Dumpsterpiece Theatre

Episode 98: I'll Be Seeing You by Lurlene McDanielDumpsterpiece Theatre cracks open a 1996 Lurlene McDaniel paperback and finds exactly what you'd expect: overdramatic teenagers, medically detailed suffering, and one girl's heroic commitment to making everything worse for herself. I'll Be Seeing You follows 16-year-old Carley Mattea - hospitalized with an infected broken leg from a rollerblading incident - and Kyle Weston, a chemistry club enthusiast who burned his corneas (and some of his chest) trying to make homemade rocket fuel. He's temporarily blind. She has a facial deformity from childhood tumor surgery. They meet in the pediatric ward of Knoxville General Hospital, which in 1996 apparently had rooms the size of studio apartments and a staff that dispensed sleeping pills like breath mints.Rather than tell the cute blind boy about her face at literally any of the dozen natural opportunities, Carley instead constructs an escalating tower of lies that includes: dodging his parents, refusing to let him touch the left side of her face, conscripting her hot sister Janelle into a wheelchair-based impersonation scheme, inventing a fake jealous boyfriend named Jon (who is actually her sister's boyfriend), and orchestrating a coffee shop viewing arrangement where Kyle can look at the wrong girl from across the room and then leave.We are genuinely impressed that Lurlene did her ophthalmological homework on acid versus alkaline chemical burns. Lurleen's teenage boys, however, remain consistently terrible, with Janelle's boyfriend Jon delivering the all-timer: "You're not normal, but you're all right, Carly."Peak Dumpster Moments:◆ Carley's parents leave their hospitalized teenager alone for days because the hospital is 60 miles away and they have a bookstore to run - different times, folks◆ Kyle's chemistry club origin story. Rule one of chemistry club: don't talk about chemistry club.◆ The sister switcheroo: Janelle sits in a wheelchair with a blanket over her legs and is told to "just mimic my voice" - a plan with zero chance of working on a guy whose other senses are heightened◆ Carley invents a fictitious boyfriend whose name is… Jon. Which is also the name of her sister's actual boyfriend. Or was it George Glass?◆ The Mudpie coffee shop sting operation, where Kyle agrees to "see her from a distance".◆ Liz reads aloud the line where Kyle expresses regret that they didn't meet two years later, when plastic surgery would have made Carley "more acceptable." Bad timing, Kyle.◆ Kyle reads books on quantum theory. On audiobook.◆ John's apology to Carley for calling her a dog face boils down to "sorry you heard that, but your sister's hot and I don't want you ruining this for me"◆ Dr. Chafoo. We just enjoy saying Dr. Chafoo.The Tangent Files: Liz discusses the new busy-mom buzzword "Maycember" (or Maytember?), which Scott firmly does not believe is a real thing. Justin Timberlake's DUI situation comes up. We then take a hard left into the Fisher-Price PXL 2000, the Home Alone 2 Talk Boy, the lost art of recording songs off the radio, and the ideal silence gap between mixtape tracks. Scott cops to once owning a "For Your Consideration" bootleg of Fellowship of the Ring, plugs the LOTR 25th-anniversary theatrical re-release, and concludes that Peter Jackson is, fairly, sitting on his pile of money. And Scott's "Who are you?" Airbnb incident - the time he sat up in bed and demanded, in perfect theatrical diction, to know who was in the room - is dragged out of the archives and entered into the canon.Coming Up Next: Horse Sense (1999), a Disney Channel movie starring Joey Lawrence and Andrew Lawrence — but not the third Lawrence brother, which is a travesty. A spoiled city kid gets sentenced to ranch life with his cousin and aunt. Liz is anticipating terrible horsemanship. The trope bingo board may make its debut. Yee-haw.GoodreadsInterview with LurleneAuthor Page

Episode 97: My Life with the Walter Boys (S1E4-5)We return to Silver Falls, Colorado for another hearty helping of Walter Boys, where seven teenage boys, one transplanted New York City girl, and approximately zero well-developed supporting characters continue to grind their way through a love triangle nobody asked for. Episode 4 is titled "Nineteen" (there's a reason, you'll figure it out about three seconds before the show tells you), and Episode 5 is titled "Thanksgiving," because when you're two-for-two on uninspired titles, why start trying now?Before we get into it, Liz unveils her long-promised trope bingo board - 24 squares including Emily Good Ideas, Quirk Chungus, Chekhov's Teapot, Toby Tucker, "Am I a f-ing bet?", and the ever-reliable "how are they affording that?" We workshop squares, argue about overlap, and debate what the loser has to make for dinner. Then we plunge into two episodes where Jackie breaks a teapot, breaks a curfew, jumps onto a circuit breaker panel with the confidence of a licensed electrician, and very nearly breaks both Walter brothers in a single 48-hour period. Scott is unconvinced. Liz is annoyed by everyone. Nobody can remember which brother is which.Peak Dumpster Moments:◆ Jackie, during a massive Colorado storm, fixes a whole-house power outage by flipping one 30-amp double-gang breaker - which Scott takes personally◆ The English teacher, Mr. Chaudry, asks the guidance counselor out and threatens to put a little icing on her cake◆ A truth-or-dare round at an unsanctioned lake house party with a comically oversized fire pit◆ "I wanna put my mouth on your mouth"◆ Mark Blucas wields a Butler of Sheffield elk-handled knife to carve the turkey. We question whether production would ever let Mark Blucas hold an actual sharp object.◆ Haley shows up with a hairdo so structurally ambitious it constitutes a jumpscareThe Tangent Files: A detour into Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet. The goth band auditioning at the Lark launches a prolonged effort to remember the name of Richmond's favorite band from The IT Crowd. Uncle Richard arrives for Thanksgiving looking like he's fresh off a Joseph A. Bank East Coast Convention. Liz delivers a full-throated sermon on the madness of eating Thanksgiving dinner at one in the afternoon. We also learn that "Treehenge" is apparently a real thing, or at least as real as "Manhattanhenge," which is dubious.The Verdict: Scott notes that the Thanksgiving episode is measurably better-produced than its predecessors, though both hosts remain united in their disdain for roughly every character except for George Walter, who is essentially Mark Blucas being a dad. We crown the show a fingerling potato - interesting-looking, structurally puzzling, and nobody asks for them at dinner. Scott concurs. A finger blasted fingerling, if you will.Coming Up Next: I'll Be Seeing You by Lurlene McDaniel, a 1996 weepy about a 17-year-old named Kyle who is blinded in a chemistry experiment explosion (apparently he poured the water into the acid) and the 16-year-old girl with a facial deformity who falls for him in the hospital. The cover features Kyle in Vietnam-bandana eye-gauze sporting a near-Hasselhoff quaff and 17-year-old forearms that could only belong to a Hobbit. Also: a pair of completely unnecessary background crutches. We dive in.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 96: Leaving Las VegasDumpsterpiece Theatre takes a sharp detour from its usual diet of romantic comedy slop to tackle a genuinely good (and devastating) film. Nic Cage plays a Hollywood screenwriter who cashes in his severance check, packs a suitcase full of liquor bottles and heads to Vegas to drink himself to death. Elizabeth Shue is the escort who falls for him anyway. It's bleak. It's heavy. We watched it so you don't have to, though in this case you probably should.We run the inflation math on a 1995 hooker, debate whether a liquor store can legally sell one man that much alcohol, and try to figure out how someone survives weeks without food on nothing but bottom-shelf vodka and the occasional screwdriver. There's a spirited defense of Nic Cage as a legitimate actor, an Always Sunny comparison that writes itself, and a motel called the Whole Year Inn that Ben's booze-addled brain reads very differently. Scott shares the tale of a Vegas cab driver who handed him a brothel catalog before he'd even left the airport, and we learn that Nic Cage turned down the role of Harry in Dumb and Dumber to make this film - a casting what-if that briefly breaks our brains.Peak Moments:◆ Ben packing for his big move: every bottle of liquor in the hotel room goes in the suitcase. Clothes? One shirt. Priorities.◆ The rental agreement that comes with a very specific monthly payment arrangement. "I accept your terms."◆ A poolside romantic getaway that goes sideways when Ben tries to retrieve his "drinky" and obliterates a glass table. "I'm like a prickly pear."◆ Julian Lennon shows up as a bartender. French Stewart is apparently somewhere in this movie as "Businessman Number Two." Neither of us spotted him.◆ A cab driver delivers one of the most callous lines in film history to a visibly beaten woman. We are not okay.The Tangent Files: A discussion of first-person-POV spiral movies produces a surprisingly deep list including Elijah Wood as a serial killer, a Tokyo drug dealer who experiences the afterlife through his own blinks, and a dance troupe whose sangria gets spiked with LSD. We also learn that the author of the source novel got his start writing an episode of Rugrats - and was disgusted by the editorial changes. There's a Laserdisc rabbit hole involving a rumored unrated cut, eBay listings between $200 and $1,000, and the open question of whether you can even find a player anymore. Scott may or may not be shopping.The Verdict: A well-acted, well-written film that makes you never want to drink again. One of those movies you see once and say "I'm good." We put it in the same category as Requiem for a Dream Too heavy for the dumpster scale, so Liz decides to debut the Potato Poll instead. This one's a blue potato.Coming Up Next: My Life with the Walter Boys - a hard left back into our regularly scheduled programming, assuming we can remember any of their names. Cole, Alex, Benny, Qbert, Filthy Dave, Dirty Sanchez... we'll figure it out.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 95: People We Meet on VacationNetflix rolls another rom-com off the assembly line with People We Meet on Vacation, and this one checks so many formula boxes we're officially proposing trope bingo cards. You've got your opposites attract, your one-bed situation, your rain kiss, your declaration of love blocking traffic - the works. The anamorphic lenses make half the shots look like someone smeared Vaseline on the camera, and the title doesn't make any sense. We have thoughts about that.We dig into the When Harry Met Sally parallels, debate whether you could actually lock your keys in a 2016 Subaru, question why a man in his early thirties throws out his back from a gentle reach, and have a serious disagreement about saxophone in music. There's a chainsaw-carved Bigfoot that becomes the emotional backbone of the entire film, a wedding officiant making some bold wardrobe choices that nobody acknowledges, and a climactic romantic scene that one of us believes got completely torpedoed by wooden acting. We also spend some time on the logic of chasing a jogger through a neighborhood when you could simply wait on his porch.Peak Dumpster Moments:◆ A gas station wishing well that exists solely as a plot device to strand our leads at a motel with - you guessed it - only one room available. The other room has "a big stain on the floor." Subtle.◆ A proposal that happens with suspicious speed after a friend-zoning. We have opinions about the ethics of this.◆ One of us gets genuinely distracted by an outfit involving red cowboy boots and what can only be described as genie cosplay.◆ Mr. Yeti: therapist, confidant, load-bearing emotional prop. You'll understand when you see it.◆ The big romantic payoff features the line "You're not a vacation to me. You're home." We award it the Pulitzer it deserves.The Tangent Files:A casual mention of Jameela Jamil playing Poppy's boss spiraled into a full investigation of her coming out as "sapiosexual" - which, as far as we can tell, just means having standards. This led to the discovery that the opposite is called "morosexual," that Jameela once had an accidental orgasm DJing on top of speakers at a farmers' ball, and that WebMD has an entry for all of this. We also revisited the legendary Tuscan Whole Milk and Three Wolf Moon reviews on Amazon - one of which is miraculously still live with 3,100 reviews including "In the beginning God created the heavens and the shirt." A Niagara Falls hotel tangent revealed bed bugs, a $200 fine for eating a sandwich at a public table, and the fact that Canada will not let you keep the Do Not Disturb sign up for more than a couple of days.The Verdict: It doesn't make your eyes bleed, but it doesn't make you feel much of anything either. Taylor Swift is contractually present. The title still doesn't make sense. 2 out of 5 dumpsters / 3 out of 5 dumpsters.Coming Up Next: Leaving Las Vegas - Nic Cage drinks himself to death in the desert, Elizabeth Shue is a seen-it-all hooker, and we may or may not end up doing a full Battle of the Vegases.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 94: My Life with the Walter Boys - S1E2-3We're back in Silver Falls - population: one of every kind of person, apparently - for episodes two and three of My Life with the Walter Boys. The chaos of the pilot has not subsided. The character count has not decreased. The timeline still makes no sense. And somehow, nobody in this house has thought to split the bathroom schedule between two floors until now.Episode two kicks off with a prank war. (Bleach requires dwell time. This is not up for debate.) This also prompts a detour into some deeply questionable personal hair history - we're talking bleached locks, a thin mustache, and a chin strap that lasted approximately one week but has lived rent-free in someone's memory ever since.Meanwhile, Silver Falls continues to flex its improbable progressivism via the Lark Café, which is apparently serving vegan flapjacks and quinoa-based items to a population of football-worshipping ranchers without a hint of irony. Nobody questions this. Nobody should have to.Episode three, "The Cole Effect," brings us homecoming - and with it, the show's most accurate nature documentary moment: Alex carefully constructs a romantic straw-loft moment with Jackie (pulling exactly one piece of straw from a girl completely covered in the stuff), only for Cole to materialize like an apex predator and force the cheetah to slink back into the tall grass. He warmed her up for you, man. That's just tragic.Peak Dumpster Moments:Jackie's bleached hair is magically back to normal by the next morning. She apparently found an exact L'Oreal match for her hair color, purchased it, applied it, and dried it before going to bed - all off-screen and without comment.Mark Blucas probably did not actually drive the bobcat. They took the keys out. They put the sound in post.Cole auctions himself off at the homecoming fundraiser with full crowd-work energy - and a grandmother outbids everyone at $500. She's not dead yet, and she knows what she wants.Haley's solution to a cash-strapped wedding: sell the dress. Will's response: dramatic exit. The dress was kind of fugly anyway.The family's vet is being paid in persimmons. George has thoughts about this.Cole is failing every class. The school has not contacted the parents. Nobody is checking Canvas.Alex and Cole have apparently both liked the same girl before, with Cole always winning. Isaac's reaction: "Again?" The drama is geological in depth.The Tangent Report: A conversation about the Walter family's apple farming operation - and their catastrophic moth infestation (not moss, moths, like "I love lamp") - spiraled into a full live reading from AppleRankings.com, where the Arkansas Black Apple earns a 23/100 and the descriptor "a teeth-shattering oddity," and the Newtown Pippin apple pulls a 19/100 with the tagline "Long Island's sand-filled condom" - and somehow ranks #3 for cider. The Sweet Tango, for the record, is nearly perfect. The Holy Grail.Coming Up Next: People We Meet on Vacation - a Netflix rom-com featuring Alfie from Emily in Paris, the girl from The Good Place, and Cameron from Ferris Bueller. It looks bad. We can't wait.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 93: After Ever HappyWe're back in the After-verse with the fourth installment, "After Ever Happy" - a title that is grammatically, philosophically, and spiritually baffling. Picking up immediately after the bombshell revelation about Hardin's biological father, we watch our favorite rage-fueled protagonist do what he does best: set things on fire. Specifically, his mom's living room couch. With whiskey. Which, as anyone who's taken high school chemistry knows, absolutely cannot ignite from a half-empty bottle of 40% ABV liquor. But sure, let the couch go up in flames while Christian takes the fall because he's got "good lawyers."What follows is 90 minutes of emotional whiplash as Hardin and Tessa break up and get back together with the reliability of a faulty light switch. London party scene? Shirtless Hardin in nothing but a leather jacket. Ubers? They keep canceling on him (relatable king). Tessa's dad? Found in the bathroom with the most pristine-looking heroin overdose in cinematic history. And every single emotional breakthrough? Happens in Carol's backyard greenhouse. Every. Single. One.Peak Dumpster Moments:The Bulgarian doctor returns with zero bedside manner. No preamble. No comfort. Just vibes.Hardin's childhood flashback features a kid who looks absolutely nothing like him. Different coloring, different features. The casting director was on lunch.A fake text message with font size 75 that looks like it was designed for someone's great-grandmother's Jitterbug phone.A throwaway party line that DEMANDS a full origin story we'll never get.The captions credit Ken's dialogue to "Christian." Wrong dad, subtitle team.Five months of character development conveyed entirely through Tessa getting bangs.Hardin wrote a book called "After" and Tessa's review of the manuscript is chef's kiss: "No one wants to read this sick sh*t."The ending is literally just "To Be Continued." That's it. That's the movie.The Verdict: Still a 4.8 on IMDb, forever hovering in that "not quite a 5" zone these films call home. At least Hardin's going to AA now. Baby steps. One more movie to go, and we're told it's the worst one yet. Can't wait.Coming Up Next: Back to My Life with the Walter Boys, because we clearly enjoy suffering.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 92: Danielle Steel's Star (1993)We're back in the Danielle Steel cinematic universe with "Star" - one word, one syllable, maximum trauma. Peak 90210 Jenny Garth plays Crystal Wyatt, a 16-year-old aspiring singer who catches the eye of Spencer Hill, a Vietnam vet who's also finished law school. Cue the jailbait math: if he went to Nam at 18, served, then completed undergrad AND law school... we're looking at a minimum seven-year age gap. But sure, let's give her a heart-shaped necklace from Zales and tell her not to marry someone who doesn't deserve her.The first 20 minutes are an escalating trauma speedrun: Dad dies of pneumonia, brother-in-law rapes her in the barn, mom doesn't believe her, Crystal grabs a shotgun, and her brother Jared catches a stray bullet trying to intervene. Tom's response? "Call the sheriff, honey." On himself. Then Crystal hops a bus to San Francisco like nothing happened.What follows is 15 years of star-crossed near-misses, time jumps that would give Christopher Nolan whiplash, and a love triangle featuring Terry Farrell (filming Deep Space Nine simultaneously) as Elizabeth - the power-hungry Wall Street fiancée whose father tells her not to make Spencer "feel any worse" after he cheats. Spencer disappears to China for earthquake relief... for TWO YEARS. Crystal gets a sleazy manager named Ernie who ends up murdered (she definitely did it). And somehow, through it all, Jenny Garth doesn't age a single day while Spencer gets... reading glasses.Peak Dumpster Moments:"Who the F is Trang?" - a character mentioned once, never explained, universally despised by Crystal's mother"Get your fingers out of the ham!" - the wedding reception line that launched a thousand questions about leftover logisticsThe violins vs. thunderbolts breakup speech that contradicts itself mid-sentenceDirector Michael Miller's signature move: the slow-motion post-coital fall-back-onto-the-bed shot (he directed Daddy too - the man has a brand)Elizabeth's father essentially saying "he cheated in a different zip code, it doesn't count"Spencer reading Crystal's Dear John letter while comforting a random Asian child in ChinaCrystal's son is named Zeb. Short for Zebulon. We will not be taking questions."You didn't tell me about the boy." "You didn't ask." - Crystal, mother of the yearThe Variety review noting that every scene except the sex scenes lasts "about as long as a commercial"Behind-the-Scenes Gems: Jenny Garth didn't do her own singing - that's Megon McDonough, a folk singer who opened for John Denver at Carnegie Hall at age 17 and was a founding member of "Four Bitchin' Babes" (real group name). Craig Bierko, who plays Spencer, famously turned down the role of Chandler Bing on Friends despite Matthew Perry telling him to take it. Career choices!The Verdict: More bananas than Daddy, with time jumps that make zero sense and a body count that includes a brother, a rapist, and a sleazy manager. IMDb gave it a 5.6, which feels generous. At least Daddy had Ben Affleck.Coming Up Next: We're diving back into the After series with the fourth installment, After Ever Happy. The blurb promises "a shocking truth about a couple's family" and Tessa withdrawing from "absolutely everything, even her soulmate." So, you know, light viewing.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 91: My Life with the Walter Boys S1E1We're kicking off a new series, and it's Netflix's My Life with the Walter Boys - a chaos tornado of unexplained children, green screen car rides, and production choices that suggest the insurance company had some very strong opinions about open flames. Based on the 2012 YA novel (3.76 on Goodreads, so you know we're in for quality), this is the fish-out-of-water tale of Jackie, a Type-A New York princess whose family dies in an accident that is never explained. Piano falling from a crane? Helicopter crash into the Hudson? Fashion atelier inferno? Since the show doesn't tell us, we're left to speculate.Jackie gets shipped off to live with the Walters - a Colorado ranching family with eight biological children spanning a 20-year age gap, two cousins whose backstory remains a mystery even after two full seasons, and a casting director who apparently reached into a bowl of people soup and started pulling. The "twins" look nothing alike. The children look nothing like the parents. And presiding over it all is Mark Blucas - son of Blucas, of the ancient Blucas line - poking an unlit grill with a spatula because liability is a thing.Peak Dumpster Moments:The glass of "lemonade" that looks like warm pissMark Blucas grilling on an obviously unlit grillThe green screen car scenes so tight they can't even show the vehicle from outsideGrace's mid-episode recap of all the Walter boys, proving Matt Damon rightThe prop snake that's "insanely smaller" when the kid picks it up versus when Jackie held itUncle Richard's Jos A. Bank special with the oversized jacketCole emerging from the pool in slow-mo gloryThe spaghetti dinner where Mark Blucas dumps a colander of noodles that maybe feeds six people into a bowl for thirteenProduction Deep Dive: Filmed entirely in Calgary, Alberta. Zero Colorado. The school looks like "a generic office park in Glendale, right next to the heating refrigeration business." They can't show what sport the boys are watching on TV because the TV is literally behind a wall. The empty ice cream bag prop. The styrofoam container that could never fit in that refrigerator. This is the Temu version of Summer I Turned Pretty.The Verdict: Four and a half dumpsters. It's generic, it's tropey, the acting is questionable at best, and the casting is baffling. But we've got nine more episodes to go, so we'll see if that needle moves.Coming Up Next: We're going back to Danielle Steel with Star (1993), starring a young Jenny Garth as a San Francisco singer struggling to achieve stardom. Because apparently you had to pay your dues with a Danielle Steel movie to make it in the '90s.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 90: Young EinsteinG'day and Happy New Year! We're kicking off 2026 with Young Einstein, the 1988 Australian fever dream where Albert Einstein is reimagined as a Tasmanian apple farmer who invents the formula for putting bubbles in beer (E=mc²), discovers rock and roll by watching kids play hopscotch, steals Newton's laws, and invents surfing for good measure. This aggressively Australian film was a childhood staple for one of us, and we're diving back into the slapstick madness brought to you by a man who legally changed his name from Greg Pead to Yahoo Serious.Peak Dumpster Moments:Preston Preston, the mustachioed villain who steals Einstein's formula and screams "There's a bushman in my carriage!" at the train conductorMarie Curie infiltrating the asylum to rescue Albert by wearing a "very convincing hat and beard" and pretending to be his father - straight into the men's showersThe kitten pie scene that traumatized an entire generation of children (don't worry, Albert saves them from the oven just in time)The lunatic asylum featuring zombie-like inmates shuffling in circles, a very masculine nurse, and mystery green slop for dinner - "This is how I thought all asylums really were as a kid"Darwin presenting at the Academy of Science with his beagle, while Sigmund Freud's date is literally his motherOne of the Wright Brothers is inexplicably BlackThe Yahoo Serious Rabbit Hole: We dig into the wild story behind the man himself - from art school expulsion to DIY filmmaking to a spectacularly failed lawsuit against a certain search engine. His GeoCities-era website still exists and it is a journey. We also settle the debate: is Yahoo Serious the Australian Carrot Top or the Australian Pauly Shore? (Spoiler: yes.)Credits Deep Dive: We combed through the end credits and found some absolute gems hiding in there. Let's just say the crew included some very specific "specialists" and one very distinguished beagle.The Verdict: Zero dumpsters. Yes, really. This is pure nostalgia fuel - goofy, slapsticky, and packed with random animals (cockatoos, wallabies, bearded dragons, koalas, kittens in pies). It's no Citizen Kane, but honestly, have you tried sitting through Citizen Kane? Rosebud is a sled. There, we saved you two hours. Go watch Young Einstein instead.Coming Up Next: My Life with the Walter Boys - a Netflix series that will have you tearing your hair out at the decisions these characters make. It is very much a dumpster piece. Prepare yourselves.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 89: Christmas on the Alpaca FarmJingle Balls, everyone! We're diving into Christmas on the Alpaca Farm, a beige Lifetime movie (well, Canadian Lifetime) that's so formulaic, we literally had AI recreate it - and the results were disturbingly accurate. Jessica is a New York fashion designer dubbed the "Christmas Sweater Queen" who sources her alpaca wool from a small hole-in-the-wall farm upstate. You wouldn't have heard of them. She's very indie about it. Enter Andrew Flannery, the farmer himself, whose acting ability could not carry him out of a wet paper bag. When Jessica's fashion house fires Flannery Farms for not keeping up with demand, she rushes to the farm to save both their businesses and maybe, just maybe, find love among the fleece.Peak Dumpster Moments:Jessica entering her office and literally throwing her coat and bag at her assistant like she's the Queen of England - "my PA will take care of it"We debate whether shearing our cats Obi and Elvi for belly fur sweaters would be haute couture or an allergy nightmareAndrew Flannery's wooden performance throughout - Matt Wells has extensive IMDB credits including Schitt's Creek, but romance films are clearly not his forteThe fashion house wanting to throw away "faulty" sweaters instead of, you know, donating them to homeless people or selling them to a bargain retailerAndrew's intense commitment to fiber purity - absolutely no blends allowed in his fleece (this becomes the entire personality of both the movie and the AI-generated versions)The AI Experiment: We fed the premise into Claude and Grok to see if AI could recreate this paint-by-numbers plot. Results: disturbingly close. Claude generated "The Alpaca Before Christmas" featuring Jack Winters who "explains micron counts with surprising intensity" and once ended a relationship over an alpaca-cashmere blend scarf. Grok's version titled "Alpaca My Heart (Only If It's 100% Pure)" featured Blake Harrington yelling at alpacas, calling acrylic "the devil's cotton," and dramatically hurling skeins into fireplaces. Both AIs independently created characters named Winters and included an alpaca named after Christmas (Jingle and Prince Fluffington the Third, respectively). The movie might as well have been written by ChatGPT.Alpaca Facts Corner: Did you know alpaca fleece has fewer scales than sheep's wool, making it less itchy? It also has no lanolin. Baby alpaca is comparable to cashmere. We were very concerned about whether Flannery Farms incorporates guard hairs into their fleece - "they have integrity, dammit!"The Verdict: It's background noise Christmas - the kind of movie you put on while baking cookies or wrapping presents just to feel festive. Not enough happened to make it comedically bad; it was just bland. The chemistry was nonexistent, the acting from the male lead was painful, and the obsession with 100% pure alpaca fiber was the most interesting character trait in the entire film. As predicted, AI could have written this and honestly might have done a better job. At least then we'd get someone dramatically hurling yarn into a fireplace while screaming about "big yarn."Coming Up Next: Young Einstein (1988) - Yahoo Serious's Australian masterpiece about Albert Einstein inventing the formula to put bubbles back in beer and creating rock and roll. It's been decades since either of us has seen it, Scott found it on a weird eBay site, and the entire plot summary is one sentence. Throw another shrimp on the barbie because we're going full Outback in the new year.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 88: My Oxford YearWelcome back to Oxford (yes, again) where Netflix serves up another ambitious American woman whose carefully planned life gets derailed by British architecture and a charming TA. Sofia Carson plays Anna, a Cornell grad with a Goldman Sachs job she deferred - did we mention Goldman Sachs? Because the movie certainly does, repeatedly - to study Victorian poetry for a year. Her greatest challenge upon arrival? A single flight of stairs. Truly inspirational.Peak Dumpster Moments:Anna's voiceover declaring "everything was going according to plan until it wasn't" as she faces... one flight of stairs with a suitcaseThe ChatGPT-perfect Oxford bucket list written in impeccable handwriting in the middle of her Moleskine notebook - fish and chips listed right alongside the Bodleian LibraryAnna not understanding the chip shop guy asking "haddock or cod?" - a joke that would work better if England spoke a different languageNetflix's cliché checkbox: the snarky gay neighbor whose first line is insulting her shoesThe pub that's completely normal until the camera pans to reveal it's actually a drag karaoke bar - "like going to Fridays for bottomless margaritas and finding out it's drag night"Jamie refusing to take his shirt off on camera for four months of relationship montage, then finally having a Patrick Duffy-style love scene right before he diesThe 750th anniversary gala at Oxford looking exactly like a high school promThe Oxford Cinematic Universe: This episode marks the hosts' third trip to Oxford, following Surprised by Oxford (featuring Rose Reid). They note both films have suspiciously identical shots of campus and wonder how anyone actually attends classes there with all the film crews. Also discovered: Oxford Blues (1984) starring young Rob Lowe - a gender-swapped version where an American guy pursues a woman to Oxford. It's going on the list.The Hatfield House Deep Dive: Jamie's childhood home is actually Hatfield House, a Grade 1 listed Jacobean estate built in 1611 where Queen Elizabeth I learned she would become queen. The current owner is worth £345 million. There's a controversial £50 annual charge just to walk the grounds.The Verdict: It's Surprised by Oxford meets The Map That Leads to You - another film where a hot guy with a terminal illness white-fangs the protagonist. The cancer subplot comes out of nowhere, the illness is barely shown convincingly (he's dancing and drinking at galas!), and the ending montage of Anna completing Jamie's dream European tour alone is genuinely devastating - even if Scott was mostly ready for the credits to roll. The library fetish jokes write themselves, and we're apparently not done with Oxford yet.Coming Up Next: Christmas on the Alpaca Farm - finally available in our region! A woman quits her New York fashion job to make sustainable luxury knits with a single dad alpaca farmer. He's very serious about not using blends. 5.8 on IMDb. 90 minutes of pure Lifetime holiday magic.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 87: Home for the HolidaysWelcome to Home for the Holidays, where Jodie Foster directs a 1995 Thanksgiving drama that raises conflicts and resolves... well, almost none of them. Holly Hunter mumbles her way through a holiday weekend with Robert Downey Jr. (in his heroin phase), Dylan McDermott, and Anne Bancroft (Mrs. Robinson herself). This is cinema that asks "what if nothing really happened?" and got a surprisingly stacked cast to go along with it.What You're Getting Into: Claudia (Holly Hunter) gets fired from her museum restoration job, immediately makes out with her elderly boss, then flies home for Thanksgiving. Her daughter Kit (Claire Danes) announces she's about to lose her virginity, her free-spirited brother Tommy (RDJ) shows up with his "friend" Leo Fish (Dylan McDermott), her uptight sister Joanne resents being the responsible one, and her parents engage in quiet desperation disguised as marriage. Nothing gets resolved, everyone goes home. Roll credits.Peak Dumpster Moments:Opening with seductive egg yolk handling during art restoration that looks way more sexual than it shouldClaudia's mystery cold that serves absolutely no narrative purpose and is never explainedTommy taking Polaroids of his adult sister in her underwear - twice - which is just weird on every levelThe turkey flying off the platter onto Joanne's lap, followed by Leo and Claudia intentionally spilling all the juices on her dressAunt Gladys's unhinged monologue about kissing the dad back in 1952, leaving everyone at the table mortifiedThe "food and making out" scene where Leo and Claudia get intimate with turkey sandwiches and cranberries in the dark - which awakens something in Liz about incorporating food into playtimeTommy casually outing himself as having been married to Jack for three months, which no one knew aboutThe Baltimore Deep Dive: Scott provides extensive commentary on the Baltimore filming locations throughout, including the Baltimore Museum of Art, BWI Airport (with its red pillars), Memorial Stadium in the background of the parade scene, Moravia Road, Most Holy Redeemer Cemetery, and even finding the actual house on Google Maps.The One Good Scene: The dad watching old home videos in the basement and telling Claudia about taking her to watch planes take off when she was little. He talks about looking at old footage and not recognizing himself, saying "that wasn't me at all, that was some other guy." This moment resonates deeply and leads to a philosophical discussion about aging, nostalgia, and feeling disconnected from your past self. It's the only emotionally genuine moment in the entire film.The Thanksgiving Food Debate: Extensive discussion of optimal Thanksgiving dishes including the great stuffing divide (in-the-bird soggy vs. prepared separately), whether you need turkey for it to truly be Thanksgiving, scalloped vs. au gratin potatoes, Scott's sobriety streak facing its biggest test, Popeyes' $99 pre-cooked Cajun turkey, sous vide turkey taking 8-12 hours (or days for short ribs), and the optimal plate-loading strategy. First things on the plate: Scott goes for turkey, Liz goes for in-the-bird stuffing with gravy.The Verdict: Is this a profound meditation on family dysfunction or just a movie that chickened out of having anything meaningful to say? The film wants credit for being "realistic" about messy families but really it's just conflict-averse. The dad's scenes save it from being completely aimless, but otherwise it's a vignette pretending to be a movie. As Scott puts it: unresolved conflict is the entire point, which feels less like an artistic choice and more like the film just gave up.Coming Up Next: Back to Oxford (for the third time!) with My Oxford Year starring Sofia Carson. Another ambitious American woman finding love at a prestigious British university because Netflix apparently has a template for these.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 86: The Wrong ParisWelcome to The Wrong Paris, where Miranda Cosgrove trades her metal welding torch for a reality dating show catastrophe, and Frances Fisher (Rose's disapproving mother from Titanic) finally gets the role she was born to play: Netflix rom-com grandmother. This is cinema, people.What You're Getting Into: Dawn (Miranda Cosgrove) is a hip country artist saving money in a literal jar to attend art school in Paris, France. When she gets accepted but can't afford tuition, her reality-TV-obsessed sister convinces her to audition for "The Honeypot" - a dating show where contestants can choose between the bachelor or cold hard cash. Plot twist: the show flies them to Paris... Texas. Yes, they spend $120,000-180,000 on private jet fuel just to circle in the air for nine hours and land 45 minutes from Dawn's house. The math isn't mathing, but at least the production budget went somewhere.Peak Dumpster Moments:Dawn keeps her Paris fund in a glass jar in a barn instead of investing it like a sensible hedge fund broker, missing out on years of compound interestThe "Honeypot" show's fundamental flaw: contestants can choose the money AND still date the bachelor after filming, making the entire premise economically nonsensicalMiranda Cosgrove's character is a metal artist without the massive blacksmith arms typically required for the jobTrey McCallum III has an eight-pack - which we determined is two abs too many (six is fine, people)The mechanical bull challenge where Lexie requests "low and slow" mode and basically gives a lap dance while everyone else got violently thrown offA mud-pit catfight between Dawn and Lexie during cowboy boot camp that's exactly as ridiculous as it soundsCowboy Magic horse shampoo product placement that we actually applaud for authenticityThe shirtless horse-washing scene shot exactly like a bikini car wash, complete with slow-mo and wind machinesThe Cast Reunion: This movie features half the cast of To All the Boys I've Loved Before, including Emilia Baranac (Jen) and other familiar Netflix faces, because apparently Netflix has a Rolodex of actors on speed dial for these productions.Reality Show Economics: The Honeypot's premise makes zero sense. Why would anyone choose the bachelor when you could take the money AND date him after production wraps? It's double-dipping on winnings, and we spent significant time calculating the flawed game theory. Also, they're apparently offering $20,000 just for appearing, plus challenge winnings up to $10,000. For a dating show filmed in Texas.Technical Complaints: Scott goes on an extended rant about Netflix's chromatic aberration lens choices, the weird smearing effect in their cinematography, and how they intentionally make things look less crisp to avoid the uncanny valley of high-resolution filming. Also, the band at the bar is hilariously out of sync with the music.The Verdict: Solidly mid. A respectable 6.1 on IMDb and a 2.5-3 dumpsters from us. It's not the worst thing we've ever seen, but it's so beige and formulaic that it blends into every other Netflix rom-com. Miranda Cosgrove is more enjoyable here than in Mother of the Bride (where she played an Instagram-obsessed bridezilla), mainly because she has a bigger role and isn't just being entitled. The movie is "meh" personified - nothing particularly standout, nothing particularly offensive. Just... beige.Coming Up Next: We're headed to Oxford (again) with My Oxford Year, starring Sofia Carson. It's another movie about an ambitious young American woman who goes to Oxford University and meets a charming local who changes her life. Yes, this is the third Oxford movie we've encountered. No, we don't know why everyone keeps making these. The cast includes Catherine McCormick from Braveheart as the token older actor, and a bunch of randos. Netflix rom-com formula remains intact.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 85: The Summer I Turned Pretty S2E7-8 (Season Finale)We're finally closing out Season 2 of The Summer I Turned Pretty, and buckle up - these episodes are annoying in ways that even we didn't expect. Where's the action-packed finale energy? Buried under repetitive arguments and questionable parenting decisions, apparently.What You're Getting Into: Belly drunk-dials her mom after the house party spirals out of control, leading to Laurel discovering the trashed beach house and her daughter's multi-day lying streak. What follows is a masterclass in awkward stage combat (seriously, someone get these actresses into Patrick Duffy's slap seminar), circular arguments about grief and responsibility, and somehow zero consequences for destroying an entire house.Peak Dumpster Moments:The slap heard 'round the world, delivered with all the conviction of a middle school theater productionBelly's earth-shattering revelation that Conrad once asked Jeremiah for his blessing (we're still trying to figure out why this matters so much)The grand revelation that Susanna's estate plan was... nothing? She thought it was all handled but apparently Massachusetts inheritance law had other ideasConrad's villain era featuring passive-aggressive car harassment in the rain and emotional manipulation that would make a soap opera proudSteven letting Taylor take his prized Honda Civic - true love, folksThe Inheritance Mess: After an entire season of wondering why this house situation is such a disaster, we finally learn that Susanna DID try to handle it before she died, reaching out to lawyers and Aunt Julia about the trust. She just... thought it was resolved? Meanwhile, everyone discovers that apparently no one in this family understands how property law works, and we're left with more questions than answers about capital gains taxes and why Susanna didn't just buy Julia out in the first place.The Love Triangle Status: Belly and Jeremiah finally kiss (he initiates it in the book, she does in the show - crucial distinction, obviously). She seems pretty decided about being with Jeremiah by morning, though the book keeps it more ambiguous. Conrad continues his campaign of making everyone uncomfortable, proving that being pre-med doesn't automatically make you emotionally mature.Parental Apology Tour: Laurel apologizes to Belly for slapping her, then apologizes for being a "zombie" for four months while grieving her best friend. Belly faces exactly zero consequences for lying, partying, and destroying a house. We have thoughts about this parenting approach, and none of them are particularly charitable.The Volleyball Subplot: Taylor spends both episodes trying to get Belly to volleyball camp like it's the most important thing in the world. Spoiler: Belly eventually goes, and the final scene features her playing volleyball while contemplating her uncertain but hopeful future. This entire subplot doesn't exist in the books because it doesn't need to.Book vs. Show: The adaptation stays mostly faithful, with key differences including Aunt Julia's absence from the finale confrontation, Conrad having two finals to study for in the books (psych and biology instead of just biology), and who initiates the kiss between Belly and Jeremiah. The show's ending is less ambiguous about Belly's choice, while the book keeps readers guessing a bit more. Both end with Belly's line about the future being unclear but still hers.Coming Up Next: We're diving into The Wrong Paris starring Miranda Cosgrove - a Netflix rom-com where someone confuses Paris, France with Paris, Texas for a dating show/art opportunity hybrid that makes absolutely no sense. The premise is older than dirt, the director's resume includes Irish Wish and various Hallmark Christmas movies, and the producer worked on House Hunters. This is going to be spectacularly bad, and we cannot wait.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 84: The Map That Leads to YouWelcome to the beigiest movie we've ever covered, where nothing happens except a Hemingway novel, Victor's stolen cash, and KJ Apa sleeping in an overhead train bin. Join us as we follow Heather and Jack's European "find yourself" tour that's so surface-level it makes a puddle look deep.What You're Getting Into: After meeting on a train (where Jack inexplicably decides the overhead luggage compartment is prime sleeping real estate), Heather and her friends embark on a European adventure fueled by questionable life choices and €5,000 of someone else's money. What follows is montages, philosophical platitudes about seizing the day, and a plot line so flat our hosts could literally graph it as a straight horizontal line.Peak Dumpster Moments:Jack's creative sleeping arrangements and his great-grandfather's journal (which becomes surprisingly more interesting than the actual protagonists)Victor the train hookup, Amy's missing Bushwick leather jacket, and the moral gymnastics of "finders keepers"The world's most awkward guitar performance featuring "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes and some highly questionable strumming techniqueReading priceless family heirlooms in bathtubs because what could possibly go wrongRunning with the bulls goes exactly as well as you'd expect when tourists make impulsive decisionsThe AI Interlude: We kick off with a truly unhinged AI-generated episode description featuring Frosted Flakes, sobbing into soup over bad avocados, a mysterious character named Chris, and frozen yogurt as "the real daddy." The machines definitely aren't taking over anytime soon, but they're hilarious when they try.Romance Update: Temu Sydney Sweeney meets bargain-basement Archie from Riverdale in what one reviewer called "zero chemistry" despite both being attractive separately. Their whirlwind European romance spans approximately two weeks and includes deep conversations about... well, we're still trying to figure that out.The Eternal Question: Do Europeans ever come to America to find themselves at the world's largest ball of twine? We investigate this and other pressing matters, including whether any actor is truly irreplaceable (spoiler: Pauly Shore is), and why vertical iPhone filming might be destroying cinema.What We Learned: This movie gets a perfectly mediocre 6.2/10 rating and features Josh Lucas (you know, discount Matthew McConaughey from Sweet Home Alabama), the same annoying train guitarist appearing throughout the entire film, and enough old-world European architecture to make you profoundly sad about modern construction standards.The Verdict: Described by actual reviewers as "meh," "just boring," and "a postcard in search of a story," this film adaptation of J.P. Monager's novel proves that mediocre books become mediocre movies. The emotional plot arc is flatter than Kansas, and if you graphed the tension, you'd need exactly one straight line. At least the journal subplot had potential—too bad we barely see it.Coming Up: We're wrapping up The Summer I Turned Pretty Season 2 with the final two episodes. One host is dreading it, the other has full Stockholm syndrome. Buckle up for the conclusion of the beach house saga and probably more Taylor Swift songs than anyone asked for.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 83: The Summer I Turned Pretty S2E5-6We're still drowning in Cousins Beach drama where the Fisher boys discover that trust funds require actual lawyers (shocking!), teenagers commit light breaking and entering at a country club, and someone thought spray-painting a soon-to-be-sold beach house was peak party energy.What You're Getting Into: Aunt Julia pulls a speed-moving miracle and clears out the entire house while the kids are at the boardwalk, triggering a series of questionable decisions including: squatting at a country club overnight, fashioning an apple bong with random rich people weed, and throwing the kind of rager that would make any insurance adjuster weep.Peak Dumpster Moments:The gang breaks into the country club using Cam's mom's passcode because apparently nepotism solves all problemsTaylor crafts an improvised smoking device that Steven promptly eats, then vomits up on the golf course (Cam is not pleased)Belly uses her gas station girl charm on Jumper to score enough booze for a party, proving manipulation works better than fake IDsMilo drives SIX HOURS from Philly using Find My Phone to crash the party and attempt a spider monkey fighting stance before getting dumped mid-roundhouse kickThe Flashback Extravaganza: We get Jere's internal monologue for once (still boring), featuring: Thanksgiving dinner where he watches Conrad and Belly hold hands across the table, his bisexual prom date reveal, and Conrad asking permission to tell Belly he loves her. Because nothing says healthy relationships like requiring your brother's blessing.Questionable Life Choices Corner: Conrad discovers he can consult a lawyer about accessing his trust fund early (groundbreaking!), while Belly gets uninvited from volleyball camp in a subplot that goes absolutely nowhere and matters to literally no one.The Canape Deep Dive: We spend an unreasonable amount of time defining what exactly a canapé is (it's basically fancy bruschetta on a tiny toast, you're welcome), and ranking the worst types of hard liquor because why not?Romance Update: Taylor and Steven finally make their move after he remembers her middle name (Madison - apparently the bar is on the floor), while Sky and Cam kiss with what our hosts describe as "a lot of teeth clanging." Meanwhile, Belly continues her tour of drunken emotional breakdowns, this time drunk-dialing her mom from a trashed house.The Writer Cameo: Jenny Han herself appears briefly in the liquor store scene, presumably checking to make sure her source material is being properly butchered.Coming Up: We tackle The Map That Leads to You, a Netflix romance featuring "throwaway actors nobody's heard of" (Scott's words) from Riverdale and Outer Banks. Expect European backdrops, shared trauma, and our hosts debating whether any actor is truly irreplaceable.The Verdict: These episodes pick up the pace with actual party chaos, but still manage to drag with unnecessary flashbacks and a volleyball subplot that could've been cut entirely. At least we finally got some consequences... sort of. Aunt Julia's negotiating a one-week annual rental, which seems like the worst possible compromise for everyone involved.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 82: Danielle Steel's "Daddy" (1991)We dive into the soapy melodrama of 1991's "Daddy," where Patrick Duffy graces VHS covers in questionable states of undress, timeshares are apparently the worst financial decision you can make, and mysterious housekeeper Agnes materializes whenever someone needs to ask if anybody's hungry.What You're Getting Into: Oliver Watson (Patrick Duffy) thinks he has the perfect family until his wife Sarah drops the bomb that she's leaving for graduate school in Michigan. What starts as pursuing her writing dreams quickly escalates to "I want to see other people" territory, leaving Oliver to single-parent three kids while everything spectacularly falls apart.Peak Dumpster Moments:Patrick Duffy delivers the most pathetic TV slap in cinematic history to young Ben Affleck, complete with awkward sound effects and dramatic camera cutsThe slowest romantic scenes ever filmed, featuring sloth-like passion and enough blue-filtered lighting to make you squintMatthew Lawrence crying every five minutes like it's his jobBobby the teenage dropout kidnapping babies and essentially running an extortion racket against broke teenagersThe Agnes Mystery: We spend considerable time trying to figure out who the hell Agnes is, as this housekeeper appears out of nowhere asking "Anybody hungry?" with the timing of someone who definitely can't read a room.Questionable Legal Advice Corner: Oliver's immediate response to teen pregnancy? "I'll pay for an abortion or we'll send her to one of those homes." For a movie called "Daddy" celebrating fatherhood, our supposed parental role model is surprisingly quick to suggest eliminating grandchildren.90s Family Dysfunction: Between the toxic body image messaging ("If I eat anything, it will show"), the abandonment issues, and grandma getting hit by a bus, this family makes the Fishers from "Six Feet Under" look well-adjusted.Christmas Tradition Tangent: We take a delightful detour to explain the organized, methodical gift-opening protocol that apparently no movie family has ever adopted, complete with clues, proper presentation, and strategic wrapping paper collection.Romance Novel Evolution: A brief exploration of how Danielle Steel's relatively tame 1991 melodrama compares to modern romance novels, which have apparently evolved into "basically women's porn" according to current bestseller lists.The Dad Sofa Experience: An extended meditation on the horrors of hospital "dad sofas" - those vinyl-covered torture devices that pass for furniture in maternity wards.The Verdict: come listen to hear how man dumpsters we gave this schmaltzy soap opera that manages to be both incredibly earnest about family values and completely bonkers in its execution. Not the worst thing ever made, but definitely peak early-90s melodrama with enough unintentional comedy to keep you entertained.Coming Up: We're heading back to Cousins Beach for more teenage angst and impossible timelines as we continue our Summer I Turned Pretty journey toward the series finale chaos that's apparently taking over the internet.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 81: The Summer I Turned Pretty S2E3-4We're back at Cousins Beach where apparently nobody understands basic estate planning, Junior Mint plushies carry the weight of metaphorical significance, and Aunt Julia has access to the world's most efficient moving crew.What You're Getting Into: The beach house is up for sale because Susanna's half-sister Julia inherited it (somehow), leading to the most convoluted property ownership explanation since someone tried to explain timeshares. Meanwhile, Belly ping-pongs between flashbacks to her disastrous prom with Conrad and present-day bonding moments with Jeremiah that involve way too much awkward touching.Peak Dumpster Moments:Jeremiah can't change a tire OR put on a fitted sheet - this golden retriever boy has zero life skillsA prom flashback featuring Conrad as the world's most depressing date, complete with forgotten corsage and mandatory rain for "emotional impact"The boardwalk competition featuring the slowest go-kart race in cinematic history and rock climbing with mysteriously convenient shoesAunt Julia somehow clearing out an entire mansion's worth of furniture in 8 hours (we're calling bullshit on the logistics)The Great Deviation Discussion: Our resident book expert breaks down how the show has gone completely off the rails from the source material, introducing whole new characters and plotlines that don't exist in Jenny Han's books. Spoiler: Aunt Julia and Skye are 100% made-up TV drama.Questionable Physics Corner: We dive deep into the aerodynamics of tandem go-karts, and why Skye is apparently day-trading Bitcoin as a minor. Because nothing says teenage summer drama like cryptocurrency speculation.The Junior Mint Metaphor: Belly chooses a giraffe over Junior Mint at the arcade prize wall, which one of our hosts insists is a deep metaphor for the love triangle. The other host remains unconvinced that stuffed animals carry this much symbolic weight.Coming Up: We escape to 1991 for some Danielle Steel melodrama with Patrick Duffy, because sometimes you need a shirtless Bobby Ewing holding a baby to cleanse the palate from teenage beach angst.The Verdict: These episodes mark the turn toward peak cringe territory, featuring timeline inconsistencies, impossible logistics, and enough flashbacks to make your head spin. At least the Smashing Pumpkins song choice was solid.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Episode 80: Fire in the Sky (1993)We've hit the big 8-0! To celebrate our octogenarian status in episode years, we're diving into alien abduction territory with DB Sweeney's post-ice skating career in Fire in the Sky. Based on the "true story" of Travis Walton's alleged five-day extraterrestrial vacation in 1975 Arizona.What You're Getting Into: A logging crew witnesses their buddy Travis get zapped by a UFO and spend the rest of the movie trying to convince everyone they didn't just murder him and dump the body. Featuring James Garner as a detective who's seen it all, Robert Patrick (T-1000) with a magnificent 70s beard, and practical effects that look more Muppet than menacing.Peak Dumpster Moments:OSHA violations galore as lumberjacks fell trees without helmets while reading alien tabloidsA polygraph sequence that raises more questions about lie detector reliability than alien existenceAlien abduction scenes featuring the most Muppet-y aliens this side of a UFO conventionTravis getting the full ET medical exam complete with goo pods and proboscis probingThe Real Investigation: We dig into the actual Travis Walton story through interviews spanning decades, from 1980s couch confessions to Geraldo confrontations to Joe Rogan deep dives. Spoiler alert: the consistency is suspicious and the polygraph results are... complicated.Philosophical Spiral Alert: What starts as alien skepticism somehow evolves into a full discussion of simulation theory, parallel universes, and whether we're all just NPCs in someone else's cosmic video game. Because apparently that's what happens when you put two people in a room to discuss extraterrestrial life.The Verdict: A surprisingly decent watch that captures the 1970s lumberjack aesthetic perfectly, even if the aliens look like they wandered off the set of a community theater production. DB Sweeney continues his streak of being unexpectedly charming despite spending most of the movie either missing or catatonic.Coming Up: Back to Cousins Beach for more teenage angst and questionable decision-making, because apparently we enjoy suffering.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Episode 79: The Summer I Turned Pretty Season 2 Episodes 1-2We're back at Cousins Beach! Well, sort of. Join us as we dive into the messy aftermath of Season 1, where Belly's love triangle has officially imploded, Susanna has passed away, and everyone's dealing with grief in the most dramatic way possible.What You're Getting Into: Belly's grades have tanked, she's been demoted from volleyball captain, and she's fallen asleep in French class (fitting, since this show makes about as much sense as The Hunger Games en français). Meanwhile, Steven's delivering the world's most plagiarized valedictorian speech while going viral on TikTok, because apparently "you are happening to the world" is peak inspirational content.The Real Stars: A late-90s cover band featuring Milo, who thinks ripping his shirt off while butchering Lit makes him hardcore. We get treated to the worst renditions of "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" and "My Own Worst Enemy" ever committed to television. It's like watching a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Bronze performance, but somehow even more painful.Peak Dumpster Moments:Belly throwing away two perfectly good coffees because Jeremiah said "no thanks"Jeremiah not knowing how to change a tire despite being a 17-year-old guySteven's failed crowd-surfing attempt at the world's most subdued graduation partyA six-hour road trip from Philly to see "snow on the beach" because apparently no one owns a calendarTimeline Confusion Alert: We're bouncing between past and present faster than a tennis match, with color-toned flashbacks that are about as subtle as a brick to the face. Good luck keeping track of when anything actually happened.The Verdict: This season manages to be even more depressing than Season 1, which we didn't think was possible. Between the melodramatic brooding, questionable decision-making, and enough teenage angst to power a small city, we're in for a wild ride.Coming Up: More episodes of cousin drama, because apparently we hate ourselves. Fire in the Sky gets bumped for more Beach House shenanigans.Warning: May cause spontaneous eye-rolling and an inexplicable craving for Auntie Anne's pretzels.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Join us for Episode 78 of Dumpsterpiece Theatre as we tackle 1973's "The Holy Mountain" - Alejandro Jodorowsky's fever dream masterpiece that makes Zardoz look like a Disney film. This is what happens when someone reads every philosophy book ever written, takes a lot of psychedelics, and decides to make a movie about it.What You're Getting Into:Scott drags Liz through two hours of avant-garde absurdity featuring more naked people than a European art museum, enough religious symbolism to confuse a seminary professor, and a plot that makes absolutely no sense until it breaks the fourth wall and tells you none of it mattered anyway. It's like being trapped in someone's very expensive college thesis project about enlightenment.Fun Facts:George Harrison was originally cast but noped out faster than you can say "Here Comes the Sun"The film features a professional chimp actor who promptly retired after this performance (we don't blame him)Jodorowsky wrote, directed, produced, starred in, and probably catered this thing because apparently one job wasn't enoughThe movie was shelved for 30 years, which honestly wasn't long enoughThe Verdict:Liz delivers a rare full 5-dumpster rating while questioning every life choice that led her to watch conquistador toads battle chameleons in elaborate costumes. Scott attempts to explain the deep symbolic meaning behind literal excrement-to-gold alchemy while Liz slowly loses her sanity.If you've ever wondered what it's like to have your brain thoroughly scrambled by cinematic pretension disguised as spiritual enlightenment, this episode is for you. Fair warning: you may need a shower and a nap afterward.Next Episode: We're detoxing with "Fire in the Sky" - D.B. Sweeney gets allegedly abducted by aliens in 1993. After this week's journey, alien probing sounds downright relaxing.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Join us for Episode 77 of Dumpsterpiece Theatre as we wrap up Emily in Paris Season 2 - where champagne sabering goes horribly wrong, pregnant bosses eat their way through every scene, and fashion shows at Versailles somehow involve twerking in fancy underwear.Key Moments:Camille's dad literally loses a fingertip while sabering champagne, spraying blood all over Emily's face in the most slapstick sequence this show has ever producedClaude becomes our champagne expert, explaining the proper technique for sabering bottles (spoiler: you have to commit to the motion)Madeline arrives in Paris looking like she swallowed a bowling ball, then proceeds to eat baby carrots in literally every scene while wielding corporate buzzwords like weaponsWe witness mime harassment in the wild as a street performer mocks Madeline's pregnancy because apparently that's comedy goldThe fashion show at Versailles features Gregory dressed as Marie Antoinette presenting shapewear through interpretive dance and flash mob choreographyTimothy breaks up with Emily via bicycle chase in the most mature relationship conversation she's had all seasonSylvie's husband Laurent shows up in a towel-wearing Eric's worst nightmare scenario at the apartment doorLuke delivers the ultimate foot-in-mouth performance by spilling Emily's entire romantic history to Alfie at a partyPierre fires Savoir in the most brutal French dismissal ever: "You will never understand me"The great Savoir rebellion unfolds as the entire French office quits simultaneously, leaving Emily to choose between Chicago corporate life and Parisian chaosDistance Watch Update: Alfie's "long distance" relationship from London clocks in at a whopping 2 hours and 18 minutes by train. If Hardin and Tessa can survive 38 minutes, anyone can make this work.Is this season finale a masterpiece of romantic confusion? Absolutely not. Does it feature enough workplace drama, finger injuries, and questionable fashion choices to keep us entertained? Surprisingly, yes! The season earns points for commitment to chaos but loses them for making us sit through three episodes of Camille's manipulative scheming.Next Episode: We're taking a wild detour into art house cinema with "The Holy Mountain" - a 1973 fever dream featuring characters named "The Chimpanzee" and "Bald Woman Two." Prepare for enlightenment, or at least confusion.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Join us for Episode 76 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we fall back into the After universe with "After We Fell" - where a 38-minute drive counts as long distance, Bulgarian doctors deliver devastating medical news, and Hardin's tattoo collection looks like he lost a bet at a flash sheet convention.Key Moments:We document the Great Actor Swap of 2021 as literally two-thirds of the cast gets replaced, including new versions of Landon, Kim, Karen, Christian Vance, and Tessa's dadClaude becomes our sex education expert, explaining why condoms are significantly less effective in hot tubs due to heat damage and chemical interferenceThe cheapest door in cinematic history gets roasted as we witness a hollow closet door on a supposed multi-million dollar Seattle mansionDr. Bulgarian delivers the most concerning medical diagnosis ever with his stellar performance about Tessa's "inhospitable uterus" and "bum cervix"We analyze Hardin's hodgepodge tattoo collection featuring Hebrew script, playing cards, birds, barbed wire flowers, and scales of justice with zero coherenceThe broken apartment window becomes a drinking game as the same stock footage appears at least five times throughout the filmChristian Vance drops the ultimate bombshell in the most awkward hotel bar conversation everWe explore the Bulgaria filming location that explains all the new European actors and questionable American accentsTessa's power suit gets compared to political figures while she settles into her fancy Seattle publishing jobThe infamous gym scene writing gets called out for its Pulitzer-worthy dialogueIs this movie a masterpiece? Absolutely not. Does it feature enough ridiculous plot twists and questionable medical advice to keep us entertained? Surprisingly, yes! The film earns points for commitment to chaos but loses them for the inexplicable 38-minute "long distance" relationship crisis.Next Episode: We're wrapping up Emily in Paris Season 2 with champagne problems, fashion shows at Versailles, and Emily facing her biggest decision yet. Hold onto your berets!IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Join us for Episode 75 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we hit the slopes with "Chalet Girl" - where a fast-food worker becomes a snowboarding prodigy in just four months because apparently the transition from skateboard to switch rodeo 900s is "easy as pie."Key Moments:We dive deep into caviar economics after witnessing $900 tins of beluga caviar being casually purchased for chalet dinner serviceClaude becomes our resident sommelier, explaining why a 1962 Dom Perignon is well past its prime drinking window after 63 yearsScott and Liz debate the proper etiquette for naked snow frolicking after Kim gets caught butt-naked in car headlightsWe attempt to decode the bizarre British party game "Nibble Dibble" and Georgie's mysterious neck-farting talents that drive Nigel wildEd Westwick's attempt at playing a "nice guy" gets thoroughly roasted as we watch him cheat on his fiancée with the helpThe passionate sports girl trope gets called out as Kim magically masters double black diamond runs in mere monthsWe explore the expensive world of snowboarding equipment, from $70,000 landing airbags to "16th century" beginner boardsFacebook poking nostalgia strikes as we reminisce about that forgotten social media featureScott provides an unexpected dissertation on beluga sturgeon biology and why their caviar costs $400 per ounceWe question the logistics of climbing an entire mountain at dawn without being exhausted for competition dayBill Nighy steals every scene with his dry British sarcasm, delivering our favorite quote about emergency landing proceduresThe sexual harassment subplot gets properly called out as creepy Bernard gets his comeuppance via hot tea to the lapWe analyze the chalet girl culture phenomenon and its real-world parallels to Below Deck yacht crewsBonus Content: A deep dive into switch rodeo 900 snowboarding techniques that reveals neither host has any business attempting winter sports, plus box office numbers showing this movie made a whopping $192 opening weekend in North America.Trope Counter: Bumbling dad, passionate sports girl, gilded cage rich boy, naked freak-out, and approximately seventeen others we managed to spot.Is this movie a masterpiece? Absolutely not. Does it feature enough ridiculous British slang and Ed Westwick charm to keep us entertained? Surprisingly, yes! Scott gives it 2-2.5 dumpsters for decent scenery and Bill Nighy's excellence.Next week: We're diving back into the After series with "After We Fell" - where Tessa makes the biggest decision of her life and we find out what happens after Hardin's daddy issues get even more complicated.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Join us for Episode 74 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we boil over with Emily in Paris Season 2, Episodes 6 & 7 - where Emily's marketing genius strikes again and we somehow spiral into a dissertation on early 2000s indie music.Key Moments:We kick off the Emily hashtag good ideas counter with "it's like a purse you can ride" - her brilliant Vespa campaign tagline that definitely won't make anyone cringeScott and Liz debate the logistics of Mackinaw Island fudge tours: toothpick-sized samples vs. inevitable fudge overdose scenariosA single busking scene featuring "Falling Slowly" launches us into a deep dive on the Glen Hansard/Marketa Irglova era of melancholy singer-songwritersWe explore the forgotten musical landscape of the mid-2000s: Damien Rice, Bon Iver, Iron & Wine, and that whole "very intense feelings" acoustic movementLiz confesses her weakness for the "secret musician boyfriend" trope while Scott remains unimpressed by three-chord serenadesWe question European fountain bathing etiquette after witnessing naked baby chaos at botanical gardensWe celebrate a blissfully Camille-free episode (finally!) and analyze her suspicious "supportive girlfriend" act as part of her mysterious master planScott explains tilt-shift photography after spotting the technique in a random Paris street sceneThe great MySpace nostalgia spiral: remember when Tom wasn't your friend and your profile played that one OAR song on repeat?Liz's business partnership trauma resurfaces with threats of ball-kicking for unnamed former collaboratorsWe decode the Danish filmography of Sylvie's photographer love interest and discover the epic 132-episode saga of "2900 Happiness"Emily's stage-five clinger behavior gets called out as she leaves rambling voicemails and sends 400+ texts in six hoursThe episode ends with Sylvie secretly embracing American fitness culture on her contraband PelotechBonus Content: Scott provides an unexpected lecture on ramps (wild leeks), their connection to the constellation Aries, and why Pennsylvanians go absolutely feral during ramp season.Is Emily's marketing getting any better? Absolutely not. Are we having way too much fun analyzing every ridiculous detail? Mais oui! Next week: we're hitting the slopes with "Chalet Girl" featuring Chuck Bass himself, Ed Westwick.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Join us for Episode 73 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we wade through the lukewarm waters of "Love Across Time," a time-traveling romance so bland it makes beige look vibrant.Key Moments:Scott and Liz immediately identify the film as "the beige of movies" - like a nondescript rental car that fails to leave any impressionWe explore the puzzling geography of Castle Eden (the real-life filming location) and its surprising connection to Robert the BruceThe mysterious case of Chesley/Chelsea's job description - is she a banker? Real estate inspector? Marketing person? We never quite figure it outOur heroes question the medical accuracy of the EpiPen scene that defies all standard protocols for anaphylactic shockWe debate the time travel logistics: How does Charles manage to invest £1,000 in 1799 and have it magically turn into £246 million by 2025?Scott investigates how a man from 1799 would acquire a modern identity (answer: it's complicated and probably illegal)The revelation that Quinn's actor may be in his first-ever role, explaining his awkward neckbeard video game actingLiz and Scott marvel at Castle Eden's current incarnation as a luxury rental complete with "dungeon bar" and "American fridge"Our hosts compare the film's chemistry-free romance to Mormon literature traditions, leading to unexpected tangents about Twilight and "two cocks Eddie"We learn about the glory of the 1999 Toyota Corolla, which caused an entire audience to spontaneously yawn when unveiledIs it good? Not particularly. Is it a dumpsterpiece? Not quite - it's too unremarkable even for that distinction. This one earns a solid "double meh" rating for being neither entertainingly bad nor accidentally good.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Join us for Episode 72 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we embark on an unexpectedly nostalgic journey through 2004's "Eurotrip," a raunch-com masterpiece that's somehow both terribly offensive and surprisingly clever.Key Moments:Liz reveals her deeply personal airport safety card ritual, including her search for the mysteriously misshapen United Airlines child illustrationScott confesses to 20 years of having "Scotty Doesn't Know" shouted at him by strangers, despite not identifying as a "Scotty"We debate the tattooed appeal of Matt Damon's punk rock cameo, which was apparently filmed during a SARS outbreak with minimal planningOur heroes discover the only nude beach in Europe populated exclusively by flapping elderly menThe twins accidentally make out in Bratislava after chugging absinthe, leading to a deep dive on whether hallucinogenic wormwood is actually legal in the USWe explore the film's most quotable line ("That is not a robot move!") and celebrate Fred Armisen's perfectly deadpan Italian pervertMichelle Trachtenberg takes us back to the early 2000s, with the sad footnote of her recent passingThe reveal of the Anne Frank scene that was too offensive even for this movie, proving some lines shouldn't be crossedIs it good? Absolutely not. Is it a dumpsterpiece? Surprisingly, no - it's just a perfectly preserved time capsule of early 2000s comedy that couldn't be made today, for better or worse.IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

Join us as we dive into Emily in Paris S2 episodes 4-5, where our protagonist's terrible French skills take center stage alongside a hilariously awkward love triangle. Watch Emily dramatically return Gabrielle's cast iron pan while completely overreacting to the entire situation, all while Camille gives her the coldest French shoulder imaginable.We detour into passionate debates about sparkling water (La Croix: "It doesn't taste like anything!"), explore the questionable "magic leek soup" diet (one leek in four quarts of water = weight loss miracle?), and investigate Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop empire. Plus, Emily's French class partner gets her to accidentally shoplift, someone writes the worst French letter in history, and we learn that Brussels sprouts are just "little balls of cabbage that need to be roasted in liters of olive oil to be edible."From Emily's middle-school "pact" with Camille, to street performer turf wars featuring an aggressive mime, to Gabrielle's perfect hair (enjoy it while it lasts!), this episode delivers pure dumpster gold. As always, the tangents are better than the show itself!IMDBRotten TomatoesMetacritic

We've emerged from our unplanned hiatus to tackle "The Duel" - where noodley-armed Dylan Sprouse and his Australian nemesis aim flintlock pistols at each other over a girl who can't decide which bro she wants!Key Moments:Patrick Warburton (aka Putty) narrates and stars in this gentlemanly festival of atonement with philosophical musings and a hipster mustacheA burning surfboard starts a feud that somehow requires black powder pistols to resolveOur protagonists get drugged and kidnapped to a Mexican drug lord's estate (that's actually in Indiana?) for their duelAbby, the woman they're fighting over, gets kidnapped too... but with a complimentary spa day!The world's most awkward dinner party features Hunter S. Thompson funeral plans and toxic masculinity accusationsA sociopathic daughter recites 17th century poetry while everyone downs ice cream sundaes before the big showdownThe ending makes absolutely no sense, but hey, at least we learned that even women used to duel (Lady Braddock once fought with pistols AND swords because someone insulted her age!)Is it worth 3.5 dumpsters? Maybe not, but we'll never look at Chili's the same way again.IMDBRotten Tomatoes

Join us for Episode 69 (nice!) of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we dive into "Surprised by Oxford," a pretentious journey through the hallowed halls of academia. Based on a true story, this faith-finding romantic drama follows Rose Reid as she perfects the art of pushing everyone away while simultaneously stalking her Christian crush. Key Moments: Our ice queen protagonist brings a suitcase full of books to Oxford, because apparently Google doesn't exist in this anachronistic mess Kent, the world's most patient Christian boy, refuses to take a hint despite Caro's repeated attempts to Arctic-freeze him out Watch as our heroine has an emotional breakdown over an ink pen, earning herself a weekend retreat with the Dean (totally normal professor-student behavior) Endless scenes of pretentious intellectual discourse that sound like adults from Peanuts: "wah wah wah patriarchy wah wah" A faith-finding journey that involves more running away from emotional connections than actual spiritual revelation The mandatory rom-com spinning camera kiss finale, because apparently that's still a thing in 2023 Is it better or worse than "Finding You"? Let's just say Rose Reid was significantly more likable when she wasn't trying to philosophize her way through relationships. IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Surprised by Joy Analysis

We're back from our holiday break and diving into episodes 2 & 3 of Emily in Paris Season 2! Join us as we follow Emily's misadventures in Saint-Tropez, from champagne-spraying shenanigans to an awkward run-in with Sylvie's mystery husband. Then things get messy back in Paris when Emily throws a birthday dinner party that ends with dramatic revelations, smashed champagne glasses, and a certain chef's omelet pan taking an unexpected swim. Plus, we discuss $6,400 hotel rooms, French labor laws, and why you should never let a French chef give you their cookware unless you're ready for the consequences. IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

Join us for a festive romp through Netflix's "Hot Frosty," where an anatomically correct snowman trades his icy existence for a shot at love! Watch as Lacey Chabert falls for a mysteriously shirtless stranger who can't handle hot pizza and has questionable credit card habits. Featuring Craig Robinson as an overzealous sheriff with a synthesizer, Joe Lo Truglio doling out dating advice, and a gaggle of thirsty seniors bringing new meaning to "winter heat wave." We break down everything from the suspicious CGI decorations and styrofoam snow to the medical documents written in what appears to be Comic Sans' quirky cousin, while pondering important questions like "Why doesn't anyone fix that furnace?" and "How does a snowman learn to Google?" Grab your strategically placed scarves and join us for this delightfully bizarre holiday romance that proves love can bloom even at sub-zero temperatures. IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

When Adam Devine's Noah gets friend-zoned at the end of a perfect Halloween night in 2014, he discovers a magical photo booth that lets him go back in time to win the girl of his dreams. But as he cycles through increasingly questionable attempts to change his fate - including an ill-advised foray into frosted tips and leather pants - Noah learns that maybe the real soulmate was the photographer he met along the way. Join us as we break down "When We First Met," a surprisingly watchable Netflix rom-com that proves sometimes the best relationships aren't the ones you spend three years and multiple temporal violations trying to force. We discuss time travel paradoxes, the perils of overcorrecting your personality, the importance of leaving your Garth costume exactly as is, and why you should never attempt parkour in leather pants. IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

This week, we're diving back into Emily in Paris Season 2 and our favorite American abroad is already up to her usual antics. In 'Voulez-vous coucher avec moi,' Emily's juggling the aftermath of her steamy goodbye with Gabriel (who's not actually going anywhere), avoiding Camille's suspicious questions, and embarking on an ill-fated night train adventure with Mathieu. Meanwhile, Mindy takes on an unexpected new role as a bathroom attendant at a drag club, complete with mandatory sock stuffing. Plus, witness the world's most impractical piece of designer luggage and find out why everyone keeps dunking on Normandy. Grab your French's mustard and questionable work permits - we're back in Paris! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

Join us as we dive into the 1987 romantic comedy 'Overboard' starring real-life couple Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn. We explore this tale of mistaken identity and questionable ethics set in the Pacific Northwest, discussing everything from chainsaw art to fancy yacht living. We break down how the incredible chemistry between Russell and Hawn saved what could have been a problematic premise, debate the merits of Spaghetti-O Surprise as a dinner option, and share some passionate opinions about California Closets. Learn about the film's interesting production history, including the yacht's surprising second career in the Philippine Navy, and hear our thoughts on whether this premise would float in modern times. Plus, discover the unexpected connection between Kurt Russell's blue truck and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, examine whether movie remakes need gender swaps to work in today's world, and find out why you should never discuss caviar with snobby yacht owners. Come aboard for a discussion that's equal parts nostalgic and critical of this unique 80s gem! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

In this episode of Dumpsterpiece Theatre, we dive into 2004's "The Prince and Me" - the tale of an uptight pre-med student and a Danish prince who meet cute at a college bar called The Rat. Between scenes of questionably safe chemistry experiments, romantic meat-slicing tutorials, and the most awkward Shakespeare tutoring ever, Julia Stiles and Luke Mably show us that love can blossom even when one party is hiding their royal lineage. We explore how this film checks all the classic romance boxes - from moonlit barn kisses to dramatic rainy confessions - while debating just how realistic it is for a prince to choose Wisconsin based on a late-night infomercial. Plus, discover the wild journey of THREE direct-to-video sequels involving missing elephants, evil prime ministers, and a complete cast overhaul. A perfectly cheesy early 2000s romance that proves sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince... or in this case, teach him how to do laundry. IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

The Summer I Turned Pretty Season 1 Finale: Debutante Drama & Family Revelations Join us as we wrap up our coverage of The Summer I Turned Pretty's first season! The debutante ball brings all our favorite characters together for an evening of formal wear fails, family drama, and questionable dance moves. Episode Highlights: Steven's adventures in borrowed formal wear: Are high-water pants better than hammer pants? The secret to perfect photos according to Susanna: Just say "prune"! Musical mayhem: Too much Taylor Swift, not enough... everything else A deep dive into everyone's questionable decisions at the ball Our complete season 1 character rankings (sorry Nicole, you're at the bottom) We discover Pocari Sweat and share our hydration journey A thorough breakdown of the love triangle that keeps on triangulating Bold predictions for season 2 and what might happen next Plus: Fashion critiques of debutante dresses, debates over the best and worst musical moments, and why you should never play poker with prep school kids. Grab your formal wear and join us for this packed finale discussion! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes

In honor of Election Day, on this episode of Dumpsterpiece Theatre, we canvass our way into the 2004 romantic comedy "First Daughter" starring Katie Holmes and Mark Blucas. We explore this Forest Whitaker-directed film that follows the president's daughter trying to have a normal college experience - complete with secret service agents, campaign drama, and an undercover romance. We hilariously dissect everything from the improbably square-shaped Air Force One lounge room to Mark Blucas's notably bland performance (which we dub "the water cracker of actors"). Our discussion covers the taxpayer cost of using presidential transport for college romance, bizarre sound mixing issues that had our audio engineer host cringing, and our bewilderment at Forest Whitaker directing this saccharine rom-com. With a measly 8% on Rotten Tomatoes and what we deem "four out of five dumpsters" on our scale, we offer plenty of laughs as we break down this forgettable entry in the "privileged person wants normal life" genre of early 2000s films. Needless to say, this gets no electoral votes. IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

We dive into Netflix's "Mother of the Bride" (2024), starring Brooke Shields and Benjamin Bratt. This destination wedding rom-com follows Emma (Miranda Cosgrove) who surprises her mother Lana (Shields) with news of her engagement and upcoming wedding in Thailand - only to discover her fiancé's father is Lana's college ex who broke her heart decades ago. We had a field day breaking down the film's many issues, from its confused tone to its questionable plot choices. Some of our favorite moments include investigating the actual Thai resort where it was filmed (turns out rooms are a reasonable $637/night!), puzzling over Chad Michael Murray's random appearance as a "hot doctor," and cringing at the painfully awkward choreographed wedding dance sequence. The movie sparked some entertaining tangents, including a deep dive into the longest-running TV shows in history after discussing Days of Our Lives' incredible number of episodes. We both agreed this ranks among our "top slog" movies to get through, alongside "The Hating Game." We wrapped up with a preview of next week's "The Summer I Turn Pretty" finale, where one of us finally admitted to being Team Conrad over Jeremiah. Despite the film's many flaws, we found plenty to laugh about while dissecting this Netflix romantic comedy misfire. NOTE: Although we were planning on wrapping TSITP next week, we are pushing it one week to squeeze something else in. IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic Bear Knuckle - DONG David Guetta and Bebe Rexha - I'm Good (Blue)

Boo! It's spooky season, and on Dumpsterpiece Theater we're diving into 'Hocus Pocus 2'. Join us as we conjure up laughs and critiques about this long-awaited sequel. We'll discuss enchanted Roombas, retconned witch origins, and ponder where that $100 million budget went. Scott goes on a passionate rant about the film's production choices and underlying messages, while we debate whether this sequel lives up to the original's cult classic status. We'll explore the Sanderson sisters' backstory, dissect the new characters' lack of development, and question some puzzling plot decisions. Why do Mary and Sarah suddenly discover their powers? How did Doug Jones keep Billy Butcherson's wig for 30 years? And what's the deal with Mayor Buster's obsession with caramel apples? We'll also touch on the movie's attempts at nostalgia, from musical numbers to callbacks from the original. Whether you're a fan of the original or new to the franchise, this episode is a spellbinding deep dive into modern Halloween entertainment. Get ready for a wickedly entertaining episode that's perfect for the season! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

"The Summer I Turned Pretty" drama heats up as Belly juggles two brothers like a clumsy circus performer. Watch as she flip-flops between brooding Conrad and golden retriever Jeremiah faster than you can say "love triangle." Highlights include an epic charity volleyball tournament (because nothing says summer romance like spiking balls), awkward skinny dipping shenanigans, and the world's most ill-timed mom intervention. Will Belly choose the right Fisher brother? Will Conrad ever smile? And will someone please give Steven a personality? Tune in for more teen angst than you can shake a stick at, served with a side of rich people problems and a dash of impending medical drama. It's a penultimate episode that'll make you glad you're not 16 anymore! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes

Buckle up, dumpster divers! This week we're plunging into the icy depths of "Breaking the Ice," a made-for-social-media hockey "sport romance" that's about as smooth as a Zamboni with square wheels. Join us as we dissect this vertically-filmed masterpiece, complete with: Baffling plot twists and inexplicable $100,000 mall necklaces Hockey players who look like they'd struggle in a peewee league A cleaning lady who somehow affords an endless supply of wine The world's most wobbly heart-shaped birthmark Mysteriously teleporting characters The worst fake punches in cinematic history Grab your popcorn (and maybe a stiff drink) as we break down this gloriously awful cinematic experience that somehow clawed its way to over a million views. It's time to hit the ice - er, dumpster - with Dumpsterpiece Theatre! Breaking the Ice (YouTube) IMDB Goodreads (Shut Out) Jami Davenport Nicole Mattox Audition Reel (IMDB)

In this week's episode, we dive into the cinematic masterpiece 'No Hard Feelings,' where Jennifer Lawrence's character proves that the best way to save your house is by seducing a socially awkward teenager. We break down the film's questionable premise, debate the ethics of helicopter parenting gone wild, and ponder how one makes $15,000 in a month through Uber driving (spoiler: you don't). Join us as we explore the wonders of Chinese finger traps as foreplay, the art of naked beach fighting, and the timeless romance of a 30-year-old and a college freshman. Plus, we mention the term 'ranchcom' because apparently, that's a thing now. Grab your vermouth and prepare for a cringe-filled adventure! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Metacritic

In this spicy episode of our Summer I Turned Pretty recap, we dive into Season 1, Episode 5: 'Summer Catch.' Highlights include: The moms' wild day drinking adventure, complete with THC gummies and Long Island Iced Teas Conrad's emotional rollercoaster, from smiley to broody in record time Jeremiah's manipulative side emerges as he schemes to win Belly's affection Steven faces some low-key racism at his new high-stakes poker room job Belly's lightning-fast change of heart, going from Team Conrad to Team Jeremiah in one episode Our thoughts on the show's questionable music choices, including some surprisingly explicit lyrics A deep dive into Ivy League tuition costs (spoiler: they're astronomical) Predictions for the drama to come in the final episodes Join us as we break down all the teen angst, poor decisions, and beach-side drama in this pivotal episode of The Summer I Turned Pretty! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Reyanna Maria "So Pretty" Japanese Breakfast "Be Sweet"

In this episode, we're diving dumpster-first into the "cinematic masterpiece" that is "Leprechaun 2". Join us as one half of this married duo drags the other deeper into the trash heap of guilty pleasure media. It's a love story for the ages! We marvel at the film's "improved" effects and costume design (hello, 90s budget!) We analyze the leprechaun's totally relatable quest for a bride and his discerning taste in whiskey We critique the Oscar-worthy go-kart chase scene, complete with leprechaun-sized customizations We debate the finer points of leprechaun contract law, because that's clearly the most pressing issue here From Warwick Davis's seven-piece prosthetic makeup to the intricacies of leprechaun folklore (which this film clearly adheres to with utmost respect), we leave no golden coin unturned. Listen as we ponder the logistics of leprechaun wishes, the complexities of supernatural law, and why anyone thought this sequel was necessary. But fear not, dear listeners - our journey through the dumpster of pop culture is far from over. We wrap up by teasing next week's return to "The Summer I Turned Pretty," proving there's no escape from the young adult trash heap we've come to love. So grab your shillelagh and join us for this St. Patrick's Day adventure filled with gold, wishes, and plenty of regrettable life choices! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes Set Jetter Leprechaun 2

In this episode, we compare two recent films featuring romances between older women and younger men: 'A Family Affair' and 'The Idea of You'. Join us for a laughter-filled dive into these mirror movies as we explore: The awkward family dynamics and questionable decision-making in both films A European tour vs. a Malibu beach walk: which makes for a better romantic backdrop? Zac Efron's excessive muscles and Anne Hathaway's bangs: the important details you didn't know you needed The perils of waiting five years for love (and why it might be a tad unrealistic) Our thoughts on fake movie bands and their surprising catchiness Why Coachella might just be the perfect place for a meet-cute (if you can survive the pretension) The unexpected dangers of Hot Ones' 'Da Bomb' sauce (spoiler: it's worse than you think) Our definitive ranking of which film handles the older woman-younger man trope better Plus, we'll share some of the funniest moments from both movies and discuss why Nicole Kidman's character might need to rethink her parenting strategy. Whether you're Team Kidman or Team Hathaway, this episode has something for everyone! The Idea of You: IMDB Metacritic Rotten Tomatoes Book vs Movie Differences A Family Affair: IMDB Metacritic Rotten Tomatoes

In this episode, we dive into Episode 4 of "The Summer I Turned Pretty," titled "Summer Heat." Where we recap the Fourth of July festivities at Cousins Beach, complete with family drama, teen drinking, and relationship complications. Highlights include: The arrival of questionable pomegranate margaritas, courtesy of Belly's dad's new girlfriend Conrad's obsession with clams and brooding (his two main personality traits) Belly's drunken oversharing, spilling secrets faster than the margaritas An awkward outdoor shower scene that has us questioning the actress's accent The revelation of Adam's past infidelity, adding layers to the family tensions We also discuss the emerging love triangle between Belly, Conrad, and Jeremiah, pondering the awkwardness of brothers vying for the same girl. They debate whether Cam is the ultimate "Toby Tucker" of the series, praising his maturity in handling Belly's behavior. The episode wraps up with a tease for next week's double feature, comparing two similar movies: "The Idea of You" and "A Family Affair." We make early predictions on which cougar romance will reign supreme. Tune in for a healthy dose of summer drama, complete with fireworks, cake disasters, and cereal milk-drinking shenanigans! IMDB Rotten Tomatoes

SPOILER ALERT: This episode contains major spoilers for "Fourth Wing" by Rebecca Yarros. If you haven't read the book and want to avoid spoilers, stop listening now and come back after you've finished reading! In this episode, we dive into the magical world of "Fourth Wing" by Rebecca Yarros. Join us as we discuss this bestselling "romantasy" novel featuring dragons, rebellion, and steamy encounters. Highlights include: Violet "Violence" Sorrengail's journey from reluctant recruit to dragon rider extraordinaire The enemies-to-lovers romance between Violet and brooding bad boy Xaden Magical powers that conveniently manifest during intimate moments A school where students regularly try to murder each other (totally normal!) The inexplicable prevalence of mint-scented love interests We'll break down the convoluted plot, discuss the book's four-flame spiciness rating, and ponder why every fantasy novel needs a twist ending reveal. Plus, we'll share some fun facts about the author and the passionate fandom surrounding this series. Grab your dragon scales and prepare for takeoff as we soar into the skies of Navarre! Just watch out for lightning strikes and shattered windows - things tend to get destructive when Violet gets emotional. Goodreads Rebecca Yarros Author Site

It's the big five-oh for Dumpsterpiece Theatre! Join us as we dive into the dumpster of their past 49 episodes, dredging up the best of the best and the worst of the worst. From crowning the 'Tobiest Toby' to debating the 'Broodiest Brooder,' no cinematic stone is left unturned. Laugh along as we reminisce about our favorite moments, including some unexpected celebrity interactions (D.B. Sweeney, we're looking at you). Cringe with us as we revisit their least favorite episodes - turns out even dumpster divers have standards! Get ready for some hot takes on the most realistic and unrealistic storylines. Spoiler alert: Emily in Paris doesn't quite make the cut for realism. Who knew? And brace yourselves for the pièce de résistance - a juicy round of 'F**k, Marry, Kill' that'll have you questioning our taste in fictional characters. Tune in for this golden anniversary extravaganza that proves once and for all: one person's trash is these podcasters' treasure!

We embark on a most excellent (or is it bogus?) journey through the 1991 sequel 'Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey'. In this episode, we navigate the film's convoluted plot, questionable special effects, and inexplicable alien geniuses. Liz reveals her long-standing dislike for the movie, while Scott finds it entertainingly goofy. Together, we dive into fascinating behind-the-scenes information from a documentary about the film's making. Join us as we: Debate the merits of challenging Death to various board games (Battleship, anyone?) Question the logic of evil robot doppelgangers who can't keep their plans secret Ponder the temporal paradoxes created by Bill and Ted's time-traveling shenanigans Discuss the surprising number of films shot at the Donald C. Tillman Water Reclamation Plant Try to understand why anyone thought a Martian scientist with a huge butt was comedic gold Despite the movie's shortcomings, we agree that William Sadler's portrayal of Death is the saving grace of this sequel. We also touch on the upcoming third film in the franchise, wondering how it will address the timeline issues created by this installment. Will Liz's hatred for the movie be softened by the behind-the-scenes knowledge? Can Scott convince her of its entertainment value? How many dumpsters does this bogus journey truly deserve? And most importantly, will we ever figure out what 'Station' means? Tune in for a most non-heinous discussion of this cult classic sequel! IMDB Metacritic Rotten Tomatoes