Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette

In this episode of Becoming Relational, we explore shame, self abandonment, and how breaking people-pleasing patterns can transform your relationships. I'm sharing honestly about something that took me years to understand: how shame and self abandonment are deeply connected. I explore my own experience of hitting rock bottom and the slow, sometimes painful journey of finding my way back to myself. We talk about how so many of us have been socialized to put everyone else first, why the word "selfish" can feel the worst thing you could be called, and what it actually takes to stop abandoning yourself in relationships. I also open up about how changing my own patterns shifted the way others showed up for me — and why I believe that's worth every bit of discomfort along the way. Come Home to Yourself: Healing from Self-Abandonment BECOMING RELATIONAL MINI-GUIDE About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples

Self-abandonment, people-pleasing, insecure attachment—in this episode, I'm exploring a pattern I see every single day in my therapy and coaching practice, and one I've struggled with myself. I'm talking about the painful cycle of choosing someone else's comfort over your own, repeatedly pushing down your desires to keep the peace, and staying in relationships that don't work for you because self-betrayal feels easier than speaking your truth. For years, I abandoned myself without even realizing it. I worked hard to please others because I believed if they were okay, I would be okay too. But I learned the hard way that prioritizing other people's needs over my own (especially for those of us with the anxious attachment style) leads to resentment, anger, and losing ourselves completely. In this episode, I share the crucial difference between being flexible and actually betraying your values. I help you understand why being well-liked never satisfies our deeper need to be truly seen, appreciated, and valued. And I invite you to identify the people who love you for exactly who you are—these are the ones worth holding onto. If you're ready to stop abandoning yourself, create genuine connection, and become deeply aware of your own desires, I hope you'll tune in. Come Home to Yourself: Healing from Self-Abandonment BECOMING RELATIONAL MINI-GUIDE About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples

Today, I'm sharing about my personal journey with self-worth and confidence, and how attachment theory has supported me in navigating unworthiness and insecurity. I've been wrestling with feelings of unworthiness lately, a familiar struggle with believing that I belong and that what I offer truly matters. If you've ever felt like you're not enough or wondered how to show up authentically when self-doubt takes hold, I hope this episode supports you. I explore the transformative question that changed everything, shared with me by a former therapist. I also offer practical strategies for building self-trust from the inside out, setting healthy boundaries, recognizing when we're seeking external validation to fill internal emptiness, and cultivating the self-compassion and emotional security we all deserve. BECOMING RELATIONAL MINI-GUIDE About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples

Today I'm exploring relationship repair, secure attachment, and relationship disconnection—and why investing in the relationships you already have, rather than constantly searching for something new, might be the most revolutionary choice you can make. Let's discuss how to navigate relationship disconnection, practice intentional repair, and build resilient, secure relationships through accountability and compassion. I share why I believe that in our culture of fast fashion and dating apps, choosing to mend our relationships—rather than discard them—is a powerful counter-cultural choice. We'll talk about rupture and repair in relationships, how to strengthen your secure attachment muscles, and the reflection questions that can help you show up as your best self in all your meaningful connections. My hope is that this conversation is an invitation to slow down, invest your energy wisely, and create the kind of relational security that fosters trust and resilience. Come cozy up with me and let's talk about what it really means to become relational. About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me.   Rupture and Repair Bundle   If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples

Let's explore nervous system regulation and how understanding your unique nervous system can transform your relationships and daily life. I discuss attachment styles, nervous system health, and practical tools for emotional regulation that you can use right away.   I share how your attachment adaptation—whether anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or secure—shapes the way your nervous system responds to stress, and why what feels safe for you might look completely different than what feels safe for someone else. We talk about internal resourcing practices, the importance of communicating your needs, and how to build safety into your everyday routines.   I also share a vulnerable story from my own life about being hospitalized with postpartum preeclampsia while my newborn was in the NICU. I'll walk you through the internal resourcing practice that helped me through one of the most challenging moments of my life, and how you can develop this skill too.   Whether you're an external processor who needs to talk through your feelings or someone who needs alone time to regulate, this episode will help you understand your nervous system better and give you permission to advocate for what you truly need. A healthy nervous system isn't about being calm all the time—it's about being able to move through life's challenges and come back to center in a way that feels aligned for you.   Nervous System Explanation Do You Know Your Attachment Style? Online Offerings To Support Nervous System Health If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples

Becoming better at relationships isn't just about intimate partnerships—it's about how you show up for your community and support your neighbors. In this brief episode, I'm sharing a meaningful tradition my family started a few years ago that transforms Valentine's Day into something for meaningful to us than flowers and chocolates. For my family (and a handful of dear friends!), February 14th has become an invitation to practice loving on our neighbors and people we don't know. Because becoming relational also means becoming community-oriented. It's about extending care beyond our front door and building the kind of neighborhood where everyone feels seen and valued. I'll walk you through our family tradition and invite you to consider: What might you do this year to support people in your neighborhood? Can you start a new tradition that you'll look forward to—one that positively contributes to your community? Whether you're looking to deepen your connection to your neighbors, teach your kids about service and kindness, or simply find more meaningful ways to celebrate love in all its forms, I hope that this episode offers practical inspiration for making community care an important and regular part of your life. This episode will resonate with you if you're interested in community building, neighborly love, family traditions, intentional living, relational health, acts of service, and creating belonging in your neighborhood. I would love to hear what you come up with--please email me and let me know! [email protected]. If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples  

Building capacity for stress is a skill that supports all of our relationships—and helps us cope more effectively with our daily challenges and our greater emotional landscape.  In this episode, I'm sharing practical tools for building capacity in our nervous systems so we can show up more fully in our relationships and communities, especially during challenging times that require us to be active, engaged, and aware. We explore how to recognize when our nervous systems are overwhelmed and develop somatic practices, breathing techniques, and connection strategies that help us stay present with both joy and challenges. We talk about stretching our capacity and meeting this moment with integrity and care. About me: I'm a therapist and community member on my own healing journey—and I LOVE to honor and amplify the ways we are embracing our humanness, showing up fully in the world, and utilizing our relationships and communities to heal and experience joy. I'm SO happy you're here with me. Resources: Immigrant Defense Project Immigrant Defense Network How to Talk to Your Kids About ICE Freedom for Immigrants ACLU If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples

Let's talk about concrete, practical skills that can support you in having healthier, more fulfilling, and reciprocal relationships this year.   In a world that seems to be consistently generating new injustices, fears, and concerns about the safety of people we love, I want us to feel a sense of agency in how we show up in our relationships. My hope for this episode is that you will take the time to reflect on how you are navigating your relationships and explore ways in which you can become more connected to yourself, your family, and your community. Through real-life examples (I'm already laughing at myself for sharing these!), I want to support you in cultivating some skills that can really move the needle in the right direction in your relationships while honoring your personal boundaries and capacities.    If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples  

Relationships, attachment styles, boundaries, and the hard-won lessons I've learned over the course of my relational life--that's what we're chatting about in Episode 2! I recently turned 40, and I've been reflecting deeply on how my relationships have shaped who I am. In this episode, I'm sharing the most important lessons I've learned about relationships throughout my twenties and thirties using an attachment theory framework. I talk about trying to be what others wanted me to be, learning to recognize my patterns, how becoming a parent brought up all my attachment work in new ways, and how some friendships aren't meant to be carried forward. I'm also honest about what I'm still learning, because we are ALL still learning. I hope you find this episode supportive, and I'm looking forward to hearing your questions! Please reach out to me to let me know what you'd like to hear on the show. Thank you for being here with me! If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples

Welcome to the very first episode of Becoming Relational! I'm Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW and I'm so grateful you're here with me. In this episode, I discuss my passion for relationships, my own path to becoming an attachment specialist, and why I believe compassionate, nuanced connection is so vital in our world today. You'll hear a bit about my story, my work, and my hopes for this podcast as a space where we can explore the beauty and complexity of relationships with skill, care, reverence, and a sense of curiosity. Whether you're new to attachment theory or familiar with relational work, I invite you to join me in creating more connected, fulfilling relationships—both with others and with ourselves. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to grow, learn, and become more relational together! If you'd like to request a topic for a future episode or ask a question, you can leave a message for me here via Speakpipe! To schedule a 1:1 consult with me, reach out here! For more information about my work: Blog Coaching Attachment Theory Workbook for Couples