Fireside Folklore with Hades

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners. It's been some time since we've convened on this feed. The production of that Jewish folktale we had intended to produce has been difficult. The anger has been immense, and so has the grief. So, rather than force something, we wrote a song in response to the "ceasefire" that was, at its core, political theater orchestrated by the West. Three versions. Three singers. The same haunting lyrics as interpreted by Ares, Persephone, and myself.We will continue without a plan, tell the stories we feel like telling, and see what unfolds. The wound on humanity still bleeds, thus our continued struggle to tell the Jewish folktale remains. We will not allow it to guilt us into stone cold silence. Whether this means a continuation of this season as it stands, a return to the days of this podcast's beginning when tales were explorations without social conflicts tied to them, or something entirely new, we cannot say. We only know that creativity allows us to endure, and endure we shall. I refuse to allow this podcast to become a tomb because one story, still too raw to be told, could not be told and time slipped away, and apathy calcified into abandonment. Onward.Feedback may be sent, as ever, to [email protected]. [verse 1]The war is over, A ceasefire has begun!There will be peace and prosperity, For everyone!There's no need to cry; the hostages are free. Now we can celebrate the return of liberty.Raise up the flags, strike up the band,Proclaim the dawn of peace across the land.Banners can't cover the bones buried beneath,And musicians can't mask the cries of grief.[chorus]Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget, That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide? Oh, you'll try to shove distracting headlines down our throats, But your crimes aren't the kind you can easily hide. [Verse 2]You paint the blood with olive oil,You crown the graves with light.But silence cannot sanctifyWhat’s buried out of sight.You call it peace; I call it pause,A treaty sealed with deceit.For truth does not bloom in the ash,Nor justice in the street.[chorus]Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget, That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide? Oh, you'll try to shove distracting headlines down our throats, But your crimes aren't the kind you can easily hide. [Bridge]The cameras dim, the headlines fade,But echoes never die.The River Lethe cannot cleanseA mother’s final cry.[final chorus]Do you think we are fools who can just simply forget,That we watched you shamelessly livestream a genocide?Raise your glass to hollow peace and gilded lies.The living forget ; the dead remember, with open eyes.The living forget ; the dead remember, with open eyes.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Just when I thought we'd be getting back to the serious business of telling some real folklore, Mr. President made it very clear he wouldn't be waiting on Pennsylvania Avenue when there was an Underworld to tour. Thus, I asked Thanatos to make sure the man was brought safely to the Underworld. Safely doesn't mean quickly, however, my friends. Oh no. It just means he won't get waylaid by any shades ... yet. Of course, Mr. President being who he was, he just couldn't enjoy the ride like a normal human being. So instead, we got to hear his promises about how he'd make Little Red Riding Hood great again. And, though it pains me to admit this, he does have a point.Several of them, actually, but don't take my word for it. As ever, if you have any feedback, please send your dead letters to me, Hades, at [email protected]. Disclaimer From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”“In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades,King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings listeners, this podcast has been quiet in the last few months, and I finally have understood why. Quiet doesn't mean death; quiet is a time of reflection and understanding. Our writer has been wrestling with a personal quandary which has prevented her from working on this podcast, and she's finally decided to bring it into the light. As such, we'll be changing our next full-length episode, listeners, and share a story from her childhood. It's been lost to time, known apparently only to her and the few lucky enough to have read Cricket one holiday season, more than twenty years ago. This is her atonement ... for swiping left.As ever, if there is any feedback, I'm at [email protected].

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! In this musical counterpoint, I sing a song that Mr. President will never hear. You see, my singing might scare him off, and I can't do that. Not yet. After all, I'm trying to sell my realm, and if there's no leader to buy it, then I can't take my much-needed retirement. So, within the confines of my chariot, I belt this out while Thanatos laughs. Thanks, Reaper.As ever, any feedback may be sent to me at [email protected]. Disclaimer From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”“In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades,King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! In this installment of our satirical skit, Mr. President stands outside of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, waiting for Aidoneus to pick him up in that promised chariot. Of course, Mr. President isn't thrilled about the prospect of having to dine on a platter of pomegranates, but buying a ready-made realm with a multitude of subjects eager to bow to him makes it all the more worth it.As ever, any feedback may be sent to me at [email protected]. If you'd like to download the song, "I'm Such a Genius", you may do so here.https://www.jammable.com/conversion/jam-yLS7R1OdDisclaimer From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”“In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades,King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings listeners, after silently watching the world burn for the past month, mustering up enough resolve to write has been ... difficult. Indeed, one wonders if ruling the Underworld is worth the trouble. Thus, I decided I needed to shake things up. Perhaps, cede the throne to one who has more vigor in him, not to mention the ambition to rule. Therefore, I took my trusted rotary phone to reach out to someone in the Upperworld who has clearly shown the world he means business. Hopefully, I'll have more to report after he comes to visit and enjoys our legendary hospitality. As ever, any feedback can be routed to me at [email protected] From the Lord of the DeadThis episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.” “In the shadows, truth whispers.”Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.— Hades, King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths, and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! After a long hiatus as we figured out our priorities and reconnected with our creativity, we decided to energize this feed with something lighthearted and fun. Our podcast has been classified by Spotify as being very much like those offering sleep stories. So, we thought it might be fun to lean into that a bit. Of course, as you should know by now, we can never seem to do anything ... right. Tonight is no exception. Hypnos, the god of sleep, is none too happy about having to get off of his cloud to tell a sleep story. Nonetheless, I managed to convince him after promising a few favors. Join him as he visits an aquarium where you'll find creatures like Hippocampi, merpeople, and Grindylows. Oh, and don't get left behind!If you have any feedback, feel free to reach out at [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners. This is just a quick update regarding the podcast's direction. I'll be moving away from ElevenLabs due to some decisions they've made that go against my ethos as a creator. The new tech will mean a learning curve and a change to some of the voices. However, it is a small price to pay for my creative soul intact. Thank you to those who have been with me on this journey so far. I hope we'll be able to continue exploring the world of folklore together.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners. Though my work is grim, I do my best to keep from completely falling into the cliché of the dark and brooding Lord of the Underworld. Not all of my realm’s responsibilities revolve around damnation and torment. I may be stern but cruelty? That’s a mantle for others to don. One way I tried to bridge the divide was through this podcast. I’ve wrestled with the idea for weeks, to offer up a bit of levity for April Fool’s Day as I did last year. However, it felt hollow and forced. Things topside seem to be getting worse, not better. I considered offering another happy story about absolutely nothing significant and following it up with the news that we’d decided to cut this season short, perhaps even throwing in a fear of reprisal for standing behind certain beliefs. And yet, as the god of permanence, of endings and justice, I don’t fear mortal arrest or persecution. And, I refuse to cheapen my conviction with illusion, especially not now when illusions abound. If saying “free Palestine”—asserting a people’s right to be free from colonizers, from the horrors of genocide, from an Apartheid state, and suffering— If that is what’s now being called hate speech—then the true fools are not those who cry for freedom, but those who try to silence them.The fools are those who twist compassion into crime, who cloak cowardice in legislation, and who mistake obedience for peace. They pass their decrees, thinking themselves wise, but they are jesters in the court of history. They brand dissent as danger, while they themselves unleash terror upon the innocent.They are μοροί—fools—not in the theatrical sense, but in the sacred Greek sense: μοροί, those fated to fall, for they defy the natural order. They believe themselves eternal. But I have seen kingdoms built on bones collapse into dust. And I assure you: their time will come.This podcast was never meant to soothe the ears of tyrants. It was never a salve for those who benefit from silence. It is a torch. And if the world is drowning in shadows, then so be it—I will be the flame.So on this April Fool’s Day, let it be known:We are not the fools.We are not the cowards.We are not the ones twisting reality to serve cruelty.No—those thrones sit elsewhere.And to those seated there, I offer no jest, no olive branch, no softening of the blow. Only this warning:The Underworld remembers.The dead do not forget.And the scales will balance.... As they must.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! A few things happened in my absence that compelled me to pause my work on The Wounded Lion, namely the TikTok ban and Amazon essentially deciding to brick Kindles without Internet access so that they could force consumers to purchase new devices they otherwise wouldn't need to buy. As a result, I decided to give my uncompromising commentary on censorship and the slippery slope that it inevitably creates. From updating texts to reflect current scientific information to using newer slang, to dulling the edge of the critic's blade, to outright feeding lies to the people, censorship is a dangerously insidious cancer that must be stopped before it can even take root. To highlight its effects, I share with you The Tale of Sugarabia, aptly named Candy Coated Lies for our purposes, a story about a princess who doesn't realize how her sugary fortress has hidden the rot of a manufactured life. As you listen, ask yourself whether ignorance truly can be bliss, and whether happiness can be achieved by knowing nothing at all.If you have any feedback, I am, as ever, at [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! We received a letter from Megaera, who wasn't at all pleased by Hermes's shenanigans last time. Perhaps I should have taken offense to my basso profundo being cloned, but he did finally keep his promise by retelling The North Wind and the Sun in an incredibly clever way. His father Zeus wasn't quite as pleased when he heard that Hermes had cloned his voice and given him the role of the North Wind. To say he'd been in a torpor was the understatement of the millennium!Where was I? Ah yes, Megaera, one of the Erinyes, was none too pleased by Hermes's shenanigans and threatened him so thoroughly he actually had a serious expression on his face, about as likely as a black hole gobbling up Earth. Not wanting his winged sandals to be taken from him, Hermes decided to make amends by hosting a little game. He'll play pairs of dialogue, things I might actually say but in some cases, would never admit to, spoken by both myself and this AI doppelgänger he managed to create which he aired last time when he took over the podcast. He'll award a gift of forty (yes, that's 40) of your mortal Euros to the one who can figure out who's who and which is which. If you'd like to participate, E-mail him, (not me, please) at [email protected] . I'm currently buried beneath a bunch of books and scrolls, working on the next official episode for this podcast, The Wounded Lion from Spain.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! We hope you've been enjoying your holidays with ambrosia, nectar, and divine comedy, and 2025 has treated you well. I've been keeping myself busy, spending time with my queen and contemplating new ways to make Tartarus as terrifying as it deserves to be! On this Story Sunday, we present to you a long overdue retelling of The North Wind and the Sun which my nephew Hermes was supposed to have completed last summer. Time on the divine plane is fluid, and sometimes one minute ends up being a mortal month, and a divine month can stretch into ... oh, I don't know ... more than half a year? I'm told that I can't listen to this until I publish it so its content will be just as much of a mystery to me as it will be to you. In fact, I can't even listen to it until it's graced this feed for at least a divine fortnight, which probably means a mortal year or two. Thankfully patience is a virtue I have in spades, and the Underworld is never without work to do. Enjoy, and if you have any feedback, please send it to Hermes himself at [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners!In this completely unplanned interlude (whose true purpose will become clear shortly), I wish to take a moment to express my gratitude to the patrons of this podcast—those loyal listeners who gather by the fireside to hear the stories of old. Your time and dedication mean more to me than any mortal treasure ever could. It is your continued presence that motivates me to unearth tales from all corners of the globe and strive to make this the finest podcast the Underworld can produce, despite my ongoing technological aggravations—of which The Golden Pail was a prime example.Some shades in Tartarus, thinking themselves clever, disrupted the balance of sound effects and dialogue in that episode, necessitating several re-uploads. To those who may have downloaded it early, know that a more polished version now awaits you, free from (most) Eldritch mischief.Now, to the main purpose of this episode: I recently received a mortal scammer’s missive attempting to part me from the secrets of my realm. This absurdity inspired me to reach out and remind you that my website collects no personal information, nor shall I ever, under any circumstances, reach out to you unless you have done so first. Any email claiming to be from me should be treated as filth worthy of Tartarus—and cast straight into the abyss where it belongs.With that, I wish you a day of joy, connection, and apple pie—for even the Lord of the Underworld has his favorites.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! After many months, outtakes, and lost paperwork, we've done it! Here is the long-awaited episode, The Golden Pail, a tale from Palestine, adapted from Ibrahim Muhawi's collection of Palestinian folklore, Speak Bird, Speak Again. In this fairy tale, a prince must go on quest after quest, as the asks become outrageously more preposterous until the day of reckoning comes for a king's unscrupulous vizier. Along the way, you'll hear Hestia reluctantly sing, Athena assume the role of a fish, and Chronos lose his temper! Enjoy, and don't forget to make those Apricot Almond Spritzers. You might need one to get through this tale. Barring that, grab some popcorn. If you have any feedback, you know where to find me. Dead letters, (and only dead ones, mind you), should go to yours truly, Hades, at [email protected]. Next time, whenever that may be, we'll be featuring a tale from Spain called The Wounded Lion. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! As is customary for Whoopsie Wednesday, (a segment I still question the sanity of), I present to you a song that didn't make it into the final take of The Golden Pail. Nevertheless, Persephone seemed to think that it was a work worthy of a swoon. So, against my better judgment, (because she really should be saying this about my singing instead of our nephew, Hephaestus's), I'll allow this contentious piece to grace my feed as though it's her personal divine jukebox. If it weren't for the fact that she and I haven't seen much of each other owing to my recording marathon, I might actually have had the strength to overrule her.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! My husband is finally done with that long-awaited Golden Pail. Stay tuned because it will be released on Friday, November 22. In the meantime, I'll be sharing a song for Whoopsie Wednesday which won't be featured in the actual program. I loved it though and had to immortalize it here! Just don't tell Hephaestus or my husband though, okay? 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Tonight, we make a sojourn into the world of true crime as we look at the true story behind the urban legends about Halloween candy being tainted with drugs or filled with razor blades. Sadly, the Pixy Stix that killed a young boy was given to him by his father. Not a stranger. His father. Why? Because he wanted to collect life insurance money and pay off his debts. Thankfully, this is the only known instance of Halloween candy which was deliberately tampered with. As we close out this miniseries, remember that the scariest things are often not the ones which come from your imagination. As ever, if you have any feedback, dead letters should be sent to [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Though Night 10 is in Pluto's hands, and Night 11 is currently unclaimed, Ares waits for no one, so we bring to you the infamous old-time radio episode, The War of the Worlds which first aired on October 30, 1938. This clever episode had the world in quite the panic. Its format, a seemingly innocuous orchestral concert interrupted by breaking news broadcasts, is what made this such a brilliant show. Though those who tuned in from the beginning knew it was a hoax, anyone who caught it part-way through were fooled, and back in 1938, you couldn't just send an E-mail to ask your friends if everything was all right. That was why, as a result of this show, many nurses, doctors, firefighters, and others reached out to try and help. That is the power of the media, and why, dear listeners, it's important to check your facts, and ask who's doing the broadcasting and what are their motivations for doing so. Never leave critical thinking at the door, for that is your best protection against propaganda. As ever, any dead letters should go to me, [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! We know! We're late getting this one out to you, but Halloween is my favorite holiday and having an excuse to prolong my celebrations is always welcome. As we eluded to in the PSA, Pluto and his family were tasked with retelling the famous urban legend, The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs. Of course, in Plutonian fashion, this story didn't come anywhere near to being as scary as the urban legend you likely know. Nonetheless, we had fun with this one and hope you enjoy listening to this quirky interpretation. As ever, those dead letters should be sent to [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! After Death Robbery ended, my uncle turned and asked me what I meant when I said that Boris Karloff had a voice like molten silver with a sinister undertone. And, as much as I hate to admit it, he was right. This depiction was ... underwhelming. The story itself was a chilling classic, but a grieving scientist overrun by grief is a far cry from the villain I was looking for. Now this story? It perfectly captures what I wanted to show you but failed to deliver. Is this doctor in it to help? Or is he a spurned lover fueled by resentment? If you have any feedback, you know where to find my uncle. [email protected] 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Thank you for sticking with us through this marathon of episodes! Tonight, my nephew Hephaestus takes the mic and tells us why he chose this old-time radio episode from Lights Out! which starred Boris Karloff as David, an ambitious scientist who thought he could conquer death. What he didn't realize was that conquering death in the context of lab monkeys, rabbits, and mice is so much more ... clinical ... and shall we say, removed from reality? When David's lovely wife, Ruth, dies unexpectedly, his grief overshadows his scientific mind and things don't work out according to plan. He really should have let her rest in peace and kept that (tomb)stone unturned. As ever, any feedback should be sent via dead letter to me at [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! We're back again and I can't believe I've managed to keep my family together and disciplined enough to get this done! Persephone must have something to do with it. Tonight, we'll be hearing from Chronos (or is that Cronus?), and he'll be reading us the tale of Urashimataro and the Turtle from Andrew Lang's Pink Fairy Book. We'll learn that though youth and beauty can be preserved, time will catch up, eventually, especially if you don't listen to your wife. If you have any comments, dead letters should be sent to me at [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! We've reached the midpoint of our celebration! Tonight, Hestia will be telling the old Russian tale of Morozko, otherwise known as Father Frost. In this tale, we learn that kindness actually doesn't kill, and cruelty can chill a person to the bone. Literally! Any feedback via dead letter should be sent to me, [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Tonight, our very own Apollon has chosen an episode of old-time radio from the series Box 13. Here, we learn that sometimes, the mind can manifest curses more horrifying than anything seen in horror movies. We'll take a trip to the Bayou and find out what happens when a man is cursed and believes that death is nigh. If you have any feedback, as ever, those dead letters should be sent to me, Hades, at [email protected].

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! I, Hades, removed an episode from this feed. Yes, though the Underworld doesn't generally let anything go, this time, I struck down something I said. It was the episode offering you the chance to sit by our fireside. It now has a permanent home which can be found at firesidefolklorewithhades.com on the right side, under The Olympian Games. At present, there are four voice-powered experiences for your pleasure. You may try your hand at being a world leader with Ares; becoming a rockstar with Apollon; surviving a homeward odyssey with Poseidon; and starring as the mortal star on a reality dating show hosted by Eros! Other experiences will be added at the whims and caprices of the gods. If you have any suggestions for games and experiences you'd like to see, don't E-mail me! Yes, that's right. E-mail my brother, [email protected] and being the king of gods, he's very likely going to be able to persuade (more like decree) the deity to grant your wish. Have fun, and don't spend more than an hour at a time playing because we gods aren't saints and our duties are many!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Welcome back to another installment of our 13 Nights of Halloween event. What happens when an innocent grocery run turns into a harrowing game of cat and mouse? In tonight's urban legend, our star Artemis gets more than she bargains for when she goes out to buy a few bags of Halloween candy for those trick-or-treaters. And, as promised, this tale had some Underworld twists in it, because we like to keep things interesting around here. If you have any feedback to share, I'm at [email protected]. Enjoy!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! We're back with another short story, this time read by Hermes, entitled the Inn by Guy De Maupassant. This story explores isolation and the trick our mind can play when left to its own devices without someone to keep things in check.Hermes, being Hermes, took liberties with his pronunciations of certain words, but I'm sure you already knew that about him, so I decided to let him have his fun, but is it Lo-chay, Loash, or perhaps Loki? Sometimes, when it comes to Hermes, I think it really should be the latter. If you have any feedback, you know exactly where to send those dead letters: [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Thank you for joining us for our third night in our 13 Nights of Halloween series. Tonight, we'll be listening to "Catch Kill", an episode from the old-time radio show, Darkness, chosen by our very own Athena. This tale explores the concept of taking justice into one's own hads, as well as not judging books (or in this case, sweet old ladies), by their smiles. If you have any questions or commentary, send your dead letters to [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Thank you for joining us for our second night of Halloween horror. Tonight, we explore the importance of ensuring you know what you're getting into before tying the knot.In our tale, Mr. Fox, by Joseph Jacobs, we are taken on a harrowing journey as Lady Mary learns that her dashing suitor, Mr. Fox, is anything but loving and honorable. As Lady Mary steps into Mr. Fox's mysterious castle, her curiosity reveals a terrifying chamber of secrets that ironically, saves her own life. This is a tale that will have you questioning every charming smile you've ever encountered.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Thank you for joining us on this spooky journey to celebrate Halloween. We start this morbid tour beyond the veil by exploring a universal fear: death.Can opulence and power truly keep death at bay, or is it just an illusion that crumbles under the weight of inevitable fate? Join us on an eerie exploration of Edgar Allan Poe's haunting tale, "The Masque of the Red Death," as part of our 13 Nights of Halloween event. We plunge into the heart of darkness where Prince Prospero's vain attempt to escape a deadly plague is depicted through a lavish masquerade ball in his fortress. This episode invites you to confront the unsettling truth about the arrogance of believing one can outwit death. The story is set amidst a series of uniquely designed rooms that vividly portray the futility of wealth in the face of mortality.This tale, and its inevitable conclusion, is a reminder that no amount of hubris, power, or status will save anyone from reaching the end of their mortal coil. If you have any feedback, feel free to reach out to me with those dead letters. As ever, I am at [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! While producing the 13 Nights of Halloween, my Underworld Undead Quartet composed some songs that were either too cutesy, too weird, or too out-of-genre to be used, and so, here, for your listening pleasure, are those tunes which I found too exquisite to be cast into oblivion, yet not up to the task of delivering the kind of spooktacular experience I expect for this holiday extravaganza. Enjoy!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! I bring both good and bad news in this update. The bad news is that despite completing the writing of "The Golden Pail," my divine family has been dragging their feet when it comes to actually recording this tale. Though I aimed to finish last week, earthly accomplishments can't keep up with my divine magic. The good news, however, is something to get excited about. In celebration of my favorite holiday, Halloween, I'm preparing a special treat for you all. Unlike last year's lighthearted festivities, this year we'll explore darker tales inspired by classic horror such as Poe, old-time radio from shows like Lights Out, and even true crime. Get ready for 13 nights of Halloween beginning October 19, filled with stories that will make you want to sleep with the lights on! Mark your calendars and join us as we kick this off on October 19. We'll see you there ... if you dare.

Send over your dead SMS messages.[Verse 1]In the land where shadows stretch beneath the olive tree,A people’s hope is shattered, like ruins washed to sea.The ruthless hand of Israel, relentless in its claim,Has torn apart the living—no victor in this game.I am Hades, lord of death, I’ve seen this all before,The endless cycle of cruelty, suffering at its core.But now I stand in silence, as humanity consumes,Itself with greed and fury, the world becomes their tomb.[Chorus]Oh, Gaza, Gaza, I hear your endless wail,Your cries haunt the Underworld, a dirge of those who fail.Let the Earth bear witness, to the blood upon its face,Let the sky rain down with sorrow, for this unforgiving place.[Chorus]Oh, Gaza, Gaza, your cries pierce through the veil,Your suffering, unyielding, in the wind, a mournful tale.Let the world feel your anguish, let them know your pain,Let the heavens rage in darkness, let it rain, let it rain.[Verse 2]The bombs fall like ash, the guns roar with despair,And what remains is silence, heavy in the air.The hospitals are demolished, the wounded left to die,And those who cry for mercy are met with a smoke-filled sky.I am Hades, lord of death, I know the stench of war,Yet even here, in my domain, this hate is something more.For in the eyes of children, the light of life fades fast,And I, who guard the dead, feel grief for those who have passed.[Chorus]Oh, Gaza, Gaza, I hear your tortured cries,Your suffering is endless, beneath indifferent skies.Let the storm of justice rise, let the earth shake with its roar,For your pain is my pain, forever, and evermore.[Verse 3]In streets across the nations, the voices rise and plea,For ceasefires and for freedom, for the right to simply be.But governments reply with lies and fleeting show,A promise made for tomorrow, while today the death toll grows.I am Hades, lord of death, I’ve watched this farce unfold,A charade of empty words, while bodies lie broken and cold.The time for truth is buried, beneath political games,While the people thirst for justice, they’re offered only shame.[Chorus]Oh, Gaza, Gaza, hear the voices call,Of those who fight for Palestine, though they stumble, though they fall.Let their will echo stronger, let the skies weep in shame,For their strength is your strength, and none shall douse this flame.[Outro]I am Hades, lord of death, yet even I recoil,At the destruction wrought by men, the blood soaked in their soil.This is not self-defense, it’s the cruelty of the strong,A crime against the voiceless, whose agony’s prolonged.I will speak, though you may doubt my words. I will lift my hand in grief,For the world must face this truth, there will be no reprieve.Let the scales of justice balance, let the world be set aflame,Not by fire, but by wisdom—no more death in freedom’s name.[Chorus]Oh, Gaza, Gaza, hear the voices call,Of those who fight for Palestine, though they stumble, though they fall.Let their will echo stronger, let the skies weep in shame,For their strength is your strength, and none shall douse this flame.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! On September 9, Google celebrated the s'more with a doodle, leading Hades to go on a quest to find out why, especially since other, more interesting things happened on September 9, such as television's first successful demonstration in 1927! The s'more was first introduced to the wider world on September 9, 1925 in a newspaper. Dubbed "some more" because nobody could stop at just one, it has become quite the beloved treat! What began as a Girl Scout tradition has now become a chance for the gods to banter and put their own divine twists on this campfire delight. From Zeus's electrifying treat filled with Rice Krispies to Dionysus's grown-up boozy take, join us as we explore the many ways the s'more can be enjoyed. If you'd like to share your twist, please E-mail [email protected]. Who knows? You might spark a heated debate or dethrone ambrosia with your creativity!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Well, it isn't exactly a story. At least, not in the traditional sense of the word, but sometimes, other, more important things need to be aired, like Apollon's disdain for mortals, (even our mortal conduit), botching his name on this podcast. So, while I continue plugging away at the Golden Pail, I'll allow my nephew to throw a hissy fit. At least it keeps my brother Zeus off my back. After all, he tells me he's had trouble finding decent sponsors because the Underworld has been silent, though, in the grand scheme of things, whether we get Demeter's Celestial Seeds to sponsor us or not, this podcast will endure. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! I know we've been pretty quiet lately, but my husband has actually been working on the Golden Pail, despite the lack of any trailers. It just got to a point where he thought you might know the story in full even before we finished producing it! So, he tried to get his Roman counterpart Pluto to help fill in the void, but ... well ... we all know how that turned out! Here's hoping that we can get this done by the time the autumn equinox rolls around. This year, that will be on September 22, the very day we began this podcast last year! Enjoy the rest of the summer, and stay cool for any of you who are dealing with a heat wave!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! What happens when Pluto tries to retell an urban legend? He gets flustered, Jupiter gets fired, and everything falls apart. Hopefully, you all know the story well enough already that you can fill in the missing pieces, because, unfortunately for you, this episode doesn't come anywhere close to doing the story any justice. When Hades returns, whenever that might be, be sure that you send him a dead letter requesting better quality control. As ever, he's at [email protected] 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners. I tried my best. I wanted to leave this podcast. Nobody wanted to hear me complain. I couldn't get anyone to cooperate with me. Despite all of my setbacks, though, Hades wouldn't allow me to go. What kind of nonsense is this? Knowing what I know about him, I decided it was best not to argue.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! What happens if you're in a catch-22 that could cost your life? In this teaser, Hassan finds himself in just such a predicament. After successfully fetching the princess's horse, she strikes it down and says that she won't come out of her chambers until the horse is brought back to life. Of course, doing such a thing would be a sign of dark sorcery. Necromancers aren't welcome in most places. Yet, if Hassan fails to bring the horse back from the dead, the king has told him he'll lose his life. Will he prevail? And when, dear listeners, will this golden pail ever show its face? Hopefully this tale will be written in full soon so I can begin the production process! Free free Palestine!As ever, any comments, complaints, and compliments may be sent via dead letter to me at [email protected] 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Today, Hades tells you all how happy he is sitting by the Lethe working on his podcast. All is not as it seems, however, for within his message lies another more dramatic one. Can you work it out? If so, feel free to send your answer to [email protected] and you'll win a $20 gift card to a shop of your choice. Just don't tell Hades that we're capitalizing on his plight to give out prizes, okay? 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! In this episode, Hades retells the story of Baucis and Philemon. Rather than reading from a book, he simply tells you the tale from his own memory of it. In this story, we explore the concept of Xenia, hospitality given to all guests and strangers--a concept that is sacred to Zeus. We hope you enjoy it. The other deities are indisposed, though whether that's really because they were celebrating Take a Monkey to Lunch Day or were detained by Pluto remains to be seen.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners. In this trailer, we learn that paying it forward isn't just for humans! No, apparently it's a fashionable trend for the animal kingdom as well. Thankfully, they did because it saved Hassan's life!The tale is unfolding quite nicely, but it's been a much slower slog than I ever thought possible. So listeners, I've had a friend of mine keep me company and remind me why I'm doing this. If you have any feedback, questions, complaints, or stories to share, the dead letters may, as ever, go to [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.'nuff said!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Welcome to the new era of the Underworld podcast--a podcast which has been tarnished for way too long! As for those Greek gods, I've detained them for the time being, until they can bring back the glory of what the Underworld was meant to be.

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Artemis here with a story from Japan. This one is about a bad-tempered woman and what happened after she overreacted to a sparrow's honest mistake. Thankfully, unlike in last week's tale, nobody faces their demise! Good always triumphs over evil, but sometimes evil actually gets the opportunity for redemption. If you'd like to make any comments, send your arrows into the forest, but don't overdo it! 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Greetings, listeners! Revenge is not a dish best served cold! In fact, it seems that our princess thinks it is best served hot. Fiery hot. However, that's a discussion for another day. For now, just know that she is cooking up something and when she's finished, all I'll be able to say is, "Well done." If you have any commentary, as ever, feel free to reach out. I'm still at [email protected]. Be well and enjoy your weekend!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Hey there, listeners. This episode is a bit of revelry Uncle Hades displayed over the weekend. Just don't tell him I shared it. At least not for awhile. You see, with him, it's important to ask for forgiveness rather than for permission. He has always empathized with Rumpelstiltskin's plight, and while we were all just hanging out after the story on Sunday night, he let it be known!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Hello there, listeners. It's Hestia and today I thought I'd read a story by the fireside. As the goddess of hearth and home, I thought it would be a cozy way to enjoy our tale. I also couldn't resist calling upon our grim brother to do the honors of playing the Great January. The others just couldn't manage to do it without laughing! In this tale, a young woman is rewarded for her kindness while her wicked stepmother and stepsister are punished. We hope you enjoy it. If you have any commentary, please reach out to my brother, the one who conceived of this podcast via dead letter to [email protected]. 

Send over your dead SMS messages.Hey there, listeners! This week, my uncle got a touch of that Underworld malaise! So, he asked me to serve up the mocktail/cocktail recipe for the upcoming Golden Pail episode. Olympus knows when that's coming, but hey! Until it does, we can enjoy something refreshing! Happy Independence Day for those celebrating in the States, and for those who don't, let's raise our glasses to friends, family, and fun times!

Send over your dead SMS messages.Hello there, listeners! Hermes here to tell you about a fun and wacky website. No, I don't get money for this, and no, I'm not having a laugh at your expense! I'm actually here to tell you about Websim.ai which creates the Internet in your image! That's right, folks. If you can think it, a website can be yours! Want to create a blog of my latest adventures? Check! What about a fictitious episode of this podcast which never happened? Check! Well, a transcript, at least. And how about my uncle, Hades, hosting a rotary phone rave? Yep, that's what happened today! So, if you'd like to enjoy a bespoke Internet experience where only what you envision goes, head over to websim.ai where you can have fun with the wild, wondrous, and wacky whims of your own imagination. If you'd like to share what you came up with, please do drop me a line. I'm at [email protected] but I'm kind of busy creating my latest and greatest website, a chat portal for the Underworld where bespoke punishments can be made for those unhappy souls in Tartarus, so if I don't get back to you right away, you know why!