PODCAST · health
Happy To Disappoint
by Happy to Disappoint
We’re two best friends on a journey through cult recovery. Wheeee! We are on a mission to gain perspective, discover our values, tell some stories, and deconstruct the fucked up belief system from whence we came.This podcast is about learning to navigate life after growing up in an environment that discouraged questions and encouraged us to hate ourselves. It’s about normalizing talking about the subjects people LITERALLY join cults to avoid thinking about.Follow along as we make some educated guesses and invite some educated guests to share stories, call out patterns, and trade tips on how the hell to heal from all this shit! Sorry, mom! Sorry, Jesus! We're happy to disappoint.
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S2 E2: The Hierarchy Lowdown Ho-Down Pt. 1
Welcome to the Hierarchy Lowdown Ho-Down! This week we will be discussing the top dogs in the hierarchical structure of our cult, THE BIG 3! Strap in for this two-part episode about the head bitches in charge. In Part 1, we dive into:John’s system of controlA light introduction to “APCO”Marilyn the usurper and her army of word workersWhat it takes to be the perfect transcriberGary oozin’ up that ladderDippin’ our toe in the topic of Uncle IckyStay tuned for Part 2 where we will unpack who Uncle Icky was and the kind of people he kept around.CONTENT & TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, Emotional Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Narcissistic Ab*se and Manipulation, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior and Gr00ming by Authority Figures, JRS DIRECT QUOTES, GIRLS TURN IT OFF!!!Email us at: [email protected] us on Instagram & Bluesky: @disappointcastSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/HappyToDisappointCheck out our website at: https://www.happytodisappoint.comREFERENCES:Oops! I’m In A Cult (Episodes)Girls Turn It Off | Misogyny in ChristianityCult Leaders William Branham and John Robert Stevens | Interview with John CollinsThe Living Word Fellowship’s Secret Society: Interview With Kristy PfeiferHeld Liable | The Lawsuits Against the Living WordKelly Daniels in THE SUN Magazinehttps://www.thesunmagazine.org/articles/26338-golden-threadsJRS Quotes:John Robert Stevens, This Week (1983), vol. 14 (North Hollywood, CA: Living Word Publications, 2007), 295–296.John Robert Stevens,This Week (1980), vol. 11 (North Hollywood, CA: Living Word Publications, 2007), 300–301.
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S2 E1: A Brisk Jaunt Through a Tight 40 Years
WE ARE BACK, YOU BEAUTIFUL DIAPPOINTING BABIES!!! We're still here and we're still healing. Beep beep! Hop on in! In this episode we'll be taking you through the decades to provide context on our cult's history and why we had so much to scream about last season. Aaaaaand why we're still screaming. Follow along as we unpack: Where Cult Daddy John Robert Stevens (JRS) got his secrets What kind of shenanigans JRS got up to as he built this cult The hostile cult takeover of a power-hungry “secretary” What happens when an immortal guy dies? CONTENT & TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, Physical and Emotional Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Narcissistic Ab*se and Manipulation, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior and Gr00ming by Authority Figures, Childhood $*xual Ab*se, JRS DIRECT QUOTES, BEDROOM BLOOD TRANSFUSIONSEmail us at: [email protected] us on Instagram & Bluesky: @disappointcastSupport us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/HappyToDisappointCheck out our website at: https://www.happytodisappoint.comREFERENCES: Oops! I’m In A Cult (Episodes)To Be a Charlatan | John Robert Stevens and The WalkJohn Robert Stevens | A Cult Leader is BornThe Witch Trials of 1967The Cult of Cures | Why My Mom Refused ChemoCult Leaders William Branham and John Robert Stevens | Interview with John CollinsThe Living Word Fellowship’s Secret Society: Interview With Kristy PfeiferHeld Liable | The Lawsuits Against the Living WordShiloh Compound Burning https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYEj6fuj3NEJohn Collins (Website & Podcast)https://william-branham.org/https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/leaving-the-message/id1584719188
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Ep 13: The Magic Yule Bus (Christmas Truck)
Alright, Disappointments, here is our full run down of the events surrounding the event that was The Magical Christmas Caroling Truck. Follow along as we do our best to answer questions like:How did it start?Work Nights?!?Who did all that work?What the heck was this thing?Who was invited to the secret Christmas Party?What happened at the secret Christmas Party?CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious Ab*se, High Control Environments, Grooming by Authority Figures, Mental Health Struggles, Substance Ab*use: Alcohol, 🚨CHRISTMAS CAROLS🚨
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Ep 12: The Nick of Time with Nick Hays
It’s our Season One FINALE, folks! Our guest this week is a guy we found in a bar that one time: Nick Hays. As the Living Word Fellowship was falling apart, Nick had a backstage pass to all the red flags as he and Leandra started to date, and also, Stasia was there!!! Now he’s here to share his unique perspective as an outsider with inside information on the collapse of a cult. Join us as Nick takes us through the timeline and recollects:Meeting two babes at the best bar in BurbankBeing reassured our church was “Not that kind of church”Finding out it is!Finding out it’s MUCH much worse!2018 and beyond!Don’t fret! We’ll be back this winter with a CHRISTMAS TRUCK Special (*ominous jingle bells*) and we’ll be super duper back in Spring 2026 with a whole new season!CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious Ab*se, High Control Environments, Grooming by Authority Figures, Mental Health Struggles, Substance Ab*use: Alcohol, 🚨POPE HAT🚨
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Ep 11: The Motherlode - Part 2 With Sandra Alex
She’s BACK, ladies and gentlefriends, and she’s here to tell you some more wild shit in a really calm tone. This week is part deux of our interview with Sandra Alex, and we’re picking up exactly where we left off: with Sandra headed from Rio to Iowa. She’s a metaphorical mother to all, and literal mother to Leandra, specifically. Join us once again as we hold our collective breaths and listen to Sandra remember: Trying to be part of the “IN” crowd in Los Angeles Getting electrocuted at 18 because of a pastor’s negligence Her own understanding of the “Vision of the Kingdom” A “Prophecy” to John Robert Stevens from a KKK-affiliated “ministry” Navigating her faith after 2018 Cult ImplosionCONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious, $*xual, and Spiritual Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Grooming by Authority Figures, Substance Ab*use, 🚨JEZEBEL🚨, 🚨🚨GLEANINGS🚨🚨
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Ep 10: The Motherlode - Part 1 With Sandra Alex
HTD - The Motherlode!This is IT, Disappointments! The first installment of this mother loving episode is here! Our guest this week is Leandra’s ACTUAL mother, Sandra Alex! We had to break this one up into chunks because it is literal gold. It is: the MOTHERLODE! Join us as our jaws hit the floor over and over and over, while Sandra shares mind-blowing memories like:Getting DOUBLE GROUNDED by her mom in front of Jack Bruce from Cream (and some famous Brazilian musicians)Getting UNgrounded by attending a Cult Youth Group meetingLearning English to read cult literatureGetting called a Nephilim to her face by MarilynHelping to fund the first cult property in Brazil (Mount Zion The First) and what horrors subsequently occurred thereCONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious, $*xual, and Spiritual Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Grooming by Authority Figures, Depression,🚨🚨ARBA 🚨🚨
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Ep 9: Burdened With Glorious Purpose With Stephanie Hardman
This week on HTD we talk to our childhood friend Stephanie Hardman about what it was like growing up in different Living Word Churches and how it impacted us in all kinds of crazy ways! Join us as we discuss:Dads!Being burdened with the purpose of The Living Word agenda Keeping the faithGod Lizards that totally did appearAs always, thank you and we treasure your attention!CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious, $*xual, and Spiritual Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Grooming by Authority Figures, Suicidal Ideations,🚨DADDY ISSUES🚨, 😱SNIPPET OF WORSHIP SONG😱
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Ep 8: Extremely Cult Adjacent with Beau Brown
You’re in for a real treat today, folks! Our guest is an intelligent, hilarious, kind-hearted human, an actual internet sensation, and also one of our dearest long-lost friends. It’s Beau Brown!! We are so thankful for the privilege of reconnecting to reminisce about the horrors together, such as:* The Centers of Learning Experience™️* THE RIVERTON CEMETERY* Cheating on a test and still failing* Saturday School* Getting in trouble for advocating for labor rights in high school* Witnessing a car hit the school (which time, tho?)CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Forced Manual Labor, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior, Grooming by Authority Figures, Christian Private School, Public Shaming, Stonewalling, Speaking In Tongues,🚨THE RIVERTON CEMETERY🚨
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Ep 7: The Shiloh Show (Part 2)
THE SUMMER CHAOS CONTINUES! After having a full blown technical melt down for a few weeks in a row, we are proud to bring you a re-RE-recorded Part Deux of our Shiloh summer camp romp. We pick up where we left you last: disoriented, mid-way through camp, and gearing up for another big event. Buckle up as we immerse you in memories of:The Canadian National AnthemThe classic “Iced-coffee-no-breakfast” mistake and its inevitable consequences🔥FIRE HAZARDS🔥Sh-sh-shakin’ for the LordAmphitheater debaucheryCONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Forced Manual Labor, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior, Gr👀ming by Authority Figures, Grief, POOP, Amphitheaters, Wandering Eyes,🚨BRINGING FORTH THE KINGDOM🚨 “It’s Happening Now” 👏👏
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Ep 6: The Shiloh Show (Part 1)
BRACE YOURSELVES, DISAPPOINTMENTS! This week we take you on PART 1 of a journey we’ve embarked on TOO many times… from wherever you are in the world, to a place we ne’r need return: SHILOH SUMMER CAMP! womp WOMP! As is tradition, our Shiloh Summer Camp plans got derailed and delayed, just like our flights to Cedar Rapids. You’ll have to bear with us through some technical difficulties, and let us trigger your memories and/or paint you a picture of:THE SHILOH COMPOUND!!Corn!Grueling & constant manual labor!Getting in trouble for things you DIDN’T EVEN DO!A great big showMORE CORN!If you ever experienced Shiloh, you’re used to waiting unbearable amounts of time between things you care about, and on that note, come back in two weeks for Part 2.CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Forced Manual Labor, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior, Grooming by Authority Figures, Amphitheaters, Cornhole,🚨THE HIGHEST SHELF🚨
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Ep 5: Confessions of a Former Cult Princess
Hello, disappointments! This week we take a deep dive with the resting bitch queen herself, the eldritch terror: Anastasia! From what dimension did she emerge? Where was she in 2018? What about the rest of her life? Join us as we discuss:Cult Royalty: The Carol of it AllShiloh Psalm TraumaDating?? In This Economy?Other trauma!CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Narcissistic Ab*se and Manipulation, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior and Grooming by Authority Figures, Being Called Dramatic, PSALMS
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Ep 4: The Roast of Uncle Icky 360
Ok, Disappointments, hold on to your butts. It’s the Roast of Uncle Icky 360. This week we’re diving into Leandra’s “360 Review” of Uncle Icky as a boss and pastor from back in October of 2018. From inscrutable expectations to labor exploitation, this review gives a peek into Leandra’s experience as an indentured—*COUGH cough* sorry, as an EMPLOYEE of the Living Word cult. FOR COMEDY PURPOSES! And also for healing purposes lol. Join us as we un-gaslight ourselves and unpack past-Leandra’s perspective on:Uncle Icky’s Management Style (fuckin’ L O L)The cost of dissent within the cultConversational manipulation tacticsCLASSIC cult information control structureHow Uncle Icky treated women (and how uncomfortable that was)CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, Labor Exploitation, Physical and Emotional Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Narcissistic Ab*se and Manipulation, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior and Grooming by Authority Figures, Childhood $*xual Ab*se, THE LITERAL ACTUAL STRUCTURE OF A CULT read from the perspective of someone who had no idea what a cult was, BARN. I repeat, BARN.
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Ep 3: Resting Bewildered Face with Mike White
This week we have a particularly long episode for you, because we couldn’t part with any of the content we loved it so much. Listen at 1.5 speed if you must, but it is a great time the whole way through because this week our guest is Mike White! Former TLW member and “blow out,” he is also the guest of our sisterbrothermother podcast, Snapping Out Of It! Enjoy the madness as we get into topics like:RBF and its true meaningReclaiming your creativity after musical traumaRecognizing red flags in relationshipsRealizing pastors can’t read mindsCONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Ab*se, Physical and Emotional Ab*se, High Control Environments/Relationships, Narcissistic Ab*se and Manipulation, $*xually Inappropriate Behavior and Grooming by Authority Figures, Childhood $*xual Ab*se, The Ever-Present Danger of Diddlers, Word For The World, Big Boney Energy, Mommy and Daddy Issues.
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Ep 2: Heavy Meddling With Charity Navalesi
Ladies, Theydies, and Gentlefriends, we present: OUR FIRST GUEST! She is an incomparable multidisciplinary artist, she is the WICKedly talented host of the podcast “Oops I’m In A Cult!” She is the one and only: Charity Navalesi. Join us as we cackle, weep, hyperventilate, and emotionally regulate our way through topics like:The search for healthy healing toolsNavigating pesky attachment patternsRock bottom’s bottomSweatin’ it out for JesusWhere not to put garlicCONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Religious and Spiritual Abuse, High Control Environments/Relationships, Narcissistic Abuse and Manipulation, Inscrutable Sexual Analogies, Heavy Meddling, Garlic Snatch
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Ep 1: The Disappointment Begins
In our very exciting first episode, we'll be giving you, dear listener, some context on who we are, what the heck this show is, and why we can't stop crying at the grocery store! (It’s the trauma.) Tune in to hear us ramble on about all of this and more as we discuss:The cult from whence we cameLeaving a harmful environment and the messy feelings that followThe power of sharing stories, even the painful onesThe all-too-relatable story of getting groped in the Pope Room at Bucca Di Beppo (You know the one)CONTENT TRIGGER WARNINGS: Sexual and Physical Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Religious and Spiritual Abuse, Bucca Di Beppo
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
We’re two best friends on a journey through cult recovery. Wheeee! We are on a mission to gain perspective, discover our values, tell some stories, and deconstruct the fucked up belief system from whence we came.This podcast is about learning to navigate life after growing up in an environment that discouraged questions and encouraged us to hate ourselves. It’s about normalizing talking about the subjects people LITERALLY join cults to avoid thinking about.Follow along as we make some educated guesses and invite some educated guests to share stories, call out patterns, and trade tips on how the hell to heal from all this shit! Sorry, mom! Sorry, Jesus! We're happy to disappoint.
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Happy to Disappoint
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