IF IT’ S NOT FOREVER IN ENGLISH

The Shock I put the piece of paper down and look at it, scared. I look at Avantika … my mind throws up nothing.

Everyday Life Slowly and steadily, life has crawled back to normal. No more long drives on dusty roads without a destination in mind. No chasing around clues and asking people about dead people. No sleeping in cheap motels and living on dhaba food.

Ritam? Ritam? Did he actually say that? Is this even real? Someone is playing around with us. He doesn’t look burnt. And he seriously doesn’t look like a girl! He is definitely not Ragini. What on earth is happening here? We look at each other, and look at him, clueless at what just happened. What the hell?

Where’s Ragini? We are back inside a flight. This time we’re flying back to Mumbai. Things have changed a lot since our last flight. Even though we were always just a phone number away from Ragini, somehow we had never imagined that we would come so close. We are now just a few hours away from meeting her and I am shitting in my pants.

Bangalore It seems like the flight is taking forever to reach Bangalore. I have a certain respect for that city. It’s probably the only city where Rock ’n’ Roll, metal signs and sticking your tongue out in public and shouting ‘Metallicaaaaa!’ are not frowned upon.

The Phone Number Things just get worse. First, it was a broken-down building, then a name and a number that led us nowhere and now just a number without a name. Shrey and I are pretty sure whose number it is, if we go by what’s written in the diary.

The Next Trip None of us is interested in going on a twelve-hour drive again. We’ve had enough of fighting with the gear box and the brakes of Shrey’s car. It doesn’t look like it can take any more. We check on the Internet and the drive from Gandhinagar to Mumbai is not a pleasant one.

Nivedita Shrey and Tiya are still sleeping when we leave the hotel for the mental asylum where Nivedita is admitted. We had looked up the address yesterday and everyone we asked knew where it was. Avantika and I have hardly talked since morning. We are a little unsure of what we’ll say to Nivedita. Not only that; we don’t know what to expect.

To Gandhinagar I find us packing our stuff as soon as we get to the hotel. The adrenaline is getting to us. We are finally getting somewhere. Though the thought of Ritam’s crippled sister saddens us. But at least we have a name. Ritam Dey. That’s a start. I am sure we will be at Ragini’s doorstep soon.

Piyush Makhija It’s becoming embarrassing now. I can’t take my eyes off my own girlfriend, the girl I’ve been dating for five years.

Haridwar A warm breath grazes my neck, and I hear a soft whisper in my ear: ‘Get up.’ Avantika looks at me and smiles, her hair falls over my face and she smells of expensive moisturizers and shampoo.

We’re Not Taking Her! Our argument regarding Tiya reaches a crescendo and we are almost at each other’s throats. We’re shouting outside our hotel and a lot of people are staring at us.

It Gets Interesting! It’s been four hours since I’ve been in office and I still don’t know how to approach it. Ever since Shrey and I had started working together, he has been pestering me to take a vacation. But I’ve always turned it down as we both can’t take leave from the office at the same time.

The Diary 16 September 2010 ‘You’re in love when she’s around and when her voice alone is your guiding light, your only motivation in your life. I am in love.’ I will never forget this day. I cannot forget this day. This day defines me now. I hadn’t seen her for many days before today.

I am Still Awake I can feel Avantika’s soft hands running over my chest. She is sleeping, tired from what we finished about an hour ago. Avantika has always been good in bed. Over the last five years, she has only gotten better. Even tonight, when she crept up on the bed, her eyes dripping with passion and her hands going to all the places they should have, I felt like a man bereft of love since eternity. It took me just a few seconds to rip every shred of cloth off her and subject her to pain and ecstasy.

What If My breathing is ragged and strained. Every breath I take and release hurts a little more. I feel choked and my throat burns. My head hurts. I try to open my eyes but a bandage wrapped around my head obstructs them. I adjust the bandage to open my eyes. My whole body is broken and it pains as if it has been put into a blender and ground.

I was Almost Dead I have seen dead people before. I have seen them on television, on the news, on their deathbeds, with their loved ones carrying them to the cemetery.