Canned Meat Theatre

Season 2 continues, now with extra feelings! Featuring: Disney Princesses… The Bureaucrat… Cold Case Diaries with Amanda!… Murder She Wrought… Those Meddling Kids… CMT Ads… and More!“Disney Princesses” written by Andrew RobinsonVoices:Anna: Sarah ZavalaElsa: Lillian McGuinness“The Bureaucrat: The Lawyer” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowellVoices: Voicemail: Jennifer KalisonJames Ross: Suleiman Tarrer Art Cox: Doug McDowellKelly: Rachael Tillman Maya Mistry: Violet Nemazie “Cold Case Diaries with Amanda! #3” written by Wayne CothronVoices: Amanda Bennett: Rachael Tillman Alister LeBeau: Jeffrey S. HermanShane: Jaxon Powers“Murder She Wrought” written by Andrew RobinsonVoices:J.F.: Jennifer KalisonScarlett Collins: Sarah ZavalaThe Devil: Jeffrey S. Herman“Those Meddling Kids” written by Doug McDowellVoices: Sgt. Hanna: Larry CalabrettaDet. Barbera: Ysela WilliamsVelma: Rachael TillmanFred: Suleiman TarrerDaphne: Lillian McGuinnessCMT Ads written by Wayne CothronVoices:#1 "Truly Mellow CBD" Kevin: Jaxon Powers #2 "Famefest"Rex Mallory: Michael LambertiDirected by Doug McDowellSound design by Doug McDowellSound Effects:LOUPE`_0019.wav by adralba -- https://freesound.org/s/472691/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Season 2 continues with this short but sweet episode while we work on bringing you even more!Featuring: Shopping Trip… … Dee & Jay… The New Product Line … Restaurant Ads… and More!“Shopping Trip” written by Andrew RobinsonVoices:Husband: Doug McDowellWife: Rachael Tillman“Dee & Jay” written by Andrew RobinsonVoices:Dee: Kimberly DiPersiaJay: Clinton Hughes“The New Product Line” written by Andrew RobinsonVoices: Herman (CEO): Erik Deckers Lily: Lillian McGuinnessFrank: Tony TaylorJohn: Doug McDowellSpecial chewing foley effects by Erik Deckers“Restaurant Ads” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:# 1 FuggetaboutitsTony: Tony TaylorPauly: Doug McDowell#2 Pussy & Pup Becky: Jennifer Kalison#3 Paddy McCrackensMike: Tony TaylorTom: Erik DeckersDirected by Doug McDowellSound design by Doug McDowell Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Season two is here! We can’t believe it either.Featuring: Last of the Hunter Gatherers… Cold Case Diaries with Amanda!… The Bureaucrat… CMT Comics Secret Origins: The Nipple… Pre-Life Processing Center… and More!“Last of the Hunter-Gatherers” written by Doug McDowellVoices:Host/Anthropologist: Jeffrey S. HermanTribal Man 1: Jaxon PowersTribal Woman 1: Jennifer KalisonTribal Man 2: Doug McDowellTribal Woman 2: Ysela Williams“The Bureaucrat: The Rat” written by Wayne Cothron & Doug McDowell (from an idea by Doc Anthony Bravo) Voices:Voicemail: Jennifer KalisonHarmony Shanti McStrife: Violet Nemazie Art Cox: Doug McDowellKelly: Rachael TillmanPhillip Lopez: Clinton HughesGwen Lopez: Jennifer Coe“CMT Comics Secret Origins: The Nipple!” written by Erik DeckersVoices:Announcer/Dr. Mystic: Doug McDowellThe Nipple: Clinton HughesRed Menace: Erik DeckersBlue Suede: Sarah ZavalaLasso Girl: Rachael TillmanBarrage: Suleiman Tarrer“Cold Case Diaries with Amanda! #2” written by Wayne CothronVoices:Amanda Bennett: Rachael TillmanLilith Queen: Kimberly DiPersiaShane: Clinton Hughes“Pre-Life Processing Center” written by Jeffrey S. HermanVoices: Voiceover (Intercom): Violet NemazieMichael: Jeffrey S. HermanClaire: Paige WeisheimerMarcus: Suleiman TarrerZoe: Lillian McGuinessDirected by Doug McDowellSound design by Doug McDowellSpecial foley effects in “The Nipple”: Erik Deckers Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Happy New Year!Season 2 is on it's way. Stay tuned...Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

A selection of the very best sketches from Canned Meat Theatre so far, plus some commentary from the writers (what are those?). Stay tuned for our new season coming in 2026!“The Night Podiatrist,” written by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowell (Episode 2)Voices: Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowellIna Trouble: Jennifer Kalison“The Bureaucrat: No Day at the Beach” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell. (Episode 2)Voices: Art Cox: Doug McDowell Debra: Jennifer Kalison“After Happily Ever After” written by Jeff Rembert. (Episode 7)Voices:It’s Kim: Kimberly DiPersiaSnow White: Jennifer Kalison“Bitch Bar” written by Doug McDowell (Episode 9)Voices:Announcer (Male): Jeffrey S. HermanAnnouncer (Female): Toni Deckers“Ken Burns Presents: The Civil War Revisited” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell (Episode 6)Voices:Ken Burns: Doug McDowellCol. Thomas P. Jones: Jeff RembertLt. Samuel R. Smith/Pvt. Benjamin “Boomer Dalton: Michael F. LewisClara Ramsay: Kimberly DiPersiaCapt. Alexander Lippincott: Doc Anthony Bravo“Superheroes Day Off” written by Jennifer Kalison (Episode 9)Voices:Barb (Blue Suede): Sarah ZavalaDiane (Lasso Girl): Rachael TillmanCustomer 1: Doug McDowellCustomer 2: Toni DeckersCustomer 3: Michael F. Lewis“Purity Weekend” written and directed by Toni Deckers (Recorded live August 25, 2025)Voices:Youth Pastor Laura: Toni DeckersBetsy: Rachael TillmanAlyssa: Kimberly DiPersiaKatie: Andrea Howells“That’s Florida for You!” written by Erik Deckers (2025 Halloween Special)Voices:Johnny Sunshine: Jeffrey S. HermanJake: Michael F. LewisBillie Mae: Rachael TillmanSummer: Toni DeckersAnnouncer: Doug McDowell Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

A special Halloween episode! Just for you! (not really.)Featuring: Gothrobics… Extreme Home Makeover: Forensics Edition… The Bureaucrat… I Wanna Dance with Somebody… Crime & Wine: A Millennial True Crime Podcast… Inexplicable: First Contact?… That’s Florida For You!… and More!Credits and Attribution:“Gothrobics” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:Velonia: Jennifer KalisonMs. Wolski: Lillian McGuinness“Extreme Home Makeover: Forensics Edition” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:Sy: Doug McDowellAileen: Sarah ZavalaEddie: Michael F. LewisDetective: Sharon McKay Anguin“The Bureaucrat: Halloween 2025” written by Wayne Cothron & Doug McDowell Voices:Voicemail: Jennifer KalisonArt Cox: Doug McDowellKelly: Rachael TillmanMayor Leo/Alfred: Jeffrey S. Herman“I Wanna Dance with Somebody!” written by Toni DeckersVoices:Lisa: Toni DeckersDara: Rachael Tillman“Crime & Wine: A Millennial True Crime Podcast” written by Jeffrey S. HermanVoices: Madison: Lillian McGuinnessTyler: Jaxson Powers Kai: Paige WeisheimerProfessor: Jeffrey S. Herman“Inexplicable: First Contact” written by Doug McDowellVoices: V-Mail: Jennifer KalisonNarrator/Weird Voice: Sharon McKay AnguinArtie: Larry CalabrettaGary: Michael F. LewisA.J.: Jaxson Powers“That’s Florida for You!” written by Erik DeckersVoices:Johnny Sunshine:Jake: Michael F. LewisBillie Mae: Rachael TillmanSummer: Toni DeckersAnnouncer: Doug McDowellDirected by Doug McDowellSound design by Doug McDowellSound Effects:wine_pour.wav by postworkflow -- https://freesound.org/s/360698/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Another live show!Featuring some of your old favorites and some brand new material. Enjoy!Produced as part of the Next Step Screenplay series by All the Line Studio and Incubator.Recorded live at Bynx, Orlando, FloridaAugust 25, 2025Directed by Doug McDowellSound Design and Recording: Michael F. LewisArtistic Director for All the Line Studio and Incubator: Kimberly DiPersiaCurator for Next Steps Screenplay Series: Jeff RembertCast:Stede BonnettDoc Anthony Bravo Ryan BurkeToni DeckersKimberly DiPersiaJeffrey S. HermanAndrea Howells Jennifer KalisonMichael F. LewisDoug McDowellRachael TillmanSketches:“Please Be Advised”  by Doug McDowell “Superheroes’ Day Off” by Jennifer Kalison “Shelf Help with Shari Phelps! #3” by Jennifer Kalison“Neighborhood Dysphoria”  by Doug McDowell “The (Mis) adventures of Astroman” by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell“Purity Weekend” by Toni Deckers“Miss Fortune”  by Andrea Howells “The Bureaucrat- Mashup #2” written by Wayne Cothron, Andrea Howells and Doug McDowell“Thr Cryptopsychiatrist” by Andrea Howells“Last of the Hunter-Gatherers”  by Doug McDowell   “Will and Testament”  by Andrea Howells“The Dessert”  by Doug McDowell Music:““Desert City”, “Mystery Bazzar”, “Shamanistic”,and “Tabuk” - Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

If you find yourself in the Central Florida area, don’t miss our 2nd live show on Monday, August 25, 2025 at Bynx in Downtown Orlando, in partnership with All The Line Studio and Incubator.You’ll be able to see our talented actors live on stage performing some of your favorite sketches from past episodes plus some amazing brand new material.It's the most fun you can have on a Monday night. At least without drugs.For more information and tickets visit our website at www.cannedmeattheatre.comor visit our partners at All the Line Studio and Incubator at www.allthelinestudio.comVisit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Thirteen episodes! Lucky for us! Not for you.Featuring: Space Travel Lottery Winners… Tech Support for the Afterlife… The Bureaucrat… Don’t Drop the Deuce Florida!… Beware the Idiots of March… Three Dog Night… The (Mis)adventures of Astroman… The Starlight Café… and More!“Space Travel Lottery Winners” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:It’s Kim!: Kimberly DiPersiaJane: Jennifer KalisonDave: Jay BogLinda: Rachael TillmanBrad: Jeffrey S. HermanShayla: Sarah Zavala“Tech Support for the Afterlife” written by Doc Anthony BravoVoices:Doc: Doc Anthony BravoCaller: Doug McDowellAnnouncer: Neena Leon“The Bureaucrat: Bureaucrats on Parade” written by Andrea Howells, Wayne Cothron & Doug McDowell Voices:Voicemail: Jennifer KalisonArt Cox/ Hulk Hogan: Doug McDowellSandy Shoals: Andrea HowellsMayor Leo: Jeffrey S. HermanHulk-o-maniac: Doc Anthony BravoLittle Girl: Sarah Zavala“Don’t Drop the Deuce Florida!” written by Doug McDowellVoices:Lifeguard #1: Kimberly DiPersiaLifeguard #2: Doc Anthony BravoBeachgoer #1: Neena LeonBeachgoer #2: Jason Montilla“Beware the Idiots of March” written by Erik DeckersVoices: Roman Senator Casca: Jeffrey S. HermanJunior Senator Spurius: Doc Anthony Bravo“Three Dog Night” written by Toni DeckersVoices:Hazel: Toni DeckersChester: Jason Montilla                                                                                                Mollie: Sarah Zavala“The Misadventures of Astroman #2” written by Wayne Cothron & Doug McDowellVoices:Announcer: Doug McDowellLois Kent: Toni DeckersCody Kent (Astroman): Jay Bog“The Starlight Cafe” written by Jeffrey S. HermanVoices: Announcer: Jeffrey S. HermanCustomer: Doug McDowellWaitress (Terra Nova): Neena LeonLuna: Rachael TillmanCook: Jay BogDirected by Doug McDowellSound design by Doug McDowellSound Effects:Creepy Sound Effect: Paranormal 9 (Vol 002) by AlesiaDavina -- https://freesound.org/s/691439/ -- License: Attribution 4.0AMBCele_Waiting for the Starlight Parade to begin_TK_SASSMKH8020.flac by tim.kahn -- https://freesound.org/s/636952/ -- License: Attribution 4.0AMBCele_The Starlight Parade part 01_TK_SASSMKH8020.flac by tim.kahn -- https://freesound.org/s/636950/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Blender.wav by Sound_2425 -- https://freesound.org/s/538306/ -- License: Attribution 3.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Twelve episodes! That’s a dozen!Featuring: World Makeup Finals… Neighborhood Dysphoria… Cold Case Diaries with Amanda… Shelf Help with Shari Phelps!… Superhero Pharmacy Blues… The Bureaucrat… and More!“World Makeup Finals” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:Matt Finnish: Jaxon PowersPearl Shine: Jennifer CoeSheena: Lisa Acebo“Neighborhood Dysphoria” written by Doug McDowellVoices:Dr. Betty Johnson: Toni DeckersJan: Jennifer CoeMelissa: Lillian McGuinnessCouncilman Fred Derflinger: Jeffrey S. Herman “Cold Case Diaries with Amanda” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowellVoices:Amanda: Rachael TillmanDet. Charlie Jones: Michael F. LewisAnnouncer: Jonathan Stoffel“Shelf Help with Shari Phelps! #3” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:Shari Phelps: Jennifer Kalison“Superhero Pharmacy Blues” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices: Announcer: Doug McDowellBarb/Blue Suede: Sarah ZavalaDiane/Lasso Girl: Rachael TillmanPharmacy Bot: Jennifer Kalison Pharmacy Staff Member: Lillian McGuinness“The Bureaucrat: The Convention” written by Wayne Cothron Voices:Art Cox: Doug McDowellMayor Leo: Jeffrey S. HermanSaul Heyman/Johan Van der Meer: Jonathan StoffelDirected by Doug McDowellSound design by Doug McDowellSound Effects:baby_birth_firstmoments_burping.mp3 by NoiseCollector -- https://freesound.org/s/96292/ -- License: Attribution 3.0Versatile Beep.wav by theplax -- https://freesound.org/s/618191/ -- License: Attribution 4.0elevator door open.aif by mredig -- https://freesound.org/s/120557/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

We’re back! Whether you like it or not.Featuring: The Night Podiatrist… Purity Weekend… The Bureaucrat… ShurJet: The Real Discount Airline!… The (Mis)adventures of Astroman… Name and Address Withheld: Will and Testamentand More!“The Night Podiatrist: Post Holiday Pain” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowellAunt Judy: Jennifer Kalison“Purity Weekend” written and directed by Toni DeckersVoices:Youth Pastor Laura: Toni DeckersBetsy: Eden ShultzKatie: Sarah ZavalaAlyssa: Lillian McGuiness“The Bureaucrat: Civil Unrest” written by Wayne Cothron Voices:V-mail: Jennifer KalisonHarold Blevin: Brian Wagner Art Cox: Doug McDowellMayor Leo: Jeffrey S. Herman“ShurJet: The Real Discount Airline!” written by Doug McDowellVoices:Announcer 1 (M): Jeffrey S. HermanAnnouncer 2(F): Eden ShultzPilot: Michael F. LewisDad/Passenger/Mechanic 1: Jay BogKid/Attendant/Mechanic 2: Lillian McGuiness“The (Mis)adventures of Astroman” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowellDedicated to the memory of Milton Wilford.Voices:Announcer: Doug McDowellTV Anchor: Toni DeckersCody Kent (Astroman): Jay BogVirgil Kent (Captain Cosmos): Jeffrey S. HermanWaitress: Neena Leon “Name and Address Withheld: Will and Testament” written by Andrea HowellsVoices: Lawyer: Andrea HowellsReader: Jeffrey S. HermanBackground Voices: Jay Bog, Michael F. Lewis, Andrea Howells, Doug McDowell  Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Happy Holidays! Join Metal Mike and journey back to the turn of the millenium and the strangest sub-genre of metal ever.written by Doug McDowellVoices:Metal Mike: Doc Anthony BravoFreya Bjorgenborgensen: Freya HuntSiggi Sigursdottir: Jennifer KalisonHorace Rutting-Pigg: Jeffrey S. HermanDr. Inga Malmsteen: Rachael TillmanBart Szmansky: Michael F. LewisMonique/Andrea: Sarah ZavalaFrankie/Gunnar: Doug McDowellSong Lyrics for “Dilate” and “Don’t Come Near Me (or I’ll Rip it Off)” by Jennifer Kalison.Music for “Dilate” and “Don’t Come Near Me (or I’ll Rip it Off)” courtesy of SUNO. Sound Effects:Guitar noise01.wav by LG -- https://freesound.org/s/16033/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Distorted Guitar.wav by D3vilici0us -- https://freesound.org/s/511197/ -- License: Attribution 3.0Distortion Guitar Power Chord E.wav by tosha73 -- https://freesound.org/s/533847/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our first live show!Featuring some of your old favorites and some brand new material. Enjoy!Produced as part of the Next Step Screenplay series by All the Line Studio and Incubator.Recorded live at Bynx, Orlando, FloridaSeptember 30, 2024Directed by Doug McDowellSound Design and Recording: Michael F. LewisLive Stream: Tony TaylorArtistic Director for All the Line Studio and Incubator: Kimberly DiPersiaCurator for Next Steps Screenplay Series: Jeff RembertCast:Joe BoinoDoc Anthony Bravo Toni DeckersKimberly DiPersiaJeffrey Herman Andrea Howells Jennifer KalisonNeena LeonDoug McDowell Kayla Miller “Please Be Advised”  by Doug McDowell “The Night Podiatrist 1” by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowell “Name And Address Withheld-Say Hello to Mrs. D”  by Doug McDowell “We Got Food”  by Doug McDowell “After Happily Ever After”  by Jeff Rembert “Bitch Bar” written by Doug McDowell“The Bureaucrat- Mashup” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell“Assistant App” by Kimberly DiPersia “Ken Burns Presents: The Civil War Revisited”  by Wayne Cothron   “Miss Fortune”  by Andrea Howells “Shelf Help With Shari Phelps!-Halloween Edition”  by Jennifer Kalison“Name And Address Withheld-Vaya Con Dios”  by Doug McDowell “Ask Your Uncle Dave”  by Doug McDowell“Beware the Idiots of March” by Erik Deckers“World Makeup Finals”  by Jennifer Kalison“Al Standish for Not Now!”  by Jeff Rembert“The Night Podiatrist 2”  by Andrea Howells “Don’t Drop the Deuce Florida!”  by Doug McDowell Music: "Tiki Bar Mixer" by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Sound Effects: Roman Marching music loop with horns 1 by deleted_user_6109353 -- https://freesound.org/s/341739/ -- License: Attribution 3.0Roman Marching music loop with horns 2 by deleted_user_6109353 -- https://freesound.org/s/341743/ -- License: Attribution 3.0Roman Horn - Announcing sound by deleted_user_6109353 -- https://freesound.org/s/342364/ -- License: Attribution 3.0Creepy Sound Effect: Paranormal 9 (Vol 002) by AlesiaDavina -- https://freesound.org/s/691439/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our tenth episode! With a Halloween theme! Look out behind you!Featuring: Pumpkin Spice Apocalypse… The Day HE Went to See His Agent… The Bureaucrat… The Big Bad Wolf: Behind the Howl… Angel Studios Halloween… The Haunted GPS… and More!“Pumpkin Spice Apocalypse” written by Jeffrey HermanVoices:Narrator: Jeffrey HermanKara: Paige WeinsheimerGreg: Doc Anthony BravoBarista (Witch): Rachael Tillman“The Day HE Went to See His Agent” by Doug McDowellVoices:Michael Myers: Doug McDowellMonica: Rachael TillmanReceptionist: Sarah ZavalaJason Vorhees: Michael Lewis“The Bureaucrat: A Grave Issue” written by Wayne Cothron Voices:V-mail: Jennifer KalisonBubba Ray: Michael Lewis Art Cox: Doug McDowellMr. Hitchens: Jeffrey Herman“The Big Bad Wolf: Behind the Howl” written by Wayne CothronVoices:It’s Kim: Kimberly DiPersiaCharlie (The Big Bad Wolf): Jeffrey HermanHoward: Michael LewisGuard: Doc Anthony Bravo“Angel Studios Halloween” written by Alex R. Wagner and Chelsea RoachVoices:Announcer: Jeffrey HermanNed/Dad: Doug McDowellJack/Danny: Joe BoinoAlice/Mom/ Judith: Sarah ZavalaJason: Doc Anthony Bravo“The Haunted GPS” written by Jeffrey HermanVoices: Narrator: Jeffrey HermanJoseph: Joe BoinoGPS Voice: Jennifer KalisonOld Man: Jeff Rembert“Halloween Bits” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:Teacher/ Patient/Guy on Date: Doc Anthony BravoCaitlin/Therapist/Girl on Date: Sarah ZavalaAllison: Rachael TillmanStudent: Paige Weinsheimer Music:“Ice Demon”, “Lightless Dawn” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/“Horrific Dreams” by Victor_Natas  https://freesound.org/s/616792/ Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/“Classic Horror Movie Scene Music” by Beetlemuse https://freesound.org/s/617152/ Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Sound Effects:Thunderclap.wav by Geissler -- https://freesound.org/s/104521/ -- License: Attribution 4.0GeelongJail-2.wav by edwar64896 -- https://freesound.org/s/250933/ -- License: Attribution 3.0Horn1.wav by Gijsknol -- https://freesound.org/s/68121/ -- License: Attribution 4.0Car window sound .wav by FIlippoPolverini -- https://freesound.org/s/631925/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

If you find yourself in the Central Florida area, don’t miss our first live show on Monday, September 30, 2024 at Bynx in Downtown Orlando, in partnership with All The Line Studio and Incubator. You’ll be able to see our talented actors live on stage performing some of our finest sketches from past episodes plus some amazing brand new material.It’s like radio- for your eyes. For more information and tickets visit our website at www.cannedmeattheatre.com or visit our partners at All the Line Studio and Incubator at www.allthelinestudio.comVisit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our ninth episode! That’s almost ten.Featuring: Crime Talk with the Holmes Bros.…Olive Garden Gangsters… The Bureaucrat… Bitch Bar… Superheroes’ Day Off… and More!“Crime Talk with the Holmes Brothers” written by Erik DeckersVoices:Mycroft Holmes: Scott MontySherlock Holmes: Paul SingletonCharles Garrett: Burt WolderHeather Featherlight: Toni Deckers“Olive Garden Gangsters” written by Alex R. WagnerVoices:CEO (The Don): Jeffrey HermanMinion 1: Michael LewisMinion 2: Doc Anthony BravoMinion 3: Marc Lucia“The Bureaucrat: The Pickleball Courts” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowellVoices:V-mail: Jennifer KalisonJeffrey Davis: Doc Anthony BravoArt Cox: Doug McDowellDana: Kayla MillerDavid Schultz: Marc Lucia“Bitch Bar” written by Doug McDowellVoices:Announcer (Male): Jeffrey HermanAnnouncer (Female): Toni Deckers“Superheroes Day Off” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:Barb (Blue Suede): Sarah ZavalaDiane (Lasso Girl): Rachael TillmanCustomer 1: Doug McDowellCustomer 2: Toni DeckersCustomer 3: Michael LewisIf you enjoyed "Crime Talk", please check out Scott, Paul and Burt on their podcasts: I Hear of Sherlock Everywhere, the first podcast for devotees of Sherlock Holmes now in its 18th season. And also Trifles, examining the cases of Sherlock Holmes, now in its 8th season. Available wherever fine podcasts are sold. Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our eighth episode! We’re getting the hang of this.Featuring: The Assistant App…The Bureaucrat… Build GPT… Miss Fortune’s misfortune… Drag Drive… The Esteemed Mrs. Barker…and More!“Assistant App” written by Kimberly DiPersia.Voices:Announcer (Male): Marc LuciaSlogan Voice (Female): Toni DeckersFemale Entrepreneur 1: Sarah ZavalaFemale Entrepreneur 2: Jennifer KalisonMale Entrepreneur: Doc Anthony BravoHusband: Joe BoinoWife: Andrea Howells“Build GPT Makes a Doghouse” written by David HahnertVoices:Human: Marc LuciaBuild GPT: Toni Deckers“The Bureaucrat: Richie Regal” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowellVoices:V-mail: Jennifer KalisonArt’s Mom: Rachael TillmanArt Cox: Doug McDowellDana: Kayla MillerRitchie Regal: Michael Lewis“Miss Fortune’s Misfortune” written by Andrea HowellsVoices:Miss Fortune: Andrea HowellsOfficer: Doug McDowell“Drag Drive” written by Doug McDowellVoices:T’ang: Doug McDowellThe Doctor: Toni DeckersDora the Andorian: Rachael TillmanElon Musk: David HahnertRu Paul: Brandon Hartsfield“The Esteemed Mrs. Barker” written by Wayne CothronVoices:Mailman: Doc Anthony BravoBeatrice: Neena LeonAngelica Barker: Toni DeckersCarl Barker: Marc LuciaMusic:“The Shake” by Geovane Bruno – License: Creative Commons Zero (CC0)Sound Effects:CommunicatorChirp_STTOS_recreated.wav by zimbot -- https://freesound.org/s/178027/ -- License: Attribution 4.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our seventh episode! It was supposed to out in February. We got sick. It’s late. So just laugh at all the Valentine’s stuff anyway.Featuring: After Happily Ever After… The GenX-Files with Smoulder and Sulky…The Night Podiatrist…Miss Fortune… Tom Lehrer teaches you to tango (and how!) …and More!This episode is dedicated to Kimberly Wolski.“After Happily Ever After” written by Jeff Rembert.Voices:It’s Kim: Kimberly DiPersiaSnow White: Jennifer Kalison“The GenX-Files with Smoulder and Sulky” written by Jennifer Kalison and Kimberly WolskiVoices:Smoulder: Doc Anthony BravoSulky: Jennifer Kalison“The Night Podiatrist: Podiatry is a Lonely Business, Part 2” written by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowellVoices:Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowellAnita Legala-Vice: Toni Deckers“Miss Fortune (February ‘24)” written by Andrea HowellsVoices:Announcer: Stede BonnettMiss Eri: Rachael TillmanMusic:“Ice Demon”, “Undaunted”, ”Lightless Dawn” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/“The Masochism Tango” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)Released to the Public Domain in 2022 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

We're a little behind getting February's episode out due to unforeseen circumstances ( Miss Fortune didn't even see it).But we'll be back soon with a brand new episode. In the meantime, please enjoy this preview, featuring a trip back to the 90's and that TV show we all loved (well, the nerds did, anyway).written by Jennifer Kalison and Kimberly Wolskidedicated to Kimberly WolskiVoices:Smoulder: Doc Anthony BravoSulky: Jennifer KalisonAnnouncer: Doug McDowellVisit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Action! Adventure! Women in Trousers!Join the Major, his man Rupert and the scandalous Lady Ramsbottom on their adventures aboard the time-traveling airship, HMS Impossible.Originally featured in Episode 4, this version has been remixed and remastered for your listening pleasure.written by Doug McDowell.Voices:Presenter: Stede BonnettMajor Alcock Brown: Doug McDowellRupert: Doc Anthony BravoLady Evelyn Ramsbottom: Kimberly DiPersiaLord Ramsbottom: Jeff RembertVisit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our sixth episode! And it’s a big one. Just in time for the Holidays! Makes a great gift! (not really)Featuring: A Taylor Swift Thanksgiving… Al Standish for Not-Now!…Ken Burns Presents: The Civil War Revisited…We Got Food…Donut Friday… The Night Podiatrist… The Cryptopsychiatrist… The Bureaucrat… …Miss Fortune… Tom Lehrer celebrates Hannukah (in Santa Monica)…and More!“A Taylor Swift Thanksgiving,” written by Alex R. Wagner.Voices:Narrator: Jennifer KalisonSister: Rachael TillmanBrother: Joe BoinoDad: Alex R. WagnerMom: Neena LeonUncle Ron: Michael Lewis“CMT Shopping Network Presents: Al Standish for Not-Now!” written by Jeff Rembert Voices:Announcer: Doug McDowellAl Standish: Jeff RembertWendy Standish: Sarah MalfaraMrs. Schultz: Neena Leon“Ken Burns Presents: The Civil War Revisited” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowellVoices:Ken Burns: Doug McDowellCol. Thomas P. Jones: Jeff RembertLt. Samuel R. Smith/Pvt. Benjamin “Boomer Dalton: Michael LewisClara Ramsay: Kimberly DiPersiaCapt. Alexander Lippincott: Doc Anthony BravoConstable Patrick Murphy: Marc Lucia“We Got Food” written by Doug McDowellVoices:Announcer: Marc LuciaEmployee: Neena LeonCustomer: Doc Anthony Bravo“Donut Friday” written by Kimberly DiPersiaVoices:Narrator: Stede BonnettElsie: Rachael TillmanJohn: David HahnertLinda: Jennifer KalisonMs. Waters: Kimberly DiPersia“The Night Podiatrist: Podiatry is a Lonely Business” written by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowell, created by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowell.Voices:Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowellBruiser: Marc LuciaGoon: David Hahnert“The Cryptopsychiatrist” written by Andrea HowellsVoices:Radio Announcer: Brian K. ScottThe Cryptopsychiatrist: Marc LuciaNessie: Rachael TillmanMothman: Doug McDowellBigfoot: Joe BoinoCaller: Alex R. Wagner“The Bureaucrat: Environmentally Unfriendly” written by Andrea Howells, created by Wayne Cothron.Voices:Caller: Brian K. ScottArt Cox: Doug McDowellDana: Kayla MillerSandy Shoal: Andrea Howells“Miss Fortune (December)” written by Andrea HowellsVoices:Announcer: Stede BonnettMiss Fortune: Andrea HowellsMusic:“(I’m Spending) Hannukah in Santa Monica” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)Released to the Public Domain in 2022 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

While you're anxiously awaiting Episode 6, here's the latest from our prolific prognosticator, Miss Fortune!Written by Andrea HowellsAnnouncer: Stede BonnettMiss Fortune: Andrea HowellsSupport us on PatreonVisit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our fifth episode! (Almost) just in time for Halloween. Boo!Featuring: Shelf Help: Halloween Edition… Antipersonal Ads…Haiku News…The Bureaucrat… The Old Scouts…Miss Fortune… Sam Champion’s Jaguars Podcast…and More!“Shelf Help: Halloween Edition,” written by Jennifer Kalison.Voices:Shari Phelps: Jennifer Kalison“The Old Scouts” written by Jeff Rembert and Chet Hall (aka Joseph P. Clayman)Voices:Bailey: Jeff RembertTucker: Doug McDowellOswald: Marc Lucia“Haiku News” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:News Announcer: Brandon HartsfieldPoets: Jennifer Kalison, Doc Anthony Bravo, Neena Leon“Antipersonal Ads” written by Andrea Howells and Stede BonnettVoices:Narrator: Stede BonnettDracula: Brandon HartsfieldWerewolf: Joe BoinoFrankenstein Monster/Invisible Man/Phantom of the Opera: Marc LuciaMedusa/Necromancer: Andrea HowellsSiren: Rachael TillmanCentauride: Jennifer KalisonAlien/Watson: Teisha CainWitch: Neena Leon“The Bureaucrat: Mistress Nightshade” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell, created by Wayne Cothron.Voices:Art Cox: Doug McDowellDana: Kayla MillerBeatrice Jones: Jennifer KalisonMayor Leo: Stede Bonnett“Miss Fortune (October)” written by Andrea HowellsVoices:Announcer: Stede BonnettMiss Fortune: Andrea Howells“Sam Champion’s Jaguars Podcast” by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell, from an idea by Wayne CothronVoices:Sam Champion: Alex R. WagnerCaller 1: Michael LewisCaller 2: Joe BoinoCaller 3(Donna): Neena LeonCaller 4 (Nick): Doc Anthony BravoSam’s Mom: Andrea HowellsBunny: Rachael TillmanSound Effects:This episode features these sounds from freesound.org:“Creepy Sound Effect: Paranormal 9 (Vol 002)”(https://freesound.org/people/AlesiaDavina/sounds/691439/)licensed under CCBY 4.0"baseballhitandcrowdcheer" by amishrob(https://freesound.org/people/AmishRob/sounds/214989/)licensed under CCBY 4.0“baseball-hitting-glove” by SocializedArtist45(https://freesound.org/people/SocializedArtist45/sounds/266594/)licensed under CCBY 3.0 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

While you're waiting for the next episode of Canned Meat Theatre, please enjoy Shari Phelps as she teaches you the benefits of open shelving. Remember, an organized space is a happier place! And look for future members-only bonus material on our Patreon site!Written and Performed by Jennifer KalisonVisit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Our fourth (and longest) episode! (let’s hope advertisers notice)Featuring: The MajorThe Night Podiatrist: a Pedicure Affair Haiku NewsWedding Bells Bail BondsTom Lehrer recalls those golden college days.and More!“The Major,” written by Doug McDowell.Voices:Presenter: Stede BonnettMajor Alcock Brown: Doug McDowellRupert: Doc Anthony BravoLady Evelyn Ramsbottom: Kimberly DiPersiaLord Ramsbottom: Jeff Rembert“The Night Podiatrist: a Pedicure Affair” written by Andrea Howells. Created by Doug McDowell and Jennifer Kalison.Voices:Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowellSilvia: Andrea Howells“Haiku News” written by Jennifer KalisonVoices:News Announcer: Brandon HartsfieldPoets: Jennifer Kalison, Doc Anthony Bravo.“Wedding Bells Bail Bonds” written by Andrea Howells and Doug McDowellVoices:Announcer: Kayla MillerCon: Doc Anthony BravoBaby Mama: Kimberly DiPersiaMusic:“Bright College Days” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)Released to the Public Domain in 2022 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Support us on PatreonVisit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Remixed December 2023.Our third episode! (well, we’re excited, anyway…)Featuring:The Secret Life of the Great White SharkThe Bureaucrat Ask Your Uncle DaveTom Lehrer holds forth on the joys of spring (and animal abuse).and More!“The Secret Life of the Great White Shark,” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell.Voices:Herve Vachon/Bob: Doug McDowellJune: Jennifer KalisonFloyd: Marc Lucia“The Bureaucrat: The Wresting Promoter” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell. Created by Wayne Cothron.Voices:Phone Recording: Jennifer Kalison Tiger Owner: Marc LuciaArt Cox: Doug McDowellJim Russo: Doc Anthony BravoDana: Kayla Miller “Ask Your Uncle Dave” written by Doug McDowellVoices:Announcer/Reader: Kimberly DiPersiaUncle Dave: Doug McDowellMusic:“Adventures in Adventureland” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/“Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)Released to the Public Domain in 2022 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Remixed December 2023.Our second episode! (despite the pleas for sanity)Featuring: The Night Podiatrist...The Bureaucrat...Name and Address Withheld: Say Hello to Mrs. D...The Cold War fondly remembered with Tom Lehrer (what ever happened to Hen3ri?)...And More!“The Night Podiatrist,” written by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowellVoices: Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowell Ina Trouble: Jennifer Kalison“The Bureaucrat: No Day at the Beach” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell. Created by Wayne Cothron.Voices:Art Cox: Doug McDowell Debra: Jennifer KalisonOther original material written and performed by Doug McDowellOther Featured Voices: Kimberly DiPersia (remix)Brandon Hartsfield (remix)“We Will All Go Together When We Go” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)Released to the Public Domain in 2022 Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Welcome to beautiful Bellevue Beach, the home of hapless city planner Art Cox.Go Sea Slugs!Coming soon in Episode 2!Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Meet Dr. Sidney Greenbaum, the Night Podiatrist.Coming soon in Episode 2!Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Remixed December 2023.Our Pilot Episode!Featuring: The Unbearable Emptiness and Impassive Cruelty of the Dessert...Name and Address Withheld: Vaya Con Dios...A recitation of the Periodic Table c. 1959 with Tom Lehrer...and More!All original material written by Doug McDowell“The Elements” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)released to the Public Domain in 2022Voices: Doug McDowell Jennifer Kalison (remix)Kayla Miller (remix)Music:“Space Jazz”, “Desert City”, “Mystery Bazzar”, “Shamanistic”, “Tabuk” and “Tiki Bar Mixer”- Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Sound Effects:This episode features these sounds from freesound.org:"Cat Growl.m4a" by Christyboy100  (https://freesound.org/people/Christyboy100/sounds/495693) licensed under CCBY 3.0“wine_pour.wav” by postworkflow(https://freesound.org/people/postworkflow/sounds/360698)licensed under CCBY 4.0“Kitchen dishes 1” by quetzalcontla(https://freesound.org/people/quetzalcontla/sounds/458047)“Ambience, Seaside Waves, Close, A.wav” by InspectorJ(https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/400632)licensed under CCBY 4.0https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon

Original Comedy. Bits and pieces lost in space and time. You never know what's inside.Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.comSupport us on Patreon