Flop Doctors

Congratulations, fans! You saw our hidden messages and you cracked the code. Conflopity Gate is real! Before the Doctors return from sabbatical, evaluating an entirely new slate of patients for care, they do something they’ve never done before: the autopsy of a terminal flop. They're exhuming the final season of everyone’s favorite kids-on-bikes streaming content, STRANGER THINGS. Call them Captain Hindsight, but they can’t resist the urge to outdo the dynamic duo with the least dignified name in Hollywood, The Duffer Brothers. Does Millie Bobby Brown Bongiovi even want to act? Was it an Eighth Amendment violation to keep costuming the main kids Like That well into adulthood? Can an ending be so bad that it results in millions of iPad children concocting elaborate conspiracy theories that would make Karl Popper’s head spin? Clare and Henry discuss all these questions and more as they recap what went wrong, brainstorm what could’ve been, and suggest prescriptions for the entire main cast and their Duffers in Chief. Is it a stretch to think that there’s an exciting path forward for some of these people? Possibly, but as they say… stranger things have happened.

SURPRISE! From deep within the archives comes a Flop Doctors LOST EPISODE, recorded before anything else in their season, in the ancient age predating Henry’s discovery of how microphones work. The audio is DIY, but even fresh out of medical school the Doctors were at the top of their game. His body. His pad. His ride. His family. His church. His boys. His girls. His flop era. That’s right, the Doctors cut their teeth on the Don himself, John Robin Blake, and the only one who knows the weight of his loaded die - Joseph Gordon-Levitt (or JoGo) the millennial heartthrob with a serious commitment to the creative spirit… a bit of an overcommitment. Oh where, oh where can our quirked-up prince be? Greedy People, Killer Heat, Project Power, all these movies have featured JoGo and yet the joie de vivre that captured our hearts is still MIA. Did you know that he went back to the scene of the crime, writing and directing again? That he was one of the three men in 2013 who actually made the humiliating suspenders trend work for him? That you should avoid rewatching (500) Days of Summer lest you want to witness the unholy birth of twee misogyny?He doesn’t have a perfect record, or even a HitRecord anymore, but there’s a reason the Doctors want him back in the game. He offers something no other leading man can, pure vaudeville energy with a sensitive side, and their prescriptions were specially crafted to bring that back. Listen to hear the Flop Doctors’ vintage recording, Flop Doctors: Origins if you will, and consider what could be if we welcome JoGo back into our lives. And stay tuned for updates on Season 2… as the great John F. Kennedy once said, “ask not what chopped and unc flops can do for you, ask what you can do for chopped and unc flops.

This week, Clare & Henry deliver the grand finale of their first season of Flop Doctors. After a brief sojourn into... the future (???) they launch right back into their ruthless examination of the remaining two Chrises - the consensus Best Chris (Pine) and famously the democratically elected Worst Chris (Pratt). Did you know that Chris Pine directed a movie that was too bad for his famous friends to pretend they liked it? Or that Chris Pratt starred in an Amazon show where he clears the high bar of Most Humorless Gun Republican? Now you will. They run through some essential truths (no directors have used Pine's glorious salt-and-pepper beard, if you're in love with a boy-coded robot that counts as being gay, etc.) before offering their outside-the-box and crafty ideas to help pull these boys out of the muck. With these prescriptions, the brittle megastardom of the Chrises will be able to survive anything... even a wave of three more Timotheés.

This week Clare & Henry up the ante, welcoming a clown car of so-called "leading men" into their office for a much needed check-up. We've got Boston Boy Evans, "Oops, All Muscles!" Hemsworth, Poolman Pine, and (alleged) Republican Pratt. The Flop Doctors have many firsts in this ep - their first on-mic argument, the first time they've prescribed making an Obama Hope-style poster, and (gasp!) their first...twist ending? Tune in to hear the first part of our epic season finale to see the doctors answer a question no one can... what even is 'a Chris'? We may never know, but one thing's for sure - if these Chrises aren't careful, Glen Powell is coming to out-Chris them all. 

This week, Clare & Henry welcome writer and musician Spencer Nachman for an examination of the former cultural behemoth that introduced us to icons such as pop star Kelly Clarkson, Smash actress Katherine McPhee and Christmas-cover playlist heavyweight David Archuleta… that’s right. the Timeslot Death Star itself, American Idol.You may be asking - how can it be in its flop era if it’s not on anymore? Well, the answer is that it is. Previous patient Katy Perry left the judges’ lineup *last year*. Do you know what a “platinum ticket” is? Just how Christian it’s gotten, and how well-suited contestants who only sing Gospel are to the endeavor? Can you even tell me who won any of the last ten seasons? Let’s face it, the show has become a corpse, but the Doctors and their counsel are trying something new: necromancy. They’ve engineered a top-to-bottom reimagining of the show in which nothing is sacred.  Against all odds, they have a plan to bring it back to its former glory… even if it means sacrificing Ryan Seacrest.

Clare and Henry roll up their sleeves and dive into the floppiest artist of the cultural moment, the California Gurl, the self-professed Internet's Most-Hated Woman...that's right, Canada's Stepmom herself, Katy Perry. Calling Katy's arc a flop era feels a little too small - the Flop Doctors diagnose a pattern that began when Obama was President, meaning she may be the first person to rule over a full-blown Flop Dynasty. Your children and your children's children are like to hear the tales of Trisha Paytas in the Woman's World video, Katy's makeup disintegrating in Zero G, maybe even the time she used her American Idol judge status to steal a boy's first kiss. Or perhaps there's another dynasty beyond this one, one in which Katy can wear her robot legs and spin her double-edged lightsabers with pride. Tune in to hear the Doctors' first-ever pop star consultation, complete with a very special intro from Henry, Clare knowing the lyrics to several forgotten Katy classics and a truly inadvisable amount of our producer Chase speaking from off-mic a dozen feet away. 

Clare & Henry enter triage as they track the sudden breakthrough and subsequent stumbles of Ariana DeBose, an Academy Award winner whose IMDb credits will have you asking “was her Oscar enchanted by a malevolent witch?”, “didn’t that movie make multiple corporations shutter their film divisions?”, and finally “good god, what ever shall the Flop Doctors do?”But our intrepid duo has a secret…they *love* Ariana DeBose. So for as harsh as they can be on some of the inadvisable projects she’s chosen (if anyone can explain the rules of the wishes in the Disney animated movie Wish, please contact us immediately at [email protected]) they have immovable faith in her ability to be a star. In four short years, she may just have flopped more than anyone ever has. But with the aid of the Flop Doctors, her flop era will be but a prologue to many more years of slaying.

Writer/journalist/Marvel Unlimited subscriber John DiLillo joins Clare & Henry for a rigorous survey of Kevin Feige’s favorite child, The Marvel Cinematic Universe. In my best Jeff Probst: 36 movies, 12 streaming series, and only one real acting award nomination! How much homework do I need to do before these movies? Does Robert Downey Jr. have billions in debt? Why is Kelsey Grammer here? These aren’t just things Gwyneth Paltrow will whisper to her assistant at the premiere of Avengers: Doomsday, they’re the questions driving us mad! Common sense may be to pronounce time of death, but the Flop Doctors aren’t ready to give up yet. They and their special counsel form a trio as powerful as Spider-Man, Spider-Man and Spider-Man, working in lockstep to tame this reckless corporate beast. Stay tuned to hear the solutions they’ve engineered, including original pitches for projects, actionable advice for how to make these movies pop, and one very outside-the-box X-men casting. It may be easy to sit back and mourn the good old days of the MCU, but as one of our finest poets once put it: what is grief, if not love persevering?

Henry and Clare take a look at one-time Academy Award Nominee Jack Nasty, hoping to get a read on how one of the most promising actors of the 21st century ended up shilling an Amazon Prime remake of Swayze’s Road House. Along the way, they touch on topics as varied as the famous red scarf, Manosphere GIFs, big ol’ bugeyes, Stupid Human Suits, the Altman-esque ensemble cast of Everest, and the unshakeable horror of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’s Child Catcher. When their historical survey is complete, they welcome Mr. Gyllenhaal into their office, giving him direct and actionable advice to follow - ideas ranging from one-sentence commands to full-fledged movie pitches built from the ground up. Is Jake too bizarre to be a romantic lead again? Deep down, do we wish we could quit him? Possibly, but that’s why the Flop Doctors picked him…and as entrepreneur Lou Bloom would say, “why you pursue something is equally as important as what you pursue"

This episode, Henry and Clare dive deep into the multifaceted career of the People’s Disney Princess AKA the Susan Lucci of the Oscars AKA the Nightbitch herself - the one and only Amy Adams. The two hosts tackle difficult but necessary questions, such as: Can a Night at the Museum sequel create a sex symbol?  Have Americans properly reckoned with the Hicksploitation JD Vance biopic on Netflix? Should Amy have been given an Oscar for keeping a straight face during her three scenes in Dear Evan Hansen? And most importantly - Can the Old Amy come to the phone right now…or is she dead? Tune in to hear the solutions our hosts have engineered to aid one of America’s greatest performers in escaping the flop era that never should’ve happened at all. Watch out Jessica, Bryce, Isla and Julianne…with the Flop Doctors’ help, it’s only a matter of time before Amy is restored to her rightful title as Redhead Supreme.