In Between Them

The Long Shadow of a Divided Home: Rashelle's StoryWhen Rashelle was just 5 years old, she lost her biological father. By 6, her mom had remarried, and by 15, that marriage was ending too. But the divorce itself wasn't the hardest part — it was everything that came with it. A house filled with constant fighting. The instinctive, bone-deep urge to shield her two younger siblings from the storm. The quiet weight of being the oldest in a home where the adults couldn't hold it together.In this episode, Rashelle takes us back to moments that still sting — like senior night, when her parents struggled to stand together to take a single photo with her. That animosity didn't fade with time. Now in her 40s, she still can't mention one parent in front of the other without everything going sideways.But this is where her story turns. Rashelle opens up about how the pain of her childhood became the blueprint for one of the most intentional choices of her adult life: building a united co-parenting front with her ex-husband for their daughter. It isn't always easy. There are hard days, hard conversations, and moments where it would be easier to let the wall go up. But Rashelle does the work — every single time — because she's giving her daughter the very thing she longed for and never received: two parents who can stand together, even after standing apart.Connect with Rashelle:Instagram: @realtorrashelleRealtor serving the Willamette Valley, OregonListen to her podcast, The Realtor Who Wines, on Apple Podcasts or SpotifyBook Recommendation from this episode: The Let Them Theory by Mel RobbinsTakeawaysFamily dynamics impact childhoodManaging parental conflict as a childLong-lasting impact of parental divorce Impact of Divorce on Parent-Child RelationshipsParenting Through Divorce Setting BoundariesLetting Go of ControlChapters00:00 Introduction and Background05:54 Impact of Parental Divorce14:51 Coping Strategies and Impact20:57 Parental Conflict and Impact on Relationships56:08 Supporting Children's Relationships with Step-Parents01:05:43 The Long-Term Journey of Co-Parenting01:12:35 Clothing and Material Matters01:19:05 The Power of Boundaries

In this episode, Ilian Alchehayed, a Certified Family Law Specialist in Orange County, California, shares insights from his experience working with families navigating divorce. He explores the challenges parents face during separation and emphasizes why understanding the impact on children is essential.Ilian discusses how parenting time schedules have shifted over the years—from flexible arrangements to more structured and rigid systems—and what that means for families today. He highlights the importance of truly putting children first, noting that outcomes for kids are closely tied to the decisions and behaviors of their parents.He also breaks down how divorce affects children differently depending on their age, and why greater awareness of these developmental differences can help parents better support their kids through the transition.The conversation dives into the realities of co-parenting, including common pitfalls and strategies for doing it effectively. Ilian shares real-world examples of how fear-driven decisions can negatively impact children—and how parents can instead make thoughtful, child-centered choices.Ultimately, Ilian reinforces that while divorce is difficult, children can adapt and even thrive when parents remain intentional, cooperative, and focused on their well-being.Ilian practices at Tustin Law Group.He also recommends the book The Whole-Brain Child as a valuable resource for parents seeking to better understand and support their children at various stages of development.For information on this podcast or if you want to be a guest you can find more details at my website.TakeawaysCertified Family Law SpecialistImpact of Divorce on Children Parenting after divorceImpact of divorce on childrenChapters00:00 Becoming a Certified Family Law Specialist10:28 The Evolution of Parenting Time and Parenting Schedules36:48 Co-Parenting and Parenting Styles51:39 Parenting After Divorce01:04:09 Co-Parenting and Child Support01:19:13 The Reality of Divorce01:28:06 Making Decisions from a Fear-Based Position

Carly is the mother of Kate (episode 14) and stepmother to Sydney (episode 15) and in this episode she reflects on their episodes and what she heard, what surprised her and what resonated with her. She covers a wide range of topics, including her own speech pathology and how that impacted her step-parenting, personal experiences with illness and parenting, her divorce, difficult co-parenting and positive step-parenting.TakeawaysResilience and support play a crucial role in recovery and coping with life-changing experiences.Step-parenting and co-parenting dynamics have a significant impact on children and their perspectives. Respectful co-parenting relationships are crucial for the well-being of children.Parental support and independence play a significant role in children's development.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Background05:08 Impact on Children During Illness10:27 Impact of Divorce on Children16:58 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Dynamics23:05 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Dynamics with Teenagers28:42 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Reflections on Parenting34:33 Step-Parenting and Co-Parenting Challenges and Responsibilities47:21 Navigating Co-Parenting Relationships53:50 Parental Influence and Independence01:03:12 Reflections on Parenting and Co-Parenting01:26:49 Community Support and Impact on Children

Sydney shares the story of growing up through two pivotal family transitions—her parents’ divorce and the arrival of a stepmother who would become a defining figure in her life. She reflects on the early years of that relationship, the bond they built before her half-siblings were born, and how that connection later unraveled as her father and stepmother went through their own divorce—marking a second major upheaval in her childhood.In the midst of that instability, Sydney stepped into a caregiving role for her younger step-siblings while navigating difficult and sometimes inappropriate dynamics at home. She also explores how her stepmother became a key advocate in understanding her ADHD diagnosis—support that has evolved into a strong and lasting relationship they still share today.Sydney speaks candidly about the ways she sought her father’s attention by molding herself around his interests, and the lasting impact that had on her sense of self. She also reflects on how financial stress and communication within her family shaped her beliefs and behaviors in adulthood, particularly in her own marriage.Ultimately, Sydney’s story is one of resilience and self-awareness—illustrating how childhood experiences can both challenge and motivate us. Today, she maintains close relationships with her mother, stepmother, and siblings, and uses the insight she’s gained to guide her decisions and embrace the growth that came from it all.TakeawaysImpact of divorce on childhood memoriesRole of step-parent in coping and support The impact of divorce on children is long-lasting and can influence their adult life and relationships.Positive parental interactions and involvement are crucial for mitigating the impact of divorce on children.Chapters00:00 Introduction and Personal Background06:05 Financial Impact of Divorce21:32 Transition and Changes in Custody32:52 Therapy and Coping Mechanisms42:41 Parental Relationships and Impact on Children56:02 Coping with Divorce and Career Choices01:03:23 Personal Growth and Overcoming Adversity01:09:26 Reflections and Book RecommendationsFollow the pod on Instgram and TikTokFind me for Mediation or Coaching on www.onward-mc.comContact with questions or if you want to be a guest: [email protected]

This is Part 1 of a 3-part series featuring a daughter, stepdaughter, and mother reflecting on their shared and overlapping childhood experiences.In this episode, Kate—17 and preparing to graduate high school—shares her perspective on growing up in a split household, beginning with her parents’ divorce when she was just three years old. With honesty and insight, she explores what it was like to have no memory of her parents together, and how early she realized her family looked different from others around her.Kate opens up about the challenges of transitioning between two homes, explaining how frequent switches were especially difficult when she was younger, and how moving to a week-on/week-off schedule as a teenager brought some relief—while still presenting its own struggles.She also speaks candidly about the impact of her parents having no contact with each other, and how that often left her feeling caught in the middle. It’s something she reflects on deeply, offering thoughtful advice to parents navigating co-parenting dynamics and strongly advises against this dynamic.The conversation also touches on the logistical challenges of living between homes—especially when one parent lives much farther from school—and how that can affect a child’s daily life.Kate closes the episode by sharing how her upbringing has shaped her views on relationships, dating, and marriage. With intention and clarity, she expresses her hope to build a lasting marriage—something deeply influenced by her own family experience.This episode is a powerful, personal look at divorce through the eyes of a child who lived it—and is now making meaning of it as she steps into adulthood.TakeawaysImpact of Divorce on ChildrenParental CommunicationPersonal Growth and ReflectionChapters00:00 Early Years and Realization06:00 Parental Communication and Relationships11:49 Parental Involvement and Co-parenting24:47 Reflection on Future Relationships

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Dustina Hall opens up about her experience growing up in a divorced family marked by instability, emotional strain, and complex family dynamics. From being placed in the middle of her parents’ conflict at a young age to navigating her father’s revolving door of relationships—and the constant uncertainty that came with it—Dustina shares how these experiences shaped her sense of safety and belonging.She also speaks candidly about her mother’s struggles with mental illness and how that contributed to an unpredictable home environment. Carrying the weight of these challenges into her own life, Dustina reflects on developing an “always waiting for the other shoe to drop” mentality, as well as her battle with an eating disorder.Through it all, Dustina’s story is one of resilience, growth, and healing. She offers thoughtful insight into the lasting impact divorce can have on children, while emphasizing the critical role of empathy, stability, and open communication in co-parenting relationships.Now a step-parent herself, Dustina shares how her childhood experiences have informed a healthier, more intentional approach to parenting—one she is deeply proud of. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that even in the face of dysfunction, it is possible to break cycles, create safety, and build stronger, more compassionate family connections.TakeawaysSenior living advisors provide valuable support to families and seniors during the transition to assisted living and care facilities.The impact of divorce on children can be profound, leading to a lack of stability, predictability, and safety in their lives. ResilienceImpact of Divorce on ChildrenChapters00:00 Introduction and Career as a Senior Living Advisor09:12 Realization of Non-Normative Family Structure30:01 Trauma and Abuse in the Family35:07 Navigating a Split Household41:21 Impact of Divorce on Children01:02:50 Healing and Values

In this episode, Devin reflects on life after his parents’ divorce when he was just five or six years old, growing up alongside his younger brother. He shares what it was like navigating childhood primarily with his dad, especially during a period when his mom disappeared and later resurfaced, facing time in jail.Devin opens up about the early years of moving back and forth between parents, and how a series of major life events eventually led him to live full-time with his dad. He speaks candidly about seeing his mom intermittently, and how her later relationship with his stepfather brought additional challenges and emotional strain.With striking self-awareness, Devin connects his childhood experiences to the person he is today. Now a teacher, he explains how those formative years allow him to connect with students on a deeper level—offering empathy, presence, and understanding that might not have been possible otherwise.Throughout the conversation, Devin highlights the growth, accountability, and perspective he’s gained from navigating difficult circumstances. His story is a powerful reflection on resilience, self-discovery, and the lasting impact of childhood experiences.TakeawaysImpact of Divorce on ChildrenCoping Mechanisms for Children of Divorce ResilienceParental ImpactChapters00:00 Parental Response and Coping Mechanisms31:35 Early Family Dynamics and Stepfather Influence38:01 Relationship with Parents as an Adult43:37 Navigating Adulthood and Coping Mechanisms58:48 Book Recommendations and Personal Interests

Tyson shares how her parents’ divorce in eighth grade felt surprisingly normal. With several relatives already divorced and family friends going through the same thing at the time, the transition into a new family dynamic felt easier and smoother than it might have otherwise.She reflects on how her parents’ ability to remain cordial with one another played a major role in keeping life peaceful and stable. While there was never a clear explanation for the divorce—only speculation about a possible affair—her parents continued to maintain a respectful relationship that carried into her adulthood. Their cooperation helped make important milestones like college and marriage feel supported and manageable.Looking back, Tyson acknowledges that some of her parents’ choices may have had more complicated effects on her sibling than on her. Still, her story highlights how parents who keep their adult conflicts separate from their parenting can create a sense of stability for their children, even during major family changes.TakeawaysSupportive friendshipsCordial co-parentingChapters00:00 Introduction and Background07:02 Tandem Divorcing22:56 Impact on Children

Nicole shares the story of how her parents’ divorce came as a complete shock. Neither she nor her older siblings saw it coming, and the news left her feeling devastated and confused. In the immediate aftermath, Nicole struggled with feelings of embarrassment, as though the divorce reflected something about her or her family.During that difficult time, she found comfort in the support of friends. Fortunately, her parents made a conscious choice that would shape her experience in a powerful way—they remained respectful and friendly with each other. Despite their separation, they showed remarkable grace and commitment to co-parenting, setting aside their own emotions to preserve a sense of family for the sake of their children.Nicole reflects deeply on how the divorce affected her, especially as it coincided with other losses during her teenage years. As she grew older, she began to see her parents not just as parents, but as people. Learning more about their experiences and circumstances as a young adult shifted her perspective and allowed her to view the divorce through a more compassionate lens.Now in her second marriage, Nicole shares how those early experiences have followed her into adulthood and shaped the way she views relationships today. Looking back, she feels incredibly fortunate that her parents chose decency, respect, and peace in the years that followed—sparring her and her siblings from deeper, lasting conflict and showing her that even in separation, family can still be held together with care and grace.TakeawaysImpact of Divorce on ChildrenParental RelationshipsEmotional Impact of Family Dynamics Parental CommunicationChapters00:00 Introduction and Background08:21 Adolescent Years and Emotional Struggles20:19 Understanding the Impact as an Adult25:46 Revelation and Reflection31:50 Family Reactions and Relationships37:48 Parental Responsibility and Impact48:24 Hope and Resilience

In this episode, Doug shares the story of his childhood shaped by divorce, remarriage, and divorce again. He reflects on how he and his brothers each processed their parents’ separation differently, and what it was like to welcome loving step-parents into their lives—only to lose them to more divorce. Doug opens up about the quiet grief of losing great step-parents, how he fought to stay connected, and how living between two vastly different financial households shaped his mindset around money and security.Through the twists, instability, and deeply scarring moments of his first 18 years, Doug reveals how repeated loss leaves lasting fragments that carry into adulthood. He speaks candidly about what his relationships look like today—with his parents, brothers, and step-siblings—and why unrecognized childhood impacts don’t simply fade with time. His story is a powerful reminder that working to understand your past is the key to building a healthier, more intentional future.Chapters00:00 Early Life and Parental Divorce05:55 Parental Relationships and Their Effect on Siblings27:16 Parental Issues and their Impacts on Children39:47 The Role of Step-Parents50:40 Navigating Relationships Without a Template56:08 Impact on Self-Worth and Relationships01:09:02 Reconnecting with Father and Conflict Resolution

Angie opens up about how her parents’ divorce shaped her childhood—and how those early experiences echoed into her adult relationships with both of her parents. She reflects on the pain, resilience, and unexpected gifts that came from growing up between two very different households, including the powerful role of step-parents, the impact of parental communication (or lack thereof), and how outside influences can deeply affect a child’s sense of stability. While she would never minimize some of the hardships and turmoil, Angie shares why she wouldn’t trade the lessons it taught her, how it forged her resilience, and how peace in one home versus turmoil in another guided her life decisions at 18 and beyond. This episode shines a compassionate light on the lasting effects of divorce on children—and Angie’s hope that parents truly understand the weight of their choices.TakeawaysImpact of divorce on childrenParental communication and unity - the need for kids to know somethingInfluence of external parties - positive and negativeResilience and coping mechanisms - the impacts will create certain traits into adulthoodLong-lasting effects of divorceChapters00:00 Influence of Extended Family and Friends36:14 Parental Unity and Communication44:45 Individual Processing of Trauma

Stav reflects on the highs and lows of her childhood relationship with her father and the intentional choice to rebuild that relationship after college. She opens up about navigating two very different worlds—emotionally and financially—between her mother’s home and her father’s, and how those contrasts shaped who she is today. Through her story, Stav highlights the power of direct communication and persistence in sustaining parent-child relationships, especially after divorce. She also speaks to the stabilizing role of extended family and community in helping children feel supported, grounded, and less alone. Stav shares deep appreciation for her mother’s ability to remain neutral and supportive, creating space for her children to form their own relationships with their father without influence or resentment. She closes by reflecting on how her childhood continues to inform her identity as a wife and mother, and how many of the values she holds in her marriage are rooted in those early experiences.TakeawaysChildhood impact on adult relationshipsParental divorce and its effects - Forgiveness and establishing relationships later onImpact of family culture and community on thrivingChapters00:00 Early Life and Upbringing06:09 Adjusting to Change12:04 Parental Relationships and Impact18:14 Aspirations and Childhood Influences23:55 Acknowledgment and Reconciliation29:54 Persistence and Hope

In this conversation Brian delves into the impact of his parent's divorce on himself, his future relationships, and the intentional way he is now parenting his kids as a single dad. He explores the challenges and experiences of growing up in a divorced family where the acrimony between the parents was at an all time high. He shares how the drastic life change for his mother after divorce was incredibly apparent to him and how they struggled, but he also indicates how his two siblings experienced life very different. Brian highlights his journey of self-discovery and resilience in the face of significant adversity and very negative parenting and exemplifies the attempt to break the cycle.TakeawaysImpact of divorce on childrenPositive outcomes from challenging experiencesChapters00:00 Introduction and Current Life06:12 Moving Between Parents12:04 Conversations with Parents19:06 Impact on Relationships and Marriages27:34 Co-Parenting and Parental Involvement36:27 Therapy and Self-Reflection41:32 Communication with Children48:42 Professional Perspective and Gratitude

Two sisters, Angelina and Montana, detail how they navigated their parents divorce together and how having a sibling made it easier. They describe how their parent's slow separation into divorce actually made the overall adjustment easier and less abrupt. They talk about the realities of going back and forth as teenagers, how one parent made their new residence a happy place and how they feel now believing that their parents did things well, compared to others they know. They highlighted that at the time of divorce and thereafter, their lives were busy and routines were kept and because their lives felt less impacted by the divorce they felt more grounded and stabilized. The episode also explores the importance of open communication and a mother's brave ability to be real, but age appropriate, in talking to her daughters.TakeawaysClose sibling bondThere are ways to create less negative impacts of divorce on childrenChapters00:00 How it all Began05:48 Parenting Schedule11:38 Parental Conflict16:41 Impact on Children22:59 Impact on Adult Life29:11 Community Support

Courtney brings to us the abrupt change of divorce without the memory of any real awareness of it coming. The conversation covers the drastic transition from California to Texas and the impact of her parents' divorce on her in 5th grade. She talks us through the challenges and emotional experiences associated with this specific significant life change and how at a young age she was vocal about what she wanted. The conversation delves into the impact of divorce on children, highlighting the themes of rebellion, independence, and the lasting effects of parental conflict. It emphasizes the importance of effective communication and conflict resolution in co-parenting, as well as the need for empathy and understanding in addressing the emotional needs of children during and after divorce. The conversation delves into the themes of empathy, emotional sensitivity, family dynamics and boundaries. It explores the complexities of parental relationships, wedding dynamics, and the shift in relationships over time.TakeawaysTransition from California to ArkansasThe impact of divorce on childrenThe importance of effective communication and conflict resolution in co-parentingEmpathy and understanding in relationshipsSetting boundaries in relationshipsChapters00:00 Relocating from California to Arkansas05:19 Impact of Parents' Divorce29:00 Rebellion and Custody35:56 Realizing Independence44:08 Impact of Divorce on Children54:10 Parental Conflict and Children01:00:12 Family Dynamics and Boundaries01:06:01 Parental Relationships and Communication01:13:05 Reconciliation and Empathy01:19:02 Positive Impact of Family Dynamics

Autumn takes us through her parents divorce from a very young age. She describes how and when she actually becomes aware of her family dynamic. She delves into the emotional trauma, her coping mechanisms, and the shift in perspective as the speaker navigates through her experiences. It also explores the co-parenting responsibility, family dynamics, resentment, and the role reversal in parenting. The conversation delves into the impact of wanting to live with her father, not understanding the reality of that, having stability with her mother and step-father, but not seeing it clearly at that point in time, the guilt that she felt her father operated from, the reconciliation at some point into adulthood as a caregiver to her step-siblings and how that shaped her own parenting and relationships as an adult.TakeawaysDivorce ImpactParental Relationships Parenting ImpactNavigating TransitionsChapters00:00 Early Childhood and Divorce05:56 Emotional Trauma and Coping11:54 Co-Parenting Responsibility17:54 Living with Father and Siblings29:48 Liver Transplant and Caregiving44:28 Parenting Impact50:44 Emotional Impact on Parenting58:07 Greatest Positive Impact

Angela takes us back to her parent's divorce in elementary school. She explains how the back and forth changed from early childhood into teenage years. She takes us through her wanted to protect her mother from what may have seems like simple happenings at her fathers, the reality that her step-mother was present, etc. She also dives into when she became pregnant at 16 and how both parents handled that incredibly life change. She reflected on how her parental relationships changed as she matured into adulthood. The conversation delves further into the repaired relationship with her father, the impact of divorce on her own relationships and parenting, navigating co-parenting as a young mother and the greatest positive impact of the speaker's experiences.TakeawaysImpact of divorce on childrenNavigating relationships with divorced parents; Understanding parental limitationsImpact of divorce on parentingNavigating co-parenting as a teen motherChapters00:00 Introduction and Family Background06:06 Adjusting to New Living Arrangements13:24 Observing Parental Interactions22:28 Parental Involvement in Events29:27 Reflecting on Parental Relationships55:35 Greatest Positive Impact

In the debut episode of In Between Them, host Shannon Darrow shares her deeply personal journey through divorce and motherhood, revealing how separation can profoundly impact children. Drawing from lived experience, professional insight, and stories from others who grew up in divorced families, Shannon explores how conflict, emotional overwhelm, and lack of guidance can shape a child’s world. This podcast is a view into the mind of a child as their parent's are navigating divorce. The goal is to expose the actual impacts the varied behaviors, actions, words can have on children so that parents and professionals can do better for children moving forward. This episode sets the foundation for the reality that compassionate co-parenting is more important than one might think, but also incredibly difficult; it highlights the power of parental impact; and introduces a mission centered on giving children a voice/or parent's a clearer perspective—so they can do divorce better. So children can thrive, not just survive, in the midst of family change.