Inside Out

On June 15th I celebrated 90 days sober! I talk about all of this, what lead to this decision and discuss what it’s like to be bipolar…and how coming off living in a manic state for over a year is affecting me. 💜✨🦋 It’s amazing being medicated how I can look back on obsessive thoughts the last year and see them for what they were; paranoia cause by an imbalance in my brain triggered by an EMDR session. 💜✨🦋 I want to take the time to apologize again to my friends and family for my actions during this mania and the harm I have caused. 💜✨🦋 Much love y’all. Namaste.

Will I lose my dignity? Amazing grace; Homeless Heartbreak. In today’s episode LJ catches us up on her life. She spent 9 days inpatient at St Luke’s after being captured and raped for a week; then was unable to sleep for another week, causing delusions. After her time inpatient she was given the diagnosis of bipolar disorder and some amazing medicine. She is currently experiencing homelessness again, but has found an apartment she prays will accept her application. She also has a new job she is starting in a few days. She sings and shares other grounding techniques in this episode. “ There is at once something very humbling, and yet infinitely elevating for the individual in the fact that God concerns himself just as much, absolutely just as much with the least human being as with the greatest.“ Kierkegaard CashApp: $lavenderjones44 Venmo: Angie-Arnold-1

“It’s been a while since I felt truly present in my own life, in my own power, in my womanhood. But I’m here now.” Britney Spears, The Woman in Me In today’s episode LJ opens up about being sex- trafficked in junior high as some memories resurfaced. She bravely shares her story and her beautiful mind with the world and also describes what it’s like to be a woman with high-functioning autism. Ceasefire! 34,000 lives lost and Joe Biden is just now saying ceasefire? I am cautiously optimistic and ask for even more effort be placed to end this war. No war! Also, please don’t vote for Donald Trump…and reads an article entitled “Christian nationalists embrace Trump as their savior - will they be his?” She also reads some news, and from Music is History by Questlove. Namaste.

In today’s episode LJ talks about her Easter, cleaning out her stepmom’s home, seeing the Vincent Orsolini Band at The Ship, and honors Trans Visibility Day. She asks Mayor Quinton Lucas to do better and work to heal the hurt parts of himself…quoting an article from The Call entitled “Mayor Lucas and City Council’s Complicity In Perpetuating Systemic Racism”. Our political opinions should be fluid; always changing like the ocean waves. We can cultivate awareness and take responsibility for our actions and only then can we liberate ourselves.

We are all stronger when we stand together and fight for what is right. Why are Americans voting for Donald Trump who allows hurt parts of himself to rule his ego? In today’s episode LJ stands with Presidential candidate Marianne Williamson as she unsuspends her campaign and is running once again. Hope is always in us even when everything seems so bleak. Wars and rumors of war abound. People continue to fall in love. People continue to atone for their mistakes. People continue to forgive, and ask for forgiveness. And people continue to hope and pray. We need to look to the light that is greater than the darkness of the world. #Medicareforall #ceasefirenow She shares an update on her life, including honoring her stepmom, Anna, who passed away on February 15th. She reads from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Star Wars Psychology, and Our Daily Bread. Happy Women’s History Month, y’all. Namaste. The divine in me recognizes the divine in you.

Trigger warnings: racism, xenophobia, sexism, abuse…proceed w caution** Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 — LJ talks about important issues such as: Antiracism, healing from autoimmmune disease (MS), and the impossible pain of spending Father’s Day alone. She opens with some fun facts about birds, and connects with her empathetic nature. And discusses the (really cool) Authagraph, created by Japanese architect: Hajime Narukawa #mindset #birdsarecool #worldoceanday Next she hits the hard stuff! She opens up about her education on what antiracism is and directs back to her teachers:authors:guides on this massively important topic. “Antiracism is a transformative concept that reorients and re-energizes the conversation about racism. And even more fundamentally, points us toward liberating new ways of thinking about ourselves and each other.” - Ibram X. Kendi #defundthepolice #whitesilenceiswhiteviolence #fucktrump #bethechange LJ also touches on Father’s Day, why it is painful to sit with, and talks about how gender is a construct. She loves all father figures! LJ closes the episode with sharing her personal journey to self-healing. Which includes: different ways to meditate, exercise, an anti inflammatory diet (80/20 plant based), supplements, and detoxing from prescription medication, heavy metals, and high-processed sugar. She also touches on her use of plant medicine (cannabis, CBD oil, psychedelic mushrooms, and ayahausca). #fitnessaddict #mentalhealth #psychedelic Make sure and like, rate, review, and DONATE! Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 @ibramxk @lemmeeducateyou @so.informed @npr @codeswitch @anti.inflammatory.nutritionist @kellyannpetrucci @among_the_wildflowers @michaelbijker @kennethsoares.livingfully @mindmovies

**Trigger warnings; PTSD, Veteran abuse war, violence, prison violence…proceed with care** Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 LJ opens with a “banger” of a song. She (quietly) listens and sings with one her icons…Tracy Chapman (Fast Car). She reconnects with her biological dad (Jim); RIP. “I had a feeling I could be someone. And look at me now daddy!” LJ courageously discusses what “Fuck the police” actually means. She invites her brothers, sisters, and siblings (especially of color) to join her in educating America. The only way we can truly change is to be wholly honest with ourselves and then start to speak loudly for truth and justice. No justice, no peace…indeed. LJ teaches her listeners about systematic racism and the 13th amendment. (Watch 13th on Netflix). She begins a deep dive into the (massively) important issues of: Black Disability Politics, mental health in the USA, PTSD recovery, and much more. She also recounts her trip to NY last Oct and all the amazing musicals she saw! She ends with loudly proclaiming that a convicted criminal (Donald Trump) should not be president. He should have complied. #FuckDonaldTrump #leadwithlove (VOTE VOTE VOTE) #joehasmyvote Accept that America was founded by Immigrants and was created to keep Enslaved (black people) well, enslaved…in prison. Our system is NOT broken. It was created this way. Get involved. Speak up with Lavender Jones, ya’ll. And make sure and pray. Make sure and check out Exposing Parchman (premieres June 15th!) Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 #exposingparchman #resist #fuckthepolice #ptsdrecovery #mentalhealthadvocacy #bethechange #stopracism #NOGUNS #stopblackgenocide #disabilityispoliitical References: @POTUS @VP @lin-manuel-miranda @ava @netflix @rocnation @aetv @thequeenbeloved100 @shadow_act @itvamerica @washington.vibes

**Trigger warnings; abuse, neglect, mass shootings…proceed with care** LJ has an outpouring of empathy in today’s episode. She discusses more childhood abuse from her step - “dad” and (adoptive) mom. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 She talks about how she was deeply loved by her momma. She also reminisces about playing the piano at age 3, laughing together about being reincarnated as a windshield wiper, and (her) angel status. She recounts and is transparent about her mom’s death in 2004. She shouts out her homie, Dick, and thanks him for his friendship and care for her mom when she died. LJ is brave and opens up about being house-less, talks about living in a motel, and about period trauma as an adolescent (including being incessantly bullied). She opens up about landlord abuse at her last apartment complex and thanks KC Tenants for all of their hard work to help ALL have safe homes. LJ also continues her conversation surrounding mass shootings, as she reads the May 22, 2023 KCStar newspaper. Another ludicrous, violent, and senseless MASS shooting occurred at a local KC nightclub, Klymax. Allowables, by Nikki Giovanni “I killed a spider…Not a murderous brown recluse…Nor even a black widow. And if the truth were told this…Was only a small…Sort of papery spider. Who should have run…When I picked up the Book…But she didn’t. And she scared me. And I smashed her. I don’t think…I am allowed…To kill something…Because I am…Frightened.” No choice is an illusion, ya’ll. Resilience will give you exactly what you need for positive TRANS-formation. Let’s all focus on quick doses of self-compassion each and every day. LJ encourages you to stay in your “window of tolerance”. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 References: www.kctenants.org www.KansasCity.com @junecup @globalcompassioncoalition @lin_manuel @nytimes @tarabrach @elephantjournal #blacklivesmatter #blackgirlmagic #dance #enjoylife #traumainformed #reconnectingtoself #supportblacklives #blackwomenrock #healfromwithin #defundKCPD #endpoverty #houselessnothomeless

Lavender Jones comes to the round table in today’s episode. She expands her heart and is raw, bold, and florescent. She shares about her (adoptive) dad’s death - Jerry Dean [rip]. She also laments while processing her stepmama’s time in hospice. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 As LJ is working with her lawyer (Castle Law, KCMO), she deep-dives into how you need to have privilege to start over (bankruptcy). She talks about making the difficult decision to walk away from college when her daddy died. She connects with her all-time favorite artist, Ben Folds…through his podcast; Lightning Bugs [see: Agustin Fuentes…Discovering the Evolution of Creativity & Why Monkeys Steal Things]. You see, LJ wanted to be a Cultural Anthropologist (& musician) when she “grew up.” In today’s episode she claims JUST THAT. Art is real life ya’ll. It creates not only our economy, but (legit) our REALity. Creation is always a collaboration, part of community, and a real good STORY. LJ was actually more afraid of soaring than anything else. And bitches, she is flying HIGH. We all want to be safe, healthy, and happy. It is NOT self-indulgent to remind ourselves of this throughout our day. In fact, it is a lovely way to start in touch with the BASIC desire. “May I be well.” “May I be happy.” X3. Focus on what you LUV and keep expanding. Donate, like, rate, review, and share. Be well, ya’ll. Much love, LJ. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 @actualbenfolds @charlottedune www.untetheredsoul.com

*Trigger Warning*; talk of suicide, abuse, sex trafficking… Please proceed with caution when listening. (I mean it.) 988lifeline.org (call 988) - Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 This one is big one, ya’ll. LJ opens completely up about some of the abuse in her life. Sexual grooming in Recovery Communities, sexual grooming in her church growing up, and sexual grooming (and more) from her ex. She also touches on an experience she had that involved a minor who was being sex trafficked where she lived in ATL. She tells some wicked funny stories from her drinking days. Yes, she ran naked into the ocean, kissed a donkey, and “ruined” a weddin’ (best story EVER). She discusses the importance of the 72 hour hold and the police code (5150). LJ holds space for the importance of CHANGE. And how we all are changed and have choice in change. She also talks about being molested as a child, and neglect in her foster home. She goes in depth about her belief and experiences with narcissistic abuse, how it is a mental health diagnosis, and talks about how she sees and interprets the “Realm of Hungry Ghosts.” References from this episode: www.drgabormate.com www.RickHanson.net @logic www.untetheredsoul.com

*Trigger Warnings*; violence, shootings, hate…In today’s episode, LJ revisits tragedy. Not only tragedy on a universal level, but localized to her “backyard”. She talks in depth about the shootings on March 16, 2021 at two local spas in Atlanta. LJ also recounts the moment she knew she was home in her KC Longfellow neighborhood; when she stepped foot into Cafe Ca Phe. Owner, Jackie Nguyen is a 1st generation Vietnamese-American and is no stranger to the hard work it takes to break into entrepreneurship. In fact, her cafe was the first place LJ felt incredibly inspired to build their own business. LJ is also no stranger to hard work, at times working 4 jobs to stay “afloat”. Luckily she learned that bankruptcy is a loving, viable, and intelligent option. She just asked for some help. From an amazing lawyer at Castle Law (KC). They have given her hope and abundance again. $33k in debt, while only making $50k….well, that math just don’t add up, ya’ll. LJ closes the episode reading the story of Job from the Holy Bible. (Job 42:10-17). Please consider supporting LJ with gifts of money, prayer, love and ALL support. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 Cafecaphe.com Castlelaw-kc.com #breakthesilence #stopasianhate #leadwithlove cafecaphe.com, www.npr.org/2022/03/12/1086306008/atlanta-spa-shootings-anniversary-anti-asian-racism

*Trigger Warnings*; violence, shootings, hate…In today’s episode, LJ talks about justice, restoring balance and opening an important conversation. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 At the center of this episode is home, love, and inclusivity. LJ is no stranger to hard, dedicated, and passionate work. At times working 4 jobs to make ends meet, she opens up about filing bankruptcy and walking into Cafe Ca Phe - an upcoming Vietnamese Coffee shop in Columbus Park (KCMO). This place felt like home to her, and she was tuned into her creativity like never before. Jackie Nguyen is a 1st generation Vietnamese - American who also has an impeccable work ethic, the biggest heart, and holds space for ALL. LJ also talks about how the violent spa shootings in Atlanta on March 16, 2021 effected not only her, but the entire country. See, they were in her “backyard”, so to speak. She also puts out a call to action to #stopasianhate and to focus on Love for all. Ya’ll means ALL. Especially folx of color. “I dream of an America that is free of labels and judgement and is full of curiosity and thrust for everything that is different. I want it to be a place where people can openly express who they are intrinsically and be embraced for their differences.” -DD Lee Abundance is for all. WE already have it all. So, open your mind. And the rest will follow. Love, LJ #breakthesilence #stopasianhate #leadwithlove cafecaphe.com, www.npr.org/2022/03/12/1086306008/atlanta-spa-shootings-anniversary-anti-asian-racism

In today’s maiden episode, LJ introduces themself and discusses what brought them to create this passion project of a podcast. She was recently fired from corporate America after pressure had built up and her symptoms of Complex PTSD worsened into disassociation. While one of the best things that happened to her, it was a terrifying experience. She dives into her current spiritual awakening, as the prodigal sibling returning home (to KC). LJ has been reconnecting with creativity in many forms, including music, gardening, and leaning on her chosen family. Cooking and baking have also been on the top of her list to ground and recharge too. While learning to ground and be in the present moment, it has allowed space to heal. Emotions/feelings/thoughts are Inside Out for those who have a diagnosis of Complex PTSD. LJ offers an honest, raw, and real approach to this discussion and wants more than anything to hold space for these sensitive topics…all in LOVE. Venmo: @insideoutpodcast CashApp: $lavenderjones44 She quotes these folks. Follow them and stuff. okeedokee.org, refugeingrief.com, benfolds.com, heartlandcremation.com, petpalskc.com, ntwrightonline.org, nicholascarr.com