Kill All Film Majors

On this episode of Goodwill Grab Bag, Duncan is complacent with mid 2000's mid action, like some kind of cop with a family. Meanwhile, John hates everyone but the greaseball cop threatening the first guy's family. Also, Jake Gyllenhaal shows up to offer another terrible video game movie to our altar.

On the first KAFM Christmas special we tap into the exhausted working class Christmas we all remember from our childhoods, coupled with all the World War II residual intrigue and crack smoking that comes with any good KAFM episode. So listen kids, Dad had to work late on Christmas Eve and he’s a little tired. Let him sleep awhile before we get to opening presents. Actually we should probably wait until your cousins arrive so you can open everything together. They drove a long way to be here today, you can wait a few hours. Merry Christmas.

Closing out the year with two of the highest profile misfires of 2024, Coppola and Costner return to the big screen to burn a collective 220 million dollars, and we couldn’t be happier for half of it. There’s something beautiful about a man with nothing to lose except for all of his money. We’ve got a million questions and almost no answers but one thing is for certain: Kevin Costner is never getting his wife back. I hope those Horizon sequels keep him warm at night.

Goodwill Grab Bag time! Millia Jovovofich returns from the box, teaming with Steve Zahn to create a movie more boring than Rescue Dawn ever was. Mark Whalberg also returns, bringing Jason Statham and some other dorks to stage a heist your Dad can nap through and still enjoy.

Perhaps a first for our Double Feature series- but the movies this week are both good. If you’re Duncan, you might even say they’re both GREAT. If you’re John, I’m so sorry for you.

Roland Emmerich is so good at pretending to make movies he almost tricked everybody with this one. Meanwhile, Cole Trickle is in a pickle and the only one who can save him is the AMC ad woman. John was wrong, Tony Scott is Ridley Scott's brother and yep he killed himself. But before doing that he made a dope movie where Tom Cruise goes in a circle wearing a goofy name.

Our first Halloween special makes for our first hastily thrown together holiday tradition: Trick Or Treat. We picked one detested horror flick for the trick and one celebrated horror film for the treat- then we watched them in the reverse order ruining our whole gimmick. I guess we’re calling it Treat And Trick.

Back again with the first Double Feature Sequel Edition! What a shame it had to start here. Bill Skarsgard continues his all-timer run of starring in crap. Is there a single talented Skars-child? We gotta stop watching things made for literal babies.

Goodwill Grab Bag once again curses the duo with a double dose of who could even care. Millia Jvovovvich stars as Paul WS Anderson’s original character of “Twice Naked Wife,” who can’t remember jack. Turns out that’s a meta twist cause I can’t remember these movies either. Will Alice find her memory? Will Batman make it out of Laos? And most importantly: Why is this box full of video game movies?

Cars. Racism. Cars. A vicious never ending cycle. This week, Duncan finds something to appreciate in one of these films while John is hungover and finds a lot to hate in both of them.

This week the duo returns to Goodwill Grab Bag and remembers why they took a break in the first place. In theory, these movies had it all: karate, mafia gun fights, one of the hobbits, a greek orb, Gerard Butler… now that I’m writing it out it kinda makes sense this week sucked. You know who doesn’t suck? Alexander the Great. The jury is still out on Teddy Roosevelt.

Duncan and John welcome their first guest to the show with their ex-classmate: Justice, who brought an echo with him. Like us, he’s a long time fan of Borderlands. Also like us, he had a miserable time. We barely manage to talk about the plot, which is shocking to no one if you’ve seen this stupid film. Anyway, Lady Gaga is 38 years old so Justice is wrong and he’s never coming back. He’s dead. Kind of like Borderlands.

This week the boys hit the theaters to see The Assassination of Cinema by the Coward Ryan Reynolds. An instant classic of the western genre starring somebody and anybody willing to take piles o’ doubloons from Mickey Mouse himself. One of us gets really angry at the world and the other one seems content to enjoy life. You’ll never guess who is who.

Join us this week as one of the untalented hosts decides Alien isn’t as good as everybody says. What is his issue with it? Maybe we’ll find out, if he ever manages to hold a train of thought. Or more than likely, we’ll talk about that crap looking Borderlands movie again. Thanks for everything Ridley Scott, but Eli Roth will take it from here.

Something inside John is cold and dead and there’s no cool bird to bring him back to life. He can’t even play guitar. Instead he watches on the sidelines of life as the rest of you enjoy whimsy and splendor. Duncan loves these freaking cartoons. All of em. Ghiblis, clay, probably those Batman ones. If you like animation, stay tuned. If you can’t feel happiness anymore, lets just hope that new Crow movie is sick.

This week's Double Feature showcases not Anne Hathaway and not Joel Kinnaman and neither of them matter at all. Honestly, I don't remember these movies or why we talked about them for so long. I hope I didn't say anything horribly cruel. Audio gets real wacky for the last 30 seconds, it's not your speakers. Maybe the universe is trying to stop us from releasing these.

This week’s Double Feature has us exploring famous movies that everyone loves. One of us agrees with everyone, one of us hasn’t seen any movies starring Tom Hanks. Miles Teller seems like an alright dude, I don't actually think he did anything. But I wonder if Kevin Spacey really killed those people. meat bone meat bone meat bone meat bone

This week started as a Box Office Bomb Squad but both these movies made money so maybe it's a Double Feature. We make the rules here. They should've done Challengers promotional cups like the Godzilla x Kong cups but the figures would be the tennis boys and you could make them kiss.

This week we try to have an honest respect for a life we’ve never experienced. Sort of like how Steven Seagal has never experienced any of the cultures he appropriates. It takes a special kind of illness to be that type of delusional, it's no wonder he and Putin get along so well. JCVD would never. Dennis Rodman would.

Guy Ritchie keeps making the same movie over and over except for when he made Aladdin. That doesn’t come up in this episode, that’s just something google told me. Instead we talk about Boy Kills World, which was directed by somebody and has quirky dialogue and quirky action and quirky names and evil Snake Eyes from the movie Snake Eyes.

We finally get the new audio set-up working for our second Goodwill Grab Bag but forget the XLR cables. It’s wild these are even managing to get recorded. Also we have an email now. Please direct all hate mail to: [email protected].

Returning to the Double Feature with our most marketable episode yet! 10 years ago these movies were mainstream. People knew about them and even paid to see them. Not me though. I would never. Also we crashed the goddamn PC again.

We (poorly) introduce our new segment: Goodwill Grab Bag! Turns out this podcast has themes, who knew? We crashed a PC and ran out of time so we barely talk about one of the movies! Maybe we’d have more time if we didn’t stop to complain about fonts. What a mess.

Back for another Double Feature with our worst sounding audio so far! Luckily it's our shortest episode yet as we try to get in touch with our inner teenage girl. Unfortunately we can't find her so instead we talk about true American hero BLADE.

This week the boys continue their struggles with audio quality as they hunt for the perfect mix. If only they could see the future like Madame Web or write the future like whatever Bryce Dallas Howard's name was in Argylle.

The inaugural flight of Kill All Film Majors starts in orbit and goes further into the void on a search for their missing dad. The only thing left to do is crash back on Earth. Hard.