Don’t Scare the Newbies!

Lana and Edward join kirizal and S to give U/us an introduction into the wild world of erotic hypnosis. Navigating censorship to find resources, what appeals about the closest thing to magic and mind control that people can tap into, favourite experiences and riskiest mistakes, managing risk, and an overview of how it works. This episode may have unlocked a new kink for U/us - and offers a fascinating insight into an often hidden area of kink.Content Note: Discussion of psychology heavy play including false perception of serious injury, inability to recognise a partner, and reduced intelligence General themes of mind control and heavy consensual non-consent. Discussion of high risk play and ethically grey areas.Check out @HipHypnotist on Fetlife for resources on hypno playFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

Once again kirizal and S are watching a movie, and James Spader is playing a pervert (with hair)! This week W/we're discussing the 1996 movie Crash - but if you haven't seen it, come on in, the plot is light and the episode gets deep! W/we're here for the controversy and censorship that surrounded Crash on release, the intersection between sex, technology, and urban isolation, and asking the question does representation matter when fetishism is portrayed so far outside reality? Plus - what is non-diagetic kink, what can Crash tell U/us about how the eroticisation of a universal threat works, and a look at intensity as a kink in itself. Content Note: This episode contains - as you might expect - discussion of car crashes, including injuries and fatalities. W/we also discuss consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, fantasies about sexual assault, and misogyny. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

This week, kirizal and S get into all the gory details of blood play. From the visual appeal to the perceived - if not always actual - intensity, W/we chat about what it does for U/us and the unique sensations. W/we share some memorable scenes - including the first time W/we met and the first time W/we had sex, plus chat toys and techniques, the details of planning a scene, and the all important safety and risk tips. Plus - S finds out for sure that They're not a masochist in quite a spiky way, and kirizal finally discovers a kink they don't like.Content Note: Strong, bloody violence throughout! Discussion includes needles, scalpels, spiky impact play, menstruation, and consensual non-consent play.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

BDSM model and author Ariel Anderssen (who is also kirizal's sister!) - joins U/us on the podcast this week. She shares her story of overcoming shame from a Jehovah's Witness upbringing and healing from abuse, discovering kink in the time before Fetlife, and stories from her long and impressive career. Plus - feminism and kink, kink community outside the munch and play event scene, and the impact of increasing censorship on the adult industry.Content Note: Discussion of religious shame and the impact of child abuseAriel's new book, Dirty, is coming in early June. It's now fully funded, and you can find more information here: https://www.arielanderssenauthor.com/dirtyFollow Ariel on Substack: https://arielanderssen.substack.com/Follow Ariel on X (NSFW Images): https://x.com/ArielAnderssen Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

This week, S takes the lead with Their first time writing the episode outline (exciting!) as W/we tackle the topic of long distance relationships. While kirizal has never dated further than a couple of counties over, S spent three years in a relationship at a distance of 4000 miles. Covering the joy and creativity of long distance love, the challenges of supporting a partner when you can’t just pop over for a hug, how sex works when you rely on a phone line and a bluetooth connection, and navigating discipline and structure in power exchange when a submissive is unsupervised. And kirizal asks the hard hitting question - did S take dick pics?Thanks to S’s ex partner for her behind the scenes perspective which was really valuable in shaping this episode! Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

This week, Lydia - founder of luxury bondage brand Kilter - joins kirizal and S to put the Business Development, Sales, and Marketing into BDSM. W/we chat about the challenges of promoting adult businesses on social media, the realities of starting a BDSM brand, her dad’s enthusiasm for her business, and life as a kinky lesbian.Find more of Lydia at: https://bykilter.com/https://www.subtlebond.com/https://www.instagram.com/lydiacoulter_https://www.tiktok.com/@lydiacoulter__Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

In this episode, Mx and kirizal dig into shame, objectification, worthlessness, and all the messy emotions of degradation and humiliation. How these kinks can enhance O/our play, why they turn U/us on, and a deep dive into trauma play, body shaming, verbal degradation and humiliation, and "the umbrella of gross kinks". Plus - kirizal's journey into emotional masochism, negotiation and aftercare skills, and Mx discovers that kirizal doesn't know how to burp.Content Note: This episode covers some heavy topics and common 'icks' throughout, in detail. Misogynistic and fatphobic language, mentions of transphobia play, child abuse, and CNC. More detailed discussion of bodily fluids including spit, vomit, piss, and scat, as well as body image, dysmorphia, and weight loss.For more education on emotional sadomasochism, W/we recommend Vahavta whose work can be found at kinkbeyondlimits.comFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbies

Enthusiastic findom newbies kirizal and S dive into the controversial subject of playing with money. W/we chat about the politics of playing with the power of capitalism, the taboo of talking about money in relationships, and why financial domination carries so much stigma and shame. Plus - ethics and safety, the symbolism and meaning behind giving and receiving money, and how findom works for U/us in the context of an ongoing and intimate relationship.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesLAST CHANCE - Voting closes 2nd April, so if you haven’t please vote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

This week, W/we’re bigger than ever - talking big dicks, big toys, and fisting. kirizal dives into what’s going on with their size kink, while S is in it for the objectification and mad science. W/we tackle the age old question of does size matter, chat porn dick and dick pics, and discuss the appeal of non-standard sex toys. Plus - safety, stretching tips, and kirizal forces S to accept compliments.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

This week, Bunny and L join kirizal and S for a chat about the sillier and more lighthearted side of kink - WAM (wet and messy) and looner (balloon) kinks! Bunny is an adult content creator and takes U/us through their adventures of discovering new desires through performance, experiences of running specialist kink events, and what the draw is of these desires. L - one of their partners - shares their experiences of being along for the ride and the kinks they acquire along the way. Clown energy and giggles on the podcast this week - with, as always, some filth and diversions.Find more of Bunny at https://allmylinks.com/ukchubbybunnyFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Time for another kinky movie, and this time it’s Secretary. kirizal and S talk about relatability in awkwardness, agency in submission, and the joy in seeing kink on screen represented as genuinely perverse and unpolished. Plus - masochism and self harm, neurodivergence in kink, and W/we find out if kirizal can read out a movie quote without crying.Content Note: Spoilers for Secretary throughout, detailed discussion of self harm both in the movie and personal experience, discussion of consent issues including coercion and sexual harassment. The movie also includes a scene of domestic violence - which W/we don’t discuss in detail but do briefly reference.There was a slight buzzing interference issue on this recording - hopefully not too troublesome and nothing like the chaos with the old mics! The upcoming episodes W/we’ve done so far are all clear so shouldn’t hear it again anytime soon (hopefully ever!)Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

On this episode, Mark joins kirizal and S to talk about sharps play - needles, blades and scalpels. W/we chat about finding the resources to learn these types of skills, vetting and negotiating for play, the appeal of blood and scars, and managing risk. Plus lots more!Content Note: Detailed discussion of sharps play including blood and scarring, brief mention of self harm. Conversations around degradation and humiliation kinks including brief mentions of vomit and scat, and more detailed discussion of play involving very dirty feet and socks.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

This week W/we’re getting back to basics with a closer look at the classics - dominance and submission. What separates power play from other areas of kink? How can power be expressed, where does it come from and what different flavours can it have? kirizal and S talk about negotiation for power exchange, different approaches to rules and authority styles, the role of discipline, and lots more! With handy tips for people new to power exchange relationships and a look at how O/our dynamic is developing into something a little more edgy with time, on this episode W/we had plenty to talk about!Content Note: Some discussion of play involving simulated sexual assaultFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Location tracking, surveillance cameras, and an open door policy - as often happens, kirizal’s dream life sounds like many people’s worst nightmare. On this episode, S and kirizal chat about the ways that W/we erode privacy and dignity in a fun, consensual way. Also - the age old debate about the construction of a proper cream tea, kirizal’s many open tabs, and pooping with the door open.Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Tom and Kay - hosts of Insert Here - join kirizal and S to chat about polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and all the excitement and challenges that comes with navigating alternative relationship styles. Plus - exhibitionism, kinky podcaster life, and lots more! Listen to Insert Here anywhere you find podcasts, and check out their website here: insertherekink.comFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Who would wanna get stung by nettles on purpose? Probably surprising to no one that the answer is kirizal, with S more than happy to deliver. So as W/we look forward to nettle season just around the corner, kirizal and S break down the process and techniques involved in nettle play, just a touch of science, and lots of footling about. Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

On this episode, Hope's back with her flatmate Ash joining her to talk about their exploration in kink - we chat petplay, primal, and embracing the animal within, kink on a budget, switching, gender identity, and kink outside of a defined relationship or power dynamic, plus lots more!There was a major audio issue with this recording, which Ash and Hope worked for weeks to repair for U/us (much appreciated) - the end result is a little less polished than most of O/our episodes, but the content was too good not to release. From next episode W/we're on the new, much improved microphones full time so this is the last time you'll have to suffer questionable audio - promise!Content Note: Contains discussion of consensual non-consent play including simulated sexual assault, some high risk kinks including choking, blood play, and punching, and some discussion of mental health difficulties.Follow Hope on her socials at:https://www.instagram.com/djanngles?igsh=bnJqNzYzMmh3ZDMz&utm_source=qrTwitch.tv/djannglesFollow Ash on their socials at:https://x.com/nyaroticx?s=21Twitch.tv/nyaroticFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

In this episode W/we answer popular Tiktok search “is kirizal a boy or a girl”, S and kirizal compare gender “journeys”, and chat about how gender identity, roles, oppression, and expression influence kink. Plus - how inclusive is the kink community? Is kink better when it’s self aware and subversive? And is it a feminist act to be horny?Content Note: Discussion of misogyny and transphobiaFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

Through S’s repeated disclaimers that appearance control is NOT about making kirizal hotter, W/we talk about the undeniable glow up that happened in 2025. Why is appearance control so fun? Is being a bimbo really about being any less smart? And how does hyper-femininity feel for a nonbinary person? Plus - kirizal slips into bimbo headspace mid-recording, and S continues to lose the battle to stop kirizal stealing Their clothes.Content Note: Some discussion of weight lossFollow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

kirizal’s ex, Hope (previously known as Alexea), joins U/us this episode to talk about navigating breakups in power exchange relationships. How do people disentangle their lives when they have created such an interdependent structure? How do submissives decondition from rules that have become reflex? And how can kinky couples exit plan for a softer landing while still riding the optimism of the honeymoon period? Plus - staying friends with exes, kitchen chaos, and we address the “missing chapter” from kirizal’s content - That big breakup.Content Note: Discussion of abuse within D/s, and attempted suicide (brief, no details).Follow kirizal’s blog and find all their socials at www.kirizal.comSupport U/us on Patreon at patreon.com/dontscarethenewbiesVote for U/us in The Alternative Awards by liking this Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/DTdI0ZZDGlw/?igsh=bDhweDh6aDl1MW45

In this episode, kirizal and S answer listener questions and recap 2025. Laughs, tears, healing and perversions, this episode has it all as W/we round up a busy, exciting, and very kinky year. Content Note: Although nothing particularly explicit, this episode does include mentions of play involving simulated sexual assault and domestic violence

It wouldn’t be Christmas without some light trauma dumping, a discussion about the link between religious shame and CNC, and some historical genital mutilation. It’s O/our festive episode, so kirizal and S talk faith and spirituality, O/our childhood Christmas traditions and the new ones W/we are making together, kink as a spiritual experience, how worship and ritual fit into O/our dynamic, and the value of community. Content Note: Some discussion of drug use/addiction, mention of sexual assault, and castration. It’s festive, W/we promise!

W/we interrupt O/our schedule to discuss Pillion - negative messaging about 24/7 dynamics sour the taste of kirizal and S’s cinema date night, service, emotional masochism and letting kink be delightfully weird bring some authenticity to the mix, and some questionable marketing miss-sells U/us a “raunchy rom-com” that’s definitely not Do movies have a responsibility in how they represent communities? What was this movie trying to say about lifestyle BDSM, and did it deliver? Mixed feelings, and a small obligatory discussion of THAT prosthetic. Content Note: Spoilers for Pillion, of course, and discussion of unhealthy D/s relationships

What do kirizal and S like about burns, branding and cigarette torture? Well, for one thing, it’s hot! W/we chat all about burning, from kirizal’s slightly reckless early experimentation, to S’s introduction to this sizzlingly spicy kind of play. Plus - solo masochism vs self harm, what is the difference between a kink and a fetish, anti-smoking PSAs gone wrong and what happens if W/we ever give up this filthy habit? Content Note: Discussion of drug use, addiction, and self harm

Is anal sex kinky? Whatever you think - it’s kinky enough for U/us! kirizal and S talk about O/our experiences - why the girls, gays, and theys do butt stuff better, S’s quest for Their own cum button, the appeal of painal, and the blessing (or curse) of having an absolutely enormous penis. Lots of giggles, some helpful tips, and the important debate of douching vs spontaneity. Content Note: Inevitably, some poop is involved

kirizal botches the intro for a solid minute, S and kirizal are forced into time travel due to a rogue washing machine, and through the chaos W/we share O/our thoughts on Fifty Shades of Grey - terrible kink representation, a crucial moment in mainstream acceptance, pure cringe, or all of the above?Content note: Some discussion of poor consent practices and fantasies about abuse and non-conWanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

How did kirizal go from a kitchen that was semi-permanently on fire, to home cooking from scratch every day? Why is S scared They’ll forget how a washing machine works? And do W/we get super horny about washing up? In this episode, W/we talk about the reality of domestic service in O/our dynamic - what needs it meets for U/us, how O/our roles support each other, and what a day in the life of a very busy service submissive looks like. Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

What is sadism and masochism, how are they different from dominance and submission, and what does anyone get out of playing with pain? kirizal and S dive into the intersection of pain and pleasure and how these roles fit into O/our way of doing kinkContent Note: Some discussion of burns, vomit, and body image/shamingWanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

Breathplay is one of the most popular kinks, and also one of the most potentially deadly. kirizal and S talk about O/our approach to breathplay, changing risk profiles over time, and the alarming popularity of choking.Content Note: This episode discusses torture, drowning, and death, although none in graphic detail. It also includes (obviously) in depth discussion about high risk kinks, and is not intended as a “how to” guide.Wanna hear kirizal (and possibly S) talk kink live? Newcastle event 5th December: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreator

Nat of The North East Life Art Project joins kirizal and S as O/our first guest. Talking life modelling, body image, objectification, power exchange, sexuality vs sensuality, and so much more! Will S take Their clothes off for money, what has kirizal been doing on the wines at the business meetings, and how is Nat like a banana? Plus an exciting announcement - Don’t Scare the Newbies! is taking yapping about kink into the real world with an upcoming event in Newcastle.Event info and tickets: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/dont-scare-the-newbies-a-conversation-tickets-1898160100959?aff=oddtdtcreatorNorth East Life Art Project on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thenortheastlifeartproject?igsh=Zmo0cGJuZGxqOWc4

In the last episode, kirizal and S talked contracts - and the development of the fixed foundation of O/our power exchange. Now it’s onto the living document of O/our rules - covering protocol, limits, punishment, and the fine details of a life built together to bring kink out from the dungeon and into the ordinary and the every day. Part two of O/our two-parter on the filthy, nerdy structure of O/our dynamic.

Contracts, rules, formal reviews and paperwork - hot, right? The formal structure of power exchange relationships can often sound like boring admin from the outside, but for two self confessed sex nerds, writing a contract together was like months of foreplay. In this episode, S and kirizal talk about the journey to O/our first contract of Total Power Exchange and talk through everything that goes into it - the responsibilities, risks, commitment and joy. This episode is part one of two, with next week’s episode focusing on the rules that exist in constant evolution alongside the fixed foundation of the contract.

One of O/our favourite - and often very misunderstood and oversimplified kinks - is CNC: consensual non-consent. Exploring violation, control, violence, and surrender in both play and O/our dynamic is something that draws U/us both - but how do you keep focus on the “first C” when playing in the darkest parts of your mind? Is it safe? Is it ethical? And is it really just about “forced” fantasies or is there more to it? W/we answer all of that and more!Content Note: This episode includes detailed discussion of consensual non-consent play involving strong violence and simulated sexual assault, non-safeword play and dynamics

W/we sit down to share tips on overcoming a play slump, finding ways to create time and space for all kinds of intimacy when life gets in the way. In July 2025 W/we set a challenge to do something kinky every day for 31 days and almost succeeded - including the most intense and brutal beating kirizal has ever taken and a life changing camping trip, so in this episode W/we recap some highlights from this challenge and what it taught U/us.The blog post referenced in this episode is ‘Sixty-Five’ on kirizal.comContent Note: This episode includes discussion of consensual non-consent play involving heavy impact and simulated sexual assault, discussion of play involving blood and vomit, and no-safeword play

Recorded two days after the most brutal, intense, and transformative scene W/we have ever done, kirizal and S abandon O/our regularly scheduled content to relive the three hour interrogation scene that was more than two months in the making. Talking about the practical elements, negotiation, emotional impact, and kirizal’s top tips to endure torture.The blog post referenced in this episode is ‘Not Friends (Ain’t That The Worst Thing You Ever Heard)’ at kirizal.comContent Note: This episode contains mention of heavy physical and emotional sadism including blood, burns, breath play, and psychological torture.

Not all kink involves sex, and not all sex involves kink, but the crossover between the two is a lot of fun! W/we talk sexual communication, overcoming sexual function challenges, and kirizal demands answers to where S learned Their skills in unhinged pussy witchcraftContent Note: This episode includes discussion of blood play, vomit, and fantasies about sexual assault

As you might expect from a couple with a kink podcast, talking about kink is one of O/our favourite things to do! But communication in power exchange relationships is about more than that - in this episode W/we talk about consent models, negotiation, risk management, and the importance of regular check ins - with some clips from one of O/our monthly dynamic review sessions to show how it works!Content Note: This episode includes brief discussion of consensual non-consent play involving simulated sexual assault

The world of kink sounds intimidating and complicated, so how does anyone get started? kirizal and S talk about O/our starting points, and how (and why) W/we found O/our way into the kink community after exploring alone. Risk, adventure, and connection - let’s talk about everything involved in getting into kink.

Get to know kirizal and S - O/our earliest kink experiences, kirizal’s chronic over-sharing vs S’s more reserved and private nature, and how on earth that combination led to a podcast about O/our most intimate momentsContent Note: This episode includes brief discussion of addiction, and consensual non-consent play involving simulated sexual assault

A little snippet of what’s to come!