All Our Brave Hearts Podcast

From a tale of wandering off in a hotel to the bigger issue of Dignity of Risk, we share stories and thoughts about helping Danny experience a more autonomous - and fulfilling - life, even when it makes the rest of us a little nervous! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

An episode on processing grief, including finding profound beauty amidst the pain. This might be an episode to save and come back to later if you're feeling vulnerable today! Danny shares how he experiences and copes with grief as we both face the recent loss of a beloved dog. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Intro note from Tara: We recorded this in early December 2025, and I only got around to finishing editing it today, in April. How fitting that this episode is about the passing of time! I have 3 other episodes in the editing queue, and Danny’s eager to record more, so we’ll have a more steady steam of episodes coming up!D: Hi all and welcome to All Our Brave Parts! It is the last weeks of 2025. So I want to wish you all a lovely close to the year. I’m pretty tired because I’m dealing with dysregulation and it is draining.T: Yeah. In the moment now, though, Danny, you had a big smile and a sudden little pulse of happy energy, so that’s nice to see.D: It is good indeed.T: I’m sorry you’ve been having such a tough several weeks, Danny. It must be exhausting. I know it’s exhausting for those of us trying to support you, and we also always have to remember that you’re the one it’s the toughest for.D: “But someone has to do it!”T: Our dad used to have this saying, “it’s a tough life, but someone has to do it.” So it’s one of your loops, huh?D: Totally.T: I hope you find a little more ease before the year ends, Danny.D: Me too! Fly, go away!T: Yeah we got some flies in here… it’s a little annoying, but we’ll be okay. So lead the way boss!D: Tara, you askT: All right, so the question we ask each episode: Danny, what’s something brave you’ve done recently? What’s a way you’ve been brave in your heart?D: I’m going to say that exploring my trauma and anger and dysregulation is the brave thing.T: Yeah, that’s a big thing, Danny. That’s super brave. I know you’ve been working on it throughout the last year, but I think you’ve been focusing more specifically on it in recent therapy sessions. It’s so interesting to see how your body responds. Is it okay for me to share this?D: Yes.T: Okay. Sometimes when he’s about to approach a topic with his therapist, or even in your poetry, you just suddenly get up and drift away and then do a new little routine. Like lifting the dog’s leashes up out of the basket where they’re kept and throwing them down and lifting them up and throwing them down or… interesting things like that. Your body is avoiding facing it. It’s really fascinating and instructive to see, and so I’m just impressed with you digging deeper. I think it’s been helpful and I think it will continue to be helpful, even though it’s very difficult.D: Totally. It is so important.T: Can you, if you don’t mind, can you describe a little bit how it feels or like provide a metaphor or analogy? It’s okay if it’s too intense. We can just skip it.D: That is interesting to think aboutT: (I love your smile!)D: I think it is like facing a precipice.T: Hmm, yeah. Well, that explains the discomfort. Again, so… “impressed” is kind of a weird word to use, I think, but just very in awe of you going through this process. And it’s instructive for me, too.D: Red letterboard! It is so fascinating. How about you?T: That’s a good one, Danny. I always am at a loss. Not always. I’m often at a loss when you ask me. I will admit that I’ve been experiencing brain fog recently... I think I’m at that age where that starts happening to women. Or, as you very charitably said the other day: it has been a tough year and we’re at the end of it.D: “But someone has to do it!”T: I guess a brave thing… the main thing that comes to mind is that I have been exploring the idea that the standards I have for myself, in every aspect of my life (like I need my apartment to be neater and cleaner, I need my car to be cleaner, I need my life to feel more organized, I need to achieve this or that or this and that) – and it’s not for any external validation, it’s just me wanting my life to look a certain way – and I’ve been wondering lately if I can let go of some of that. It’s like: maybe it’s okay that my car is perpetually disorganized, it’s okay that there are boxes of things that are just miscellaneous and I don’t know what to do with in my apartment as long as I put them out of the way, it’s okay to just let things be and not feel this pressure for it to be different.Now, the caveat there is there’s a part of me that’s that loves being lazy. When people are like, “oh, like my dad or mom retired and they didn’t know what to do with themselves,” I’m like, no, I would not have that problem. So there’s a part of me that can get very complacent. And so there’s this line I have to travel between acceptance of like, “my life is busy, and not everything’s going to be done the way I idealize it,” versus, “come on, Tara, you really got to pick yourself up and do your dishes.”So that’s the line I’m straddling. Yeah, that’s the main thing that comes to mind is considering the possibility that maybe a lot of my life is okay as it is. I trust you to call me out if you see me sliding into... What’s the word? Sliding into a slovenly lifestyle.D: I love that so much, Tara!T: Oh thanks, Dandan.D: I think it will be good for youT: Nice job [speaking], dude! I think so, too. Like I said, I gotta monitor it, but yeah!D: I think you are too hard on yourselfT: Yeah, that’s possible…D: Remotely possibleT: I do want to say one area in which I do need to be, maybe not hard on myself, but better, is: I haven’t been as nearly as patient as I need to be or should be with your dysregulation lately. And it’s made our spelling tougher, which is, as anyone who’s a CRP to a family member: that’s can be a moment of panic. And so I apologize for that Danny… I need to make more energy or devote more energy to thatD: Thank you. I think it has been tough.T: I’m so sorry dudeD: But I think it will pass and I will find good days again.T: I know it will passD: So today’s topic.T: Yeah, what is it, dude?D: I want to reflect on the passing of timeT: You want to reflect on the passing of time? That’s just a quick and easy little topic, huh? All right, I’m always up for considering the passing of time. I wonder about often.D: I am in awe of how fast this year has beenT: You know, for me, Danny, I feel like this year hasn’t been that fast, which is, I think, unusual. So, yeah. I’m interested to hear more about how it’s been.D: I want to go to text to speech.T: Text to speech? All right, all right, we’ll do that. Press stop.D: The passing of time is so fascinating to think about. For my pre-spelling life, I felt time was so slow. My life was so bleak and I had little to look forward to. It was like being in the doldrums, a dragging and featureless timescape. It has moments of joy, but the primary feeling was hopelessness. So time always felt sluggish.T: Oh, Danny, I understand. I’m really sad that that was your reality for so many years, for decades. I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s always hard to learn about these things and to know I was there with you and that I didn’t know how to help you more.And just to contrast, you know, while you were going through that, I was going through, for a lot of it, standard schooling. So a lot of my existence with time was framed by elementary school, middle school, high school, college, graduate school, a couple years before graduate school, and then my postdoc and then my job. And then so now, this is the first time in my life I haven’t had my sense of time or the space in my life defined by something that has a set timeline. It’s a little odd to switch to that.I’m curious how those kind of standard timelines of, like, years through high school and years in those community programs: did you have any sense of what it meant, or did it mean anything that you were approaching, let’s say, your senior year of high school, for example? Or if you don’t want to talk about it.D: It was more sense of dread, because I didn’t know what would come next.T: Yeah. I’m sorry.D: But now time is so full. I am so full of things I want to do and things I can do, for the first time in my life. It is fantastic! My life feels so rich. So time passes far more rapidly. This is such a new feeling. I am now bemoaning how fast it goes, versus agonizing over it dragging. Funny how that works!This year has been weird. A lot of big things like settling into the new home, breaking my arm, hiring my first aide, and winning and award at Motormorphosis. At the same time, I felt drained and a bit adrift, like my usual endeavors felt less fulfilling and I couldn’t connect with my passion like I had in recent years. So it felt a bit flat.So I think it was a blur of big things that took a lot of energy plus feeling a bit lost. That is maybe why it flew past.T: Yeah, Danny, you had some big things happen to you this year, and that includes some difficult things, but also a lot of really positive things, as well. And that’s what I think was kind of a weird thing about this year for our family, and for me individually, as well, is it all kind of seemed to be tumbled around like in a washing machine! And I feel like it was just kind of a chaotic year. Certainly politically, socially, on many different scales: very chaotic, very traumatic.But, you know, I’m not a huge follower of astrology of any kind, but I do find it interesting and sometimes comforting or inspirational. And this was, you know, the year of the snake, which I’d read could be about shedding the old skin, which can be an uncomfortable process, to make the way for something fresh and new. And I’ve been holding on to this imagery since the beginning of the year, because I’ve had my fair share of tumultuous things happen, some big life changes, ended up having to move in the beginning of the year.And that’s another reason you might have felt a little adrift, Danny, is we did take a step back in the intensity of our collaborations, because I had to address things in my own life. And I think it’s good for us to test out different equilibria, because hopefully we have many, many more years of being together, working together, scheming together. And I needed a little more time to figure myself out. And probably, it was nice for you to see what it was like to spend time with an aide. And you and mom have been doing a lot more together, and our sister’s picked up some stuff with you as well. And all of that was a shift. So of course, I think it’s natural to feel a little rudderless sometimes, a little, like you said, adrift.I wanted to bring up one of my favorite authors and a quote from her that you often see floating around from her book, Their Eyes Were Watching God. So this is Zora Neale Hurston, and the quote is, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” And I don’t know what this year was for me, but I’m wondering if anything about that quote resonates with you, Danny.D: I love that.T: I’m glad you love that.D: This year asked questions. So many questions! And I am excited to explore the answers next year.T: I’ve been thinking a lot about how you structure your life, Danny, and how it must feel. Because it totally makes sense, I think, to have a doldrums year around this time, because this is, what, our fifth year working together. If you think about it, we had four years of this exciting discovery, of ramping up our efforts, of expanding into the possibilities of what we could do. And then you kind of leading us to realize how we had to also take time for you to deal with, to support your mental and emotional health.It was, you know, four years, I think, of rapid expansion. And I think it’s totally natural for that to slow at a certain point. And I do think it’s going to be a new, and maybe not always easy, experience from you here on out in your life, to get a sense of where you are in time. That’s something you’ll learn to manage. I’ll be right next to you as you go through that.D: Totally. It will be a learning experience.So in the interest of time, I want to wrap up.T: Sounds good!D: I wish you all a wonderful end to the year, and I would love to hear how you process time.T: I’d love to hear that, too!D: I am looking forward to more episodes in 2026, and I hope to be more regular in our episodes.T: As our Auntie Anne used to say: we live in hope. Anything else you want to say?D: No.T: Okay, well, thank you everyone for being with us, as always! [text notification] I keep getting texts whenever we’re recording. It’s like they wait to arrive.As Danny said, wishing you a wonderful end to 2025 and a great beginning of 2026, where you’ll hear more from us. Please like, share, subscribe, comment, review, all that good stuff, and get in touch (by Substack is probably the easiest way, or you can contact Danny through his contact page on dannywithwords.com). And he does have a donation page, a Ko-fi account.Yeah, I think that’s it, Danny. Anything else?D: No. Happy Holidays! And Happy New Year. Bye! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

This is a bit of a heavy episode, so please take care and listen only if you're feeling resilient today. Danny wanted to watch and respond to a recent problematic video by a speaking autistic creator mocking letterboard users. Please note that this was his informed choice. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Happy holidays! We have 2 episodes for you before the end of the year. This episode is on friendship - how Danny's friendships blossomed with spelling, his advice to anyone about the types of friends we deserve to have & to be, and a little gossip from Danny "pot stirrer" Whitty. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Danny surprises Tara with some tough questions, and we discuss our raw, honest feelings about our reality. This is a bit heavy, so we advise you to only listen if you're feeling resilient today! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

People are very fired up in autism land, and it often relates to the conflict between speaking autistics and parents of nonspeaking autistics. There is so much that is very confidently proclaimed about our disability as nonspeaking autistics. But the glaring problem in all of this is: no one seems to care that our voices are rarely consulted or included. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Danny shares about what he experiences when he works to de-escalate his dysregulation, including insights on the benefits of therapy and mindfulness. Let us know if this is helpful for you! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

We're back for a special episode on communication equity (regular episodes resume in May!). Spelling is an amazing gift to nonspeakers and their loved ones, but there are many barriers to access to spelling. This is particularly pronounced for BIPOC communities, as well as low-income communities. We share perspectives and focus on the Communication Equity campaign by Spellers & Allies Advocacy Network at I-ASC.LINKSSpellers and Allies Advocacy Network’s Communication Equity campaignI-ASC on Facebook and Instagram (where Spellers and Allies makes their social media posts)Speller Access FundBrothers Helping SpellersBlack autistic advocates to follow:Tiffany Hammond - Fidgets and Fries, and on InstagramTJ - Nigh Functioning Autism, and on InstagramKaishawna - on Instagram This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Happy holidays! As the year ends, so does the first season of All Our Brave Hearts. We reflect on this first year of the podcast, share brave things we've done recently, and provide a sneak peek of Danny's schemes for season 2 - including more interactions with our listeners. Thank you for being with us, and stay tuned for more to come in ~March 2025! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Inspiration! Disabled folks are too aware that we are apparently a fountain of inspiration to non-disabled folks. The problem is that this often leaves us feeling worse about our situation, which is rarely helped by people who so casually claim inspiration from us.At the same time, we appreciate that Danny's work and story do inspire people in meaningful ways. So what is the difference? We discuss that here, and would love to hear your thoughts! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

As our theme song says, "we are all needing more kindness and care." It's Election Day, and we share thoughts on how the hate and conflict in recent years is a sign that people are hurting and need more care. Danny shares his dismay over the dominance of hateful rhetoric, and we chat about how we can foster more care in the world. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Understanding and transforming our fears might be one of the most daunting, but meaningful, things we can do as humans. We chat about how we're working to face fears and to release our clinging to narratives that ultimately harm us. Setting boundaries, striving for more agency, releasing control, practicing acceptance, working toward challenging goals (freediving and riding the train alone), and dealing with financial instability - we cover a lot! And we call for more brave hearts, to face truth and open our minds, for a better world.Let us know any fears that you're working to transform! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Another brief break (unplanned), and back with another Q&A episode (keep those questions coming)! We touch on access to talk therapy for spellers, building motor skills and strength, and the oneness of the universe. Thank you for submitting questions! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Keeping it short & sweet this episode! We've been both exhausted and having a tough time lately, and it seems like many people in our lives have been, as well. So, Danny decided to talk about a "few of our favorite things"! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Sorry, sincerely sorry. This episode is about apologizing! This is such an important practice that can help both the giver and receiver of the apology, and it is critical for maintaining thriving relationships. We share how we approach apologies and what we need in an apology, and Danny chats about the implications of his disability in all of this. You won't be sorry you listened! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

We discuss the importance of dignity of risk, and how disabled folks have a right to choose to take risks. Taking risks, and learning from the mistakes and successes that come with those risks, is essential for growth. We chat about some of the ways we work to ensure that Danny has the dignity of risk in his life, and how tricky that can be for (overprotective) support teams. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Q&A time! Danny answers questions about learning languages, dealing with trauma, dancing, and traveling. Please send along more questions for future Q&A episodes! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

An episode on a topic near to our hearts - siblings! We celebrate the joys of being a trio of close-knit siblings - we all cherish one another and benefit so much from our connection. We also discuss the challenges and dynamics of sibling relationships where one sibling is disabled, and how siblings can be important models for allyship and for helping diminish ableism in the world. Shout-out to Episode 5 of Underestimated TV, which includes Danny and Tara as an example of speller-sibling teams! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Our hearts are still brave, don't worry! We've been busy and are happy to finally return with Episode 10, on the topic of learning to dream and plan for a new life. Danny's life - and our whole family's life - changed drastically when he gained access to communication. But what does this "happily ever after" look like? How can people who are facing a new chapter of their lives adapt and learn to navigate a world of more opportunities while acknowledging the remaining realities of their disabilities and limitations? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Following our episode on "What is Worth?": Many nonspeaking autistic folks who gain communication are revealed to be remarkably intelligent - definitely something to celebrate and cultivate further! However, we want to pose the question to listeners: what if they weren't so intelligent? Would that change how people feel about or advocate for them? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Hi again! We are back, and we are happy about it! In this episode, Danny wanted to explore how we value other people. We chat about how he has often been made to feel disposable or not worthwhile because he is disabled, and how a more holistic view of "prosperity" that values community and interdependence is better for all of us. Includes 2 poems written by Danny on the concept of "worth." This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

This is our last recording before Tara's extended trip, which will be our longest time apart since we started Spelling to Communicate together. We discuss the dynamics between us, and the inequalities in the relationship between Danny as a disabled person and Tara as an able-bodied support person, and how to balance Tara's role as a support person with her other passions in life. We'll take a month's break and return to you in mid-May! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Episode 6: Danny shares a few of his heartfelt poems on the theme of togetherness - on how love saves him, how love spans years and miles, and how love makes whatever universe we end up in seem beautiful. He speaks a bit to the power of poetry, and Tara shares more about his process and the privilege of having a family poet. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

In Episode 5, we chat about the labels "disabled," "high" or "low-functioning autism" (ick!), and "special needs." The discomfort shown by able-bodied people when talking about disability showcases how society views disability as an embarrassing, shameful thing, and how labels about disability are often seen as insults. But disability is a real state of being that can't be helped by overly "sensitive" euphemisms. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Our first Q&A episode! Thank you for those who shared questions. Danny answers follow-up questions on nonspeaking and nonverbal labels, interdependence, and preferred animal transformations. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Danny chats about the challenges of being comfortable in public with his body that doesn't always obey his mind, and invites Tara to share her experience as a support person working to keep him safe, comfortable, and protected from negative judgment in public. They suggest how people can help make these situations less stressful, and emphasize that Danny and disabled folks have a right to enjoy public spaces! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

The label "nonverbal" is widely used to describe Danny's flavor of autism - and he, and many of his peers, want that to change. Learn about why "nonspeaking" is a better (if not perfect) term, and why you should retire "nonverbal" from your vocabulary! As Danny's email send-off goes: he's a "Verbal, just not speaking, autistic and apraxic human" This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Our first full episode! We discuss interdependence, the reality that all of us are connected, and how embracing interdependence is central to disability justice. And really, it's central to a better, kinder way of seeing the world. Thank you for listening, and you can read the transcript at allourbravehearts.substack.com. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com

Introducing this new podcast from Danny Whitty, a nonspeaking autistic writer and advocate, and his sister, ally, and Communication Regulation Partner, Tara! All Our Brave Hearts explores Danny's journey as a disabled person and Tara's journey as an ally, providing insight into how embracing interdependence is what's needed for a more inclusive, compassionate, and truly prosperous society. Please join us for our ~weekly episodes! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit allourbravehearts.substack.com