Calling Our Cool Friend

The internet's been down for a week, and Dru is thriving, but there's always gonna be haters. Lazer and Small Drew got extradited, and Ben's probs gonna write a book about the whole thing. As the boys wait to start Phase Two of The Plan, Patrick calls and...yeah, turns out he didn't want us to destroy the internet.

Dru and Husky Dave are working on the final stages of shutting down the internet, and Ben's doing B-plot stuff. Julia from Ontario demands a cool hacker nickname. Ben and Dru talk about how nobody's ever died in a plane crash. Ben has his final stand against Lazer, and then Dru shuts down the internet. 

Husky Dave came to Smegmar to help Dru destroy the internet. Gotta keep it quiet though--the mayor doesn't really get the Patrick stuff, so there's a concern that she might tattle. Meanwhile, Lazer's back on the salvia, and he's hunting Ben? So that's no good. Ben tells Dru about the film Dog Soldiers, and they talk about the car etiquette of horror movies. 

Ben's in the woods in Africa, but Lazer's hunting him now, so that's bad. In better news:  Husky Dave cracked the code, and Patrick Cotnoir wants us to destroy the internet.  So, yeah. We're gonna go do that.  

Turns out, Lazer *really* wasn't supposed to leave consulate in Cairo, and now Ben's waiting for the cops to finish searching Small Drew (doesn't go well).  In a major plot twist, Dru has become close personal friends with the mayor of Dayton, Texas. The boys learn about Smegmar's origins, and yeah, it's legit just a Christine .  Dru found some mysterious coordinates, and it looks like they're close to Ben, so he's gonna head over there. Basically, it's just the transition into the third act: call the cops, I don't give a shit. 

Patrick leaves a voicemail, but Dru's bad at using his phone. The mayor of Dayton, Texas is trying to force Dru to sell his grain elevator, Smegmar. Lazer and Small Drew kept pushing the envelope until they got detained.  Patrick tweets out his most complicated code yet. 

Lazer and Small Drew are hanging out with Ben, but they keep trying to push the envelope like those edgy comedians that get mad when you call them racist. Dru's trying to figure out what Patrick wants him to do--something about refinancing a car? They reach out to Big Charles who used to live in Syria and then lived in Japan for a little while before moving back to LA. 

So Dru bought this grain elevator in Dayton, Texas--turns out she's a sentient being named Smegmar, and she's not a fan of Bojack Horseman. Ben landed in Egypt for his research trip, and he just joined Twitter, so that's exciting! Turns out that their old friend Lazer works for the consulate in Cairo, and Ben and Dru reflect on how much salvia that guy used to smoke. It was a lot. Like damn. Anyway, it seems like Patrick needs help refinancing his car, and the guys set him up with Big Charles--he knows cars, right? 

Ben has some complaints about the Podcast and Streaming Producers Guild, but it's the first time Dru's heard about Ben's podcast. Dru's pretty sure that Patrick wanted him to buy a grain elevator, so he did. Turns out it might be a full on Christine situation! 

Dru just got back from NYC, and you'll  never guess, but he ran into Patrick Cotnoir, his old friend he went to Hampshire College with! Ben and Dru think about how fucking rad that dude was. And also Dru is pretty sure Patrick is sending secret messages to him over Twitter. #DogWrangleMcFlurryMichael 

A quick overview of season 1.

Joey's trying to fix everything, and Ben's in charge of keeping his computer shit at a perfect 65 degrees. Houston's pretty messed up at the moment, and Dru talks about life in the after-scape. Then Joey becomes the internet. 

Dougie did something bad, and Dru ends up in an awkward situation. So that's no good. Ben fills us in on the Pocket Rocket Gang and art films. Basically everybody's using the app now, and it's making Dru feel weird. Ben beefed it, like, big time. Like he really beefed it like a bunch. But Joey can probably fix it when he gets back from his meditation retreat. You can put a cherry wherever you want. 

Ben got a promotion (maybe?), and he talks about getting teased in prison. Dru still can't get the app to work, and his social isolation has driven him to conspiracy theories. Turns out Smegmar's part of the Pocket Rocket Gang, but Ben's got a pipe with a bit of concrete on it, so no worries there.  Your network is your net worth, and the dog's sick. 

Joey's app has blown up and has millions of users, but Dru can't get it to work. Ben talks about the romantic limits of living in a van. They talk about music while waiting for tech support to pick up Dru's call. 

Dru complains about the summer heat in Houston, but Ben--recently released from prison--just moved to San Fransisco to take a job at the hottest tech start up: PRCVE. Turns out, their old friend Joey founded the company (which makes sense because he's really good at that kind of stuff).  The app is going to change the world, but Dru's not 100% sure what it does. 

This Earth Day, Ben and Dru interview their cool friend Alicia, who recently became the earth. Ben and Dru get into a fight over the podcast. They talk geological timescales and theology. And finally, a deep dive into the toxic BDSM lobster community.

For some reason, Ben and Dru think their respective accountants should be dating each other, so they try to set them up.Special thanks to Fianna O'Brien and Erik Olsen

While they didn't do any pranks this April Fools' Day, Ben and Dru reflect on the subtle and complex nature of their pranks of yore. Suddenly, a flood of pranked people call demanding answers, and it looks like Ben and Dru have a copycat.Thanks to Rachel Tamarin, Elizabeth Esposito, Dani Aldrich, Miles Coe, and Mitchell Stone. Postproduction: Ryan Palm

On this very special Saint Patrick's Day, Ben and Dru give their most Irish friend an intervention.

It's a double Waco. Alicia's working on becoming the earth. Ben's hanging with Double Black Diamond. Dru got a slide whistle. Husky Dave's got a rocket launcher. An intrepid young upstart in the ATF named Diane has a trojan horse full of plastic explosives. And finally, closing time. 

You know how sometimes you're trying to watch Zathura and then get carbon monoxide poisoning? Ben gives his assassin performance notes, which leads to a productive correspondence. Dru raves about life in Alicia's compound, which is all very normal and ok. Something about smocks, Iranian leadership, and porygon. 

The Pines Brothers don’t get that Husky Dave saved the day, and they’re pissed off for some weird reason. On a related note, there’s a ski-themed hit man trying to kill Ben, but thankfully he’s bad at his job. Dru talks about life in the compound, and it’s pretty amazing. 

The simp’s gone, which is a good thing for a lot of reasons. No one did anything wrong, and it’s weird that you'd even ask. Alicia gives Husky Dave a well deserved award, which is also a good thing. Ben and Dru learn about Alicia’s new compound, and they’re excited--they're going to be roommates in a bungalow. All in all, it's a really good day.

Mayor Ezekiel Pines Sr. is missing (Dru had nothing to do with it), and the Pines Brothers are pretty broken up about the whole thing. As Ben and Dru weigh how to feel about this horrible man’s disappearance, they see a message from the Simp threatening Alicia. Can Ben and Dru save the day before the Simp goes boner crazy?  (We do not and will not explain what "closet things" are, and our lawyer has advised us to avoid mentioning them.)

Dru was cross about the American Geosciences Institute's rejection of Alicia's message, so he went and did something bad. Faced with the consequences of his actions, he has a low-key panic attack, and Ben has to calm him down. Spoilers for Pokemon: The Movie 2000 

For basically no good reason, the American Geosciences Institute is trying to shut down Alicia's Youtube channel. Ben and Dru do some opposition research on the AGI's board members, and it turns out they're all fossil fuel fat cats. Anyway, it seems like the Pines brothers have something to do with all this, but Dru's going to take care of everything. #DefundTheAGI #RecallMayorPines

Eagerly awaiting Alicia's livestream, Dru teaches Ben a fun fact about malt liquor and suggests a fun activity for them to do as friends.  Alicia's new video explains what "romancing the stone" means in an entirely clear way, but Ben is still confused for some reason, so Dru calmly explains. Again, everything is completely fine. 

Ben and Dru try to trade nature facts, but some nomenclature issues arise. Alicia set up one of those patreons, and it looks like she's got a simp--whatever that means. Also, what's this about "romancing the stone?" Again, all of this is entirely normal, and please stop asking. 

Ben and Dru learn that their friend Alicia has a pretty successful youtube channel. We challenge anyone from Wanblee, South Dakota to a fight. All of this is very normal and none of this is going to get weird. 

Oh dip, turkey! While Ben and Dru wait for all their other friends to show up to the Zoom Thanksgiving, they discuss Thanksgiving spreads, the places they've been and why, and the problems facing capitalists in the ScoobyDooniverse. This episode contains extensive spoilers for the 1987 film Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers. 

Time to get spoopy! Ben and Dru successfully write a scary story. Ben faces his fear of relationships. They reminisce about their spookiest friend and then give him a call. 

Dru's having the worst possible day. Ben's adjusting to life as an emancipated hero. Twizzler politics ensue. California got the bathtub psychics. The Library of Alexandria didn't really burn down #LookItUp. 

Dru’s under house arrest with a box full of drugs. Ben’s a lieutenant of the Praetorian Guard. They rediscover the airhorn app. Ben answers most of Dru’s questions about Husky Dave. Everything is definitely fine in California.

Thanks to that narc the Gullman, the FBI are investigating Dru. Ben soothes him by summarizing the entire plot of Death Becomes Her. Dru asks questions about the many changes happening in California, and Ben applies for an office job with the Praetorian Guard. 

It’s inauguration day, and Mitchell wins all the awards. Dru deals with not being credited when the campaign song wins a Grammy. Ben and Dru counter gotcha questions by thinking about George Washington. Be sure to add the time of Ben’s death to your iCal. We’re so proud of Mitchell, and that’s the Cloud Atty True True. 

It's election day! While watching the results come in, Ben and Dru think about stamps.com and reflect on all the cool jobs Mitch has had. Then they call California Governor Gavin Newsom's office. 

A dismissive article about Mitchell ruffles some feathers. Ben and Dru remember Mitchell's many inventions, accolades, and honorary PhDs. Ben contemplates the nature of black holes.

The Gullman's gone, so Ben and Dru plan a party.

Ben and Dru kink shame the Gullman.

It's Dru's birthday, so he gives Ben a call to let him know. 

Ben calls Dru to share a video.