Karin Walker - Family Lawyer - How to leave a Narcissist - the Practical Podcast

Send a textSummoning up the courage to leave a narcissistic is a feat in itself. You may have made several attempts to leave, nervous of being subjected to narcissistic rage and anxious about what the future may hold. Deciding to actually take the step to separate can feel like you have painstakingly reached the summit of a mountain. You may feel an inexplicable sense of relief.But the decision to separate is just the first step. If you have children you need to look at how the arrangements for them will work moving forwards. In all cases you need to deal with resolution of financial matters between you.In this episode I look at how best to approach dealing with financial matters. It is important to remember that a narcissist will never change - the only thing that you can change is your reaction to their behaviour. It is vitally important that you 'pick your battles'. There is sometime a vast difference between what is 'fair' and what is 'achievable'. It is essential that you take legal advice. Resolution of financial matters is an economic exercise. You need to be emotionally in the right place to deal with what may be 'life' choices and be sure that you have proper support (which may be both legal and therapeutic) to deal with what lies ahead of you.

Send a textSo far in this podcast series we have focussed predominantly on narcissism in the context of personal relationships. But of course you will encounter narcissists in every area of life - and in particular in the workplace. We all spend a significant proportion of our lives at work. If you find yourself the recipient of narcissistic abuse your position may become completely untenable - yet your options may be limited as you are dependent upon your income and it may not be convenient or even possible to change job. And what is the position of the employer in this context?Clare Chappell is an independent employment solicitor and Partner at Carbon Law Partners. With 25 years experience in employment law, Clare guides employers and employees through tricky employment situations to help them get to a better place for themselves or their business. Over the years Clare has developed an interest in how narcissism and narcissistic traits impact on the workplace and has learned to recognise the signs that employees are being treated unfairly due to particular actions by a narcissistic manager or business owner. Clare works in a holistic way, alongside coaches and other professionals, to help people remove themselves from toxic situations which are detrimental to their long term self esteem and well being.

Send a textLeaving a relationship with a Narcissist can be one of the most difficult and frightening experiences you might endure. Everyone will tell you to 'run away and never look back'. But what happens if you have children? Are they entitled to have a relationship with both their parents? How might that work? Can 'co-parenting' ever be achieved? Or is 'parallel parenting' the only option. Must you necessarily close your mind to what happens to the children when they are with their other parent and focus on the time they spend with you - ensuring that they feel safe and secure, and that 'love' is given unconditionally.Nicholas Anderson of 1 KBW is described by Chambers and Partners 2025 as 'a master tactician, whose experience is undeniable. He has a practice covering all aspects of financial and private law children proceedings, including child abduction. he regularly represents clients in both the financial and children aspects of their cases. Nick has been involved in leading cases in the Court of Appeal and the Supreme Court and regularly appears in High Court financial and children proceedings.Nick specialises in applications to relocate children (within the UK or abroad) and deals with financial proceedings at all levels. He is a qualified arbitrator and mediator, and accepts instructions on a direct access basis, often following a referral from solicitors.

Send a textOnce you have taken the enormous step to decide that you want to bring your relationship to an end you need to select the legal representation which is right for you. Finding the best person (or team) to navigate a path through the inevitable twists and turns that you will face when removing yourself from a relationship with a narcissist is vital. You need someone who understands the pattern of behaviour and who can put forward a strategy that ensures as far as possible that you stay two steps ahead. It is a bit like playing a game of chess - you need to think about your moves in advance, always focussing on the end goal. The wrong person who doesn't understand what they are dealing with could inadvertently make things a lot more difficult - or worse still compound the abuse to which you have already been subjected.In this episode Karin Walker examines the criteria that you will need to consider and provides her 'top tips' to ensure that you find the support and advice that you need.

Send a textIn this episode Karin Walker goes right back to basics  and explores the behaviour patterns which are likely to be demonstrated by someone who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.Narcissists and very charming and charismatic. They are expert at luring someone into a relationship with them - often very quickly. They will make you feel like you have found your soulmate. The relationship will often move at a very quick pace and you will feel literally 'swept off your feet'.But then slowly the 'devaluing' phase will begin and they will chip away at your self esteem - the intention being to make you totally dependent upon them. They will try to keep you away from your family and friends so that you become increasingly isolated. they will want you to be completely under their control.It is extremely difficult to break away from a Narcissist as you will have become trauma-bonded to them rather like an addiction. You are desperate for their approval and will be constantly striving to regain the feeling you had when you first met.If any of this sounds familiar this podcast is for you. Or if your relationship doesn't feel right; if you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells - you may want to learn more about the behaviour patterns demonstrated by the Narcissist.Narcissists behave in a very particular way. Once you are able to understand the pattern of behaviour you will be able to predict what they are going to do and how to manage your own response. This podcast will provide you with invaluable tools to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse

Send a textKelly Pougher is the Founder and Director of Pougher-Round Solicitors, a bespoke law firm specialising in Family Law and Autism. With over 20 years' experience in Family Law, Kelly is dedicated to helping neurodivergent families navigate the Family Justice system in a way which is tailored to meet the individual needs of each family. Kelly is an Autism Advocate, Trainer and Public Speaker, who is passionate about leading the way for change within the Family Justice system.It is not unusual for those who are autistic to be be mis-described as narcissistic - particularly in the arena of separation and divorce -  with alarming and misleading implications. In this episode Kelly explores how this can sometimes be the case. She looks at how to identify whether your client (or the other party) is neurodiverse and the very particular steps which may need to be taken by family law professionals in these circumstances. 

Send a textIf you are in a relationship with a Narcissist it is highly likely that you will be subjected to some form of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse does not only refer to physical abuse but also emotional and financial abuse. The abuser will often seek to present themselves as the 'victim' - attempting to suggest that in fact they have been subjected to abusive behaviour.Elaine Richardson runs her own family law business. She is a certified trauma informed solicitor and lectures regularly on the topic of domestic abuse, providing domestic abuse training to family law practitioners. Elaine is a hybrid mediator. She supervises and trains other mediators and family lawyers. She is the co-chair of the national dispute resolution committee for Resolution alongside Tristan Harvey.During this discussion with Elaine you will learn how to recognise coercively controlling behaviour and all forms of domestic abuse and the steps which you should consider for your own protection. You will also gain an insight into the effects which trauma can have and the potential long term impact of being in an abusive relationship.

Send a textWatching someone you care about being subjected to emotional, financial or even physical abuse at the hands of their narcissistic partner/spouse can be heart-breaking and unbearable - particularly if the 'victim' is your child.It is so much easier to recognise the existence of narcissistic abuse when you are on the outside looking in. But when your loved one is caught in the web of narcissistic abuse they are often the last person to realise what the are being subjected to. Trauma bonding can result in you vehemently defending your abuser, failing to recognise that you are caught in a highly toxic and dangerous relationship. When you are trying to provide support this can create friction between yourself and the victim, causing your relationship to be strained.If you want to support your loved one and help them extricate themselves from this abusive relationship it is important that you do not allow yourself the become alienated, particularly as the narcissist will be keen to isolate their partner from any support network, ensuring that they are totally dependent on the narcissist. Handle your loved one with care, helping them to take things at their pace and providing them with support and guidance. Help them to make their own decisions and see through the love bombing to recognise that their partner is someone incapable of unconditional love, in fact incapable of love at all.This podcast will help you provide support without playing into the narcissist's hands and pushing your loved one away as you look on with despair at the toxicity to which they are being subjected. It will help you assess your role and how you can help draw them away from the lure of the narcissist.

Send a textIf you and your partner have separated, your preference may be never to have to see or speak to them again. This will particularly be the case where your former partner is a narcissist when 'no contact' will be the ideal position. If however, you have children together, at least while your children are in their minority, that is not a viable option. Some mechanism will need to be in place to help you navigate ongoing child arrangements.Marcie Shaoul is the founder of the award winning the Co-Parent Way and author of 'The Co Parenting Method: Six steps to raise happy kids after separation and divorce' published by Penguin and released on 27th March 2025. Marcie is a trained and certified coach, known for her practical and effective approach to helping separating parents. Her work has been described by Sir Andrew Macfarlane, President of the family Division, in the forward of the book as 'inspirational'.When your co-parent is a narcissist you will quickly recognise the fact that they will only ever 'counter-parent'. The need to limit contact between the parents as much as possible will become apparent coupled with the need to demonstrate to the children the difference between 'conditional' and 'unconditional' love. 

Send a textIt is generally assumed that most Narcissists are male - which of course is wrong.  Narcissistic Personality disorder is a condition which is not gender specific and can apply in the same way to both men and women.This podcast is intended for those  who believe themselves to have become the 'victim' of the female closet narcissist. The closet narcissist is probably the most difficult of the narcissistic personality disorder types to spot. All narcissists are excellent actors - because they have been playing a part for most of their lives as they hide behind the mask which they have created to hide their true self. The closet narcissist will usually align themselves to someone who is particularly successful and extrovert - basking in their achievements and living vicariously through the status which their partner enjoys. It therefore becomes easy for them to create the narrative that their partner is the narcissist and they are the victim in an 'abusive' relationship. As natural liars they are very able to convince even the most astute professionals that they are telling the truth.So if you find yourself in a situation where you feel as though you have been 'walking on egg-shells for years'; feel that you have been completely manipulated and gas-lit -  but you don't understand why  - you may find some of the answers here.The podcast is also intended for family law professionals who may be instructed by the closet female narcissist or who may be dealing with this dynamic as a mediator or arbitrator.

Send a textDespite the 'tinsel' and celebrations, Christmas can be a difficult time. When you are separating and have children, particularly if you are separating from a narcissist, the festive season can be fraught with complications.Narcissists hate special occasions - and are keen to cause havoc and chaos  for everyone around them unless, as part of their fake persona, it suits their narrative to look good to the outside world.Trying to work through the minefield of Christmas arrangements can become all consuming. A narcissist will delight in any ability to take control and 'call the shots'. They will also delight in causing upset and distress at what should be a happy family time.In this podcast I offer strategies to deal with these issues - to try to stay one step ahead of the game and anticipate a situation rather than simply react to it - whether you are in the early stages of separation or having to deal annually with your narcissistic ex. 

Send a textIn a high conflict dispute it is highly likely that one of the couple will drive the proceeding to Court - insisting that a decision is required by a Judge - thereby increasing delay and cost. Since 2012 in financial remedy proceedings and 2016 in Children Act proceedings those decisions can be made by an Arbitrator.  Narcissists thrive on the 'courtroom' drama - keen to take 'centre stage' and force the other person to endure unnecessary cost an distress. They may be persuaded to consider arbitration due to the 'bespoke' nature of the process and it's consequential  'specialness'.  Tristan Harvey (currently co-chair of the Resolution NCDR committee with Elaine Richardson - a future guest on this podcast) is an experienced barrister and mediator specialising in Family Law dispute resolution. Tristan is also an arbitrator in financial and children cases and conducts private FDRs and early neutral evaluations.  In 2020 Tristan was appointed a Deputy District Judge on the South Eastern Circuit.  In this podcast Tristan looks in detail at the process of arbitration and how it can be of material benefit in most cases which require an adjudication.

Send a textAs we know, Narcissists thrive on the drama of the courtroom - especially post separation. When they are low on 'narcissistic supply' they are likely to try to take you back to court - especially in connection with child arrangements (particularly in the run up to Christmas) or ongoing financial support - the purpose being to cause maximum upset and distress, and, of course, to try to force you to incur further legal cost.Many people in this situation have no choice other than to represent themselves - a prospect which can be daunting to the point of terrifying. In this podcast Richard Uridge discusses how to represent yourself in this situation to your best advantage - removing the 'fear factor' and providing 'top tips' to help you focus on achieving the best possible outcome.Richard is a poet, journalist and broadcaster I Media and presentation skills trainer. Richard's fascination with the business of presenting can be tracked back to an unfortunate incident involving a toilet window and a bed of nettles! Spectacularly misjudging an after-dinner speech he had been asked to give (and spectacularly misjudging the strength of the complimentary wine), he decided leaving through the window during a drinks break was a safer option than ploughing on. And so it would have been but for the stingers lurking the other side of the frosted glass.He learned from his mistake (research the audience, don't drink, always carry a pair of leather gardening gloves) but never quite escaped his rural roots and went on to present programmes such as Farming Today and Open Country on BBC Radio 4. His audiences as a broadcaster regularly topped the million mark although he'd be the first to concede that a live presentation to an audience a fraction of that size is way more nerve-wracking when they are in the same room.Richard has been passionate about communication - and words in particular - since he landed a job as a cub reporter on the Reading Chronicle in the days of inky-ribboned typewriters and hot metal printing presses. He writes about it at blog.acmtraining.co.uk. And e stands up and talks about it at every opportunity, chairing conferences, giving speeches, contributing to podcasts like this one and, of course, delivering training.These days, though the typewriter has been pensioned off, his fascination with words continues through his poetry which you can read at richarduridge.comThis podcast is equally informative for Litigants in Person and legal representatives.

Send a textThis podcast is intended for both family law practitioners and separating couples - explaining in detail the process of hybrid mediation and the benefits which it can provide. Following the change to the Family Procedure Rules in April 2024 there is now a much greater obligation to explore Non Court Dispute Resolution (NCDR) options with an application to Court being very much the last resort. In circumstances where there is high conflict or some form of domestic abuse mediation has historically been considered 'unsuitable'. The suitability of the court process in these situations is however undoubtedly questionable. Hybrid mediation creates a much 'safer' space for couples to resolve the issues between them. The mediator's ability to hold confidences means that each of the couple can share their fears and concerns without these being shared with the other person. each of the couple, if they so choose, can be supported by their legal advisor throughout the process and the couple can remain in separate breakout rooms, either on screen or in person ensuring that they do not need to have any contact at all during the meetings with their spouse/partner should they prefer not to do so.Without doubt hybrid mediation will be more time and cost efficient that an application to the court. Hybrid mediators have specific training in the area of high conflict and personality disorder making this process ideally suited if one of the couple is believed to be narcissistic. The opportunity for the narcissist to take 'centre stage' is removed through the separation of the couple during the meetings - yet they are likely to be attracted to the sophistication of this process.Suzanne Kingston is widely known for her expertise in all aspects of family law work and has one of the most varied practices in London. She trains all forms of dispute resolution not just in England and Wales but around the world. She has a thriving mediation practice and indeed is credited with spearheading  family law arbitration worldwide. Suzanne knows the benefit of 'finding the deal' and is exceptionally skilled at guiding clients to find a sensible settlement hence why she is held in such high regard, both nationally and internationally, as a dispute resolution expert.

Send a textNarcissists are very poor at forming relationships with others in every area of their life. As a consequence they will often be self-employed. Their lack of empathy can  make them extremely successful in business but with that comes a lack of desire to be clear and transparent about their business ventures. It is therefore highly Likely to involve the services of an accountant to provide a valuation as a Single Joint Expert to value the business(es) or to act as a shadow accountant to advise on information provided.In this episode Karin Walker discusses the complex issue of business valuations with Kate Hart of Quantuma. Kate acts as an expert witness and advisor for individuals and corporates, with her experience ranging from owner-managed businesses and partnerships to large multi-nationals. She has over 20 years experience as a forensic accountant and is most frequently instructed as an expert witness (both as a party-appointed and single joint expert) although she also provides advice to clients at the preliminary stages of legal disputes.Kate focuses on producing work that can be readily understood by the non-accountant and is often told that her ability to explain things in plain English sets her apart.The discussion covers what to look out for and how to get the best out of the accountant instructed (on either an individual or joint basis) and is intended to provide information and tips both for the client and their legal advisors.

Send a textNova Gibson is the Director and Founder of Brighter Outlook - Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service, where she is the Primary Counsellor. She is the 'go to' Counsellor/expert on narcissistic abuse recovery in Australia. In the last 10 years she has supported over 3,000 individual clients, who believe they were abused by an undiagnosed narcissist to leave their relationships, heal once their relationships have ended and lead happy and fulfilled lives without their abuser.Nova's book 'Fake Love' is a number 1 best seller on Amazon in Australia and a 'must read' for anyone who finds themselves locked in the  trauma of the narcissistic cycle of love-bombing, devaluing and discard. In this interview I explore with Nova the importance of therapeutic support when leaving a narcissistic relationship and discuss strategies for breaking free from the horror of narcissistic abuse.

Send a textFamily Lawyer, Karin Walker discusses the impact of post separation narcissistic abuse and how to deal with this -  ensuring that you do not unwittingly continue to provide narcissistic supply - even after the relationship is over