Dueling Dualities

We sat down to figure out why we keep not doing this podcast. What happened instead was better. In this episode we get into urgency versus consistency — why chasing urgency is just hitting yourself against a wall and thinking the wall will move, and what might actually unfold if you showed up instead. We talk about healing your younger self through the people right in front of you — what it looks like to pour love into a childhood memory by washing your toddler's sheets at midnight and meaning it. We get into being triggered by your kids not because of anything they're doing wrong, but because of the age you were when everything went wrong for you. We talk about not knowing how to receive love when your filter for what love looks like is broken. About recovery getting lonelier the higher you climb, and why that's not a sign you're failing. About afformations versus affirmations — why your brain responds to a question completely differently than a statement. And about havening, which we had both forgotten about until we needed it. We also fight briefly about what to name you. Potties was proposed. Potties was rejected. We're still working on it. This one started as an exploratory conversation and turned into something real. We think there's something in it for you — whether you're in recovery, in a marriage that's hard right now, or just tired of feeling like you're the only one who doesn't have it together. You're not. We promise.

Eight years ago, a therapist handed us a tool. Five questions. Structured. Specific. Rules about what you could say, how you said it, and what you weren't allowed to respond to until the next day. It felt rigid — because it was built for people who could barely look at each other. That was us. This is Part 2 of our Daily Temperature Reading series and it shows you both versions: the original framework we were handed, and what it's become after nearly a decade of actually using it every single night. Even when we were mad. Even when we were tired. Even when one of us was answering in the fewest words legally allowed. What you're hearing in this episode is real. Recorded late, kids finally quiet, Travis fresh from jiujitsu, Jenn with bug bites and sourdough on her mind. We go through our struggles, our gratitude, what we'd do differently and we close the way we always close. It's not perfect. It's a Tuesday. But it might show you something about what yours could look like.

We took a break. Life got heavy. But we’re here because some of you needed us to come back...and honestly, we needed it too. This episode is about the one thing that pulled us back from the edge: the Daily Temperature Reading. Our therapist introduced it to us as a nightly check-in, and what started as homework became the heartbeat of our marriage. We walk you through every piece of it: the struggles of the day, the gratitude, the things we’d like to see differently, our hopes, wishes, and dreams, and the prayer we say over each other before we close it out. We also talk about how we’ve made it our own over time. It's raw and real, as is our way. You may notice some tension: it's marriage. It happens and we work through it. We share what actually worked for two people trying to stay together when everything made it easier to walk away. Next episode: we do the whole thing live, just us, stumbling down to our podcast studio, to do our nightly check in through our mics before we climb into bed. Come back to see the DTR in action.

We are coming in with groups. My second favorite free way to heal (the first being in the last episode).  Being surrounded by people walking the same life event, dealing with fear and anger and grief will be one of the most healing things you can surround yourself with.  And if not, it's, at minimum, a trove of crowd-sourced knowledge. You will find resources, therapists, books, podcasts, and structure to help you on your healing path. We're big fans. Find your people. Find a group. 

We start with journaling. Don't write it off just yet. It's accessible right now. You can (and will) start to feel better right now.  We hope to encourage you to try something new, or pick it back up. Whatever your relationship is to journaling right now, this is for you...and me (Jenn). My relationship to journaling has improved since filming this episode.  

Let's start at the very beginning. It's a very good place to start. The only place, really. We share what we did first, what we wish we would have done, what to focus your energy on and disagree along the way. Join us as we share where to start sifting through the pile of debris.

Meet us at our best and at our worst. In our inaugural episode, we cover how we met, how we fell in love and how it fell apart.  This episode is for those living a parallel life to us and need some hope, guidance or assurance they aren't alone. Or maybe you're just curious and love amusement parks, because we are about to take you on a rollercoaster ride.  Either way, we welcome you. We hope this meets you right where you're at in your journey of recovery.

Just a few quick words on the heart of this podcast. I hope it reaches those who hurt and hunger for more.