A Dialogue of the Heart

No trigger warning today.   Today is pretty normal teen stuff - loves lost - and silly mistakes. 

MILD TRIGGER WARNING: There is discussion of how it feels to be in relationship with your abuser, but nothing explicit. Heather struggles with understanding how to react to the news about her father being her likely abuser. She's having trouble concentrating on anything but this. Some days are harder than others. At the same time, Heather is finding joy in being a advocate for God without being pushy!

Trigger & Language Warning: There are many descriptions of sexual abuse, physical abuse and other serious topics in today's journal entries and responses. Heather learns that her father, whom she adores, was likely her abuser. She grapples with the complex feelings she has about knowing this information now.  Mom offers some insights and also has a long conversation with McKayla where they share their experiences with abuse. 

No trigger warning. Some minor cursing in reflections. 11:11 am and pm held a special significance for Heather. It seemed like everyday she joyously announced this time and ordered all of us to make a wish. After she passed, I noticed that I saw the clock at 11:11 and even 1:11 almost every single day.  I could be deep in work and glance up at the clock. I could not have my watch or phone and have to go search for the time and it would be 11:11. I could suddenly remember I need to do something. It happens so frequently that I can't help but think about Heather daily. Without knowing it, she created a secret message for me to hold her in my thoughts daily. But I don't make wishes.  I pray for whatever God has in store for me. 

No trigger warning today! Heather's continues to try to earn her way into God's grace, but she seems to be catching on a little. Her moods are still shift minute by minute as she tries to navigate life. Mom, as always, has a few things to say about being yourself and loving yourself!

There are two curse words in the second half of this podcast. Otherwise, there are no trigger warnings. Today is a double episode based on two separate entries in Heather's journal in the same day - which happens to demonstrate how quickly emotions change .... but the answers stay the same.

Trigger Warning: There is some mild language and a brief discussion of a drunken person. It is just another day of struggles as Heather tries to be a good girl and follow all the rules! If only she understood that it isn't about rules, it's about relationships built on trust. We will all make mistakes and have to learn to recover from them in a healthy way. And we can love each other anyway.

Trigger Warning: A few curse words are used in today's episode; There are also brief mentions of Sexual and Physical Abuse, Promiscuity, Cutting, and Abandonment. Heather continues to fight the memories and beliefs that plague her. She shifts back and forth between despair and hope, searching for answers. Mom tries to help her understand the underlying  problem and needs so that Heater can find a lasting solution.

Heather often wrote poetry. Short and sweet. Enjoy!

Trigger Warning: Discussions of cutting, inadequacies, Satan, as well as cursing Heather used cutting as a coping mechanism to feel something. In this letter she realizes she cut in a place that might show. The real discussion isn't about cutting, but about the reasons that she feels the need to cut. She feels that she isn't enough. Mom doesn't have all the answers, but she engages in discussions about these universal feelings and one way to manage them. 

Trigger Warning: Discussion of a severe auto accident and injuries. Some days, like January 16, 2011 and today, January 27, 2025 are hard. The kind of hard that it feels like you can't possibly recover from. The kind of hard that leaves you hopeless-even if only briefly. The kind of days that leave an imprint in your brain and heart forever. But I'm pushing through - if only for myself - to give you today's story - and some hope.

Heather continues to beat herself up. She feels like everyone knows that she isn't who she pretends to be and they are judging her, though there is no evidence this is true. Heather is begging God to help her becomes she doesn't think anyone else can or will.

Trigger Warning: Potential Sexual & Physical Abuse, Adoption, Attachment Disorder, Loss &  Abandonment In our last episode, we shared our first daughter/mom dialogue. In this episode, we back track one more time to give context to these earlier entries and share some key things in Heather's life that led to many of her deepest feelings of loss and abandonment. We'll go back to the journal and responses in the next episode.

This the the first journal entry written when Heather was 14 years old, and her mother's letter back to Heather, written after she passed.  The themes today shouldn't be triggering, but they might make you realize that feelings of inadequacy are universal across time, age, and gender. Disclaimer: My philosophy is get it done and then make it better. The audio transitions need work, but they get better with each episode as I learn!!

Trigger Warning: Death, dying, grief, trauma, accident. Intended for parents and teens, with a warning that these are hard conversations between mother and daughter on many different and difficult topics. We encourage parents/guardians & teens (and some preteens) to listen together and use this as a forum to discuss your own thoughts, feelings and ideas.  After her adopted daughter died in a car accident, her mom discovered over 200 letters that she had written to God between the ages of 14 & 18. To help herself grieve, the mom reads each letter - one at a time - and writes a letter back to her daughter, telling her all the things she would have said if she had known that she wouldn't have another chance. The subject matter is intense and hard, but the conversations are authentic and raw - exposing the challenges & giving insights into both growing up and of parenting. We strongly suggest that you listen to this podcast with your teen and relish the conversations that you can have together, while you are both still living. Today's episode concludes mom's story of the weeks leading up to Heather's death and That Day! If you haven't listened to Part 1 Episode 1, go back to podbean and listen to that episode first. 

Trigger Warning: Today's episode contains a mother's perspective on death, grief, suicide, and trauma. This is intended for teens and parents. Listen together, but be aware that this may not be suitable for younger listeners. After her adopted daughter died in a car accident, her mom discovered over 200 letters that she had written to God between the age of 14 & 18. To help herself grieve, the mom reads each letter - one at a time - and writes a letter back to her daughter, telling her all the things she would have said if she had known that she wouldn't have another chance. Today's episode gives the mom's perspective on the weeks leading up to her death. The subject matter is intense and hard, but the conversations are authentic and raw - exposing the challenges & giving insights into both growing up and parenting. We strongly suggest that you listen to this podcast with your teen and relish the conversations that you can have together, while you are both still living.