I’m happy that they’re doing something that any two six year olds would do. So that’s just some of the things that we go through. So is that implying that not too long ago, they weren’t really playing together or interacting with each other? They weren’t really. I’d say for the first few years, maybe even the first four years, they almost ignored each other. And I always wondered, once we realized that autism, was it Was it that? Was it her medical conditions? Is it the fact they were separated for the first four months? I’m not sure and we’ll never know exactly what the reason is. But over time, they started to like each other a little bit more, even to the point where we would sometimes find him sleeping in her bed next to her if you saw her taking a nap. So I think those are things that, again, really warm our heart. But when I think about my twins, they’re, gosh, we try to parent them similarly, but boy, they are different people. When you think about the autism spectrum, I think they’re really good reflections of opposite ends of that almost. So my son is very non-traditional in the sense that if you open the door and started screaming, he would scream too. He would love it. He’s exciting. He wants to hug you. He wants to hang out with you. He wants to high five you. His excitement level is 11 out of 10 all day long. He never turns off. My daughter is more traditional, what people think of when they think of ASD, in that you might open the door and she might ignore you for a while. It takes her a little bit longer to warm up to you. She needs to, you need to build trust with her. So we definitely see that in them and in being so opposite. And so when they do anything together, it’s a home run in our house. Did they share the room together or were they separate? As we look at moving our family, which we’re going to be doing here in the next few months, we’re talking about maybe putting them in the same room. It’s a scary proposition. When we brought my daughter home from the NICU, there was really no option. She came home on oxygen for the first two years of her life and we were constantly tending to her medical needs. So she really needed her own space. Now, when I think about putting them together, I think about how long would it take for them to stop irritating each other so much that they would actually sleep. And like I said, we’ve gone through a lot of sleep challenges and are right now with the twins. So it is something that we’re considering, but we have not done it to this point. You mentioned sleep challenges and those come in all different flavors. What have some of those been and like what are some successes that maybe you’ve had or or some things that you found that have worked? I think our sleep story is probably as bad as anyone’s. About a year and a half ago, my son just stopped sleeping through the night. And up until that point, he had, it had been like our biggest win as parents is that you put Cooper to bed at like 7.30 at night and he sleeps till seven o’clock in the morning. We tried the mom’s on call method with him and it worked. And then he went through, I guess, what they call a sleep regression. And sometimes those are more severe when you’re dealing with an ASD diagnosis as well. So Cooper still goes to bed around that seven, seven 30 timeframe. He pretty much wakes up every night like clockwork, anywhere from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. And what he wants at that point is one of us to go in there and lay down with him, comfort him. So we’ve kind of trudged through that best as we can. We often joke that I haven’t gotten more than four hours dedicated sleep and as long as I can remember and I think that’s true. But honestly last night, I’ll use this as an example, Cooper didn’t get up till 5.30 and that may be jarring to some people and that was a home run in my house for him not to be up for the day till 5.30 I think partially because of his ASD, oftentimes when he wakes up, his brain is going so fast that he’s up for the day. Scarlett is a little bit better sleeping through the night and a little bit worse at going to sleep at night. We have tried some medications to help Cooper sleep and we’re still trying to figure out what’s best for him. Scarlett, we often say that, you know, when we put Cooper to bed, that’s Scarlett party time. She gets to be an only kid for a little bit. So I’d say she typically goes to sleep a little bit later and is more likely to sleep through the night. But the entire house is better. Everybody’s mood is better. Everybody is nicer to each other. If Cooper could, if we could get Cooper to sleep till six, two nights in a row, I would throw everyone a party. Do they wake each other up? I mean, if one of them is sleeping and the other one’s wide awake, ready to go. Is that ever a challenge? So we have Jack and Jill rooms for the kids, is kind of the setup and we’ve seen less of that. So that was a challenge to start with, is Cooper would wake up and he’d immediately go into his sister’s room and throw in all the lights. That was a phase that we got through and knock on wood, I hope we’re done with. Now more often what we see is he comes out and he’s looking for mom or dad to come comfort him and lay in bed with him. So, you know, we made some accommodations. I, again, no, no judgment. I, we never did any co-sleeping with our kids, but we’ve had to adjust that for Cooper. So we put him to bed at say 7 30, lay in bed with him for a minute until he falls asleep. And then we leave. And then typically when somebody goes in with him at 12, one o’clock at night, you’re in there with him until he, till he wakes up for the day. So that he’s not constantly getting up and coming back out. So we put it, moved to Queen’s size bed it was room as an example. So there’s room for us to get a little bit of rest. And to go back to your original question, you know, what changes have we made? I’ve adjusted my own sleep patterns. And so has my wife that three, four hours, it’s us there sometimes. That’s what our kids need. Well, that’s great that you’re able to adapt. I mean, adjusting to what’s working, what’s not working and just trying to make it through, you know, sometimes you just have to make it through each day, one at a time. So it’s obvious that you have a great love for your children are able to provide the things that they need and adjust to their challenges, which is not an easy task for any parent. If you look back at, um, you’ve got these challenges of, of your children being with autism and they’re also twins, but it seems like they’re still, they’re so independent of each other. Plus their boy-girl twin. Um, do people even know that you have twins? Do they just assume you have a couple of kids? Yeah. Most people don’t believe that they’re twins. Um, That’s a great question by you. My son is, my daughter, partially because of her medical condition, is really, really small. She’s a little bit shorter. She’s very slight by comparison. My son is not. He’s a bruiser. And so, I think one of the most interesting things is when people hear their twins, people are in disbelief. They can’t believe they’re twins. They don’t look alike. But the other thing that I’ve always found interesting is that people will consistently say that my son looks just like me. They’ve said that since he was born. And of course, most people, they have no idea that the twins are adopted. And they say my daughter looks just like my wife. And unbeknownst to those people who are saying that, it is pretty special when you hear that. And I have heard from other adoptive parents that kids, they’ve adopted children that look like them and act like them over time. But Cooper really from the hair to the eyes all the way down, I mean, if most people believe there’s no way he was adopted. And again, there’s no way that those two are twins. People, they could not be more opposite most of the time. Well, that’s fun that they look like each of you and your partner there. I know that. I’ve heard like spouses kind of grow to look alike over the years, right? So it’s kind of fun that you have, have your adopted children that have grown to look like you and your wife. So that’s, that’s pretty cool. Chris, we really appreciate you sharing your twin journey with us today. If listeners want to reach out and connect with you, what’s the best way to do that? It’d be open to anybody emailing me and helping with any questions, especially as it relates to this world of autism and, um, but anything related to the twins too. So my, my email address is Chris C H R I S M as in Mary. And then my last name, which is decent, D-E-C-E-N-T, @gmail.com. And yeah, we’ve had to learn so much about navigating funding for services in the state of Florida. I’ve had some great employers and jobs in the last six years, but insurance is not enough in and of itself. And so, you know, understanding how your state treats these services, and I’ll use Florida where we live as an example. That’s one of the reasons why we’re leaving the state of Florida because Florida is a tough state to live in for autism-related services. As an example, both of my children should qualify for the Medicaid waiver in the state of Florida. The current wait list is 15 years. So once you get qualified, it’s 15 years. If you were to move to New York, for example, you’d be eligible tomorrow. The impact of that is thousands of dollars worth of services and therapies that we’ve been blessed enough to figure out for our kids on our own, some of which we’ve had to go into debt for. Up to this point, we’ve been able to figure it out, but ultimately, Florida is a tough state to live in to navigate those services. And so if anybody ever needs a hand, I’m happy to help with at least our experiences. Thank you. Thank you for being open and sharing that. I know those, those are the parents, the benefit from the stuff they’ve heard today on the podcast and from reaching out to you for those details. So Chris, thank you so much for joining us. We appreciate it. Thanks for your time, Joe. I hope you enjoyed that chat with Chris about his adventures as a father of twins, a lot of the challenges that they’ve overcome, the progress that they’re making with their twins. And if you want to connect with Chris, like we mentioned, I’ll link up to that in the show notes for the podcast. You can go straight to the podcast episodes at TwinDadPodcast.com. Once again, today’s show is brought to you by TwinTshirtCompany.com, where you’ll find great t-shirts and designs for you fathers or twins. You can buy them for yourself or you can ask for gifts for your birthday or holidays coming up or Father’s Day, whatever it is, you can find something that’ll make you smile over at TwinTshirtCompany.com. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Raising Autistic Boy/Girl Twins with Chris Decent – Podcast 302 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Burping is essential for your twins to release air trapped in their tummies after feeding, preventing discomfort and gas. After a good burp, your babies will go from squirming, crying, and agitated to calm and happy. We would always proactively burp our twins right after feeding. This helped prevent their discomfort if we waited. The challenge is that if you’re feeding your twins at the same time, how do you burp both twins when they are finished eating? Let’s talk about some examples of how to burp twins even in some of the complicated situations you’ll find yourself as a father of twins. Before we jump in, remember that if you have any concerns about your twins’ digestion or issues with feeding, be sure to talk with their pediatrician for personalized advice. How to Burp Twins Simultaneously: When faced with the challenge of burping both twins at the same time, an good system makes the process smoother. Here are some practical tips: Double Duty Hold: Hold one baby against each shoulder, supporting their necks and heads with your hands. Gently pat or rub their backs simultaneously. You will likely have to position each baby one at a time. This method not only helps release trapped air but also offers comfort to both babies. Be sure to put a burp cloth on your shoulder to catch any spit up. Lap Burping: Sit down with a baby on each knee, ensuring their heads are supported. Pat or rub their backs rhythmically, and if necessary, adjust their positions to find the most effective angle for burping. Position burp cloths under their heads to catch any surprises. Partner Assistance: Enlist the help of your partner or another caregiver. Sit facing each other with a baby on each lap and take turns burping. This way, both twins receive the attention they need a the same time. Here’s a twin dad example of holding and burping both twins at the same time: Individual Burping of Twins: While simultaneous burping is efficient, there may be times when burping one baby at a time is more practical. Here are some tips for individual burping: Rotate Feeding Positions: Alternate which baby you feed first during each feeding session. This allows you to focus on one baby at a time for burping, ensuring both receive equal attention. Utilize Supportive Equipment: Invest in baby gear that can assist in individual burping. If you’re by yourself, be sure you have something nearby that can safely hold or support one of your babies. We’d use a twin nursing pillow or bouncy seat as an extra pair of hands if we needed to focus on feeding or burping one of our twins but still keep an eye on her sibling. Create a Routine: Establishing a consistent routine can be beneficial. For example, if you have a specific order for feeding and burping, it becomes easier to manage the process for each baby individually. Remember that if you’re feeling overwhelmed by yourself, it is just fine to help each twin one at a time. Managing simultaneous feeding and then burping twins will take some practice. Here are some great examples of burping your twins from our friends at Twiniversity: Medical Perspectives: According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), burping is an important aspect of infant care to prevent excessive gas and discomfort. The AAP recommends burping babies after every 2-3 ounces of formula or when switching breasts during breastfeeding. Like I mentioned earlier, we tried to be proactive in burping after feeds. If you wait too long, your babies will let you know something is wrong. Additionally, pediatricians emphasize the significance of proper head and neck support when burping infants. Always be mindful of your babies’ developmental stages and adjust your burping techniques accordingly. Don’t let their heads flop around! Supporting Your Partner: Helping your partner with the burping process is essential for shared parenting responsibilities. When my wife was breastfeeding our twins, I would bring each baby to her one at a time. My wife would get the baby feeding and then I’d hand her the second baby. Once one baby finished eating, my wife would had that twin to me and I would do the burping and clean up. Once we switched to bottle feeding, my wife and I would each take a baby and feed that twin individually. After feeding, the parent with the twin would handle the burping and clean up. Here are some ways you can actively support your partner: Take Turns: Alternate burping duties with your partner. This ensures both of you get some respite and actively contribute to caring for the twins. Assist with Feeding: If your partner is breastfeeding, you can assist with bottle-feeding one of the twins. This allows your partner to focus on burping the other baby. Create a Supportive Environment: Ensure a comfortable and calm environment during feeding and burping. Dim the lights, play soothing music, or engage in gentle conversation to create a relaxing atmosphere for both your partner and the babies. Burping twins may seem like a daunting task, but with a bit of planning and the right techniques, it can become a manageable part of your routine as a twin dad. Remember to stay patient and adapt your approach based on your babies’ needs. If you have concerns or questions, consult with your pediatrician for personalized guidance. The post How to Burp Twins (by yourself or with your partner) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Let’s talk about stroller options for your twins plus one other child. You could have a singleton child and then you have the twins, or you could have the twins and then you have a singleton child. Some of these configurations I talk about below can work for either one of these scenarios. The premise of a lot of the twin strollers I mention below are that you have a standard double stroller with some kind of add-on like a standing stool or a third seat attachment. Thus a lot of double strollers right out of the box are not going to handle twins plus one. They’re built for double occupancy, and then you still to install some kind of add-on attachment. But first, let me share what worked for us. What We Did with Our Twins Plus Two We didn’t have twins plus one, we had twins plus two. We already had two toddler boys when our identical twin girls were born. We had four kids, ages three and younger, and we had to solve the same dilemma of how to transport everybody where they needed to go. We already knew that we had the two toddlers and we knew we had the twins coming. We got the inline Snap-n-Go stroller where their car seats could snap into the frame with one girl in front of the other behind. We used that stroller while the twins were infants and they were in their infant car seats. At that phase of our adventure, our toddler boys just walked around. Alternatively, we also had wearable baby carriers, Baby Bjorns. So my wife could wear a baby in the Bjorn and I had the other baby in a Bjorn. For example, we went to Disneyland when our girls where still babies. We took a double umbrella stroller that was the pack mule for our toddler boys, the twins when needed, and it carried our diaper bags and stuff. My wife and I each wore one of the twins in a Baby Bjorn on our chest. That way we were able to maneuver everybody around through the crowds.  This same setup also worked when we were out in public at the grocery store or when we went for a walk. You can be creative in how you’re carrying the twins. You could wear them, toddlers could walk, you can get a stroller, and you can get dedicated strollers with attachments that will fit twins plus one, which is what we’re going to talk about right now. Here are some popular solutions for strollers for twins plus one: Valco Double Stroller with Joey Third Seat Use the Valco double stroller with an extra jump seat. This is a standard side by side double stroller, but it has an attachment that sits on the front so that your plus one kid is right up in the front. The third child sits in front of your twins. Your twins are going to be sitting side by side, and they’re going to be staring straight ahead and seeing the back of this little attachment chair that fits in the front. Sometimes these attachments are called joeys like the baby kangaroos that sit up front in momma’s pouch. To create this twins plus one stroller setup for your family, you’ll need these two pieces: Valco Baby Trend Duo double stroller – this a standard side-by-side stroller for your twins. Valco Baby Tri Mode Duo X Toddler Seat – this is the front seat joey-style attachment Zoe Trio Another option is from Zoe. There’s the twin model of the Zoe stroller and there’s a trio version where instead of a joey seat like the Valco, you basically have a single stroller that sits in front of the double stroller. At first glance, it looks like your double stroller rear ended and attached to a single stroller in some kind of sidewalk collision. This kind of stroller setup requires that your kids are old enough to hold up their own heads. This makes for an extra long train of babies that you’re going to be pushing around. If you need a little shorter, more compact solution, consider the other options we’re discussing here. Bugaboo Donkey + Ride On Board If you haven’t heard about the Bugaboo Donkey, it is not priced like a donkey. It is priced more like a thoroughbred racing horse. It is one of the most expensive stroller options out there but does come highly recommended. So if you have the money and the budget to buy the Bugaboo Donkey (or if your in-laws want to chip in and buy this Cadillac version of a double side-by-side stroller) by all means, go for it. The Bugaboo Donkey Duo version has a side-by-side stroller setup. It can handle side-by-side bassinets, car seats with attachments, and side-by-side seating as the kids are able to hold their heads up by themselves. With Bugaboo’s third wheel attachment, you have a ride for your toddler. It’s an attachment that goes on the back axle of the double stroller. It’s basically underneath the handlebars between you pushing the stroller and the babies that are in the side-by-side stroller. I’m not sure this would be great for super long distances, but definitely if your toddler gets tired and wants a ride, they can probably sit on this easy breezy and get pushed around, no problem. Again, this one’s going to be pricey. This Bugaboo solution is upwards of $2,000 for the twins plus one stroller setup as you’ll need several pieces to make it work: Bugaboo Donkey 5 Mono Complete Bugaboo Donkey 5 Duo Extension Set Bugaboo Wheeled Stand-on Board Bugaboo Comfort Wheeled Board Donkey/Buffalo Adapter If that’s not in the budget, some of the other options we’ve talked about already will be significantly cheaper for you. Bumble Ride Indie Twin + Toddler Board The Bumble Ride Indie Twin is like a lot of these other side-by-side double strollers we’ve talked about where you need to buy an additional attachment, the toddler board for your toddler. This will be great if you have the baby twins and you’ve got the singleton toddler that needs a little ride around. Now, the toddler board attachment, fits to the back axle of the stroller underneath the handlebar. Your toddler rides between you and the main portion of the stroller. To get this twins plus one stroller setup, you’ll need: Bumble Ride Indie Twin Double Stroller Bumbleride Mini Board Toddler Board Okay, so we talked about several double side-by-side strollers that could work for you. Now, of course, these are not the only brands. If you are looking for a different side-by-side double stroller, you have to check with the manufacturer to see if they have any kind of toddler seat, third jump seat, or third wheel attachment. Otherwise, it may not meet the needs that you’re looking for. But double strollers with attachments aren’t the only solutions. Let’s look at wagons… WONDERFOLD Quad Stroller Wagon If you don’t want to do the double stroller option with some kind of attachment board for the third child, then you may want to consider a wagon. Several twin parents recommended the Wonderfold Wagon. This is not the wagon from when you were a kid. I remember the little red Radio Flyer wagons, which are just basic metal rectangles with no restraints, no roof, short walls, and everybody’s falling out as soon as you turn a corner. Wagons today are much safer and better equipped. These include harnesses to keep the kids strapped in and they come in different sizes so they can accommodate up to four of your kiddos. These wagons are heavy duty. They’ve got four wheels, so it’s not just two wheels on the back and one in the front like some of these double strollers. And they often come with a canopy, child restraints, and lots of pockets and storage space. It’s perfect for hauling your entire crew around. Plus a lot of wagons like this will be cheaper than some of the double stroller plus attachment options that we talked about. For the wagon phase of life, it’s going to have to come after your kids are a little bit bigger and are able to hold themselves up – usually around six months and up. Which of these options sound the best for your twins plus one stroller needs? Leave a comment or let me know on Instagram or Twitter. The post Strollers for Twins + One appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Watching your twins learn to talk at the same time may sound like double the chaos, but did you know there are twin-specific aspects of language development? Language acquisition in twins has long fascinated researchers, and recent studies are shedding new light on this unique phenomenon. Twins, whether identical or fraternal, often share a special bond that goes beyond genetics. They can have their own secret language, known as “twin language,” which helps them communicate with each other before they start speaking in full sentences. While this early form of twin communication allows them to develop language with each other, twins typically lag behind single-born children. Our identical twin girls would babble and squawk at each other and seemingly were able to communicate that way despite my wife or I not understanding the gibberish. Twin Language Development Is Slower Researchers have found that twins tend to reach language milestones later than single-born children. These milestones include babbling, first words, and sentence formation. The root causes of delayed language development in twins are typically thought to be: genetics premature birth environmental factors (like attention from parents) We saw some speech delays in our girls while simultaneously seeing rapid learning first hand with our twin girls. Once one girl figured out a skill, her sister would see that, mimic the behavior, and shortly thereafter master the skill. As long as one of the twins figured something out, her sister was never far behind. The unique language development journey of twins Twins have a language development journey that is quite distinct from that of singleton children. From the moment they are born, twins are exposed to double the amount of language input. They are constantly interacting with each other, engaging in conversations, and exchanging ideas. This constant communication serves as a crucial foundation for their language development. Twin parents’ attention is also divided and that can lead to less one-on-one attention with each twin. Less attention means less time to focus on speech and language development. The role of genetics in language development in twins Research suggests that genetic factors contribute to individual differences in language abilities. Twins may inherit certain linguistic traits, such as a predisposition for language learning, from their parents. These genetic factors can influence the speed and ease with which twins acquire language skills. However, it is important to note that genetics alone cannot account for the language development observed in twins. The environment and the unique social interactions they experience play a significant role in shaping their linguistic abilities. Early language intervention for twins Early language intervention is crucial for maximizing the language development potential of your twins. You, as the parents, play a vital role in nurturing their language skills from an early age. Engaging in interactive activities such as reading books, singing songs, and engaging in conversations can stimulate their language learning. It is important to create a language-rich environment where your twins are exposed to a wide range of vocabulary and language structures: Use descriptive language Ask open-ended questions Encourage your twins to express themselves Provide opportunities for social interactions with other children I loved to read bedtime stories to my twins as part of our bedtime routine. However, reading wasn’t limited to only right before bed. We always have books around the house that lead to opportunities for the kids to discover and read by themselves or with a parent. Create a supportive and encouraging environment where your twins feel comfortable expressing themselves and taking risks in their language use. Twin language and its impact on overall development Twin language, also known as “cryptophasia,” refers to the unique language system that twins develop to communicate with each other. This secret language can have both positive and negative impacts on their overall development. On one hand, twin language fosters a strong bond between twins and enhances their communication skills. It allows them to develop a shared understanding and a sense of companionship. Because your twins are always together, they are good at interpreting each other’s intentions that are communicated via babbles, grunts, cries, and sounds even though it isn’t a formalized language. As our girls got better with their speech, we had one twin daughter that would occasionally “translate” her sister’s requests so we or other people could understand. Excessive reliance on twin language can also hinder their language development in the long run. Twins may become less motivated to communicate with others outside their twin relationship. This can limit their exposure to different types of language and speech – like accents, slang, and those subtle nuances of everyone’s way of talking. It is OK to allow your twins’ language but don’t allow it to become their exclusive way of communicating. Not all twins will have their own language and if they do, it may only be something minor and not their exclusive way of communicating. Twin language vs. language delay: How to differentiate It is important to differentiate between twin language and language delay in twins. While twin language is a natural part of their communication development, language delay refers to a significant lag in speech compared to typical developmental milestones. If your twins are significantly delayed in their language development and struggle to communicate effectively with others, it may be a sign of a language delay or disorder. In such cases, it is important to seek professional evaluation and intervention to support their language development. We got so accustomed to our twins’ unique way of speaking that it took comments from grandparents and friends to help us realize they couldn’t understand our twin girls. This ultimately led to us taking our girls to speech therapy to overcome their speech delays. Celebrating the linguistic journey of twins The language development of your twins is a fascinating phenomenon that will be fun to watch as your twins grow. Your twins will have a unique journey of learning to speak and communicate. It may include their own twin language but maybe not. They may have speech delays or they may not. Every twin is different (yes, even identical twins). Factors such as the close bond between your twins, premature birth, environmental factors, and genetic predispositions all contribute to their language skills development. You can support your twin’s development of strong communication skills. Observe their behavior, encourage proper speech, read to your twins, and let them interact with a diverse group of people and they’ll be chatting up a storm in no time. The post Double Talk: Exploring Language Development in Twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

It can be a big challenge to come up with Halloween costume ideas for twins – whether your twins are the same gender or not. However, if you are open to a bit of creativity and messing around to find the ideal costume, then here are some Halloween costume ideas for twins: Wizard of Oz Our girls have dressed up as Dorothy and the Wicked Witch from Wizard of Oz. This was a fun pairing, especially when they were standing together. Even if they were separated, the costumes still stood on their own and people could guess what they were. This was one of our favorite twin girl Halloween costume ideas we’ve used. Superhero Duo The superhero world is massive at the moment, with films bringing comic book superheroes back to the forefront of everybody’s attention. There are many different superhero duos out there from which you can generate ideal Halloween costume ideas for your twins. Using a superhero duo for your twin boy toddler Halloween costumes will make for great memories. The first duo that comes to mind is Batman and Robin. They are the epitome of the superhero duo world, and the costumes can be extremely varied as there are just so many different eras to choose from. You might also consider a pair from the X-Men or the Avengers: Or celebrate the recent Superman vs. Batman match-up: Plus, who can resist some cute little turtles? Star Wars. Always Star Wars! If your family is like mine, we love Star Wars. Twins and great pairs are showcased through all the Star Wars movies. Luke and Leia: R2D2 and C3PO: Twinkies Your twins are so cute, you could gobble them up: TV Legends Think of people from your favorite TV shows, or more importantly, your kids’ favorite shows. Most cartoons or children’s shows have at least a pair of characters you could use for costume ideas. Breaking bad babies… Mickey and Minnie Mouse: Your Favorite Movie Characters You and your kids love movies. Why not use some of those familiar characters for Halloween costumes for your twins? Many movie character pairs make great twin costumes for babies, toddlers, and beyond. Best buddies Woody and Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story: Mike and Sully from Monsters, Inc: Remember you twins don’t always have to be dressed up in the same theme. Here’s a Snow White and a Vampire! Just Go for Cute When all else fails, dress your twins up so they look great! You don’t have to have a matching pair or a theme everyone else is using. Try one of these ideas: Princesses from different galaxies: Classic Dr. Seuss’ Thing 1 and Thing 2: Lions! Despicable Me “Despicable Me” Minion costumes are a natural match for twins (or any multiples). To make these costumes, all you need are two yellow hoodies, overalls and some goggles. Maybe a little yellow face paint to help finish the illusion off! You can also find a packaged equivalent for around $20, but where is the fun in that? It’s much more fun to create the costumes with your kids! Sporting Rivals Dress your twins up in the uniforms of rival sporting teams. Just make sure you aren’t asking your twins to change allegiances for the night! In our house, my wife and I each graduated from rival universities so we could likely pull this off without much difficulty. Rules of Thumb for Costuming Your Twins this Halloween Remember that Halloween is about having fun and creating fun memories with your twins. Don’t stress too much about the perfect matching outfits and that everything goes smoothly. Because it won’t! When you mix twins of any age with later-than-usual bedtimes, unfamiliar costumes, and lots of candy, you’ll be in for a fun ride. Keep these guidelines in mind when picking the Halloween Costume for your Twins: Make sure your twins can move in their costumes Avoid extra costume accessories that you’ll end up having to carry after the first block of trick or treating Try to find a twin theme for the costumes to take advantage of your twins’ unique “twin-ness” Ask your twins what they want to dress up as Respect your twins’ wishes (more of an issue when they get older) if they don’t want to dress up to match or be a pair The potential for funny Halloween costume ideas with twins is limitless, so make sure you don’t send them out as the same thing as last year! Get creative and give them interesting and engaging costumes they will not be likely to forget in a long time! Here are several other great lists of Halloween costume ideas for twins: 20 Cute & Coordinating Halloween Costume Ideas for Twins Halloween Costume Ideas For Twins Top 10 Halloween Costumes for Twins Double Your Fun! 12 Best Halloween Costumes for Twins What costumes have you used for your twins? What ideas do you like? Special thanks to the parents on my Dad’s Guide to Twins Facebook page for sharing their costumed twins! The post Halloween Costume Ideas for Twins (Kid Tested and Parent Approved) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

When you bring your babies home, can you let twins sleep in the same crib? Absolutely. Should twins sleep in the same crib? It depends… At the hospital, the nurses had our twins together in the same bassinet. When we got home, we just continued this pattern. From their time in utero, each twin has constantly been with their sibling. Why not continue? Do twins need their own crib? Current safe sleep recommendations for twins are that each twin has his or her own crib. Let’s look into some of the challenges of this recommendation for twin parents and what worked in our family when our girls were babies. Twins Sharing a Crib When we brought our twin babies home, we already had two older boys (both under the age of 3). One of our sons was still in a crib. We knew we wanted to eventually move him to a big bed and then move his crib to our twins’ nursery, so we only started with one crib in our twins’ room. From the day our girls came home from the hospital, they shared a crib. We found that our twin babies would actually turn towards each other when they were sleeping side by side in the same crib. Your infant twins have a special bond and are very familiar and comfortable with being in each other’s space. As newborns, your babies aren’t going to move around much so where you put them is where they will stay in the crib. This means that we could have both babies sleep together without them interfering with each other too much. We’d swaddle each baby individually and then have another blanket swaddle them together. (Remember to not use bumper pads in the crib.) Twins in the Same Crib and SIDS The primary reason that each twin should have their own sleep surface is to reduce the risk of Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). According to the Mayo Clinic, one factor that could increase the chances of SIDs is sharing a bed with siblings, parents, or pets. Yes, there are other factors and much is unknown about SIDS but if you can eliminate any risks in your control, please do so. Two cribs are best for twins. Each crib mattress should have a tight, fitted sheet. Always put your babies down to sleep on their backs and make sure their cribs are free from stuffed animals, toys, bumpers, pillows, etc. If You Only Have One Crib for Twins When your twins must share a crib, try to make the space as safe as possible for your babies. Your infant twins are small and can both easily fit in the same crib. You can: Place the twins in opposite ends of the crib Position babies such that they are head-to-head (this avoids one kicking the other) Establish the routine of always putting Twin A in one spot and Twin B in the other spot Move the twins to separate cribs when they start getting active (see more below) Picture by @holasona_la Where Are Your Twins Sleeping? Evaluate your home and your twins’ sleeping arrangements. Is their room upstairs or in a far-off corner of the house? Do you want the convenience of having your twins close to your master bedroom for nighttime care? Current medical recommendations are that your babies sleep in the same room as you for the first year. With twins, the logistics of this can be quite challenging or even impossible. Do what you feel is best for your family. Clever baby gear like the HALO Bassinest helps you fit two babies in the smaller space of your room when you don’t have room for two cribs. Spend Money Over Time Do you need two cribs for twins? Yes, eventually you will. Do you need to buy both right now? No. Can twin babies sleep in the same crib if you’re short on cash? Yes. Many twin parents are tight on cash and can only afford one crib at a time. If this is your situation,  you can space out the crib purchases over time so that you don’t have a huge expense all at once. Or ask for cribs as baby shower gifts or from the grandparents! What about wiggly babies? Eventually, your babies will start to wiggle and hit each other when they share are a crib. Don’t freak out. They were doing this in the womb for months (just ask Mom). If it doesn’t bother them, it shouldn’t bother you. When to Separate Twins in Crib How long can twins stay in one crib? We kept our girls in the same crib for several months until they started getting bigger and rotating around. We knew it was time to separate when were jarred from sleep because Twin A had put her foot on Twin B’s head and Twin B was crying. When that time arrived, we put two cribs in the same room, with one baby in each. The girls seemed to miss each other at first but would call out to each other via squawks or gurgles in a form of echolocation (think bats) to make sure their sister was near. Hard to Sleep? So you may ask: Don’t they wake each other up if they sleep in the same room or crib? No, not necessarily. Typically one twin can sleep through the cries of the other. You’ll even find one of your babies with arms or legs sprawled over the other with both twins sleeping contently. Your Newborn Twins Sleeping Arrangements As a twin parent, you have to balance current medical recommendations with the reality of your home situation. Space constraints, budget limitations, and your personal parenting preferences must all be balanced when coming up with the answer to can twins share a crib? Our girls shared a crib just fine for several months. We’ve also heard of many other twin parents having success with this. On the other hand, remember that eventually, they will both need their own crib. If you can afford two cribs now and have space, start out with each twin in his or her own crib. You’ll find more details about twin sleeping arrangements and overcoming sleep challenges in Chapter Five of my book, the Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. The post Can Twins Sleep in the Same Crib? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Twins share many things but do they have the same blood type? Our identical twin girls share the same blood type and have the same blood type as their mother. However, that doesn’t mean all twins share the same blood type. Yes, twins can have the same blood type. But the answer isn’t that simple. The types of twins you have and the genetics of the parents all come into play when determining your twins’ blood type. Do twins always have the same blood type? No, twins don’t always have the same blood type. Your twins blood type is determined by genetics and their parent’s blood types. Twins often have the same blood type but do not necessarily have to have the same blood type. It often depends on the types of twins. Identical twins almost always have the same blood type. Fraternal twins can have the same or different blood types. Do identical twins have the same blood type? Identical twins share the same DNA which includes the genetic codes that determine blood type. Having the same DNA all but guarantees that they will have the same blood type. So yes, in addition to the same hair color, eye color, and physical features, your identical twins will share the same blood type. There is the rare case where there is a mutation in the DNA of one of the twins and that could lead to different blood types for identical twins. But I wouldn’t count on that happening with your twins as it is very uncommon. What type of blood will they have? That depends on the parents and the genetic roll of the dice. Do non identical (fraternal) twins have the same blood type? Since blood type is determined by the genetic rules in each child’s DNA, fraternal twins won’t necessarily share the same blood type. With non identical twins, the blood type of each child is determined independently of the other. It is like comparing blood types of two siblings because they don’t share the DNA like identical twins. Fraternal twins could each have their own type from the list of 8 common blood types. What blood types could my twins have? According to the Red Cross, there are 8 common blood types (A+, A-, B+, B-, O+, O-, AB+, AB-). The most common blood types are O positive and A positive. AB negative is very rare but maybe not in your case as everything depends on your genetics. How is the blood type determined in your children? It is passed genetically from the mother and father. Which parent determines the twins’ blood types? If you remember your biology class in high school, genetic attributes from the mother and father help create a matrix of possibilities for the child. The twins’ blood type then becomes a genetic game of dominant and recession traits with a sprinkle of statistics. This determines the type of genetic traits that are passed down from parents to their children. Depending on the blood type of each parent, there are numerous possible blood types the children can have. Due to all these possible combinations, the twins won’t necessarily have the same blood types as the parents. Yes, you could have four different blood types between Mom, Dad, and each of the twins. If you want to dive into all the possible blood type combinations, compatibilities, and some data, the Cleveland Clinic has some great information about common blood types. Do Identical Twins Share Blood? During the twin pregnancy, twins can share blood. This happens when identical twins share a placenta in the womb also known as monochorionic twins. Because these twins share a placenta, they share the blood from the placenta that contains all their nutrients that they get from Mom. Occasionally, this leads to a serious medical condition called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion syndrome where one twin donates blood and nutrients to their twin. This results in one twin getting too much blood and nutrients (and getting larger) and the other twin getting too little (and not growing enough). This results in complications for both twins. Why is blood type important? If you or your children ever need a blood transfusion, it is important to have matching or compatible blood types. Otherwise, your blood may have an immune response that basically attacks the foreign blood in the system. Generally speaking, the donor’s blood type has to match (have the same letter) as the recipients blood type. Any one with type O blood is a universal donor. Does Blood Type Matter During Pregnancy? During the twin pregnancy (or any pregnancy for that matter), there can be complications if the mother’s blood doesn’t match that of the baby or babies. According to the University of Rochester Medical Center, Rh Disease happens when the Rh factor (that’s the positive or negative sign with the blood type) is a mismatch between mother and baby. It can also happen when blood types don’t match. Just like if you got a transfusion of blood that didn’t match your blood type, Rh disease can cause antibodies in mother’s blood to fight the blood cells from the twins. Mother’s and twins’ blood can mix during prenatal testing, other pregnancy complications, and at birth. Talk to your doctor if you have questions about matching blood types. How Will My Twins Know Their Blood Type? Prenatal testing can help determine your twins’ blood types. Talk to your doctor if you’re interested in those details during the twin pregnancy. After birth, blood tests are very common of newborns and your medical staff can let you know your twins’ blood type. Once your twins are older, they may decide to donate blood or plasma. The Red Cross or donation center can test the blood type and let them know what type of blood they have. Twins’ Blood Type and Growing Up Together Because your twins are at least siblings, there is a great chance that they could share the same blood type or at least have compatible blood types. This might come in handy later in life if they need a blood transfusion or other serious assistance from a family member. However, whenever health is involved, make sure you consult your doctor who best knows your twins’ medical history and blood types. The post Do Twins Have The Same Blood Type? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Are you expecting twins and trying to find good names for your future children? I’ve put together some giant lists of twin names that rhyme to help get your creative juices flowing. When my wife and I were expecting twins, we struggled to find good names that we could both agree would be good fits for our identical twin daughters so I hope the following list of rhyming twin names is helpful to you and your partner. Jump to: Twin Boy Names That Rhyme Twin Girl Names That Rhyme Boy/Girl Twin Names That Rhyme Rhyming names can include those with similar sounds both at the beginning and ending of the names. Pronunciation may also play a factor in how these names sound together. Always test the twin names you pick out loud, verify you’re OK with nicknames, and how they sound with your last name. Here are additional guidelines on how to name your twins. One word of caution about using twin names that rhyme is that the similar sounds can be confused when calling your children. Often you want it to be crystal clear who you’re talking to (or about). If the rhymes are too powerful and the names too similar, it could cause some communication issues in your family. Twin Boy Names That Rhyme Have twin boys joining your family? Here are some rhyming name pairs to give you some ideas: Mason and Hassan Ethan and Kieran Aiden and Jayden Carter and Karter Oliver and Ameer Henry and Emery Luke and Rukh Caleb and Zayd Noah and Ezra Leo and Arlo Oscar and Omar Finn and Quinn Max and Jax Eli and Levi Samuel and Jamal Ryan and Kian Gavin and Alvin Adrian and Darian Austin and Justin Logan and Rogan Anthony and Giovanni Benjamin and Ramin Cameron and Daimon Christopher and Asher Dominic and Malik Gabriel and Rafael Harrison and Emerson Isaac and Aaric Jackson and Paxton Kyle and Nile Owen and Rowan Stephen and Teagan Tristan and Hassan Victor and Hector Zane and Duane Apollo and Harlow Beckham and Ibrahim Edgar and Nasser Griffin and Tarquin Icarus and Cyrus Jasper and Kasper Lionel and Nathanael Maximus and Amos Orion and Soren Preston and Weston Spencer and Jasper Titan and Hasan Ethan and Arjun Aiden and Kaiden Carter and Slater Henry and Andre Luke and Rourke Noah and Jonah Leo and Mateo Finn and Kin Max and Dax Eli and Malachi Samuel and Emanuel Ryan and Julian Gavin and Kevin Adrian and Fabian Austin and Tristan Logan and Hogan Anthony and Lorenzo Benjamin and Rahim Cameron and Ramon Dominic and Cedric Gabriel and Miguel Harrison and Jefferson Jackson and Braxton Kyle and Lyle Matthew and Nathaniel Owen and Bowen Patrick and Frederick Quentin and Trenton Robert and Herbert Stephen and Kevin Tristan and Christian Wesley and Bradley Zane and Shane Caspian and Eamon Edgar and Roger Holden and Walden Icarus and Lazarus Kendrick and Roderick Maximus and Remus Spencer and Lancer Titan and Dalton Uriah and Zachariah Wyatt and Prescott Liam and William Ethan and Nathan Aiden and Hayden Carter and Parker Oliver and Xavier Henry and Bentley Luke and Duke Leo and Theo Samuel and Daniel Ryan and Brian Andrew and Drew Adrian and Ian Austin and Dustin Logan and Morgan Anthony and Tony Benjamin and Jason Cameron and Damian Christopher and Lester Dominic and Cormac Elijah and Micah Harrison and Garrison Isaac and Zach Patrick and Derrick Stephen and Evan Apollo and Marlowe Caspian and Darian Edgar and Jaeger Finnian and Eamon Jasper and Casper Preston and Westin Quincy and Vinny Zachary and Alaric Caleb and Rafael Liam and Adam Ethan and Julian Aiden and Owen Carter and Hunter Liam and Sam William and Graham Mason and Jason James and Ames Benjamin and Amin Daniel and Nathaniel Oscar and Kozar Lucas and Marcus Alexander and Zander Isaac and Zak Ezekiel and Uriel Jason and Mason Nathan and Jonathan Evan and Ivan Adrian and Hadrian Sebastian and Bastian Noel and Joel Caden and Aidan Ian and Kian Roman and Solomon Brandon and Landon Tristan and Kristian Julian and Darian Wyatt and Rhett Jacob and Caleb Gavin and Kavin Sean and Eamon John and Ron Milan and Dylan Damian and Simeon Lorenzo and Enzo Simon and Aimon Ramon and Damon Orion and Sion Kieran and Darrin Ibrahim and Rahim Mohammed and Ahmed Zayn and Rayan Finn and Flynn Kian and Adrian Callan and Allen Harlan and Marlan Cian and Darian Seán and León Tyrone and Jerome Vaughn and John Rhys and Bryce Quinn and Flynn Collin and Dylan Keegan and Reagan Griffin and Raffin Kieran and Lachlan Alban and Elan Twin Girl Names That Rhyme Expecting twin girls? Here are some rhyming name pairs to inspired your name search: Emma and Selma Olivia and Sofia Ava and Zara Isabella and Arabella Sophia and Dalia Mia and Maya Charlotte and Scarlett Amelia and Amina Harper and Jazper Emily and Amelie Avery and Beverly Sofia and Livia Ella and Stella Grace and Larice Victoria and Astoria Chloe and Zoe Camila and Mila Scarlett and Juliet Penelope and Calliope Riley and Kiley Emilia and Amalia Aria and Sariah Leah and Shayla Hailey and Bailey Aurora and Zara Lucy and Lacey Anna and Ivana Leah and Nevaeh Ellie and Kellie Stella and Isabella Nova and Geneva Addison and Madison Paisley and Ainsley Harmony and Melody Autumn and Afton Madelyn and Adalyn Kayla and Layla Emery and Kimberly Ariana and Tatiana Skylar and Taylor Maya and Gaia Willow and Marlowe Lily and Emily Aaliyah and Samiyah Victoria and Gloria Anna and Savannah Ella and Isabella Harper and Piper Sophia and Delphia Emma and Gemma Luna and Selena Sofia and Amelia Isabella and Gabriella Leah and Sarah Hazel and Giselle Sofia and Delphia Sophia and Isabella Zara and Farrah Amelia and Emilia Ella and Bella Aria and Maria Sophia and Mia Luna and Sienna Charlotte and Juliet Grace and Mae Elizabeth and Annabeth Olivia and Isabella Isabella and Annabella Isabel and Annabel Amelia and Aria Riley and Kylie Natalie and Valerie Savannah and Susannah Elizabeth and Beth Hannah and Savannah Camila and Isla Lila and Delilah Zara and Farah Lara and Clara Lyla and Kayla Anna and Brianna Samantha and Amanda Lydia and Nadia Louisa and Marisa Eliza and Anisa Nina and Serena Clare and Adaire Sophia and Ophelia Emma and Jemma Diana and Juliana Sophie and Josie Emily and Kimberly Lyra and Myra Alice and Elise Mia and Leah Lila and Layla Nora and Flora Luna and Marina Harper and Parker Zara and Cara Mila and Camila Stella and Bella Isabel and Mabel Ava and Nova Anna and Joanna Grace and Lace Hannah and Brianna Mia and Tia Lila and Mila Lola and Nola Sofia and Ophelia Layla and Kayla Boy/Girl Twin Names That Rhyme Will your twins be one of each gender? How fun! Here are some rhyming name ideas for your boy/girl twins: Ethan and Megan Liam and Gem Noah and Nora William and Millie Aiden and Hayden Cameron and Lauren Logan and Morgan Mason and Addison Henry and Emily Oliver and Clover Elijah and Aria Gabriel and Isabelle Daniel and Danielle Matthew and Sophie Ryan and Brianna David and Ava Andrew and Drew Samuel and Rachel Oscar and Esther Landon and London Caden and Jaden Nathan and Payton John and Yvonne Ian and Vivian Lucas and Maris Eli and Ellie Riley and Kylie Dylan and Caitlyn Dominic and Monique Benjamin and Lauren Luke and Brooke Micah and Rebecca Nicholas and Alice Leo and Cleo Ezekiel and April Jason and Madison Blake and Lake Asher and Esther Sebastian and Celestine Owen and Rowan Roman and Simone Brandon and Shannon Austin and Justine Tristan and Kristen Julian and Lillian Wyatt and Juliet Luka and Yuka Jonah and Fiona Declan and Jacqueline Gavin and Lavinia Sean and Dawn Milan and Dylan Damian and Vivian Lorenzo and Zoë Simon and Carmen Ramon and Simone Orion and Marion Kieran and Lauren Zayn and Jane Lachlan and Jacqueline Kylian and Gillian Finn and Quinn Kian and Leanne Callan and Ellen Harlan and Carlyn Cian and Ryan Eamon and Simone Seán and Léon Tyrone and Simone Vaughn and Yvonne Rhys and Louise Quinn and Eileen Collin and Caitlin Keegan and Maureen Griffin and Tiffany Kieran and Maureen Brendan and Megan Sean and Shannon Rowan and Gwendolyn Alban and Maryann Tristan and Kristen Lachlan and Jacqueline Milan and Dylan Damian and Vivian Just because the names rhyme, it doesn’t mean that you have to always call them by those names in the same order. Double check that you like how the names sound when spoken in either order. The post Twin Names That Rhyme (376 name pairs for girls, boys, and boy/girl twins) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Baby gear for your twins is constantly changing. New products are always coming out. Fortunately, my friends over at Twiniversity.com just released their 2024 Twinnie Award Winners where they highlight the best gear for twins. That award list goes through a whole bunch of baby gear that is useful for your twins including dozens of products. In this podcast, I highlight those products that are twin specific. Of course a lot of baby gear that you need for twins is just standard baby gear that any baby would need – a singleton baby, twin, triplets or quadruplets. Check out Twiniversity’s list for recommendations of general baby gear. I’m going to focus on the gear that is specifically made for twins and some of my thoughts on the products that they mentioned on the list. Listen to the podcast as I discuss the: Best car seat stroller for twins: Baby Trend Double Snap-n-Go Stroller Best tandem stroller for twins: Graco DuoGlider Stroller Best side by side stroller for twins: Zoe The Twin+ Best jogging stroller for twins: BOB Gear Revolution Flex 3.0 Duallie Double Jogging Stroller Best twins plus one stroller: Zoe The Trio+ Best product for bottle feeding twins: Table for Two Best single baby carrier: Ergobaby Omni 360 All-Position Baby Carrier Best double baby carrier: Weego TWIN baby carrier Best twin bassinet: HALO Bassinest Twin Sleeper Best travel crib: Graco Pack ‘n Play Playard with Twin Bassinet Sleeper Best play yard: Romp and Roost play yard. Best twin breastfeeding pillow: Twin Z Pillow Be sure to check out Twiniversity’s complete list of award winners for additional products you might need. What is your favorite piece of twin baby gear that has made all the difference in raising your twins? Or if you’re still expecting, what’s something that’s come highly recommended to you from your local multiples group or from our friends or family that have twins already? Leave a comment or tell my on Twitter or Instagram. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Reaction to 2024 Twinnie Baby Gear Award Winners – Podcast 294 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 293 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with professional magician Wes Iseli, father of identical twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Juggling family while performing 400 shows a year as a magician Finding out about expecting twins at the 5 month checkup Healthy birth and home soon there after Twins not talking yet Getting to the twins to sleep at night Take turns with different behavior Homeschooling because they want to see kids Don’t worry about all the negative things and more… Connect with Wes on his website. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe Today we continue our father twins interview series with a professional magician, who is a father of identical twin boys, who talks about how he juggles the responsibilities of fatherhood, while traveling on the road for all the shows, and how he and his wife manage that, while taking the whole family from show to show, plus the benefits that they’ve seen from homeschooling, their children and some key fatherhood insights that give us some good perspective along your twin parenting journey, All that and much more today on the show. Intro Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Joe Hey everybody. This is Joe Rawlinson. Welcome to the dads twins podcast. As always, you can find me on the web at dads guide twins.com. Today we’re chatting with another father of twins about his experience raising twins. Before we jump into that interview, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my first book for dads it’s called Dad’s Guide to Twins. If you’re listening to podcast, I know you love enjoying audio. You can get a free audiobook version of my first book by visiting freetwinbook.com. Today I would like to welcome to the show father of twins Wes Iseli. Welcome to the show, Wes. Wes What’s up, man? How are you? I’m excited. I can’t wait to get into this. Joe Fantastic. glad that you’re here. So what’s How old are your twins right now? And what’s something exciting about this age? Wes There’ll be three in September. And they are at a fantastic age man. I’m a magician. So we’re on the road all the time. We homeschool our 11 year old daughter and then we have two and a half year old twin boys. And we travel around as a family of six doing show to show so they come with us they get to experience different things. In the wintertime it was we’re doing a show and the babysitter just hanging out with the twins in the RV while my daughter does magic and then she’ll go back in the RV and then we all go out to dinner afterwards and then go home. Now that it’s springtime, and we’re doing you know, the most recent show we did was a school fundraiser. They had a gym, like a gym I guess in the backyard. What do you call it a playground area. So the babysitter just took the kids in the playground area wore them out they had a blast. They come up on stage they take a final bow one really likes the wave one really likes to blow kisses they own have their own little personality. And they did the audience. I can’t think of a better way to in the show. They get so excited they run across the stage they jump in my arms my wife holds the other baby. I introduce Julian Julian always runs to me I introduce him and then I tickle Lex and he’s bunching up ready for it. And take a Final Bout and then run it back to the babysitter we pack it up and go. It’s just a fantastic age. We have five acres here on a property. I have hiking trails that I love. And my little boys are just following me around like little little helpers. We had fire pits and I was breaking out the fire pits from the winter. And they were helping me I pretended to strain with the wheelbarrow and they pretended to push it like they were helping me it was adorable. We get lots of pictures so that sounds like a fun age for sure. It’s a great age, man. Joe Do you involve them in your shows other than just coming out the end? Wes So at two and a half there’s really not a lot they can do you know and we I’m a different kind of animal. We have our own reality show that follows my family around doing 400 shows a year. We also do 400 shows a year. So the kids have to be able to hit their marks and if they don’t hit their marks, I have to be able to cover for them to make it look like that was part of the show. So writing a fail into the show that if it’s a success, it’s a success. If it’s a fail, it’s still a success. It’s hard to write for two and a half. When in September, maybe next year there’ll be in the show. My little girl when she she’s 11 now but when she used to come out in the show, I used to say have a pocket my hand and I’d show my hand MD make a fist and she would show her hands empty. I made her do that because I wanted the audience to know that she wasn’t doing anything. And she’d reach into my hand and pull out a silk and then we turn the silk into a dub together. But all she was doing to reach into my hand and pulling out a silk but that’s all she needed to do. And that was it was just perfect. It was awesome. So something like that for the boys. I was thinking because they’re identical twins. I was going to do a play on twin telepathy. Boy, that’s great. But I’m really I’m really struggling on the premise like I was going to do. Here’s the idea I had a whole bunch of different m&ms, different colors. And one kid just reaches in a bag and pulls out a color. But it’s hard to show think about a 500 seat audience. How do I show that unless I’ve been on camera then my wife is filming. But my wife also has to hold and direct a two and a half year old. It’s just really hard to do that. And then the other kid would actually reach in the bag and plug the same color without knowing what color that kid got because of twin telepathy. I have everything written. But I need the effect. The m&m just doesn’t play big enough. I have to figure out something I’m working on it Joe was fun premise. I like that. I like that. Yeah, that’s great that you can involve the whole family in the show. And so you alluded to some major lifestyle challenges just sharing the first minute like, we’re homeschooling. We’re on the road all the time. How do you How did you or when he’s first hit the road? Was it with infant twins or how do you manage that when they’re really really young? Wes Yeah, my daughter. We had to induce her because her due date was New Year’s Eve. So we induced her so she was born on the 26th and she took a final bow four days after being born. So the boys being born during the pandemic. They had seven days so they’re really my little girls making fun of them saying Oh, you guys had an easy you had you had a whole week to prepare. But all they did was take a final bow was this at the end of the show. We just introduced him during the show. But yeah, we put them right in the car right away who wanted us to the travel. We work resort that’s five hours away a lot. And we live out in the country. So a close show for us is an hour away. More than that. I mean, we usually are traveling we have the RV pulling a trailer, and it’s six of us. It’s my wife, my daughter myself, my twins and a live in babysitter. It’s my wife’s niece. She’s 18 Now, and she pretty much lives with us. Joe That’s great starting with a young man they don’t know any difference, right? They don’t Wes know any different and I have friends that complain. Oh, my kid would never do that. I can’t keep my kid in the car all the time. They don’t know any different. That’s their life. And you know we did that illusion show this weekend. We I worked on a television show called the carbon arrow effect. We worked on the scenes there. We went to a full Penn and Teller in Las Vegas on the biggest stage. My daughter sees all this stuff. She’s seen it for 11 years. Being in television being on television seeing dad doing radio call ends on like showing up at the news station and being on the air on the radio station with the microphones on my face. Our morning news talking about a show that’s upcoming. She’s just used to it. That’s, you know, we don’t understand how the rest of the world lives because we’re so in our bubble. What do you mean? You take your kids to soccer practice every day of the week and then you have games on the weekend and then you have to work well what do you get groceries done, but your work nine to five? How does that work? That’s weird to us. So that’s great. Joe You’ve got a good system in place. When you found out that you would be having twins What was your situation like at that time and how was that news? Wes Well, so we have our reality television show. So we’re filming all the time. So I’m filming checkups, boy that that video footage was boring because it’s just my wife getting checked out. That’s boring footage. And then five months into the pregnancy. We’re going to find out if it’s a boy or girl in my wife’s belly. And this is going to be exciting. What do you think? It is one and we have it on video. We don’t know. We’re just filling out the paperwork. And my daughter and my babysitter were just sitting in the car playing video games. They were playing uno something and I told them art we’re going to this will be five minutes we’ll be right back. And when they did the ultrasound on my wife, they were like that’s the head. That’s the heart. That’s the arm. I said oh, I want to play alright. That’s an arm right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see it as it looks like it’s holding the ball. What is that? And the lady went over and she said that’s another head. I’m not qualified for twins. She scoots away from the desk and she leaves the room in that instant. So I pick up the camera. I’m like, Honey, and she’s like, Yeah, the lady just said, Uh huh. What do you think? I don’t we’ll figure it out. I guess it doesn’t run in our family. It. We didn’t do fertility treatments. I went to general you know, public education. I didn’t know that was an option. I thought you had to have something in your family. That was an option. We were both in shock. So we had the gender reveal the next day. And it was it was quite a shock for everybody. Five months into Nolan. Every time they went to check the baby’s heartbeat they read left to right with the monitor and they fell in the first baby. My wife knew all of her times. We tried for a year for the second pregnancy. So she knew all of her dates and everything. So they were like Yeah, you’re good. You’re good. You’re growing at a good pace. You’re doing good. I never would have thought Joe if I’m honest. It’s pretty late in the process to find out. Wes And then being a magician. This is this is set out well. This was June 2020 End of the World. I mean, I’m an unemployed magician with twins on the way and it was it was very scary. But we were like, hey, we’ll figure it out. What are we gonna do with shows we know how to do one and a show. We did it. 11 years ago, we waited to have the second pregnancy because we used to just pass the baby back and forth. My wife would do a spot in the show. I own the baby. And then, you know, we have with my little girl she’s 11 Now she would be in the car seat underneath the table with the doves and the bunnies people that didn’t know she was at the event she would be napping or you know watching an iPad or something they didn’t even know she was there. But how do you deal with twins? So luckily this her niece stepped up and said you know, I’d like to homeschool myself my senior year I can do it online, and then I can be there to help you guys are like Yes. Awesome. So that just fell in our laps and it worked out perfect. Joe How did the pregnancy go for your wife? Are there any challenges with that? Wes So after everything was over, I mean, no she she did fine. She was really trying. We’re entertainers so she was trying to stay thin. She’s gonna fit in boxes, right? So she’s just trying to stay stay thin and towards the end she was like forget it. I don’t know if it was the mind shift of there’s twins now eating for three or whatever. But the last part of the pregnancy she just really ballooned up and went out of control. And then she was trying to lose the weight after the pregnancy and they’re like, well, you’re breastfeeding for too. You’re going to be eating more. You’re going to be doing this you’re going to be holding on to the weight until you wean. You won’t lose the weight. She lost the weight and they still couldn’t do it. She was killing herself and treadmill and she’s really educated herself and become a health coach. Now and now. She helped me lose 50 pounds. She’s lost 70 pounds, and she has clients all over that she really helps. And I’m passionate about magic. She’s passionate about that because she knows what it’s done for her. So it’s been pretty awesome. But as far as complication, she bled it 12 weeks, which we tried to get pregnant for a year, so she was freaking out. She ran to the doctor and the doctors like there’s there’s the heartbeat, everything’s fine. I don’t know what it was. And then after she gave birth, went for the first month checkup he’s looking through her file, and he said, you know, that could have been a triplet the last we’ll never know. But that that makes sense to me. So who knows? But no complication, natural childbirth. She took I think that lady like kind of demanded her to take the towel. No, at the end. She’s like, No, I’m good. I’m good. Yeah, she’s She’s tough. She’s tough and it we did Bradley Burfict birthing with our first baby Lana, and it’s a husband Coast childbirth and my wife likes to say you know, we’re not hippies. It’s not something that you know, we’re just no drugs or anything. No, that’s fine. But you have to put a needle in your spine and one out of a million people who have spinal damage or some kind of nerve damage the rest of their life one out of a million. She didn’t want that chance. So she said if I can handle it, I’ll do everything I can. She did the first one. And then the doctor says, you know, I had our year checkup. They’re like, you know, they’re still talking about you, the lady that gave birth to twins. You know, it was pretty intense. And the birthing process with twins was crazy because with the first baby Bradley birthing I’m holding their hand I’m rubbing her forehead. So Bradley birthing his I didn’t know anything about it either took the classes, but save all your energy for pushing. So you’re not even allowed to foil your eyebrows. You’re not allowed to tense up so the husband’s constantly looking over the wife. Oh, you’re curling your toes. Don’t relax, save your energy. Just be there for them and do anything you can for them. Let them save their energy for the pushing. Because there’s a there’s a contraction, there’s a release and arrest and there’s a career attraction. She needs all the energy she can get for that and you’re supposed to be there for for that. So you know I’m brushing up on my notes for Bradley birthing for twins. looking it up looking it up. I’m thinking I’m ready to go. We did it last time. She does all the work on just your coach. Get in there and they’re like, Alright, you got to put your gown on. What do you mean gown? I didn’t have to a gown last time and you had to go in the room in the operating room. And you have an anesthesiologist each baby had a nurse or yeah nurse. Natalie had a nurse and there was three, two doctors in the room. Two doctors in the room and an anesthesiologist, just in case they had to knock her out because she didn’t want anything that it was way different way different Joe because most twins are born via C section in the operating room and so they had to be ready. So that’s that’s great that the babies are in the right spot. And she was able to help them naturally. So did the Bradley method help in this case? Wes Everything so it was so crazy with twins. You’re worried about one flipping over the odds of one flipping over and not one was locked in position and her cervix and he actually came out with a knot on his head because he was locked in her cervix for I don’t know a week two weeks. He still if you really feel his head. He’s got a little lump over here where he’s locked in. He’s like his skull formed that way. But I mean, you really have to show somebody can’t tell that like he has a bump in his head. And the other one was just swimming to and fro. And we didn’t know which way he was going to go. But everybody just dove right out. It was just perfect. It was perfect. It couldn’t have been any more flawless. Joe So were they able to come in they’re able to come home with you shortly thereafter. Do they have to spend extra time in the hospital? Wes Dude, we didn’t even stay we didn’t even stay that whole time a lot it. I think they wanted us to stay. Three days. We stayed. I think we were out in like 45 hours. Yeah, it was great. It was great. We’re like, you can’t sleep anyway because they’re checking on you’re constantly in the hospital. Now you got twins. It was just and you got you know we didn’t have visitors this time because it was COVID but um, it was like you know what, just let us go home. We have family that can help us we have my wife can rest the babies. It’d be quiet and somebody’s not constantly checking somebody’s temperature, somebody’s vital signs. They would just let it sleep. So it was great. We got home and had family here. Started off that whole process. Joe How was your How was the reaction from your daughter to having two little ones in the house now? Wes She was more disappointed of she wanted sister. And she had identical twin brothers. So that was the main thing. She still says you know, I would still like Sr. and we’re like no, please, we’re done. We’re done. It’s so hard on the road with you know a big family and everything so you’d have a lot to take care of when you go to a show anyway, he each venue sounds like it would be the same. You go on to a theater but it’s not the loading and unloading out is different. Some managers want to talk to you and tell you their expertise and their business and you’re like I got a show to set up we can we talk after the show or something. And you know, every show is different and then have the babies on top of it. It’s just another where do you put them? You know what do you do you can’t keep them in the RV for six hours. You can’t keep is there? Is there a dressing room? Is there a room that we can set them up? Is there a room we can give them a nap? Where can we feed them we have to figure all this stuff out logistics of the twins on the road. That’s a whole nother thing. But now that they’re you know getting close to three it’s getting easier it’s getting easier. So my twins are lazy. How old are your twins? Joe My girls are teenagers now. Wes Okay, mine mine are two and a half and are just now wanting to start maybe like pick up a piece of candy and put it in her mouth. They wouldn’t. They they wanted you to give it to them. Like you give a piece of candy they pick it out they go Now you give it to me and they’d hand it back to you and then they’d open their mouth. They didn’t want to feed themselves or two and a half and they really don’t have a vocabulary. Like they don’t talk they do the twin talking back and forth. But they don’t talk every once in a while they’ll say a word and we’re like what? You know, it just it’s shocking. But yeah, they started to do the twin babble thing. So Joe you do you and your wife understand their babble. Like you know what they’re trying to say. Wes Normally they have conversations, it has all the rules of you know, back and forth conversation. But knew no. I mean, they say eat our 11 year olds the worst our 11 year old doesn’t eat. So we’re like honey Eat eat. So the babies they know eat they’ll say Eat eat when they want food. They’ll some some say milk when they’re thirsty. But lots of times they just point but yeah, and the doctor, we asked the doctors, they’re not talking. They’re not really talking. We have another friend that has like an 18 month old little girl and she’s having full conversations. I’d like to lay down the swing again, Mom, please. And my little boys are like eat milk. That’s it so the doctor is like they have each other they don’t need you guys and you’re giving them everything they need. You’re checking their diapers, you’re giving them food, they have naptime. Yeah, they’ll say night because we say that a lot. You know, I’ll snuggle them at nighttime. Our thing is I don’t know how I would love to listen to more your podcasts and find out how other parents do it. We don’t know how to do it. We had him in separate plate. We had him in separate cribs, and they would reach through the bars and like hurt their arms trying to hold the other one and just be near them. So we got rid of both cribs and just put them in one crib. But now they play and they stay up the whole time and you can’t get them to our one goes to sleep Why don’t get on top of the other one. Just slap him in the face like wake up you’re not playing it. So to put them to bed at nighttime. naptime is pretty good naptime. They’re ready to take a nap. But at nighttime they don’t want to cut the day off. So I have to go in there and put one of my right arm one on my left arm and hold them at night kiss them and you know night and I’m sitting there like this until they fall asleep and then I sneak out. But if not, there’ll be all over the place. They’ll play all night long. Joe And we had trouble when our girls were about that age too. We had trouble with him keeping each other awake. And we had to we tried several different things we tried separating them like we’d put one to sleep in our room, when to sleep in their room and then we’ll say we’re asleep. We transfer them to the, you know, their beds, or their cribs and other times I would have to or my wife would have to say stay in the room with them like you’re describing. And we tried to start it off being right next to them then it was like across the room from them and it was by the door and then it was you know how you know put them down and leave the room so it took a little bit to kind of Sleep Train them that way. I know it’s it’s difficult because you’re in different places a lot or they’re gonna they’re going to sleep right so it’s not just at the same Wes location hotel room and in the RV and yeah, how do Joe you handle nap? Times when you’re on the road? Wes It’s tough. They really don’t like sleeping in their car seat. But I mean that car seat their stroller, but sometimes you just have to it’s naptime. So my babysitter, lock them in. They’ll have a temper tantrum, and we’ll just put on an iPad of Sesame Street episode. And they’ll just watch it this is naptime. And you know sometimes it’s one will sleep 15 minutes and one will sleep three hours, but that’s all we can do. And then you know a lot of times they’re you know, it really messes them up when the car rides and we tell the babysitter and my and my daughter keep the lights on in the back. Of the RV to make it look like daytime on the way home. So they’re not up all night. We just trying to keep normal schedule, even though our schedule is crazy. You know, sometimes you’re getting home at three in the morning. Sometimes you’re leaving at six in the morning. So I mean it’s not like nine to five or you know, a three to three. It’s it’s all over the place that depends on who wants us and where we’re going. So it’s already hard enough on the road, but we got it. Potty Training and r&b is gonna be something though. That’s going to be something that has not started yet. And has not started yet. Then my wife is like, you know, boys, they say it takes it’s later anyway. They just show no interest in it right now. So we’re not the type of people that’s going to every time they have a glimmer in their eye. We’re gonna put them on a toilet. We’re gonna we’re gonna do the best we can but it’s hard. It’s hard because we we I have my business. We have the television show. We have magic show. I have a nonprofit. I have a podcast. My wife has a health coach business on top of everything else. That she helps me with. Potty Training is low on that list. So we’ll get it though. It’ll get done. Joe So how do you find time to work on on the business, your wife on her businesses is are you relying heavily on your niece the babysitter during the day to free up that time or how do you juggle those things? Wes The babysitter only really works during shows. So right now my wife is booking magic show. She’s in the office downstairs and returning health coach calls she scheduled those in throughout the day. And then the boys are in the living room and they have the gates blocked up and they have all kinds of toys and they have Elmo on and then when I get off this call, I have another call tonight at 530 and I’ll take them on the trails and go play with them in the backyard and we’re going to have Daddy Daddy son time. I have bunny rabbits and birds from my magic show and chickens and ducks. I have doves and roosters and chickens and ducks and bunny rabbits I guess Yeah, I don’t know like 40 animals in a cage outside. They just go out there and they just love it. And boys are totally different than girls. Because my little girl wouldn’t want to get her shoes dirty. And my boys have no they don’t understand what Dirk is. They just I don’t know how much shoes look that color. They weren’t that color earlier. They have no perception. My daughter would get sad and she’s got her shoe at three years old. My kids don’t care when kids come home come in from playing in their hands like they weren’t black gloves from just picking up dirt. Just throwing it they love just getting dirty. Totally different than a little girl. Joe That’s fine. Our boys we had two boys before the twins and then there are identical girls and it’s very fun to watch those differences between them. So speaking of differences, you got identical boys. So as we know identical twins are not truly identical. So let’s talk about what how do you focus on some of their individual attributes and personalities. Wes It’s crazy because they’re not identical. I mean they are but they’re not. Like you said, so we had Di Di twins. I don’t know if you know what that is. They had separate sex leper placentas. By but we had the DNA done and on a billion markers. They’re identical, which is a 30% chance with dye dye twins. One has thicker hair. One has thinner hair, but it’s the same hair color. One has straighter hair and one has curly or wavy or hair. That’s it. The one that was on top and the one that was locked in the cervix. The cervix one obviously came out first. So he’s the oldest. He’s thinner. And the one up top got the food first. They said he got the food first and they had to go down to this one. I don’t know if that’s how it works, but that’s what I was told. And yeah, so the oldest is always bend about a pound thinner. So it shows in his cheeks too. You can tell on his face. So hair and size, about a pound difference and looks like in his cheeks. Joe So obviously is to use the parents or does everybody everybody could tell this difference? Wes No. I think people can tell if they spend a little time with them. I mean, if you just glaze that oh, they’re identical twins. Yeah. Oh, wow. Now spend 15 minutes with them and really spend 15 minutes if you’re having dinner with me and the twins are there and you’re talking to me and you’re glancing over once in a while you still might get them confused, but if you spend 15 minutes playing with the boys to lock it in. Yeah, it’s no it’s no problem. But you know the boys, they take turns being the aggressor, one will pick on the other one all day long. And then the younger one is the bigger one. So I’m like man, stand up for yourself. And then the next day, he is beaten on the younger brother, which is bigger and it’s like, do not that hard. It’s like, I don’t know. They love each other. My wife gives them baths independently. I know some twin parents put them in the same bathtub. But we just don’t want one slip in or whatever and out of our hands and a second. So she’ll give one a complete bath and drive off and then the other one. And when the second one gets out of the bath that we put it back in the living room because we’re all gonna sit down and watch TV. They run up each other and hug like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks and it’s just so adorable. So adorable. After they’ve been fighting all day long. Joe Right? I just think just forgive and forget and just move. Oh, that’s my brother. Yes. The twins are approaching three. And you have plans to homeschool them I suppose. Just like you did with your daughter. Wes Yeah, yeah, yes. And the cool thing is, we didn’t plan it this way. But as you get higher and homeschool, it’s less responsibility for the parent, it becomes more responsibility for the student. So they start doing more. We haven’t done online classes yet. But my daughter is doing a lot more like reading comprehension on her own and answering those questions and then my wife just has to like check up on her once a week. My wife does some sections of schooling. If it’s two hour day, my wife probably does 25 minutes now instead of the full two hours. So as they get older, like the babysitter, her junior senior year, she did it all on her own. There was no teacher follow up. There is a test at the end of the year and SOL tests, just a checkup to make sure you actually did the work. But yeah, it’s pretty lacs, but we try to do it the right way. There are people that cut corners and skimp on things but we’re like, No, we don’t want to hurt them because of our business choice. You know, we could send it to regular school. I just wouldn’t see my kids and, and I do this little pitch every show. Not that I’m trying to sell homeschooling. I’m just trying to justify we don’t have political or religious reasons. I just want to see my kids man. My little girls already living it. It happens really quickly. You know, I couldn’t wait for my boys to Follow me outside. Now they’re following me outside. Now they’re hanging out with me on my trails. Next thing I know they’ll be on dates. It’s just it happens so fast. I’m trying to have them with me as much as I can try to slow down that aging process but there’s no slowing it down. Joe That’s the beautiful thing about you know running your own business and working for yourself. You have that flexibility to be with your family and you know in between those work moments. And that’s something definitely to be cherished. We actually homeschooled our kids for five or six years when they were really young. And you mentioned like the time per day. That’s what surprised me the most was like when they go off to school for eight hours a day. Most of that is like wasted time. Like if you could focus their education and just a few hours a day. They get everything they need and then you have the rest of the day to do whatever you need to do. That’s one of the big benefits that we enjoy plus traveling in offseason when not everybody’s vacationing was also a benefit to homeschooling. Wes Well that’s us because we’re working resorts. I live here in Virginia, and we have ski resorts, like 45 minutes in different directions. Live like in the valley and during the summer. There’s nothing for those people to do. I mean they can go hiking, but they hire a magician to come in to have nighttime entertainment. So we’re doing 183 shows June to August. So we don’t take our family vacation until September. And the beaches are still open, but boy, they’re empty. And I love it. We love it. Yeah, yeah. Joe The beaches are empty. All the prices drop after Labor Day. It’s just it’s great. Wes Yeah, it really is. Yeah. My wife, her family always went to the mountains for vacations. And when I took her to the beach, she was like, Oh, this is great. I love it. I said Yeah, honey, but we’re in the offseason. What do you mean there’s people here? Okay. And then we had a show in Myrtle Beach, Fourth of July weekend and stuck her down to the strip and it was like 45 minutes to go three blocks and she’s like, whoa, this would be awful. And like this is people summer every year. We love the offseason. Joe So let’s imagine one of your friends comes to you. They get the news that they’re having twins, what would be some key advice that you would give them to help them along their journey? Wes I don’t overwhelm yourself thinking about the negative things. Just take it one day at a time. And one issue at a time you know, whatever you’re going through whatever the challenge is with your babies or baby at the time, it’ll pass and you’ll get through it and you’re not the first parent ever. You might be the first parent you know to have twins, but you’re not the first person ever to go through this. And it it seems like that temper tantrum that whatever that bad thing is that you’re going through seems like it’s taken forever pass it’ll pass and you’ll get through it and it’s all gonna be worth it man when you have two kids giving you a hug at the same time. My kids are coming up to me when I come in I This is so great, man, daddy, and just giving you a big hug is the best thing in the world and you get to at once, like, yeah, my brother’s like which one’s your favorite? You gotta have a favorite. I don’t. You gotta have a favorite. You really don’t and they’re totally different. But you love them. It’s crazy. But I mean, I think I think fear is the main thing that gets into any twin debt. I think you’re just overwhelmed with oh my gosh, sleepless nights with one sleepless, well, I mean, you’re up. You’re up to him. Luckily I have an amazing wife that I’d say did 90% of the work. I mean, besides bringing them into the world. Here’s something funny, I’ll tell you not to do that we did. We, we said okay, because we don’t know what the heck we’re doing right? I said, Honey, this is what we’ll do. This is my plan that I came up with and I’m super proud of it. I’m losing my voice. Sorry. We’re both single parents. You take one I take one and we switch off each week. Because you don’t want to raise one alone. We’ll switch up. Dude, I don’t dress me. That’s out the window on day one. But I thought you know, it made sense to me that I’d take one you take one and that way you’re not overwhelmed. But that doesn’t work. That doesn’t work. So don’t do that. Don’t do that. But uh, yeah, it’s I think people get in their own heads. That’s That’s it. I’m repeating myself over and over. Joe That’s good perspective. Yeah, I mean, when when stuff comes up, that’s when you deal with it. But there’s no point in worrying about all the hypothetical challenges because there’s an endless list of things that can go wrong with twins or raising twins, but just deal with what’s right in front of you. And you know, it’d be fine. It’d be fine. Wes Although boy this morning one woke up at six in the morning. And my wife took him downstairs and my wife did office work. She tried to get him to go to sleep. He wasn’t going to sleep. So he’s just playing in the living room watching television. My wife did office work. She said I got caught up in the office. He’s still not asleep. It’s your turn. Tag. Okay, now it’s nine in the morning. I get up. I go downstairs, I tuck him in that covers and we watch Elmo together and he goes to sleep. We sleep till 11 And then she’s like, You didn’t wake the other kid up. He’s never going to have a nap. Honey. I thought I was doing good. Okay. So Julian the oldest he’s on the couch. I wake him up as everybody here watch TV. I’m gonna go get your brother up here at Bank. I go upstairs. I give the brother a kiss to wake him up. Temper Tantrum off the bat just rolling away from kicking me thrashing, rolling across the floor. And then I’m screaming and I’m like buddy, and I’m just taught buddy, buddy. And then just boom, and he runs over and hugs me and kisses me. Like whatever this wave of emotion, switched on a dime. And now he’s my best friend and wants me to take him downstairs sees his brother. He’s happy to change his diaper ready for a bottle ready to play? Let’s rock. It was just he just overwhelmed emotion. Maybe I woke him up from a good dream. I don’t know but and that screaming in my face and temper tantrum and you just got to ride that wave. Because on the other side of it, man, there’s a love there’s hug and it snaps on a dime. It’s crazy. Joe That’s right. The kids are often quicker to change their attitude than we know we may hold on to some kind of garage or something longer than they do. They’re well already past that. So as you’re working on lots of stuff, you got shows you got a nonprofit, the reality show. If listeners want to connect with you and support what you’re working on. How should they reach out? Wes wesiseli.com has links to everything I do. Facebook: Wes Iseli. My wife, Natalie Iseli, she posts lots of pictures of the babies on on her Facebook page. Yeah, find us. Check us out. If you have questions about raising twins. If I can’t answer it, my boss, my wife, she’ll help you out. And she loves talking twins. She’s on all the twins, Facebook groups. She loves it. It’s awesome. Joe Fantastic. I’ll link up to that in the show notes for the podcast. Was thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. Wes Thanks for having me, man. This was awesome. Joe I hope you enjoy the chat with Wes about his adventures as a magician traveling with his whole family including very young children, and how they make it all work. So surely if he can get his twins to take a nap or go to sleep at the end of the day while they’re always on the road. You and I can manage when we go on a one week vacation somewhere. If you would like to connect with Wes. I’ll link up to his website and his contact information in the show notes for this episode. You can find all the podcast episodes over at twindadpodcast.com. If you’d like to share your story like Wes did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter at @twindadjoe or email me [email protected] and I would love to hear from you. Again today’s show is brought to you by my book, Dad’s Guide to Twins. You can get a free audiobook version of this book which is perfect if you’re still expecting your twins. You can get that copy at freetwinbook.com Once again, that’s freetwinbook.com Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Twin Dad Magician Performs 400 Shows a Year While Raising Young Twins with Wes Iseli – Podcast 293 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 292 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Peter Esbrandt, father of four-year-old identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: When Mom started bleeding at 8 weeks Shared placenta TTTS worries Early labor 2.5 months before due date and then bed rest for Mom Mom had high blood pressure that lead to early delivery Surprise breathing issues for twins Discovering a milk allergy while in NICU Deciding to have mom stay home with twins Taking their first vacation with twins Keeping marriage strong through the parenting journey and more… Connect with Peter via email. Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe Today we continue our father of twins interview series with a father of twins as we talk about his journey as a dad from the pregnancy to now having almost four year old identical twin girls, including the surprises that came along the way during the pregnancy that resulted in early delivery of those twins, what surprised him the most after birth, dealing with late bloomers when twins hit milestones a little later than expected. We discussed even the great question of traveling with young children: what wins out? Twins getting a nap on a regular schedule? Or you having fun on your vacation? We talked about that and much more today on the show. Intro Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Joe Hey everybody, this is Joe Rawlinson, welcome to the show. I’m glad that you’re here. Before we jump into the interview with one of our fellow fathers of twins. I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my store twintshirtcompany.com where you can find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for us as fathers of twins. We have shirts for moms of twins and for the grandparents for twins. And for the twins themselves. These make great gifts and are fun to wear. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com. Today I’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins, Peter Esbrandt, father of identical twin girls who are turning four. We start out our conversation discussing when he and his wife decided to start trying to have children. Peter We tried off and on six, seven months. Almost got frustrating to be honest with you. And then we were both getting up there and age. And I told her I said a I think it was around November. I said hey, we’re gonna try one more time. Until my birthday we’ll see what happens. So it was quickly after that we found out she was pregnant. She started spotting at eight weeks so there was a scare. Went to have an emergency ultrasound and then that’s when they found out there was two in there. So it just kind of completely threw us for a loop. You know, she freaked out, didn’t know what to do. I mean, what do you do, but so from there, you know, typical, we were seeing our normal or normal doctor followed by an ultrasound specialist because they were I don’t want to get it wrong but shared the same placenta but they had different sex. So they were sharing the same food source and different sex so they were afraid of the twin the twin transfusions went to a specialist everything was working smoothly. The wife’s a different animal when it comes to pain. So I don’t know the exact dates but it was around. So they were technically due the end of September, I think around the 30th of September, around Fourth of July. Even a little bit before that. She was telling me I think I’m having contractions. And I blew it off like hey, you’re pregnant, you know, like normal pains live with it. So when we went to the ultrasound specialist, he made she made mention to him. So they hooked her up to a machine and he’s like, Well you actually are having contractions. So she got admitted to the hospital over the Fourth of July weekend. I didn’t think she was going to get out of there. Luckily, that same doctor come to visit and we kind of pleaded with him and he’s like, Hey, if she goes home and she stays in a bed like I’ll let her go home and I’m like, please just let her go home. You know, like I didn’t want to balance all of it. So she went home. Joe This is still two months before the estimated delivery, right? Peter Two and a Half correct. So she went back home and then I mean any twin, pregnant mom, she got big, you know and she kept swelling. And I kind of had an idea what was going on because we would see the ultrasound specialist and he would always report back to the doctor and he called the doctor on the last visit and he’s like her blood pressure is high. And I’m comfortable. Like whenever you’re ready to pull the trigger. Let’s go so I knew I think things were gonna happen sooner than later. And I think that was on a I think it was on a Friday. We were supposed to see him we were scheduled to see her normal doctor on Monday. So her blood pressure was high. He asked when we were going to see the normal doctor. She told them Hey, Monday, he goes well, how about we see her today? So we went to the doctor. She checked the blood pressure. She happened the doctor happened to have triplets so she knew the deal. And she said hey where are we having a baby today? Know when you come back on Monday or we haven’t babies probably. And she basically advised like hey, just get a blood pressure machine from Amazon. Monitor it I happen to be the on call doctor this weekend. If something happens we’ll go so we ordered it on Amazon. We got it on that Saturday. I could just tell I mean her feet were swollen. I think I even told her Saturday like after lunch. I’m like, Hey, you should probably cut some meals out like I don’t know, you know, just in case something happens and sure enough, she checked her blood pressure skyrocketed. Doctor told her go to the hospital. And you know the rest is history C section later that evening. And that was I guess 34 just shot 35 weeks. Joe So was she was your wife on bedrest do though. She was Peter yeah, she was bedridden. Probably from that Fourth of July weekend forward. Joe Okay, so how that impact her work or, or how you were taking care of herself. Peter It was she was working with the school district. So lucky for her like it happened to fall in the summertime. And she was off for the summer. I mean, it obviously affects like our shared chores and tasks now become one you know the cooking the cleaning on top of the working on top of the worrying about or when you’re at work because she’s at home in bed like you know, obviously she’s gonna push herself a little further if you’re not there to help her because she has nobody else. We are lucky for that. She was off for the summer when she still she’s a stay at home mom to this day. Joe So were you able to get everything ready, or were the twins early enough that kind of caught you by surprise. Peter No, I’m a super planter. So we had pregame the baby showers and all of that the baby showers were earlier than normal. But I mean it wasn’t because I expected it to go south it was more like it’s Texas in the summertime and I’m like it’s gonna be hot, you know? So let’s try to have it like the smaller you are, the less further along in the pregnancy probably the more enjoyable it’ll be for you. You know, because it’s just a summer in Texas and taught Joe as a fellow Texan, I understand. Absolutely. So tell us about the delivery. You said it was a C section. What are your memories of the moment Peter it was hectic, you know like they’re delivering kids. The NICU is already there with their their little beds and all this on standby and you’re out of the norm pregnancy right like boom, here’s the kid Let me hold it over the blanket so mommy can see it gets handed to a NICU nurse they put it in a box and it drives away. You know, and then same thing with the second one. And you know, the care and the wife. She really didn’t know what was going on, you know and I can remember like her asking, Hey, why aren’t they crying? And I’m like, well, they’re gone. Like they’ve left the room. So kind of an just different unexpected you know, you expect the Happy Birth everybody’s holding the baby. It’s a glorious moment. Well, this one they took off and they take me into the room where they’re at and they’re strapping him up to all the cords and all of this and far enough along in the process. I mean, one was four thing four pounds, 12 ounces. The other was five five. You know walk like a duck talks like a duck looks like a duck like a little small, but they look like a baby. You know, they’re not like hand sized or anything. And, you know, the doctor asked me, Do you have any questions? And I said, Hey, like, are they gonna come home with us? We had to me I mean, I’m ignorant. It looks like a baby. And he’s like, No, they’re not coming home. So it was just kind of a very unorthodox thing. Joe So what did they tell you? Like why would they not be able to come home? Peter I guess based on their age and stuff they knew, I guess if I if I rewind back, the wife did receive some steroid shots. When she went to the hospital in July to help with the growth but I didn’t know. At that point. I don’t know how the doctor would already have made an assumption of such because it was early along in the process. So I didn’t really have a clear explanation. In the beginning. They wheeled him off to the NICU. The wife got back to the room. She was on. Again medical ignorance and maybe mercury or something to help with everything. So she formally like she couldn’t go down and see them for several hours. Like a very long time. I went down and saw them. Just so happen. They were doing their rounds. And the nurse practitioner. You know, I guess they come up. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the NICU, but they come up every day twice a day and basically give the plan to the day. Hey, let’s move the breathing machine down a little bit. Let’s do this and this and see how it works. Well, she’s given all this stuff and it’s foreign to me. And she asked me again she’s like, Do you have any questions? And I said, Well, are they going to die? Like, that’s my question. She’s like, No, they’re gonna be okay. And I was like, Well, I at this point, like, all that other stuff kind of scares me if they’re not going to die, like, do whatever you got to do. And the funny part is that nurse practitioner to this day, still sends the girls Christmas and birthday gifts, like, I mean, it was a really good bond we made with one another. Joe That’s great. How long were you girls in the NICU? Peter 34 days. Joe And were you you’re wanting to take turns being with them? How do you juggle that with work and stuff like that? Peter So I have a lot of flexibility with work. And they were understanding so I did a lot of work from the hospital. So every day I would load the wife up, we would drive to the hospital. We would see them. If I had to leave and go do something. I would just go handle it and then I’d come back to the hospital and get her. So we spent we missed one day out of the 34 there because it was the day before they were being released. But we suffered a lot of flooding. And I just didn’t want to risk going through the water and stuff like that. So we missed one out of 34 days. Joe So those those newborn months are probably kind of a blur in the past. What do you remember being challenging once you brought them home? Peter So the their breathing was always an issue. They’re breathing. And then one was actually slated to not be in the NICU that long. And they were talking about a release and it was kind of exciting and then they found blood in her stool, so they chalked it up to a milk allergy. So we went completely backwards. She went from level to I guess it was to back to the most severe level. They didn’t let her eat for seven days. They just pumped her with fluids and then they would give her very small doses. Which I guess to make sure she didn’t have a milk allergy to this day. I’m not sure if she did or didn’t. But we spent all the early months of newborns on the very hypoallergenic formula the Ella care due to the milk allergy but the breathing thing you know when we had to feed them, we had to feed them. Not normally but like I don’t know what you would call it like on their side with the bottle more like at a 90 degree angle in their mouth to help with breathing. Well in the NICU. They’re hooked up with two machines and you’re paranoid and you can watch the oxygen levels as they eat, you know drop and then you take the bottle out it rises back up. And then I just remember that was happening one day, and then the next day they’re going home and you’re like well I don’t have this machine as a crutch like, what am I going to do? I can’t see their oxygen levels. It’s scary, you know, but it was okay. I mean we were just freaked out in the beginning. The NICU was it was a blessing in disguise if I have to be honest, like do I ever want a child to go through that? No, but 34 days of learning to how to be twin parents was a blessing in disguise. You know, it wasn’t two days later go home with these two and conquer. Like, you had a lot of nurses who had a lot of experience with these young kids that had ideas and you could pluck certain ideas and kind of make it your own. But um, when we first got home we had a little couch that had two recliners and we had Bobby’s and an ottoman, and we were scared. We were just so scared that I remember we would put them on the Bobby’s at night and I would like sleep on a recliner and she was sleep long ways. I’m just waiting for him to feed again. And we did that for a little while and then it moved to the bassinet next to the bed. And then finally to the bed, but I was rough. I’m not gonna lie. I mean, it was rough. Joe So did you have any more challenges with the breathing? After you brought it home? You just kind of worried worried that that could be a problem. Peter I was just worried because when you’re hooked up to a machine you see it in live time when we got them home, I mean, they’re slow. And they didn’t start walking till they’re almost two years old. They were Googles and gaggles until after three years old as far as talking size wise, they grew quickly. I mean, it was very quickly that if you looked at them they didn’t look like premature kids. They were size wise, weight wise, they look like kids, it was just all the behind stuff you know, and do they both have the milk allergy or just one of the one that went back to that milk allergy but out of an abundance of caution they put the other one on the milk allergy so that Ella care is very expensive, and it goes by very quickly when you have Joe to have a meeting it so are they are they still allergic to milk or have you moved past that? Peter I don’t give like we don’t give them whole milk but we don’t restrict like they eat cheese. They eat normal stuff and we haven’t had a an issue Joe here. Some of our kids have food allergies. Or twins don’t but are boys too, was always too challenging to navigate. So you mentioned that it took a little while to hit some of these milestones like walking and talking. From your perspective. Were you were you thinking there’s something there’s something wrong or there’s still tracking as you would hope they would be? Peter You always think something’s wrong, you know? Like, especially when the pregnancy doesn’t come out as planned. Like in your mind, it’s all wrong. You know? So yeah, as it took longer you don’t compare yourself to other kids but you got other kids born at the same time and like they’re moving around and they’re talking and it’s hard not to in a way right although every kid grows differently. You’re just like, I hope everything’s okay. You know, like, I want it to be okay. Yeah, I mean, certain milestones like when they got close to two it was really wearing on me more than the wife like, weren’t they walking yet, you know, are the three years old? Like, they’re not really talking? Well, this is kind of bothering me like, We attempted speech therapy early on, and it was during the COVID time. So basically, I was running around or the wife would be running around with a laptop while the speech therapist was on the other side. You know, saying hey, blow a bubble and say bubble, and I’m like, Well, this is a waste of our time. You know, like she’s not here to interact. But I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s working itself out. Joe Are they both on the same boat or did one kind of hit milestones before the other? Peter They are really close to one another. Really close like one of them started walking. The other one was shortly behind. Right now the one behind on walking is probably a more verbal speaker now more clearly than the other one but she’s coming along as well. Joe Are your girls to the shared bedroom at this point? Peter Yes. We’ve had a lot of downfalls but I will give them their two things. They’ve been in a bedroom by themselves for a very long time with no issues and they pretty much everything and when I mean everything, I can feed them fried oysters to I mean, the sky’s the limit with them. So, for the downfalls, we have pluses I mean, they’re really good sleepers in their in their bedroom in which they share and they’re really good eaters. Joe Oh point did you move away from cribs into maybe big girl beds? Peter I’ve been in a big girl bed so we had the crib that you could take the front off of and make it a day bed. And I’m more of a quick transition or than the wife is so I kind of pushed it along but they’ve been in big girl beds, I would say six seven months already. Joe You know those convertible cribs is kind of an evolution right so like overnight, they moved to something brand new. You mentioned that your wife is a stay at home mom, was that always the plan coming into delivery of twins. Or was that kind of decided later on? Peter Given the twins, yes, I mean, because when you daycare is expensive. Luckily, I mean, we were far enough along in our marriage that we were more established financially to allow them it’s like it could have been a lot worse if we were 21 With this I could see a bit of a bigger issue. But yeah, I mean, once we found out daycare for two I was like, wow, what’s the point of view working? You know, like stay home once they go to school, will redress the situation. But yeah, if it would have been a singular she would have probably continued to work. Joe Here your situation is very common. Yeah. Once you add up the price, no point at all. Exactly. Because you’re just be cashing your check and paying it to somebody else and there’s nothing left over. Have you had to do any any more speech therapy post? pandemic? Peter No, no more speech therapy. I mean, their vocabulary is pretty good. It’s just weird. It’s one of those awkward stages now where shows one on one will speak to me and I pick it up perfectly clear. And then other times I’m like, what gibberish are you saying, you know, like, it’s like, if I don’t process it from the immediate, like, first few seconds they start talking, I’m loss. But typical twin mom, you know, she can be in the kitchen. Like, Hey, she told you she wants to go outside and I’m like, okay, how’d you get that? But good for you? Joe Do you find that you understand what they’re saying? But people outside your household do not Peter in the beginning? Yes. But like our little thing is we’ll go get frozen yogurt on the weekends. It’s kind of our thing and the lady that works at the yogurt shop. She’s very shy. The girls are shy that she’s trying to get them to say hi to her, but they’ll tell her the toppings they want on the yogurt. And she understands them. You know, she’ll they’ll say strawberries and she’ll put strawberries so I’m like, Okay, well, at least other people are understanding you too. Joe You know, our girls had some speech challenges to it. They did some speech therapy for a little bit. And it got to a point where my wife and I we can understand what they’re saying all the time. But then, like the grandparents were like, What are they? What are they saying? We don’t we don’t get it, but they’ve grown out of that. So it’s all good now? No, no, you don’t think they’re always talking always making noise Peter somewhere? Yeah, you want them to be quiet almost any other Joe surprises that you hit? When he’s first four years with them? A Peter lot of things I never thought I would think about, you know, like, we take them to the playground and I go, wow, who creates playgrounds? These are incredibly unsafe, you know, like, especially with the fact that you know, they’re kind of later on the walking and like, You want my kid to climb up this rope six feet in the air with the stuff like that. I never really thought like the wife’s the wife’s family has always never really been in play my parents a little more so but just like, I’m sure you know, the grandparent hurdles like 30 years ago, we did this 30 years ago, I did this and I’m like, Mom, we’re just doing the best we can. Yeah, like, give us a break. Here. Joe Did you Did your parents did your parents are the animals come on their babies were little Peter rarely. My parents are more like, in and out. You know, they’ll come on a Sunday for an hour. And that’s it. I mean, we’ve never had a baby a night of a babysitter. We’ve never had a night out. We’ve learned to adapt with it. I’ve accepted that’s how it’s going to be and we run with it. When we had the kids, I wouldn’t say we kept the situation a secret of the birth but like everything was evolving so quickly that I didn’t include them originally because I knew there was going to be a ton of questions that I didn’t have answers for. And I was overwhelmed as we got to the hospital too. So I didn’t want to start making the phone calls like hey, maybe she’s gonna have a baby. Maybe not, you know, because I was gonna get swarmed with questions I didn’t have answers to especially even when they got sent to the NICU. So once the wife got back to the room, the kids were in the NICU. I made the first round. I called and I made the phone calls and I said, Hey, the kids are here. They’re in the NICU. You’re well like, I knew the visiting hours. I knew that they could come see them. I had answered for them. You’re welcome to come you can come see the kids. In the NICU. But I just like I wanted to share the moment with the wife in peace that that made sense because I knew they were gonna ask a ton of questions that I had no answers for, Joe and stuff and stuff. Yeah, you don’t even know what’s happening. But everybody else wants all the information. You’re like, I gotta figure this out first, and then I’ll let you know. Peter So when I felt good enough, I was like, Okay, I’ll make the phone calls like, because I knew they were gonna say well, can I come see him now and when I was in the NICU, hey, when can grandparents come? What time is it cut off? You know, I just had to get all my questions answered before I can make phone calls through how much time did you get off work after the birth? I think I took two weeks off. I took two weeks off. So the city has now implemented a 12 week off program, which is really nice, except I didn’t get benefit of it. But I mean, it’s a free 12 weeks. You have to use it through the first year of their life. So you can take two or three weeks at a time or a week here there. When I did it. You had to burn your own time. I think I took two, two weeks off. And then I might have went back for a week and I might have taken another week off. But only a couple of weeks. Joe It’s about average. So that’s what I did too. I was able to break it apart, like one week in the beginning then one week later, but Peter it’s kind of hard. It’s all milestones, you know, at some point, like, I’m here to help and I don’t mind helping, but like, I’ve got to go back to work at some point. So Mommy’s gonna have to figure out how to do it on our own. Like it’s unfortunate, but you got to figure it out. Joe Yeah. And moms are awesome. I mean, they figure it out, right? Like, here we are. She has more patients than I do. I’ll give her that. So what’s the most frequent question that people ask you about your twins? Well, you Peter get the obvious Hey, are those twins? Are they identical or fraternal? Oh, my cousin’s brother sister. has twins, you know, and I’m like, Yeah, you know, I think we get a lot. If I talk to somebody who’s comfortable enough. The question is not artificial, for lack of better terms, but what is it like in vitro or was it a natural thing? You know, like, I think, I guess they’re more common in people. Who are trying to have kids then it just being a natural deal. Do they run in your family? All of this and, I mean, it could be my ignorance, but I think identical twins are just a phenomenon regardless random That’s right. Yeah. Regardless of if twins run in your family Joe here we’ve got identical girls, as well. And I have no family history of that. It’s just roll the dice and boom, we’ve got twins. So Peter I tell you, they do get us some perks. When it comes to we check our first vacation. In January, we went on a so I stood in my head I’m like, Hey, we got to rip the band aid off do we fly to Disneyland? And then I’m like, my head starts spinning. I’m like, the flight if they freak out on the fly, like there’s no escape passengers around me to our time change. I’m swirling. So we decided on a cruise. I said, You know what, if, if it goes south on a cruise, we can go to the bedroom like well just take them to the room like we’re not disturbing people. The crews worked out great, but I mean them being cute and little like we get quite a bit of you know, benefits. I remember getting off the boat the last day the lines long and we’re trying to find somewhere to just hang out until it’s time to go. So we’re going up the stairs, you’re coming the two girls were carrying all the luggage. Literally, it’s the entrance of the line that we’re passing to get off the boat and one of the employees are like, do you have everything you need? And I’m like, and they’re like, Okay, you can get right here. You know, and like the girls cuteness got us the third spot off the boat, you know, they have their benefits or your girls still taking naps. Yes, they do nap. I think our benefit in the whole start of this is we’ve had a pretty strict schedule that we hold to this day with a little deviation. I mean, like, you know, the doctor said in the beginning breakfast, snack, lunch, snack dinner, and we stayed pretty true to that. And I don’t know if that equates to their phenomenal eating skills, or they’re just really good eaters. Same thing with naps. There was a time that they would go back and forth. Sometimes on the weekend when Daddy’s home, they’ll fight it. We can also be out and about for the day and like skip it on purpose, and it doesn’t necessarily affect them. But then, you know, the next day we put them down they sleep like a rock for two hours. So I don’t really know if I could scratch it away completely or not, but yes, as of now they still nap pretty frequently. Joe So going back to the vacation. How did you handle naps on vacation? That’s always a challenge for traveling families. Peter So I pre planned it. I mean, we took a seven day cruise so you had you know you’re on the water a couple days so naps were no big deal and then you’re at a spot you’re at a spot you’re out of spot back to back days. So I plan my excursions accordingly. Like the first day we took a beach day. I knew naps were going to be out of the question. Well, the second day, I made it a point to not look anything. Like if we were going to get off the boat and walk around we could but I wanted to afford them opportunity for a nap. And then the third day, we booked something to where we were just going to play it by ear on the nap game. Yeah, so I tried to plan it accordingly. And like I said, they were they were studs during the whole beach day in the sun and then the next day they took their nap and I just I don’t know how multiple days would lie. But yeah, it is a struggle. I we went on that vacation. I told the wife I said look, if you want to try to truly enjoy yourself, we have to have no expectations here. You know, like you want to expect to do everything as a loving family. Like that’s great, but it’s unlikely. You know, like she likes the shows at the end of the night. I don’t mind them. But it’s like we can take the girls that if they start acting up, like just accept the fact you can stay and enjoy the show. I’ll take them to the read to put them down for the night, you know, or vice versa. And I mean, it worked out really good. There was times it would be me and one of the girls in her and the other or vice versa. And I mean we made the best of it. Joe That’s great. Yeah, I mean, traveling was really young kids. So you have to be flexible, and just roll with whatever happens and planning around trying to keep them on the same schedule around at home is almost impossible. And that has its own consequences like tired cranky kids or or whatever. So Peter it’s always a fear you know like and I guess looking back now like one day have a little bit of an odd schedule doesn’t kill anything but it’s always like, Well what if they don’t go to bed? You know, or what if they do this? Is it gonna change everything? You know, it always runs through your head. I mean twins without a schedule is It’s tough. It’s really tough. Joe Keeping them in sync and on the same schedule is what allows you to be saying, keep things going. So through this journey of twins and fatherhood, how have you been able to maintain your relationship with your wife during kind of ups and downs of this whole journey? Peter It doesn’t make a marriage stronger. I’ll give you that. Like, she’s a she’s a really good person. Like I I’m involved with my job and a lot of extracurricular stuff. So sometimes it requires me to travel. A lot of the travel is some kind of more mandatory than others but majority of it’s voluntary. Deal. And I mean, I won’t say that she doesn’t have a reserves about it. But, you know, I could go home today and say, Hey, I gotta go to California for a week and she’d be like, okay, shot me and so she’s a very supportive person, but I mean, there’s days they get under my skin really, really bad, right and she can tolerate a more but because they’re under my skin, it causes me to be a different type of person towards her. And then maybe the next day or two days later, they’re under her skin. And so like the husband and wife fight the consequences of the twins just rubbing you the wrong way for that day. So you have that on top. Of your normal bickers of marriage, you know, and it just, it adds more to the pot, but I don’t know you just take each day One day at a time. Joe I mean, if you if you see it for what it is, the twins are always gonna push your buttons one way or the other. They may not necessarily be the mischievous on purpose or they have no ill intent. They’re just kids, you know, doing the kid thing. I struggle with that every day. Right? I’ve got all teenagers now and it’s the same. Yeah, sometimes I think you did that on purpose. I think he did that on purpose to make me upset. So here we are. Peter People say they say Hang in there, it’ll get better. And I’m like, Well, I don’t know if I’m convinced that’s the thing. I just think the problems change throughout time, some of which are more tolerable to people than others. You know, they may go through a stage where, you know, one of them wants to watch a certain thing on TV, which I don’t care but it may drive the wife nuts, you know, or vice versa and it’s a struggle. But it’s a it’s a beautiful struggle, I guess. I don’t know how to describe it. Did you have twins before? Was that twins? Your first thing that happened? My twins Joe are number three and four. So we had we had two really young boys when our girls were born. So they weren’t really close in age, which has made them chaos kind of moving seasons, because they all kind of hit milestones around the same time. And so that’s been a blessing and a curse, you know? But now they’re all really close in age and now the challenge is just their interests are diverging and getting them to different places at different at the same time. We do all that stuff. It’s fun. It is an amazing, beautiful journey ahead. It has its challenges, that’s for sure. But you learn to adapt and grow. And then there’s a new challenge next week and you figure that one out and you just keep on chugging along. It’s great. Peter That’s all it is. That’s one after another though and I mean, some of which I probably blow out of proportion more than they should be but I’m learning I mean, I know no better. I didn’t have one or two before three or four. So I don’t know anything you know. Joe We’re all learning right? Every every kid is unique. Even identical twins are different from each other. And you just got to kind of figure stuff out as you go along. So, uh, Peter, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? Oh, they Peter can reach out to my email address. You know, I’ll Joe link that up in the show notes so people can connect to them. Any questions for you? Peter, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. Peter Yeah, you too, sir. Thanks for having me. Joe I hope enjoyed that discussion with Peter about his adventures as a father of twins, some of the things that he’s learned along the way how they’ve adapted to the surprises, from pregnancy to babies, to toddlers, up to now. If you want to connect with Peter, I’ve linked up his contact information in the show notes over at twindadpodcast.com. Just look for this episode. If you would like to share your story like Peter did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected] or on social media, Twitter, Instagram @twindadjoe and I would love to hear from you. Again today’s show is brought to you by my store that sells T shirts designed specifically for parents with twins: twintshirtcompany.com I invite you to go over there and pick up a shirt for yourself and for your favorite twins and family members. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Overcoming Twins’ Early Birth, NICU, Food Allergies and more with Peter Esbrandt – Podcast 292 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 291 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Damari Gupton, father of fraternal twins (girl/boy). Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Raising 7 kids ages 11 years old down to 6 month-old twins Supporting Mom as she breastfeeds the twins Struggles of twins’ schedules not being in sync Balance parenting the twins and other children Taking time off work and career choices based on family needs Establishing routines for housework and employment Risks and challenges of comparing the twins Making room for twins in the house and more… Check out Damari’s book: The Answers I Never Received: A Fathers Guide to His Legacy Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe  0:05 Today we are continuing our father twins interview series. With the father of seven children, including fraternal twins. He has some great insights into how to juggle all the demands of a busy family life. work responsibilities, taking care of your partner and some great insights into how to interact with your children to foster those relationships, even when you’re trying to manage so much at the same time. Intro  0:28 Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Joe  0:42 Hi everybody this is Joe Rawlinson. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast as always, you can find me online at twindadpodcast.com. You can find the show notes for this episode and listen to all previous podcast episodes. Today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads it’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book will guide you through the first couple years of raising your twins. You can learn more about this book at raisingtwinsbook.com Today I would like to welcome to the show father of twins Damari Gupton. Welcome to the show Damari. Damari  1:08 How are you doing Joe? Thank you for having me. Joe  1:10 Doing great thanks for being here with me today. So Damari, you’ve got quite the crew. You’ve got seven kids including twins, right? Damari  1:18 Yes. Joe  1:18 What’s the age range for those children that you have? Damari  1:21 My oldest is 11. And my youngest well my twins they are six months today actually quite the household. Joe  1:30 So when you when you found out that you would be having your twins. What was your reaction like when you got that news? Damari  1:35 I found that I had the twins that I was having twins. I actually started breaking out in sweats. And me and my wife we have right now with two year old so at the time he was you know about to turn one. And you know we wanted to have him a running me. Somebody grew up with that he know he found out she’s pregnant. She was pregnant and okay cool. You know, then we went to that first appointment. You know I watched the ultrasound. You know, since this is not my first rodeo, I know how ultrasound looks. So when I see you know, two different spaces with two different surgeons and I’m like, oh, man, like, had access to those twins. Someone asked me the nurse didn’t even want to look at me. You know, my wife asked me like you know, you’re playing you know, you’re playing you know, almost fainted, you know, sitting down almost fainting. So it was it was a big surprise. Big surprise. Joe  2:37 Especially, especially being a father already and having kids already you knew and what you’re getting into it’s just another childhood to have to have to at the same time. What were some of those thoughts you had right away? Like I was just going to be different than than what I have already. Damari  2:51 Um, I don’t think it was really nothing you know, to be different. It was just that nobody to have to, you know, so I know there’s a part of you don’t go to work. I started making up my mind did I know I was gonna have to be home. You know, I was gonna have to do a lot more instead of just you know, working and taking care of household I knew I had to be in the house and you know, managing things a little bit more and being more hands on and you know, helping my wife with you know, what was actually going on with it. Joe  3:21 What were your other kids reactions to finding out that you would be having twins? Damari  3:25 Oh, this was definitely shocked. You know, he he’s, he’s 11 Right now it’s time so at the time he was maybe 10. But now it’s it’s all great news and you know, he loves it. He loves being a big brother. You know, he loves to switch you know, I can have an I have XRV now my daughter into you know, FM five and five minutes can have z my son you know five minutes and you know he likes it. He likes being older brother as he knows he gets some leeway for me. So, you know, he loves it. And out the group and you know, I had one daughter so, you know, she’s getting used to not being the baby. You know, so it’s and she knows it’s coming along. It’s coming along. Joe  4:13 Are the other kids. Are they helpful? Are they active with the twins or do they just kind of ignore them and do their own thing? Damari  4:21 All of them that they have, you know, never have with with enough rooms, you know, things like that, but they always want to be in the same room. All of them wouldn’t be together. You know, can I change a diaper? Can I try feet and you know, can I try to do this? Can I try to do this? They’re all helpful. You know when might not have them all it’s, you know, a big, big break, you know, a good relief. breath of fresh air. Joe  4:48 Oh, yeah, that’s great to have so many helping hands, especially you mentioned they’re six months old. So right now you’re really in the thick of things when they’re infants. When he had to do a lot of hands on work with them. What was how was it pregnancy like for your wife? Were there any any challenges or complications with that? Damari  5:03 Oh, no, it was there was there was none, you know, just the first trimester. You know, morning sickness and things like that. And after that, it was it was a breeze. She she’s a trooper, you know, kind of a kind of a shock to me, but my son that I had with her before the twins she and I have natural and she had imagined in a live room floor. So you know, when it twins was coming, I think I was more stressed. I stopped that she was because you know, I wish I had you know, PTSD. Because I’m just thinking so you know, I’m glad to be here. You know, delivering to babies again. So it was you know, but um, never we made it on time actually maybe like 15-20 minutes at the hospital before she delivered them all natural, you know, so So it was you know, it was real. It was very eventful for me, you know, notice, notice how much of a trooper she was and you know, that things were really, you know, here now, Joe  6:07 I’m glad you made it to the hospital this time. That’s probably a little better arrangement than in the living room. Yes, surely was. So the babies were born they were they were healthy. Did they come home in a few days or did they have to stay at the hospital? Damari  6:19 The we’re home within 48 hours. Joe  6:23 So your babies are born healthy. They come home from the hospital. And all of a sudden boom you go from or five kids to seven at the home? Or some of those big challenges in the first the first couple of days with having the twins One Damari  6:34 big challenge was sleeping, to be honest. You know, we had a routine plan, you know, that we were going to, you know, sleep at two hours, you know, switch back and forth but being that she breastfed and you know, we figured though, okay, she breastfed, so we thought that it was going to be kind of like the last one. It completely wasn’t like they were one on one off and then one went to sleep. The other one was up, wanting to eat and then once we got that one asleep, next one woke up. And this was constantly kind of constantly so it was it was rough like these these first, the first couple of weeks was definitely rough. Joe  7:19 Because you never get a break. If somebody is always feeding. Like you’re always doing something with one of the babies right? How are you able to kind of break out of that cycle. To get something more manageable. Damari  7:28 Be honest, we haven’t even broken up that cycle yet. We’re still in that cycle. Right now. They have a little like they go to sleep, maybe at 9am to like maybe 10am And then there they go down maybe at 7:30pm and then back up like maybe nine you know, so those are like the tabs that we see where we can settle in and you know, at least try to breathe and straighten up a little bit in the house. But that cycle has not broken yet. Joe  8:01 So you only have these small windows of time during the day when they’re both asleep and that’s Damari  8:05 like that’s all that’s all that’s brutal. Yeah, it is but you know, we can be managed you know, I put him in a struggling I take him for a walk. You know let my wife get a break and you know, she’d do the same for me. So you know, we we get some type of type some type of down you know, alone time. No just to get our minds right before we had to jump right back into it. Joe  8:30 Your other kids at school are some of them at home with the babies during the day. Damari  8:33 Two of them are home with me and the other ones are school. My one of them is homeschool. And the two year old, we not want to put him in daycare. So you know he’s he’s at the house with us. So you know, it’s it’s 3 under 3 So that’s another story. Joe  8:52 How do you balance making sure your twins are getting the attention they need and your other children at the same time? Damari  8:57 I come from a big family so you know I always left to do everything together. But what I usually do is you know once all of them is hanging out you know kids sometimes we like to go separate themselves. And I always catch that. So whenever like my oldest was to my oldest will go and be by yourself. I’ll go have a conversation with him you know, have a little you know, contests we play a game or you know, push up sit ups you know same thing that will my daughter will do the same thing. You know when I talk to my own mother boys the same thing. So it was just when it’s all hands on deck that makes it a lot easier for me to find you know, Tom like that and I always keep you know open conversations with them. You know a farmer was going on and and that’s about it. Joe  9:46 I like that I like how you keep them involved because it’s really easy as it new data twins to just be focused right on the babies because they’re the highest need at the time. I love what you’re doing. I love what you’re doing there about seeing the kids what they’re up to pulling them back in, keep them engaged, you know, even if it’s a little bit of one on one time with them. So they’re not feeling pushed to the side. Just because you got the babies in the house. Damari  10:09 They understand that you know just I find that, that it’s more of a conversation to help them you know, to help them understand what’s going on, you know, informing them that I’m still here, you know that it’s it’s a requirement for me to be here with the twins and to be on you know me hands on with them and holding them and things like that. But if I get the time is I haven’t picked up. Like my oldest, I haven’t picked him up in maybe like three years like actually holding him. And a couple of weeks ago I did that. You know, I mean just to so he could get that type of feeling. You know what I mean? So it’s like I don’t want to make it seem like more of my attention is here you know not thinking or things like that. So you know it was just balancing you know given doing it all. Joe  10:57 Um, how did you manage your your wife manage time off work when when the babies arrived? Damari  11:02 Okay. When when they came I went on FMLA because I was at the post office. And they gave me you know, my three months I took that. And then once I went back to work, I think I went for maybe two or three days. And then I see my wife on a decline, you know, PTSD and it started it started hitting her that she needed me home. So I had to quit I am a veteran so you know I am you know collecting my pension and things like that. So she’s a mind coach, a mindset coach. So you know she works on and I’m around more home so I was like, you know, we we can balance them you could do that. So it’s it’s like we had to transition from working outside until working in home. You know what I mean? And that’s what I’ve been, that’s been my that’s been my hardest transition, working outside and to me working you know, from home, things like that. Joe  12:01 It does it does take creativity. I’m glad that you recognize that there was a need with your wife and your family and you made a decision to come home and support everybody. Sometimes as dads you know we have to, to kind of adjust you know, make a pivot do something different. And it may just be for a season of our lives where we do something different and then we go back to what we used to do, maybe not but to see and be flexible was is I think a key a key trait for fatherhood. Exactly. Biggest thing. Okay, so you mentioned your wife are both working out of the house. So there’s one there’s one thing balancing all the kids in between themselves and then another thing to balance work and family that kind of in the same space at the same time. How are you able to do that? Damari  12:40 It kind of felt like a routine without planning to form a routine, you know? Because she’s a big dinner person she loves to make dinner and you know as a father, you know, I as a man, I love breakfast. So I love making breakfast, you know? So whenever, you know we would get up. I do a big breakfast. You know, we eat that. And whatever’s left like we’re taken to brunch. Hang on a minute, and then once it’s downtime for my two year old and she starts dinner, so like that’s the routine you do when it comes to you know food. I usually handle the cleaning because she handled with the twins. So you know it’s like when I lead she picks up the she likes I pick up and you know that’s that’s really about it when it comes to like home routine but when it comes to like the work routine is whenever she needs time. You know I could I could go you know I have no problem taking the kids getting quiet and space, you know that the piece that she needs so that she could get in her mindset to be her mindset coach. So you know, that’s that’s how we balanced that and work that up. Joe  13:58 So did it just kind of fall into that routine or were you very conscious about talking about who’s who’s in charge of what let’s say? Damari  14:05 Um, we just fell into that routine. You know, our communication is great, but at the same time, it’s like I pick up I pick up on a lot as a father you know me as the man in the house I pick up on you know, who needs a break or who might need this who might need that. And I noticed that she works greatly when she’s in a peace of mind you know, when there’s no yelling or screaming there’s nothing for her to actually have to focus on anything else. That’s why I will do the breakfast. You know what I mean? I get up I can breakfast so when we put the kids down for that hour, it’s a quiet house to clean house and she knows she’s about to eat you know, food today and so she has nothing to worry about except for that work. So she had good a good hour. You know what I mean? And you know, maybe around one two o’clock I get up not take all the kids out. Hey, let’s go out and I give them a good another hour and a half two hours to you know, get more work done and you know, get ready. And you know, it’s just like, you know, I’m I focus on making sure that she’s good. Because, you know, she’s breastfeeding. And I understand that, you know, she’s stressing at a lower production, you know, and the quality might not be I was supposed to be so I’ll make sure that I’m on my part to keep her you know, in the high spirits, you know, that mindset. Joe  15:26 That’s great. Sounds like a good you have a good routine a good kind of rotation of who’s doing what, when they’re doing it. Yes. Yes, that’s fantastic. Kind of my wife and I can do the same thing. We both work out of the house and so when it’s her turn to do her stuff, I’m in charge of you know, I’m in charge of dinner in charge of making sure that kids are where they need to be so essential to be you know, a good partner with your spouse or with your with your family. So everything get done, everybody can be where they need to be, Damari  15:49 you know, it helps that we have you know, other kids and we have the experience to you know, to pick up on certain things like that. And, you know, that’s that’s where, where my experience is false and you know, I’m able to, to see you know what’s going on and to you know what I mean to just fill in the blanks to keep everything you know push and once a day you know same with you also you know, we we have to make sacrifices also and you know I was sacrifices makes our life better. Joe  16:24 So because you were a father before the twins, what are what are some of the things that are totally different, let’s say because it’s not just another baby, it’s, you know, it’s too or are some of the things that are kind of unique to having twins that you didn’t experience with when your kids came before one by one, Damari  16:37 I guess comparisons, you know, because it’s too grown up together. You’re thinking okay, if this was gonna start crawling, this one is going to start crawling or if this one is gonna start falling asleep and you know being self soothing. This one is awesome. complete opposite. My daughter, she’s self soothe and my son. No way. Like it’s not happening. He has to have mild or he has to have somebody holding it. And that’s you know, I think that’s that’s the biggest thing you know, just the comparisons, you know. I think my daughter is even a little bit faster. But then it’s like when I have time with my son, I realized that he could do it too. But I just think he knows, or somebody’s around it and you have to beat me up if I cry. You know, my daughter. She doesn’t do it. My son had do it only if he has to. You know like I see him trying to sit up I see him trying to crawl. He only does that when nobody’s around but you know that’s that’s about it. Just a comparison. So like you have somebody to look at and he’s like, I guess maybe competition amongst the two that you get to notice. He’s sitting up and you’re not okay. You’re reaching for things and you know, she doesn’t know that’s about it. Joe  17:58 Yeah, it’s it’s a blessing and a curse of being a parent of twins as you you have that comparison right in front of you. And it’s yes, it’s up to us to decide, you know, or we can always get beat comparing them or we just kind of focus on their individual needs and their individual progress, but it’s hard because they’re right there right there in front of you. They’re both the same age people in theory should both be developing kind of the same rate. But that’s not the case. Damari  18:19 My son he was actually born with a tooth cut and that’s one of the ones something I’ve never seen or even heard of. And, and he actually has his two bottom teeth. And my daughter are top two is coming up before her bottom so he’s he knows like hey, is what’s going on y’all some different kids, you know, but I’m just ready to see you know, they could pitch and see how it’s how it’s really bad to be their personalities. You know, that’s that’s what I’m really patiently waiting to see, you know, their personalities. Joe  18:53 Here. We get hints of that personality when they’re really little and then yes, it’s fun to see as they grow up as you know with some older kids are ready like other changes are what stays the same kind of like one of our girls was a lot more active and always kind of moving. And her twin sister was a little more stable, I guess tranquil. And that’s that’s kind of always persisted since the you know even up to now. So these things that you’re observing now with your with your your babies will be interesting to see if they still have the same kind of personalities as they get older. Damari  19:20 They watch my two year old a lot. Whenever he runs back and forth, back and forth. Your eyes are just on him. So I know they’re picking up on it very, very quickly. Pretty soon I know they’re going to be doing exactly the same thing. Joe  19:35 That’s right. They want to move they want to run all over the house to do we had when our twins were born we had two boys already and they were really young. It was like three, three and two ish. And so I hear I hear you when you’re talking about toddlers running all over the house running circles around mom while she’s trying to breastfeed the babies. It’s just gonna take his career he kicks his crazy that’s for sure. Damari  19:55 Yeah, it was you know, is is crazy. But then again, you know, it’s it’s a great experience. You know, it’s like, like a while because a lot of people have to experience this. A lot of people don’t get to see this. You know what I mean? And it’s kind of like, heartwarming, Joe  20:10 it’s really sad. Right? It is a beautiful, unique experience that we have as twin dads and not a lot of people get to experience. So let’s talk about how are you able to fit the twins in your home? Are they in their own room? Are they sleeping in your room with you and your wife? What are those arrangements like Damari  20:22 I got kicked out my bed I got kicked out um, you know because she you know she breastfeed so you know, it’s one on one of the one on one so you know, she usually just moves from side to side, side to side. I take my my two year old and we you know, get comfortable somewhere go to sleep but you know if I hear you know a disturbance you know when a twins want to cry I have to get up automatically check on you know, see and make sure things good you know even might even take one you know give a little break but night you know because when my military training um you know, contentment not you know, getting much sleep because I could work on that I’m used to working on that. So I let her get her rest up to build her up. You know what I mean? I know my time will come when I’m able to get some rest but right now I know that she needs it a lot more. So you know, I give it a bed. I give it a space you know things like that. Joe  21:19 Do you have to do anything like that with the other kids or just just with the twins? Damari  21:22 No, just just twins. No, because it’s too you know, it’s, it’s this tool may not want to its tool so I know she has an attachment. You know what I mean? And because she has that attachment, it’s like I’m comfortable with let her do what she needs to do especially at night. You know what I mean? Joe  21:43 Yeah, for us it started like when my wife was pregnant, you know? Does you know what just with one baby versus two like very she was very uncomfortable. And then later stages of the pregnancy and that kind of prepared. If you like, okay, it’s not gonna be the same once the twins are here either. You’re gonna have to make some arrangements differences, for sure. So let’s talk about baby gear. You mentioned you take the kids out for walks and stuff. Is there any particular strollers or gear or anything that you found very helpful with your twins? Damari  22:10 Um, we have the double stroller. I think it might be the nodes nests. But I know one of the seats also gonna turn into like it’s a seat for my two year old awesome. So I will take that up with my two year old and see what when car seat on top strap one baby on my chest. We works. It works like that. Joe  22:35 So what kind of carrier do you have to wear one of your babies? Damari  22:39 I forget the name. I think it’s the baby born or something like that. Joe  22:43 Oh yeah. We used the Baby Bjorn too. Damari  22:45 Okay. Yes was the baby born in August struggling man might put a hat on because you know the weather is getting a lot better right now where I’m at. So yesterday we went out he was just outside. You know what I mean? Regular, you know, put a little sweats on him. Make sure he was warm, and all of them fell asleep. Once you get outside, maybe 20-30 minutes. They sleep. Joe  23:07 We thought okay, well the twins are here. Maybe our toddler is fine just walking around with us. But no, the toddler still wants to ride in the stroller even though there’s two babies. So we had to make room for that for sure. So I love your creative solution of just wearing one of the babies and pushing the other. So tomorrow in addition to a busy father and taking care of your wife in your in your family. You’re also an author you wrote a book about your journey as a father. Can you tell us a little bit about that book? Damari  23:33 It’s called The Answers I Never Received: A Fathers Guide to His Legacy. What I did with this book was I put a lot of principles that I would like my kids to live by. And I gave them my experiences. And I did this because I was hard headed as a kid. My parents they gave me a lot of useful information. But I didn’t listen to it because I wasn’t giving the explanation. Like if my mother my father was to say, Oh, no more candy. Why? Because I said so. Okay, well I’m about to go sneak and you know, Ed piece of candy. And then three weeks later I got like 10 Cavities you know what I mean? So I made sure that you know, I I gave my my kids the explanation. You know, you know what you do and why you should do it and know why you shouldn’t do things. Like one of the principles I gave them was decision making. I underlined that, you know, your decision making affects you for your future. You know what I mean? And I gave them examples and, you know, experiences that I did, the bad decisions that I made. And, you know, just ask them not to repeat it because, you know, it leads to a little headache stressing and things like that, that you have to worry about. And I don’t want to have to do that. Just to like a head start for the future. So Joe  25:04 that’s great. I love I love a principle based approach to parenting. Even mentioned that earlier in our discussion where you would when you’re talking to your older children, you explain the why of why we’re doing this or why I’m busy right now with the twins. And was an example of that and even even when kids are very young, they can still understand that why when you share that with them and helps them internalize why that decision was made. So that’s great. They’re able to put those examples down in a book. If listeners want to get that book or check it out. Where should they go? Damari  25:35 Um, so Amazon, it is on Amazon, you know if you search my name, Damari Gupton. The title of the book The Answers I Never Received: A Fathers Guide to His Legacy. So they could get it there. Joe  25:47 fantastic Yeah, I’ll link to that in the show notes for the episodes. Everybody can check it out. So tomorrow as we wrap up today, what’s one final parting piece of advice you’d give to a dad maybe just found out he’s having twins. What would you tell them to encourage him on his journey? Damari  26:00 Oh, tell him to be patient. You know, don’t over stress it. Don’t overthink it. Help you wife or you know the mother of your twins. Make sure you’re there for her. Because she she’s definitely going to need it. Spend time with your kids. A lot of parents have you know, misconstrued a lot of fathers have misconception that you know that the mother that the mother the child supposed to do it you know supposed to handle everything with the kid that’s you know, the biggest Miss information that we were given you know what I mean? We need to be there also be there for your twins you know, give wife a break you know, just be around be patient. Be around and have fun with your experience. Joe  26:44 That is great advice. Be patient and be present and be there. Well, tomorrow. It’s been wonderful to get to hear about your story and to get some great insights from you as a father, I really appreciate you sharing that with us today. Damari  26:57 Thanks for having me. Appreciate that. You know, the story and advice helps helps a lot of fathers. Joe  27:04 I hope enjoy that conversation with Damari about his adventures as a father of twins. And being a father of seven. If you want to learn more about his book that he’s described, and someone gets some of those insights for yourself on your father’s journey, your parenting journey I’ll link to that in the show notes over at Twin dad podcast.com. If you’d like to share your story like tomorrow did today on the podcast, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email Joe at dads guided twins.com or hit me up on social media @twindadjoe on Instagram or Twitter. And I would love to hear from you. Again today’s show is brought to you by my book Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Being an Actively Engaged Father of 7 (Including Twins) with Damari Gupton – Podcast 291 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 290 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Brad Myers, father of identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Having twins when they already had a 2 year old When one twin is smaller than the other Made it to 36 weeks of pregnancy then birth via c-section Hiring a night doula for a couple nights a week Finding au pair that was a good fit from Argentina Au pairs live in the home and you set the schedule Hosting and adjusting to life with an au pair Traveling with young twins Challenges with twins vs a singleton Getting twins on the same schedule When twins don’t succeed with breastfeeding and more… Connect with Brad via email [email protected] Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe Rawlinson We’re continuing our father twin series with a father who shares their experience of hiring an au pair to care for their twins plus their older son. So we dive into all the details of how they found an au pair, kind of the work requirements, expectations, living arrangements and all that. So if you’re interested in that type of childcare for your twins in your family, stay tuned. We’re going to cover that and much more about his twin journey today. Intro Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast the podcast that will help you survive and thrive as a father of twins Now here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Joe Rawlinson Hey everybody, welcome to the podcast. This is Joe Rawlinson. As always you can find me on the web at dadsguidetotwins.com. Where you’ll find all previous podcast episodes. Today we have a great chat with a father of twins, whose identical twin girls are nearing the 20 month old mark some of the challenges he’s overcome welcoming twins into the family with a toddler singleton already in the family. Some of those dynamics, as well as a lot of great details about childcare option which you may want to consider for your twins and that is an au pair. We’ll dive into those details in a second. Before I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads of twins. It is called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can pick up a copy for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com Today, I’d like to welcome to the show father of twins, Brad Myers. Welcome to the show, Brad. Brad Myers: Great. Thanks, Joe. Nice to be here. Joe: Right How old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age Brad: so the girls are identical twin girls are 20 months and exciting about this age. Most most exciting is that we I feel like we’ve weathered some of the worst worst of the twin privilege of having twins in their early years, but they’re just super excited about life and kind of developing their own personalities. So that’s, that’s really fun to see. Joe: It’s fun when they get past that baby stage and they really start to express themselves and you see the personalities kind of foster and develop between and how unique they can really be. Yeah. So let’s go back to when you found out that you would be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time? And how was that news received? Brad: Yeah, so we, at the time, we had a two year old boy, and we thought that it might be time to try and see if we get add to our family and lo and behold we definitely added to our family. I can still remember that first appointment is it’s usually pretty standard. You go in, you find out you’re pregnant and then you kind of leave and the moment that the OBGYN was like oh my gosh you guys and so just that element of surprise on her end was enough. You know, and then she quickly followed it up with you guys are having twins and I think for us was like in that exact moment. I can remember looking at my wife Alex and I think both both of us shed like a single tear of like, okay, um, this is both cool and very stressful at the time because I mean with the two year old as well, it’s, it felt like our family just kind of exploded in an instant, Joe: especially having been a father already. And you’re in the middle of toddler craziness with a two year old. And we had a very similar experience where we I mean, we had two boys already when our twins were born, but we knew what a lot of all the efforts that they required, you know, to very young children, so when it’s when they’re like hey, you’re having twins I’m just thinking how we’re even going to manage the craziness. So two years, two years old, he was probably too young to really kind of grasp what was happening. Brad: Yeah, it’s true. And I think that, you know, one of the takeaways and for fathers for your listeners this it’s it’s a really nice you don’t actually know what you don’t know when you’re having twins. And so, you know, my wife’s like, we got to prepare and this is gonna be a big deal. And I kind of took that whole like, I mean, what’s the big deal? I mean, the ads like it seems like maybe twice the work but you know, it’s it’s going to be fine. And so I think just going into it with you know, being prepared, but also there’s nothing that really can prepare you for twins. I jokingly with my wife, you know, we always say we don’t really take any sort of parenting advice unless the family has twins because it’s it feels just like it’s no disrespect to families who don’t have twins, but it is a definitely a different game and, and you you’re dealing with kind of a whole different set of scenarios. Joe: That’s true. I mean, as you know, because your father before it’s just a singleton, and you’re able to easily compare like okay, well this is different with twins. This is different with twins. Out of the pregnancy go for your wife and for the babies. Brad: Yeah, that’s the only thing that you know, like I’ve heard from your podcast guests. It’s, it’s really, you know, that that’s, that can be somewhat stressful. I mean, fortunately for us, you know, we I think we’re probably on the luckier side in terms of just having a go fairly easy. I mean, there were moments where we were literally concerned just with the development of the their was you Sylvia was the smaller of the two Let’s say bye, bye little bit. And so Blake was kind of, you know, fat and happy and then that’s where the, you know, the doctors can kind of get a little bit concerned about, you know, just the nuances of sharing the, all the nutrition and how that kind of, you know, weighs itself out over the course of the entire pregnancy. So, my wife had a C section, the first for our first first son, and, you know, we were, it was kind of pretty much set up to have a C section again, just because of the way that that goes and, and so she we made it to I think it was 36 weeks. Fortunately with time you you forget some of the finer details. I know it was quite stressful at the time, but 36 weeks and they both they were in the NICU. I think two nights and then otherwise, we got to bring them home, you know, the on that third day, which was an experience in and of itself, of course, but you know, we feel very fortunate that we we had the the experience that we had Joe: so the girls were delivered via c-section. What do you remember? Do you remember about being there for the birth of your girls? Brad: You know, on one hand, it’s like just surreal that they they show you one baby, your baby over the covering, and then it just it’s just a total trip that then they show you a second one just doesn’t just it’s still kind of crazy and that that’s actually a possibility. So then they kind of it. It was rather stressful on that whole like those moments where they kind of are looking you know, there’s two full teams of trained professionals to kind of make sure that they’re, they’re doing well out of the gates. And I just remember it was you know it, I’m kind of the one that I am I’m guilty of being a little bit stressed in situations like this, so I definitely felt like it was like okay, what are they do it now and then they’d like, you know, one looked like, you know, she was doing okay, and then the other one it was like, Okay, how she doing and see they don’t really talk much. So there’s a little bit of like, you know, craziness that the doctors prepared us for, because it’s like it’s just twice as many people than they normally would have in the in the operating room. Joe: Yeah, there’s a lot of people in that room. That surprise me too. And, at least for me, anyway, they’re like, Okay, Dad, you sit right here, don’t move and we’ll tell you when you can get up and look around. Okay. Brad: Yeah, so and you’re worried of course. For your wife as well and how she’s doing with it all. And yeah, it’s, you know, I’m glad to say I’ve been there done that and we’re, we’re definitely we’re good with three. That’s, that’s for sure. Joe: The birth of your girls was the day of the birth kind of planned out or was it a surprise at the 36 week mark? Brad: No, it was it was kind of towards there was low fluid. So he was was getting low fluid if I’m remembering the terminology correctly. So it was it was really scheduled within a week where it was like, you know, it’s probably better that we we get them now. Rather than kind of waited out a bit. It wasn’t it wasn’t dire. But it was, you know, for our son being born. We had a routine appointment at like 3638 weeks and they said no, you should have them today because of low fluid. So it was it was that was more of a surprise. I think for us well was then then the twins. Joe: So that can be a little bit of time to assume, make childcare arrangements for your son. Brad: Yeah, yeah, we had, you know, the grandparents really stepped up so we had they were kind of scheduled. intermittently, we did go the way of the night doula for which was she was a saint. So as as you know, the night doulas kind of exactly that she provides care throughout the night. You know, a little bit on the spendier side, so we kind of had to, you know, stagger those nights that she was around, but when when we brought them home you know, it was a really nice I would say it’s worth the extra the added cost. If you can have a night to look for, you know, two or three times a week. It just alleviates some of that initial stress of trying to feed and take care of two babies. Joe: So how did you find the night doula for you? Brad: I think it was we just kind of started looking around and it was wasn’t something we were overly familiar with. I think without twins, it probably wouldn’t have been something on our radar but we had gone through. We didn’t actually have a regular to lead to kind of help us through the process. So we we knew of that profession. And it was kind of like, oh, there’s somebody that can can help you throughout the night. And my wife just, you know, through I think she had a few interviews with an agency, a local agency here in Vancouver, Washington, and we’d found a woman who was like, really gifted. I mean, anybody who signs up to stay up with, you know, newborns or twins throughout the night. Definitely. Has my utmost respect. Joe: She have other spirits with twins. Brad: Yeah, I think if we I mean this was feels like a lifetime ago now but she read kind of recruited the one that had experience with twins and and so again, it was just kind of she just provided that sanity check at like two in the morning. That is just so critical. When, you know, you and your wife are just trying to figure out, you know, up from down. So we I think that was a gift and then in terms of how childcare evolved, my wife was able to take some time off and then my son was in daycare, you know, I think was three times a week or maybe four times a week actually in that first phase but so that that kind of freed us up a little bit throughout the day, but definitely the you know, just the stress and the complexity of of childcare for like that many kids that are under, you know, school age is something I didn’t really appreciate, in addition to the cost and so that’s when we run you know, we started to run the numbers and you know, the au pair option. It just made the most sense, right, because you had both of these, you know, these two girls that are you know, newborns are more or less we didn’t get our au pair didn’t come along until like I think they were like about 18 So rather recently 1718 months we kind of got through that first phase with the girls and then our au pair arrived. And that’s just been huge for us because when you get it seems like you get twice the amount of care for about half the cost of what it would be to put them in in daycare to have like a nanny. I mean, because there’s so many different ways to do it. But we’ve we’ve had a great experience. Joe: Let’s talk about some of the logistics of finding this caregiver and what they’re doing. So first of all, how did you find the Au Pair? Brad: Yeah, that’s like, you know, that’s a bit of an art in and of itself. I mean, it’s an agency. So there’s there’s definitely several well known agencies out there but the one that we went with was cultural care au pair. And you know if you can think of it like a somewhat like an online dating platform, I mean, there’s like we you, you as the host family or the you know, the the parents provide your own profile. So we we shared some photos of our son and then the girls, you know, described our family like where we live and then in turn you would look at profiles of oak pears from, you know, any any country essentially you can think of, but, you know, primarily around like South South America, Central America, and then of course, you’ve got, you know, European au pairs as well. The visa requirements are such that, you know, usually it’s a quicker turnaround, from what I understand if you select somebody from, you know, Central or South America rather than Europe, just the way it works to get the visa. So, we had we did a lot of research, we really, you know, we wanted to make sure that we got the right fit and then, lo and behold, we, we discovered Brunello, which she goes by Bruni, from Argentina, and, you know, she just, she’s, she was like, young and energetic and, you know, ready she just seemed like a great fit for our family and very active and so she once she arrived it was it really felt like a natural fit and then just her bond that she had with you know, the girls and then Hatcher was That’s my son. Just really quite special and and really quickly adapted to the family. And so in that respect, she lives in the home right? So obviously, au pairs on like a nanny, au pairs the whole program is that they it’s more of like a cultural experience for them. So they get to improve their English if they want to they you know, they can take some courses at a local college or university. And in turn, they live in your home and, and you just kind of set the schedule, you know, week by week, in terms of how your work schedule goes and what’s needed. So you know, she provides 40 hours of care for our family, or for our girls rather. And it’s just been really a truly wonderful experience. And I don’t think we could have I don’t know I didn’t really get too far into the numbers but I know just offhandedly if you if you looked at like the where my son goes to daycare. I mean, the cost would have been massive for for sending two, two more children to his daycare and it’s not anything fancy. It’s just a it’s just the cost of seems like it’s just the cost of childcare these days. Joe: Yeah, that’s very common like you start sending more than one kid on to childcare and you know, one of the parents says their whole salary is going to pay for childcare all of a sudden. Okay, so she appears living in your home how do you kind of separate like work time from when she’s just, you know, a guest in your home kind of deal. How do you draw that line? Brad: Yeah, yeah. It’s, it’s really, it takes work on on both sides. Right. So we’re super respectful. I mean, she has her own her own room, which, you know, to be honest, we’re, we’re, we’re in a home. I think it’s less than 2000 square feet. We’re three adults and three kids in this home. It’s a three bed two bath so you it sounds it sounds really tight. It’s it’s actually the way that home is laid out. It actually is. it’s manageable. I mean, it will not be manageable forever. But I had a home office, downstairs in on the main level and there’s a bathroom there. And then once she arrived, I moved my home office because I work from home to our bedrooms, so less than ideal because I could probably get away with doing about 20 steps a day if I if I really wanted to, but so she’s got her own room and that’s part of the requirements of the program is it’s got their own room. It’s essentially it’s their room. It’s not like you kind of like you know, she’s she’s not around or whatever it’s like it’s it’s specifically for them while they’re there in your home. And then you know, she’s got access, more or less to her own bathroom. Except during like that time and stuff. So you know, privacy and navigating. When she’s on and when she’s off has worked out, you know quite well we you know if if today, we’ll take today for example, she was she’s scheduled to be on it at noon and she’ll go until 7pm. So, and in between there’s is naptime for the kids, which, you know, besides a few things she’s you know, she’s free to use that time like as downtime. And then at seven, you know, she’s free to make obviously around her own meal if she wants to if she wants to be with us. That’s, that’s she’s more than welcome to but again, that’s craziness of bedtime. And we’re kind of doing our own thing anyways at that point. So she’s made great friends with other au pairs in the area. It’s just been a really positive experience. I mean, I know that it takes some effort on on your part to have somebody come into your home is isn’t totally natural but but when you look at when it works out really well like it has a new look at how much less stress you are you have has as a as a parents of twins and a toddler. It’s, you know, you you don’t ever question like, is it worth it? Joe: No, she got a contract for a certain number of months or timeframe. Brad: Yeah, so it’s it. The agreement is for a year so she arrives. For more I think it was actually first part of January and so technically it would go till, the first part of January, and she can renew for a second year as the program goes. But that’s entirely, you know, her choice or the family’s choice, like maybe it could be that she wants to go back home. You know, it doesn’t have to be a second year extension, but if they feel like they want to, they can extend for a second year. Joe: What’s the transition like social so you bring it into your home, like how do the kids react initially and how was that transition of them getting used to that? Brad: Yeah, my wife got it was kind of like my wife’s an occupational therapist. So it was like the idea with with the Au Pair coming was that she could kind of start going back to work a bit. Halftime and that helped with the transition because it wasn’t like, you know, cut and dry were like one day they were with mom and the next. They’re with your parents. So that helped ease the transition. But really, it wasn’t so much the girls. That was the challenge. It was really my son who, you know, just given his age. He has a lot of, let’s say independence and opinion about who’s who’s around and who’s, who’s taking care of them. So that was, you know, that still remains the bigger challenge for the parents to try to break you know, break down that that kind of, you know, it’s if it’s not longer than it should be dad, and then, you know, anybody else is like a distant third. So she’s done really well with trying to we’ve, we’ve tried to, like, help cultivate that relationship. By having them go to, you know, go to Sky Zone and, you know, go jump on some trampolines or, you know, go get ice cream, just stuff that where they can really kind of feel more connected. So that when we aren’t around it, you know, it doesn’t stress her out. Because it can be somewhat of a stressful situation. If he’s upset and then you’ve got twins on top of it. We tried to kind of limit the amount of time she has with with all three because if you’re not mom or dad having all three, even even if your mom and dad having all three is can be a challenge. Joe: That is she get like a vacation time or days off or holidays as well. Brad: Yeah, so, you know, really her schedule runs essentially Monday through Friday, and then she’s free to do you know, whatever she’d like on the weekends. And like I said, she’s been very active and being like, social and she’s got some, you know, she’s made some quick friends and she likes to go to the gym. And she does all that on her free time. And then I think it’s about they’re entitled to two weeks of holiday for the year. So you know, we plan a good example that was the, you know, finessing that aspect of the program is if they come with, you know, if they choose to go with you on a family vacation, so for example, we went up to Vancouver Island for a week, and if they’re on during that time and working with your kids or being with your kids then that’s that’s a regular working trip, right? I mean, they there’s no it’s not considered vacation, but if you if they decide to come with you, and and you don’t schedule them for any help, then that would be considered, you know, holiday for them. In this case, it was of course there’s some added cost to adding somebody to a to a vacation, but all the same, to travel with somebody that’s ready to help out for you know, the majority of the vacation was it needed so that my wife and I could actually enjoy the vacation ourselves. I think maybe you’ve experienced this where some some vacations you go on and you’re just like man, not really worth it went when you figure out how hard it is to kind of address everybody’s needs on the road. Joe: It’s not really a vacation parenting, right? You’re still you’re just on a trip in a different place, which has its own level of new stresses because you have to figure stuff out, making everybody comfortable. Did you travel with the kids before you got the au pair so you can kind of compare and contrast? Brad: Yeah, that’s absolutely so you take you know, you take our trip to why when they were younger, and then the idea is that then you’re kind of stuck between you know that in theory you’re like, Oh, if we traveled before there, they turned to then is to less plane to get zapped by but then you’re traveling before there too. And so it’s it was that’s just a trade off you make I don’t regret any you know, you looking back you never regret it. I mean, there are moments on a on a trip where it’s stressful, but I mean, we had so many great, you know, memories from Vancouver Island and we brought I invested in a cargo bike so it fits. It fits two on the back. And then I can actually retrofitted it where you could fit a third on the front. Some really it’s it fits all three kids. It I do get several looks some of them. I think being like oh my god you put your your whole family on that bike. I mean this that seems like a liability but it’s the only time where like all three of them there’s not really any like fussing. I mean it’s like they just they get on that bike they sit in their reading and their writing and and you’re just and then it frees up the other parent to do you know some other stuff or you know just it’s just a really been a really like, I don’t know I don’t know how I thought to get it but and then to be able to have the third one fit on there as well. That’s not gonna last forever but for right now it feels pretty good to when the house is melting down just to kind of put them on the bike and and start riding. And that’s why we took it on the on the trip because even though is it as cumbersome as it is to kind of load up onto a bike rack I mean it was so well worth the effort. Joe: That’s fine. It’s like once you find something that works to calm the kids down or make him happy. And it works every time. It’s like magic feather and he’s just like, yep, that’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna do that. Pull it up. So as your as your son in preschool, we’re going to preschool Sooners are is everybody home with the opare during the day, Brad: so he goes so that’s trying to live that goes back to like trying to limit how much time the au pair has all three of them. So he actually goes to his daycare, Monday, Wednesday, Fridays. Essentially from like, nine to four ish. And so that kind of and then my wife has, she doesn’t work on Tuesdays and so she’s able to kind of help you know with with some of the days where the all three of them are at home. For me working from home I mean that’s the bigger challenge because, you know, you just have a home office and so you know, you kind of you’re hearing crying and you know, it’s it’s both. It’s both wonderful and a challenge to to be able to work from home at this age because you have such easy access to them that it’s like fun to be able to be that close and you can help out with like a diaper change here or there or you just want to kind of see their faces for a moment. And sometimes they like blast through the door. You know when you’re sometimes in a meeting sometimes when you’re not in a meeting, so you kind of have to take the good with the bad and I feel as stressful as it is. I feel like it’s a privilege that we kind of evolved. I actually had a job, a remote job before COVID So I felt like I had actually had something on a lot of people and then now everybody seems to be able to work from home. So but in the sense that it’s feels like such a gift because I think about fathers many years ago, you know decades ago. You know they didn’t they were they would just seems like that classic like you leave that 738 And you’re not back until 536 and Monday through Friday. I mean, the amount of time that you get to be able to engage with your kids during the lunch hour. You know being able to go grab them from from daycare on the bike. I mean all of that is something that I feel like never was really available to a lot of parents Joe: as a troubleshooting. I was in the same boat as you I was working working from home before COVID And right there it’s hard to keep up some boundaries between you and the kiddos. But at the same time like you said, you know it’s it’s what a privilege you can just walk in and have lunch with him or seen him or whatever. As opposed to when I was packing cubicle life. That was not the case. Right. That’s great. So what what were some of the things that kind of surprised you because you had your son first you had a singleton you kind of knew the ropes of like having one baby. What were some of the things they’re like, I did not expect this when when there’s two of them and at the same time. Brad: It’s all the stuff that I think you can you know that that comes to mind, right? I mean, the amount of diaper changes early on, right? I mean, obviously that gets better with time but just the changing and then the feedings were always you know, whether or not that you know, let’s just be honest, breastfeeding twins. I mean, as I’ve watched the challenges that my wife had with it, I mean, it’s it’s not super easy, right and even with a single technique, it can be provided quite a bit of stress and so with the twins, you know, trying to get them to be fat and happy so that when you show up to those many appointments, you know, early on, then everyone’s telling you, you’re doing the right thing and that they’re they they’re their growth charts and everything are going like they should I mean all that combined. I feel like that was kind of one of the core things that we were stressed about early on was just like really trying to make sure that they were getting fed and and then you go through some of the like the craziness of like that. We were on the tail end of that breast milk or formula shortage and that I couldn’t imagine I mean, if you were if you’re trying to feed, you know, one or two or I mean however many babies and you had to stress about where you were gonna get that I mean, to me that’s still like I felt like that was you know, whether it’s been resolved, but I remember us going and trying to find formula and it was it scary. So I think that that’s an aspect of it. With twins you know, early on when they we first brought him home if one was sleeping the other one was more than likely somehow discontent or stress or you know crying and that would only continue the cycle because while one was resting well, you know you she was you know she was sure to get up because she had slept well while the other one wasn’t. So then you just kind of are you’re in between like one baby essentially. I mean trying to get them on the same schedule was something we worked really hard at and I and I’ve heard it from some of your other guests and and how important that is with twins. It’s like I mean like it or not if one is sleeping peacefully, and the other one wakes up. It’s almost on you to kind of wake the other one up so that everybody can kind of like one’s not like sleeping for an extra hour. Because then your whole day is gone. Right because of the naps are off and it’s just it’s just something that we didn’t. We took seriously with a singleton we took like it was a religion with at least in the early days with with twins. Joe: I mean, it has to be because if they’re not on the same schedule, like you said, everything goes crazy. And you’re already you know, sleep deprived and trenches, just trying to make it to the next milestone that day. So your schedule is so important to maintaining your sanity and your routine. Okay, so you mentioned that your wife was breastfeeding. Was you she direct feeding them or was she just pumping and feeding from the bottle? Brad: Yeah, and so that was kind of a you know, we with our son he had the you know, and then oh, this is like if you if you look into it, it’s like leaped up to debate but we were believers that there was like a tongue tie where it’s like, you know the connection between you know, that you’re under underneath your tongue. And I know I’m losing all the terminology but that can prohibit an or inhibit successful breastfeeding because of the way that the tongue is, you know, there’s they’re not able to get a good strong latch. And so we actually had a minor surgical procedure where they can kind of actually you know, remove that that part of the not remove it, but like just kind of cut into it so that they can get a better latch and for for better or worse, it really worked well with our son and then with the twins, it was the same kind of scenario. So we we tried that and and it was an added stress to do that, but we were we’re really committed to trying to help them you know, breastfeed and have that as an experience and, and in the end they never really latched that well. And it was something where my wife just pumped for like six months. And that’s just kind of what we had to do. And then we supplemented a bit with with some formula. But I think that’s that’s another huge challenge that families face. It’s like it you really want something for your kids and you think it’s beneficial and then you’ve got to be able to, you know, just know that assuming it’s not life threatening. It’s like things aren’t, you know, things aren’t gonna go exactly as you’d like. And with twins, it’s it’s very much the case that you have to just be like, willing to say, Okay, we’ve done we’ve given it our best effort, and it’s just providing too much stress for, for us as parents and so we just kind of have to, you know, call it and then and we just moved on and it’s still something we wish was different but but they’re fine. I mean, they’re everyone’s happy and healthy and, and we just kind of moved on from that. Joe: That’s a great perspective because you lay out these plans of what the ideal should be. And in our case, like both you and ourselves where we already had a child we’re like okay, we kind of are gonna expect this to go a certain way and it doesn’t go that way. But you’re right, you have to just change course, pivot, do what’s working, try different things. And then, if it’s not gonna work, it’s not going to work. Our girls were Tongue Tied just like you’re describing to. They would not they could not latch and it was just miserable trying to get them to feed. We discovered this thing oh, this other tongue tied. Okay, well, here’s a procedure to fix that. So then they could latch and then our problem was with our very active toddler boys, which is like run circles around mom and the babies and the babies would be distracted and pull off the pull off the Preston wouldn’t be feeding. So it’s like it’s one thing or another. So you just have to kind of kind of do what works and just roll with it because it’s not going to be your experience isn’t gonna be like anybody else’s. I mean, it’s gonna be very unique to you and your family. So Brad is as you think back over the last couple of years now 20 months with your with your girls and as a father if one of your friends came to you and said, Hey, Brad, we’re gonna be having twins, you know, what, what would be the key piece of advice that you would give to them? Brad: Gosh, I mean, I’m actually waiting for that moment to happen. I just I’m desperate to have like one of my, you know, friends or close friends or friends or family to say that because I I mean, you know, I mean, I’ve jokingly was gonna say misery likes company, but it is just like a different ballgame. So I I feel like whenever I meet somebody with twins, I, you have this kind of immediate bond. So that’s kind of it’s a fun, fun club to be a part of. I think that you know, the advice is, you just you can’t do it alone. It’s not something that you can plan for. Where it’s going to be totally seamless. I mean, I think that going back to the singleton, I mean, the birth of a child, a single child is, you know, it’s such a special time and it’s also overwhelming at the same time, and so you just kind of multiply that by two, and some days are going to be better than others. And, you know, if you can just focus on the good small moments and making it to that first year, I think that that’s helped you turn a corner I know for us, you know, really dumb walking, you know, all these milestones, early milestones really kind of give you kind of that second wind where you’re like, Okay, I see that we’re, you know, this, the, you know, in the sense of it’s like you’re kind of taking an aircraft into the air I mean, you’re not you’re you’re like barely clipping the the trees treetops, and then you start to feel like okay, I’m, you know, we’ve made it. We’re kind of stable in the air now, and it just feels really good. Once you kind of see those milestones because Joe: it doesn’t if you’re if you’re looking at those as they come celebrate them as they come just look back every so often be like, Look how far we’ve come so far. Yeah, give us give some good perspective. So Brad, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you, what’s what’s a good way to reach out? Brad: Yeah, I mean, email is probably the easiest, [email protected]. And always happy to field questions about like, you know, specifically related to having an au pair. You know, some of the tips and tricks that we found worked for us, but yeah, just happy to be on and appreciate your show. It’s, you know, it’s just another resource and it kind of, you know, provide some level of sanity for for us dads out there that are trying to take on twins. Joe: Well, thank you for joining us. Today. Thank you for sharing your story. We really appreciate it. Brad: Cool. Thanks, Joe. Joe: Okay, hope you enjoy that chat with Brad about his adventures as a father of twins. I know I learned a lot about finding and hiring an au pair and some of the expectations that that would be as far as bringing that kind of caregiver into your home. So hope you found that useful as well. If you would like to share your story like Brad did today, I would love to hear from you. You can email me [email protected] or reach out on social media Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dads it’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. This book covers everything from a newborn phase, first year, to the first couple of years with your twins to help get you through those many initial milestones which makes life a little bit easier, day by day and month by month. You can learn more about this book at raisingtwinsbook.com Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Finding an Au Pair for Twins with Brad Myers – Podcast 290 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 289 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Zach Starr, father of identical twin girls. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Mom developing liver cholestasis during pregnancy Water broke at 33 weeks in the middle of the night Natural delivery of twins when they thought it would be a c-section Staying positive with each milestone girls reached in the NICU Getting twins on the same schedule Dealing with the witching hour in the evenings Challenges of breast feeding the twins Successfully sleep training the twins Finding a babysitter to help with kids during the day Having a third child when twins were still under age 2 Road tripping with lots of little ones Dental tips for young children Developing a strong bond with your twins and more… Connect with Zach via email [email protected] Podcast Transcript This is transcript auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe: Today we’d like to welcome to the show, father of twins. Zach Starr, welcome to the show. Zach. Zach, how old are your twins right now and what is something really exciting about this age? Zach: My twin girls will turn four in about two weeks and something that’s really exciting about this age is they’re constantly learning new phrases, and they’ll say things to you that you would have no idea how they would know about how to say that or what it even means. But they’re always coming up with something new. Joe: Is one of your girls, usually the first to come up with a phrase or they just kind of take turns? Zach: They take turns on they are identical but they have extremely different personalities. And that can change. It’s not like one always does one thing or one does the other. But in terms of milestones, there was definitely one who seemed to achieve those maybe a week or two before her sister, technically the younger of the twins. But they have different interests and different styles. Big thing for them right now is clothing and accessories and shoes and hair bands all of that. Joe: It’s so fun when they start to have an opinion about what they wear, what their what their sister’s wearing, and we’ve gone through all that as well. Let’s rewind back to when you found out that you would be having twins. What was your family situation like and how was your reaction to that news? Zach: Sure. My wife and I had been married for about three years. I wouldn’t say that we were trying to have kids but we also weren’t trying or weren’t not trying to have kids. So we found out my wife was pregnant. This was in 2018, late 2018 And we went to the first ultrasound appointment at a regular OB and I remember just being a little nervous because I hadn’t ever done something like this before. And I remember the tech left the room and then came back in. And when she came back in she had brought the doctor and that’s when they told us that there were twins and they showed us on the screen. And I remember they brought out a textbook because they couldn’t figure out what the how many eggs there were and how many sacks there were based on the way the ultrasound looked. But they ended up being monozygotic dye amniotic twins. And the OB told us also that the hospital that he had privileges that didn’t have a NICU that was sufficient enough for possible complications. So they offered to still kind of see us but they weren’t going to be able to deliver the babies. So they referred us to an MFM a maternal fetal medicine doctor that was located more downtown in our metro area. And we ended up going there and they connected us with their own OB who would deliver the twins. Joe: Okay, so you do switcheroo there in the beginning. How was the pregnancy for mom and for babies? Zach: Everything went pretty smooth. You know for the most part, I would say probably in between the second and third trimester. My wife developed liver colon stasis. So she was retaining some of these liberal bribe byproducts that she shouldn’t be in it caused her to become very very itchy. And you know, I’ve never experienced anything like that but she was pretty miserable until this liberal stasis was diagnosed and they ended up putting her on a medication called her sidai All which basically took all those symptoms away. And the pregnancy was going really well. The the obese had strongly encouraged a scheduled C section at 36 weeks. That’s what they were wanting to do for identical twins. But my wife’s water ended up breaking at just about 33 weeks. Joe: So where were you and where was she when that happened – when her water broke? Zach: Yeah, I mean, it was pretty classic. Like out of the movies. It was the middle of the night. She woke me up and she said Hey, I think my water broke. It was technically a Monday morning. She was supposed to work that day. We’re both dentists. So you know, when we call out of work, you know, we have to cancel all our patients too. So I remember just running around the house with her there was a huge puddle like in the bed. And she wanted me to get the car seats and all this stuff and we didn’t really have any sort of go bags prepared. So we just got whatever we could into the car. And we were so concerned about you know, bringing baby clothes and all this stuff and we had no idea that the kids are going to be in the NICU and that the babies weren’t going to come right away. So I remember, you know, dropping her off essentially at the end and going to find parking. And eventually I got to see her in the they moved her up to the labor and delivery ward. Joe: So where are your girls born? That same? That same night or same morning? Zach: So they wanted to hold them off for an additional week. But all they were able to get was like another three days they gave my wife two rounds of steroid injections, which are supposed to promote lung development because I think in between the 33rd and 34th week is when that final lung development happens. And the kids were you know, they were measuring a little bit small in the lead up but everything else will otherwise normal thank God. So there was no you know, concern to take them earlier than that. But she started having contractions, and about 33 and a half weeks, very painful ones. And so what was a planned scheduled C section luckily turned into a natural delivery. Joe: Oh it did. So the girls were in the right positions to come out naturally? Zach: Yeah, yeah. We lucked out the OB that happened to be on call. When my wife’s contractions started was like yeah, like, you know, we’ll take you to the VOR we’ll prepare for a C section but we’ll try to go we’ll try to go bad, you know, natural, and she’s like, I am comfortable. You know, delivering breech if if need be. So, we’d lucked out in terms of that. And, you know, my wife, they were small they came out you know, about three and a half pounds so my wife was able to get them out pretty quickly. So, the, my first girl, she was fine. She was taken directly to the NICU. And my second girl was put on some supplemental oxygen for about 24 hours and then taken to the NICU as well. Joe: And how did your girls fare in the NICU? Did they just need to some more time to grow? Or were there some other complications? Zach: Yeah, basically, they just needed some more time to grow, learn how to you know, take a bottle, things like that. So they were in there for about three and a half weeks. They have various levels of observation. They started off in like, you know, the, the highest observation and then they stepped down all the way to more of like a nursery setting. This was pre COVID. So we were able to visit although there were still a lot of restrictions on that about how many people could be in there at once. They did really good. In the NICU. It was really nice for us, because we got to see the nurses take care of the babies and essentially they trained us. So I think it ended up being a beneficial experience for us instead of having to take home both babies at once with no idea what’s going on. We got to watch the nurses, feed them and carry them and change them. And then we got to participate as well. We were going every day for several hours to do skin to skin and then and to participate in the feedings because my wife was convinced you know if she was there, she would be able to get them to take more in terms of milk and the more they were eating the quicker we would get to take them home. But everyone was super, super helpful and supportive. And you know, it was nice, getting that time together with the four of us. But it’s not a super, you know, positive place to be there are some babies there that are very sick. And so we just really felt lucky. While we were there that, you know, everything for the most part was going okay. Joe: So how do you keep I mean, you’re looking at these other babies that are in probably worse condition than your girls were. So how do you keep getting a positive outlook on the progress your girls were making? Zach: Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, I think that was kind of up to me, you know? To try to stay positive. My wife was definitely a little bit depressed. I think she felt, you know, somewhat inadequate that her water broke and she delivered early and she wasn’t able to keep them any longer. But, you know, we tried to reassure her that this was nature you know, they came out for a reason. And, you know, I think as we started to see them, make their, you know, tiny little milestones like when they came out of the incubator or when they were taking a bottle for the first time or when they took the feeding tubes out, or when they took, you know, some other barriers away essentially, when they went to the different units. Those were all like little checkpoints that made us feel like we were progressing towards the goal. And the nurse that was in charge of discharge planning was super organized. She had her own little checklist that she would keep by each of the baby’s cribs so that we knew, Okay, you know, what do we have to do to take them home? And then the other thing was, you know, because the babies came so early my wife didn’t have breast milk yet. And I remember those first few days that she was trying to pump literally nothing was coming out. And I think a lot of moms would give up at that point. But my wife stuck with it. And after about a week of you know, just listening to the lactation consultants and everything, you know, she was able to produce more than enough breast milk for them. So I think for her it was important to be there because when she would hear them cry or smell them, you know, the biology would take over and make it easier for her to express milk. Joe: So it was she there most of the day. Zach: Yeah. You know, we don’t really have paternity leave in our line paternity or maternity leave in our line of work, but I had blocked off X significant a significant amount of time based on when I anticipated her delivery to be and ended up just shuffling things around. So I had a few weeks with her there. And then I wouldn’t meet her there after work. Now we weren’t allowed to sleep there but we were spending probably about eight to 12 hours there a day. Joe: So when the time came for you to bring your girls home, do they are they both released? At the same time? I did. Were they staggered. Zach: No like other people on your podcast. They were staggered about one day which again was nice, you know, we got to do the one night with one of them by ourselves and then we had both of them. So it was a little difficult in terms of like logistics, you know, because someone needs to be at home with one baby and then we had to, you know, drive to go pick up the other baby and so that was our little intro and you know how challenging childcare can be at times. But yeah, once we got them home, you know, we had been trained, like I said pretty well in the NICU and we were recording everything in notebooks in terms of when they would feed how much they would take like to the rounds when they would you know wet diapers and poopy diapers and things like that. Joe: So what were some of the things that surprised you when you brought the girls home or maybe they you struggled with? Zach: Probably they were fussy and I don’t know if that was just us not really knowing what we were doing. Or if they a gasp but, you know eventually, a pediatrician gave us a prescription for Zantac, which is like an antacid and I don’t think that did much honestly. But I think the hardest thing at first was just the the lack of sleep and the girls being even though you know, we kept them together. They were in the same crib in our room at first. They were not on the same schedule. And it wasn’t like they were waking each other up. It’s just they had different needs at different times. And so, you know, figuring out when to do what or what certain you know why they weren’t sleeping or why they weren’t eating or why they were crying. You know, when we were new parents was challenging at times. But that’s why it was helpful for us to record everything in our our notebooks. And we we continue doing that until they were almost one year old, I think. So we kept up with that for a while. Joe: It’s great. It’s very analytical approach the way you can Yeah, because in the first year you get your sleep deprived and you just can’t remember stuff very well. So to write it down is so important because he could just look back and say, Oh, this is what they did yesterday or that last week. How are we able to start to get them on the same schedule. Zach: So you know, we had a lot of help. My mother in law basically lived with us for nine out of the first 12 months and there would be times that she would take one of the babies essentially and do the night shift by herself where me and my wife would do the night shift for one. So she really, really helped us but what we just started doing was trying to at least feed them at the same time and try to put them down for naps at the same time. Now, whether or not we usually had two people almost always with them, at least for the first three to four months. So one you know one was able to one adult was able to focus on on one child you know in some were one baby was typically better at napping than the other one was better at eating than the other woman sleep more at night than the other. So their wake ups weren’t always consistent but we tried to slowly you know, hold them off essentially if they would wake up instead of feeding right away try to wait till their sister woke up. But once they sort of hit that four month, maybe five month mark that’s when sort of all of that newborn sleep that was easier to achieve started to go away and the night wakings became more frequent. The napping in the day was pretty bad. And they started what we called the witching hour are these colic attacks that would occur maybe around five or 6pm. And you know, put a matter if we fed them or if we didn’t feed them it was just brutal for basically like two hours. Each of them would do it and and then they would sleep. And so I started doing a lot more research into sleep training. And I came across two really good book. One. The first one I read was called 12 hours of sleep by 12 weeks old. And that’s a book by Susie G or Dano. And then the other one I read was called sleep easy solution. And that’s by Jill speedback. And so I basically use a combined approach from both of those books. But the important thing was making sure that they were drinking enough milk during the day. And so I think what these books talk about is about 24 ounces and a 24 hour period is what you know a baby of that age needs now, some will drink more, some will drink less, but we really focused on trying to give them more opportunities to feed during the day. And at night we started we would still feed on demand but we would offer less now what was helpful, I think for my wife and for me was that she she didn’t breastfeed at all she pumped and we would either fortify that with formula or we would just alternate with formula. So we were able to keep track of exactly how many ounces they were drinking and and things like that. And as we hit that four and a half month, five month stretch, that’s when I started talking to my wife about possibly sleep training them and she was definitely up for it. I think we had had some family stay with us, you know, right around their five month birthday and then they left and once all the grandmas were gone. We we were ready. And what we did was basically a version of what is popular, popularly called cry it out. And so there was one Rough night definitely with them getting used to it or I shouldn’t even say one Rough night, one rough hour if that. But again, they were already drinking enough during the day that they didn’t necessarily need any feedings at night. So we allowed them to cry. I think they did cry for close to 30 minutes that first night. And then they went to sleep. And I’ll always remember what what that was like, I couldn’t believe that it actually worked like that. And, you know, of course the next day we would we reinforced it with naptime and there was a little bit more protests with naptime, but eventually they got that too. And so you know, ever since then we’ve been pretty strict with bedtime and nap time. You know, we have fun here or there and we’ll let them sleep a little later. Go to sleep a little later or skip a nap here or there but the structure is remained the same and I think I think that’s really important. And once I got that sort of ability to you know, have some predictability in my life knowing that okay, if we put them down at seven, they’re probably going to sleep until they were sleeping until about maybe 6am at that point. So you get that 11 hours that were yours. Basically you can catch up on the housework you can catch up with your wife. I remember that’s when we me and my wife first started watching Netflix again together. Because we just didn’t have the time where the two of us were not doing something those first few months Joe: is the training is so powerful. Method. We did something very similar. And it just takes persistence as a parent, but ultimately your children learn the new routine and they fall into it and when did you and your wife go back to work during that for that time? Zach: I pretty much went right back to work. You know round when we actually took the girls home and like I said I had my mother in law with us. We also hired the first of the babysitters that we’ve used and she would come during the day. And my mother in law was you know, again really, really helpful and my wife was really good at it, too. She was just a natural. And then I think my wife slowly started working maybe one Saturday, a month and then a couple Saturdays a month and then one day a week and then a couple days a week so she sort of eased back in she’s in private practice I work for the government so it was a little bit easier for me to to use vacation because I I earned vacation whereas she doesn’t. So what I would do is maybe take off like one day a week to be at home so that she could work. But now she you know now, four years later she’s full time I’m full time so you know those first couple of years she definitely was more like part time capacity. And right around when the girls were about eight or 10 months, we found a babysitter that could handle both of them at the same time. And we’ve had her ever since she’s been a huge blessing for us. Joe: Okay, so this babysitter is with your girls like during the day when you’re working? Zach: Basically like about 10 hours a day. So I usually leave for work earlier than my wife, my wife will do sort of the morning routine with the kids and then the babysitter will come and my wife will go to work and my girls are in preschool. So the babysitter drives them to and from preschool and we’ll take my son along for the ride. But now she handles all three by herself. So again, you know, not not every caregiver can handle that. But this was such a such a blessing for us and my my one bit of advice if you’re looking for a babysitter or considering hiring a babysitter, I would really tell you to try to find someone that’s that’s already Amman that already has children of their own. We went through a few before we found the one that we currently use, and they just don’t think the same way. I don’t think if they haven’t had their own children yet. There is a change I think that happens when you become a parent in terms of how you look at things and the way you analyze whether or not something is safe and things like that and sort of our greatest success in in finding people to take care of our kids is people who have their own kids, Joe: because there’s there’s nothing like experience to teach you how to deal with with young children for sure. So you mentioned your son who’s now two So somewhere between twins and now you had a third child. Tell us about that. Tell us about that transition from just the two to three. Zach: Well, it must have been about a month or two after the twins turned one. We found out we were pregnant with my son. And we were we were pretty nervous about it. Because if he were to be delivered on time, then their twins were only going to be about 20 months older than my son and we didn’t know how would you be able to handle it and so there was definitely some nervousness. But as the pregnancy progressed and everything was going fine again, thank God and my twins got a little bit older, they actually became I want to I don’t want to say easier to manage, but again, more predictable and I think we just became more comfortable as parents and so that sort of trepidation slowly decreased over time. But yeah, he when he was born, he was full term. Very different. Than my girls. He didn’t require any sort of NICU stay. He came out you know, drinking a ton of milk. It was really chill, no colic attacks. You know, he ate and drank really well. You know, the sleeping was about the same as the girls and we eventually trained him as well he took to it. So you know, it was definitely tough. But again, we had we had help. We had my mother in law, we had our babysitter, and we even hired like a second babysitter to kind of take take over from the first babysitter towards the end of the day. My wife was at home for about two to three months with all three of them and various help. And in between when I have my girls I’m gonna have my son. The government passed a law that allows for paternity leave for federal employees. So I was granted three months of paid paternity leave. Which I ended up spreading out over the course of a year to take one to two days off per week to you know, be at home with everyone and allow my wife to continue working. It was just to spend more time with the kids. Joe: I’m glad you mentioned how you kind of stretched your time off out and that’s a good one for our listeners to know is like, say you have a set amount of time you can take off from work. It can often be used creatively like just like you did where you stretch it out over time doesn’t have to be used all at once. So you can kind of mesh that with the needs of your family. So yeah, I Zach: think it’s like a misconception that you need the most help like right when the baby comes out. And that’s when everyone wants to help in terms of family and friends and they want to come over and see the baby but you really need a lot more help. I think once the kids are crawling and walking and more mobile and there’s more meal prepping and laundry and things like that. So I think it’s it’s nice to have that time at the beginning, but I think it’s a lot more valuable later on in their development. And it’s probably more valuable. You know, for me as a dad I’m able to connect with them more, I think when they’re older than you know, perhaps when they were, you know, one month old in terms of you know, the feedback I get from them. Joe: That’s true. I mean, you can spend time with them when they’re very little but they are as interactive as they are when they get a little bit older. That’s for sure. So your twins are still very young when your son was born. So do they even know what was going on? And how what was their reaction to a new baby in the house? Zach: We had told them I don’t know whether or not they understood that the two of the two twins had very different reactions. One was pretty friendly. The other one was not mean or you know didn’t do anything to harm him but she was definitely upset. And I think it took I think we’re still dealing with it to be honest with you. They both have had phases really fighting for mom’s attention. And because they were so young when my son came out, you know, a lot of the duties in terms of taking care of my son were relegated to me because the girls wouldn’t let my wife do anything. So I think my wife was a little disappointed because she got less bonding time with my son, but I loved it because I got a ton of bonding time with him. You know, during those early stages, again, she was pumping so I could bottle feed and I could do everything as long as you know she was able to pump and so it was tough, definitely. But soon, each day it got a little better in terms of them recognizing that he was there and part of the family and I think he gets the most out of it. You know, his development has been so much quicker I think being able to look up to his sisters and copy off them. It seems like he he’s been doing everything a lot quicker than than they were. And now finally, I think they’re all three of them. He just turned two they’re about to turn four. They’ll play together a little bit. And that usually turns into something physical, but there are little brief moments where they’re having a good time with each other. Joe: Did you have to change? Usually when you add additional child and maybe changes in your house layout or vehicles or gear? Was there any big changes you had to make there? No. Luckily Zach: when we bought our house it was it was a four bedroom and we were like oh wow. We will never fill this you know and then three kids later we suddenly had you know we’re starting to outgrow the house. We did move from that house about six months ago but we could have stayed there for a while we just wanted a little bit more space. We did purchase a third vehicle with three rows kind of a high mileage Toyota that my babysitter will use to take the kids to and from school and we use when we’re doing road trips. And we could have made it work with the vehicles we had but we again because my wife and I work full time. We wanted the the babysitter to have a car in case she needed to take the kids anywhere and I mean obviously she has a car but we already have the car seats installed it’s ready to go rather than making her have to deal with that. We didn’t go for the triple stroller we stuck to a double and a single and we do still have three high chairs we’re able to still feed our four year old girls in the high chairs they don’t like it but it makes it easier for us. We have to buy a third crib because my two girls who are still in each have their own cribs. But other than that, you know we were able to use some hand me downs in terms of the baby gear. Joe:    our situation is kind of similar but reversed or we had two very young children, two young boys when our twins were born so they’re all three years younger and the dynamics you mentioned about how once one twin reacted differently to the baby that was the same thing with our Singleton’s like one of our boys was all about the twins and one of them was like whatever, I don’t care, some stuff was able to be reused. We had to transition one of our boys to bed so they could free up a crib you know, so it’s got to be a little bit creative errands for sure. You mentioned road tripping and travel. What success have you found when traveling with a bunch of little ones? Zach: We only have tried flying once. The girls were about six months old. It did not go well. We flew. It was about a four hour flight and they basically cried the whole time. And we were pretty scarred from that. So we haven’t done that since. So we do do a lot of road trips. We live in North Carolina and my wife’s family lives in Baltimore. So it’s about a six and a half hour drive. And we’ve done that. We’ve done that several times and what used to work for us as we would leave sort of in the evening kind of around their dinner and bedtime and eventually they would fall asleep in the car seats. But that got pretty hard to do. You know because that leaves the parents driving really late at night. So now we kind of just muscle through it. We are aware that they may or may not sleep in the car. They’re a little older now so they can you know, watch things on on a tablet or a screen and they can eat snacks and things like that when they were much younger. It was harder but now it’s definitely a little bit easier and we tried to you know, make some stops to get out and and do something rather than just trying to drive in the middle of the night and hope that they stay asleep the whole time. We make the trips. The road trip more of an event we’ll stop and see friends along the way or we’ll stop for food we’ll find a park we’ll find something to sort of break up that the monotony of the driving. Joe:    We’ve we’ve done long road trips to with little ones. The worst time was when they were potty training and we tried a long road trip I would not recommend that. To anybody. If they’re still in diapers or they’ve mastered the potty then that’s great. Hit the road for sure. So Zach, you mentioned you’re a dentist so I can’t let you go without getting some some tips about establishing some good dental hygiene, good practices, good habits with little kids. What would you recommend on that front? Zach: You really I think the big thing with parents is juice and Well it starts with milk you know you don’t want to put a milk bottle in the in the crib and allow the baby to sort of sit on that all night because then you know all that milk is sitting on the teeth and that’s a pretty quick way for them to develop decay there. The other thing is sort of limiting the juice intake. If you are going to give your kids juice go for it but try to limit it to during meals again, so they’re not sipping on it all day. And then, in terms of brushing their teeth you know we we still brush their teeth. A pediatric dentist told me once that you should not allow your kids to brush their teeth unsupervised until they know how to tie their shoes. So I don’t know what age kids usually learn to do that my girls are definitely not doing that. yet. So we still help them with brushing their teeth and we tried to do it morning and night and um it’s definitely challenging for I think in the beginning they don’t want you to do it but now they’re pretty into it and they want to participate and they want to squeeze the toothpaste out onto the brush and you know do all this ritual that they have associated with it. But sort of the other big tip is that you really don’t need much toothpaste. For little kids. We’re talking like a grain of rice. So minimal minimal toothpaste. It’s more important just to use the brush. Joe:    Yeah the amount of toothpaste is interesting because once they get their hands on that tube, it’s not there’s always more coming out than you want. Because that because you look back at your experience so far as a father of twins, were there any other surprises or lessons learned that you feel would be of value to other dads that are listening today? Zach: Transitioning into caring about people other than just myself? You know, I got married and that was a transition, you know having someone else in your life. But then all of a sudden we have you know two children and you know I went from being able to essentially do whatever I wanted to having to you know, see how that factored into everything else we were doing. So that definitely took me a little bit of time to develop I think for moms, you know they make that switch or that transition during pregnancy. You know, they’re carrying the babies, they they have a head start on on bonding. So I think it’s important that you try to be involved as much as you can and support in whatever way you can. Once the babies come out. I think once you develop a stronger relationship with them, that’s when some of those sacrifices we make his parents seem less like sacrifices. And, you know, I try to when I get really frustrated or angry at them I try to remember and my wife usually does have to remind me that they’re, you know, they’re just kids they’re learning. It’s not It’s nothing personal, you know? And, you know, I try to think about how, how quickly they they are growing up and you know, to try to take advantage of each moment I have with them. Joe:    It’s great perspective to have more time here to spend with them the quicker able to build that bond. I agree with you like during the pregnancy as a father, it’s kind of surreal. I mean, you see the changes in your partner. You see the sonograms ultrasounds, but it’s still kind of not real until they show up. And then the process starts. And the point you mentioned about the things that your kids do are not they’re not malicious, unintentionally. They’re not doing stuff to get you first bite. It’s certainly if you don’t take it personal, they’re gonna do things that drive you crazy and that’s just that’s just the way it is and you roll with it. But those are some great tips that you shared there, Zack, so as we wrap up today, if if other parents would like to connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out Zach: email is easiest. It’s [email protected] Joe:    Right. So thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed that chat with Zach about his adventures as a father of twins. If you’d like to see the show notes for this episode, or listen to any previous podcast episodes, just head on over to twindadpodcast.com. Again, today’s show is brought to you by my store called twintshirtcompany.com. Where you’ll find lots of T shirts designed specifically for us parents of twins and for families of twins. They make perfect gifts for your favorite twin family members. As well as for yourself. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com If you’d like to share your story like Zach did today on the podcast, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email [email protected] or on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe and I would love to connect. Thank you so much for listening and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post From Premature Twin Delivery to Having a Third Child after Twins with Zach Starr – Podcast 289 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Which baby monitor should you get for your twins? What is the best baby monitor for twins? Here I’ll share recommendations from several twin parents so you can get an idea of what would be best for your family and household situation. Types of Baby Monitors for Twins First, let’s talk about the broad categories of baby monitors: Audio-Only dedicated baby monitors – you can hear your baby but you can’t see them. Video dedicated baby monitors – you can pull the video feed up on your phone or on a device and see what’s going on in your twins’ room. Security Cameras used as baby monitors – these are cameras that aren’t necessarily baby monitor cameras, but maybe they are home security cameras or things of that nature that you can dual purpose for a baby monitor in your twins’ nursery. Twin Must-Haves for Baby Monitors It is important to note that there aren’t twin-specific baby monitors. However, there are many that can help you keep tabs on both your twins at the same time. Be sure to look for baby monitors that: have two cameras or you can position one camera so you see both twins if they are video baby monitors, can you do a split screen and see both twins at once? are you able to mount them on the wall or out of reach of the twins’ cribs? Do you need two monitors for twins? Not necessarily if you can see and or hear both twins with one device. Can you use two baby monitors in the same house? You’ll need to double check the specifications of your baby monitors. If you get two identical baby monitors there is a chance of inference between the devices. However, some baby monitors have ways to adjust the channel or frequency used so avoid interference problems. If your twins are in the same room, you should be fine with just one twin baby monitor. Do you need a twin baby monitor with app so you can monitor your twins on your phone? Make sure you double check the specifications of the monitors to see if they have a mobile app compatible with your mobile device or if you can only monitor the babies within the same house on a dedicated viewing or listening device. Twin Baby Monitors that Twin Parents Use Let’s talk about some recommendations from twin parents to give you some ideas of what might work for you and your twins. What twin baby monitor is best? Here’s what your fellow twin parents have to say via the Dad’s Guide to Twins Facebook page: Owlets for Twins Can I use owlet with twins? Yes, you can. Darrell says that they used outlets for their twins. Audio-Only Baby Monitors Mark says that they had just one audio-only monitor for both sets of their twins. Like this one from VTech or this alternative. Pat says they had an audio-only baby monitor and that their twins shared a room so they just needed one monitor. Sarah says they had a single sound-only monitor. It was plugged in close enough to both cribs that they can hear if either baby cried. Video Baby Monitors Joe says the Vava baby monitor for twins (like this one) with split screens and it was hands down excellent with great night vision. Matt says they used a Motorola twin baby monitor with two cameras – one over each crib. Security Cameras as Baby Monitors Melissa said they used the Wyze cam, which is a security camera. They used to have two Wyze cams in the nursery but then they moved their twins to toddler beds and they could get away with just one camera because they could see the whole room. Brett used the Amazon blink camera. Daniel says that they used the Arlo as a baby camera. Get Creative for Monitoring Your Twins Mark says they didn’t even have baby monitors. They just checked it on the babies like clockwork to make sure that everything was going smoothly. Richie used Old iPhones with the Bibino app. Getting the Right Baby Monitor for Your Twins As you can see, there are tons of options for keeping an eye (or ear) on your twins. You can choose a do-it-yourself option like using a couple of old phones to create your own baby monitor system, a security camera like a Wyze, a dedicated baby monitor via video or audio, and more. The only important thing is that you can monitor your twins in a way that works for you. That way, you can help in case something goes wrong or if nap time is over. What We Used to Monitor Our Twin Girls We didn’t even use a baby monitor unless we were traveling. Our twins shared a room that was right next door to our master bedroom. So whenever they started to cry, or move around, we could actually hear them and we can go in and take care of them. We’d leave our doors open at night so we could make sure that we could hear and take care of them as needed. But when we’d travel, say we’d go visit grandma’s house and the twins were in a whole different part of the house, that’s when we set up an audio-only baby monitor so we could more easily check on the babies. If your twins will likewise share a room, they’ll be fine with a single baby monitor in the room that will pick up any and all of the noises that are happening in that room. Having just a baby monitor that picks up sounds might be good enough to keep track of your kiddos. You’ll find that your twins each make distinct and different types of cries and sounds that you’ll learn over time and you’ll be able to recognize which baby needs your attention just from a sound. Now, two monitors would be helpful if you have twins are in separate rooms in a separate parts of the house. For example, maybe they’re upstairs and your master suite is downstairs or they’re on the other side of the house. Otherwise, I feel that less is probably going to be more for you. You can generally hear a baby crying when the house is quiet. This is particularly true late at night when they’re hungry and they really want to get your attention. I personally feel that video is a little overrated because you have to take the time to actually look at the monitor to check their status. Whereas audio is a much more efficient alert that lets you carry on with whatever you’re doing in the house and will let you know. It will interrupt you when something is happening. You’ll hear your baby or babies crying. Lots of Options to Stay in Your Budget You don’t have to break the bank financially to set up a baby monitor to keep an eye on your twins. Some of these options can be had for $20-$40 or all the way up to dedicated baby monitoring systems with multiple cameras and equipment that can be several hundred dollars. There’s usually going to be something that’s going to fit your budget to help you in setting up your twins nursery. If you have your heart set on a fancy baby monitor for twins but don’t have the cash, put it on your twin baby registry! How about you? Do you already have your eyes on a certain baby monitor? If you already have one for your twins, what are you using? Let us know in the comments. The post Baby Monitors for Twins (Recommendations from twin parents) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 287 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Rob Kaercher, father of identical twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Raising 21-month old identical boys Watching the twins improve their verbal communication Staying on schedule with toddlers Six months in parents room for breastfeeding Transitioning from a DINK lifestyle to having twins IVF journey to twins from one viable embryo Moving while pregnant with twins Twin A’s sac broke at 31 weeks Didn’t know they had TTTS during pregnancy until delivery Twins in the NICU for 3 weeks One twin came home 24 hours before the other Getting up together to feed twins during the night for months changed to taking turns Dad off for two weeks and then worked from home for a month After maternity leave, couldn’t find day care for both boys at same place Dad decided to be a stay at home dad Some challenges of being a stay at home dad Keeping marriage strong while parenting twins Finding a babysitter for twins Making one on one time with twins Connect with Rob via email [email protected] or on Instagram or Facebook. Podcast Transcript This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. [00:00:00] Should you be a stay-at-home dad of your twins? How do you even decide if it’s you or your partner that stays home? Plus what happens when your twins are born early? We discuss all this and more as we continue our Father of Twins interview series today. [00:00:12] Welcome to the Dads Guide to Twins podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. [00:00:19] Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. [00:00:27] Hey everybody. My name is Joe Rawlinson. I’m the founder of dadsguidetotwins.com where I help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. Welcome to the podcast. As always. You can visit me online at dadsguidetotwins.com. [00:00:37] Today we’re having another chat with a twin dad that share some of his insights that he’s gained along the way. His twin journey from pregnancy to now having toddler twins. But before we jump into that interview, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by my second book for dad’s. [00:00:52] It’s called Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. You can get a copy of this book for yourself raisingtwinsbook.com. It will guide you through the first several years of your twins, from birth to crawlers, to toddlers and beyond. You can get your book at Raising Twins book dot. Today I would like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Rob Kaercher. [00:01:14] Welcome to the show, Rob. [00:01:16] Thank you, Joe. Thank you so much for having me. [00:01:19] My pleasure. Rob, how old are your twins right now and what’s something really exciting about this age? [00:01:25] So my twins are just days away from being 21 months, and I think the most exciting part of this stage is the very recent development of. [00:01:39] Just better verbal communication. It’s constantly changing it and increasing week by week, and it has certainly made our lives a little easier while trying to just facilitate what the boys are, you know, trying to ask us what have [00:01:52] they been saying or how’s that communication been improving. [00:01:54] So they’ve slowly been stringing words together. [00:01:57] If they see something and we walk by it, they may say, bye. Chuchu, we have a train that runs close to our town, which they love to go and watch when we play at the playground. And as it’s leaving, they’ll say, bye, choo. Or, you know, Dad. Dad, bye mama. It’s been a lot of fun telling us when they won something such as milk or blueberries. [00:02:19] So it’s, that’s been a lot of fun and it’s just been in the last handful of weeks. [00:02:24] Are your boys identical or are they fraternal? They are identical. So have they kind of reached the same milestones at the same. [00:02:32] It has been staggered for us, and it’s been fun talking to folks about you know, their twins and, and how they meet milestones. [00:02:39] But for our boys, we have one who twin a and true to twin a form, he is the go-getter. He is the hammer in every problem as a nail, and he will attempt something countless times until he perfects it, whereas his brother twin b is. Analytical and we’ll watch and wait to attempt something we think until he’s been able to study it. [00:03:01] So he’s normally always been about a week or two weeks behind his brother. [00:03:07] So Twin, I figured something out. Twin B observes and then mimics that behavior. [00:03:12] Correct. And that’s a whole lot of fun to watch. We had a lot of [00:03:16] that too with our girls. As soon as one would figure it out, the other would kind of study that, and then they were never too far. [00:03:22] For speaking, crawling, walking, [00:03:24] whatever it was. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. I’d say it’s almost the, the work smarter not harder philosophy from twin [00:03:31] B. So what is the typical day in the life of for your 21 month olds? Like as far as daily schedule times of, of feeding naps and sleeping, stuff like that. [00:03:40] Certainly so that the schedule has become more dynamic in the last probably six months. You know, at the beginning, like everyone with a newborn. Same for twins, very regimented. And now as we approach two years, you know, we really I have found success with ensuring that there is a, a wake up a snack time, lunchtime, nap time. [00:04:04] Snack time and dinner. So it’s really the meals and the nap that really try to stay regimented with. And then everything else throughout the day can be more dynamic. We may stay inside one morning. We may go on a trip somewhere go to the zoo, go to the local aquarium. But always try to ensure that we’re eating at the same time and that we’re back home. [00:04:25] So naps are available at the same time [00:04:27] each day. Now, do they share [00:04:29] a, a bedroom? They do share a bedroom and they’ve, they’ve shared one well really since birth. But after we moved them out of our room, we moved ’em into the nursery and they’ve we’ve had a lot of success with that. Since getting home, how long were they in your room with you? [00:04:45] We had them in our room in a double bassinet for about six months. I would say five to six. My wife was breastfeeding and it just made it that much easier. So [00:04:58] let’s let’s rewind back to when you found out that you were gonna be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time and what was your reaction? [00:05:06] So as my wife and I like to say, we were living the DINK life dream, the dual income, no kids. We lived in the downtown area in a small, renovated craftsman and had freedom of movement every day. You know, we could go out to eat when we wanted. We could walk our dogs, we could go see friends around town. [00:05:27] And then we started on the journey to you know, start a family and we ended up choosing to go f the fertility treatment route and utilized I V F. And as we were going through that journey we eventually got down to. A portion where we found out how many embryos we had, how many viable embryos, and we had one. [00:05:53] And so we said, all right, if this is how it’s gonna work, we’re going to, you know, be very happy with one successful transfer and, and one child, it’ll, that’ll be great. We can live downtown still. . And then, you know, we had the implant and they said, Hey, in six weeks, come on back, we’ll do an ultrasound. [00:06:11] And so we go in there and with the, this expectation of we’re gonna have one, you know, healthy hopefully six week embryo. And immediately on the screen it looked like two little jelly beans looking right at each other. And the room went silent. It was great. My wife, myself, the nurse and the tech, everyone was just quiet for a few. [00:06:35] And then we looked at each other, my wife and I, and said, well, I guess we’re doing too. And so that just kind of got the ball rolling on a lot of different things such as, oh wow, I don’t think our house is large enough. I don’t think our car is large enough. We’re gonna need help. So we ended up moving a little outside the city, closer to family, into a larger house, and it just happened very. [00:06:56] That’s [00:06:57] right. The news of twins definitely shakes up everything for sure. [00:07:01] Oh yeah. . And you don’t, in our journey, I guess we never thought we would be the ones with twins. You always see other folks with twins or you meet twins, be it children or adults see ’em on tv and you think, wow, that’s That’s different, but you never think you are going to be the one taking that journey. [00:07:18] But now 20 month, one months later, we’re so happy we, we [00:07:21] are. So you had to, you had to move, get a new, getting a new place. Like where in the pregnancy did that happen? Was that kind of right away or did it stretch through the whole pregnancy? , [00:07:31] it was not as early as we would’ve liked. So this was this would’ve been late. [00:07:38] Late summer, early fall, which isn’t the typical, you know time of the year to find a large inventory of homes. So we just kind of put our nose to the grindstone, started checking all the different outlets for you know, available homes in the area that we, we wanted, and we found something that was perfect. [00:07:56] It was walkability to the downtown area of the suburb close to family. Close to friends. And so we were able to close and move in, and by that time we were, it was close to spring, the boys were born in June, so we knew we were cutting it close for all the, you know, pun intended, heavy lifting that had to occur as you move into a new home. [00:08:20] Which really fell on myself and family and friends due to my, my wife. Just, just getting further and further along in the pregnancy. We got the nursery set up, all the renovation work done. I would say a month maybe before the boys decided to show up. [00:08:39] Went down to the wire for sure. [00:08:41] Truly, truly did. [00:08:43] how was the pregnancy for your wife? Were there any complications with that? [00:08:47] Yes. But I would say early on these being our first children, my wife didn’t know any better. And although she was showing sooner than a singleton pregnancy I think she would tell you that it didn’t become difficult where she was truly uncomfortable until we were approaching the. [00:09:07] 25th week or so, and then from 25 to 31 weeks things were, were fine. And then we noticed she was leaking fluid and we, we tried to tell the doctors, Hey, you know, something is going on and, and they told us, well, it’s probably just, you know, the body going through the changes it does when you know someone’s pregnant and then thir at 32 weeks, you know, water broke. [00:09:38] Twin a’s Amniotic sack broke and, you know, just like the movies, I mean, it was just nonstop and we knew we had to get to the hospital. So we drove to the hospital. Probably the fastest I’ve driven through this area since moving here. It was early in the morning. We get there and you know, they confirm, yeah, a twin eighth sac is broken. [00:09:58] So, you know, they were 30, they were 31 weeks. They said, we really want to try to keep both boys in there for another week. You know, we’ll keep you here at the hospital just to ensure we can you know, observe what’s needed, mitigate infections and such. And then at 32 weeks they said, you know, these contractions started and that. [00:10:21] You know, we might as well do this on our time as opposed to the boys’ time just so we can make sure this delivery goes well. So we had a scheduled C-section and luckily that procedure went very well. The boys were delivered safely and after that things were good. What we didn’t know though, Joe, was that between the boys, we did have twin to twin transfusion. [00:10:44] Between, let’s see, B was taking nutrients from a, so when twin A was delivered first it was extremely pale. . And then when twin B was delivered about a minute later he was almost purple. And, and so after speaking with the, the doctors afterwards, we were, everyone was very happy that we, we had made the, the decision to deliver at 33 weeks. [00:11:09] As opposed to, you know, trying to wait longer. [00:11:12] So there was no sign of that before delivery at all. [00:11:16] There was not. Yeah, surprisingly. Which it, it surprised everyone, the specialists the my wife’s doctor. It was, it came as quite a shock. [00:11:25] So what were the implications of that after birth with your boys? [00:11:30] Luckily, the, there were none. We simply had to monitor them to ensure that they were leveling out as necessary. And so that included a NICU stay. Luckily they immediately started to eat, they started to gain weight and the bilirubin levels in twin B slowly began to go down. So it was really the best case scenario given the circumstances that still we we’re very thankful, you know, went our way. [00:11:59] How long were they in the nicu? So they were in the nicu. About three weeks. One of that being in the main portion of the ni. and then the last two weeks being in the feed and grow portion as they called it. Which luckily they were able to stay together the entire time and just had a, a w wonderful experience given the, the high risk pregnancy the hospital and their staff were amazing. [00:12:26] And so at three weeks when we could confirm everyone was growing as they should, they were eating. Everyone was leveling out. We were twin A was discharged 24 hours before twin B. So bringing this tiny four pound. Seven ounce baby home was quite the experience. And man, my, my wife and I just thought it was so hard that first night and, and then the next day we got the call to come in and his brother at four pounds, three ounces was able to come home and then reality hit that evening when we had both boys home. [00:13:01] and you know, the excitement of the delivery was kind of over the excitement of being in the hospital and around all these folks who knew what they’re doing. Now you’re kind of on your own and and certainly with two infants to care for, that was a shock to the system. [00:13:17] Absolutely. Especially after having the hospital take such good care of your babies and then you, and then all of a sudden one day, okay, it’s your turn. [00:13:24] Mom and dad, how was the adjustment to life at home? Your boys, what was working or what, what are some of the things that you struggled with? [00:13:33] So something we determined very quickly for us was, you know, and, and I had heard on, on your show, and we had heard from luckily a couple friends who had experienced twins. [00:13:44] It was an all hands on deck experience. It was not mom simply leaving in the middle of the night or getting up out of bed to feed one. and and put ’em back down. It, it took my wife and I as a team for months getting up together to, to feed them all the necessary changes and, and such. And, and that took a real toll on us as the parents, that the boys were fine, you know, doing what young infants do. [00:14:13] But then we, we realized this was probably not a sustainable process for us personally. And. We began to go in shifts. We’d heard some parents switch nights out. We tried that. It, it wasn’t best for us, but we would start, say, Hey, first feeding mom’s gonna take it second feeding. I was gonna go just so we could get some semblance of rest every night because it was truly a go, go, go for 24 hours for weeks and weeks. [00:14:46] And that’s how we. The, the best way to get some rest, which, you know, you kind of forget to do. [00:14:52] Yeah. You don’t know. You don’t know how important sleep is until you’re not getting it on a regular basis. And newborn twins, infant twins, make sure that you don’t get enough sleep. So that was, that was really wise of you to start taking turns and working something out. [00:15:05] This time, were you, were you off work or had you all, y’all gone back to work? What was that situation? [00:15:10] So for my wife, she was still off work. She works for a, a great company. Their maternity leave policy is excellent, and she even had the ability to take some extra time off. So she was kind of right in the middle of it at that point, or honestly the beginning. [00:15:25] So she did not have to worry too much about work given her profession. She was still somewhat involved, but at a very minimal level. Me. On the other hand, I worked in the sales, the construction industry in an outside sales capacity. And that industry is not known for its fraternity leave. [00:15:45] However, I worked for a great company who pretty much told me, Rob, you know, take care of your family and do what you need to do and, you know, tend to work as you can. So I would say the first two weeks after the boys were born computer was shut, phone was off. And I had a lot of great support from the folks in my office to help me. [00:16:06] And then after two weeks I began to go back working from home for the most part. And I’d say I, I probably did that for the next month or so. And then for me it was returning back. So how long was your wife? My wife was off for a total of eight months. So six was the, the primary maternity leave and then the additional two she took on her own. [00:16:33] So when the eight months was up was it, it was time to put the kids in daycare or, or what, what did you decide to do with the boys at that point? [00:16:39] So this is an interesting story. While my wife was on leave, she was elevated at her job and it was kind of a, a change of roles and responsibilities, far more demanding. [00:16:51] And we knew that ti that clock was ticking and [00:16:55] we [00:16:55] could not find childcare for two infants at the same daycare in the city. And we were on waiting. for three in the process of getting on a fourth. And at that time in 2001 they were still having issues with employees coming back after the pandemic. [00:17:15] Some had left to go home and be with family. They didn’t have the same capacity as they once had, and they some said, yes, we can take one. We can’t ca take two. and her parents luckily stepped in and helped us for what was supposed to be three months which we thought was great. And ended up being a little longer. [00:17:36] First it, it had been one, then it turned to two, and they said, okay, we can, we can do three. And I think they went almost four months before we had a serious conversation about what we were going to do. And ultimately that was. Me taking a step back from my job in sales where I could hit a pause button and be home with the boys to be the full-time caregiver. [00:18:00] So even after your in-laws watching the boys for four months, there was still no daycare availability. [00:18:07] There was not, not at the, the same daycare facility, which is wild. And, and since then we have. That we had found daycares where they could take both boys, but I had already been involved in this role for a number of months and it just seemed like it was best for our family. [00:18:25] The reduction in stress between two working parents trying to get multiple children to daycare from daycare. For two working professionals was something we, we didn’t want to test the waters on. Given how well me being at home with our boys and that freed my wife up to be more successful at her job. [00:18:47] For us as a team, it, it worked well. [00:18:50] That’s great that, that worked out. I know lots of twin parents like you, like in our situation too, it was, it was a great benefit to have one of the parents home with, with the kiddos when they were really young. Alpha comes down to the expensive daycare. People are like, I’m not gonna pay that much just to work full-time. [00:19:04] So it’s a very interesting situation that you had where you’re like, well, we couldn’t put ’em in daycare if we wanted to. So, how did the, how did this discussion go between you and your wife? Like how do you decide which of the partners is going to stay home with the kids and which is going to work? [00:19:16] There are a magnitude of different things we’re looking at to determine that, but it ultimately came down to. Even as an outside sales professional with a lot of freedom of movement working from home, being able to leave the office when needed, I could hit pause in that sort of profession. I spoke to my employer and said, you know, my intent is not to stay home forever. [00:19:41] It’s the first few years just be. with the boys before they go to to school and, and then return. My wife as an attorney, didn’t have the option to hit Paul’s certainly after hitting a milestone where she really had to be present. And there’s still the ability to grow in a lot of companies. [00:20:02] Unless you want to move into management. Outside sales is kind of, you can do that for 20 years. So it just made more sense at the time. Hey Rob, hit Paul’s, and it, it worked out well, but the conversation went a little something like we’ve never talked about this. How would you feel Rob, about staying home with the boys? [00:20:23] And we had joked around about it, but we had never seriously entertained the idea. , but it was a very natural, absolutely. If this is what’s best for our family, yes. There’s no, no questions. So but I’ve loved every minute of it. I cannot imagine not having the boys around with me now. Every day they become my best friends. [00:20:45] They, they come with me everywhere. Be a grocery shopping, running errand. However, we did move into a parent’s morning out at a local church, which gives me affords me the ability two mornings a week to have some time to myself. Because the stay-at-home dad job is a, a monster unto itself and with twins that I think that could be a podcast [00:21:09] there’s always something happening. You know, even if one twin twin is, is calmly playing in the corner, the other twin is off freaking havoc somewhere. And you always have to be on your toes as a, as a parent. Well, that’s wonderful that you’re able to find a, an arrangement that worked for you and for your wife and for your kiddos. [00:21:24] Being a stay at home parent is not easy. I mean, being a, a parent of twins is, is not easy. For sure. You, you described that you really enjoyed that role as a stay-at-home dad. What have been some of. Let’s say some of the, the challenges that you didn’t expect, like when you decided, Hey, I’m gonna be a stay at home dad, what were some of the things that were like, oh, I didn’t really think that was gonna be an issue. [00:21:43] That is now a very easy question. I’ve been doing it I can’t believe for almost a year now. And you know, I, I found myself, I was in sales for a little over six and a half, almost seven years, and. In that profession, you have to be an extrovert. I thrived on the energy of others and when I became a stay-at-home dad, I never, I was only focused on the boys, but then I found out, oh wait, I’m spending the majority of my day with two small humans that can’t efficiently communicate verbally. [00:22:19] And I have no one to talk to. And I found myself simply having conversations with them for my sanity. And but when I, we go on walks or I take ’em to a, the zoo or the aquarium or go to the playground You immediately can see the other stay-at-home parents who are also extroverted, and you’re immediately just excited to talk to an adult. [00:22:42] Or in the evenings when my wife returns home from work and she is more of an introvert and kind of needs time to recharge. I mean, the moment she comes through the door, I’m not looking for help with the boys, I’m looking for a conversation. So that was probably the largest hurdle to overcome. Neither my wife or I thought of when I made the decision to to stay at home with the boys. [00:23:07] Yeah, those, those are interactions that you don’t know that’s gonna be the situation until you’re in it. You, you can anticipate, okay, I’m gonna have to get ’em down for naps by myself. I’m gonna have to feed ’em by myself. You can kind of think through those scenarios, but these other ones, you’re like, oh yeah, I hadn’t considered that before. [00:23:21] Yeah. And truly at least for me, the hardest part about this role. But the, the pros outweigh that what I think is the one con by so many. It’s, it was easy to find you know, a way to, to overcome that, adapt. And luckily, you know, I have a lot of friends and family in the area. And now as we walk through our town like I said, we’re, we’re lucky enough to have walkability to the downtown area. [00:23:45] Everybody knows the twins now. And so we’re, I’m able to talk to quite a few people and now the boys at 21 months, you know, picking up words and and meanings slowly are beginning to talk to me and so that’s become a lot of fun. [00:24:02] What’s, what’s something that you’ve been able to do to keep your relationship with your wife strong through this whole journey from pregnancy to adapting into life as with you at home and, and she working? [00:24:12] That ties into probably what I think was the best piece of advice we, as a couple ever received. And it didn’t have anything to do with the, It had everything to do with us as the parents. And I think it works for parents of singletons and, you know, clearly parents of multiples and that is make sure you make time for each other. [00:24:36] You know, you started this journey and you’re gonna finish this journey. You know, hopefully the boys are gonna grow up self-reliant. They’re gonna move. And you’re still going to have your partner. And so my wife and I clearly not in the first handful of months because that was a shock to the system, but once we stabilized, we really tried to make time for a date night. [00:24:58] And just ensuring that we’re both also thinking about each other. And not just the twins, which is so easy to do. I think that has been the single best behavior that has helped us get through this together is we’ll, we’ll take a date night, even if it’s an hour, just go out and focus on us. We know the twins are fine. [00:25:19] And the first handful of times we did it, it was really hard to move the conversation away from something that happened during the day or, oh geez, what’s the next milestone? and now we’re able to go out and we talk about hobbies or things we enjoy to do together as a couple. And that’s just been invaluable for, for both my wife and I. [00:25:39] That’s great. [00:25:40] How do you find a babysitter? For twins. So, [00:25:42] The first babysitter we found actually worked at our church’s local nursery and, and came very highly recommended to us. And funny enough, she is also a twin and she’s a teacher there for their parents’ morning out. It was someone we, we were familiar with and, you know, the first time we utilized a babysitter outside of the family. [00:26:06] because still you know, at 21 months the family is all too happy to come and hang out and spend time with the boys. But on short notice, it’s nice to have a, a small list of folks that we can call and actually hire as babysitters. And now we also in our, our neighborhood have a few teenagers that do babysitting for the local neighbors. [00:26:26] And that’s been helpful too. So for us finding a a real babysitter was luckily not that difficult. And after doing it the first time and you, you kind of jump into that pond or pool and you realize, oh, it’s not scary to leave my. With someone else. Certainly someone that you’ve developed a relationship with. [00:26:43] Now it’s one of our favorite ways to sneak away when we can. [00:26:47] That’s right. The hardest time is the first time. Right. Like, are they gonna be okay without us? And the answer is yes. They’ll be, they’ll be fine. Like, why didn’t we do this earlier? We could have done this, you know, last month could have started day night, sooner. [00:26:59] That would be a another piece of advice. I think any parent, not just parent of multiples, but, you know, go ahead and, and utilize that babysitter. They’re, they’re trained you know, find, find one that’s experienced and trained and you know, they’re gonna take care of those kids. You know, just as well as you can. [00:27:15] certainly for an hour or two. Yeah. [00:27:17] When we first started having babysitters, we were so kind of scared that we would put our kids down to sleep at night. Then have the babysitter come over, just be in the house in case something happens. And we’ll be back, you know, in a little bit. So, you know, whatever baby steps work to get outta the house is [00:27:32] great. [00:27:33] Exactly. We, we did the same, and now we’re at the point where, you know, the babysitter will come over and as she’s walking through the door, it’s almost like we’re walking out. I’m like . They’re the snacks. They’re the drinks. We fed ’em. Good luck, . So it’s funny how quickly that can change [00:27:49] and once you find someone that’s good and the kids are comfortable with that individual it becomes really easy going forward cuz it’s not like baby sitter shuffle. [00:27:57] It’s, you know, the same or similar people every time. And that makes it a lot easier once they get in the habit of that. [00:28:03] Yeah, I think finding someone who, who worked at a nursery and school that they went to, we were just so lucky that they, the boys were familiar with that individual and that was a, you know, one step of the process that we, you know, luckily did not have to deal with. [00:28:17] So that was very nice. [00:28:19] Yeah, we’d have the same kind of resources we had. We had people we knew at church that would come to babysit. And we had some teenagers who lived on our street that we just used over and over again until they went off to college. And then we were like, oh, okay, who’s gonna babysit now for us? [00:28:31] You said you’ve got twin, identical twin boys. So have there been any kind of challenges because you have got identical children? [00:28:37] Yes. And it’s probably for all the same reasons that, that every other. Parent has with identical or even children, siblings that look alike. When we brought them home from the hospital, luckily as the Billy Ruben levels were leveling out, we could tell, you know, twin B, you know, he has a tan. [00:28:57] Twin A is, is pale. It was easy then that began to change and we started painting their toenails to ensure that we could tell them apart, you know, wouldn’t try to feed the same child twice. And now as they continue to grow and develop, We’ve actually had a conversation about this very recently. [00:29:16] We think they’re becoming more alike in looks you know, their, their eyes, their, their nose, their mouth. Luckily they continue to hold their faces differently, the way they express their emotions. But even some of that is beginning to blend, and that might be a product of just spending so much time with the same individual. [00:29:39] much like many family members or even spouses begin to do. So, it’s, the difficulty has simply been ensuring you’re talking to the right child if they’re on separate sides of the room. Cuz they can’t tell me who they are just yet, they’ll, they’ll look if you call their name. So you know that, okay. [00:29:57] Yeah, that’s the right, let me look. Yeah, that’s you. It just takes a moment, but. It, it can still be challenging. We still switch them all the time, and I feel like some folks think it, it’s a twin gimmick and maybe only other parents of twins, and certainly identical can understand. It’s not, we’re not trying to make anything more difficult than it already is. [00:30:20] We’re looking for the most streamlined, efficient route possible. So mixing the kids up is not wonderful. . Yeah, [00:30:26] our girls are identical too. I think like, like your boys when they were born, there was a physical differences in coloring and and size, but that kind of evened out. Eventually we would just dress ’em in different colors of clothing for a long time. [00:30:42] But even now, my girls are teenagers and I’ll just glance across the room and see like a profile or something and I, I’ll sometimes I’ll still have to do a double take. I’ll be like, I know who you are. It’s like, cuz they’re, they’re still so, so similar. So they struggle with that at school and they have a, they have a part-time job. [00:30:58] They do. And, and that people still can’t tell ’em apart. So, , [00:31:03] we a funny story about our journey at home, or I guess birth was You know, a lot of people look at their, their new infant as it’s born and they’re like, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Which is true, but I had mentioned that twins sack had burst. [00:31:18] So he had been pushed up against the wall and when he was delivered, he had bruises on the side of his face. And I remember thinking, oh, wow. That poor baby looks like he’s gone a couple rounds with a, a boxer, and then twin B comes. and like, wait, we know these are identical. There’s no question about that, but that’s a far better looking baby than, than this one. [00:31:44] And so besides the, the bilirubin levels evening out and their, their skin tone twin, a space slowly began to heal, you know, from the bruises. And that’s when it also became just that much more difficult. But then fast forward 18, 19, 20 months, they will still come home from school with a name tag on the back where they can’t get it, or someone has tied a piece of yarn to a belt loop. [00:32:09] We try not to dress them the same. It is a lot of fun to do that from time to time. You know, I, I guess that’s a perk of having identical twins. But for everyone else’s sake and, and really our own, we try to make sure. You know, Robbie had that red painted toenail and his brother twin b Timmy had the blue. [00:32:28] So maybe a red shirt on on one and a blue shirt on the other. Or if one has a, a yellow shirt on, then we’ll make sure, hey, you’re, you’re wearing red cuz that’s your color. Or vice versa with the blue. So it, it has been a lot of fun. It is a challenge, but it’s really. [00:32:46] One, one pro of identicals is that, you know, they can eventually just share their clothes, right? [00:32:49] They’ll decide, they’ll get to a point where they have a total preference on what they’re wearing, and they’ll just, they’ll just go with that. Regardless of our, our carefully esteemed colors as parents, they’ll be like, no, no, I’m not gonna wear that anymore. I wanna wear something else. Or I wanna wear my siblings clothes. [00:33:04] And usually they could do that just fine, cuz they’re, you know, same size, same, same height, stuff like that. [00:33:10] We, we cannot wait until the boys want to dress themselves if for nothing else, to just kind of remove one more task in the morning. So that, that’s gonna be great. But, you know, in the city we live in, there are honestly a lot of multiples. [00:33:24] And so there are all these networks for, Hey, you know, my, my twins just grew out. These outfits in the last month and a half. I feel like I bought ’em a month ago, and they’ve, they’re already too small. So we’re able to utilize that because, you know, and certainly in the first two years they grow so quickly. [00:33:42] We say, Hey, we’ll, we’ll take those off your hands. And you can see how some parents do buy multiple sets of the same clothing, some don’t. So it’s kind of just luck of the draw. And when you have two t-shirts or two pants that. I have found in the laundry process, naturally you just stack them together. [00:34:00] So when you go into the drawer or closet to find something, you, if you have multiples, they’re right next to each other and it’s just too easy to pull both of them down and say okay, you’re wearing this. So try not to do that on school days. The, the teachers still don’t like that . [00:34:17] Yeah, I am glad you mentioned that. [00:34:18] The local resources that you don’t have to buy everything new from the store. There’s plenty of consignment situations or, or multiple scripts where you can get stuff for free or discounted, heavily discounted. That’s, that’s [00:34:29] a great resource. Absolutely. And we found that that translated into, I mean, yeah, not just clothing, but toys and equipment and then you, you go through the journey of, well, what do I really need? [00:34:40] Two of what can I survive with? Just one of and that’s probably family dependent, but certainly while listening to this show as my wife was pregnant and after the boys were born, that was such a huge help. because you begin to see the similarities between yours and someone else’s situation and you’re like, oh, wow. [00:35:01] Almost all of that father’s advice was, I mean, that was perfect for us. So that, that has been where we are now with with toys and, and other, you know, pieces of equipment. One [00:35:12] thing, one thing I love as your kids get older and they can actually speak, you know, full sentences and stuff, is, is the nuance of, of their speech, of how they describe themselves. [00:35:20] We were just talking about clothing right here, and they don’t say, I grew out of it, or it doesn’t fit me anymore. They say, it doesn’t fit us anymore. They say, we, we grew out of it. It’s like plural describing their, their. I thought that was always, that was always fascinating to me. The, the nuance of, of us versus I or, or we versus me. [00:35:40] Truly a, a twin thing, which is, is is fun to watch as a parent. [00:35:44] Oh, yeah. You can already tell you know, I get to see these twins every day and, and they’re a team. They, they have been together since birth. Now at times, if I have the ability on a weekend, I might ask my wife, Hey, you want to try that singleton life out for, you know, a couple of hours. [00:36:00] How about I take one of the boys and we go run some errands and you keep one of the boys. And they’re always fine. But they’re just as happy to see one another when, when we get back. But that has been a, I think a twin parent hack is when you get to the, the point where you can split up. , and I have to be careful who I mention this around because you know, for a parents of a singleton, that is your heart, right? [00:36:27] That’s difficult. It is. That’s all you’ve ever known. For us two is very hard, but for someone else, three is hard. However, when we only have that one child It is, you know, arguably and objectively it’s easier. So it we think it’s good one for us, but two for the, the boy to, you know, they’re able to go out and be an individual, which as we’ve heard from some grown twins, is just as important. [00:36:52] And, you know, make sure you, you treat them like the individual person that they are cuz it is so easy to get carried away with this little team that you. . [00:37:01] Yeah, that’s solid advice. Foster their individuality. Foster that one-on-one time between, you know, each of the parents with each of the kids, whatever amount of kids you have. [00:37:09] When you have one less than that, it’s easier. So yeah, if you’ve got the twins, you only have one. It’s like, why is, why is life so easy? Oh, I only have to take care of one. If you got, if you got like five kids and you, and you only a four round, it’s like, Hey, this is super easy. What’s the big deal? It’s all relative to, [00:37:24] to your experience. [00:37:26] It is it 100%. And now that the boys are older we’ve been able to watch other twins be born into our community, which has been so fun. Very recently there were there’s a couple that had twins a little over a month ago, and the first time we saw these parents walking two infants we got so excited and tried to, you know, start a conversation. [00:37:52] And they just weren’t there. They were still going through that zombie phase. And then the next time we met them, they were like, oh, wait, you have twins? And we, we struck up a conversation and my wife and I told ’em, you know, this isn’t a joke. We honestly have a hard time remembering the nuances of the first six months. [00:38:10] Some people say one month, you know, three. For us, it was six that was just the pedal to the metal time period. And then we have another set of friends who [00:38:21] had, multiples already you know, four and two year old. And then just had twins a few months ago and hearing their journey and their experiences having had a singleton, then multiples, but then having twins. [00:38:35] It’s, it’s always nice to learn, oh wait, this is a, a difficult task. You know, it’s not just you. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last to go through this, and you will get through it. So we, we always love running into other twin parents. [00:38:48] It’s fun to, to compare notes with other twin parents cuz you’re right, you’re not alone. [00:38:51] It is hard no matter who you are, where you are and it’s good to know that it does get better over time once you get through that first year. For sure. So Rob, as we wrap up today, if listeners wanna connect with you, what’s the best way to reach out? [00:39:05] Yeah, absolutely. I am on Facebook and it’s Rob Kaercher. [00:39:12] K a e r c h e r. You know, easy, easy one. I’m the one with the twins in the, in the profile picture and also on Instagram. Same username. And really those are the two social media outlets I use the most. [00:39:38] I’ll link up to those in the show notes for listeners if they wanna check those out. Rob, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. [00:39:44] Joe, thank you so much for having me on the show and doing what you do. It, it makes the journey for us new twin dads that much easier. [00:39:52] So thank you. You’re. [00:39:55] I hope you enjoy that chat with Rob about his adventures as a father of twins, as a stay-home dad of twins, some of the things that he’s learned along the way of his journey. Again, if you wanna connect with Rob, I’ll link up to his contact information in the show notes for this episode. [00:40:08] You can find all the past podcast episodes as well as this one at twindadpodcast.com. If you would like to share your story like Rob did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me. Email [email protected] or on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe, and I would love to hear from you. [00:40:26] Today’s show is brought to you by my book, Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins. You can get a copy of this book for yourself at raisingtwinsbook.com. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Stay-at-home father of twins advantages and disadvantages with Rob Kaercher – Podcast 287 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Will your twins personalities be totally similar? Or very different? From the outside, everybody assumes twins are the same in everything. The truth is, it’s the exact opposite. From my experience as a father of twins and talking to many other twin parents, I would say that close to nine out of 10 sets of twins are complete opposite personalities. Twins are very distinct and different individuals. Only in a very small percentage of times are the twins very similar. This is the same whether you have two girls, two boys, or boy/girl twins. The odds are your twins are going to have very different and distinct personalities. It All Starts in the Womb You will start to notice this during the twin pregnancy. Ask mom how she feels the different babies inside her. Is one baby more active than the other? Is one baby always kicking and pushing and the other one is kind of still? Are they both fighting all the time? These observations will give you a hint of the personalities that they will have after birth. I know with our girls, one of our girls was very active in utero, always in motion and the other twin, not so much. And turns out when they were born, that same pattern continued where one was a lot more active and always moving and the other was a little more still. So you may see the same pattern with your twins during the pregnancy. Think of it as kind of a preview of the type of twins that you’re going to get. Always Different A beautiful thing about twins is that even if they’re identical twins, they’re going to be different. Even if they share a lot of similar personality traits, they’re still going to be different enough that you can tell them apart by their mannerisms, movements, and speech. Subtle differences like these will shine out to you as a parent of identical twins. The truth is the personalities of your twins are going to be different and unique. While your twins may share a lot in common (like similar interests), there’ll always be some differences between the two of them. I mentioned at the beginning, a very small percentage of twins are going to be almost identical in their personalities. But that’s not uncommon and your twins may be that way as well. An interesting thing that I’ve observed with our twins, particularly when they were younger, is that they would switch personalities. For example, you get used to one twin being more vocal, outgoing, or active and the other twin being kind of more docile. And then before you know it, they’ll switch. Or you may get used to one twin, who’s good eater, eats anything you put in front of her and the other twin is a picky eater and then you know, after a week of that they’ll switch. Personalities can be fluid as your twins are growing up. So look for that, as you experience life with your twins. The post Will your twins have the same or different personalities? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

In this article, I’ll share examples from several twin parents about their experiences during delivery. It’s important to note that not all moms will go into labor when delivering twins. The majority of twin deliveries are performed via a cesarean section. This can be scheduled by 38 weeks of the twin pregnancy or earlier if there are any challenges or issues with the babies. However, some moms may go into labor and then end up having a C-section. Here are some specific examples of what to expect during a twin delivery: Joanna had an hour and a half of labor from the time her water broke to delivery. Abby had over 50 hours of labor for her twins born at 39 weeks. Nikki had 40 hours of labor for her twins’ delivery Samantha had less than three hours of labor, with her twins being born just two hours after her water broke. Lucy had a slow labor of 23 hours. Cindy had 18 hours of labor. They ended up having a C-section as Cindy never dilated enough. Eric’s twins were delivered via C-section after Mom’s water broke at 2 am, and the twins were born at 6:30 am. In some cases, complications may arise and a vaginal delivery may not be possible. The twins are monitored during labor for their heartbeats and if there’s any sign of danger, a C-section may be performed. Shannon had 10 hours of labor at 38 weeks and delivered her twins 14 minutes apart. Brittany had a seven-hour induction with 15 minutes of pushing. Linda had a natural delivery after five and a half hours. Labor during twin delivery can be short and quick or take several days. Some moms may start with labor and end with a vaginal delivery, while others may start with labor and end with a C-section. The most important thing is to have a healthy delivery for both the twins and the mom. The post How long is Mom typically in labor during a twin delivery? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 285 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Tyler Chesser, father of boy/girl twins. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Early twin delivery after Mom’s water broke at 32 weeks Twins’ time in the NICU before coming home Adjusting to life with twins Different twin personalities from the beginning Breastfeeding twins – what worked and what didn’t Day in the life of 13-month old twins When twins crawl in different ways Balancing being a business owner and sleepless nights Finding a nanny for the twins Looking at life with gratitude Connect with Tyler via his Elevate Podcast or Real Estate Investing Firm. Podcast Transcript This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. [00:00:00] Today we are continuing our Father of Twins interview series with a father of boy/girl twins who just turned one year old. Additional proof that yes, you can survive the first year with twins. Welcome to the Dad Guide to Twins Podcast, the podcast that’ll help you survive and thrive as a father of twins. [00:00:19] Now, here’s your host, the author of the book, the Dad’s Guide to Twins, Joe Rawlinson. Hey everybody. This is Joe Rawlinson. Welcome to the Dad’s Guide to Twins podcast. As always, you can find me online at dadsguidetotwins.com. Today we are having another chat with a fellow father of twins. But before we jump into that interview, I want to let you know that today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com. [00:00:43] Where you’ll find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for you parents of twins. We have t-shirts for moms, dads, and the twins themselves. Head on over to twintshirtcompany.com. Today I’d like to welcome to the show Father of Twins, Tyler Chesser. Welcome to the show. Tyler. Joe, thank you so much for having me. [00:01:01] Great to be here with you. Tyler. How old are your twins right now and what’s something exciting about this age? So they’re a little over a year. In fact, in a few days they’ll be, I guess, 13 months. And man, this, this age is really fun and exciting because every single day is they’re doing something new. [00:01:18] And I know that it seems like that’s been the experience over the past almost 13 months. But, you know, now they’re, they’re just so curious and, you know, so full of energy. Getting into everything. They’re, they’re crawling around. So my son is crawling around. My daughter is scooting on her butt, you know, everywhere. [00:01:32] It’s, it’s just funny to see the differences in their personalities and approach and, and growth, but they’re into everything. Like my, my son is, you know, currently he’s into carrying around his you know, a bottle of lotion everywhere he goes. And that’s the coolest thing in the world. And then my daughter in particular loves to. [00:01:50] Move from one piece of furniture to the next. She’s, you know, holding onto everything to stand up, and then she’s moving onto the next and she just thinks it’s the funniest thing and greatest thing ever. And, you know, all the dances, dance moves and silliness and goofiness. So, you know, there’s, there’s a lot of fun things that are going on right now, but we’re, we’re certainly en enjoy enjoying the journey. [00:02:09] That’s fantastic. Yeah. It’s fun to watch the little milestones, see how they’re progressing and growing and even how they’re very different. Like you mentioned, one’s a a scooter and the other one’s a crawler. Both of our girls were bump scooters. I think one of ’em figured it out first and then the other one just kind of followed. [00:02:25] So who, who figured out what first between your son and daughter who figured out the crawling first? So my daughter, or I’m sorry, my son figured out crawling pretty early on, a few months back and we were surprised that our daughter didn’t pick it up soon thereafter, cuz you’d think that, well, they’re gonna watch each other and they’re just gonna, you know, pick up all these skills, you know, just simultaneously. [00:02:45] And she still has never crawled. I don’t, we don’t really think that she will, we think that she’s just gonna go straight. To walking. We’re thinking that that may happen at any time soon. But he has been like all over the place and just super rambunctious, starting to climb on stuff. And, you know, she, she kind of watches and you know, a little bit, but she’s not, you know, she’s not in trying to do that herself, which is pretty interesting. [00:03:07] Yeah. Our girls, they scooted on their bums and they never crawled in a traditional sense, so they went straight from that to crawl, to walking like, like you might see with your daughter too. So, It’s always fun because that was different than our, our singleton boys who just crawled, you know, normal army crawl. [00:03:20] Mm-hmm. . So I don’t know where they learned it. They just figured something out and res row and just ran with it. So , it is funny to see the difference in the personality just blows me away too. I mean, they couldn’t be more different. My son is just, you know, he doesn’t need to think about what he’s going into. [00:03:36] He just goes, and my daughter is like, let me watch and see, let me strategize, let me think about this. And it’s just the total difference in personality, which is a beautiful. How early did you notice that difference in their personalities? You know, very early. It’s actually really interesting because when they were born, and as I’ve shared, you know, already, it’s a, it’s a boy and a girl and we, we, we noticed it very early on that she was very feminine. [00:04:00] and he was kind of more masculine, if that makes sense. You know, just more kind of rambunctious and more just like a boy really from day one. And it was interesting because how could you know that, you know, from premature twins but it was almost like we could just feel it and just the way that they interacted, you know, she was just a little bit more dainty and soft and, and you know, like a little princess that she is. [00:04:21] He’s just like, man, let’s, let’s go, let’s party, let’s you know, let’s get into it. So we noticed that really, really early on, and that personality has held true over the past almost 13 months. We noticed, at least my wife noticed, even when they were still during the pregnancy, like one of our girls was more active, bouncing around, moving in utero than the other. [00:04:41] And that kind of held true after birth as well. Well, same here actually. So our son, he, he, so in my wife’s stomach , he, his butt was in the air. Just, I mean, like, you could see it just a big lump in her stomach. And it was like, you know, just pushing out and just moving all over the place. And our daughter just, she stayed still. [00:04:58] She was, you know, un she was on bottom and, you know, totally just like, I’m ready to go. I gotta get in position. I’ve been very thoughtful about this. And he was just like, rambunctious in the womb, which was super interesting. So I had not thought of that until you brought that up. I thought it was very interesting, like it’s consistent. [00:05:16] It’s not like they just change once they’re born. They were doing that, they were getting ready in utero. They gave us a hint. We didn’t know at the time that that’s what it was a hint of, but turns out that’s how it played out. So now that they’re 13 months, what’s a typical day in the life schedule? Like as far as eating, sleeping, all that kind of stuff? [00:05:31] Yeah, so I’ll start with kind of the night before, cuz obviously as, as you know, and we all know, I mean, we learn, you know, whether it’s the easy way or the hard way, that it all starts with sleep. And, you know, thankfully we’re on a, a really good schedule now. They go to bed around between seven and seven 30 every night. [00:05:48] and we have a little bit of a, a routine to kind of get there. I mean, it’s a, it’s bath and it’s they’re still breastfeeding now and, and we’re starting that kind of weaning off part of that process. So, you know, they’re, they’re starting to eat food as well, but I’m kind of jumping around. But they will get a bath, they’ll have their kind of last meal of the day, and then we’ll do a little book reading. [00:06:08] We read three to four books, you know, quickly there for, you know, five to 10 minutes or so. and then we lay ’em down. They go down around seven 30 or so, and they typically sleep about 12 to 13 hours, depending on, you know, the night. And so they’re up the next morning around 7:30 – 8:00 or so. And you know, from there it’s, you know, the day begins. [00:06:31] It’s you know, diaper change and it’s their first meal and then it’s play. And lots of playtime there. And, you know, there’s, they’re into everything, like I said. And you know, they’re playing with toys, they’re reading books. They’re walking around with, you know, certain things that can hold ’em up, you know, whether it’s a, a little car or, you know, a train or other things that they can push around. [00:06:53] So they’re doing all that kind of stuff. And then their first nap is probably about an hour and a half, two hours after they wake up in the morning. So they have a first nap. And then they, after they wake up from their second nap, it’s diaper change, it’s feed, all that kind of stuff. And you know, I think that that second nap, from what I understand from the more wise twin fathers will be going away here soon. [00:07:14] But currently we’re still on that second nap. And generally their naps are about an hour each. You know, for the first and second nap of the day and thereafter they’re up and playing and eating and doing the whole thing. And again, you know, really kind of ends at the, the, the night there at around 7, 7 30. [00:07:29] So that’s generally what the days look like today. But we’ve gotten to a point now where they’re eating meals about three times a day. Literally like real food. And so that’s been a fun new part of this journey as. That’s great. Are, do you have any trouble getting them down to sleep for naps or are they in a good routine? [00:07:45] It just depends. For the most part, I’d say 90 to 95% of the time, no. Because they’re, they’re generally ready to go down. But if they’re not feeling well, there’s times where we have to rock ’em a little bit more. There’s certainly times where, you know, like over the weekend I was actually out of town on a business trip and my wife let me know that our daughter. [00:08:03] You know, a couple times on Saturday night, and she had a little bit rougher of a time the night before. And so, you know, it doesn’t, it’s never a hundred percent perfect. There’s, you know, they’re, they’re not machines of course, and it doesn’t always work like clockwork, but I’d say 90 to 95% of the time they’re on a great routine and schedule. [00:08:19] And I think that they really enjoy that and appreciate that. It gives them the boundaries that they need to then be creative and curious and all the beautiful things that little human beings. But in general, they’re pretty ready. I mean, you can start to see the, the tired cues, whether it’s for nap or sleep, you know, bedtime. [00:08:36] And once we start to see that, I mean, it’s generally on par with the schedule, but we try to make sure we pay attention to that. . That’s good. Yeah. You’re, you’re constantly as an a parent kind of adapting, like, is this still working? Yes. Okay. Keep doing that. Is it, is it not working? Okay. What are we gonna try next? [00:08:53] See if something else works for sure. Exactly. We had a it was a Saturday and they were giving us sleep cues pretty early in the day, and it was like, man, they were starting to get a little bit more fussy than normal. And we said, you know what? Maybe they’re just really tired and they went down at 6:00 PM and slept until. [00:09:08] AM the next morning, and it was like they just needed it. They didn’t make a peep, you know, that night. So, you know, we, we certainly pay attention to that. What’s their, what’s their bedroom arrangement like? Are they in the same room together? They’re in the same room. They both have their own crib next to each other. [00:09:21] It’s almost, it’s kind of like perpendicular. They can see each other, but they’re not like side by side where they’re parallel. But they sleep in the same bedroom. And, you know, at one point we were thinking, oh, , you know what’s gonna happen if, you know, one wakes the other up, maybe one’s a little more fussy than the other. [00:09:36] And you know, from time to time they can wake each other up. But it is pretty remarkable how they can sleep through the other’s crying. You know, pretty tremendously. It’s almost like if you lived in a house near a train station, you know, for a few days you hear it and it’s like, man, this is crazy. [00:09:52] And then over time you don’t hear it ever. And maybe that’s what, how they’ve adapted with each other. Yeah, we were surprised by that too. They would ignore each other’s noises, their cries. Eventually they got to a age where they would wanna play with each other and keep each other awake. So I don’t know if you’ve come across that problem yet. [00:10:10] Thankfully not. You know, it’s actually been interesting on the playing with each other because we thought that like as soon as they were not like, you know, just pure newborn infants, that they would just be all day, every day. Just like, oh, best friends playing with each other. And you know, it’s been really interesting. [00:10:26] It’s gradually grown and increased in terms of their recognition of each other. But they have not been like total buddy buddies. They almost. . It’s like they almost don’t even realize that the other one is there completely. Because maybe they’re just so used to each other. So they haven’t yet done that, but they’re starting to do it more and more where they’re, you know, they’ll give each other hugs or, you know, touch each other and kind of laugh at each other. [00:10:48] But that’s, that has been one that has been pretty surprising and, and interesting. I’m sure it’ll, it’ll change, you know, over this next year dramatically. But that’ll, that’s been kind of a, an interesting observation that we’ve have over this first. , you mentioned that they’re still breastfeeding. What has that journey been like as far as your wife or how you’ve been able to help and the kids’ response to that? [00:11:08] So that has been a, an amazing journey. First of all, big shout out to my wife for committing to that, and that was something that was important to both of us. And, you know, we, we looked into the, the science of how, how powerful breastfeeding can be for your children. And, you know, of course not everybody’s blessed to be able to do this, especially for over a year. [00:11:27] But early on, you know, it was a bit of a challenge just because our kids came early and they came at 33 weeks. And of course just the prematurity you know, made it challenging for them to eat orally immediately. And obviously being in the NICU, there was a point in time where they were feeding via the tube for you know, two, two and a half, three weeks. [00:11:46] And as we started to kind of work with a, a lactation consultant to. Help, you know, latch on and, and, and learn that whole process. You know, it’s a, it’s a process for mom and babies to, to understand really how that works. I mean, there’s a lot of natural instincts involved. But our daughter, we had to get she had a, a bit of a tongue tie. [00:12:05] We had to get that lasered early on when she got that laser taken care of. She, she really. Brought was brought up to speed very quickly in terms of her ability to, to feed at the breast. And my son, he was, he was always really adept to be able to breastfeed from, from a very, very early time. And so during that first, you know, those first few weeks in the NICU, There was a big learning curve for my wife and we had a lot of support from the lactation consultants and the nurses. [00:12:33] And then when we came home, there was a little bit of a regression in some ways, and we had another lactation consultant come to our house to help out. And there was, you know, some new techniques that we were. We, we were you know, learned or we learned through that process and that was super, super helpful. [00:12:49] So, you know, it’s just, it’s, it’s really become second nature at this point. And you know, the big challenge now is to kind of wean off of that effectively and appropriately. So that’s kind of the, the stage that we’re at now. Yeah, our girls were tongue tied too. They had to have a little procedure and it was frustrating for us cuz we, they just couldn’t get a latch. [00:13:08] We didn’t know what was going on. And then it’s like, oh, by the way, they have this physical thing wrong with their mouth that they, it’s so we’re like, oh, well that’s what it was. I know. Yeah. It was a, it was an interesting realization when that happened. It was just almost immediate that she, you know, she really caught on very quickly. [00:13:24] Okay. So you mentioned premature babies and stuff. So let’s rewind back to when during the pregnancy, like when you, you found out you were having twins. You know, what was your reaction in your situation like at that time? So, it’s so interesting because when we found out we were pregnant, you know, of course my wife did the whole thing where she got me a book that, you know, was basically a baby book and said, you know, I love you daddy. [00:13:43] And I remember seeing, I was like, oh, I was in shock that we were pregnant. And of course at that time we didn’t know that it would be twins and, you know, it was, it was a great, joyful experience that we share with all of our, our family that we were pregnant. and we actually had a little bit of travel in the middle of that, between that time of learning our pregnancy to our 20 week ultrasound. [00:14:04] And during that time, you know, we were kind of just having conversations, just being so excited about being pregnant. And my wife had always talked about. How she knew she was gonna have twins. She just knew it. She was certain that we were gonna have twins and our, our, our pregnancy was natural and there was really no reason for us to think that we would, other than just this feeling that she had her whole life, that she was always gonna have twins. [00:14:28] And so I remember we were coming back from a, we were actually on a vacation. We were coming back and we were, it was the day before our 20 week ultrasound, and she said, you know what, tomorrow is where we find out if there’s two in. . And it was funny we were having this conversation because, you know, again, it was almost like I remember having this conversation being like, you know what? [00:14:46] That would be really surprising, but for some reason I wouldn’t be shocked. And so we get back in town and we go to the doctor the next day to do the ultrasound, and immediately she says, There’s two in there and we just look at each other and just start cracking up laughing cuz it’s like, are you kidding me? [00:15:03] How is this actually coming to be our reality? And so obviously that was a very, very joyful day and we shared with all our family members, and by the way, it’s exciting to tell your family that you’re pregnant, but it’s way more over the top, like unbelievable to tell your family that you’re having twins. [00:15:18] Like people were just like, our family members were absolutely blown away. . And that was really, really fun experience. I mean, people were like, jaw dropped. You know, and it’s, it’s a, it’s, you know, we’re all living in this twin world now, and it’s us, it’s second nature. But before that, you know, it’s, it’s a very shocking type of thing. [00:15:34] But we were very excited and moving along through the pregnancy, she had a great pregnancy. It was like, you know, she was really active and things were going well. She felt good. There were certainly times where she was feeling, you know, nauseous and, and things like that. And just going through that. [00:15:49] Experience. But then when we reached third trimester, started to get a little bit more challenging. She started to get a little bit more limited in her mobi, mobility and energy levels and things like that. As, as you can all, as we can all understand as, as dads, you know, it’s you know, you try to empathize and support as much as you can. [00:16:05] But things were going really well by the way. We were actually due on 2 22 22 with twins on a Tuesday. And we were like, oh my gosh. Like this is divine intervention. Like it’s going to happen. We’re going to have these kids on 2 22 22. And so that was, you know, really the intention and, and really, you know, we were excited about that. [00:16:24] Cause that was like, wow, this is so amazing and remarkable. And ultimately as we kind of got closer to that date, you know, things were still going really well. She came home from work one night and she was like, you know, just not really feeling great, you know, not feeling my best. And, and she had taken her shoes off and I’m like, man, your feet are really swollen. [00:16:43] Like, I think you should sit down and kind of. Lay your feet up or, and put ’em on the ottoman or something. And so we sat there, we’re watching a basketball game, and I actually had a business trip the next day that I was going on, and I was gonna be gone for a week. And she was getting pretty anxious about that. [00:16:57] And she was actually getting pretty emotional about it. And I kind of chalked it up to, hey, she’s, she’s going through, you know, all of the, the hormones of being in this part of the pregnancy. And I totally understand that. And, you know, I, I was feeling a little bit anxious, believe it or not you know, to go on this trip as well. [00:17:12] Just because leaving her for a week, you know, during that stage of the pregnancy was risky. And I was, but I was also very hopeful and, and optimistic that things would, would play out and work out and you know, we would just go forward to this 2 22 22 date. And as we sat there, you know, we’re sitting there watching the basketball game. [00:17:31] And all of a sudden she’s like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I’m like, my, I’m wet. Like, what? What’s going on? And so I look over and she stands up and like she’s pouring water. It’s like her water had broken and we’re like, oh my goodness. This was the day of our 32nd week. And it was like out of the middle of nowhere. [00:17:49] Cause we had this perfect pregnancy, it was, everything was going well, and all of a sudden her water breaks. And I’m looking at her like, whoa, what? Like I wasn’t anticipating this, you know? And so, but it’s like, okay, let’s stay calm. You know? You never know. But at the same time, every time I’ve heard of someone’s water breaking, I’m thinking, look, we’re having babies now. [00:18:07] Like this is happening and. So we get our stuff and we go to the hospital. And of course, you know, she and I are both kind of, you know, shook, shook from this experience you know, at that point in time. And so we get to the hospital. And we get checked in and we’re, I guess we’re in the antipartum, I believe is where we arrived. [00:18:24] I, you know, you’ll have to forgive me cause some of this stuff is kind of running together, but as we get there, you know, they’re checking her and they’re like, you know, you’re, you’re a little bit dilated. Your water has broken. But we’re gonna, you know, we’re gonna check you in and, you know, it could either be tonight or it could be weeks from now when you have these babies. [00:18:39] And we’re like, what do you mean? Like, how could this be weeks from now? And so what had happened? Our son, he was placing so much pressure on our daughter that her her sack broke and it was leaking fluid. But they could still remain in the womb. And that’s the doctors recommended if we’re able to, to keep the babies in the womb as much as possible. [00:18:59] Because there’s, you know, the stage of development was so critical at that point in time. And so at that point we said, okay, well, you know, here’s where we are. And she was admitted to the hospital and stayed on bedrest. And we’re thinking, all right, 2 22 22. Like, we’re gonna be in here for however long we need to be to get there. [00:19:15] And you know, a few days pass and. You know, we get our ultrasounds and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, the goal of the day from the nurse was, Hey, stay pregnant today. And as we con continue to go through you know, I would go up there during the day and work from the hospital and, you know, support her and be a part of those ultrasounds and things like that. [00:19:34] And, you know, things were going well, and as we continued forward, it was like, all right, let’s just, our goal is another day. And as we got closer, it was like, wow, you know, we got feedback from some of the doctors that, hey, it’s pretty unlikely that you’re gonna make it to 2 20, 2 22, but you never know how long you can make it. [00:19:50] So then we’re like, how about 2, 2 22? And you know, so as we continued forward one day, actually one week later, she ultimately went into labor and the babies came. So they came at 33 weeks. So anyway, that’s my long story of our entire pregnancy, experience. Ending with a surprise there for sure. Wow. [00:20:11] So you, so you had to, I mean, you both had jobs, business stuff you had to immediately rearrange cuz the twins came way early. Right? Tell us about that. Yeah. Yeah. So I was, believe it or not, I had two conferences that I was attending. Within a one week period I was gonna be heading out to Utah and then from Utah to Florida and then back home. [00:20:30] And ultimately I canceled my attendance at both of those conferences Immediate. My wife Katie, is a nurse practitioner, so she immediately notified her work that she was no longer going to be, you know, obviously be able to attend work until until the babies came, until, you know, thereafter. And so she was able to attend to those fairs and her, her work was super supportive of her and, you know, that unexpected timing of that experience. [00:20:56] In terms of my work, I’m an entrepreneur, a real estate investor, and we run a, a private equity real estate company. And so we invest in large multi-family communities across the region and Midwest and Southeast. And so my company and, and my, my efforts, you know, really are not necessarily paused during this type of experience. [00:21:14] And so, you know, it was just, Hey, let’s just figure it out. Roll with the punches. I mean, that’s half the battle being an entrepreneur, but. In this type of experience with twins in a twin pregnancy, it’s, it’s totally unpredictable. And during this period it was like, Hey, look, this, this is what it is. This is the highest priority, so let’s just figure it out. [00:21:32] And my partners and and colleagues have been super supportive of me throughout this entire experience. But, you know, it was just letting everyone know, Hey, here’s what’s going on. And, and most people were super excited to hear what was going on in my life. So that was, it was fun to just have that level of support in business, personal life, and and so on and so forth. [00:21:51] That’s good that you had some flexibility there. Usually twins are, is kind of like the, I win the win I win card, right? You’re like, Hey, I got twins. They’re like, oh, okay. Glad it’s you on me. Yeah, whatever you need. We’ll give you a break. We’ll reschedule stuff like that. So, So true, so true. And it was fun to just have everybody really supporting you and just be pull in for you. [00:22:10] But you know, that just the unpredictability of it, that was almost the first lesson of being a dad of twins is that like, Hey, your plan of 2 22 22, it’s really cute and nice and it fits in this really awesome box, but like, how about this way better experience and like surprising experience that like you’re not in control. [00:22:28] but you’re just gonna have to adapt and evolve and roll with the punches. That was like the first great lesson of this entire experience. Yeah. You got it really soon, really early. So tell us about the birth. Was it you said your wife went into labor. Did it end up with c-section vaginal birth? How did that play out? [00:22:44] Yeah, so she went into labor and it was a, it was a C-section and we’re, we’re very thankful that it was, that was, she made that decision. It was kind of on her heart that week between 32 and 33. She had always wanted to, to do a vaginal birth. But that week when everything had gone down and just consulting with our doctors, she decided and we collectively decided based on, you know, all of these different factors that the c-section was the most app. [00:23:09] You know, approach just because of how our son was laying. He was kind of laying perpendicular in her stomach and, and our daughter was and I, I forget the, the, the medical terminology of, of the, the positions that they were laying. But it just made more sense for us because there, there was a possibility that. [00:23:25] Our daughter would’ve been born naturally or vaginally, and then they still would’ve had to do a c-section. It would’ve just been a, a big, big challenge. So yeah, the birth was great and our daughter came out first and about a minute later then our son came out and we couldn’t have been more, you know, excited and thankful and, you know, still naive at that point in time. [00:23:44] But you know, a, an amazing, amazing birth experience. You mentioned some time in the NICU, so did they take the babies away right away? Was there immediate issues that they had to take? So they were actually doing well. They didn’t have like any oxygen issues or any really issues other than just being premature. [00:24:01] At least at that time. There were some minor complications that we did experience, but we did go immediately myself and the two babies to the NICU there right after the birth. And I kind of. You know, went with them and got ’em all, you know, was there for them to get checked in and all the nurses to kind of hook ’em up and do all that kind of stuff. [00:24:19] So that was quite a whirlwind of an experience and you know, again, I had no idea what to expect there after, you know, for the next month or so. But my expectation was, Hey, you know, we’re gonna be in here for a few days and, you know, everything’s gonna be great. And it, you know, it was a very, very long and trying and challenging next month that we had to experience there in the NICU. [00:24:39] It’s, it’s a grind, but that’s, that’s kind of how, how it started. Were you always expecting like, okay, tomorrow’s the day, or was there, did the medical staff say, okay, that’s not really gonna happen? So we had, we actually had a meeting with one of the NICU docs before we gave birth, and this is when our thoughts were, Hey, 2 20, 2 22, like that’s, you know, it was a few weeks away. [00:25:01] And you know, then we started to revise our thoughts to 2, 2 22. Just because that was a still a, a pretty interesting date for twins to be born. And we still had, we had a doctor come into to our room and talk to us about NICU and he was very, very detailed and, and helpful and understand helping us understand what a NICU experience would look like. [00:25:20] And we still thought, Hey, that’s not gonna happen to us. You know, we’re, we’re not gonna go to NICU because we’ve had. Pregnancy. Just because we’re on bedrest doesn’t mean we’re now gonna give birth to these babies. Cuz that shocking water breaking experience to them being educated that hey, they’re not necessarily coming right now, was quite a chasm to cross. [00:25:39] And once we recognize that, we’re thinking, okay, well let’s remain committed to, you know, keeping those babies in the womb as long as possible. And so we, we listened intently and we, we learned about what we could expect with birth or a NICU experience and, you know, with a premature set of babies, but we didn’t really internalize it, I think, and when the babies did officially come at 33 weeks at that point, then it was okay. [00:26:03] You know, the, the. Expectation is that you will then take the babies home when they’re about 38 weeks gestational age or closer to their due date. And so that almost felt like, well, but maybe that’s how it works for most people, but probably not us. You know, it’s cuz we, we just had this positive thought process that, you know, hey, it’s, it’s, you know, they’re, they’re giving us a, they’re trying to over or underpromise over-deliver, kind of. [00:26:28] And as we got closer and closer, you know, a couple weeks in we’re thinking, all right, well maybe we’re getting close. Cuz you know, they’re not having any medical complications. You know, I get it. They’re telling most people that. But you know, as the weeks kind of, the days kind of led on, we’re thinking, wait a minute, this, this really might. [00:26:44] End up being closer to their due date before we get home. And it was a very long experience. I mean, because you know, I’m managing the business, you know, she’s breastfeeding, going back and forth from home to the hospital. Of course she’s got postpartum, you know, all of the experience there. You know, obviously all this surgery, you know, tongue ties, babies, you know, just that whole experience is a very emotion. [00:27:07] Experience and very challenging just from a practical perspective, but also an emotional perspective. So it was it was a grind, big time grind and something that I don’t think anybody can really be prepared for. But I mean, this podcast is probably helpful in your books are helpful because it is helpful to just understand that that is a possibility. [00:27:24] But you know, I think just being prepared for anything is one of the biggest lessons that, that I learned through that experience. So it sounds like they didn’t. Serious complications. They just needed more time to just to grow, to be kind of self-sufficient so that they can be released into the wild, as it were. [00:27:43] Yeah, it was, the big thing was, you know, feeding orally because from what we understood, premature babies are just, there weren’t developed to a point where they could really. Feed orally so that they could properly develop, you know, their, their lungs, their brains, all the different organs. And so there was, there was a part of the process that, you know, obviously a mom’s body is optimal for in terms of that type of development. [00:28:05] And so, you know, looking back, it’s, it’s important to have the expectation and set the, and have the understanding that, you know, the hospital has your best interest at heart. But there was a point in time where it felt. Man, it’s almost like we gotta check the box so we can get outta here. They gotta feed for this amount of time or these, this many times for, for this length of a time before we can actually get outta here. [00:28:26] Cause we felt like they were ready to go, but, you know, we’re, we’re not the the professionals in this sense. So, you know, it was, it was quite the experience. So as, as the dad, how, like, how much time were you able to spend with them on any given day when they were in the. So I would typically, as the dad, I would go up there in the morning and in the evenings and like every day. [00:28:47] And my wife was typically there all day. Like we, we would go up in the morning together. She would stay until the evening time and, and I would go up. She would typically go home and, and I’d be there and I’d do like skin to skin in the very early times when I could and, you know, help feed with the bottles or, or do baths you know, with the nurse or, or with, with my wife. [00:29:07] And so yeah, it was, it was a lot. I mean, going back and forth to hospital, hospital is about 20 minutes or so from our house. So, I mean, you know, you’re doing a couple trips, that’s a 40 minute round trip plus how long you’re gonna be there and you know, you still have other responsibilities whether. [00:29:20] You know, taking care of the dog or the cat at home and you know, all the other responsibilities and, you know, in professional sense as well. So it was, it was definitely a lot to handle for both of us, but of course more for my wife. But that was really my involvement through the NICU process and really being there as much as I could when the doctors were going to, to come and give us an update on what they’re seeing from that day in terms of their growth and, you know you know, just their evaluation. [00:29:44] That was important. And it was just a, a constant, a constant communication. Were both of your children released at the same time or were they kind of staggered? Thankfully they were, and we understand that some and many have, you know, one baby come home before the other. And, and that I can imagine is a very big challenge just from a logistical and practical perspective and emotional. [00:30:06] But both of ours were discharged on the same day. And I remember, you know, there were certainly certain boxes that, boxes that we needed to check for them to be able to do that. Not only the, the feeding issue that I just described. , but also the, you know, the, the car seat test. You know, whether or not they could hold their head up and, and breathe properly in the car seat without having any sort of oxygen concerns. [00:30:26] And so we were very excited to kind of go through that process so that we could hopefully get ’em both home at the same time. But they both came home at the same time, same day. And how was your wife’s recovery from the C-section? It was good for the most part. I mean, it, you know I think it, I think I, from what I understand, she recovered as, as expected. [00:30:46] I mean, you know, it was just a big time emotional experience for her. Just a postpartum and just dealing with all the practical. Sort of barriers that we went through. I think those were more significant than the recovery from a surgical perspective. But that was, you know, just another sort of part of it. [00:31:03] But she really rose to the occasion. I mean, that was the, the cool thing to really watch from her was like, she was born to be a mom. She was born to be a mom of twins. And like, she just didn’t, she didn’t let that slow her down at all. And she just kept doing what was necessary to give them the, the, the nutrition, the care that they needed. [00:31:21] And so it was almost. You’re probably sensing a little bit of, Hey, you know, do I recall much of the recovery from the C-section because I, I, I don’t recover or I don’t recall much because it really wasn’t a huge concern for us because it seemed to be going as well as it could have been, if that makes sense. [00:31:38] That’s good. Yeah, that’s good. That was a good smooth recovery because cuz people hear about C-sections and they’re like, oh, they just, how they just live for the baby’s no big deal, but it’s like major abdominal surgery, you know? I mean, they’re literally cutting through multiple layers to get down to the babies and that can be a little overwhelming. [00:31:53] Yeah, she certainly had some pain, you know, and, and you know, some of the things that we had to do and some of the challenges and barriers that she had to experience through that time was, you know, not only doing the breastfeeding, but when she was not near the babies. Like if we slept at home, which we would sleep at home. [00:32:08] And then she’d go back in the morning. She still had to get up every couple hours and, and pump. And that was a challenge. And you know, going through the recovery while pumping with hospital grade pumps, you know, and experiencing engorgement issues and things like that. I mean, that was a huge challenge for her in terms of just that acclimation. [00:32:28] So, you know, there was a lot going on and you know, again, like for all of us dads, all of us twin dads out there, it’s just like, just do our best to, you know, support and just try to empathize and understand. It’s not, it is much easier said than done. It’s much easier than being on a podcast and talking about it like this. [00:32:44] But that’s all I tried to do. I’m sure I’ve failed in many regards. But that’s, you know, when I reflect back on that experience, it was. Just going back and forth and trying to make sure that you got the, the milk supply to where it needed to s you know, to support these babies was like a practical and logistical challenge, but one that, you know, we were able to overcome. [00:33:06] How was your transition to life at home when you brought the babies home and cuz you, you were just getting used to life in the nicu right? And, and the logistics there. How was the switch back to home? Yeah. Cuz we went from zero to two, so we didn’t have any kids at the time and we went from zero to two. [00:33:19] So we were diving into the deep end and while we were at the NICU, you know, we’re dealing with all these logistical challenges that I’ve explained and, you know, we’re, we’re almost kind of like easing into parent. , you know, because it’s like, well, you go home and it’s like they’re not there, you know? It’s like, but you feel like, well, we’re parents, but you know, but they’re not here with us at home. [00:33:38] They’re not here with us in the real world and. As we finally did get released, and by the way, we learned that we were gonna get released like the day of that we did. And it was like, oh my gosh. So we then chose to sleep overnight at the hospital in one of the, the rooms there that they set aside to kind of get acclimated and, you know, the nurses to support us in terms of feeding overnight and all that kind of stuff. [00:34:00] And that was, that was wild. I mean, we got like maybe 10 minutes of sleep that night. It was like insane cuz it felt like, you know, they were all right. The, the nurses back in, they’re ready to feed and you know, we’re doing bottles and all that kind of stuff. And so as we were going through that experience, then we got discharged. [00:34:17] The next day we go home and it was like pouring down rain that day. It was cold, and we got home and we sat ’em in their, their car seats there on the, kind of the, the living room floor next to us in the, in like the kitchen area. And we like looked down and we’re like, Oh my gosh. Like, they’re here. You know, this is, this is wild. [00:34:34] And so then it, like the madness truly began, you know, because the NICU experience had its own set of challenges and just, you know, obviously tremendous amount of joy and, and an amazing experience because you know, you’re doing your first bath and all of these things that, all these first, you know, the first clothes and all these things. [00:34:52] And now that we came. . It was like the real, the real twin parenting experience then began and it was like, we gotta feed every two hours. And it’s not two hours from the end of the feeding, but it’s two hours from the beginning of the feeding and it’s like, oh my gosh. Like I guess the nurses really have gotten us on that schedule, which has been great. [00:35:10] The nurses and the doctors and the whole staff and the NICU, and that was a helpful thing. But then it was, we were running it and, you know, it was just a tremendous you know, immersion of this like challenge and experience. Obviously it’s mixed with joy and love and immense, like unconditional love. But it was, it was a grind. [00:35:26] And you know, that that first day and like the first week and really the first month was, you know, I’m sure we all say this, but just a blur beyond. Yes. Very, very blurry. Yeah. It’s like you bring the kids home and you’re like, uh oh I’m in charge now. Like, I have to make sure these kiddos survive. You know? [00:35:44] I used to have the crutches of the nurses and the doctors at the hospital. It’s quite, it’s quite jarring. So was it just you and your wife, or did you have, you know, in-laws or grandparents come over to help? Yeah, we had grandparents, so both sides of the grandparents are in town and so we had a lot of help from them. [00:35:59] You know, just in terms of, hey, like in that first little bit, like the first few weeks, it’s like, you know, we would have grandparents come over from time to time to, Hey, you guys sleep a little bit. Go, go have a nap, and we’ll, we’ll take over for the next few hours. Or we’ll help clean the house or we’ll help do some chores or, you know, we’ll bring over some, some meals and things like that. [00:36:18] So that was super helpful in terms of that early part of the experience. And my wife took off her work. I think she was off for three and a half or four months or so. So she was, you know, fully immersed in you know, those, that ear those early days. And I was getting up with her every, you know, every night for really the first probably four or five, six months where we were getting up every few hours. [00:36:42] And so that, that is something that obviously just, you know, it weighs on you after a a period of time. I mean, really do that for a week and it’s gonna weigh on you. You know, over time it’s like you almost feel like a zombie. And you know, that, that whole experience, I mean, just the support of family and close friends was really helpful. [00:36:59] I continued to work throughout that entire experience just because as a business owner, it’s, it’s challenging to, to not do so. But it also gave me the flexibility to be present. You know, if I, if we were up all night, it’s like I could start my day kind of a little bit later. You know, I could work when it made sense too. [00:37:16] So that was helpful. But then as my wife went back to work, she actually went back part-time instead of full-time. And so she’s only working a couple days a week and during those couple of days we have a nanny that comes over and, and helps. So it’s it’s a good balance for us. Now, tell us about finding a nanny and. [00:37:33] How, how that process worked and how you found a good match for your family. So we are absolutely blessed with our nanny. She is unbelievable. We would’ve never exp, we would never have expected to, to find the nanny that we found. I mean, she’s just in perfect alignment with our values and, and just the type of children that we, we wanna raise and the love that we wanna show them. [00:37:54] We found her I believe it was through care.com. And she was, you know, just an individual on there. And we, we had in interviewed three or four different candidates and we were actually planning on, on hiring another one. And some, somehow it just didn’t work out. There was some misalignment with expectations on, on either side, and I don’t remember exactly why. [00:38:17] This other individual wasn’t the one that we were going after. But somehow it worked out that she was going to, to to work with us. And it’s just been a perfect match ever since. And, you know, we’ve, we actually have kind of treated this like we would a, a traditional employee or somebody that we really care for. [00:38:34] It’s like, Hey, you know, here are our expectations and here’s what success would look like and, you know, to treat it professionally. And we ended up kind of, you know, meeting with her, you know, the first 30 days for 60 days, first 90 days to kind of look back and say, Hey, what’s working? What’s not working? [00:38:50] And thankfully we’ve had all positive news with her. Hey, this is all going great. How can we even do better, you know, together? And how can we support their needs at this stage of their. and so while she’s been, you know, two to two and a half days a week, depending on the week it’s just been a perfect arrangement. [00:39:07] So that’s kinda how we found her. But, you know, we’re, we’re definitely blessed and we’ve, we’ve seen others that have had, you know, less than optimal experiences. So we’re, we’re very grateful to, to have the experience that we have. Is the arrangement with a nanny, do you pay her by the hour? Is it like a monthly kind of salary? [00:39:24] How’s. Yeah, we pay her by the hour and we do pay her weekly as well. And through care.com there is an arrangement where you pay, you know, withholding taxes and, and things like that. Local municipality taxes. So that’s all kind of taken out of the, the paycheck and, and arranged through the weekly paycheck. [00:39:42] But we do pay her weekly and it is by the hour. And what we do is we have her, when she, when she arrives, we have like a, a sheet that basically gives us a tally and kind of a, a rundown of the day in terms of you know, bowel movements or, you know, did they pee and, and what were their feedings like and all that kind of stuff. [00:40:00] But it also includes, hey, when did you arrive and, and when did you end? But typically the, the work time is the same hours, you know, each, each week. But it is paid by. That’s good. Yeah, I’ve heard, I mean, usually a nanny arrangement, it’s very customized to what you as the parents are looking for. So that’s great that you found a good match and it kind of works around the schedule that you have with, with your wife working part-time. [00:40:21] So, It’s been great and she’s given us great suggestions on like development and things. Like, there was like one example we were asking her like, Hey, how can we do things better? And, and she was like, Hey, I, you know, I think they’re kind of getting bored with the toys that we have. And she suggested a, a company called Love, love Every, or Love Free, and I don’t know if you’ve heard of that, but it’s a, a company that, it’s kind of like a Montessori type of program where each month they send you like a box of. [00:40:47] of, you know, certain toys and things that are perfect for that stage of the development. And it’s been great because, you know, it’s allowed us to really, you know, tap, tap in some sort of developmental science with where they are. And they’ve really enjoyed the curiosity of playing with those type of toys. [00:41:03] And I don’t even know if you’ve really described ’em as toys, but that was just one example of like, The additional value that we receive beyond just, hey, like, be a babysitter for us. So mm-hmm. , I would challenge any of the dads to think about, you know, if you’re, if you’re going to utilize this type of resource in your family, you know, how can you, how can they also add value beyond just, you know, helping kind of support the, the day-to-day logistics? [00:41:26] Yeah, actually talked with the dad, the founder of Love Every is a twin dad himself, so, oh, is he really? Yeah. So if listeners wanna go check out that interview with him, it’s back in the archives of the podcast. But yeah, it’s a kinda small world. There’s twin dads everywhere doing good stuff. Love it. So, Tyler, as you look back now on like this first 13 months with your twins, like what are, what are some other lessons learned or takeaways that, that if you had a friend who was gonna be having twins, what’s the one thing you’d say, Hey, don’t forget. [00:41:54] I mean, the big thing is just living gratitude because you’ve been blessed beyond measure in terms of being a, a, a dad of twins because you could look at this and say, oh my gosh. Cuz I remember early on we were like, we’re having twins or, or we have twins. And people would say, oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry to hear that. [00:42:10] Like, that’s awful. Like, that’s terrible. And so you could either look at it and say, Yeah, this is awful. And like I’m overwhelmed. Or you can be grateful and say, wow, what an amazing experience. And so that’s one of the things. And like I can’t say, Hey, I’m perfect at this, but if I were to give myself advice, it would be even in the times of like sleeplessness and like overwhelm, like kind of the feelings of overwhelm is to just be grateful and you know, try to live in the moment. [00:42:37] Try to live day by day and just. Just be open to learning. I can say that, you know, one thing I’m really passionate about is just personal development and, you know, trying to be the best version of myself, but this is the best personal development journey I’ve ever been on, is going from no kids to two kids and just. [00:42:55] Being humble and just like, Hey, you can read all the books and you should, by the way, you should read all the books. Like if you, if you get ’em, like get Joe’s books, like they’re great and they’re helpful because there’s strategies that work. You can model success and you can do the things that have worked for so many others instead of just figuring it all out. [00:43:13] Like go out and do what already works and what people are telling you to do, and. Be flexible, be nimble, because your experience is going to be totally unique from anybody else’s. You know, I listened to a lot of these podcasts before our twins came, and I was like, oh, that’s a good idea. Like, that’s a unique experience. [00:43:29] Like, I heard other people talking about their NICU journey and I never expected that it would happen to me. But then when it did, it was, oh, well, what, you know, what joy are should we be experiencing from this? Growth, you know, should we be experiencing from this? So those are just some of the advices that I might give to myself. [00:43:45] But I think ultimately it’s just love your kids, love your wife, you know, give them the support they need and just try to, you know, listen and observe and just, you know, see what it is that they need. Because I think that’s what a dad is here to do. But a dad is also here to, you know, not only to kind of be in the, in the weeds or in the trenches, but also. [00:44:03] Kind of think big for your family and think about how can we be strategic about where do we want to go? Like what type of life do we wanna live? And you know, thinking about, hey, well you know, what, what type of kids, you know, can we raise? And some of the things that I’ve realized is that. You know, it’s never gonna be, we’re not gonna create human beings. [00:44:22] They are who they are and they are like, they’re their own unique person. So give them the opportunity of becoming that. And just like if they’re showing interest in serve something, let them go, let them explore that. And I’m, I’m still learning all this, but those are some of the pieces of advice that I might give myself or someone else. [00:44:41] Well, that is great advice. That’s a great perspective to have. And. Living in, in gratitude, living in the moment, cherishing those moments we have with our kids and not, I love how what you said about they are individuals and they have their own personalities and quirks and everything and encouraging and help building them up in their strength. [00:45:00] You know where they are. And that evolves over time. You know, when they’re really little, it’s very different than when they become teenagers, like, like I’ve got, but the principals are the same. Right? You’re still enjoying the journey, loving them, taking care of ’em, and helping them along that path to whatever they turn out to be. [00:45:15] You know, they’re not gonna necessarily end up like me or, or, or my wife, right? I know, and my, my wife and I think I, I think we’ve done a pretty good job of this, but it’s been something that we’ve been intentional on is, is just creating a family culture of like, you know, for us it’s, it’s all about love. [00:45:30] It’s all about adventure, curiosity, and strength and, and respecting yourself. And so we’ve, we’ve developed principles that we think are important for any human being to integrate within their own life, especially our family. But that allows them to, Anybody that they want to be, but also follow timeless wisdom. [00:45:48] And so we’ve, we’ve been sort of intentional about designing a family culture and, you know, core values and, you know, a bigger picture of the mission of that our, that our family family’s on. And so whatever type of individuals our kids become, You know, they can align with timeless wisdom. And so that’s, that’s another thing that we’ve been thoughtful about creating. [00:46:07] And so we’re, we’re trying to, you know, be intentional about creating that in our day-to-day life as they grow up too. That’s a fantastic approach. I love that. So, Tyler, as we wrap up today, if listeners want to connect with you or learn more about what you’re working on, how can they reach out? Well, Joe this has been super fun. [00:46:20] Thank you so much for having me. I’m, I’m also a podcaster. I, I have a podcast, it’s called Elevate Podcast, and it’s all about mindset, mind expansion, and personal development for high performing real estate investors. So if any of your listeners are a real estate investor or somebody that wants to get involved in real estate, you can check that out on anywhere that they listen to podcasts, whether it’s Apple, Spotify, you name it all over the place. [00:46:41] So you can check that out. If you’re a podcast listener, you might enjoy that. We talked to pretty interesting people, whether they’re in real estate or outside of real estate. And really it kind of comes down to thinking big and expanding your horizons and, and elevating your lifestyle and performance. [00:46:54] So that’s really what that podcast is all about. So people can check that out. Or my company is CF Capital. So we’re a private equity real estate investment firm. We invest in multi-family communities across the Midwest and Southeast. If your listeners are interested in learning more, They can just go to cfcapllc.com. [00:47:11] Of course, I build long-term relationships with our investors and partners and really that’s what it’s all about. And it’s all about the long-term and thinking big. So yeah, that’s that’s where the listeners can find me. Excellent, Tyler, thank you. And we’ll link up to those in the show notes for listeners. [00:47:25] I wanna check those things out. Once again, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate it. Thanks, Joe. I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Tyler about his journey as a father of. From the surprise, early arrival of his twins to making it through that first year and the great positive mindset he has in his twin parenting journey. [00:47:46] If you wanted to connect with Tyler and some of those With his podcast or his business that he mentioned. I’ll link him to that in the show notes over at twindadpodcast.com. Again, today’s show is brought to you by twintshirtcompany.com, where you’ll find dozens of t-shirts designed specifically for fathers of twins, mothers of twins, and the twins themselves. [00:48:03] Pick up a shirt for you and gifts for your friends and family at twintshirtcompany.com. If you would like to share your story like Tyler did today, I would love to hear from you and have you on the podcast. Go ahead and reach out to me. You can email me, [email protected], or reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe, and I would love to hear from you. [00:48:24] Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time. Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Surprise Early Twins and Parenting Through the First Year with Tyler Chesser – Podcast 285 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

How much does daycare for twins cost? Let’s talk about costs and how that varies based on your location and the age of your twins. We know twins can be expensive. In fact, one of the biggest expenses that parents of twins face is that of daycare for their twins. Let’s talk specifically about childcare centers where you drop your kids off, maybe when you’re going to work and you pick them up at the end of the day. Location is Everything The biggest factor of how much you’re going to pay for childcare for your twins is where you live. If you live in a big city, if you live on the west or east coast of the United States, you’re going to pay significantly more than if you’ve live in the Midwest, the central U.S., or a small town. And if you’re outside the United States, costs vary as well. One twin dad from Sweden told me that he pays only about $250 a month for both twins to be in daycare full time. But that is heavily subsidized by the government (and taxes). Now let’s talk about here in the United States and what you can expect to pay for daycare in your neck of the woods. I share a few examples of different locations around the country. These examples may or may not be close to where you are so consider the size of the city or area compared to where you live. Twin Day Care Example Costs Ohio: $335 a week which that comes out to about $17,000 a year Buffalo, New York: $24,500 a year for childcare for twins New Jersey: $22,000 a year for child care for twins Maryland: $486 a week. That’s $25,000 a year. Oklahoma: $270 a week, that’s only $14,000 a year. Prices range all over the place from a couple hundred dollars a week in the middle of the country to extremely high costs in big cities and on the coasts. The bottom line is that your expenses can sway anywhere from $10,000 a year, up to 25 to $30,000 a year for daycare for your twins. Is Day Care Worth the Cost? These twin day care costs can be too much for a family to bear. Oftentimes parents will decide that it’s just not worth it for both parents to be working just to take the majority or all of one parent’s paycheck to pay for daycare. Twin dad, Chris Jackson says that they never put their twins in daycare and that his wife quit when the twins were born and she started being a stay at home mom. So nine years later and two kids more, she’s still a stay at home mom since they couldn’t justify paying an entire paycheck to someone else to raise their kids. Great points. Likewise, twin dad Brandon says “my wife and I priced out daycare for our twin girls and couldn’t justify spending an entire paycheck and then some for daycare. We are fortunate that we were able to do this on one income, but it’s tight every month.” Take a look at your circumstances and your budget. When you run the numbers, you might say “there’s no way that we’re going to have one of us (mom or dad) work full time just to pay for daycare.” When you can just have one of the parents stay home and take care of the twins and gain the benefits, paid day care for twins might not be worth it. Plus you’ll get the benefits of having a parent home with the children during the day. Now it’s not always going to be easy. Like these twin dads said, you know it’s going to be tight on the budget. You’re going to have to make some creative financial adjustments. But don’t rule that out. Don’t just assume that you have to put your twins into daycare. Get Various Price Quotes You should reach out to the daycares in your area to get different estimates and quotes from each of them and see which one is the best fit for you. Just because someone is paying $25,000 a year on the east coast of the United States doesn’t mean that that’s going to be your expense for your twins where you live. Your Twins’ Age Impacts Child Care Pricing It will be more expensive, the younger the twins are because infants require more hands-on care, more attention, and more caregivers per child than when the kids are older. Expect expenses to be a little higher when they’re infants compared to when they are toddlers and beyond. Ask for the Twin Discount When reaching out to daycare centers for pricing, make sure you ask for the twin discount. They may or may not have the twin discount which may be known to them as the sibling discount. If you have other children that are also in daycare, try to negotiate such that you can get a reduced fare on each of your children. If you’re expecting your twins still or  are in the early months with twins, I highly recommend that you pick up my book, Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins. It will help you through those first couple years with twins, overcome the common challenges, and help you see what’s coming around the corner from the stage of life that you’re in right now. The post How Much Does Day Care for Twins Cost? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

What about raising twins is actually easier than you thought it was going to be? Looking back at my own experience and talking with dozens of other twin parents, I share what was a pleasant surprise about raising twins. Depending on who you talk to, raising twins is a nigh impossible task. Extremely difficult. Now, I’m not going to sugarcoat it, those first months with newborns and even that first year with twins is crazy intense, but it’s not impossible. And some things may turn out actually easier than you think they’re going to be. Built-In Friends Let’s get a common one out of the way to begin with and that is: the twins will have a built in friend a built in playmate to keep themselves entertained. This is true, but not in the very beginning. When they’re newborns, they’re just little lumps of baby and they don’t really interact with each other. But as they start to sit up, and they start to interact and become aware of their surroundings, and definitely by the time that they’re toddlers, your friend your twins may very well be good friends and enjoy spending time together and playing with each other. That doesn’t mean they’re not going to ever fight or argue – that’s always going to be a challenge. The fact that they’re always together does help encourage them to have good friendship and relationship with each other. Your Perspective is Everything What else is easier than you thought it may be when raising twins? This of course depends on your perspective. It depends on who you talk to when you’re expecting the twins. If you talk to friends who have twins and they just had a miserable time of it, that’s what you’re going to expect. On the other hand, if you talk to some friends or family that had twins and things went okay, that’s what you’re going to expect as well. So some things are going to be as hard as you thought they were going to be. Some things are going to be harder. And some things will be easier. Telling Twins Apart Many parents worry about telling their twins apart and then that’s going to be difficult. Particularly if you have identical twins or if you have same same gender twins, that can be a challenge. Of course the parents of fraternal twins or boy/girls twins are like “haha, yeah, we got this figured out.” But even when they’re newborns, fraternal twins can look a lot alike. So telling twins apart is not as hard as you think it’s going to be. There are always subtle differences that you as the parent because you’re with them all the time. You’ll notice even from birth, which twin is which twin, so you always know at a glance, twin A from twin B. Syncing Schedules Getting twins on the same sleep schedule and on the same eating schedule can make your life a lot easier. A lot of parents worry about the challenges of getting their twins on the same schedule. We found that this was little easier than we thought it would be by forcing the matter. When one twin woke up in the middle of the night to feed, we’d wake up her sister to feed her as well. And by continually doing that, it helped sync them both up on the same schedule. If you’re feeding them at the same time and putting them down to sleep at the same time, their schedules usually align pretty well and that makes your life a little bit easier. Same Classes at School Once your twins are school age, having your twins in the same class at school means they have the same teacher or teachers, they have the same homework and assignments they have to have seen friends. All of that becomes a lot easier to manage than if you had two kids in the same grade but in different classes or two kids in two different grades at the same school. Infant Twins Are Easier? Once you are past the infant twins stage, and enter toddlerhood, everything changes again. Your twins will start to talk back to you and they start to have thoughts and opinions of their own. That’s when things get a little more challenging. I found looking back at the newborn phase and the infant phase that life was pretty simple. All you had to do was take care of changing diapers, getting them to sleep, and feeding them. You just repeated that cycle over and over again. It is pretty simple and basic. Once they start to get a little older and start to be little people with their own attitudes and stuff, that is more of a parenting challenge. At that point, it’s not just the basics of survival, but rather you have to engage them and to do some positive parenting to encourage correct behavior. By the time you get to the toddlers and beyond, you may think well that infant phase was a lot easier than I thought because I don’t have to put up with the terrible twos or the terrible threes, for example. How about you? What did you find was easier with twins than you thought it would be? Surely if you look on the positive side, you’ll find at least one thing that was easier than what you expected. If you’re expecting your twins or are in the middle of infant months with twins, I recommend you check out my book “Dad’s Guide to Raising Twins: How to Thrive as a Father of Twins“. It’ll help you survive those first couple years and help you know what to expect in the months to come. The post What about raising twins is easier than you thought it would be? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Should your twins sleep in your room when they come home from the hospital? The answer depends on several factors. Benefits of Having Infant Twins Sleep in the Parents’ Room You may consider having your infant twins sleep in your room for several months. Twin parents will sometimes use a bassinet or Pack-n-Play in their room to sleep the twins. These temporary sleeping quarters won’t last forever, but they will serve you and your twin babies for some time. There are some advantages of sleeping twins in your room: Easy to access – When your twins are in your room, you don’t have to go far to take care of them. This is great during middle-of-the-night, sleep-deprived feeding sessions. You can roll out of bed and quickly pick up a twin and provide the care needed. Easy to monitor – Since your twins are in the same room, you can easily listen and monitor them for any issues that arise. You don’t need an electronic twin baby monitor and can easily roll over and visually inspect the babies to confirm if you really need to get out of bed. Disadvantages of Having Infant Twins Sleep in the Parents’ Room Impacts your sleep – You will hear every sound your twins make when they sleep in your room. Even benign noises will rouse you from your sleep. Harder to transition later – Even at an early age, your twins will get used to the patterns you are setting. Eventually they will have to move to their own room. Depending on your kids, this transition may be difficult. No space for you – I like to think of your bedroom as your sanctuary. With twins, your house will be a mess, and you need some place that is reserved for you to rest and relax. Current Recommendations The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that your twins “share a bedroom with parents, but not the same sleeping surface, preferably until the babies turn 1 but at least for the first six months. Room-sharing decreases the risk of SIDS by as much as 50 percent.” What We Did We put our twin girls in their own room from the first night we were home from the hospital. Fortunately, their room was right next door to ours. This made monitoring and access a lot easier than if our house floor plan had put greater distance between us. My wife and I always tried to establish habits and routines that we’d be happy with long-term. Having the girls sleep in their own room made it easier for us to rest when we did sleep and got them used to sleeping on their own. Twin dad Tim Robinson and his wife kept their twins with them in their room for a few weeks before moving the twins to their nursery. You Choose Sleeping Arrangements You may think that your twins need to sleep in your room. You, as the parent, determine your twins’ sleeping arrangements. Not the other way around. Choose twin sleeping arrangements carefully since this choice will impact both you as parents and the twins. Picture by Ert The post Should Twins Sleep in the Parent’s Room? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

I got an interesting question recently: Do twins get upset at the same time? The answer, as with many questions on twins, is that it depends. Here are a few factors that help you know if your twins will both be upset at the same time. Personalities Our identical twin girls have very distinct personalities. As such, they react differently to similar things. One will take offense and get mad, and the other won’t care at all. Study your twins’ personalities. Each may have a short temper or be patient. Shared Circumstances Twins will both get upset if they are in the same place and expecting the same result but don’t get that outcome. For example, if you make a “yucky dinner,” both twins won’t be happy — even if that “yucky dinner” is something you find perfectly delicious (like anything with vegetables). If your family is headed to a park, museum, or something fun but have to cancel or change plans, expect two upset twins. Monkey See, Monkey Do Sometimes one of our twins will follow the lead of the other. If one gets upset, the other will react likewise. If you see a similar pattern in your home, expect double trouble. History Repeats How have your twins reacted to things in the past? They will likely follow the same path again this time. You can use this to your advantage to either change the circumstance or react differently to your child. Good Twin, Bad Twin An interesting pattern we’ve seen in our girls is that when one is acting out or upset, the other will all of a sudden be the perfect child. We’ll hear statements like “I not crying” or “I eating my food.” The “good” twin will highlight her own positive behavior that is in stark contrast to her sister. We like to turn this back on the upset twin and pile praise on the well-performing twin. Often, this positive reinforcement persuades the upset twin to calm down and go along whatever is expected of her. What to Do When Both Twins Are Upset How do you prevent your twins from getting upset at the same time? First of all is to observe their behavior. If they’ve gotten upset in the past, in certain circumstances, try your best to avoid those circumstances or to work around them to keep the twins happy. You know experience is the best teacher and you’re going to see how your twins react in different circumstances. That will help you adjust your parenting to not get yourself in the same spot. again where your twins are upset again. For example, what are the most common things that upset both twins? If twin A is holding a particular toy, even if you have two of those same toy, twin B is probably going to want to get to get that toy and steal it from his or her sibling. What does that mean for you? Should you immediately jump into the situation or should you wait to see how your twins try to solve the problem? Take a step back and see how they do at resolving it themselves. If you’re always jumping into solve problems, they’ll never learn those problem-solving skills themselves. If the situation doesn’t pass quickly and they start fighting or start to hurt each other you can step in as a parent. Redirect the kids to an appropriate activity and to be away from each other. Redirection and distraction are powerful techniques, particularly when your kids are really young. Remember that when your twins are doing what you want them to do, pile on the positive praise and attention so they want to keep doing that good thing and get your positive attention. We discovered with our twins that often they did not get upset at the same time. That was a blessing for us as parents because we could help take care of the kid that was upset or crying or hurt or needed something while the other twin was happily playing or sitting in a bouncy seat or rocking and swinging. Remember there will always be times when they are upset at the same time. It’s okay to take turns. Take care of one and then the other. What have you done when both of your twins have been upset? How have you handled that situation? Leave a comment below with what’s worked for you and your twins. Picture by Jill M The post Do Twins Get Upset at the Same Time? (And What You Can Do About It) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Twin pregnancies can get complicated. The nature of carrying two babies can wreak havoc on poor Mom. While there are many common complications of a twin pregnancy, don’t stress out too much about them. Modern medical care can help you overcome most of these. Complications during twin pregnancy consist of those unique to twins plus those regularly associated with any pregnancy like high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, and anemia. However, you may experience complications that are unique to a twin pregnancy or even those related to an identical twin pregnancy. Read about each of these complications below: High Blood Pressure High blood pressure is twice as likely during a twin pregnancy. Your doctor will check on you at each visit to detect this as early as possible. Prevention and treatment for high blood pressure: Avoid salt Exercise regularly Check with your doctor that any medications you are currently taking are safe (for example, a decongestant for a stuffy nose can cause high blood pressure) Always go to prenatal check-ups Eat a diet with lots of fruits and vegetables (just like your Mom told you) Here are some more tips for preventing hypertension (high blood pressure) during your twin pregnancy. For two examples of twin families where Mom had gestational hypertension that lead to their twins being born, see the stories of Jeff Jackson and Stephen Dause. Gestational Diabetes Gestational Diabetes is a form of high blood sugar that affects pregnant women. There are a few things you can do in order to reduce the chances of developing gestational diabetes. Prevention and treatment: Your doctor or nutritionist can provide you with a diet plan that helps keep your blood glucose within the healthy range. Discuss with your doctor any foods to avoid and the timing of your meals. Limit sweets and track your carbohydrate intake. Increase your fiber intake. Stay active. Discuss with your physician the best ways for you to remain active during your pregnancy. Here are some more tips on preventing gestational diabetes. Twin dad RJ Armbruster’s wife had a difficult twin pregnancy where she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes before delivering healthy babies. Anemia Anemia is when your blood doesn’t have enough healthy red blood cells. Because of increased blood flow during pregnancy, your iron levels drop. This is especially true in women carrying more than one fetus. Mild anemia isn’t harmful, but be mindful of taking your supplements. A major symptom of anemia is fatigue (as if you weren’t tired enough!). Prevention and treatment: Anemia is more than twice as common in multiple pregnancies and a little harder to prevent, your healthcare provider will most likely provide you with iron supplements. Twin Pregnancy Complications – First Trimester You might not even find out you are having twins until the end of the first trimester. The common complications of all pregnancies mentioned above are a risk for you here. Miscarriages typically happen in first 12 weeks of pregnancy. There is a chance you might miscarry one or both of the babies this early in the pregnancy. Twin Pregnancy Complications – Second Trimester Preeclampsia during the twin pregnancy is a serious condition of high blood pressure in the mother. Watch for symptoms like a quick rise in blood pressure, protein in the urine, sudden and disproportionate weight gain, and swelling of the face and hands. Many complications discussed here may result in bed rest for mother. Additionally, the strain of two babies on your cervix may be too much and require bed rest. Here are some things to do to more easily manage bed rest during the twin pregnancy. Twin Pregnancy Complications- Third Trimester You’re in the home stretch now but complications continue and additional concerns emerge around when and how your twins will be born. Preterm labor and birth is common with twins. On average they are born around 36 weeks but can arrive much earlier than that. Twins are about 7 times more likely to be born preterm than singletons. Even if you are planning for a natural twin delivery, a Caesarean section (C-section) delivery may be in your future. Twin deliveries have a higher chance of c-section as both twins need to be in the right position for a vaginal birth. There is also the possibility of postpartum preeclampsia which should be detected quickly by hospital staff after the twins’ birth. Here’s one twin dad’s experience with this. Twin Specific Pregnancy Complications One complication unique to identical twins while in the womb is Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome, or TTTS. Only monochorionic twins, or those that share a placenta, are susceptible to TTTS. This is a serious condition where one twin may get too little nutrients and fluid while the other gets too much. Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR), or its specialized form sIUGR occurs when one or both babies don’t grow as expected (one twin’s weight is below the 10th percentile). It is a major complication in all twin types and is a leading cause of twin loss during pregnancy and early delivery. These diagnosis can be scary and overwhelming but twins can and do make it through them. Check out these stories from three twin dads, David Richardson, Aaron Rieder, and Paul Gewuerz whose twins all overcame intrauterine growth restriction. Don’t Get Overwhelmed Yes, there are a lot of common complications during twin pregnancy. However, they won’t all happen to you. In fact, you might not experience ANY of them. Talk to your doctor about how you can prevent these. Do what you can and don’t worry about the rest. If complications arise, learn about them and take action. For more detailed view of what to expect each week of the twin pregnancy, check out this twin pregnancy week by week guide. The post Common Complications During Twin Pregnancy appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

When can you be induced with twins? As a reminder, induction is when the doctor encourages Mom’s uterus to contract and thus start the labor process. Inducing labor may be done via many different methods so talk to your doctor about what that means in your situation. So that begs the question, when is it safe for Mom to be induced to bring those babies into the world? Induction of your twin babies is really up to you and your doctor. You may find that your twins arrive even before you have a conversation about induction. Twins can be born significantly early, particularly when compared to a singleton child. As we have discussed before, twins are born on average at about 36 weeks of the twin pregnancy. Your doctor may be open to inducing Mom anywhere after that 36 week mark. Timing Depends On What Types of Twins In the case of our twin pregnancy, the doctor didn’t want to plan anything until we had reached 38 weeks of the pregnancy. So typically, between 37 and 38 weeks is when the doctor may approve an induction for your twin babies if the twins haven’t already been born by then. The optimal delivery window depends heavily on chorionicity (whether the twins share a placenta): Dichorionic-Diamniotic (Di/Di): Two placentas, two sacs. Safest to deliver between 37 weeks 0 days and 38 weeks 6 days. Monochorionic-Diamniotic (Mo/Di): One placenta, two sacs. Higher risk. Safest to deliver between 34 weeks 0 days and 37 weeks 6 days. Monochorionic-Monoamniotic (Mo/Mo): One placenta, one sac. Highest risk. Delivery is often planned by 32 weeks 0 days to 34 weeks 0 days, often via C-section, due to cord entanglement risk. You’re going to have weekly checkups with a doctor plus probably weekly ultrasounds to see how the babies are doing. The doctor will be very aware of the the growth situation of the twins and of the health of Mom. These frequent check-ups also give indications of how long those babies can make it before it’s time for them to be born. Our girls were born at 36 weeks of the pregnancy. We had gone in just for a regular checkup when we found out that my wife was having contractions and it was time to have the babies. You may find that your twin babies are in no hurry to exit the womb and may then need to be induced a 37-38 weeks. Of course this is a conversation you’ll need to have with your doctor because your doctor best knows Mom’s health condition and baby’s health status and how long those babies can go and still be healthy. Ideally, you want to keep those babies in as long as possible so they can continue to grow and develop (particularly their lung capacity). But once they’re beyond that 36 week mark, they are usually going to be okay and will be healthy and just fine. By 38 weeks, it’s probably time for those babies to be induced and to come out. “Trial of Labor” for Twins The induction for twins (especially Twin A) is often considered a “Trial of Labor” (TOL). The mother will be in the delivery room, not a standard labor room. Once Twin A is born, the doctor will quickly assess Twin B’s position. Labor continues, but often Twin B needs a minor induction (e.g., breaking the second bag of water, a quick dose of Pitocin) to encourage delivery within 15–30 minutes of the first twin. This is a stressful window of time that parents need to be prepared for. A successful vaginal delivery of Twin A does not guarantee a vaginal delivery of Twin B. The second twin has a higher chance of needing an emergency C-section if they flip into a breech position after the first twin has exited. Increased Monitoring During Induction During a twin induction, continuous fetal heart rate monitoring is mandatory for both babies. This means belts or internal monitors will be in place the entire time, which can restrict movement and increase discomfort. Mom will almost certainly need an IV line throughout the induction and labor, as the risk of requiring immediate medical intervention (C-section, blood transfusion) is higher than in a singleton birth. This is non-negotiable for safety. Induction vs. Elective C-Section Since induction carries a slightly higher risk of leading to an emergency C-section for twins, have a detailed discussion in advance with the OB/MFM about which staff members will be on call and what the operating room prep protocol is if the induction fails. This helps manage anxiety during the transition. Twin A needs to be head-down (vertex) for an attempted induction. If Twin A is breech, an elective C-section is the standard, safest route. On your next doctor visit during the twin pregnancy make sure you ask when Mom could be induced if it came to that. You just may hear “38 weeks”. Discuss the details of how that will play out with your partner and the babies. The post When can you be induced with twins? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

If you’re expecting twins and you want to get ready for them it’s important to have a stash of clothes ready to help them transition from the hospital back to your home. Onesies The primary thing that your twins are going to wear as infants or onesies or body suits. Get about 10 of these because that’s going to be the primary thing that your kids are wearing almost every single day. And if they’re not wearing it as a sole piece of clothing, it’s going to go underneath whatever else they’re wearing. These can come with short sleeves, or long sleeves depending on the type of weather that you’re experiencing when your twins are born. Clothing Sets You may also consider getting some newborn clothing sets. These are usually like a shirt and a pair of pants. Get five to six pairs of each of these for your twins, particularly for when you take the kids out in public or to go visit grandma. You definitely want to have a pair of going home from the hospital clothes. Get something super nice, cute, and adorable for your twins to wear on that great ride home from the hospital. Of course you’re getting lots of pictures and then leaving the hospital getting in the car seats for the first time getting the car, taking them out of the car and bringing them in home. And you want to have some cute outfits on them for posterity. But let’s be honest, super fancy and ornate clothing is not going to be what your twins are wearing every single day. As infants, they are going to be having spit ups and blow outs of their diapers and milk spilled on them. It’s going to be a mess. Stick with stuff that can easily be washed. Sleepwear You want to get about 10 pairs of pajamas: five for each twin. Look for things like sleep sacks that have zippers. You don’t want to mess with buttons. Those are just impossible. Zippers would be preferred with snaps as runner ups. Avoid buttons at all costs. A good night suit (footed PJs) will keep your twins nice and warm as they go to sleep at night. Shoes Let’s talk about baby shoes. Infant twins do not need shoes. They are only decoration. Until they start walking around, they don’t really need shoes on your feet. You may have something to keep their feet warm, like some socks or some little shoes, but they’re mostly just decoration so treat them as such. If you’re short on budget, allocate some of the budget you would have spent on some fancy shoes for your twins to more onesies or clothing that you know they can use on a regular basis. Turn Over Remember that with infant twins, you’re going to be doing laundry almost every day. You’ll be churning through these clothes very quickly because your kids are going to need changes multiple times a day. So if you don’t want to do laundry as much, get a few more items of clothing so you have enough for the kids to wear multiple outfits a day. Now as they get older and out of the infant phase, they can become a little more clean and stop blowing out diapers as much. You’ll eventually get down to one outfit that they wear all day plus an emergency outfit in your diaper bag, in case they have an accident while you’re out and about. The post How many clothes do you need for twins? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Twin pregnancies are automatically higher risk than normal pregnancies. To put it simply, having twins increases the odds that something will go wrong during the pregnancy. But that doesn’t mean that moms with twins are doomed to have problems or need to suffer extreme stress worrying about how early can twins be born. Many twins are delivered without any major problems. How Early Can Twins Be Born? How early can you have twins? Twins can be born much earlier than a normal, singleton baby. It’s possible to deliver twins after less than 25 weeks of pregnancy. The earlier twins are born, the higher their risk of developing multiple health problems. The best answer to the question “How early can twins be born?” is “extremely early.” How early can twins be born and survive? Twins born at 25 weeks have a survival rate of at least 50%. This improves with each additional week of the twin pregnancy. What’s a Typical Delivery Time for Twins? When are twins born? The average twin is delivered after 36 weeks of gestation. Contrast that with the average for non-twins: 40 weeks. In other words, twins tend to be delivered a full month earlier than non-twins. When are fraternal twins usually born? When are identical twins usually born? The average week twins are born is 36 regardless of whether they are identical or fraternal. Our twin girls were delivered at 36 weeks but remember that your twin delivery will likely be different. Your OB/GYN might tell you that the ideal time to deliver twins is a little earlier than the due date. This might come as a surprise, but keeping your twins until the actual due date could result in much larger babies and a lot more complications. You will be more at risk to have placental, labor-related, and delivery complications. In addition, if your twins go full term, there will be no room left inside Mom. She will be miserable! Are Twins Always Premature? A premature birth is typically less than 37 weeks. Reports show that more than 60 percent of all twins are delivered prematurely, mostly after about 34 weeks. If you give birth to twins before 32 weeks, your babies are more likely to have a low body weight and the potential for permanent disabilities. Here’s a great week-by-week summary of what to expect with premature babies. Why Are Twins Born Early? Twins are delivered earlier than non-twins largely because of decreased space in the womb. There simply isn’t enough room in most wombs for twins to grow to the size of normal babies before birth. A lot depends on whether the twins are sharing the same placenta or each twin has its own placenta. Twins that share the same placenta are called monochorionic twins. Twins that do not share placentas are called dichorionic twins. All monochorionic twins are identical twins and most dichorionic twins are fraternal twins. (A small fraction of dichorionic twins are also identical twins.) Monochorionic twins have a much higher risk of having problems during pregnancy than dichorionic twins. They typically have shorter gestation times than dichorionic twins. Monochorionic twins do not always share the placenta equally. Sometimes, like in the case of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome one twin receives a lot more blood and oxygen than the other. Because babies that are dichorionic twins have their own placentas, they do not have any placenta-related blood flow problems. Survival Rates Survival rates for twins depend on how long their gestation period was and their birth weight. The longer the gestation period, the better the survival rates. The lower the birth weight, the worse the survival rates. Roughly half of all twins can be classified as low birth weight, 5 lbs 7 oz (2,500 grams) or less. Survival rates for twins between 3 lbs 5 oz and 4 lbs 7 oz (1,500 to 2,000 grams) are quite good. They can be as high as 95%, surprising as this might seem. On the other hand, survival rates for twins less than 2 lbs 3 oz (1,000 grams) are only 70%. That can be frightening to a lot of prospective parents. Fortunately, the vast majority of twins have a birth weight greater than 2 lbs 3 oz when they are delivered. Most pregnant women do not need to worry about their twins being born with birth weights this low. Maximizing Twins’ Chances Women pregnant with twins that do their best to remain in excellent health during pregnancy are less likely to deliver early than pregnant women with poor health during pregnancy. In other words, the mother’s lifestyle can make a real difference. Pregnant women can help their babies by avoiding smoking and alcohol. Smoking in particular greatly increases the risk of babies being born prematurely. A healthy diet rich in fruits and vegetables also helps diminish the risk of complications with pregnancy. Pregnant women that follow a healthy lifestyle do not need to worry as much about how early can twins be born. Be sure to consult with your physician for specific advice on your twin pregnancy. Discuss Options Since many twins are born prematurely, you should start discussing the birth options with your midwife or doctor during the early stages of pregnancy. Due to the riskier nature of your twin pregnancy and upcoming delivery, you’ll be having frequent visits to the obstetrician. During these visits, all the aspects related to your twin pregnancy, labor, and delivery will be monitored carefully. Ask your doctor when is it safe to deliver twins based on your situation and health of both Mom and babies. In many cases, twins have to spend time in the NICU. This is particularly true if your twins arrive very early. Even if the twins are delivered near full term, your babies might have to stay in the hospital a little longer than normal. The bottom line is that it is impossible to predict if your twins will be born early. You need to prepare for that possibility and discuss your options with your medical provider. While you can do the best you can during the pregnancy, don’t blame yourself if your twins are born early. It is normal for twins to arrive early and they may just do that regardless of mom’s health or best efforts. Still wondering how to prepare for your twins? I cover specific things you should know and prepare for in my Dad’s Guide to Twins book. Learn more about the book here. Picture by Jeremy Miles The post How early can twins be born? (What to expect with your twin delivery) appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

Episode 275 of the Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast Show Notes Today we continue our father of twins interview series with Paul Gewuerz, father of twin boys. Listen as we explore his twin parenting journey, including: Ultrasound surprise of twins after thinking they had miscarriage Visiting with a high risk specialist. One baby not growing as fast as other Weekly ultrasounds to determine what was going on with Baby A At 24 weeks, had to go across state to get MRI so see what was wrong with baby. Babies had IUGR Checked in at hospital so Mom could be monitored three times a day Handling work and insurance when they had to go to hospital Dad’s experience during the twin birth at 30 weeks Babies were in NICU right away with Baby B intubated for oxygen Lived in Ronald McDonald house while twins in NICU for about 3 months One baby out of NICU for month before his brother Crawling and vocal at this point Twins interacting with each other and playing together Connect with Paul via email. Get a free month of Paul’s Movement and Meals newsletter here: https://movementandmeals.substack.com/twindad Podcast Transcript This is auto-generated so please forgive any mistakes. Joe 0:36 Today, we’re continuing discussion with another twin dad who shares his experience. From the time they found out they were having twins up to now with their 11 month old twin boys, and they’ve had some crazy ups and downs, getting the boys here healthy into this point of the journey. Plus this twin dad came up with a very clever system to help make sure he’s managing his time with exercise and food wisely. And he shares a resource with you towards the end of the podcast. So stay tuned for that. Today, I would like to welcome to the show fellow father of twins, Paul Gewuerz. Welcome to the show, Paul. Paul 1:15 Thanks for having me, Joe. Joe 1:16 Paul, how old are your twins right now. And what’s something exciting about this age? Paul 1:22 The boys are 11 months and two days old. And I guess an exciting part right now is one of our boys has been slightly behind developmentally than the other one. And they’ve he’s kind of caught up. And they’re kind of in the same phase now. So they’re just playing together so much more laughing at each other. And just, it’s just really hilarious to watch and interact with them both my wife and I with them also. It’s been pretty fun lately. Joe 1:52 Yeah, that is fun when they have you know, they start interacting with each other and with you, and they’re smiling and playing. It’s not so funny that you ever know 11 months. Let’s rewind back to when you found out that you’d be having twins. What was your family situation like at that time? Paul 2:08 Just my wife and I and our dog. We had no prior children. And we had been planning on having a baby for a while. So you know, we were kind of caught off guard when they were when we found out it was twins. Actually, there’s a bit of a story behind that when we first found out they were twins. We were actually visiting my wife’s mother who had been diagnosed with lung cancer last the beginning of last year. And you know, we were she was kind of starting to deteriorate a little bit, go downhill with her illness. And we had just found out that we were pregnant, and we’re up visiting her in Montana. And the last night before we left if it wasn’t emotional enough already, you know, us leaving. My wife started having, you know, some issues and we were convinced that we had had a miscarriage and we were pretty much devastated. We didn’t tell anybody obviously, we hadn’t even told anybody we were pregnant. And you know, we got on a plane the next day just convinced we lost the pregnancy, flew back had a layover, a long day of traveling, got back to our hometown and decided to get to the hospital, you know, to get an ultrasound. And we’d been you know, in airplanes and lay overs all day, pretty depressed about the situation. And we got in there, you know to verify and she goes, Okay, are you ready? The ultrasound tech? And like okay, yeah, just go ahead and our head heads hung low. She goes, there’s one and two. And the reaction I believe my wife’s reaction was just seriously that she kind of blurted that out in the ultrasound room, and then we both just kind of started laughing. It was just such an absurd thing to learn. And, you know, it kind of went from a very low low to A shocking new reality that we had to adjust to and then you know, once we kind of got it in our heads that it was twins, we started getting really excited about the the, the adventure ahead. Joe 4:14 Yeah, that is quite the swing of emotions there. Just 24 hours it would seem. So the twins were a huge surprise for you. So what were some of the things that you decided to do right away when you found out that you were pregnant with the boys? Paul 4:30 Nesting, I guess, you know, trying to prepare a nursery and everything reading up on, you know, first time parents stuff, twin stuff in particular, you know, finding out where to get to have everything. And also at that time, this is the beginning of 2021 Spring 2021 We had just gotten married the year before, during, you know 20 The summer of 2020. We had a small ceremony with just immediate family so Also, during all of this, we were also preparing our bigger wedding ceremony that we’d already paid for pretty much. And that was actually the Friday after. The story I just told a minute ago was on a Monday when we found out it was twins. And then our big wedding ceremony was that Friday, and we couldn’t share any of this with anyone because it was still pretty early on. So we were also, you know, finished putting the finishing touches on our big wedding ceremony, which, by the way, went off without a hitch. And it was a big, fun party for everyone involved. But yeah, you know, overall, probably normal. First time parents stuff, being shocked, we had to get to have everything and just, you know, getting our house ready for two babies. Joe 5:41 So how did your wife do with the pregnancy? Or does she have any complications? Paul 5:44 Pretty typical, she felt not great at first, you know, just couldn’t keep a lot of foods down. You know, some issues with that, you know, after the first trimester or so she started feeling better. And she started looking pregnant, you know. So I should also mention in our story, it’s sort of a bit of a downer, sometimes, shortly after the wedding. And we found out, we actually my wife’s mother actually passed away from her brief battle with cancer, which was very traumatic time, the silver lining there, we were able to tell her before she passed, we were having twins. And the look on her face, you know, I will never forget that she had had twins. My wife’s older siblings are boy girl, fraternal twins. And so we were able to, you know, tell her that and it was, and we told the rest of the family at that time also after her passing. So it was a nice little kind of glimmer of hope, and, you know, life in a dark time, to, you know, just share with the family. Anyway, shortly after that the pregnancy was going pretty well. In August, my wife had had some previous medical issues, nothing too serious. But we’re and with the twins, we were going to maternal fetal fetal medicine, that maternal fetal medicine, kind of a high risk specialists. And they started getting a little concerned in August, that one of the babies was just not growing very well, which was kind of concerning, and they just wanted to keep an eye on it. So we had to start going to get ultrasounds every week or two, I believe, for that month, the very end of August, we went in and you know, the baby had not grown at all really, and they were very concerned at that point. They didn’t know what it was they, they were concerned, it could be a genetic issue with the baby, or, you know, some other problem along those lines, it was very scary. We found all this out the day before our babymoon to Chicago to try. So you know, we tried to enjoy that. But you know, it was kind of weighing heavy on our minds. Going forward from there. We had to start going to get an ultrasound about every week to kind of really figure out what was going on with Baby A. All through August, September. And, you know, they still couldn’t find out much the baby wasn’t growing that much. The other baby was also small, but not considerably for, you know, twins. Finally, we wound up we’re on the western side of Colorado. With guidance from our doctor, we headed out to Denver on the other side of the state to the Children’s Hospital, to have an MRI of my wife to see exactly, they can see much better detail in MRI, what was going on with the baby. So we went out there, you know, we did that that wasn’t a very fun experience for my wife either being uncomfortably pregnant in a tiny MRI tube. If anyone’s ever done that. They know how that goes. But we had a consult with their team of specialists after that. And the good news, I guess was there were no like genetic issues or anything along those lines. What most of the doctors from what they could tell was that it was just a case of IUGR, which is intrauterine growth restriction. So basically, the baby’s placenta had not attached correctly, so he just wasn’t getting good blood flow and nutrients. You know, and that’s just why he wasn’t growing enough and keeping up with his brother. At the time, I think we were at 24 weeks of pregnancy, and they you know, they basically told us, you know, at this stage, we’re not going to be able to save these babies, if they have to come out they’re just not developed enough or they would highly recommend against it. And the other thing to keep in mind is you can’t take one baby out, they’re both gonna have to come out if they have to go in for a C section. So you know, this was just kind of absorbing all this and they said, you know, if we make You make it to, I can’t remember, I think it was 25 weeks, they have a much better chance the lungs develop better and everything if they have to come out by emergency C section. So, you know, we kind of waited and you know, hoped and prayed and kept going to see the MFM doctor’s for ultrasounds, and the baby’s blood flow just kept hanging in there, it wasn’t great, but you know, he made it. And we finally got to that date. And we said, Okay, at this points, we will, as they say, intervene, if the baby starts trending down and take them both out to give baby a chance, Joe 10:36 just point you didn’t, your wife didn’t have any preterm labor or anything like that. It was all based on the progress that the boys were making, right? Paul 10:43 This exactly, it was just based on their progress, basically. And she had, she had almost zero issues throughout the pregnancy, she, you know, after the first trimester, so she felt pretty great. She was fine. When we finally talked to the doctors, and they said, you know, we’re gonna have to monitor this baby about three times a day, to check on the heart rates. And you can either check into the hospital three times a day, or just, you know, check in and live in the hospital, which is what we finally wound up doing. And we checked in in the beginning of November 2021. And basically lived in the hospital, my wife, my wife was monitored three times a day to watch baby’s heart rates. So that’s kind of how the tail end of the pregnancy went. Joe 11:25 Was it still at the hospital far from home? Or was it still in your hometown? Paul 11:28 Yes, yes. So we left our home on my wife’s birthday, just before Halloween last year. And you know, for we didn’t know what laid ahead, we went across the Rocky Mountains, I, we came from Denver before. So we had family there, my family’s there, that’s where the dog stayed. And my wife checked into the Children’s Hospital in Denver, and I basically slept on the couch in the room, whether, yeah, and we just went forward from there. It’s just a much, it’s a much larger hospital with better, you know, resources and doctors than where we were in a more rural setting on the western side of the state. Joe 12:05 How did you handle work commitments or commitments back home, when you have to head out to Denver. Paul 12:11 So fortunately, I am self employed, and I work from home. So I’m as flexible as I need to be my wife. My wife job was great. They she’s highly valued. They’re, you know, she was a team leader. And they worked with us a lot with her, you know, trying to work from the hospital and everything it turned out to be like, it was, we thought she’d be able to get, you know, a decent amount of work done. It was just impossible with the amount of medical nurses coming in and out constantly, her being monitored for an hour, three times a day. And but they were great. And they worked with us. And you know, let her keep her job, basically, and keep that income coming in and, and keep our insurance, which was very fortunate at the time. Joe 12:59 Yeah, how was insurance situation? Was it helping to cover this extensive care she needed? Paul 13:04 Yes, actually, that actually went pretty smoothly. I was a little worried going into it, but she had pretty good insurance through her employer. And we didn’t have to worry a whole lot about that. We were very fortunate in that aspect of the whole ordeal. Joe 13:20 That’s great. How long was she in the hospital, I mean, monitored before the boys needed to be born. Paul 13:27 So we checked in in the beginning, I believe, November 4, the beginning of November, coming up on a year ago. And it was wound up being a little over three weeks that she was in there. We’d gotten to a point where we had set a date in December to take the boys out at I believe 32 Weeks was what we were shooting for. We had a scheduled C section. What wound up happening was on the 22nd, she was doing her daily monitoring. And the doctor came in and you know, which wasn’t uncommon. And he said, You know, I don’t really like the way the baby’s heart rate is trending. We’re just gonna keep a closer eye on it today. And throughout the afternoon, we started seeing more people coming in and normal and you know, kind of raised our awareness to the situation. And then finally, the anesthesiologist came in to ask my wife if she had any allergies. And we’re like, Well, this is new. We haven’t met any anesthesiologist before. And that’s when the doctor came in. This is about 4:30pm. And he said, Look, the baby started trending the wrong way his heart rates. We’re gonna have these babies out at 530 in an hour. And that was about the forewarning. We had my my mom had been down. Have lunch with us earlier in the day and going on a walk with us. And I called her and I said the babies are coming and she she was on the way home about 45 minutes away and was at the grocery store and she actually wound up just leave Getting her full grocery cart and turning around and coming back to the hospital. And that’s kind of how that all went down. But to your original question, we were there for about three weeks before that whole ordeal before the day that they were born. Joe 15:13 So the boys made it to about 30 weeks. Paul 15:17 They made it to 3030 weeks. Yes. Joe 15:19 Okay, so yeah, the anesthesiologist should probably should have been the right order. The doctor should have told you about that first, but the anesthesiologist don’t mess around, right? They they want all the deets about you and mom and babies to make sure everything goes smoothly. So Paul 15:35 yes, and he was actually great. He was a very calming presence in the, you know, emergency C section room, the anesthesiologist, we appreciated that a lot. Yes, Joe 15:46 yeah. When my wife had her C section, I was sitting up by her head and the anesthesiologist was like, right next to me. And my wife said, so he was he was like the only doctor I can actually talk to during delivery because the OBGYN was on the other side of the curtain doing doing her thing. So tell us a little bit about the birth of your boys. You know, what was the experience like for you? How did you How were you able to participate? Paul 16:10 So like I said, in store before, I’d have my mom come around, I also called my wife sister who lived about three hours away and said, you know, these babies are coming. So she was on the way. At that point, my wife was being prepped for surgery. I got in, you know, my cool scrubs and feet covers and hat and everything. And they took us down to the operating room. And they said here, you wait in this room, and we will come get you in about 10 minutes when we’re ready. And they took her into a room with about 20 people and bright lights. Well, I sat across the hallway and it was I if I had had a blood pressure cuff on, I don’t know what it would have been for those 10 minutes, but it felt more like an hour and a half than 10 minutes. Finally, you know, they got her prepped and they brought me in and it was just like you said I was sitting with my wife who was actually shockingly calm. She was in a very Zen state. And I me and her and the anesthesiologist were there and there were two of these specialist Dobies on the other side of the curtain. And they said, you know they got started. Baby A, the tiny one came out first. The tiniest little cry. And we weren’t even worried they were so tiny. And so early. We didn’t even expect him to cry. It was kind of shocking. Both of us we kind of couldn’t believe it. And, you know, they let me see him. And then they took baby be out. It was also tiny, but not quite as tidy. And he was also crying. And I got to see him over the curtain. At that point, they took me there was like a separate room kind of connected to the main surgical surgical room with some ventilators and they had basically an entire crew for each baby, because they were so small. So they took me over there to see them. And while there’s a crew, about five people checking on them and everything, and they seem to be doing pretty well. They’re breathing on their own, they were so tiny, and everything. Then I went back to my wife, you know, they started finishing that process, stitching her up and everything and I stayed with her. It’s a whole little fuzzy, you know, it’s a kind of crazy experience all this especially with like so little warning of it happening about an hour’s notice. At some point, they took my wife back to the room, and I went with the babies down to the NICU, which was on the other side of the hall we were on. And I stayed with them for a while they stabilized. There’s a lot going on. They’re really tiny that a lot of stuff on and fine when I you know they were stable and good. I went back to my wife who was still recovering from surgery down there and kind of spent the afternoon going back and forth. between her and the babies before she was finally cleared to head down to meet them also. But that time was about midnight, by the time we had seen them. She had met them and we got to you know, get some sleep, get some rest and get some food for my wife. Joe 19:03 Did she get to see them or hold them or touch them at all in the operating room. Paul 19:08 They lifted one of Baby B was less of a concern over the like the curtain to see. So she did see them briefly. And then she didn’t get to see them again until a few hours later when I was able to take her in that wheelchair down there to meet him and then we were able to kind of hang out they each had their own rooms at that point in the NICU. You know, just to really watch them and everything. And actually, I forgot to mention baby bee that first night who was less of a concern he actually wound up having to be intubated and had a breathing you know apparatus put down as his little nose. So he actually had a little rougher time right at the get go. But that came out pretty shortly after But in answer your question, yeah, my wife. She got to see them briefly and then a few hours later, and then the following days we were able to you know spend a lot more time with them. Joe 19:59 He meant No, they were really small. How big were they? Paul 20:02 So Baby B. Levi, the big one was two pounds, 13 ounces. And Max Baby A was one pound 10 ounces. When he was born, they were so tiny, they could easily they’re kinda like I describe it as one of the kind of skinny water bottles that you get that was about like the shape and size of them. Joe 20:24 So your boys are born there in the NICU, it seems like they’re stable. What were some of the challenges in the NICU, some things that they had to overcome before they could be ready to come home. Paul 20:35 So first of all, they were so tiny and so premature as we knew it was going to be a while. So my wife got to stay in the room. We were originally in for two or three days. And then we were released. And we checked into the Ronald McDonald House, which is if anybody doesn’t know it’s a charity for, it’s basically a free place to stay for people with kids in the children’s hospital. It’s a glorified hotel room, and it’s about a mile from the hospital. So we were staying there and bouncing back and forth to the NICU several times a day. So they were born November 22, leave I was staying in stayed in until late January. And Max stayed until the day before my birthday. So February 21, so about three months, all in all, in the NICU. And it was, you know, in hindsight, it’s everything turned out, okay. But they even warned us going into the NICU life, they’re like, this is gonna be a roller coaster, you know, and as soon as you’re like, Okay, smooth sailing, everything’s fine, there’d be another scare or concern. Max, the tiny baby actually wound up having to get an infection around Christmas time, and even had to get like a spinal tap to make sure it hadn’t spread. And you know, they’re very scary moments like that. And then concerns like, Oh, we don’t like his kidney function, or this and that, and most of the things resolved, but it’s, it is a roller coaster. My advice for anybody facing along NICU stay is just strap in, and, you know, stay engaged with the doctors and, you know, they’re very experienced at, you know, getting your baby out healthy and, you know, in a good place. But you know, it was a wild time in life to be living in there. Another challenge with the NICU was Levi got out in late January. And we had him just one baby that we took back and forth to Ronald McDonald house every day for about a month. And that was an extremely challenging time, because it was our first time with a baby on our own. We take him to the NICU everyday and put them back, they left the left that crib in there for him. And then we take him back to the Ronald McDonald House, which is just a hotel room, and, you know, try and sleep there. So we wound up doing shifts early on there. But you know, unlike a house, you can’t even take the baby to the next room or anything. If one person is trying to sleep, we’re just in this small space with our tiny baby, you know, trying to comfort him and feed him and everything. So it was an interesting learning experience for first time parents. Then when Max did get out in February, we were able to you know, they’re mostly healthy. Max was on oxygen when he was released. That’s just because he was so small, they wanted him to you know, not spend calories trying to breathe. And we’re also in Colorado, so our home is at 6000 feet, altitude. So it’s actually a pretty common thing for smaller babies. And that was kind of, you know, our trip through the NICU. I could, I’m sure I could tell plenty of stories and take up all your time all day. But that that’s a rough overview of you know, our experience there. Joe 23:49 So just like a typical day in the NICU for you. How did you kind of schedule your time in the NICU or out of the NICU with with your son who had already made it out? Paul 24:02 So once Levi got out, we would both wake up about I started remember now that’s six or seven with the baby six I believe because we would get tried to get all three of us to the hospital by I believe eight was cares when we got the you know, change Max’s diaper and rounds would come around to talk to the doctors and all the nurses and see you know, the kind of game plan and when it changed, we’d sometimes take turns heading back to the Ronald McDonald House to try and get a nap or you know, run short, you know, get food. Any chores that had to be done. And then one of us would take, we would both head back with Levi, before dinnertime, back to the Ronald McDonald House, spent a little time there trying to get him down to sleep. And then every other day one of us would go back to see Max at about 7pm for the nighttime cares And, you know, just spend time with him read to hold him. And finally head back around 930 or 10 to try and get some sleep. And, you know, that was every day for about three months, you know, seven days a week. And that was, yeah, I would say that’s a typical day in the life. I should also mention, actually, now that I think of it, that, you know, this is 2021. And it was still COVID protocols with a lot of these places. So we weren’t allowed, it was only US allowed in the hospital with the babies. And we weren’t allowed anybody in the Ronald McDonald House either, which was an added challenge the you know, my mom or somebody couldn’t come and just help us with the baby for a while, it was basically just us and the NICU nurses with the babies for pretty much the duration. Joe 25:50 So you’d actually get released and get to go home. I know, I was nervous driving from the hospital to my house. And that was like a five minute drive. So tell us about that. Getting the money back home from Denver back to the other side of the state. Paul 26:02 Yeah, it was, it was an adventure, we. So we first took the babies to my parents house, which was about 45 minutes up into the mountains from where we had been staying. And we stayed there. I think for just a night, it may have been two nights kind of fuzzy now, in preparation to drive for the big drive, which it’s about a five or six hour drive from their house, to our house. So we prepped and the weather was pretty good, which was fortunate. And we drove over the Rocky Mountains over I-70. In February, like I said, luckily, it was good weather, we didn’t have much snow or anything, we actually stopped to feed the babies because they were eating every three hours. I think at that point in a think it was a Wendy’s on the side of the highway. And I should mention my mom actually came with us to stay with us for a bit. So she was helping, which was a huge help. We made it back that normal five hour drive is more like seven hours, probably seven or eight, we got home to our house. And and this is the real kicker of our ordeal we got home, we’ve been looking forward to it for months after making the drive, you know, and we got into the house turn the heater up because it hadn’t had it set a little low over the winter of since we weren’t there. And we start noticing just mouse droppings everywhere in our house. And I kind of looked around. And I mean, our house had become infested with mice of 100 year old house and we were gone for you know, months, and they’d found a warm place. And I mean, I can’t explain how we were about this. We’re terrified of you know, the mouse droppings in the house. And we wanted to tagging the boys back up after our big seven or eight hour drive and checking into a daze in at about 9pm where we had to spend the nights. And we actually then wound up having to stay with my very gracious friends who live in town here. And they let us stay with them for about a week while my wife took shifts coming to the house to completely rip our house apart, clean everything up set mousetraps and you know, put it all back together. So it was an added week after that before we were finally settled in to the house. So that was a bit of an extended answer on just to drive home. But I just that was just the cherry on top of the whole ordeal. Joe 28:28 Life wasn’t as crazy, you know, just with twins. So you have to throw in an extra extra level challenge. Wow. So you get the boys home, you’re getting back into your routine. How did things go with like a sleep routine and feeding were able to was wife breastfeeding, and we formula feeding what was working for you. Paul 28:48 She was not breastfeeding. But she was pumping and we were feeding them almost entirely breast milk. One fortunate thing of the whole ordeal was my wife found that being a great milk producer. So we just recently actually started getting him on on to mostly formula just now. The routine The nice thing about being in the NICU for so long was they were kind of automatically sleep trained. It was such a military schedule in there. So that wasn’t too much of a challenge. You know, they slept pretty regularly. As any twin dad or twin parent can tell you the first couple of months are basically a blur. There was not much sleep. And I’m sure you know the struggle just not a lot of sleep. Dealing with the babies all the time. We were fortunate to have my mom there at first and then Aaron’s father and just family helped out a lot. But yeah, the routine worked itself out eventually it got easier after a few months. But you know, it’s still kind of a blur those first few months at home with the boys. Joe 29:47 So now that they’re about 11 months, what are some of the milestones they’ve reached at this point? Paul 29:53 Um, you know, they’re both crawling a lot. They both are very vocal. They like to speak their minds. I don’t know what They’re saying yet, they’ve recently both started standing on things and even walking, you know, with their arm on something lately, we’ve been feeding them a lot. One of them has really taken to food. He loves it, Levi. Max is not so sure that you really liked orange foods I’ve noticed butternut squash, carrots, oranges. Those are two big ones that we’ve had recently. And they’re both starting to sleep a lot more now, which is amazing. You know, Levi has slept through the night, I think four times this week, and I think Max twice. So we’re now taking shifts of who gets up in the night. So we each gets, hopefully an undisturbed night of sleep every other night. And that is an absolute game changer lately. Joe Oh, yes. Yeah. Oh yeah. Sleep is, uh, you don’t know how much you, you need it until it’s not there. So yes. I’m glad you’re getting in. Good, good routine there. Have there been any lingering health issues or size differences between your boys? Paul Um, so when they were born, like I said, they were about a pound apart, two pounds, 13 ounces and one pound, 10 ounces. And they have stayed one pound apart. Like to this day, um, I think Levi’s about 14 and a half, and max is about 13 and a half pounds. So other than just being tiny, they don’t have many health issues. They’re pretty healthy. Um, Max was on oxygen for a bit that came off about a month or two after we got home. Actually, uh, max is on thyroid medication. Uh, there was something in the NICU that came up. Uh, his thyroid was hypothyroidism, so it was underactive, which I’m glad they caught cuz it’s very easily treatable. So he takes a little pill every day. Um, but hopefully he may be able to come off of that in the next six months or so. But other than that, pretty healthy little guys. That’s. That’s the only real issue, which isn’t a huge deal. So Paul, thank you for sharing your story with us so far. If, if listers want to reach out and connect with you, um, what’s the best way to do? So you can email me anytime. My email is paulGewuerz at gmail.com. Uh, I’d also like to share through this whole ordeal as you or any twin parent knows. Systems are absolute key. And one thing my wife Act and I started doing, which we’ve done before, but it’s much more important now with the twin. Is scheduling out all of our exercises and meal planning. Um, and I actually turned that into a newsletter called Movement and Meals on the sub stack platform. So it, you basically receive a equipment free quick workout and a dinner plan and grocery list every day of the week. And that’s been huge for staying somewhat healthy. And uh, so if anybody wants to check that out, it’s movement and meals dot sub stack.com. And , like I said before, those first few months are an absolute blur. Any twin parents out out there in the throws of newborn, preemie or uh, twin babyhood, uh, I’d love to offer ’em a free month of the newsletter. So just go to https://movementandmeals.substack.com/twindad I’d love to offer a free month to anybody out there listening cause it would’ve been much needed for us at the time. I know. Joe Well thank you for that offer. Yeah, and I’ll, for all the listeners, I’ll link up to that in the show notes for this episode so you can check out that newsletter and get your free month because we all need a little bit of help in those early, early weeks and months with twins. Paul For sure. Joe So Paul, thank you so much for sharing your story with us today. We really appreciate. Paul Thank you for having me on, Joe. It was a pleasure. Joe Hope you enjoyed that conversation with Paul about his adventures as a father of twins. How they miraculously made it through some challenges, uh, with the health of their boys, uh, with premature delivery, lots of time in the nicu, how they survived being so far away from home, and how they’ve gotten into a good routine from then on out. Again, I’ll link up to the resource that Paul mentioned in the show notes for this episode over at twindadpodcast.com. If you’d like to share your story like Paul did today, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out to me via email, [email protected], or you can reach out to me on Instagram or Twitter @twindadjoe, and I would love to hear from you. If you’re still expecting twins, make sure you check out my book, Dad’s Guide to Twins: How to Survive The Twin Pregnancy and Prepare for Your Twins. You can get a copy of this book for yourself over at twindadbook.com. Thank you so much for listening, and I’ll see you next time.   Subscribe to the Podcast To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below: iTunes (for your iPhone, iPad, iPod, etc.) Stitcher Subscribe via RSS (non-iTunes feed) Share Your Thoughts Please let me know what you think of this episode of the podcast, you can contact me with any questions or comments or leave a comment on the blog. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help other parents of twins find the show! Download the Podcast Download the podcast in .mp3 format (right click and “save as…”) The post Premature Twins, 3 Months in the Ronald McDonald House & more with Paul Gewuerz – Podcast 275 appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

How long your twins will stay in the hospital after birth depends on your twins’ health at their time of birth. Let’s talk about a couple scenarios. Healthy Babies Expect around nine to 25 days after birth if your twins need to spend some time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). But remember, that not all twins need time in the NICU. Let’s talk about the first ideal situation, which is when your twins are born, they’re super healthy and they’re ready to go home. If your twins are born close to your due date or the average for twins, that’s 36 weeks of the pregnancy, the odds are pretty good that they will not need any time in the NICU and they can go home with mom. Your stay in the hospital in this case is going to be very short, and it’s often dictated by how long mom needs to stay in the hospital to recover from delivery. This could be as little as two or three days or maybe three or four days if mom has had a c-section. This was the case with our twin girls. My wife had a c-section delivery for our twin girls and she was in the hospital for about four days. Our girls were healthy, and so when mom was ready to come home from the hospital, the babies and mom were all released at the same time. Now that’s really the ideal scenario for you and your twins a few days after birth. Everybody’s looking great and you head home. Complicated Extreme On the opposite side of the spectrum, your twins may be born very early, which is a possibility with twins, but it doesn’t always happen that way. In case of premature birth, they may have some serious complications that require an extended stay in the hospital. Twins have been known to stay in the hospital for months so they can have the needed surgeries and give them time to grow and develop enough to leave all the machines of the NICU. It’s likely that your twins will fall somewhere in the middle of these extremes. Make sure you discuss potential risks with your doctor during ultrasounds as you get closer and closer to the twins’ birth. Sometimes things can be identified during the pregnancy, so you, during the ultrasound or visits with a doctor, you may get a heads up that there may be potential complications at birth, which could indicate your twins may need to spend more time in the hospital. Otherwise, you just need to wait until they’re born to see how they check out and whether they’re ready to come home with you in a few days, or if they need a little extra time in the hospital. Your exact scenario and situation with your twins will be different than mine and from other twin parents you know. I’ve interviewed dozens and dozens of twin dads on my podcast, The Dad’s Guide to Twins Podcast so checkout their stories to get a hint at all the different variations of what could be possible with the birth of your twins. There are many possibilities of how long your twins will be in the hospital after birth. For example: Twins go home right away once mom is ready to leave Twins are in the hospital for months while they get the treatment that they need to survive in the real world One twin needs to stay in the hospital while the other twin comes home with you Twins stay in the hospital just for a few days or weeks. Sometimes twins are born early and they just need to grow and develop a little bit. There’s really nothing wrong with them other than that. While all of these are possibilities, I don’t want you to worry about some of these extreme scenarios because that may not happen to your twins. Discuss those possibilities with your doctors, but don’t stress out about them, and when new information comes your way from your doctor, that’s when you can deep dive into the research on that and talk about options with your doctors. For when you’re packing your bag to go to the hospital, I would plan for a stay of three to four days, and then you might just be coming home with the twins at the end of that time. If they’re going to stay a little bit longer, you can come home with mom and then go and check on the twins as they progress through the NICU. NICU Exit Criteria Your twins will need to pass several tests to be released from the NICU: Maintain Temperature: The twin must be able to maintain its own body temperature in an open crib (not an incubator). Successful Feeds: The twin must be able to coordinate suck, swallow, and breathe during feeding (either breast or bottle). Stable Breathing/Heart Rate: The twin must have stable cardiorespiratory function, meaning no significant bradycardia (slow heart rate) or apnea (pauses in breathing) for a predetermined period (often 5–7 days). The goal is usually to reach a weight of at least 4 pounds (approx. 1800-2000g) before meeting these criteria. For some examples from other twin dads about their NICU stays, check out these interviews: Rob Kaercher’s identical twin boys, born early, required NICU care for about three weeks due to bilirubin level issues and bruising. One week was in the main NICU, and two weeks were in the “feed and grow” section. Patrick Edgett’s twins required about one month of NICU care James Bethe’s identical twin boys, born at 29 weeks due to twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, spent approximately two months in the NICU. Tony Rowe’s fraternal twin girls; one twin (Olivia) stayed in the NICU for about 11 hours, the other (Adeline) for 11 days due to irregular breathing. Peter Esbrandt’s identical twin girls, born early, spent 34 days in the NICU. Andy Shaw had twins born at 31 weeks, required NICU time following delivery. Chris Barry’s triplets (identical twin boys and a fraternal girl), born early, spent about four weeks in the NICU as “feeders and growers.” Steve Idlett’s twins spent time in the NICU, with the added challenge of the NICU being far from home. Ian Sadler’s fraternal twin boys; one twin (Landen) spent three weeks in the NICU, and the other (Luke) spent five weeks due to bradycardia, with one twin requiring a heart monitor at home. Kyle Mongold had one twin (Garret) spent one day in the NICU as a precautionary measure after birth at 32 weeks. Christos Xidias had fraternal twin boys, born at about 35 weeks, spent time in the NICU; one twin came home after just under a month, while the other required two months due to breathing issues and craniosynostosis. Chris Titus’ fraternal twins; daughter spent ten days in the NICU due to a cleft palate, blood sugar issues, and feeding challenges, while the son did not require NICU care. The post How long do newborn twins stay in the hospital? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

What should I pack in my hospital bag for twins? Dad, you may be called upon to pack Mom’s bag for the hospital if you’re caught unprepared early in the twin pregnancy. I’m going to share some things that my wife found very helpful in her hospital bag when we were having our twins, plus some things that you, Dad, can pack to help survive the hospital stay as well. Your Paperwork Make sure you have all of your paperwork. This may include: The birth plan you’ve discussed with your doctor Hospital admission forms Health Insurance Card Clothing for Mom The hospital will have clothing for Mom, but it won’t be the most comfortable clothing. It’ll usually be a gown, the typical open-in-back hospital gown. You want Mom to feel as comfortable as is possible as she recovers from the birth of the babies and possibly from her C-section. Pack her robe that she likes to wear around the house. Add some nice cozy slippers because the hospital floors are notoriously cold and hard. That’ll help her as she moves around the room and she goes back and forth from bed to the restroom, or as she walks up and down the hallways as she recovers from delivery. Bedding Next is to think about what is on the hospital bed to help Mom be as comfortable as possible for both sleeping and breastfeeding. Here’s where a twin pillow may be very handy to position the twins around Mom for breastfeeding simplicity. We really enjoyed our Bobby pillows that we used with our twin girls. You may consider taking one or both of those to the hospital to support the twins during feeding time. Mom may also enjoy having an eye mask for sleeping. Hospital rooms are never dark. People are constantly coming in and out. If she can have and eye mask, it can help her get moments of sleep that she needs between interruptions from the nurses or the babies. Pump Supplies If you’ve already purchased a breast pump, either a manual pump or a machine, bring that with you to the hospital so you can get the hang of it while there’s others around to help you. Maybe there’s a lactation consultant at the hospital or the nurses can help you get accustomed to the equipment that you have. Record All the Moments You want to record all of the events of your twin’s birth and those cute, adorable newborn infants. These images and video will be for posterity’s sake, for the grandparents, and for you to embarrass the twins at their weddings some time in the future. While your smartphone may be good enough to take video and pictures of your twins, you may also consider having a standalone point and shoot camera that you can easily hand off to somebody to take pictures or video. But worse come to worse, your smartphone should be fine to use. Just make sure you bring your chargers and cables. Camp Gear for Dad Dad, if you’re gonna be spending some time at the hospital, particularly those first few days after the twins are born, make sure you bring something to help you sleep. The couches in recovery rooms are notoriously hard. When I went to the hospital for my twins delivery, I made sure that I had a pillow, a sleeping bag, and an inflatable mattress (like we take camping) to make sure that I was as comfortable as possible while in the room with my wife and our girls. Snacks Take some food that you can snack on to keep your energy levels up. Mom will be receiving food from the hospital under doctor’s orders. But Dad, you may want some extra food and snacks to take care of yourself. This way you’re not always having to run down to the cafeteria of the hospital and who knows what you’ll find there to eat. For the Twins The hospital have really cheap onesies that the twins will wear along with swaddling blankets. But you can’t take these items home with you. Pack several receiving blankets for your twins, a couple pairs of onesies, and some super cute clothes for them to wear as they come home from the hospital. Don’t forget your car seats. Your hospital will not let you come home with the babies unless they have car seats. That’s one of the primary checks to see if your twins are ready to leave – that they properly fit in the car seats. Hopefully this has been helpful in giving you some ideas of what you need to pack in your hospital bag for twins, both Mom, Dad, and the twins themselves. What would you add to your hospital bag? The post What should I pack in my hospital bag for twins? appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.

As a father of twins, you want to bond with your twins and build a strong, lasting relationship. The key to this bond with your twins is to spend one-on-one time with each of them individually. If you spend all your time with both twins, your attention will be divided. Remember that your twins are individuals and each has his or her own personality and quirks. Bonding with Infant Twins The best time to bond with infant twins is when you are helping with their daily necessities. Take the opportunity when you are feeding, changing diapers, or dressing your twins to talk with them and focus on them individually. When our twin girls were still infants, I loved to take turns feeding each one. As they slowly drank their bottles, I could study their faces and expressions and talk with them about the great future that was (and is) ahead of them. Bonding with Toddler Twins My favorite bonding activity with toddler twins is to take them out one at a time to lunch. You can have father/son or daddy/daughter lunches with each of your kids too. I’ve found that getting out of the house with one of the twins helps focus all my attention on that one child and is a great way to build and strengthen my relationship with each child. If lunch doesn’t work for you, consider other outings with just you and one of your kids. This could be a Saturday activity, an errand to the store, or another time together that best meets your schedule. Make these one-on-one times a routine event and your kids will look forward to this tradition with Dad. Juggling Work and Still Find Time for Bonding With Twins I received a question from a dad who is trying to juggle the realities of life and caring for his family. He said, “So my wife can stay home with the twins I will be working two jobs. So, I am wondering what I can do in the little time I am there to bond with them. I am scared about having one with this challenge, and now with twins, I’m kind of freaking out.” I can fully understand that would be a cause for freaking out. It’s not easy to be able to provide for your family, and juggle the demands on the home front and be able to spend time with your twins. Especially if you work two jobs, it’s going to make scheduling extremely crazy. Fortunately for you, or maybe unfortunately for you, the first year of twins, the twins are going to be up all times of day, all times of the night. So, regardless of your work schedule, odds are you’re going to be home and awake when twins are awake, and you can have an opportunity to interact with them. Focus on Home Time What I would do is when you leave work and come home, it’s home time: family time and undivided attention for the kids. What this means is that you’re going to have to put on the shelf any hobbies, or extracurricular activities, or even personal time you may have had before. It’s going to have to be all focused on your family, especially if it is important to you to be able to bond with those twins when you’re not working. When you come home, immediately look for opportunities that you can spend time with your wife and your kids, and how can you help take care of the twins. Bonding Moments With Twins Especially when the twins are newborns or infants in their first year, there’s plenty of opportunities for you as a dad to be able to help with those responsibilities. You could be changing diapers, feeding the babies, getting the kids dressed, or getting them ready for the day. If you have opportunities to go out and run errands with your family, that’s another chance that you could have to bond with your twins. Look for the little moments that you can spend with your twins. Bonding is Possible Yes, it is a challenge. Juggling work and two new twins in the household is going to be a monster of a responsibility. But it is doable as long as you are able to clearly divide your attention between work and home. When you’re at home, be present. You’re home with the twins and looking for opportunities to spend as much time with them. Even if it’s as simple as holding them in your arms, feeding them, reading to them, or tucking them in at night. As a dad, I really enjoyed helping the kids get ready for bed at night — giving them baths, getting them in their pajamas, and sending them to bed at night. I really enjoyed that opportunity to bond with them on a one on one basis. Regardless of the age of your twins, you can make time for each individual child. This time focused on each child will be the foundation of a strong bond and lasting relationship with your twins. (Picture by redagainPatti) The post How to Bond with Your Twins appeared first on Dad's Guide to Twins.