Archie and Reg

Reg is angry that he can't say what he wants to any more. Archie is livid because Reg won't stop talking about this.Trevor McDonald is always causing trouble in the club. But he hasn't been in for a while. Could it be that being half Octopus is the issue?Elsewhere Reg is about to do something dreadful. You don't mention The Boy.There will be tears before bedtime.... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Change is never good. Lost us the Empire! Archie isn't going to take this... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Quite frankly this is getting very silly. Someone is going to end up in trouble! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Archie has a riddle for Reg to solve. If Reg can't solve it there will be trouble.It's his own fault.Once recovered a true emergency needs attention. Bubter is "upscaling" the club. This means gin is off the menu.Choices are limited. Luckily there are memories of Pan's People and Peter Stringfellow to distract.Reg's Allo Allo impressions don't help.Let's hope nobody fouls themselves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Who is this "pheasant plucker" and why the hell has he come?This will not be tolerated. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Reg is terribly cross. His wife falls for whatever "the man" tells her.But who is "the man"?What is doing on the corner?And why does Nanny think he's going to get you? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Archie has been awaiting a Papal visit since the 1930's.The visit occured, and now Archie isn't talking to Reg.An easy confusion- "Pope or Strippergram"? Sadly a diplomatic incident seems to be on the cards... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Monkey's are vermin, and that one has it's knackers out!This will never do. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are rules in life. Simple rules. One rule is that that stupid boy stays the other side of the bar.We wouldn't want him to transgress and end up with that broom lodged somewhere, would we...? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The chaps have very little time for "celebrity". Archie admits to having a full set of autographs of the German High Command circa 1940 but that's as far as it goes! Understandable, given the sort of thing modern "celebrities" get up to. A rumour is doing the rounds of the club...Further to this missive Reg has written a poem. This will not go unchallenged.(If anyone could advise Archie on how to dispose of a body he would very grateful.) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Up to the minute pop culture news with a couple of chaps who think the wireless is a bit too modern... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Somebody should have intervened. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alan Titchmarsh. Always showing off with his root crops. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Nurse Cockburn was a cruel woman, and not the sort of person to avoid causing some good old character-forming distress. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hattie Jacques has gone rogue!This is not a drill!I say again, this is not a drill!Prepare your trousers for maximum Jacques impact! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Squirrels like nuts.This is acceptable.But only if you keep them to yourself, you dirty little tyke.No. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Box? Dirty. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Richard Madeley has brought his pig to the club and NO! DON'T! That's cruel.You're on notice... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone remembers when Peter came. How could you ever forget it? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A little problem for Reg? Probably to do with his "down below". He's always worrying about that!And well he might... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Chiswick? No. Full of all the funny people saying "we want our rights".Archie, however, has an appointment with the chap who sorts him out.This will not end well... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pascale has a cow.Pascale's cow only has one udder.Pascale is French....I think we all know where this is going... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dogs? Wonderful animals. The one Archie has encountered has no nose!This cannot go unaddressed. Nor shall it, by God! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dirty Steve. My word. Big ears, one leg, dirty and he had that horn growing out of his head.There was that occasion, long ago at school, when Dirty Steve went up the chimney.He didn't want to go up there.But Archie didn't leave him much choice... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Merry Christmas from the Funtybunter Club!Archie and Reg encounter one another/ Both are dressed as famous pervert "Santa Claus". The orphanage are awaiting their surprise visitor!There can be only one winner, and they might be armed with rotting corpses.Memories turn to times past and some of the more unusual parlour games of yesteryear and the Queen Mum, Gawd bless her.Regardless, nobody is pulling Reg's cracker.Jarvis Cocker could tell you all about that.Furthermore, Archie has an issue. Someone has filled the club with common things.Christmas is common. It has been decided. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There was a disgrace at the club lately. Standards have clearly fallen and now they'll let anyone in, much to Archie and Reg's disgust.Last night a young chap calling himself "Simon LeBon" (presumably French) wandered in and began to sup a cocktail!"What's the issue?" you ask.Well, nobody agreed to an invasion of ants! Nor did they agree to the arrival of a "Gallagher Brother" or two, whatever that may mean.Difficult times at the Funtybunter Club... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Women. They have been the bane of Archie's life since he was first angered by one at the moment of his birth.These days? Well it's all getting out of hand!Something must be done...Which, in this case, is moaning about it until it's time for Reg to go to the bar. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.