Ego vs. EQ & You

In this episode of the Versus Series, Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein explore the balance between talking versus listening and why emotional intelligence is key to knowing when to do each. Through stories from sales coaching, meetings, interviews, and everyday relationships, they discuss how some people dominate conversations while others stay too silent—both of which can create misunderstandings and missed opportunities. They highlight how stress can cause people to either talk excessively or shut down, and how others often interpret silence or over-talking in ways we don’t intend. The conversation emphasizes that effective communication isn’t about being naturally talkative or quiet—it’s about reading the room, adapting to the situation, and finding the right balance between speaking up and tuning in.#communication #talking #listening #self-improvement #socialawareness #emotionalintelligence #EQ #leadership 

Can you truly lead if you don't know how to follow? In this installment of our "Versus" series, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to deconstruct the symbiotic relationship between leadership and followership. From the "C-Suite Generalist" to the "Coach vs. Player" analogy, they explore why the best leaders are often the ones willing to step back and let their team take the wheel.In this episode, we discuss:Why "independence" can sometimes be a leadership trap.The Conductor Analogy: Leading without playing the instrument.How to transition from a technical expert to a leadership generalist.Why introverted leaders often have a hidden advantage.The "Boss Baby" dynamic: Leadership in our personal lives.#followership #leadership #interdependence #successionplanning #businessgrowth #professionalgrowth #careeradvice #leadershipmindset #leadershiptips

In this episode, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to explore the challenge of “daring to trust.” Trust can be fragile, and rebuilding it—whether we were the cause of the breakdown or someone else was—often requires courage and self-reflection. Rather than focusing on what others should do differently, the conversation emphasizes taking responsibility for our own behaviors that build or erode trust.Drawing on insights from The Speed of Trust, Jen and Steve discuss how trust is built on two key pillars: character and competence. It’s not enough to have good intentions—people must also demonstrate reliability and capability over time. They also examine common “trust traps” like gossip, assumptions, avoidance, and bypassing others in communication, all of which can quietly undermine relationships.The episode highlights how trust is rebuilt through small, everyday interactions—micro moments of honesty, feedback, and follow-through. While trust can break quickly, restoring it requires patience, consistency, and the willingness to have difficult conversations.Whether at work or at home, rebuilding trust often begins with a simple but courageous step: daring to start the conversation.#trust #podcast #leadership #conflict #ego #EQ #emotionalintelligence

In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen Shirkani and co-host Steve Friedlein explore a common leadership dilemma: Can you adapt your behavior to others without losing your authenticity?Through practical examples and coaching insights, they unpack the tension between being “true to yourself” and using emotional intelligence to read the room. The conversation highlights why authenticity doesn’t mean saying or doing whatever you feel in the moment—and why small behavioral adjustments can actually strengthen connection rather than make you seem fake.They also discuss empathy, the role of vulnerability in leadership, and why leaders who appear too polished can unintentionally become unrelatable. Ultimately, Jen and Steve explain how emotional intelligence helps leaders express authenticity in ways that are appropriate, effective, and human.

In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen and Steve continue their “Versus Series” by tackling an issue that causes countless misunderstandings at work and in relationships: intent vs. impact.Most people judge themselves by their good intentions, while judging others by the impact of their behavior. The challenge is that even well-intended messages can land poorly if we don’t consider how they will be received. Through leadership examples and practical discussion, Jen and Steve explore how emotional intelligence helps us anticipate reactions, read the room, and adjust our delivery in real time.They also discuss why audiences react differently to the same message, the importance of giving people space to respond, and how matching the emotional tone of your audience can help your message land more effectively. Ultimately, the conversation highlights a key truth: your intent belongs to you, but the impact belongs to your audience.The episode closes with an important distinction between ego and emotional intelligence—ego defends our intent, while EQ takes responsibility for the impact our words and actions have on others.

Ever found yourself so far off track that you didn't recognize your own career anymore? In this raw and honest episode, Jen Shirkani shares the wake-up meeting she had and what happened next changed everything.Discover why comfort can be more dangerous than fear and how losing sight of your core strengths costs you more than just money. This episode will give you the courage to course correct.

In this thought-provoking episode, host Jen Shirkani challenges the common saying "life is short" and argues for adopting a "life is long" mindset. She explores how this perspective shift impacts our decisions about health, finances, career, and wellbeing. Jen discusses why planning for decades ahead—even if uncertain—leads to better outcomes with minimal downside. From retirement planning to choosing patience over impulse, this episode offers practical wisdom for making choices that serve your long-term future.

Optimists dream big. Realists keep us grounded. In this episode, Jen, Angela, and Steve unpack how these two perspectives work together to create smarter, more balanced decisions and why you need a little of both.Join us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic.To share show ideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email:[email protected] #EmotionalIntelligence #OptimismAndRealism #BalancedThinking #DecisionMaking #LeadershipDevelopment #SelfAwareness #MindsetMatters #EQ #PersonalGrowth #PodcastEpisode #LeadershipPodcast #StrategicThinking #ProfessionalDevelopment #WorkplaceMindset #LeadingWithEQ #PositiveMindset #GrowthMindset #KeepItReal #ThinkSmart #MindfulLeadership

Empathy is a great thing until it starts working againstyou. In this lively episode, Jen, Steve, and Angela dive into what happens whenempathy goes too far and why a dose of assertiveness can make yourconversations more honest, balanced, and effectiveJoin us onYouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic.To share showideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email:[email protected]#EmotionalIntelligence#EmpathyAndAssertiveness#AuthenticCommunication#SelfAwareness#LeadershipDevelopment#PeopleSkills#BoundariesMatter#EQ#PersonalGrowth#PodcastEpisode#LeadershipPodcast #EffectiveCommunication #WorkplaceRelationships #LeadingWithEQ #ProfessionalGrowth#HealthyBoundaries #SpeakUp #EmpathyInAction #ConfidentCommunication #MindfulConversations

Send us a textEver catch yourself reacting instead of responding whenyou’re stressed? You’re not alone. In this episode, Jen, Angela, and Steve diveinto how stress affects your impulse control and share tips to break the cyclebefore it breaks you.Join us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic.To share show ideas orget anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email:[email protected]#EmotionalIntelligence#StressManagement#ImpulseControl#SelfAwareness#MindsetMatters#EmotionalResilience#EQ#PersonalGrowth#StayCalm#PodcastEpisode#selfcare#LeadershipDevelopment #WorkplaceWellness #LeadingWithEQ #StressTolerance #ProfessionalGrowth#MindfulLiving #ManageStress #SelfControl #InnerStrength #BalanceNotBurnout

Send us a textKnowing how you feel is one thing…sharing it is another.Join Jen, Steve, and Angela as they unpack why expressing what you feel is justas important, and how finding that balance can strengthen trust and connectionwith others.Links: 5 Ways to Build Trust Using Emotional Expressionhttps://www.linkedin.com/pulse/five-ways-build-trust-using-emotional-expression-jen-shirkani/?trackingId=kpkp1BNXTrSj%2BwNfu0fRtQ%3D%3DJoin us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic. To share show ideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email: [email protected] #EmotionalIntelligence#SelfAwareness#AuthenticCommunication#TrustBuilding#EmotionalExpression#LeadershipDevelopment#ConnectionMatters#EQ#PeopleSkills#PodcastEpisode#LeadershipPodcast #WorkplaceCulture #LeadingWithEQ #TeamCommunication #RelationshipBuilding#SpeakYourFeelings #EmotionalGrowth #AuthenticConnections #MindfulCommunication #PersonalGrowth

Send us a textThink ego is always the enemy? Think again. In this episode,Jen, Angela, and Steve dig into how ego can fuel growth when kept in check andshare practical ways to balance it with self-awareness for better results (andfewer regrets).Join us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic.To share show ideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email: [email protected]#EmotionalIntelligence#SelfAwareness#LeadershipDevelopment#PersonalGrowth#healthyego#MindsetMatters#EgoBalance#SelfLeadership#GrowthMindset#PodcastEpisode#EQ#LeadershipPodcast #AuthenticLeadership #ProfessionalDevelopment #LeadingWithEQ #WorkplaceMindset#KnowYourself #InnerGrowth #MindfulLeadership #SelfReflection #PersonalDevelopment

Send us a textEver wondered what truly sets introverts and extrovertsapart? In this kickoff to our new “vs” series, Jen, Steve, and Angela dive intothe real differences between these two personality types and the benefits ofknowing them. Discover why understanding this key trait can help you thrive atwork and in life.Join us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic.To share show ideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email: [email protected]#EmotionalIntelligence#IntrovertVsExtrovert#PersonalityTypes#SelfAwareness#LeadershipDevelopment#WorkplaceCulture#PersonalGrowth#CommunicationSkills#MindsetMatters#KnowYourself #EQ #GrowthMindset #PeopleSkills#PodcastEpisode #LeadershipPodcast #ProfessionalDevelopment #TeamDynamics #WorkplaceWellness

Send us a text Everyone is talking about artificial intelligence (AI) and how it related to emotional intelligence (EQ). In this lively discussion with Jen Shirkani, Steve Friedlein and Angela Bearor learn ways that leaders can utilize AI most effectively, along with some warnings on how not to use it. To share show ideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email:[email protected] Links:Forbes: 3 Ways AI is Redefining Leadership and Management by Brent Gleesonhttps://www.livescience.com/technology/artificial-intelligence/there-are-32-different-ways-ai-can-go-rogue-scientists-say-from-hallucinating-answers-to-a-complete-misalignment-with-humanityhttps://www.inc.com/fast-company-2/why-ai-is-making-11-meetings-irrelevant/91221071 

Send us a textNobody wants to fail, especially a top performer who is focused and commited. So how to we approach feedback after failure? In this episode Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein share ways to approach a feedback conversation and turn criticism into a positive experience.

Send us a textWe all face difficulty and setbacks, learn more about the comfort zone and how it impedes our ability to grow. Jen Shirkani shares more of her personal story of resilience and ways to cope using a skill model: MOST. Listen to learn details on how to use Motivation, Optimism and Stress Tolerance for success.  Book Reference:Choose Resilience by Jen ShirkaniJoin us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic. To share show  ideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email: [email protected] 

Send us a textDo you work with people who play the victim? This episode describes how this attitude damages us and the workplace and explains the science behind why negative emotion is contagious. Learn how agency can counter-act victimhood.  Book References:The Oz Principle by Connors, Smith and HickmanSocial Intelligence by Daniel GolemanJoin us on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuaD5V7R0Ic.To share show ideas or get anonymous help with a challenging situation, please email: [email protected] 

Send us a textIn this lively episode, Jen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein and Angela Bearor as they discuss current events and news stories with applications of emotional intelligence. This week they discuss ways to express emotion, a study on how many remote workers have secret second jobs, and the fall of servant leadership. To share comments or show ideas please email [email protected]. Show links:https://positivepsychology.com/express-emotions/https://www.inc.com/bruce-crumley/how-to-respond-to-quiet-cracking-a-new-workplace-threat/91204644https://www.resumebuilder.com/7-in-10-remote-workers-have-multiple-jobs/ 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein as they discuss the differences between EQ, personality, communication styles and change styles. Sample reports referred to in this episode can be found at: https://penumbra.com/assessments/We would love to hear from you! Share suggestions or comments at [email protected]. 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani shares the risks of making assumptions, including an explanation of the fundamental attribution error and some personal examples. 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani shares a listener question regarding someone who reads others well but lacks emotional self-awareness. Several suggestions are discussed to help others raise their EQ, along with strategies for working with someone who lacks EQ. If you want (anonymous) assistance with a people problem, email Jen at [email protected]. 

Send us a textJen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein and Angela Bearor in this episode to discuss a news story about an employee who set boundaries and got a raise, an overheard conversation related to co-worker conflict, and the trend to cut training dollars when employees need it the most. 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein to discuss executive coaching. Collectively, they have decades of experience and share insights on how to know who is coachable, what to look for in a coach, and ways to get the most from a coaching engagement. If you would like some free coaching support or help with a people problem, you can send a confidential email to [email protected], we would be happy to help!

Send us a text This episode summarizes the definition of emotional intelligence, the role of ego and the 8 traps that are common among leaders. This is a synopsis of the book with the same title, "Ego vs EQ". Get coaching support or share a people problem by sending us a confidential email to [email protected]. 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani describes Ego Trap 8 and the allure of the comfort zone to pull us from high EQ to high ego behaviors. Learn how to know if you have fallen into this trap and ways to avoid it.#EQ #emotionalintelligence #leadership #self-awareness #self-improvement #comfortzone #behavior

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein and Angela Bearor as they discuss the perils of losing touch with others. Statistics mentioned in this episode can be found at: https://www.apollotechnical.com/employee-retention-statistics/#EQ #emotionalintelligence #ego #connected #relationships #selfawareness #selfimprovement #socialawareness #workplace 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein to discuss the importance of social self awareness and how perceptions are created by our actions. If you would like some free coaching support or help with a people problem, you can send a confidential email to [email protected], we would be happy to help!#ego #EQ #emotionalintelligence #selfawareness #perception #remotework #socialawareness

Send us a textIn this episode Jen Shirkani shares the impact of our behavior and what happens when we don't appreciate the ripple effect of actions. #EQ #emotionalintelligence #ego #leadership #management #selfimprovement #selfawareness #impulsiveness #selfcontrol #impulse control

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani discusses the importance of delegation and the risks of not letting go of control. Books referenced in this episode: The Speed of Trust by Stephen M.R. CoveyWhat Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith#EQ #Ego #emotionalintelligence #leadership #control #micromanagement #selfimprovement #selfawareness #delegation 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein and Angela Bearor to discuss the common habit of being with others just like us. #EQ #Ego #emotionalintelligence #selfimprovement #groupthink #personality #communication #diversity 

Send us a textIn this episode, Jen Shirkani is joined by Steve Friedlein and they discuss the temptation to use technical skills at the expense of other skills. #EQ #emotionalintelligence #peopleskills #leadership #ego #selfimprovement #IQ #problemsolving #expertise

Send us a textA discussion on the value of emotional intelligence and the importance of getting feedback and the reasons people don't get it. #EQ #emotionalintelligence #self-awareness #feedback #self-improvement #humility #leadership

Send us a textIn this first episode, Jen Shirkani shares the purpose of this show and the history and science behind emotional intelligence.If you would like some free coaching support or help with a people problem, you can send a confidential email to [email protected], we would be happy to help!