Hijacked

The third in this series about grief - how to continue the journey and begin to embrace life in new ways - adjusting by living with grief in such a way that we can not only just survive but find a unique path to handle life differently

Grief is one of those things that are universal - yet we do not universally talk about it or know how to deal with it.This is the first of three episodes looking at this most personal of things from both a professional and personal perspectiveThis series will grow and deepen so please keep coming back and let others know if you find it helpful

How we can begin to work with the grief we have in ways that help and not harm - not by avoiding but by discovering ways through grief.This episode contains a personal story of one of my close encounters with death - a life changing event that has shaped my career and my being.

You can't think your way back from flooded. You can't reason your way back to calm. And yet most of us, in the aftermath of conflict, reach straight for words — explaining, defending, problem-solving — not realising that the part of the brain that processes any of that has temporarily gone offline.In this third and final episode of the Hijacked conflict trilogy, Barry White explores the science of how we actually recover — and why the most powerful thing you can offer someone in distress isn't the right words. It's your own regulated presence.We cover co-regulation, the biology of nervous system synchronisation, neuroception and Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory — and what thirty years of clinical experience reveals about the moments when everything in a room can change, without a single word being spoken.In this episode:Why we are wired from birth to recover through each other, not aloneWhat co-regulation actually is — and why it's not a techniqueThe pursuer and withdrawer dynamic — and what both people really needWhy a regulated nervous system is the foundation of great leadershipPractical ways to build your own capacity to be a grounded presenceThe final episode in a three-part series on conflict, rupture, and recovery.

The argument has stopped. But something is still sitting in the room. You're moving around each other carefully, replaying what was said, wondering how to find your way back. This is the morning after — and what happens here matters more than most people realise.In this second episode of Hijacked, Barry White explores the biology of what comes after conflict — and why two people who love each other can find themselves so completely out of reach of one another in the hours that follow an argument.We cover rupture and repair, the science of different recovery timescales, the pursuer and withdrawer dynamic, the rarely-named role of shame in the aftermath of conflict, and the concept of emotional debt — the accumulated weight of what doesn't get repaired.In this episode:Why the hijack doesn't end when the argument stopsGottman's research on repair attempts — and why timing matters as much as intentionThe pursuer and the withdrawer — and why they're trying to reach the same placeShame after conflict — what it is, why it makes repair harder, and what actually helpsEmotional debt — what accumulates when ruptures go unresolved, in relationships and at workPart two of a three-episode series on conflict, rupture, and recovery.

You didn't mean to say that. You didn't want the argument to go where it went. And yet — there you were, flooded, reactive, saying things you'd never choose to say in a calmer moment. This wasn't a failure of love or character. This was your nervous system doing exactly what it was built to do.In this first episode of Hijacked, therapist and trainer Barry White explores what actually happens inside you during conflict — and why the most sophisticated part of your brain goes temporarily offline before you've even had a chance to respond.We cover the amygdala hijack, the four survival responses (fight, flight, freeze and fawn), and why understanding the biology of conflict changes everything about how you experience it — in your closest relationships, and at work.In this episode:Why conflict triggers a survival response before conscious thoughtThe four ways we react when our nervous system sounds the alarmWhat diffuse physiological arousal means — and why it mattersWhy this isn't about weakness, willpower, or working harderThis is the first episode in a three-part series on conflict, rupture, and recovery.