Actually, I Meant That

Was it just a brain blip or did it actually happen and you just witnessed your future self in action? Have you ever walked into a place you've never been and somehow already know the layout? Or pass someone on the street who seems... frozen in time? In this episode, we're diving deep into déjà vu, energetic frequencies, time warps, and what it means when reality doesn't behave the way it's "logically" supposed to. From Reddit rabbit holes to personal stories from Pennsylvania (yes, some weird sh*t went down before my eyes in Amish Country, PA), we're exploring the line between science, the subconscious and the straight-up metaphysical. This one's for anyone who's ever whispered "what the hell was that?" Welcome to the multiverse of WTF.

This episode is about the kind of grief that doesn't come with a funeral. The kind you can't explain because no one died but something in you did. I'm talking about the grief of old identities, broken patterns, emotional abandonment, unspoken childhood wounds and realizing you've hurt people you love without meaning to. I share what it feels like to hit rock bottom emotionally from a firsthand, real time perspective, espcially in these past few weeks, and how scenes from old movies, ancestral stories and inner child work crack something wide open in me during these times. This isn't about giving advice. It's about telling the truth. About being self aware enough to recognize our own patterns... and really seeing and feeling them, not just intellectualizing them. It sucks grieving what doesn't have a name. It's hard. Whether you're grieving someone who's still alive, a version of yourself that no longer aligns or a life that didn't unfold the way you hope, this one's for you.

Many of us have heard it like it a broken record: "So… when are you having kids?" And for a lot of women especially, that question hits deep, whether they want kids, can't have them, or have no intention of ever going down that road. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on what it's really like to be 34, childfree and perfectly at peace with it; Not because I hate kids or judge anyone who chooses motherhood, but because I trust myself. I trust my energy. And I trust my decision. We're talking: The invisible judgment thrown at childfree women, especially by Bible belters (yep, I said it) Why asking about kids isn't always rude, but why it's also okay to opt out of answering How to flip the script with an unshakeabke internal strength Why opting out of having kids means sovereignty, not loneliness and misery And how to coexist with people who live very different lives without assigning moral value to either path Whether you've always known kids aren't for you, or you're just tired of everyone treating your womb like it's up for public discussion... this one's for you.

This one's for my friends who carry it all, do it all and never ask for help... not because you want to, but because you've been conditioned to believe you have to. In this episode, we're talking about hyper-independence as a trauma response, how it's passed down through generations and how it quietly sabotages our ability to amplify love in our daily interactions and relationships. I share my own story of growing up in a long line of strong women, how it shaped my relationships and friendships and what it actually looks like to heal without losing your independence. If you're tired of living in survival mode but scared to let go of control, this one will land deep.

You're not "nice" when you pretend to be ok with things you aren't ok with. This episode is for the chronic over-apologizers, the shape-shifters, the "I'm fine" girls who are anything but. When I said people pleasers are prisoners, I meant it and I'm breaking down exactly how this pattern forms, what it does to your brain and how to finally set yourself free. We're getting into: - The trauma roots of people-pleasing (aka the fawn response) - What happens in your brain when you chase validation - The aftermath of resentment - How to stop betraying yourself just to be liked This isn't about becoming selfish—it's about finally honoring who you are and how you feel without suppressing for the comfort of others. New episodes every Thursday. See you there!

Welcome to Actually, I Meant That. A podcast for the emotionally fluent, slightly jaded humans who are done walking back on their own thoughts and feelings just to keep the peace. I'm Cat. I'm a 34-year-old recovering people pleaser, wildly reflective and love laughing through this simulation we call life. This isn't a podcast about becoming your highest self. It's about being real about who you already are and choosing to own it out loud. If you've ever over-explained yourself into silence, felt like too much or spoke your truth all to immediately want to delete it... we're not doing that anymore. Welcome to the party, my friend. New episodes every Thursday. See you there!