Happenstance with Jyo and Sam

In which we face the end of days… TikTok says it’s the Rapture today, and when the gals heard that, they knew it was their duty to chime in. But what are the steps of the Rapture? Who even in society is Christ/the Antichrist? Will there be any surprises with who gets sucked up? What was Jesus’ body like? Plus, the Jimmy Kimmel saga, our post-apocalypse plans, and dragon-therapy for frigid people. This one’s uncut— we only have so much time left. 

In which we drop the ball. Blumhouse is back at it again with a new thriller movie that asks a compelling and prescient question: would you kill your app date? What’s the big deal anyway? How much can you even care about a first date? On the other hand, what if he’s super good at texting? Plus, Irish racism, some really tempting spam texts, and a mini happenstance on the movie Night Swim. In our predictions segment, Jyo has some ideas about AI boyfriends while Sam intuits the future of her pilates class. We end, as always, with a denouement with tips for home improvement and philosophizing on Trader Joe’s snacks.

In which it's oil in a day's work (thank you to puns.co for this pun)!! Today we're talking about Paul Thomas Anderson, his other movies, and his love life. But wait, is this the one with Javier Bardem in a bob? Is the Boogie Nights famous penis big enough? What if our podcast was number 2 or 3 on the New York Times 100 best movies list? That would be cool :DPlus, Jyo recounts the shocking plot of The Brutalist, some really good DDL/BBL wordplay, and a board game hot take. Then, in our predictions segment, we unpack how Sam's last one was literally already proven wrong, and then Jyo's is immediately proven right. We end with a denouement that's more of a cliffhanger. Oil's well that ends well!

In which we did not do the reading. It's Shakespeare summer school, and on the syllabus are four of ole Willy's most esteemed works: Othello, The Tempest, As You Like It, and Macbeth. And as usual we have a lot of questions. Who did Sam play in her high school Shakespeare productions? What even happens in "The Boy Who Cried Wolf?" And finally, who ends class, the teacher or the bell?Aside from guessing the plot of these literary masterpieces, we're unveiling our new pop culture philosophy/cultural movement/manifesto... DON'T WATCH IT. Don't go to the movies, don't watch TV, don't even listen to this podcast if you don't want to. We're not saying don't engage with art, we're saying don't feed the Hollywood machine✌️☮️💖Plus, a recap of our first ever business call, Love Island except it's Hate Island, and our predictions for the return of tricorn hats and street urchins. We end with a brand new, extra-boring segment, the Denouement, that'll put you right to sleep. Sweet dreams, Stancers 😌

In which we are super on topic. Recorded a few months back after the White Lotus season 3 finale, we come at you today with a summer ep exploring our ideas for season 4. Can Mike White do it again? But where this time? How did his recent real life trip to Colombia go? And how can he one-up the incest storyline? Plus, the gals come up with a bunch of creative vacay-style murders, surprise themselves by inviting Patrick Schwarzenegger on the pod, and argue for a summer and winter White Lotus release schedule. Then in their famous segment predictions, Jyo sounds off on who's going to space, and Sam posits that ocean beings and outer space beings are in communication with each other.

In which we are Megan (makin’) a lot of sense… Guys, she’s back, and she’s taller than ever. It’s Megan’s world and we’re all just living in it. This week, we give our best guesses on what the Megan sequel should be, and then watch the trailer live to see if we were right. And as usual, we learn that using your imagination is better than actually watching movies.But first, which one of the girls is recording this while wearing wet socks? Can AI travel by email? Shouldn’t Megan turn herself into a shark/rocket? Why won’t Hollywood ever give us what we want (Megan dancing for two hours straight)??Plus, we finally talk about The Orphan, tips for short kings on height-maxxing, and why women should be in charge of the world.We end with our world-famous prediction segment with Jyo’s prophecy for the robot apocalypse and Sam’s theory that actually everything is about to be awesome. Spring break forever! Stay slaying, y’all.

In which we animay know a thing or two… After our victorious episode on Flow, the gals are finally tackling anime, starting with Naruto. And? They're taking the assignment seriously, by running and dressing the part, though ultimately they’re left with more questions than answers.Does Jyo eff with anime guys on dating apps? Why was Yugioh allowed to change from being a small child to a sexy adult man? What is Naruto doing for 200+ episodes? Is there a guy named Sasuke in it? Is ninja fighting more equivalent to football or war? Sam gets emotional about the Naruto reveal, Jyo has nothing bad to say about Sasuke, and both gals hate Naruto's teen dad. Plus, Jyo accuses Naruto's mom of cheating, makes a crazy prediction about Japan and the gal's finally discuss The Accountant 2. Does Ben Affleck have a nine tail phoenix inside him? Either way, the gals invite him to the couch. 

In which we are purr-fect guessers… This episode, we’re wearing cat ears and giving our stance on the brand new Oscar winner for best animated feature. But let's be real, what is a silent cat going to do for 2 hours? Can dogs and cats really be friends? Which animal character is most likely to die in this movie (the capybara, duh)?Plus, a dark beta fish story, how to sneak frogs into Hawaii, and why Sam shouldn't be a boy mom. We end with our predictions for the fabrics of the future, climate change solutions, and a much needed breakfast update.

In which we are hard-boiled eggs-perts... with special guest, We Improv founder Jake Jabbour!! In this one, we're threatening Jake with gotcha-journalism on topics such as running for office, Jay-Z and Beyonce, physical media, and Funko Pops (we hate those here).Have any of us seen a movie this old? Is the Maltese Falcon a bird, a person, or just a MacGuffin? How many times will we bring up Mission Impossible this episode?Plus, a Tiger King life update, lawn sign liberals, and an incendiary prediction about the future of indie improv.

In which we rise from the dead…Just like a sexy  vampire, Happenstance is back, baby. In the season 3 premiere, the gals guess what happens in Sinners and ask some big, fundamental questions: Can a movie even be good anymore? Would you eat a gin-soaked raisin? Is it important that one of the Michael B. Jordans on the poster is wearing a hat? First, Sam shares some personal Mississippi history, then the gals give a Jamie Foxx update and kick around the famous phenomena where relatives who’ve never met accidentally hook up. Finally, they predict who will be the next Pope, and sound off on the cardinal contenders. 

In which we’re back with an extra-long special episode for 4/20 Easter! On this blessed Sunday, we’re celebrating Hemp Fest 2025 by talking about four classic stoner movies: Cheech & Chong’s Up in Smoke, Harold & Kumar, How High, and Smiley Face. We’re plugged into the Matrix for this one and asking some big questions. Does Elon Musk even inhale? Is White Castle even a real place? Are we all gonna need toiletries dealers soon? When are we gonna get an old lady, “80 for Brady” style weed movie? Plus, the against-God return of the prehistoric dire wolf, the fate of Chris Pratt’s chihuahua, and the differences between male and female stoner culture. Peace and luv y’all, and see you soon for Season 3!

In which we Knows-feratu. In preparation for 2025, the Year of Bald, we are hairless all over, and it’s making us smarter and full of ideas. And just like real estate mogul Count Orlock himself, we’re covering a lot of ground in this one. Like, what kind of guy does Jyo keep dating? Does the Home Depot skeleton imply the existence of Biblical angels? What does owning a cyber truck say about your body count? Is Lily Rose Depp going to win an Oscar? (Yes.) Plus, our predictions for the first big news story of 2025, a retrospective on the first Twilight film, and the ultimate classification system for men. Thank you all for listening! We appreciate your support. This is our last episode of the season, but Happenstance will be back in March, for Season 3...Hark!

In which we put the if in Spotify Wrapped and the más in Christmas...by giving our happenstances on every Christmas movie ever!!! Kicking off, we cover the emergence of Spotify Wrapped as its own winter holiday and the futility of holding corporations to artistic standards. Then, we review the pod's Spotify Creator Wrapped LIVE and learn that Happenstance is part of the Manosphere?? Next, we get into some semi-rapid fire happenstances for listener-submitted Christmas movies, including Red One, Krampus, Carry On on Netflix, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, and —duh— Megalopolis. Would the Grinch do well in Calabasas? Can Gandalf go through TSA? Are people hanging dong at Christmas? Finally, we Wrap up with our new segment, Predictions and make some guesses for 2025. Jyotsna thinks it’s  gonna change us and you in ways you couldn’t imagine. Sam think Donald Trump is gonna try desperately to engage with the pop girlies (Chapel Roan, Sabrina Carpenter, etc.)...and? It’s gonna get bitchy. 

In which we do an Oz-some job!!! This episode is all about the pop culture phenomenon on everyone’s minds, the marketing push taking over social media, the one thing that can get all of America to tune in… Hawk Tuah! JK, we talk about the new Wicked movie too. So, is Elphaba-green a continuation of brat summer? How is Ariana Grande really doing? And tbh, can we all agree that we NEED Hawk Tuah right now?  Plus, some sordid details from the Wicked book, updates on Kermit’s dating life, and Sam’s beautiful relationship with her dog. (We had technical issues with the framing on this video, but stick around to the end to see Sam’s Princess Peach outfit… and if you have no idea what this is referring to, check out our YouTube channel!)

In which we meander the stream of consciousness (this makes sense if you listen to the episode...) Featuring special guest, comedian, restauranteur and Joker type guy, Danny Tee!  Yes, it's Halloween Eve, but it's also the day after Joker 2 dropped on streaming. And this ep is giving folie à trois. We cover male workplace sexual harassment, what Sam has in common with JD Vance, and The Day Danny Tee Wore a Dry-Fit Polo (and received community derision.) But, what is Danny Tee's ethnicity? Does he know what this podcast is about? And how much Cloud storage has he devoted to hole pics?  Plus, prospecting for gold as a source of extra income, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Mark Zuckerberg's f*ckboy makeover. This episode brought to you by SOLARSOLUTIONSPRO.COM. 

In which we eat crow...with special guest Chrystale Davis!!! Improviser, spooky things expert, and mother to Norman Bates (her small, White dog.) It's the Halloween ep, and we're addressing all the scariest topics, from true crime to phone scams to admitting you've never seen a classic film. But does the Crow do his own makeup? Has Bigfoot ever killed anyone? Why are twins so creepy? Plus, woman v. bird, Ernie Hudson's rocking geriatric bod, and an extremely sought after seasonal artifact from Target.

In which we interview special correspondent, 60+ man and Bachelor watcher, Joe Gibson, aka Sam's Dad...What was his Happenstance going into the first episode? Were ~any of the men up to standard? Do old people hook up on the first date? Plus, we review the first episode of the season, covering our old crushes, Charles L., and an argument for Bachelor in Hospice.

In which we feel Burton-ed by franchise reboots… with special guests, Little Treat!!! (Clown and streaming duo @heyKipp and @ezonlinebanking) The hosts are sharing a mic in this one, and everyone’s sharing their hot takes on Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (yes...we watched it!) But first, are the Teletubbies a natural evolution of humanity? How would we wanna die in a Tim Burton way? And most importantly, would Beetlejuice and Sonic the Hedgehog get along? Plus, bff chain shopping, Katy Perry’s whole deal, and why it's important to wake up with a smile 😀

In which we (betel)guese what happens in Beetlejuice...with special guest, clown, streamer, and friend, heyKipp! Welcome to a formerly LIVE episode of Happenstance! Kipp got the gals on Twitch just in time for Halloween Summer and Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (why not BeetleTwose?) In this one, we cover everything from color theory to storing stuff in tanks. What did Kipp recently burn on the grill? What's everybody gonna be for Halloween? Which parent does Kipp think should get custody of Bluey? Is Beetlejuice allowed to be like that?  Plus, the rule of threes, the next big injectable and cringe white people passions.   We'll be back on Twitch for a livestream reveal of what really happens in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. Tune in here on Thursday 9/12. And check out heyKipp's Streamer Smackdown show in San Diego on 9/20! Tickets available here.

In which we don't give a knuck, tu vois? We didn't think we could do an hour on each of these, but here we are. In this one, we cover a wider range of topics than Emily and Knuckles, even—from truck nuts and woman wish fulfillment, to treating everybody with respect no matter how they look. But, do nudists wear shoes? Does Knuckles drink? F*ck? Gamble? How many accessories did Coco Chanel say you should take off? Plus, the future of media as we know it, being more like Emily, and the Wayfair human trafficking conspiracy.

In which we ain't a-lien ("a-lyin?" Have I used this one before?)...We're back, just when you least expected it, like the Alien herself (adult form is canonically a girl.) It's scary movie summer, and once again we actually saw it. In this special episode, we break down what happenED in Alien: Romulus. ***Major spoilers ahead.*** Plus, Laci Peterson, what Jacob Elordi and the Alien have in common, "Smile," and Genesis 19:11. #ChristianityExposed #JusticeforRemus

In which we are over the moon to talk about the Alien movies for an hour. Look, we'll admit it, we think xenomorphs are cute, and have great teeth, and we wish we could be them. But do the aliens get lonely? What if we could domesticate them? Is going on a deep space mission secretly the best way to get over a breakup? Plus, some hot takes about Chandler Bing, seeing yourself on Dateline, and inventing a new accent.

In which we give our Trappenstance...this summer's all about serial killer movies and so are we. In this one, we talk our familial love for M. Night Shyamalan, the injustice of childhood Sixth Sense spoilers, and the Boy Mom to Girl Dad pipeline. Plus, why it's easier to have sex in New York than LA, and an argument for The Cat in the Hat being hot (it's all about confidence, people.) We're pretty damn on topic for this one, and again, actually went to see the movie. Good job, Josh Hartnett.

In which we don't (serial) kill it...In this one, we talk Longlegs, Shortlegs, Face/Off and a lot of Silence of the Lambs. But which of the gals had childhood stilts? Should FBI agents get to smoke weed? How's your relationship with your Mom's boyfriend? Plus, a variety of Longlegs comps —Mrs. Doubtfire, Michael Jackson, Old Greg, Jigsaw with just foundation on? That's right we actually saw this one. Spoilers aleg. (Like spoilers ahead, get it? 😆😆😆🦵)

In which we are Gru-ving out... with very special guest: improviser, Game Master, and guy who talks like a carnival barker, Walter Marion!! In this one, we're taking a stand against war, fascism, and the sexualization of Little Guys. But more importantly, who's whiter, Eminem or Macklemore? Who are the Minions going to vote for in the 2024 election? Did Gru get baby trapped?? By the Minions?? What are they capable of? Who could ever stop them? Plus, Joe Biden impressions, Pharrell's secret Drake diss track, and the incestuous implications of a famous painting. Banana!

In which we are being bad 😎 😎😎 with Miami's own Federico Slezynger— animator, illustrator, clown, actor, Mr. 305 Jr., and most Wizard-like guy we know. Who is Bad Boys' leading man? Why won't Martin Lawrence's character's wife f*ck him? Why does Fed talk like a radio announcer? Is there a plight of the White Latino? (Sam, famous Just White race warrior, thinks so)  Plus, Pepsi Man, Jeffrey Epstein, Scarface, Flo Rida and a plethora of Miami facts from Mr. 305 Jr.

In which we are feeling it out... with special guest, the one, the only, MICKEY WOO (fashion icon, comedian, and perm-haver)!!! This episodes all about naming names and Gotcha journalism. We don't talk about Inside Out 2 until like 40 minutes in, but oh boy do we talk feelings. What are our Myers-Briggs personality types? What are our individual relationships with the baristas at our local coffee shop? What is Inside Out ~really saying? Plus, girls eating bugs, Trader Joe's racism, and a searing analysis of our most used emojis 🤪🦅

In which we are madly...ideas-maxxing...with Melissa Peng!!! Amateur Bird Watcher, UCB Maude team member and good Party Friend. This movie is set in Australia?? How many times should you watch Pixar's Cars in school? What if Sam was named Ham...and she was feminist?? Plus, facetiming Ghostface, Furiosa history and a takedown of the Fury Road titty machine. Kachow!

In which we're Colin what happens with Colin and Penelope...featuring special guest, member of Jyotsna's improv team and Bridgerton expert, Katie Bates!!! But first, when was Pirates of the Caribbean? Is Sam a reincarnated Pomeranian? Who in Bridgerton would vape the most? And for like the fifth episode in a row, will someone hang dong? Plus, Katie's take on the Saltburn bathtub scene, PDA and HAGS.

In which we’re taking some big swings. Guys, it’s Happenstance Season 2, and this time, it’s personal. We’re finally opening up about our love lives, hopes and dreams, and c*ntservative values. But anyway, how bi is this movie? What does Roger Federer smell like? Is summer 2024 the summer 2016 of now? Plus, threesome math, a Pokemon Go car crash, and our Q2 update on the man economy. Live, laugh, love, learn… Listen.

In which we are having a Boll-ywood… with special guest Amrita Suresh! (Jyotsna’s sister, a.k.a. the most famous brown person in New England.) This week, we’re taking on a classic of Indian cinema, and getting in touch with our swaggy sides. But why does Shah Rukh Khan cry so damn much? Who's the world's most successful ugly person? Where should white people colonize next? Plus, our favorite Bollywood tropes, the sluttiest continent, and a cookie recipe worth dying for. Damn, man!

In which we have a wee bit o' fun...with the Leprechaun franchise. St. Patrick's Day is comin' up and we're keeping it Irish for this one. We're talkin' O'Reilly Autoparts, the potato famine and "Taken" starring Liam Neeson (who is Irish), but otherwise staying pretty on topic for once. Why does the Leprechaun go to space? Why does he go Back 2 Tha Hood? Why does he do anything? Some of these questions get answered.

In which we don’t Os-care at all about awards shows. In honor of Hollywood’s big night, we’re giving our stances on the films of the past year, and we’re not afraid to get controversial… Is Poor Things the worst movie ever made? Who’s the real winner of Rodgers vs. Kimmel? Why can’t Martin Scorsese just stay at home?  Plus, the Saltburn bathtub scene, the biggest scandal the Obamas ever witnessed, and testicular censorship in American media.

In which we are Dune our best...with special guest Kevin Chu! (certified Dune enjoyer) And also opening some other cans of giant worms- for instance, is it time for a cringe-culture renaissance? What is the creator of Happy Bunny's sexuality? And if your gf became a worm, would she love you back? Plus, shape theory, straight twink/babygirl discourse, and *warning* some Dear Evan Hanson spoilers. All liberation is connected (and we're being serious when we say that.) ✊🪱✌️

In which we don’t know Jack (Black)… with special guest Aidan Dorn-Wallenstein! (Actor, writer, producer, and certified Young Gen-Z.) It’s KFP week, and we’re tackling the heavy topics. Like, how does Po identify sexually? Which kung fu animals would we be? And what the hell is F-throat? Plus, baseball vs. basketball jews, if Jesus had a brother, and the craziest line Sam ever had to say in acting class. Skadoosh!

In which we weave some tales...with special guest, Tyler Pruyn! (2008-2019 Marvel expert, and 2020 guy who played Chris Pratt in an unlicensed Zoom Marvel musical.) Just like Madame Web (we think) this one's all about years future and past. But how did Dakota get this role? Why is it coming out on Valentine's? Is it "madam" or "muh-daam" (French?) And what is "Meshes of the Afternoon" (1943)? Plus, Bane impressions, a White House pest control report and the quotability of the MCU. That just happened!

In which we bowl you over with our sports knowledge. It’s the Big Game, and it’s time to make some big bets. Can Kansas City stop the 49ers rush offense and Brock Purdy's legs? Why did Brittany Mahomes name their children that? How is all this gonna affect the 2024 election? And who is God rooting for? Plus, the definitive Super Bowl ad formula, a Taylor/Travis pregnancy, and why Usher should take the stage with a massive bulge outline. Family, Faith, and Football, y’all! Lfg!!!

In which we are… winging it (we already used that pun, but whatever). It’s the Month of Love, and we’re spending some quality time with TikTok’s favorite fantasy romance book. But how “spicy” is it? What are the four F’s of dragon riding? How would you even take your centaur boyfriend to a drive-in movie? Plus, egg fertilization, the joys of military school, and uncovering a dairy conspiracy.

In which we are jumping for Joey… new Bachelor season, baby! And this time it’s tennis pro and notable short king Joey Graziadei. But is anyone actually 5’11? Can we name multiple pasta shapes? How are we gonna survive the Water Wars? Plus, power-tripping nurses, cartoon mayors, and the Boss Hog of Mississippi. 

It's Cousinstance, y'all! This week, Sam is joined by beloved cousin and pod listener—wine expert, Molly Schraeder. Featuring a special Winepenstance (in which Sam guesses the qualities of a varietal of grape), this ep is all about hunting for answers. What is the best Justin Long vehicle? Would Sam date Buddy the elf from Elf? Who is Molly's #1 Female Icon? Plus, more germane questions like, Matt or Ben? Does physics do math? And where is MIT, actually? If you like this ep (or any of em) please rate + subscribe<3 AND if you have recommendations for topics for a future ep, email [email protected] :) Love you.

In which we are Yellowstunned…  In honor of the new year, we’re releasing the first ep we ever recorded back in Summer 2023, a simpler time. We don’t even know what we talked about in this one, but it’s the reason we started the pod... Yellowstone: What Everyone’s Watching Except People You Actually Know. Yeehaw 🤠

In which we do some Grem-lyin’. Is it hard not to feed a Gremlin? What’s the worst possible way to find out Santa isn’t real? Is it racist to make up ways a movie could be racist? Seriously, please let us know. Plus, SuperWhoLock talk, the Christmas Story sexy leg lamp, and the fish vs. cat dichotomy in mens' dating profiles.

In which we are choc(olate) full of ideas. Why isn’t Timothée Chalamet British? Do they ever call him William? And does rapping in your school talent show save you from getting canceled?  Plus, our thoughts on the top two Hughs (Jackman and Grant), Oompa Loompa activism, and the real problem with racists.

In which we tell some doll tales… but just the white ones (in a woke way.) Who invented the American Girls? Why was Kit slaying so hard during the gd Great Depression? How disappointed will our history teachers be if they listen to this? Plus, parents making you goth, what our AmericanGirl accessories would be, and a heartfelt campaign for Ugly Acceptance.

In which we are Gerry excited for the final rose. Our Old Bach is about to choose his future wife, and we're pretty sure we know who it is. But who should be the first Golden Bachelorette? Which of the season's contestants do we think were lesbians all along? Is it elder abuse to make an old man night drive on TV? Plus, Kamala Harris, our pitch for Golden Bachelor in Paradise, and a frank discussion about old people sex.

In which we are off track, winging it, and don't even car(e). It's a family-sized ep for Thanksgiving, folks, and we're asking the tough questions. Who is the least sexy Ghostbuster and why? Why doesn’t anyone hot ever talk to you at the airport? Is there a boat in this movie? Plus, pro-Neuralink whining, a deep dive into uncle culture, and a strong condemnation of pulling nickels out of ears.

In which we are (Suzanne) Collins all the shots...The SAG strike is over baby! So we're doing a big franchise prequel. But why is the title so long? Who even is the blonde guy in it? Team Jacob or Team Edward? Plus, Jennifer Lawrence's career, style tips for Joe Biden, and casting the Muppet Hunger Games. Josh Hutcherson, you are family. <3 *Hunger Games whistle sound*

In which we make (up) history… just like real archeologists. This one's short and sweet. Sam tries to guess the contents of a CNN article about the recent discovery of the oldest surviving wooden structure. What was it used for? Who made it? Why are scientists so bad at naming things? Plus, getting caught cheating, hairy dinosaurs, and: casting a wedge, digging stick, cut log and notched branch as the girls from Sex and the City.

In part two of Happenstance-o-ween, Jyotsna tries to guess a real-life ghost story Sam heard involving her ex-bf’s little sisters’s college friend and an antique Chinese bell. But can ghosts solve racism? Are artsy people bad parents? What exactly is a quote collector?  Plus, our personal policies on Ouija boards, tips for witches wearing headphones, and a tribute to medium-fun uncles. 

In the first installment of our two-part Halloween special, Sam tries to guess a real-life ghost story Jyotsna heard on a first date. But what was her gentleman caller wearing? How many emojis should you use in a dating app bio? Do we actually know who La Llorona is? (No.) Plus, how Sam got cockblocked by a child ghost, older sibling injustice in fairytales, and the paranormal properties of Benadryl. Leo, if you find this, thank you, sorry, and come on the pod! 😛