All Aboard for Hell

Pedro Pascal really has the whole "depressed father carrying a kid across the wasteland" thing down, doesn't he? Our protagonists compare notes against the game and the show.

This summer, two great films blessed theaters. The first was a psychological drama, fully displaying the horrors humanity is willing to inflict upon itself, and all the attendant misery that comes with it: a visceral, deep contemplation of what it means to be human and the exquisite misery of existence. The other was Oppenheimer. In this one, the protagonists review Barbie!

In which our protagonists reminisce about what brought them together: Lady Luck and a hell of a lot of gambling addicts. (It's more fun than it sounds, honest!)

You know what you need to cap a sedate, pleasant Sunday? To be scared outta your damn mind, that's what. The protagonists discuss their favorite horror films: good, bad, or so bad they're good!

In which our protagonists decide to wish everyone a very special Singles Awareness Day -- it spells "SAD" for a reason! Happy Valentine's Day!

Ann and Paul conjecture about who is likeliest to win the Super Bowl. (Recorded 28 January before the Championship games, so who knows who called what right!) #comedy #podcast #superbowl

Ann and Paul reminisce about one of their all-time favorite video game series: Final Fantasy! Which of them most admires Final Fantasy X, and which of them has taste? Tune in to find out! #comedy #podcast #FinalFantasy

Today, our protagonists discuss video games generally, and Grand Theft Auto particularly, because there is one real-world city that absolutely ACHES to be transformed into a vehicular battleground: Phillly! Join us as we conjecture wildly about a GTA that might someday be, in the City of Brotherly Love!

The hardest thing for foreigners to accept and understand about America is how absolutely garbage our healthcare is. "What do you mean, you pay for it?" Since one of us is a dumb hick who only knows the States, and the other is a globe-hopper, we thought it would be interesting to compare notes and kvetch for an hour about the sickest joke in the country: health insurance.

Netflix, Hulu, Max -- there's a million options to stream content out there. Join our protagonists as they complain about all of them!

In which our protagonists get on camera to tell each other lies about what they're going to do in 2024!

I dunno about y'all, but the notion of some fat old dude wearing a red jump suit watching me sleep NEVER set right. I mean he's even bribing us with presents to get us not to tell. Frankly, I'm happy the North Pole is melting if it means putting that cantankerous old list-making jackass out of work. Merry Christmas! (Paul and Ann are both on the naughty list, let's not pretend otherwise.)

Oh my God in heaven we are just becoming a damn Taylor Swift podcast at this point. Happy birtday, Tay-Tay. These two won't shut the hell up about you. GOD!

You've played this game, right? "What would you do if you won the lottery?" Well, this is the game we play today, and we find out which of our protagnists are good, wholesome, charitable people, and which of them ... are named Paul.

You know you're an adult when the songs of your youth are playing in the grocery store. Join our protagonists as they reminisce about the music they jammed out to, and the shock of realizing that the songs are old enough to vote!

In which our protagonists extoll the virtues of gratitude, reminisce about the year that's gone by, talk a little shit on the Pilgrims, and brace for the impact of Thanksgiving.

You all have one: something you enjoy doing that doesn't harm anybody, but that maybe you don't feel comfortable talking about them. Thank god our protagonist were born without shame, they'll talk about anything--including what THEY do that might not be illegal, but which FEELS illegal. Enjoy!

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Why did I do that?" No, really, have you ever used words to think inside your own skull? In this one, our protagonists discuss inner monologue--which they have, but which apparently others do not!

Join our protagonists as they debate the merit of work from home versus work from ... work. (Short version: office life is not for us, and not for anybody who can weasel their way out of it!)

Every group of friends has one or two misfits who you know for a fact are willing to spend a weekend in lockup should the occasion to raise hell present itself. Hi, it's use,we're the misfits.

Once upon a time, there was a redneck who moved to Philly. Another upon a time, there was a globe-hopping city girl who moved to Georgia. Watch as we commiserate about where we were and where we ended up!

Cooking was our first science and remains our highest art. What does that have to do with deep-fried chocolate bars? Nothing, but by God they're delicious. In this one we rap for an hour about our favorite cuisines!

In which we consider the long-lasting impact of colonization and spend an hour taunting the ghost of Christopher Columbus.

In which the trio of Ann, Paul, and Olga continue pontificating about how different their paths to America were.

Joining Paul and Ann -- Olga! The crew reminisces about their start in America from wildly disparate backgrounds.

How does Ann celebrate her 37th orbit of the earth? By contributing to the delinquency of the youth, of course!

Paul and Ann remember where they were, and what they were doing, when the world they knew got upended. Never forget.

Paul and Ann regress to childhood to rekindle the biggest playground rivalry: Marvel, or DC? (Plot twist: it was Image Comics all along!)

We interrupt your regularly scheduled debauchery with hot-takes on a hot topic: Mr. Trump's mugshot! It's like the Brady Bunch, but with felons.

Life is all about choices. In our case, all the choices are bad. Join Paul and Ann as they determine which has a sterner stomach and a softer heart!

"You never forget your first." In this case, we don't forget the first celebrities that propelled us into puberty. Listen while we wax poetic about the stars of cinema and television that made our hearts hammer a little harder, and made harder--you know what, not going there...

Many years ago, an album blessed the airwaves and brought us iconic anthems of late-2010s music: listen as we speak now about Speak Now (Taylor's Version); in other words, Ann and Romina fangirl right the heck out, and Paul just kind of ... exists. (Forgive him, folks, he almost died of COVID and as we know, a symptom of long COVID is having no taste.)

There's a certain caliber of dummy in this world who just cannot take good advice: your dimwit cousin who sells Amway and invests in crypto, your yet dumber aunt who got roped into MLM, and then there's the cream of the crappy crop: anti-vaxxers. Sit with us for an hour while we trash them and the negative impact they've had on society!

In this one, we sit with a dear, sweet friend who came to America from far-flung Ukraine; her name is Olga. For the next hour and a half, listen to her experience of the American Dream--coming to these shores, finding friends, and then eventually ending up with some Battlestar Galactica nerds she met in Philadelphia. (Us, it's us, she met us!)

Paul is inching nearer to 40, so, what do we do? Celebrate his 37th birthday by saying mean things to him! (Let's be honest, he needs his ego checked more than most folks do.)

An abuser, a liar, and a misogynist walk into a bar. "My God," the barman says, "it's the Pope!" Don't worry, we dunk on all the Abrahamic faiths and a few of the Eastern ones too. (We're desperately trying to get on the naughty list, aren't we?)

"I know these scumbags aren't about to talk about Harry Potter." Why yes, yes they are! Ann and Paul talk about the impact of the Wizarding World on their adolescence, their adulthood, and the absolute betrayal thereof by She Who Must Not be Named! Stick around, it'll be magical.

Summer is here, and that means one thing: the increased temperature is a premonition of pandemonium yet to come as the world spirals the drain in an inescapable heat death. But before that happens, we have time to keep ourselves distracted from certain doom, so! In this one, the sinners debate Disney versus Six Flags. (It's basically Coke versus Pepsi, but with screaming and rollercoasters.)

Hello, heathens! In this episode, the trio discuss what they consider essential to surviving on a desert island. Not to be confused with a dessert island, which Paul was kind of hoping for...

What do cameras, VCRs, and the Internet have in common? They were all driven by the adult film industry. Naturally, it's an industry we love! Sit a spell and hear us pontificate about the P-Word, and you can bet your last buck it ain't "Pennsylvania". Duos episode featuring Ann and Paul!

Welcome to the inaugural episode of "All Aboard for Hell", where good friends have bad conversations and welcome you to join them. In this episode, our heroes ruminate about the past, how they met, and how they have somehow accelerated each other's spiraling descent into everlasting perdition. Join us!